#grown so much there and i love the group and the music and my directors and im just. not ready to be done with it

[macaroonff]

Hey!! I really enjoy your writings of Jungwon. May I request a longer writing of him based on the song Love by Keyshia Cole? Just angst, yet heart fluttering, but with a happy ending (if that's possible 😭)

Thank you 💙

Hi anonie, i'm so glad you like reading my works and thanks for requesting! I've been busy so I just saw this ＞﹏＜ .

Woah okay this song is so beautiful like its just so desperate and heart wrenching ugh. I felt like a right person wrong timing trope/ ex lovers would work really well for this, which is what I've tried in this story. I hope you like it!

reunion- y.j.w

↪Pairing: idol Jungwon x gn! reader

↪wc: 2.4k

♪love- keyshia cole

Late evening, a busy Friday, the neon signs of Seoul glow beneath the shadows of its sheer clouds. The streets are packed with people, all of whom walk with urgency. You watch as tides of people sway in and out of the enormous skyscrapers you weren’t used to seeing here. They stood their ground, massive, and haughty, reminding you of how much had changed  since the last time you were here.

Ten years ago, before you left Korea in a haste for university in New York. 

Your eyes wander past these buildings, all of them stuck to each other side by side until all you saw were buildings running into the horizon. You find your feet dragging along the intersection slowly, massive crowds of people rushing towards you until you reach the other end, where there was a bus stop. You also find yourself in a daze, the unfamiliarity of the streets coming back to hit you as you keep confusing the road signs, and your 'left-and-rights'. The bus stop is also busy, a crowd of office workers holding on to the seats. 

You stand to one side, going back to your newfound hobby of “Spot the differences”- differences between the Seoul in your memories and the Seoul of today. Just how Seoul had changed so drastically, you realised you had grown older, a noticeable change in how you carried yourself.

You were no longer a naïve student, excited yet afraid of the future. You were an adult, with experiences that had changed your outlook towards life, realising how much you’d matured over the years. 

By now your eyes discover that the glass-like buildings end with one even taller than the rest, adorned with billboards. This building, however, is one you recognise. It was HYBE, the reason you had flown back to Korea. 

You’d received mail from them 3 months prior, an invitation to collaborate on a music video. As a rising director, with awards being showered upon you for the last year, you were excited. They were going to debut a new girl group and wanted your unique style incorporated, while you had a chance to diverge into a new format. You had come out late this evening looking for inspiration, anything about the city that aligned with your vision. Your eyes go back to observing your surroundings, stretching your neck as you try to see where the building ends. Your eyes find the massive billboard sitting at the very top, displaying a face you’d gotten so used to knowing.

A face that you tried so hard to erase from your memories.

Like you, he looked extremely different compared to ten years ago. He was unrecognisable. His red hair was framed so perfectly, highlighting his cheekbones compared to his rounder cheeks when he was a teen. Like Seoul, he felt unfamiliar, so different from your memories of him.

You don’t know why it didn’t hit you before. Seoul had become cruel, and unlike your fame, his was explosive. To everyone except you in Seoul, Yang Jungwon was familiar. His and his band’s billboards adorned the road into HYBE, and you’re not sure why you didn’t recognise him earlier. This person you’d grown so used to knowing was now a stranger. 

When you first got on board with the project, you were fearful thinking about your path crossing his. You eventually shrug them off, calculating every possibility. He’s a superstar, packed with schedules, touring for all means. He wouldn't be present in any of your meetings. he would merely remain that- a billboard that used to be a memory. Plus you believed that fate, which kept you apart for ten years would not be so unkind to you. Fate always had your side, it wouldn’t betray you.

So why was it, as you’re setting up the cameras next week, and greeting the younger, cheerful girls that you see the man you so hate, get out of his car in the periphery? 

You feel your breath hitch, voice trembling slightly. You don’t want to see him. You turn your back towards him, bringing your attention back to the eager girls who don’t notice your predicament, as you focus on the script.

You hear his steps caving in closer, as his solid boots hit the concrete. The only thing louder than which would probably be your pounding heart.

 “Scene 8 involves a fight between you and your supposed boyfriend.” you ramble on, pretending to give them a breakdown of a scene. The girls fiddle about, their eyes shifting between your face and behind your head. 

You pause, a good guess as to why. 

You hear the girls’ voice getting higher as they bow and introduce themselves. “Please take care of us, sunbaenim,” their leader, Yunah exclaims. 

You gulp, feet stuck to the ground. You hear a small chuckle, a sound so familiar it could bring you to tears. “Mm, long time no see,” he replies and you're not sure who exactly he was addressing, despite feeling his eyes on the back of your head.

You can smell his perfume, the same strong woody scent that you had gifted him ten years ago. Everything from his voice to his appearance had changed, yet some things remained the same.

You let out a sigh, straightening your back as you finally face him, a poor attempt at being professional. A poor attempt at pretending like everything was okay. You’re too afraid to even look at him, to even say “hi”. What would you even say?

'Why’d you leave me out of the blue?' or 'why couldn’t you have told me earlier?' All of which were questions that would open up a box locked up in your heart. A box you don’t ever want to open again.

Your eyes eventually find his ones, unblinking, with new intensity reflected back. His expression is undecipherable. 

You feel his eyes wander all over your frame, from your hair to your hands, as though he were also trying to take in all of your presence, and everything it meant today. He seemed to be taking it so much better than you, seemingly calm, as though you were the only one shaken by the years past. Like he didn’t even remember you anymore.

You feel your assistant director nudge you out of the ghosting silence. “This is Jungwon, he’ll be our cameo since our actor got hurt this morning.” Your eyes follow as the towering figure bends in a bow. 

“Please take good care of me,” you hear him whisper, to which you blink in slight surprise. You remind yourself that it was a greeting, and not a nod to your shared past. 

You’d cared plenty for him. Except he ran away. How could you be sure he wasn’t going to do it today?

You nod stiff, before walking away hurriedly towards your monitor. You hear your assistant director apologise on your behalf, as you fiddle with your monitors, checking with the other staff.

Anything to distract yourself with.

You look back at the script, realising that he would be playing the role of the estranged boyfriend. You scoff at the irony. 

It was funny how the person you’d written this scene with in mind was the one playing it. It was funny how everything came back full circle just to kick you in the ass. 

You’re monitoring the shot of him being pushed away by one of the girls, as she walks out of his life. In what was supposed to be a liberating scene, you don’t know why you now felt pity. It held you back, his remorseful look, his pleading eyes, his figure against the concrete wall. 

You stop the cameraman who was about to pan from Jungwon to the girl. His tears you knew were fake wouldn’t stop, and his eyes looked into the camera in desperation. You find your heart stop with the way he looks at you through the screen- pitiful, and upset, yet so, so distant. His hair was wet from the fake rain created, and his lips trembled against the cold breeze. His left hand is on his heart, clutching onto his drenched shirt, as though all of the universe’s pain was consolidated there. But somehow, he still looked so good.

You feel a tear rolling down your cheek, landing on your closed fist, bringing you out of your visceral thoughts. “C..Cut” you finally say, realising how swept up you were in your own emotions. You see him sigh and lean back against the wall, staff running to help him.

“You okay?” you hear your assistant director ask you, seeing your shaken state. You nod to her, gulping down water as you see the boy approach your side.

“Jungwon, your acting was so good it made y/n cry,” your sound director chimes in once he notices your actor stationed at a monitor. The boy doesn’t say anything, choosing to give him a wry smile.

From the corner of your vision, you see his beady eyes following his previous performance, which under normal circumstances you would consider impressive. But both of you knew the bigger performance was pretending to be sane near each other. He leans in closer when the camera zooms in on him, and you feel his breath fanning you ever so slightly as he gasps. 

“Woah, I thought we were going to film Iroha walking away,” he says surprised when he sees himself on the monitor for a prolonged time. 

“Hmm that was y/n’s call” someone says behind you. 

 You close your eyes, anticipating all the questions he has, but he remains silent. You stare at your AD who understands your queue, rushing everyone for a break. After all these years, you still feel suffocated despite promising to push him out of your memories. 

You notice that he doesn’t leave immediately, instead grabbing a chair close to you. His hair falls in front of his eyes as he stares at the grass below you.

“You’ve changed a lot,” he says, his voice hoarse, fingers fidgeting with the pen you were using. You don’t really know how to respond.  

After all those years, is that all he was going to say? After ghosting you for months, after removing you from his life so cruelly, you find his audacity baffling. 

“Obviously I’ve changed, you’d know earlier if you’d even left me a text,” you reply in spite. You see his fidgeting stop, instead holding it so tight that it digs into his palm. 

“I had my reasons,” he whispers. You scoff visibly irritated.

"Don't play with me Jungwon," his name rolls off your tongue just as smoothly as it did so many years ago. More tears threaten to spill, and you're afraid of people observing the two of you, knowing how rumours spread.

You get up in a haste, and walk towards the washrooms. Jungwon follows behind wary, eventually pulling you away from the main set, until you reach a building close by. You stop, with your back against the wall as he gets closer.

"Why would you think I'm playing with you y/n," you hear him say, tears rolling down his big eyes.

You didn't have the energy to ask him anything. Unlike your racing thoughts, the silence surrounding the two of you was comforting. Saying anything meant confronting a truth buried deep in the past.

As though he could understand your distress, he lets out a deep sigh.

"I'm sorry y/n," he finally says, confirming something you've wanted to hear for so long. "I was scared."

The tears from your eyes don't stop either as he continues.

"I had just debuted back then, and my career was on the line."

Your sobs get louder, and you feel pain inching closer to your fears, all stuck in your suffocated heart. So far, you'd guessed the reason as to why he disappeared so abruptly. Hearing it directly from him made it worse. "I loved you, I really did," he says, his hand trying to hold yours, which you shirk away. He pauses.

"I was given an ultimatum," he becomes softer. "I didn't know how to tell you. I knew it would hurt us."

You clench your fists, looking at everything else he could've said.

"It still hurt us didn't it?" you whisper.

You see him nod slowly. You pull yourself off the wall, reaching into your pocket, fetching for tissues. When you find some, you hold some out for him to take. Both of your eyes had become puffy, and it didn't help how obvious it was that there was tension between you. It must've been half an hour since you had left the site, and the others must've noticed your absence.

"Why don't you head on, my AD will continue the shoot" you say, trying to hail a taxi as you walk onto the busy road.

"Please don't run away ," he pulls you back, now pinned against the wall. "Don't leave me again y/n," you feel him lean his head on the wall, next to you. He looks beyond fatigued and instinctively you feel your hands go behind his broad shoulders, rubbing his back.

"I really missed you," he whispers continuously, breaking down in your arms.

"I missed you too Jungwon, so much that I'd even collect your posters just to see your face," you confess. You notice him smile slightly, before he giggles. "I'd never imagine you to do that," he says and you match his laugh, somewhat embarrassed.

For the first time in a long time, Yang Jungwon saw you smile. It was as gorgeous as he remembered it, as inviting as it had always been. Unlike the Seoul that remained so stale, your smile brought life into the city. It brought life into the last ten years that he couldn't find.

Your lips arched into the perfect 'U' and all he wanted to do was feel them on his. His hands go behind your neck as he looks into your eyes. "Can I kiss you," he whispers gently. You don't reply, instead pulling him in as if you desperately waited those 10 years for him to say this.

All these years you didn't realise what you missed, until this fateful kiss. In this moment, it didn't matter what your past was, or what the future would hold. Nothing mattered now, as long as you were wrapped up between his arms, tethered to his lips.

Wahh sorry for the delay guys. I have my finals in less than 2 weeks so I haven't gotten to writing yet 😭

[yourkimjaejin]

Burn Marks

They had told her to be careful. 

After a successful three days in Seoul, two days in Japan then the show two days ago in Madrid, AG had finally made it back to Paris. It had been years since the girls were in the city of love for Breakthrough’s music video shoot. This time, thankfully, no creepy guys or horrible managers were in sight. 

The members got to enjoy a day on the town before a stage rehearsal later that night. Immediately, Moxy and Aurora dragged their other members through the streets until they reached Miss Eve’s bakery. The older woman was beyond happy to see the girls again, this time all grown up. Juno and Hannah understood why the youngest member couldn’t stop talking about the pastries. They all tasted heavenly. While eating, they filled Miss Eve in on what had been going on since she saw them last. They even brought more posters and memorabilla to line the bakeries walls.

“I know you all getting big. Every year, more and more fans stop to admire my posters. I tell them ‘I meet AG before becoming famous.” Miss Eve's bragging had the girls falling out of their seats. 

Before they left, the girls invited Miss Eve to come to the concert, her eyes light up in excitement, “I bring niece! She big fan.” Miss Eve wouldn’t let them leave without bringing more food for their staff at the venue. The girls waved at Miss Eve as the car pulled off. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It’s been a long rehearsal. AG would be lucky to be in bed by 3am. Being at a smaller venue meant, readjusting every single performance so they stayed safe. Fortunately, the end was in sight. The director wanted to run through five more songs, but first was Cannonball. In the Seoul stadium, Cannonball had huge balls of fire going off all around the stage. Because of the size the girls were free to run wild. In smaller stadiums, everything was shifted and restricted for the girls' safety. The director would rather be safe than sorry especially with Hannah and Aurora since they were closest to the pyro. 

Everything was going smoothly until they spread out for the second verse of the song. Everyone was tired. The lethargy creeping into their bones had everyone acting silly in an attempt to make it through the song Aurora was jumping along with her group of dancers near the left of the stage. None of them paid attention to how close they had gotten the pyro until it was too late. The maknae flung her arm out just as her previously recorded voice screams “Let’s Go!” into the empty arena. 

Aurora smelt it first. She couldn’t place the exact smell nor could Aurora describe it. Can one really explain the smell of burning. 

Then the pain set in. 

Aurora's terrified scream halted everyone. Her three older members all flinched at the sound, taking a moment to realize that sound came from Aurora before they surrounded her. Encircling her between them. 

“What happened?”

“Aurora what hurts?”

“Do you need a doctor?” 

Somebody's finger grazed the burn spot on her arms causing another shrill scream to echo around the venue. “It hurts unnie, it hurts.” Aurora whimpered, clutching her arm close to her chest. Hannah catches the eye of their leader nodding her head toward backstage. Nodding, Moxy takes off to find the doctor. Without prompt, Juno turns her attention to the dancers.

“Did you see what happened?” Juno asked. One of them, a female dancer that has been with AG for years, nodded. 

“I guess we got too close to the pyro. Aurora-ssi flung her arm out just as the fire went off. Her arm was only in it for a second, Could that much damage happen that fast?” The dancer asked. 

“I’ll be able to tell you in a moment.” The voice of the on-site doctor answered as Moxy followed behind him. He walked onto the stage with his first aid kit toward the two girls and kneeled down in front of them. 

“Hi Aurora-ssi. It’s nice to meet you. I had hoped it wouldn’t be this soon but that's neither here nor there. I’m Doctor Choi and I’ll be traveling with you for the duration of your tour.” Doctor Choi placed his first aid kit in front of the quartet, opening it so they all could see inside. 

“Now Aurora, Moxy-ssi has informed me that you’ve burned yourself on the pyro. Could I see your arm? I won’t even touch it. I just need to see how serious the burn is to determine if you need to go to hospital..” Aurora looked to her unnies first. At Moxy’s nod, she held her forearm out in front of them for Doctor Choi to examine. Compared to her complexion, the burn mark stood out. The skin had turned red, some places puffed up and bumpy. 

“Good news, Aurora-ssi doesn’t need a hospital but we do need to move her backstage for me to treat her.” Doctor Choi closed his case and stood up. Worry grew between all four girls.

“Why backstage?” Hannah asked while helping Aurora stand without putting pressure on the younger arm. The doc was already walking to the back, the members forced to follow. 

“Because she has second degree burns. They need to be treated properly and I don’t have all the supplies in need in my bag..” At the doctor’s answer, four pairs of footsteps sped up. Doctor Choi led them to his makeshift treatment room and enlisted the girls' help in patching up Aurora's arm. 

Through each step he explained what he was doing and why. First, they rinsed the burn under cool water. “This’ll get the pain to stop.” Next, Doctor Choi had Hannah gently wash the area to disinfect it. Pangs of hurt ripple thru the older girls every time their maknae hissed in pain. 

Then, as carefully as he could, the doctor spread petroleum jelly across the entire burn. “This is to keep the area hydrated while it heals. I’ll also get some gauze with petroleum jelly already on it.” Lastly, Doctor Choi wrapped the burn snug enough not to move while Aurora dances but not tight enough to hurt. 

“Now, as long as you wash it every day and keep the wound hydrated with an ointment or more petroleum jelly, the burn should heal in three to four weeks. You’ll have to wear the gauze during performances though. If that’s all, I’d suggest Aurora-ssi sit out the rest of the rehearsal." Before she could argue, Moxy agreed. 

“Actually, we're all heading back to the hotel until closer to showtime.” 

Aurora shook her head, “Unnie we had four more songs to run through.” 

“Four song rehearsals don’t take priority over your health. Thank you for your help Doctor Choi.” Moxy bowed while Hannah pushed the group out the door, through the stadium  and to the parking lot where a car was already waiting for them. 

The ride back was quiet, all the girls were rocked physically and emotionally from what happened to Aurora but nobody felt that more than the maknae herself. Now that the painkillers were kicking in, the pain was ebbing away. But the sight of her bandaged forearm was an ugly reminder of what happened. Finally the familiar front of their hotel greeted their eyes. Slowly, all four women dragged their bodies through the ornate lobby to the elevators. The maknae knew after everything that had happened, there was no way her unnies would leave her alone. But she just wanted a second to process. Aurora tugged on her leader’s sleeve. She mouthed the words, Code: Alone Time. Migyeong pursed her lips but nodded, everyone in NCT respected the codes. When the elevator opened, Moxy herded Juno and Hannah to her room leaving Aurora to enter hers. There was a bit of push back but one look silenced them. Aurora closed the door and flopped onto her bed finally able to breathe. 

With nothing else to do, Aurora took a nap, taking care not to lay on her bandaged arm.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

Aurora didn’t know how long she was asleep until she felt fingers running through her hair, gently undoing the slight tangles. Aurora could tell it was Hannah. Her other members weren’t ones for gentle wake up calls. 

“Eunji-ah? You awake?” Hannah murmured. Her fingers were pulling away but the maknae pushed her head back into her unnie’s palm. A soft smile grew on Hannah’s face, fingers continuing their mission. It was rare for Aurora to let her maknae tendencies loose. 

“You gotta get up. It’s time to head to the venue.” The elder got a hum in response but neither moved to get up. Hannah wasn’t in a hurry to rush the younger singer. Aurora was strong but that didn’t mean she was immune to shock or pain. If she wasn’t ready then they’d postpone until Aurora was. 

“I wanna inform the fans…about what happened.” she sat up, stroking her arm softly, “I don’t want them to worry when they see this bandage tonight.” 

Hannah reached over ruffling Aurora hair, “I think we can make that happen. But first we gotta visit the doc and get that gauze changed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello this is SM Entertainment, We’re here to inform the fans of a minor injury update. At the rehearsal for NCT AG’s concert in Paris tonight, Aurora sustained a minor burn on her arm. She is okay and has been treated already. Aurora has also chosen to perform tonight and will keep her arm wrapped until the injury heals completely.  Aurora is okay and urges fans to ease their worries and enjoy the show. We wish Aurora a speedy recovery and good luck for the concert tonight. 

Comments:

Not Aurora!!! Glad they said she chose to perform Omo!! I hope she’s okay How the heck did she get burned during rehearsal Paris czennies!! Cheer extra loud for our maknae tonight.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

First part of the Tour!Angst is in the books!!!! I hope you all liked it. I've been writing these since last year so I hope they live up to the work I've put in. Next up is Moxy so until then have a great day!! ~ Author Izzy

Taglist: @alixnsuperstxr / @1-800-call-ria / @sophrodite / @sunflower-0180

[songbirdseung]

staff only / park jongseong

Today was another busy day for you, a staff member that works for SBS Inkigayo. It has been 1 year since you got the job at the music program broadcast at the young age of 20.

As the clock struck 8:00 on that busy Sunday morning at SBS Inkigayo, I found myself in the midst of a whirlwind of activity. It had been exactly one year since I had landed my dream job at the music program, and every day felt like a new adventure.

Today was no different, with several K-groups already on site, ready to film their segments for the show. Enhypen, the group I had grown to admire over the past year, was among the early arrivals. They were here to promote their latest song, "CRIMINAL LOVE," which had captivated fans since its release.

My role as a staff member had me deeply involved in designing and preparing the stage for Enhypen's performance. Given the dark and alluring theme of "CRIMINAL LOVE," I had meticulously planned a set that would match the mood. The stage was adorned in shades of dark red and black, with subtle hints of mystery and romance.

I double-checked everything, making sure the lighting was perfect and the props were in their designated places. The anticipation was building, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride knowing that I had contributed to creating the perfect backdrop for Enhypen's performance.

As the time for their rehearsal neared, I couldn't help but steal a moment to catch a glimpse of the group members. They were busy going over their choreography and discussing their performance, their dedication evident in their every move. It was moments like these that reminded me of why I loved my job so much – the chance to be a part of something so vibrant and creative.

As I put the finishing touches on the stage, making sure everything was in its place and the lighting was just right, my attention was so focused on the task at hand that I didn't notice someone approaching from behind. Just as I was about to step off the stage to take a break, I felt a sudden collision.

Startled, I turned around, my eyes widening as I realized I had bumped into none other than Jay. His warm, brown eyes met mine, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still.

"I'm so sorry," I stammered, my cheeks turning a shade of crimson. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

Jay flashed a charming smile, his hand gently steadying me. "No worries at all. It happens."

I couldn't help but feel a mix of embarrassment and admiration. It wasn't every day that you bumped into a K-pop idol, especially one as talented and charismatic as Jay.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his concern genuine.

I nodded, managing to find my voice again. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you. I was just caught up in making sure everything was perfect for your performance."

Jay's eyes sparkled with curiosity. "Oh, you're part of the stage crew?"

I nodded, feeling a little more at ease now that the initial shock had passed. "Yes, I've been working here for about a year. It's been an incredible experience."

"That's awesome," Jay replied, his smile widening. "We really appreciate all the hard work you and the crew put into making our performances look amazing."

His kind words made my heart flutter, and I couldn't help but smile back. "Thank you, Jay. It means a lot to hear that."

We chatted for a few more moments, discussing the set design and the upcoming performance. Jay was genuinely interested in the creative process, and I was touched by his down-to-earth personality.

As our conversation came to an end, Jay extended his hand. "Well, it was nice meeting you. I'll make sure to give it my all on stage."

I shook his hand, feeling a rush of excitement. "I'll be cheering you on from backstage."

With a final smile, Jay headed off to prepare for the performance.

Sitting in my designated seat, I watched Enhypen rehearse their performance alongside the new camera director of SBS. The atmosphere was tense, as it had been ever since his arrival. Rumors had been circulating among my co-employees about his temper, and it didn't take long for me to see that they were not exaggerating.

As I observed the rehearsal, lost in admiration for Enhypen's talent and dedication, the tranquility was abruptly shattered. The music abruptly cut off, and the director's voice boomed through the megaphone, filled with anger and frustration.

"What are you doing? This is a live broadcast, not a child's play!" he shouted at the camera operator, pointing out a minor mistake that had been made.

My co-workers exchanged knowing glances, their faces bearing the weariness of dealing with the director's outbursts. It was clear that his harsh demeanor was taking a toll on the team's morale.

I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease as the director continued to berate the camera operator, his words growing more scathing with each passing moment. Enhypen, on the stage, looked uncomfortable, their once-confident expressions now marred by concern.

Feeling a deep sense of empathy, I decided to take action. I stood up and approached the director, trying to diffuse the situation. "Excuse me, sir," I began, my voice as calm and respectful as possible. "I understand that we want everything to be perfect, but maybe we could address this issue in a less confrontational way?"

The director turned to me, his face still flushed with anger. "And who are you?"

"I'm part of the stage crew," I replied, trying to maintain my composure. "I've been here for a year, and I've seen how hard everyone works to make this show great. Yelling like this might not be the most effective way to communicate."

My words seemed to catch him off guard, and he took a moment to collect himself. Finally, he let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping. "You're right. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that."

Relief washed over me, and I offered a reassuring smile. "We're all here to support the artists and create an amazing show. Let's work together and make it happen."

The director nodded, and the tension in the air began to dissipate. The camera operator received some constructive feedback, and Enhypen resumed their rehearsal with renewed focus.

As I returned to my seat, I couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction in having helped defuse a difficult situation. While the challenges of working with a temperamental director were far from over, I knew that teamwork and understanding would be essential in creating a successful and harmonious broadcast.

As I settled back into my seat, relieved that the tense situation had calmed down, I couldn't help but notice Jay looking in my direction. His grateful smile warmed my heart and brought a genuine smile to my own lips in response.

It was a simple exchange, a silent acknowledgment of our shared moment of understanding amidst the chaos of the rehearsal. Jay's expression conveyed appreciation, and I felt a sense of connection, even though we had only briefly interacted earlier.

With that encouraging smile, Jay returned to his position, ready to resume the rehearsal with renewed energy and focus. The music started again, and Enhypen delivered a breathtaking performance, showcasing their incredible talent and the hard work of the entire team behind the scenes.

As I watched them dance and sing on stage, I couldn't help but feel a deep sense of pride and admiration for the group. And in that moment, I knew that all the challenges and long hours were worth it to be a part of this incredible world of music and performance.

The grateful smile from Jay remained etched in my memory, a reminder of the moments that made working at SBS Inkigayo so special, and a source of motivation to continue supporting and contributing to the success of K-pop artists like Enhypen.

Couples of hours have past and it is nearing 3:00, the time the show airs live. All the k-groups and soloist are in their respective waiting rooms while I was in the cafeteria on break.

As I sat in the cafeteria, savoring the last sips of my coffee and preparing myself for the live broadcast that was rapidly approaching, a friendly presence suddenly settled down in the chair beside me. I looked up, and to my pleasant surprise, it was Jay.

"Hey there," he greeted me with a warm smile.

I couldn't help but return the smile, grateful for the opportunity to chat with him again. "Hey, Jay. How's everything going with the the final take?"

Jay shrugged playfully. "Well, it's been a rollercoaster, but we're getting there. Thanks for stepping in earlier. You really helped diffuse the situation."

I chuckled, feeling a sense of camaraderie. "No problem at all. Sometimes, a little teamwork and understanding can go a long way."

We continued to chat, the conversation flowing easily between us. Jay shared some stories about their preparations for "CRIMINAL LOVE," and I listened with genuine interest. Despite his fame, he was down-to-earth and easy to talk to, making me feel comfortable in his presence.

As we talked, we also shared a laugh about the earlier incident with the director. Jay had a way of finding humor in even the most stressful situations, and it was contagious. The tension from earlier seemed like a distant memory as we enjoyed each other's company.

Before we knew it, the clock was ticking closer to 3:00, and the live broadcast was about to begin. Jay and I exchanged well wishes for a successful show, and he headed back to the waiting room with a promise to give it their all on stage.

Watching Enhypen perform later that day during the live broadcast, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride, knowing that I had played a small part in helping them prepare. And as I watched Jay's energetic and charismatic performance, I couldn't help but smile, grateful for the unexpected friendship that had formed over a cup of coffee in the bustling cafeteria of SBS Inkigayo.

(Later)

As I stepped into my house, looking forward to a calm and restful night after a long day at work, I was met with an unexpected rush of excitement. My roommate and best friend, Seo Lee, practically stormed towards me, her phone clutched tightly in her hand.

"Guess what just happened!" Seo Lee exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

I raised an eyebrow, curious about her sudden enthusiasm. "What's going on?"

With a mischievous grin, Seo Lee began to show me screenshots of articles and social media posts. My heart sank as I quickly realized what was unfolding before my eyes. The headlines and comments were all about Jay and me hanging out in the cafeteria earlier in the day. The photos from our casual chat had spread like wildfire across the internet, fueling rumors and speculation.

Rumors spread quickly in the world of K-pop, and it seemed that this was no exception. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me as I realized the potential consequences of our impromptu coffee break. Jay might have to deal with unnecessary scrutiny and rumors that could affect his image.

"I didn't think it would blow up like this," I muttered, feeling a mix of regret and concern.

Seo Lee patted my shoulder reassuringly. "It happens, don't beat yourself up about it. But you should probably reach out to Jay and explain the situation."

I nodded, realizing that was the right thing to do. However, the challenge was that I didn't have a direct way to contact him. My interactions with Jay had been limited to our brief encounters at work, and I didn't have his contact information.

Seo Lee must have read the worry on my face. "Don't worry, I'll help you find a way to reach out to him. We can draft a message together and try to get in touch through the right channels."

Grateful for her support, I agreed. We spent the evening crafting a thoughtful message, explaining the situation and my genuine apologies for any inconvenience our accidental interaction might have caused Jay.

As we sent the message off into the digital abyss, I hoped that it would reach Jay and that he would understand that the cafeteria incident was never meant to harm him or his career. It was a reminder that even small interactions in the world of K-pop could have significant consequences, and it was essential to handle them with care and consideration.

Meanwhile, Jay had returned home after a tiring day of rehearsals and the live broadcast, and exhaustion had taken over as soon as he had hit the bed. He had fallen into a deep sleep without even checking his phone, blissfully unaware of the storm that had brewed overnight.

The next morning, he awoke feeling somewhat refreshed, ready to tackle another busy day. As he stepped out of his room, he was met with an unexpected sight – his manager had a worried expression on his face, and he held out a glass of water along with Jay's phone.

Confused, Jay accepted the glass and took a sip of water before turning his attention to the phone. His manager didn't say a word, allowing Jay to read the message on the screen.

As Jay's eyes scanned the message sent by Y/N, a mix of surprise and concern washed over him. It detailed the incident in the cafeteria, the screenshots, and the growing rumors on social media. Y/N had explained the situation, expressed genuine apologies, and even offered assistance in managing the aftermath.

Jay's heart sank as he realized the magnitude of the situation. He knew that rumors and scandals could spread like wildfire in the K-pop industry, and he didn't want this innocent interaction to harm his image or cause any undue stress to Y/N.

He looked up at his manager, who was still watching him closely. "I had no idea this had blown up so quickly," Jay admitted, his voice filled with concern.

His manager nodded sympathetically. "These things happen, Jay. It's important to address them promptly. Y/N seems genuinely apologetic and willing to help."

Jay sighed, feeling a mixture of relief and gratitude towards Y/N. "You're right. I should reply and let her know that I appreciate her understanding and that there are no hard feelings."

With his manager's support and guidance, Jay composed a reply, expressing his gratitude for Y/N's message and understanding. He also reassured Y/N that he didn't hold her responsible for the situation and that they could move forward positively.

As he hit send, Jay couldn't help but feel relieved that he had the chance to clear the air with Y/N. He hoped that their communication would help put an end to the rumors and allow them both to focus on their respective careers without any unnecessary distractions.

Jay understood that addressing the situation publicly was the best course of action. He decided to go live on Weverse, where he could directly communicate with his fans and set the record straight. With a deep breath, he went live, and his face appeared on screens around the world.

"Hey, Engene," he began with a warm smile. "I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to talk to you about something that came up recently."

As he explained the situation in a calm and clear manner, Jay emphasized that the cafeteria interaction with Y/N was entirely innocent and unintentional. He expressed his understanding of the rumors and assured his fans that he they should not hold hard feelings towards Y/N.

"I know how passionate our fans are," Jay continued. "But I also know that misunderstandings can happen. Y/N and I have already talked, and everything's good between us."

Meanwhile, Seo Lee had been watching Jay's live stream as she got ready for work. She realized the importance of Jay's message, not only for Engene but also for Y/N, who had been unfairly dragged into the situation.

Seo Lee quickly grabbed her phone and sent a message to Y/N, along with a link to Jay's live stream. "You should watch this. Jay's addressing the rumors."

Y/N, who had been feeling a mix of anxiety and guilt since the previous day, eagerly clicked on the link and began watching Jay's live stream. Her heart warmed as she listened to his sincere words and saw the comments from supportive fans.

Seo Lee's message accompanied by Jay's live stream brought a sense of relief to Y/N. It was a reassuring sign that Jay was taking steps to clear the air, and she was grateful for his understanding and support.

As Jay concluded his live stream, he thanked his fans for their unwavering support and understanding. He hoped that this would put an end to the rumors and allow everyone to move forward positively.

Y/N, having watched the live stream, felt a sense of closure and appreciation for Jay's efforts to address the situation publicly. She decided to send him a message to express her gratitude and to let him know that she was relieved that things had been resolved.

The following Sunday arrived, and with it came the day of another SBS Inkigayo broadcast. Y/N had made up her mind to keep a low profile and avoid any interactions with Jay or any idol for that matter, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention or cause any more misunderstandings.

As she went about her work backstage, she couldn't help but notice Jay occasionally glancing in her direction. It seemed he had noticed her efforts to keep her distance and maintain a professional demeanor. Y/N couldn't deny that a part of her was curious about what he might want to discuss in private, but she was determined to stick to her decision.

During a break, as the bustling atmosphere backstage momentarily quieted down, Jay took the opportunity to approach Y/N. He walked up to her discreetly, careful not to attract the attention of cameras or onlookers.

"Y/N," he said softly, "can we talk in private for a moment?"

Y/N hesitated for a moment but then nodded. She knew it was better to address whatever was on Jay's mind privately rather than allowing it to become a public spectacle.

They made their way to a quieter area backstage, away from the prying eyes of the cameras and curious onlookers. Once they were alone, Jay spoke earnestly, "I've noticed that you've been keeping your distance, and I want to apologize if my earlier message and actions have made you uncomfortable."

Y/N sighed, her shoulders relaxing as she appreciated Jay's sincerity. "Thank you for understanding, Jay. It's just that I didn't want to cause any more trouble for you or Enhypen. I hope everything's okay now after your live stream."

Jay nodded, his expression earnest. "Yeah, everything's settled. I wanted to talk to you to make sure you knew that there are no hard feelings on my end. What happened was a misunderstanding, and I don't want it to affect our working relationship or your experience here."

Y/N felt a sense of relief hearing Jay's words. "I appreciate that, Jay. I also want to clarify that I hold no ill will towards you or Enhypen. It was an honest mistake."

They both smiled, a shared understanding passing between them. It was a brief but meaningful conversation that helped clear the air and strengthen their professional rapport.

As they returned to their respective duties backstage, Y/N couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards Jay for taking the initiative to address the situation privately.

As Jay reentered the waiting room, he was greeted by the playful banter of his fellow Enhypen members. Ni-ki couldn't resist a teasing comment, and Sunghoon added to the fun by fanning the flames.

"Trying to make moves, Jay?" Ni-ki teased with a mischievous grin.

"Trying to make the rumors, real?" Sunghoon chimed in, unable to resist a good-natured jab.

Jay chuckled, shaking his head. "Shut up, you guys. I just wanted to make sure things were okay."

However, the members continued to tease Jay in their own lighthearted and affectionate way. Their camaraderie was evident in their interactions, and it was all in good fun.

Little did they know that Y/N had passed by their room and overheard their banter. She couldn't help but chuckle at the playful exchange between the Enhypen members. It was clear that their bond was strong, and they knew how to keep each other grounded, even in the midst of the K-pop industry's whirlwind.

With a smile, Y/N continued with her tasks backstage, feeling a sense of contentment that the earlier misunderstanding had been resolved, and that both she and Enhypen could move forward with professionalism and mutual respect.

Jake's comment caught Jay by surprise, and he playfully raised an eyebrow in response. "Well, of course, she is," he admitted with a grin. "But that's not the point."

The other members couldn't help but laugh at Jay's response. It was all in good fun, and they knew that Jay's intentions were entirely professional and respectful.

"So you would?" Jake continues.

"Would what?"

"Date her?" Jake laughs at Jay's expression. Jay couldn't help but laugh at Jake's teasing persistence. "Well, Jake, let's just say that dating isn't exactly my top priority right now. I'm fully focused on our music and performances."

As the manager interrupted their playful banter and instructed the members to prepare for their stage performance, the conversation came to an end. Jake and Heeseung shared a laugh, and they all headed toward the stage, their focus shifting to their upcoming performance.

While on stage, Jay couldn't help but steal a glance in Y/N's direction, spotting her among the backstage crew. His smile was warm and genuine, a silent acknowledgment of their earlier private conversation.

Jake, ever the playful one, noticed Jay's smile and made a mental note to tease him about it later.

[agust-june]

I wanna have a serious discussion about New Jeans.

DISCLAIMER: this is no hate towards the girls!

Yesterday I was on tik tok and this creator was reacting to New Jeans he's new to Kpop and he asked who Hyein was and how he like her and the comments explained that she is 15. He apologized off the bat but that's not where my issue lies.

My issue is this comment here:

I explained that she does not all of New Jeans look like children.

The reply:

I responded with I'm older than New Jeans I still get mistaken as a child. How do you not see them as children.

And was met with this response:

Then I woke up to this comment today:

Then I wondered where they were getting this from? Where does she look older? So I did me research and looked at Hyein.

Where does she look 18 at? She looks like a regular high schooler. I would show more pictures but I'm not done.

Even with her next to the group they all look like kids. They still have baby faces. Like is it different for men? Or is it because they spend so much time looking at children that they forget to tell the difference?

But it doesn't end there, no...

This is kprofiles. The one on the right is Hyein solo profile and the one on the left is the New Jeans Profile. Why are they different? And why that picture of Hyein? Why that outfit? Like I knew they company is weird but really Kprofiles too? It doesn't even look like her.

The gag is it's not the only one...

Why does Hanni look like that? That's not the way to sit in a skirt. And the way the photo is framed is weird as well. The photo reminds me of THOSE anime figurines and not in a good way.

Then their music videos... that's a different ball park. If you want me to explain, I'll do another post.

It's already bad enough that they company New Jeans is under the CEO is weird.

Then, to top it all off, I can't stand the fact older men are talking about how certain members of New Jeans are their "ideal type" like you are in your 30s or about to be in your 30s and you think 19 to 15 year olds are your ideal type? Or saying how they make you feel younger?

Then their Fandom is a whole other beast. I know Kids are into New Jeans, and women around my age are onto them. But the men who are in they late 30s and up single and don't have kids?? Why are they into New Jeans? Why are they being allowed in their Fandom spaces? Not being sexist women who are like that is weird as well, and from mostly what I've seen, it's the grown ass men. I think it's weird, and these girls aren't being protected. I sometimes forget that K-pop is an industry like any other. It's sad to see these girls are clearly being marketed to not just kids and teens. If they were, they clearly would have different photos. Like I love those girls and their music. HOWEVER, that company they are under is weird, and I'm here wondering where is the Fandom? Why aren't they protecting these girls? Time and time again, when we see idols being failed or mistreated, we the Fandom call out the company on they behavior.

I hope that more people are aware of New Jeans, and I hope that they are okay and aren't surrounded by THOSE type of people.

[peterlorres21stcentury]

Films that should be great, but ain't

so uh, with that amazing title in mind, does anybody wanna discuss "The Constant Nymph"?

file photo: the most important yet most underused character ever

Back when I was a younger, even stupider fangirl, this movie represented the second holy grail in terms of lost media (the first was Der Verlorene). I should say difficult-to-find media, as The Constant Nymph was never exactly lost, but it was unavailable on home release or even general theater showings for 70 years. No really. The author's will stated that "the film could be shown only at universities and museums after its original theatrical run ended" (from Wiki). Don't ask me how Margaret Kennedy maintained that much fucking power over a juggernaut like Warner Brothers but it must have been one hell of a rights agreement.

As such, this was one of those movies that was simply unavailable to me for a long time, so when it was finally released from its long purgatory with a DVD home release, I was over the moon. Finally I could see Peter in the sort of lush romantic role he always deserved. Sure, I knew from my reading that much of his subplot was cut, but it couldn't be that bad, right? This movie has everything--a superb cast, a popular source novel, a moving musical score by Korngold. What could go wrong?

...I shouldn't ask that question because the answer is "everything" (with the exception of Korngold, his music can do no wrong). I knew things were off to a great start when the disc wouldn't even play in my computer--the official WB disc, not some cheapo bootleg, mind you--until I turned the optical drive upside down. Things didn't get much better from there. I'll let myself speak (if I may, haw haw), and repeat what I shared in my facebook group two years ago after my first viewing:

"I don't care how they chose to dress it up; it's the story of a grown man falling in love with a teenage girl who has a big crush on him. Sure, he claims not to be interested in Tessa romantically, but how does he explain his seeking her out at literally EVERY opportunity, and how he's much happier with Tessa than he is with his own wife? And the fact that we're supposed to see his wife Florence as a bad person because she's jealous of Tessa… no! Florence didn't do anything wrong! But instead she actually tries to apologize to Lewis for not understanding his "inner world" with Tessa. Ugggh. The whole thing was just super questionable, even for the 1940s, and I did not find it romantic at all.

Oh, and Peter was not in this movie nearly enough. We don't even get to find out about Fritz and Toni's baby! I wanted to see more of their marriage, even if Toni didn't seem to care very much for Fritz apart from what he could buy her." 😕

26-year-old Joan Fontaine fails to convince anybody she is supposed to be 14, while a concerned Peter Lorre looks on

So yeah. I could say a lot more, but I'll let it go for now. This is one of those films that has all the ingredients of a true classic, except somewhere along the way the director, screenwriter, and editor all tripped over each other and sent everything sprawling into the undignified void, leaving us with the awkward result.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Dear Evan Hansen

You may have seen some ~online discourse~ about the film Dear Evan Hansen, an adaptation of the 2016 Broadway musical, and you might have wondered what all the hubbub is about. I mean, it’s a feel good story about a senior in high school, Evan Hansen (Ben Platt), who has some pretty severe anxiety and depression. While trying to fulfill an assignment from his therapist to write a letter to himself, his letter gets picked up by another student, Connor (Colton Ryan) - and later that day, Connor kills himself. Connor’s grieving parents and sister Zoe (Amy Adams, Danny Pino, and Kaitlyn Dever) are desperate to learn more from the boy they think was Connor’s best friend - after all, Connor’s suicide note was a letter addressed to “Dear Evan Hansen.” And, as you can imagine, Evan tells them about the unfortunate mistake and sits with them in their grief as they struggle to pick up the pieces of their lives. 

Just kidding! He lies to them, repeatedly, elaborately, expansively for months, constructing an entire false friendship with Connor that never happened, and ingratiating himself into the wealthy nuclear family he never had, in large part because he wants to get into Zoe’s pants! THIS IS THE PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY. Oh, and it’s a musical so there is a lot of singing and crying and singing WHILE crying and sometimes crying and not singing at all. But the #inspiration, you guys. 

Things I liked:

Pretty much everything but the story and Ben Platt’s performance. The supporting cast is stacked, and all of them do a great job at elevating material scraped directly out of a diaper worn by someone who just chewed their way through a copy of the DSM-5. 

A couple of the songs are damn catchy - “Waving Through a Window” and “You Will Be Found” are standouts for a reason - and here’s the thing, Platt sings them well. But as you’ll discover, there’s a lot more to a movie musical than just singing your part. 

Stephen Chbosky, the man behind every deep thought I and a lot of people in my generation had in 2006 after he wrote The Perks of Being a Wallflower, is a pretty good director. I particularly enjoyed the fanvid-type cuts in “Waving Through a Window” in conjunction with the lyrics, and his use of interstitial shots to flashbacks (and sometimes flashforwards!) is a neat little bit of shorthand that I thought was used sparingly enough to be effective. 

Amy Fucking Adams. She’s holding on so hard, so desperately to the idea of who her son could have been, rather than the reality of who he was, and she is full of such deep pain that is masked by an almost endless supply of patience with Evan and relentless positivity. All this made me want was Enchanted 2 even worse than I already did. 

Super into everything Zoe wears - the costuming department did a great job, and now all I want to do is live in mom jeans and baggy sweaters.

Did I Cry? I teared up a couple of times because I’m not a completely heartless bastard and when Amy Adams offered Evan Connor’s college money, my heart broke for the lie Evan had thrust upon her, and Julianne Moore’s song got me good, because she’s just a single mom to Evan who is doing her goddamn best. 

Things I hated more than the time I dropped a frozen gallon container of fruit cocktail on my pinkie toe in my parents’ garage and it turned black and I thought it was gonna fall off:

Ben Platt is 28 years old. He originated the role of Evan Hansen on Broadway, so in many respects it makes sense that he plays the role in the movie, except for the one kinda sorta important thing where he looks like a wizened old crone standing amongst a sea of children doing his best twitching, cringing Hunchback of Notre Dame impression. If you want someone to convincingly play 20 years their junior, hire Paul Rudd. Otherwise, please don’t ask me to believe that this supposed 18-year-old has crow’s feet. 

And that twitching nervous energy is a huge part of the black hole at the center of this film - he’s playing to the cheap seats and walking through the halls of his high school like a wet chihuahua. It’s an excruciating acting choice to watch - he doesn’t just have anxiety, he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown seemingly every second of every day. Like honestly, where is only-mentioned-never-seen Dr. Sherman, because this young man’s meds are NOT WORKING DR. SHERMAN. 

There’s such a lack of self-awareness on behalf of the writing, directing, and performance by Platt. There’s one song, “Sincerely, Me,” that offers the only glimpse of commentary about what Evan is doing, by pointing out the malicious ridiculousness of him writing a series of fake emails as proof of his and Connor’s friendship. 

Also what high schoolers email this much?? I know this was written in probably 2014 or so, but has a bitch never heard of a text? Even a DM? This whole plot is constructed around the premise that high schoolers are just constantly, constantly emailing each other. 

Everything - and I mean EV-ER-Y-THING - about Evan’s relationship with Zoe is so creepy and disturbing that with a soundtrack change, this could easily be a horror movie. He attempts to get her to like him by describing to her all the things her brother noticed about her - oh wait, I’m sorry, all the things HE noticed about her while he was skulking in the shadows following her around for years, watching every move she made, and it ends with him singing repeatedly “I LOVE YOU” because following a girl around and never having a conversation with her or knowing her at all is love, right? This was clearly written by the same people who chose “Every Breath You Take” as their wedding song because Sting is hot and they never actually listened to the damn words. 

And it gets about 10 billion times worse when Zoe goes to Evan’s house alone, takes him up to his room, and sings “I don’t need reasons to want you” and that was the moment I was that person I hate in a movie theater and I pulled out my phone to Google who wrote the music and lyrics to the musical (we were in the back row of the theater no one was behind me THIS WAS AN OUTRAGE EMERGENCY) and of motherfucking course it was written by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, 2 men who heard about meeting an actual human woman from a friend one time but otherwise are unfamiliar with the concept. 

Lastly, enormous serial killer vibes from Evan sending unlabeled flash drives anonymously through the mail with no note in an attempt to right his wrongs. That’s not catharsis, that’s how the next installment in the Saw franchise starts, with Evan in a Billy the clown doll mask showing up on the screen and asking if you want to play a fucking game. 

Also, I know it’s not possible for the narrative to justify this in a way that could be satisfying based on Evan’s actions, but what is with this thing where single working-class mom Julianne Moore is turning down rich people’s money for Evan to go to college? Like, obviously we can’t have that happen in the movie but in real life, fuck your pride! Take those rich people’s money!

I also know how movies work but nothing annoys me more than a giant group of high schoolers all getting beeps and boops to indicate text notifications all at the same time because I don’t know a single person under the age of 55 who keeps their ringer on. That shit is on vibrate AT MOST, and I feel like that’s a millennial thing. 

The emotional climax of the film is obviously Evan’s WAY TOO LATE confession, but the idea that it’s prompted by Connor’s family suddenly getting a lot of internet hate is, frankly, laughable. If Sandy Hook taught me one thing, it is that no tragedy is immune from trolls who live only to cause other people devastating emotional pain on the internet. That shit starts day 1. Apparently no one involved in this production has ever been on Twitter?

Also it feels like there should have been a dog somewhere in this movie and there was no dog, so points off for that too. 

Perhaps Dear Evan Hansen isn’t nearly as deep as it aspires to be. Perhaps it’s a morality play, a simplistic message of “Don’t lie, kids, lying is bad!” Major studio movies wrap themselves up with a nice bow at the end so everyone can feel good about themselves and leave with a happy ending, but the moronic cruelty on display here makes that feat feel impossible. We’re left with Evan in an orchard, reading Connor’s favorite books and staring into the big blue sky with all the self-actualization he’s earned now as a lil treat. And if Evan Hansen looked like an actual 18-year-old, it would be a lot easier to extend more empathy to him and his not-fully-developed prefrontal cortex, but it’s a little harder with this fully-grown, weathered man who was old enough to remember seeing Liar Liar in theaters. 

Dear Evan Hansen, 

Get some actual help and a haircut and maybe you can grow up enough to have an actual healthy interaction with any other living person, ever.

Sincerely, 

Me

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[lokiondisneyplus]

Natalie Holt's timeline was turned upside down last fall when she landed the highly-coveted composer gig for Marvel Studios' Loki series on Disney+.

"My agent got a general call-out looking for a composer on a Marvel project," she tells SYFY WIRE during a conversation over Zoom. "So, I didn’t know what it was. It was [described as] spacey and quite epic ... I sent in my show reel and then got an interview and got sent the script and then I realized what it was for. I was like, ‘Oh my god!’ It was amazing ... Loki was already one of my favorite characters, so I was really stoked to get to give him a theme and flesh him out in this way."

***WARNING! The following contains certain plot spoilers for the first four episodes of Loki!***

Imbued with glorious purpose, Holt knew the score had to match the show's gonzo premise about the Time Variance Authority, an organization that secretly watches over and manages every single timeline across the Marvel multiverse. The proposition of such an out-there sci-fi concept inspired the composer to bring in uniquely strange sounds, courtesy of synthesizers and a theremin.

"I got my friend, Charlie Draper, to play the theremin on my pitch that I had to do," she recalls. "They gave me a scene to score, which I’m sure they gave to loads of other composers. It was the Time Theater sequence in Episode 1. The bit from where he goes up the elevator and then into the Time Theater ... I just went to town on it and I wanted to impress them and win the job and put as many unusual sounds in there and make it as unique as possible."

The end result was a weird, borderline unnatural sound that wouldn't have felt out of place in a 1950s sci-fi B-movie about big-headed alien invaders. Rather than being turned off by Holt's avant garde ideas, Marvel Studios head honcho Kevin Feige embraced them, only giving the composer a single piece of feedback: "Push it further."

Holt admits that she was slightly influenced by Thor: Ragnarok ("I loved the score for it and everything"), which wasn't afraid to lean into the wild, Jack Kirby-created ideas floating around Marvel's cosmic locales. Director Taika Waititi's colorful and bombastic set pieces were perfectly complimented by an '80s-inspired score concocted by Devo co-founder, Mark Mothersbaugh.

"To be honest, I tried not to listen to it on its own," Holt says of the Ragnarok soundtrack. "I didn’t want to be too influenced by it. I watched the film a couple of times a few years ago, so yeah, I don’t think I was heavily referencing it. But I definitely had a memory of it in my mind."

After boarding Loki last September, Holt spent the next six months (mostly in lockdown) crafting a soundtrack that would perfectly reflect the titular god of mischief played by Tom Hiddleston. One of the first things she came up with was the project's main theme — a slightly foreboding cue that pays homage to the temporal nature of the TVA, as well as the main character's flair for the dramatic. "He always does things with a lot of panache and flair, and he’s very classical in his delivery."

She describes it as an "over-the-top grand theme with these ornate flourishes" that plays nicely with Loki's Shakespearean aura. "I wanted those ornaments and grand gestures in what I was doing. Then I also wanted to reflect that slightly analog world of the TVA where everything has lots of knobs and buttons ... [I wanted to] give it that slightly grainy, faded [and] vintage-y sci-fi sound as well."

"I just wanted it to feel like it had this might and weight — like there was something almost like a requiem about it," Holt continues. "These chords that are really powerful and strident and then they’ve got this blinking [sound] over the top. I just came up with that when I was walking down the street and I hummed it into my phone. There’s a video where you can just see up my nose and I’m humming [the theme]. I came home and I played it."

As a classically-trained musician, Holt drew on her love of Mahler, Dvořák, Beethoven, Mozart, and most importantly, Wagner. A rather fitting decision, given that an actual Valkyrie (played by Tessa Thompson) exists within the confines of the MCU.

"I would say those flourishes over the top of the Loki theme are very much Wagner," Holt says. "They’re like 'Ride of the Valkyries.’ I wanted people to kind of recall those big, classical, bombastic pieces and I wanted to give that weight to Loki’s character. That was very much a conscious decision to root it in classical harmony and classical writing ... There’s a touch of the divine to the TVA. It’s in charge of everything, so that’s why those big powerful chords [are there]. I wanted people almost to be knocked off their socks when they heard it."

With the main theme in place, Holt could then play around with it in different styles, depending on the show's different narrative needs. Two prime examples are on display in the very first episode during Miss Minutes' introductory video and the flashback that reveals Loki to be the elusive D.B. Cooper.

"What was really fun was [with] each episode, I got to pull it away and do a samba version of the theme or do a kind of ‘50s sci-fi version of the theme," she explains. "I can’t say other versions of the theme because they’re in Episode 5 and 6…or like when Mobius is pruned, I did this really heartfelt and very emotional [take on the theme] when you see Loki tearing up as he’s going down in slow motion down that corridor. It was cool to have the opportunity to try out so many different styles and genres. And it was big enough to take it all. It was a big enough story."

The other side of the story speaks to the old world grandeur of Loki's royal upbringing on Asgard, a city amongst the stars that eventually found its way into Norse mythology.

"I went to a concert in London three years ago and I heard these Norwegian musicians playing in this group called the Lodestar Trio," Holt recalls. "They do a take on Bach, where they’re kind of giving it a folk-y twist … [They use] a nyckelharpa and a Hardanger fiddle — they’re two historic Norwegian folk instruments. I just remembered that sound and I was like, ‘Oh, I have to use those guys in our score.’ It seemed like the perfect thing. I was like, ‘Yes, the North/Norwegian folk instruments.’ It just felt like it was the perfect thing for his mother and Asgard and his origins."

That folk-inspired sound also helped shape the music for Sylvie (played by Sophia Di Martino), a female variant of Loki with a rather tragic past. "Obviously, we’ve seen in Episode 4 what happened to her as a child," Holt says. "I just feel like she’s so dark. She’s basically grown up living in apocalypses, so she has that Norwegian folk violin sound, but her theme is incredibly dark and menacing and also, you don’t see her. She’s just this dark figure who’s murdering people for a while."

And then there were all the core members of the TVA to contend with. As Holt mentioned above, fans recently lost Agent Mobius (Owen Wilson), may he rest in prune. We mean peace. What? Too soon? During a recent interview with SYFY WIRE, Loki head writer Michael Waldron said that he based Mobius off of Tom Hanks's dogged FBI agent Carl Hanratty in 2002's Catch Me If You Can.

"There’s this thing that he loves jet ski magazines," Holt says. "I had this character in my head and then when I saw Owen Wilson’s performance, I was like, ‘Oh, he’s actually a lot lighter and he plays it in a different way from how I’d imagined.’ But I was listening to Bon Jovi and those slightly rock-y anthemic things. ‘90s rock music for some reason was my Mobius sound palette."

Mobius is pruned on the orders of his longtime friend, Ravonna Renslayer (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), after learning that everyone who works for the TVA is a variant who was unceremoniously plucked out of their original timelines. A high-ranking member of the quantum-based agency, Renslayer has a theme that "is quite tied in with Mobius and it’s like a high organ," Holt adds. "It doesn’t quite know where it’s going yet. But yeah, we’ll have to see what happens with that one."

Wilson's character isn't the only person fed up with the TVA's lies. Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku) also became disillusioned with the place and allowed Sylvie to escape in the most recent episode

"Hunter B-15 has this moment in Episode 4 where Sylvie shows her her past, her memories. I thought that was a really powerful moment for her," Holt says. I feel like she’s such a fighter and when she comes into the Time-Keepers and she makes that decision, like, ‘I’m switching sides,’ so her theme is more like a drum rhythm. I actually kind of sampled my voice and you can hear that with the drums. I did loads of layers of it, just like this horrible sliding sound with this driving rhythm underneath it. So, that was B-15 and then her softer side when she has her memory given back to her."

Speaking of the Time-Keepers, we finally got to meet the creators of the Sacred Timeline...or at least we thought we did. Loki and Sylvie are shocked to learn that the red-eyed guardians of reality are nothing but a trio of high-end animatronics (ones that could probably be taken out by a raging Nicolas Cage). Even before Sylvie manages to behead one of them, something definitely feels off with the Time-Keepers, which meant Holt could underscore the uncanny valley feeling in the score.

"When they walked in for their audience with the Time-Keepers, it was like this huge gravitas," she says. "But you look up and there’s something a bit wrong about them. I don’t know if you felt that or if you just totally believed. You were like, ‘Oh, this is so strange.’ I just felt like there was something a little bit off and musically, it was fun to play around with that."

Holt is only the second solo female composer to work on an MCU project, following in the footsteps of Captain Marvel's Pinar Toprak. Her involvement with Loki represents the studio's growing commitment to diversity, both in front of and behind the camera. This Friday will see the wide release of Black Widow, the first Marvel film to be helmed solely by a woman (Cate Shortland). Four months after that, Chloé Zhao's Eternals will introduce the MCU's first openly gay character into the MCU.

"I just feel like it’s an honor and a privilege to have had that chance to be the second woman to score a thing in the MCU and to be in the same league as those incredible composers like Mothersbaugh and Alan Silvestri. They're just legends," Holt says. "Another distinctive thing about [the show] is that all the heads of department are pretty much women. Marvel are showing themselves to be really progressive and supportive and encouraging. I applaud [them]. Whatever they’re doing seems to be working and people seem to be liking it as well, so that’s awesome."

Holt's score for Vol. 1 of Loki (aka Episodes 1-3) are now streaming on every music-based platform you could think of. Episodes 1-4 are available to watch on Disney+ for subscribers. Episode 5 (the show's penultimate installment) debuts on the platform this coming Wednesday, July 7.

Natalie isn't able to give up any plot spoilers for the next two episodes (no surprise there), but does tease "the use of a big choir" in one of them. "Episode 6, I’m excited for people to hear it," she concludes. "That’s all I can say."

[nct-oli]

IPYTM EP 4

I just feel like saying all of my IPYTM ep 4 thoughts now that I watched the episode, before I read any other posts on here. Raw thoughts minutes after closing the episode.

I feel like I need to say this first. I do not agree with Oh reading Teh’s logbook and invading his privacy, but I do appreciate that he told him later that he did. I also do not like the hitting Teh with the bouquet. Okay, just wanted to get that out of the way.

TEH (AND JAI)

I’m still mad at Teh. I do not forgive him. But I do want to say that Jai is a piece of shit for manipulating Teh the way he did. This episode made it so clear to me how Jai used what Teh wrote in that logbook to his gain, recognizing how vulnerable Teh was and seeing how weak his relationship with Oh-Aew had gotten and using that to his benefit.

Now honestly, I can’t tell if that truly was his plan from the start or if he saw the way Teh had fallen for him and what happened with Oh and decided to say that it was never real in an attempt to stop it as soon as possible.

Regardless, if he was a good friend as well as a good director, Jai would never have used Teh’s broken relationship the way he did. He could have tried to help Teh rekindle things with Oh, work through some of his fears and anxieties that were keeping him from feeling close to his boyfriend. That very likely could have solved both problems–Teh’s relationship issues and his acting barrier–but instead, Jai manipulated Teh’s feelings.

However, I’m not letting Teh off that easily either. There was a moment when I actually did feel a little bad for him, when I started to recognize how Jai was using him and playing with his feelings. And when Teh and Oh started doing a little better, I allowed myself to think that maybe they could figure it out with more communication.

But no, Teh wandered off at the after party to see Jai, and any tiny flicker of forgiveness I felt went out the door. The way he showed no genuine guilt or shame with Oh too made me honestly sick. Like Oh said, did he think he was stupid? Did Teh think he was being subtle? It gave me secondhand embarrassment to see him believe he was being anything except disgustingly obvious about what was going on.

And then for him to call Jai the Fang to his Akin, with his too-forgiving boyfriend sitting in the other room?? Again, do you have no shame, Teh???

Also, the way Jai and Teh both gaslit Oh-Aew, trying to make him think he was overreacting and overthinking when both of them knew Teh’s feelings were not just the result of his great acting. That the kiss was never just an exercise (at least from Teh’s side, which is the side that mattered most). Watching them both lie to Oh’s face like that lit a rage fire within me.

Now, the scene of Oh-Aew and Teh singing on stage and the music going quiet as Teh’s attention drifted from Oh to Jai was heartbreaking in a really good way. I’m so proud of Oh-Aew for finally deciding that moment was enough, that Teh deserved no more chances, and that he needed to walk away. I’m so proud of him for choosing himself.

I appreciate Teh’s roommate. I don’t have the sympathy in me at this very moment so soon after the episode to wish Teh such kindness, but I’m sure tomorrow morning I’ll be a little more open to him having the emotional support I know deep down he needs. So I’m glad he has his roommate extending a hand.

And it was incredibly sad to watch Teh realize how he’d isolated himself to the extreme all for this one dream, maybe forgetting along the way to dream about his relationship with Oh-Aew, his long term friendships, etc. All of the other dreams you can and should have as well. I think he started to realize everything he’d given up for acting and how less glamorous and fun it really was now that he was here.

And that hit him even more when he got casted and potentially signed, only to face the reality that it also meant erasing the digital footprint of his relationship with Oh, one of the few things he still had left. This life he had envisioned kept getting less and less glamorous by the second.

I’m not saying I want him to give up on his dream of acting, but I do hope that everything that has happened is his much needed wake up call. That he finds more empathy for the people he judged for drifting from acting, for the people he pushed away for not trying hard enough. I hope he sees how selfish and ignorant his actions and his words have been over the past few years and that he takes this as a starting point for a more understanding and accepting outlook on not just his own life but the lives of those around him.

And I do hope he heals one day. Or, well, I will hope for that tomorrow. Tonight I’m still mad at him.

OH-AEW

Now on to Oh. As I said before, I don’t condone the invasion of Teh’s privacy or hitting him with the bouquet. But otherwise, I really am proud of Oh-Aew. Do I think he handled everything perfectly? No. In an ideal world, I would have liked him to confront Teh sooner so he could have given him the opportunity to be honest early on.

But given everything, I think Oh’s level of compassion and his willingness to try to understand are more than most people are willing to give in his shoes. I genuinely do respect how level-headed he went about it. I wish he had been better rewarded for his grace, and instead he got a boyfriend who lied and continued to go behind his back even after Oh had given him an undeserved second chance.

But what I am most proud of is how Oh-Aew handled breaking up with Teh. Telling Teh that he was hurt and asking him to have pity on him. Oh chose himself again, more permanently. In that moment, he understood that Teh’s apology did not warrant forgiveness and that he was allowed to stay hurt, to stay angry, to stay unwilling to take Teh back.

Oh was vulnerable and still stayed firm in his decision to respect himself anyway, to trust his feelings and prioritize his healing. Teh was there crying before him, and he still understood that he had no responsibility to fix Teh’s pain. That the pain Teh was feeling was pain he had inflicted on himself.

You can see in the way he turned back to look at Teh leave and then the way he sobbed afterwards that it took all of his strength to not give in moments earlier. How easy it would have been for him to take comfort in the familiarity of Teh’s embrace once again, to give him that second chance and hope for the best. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he did; it’s hard to give up someone who once made you feel safe. Who once felt like home.

But I am so proud of him for choosing himself anyway. For knowing that, however hard it was in that moment to let go, it would have been even harder to live every day sacrificing his mental and emotional security for a relationship he knew would never feel the same. For a man he could never fully trust again.

Oh-Aew has grown so much.

OH’S FRIENDS

Also, Oh has the cutest, sweetest friends in the world. This was my favorite scene in the entire episode. I’m so glad he found his group and that they love him so much.

The contrast between Teh and Oh-Aew throughout this season and especially in this episode has been really apparent as they’ve drifted apart. And I think this scene really highlighted that. Teh verbally acknowledged how he had no one to turn to anymore, how he’d ruined his relationships with everyone over time, meanwhile Oh was surrounded by people ready to love him and take care of him until he was better.

Oh’s honesty with himself and the people around him resulted in a community of friends supporting him as his authentic self, while Teh’s lies to himself and the people around him resulted in solitude.

It’s tragic for him, really.

EP 5?

Honestly, I have no idea what will happen with episode 5. At this point, I want Oh-Aew to find happiness away from Teh and for Teh to fix his insecurities on his own. I don’t want them together.

Maybe one day they’ll find each other again. I don’t know. But after this season’s storyline has unfolded, I think Oh deserves better. And I don’t think they make sense anymore.

AND BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO BE SAID

Oh-Aew dying his hair from red to black again? Yeah. He is Teh’s red no more.

[placegrenette]

Every Ninety One Song Reviewed: “Taboo” (ft. Irina Kairatovna), 2020

“Taboo,” from 91 (EP, 2020) Music credits: Batyrkhan Malikov (Alem), Daniyar Kulumshin (Bala) Lyrics Credits: Dulat Mukhametkaliev (ZaQ), Azamat Marklenov, Ilya Gumenniy, Aldiyar Zhaparkhanov Lyrics translation

Oh well hello best song from the 91 EP. Stay a while.

In order to explain to you why I love “Taboo” so damn much I have to talk about the guest stars. Irina Kairatovna is a KVN performance troupe turned comedy troupe turned hip-hop collective. Two members are primarily responsible for the comedy writing, three for the hip-hop part (I will be referring to them as Mark, Ilya, and Aldik, respectively, having grown parasocially fond of them), and Kuka--remember Kuka, director of the “Señorita” video?--directs it all. Their work is, shall we say, opinionated; for example, last year they released a video in which avatars of the US, Russia, and China wreak havoc on Kazakhstan before being slain by Kazakhstani cooks, all in service of a song mainly built around Mortal Kombat samples. In short, they serve up much food for thought in fun ways, and are highly recommended; if you like them do check out Yuri Dud’s interview with Ilya, Aldik, Mark, and Kuka last year.

(If you watch the interview you will discover that Kuka is also, in fact, a giant weeb. In fact my headcanon as to how “Taboo” got written is that Ace, ZaQ, and Kuka got into a weeb-off, and the remaining five patiently waited it out, and waited, and waited, until finally Bala said, “Do you want to just go ahead and murder them, or write a song first?”)

The story I have heard is that Veronika was cast in an IK video and then introduced everybody to each other, and the two groups started getting along fabulously (imaginary weebitude-induced impatience aside). The resulting collaboration plays to everybody’s strengths. ZaQ gets to wordplay all over the place in his verse; Aldik gets the most straightforwardly cutting lines (“Orwell would not be surprised to hear about our country”); Mark is gravelly-voiced and charmingly bitter; Bala sounds far livelier than he does at any other point on the EP. I may be reading too much into the track order, but it feels as if Ninety One were running on fumes for most of the EP and the IK collaboration rejuvenated them. There’s a reason why the Singles Jukebox thought more highly of “Taboo” than it had any previous Ninety One single.

Bonus live, about which I have mixed emotions. They’re all back-slapping and happy to see each other! Alem raps along with Ilya! Mark’s smile lights up half of Central Asia! And... and this was filmed on December 26th of last year, which means everyone on that stage, and everyone in that audience, was two weeks away from shared hell. And now, as we’ve discussed, the political landscape is even more treacherous and uncertain than that which inspired “Taboo” in the first place.

How’s the Hair/Styling? The Society for the Appreciation of Azamat Marklenov’s Hotness is criminally underpopulated, but judging from that suit, Bibotta’s a member and supporter. Second place for styling goes to Ilya’s suit, and third goes to Bala’s teal blazer and WEIRD AS HELL T-shirt combination. Should You Start Here? Technically I should say no, as the song feels more like IK featuring Ninety One than the other way around, but as with “All I Need,” I’m reluctant to discourage anyone from listening to this song.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

BTS at Golden Disc Awards 2021

by Admin 1

On the 9th and 10th of January 2021 BTS attended the Golden Disc Awards, and performed on the second day as well. Being there they won the Digital Bonsang for Dynamite on the 9th and the Bonsang, as well as the Album Daesang for Map of the Soul : 7, on the 10th. Amazing achievements which I sincerely congratulate them on.

When it comes to the performance, it was, most certainly, another amazing collection of stages bringing something new once more, even if they presented songs we’ve already seen at previous award shows this season. The opening came in form of Black Swan, though they didn’t sing any of it. It was more an intro showcasing the entrance of the members and highlighted Yoongi’s return to the stage, at least partially. 

The stage featured big metal winds, low lighting, and the members clad in black and white clothing including leather elbow length gloves for Namjoon and Yoongi, and pretty chockers for Taehyung and Jimin. The highlight though was Jungkook’s hair which isn’t dark anymore, but instead has been bleached and dyed a pretty blond. Personally I think it suits him pretty well. 

More below the cut since this is shaping up to be pretty long:

Next up was ON, which was powerful and fierce, though still missing Yoongi, which is all too understandable. Even though he can stand on stage again and hold his mic in his left hand (his surgery was on the left shoulder), it will still be a while until he’ll be able to dance with the members. ON has certainly grown a lot on me and I enjoy their performances of it immensely, and it was much the case this time as well.

The transition from ON to Life Goes On came in form of the stage being made to look like their individual rooms from BE which appeared on the digital walls around them. Their clothes were mostly comfy, though Jimin’s resembled their outfits from all the way back during I NEED U/RUN era. The transition/VCR like moment ended with the instrumental to We Are Bulletproof : The Eternal and the stage looking much the way the MV did with the whale swimming around them in an ocean of shades of purple, blue and pink.

For Life Goes On they had miniature versions of some of their most iconic MV sets on pedestals. It was a really cute idea and I enjoyed the execution a lot. The members seemed relaxed and enjoying themselves, Jimin and Taehyung even having their little moment of looking at each other twice, these moments certainly having become something I always kind of look forward to when it comes to LGO stages. 

Another tiny Jimin and Taehyung detail was Jimin sending a brief, barely noticeable (by the viewer) finger heart which I hadn’t even noticed until my fourth rewatch. It definitely fits with all these other small gestures we’ve seen from these two in recent months, like the finger hearts and kissy faces during their Lotte Family Concert performance of Boy with Luv or hugging each other on day 1 and doing a fun handshake and dance on day 2 during Dionysus at the MOTS ON:E concert visible only on one of the side cameras, not the main one.

The grand finale was the Slow Jam remix of Dynamite which worked perfectly with the chill out lounge/bar atmosphere created on stage fitting with the Great Gatsby theme. The members wore mostly suits in white, blue in Namjoon’s case, and a bright yellow when it comes to Taehyung, as well as Hoseok who had a white button down which Tae did not. While a normal person would look ridiculous in it, Taehyung looked absolutely stunning and made it more than work. After so many energetic performances of Dynamite since its release, seeing such a calm version was really nice and refreshing, showing how versatile BTS and their music are, how they can captivate an audience with fast songs made for big choreographies and stage productions, but also these slow, more chill types of tracks. A marvelous idea, truly.

There was also an encore stage where they sang ON again but this time along with Yoongi on stage which had some hilarious moments, especially Namjoon and Seokjin being silly waving their arms around while kneeling opposite each other on stage during Jungkook’s bridge. Cute.

Afterward the members were at something like a red carpet after interview where they took pictures with their awards (Jungkook and Taehyung even making their Bonsang and Daesang awards kiss much the way film director Bong Joon Ho made his two Oscars kiss last year) and were asked to do a relay of saying something to each other. 

All translations of their words are taken from Vernal_Bom on twitter.

J-hope to Jimin 

“I didn’t feel lonely in 2020 thanks to Jimin. Thank you for making me laugh. Give me happiness and laugh in 2021 as well.”  Jimin (turning to Namjoon): “It seems he can never live without me” 

Honestly the bond between Jimin and Hoseok is so cute and wonderful and you can see, and hear in their words, how important they are to each other, and how grateful Hobi is. We know the members were having a really hard time in 2020 so it doesn’t surprise me that Hobi would highlight the other members, or in this case Jimin, as one of the main reasons why he made it through it. After all we also know that those two made a song together which unfortunately didn’t make it onto BE. Hopefully we might get it one day at least as SoundCloud release, or perhaps on the next album instead.

Jimin to RM 

It was you who made us pull ourselves together to go through 2020. I am always grateful, and it’d be nice if you share you height a little with me in 2021, be healthy and happy. RM: Okay thank you

I love how Jimin used this (public) opportunity to tell/remind Namjoon of how important he was for them especially in 2020, as leader and surely also as friend, yet still also made a little joke to still keep the atmosphere light. After he was done speaking Jimin also hugged Namjoon, which showed once more how tiny he is in comparison.

RM to JK 

It’s finally today, Jungkook-si, in 10 years! You are Golden Maknae! The day that you will prove your nickname! You are proving it right now with your hair color, but in 2021, I hope the year will be filled with gold, like your nickname. Stay healthy. Let’s ‘Jje-kkit-up’ together this year too! (check it up.. the usual Namjoon saying lol)

It’s quite something to think about and realize, isn’t it, this year 10 years pass since Jungkook became a BigHit trainee and moved into their first dorm with Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and Seokjin. I’m curious if Bangtan, as well as BigHit, have some kind of plan for JK specifically for this year that Namjoon chose to highlight his Golden Maknae nickname in such a way, or if it was more of a reminder to JK, that he’s so worthy despite how he doubts himself, and despite how he himself said he’s been going through tough times in 2020.

JK to V 

V hyung, when we were trainees we were getting along so well, (V: We are not now???) No!!! i didn’t mean it. You are becoming so much of an stand-up (reliable, I assume in this context) guy. Thank you for doing all the schedules with us.  jhope: who’s hyung here?

The bond these two share might just be one of the biggest mysteries and causes for conflicts and fights within the fandom, or particular parts of it. After their conversation In The SOOP, I’d like to believe they’ve figured out whatever issue might've arisen between them in the past, found a way to solve and move past it slowly, and rekindled their friendship once more. Seeing at how well they’ve been getting along (on camera) these past few months, I think it might've been so. It’s curious to me though that JK chose to say this instead of something more akin to what Jimin said to Namjoon, or Hoseok to Jimin.

V to Jin 

V: (turns to Jin)  Jin: This is too close V: I listened to Abyss and that makes my heart ache too... Jin: Thank you V: hyung, your song is so good. Make more songs in 2021, let Army and us listen to your song more. Jin: Okayokay  V: and I play game with you to relieve stress.... sorry for talking in ban-mal (informal form). —(also speaking in informal way) Jin: No no it was so fun V: I love you Jin: I love you too

I absolutely adore the bond these two share and I love that Tae chose to say what he did. We know Seokjin has been going through a hard time in 2020, that he dealt with something I’d call imposter syndrome, so I’m glad we got to know even more about how Tae was there for him, something we otherwise would’ve never known. Certain people try to portray Tae as the one member that is almost estranged from his other members, who barely has anything to do with the group outside of schedules, and yet it’s moments like this--as well as Seokjin telling us in his birthday vlive that Tae organized for everyone including his non-BTS friends to send Seokjin birthday wishes in video form to show him how loved and appreciated he is--are the proof that those people are wrong. Tae is very close with his members, and he’s the ambassador of OT7 or nothing, the members his closest friends and brothers, his found and chosen family.

Jin to Suga 

Jin: Yoongi ya, do it well. Suga: Okay.... Jin: Do well on your rehab, and...uh... let’s do well going forward. Suga: Okay.. I will...

These two are so close yet due to their introverted nature their interactions such as this one are just so hilarious and adorable at the same time. Their dynamic is wonderful and this just seems like peak Yoongi-Jin behavior.

Suga to j-hope 

SG: (unable to look into hobi’s eyes) Our hobi JH: Suga! SG: You did work hard in 2020 (evading eye contact) JH: hahhahahah and? SG: Let’s not fall sick in 2021, and hwaiting...  JH: “Hwaiting hyung, and take good care of your health!”

The saga of Yoongi being unable to look Hoseok in the eye continues and it’s just as precious as ever. They stood so close, and while Yoongi wasn’t able to look into Hoseok’s eyes, it’s funny how he was the one who initiated the whole “them standing so close together” thing. I love the difference between how Seokjin didn’t even try to make eye-contact while Hoseok playfully challenged Yoongi and tried to coax him into it anyway knowing it’ll make Yoongi laugh and smile. It’s such a Yoongi-Hoseok thing, I love it.

And with that, the award was over and now also my post. I hope you enjoyed reading it! :3

[twh-news]

Loki' composer on how her MCU score reflects the main character's flair for the dramatic

By Josh Weiss

Natalie Holt's timeline was turned upside down last fall when she landed the highly-coveted composer gig for Marvel Studios' Loki series on Disney+.

"My agent got a general call-out looking for a composer on a Marvel project," she tells SYFY WIRE during a conversation over Zoom. "So, I didn’t know what it was. It was [described as] spacey and quite epic ... I sent in my show reel and then got an interview and got sent the script and then I realized what it was for. I was like, ‘Oh my god!’ It was amazing ... Loki was already one of my favorite characters, so I was really stoked to get to give him a theme and flesh him out in this way."

***WARNING! The following contains certain plot spoilers for the first four episodes of Loki!***

Imbued with glorious purpose, Holt knew the score had to match the show's gonzo premise about the Time Variance Authority, an organization that secretly watches over and manages every single timeline across the Marvel multiverse. The proposition of such an out-there sci-fi concept inspired the composer to bring in uniquely strange sounds, courtesy of synthesizers and a theremin.

"I got my friend, Charlie Draper, to play the theremin on my pitch that I had to do," she recalls. "They gave me a scene to score, which I’m sure they gave to loads of other composers. It was the Time Theater sequence in Episode 1. The bit from where he goes up the elevator and then into the Time Theater ... I just went to town on it and I wanted to impress them and win the job and put as many unusual sounds in there and make it as unique as possible."

The end result was a weird, borderline unnatural sound that wouldn't have felt out of place in a 1950s sci-fi B-movie about big-headed alien invaders. Rather than being turned off by Holt's avant garde ideas, Marvel Studios head honcho Kevin Feige embraced them, only giving the composer a single piece of feedback: "Push it further."

Holt admits that she was slightly influenced by Thor: Ragnarok ("I loved the score for it and everything"), which wasn't afraid to lean into the wild, Jack Kirby-created ideas floating around Marvel's cosmic locales. Director Taika Waititi's colorful and bombastic set pieces were perfectly complimented by an '80s-inspired score concocted by Devo co-founder, Mark Mothersbaugh.

"To be honest, I tried not to listen to it on its own," Holt says of the Ragnarok soundtrack. "I didn’t want to be too influenced by it. I watched the film a couple of times a few years ago, so yeah, I don’t think I was heavily referencing it. But I definitely had a memory of it in my mind."

After boarding Loki last September, Holt spent the next six months (mostly in lockdown) crafting a soundtrack that would perfectly reflect the titular god of mischief played by Tom Hiddleston. One of the first things she came up with was the project's main theme — a slightly foreboding cue that pays homage to the temporal nature of the TVA, as well as the main character's flair for the dramatic. "He always does things with a lot of panache and flair, and he’s very classical in his delivery."

She describes it as an "over-the-top grand theme with these ornate flourishes" that plays nicely with Loki's Shakespearean aura. "I wanted those ornaments and grand gestures in what I was doing. Then I also wanted to reflect that slightly analog world of the TVA where everything has lots of knobs and buttons ... [I wanted to] give it that slightly grainy, faded [and] vintage-y sci-fi sound as well."

"I just wanted it to feel like it had this might and weight — like there was something almost like a requiem about it," Holt continues. "These chords that are really powerful and strident and then they’ve got this blinking [sound] over the top. I just came up with that when I was walking down the street and I hummed it into my phone. There’s a video where you can just see up my nose and I’m humming [the theme]. I came home and I played it."

As a classically-trained musician, Holt drew on her love of Mahler, Dvořák, Beethoven, Mozart, and most importantly, Wagner. A rather fitting decision, given that an actual Valkyrie (played by Tessa Thompson) exists within the confines of the MCU.

"I would say those flourishes over the top of the Loki theme are very much Wagner," Holt says. "They’re like 'Ride of the Valkyries.’ I wanted people to kind of recall those big, classical, bombastic pieces and I wanted to give that weight to Loki’s character. That was very much a conscious decision to root it in classical harmony and classical writing ... There’s a touch of the divine to the TVA. It’s in charge of everything, so that’s why those big powerful chords [are there]. I wanted people almost to be knocked off their socks when they heard it."

With the main theme in place, Holt could then play around with it in different styles, depending on the show's different narrative needs. Two prime examples are on display in the very first episode during Miss Minutes' introductory video and the flashback that reveals Loki to be the elusive D.B. Cooper.

"What was really fun was [with] each episode, I got to pull it away and do a samba version of the theme or do a kind of ‘50s sci-fi version of the theme," she explains. "I can’t say other versions of the theme because they’re in Episode 5 and 6…or like when Mobius is pruned, I did this really heartfelt and very emotional [take on the theme] when you see Loki tearing up as he’s going down in slow motion down that corridor. It was cool to have the opportunity to try out so many different styles and genres. And it was big enough to take it all. It was a big enough story."

The other side of the story speaks to the old world grandeur of Loki's royal upbringing on Asgard, a city amongst the stars that eventually found its way into Norse mythology.

"I went to a concert in London three years ago and I heard these Norwegian musicians playing in this group called the Lodestar Trio," Holt recalls. "They do a take on Bach, where they’re kind of giving it a folk-y twist … [They use] a nyckelharpa and a Hardanger fiddle — they’re two historic Norwegian folk instruments. I just remembered that sound and I was like, ‘Oh, I have to use those guys in our score.’ It seemed like the perfect thing. I was like, ‘Yes, the North/Norwegian folk instruments.’ It just felt like it was the perfect thing for his mother and Asgard and his origins."

That folk-inspired sound also helped shape the music for Sylvie (played by Sophia Di Martino), a female variant of Loki with a rather tragic past. "Obviously, we’ve seen in Episode 4 what happened to her as a child," Holt says. "I just feel like she’s so dark. She’s basically grown up living in apocalypses, so she has that Norwegian folk violin sound, but her theme is incredibly dark and menacing and also, you don’t see her. She’s just this dark figure who’s murdering people for a while."

And then there were all the core members of the TVA to contend with. As Holt mentioned above, fans recently lost Agent Mobius (Owen Wilson), may he rest in prune. We mean peace. What? Too soon? During a recent interview with SYFY WIRE, Loki head writer Michael Waldron said that he based Mobius off of Tom Hanks's dogged FBI agent Carl Hanratty in 2002's Catch Me If You Can.

"There’s this thing that he loves jet ski magazines," Holt says. "I had this character in my head and then when I saw Owen Wilson’s performance, I was like, ‘Oh, he’s actually a lot lighter and he plays it in a different way from how I’d imagined.’ But I was listening to Bon Jovi and those slightly rock-y anthemic things. ‘90s rock music for some reason was my Mobius sound palette."

Mobius is pruned on the orders of his longtime friend, Ravonna Renslayer (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), after learning that everyone who works for the TVA is a variant who was unceremoniously plucked out of their original timelines. A high-ranking member of the quantum-based agency, Renslayer has a theme that "is quite tied in with Mobius and it’s like a high organ," Holt adds. "It doesn’t quite know where it’s going yet. But yeah, we’ll have to see what happens with that one."

Wilson's character isn't the only person fed up with the TVA's lies. Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku) also became disillusioned with the place and allowed Sylvie to escape in the most recent episode

"Hunter B-15 has this moment in Episode 4 where Sylvie shows her her past, her memories. I thought that was a really powerful moment for her," Holt says. I feel like she’s such a fighter and when she comes into the Time-Keepers and she makes that decision, like, ‘I’m switching sides,’ so her theme is more like a drum rhythm. I actually kind of sampled my voice and you can hear that with the drums. I did loads of layers of it, just like this horrible sliding sound with this driving rhythm underneath it. So, that was B-15 and then her softer side when she has her memory given back to her."

Speaking of the Time-Keepers, we finally got to meet the creators of the Sacred Timeline...or at least we thought we did. Loki and Sylvie are shocked to learn that the red-eyed guardians of reality are nothing but a trio of high-end animatronics (ones that could probably be taken out by a raging Nicolas Cage). Even before Sylvie manages to behead one of them, something definitely feels off with the Time-Keepers, which meant Holt could underscore the uncanny valley feeling in the score.

"When they walked in for their audience with the Time-Keepers, it was like this huge gravitas," she says. "But you look up and there’s something a bit wrong about them. I don’t know if you felt that or if you just totally believed. You were like, ‘Oh, this is so strange.’ I just felt like there was something a little bit off and musically, it was fun to play around with that."

Holt is only the second solo female composer to work on an MCU project, following in the footsteps of Captain Marvel's Pinar Toprak. Her involvement with Loki represents the studio's growing commitment to diversity, both in front of and behind the camera. This Friday will see the wide release of Black Widow, the first Marvel film to be helmed solely by a woman (Cate Shortland). Four months after that, Chloé Zhao's Eternals will introduce the MCU's first openly gay character into the MCU.

"I just feel like it’s an honor and a privilege to have had that chance to be the second woman to score a thing in the MCU and to be in the same league as those incredible composers like Mothersbaugh and Alan Silvestri. They're just legends," Holt says. "Another distinctive thing about [the show] is that all the heads of department are pretty much women. Marvel are showing themselves to be really progressive and supportive and encouraging. I applaud [them]. Whatever they’re doing seems to be working and people seem to be liking it as well, so that’s awesome."

Holt's score for Vol. 1 of Loki (aka Episodes 1-3) are now streaming on every music-based platform you could think of. Episodes 1-4 are available to watch on Disney+ for subscribers. Episode 5 (the show's penultimate installment) debuts on the platform this coming Wednesday, July 7.

Natalie isn't able to give up any plot spoilers for the next two episodes (no surprise there), but does tease "the use of a big choir" in one of them. "Episode 6, I’m excited for people to hear it," she concludes. "That’s all I can say."

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Victor’s Phantom Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Dedicated to Victor’s lovely @litteidiot 🌹🥰

The date begins with MC in Victor’s office to present her weekly report. While waiting for him to return from a meeting, she thinks about how she plans to invite Victor to a dinner event.

This event includes a fashion show, and has been organized as a collaboration between MC’s company and a magazine company.

While she’s thinking, she falls asleep on the sofa.

Victor: MC? Wake up…

I wave my hands impatiently, wanting to chase away the pesky voice at my ear.

Victor: Looks like you don’t need to give a report for your proposal.

MC: !! I’m awake! I wasn’t sleeping!

MC takes out her documents.

Victor: Hair.

MC: Hm?

Seeing my puzzled expression, Victor reaches over to the top of my head, and presses down the hair that’s standing up.

Victor: You can begin now.

After she presents her report, Victor nods.

Victor: Not bad this time.  

MC: That’s great!

I release a huge sigh of relief at the rare praise. Only now do I have the mood to think of a new goal.

MC: Victor, are you free this Saturday?

I secretly hold the invitation card that was sandwiched in between the documents in my hand, prepared to hand it to him once he responds.

Without giving it much thought, Victor answers.  

Victor: I have to attend a Finance Talk on Saturday. What’s happening on that day?

MC: Oh… nothing! I was just asking.

I shake my head, quelling the disappointment in my heart, and stuff the invitation card back amongst the documents.  

Victor seems to have noticed that I’m hiding something, but he doesn’t press further.  

~

On the day of the event, stress levels are high. After checking the flow of the event yet again, MC finally relaxes a little and decides to send Victor a message.

MC: You can come over to the dinner event if you still have time after the talk!

Even though I didn’t invite Victor in person, I still sent an invitation card to LFG on behalf of the company. However, I’m unsure if Victor saw it.

After pressing the “send” button, I hold onto my phone and wait for a response. As the minutes and seconds trickle by, the disappointment in my heart swells.

MC: Maybe phones aren’t allowed in that venue.

I find random excuses for Victor. At this moment, Anna walks over frantically.

Anna explains that the mystery guest they planned to have as the finale model just met with an accident. Anna insists that MC replaces her. 

After a full makeover, MC gets stunned by her own reflection in the mirror.

The person in the mirror is wearing a glittering silver dress which outlines her good figure. A white mask covers half of her face, revealing seductive red lips. She looks extremely foreign.

I suddenly feel a little glad that Victor didn’t come.  

~

In the resting area of the venue, Victor looks at the message on his phone and freezes in place.

Victor: Did MC’s company recently organize any dinner events?

He turns to Goldman and receives an answer.

Soon, an elegant champagne-coloured invitation card is placed in his hands.

Seeing the neat handwriting on the card, a smile flashes in his eyes.

~

Back at the dinner event, MC feels incredibly nervous. She notices that everyone looks similar because they’re all wearing masks. 

However, I see an extremely familiar profile with just a sweep of my eyes.

--What is he doing here?!

My eyes widen, and I mess up the actions I had rehearsed earlier.

That tall man standing near the window and wearing a black mask – who else could he be if not Victor?

I try to maintain my cold posture, but my line of sight involuntarily falls to him. My earlier nervousness is completely forgotten.

Victor looks as though he just arrived at the venue, standing against the window and facing the stage.

As though sensing my gaze, he lifts his head towards the stage.

He halts his movements, then raises his hand to peel the mask off his face. He meets my eyes amongst the crowd.

He is illuminated by the white light from outside the window, casting him in an extraordinarily cold glow.

I hear my heart beating out of control, and even my breathing becomes messy.

While I’m panicking on stage, the audience is calm.

It is unclear if he has recognised me or not.

A mixture of shyness and embarrassment flood my head. I use my remaining willpower to grasp my reason, turning around to finish the final half of the catwalk.

The gaze that follows my back carries a certain warmth, making my ears turn red.

~

After the fashion shows ends, I can hardly wait to head backstage to change out of my outfit, but I’m stopped.

Artistic Director: This outfit suits you! The celebratory dinner is about to begin, so there’s no time to change.

I look at the time and resignedly admit that he’s right.

After taking a quick break backstage, MC returns to the venue. She’s unable to recognize who anybody is because of the masks

Just as she wonders if Victor has left, she spots him in the crowd…

His head is lowered while he talks to a model. She is wearing a skirt similar to mine and is wearing the exact same mask. As though they are talking about a common interest, he smiles.

An inexplicable emotion overflows from my heart.

Victor seems to have sensed something, and he turns his head in my direction.

I hurriedly lower my head and hide behind someone’s back. I inch away slowly.

MC: Why do I even need to avoid him?

She decides to go back, but the Artistic Director stuffs a glass of red wine into her hand and asks her to celebrate together with the group

Because people keep offering her toasts, she eventually finishes the entire glass

MC: I will… leave for a while. Please continue.

I find a random excuse and stagger to an empty corner. My head feels dizzy, as though someone had twirled me around in circles.

Several thoughts run through my mind: Why did Victor appear? Did he see the message I sent? Is he waiting for me? Why was he talking to someone else – did he mistake her for me?

The more my mind wanders, the more I’m unable to control my heart, and it bubbles like champagne from an open bottle.

MC: I should change out of this outfit, then look for him…

I shut my eyes, my mind working especially slowly in my drunken state.

The music from the hall becomes modified, and the weird series of notes makes me forget what the original song was.

In my dazed and hazy state, I sense someone coming towards me. A nearing warmth suddenly appears in the ice-cold air.  

Victor: What are you hiding here for?

A deep voice enters my ear. I am compelled to call out his name, but I’m unable to tear myself away from this dream-like drunkenness.

Victor: You’ve been drinking?  

A familiar scent is within reach, unhappy with the mildest resistance.

Searing fingers lift my chin. Slightly rough fingertips brush my skin. In my dazed state, I tremble involuntarily.

Victor: Are you okay?

A low voice accompanied by warm breaths descend on my ears and bare shoulders, making my back go weak.

With no time to think, I reach out to push away this warmth that messes with my senses and heartbeat.

I open my eyes unhappily, and the person in front of me looks like an illusion, swaying in my vision. He is basked in a heavy shadow, and I can’t see him properly.

MC: Victor?

Am I dreaming? Or is this an illusion caused by drinking?

Victor: You can still recognize me?  

One hand is pressed against the wall, trapping me between the space between him and the wall.

The light muslin of the curtain swishes in the wind. I follow the movement of his fingers and lift my head, as though I’m a prey that has fallen into a web.

Why is the Victor I hallucinated not gentle at all?

I look at him, my mind still imagining things. The playfulness that I usually suppress suddenly bubbles to the surface.

My tone is laced with boldness when I think about how he might have confused someone else for me earlier.

MC: Have you gotten the wrong person?

Victor: Hm? What are you trying to do?

Victor arches an eyebrow, the slight huskiness in his voice stirring the heart.

I suppress my accelerating heartbeat and continue this performance to the end.

MC: I never thought CEO Victor would make time to attend these types of fashion dinner events. Are you on a date with a beautiful woman?

Even I myself fail to realise how sour my tone sounds.

Victor purses his lips and does not respond. The warm light sharpens his features, making him appear slightly cold.

If it were a typical day, I would have backed down. But under the influence of alcohol, my boldness has grown, and I even feel wronged.

MC: Why aren’t you saying anything?

Victor: What do you want me to say?

He lets go, the corner of his lips raised. The sense of resignation he exudes carries with it a tinge of tenderness. 

I stare at him in a daze, telling him what is in my heart.

MC: You look good when you smile.

This time, Victor is the one who looks at me in surprise. He doesn’t speak, waiting for me to continue.

As though enchanted by his charm, I smile and reach out for his palm, happily asking him a question.

MC: Victor, let’s dance!

Victor: You still want to dance in such a drunken state?

MC: Yes! I… I’m amazing at it!

While saying this, I raise his hand up high and twirl gracefully in front of him. After that, I toss him a provocative look.

Victor: You win.

Just when I thought he would reject me, he places his hand on the small of my back and applies pressure to it, gently closing the distance between us.

Music from the hall travels to this corner where nobody would disturb us - mellifluous, romantic, and gentle. Even the aura surrounding Victor turns tender.  

My steps are light and messy, but in the space within his arms, our Waltz carries on steadily.

I lift my head to look at his expression and meet his especially deep and serious eyes.

It’s as though they own the entire cosmos.

They continue dancing, and MC tries but fails to hide her smile.

Victor: You no longer step on people’s feet when you dance now.  

Taking two seconds longer than usual to respond, I raise my head and respond arrogantly.

MC: That’s a given! It’s because I have a good teacher, and I am a good student!

Victor: A good student… you’re not wrong.

Victor lets out a low laugh. The magnetic sound has a crispness to it.

I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol or his breath, but whenever I turn or when we draw near to each other, my breathing becomes increasingly hurried.

Even before the song ends, I have already stopped my movements.

MC: I don’t want to dance any more, I’m feeling very dizzy!

Victor furrows his eyebrows and releases a sigh.

Victor: If you’re feeling dizzy, stop moving about. I’ll bring something over for you to sober up.

MC: Don’t go-

Seeing that he is about to leave, I quickly grab hold of his sleeve, then stand on my toes and lean in, stopping just a few centimeters from his face.

A faint smell of alcohol mingles in our breaths, but it isn’t a bad smell.  

A darkness flits across Victor’s eyes. His breathing is deep and steady, but it quickens slightly.

I hold onto and observe him for a while, then open my mouth with hesitance.

MC: Are you really Victor?

Victor’s face blackens.

Victor: Then who do you think I am?

MC: Oh, this tone is really like Victor’s!

I duck my neck, letting go of his sleeve reluctantly. I sit next to the window obediently and watch him as he leaves.

MC slowly starts to sober up:

Victor: What’s wrong now?

The sudden voice pulls me back to reality. I turn my head to see that Victor has returned. I suddenly realise — it truly is Victor.

It’s neither a dream nor a hallucination. I really asked Victor to dance with me for no reason at all!

Victor: There’s only honey water. Drink this first.

MC: …I think you’ve got the wrong person. So sorry about that, my alcohol tolerance isn’t that good!!

Victor lapses into a short silence. The gaze he is shooting me with very clearly spells the word “idiot”.

I slowly recall that I had already used this “wrong person” phrase before, so I cover my face with my hands.  

MC: …I was just kidding.

I laugh in embarrassment, looking at Victor’s expression through the spaces between my fingers. He seems to be a little angry, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m drunk or because of the words I just said.

Victor: You think I wouldn’t be able to recognize you?

There is a bright flash of danger in his eyes. Borrowing the leftover courage from my drunken stupor, I mutter incredibly softly.

[Note: The word “danger” might seem odd, but it’s the literal translation of the term used (”危险”)]

MC: Weren’t you talking to a girl who was dressed like me just now?

Victor: What girl?

Victor pauses for a few seconds, then seems to recall who I was talking about.

Victor: You’ve been vexed about this issue all this time?

MC: Not really vexed. Just a little…

Victor: Is there an issue if I asked the staff where you were? It’s all because someone went missing after sending me a message.

My eyes widen. The tone of Victor’s voice changes.

Victor: Is that why you went into hiding after seeing me?

MC: This, um, there’s a reason for that.

Victor’s eyebrows arch in interest as he waits for me to continue.

At this moment, my stomach suddenly lets out a weird noise.

MC: Ha, haha…

I cover my empty stomach and let out two embarrassed chokes of laughter.

Victor: You haven’t eaten anything tonight?

MC: I ate a small bun. If I ate too much, I wouldn’t look nice in this skirt.

Victor sizes me up with his gaze. I’ve long since forgotten that I initially didn’t want him to see this outfit. I even continue complaining.

MC: These high heels are very high and my toes hurt. The necklace is very heavy and my neck is about to snap off. Ah, this is the price of beauty!

Victor: Do you like this style?

For some reason, I suddenly sense a dangerous aura, so I quickly respond.

[Note: Again, I personally feel “danger” is too strong a term, but it’s the literal translation of the term used (”危险”)]

MC: I don’t. If it weren’t for the sudden accident, I wouldn’t have been roped into the fashion show!

Victor: In future, don’t agree to these sorts of things.

MC: Mm, I wouldn’t do such things again next time!

I nod my head immediately. Seeing his expression become warmer, I release a sigh of relief.

Victor: Next time, don’t drink. Learn how to reject when too many people offer you a toast.

Victor hands me the glass. I gulp it down obediently, and the sweetness on my tongue dispels the bitterness of the wine.

Victor steps closer to me, his hand moving to the back of my neck. It is only when his fingers brush against the skin on my neck that I think of dodging.  

Victor: Don’t move.

With a sweep of his gaze, I dare not move.

MC: What are you doing?

I ask softly. He doesn’t respond, lowering his head and patiently unhooking the necklace.

His breath descends on my eyelashes, and I can’t help but blink a few times. Yet, I don’t want to tear my gaze from his face.

The pressure on my neck becomes lighter. I lower my head and see that Victor has removed the heavy necklace in front of my chest, putting it at the side.

Victor: Let’s go and eat.

With this, Victor pulls me in preparation to leave.

MC: Can I have your cooking?!

Just when I think he is about to reject me, he turns to me and nods.

Victor: Sure.

My eyes light up. The moment I think of listing down a series of delicacies I wish to eat, I immediately recall an issue.

Victor: What’s wrong? You haven’t thought about what to eat?

My face crumples as I struggle between the choices of having delicacies or work. Logic triumphs in the end.

MC: I’m one of the persons-in-charge, so I have to wait for the whole event to end before I can leave.

I feel like crying while saying this. While I look at Victor, I can only feel my delicacy sprouting wings and flying away.

Victor: Since I already made a promise, I won’t go back on my word.  

MC: Really? Then let’s make a pinky promise!

I stretch my finger out in front of Victor and stare at him in anticipation.

He lifts his hand, not to hook my pinky, but to give my forehead a gentle flick.

Victor: Childish.

I pout while covering my forehead. It is only now that I see a mask. Recalling how Victor looked when he had his mask on, I hurriedly go over to take it.

MC: I’ll help you put it on!

I stand on my tiptoes, raising both arms as I help Victor wear the black mask.

Victor doesn’t move and lets me put the mask on for him. I didn’t realise that my entire body was basically pressed against his.

The black mask gives Victor a different kind of colour, mystery and unpredictability.

The deep eyes beneath the mask are comparable to the darkest hour of night, and like a vortex that can swallow me up whole.

I’m left dazzled, and yet also instinctively feel like avoiding them due to the danger within.

MC: This way, you wouldn’t be recognized by other people! I’ll be the only one who can recognize you.

I accidentally let the words in my heart spill out. My voice is very soft and contented.

Victor: And you still say you aren’t a dummy.

MC: How am I stupid! I…

I retort, but my words are forgotten once I notice Victor’s tender gaze.

This moment feels like an imagination. His voice clearly and steadily enters my world.

Victor: If you can recognize me, why do you think I wouldn’t be able to recognize you? All you have to know is that in my eyes, you are different from other people.

I let Victor take my hand as we walk into the crowd. The light outlines his profile.

In this strange world created by my remaining stupor, only Victor is real. 

In this gorgeous masquerade, nobody knows who lies under the mask.

At this moment, everyone is immersed in opulence.

Under the masks, no one looks like their original selves. 

But he is still himself, and she is still herself.

Two genuine hearts are mutually drawn to each other, and draw nearer to each other.

🍷

Calls: First // Second

[diamond-seventeen]

Mine [Wonwoo]

a/n: it’s been almost a year since i posted again what!!! i was happy to write again, even if it’s not my best <3 my requests are still open, so please send in some one shots!

words: 1.2k genre: fluff

summary: you and your idol boyfriend go on a variety show together after announcing your relationship to fans

Stepping out of the black car, you felt your heart do a somersault; whether it was with nerves or excitement, you couldn’t quite distinguish. A small smile found its way to your lips when a familiar face rounded from the other side of the vehicle, and just by looking into his eyes you could tell he was feeling the same ambivalence. “Wonwoo,” you breathed, allowing him to pull you closer to him and slide his arm around your shoulders as you began to walk into the TV station building.

He looked down into your eyes, his gaze comforting yet playful as you strode down the corridor, your strides falling into unison. “Nervous?” he asked, his eyebrow quirked.

“And you’re not?” you replied jokingly.

When you had decided to become an idol, you had always intended to keep the world of your career and that of your private life separate. For other singers who had come before you, the collision of those two worlds had seemed to always come with scandals and problems which could seriously damage the dream which they had only just began to build.

Despite those intentions, when you had met Wonwoo backstage at a music show three years earlier, you knew you couldn’t live up to the objectives you’d set yourself. He’d been so warm from the first word he uttered to you, inviting you to chat with him and his other twelve members after noticing you were stood by yourself. Having been a newly debuted solo artist during that time, his efforts to make you feel comfortable had grasped your heartstrings and refused to let them go.

Despite your light hearted actions, your boyfriend squeezed your arm reassuringly as you reached the waiting room. “The fans’ reaction to the dating announcement was a lot better than we expected,” he reminded you, carefully combing your hair away from your face with his slender fingers as you sat down in a chair. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, just be yourself.” You leaned into his gentle touch, your face cupped in his large hand, looking up through your eyelashes to peer at his beautiful face. He was right. Rather frustratingly, he was always right. The fact that you’d been invited onto a variety show with your boyfriend after the news of your relationship came out was evidence in itself that he was right. As your eyes grazed across his features, his obsidian eyes and the imperfections of his skin, you realised you didn’t need to fret. With him by your side, what did you have to worry about?

-

Before you knew it, you were stood onto the set. It was strangely familiar – although you had never been on this variety show before, you’d grown up watching it so it was a bizarre feeling to be stood amongst the environment. You politely greeted the host and camera crew, then made your way to the spot beside Wonwoo. Smiling shyly at him, you exchanged glances of encouragement and adoration. The director was just about to announce the start of the shoot when Wonwoo suddenly stood up. “Sorry,” he said, “but would it be possible to get a blanket for ___’s lap? It’ll be more comfortable for them.” Looking down at yourself, you realised that your outfit was indeed rather short and you struggled to hide the blush that dusted your cheeks at his public display of concern for you.

It was the first time you and Wonwoo’s connection had been put under pressure in such a way and you had to admit that your chemistry was through the roof, even more so than you had thought. Although you had both been nervous and unsure of what to expect, both the interviews and games were going smoothly. When it was time to play truth or dare, both you and your boyfriend were feeling significantly more relaxed.

Wonwoo picked out a coloured piece of paper from a container prepared by the crew and opened it secretly, turning his body away from you but never straying too far away. “Ah,” he chuckled embarrassedly, before showing the slip of paper to the camera. It read, ‘Who progressed the relationship from friendship to romance?’. “I’ll answer this one,” he announced, clearing his throat nervously and stealing a glance at your amused expression. “We’d become good friends after meeting on at a music broadcast, but I almost immediately had thoughts about taking it further… so I invited ___ to the company building when I was writing lyrics.” The memory brought a smile to your face. Although Wonwoo’s personality was generally on the relaxed side, that particular day he had been acting so tense and jittery; it had crossed your mind that perhaps he didn’t like you and was trying to find a moment to let you down considerately, hence his unusual behaviour.

Wonwoo continued his recount. “The whole point of inviting her was to tell her my feelings, but I was so nervous that I kept hesitating. Eventually, when we went out to get some air, I just said it… And now we’re here.” The small, embarrassed smile Wonwoo shone in your direction sent your heart into a frenzy; was it possible to adore someone so much? This was the first time you’d heard your boyfriend’s perspective of that day, and hearing his gentle voice speak those words, while a shy blush blossomed on the apples of his cheeks, you were sure you’d fallen in love with him all over again.

After the crew had cooed over the story, leaving you and Wonwoo rather bashful, the show continued. You had picked out a dare to dance to a boy group song which you didn’t know, so Wonwoo courteously taken your punishment of a flick on the forehead for you. There was also a game in which you had to listen to music and read the other’s lips to guess the word they were saying; Wonwoo had later told you it was too distracting to stare at your lips and not act upon his impulses while others were around and the camera was rolling. You’d hit him in the arm playfully.

-

After the shoot, you returned to your shared apartment and quickly moved to fall onto the bed, letting out a tired sigh. Wonwoo was almost instantaneously by your side, tucking his head into the crook of your neck. You could smell his shampoo and the lingering scent of the cologne he always used. This was the scent that reminded you of home. “I’m nervous for people to see it,” you confessed, your voice quiet as not to disturb the calm atmosphere.

Wonwoo lifted his head and rested his arms on either side of your head, his face hovering above yours. His eyes searched yours. “Why? It went well, right?”

You hummed in agreement. “But we’ve been a secret for so many years. It’s going to be strange, you know… People seeing us as a couple.”

“I’m glad people will see us like that,” he stated. “Because then everyone will know you’re mine.” He grinned and closed the small distance between the two of you, pressing his lips to each part of your face; your forehead, your temples, your cheeks, the tip of your nose, before finally pressing them lovingly to your lips. And you were really glad that he was yours too.

[nclkafilms]

Looking at life from both sides

(Review of ‘CODA’ watched on the 31st of January 2022)

In the beginning of 2021, Sian Heder's 'CODA' became an instant crowd pleaser at Sundance taking home both the director, grand jury and audience award as well as a record breaking acquisition by Apple. Yet, I remember seeing people asking whether it would just fall in the slipstream of 'Sound of Metal' and be overlooked come the 2022 awards season due to the surprising success of Metal during last year's season. Luckily, that's not the case. CODA is still here, there and everywhere. Along with 'Sound of Metal' it is another great example of how to make films about marginalised groups with its focus on a fishing family of four in which Emilia Jones' Ruby is the only hearing member, making her a 'child of deaf adults' or CODA. The awards success of CODA (so far) shows that it's more than just a sweet, heartwarming coming-of-age film, but how come?

The film starts at sea, where we see Ruby with her family on their trawler. She sings loudly (to Etta James’ ‘Something’s Got A hold On Me’); her father and brother are there, but being deaf they never hear her singing. In a way she's singing for someone while singing all on her own. As she starts her last year in high school, the presence of fellow student Miles makes her pick Choir class, because as she says to her friend "I sing all the time”, but is it really Miles that draws her there? This is where her personal journey starts; the journey towards a future in music, a future driven by her own dreams. Dreams that are fuelled by her teacher, Mr. V, who offers to tutor her ahead of applying to a music college. Simultaneously, the fishermen in town - including Ruby's family - are hit by increasing demands, falling prices and bureaucracy. Challenges that only are bigger when you are forced to have a hearing member onboard. A job that can “only” be done by Ruby being the only hearing member of the family business. It's here, in the family drama that CODA both hits all coming-of-age clichés and ends up finding its overpowering strength.

One very big reason why it succeeds in spite of doing everything by the book, is due to some amazing performances from its main cast. Especially from Emilia Jones as Ruby & Troy Kotsur as her father, Frank. Jones not only sings like an angel, she also shows some true acting talent as she balances the feelings of Ruby with a fitting subtlety. She is in one way your everyday teenager caught in the middle of figuring out who you want to be and what love is while battling with embarrassing parents and an unreasoned self-doubt. On the other hand, she is - as part of a marginalised family who don't get or seek a lot of help and understanding from society - very much grown up with huge responsibilities. Jones caught me off guard with her charming, touching and fragile performance, that in my opinion deserves more awards attention than it ended up getting. And boy, her version of Joni Mitchell's 'Both Sides Now' is one of the musical highlights of 2021 as a film year (which included some big musical films!). That she had to learn both singing, sign language and trawling for the film only makes her performance more impressive.

Kotsur, deaf himself, is no stranger to Hollywood. However, his turn as Frank here seems like a late career kick starter with plenty of awards focus coming his way with an Oscar nomination the latest in his hat - fully deserved, that is. He gets quite a few big laughs as the embarrassing parent whether it is when arriving at Ruby’s school blasting heavy gangster rap from the car’s speakers so he can feel the bass or his suggestive sign language when Miles is at home with Ruby practising for the first time. His humour landed perfectly with me, but he is just as good when he has to be dramatic. Two scenes in particular stands out for me: when he finally “speaks up” at a council meeting letting all his frustrations go. Even though Ruby does the talking, Kotsur embodies all Frank’s frustrations as a businessman who is unfairly treated, as a father who tries to keep his family together, and as a marginalised person in an environment where he has never felt fully included. The other scene is when he asks Ruby to sing for him, so he can feel her singing. This scene was one of the most touching of the film - in particular because of Kotsur’s very fine work. The connection between Frank and Ruby in this scene feels so natural, so real.

That is in general how I would describe the family portrait in CODA: natural and real. Apart from Jones and Kotsur the family is made up of previous Oscar winner Marlee Matlin as Jackie (the mother) and Daniel Durant as Leo (the older brother) - both, like Kotsur, are deaf in real life. Matlin as Jackie has the least to do of the four, but she gets to shine in some scenes; as a mother realising her daughter is growing up and might fly away on her own journey and as someone who hides away from her surroundings in fear of not fitting in. Daniel Durant as Ruby’s bigger brother, Leo, really gets to be more than just the annoying bigger brother as the film takes its turns. Durant gets to highlight some of the most fascinating dilemmas of Ruby and the family’s situation. Is he good enough? Can he be the help to the family that he wants to be and maybe feel obliged to be as the oldest child? His reactions towards Ruby as she struggles to pick her right path are both hard-hitting and understandable. I actually believed the family bond between the four of them; one of the film’s strongest assets. Finally, Eugenio Derbez as music teacher, Bernardo Villalobos, grows throughout the film and ends up a stronger character than the initially indicated (classic) caricature of a music teacher. The chemistry between Ruby and Miles (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo) is lovely, but their storyline is still the weakest and most bland aspect of the film.

It is, however, in the family bond and drama between Ruby, Leo, Jackie and Frank that the film soars. This is in many ways due to an unequivocal realism and authenticity. Naturally, Kotsur, Matlin and Durant adds a layer of authenticity to their roles by being deaf actors - something the original French film (on which this is based) was criticised for not having. It is clear that some of their characters’ frustrations, emotions and actions are relatable to them and it suits the film and their performances. The second reason for the film’s authenticity is the work of writer and director Sian Heder, who were adamant that the film needed to put more focus on Ruby’s family and cast deaf actors for all deaf roles, while also having CODA’s and the deaf community heavily involved in her adaptation of the French original. She has done a very good job delivering a tight and heartwarming screenplay that manages to tell us just enough about the family, its individual members and the other individuals surrounding Ruby for us to understand their actions and emotions while steering free from over-explaining and over-indulging on the obvious tear-jerker material in place.   

While the acting, writing and directing are of the finer work in 2021, the film is somewhat lacklustre in its audio-visual visions. Perhaps in particular when it comes to the visual visions it falls flat; the cinematography is bland and to some extent the film’s visual style have some tv movie vibes. As previously mentioned, the film knows all the typical “needs” of a coming-of-age-film and it ticks nearly every box: a troubling love interest, a dilemma between following your own dreams and doing what is expected of you, embarrassing and troubling family relations, a close friend offering some comic relief and an inspirational figure to spur the dream initially. It’s all here and as such it is almost a paint-by-numbers example of this genre always balancing on the edge of corniness. Something I’m typically slightly allergic towards.

So how come it works so well anyway? Ultimately it is down to a combination of the stunning performances from the main cast, the empathetic directing and writing from Sian Heder and a brilliant soundtrack featuring a fitting score from Marius de Vries and some very well-picked songs performed beautifully by Emilia Jones in particular. The actors find their way to your heartstrings thanks to their natural chemistry, subtlety and nuanced emotions. Heder has managed to create a story about a marginalised family that gains its power and value by first and foremost presenting us with a view into their family life - it is the family tensions, drama and decisions that drive their story while never losing track of their marginalised reality. The latter never becomes a dominating or forced factor, though, and thus CODA never does to its subject matter what society so often does; it never marginalises the challenges the family faces nor the value they have to their surroundings. To me, that is why CODA ends up as the authentic, touching and empathetic film experience that is. 

4/5

[saylors-universe]

All Hands on Deck, one

Rowaelin Cruise Vacation AU

Masterlist here

rowaelin cruise ship vacation AU

word count: 1661

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You did WHAT!" Aelin screams over the phone. If she wasnʻt currently visiting her cousin in Terrasen, she would be in Elide and Manonʻs apartment, conducting this band meeting. But of course the Gods deemed her worthy of divine punishment – for what, she has no clue.

"Come on Ae,” Elide pleads over the call, "think of it as an engagement gift for Lorcan and I."

"Okay one, I planned on getting YOU something, not that dick boyfriend of yours. And two, this is a job, not a present,” Aelin hisses. Remembering that she hadnʻt yet congratulated Elide on the very recent news.

Elide had grown up with Aelin and Aedion, pretty much being adopted into the family as another cousin. Aelin had witnessed all of the trials Elide had endured – maybe she was cursed by the Gods too.

"Fiance. Heʻs my dick fiance now,” Elide interrupts her train of thought, "and I donʻt know what happened with you two but heʻs honestly the sweetest and most caring guy ever,” getting cut off by Aelinʻs cackle on the other end of the line.

"To you maybe,” Aelin snorts, “god, if only you had gone to our high school Elide. Lorcan was such an ass to me and -," she caught herself, choking on his name.

"Rowan?" Elide blurts out, trying to fill the awkward silence.

"Ye- how did y-," Aelin snaps, somewhat defensive. She knew Elide didnʻt understand the painful memories that came with that certain name.

"Lorcan told me about you guys,” Elide corroborates, “you know he resented you two for what you guys had,”

Ha! Aelin thought to herself, Lorcan, jealous? That doesnʻt excuse the asshole personality of his.

“he told me he had finally found that kind of love with me, and thatʻs when he knew I was the one and started planning the proposal." Aelin was happy for Elide, genuinely, and it is because of her love for the plainly beautiful brunette that she tolerates the prick.

Lorcan envied our relationship?

Quick memories of a silver head past love of hers crossed her mind without permission. Midnight drives where theyʻd sing songs theyʻd wrote for each other, a summer class trip across Europe where they shared their first "I love youʻs" in the late, romanticly lantern-lit streets of Rome. As quickly as they came, she banished them once again.

"Anyways," Elide continues, "itʻs a vacation, with only a few gigs. I mean weʻd only need to perform a couple of nights and the rest of the time is ours...

Plus, I managed to get the cruise director to upgrade our rooms for a small cut in our pay.”

She was met with silence, "Come on Aelin, Lys and Manon have already started packing,” Elide begs.

It was a great deal Aelin had to admit. A 21-day cruise trip, not only was it technically free for them, but they would actually be paid doing what they love - performing. She could see it now - Queenʻs Court live from the Great Seas.

They were a fairly new band but had already made some traction, making a name for themselves and enjoying the love from their wild fanbase. It would be nice to get away for a little while, Aelin contemplates. She canʻt remember the last time she did something crazy fun with her girls, besides their small concerts. It couldnʻt hurt.

"Alright, fine," she concedes. She doesnʻt quite know why she had been so hostile and reluctant to this great opportunity. It may have something to do with how she had always been the one to spring the surprise master plan on her friends, finally on the receiving end of it felt weird. "but you know I get seasick."

"Weʻll get you some of those seasickness patches,” Elide counters just as Lysandra snags the phone.

“Hey bitch,” their term of endearment, “is my hot ass boyfriend there with you?”

“Yeah one sec,” Aelin answers then pulls the phone away from her face to yell to her cousin in the other room. “AEDION, LYS AND I ARE HAVING PHONE SEX!”

Her twin of a cousin suddenly appears, putting the phone on speaker and taking a seat next to her on his living room couch. “Trying to steal my girlfriend are you?” He teases, sticking out his tongue to Aelin. “Whatʻs up baby?”

“Aedion weʻre going on a trip, a romantic cruise vacation, and before you say no, I already talked to Darrow and blackmailed him into giving you a month on leave,” Lysandra reveals over the phone. Aelinʻs fairly handsome cousin raises a brow in question to her, “so I expect to see both of you packed and ready at Wendlyn port at the end of the week,” Lys demands.

“Yes maʻam,” Aedion complies. The poor man was so whipped by the dazzling woman, he would follow her to the depths of hell. Aelin was glad they found eachother, they both deserve to be happy.

“Good. I just got new thongs today that I want to show you. Ooh! And we can try those new posit-,” Lys continues not realizing that she is on speaker. Aelin, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, looks over to see Aedionʻs reddened cheeks and wide eyes.

“HERE. Iʻm still here!” Aelin gawks before she overhears any more of this intimate and awkward conversation. “Get a room you two.”

Lysandra chuckles, “how about a romantic cabin suite. Gosh Iʻm so excited, this is going to be so much fun,” Lysandra beams. And just like that Queenʻs Court packed their bags and instruments, preparing to embark on this new adventure.

——————————————————————————

Something had to be wrong, Lorcan never calls band meetings. Rowan internally reviewed every conversation heʻs had with the rigid bandmate of his to determine a possible source of this abrupt meeting. He recalled that Lorcan had just recently proposed to his girlfriend that he never talks about, is it possible for it to have gone awry? If so, why would he feel the need to share it with the band, heʻs normally super private? No, something else had to be wrong. Rowan got situated on the couch, across from the twins, Fenrys and Connal, perplexed by the expression on the standing drumerʻs face.

Was that a smirk? Rowan had never seen Lorcanʻs genuine smile in all the years he had known him. It had been hard enough to get the man to talk about his personal life, let alone express his feelings. Itʻs a miracle that somehow this girlfriend of his had cracked through his thick walls.

"Alright boys," Lorcan opens, "I got us a gig."

"Uh- isnʻt that Gavrielʻs job" the normally quiet Connal pitches in.

And from the rare, conspicuous grin on Lorcanʻs face, Rowan deduced that their booking agent Gavriel was just recently informed of this sudden plan of Lorcan's and took care of all the details himself.

"What is it?" the other twin, Fenrys, chimes in.

"A tour ... overseas. Really itʻs actually 3 weeks of vacation, on a cruise, and a few nights of shows,” Lorcan tells the group, “the cruise line hasnʻt been getting as much traffic as they normally do so they thought a popular band for entertainment would bring in some audience."

For Lorcan, not only was this input very abnormal, but also pretty genius. Not only would it be like their normal concerts with the generous pay, ambitious audience, and regular groupies that followed them anywhere - but they also would get a few weeks of vacation and free food. It would be nice to travel again and get out of Doranelle for a little bit, Rowan imagined.

"3 weeks of hot chicks in bikinis, music, AND alcohol,” Fenrys smiled, “thatʻs all you had to say,” as he looks to the remaining bandmates, “weʻre in.”

"Well hold on a minute,” Rowan interjects, “whatʻs the catch?"

"No catch really, except weʻre not the only entertainment. We trade off nights with Elideʻs band. You see, weʻre planning this whole thing as an engagement/honeymoon trip because of both our tour schedules."

Rowan has never seen Lorcan this content and happy in all their years of friendship. Itʻs nice to see how much heʻs changed from their high school days. Godʻs Lorcan used to be such an ass to him and -. Before he knew what was happening images of her perfect blonde hair, strikingly beautiful turquoise gold eyes flashed across his mind. The sound of her laugh rung through his brain - the first time he heard that laugh he completely lost himself to her. Catching himself – he buried those memories deep down and focused his attention back on their current band meeting.

“Elideʻs in a band?” Fenrys inquired. Lorcan didnʻt share much about his girlfriend – now fiance I guess – he had always been very private about his life, even back during high school.

“Yeah, the Queenʻs Court, theyʻre pretty good, from what Iʻve heard so far – itʻs just El and a couple of her girlfriends” – like Aelin Galanthynius, Lorcan thought to himself.

Lorcan had worked hard to block his youth from memory, completely forgetting about his high school years. That was until Elide introduced him to her bandmates, and he was confronted by the very Aelin Galanthynius he bullied during school. He regrets all of his torment towards her now, but while not knowing if Aelin would be able to forgive him, he makes an effort to be civil towards the blonde nusiance, for Elideʻs sake.

“Sweet, a battle of the bands, you boys up for a little competition?” Fenrys proposes to the group, the three men just shrug. Taking the hint, Fenrys continues, “So what do you say boys? Will The Cadre take stage on the open seas? All in favor say ʻayʻ”

“Ay” “Ay” “I planned this fucking thing so obviously,”

After a few soft chuckles, Lorcan nods, “Then itʻs settled. See you boys at the docks,” as he ushers off quickly to his fiance in Wendlyn.

.......................

If you would like to be added to my tog taglist, just send me a message and lmk :)

All Hands on Deck taglist:

@smalltddygothgf @booksbqueen @underworldboxers @live-the-fangirl-life​ @booknerdproblems​ @rowaelinismyotp​ 

[irwinkitten]

you can’t stop | a.i

notes: so this was an idea that came up when i first started screaming to @spicycal​ about broadway!ash and then i spiralled because i started listening to the hairspray soundtrack and said the magical words ‘my head has got ashton playing link in hairspray and my mind won't shut!! up!!' and honestly it was one of the first things i started screaming at sarah about and it’s how we became friends because we’re musical nerds (read: clowns) and this idea wouldn’t leave me alone thus this was born. (also there is a part two in the works!) pairing: broadway!ash x plus sized female!reader warnings: a few swears but that’s it? word count: 2.3k

donate to my ko-fi

-

When you stepped into rehearsals on the first day, it took some time to fully register that you were the leading lady of the show and not just a background character. You knew that today was all about breaking the ice, so to speak. 

You knew that over the years, your sense of humour had developed because of the kids you’d grown up with, the people who still made you feel uncomfortable about your weight, and you had turned it back on them.

So when they got to you, you grinned as you gave them your name and who you were playing.

“Don’t know if the extra weight gave it away, but I’m playing Tracey Turnblad. This is my first time as a lead character and the only way I break ice is by jumping on it.” It took a full second before the other actors started laughing, the director wearing a short grin as the atmosphere relaxed.

It was certainly more easier on your nerves than you’d anticipated because everyone had laughed and you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding as the others introduced themselves.

And then your eyes fell onto the final person.

“My name’s Ashton, feel free to call me Ash. Can you guess who I’m going to be playing? Although, unlike our leading lady, it could be a difficult guess.” And for the first time in your career, you wanted to punch that stupid self satisfied smug look off his face. 

A few people tittered nervously, but you just snorted in response. You’d heard worse from directors.

‘You only have to deal with him for the next two years.’ You told yourself firmly. 

The first ten weeks were rehearsals. Normally it would’ve been six weeks, but since it was an entirely new cast, the producer had opted for the extra time to help the cast bond since this show run was going to be two years to start with. Opening night was far enough away that you could surprise your family, since you’d kept this job quiet from them.

As you began the warm ups, the director—who had introduced himself as Evan—moved you front and centre. 

“Right, I want to start off with your vocal range. We’ll have other duets fall in as we change the songs but keep it to mostly your songs before we move to ensemble. Once we know the ranges of you lot, our lovely composer Brian,” he waved out to the man who was leaning against one of the walled mirrors in the studio, “will be able to figure out if we need to change any songs.”

It wasn’t so much as brutal, but it put you through your paces. You realised quickly that this was certainly going to be a welcome challenge for you.

Ashton remained smug throughout his parts and it took everything in you to not slap the silly smirk off his face when it got to your duets. But you resisted, matching him pace for pace which surprised him.

When the first break hit, you were feeling warm as you took some water and the actress playing Maybelle—Jace—stepped up to you, braids piled up on her head as she lifted her water bottle in a toast to you. 

“So, first time being the leading lady, huh?” And you smiled. 

“I’ve been working as just an ensemble cast member for the last few years. I jumped at the chance for the audition with Evan and when I got the call back, I knew it was gonna be what I needed.” You shared a grin with Jace. 

A few other cast members came up to you. It was when the one who was playing Amber bounced over, her blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail, bouncing with her movements. 

It took you a second to remember her name was Cassie. 

“So you’re going to be my enemy for the foreseeable future.” Her tone was teasing, the grin on her lips disarming you for a second. 

“I mean, I guess?” You felt confused and she grinned. 

“Reckon we can be friends?” This had you relaxing instantly. 

“Don’t see the harm in that. And maybe when you’re in character you can teach Irwin good manners.” Cassie laughed as she slung her arm across your shoulders and looped her other with Jace’s 

“That man might be a good actor but if you get him to learn some good manners I think the gods would bless you.” 

When the day finished, both Cassie and Jace were convincing you to come out with them for drinks. And despite the hesitation, you couldn’t say no to their pleading faces.

“Is your place close by?” Cassie finally asked and you could feel a smile settle on your lips. 

“If you’ve already got stuff to change into, we can get ready at my apartment?” The offer was met with an immediate agreement, both girls split from you and began inviting others to the night out. 

You’d made fast friends with both of them by the time you were dressed up with a splash of makeup on. As the three of you left, it felt nice as you laughed at Cassie’s imitation of Ashton. 

“Hi, I’m Ashton Irwin and I’m a cocky son of a bitch who doesn’t like meeting new people.” Her tone and pitch had the two of you cracking up as you waited for the lift. When Cassie had pitched the invite to him, he’d rolled his eyes and told her that he had better plans. It certainly hadn’t endeared him to her with that.

It took barely ten minutes but by the time you reached the club where a lot of the cast were waiting, excitement began to ooze through your body. 

“First round of shots are on me!” You called out to the group, earning excited yells as you all headed in. 

With Cassie’s help—since she knew how many people there were—you got the order in and toasted to the lot of them. 

“May these runs lead up to incredible shows!” With the shot knocked back, Jace was quick to pull you to the floor, the music loud as the two of you danced the night away with the rest of the cast members.

—

You were furious. Beyond furious with Ashton.

He’d crossed a line. To embarrass you in such a way in front of so many directors, it hurt. 

When you got to rehearsals the following morning, your anger hadn’t abated. Jace wisely kept her own counsel as you changed into what you’d dubbed as your rehearsal outfit. Loose fitted tee-shirt and black leggings. 

“You realise that it’s final scenes today?” Jace had quietly commented, her eyes concerned and you could feel your temper bubble. 

“I can be civil with him when we’re on stage. But off stage? All bets are off.” You snapped, slamming your locker shut and making your way through. She fell silent, casting a worried glance with Cassie before they headed onto the stage.

You hadn’t even made it to the stage when a hand grasped your shoulder, pulling you deeper into the wings of the stage, further away from your castmates. Your fury ignited at the audacity of Ashton.

“Look, about last night-” he started, his voice quiet.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Irwin.” You snapped back, cutting him off as you yanked your arm free from his grip. His shock at your reaction stunned him silent. 

“What? Nothing to say to me? Nothing to say to me after you embarrassed me in front of every big fucking name in the industry? Nothing to say to me after saying that my family shouldn’t bother for opening night since I’m going to mess it up?” You didn’t bother keeping your voice down. The director knew you and Ashton didn’t get along well, but you were able to work with him. 

“I just wanted to say-” He tried again but you cut him off.

“You wanted to say what, exactly? That you’re sorry? I don’t want your fucking apology. It’s worthless. You could be the king of fucking england and I still won’t give you my time or attention anymore, unless it’s directly related to work. Now back off.” You snapped, pulling away completely and leaving him stunned.

“Ooo, do we need to be having words?” Cassie teased and you took in a slow deep breath, pushing down your anger towards him so you wouldn’t snap at Cassie. You knew she meant well she always did, but you were still too angry, too hurt to not take it the wrong way.

Evan gave you a lasting look, tapping his fingers on the script. 

“Dance rehearsal today. We’ll work on the scenes later and tomorrow.” He announced, earning groans from the ensemble. Ashton slipped onto the stage quietly. 

You threw Evan a grateful look and he simply nodded as he clapped his hands.

“Chop chop, we don’t have all day for this. We’ll go from where the girls are fighting to be seen on camera.” As the cast rearranged themselves, you stepped over to the corner from where you’d come down. Cassie winked at you and you offered her a weak grin. 

“From the top!” 

-

After you’d yelled at him, Ashton had done his best to keep out of your way before opening night. But on opening night you knew you had to call a truce. 

Knocking on his dressing room door, you waited quietly before you heard him knock something over in his haste to get to the door.

As he pulled it open, his eyes widened in shock to find you standing there in front of him.

“Can I come in?” Your voice was quiet and it took him a moment before he nodded and stepped back, letting you in before closing the door behind you. You had to try and ignore the fact that he was half dressed, his shirt clearly hanging from the back of the chair.

He offered the small couch that was in the corner of his dressing room, pulling the chair over to sit in front of you and suddenly you felt your courage and words disappear.

“So, did you need something?” His voice was hesitant, and you couldn’t exactly blame him for that. Ever since you’d verbally smacked him down before rehearsal, he’d done his best to avoid pissing you off outside of rehearsal. 

His question pulled you back to that moment and you felt your courage return, taking a slow deep breath.

“I’m calling a truce between us. Or at least, a truce between my attitude and yourself.” Although you’d been well in the right to be so angry with him and continue the treatment, he’d done everything he could to change that before backing off.

His jaw dropped at your words, sucking in a sharp breath as he processed your words.

“I-uh, don’t know what to say to that except, thanks, I guess?” You snorted at that.

“I’ve been so furious with you for what you did. You embarrassed me and made me look like some kind of pity pick. After working Broadway for years, do you know how much that hurt me? Hurt my career? ” His face flushed in shame as his gaze dropped to his hands that were resting in his lap.

“I hadn’t even considered...” He trailed off and you scoffed.

“Of course you didn’t. You’re the popular kid. The one people fight over to have on their team. You don’t need to consider other people’s feelings because everyone tries to cater for you.” You couldn't help the bitterness slip out with your words and his eyes lifted to meet yours.

“I really fucked up.” 

“That’s putting it lightly, Ashton. You single handedly nearly destroyed my entire career with those words. Evan had to tell me that he’d had calls from other casting directors who had other names to replace me if he needed it.” You could see that the message was sinking in for Ashton, the guilt etched into his face mixed with a look of horror.

“I’m so sorry, I- I never even realised-” You cut him off.

“The damage is done. Thankfully Evan managed to put them off from that and invited them to the opening night of the show. If we pull this off we could be working together for a lot longer than the two years we’re scheduled to.” A wry smile crossed your lips. “So don’t fuck this up tonight.” 

Ashton stared at you for a solid ten seconds before he started laughing. 

“You’ve got it, doll. How about we start over?” He held his hand out to you and you took a second before grasping his hand. He surprised you by bringing the back of your hand to his lips and without even realising, you’d rolled your eyes at his theatrics.

“It’s one thing to start over with me, but I think you need to start over with the rest of the cast too. Cassie is still fully prepared to scalp you for doing what you did.” He winced at that before letting your hand go.

“I guess I owe it to you and them to start over, don’t I?” You nodded at his words, watching as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“I know that everyone has their families in for the opening night and they’re going to want to celebrate this success with them. How about you start with the rehearsal tomorrow and see how that goes?” He nodded at that.

“I think I might just do that. And for what it’s worth, I truly am sorry for what I did and said.” Your eyes studied his face and you let the corner of your lips tug just a little bit.

“I know.” You leaned forwards and kissed his cheek before heading out, leaving him speechless.

-

taglist:  @sexgodashton​, @goth5sos​, @malumsmermaid​, @empathycth​, @wildflowergrae​, @calpops​, @rosecolouredash​, @cakesunflower​, @loveroflrh​, @clockwork124​, @cal-puddies​, @stellar5sosrecs​, @ashtoniwir​ , @cthwldflwr​, @cthla​, @calmlftv​, @spicycal​, @liketheydidwithyou​, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer​, @bluehairedtracii​, @drummerboy794​, @feliznavidaddycal​, @ukulelecal​​, @thecurlsofgod​​, @converse-luke​​, @madbomb​​, @ccnicole02​​, @youngblood199456​​, @megz1985​​, @lukesidentitycrisis​​, @snapback-irwie​​, @neonweeknds​​, @666yourwitchyfriend666​​, @cashtonasfuck​​, @ashtaway​​, @conquerwhatliesahead92​​, @itjustkindahappenedreally​​, @kchillout​​, @damselindistressanu​​, @colormekaykay​​, @findingliam-o​​, @sublimehood​​, @singledadharrington​​, @sugarcoated-pain​​, @singt0mecalum​​, @calumspeachy​​, @colourfulcalum​​, @lostincalum​​, @burncrashbromance​​, @asht0ns-world​​, @flusteredcliffo​​, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​​, @fangirl-everythang​​, @lashtonswildflower​​, @lashtondaddies​​, @calumssunshine​​, @ambskiwi​​, @abundant-stars​​, @myescapefromthislife​​, @lmao5sosimagines​​, @beyoncesdragon​​, @jae-writes-fanfiction​​, @cxddlyash​​, @tresfandom​​, @niallisworld​​, @lietomevalntyn​​, @babylon-corgis​​, @monochrome44​​, @behind-my-hazeleyes27​​, @lyllibug​​, @bloodmoonashton​​, @ghostofmashton​​, @summerellaz​​, @a-little-less-sixteen​​, @cashworthy​​, @smokeinherlungs​​, @longlastingdaydream​​, @h0tsos​​, @sadistmichael​​, @sugar-nico​​, @sunnysidesblog​​, @angel-cal​​, @samros95​​, @maluminspace​​, @lukeinblue​​, @britnicole11​​, @gigglyirwin​​, @everyscarisahealingplace​​, @loverofcashton​​, @iovehemmings​​, @g-l-pierce​​, @jannimoeller3​​, @wildmichaelflower​​, @lukeskisses​​, @youngbloodchild​​, @abb-lan-5sos​​, @calumsbub​​, @flameraine​​, @here-for-the-uproars, @mateisit-balsamic​​, @ilovelukey​​, @castaway-cashton​​, @musiclover1263​​, @alloutofcashton​​, @tobefalling​​, @sarahshepherdblog​​, @cassie-sos​​, @possesedperson​​, @treatallwithkindness​​, @wonderlandiswhereitsatyo​​, @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles​​, @ashtonlrwin​​,

if u wanna be added to my taglist just send me an ask!!