#growing up). and the fact that seeing hatchetfield highs production made him hate musicals
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started thinking about the implications.....!!! (<- tgwdlm is on grims brain)
#musings#sorry i am specifically thinking about the paul emma scene where he admits he likes hatchetfield & doesnt want to leave....#(its all hes ever known). and that his high school didnt have a theatre program at all (probably lived in an impoverished part of the city#growing up). and the fact that seeing hatchetfield highs production made him hate musicals#(something he doesn't have the opportunity to do. they have more)#and the fucking!!! we hated ourselves (he does hate himself!) ...#god. and the. i've never been happy wouldnt that be nice...i've become what i've hated or maybe i never did#it's awful freeing now to share the hate i felt.#DO YOU UNDERSTAND !!! its projection!!! i dont think he actually hates musicals that much.#but the first musical he saw was an experience that was meant to make him & the other kids#at his school feel inferior about not having as much as the other school!! aughh.#and its the fact hes the one who knew all the lyrics to moana.....yknow.#slightly related but not. do you ever think about how paul does everything for others & never for himself.#he has the opposite of an i want song. he helps his friends even when it endangers him. ''it doesnt matter what i want''....#myabe im considering the implications too much but.
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