#growing up my friends mom was obsessed with Elvis they would have a party every year on his birthday and the whole neighborhood would come

[asexualjedi]

I will say the Elvis movie was pretty good tho too long. Like it almost had me rooting for Elvis even tho I fucking hate him. Got really mad about how the time tried to couch and gloss over the nastiness of his relationship with Priscilla tho.

[disappearingground]

Jenny Lewis Escapes the Void

Pitchfork March 21, 2019

After a turbulent childhood and two decades of brilliantly vulnerable songs, the L.A. idol has finally arrived at something like happiness.

By Jenn Pelly

Jenny Lewis and I are in her brown Volvo, idling outside her childhood home. On a Tuesday afternoon in Los Angeles’ San Fernando Valley, we are two blocks from Van Nuys Middle School, where Lewis once sang “Killing Me Softly” in a talent show and got suspended for flashing a peace sign in a class photo (it was mistaken for a gang symbol). We are walking distance from what used to be a Sam Goody record store on Van Nuys Boulevard, where Lewis once bought a life-changing tape of De La Soul’s 3 Feet High and Rising, stoking her obsession with magnetic wordplay, as well as her first Bright Eyes CD, Fevers and Mirrors, which she quickly shared with the three men in her burgeoning indie band, Rilo Kiley, in the early 2000s.

We are not far from the bar where Lewis’ older sister, Leslie, sings in a cover band every Saturday, following in the tradition of their parents, who sang covers in a Las Vegas lounge act called Love’s Way in the 1970s. And that strip-mall pub is just across from the movie theater where Lewis and her mother once conspired to steal a cardboard cutout of Lewis’ 13-year-old self—a souvenir from when, as one of the busiest child actors of her generation, she starred alongside Fred Savage in the 1989 video game flick The Wizard.

Lewis left the Valley alone when she was 16 and vowed to never go back. “That was my number one goal: just to get out,” she tells me now, at 43. But on the occasion of her fourth solo record, On the Line, I asked for a tour of her past life, and here we are—Lewis in a royal blue jumpsuit, with electric blue sneakers and eyeliner to match; me, staring up at the rainbow of buttons fastened to the sun visor of her passenger seat, a collage that includes Bob Dylan, a peace sign, and a hot-orange sad face.

From the driver’s seat, behind her oversized shades, Lewis mentions the Bob Marley blacklight poster that once hung in her Van Nuys bedroom, and I imagine the scores of teenage bedroom walls that have made space for her own iconic image through the years. Lewis’ catalog of cleverly morbid, storytelling songs with Rilo Kiley and the Watson Twins ushered a generation of young listeners through suburban ennui and personal becoming—like a wise older sister we could visit on our iPods, offering an example of how to do something smart and cool with your sadness and your solitude.

In the mid-2000s, Lewis was like an indie rock Joni Mitchell for the soul-bearing Livejournal era, or an emo Dylan, the poet laureate of AIM away messages. Words—some cryptic, some elegant, some brutally, achingly direct—burst from the edges of her diaristic songs, with a dash of Didion-esque deadpan for good measure. It’s no surprise that Lewis’ earliest bedroom recordings were just Casio beats and what she describes as “raps.” Lewis was the first feminine voice I ever encountered leading a band outside the mainstream, with a sound that initially befuddled my ears because it was, in that overwhelmingly male indie era, so rare: a woman’s plainspoken voice.

Cruising around L.A. together, my mind maps the California of her lyrics. What does it mean for the palm trees to “bow their heads”? What becomes of the cheating, California-bound man in Rilo Kiley’s filmic “Does He Love You”—the soulful rave-up where Lewis belted the heroic mantra, “I am flawed if I’m not free!”? But my most pressing question, the one I must ask Lewis: Is California still “a recipe for a black hole,” as she sang on 2001’s “Pictures of Success”? “I guess it’s all the void,” she tells me straight. “It’s not really geographical. That’s what you find out on your adventures. It doesn’t really matter where you go. You accompany yourself there.”

The main destination of our Van Nuys excursion is the small ranch home of Lewis’ youth—or rather, homes, as there are two, practically adjacent. It’s a little complicated, I learn, as are many things with Lewis’ upbringing.

Lewis was born in Vegas on Elvis Presley’s birthday. In 1976, her parents and sister were living out of suitcases on the road, playing Carpenters and Sonny and Cher songs at casinos like the Sands, the Mint, and the Tropicana. “My mom was so pregnant but she would not miss a show,” recalls Leslie, who was 8 at the time. “Jenny would be kicking her on stage, and I remember seeing my mom flinch. I think that was Jenny saying, ‘Let me out, I want to sing!’”

Soon after Lewis was born, her parents divorced, and her father, Eddie Gordon, left the family and continued his career as one of the world’s leading harmonica virtuosos. Lewis’ mother, Linda, moved back to her native Los Angeles, working three jobs to rebuild a life with her daughters. At 2-and-a-half years old, Lewis was discovered by the powerful Hollywood agent Iris Burton (a young Drew Barrymore and the Olsen Twins were among her clients) after the toddler spontaneously wandered over to her table in a restaurant.

When Lewis was 5, she was already supporting Leslie and their mom with her commercial and TV acting, and they bought their humble first home, the one we’re visiting. “But we always used to dream about the house on the corner,” Lewis says, slowly circling the block, “so then my mom bought that house, too.” It’s two doors down, looks pretty similar—why dream of it? “Because it was right there,” Lewis says, “and it was nicer than the one we had!” (A 1992 L.A. Times headline dubbed Lewis “A Teen-Age Actress With 3 Mortgages”—she owned a townhouse in North Hollywood by then as well—calling her “the youngest member of the United Homeowners Association.”) “I know it’s confusing,” Lewis says. “This is part of the simulation; this is craziness. Why did we also want that house?” She erupts into a cackle. “None of this makes any fucking sense.”

In life as in her songs, Lewis is a consummate storyteller, mindful of how tiny details make a great tale. In the car, for instance, she tells me about the time she played Lucille Ball’s granddaughter on the notoriously bad 1986 sitcom “Life With Lucy.” It was the last show Lucy ever starred in, and it was canceled before the first season even finished. The mood was blue, but a wrap party was still planned, and Lewis’ mother convinced Lucy to have the gathering at their little house in Van Nuys. “So Lucy rolled up with her two dogs,” Lewis remembers. “She walked in the front door, looked around, and said, ‘What a dump!’”

Lewis’ mother typically attracted fascinating characters to the house—like the producers of the TV special “Circus of the Stars,” who trained Lewis in trapeze; or “Fantasy Island” star Hervé Villechaize, who came over for a scammy “Pyramid Party”; or The Exorcist writer William Peter Blatty. One year on Halloween, at the recommendation of the family’s illusionist friend—who, according to Leslie, levitated Jenny in their house—her mother invited over Ghostbusters star Dan Aykroyd’s brother Peter, who was himself a real-life ghost buster. Peter planned to “check out the levels” of the house.

Intrigued by the Lewis’ paranormal investigation, the local news showed up. Back then, Lewis was hanging out with fellow child actors Sarah Gilbert, Toby Maguire, and Leonardo DiCaprio—who also came through to scope things out. Recalling the ghost-busting scene, Lewis says, “They came over and set up their vague, infrared equipment and they captured some sort of reading coming down the hallway and going into my childhood bedroom.”

I ask Lewis if the ghostbusters’ findings felt accurate. “Well, totally,” she says. “Something was going on. We always had weird vibes in the house. Very dark vibes.”

In person, Lewis’ temperament is one of constant cheer. She radiates positivity, takes bong rips in her kitchen, says “dope” and “vibe” often. This sunny disposition is occasionally punctuated by looks of deep, welling concern for others—as if she is on the brink of tears for humanity. Still, she calls herself a “total skeptic,” and tells me that show business trained her, early on, to master the art of getting along. “I didn’t ever wanna be one of the dicks on set—like in a family situation, where one person can really fuck up Thanksgiving,” she says, before veering into more existential territory. “We all know we’re careening towards the end of humanity. I just wanna do my work and hang out with my people.”

It’s only later, while sipping Modelos at the dining room table of her quaint ranch house in the hills of Studio City, that Lewis reveals the source of her childhood home’s “dark vibes” was her mother’s lifelong heroin addiction. “It is painful to go back there,” Lewis tells me. “I get a weird feeling. I don’t know if the ghostbusters could have detected it, but there was some kind of energy that was not conducive to survival. So when I left, I left.”

“My mom was an addict my entire life, and it was a fucking rollercoaster,” she continues. “It lent itself to some amazing situations, but it was manic as fuck, and there were drugs constantly. It’s a lifestyle, and it’s a community to grow up around. I feel grateful for having been witness to some pretty outrageous human behavior from a young age. Nothing really shocks me.”

Leslie attests to their complicated home environment, and recalls “stepping over people trying to find my books to go to school.” She became a mother figure to Jenny, taking her little sister to school on her bicycle and making sure she did her homework. Leslie was just a teenager when she put it together that their mother was pushing Jenny’s acting money into buying drugs and, ultimately, selling them. “It was a terrible realization for both Jenny and I to have,” Leslie says. “I give our mom a lot of credit for being resourceful prior to that. We probably wouldn’t be talking to you today if she hadn’t been so inventive and so diligent. But it escalated.”

When Jenny quit acting in her early 20s, Leslie wasn’t surprised. “I remember her finally having the burden lifted off her shoulders, that she didn’t need to support our mom anymore, and she didn’t need to be told what to do anymore—she was free,” Leslie says. “Her agents were calling me, asking ‘What the hell’s going on? We’re booking her in all this stuff.’ It was a big deal for her to walk away. But she had to do it. I think she didn’t want to be saying other people’s words anymore.” Leslie recalls the bubbly dialogue Lewis would have to recite on screen and adds, “That’s just not where she was at in her life.”

Focusing on her own words, Lewis arrived instead at death, disease, loneliness, deflated dreams. Rilo Kiley’s 2002 breakthrough The Execution of All Things opens with a hushed monologue from Lewis about the melting ground. On the title track, she sings genially of a will to “murder what matters to you most and move on to your neighbors and kids.” Disguised by twee album art, Rilo Kiley created an indie rock uncanny valley, a sweet-sung pop moroseness of Morrissey-like proportions.

The centerpiece of Execution is a gritted-teeth fight song called “A Better Son/Daughter.” It bursts from a music-box twinkle to a monumental marching-band wallop, from a depressed paralysis to refurbished self-worth, from “your mother […] calling you insane and high, swearing it’s different this time” to “not giving in to the cries and wails of the Valley below.” In the past, Lewis has rarely discussed how her own biography fits into her songs, but the sense of hard-earned triumph and conviction powering this particular song is unequivocal. When I ask what might have inspired its climax—“But the lows are so extreme/That the good seems fucking cheap”—she simply remarks, “I mean everything I say.”

In 2006, Lewis wrote the fablistic title ballad of her solo masterpiece, Rabbit Fur Coat, to convey the feeling of her story—a mother waitressing on welfare in the Valley, the promise of a working child, a fortune that fades—if not the concrete details, which, she says, don’t really matter. But the haunting “Rabbit Fur Coat” laid her mythology bare. “I became a hundred-thousand-dollar kid/When I was old enough to realize/Wiped the dust from my mother’s eyes,” Lewis sings, the last line quivering into a moment of piercing a capella. “Is all this for that rabbit fur coat?”

I ask Lewis where she thinks her optimism comes from, and she just says “survival.” This summarizes an equation of emotional resilience that more women than not are tasked with solving young. “Jenny has basically been on her own her entire life,” says her best friend, the musician Morgan Nagler. “She’s the definition of buoyant.”

It’s hard to imagine rock in 2019 without Lewis’ radical honesty, without her hyper-lyrical mix of the sweet and the sinister. “In the early 2000s, the really big indie artists were Bright Eyes and Death Cab for Cutie, and Jenny was one of the only women fronting that kind of music,” says Katie Crutchfield, aka Waxahatchee. “But in the next generation after that in indie music, there are so many women. How could she not have been a huge part of that?”

Crutchfield, now an indie figurehead in her own right, says no songwriter has directly influenced her more than Lewis. When she was still a 20-year-old punk living in Alabama, Crutchfield got the cover of The Execution of All Things tattooed prominently on her arm. Lewis’ odd, poppy, poetic songs had a musicality she hadn’t found in punk, but they still spoke to her as an outcast.

Seeing Rilo Kiley play for the first time—at a Birmingham venue she would go on to play herself—was a watershed moment. Crutchfield and her two sisters stood front row center, sang every word, and cried. “It was so huge to see a woman on stage holding a guitar, being powerful but still very feminine,” Crutchfield says. “That was my first foray into seeing that as a possibility for myself.” She recalls the exact outfit Lewis wore that night: red leather skirt, knee socks, T-shirt tucked in, and “a belt that was like a ruler—something you would see on a teacher.”

When Eva Hendricks, singer of sugarrushing New York pop-rock band Charly Bliss, was still in high school, she would spend days writing Lewis’ lyrics in her notebooks over and over, becoming attuned to the virtues of unsparing openness in songwriting. “Listening to that music unlocked something I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to understand about myself,” says Hendricks, who also appreciated how Lewis never downplayed her femininity. She distinctly recalls going to a Lewis record signing around 2014’s The Voyager: “I waited in line and when it got to be my turn, the only thing I could think to say was, ‘I can’t believe that your voice is coming out of a real human being.’”

Harmony Tividad, of Girlpool, was 12 the first time she heard Rilo Kiley, and calls Execution’s “The Good That Won’t Come Out” one of her favorite songs of all time. “That song is more like a diary entry, and vulnerable in this way that feels like a secret,” Tividad says. The unvarnished album opener peaks with Lewis speak-singing, “You say I choose sadness, that it never once has chosen me/Maybe you’re right.”

“I was a really emotional, awkward young person and felt kind of socially trapped,” Tividad, now 23, reflects. “I was a freak. And that song is about exploring all of this stuff inside of yourself that you can’t really show people. It’s about isolation, which I have felt a lot. This music was a soundtrack to that recalibration of personhood. It was very integral in me developing a sense of self.”

Lewis has resided in the quiet show-biz neighborhood of Studio City—which she refers to as “Stud City”—for 11 years. She mentions that her current home is still, technically, located in the Valley, and shoots me a conspiratorial look: “Don’t tell anyone.” There are retro-looking landlines all around the house (cell service is poor), and eye-catching vintage Christmas bulbs strung in the kitchen window. The house was previously owned by the late Disney animator Art Stevens, who worked on Fantasia and Peter Pan. Standing amid dozens of plants in the little green room at the heart of her home, sipping a coconut La Croix, Lewis enthuses about Mort Garson’s obscure 1976 electronic record, called Mother Earth’s Plantasia. The whole place has an air of magic.

Its infrastructure has been unchanged for decades, which stuck out to a location scout for Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming Charles Manson film, who knocked on the door one day and asked to take some photos. He did not return, but his business card is on Lewis’ refrigerator, alongside one from legendary songwriter Van Dyke Parks, and a Bob Dylan backstage pass. The fridge is mostly covered with hospital stickers from when Lewis was visiting her mom, who died of cancer in 2017, and inspired her new song “Little White Dove.”

The other big change in Lewis’ life was the dissolution of her 12-year relationship with singer-songwriter Jonathan Rice—after which, to shake up the energy of the house, Lewis’ friend and photographer Autumn de Wilde painted the walls of her bedroom a striking shade of rose. Directly outside the door is a life-size photo of her best friend Morgan, and the window of her bedroom, spanning the right wall, looks out to a built-in pool. The sill holds carefully arranged objects: ruby slippers, her passport, a candle, a plethora of sunglasses, and a violet notebook labeled “Lewis homework for On the Line.”

Talking with Lewis, the despairing elephant in the room is Ryan Adams, who played on the album. Two weeks before we meet, Adams was accused of sexual misconduct and emotional manipulation from musician Phoebe Bridgers, his ex-wife Mandy Moore, and others, including a woman who was allegedly 14 at the time, prompting a criminal investigation by the FBI. “The allegations are so serious and shocking and really fucked up, and I was so sad on so many levels when I heard,” Lewis tells me. “I hate that he’s on this album, but you can’t rewrite how things went. We started the record together two years ago, and he worked on it—we were in the studio for five days. Then he pretty much bounced, and I had to finish the album by myself.”

“This is part of my lifelong catalog,” Lewis continues. “The album is an extension of that thing that started back at my mom’s house—I had to save myself and my music, and get away from the toxicity. Ultimately, it’s me and my songs. I began in my bedroom with a tape recorder, and it was like my own fantasy world. I’ve taken all these weird turns in my life—with mostly men, sometimes women—but I feel like I’m finally back to that place, which is autonomy.”

Though On the Line features an impressive array of players—Beck, Rolling Stones producer Don Was, Dylan drummer Jim Keltner, literally Ringo Starr—the album marks the first time Lewis has penned an album of songs solo, without co-writers, since Rabbit Fur Coat. “I’m not fully myself when I’m co-writing,” Lewis admits, describing a directness to the songs she’s penned with men, like Rilo Kiley’s “Portions for Foxes,” as opposed to songs she’s written alone, like “Silver Lining.” “With the songs I’ve co-written, it’s almost as if there’s a trimming of the emotional, rambling, poetic hysteria, which is where I live when I’m writing by myself,” Lewis says. “I don’t think of songs structurally. It’s a feeling, and I’m chasing the feeling.”

The cover of On the Line is a close-up of Lewis’ chest in an ornate blue gown. She chose the snapshot intuitively, from a pile of Polaroids taken by de Wilde, and only later recognized it as a deep homage to her mom, who once dressed similarly in Vegas and had an identical mole between her breasts. “Over the years I’ve become more comfortable in my skin,” Lewis says. “It’s funny to feel good in your skin when it’s not quite as tight as it used to be.”

With her voice sounding more refined than ever, On the Line finds Lewis singing about getting head in a black Corvette, feeling “wicked,” and—on the devastatingly delicate “Taffy”—sending nudes to a lover she knows will leave. “There’s a lot of fantasy in my songs,” Lewis tells me. “Sadly, I don’t get that much action. I should have gotten more.” She says she has always written about sex as “character projection,” but when she did so on Rilo Kiley’s final album, 2007’s Under the Black Light, it polarized fans. Lewis recalls one journalist who made a flow chart claiming to correlate the declining quality of the band’s music and the shrinking size of her hot pants. “It was so puritanical,” she says. But as the borders between the underground, mainstream, and genre have broken down, the artists who Lewis inspired are continuing to make space for more expansive expressions of sexuality.

The new record’s sound is warm and sleek, and when Lewis says she listened primarily to Kanye’s recent work while mixing it, I recall yet another wacky tale she shared with me at her house: Once, circa 2008, Lewis chanced upon Kanye at an airport. He played her a cut from 808s and Heartbreaks, and she played him her sprawling psych-rock triptych “The Next Messiah.”

Listening to On the Line, I find myself fixated on “Wasted Youth,” which uses a jaunty piano arrangement to deliver its neatly bleak refrain: “I wasted my youth on a poppy.” Lewis then slyly draws a line from the drugs to our numbing daily realities. When she sings, “Everybody knows we’re in trouble/Doo doo doo doo doo/Candy Crush,” I can feel my phone festering in my palm.

“I feel like that song is more about Candy Crush than heroin, if that’s even fucking possible,” Lewis says. “That’s the fuckin’ end: Candy Crush. It’s terrifying. I feel like my brain has been taken over by one of those weird fungi that grow out of the head of an ant in the rainforest. It’s like we’re spracked out on our Instagrams. It makes me feel like shit even talking about it.”

By the bridge, however, Lewis offers a blunt jolt of hope: “We’re all here, then we’re gone/Do something while your heart is thumping!” That’s a surprisingly heartening sentiment from a songwriter who has referred to herself as “a walking corpse,” who once made a springy emo anthem entitled “Jenny, You’re Barely Alive.”

“I’m in my 40s and something has shifted,” she says, when I ask what she does these days to help herself through. “Maybe you’re more aware of your own mortality, and have the balls to walk away from things, and be untethered, and do the reflection and the hard work—getting your ass out of bed and walking a couple miles, going to the gym, talking to a therapist.”

Lewis says her relationships with her female friends have deepened profoundly in recent years. “Maybe this is what we’re picking up on: the collective consciousness,” she says. “Women are talking to one another more. Reaching out to my girlfriends has helped me through these lessons that keep coming up. It’s the same lesson, where I’m like, ‘How am I in this situation with this fucking person that’s crazy… again? Why am I here and why have I stayed this long?’ And then my girlfriends are there to go: ‘Get the fuck out of there!’” (She is clear that this is not about her relationship with Rice, but rather about other romantic and working partnerships.)

I tell Lewis that these get-me-out predicaments remind me of her own song, “Godspeed,” from 2008’s Acid Tongue, which I had been revisiting quite a bit lately—a golden-hour piano ballad from one woman to another, a paean to “keep the lighthouse in sight,” to get “up and out of his house,” because “no man should treat you like he do.” “I wrote that for my friend,” Lewis says. “But maybe I wrote it for myself now.”

By the end of my time at Lewis’ house, the sun has set and we’re sitting in near total darkness, save for the neon pink glow of one of her many landlines. “You have to make a choice to be happy, or try to be,” Lewis insists. “Sometimes that involves moving away from people that you love, or that hurt you, or that are toxic. You have to find your bliss in life, right?”

I almost can’t believe that the same woman who provided me with my personal millennial-burnout anthems is asking me about unfettered joy—the artist who wrote the lyrics “I do this thing where I think I’m real sick, but I won’t go to the doctor to find out about it” and “I’m a modern girl but I fold in half so easily when I put myself in the picture of success” and “It must be nice to finish when you’re dead.” But I nod; it’s true.

[alittleroseandhoneyblog-blog]

Rose Notes:  32 Chapters “Cliff notes” Style

I love social media, I like meeting new people, I like getting to know them and connecting over the things we have in common so I thought it would be fun to lighten the mood a little with a blog about myself – 5 random and fairly well known facts about me, with a little twist to each -  My life is pretty open I believe there are 32 amazing chapters, each has taught me something about myself that it makes this book worth reading, or for some of you – skimming! (or judging the cover) but the fact is social media is meant to be user controlled - it’s what the user wants to portray, the “life” the user wants published- the user’s narrative. I’ve said it before that some people use social media for their marketing other to grow their E-commerce portion, others use it to display their photography and personal trainers use it to sell their services and I have seen some people make a career using it – although I agree social media can open up a lot of shade however there is a benefit that not everyone is comfortable taking advantage of.  

I think the obvious things people ask when they are getting to know someone are the basics- where are you from, what do you do-what’s your sign- the obvious who what where kind of thing (Canadian girl and Cancer btw, lol) I also have 1 sister, she is 3 years older and a mama of 5 amazing kids- Noah 15, Madison 14, Violet 12, Jilly 7 and Eli who is 3- my favourite color is purple and I love old school chick flicks like Dirty Dancing and the Body Guard- Whitney Houston was my idol growing up and the reason I starting singing in the first place – My grade 1 best friend Kristy and I used to choreograph routines to her music all the time and would perform in front of the class (lol) seems so lame now but she was so much fun and I can remember even at 6 years old how carefree I was!

Which leads to fact 1 –

Fact 1 with a (neat) twist- I love the stage, I grew up singing at such a young age that it almost all blurs together, but there are a few things that I was able to do that I remember clearly- I remember starting singing lessons at 7 years old with a teacher named Mrs. King- oh my god she was terrible but she got the job done – I started competing in competitions when I was about 8 with songs and routines from Disney and YES I had costumes and YES I have pictures- I even managed to inherit the nickname Mad Jasmine because I was Jasmine (A whole New World) from Aladdin and Danny had just beat me again for the 10th time, he was actually really freaking good and beat me every year until we were like 13 lol ) And if you ever tuned into Chym FM on Christmas Eve and listened to the Kids Singing Christmas carols – that was us and my first taste of being in the studio and since then have had many!

Shortly after that it was larger competitions, bigger stages, larger crowds like star search which held its main event at the London fall fair every year ending with auditioning at Canadian Idol 3 years in a row (until the Canadian version was cancelled lol) but in between all of that I was lucky enough to audition for local theater and was an extra in a movie that starred Glenn Close (which was shortly after her role in 101 Dalmatians and really cool for me to be standing 50 ft away from her.)  A lot of this time I spent travelling with my mama and she even stayed over night in line with me when I auditioned for Canadian Idol lol I have loved music since Whitney Houston wanted to Dance with Somebody and true to nature still plays a huge role in my life today!

Fact 2 with an (interesting) twist- I am married, but did you know that I could have been raised as his cousin and how completely different my life would have turned out?

When I was born on June 28th there was another mom in labour at the exact time in the room beside my mom- thinking back 32 years the same precautions we have now when a baby is born were not in place and I was put in the arms of that other mother and a baby named, Rhandi was placed in my moms- after debating the identity of us children we were switched back and I assume I went home with the right family (I look an awful like my mama) but growing up I always knew the story as it was often used against me when I did something wrong or when my mother wanted to make joke about who I really belonged to, but who would of thought that in Grade 9 I would meet the girl I was almost switched with AND have her quickly become one of my best friends and although I never met him prior to when we started dating, I some how ended up dating her cousin who is now my husband, Matt – and as we always talked about in high school Rhandi and I became family, and the family I could have grown up with as my “aunts, uncles and cousins” are now my mother, father, sister and brother in laws! Lol

Fact 3 with a (sad) twist- I have a 7 year old son named Colton, he is in Grade one and seriously the funniest kid ever, he is smart and clever -I knew from the second I found out I was pregnant that I was going to have a strong willed child, independent like his mama- ready to take on the world- and he sure proved it when he came into the world 6 weeks early and absolutely perfect-   the doctors told me “he knew he was in distress and he put you into early labour” and I remember them telling me how Lucky I was – but pregnancy was tough for me– I was sick ALL the time and there were so many close calls where I thought we weren’t going to make it to the end (and we didn’t) and that fear of going through it again terrified me so much so that we put off having another child until I felt able to handle being pregnant again-

After many years of being asked “when’s the second one or worse, what’s taking so long” it got harder to hide the sadness of admitting we miscarried twice and after what seemed like years of trying with no success, I was recently diagnosed with Endometrioses and told that chances are another baby just is not in the cards for me anymore –

so, I have to admit that I still have not come to terms with that and it’s absolutely heart breaking to know that that one thing a women is supposed to do is something I actually can no longer do but as people have told me I have hit the jackpot with Colton, he is such an incredible child and I am really lucky to be his mama and my sister in law is pregnant and I will get my fair share of baby snuggles in July when we visit them in PEI!

Fact 4 with a (career) twist – I went to school for Interior Design and have an obsession for everything houses and renovations. I own a 115-year-old century home that is true to all its character- mind you It has been in renovations for the last 2 years but it’s beautiful and I am obsessed with all the original wood! I thought for sure I was going to have a career in real estate, when I was 20 I had a 5 year plan to go through school to get my license but 20 year old Jenna fell in love with boy, moved to London and just kind of settled into his life –He broke my heart lol, and I ended up moving home about a year later and I got involved in the fitness industry when I met a girl named Marta, we quickly became friends and she introduced me to 6 am work outs in the park, squats and the burpee bottle- which is like fight club…We just don’t talk about the burpee bottle. Shortly after that I started working with Anytime Fitness and I have to admit I knew nothing about the fitness industry short of what Marta had taught me, but I had a passion for sales and social media and it happen to work well in my favour, I moved up quickly and had so many amazing opportunities not just in my career but in my personal life as well, The first time I ever got to travel outside of Canada was with Team Bazely, we went to Nashville for a conference, as a team we toured the city, the recording studio where Elvis recorded his albums and ate at some of the most incredible restaurants- I heard stories from Keni Thomas who survived Black Hawk Down and Elizabeth Smart who was kidnapped at 14, survived and lives to tell her story! I got to experience my first burlesque show, I leaned to line dance in a 3 story bar and Shannon made sure I got to sing in Nashville, even if it was in a dirty dive bar at 2am just before we were about to make the 11 hour drive back over the border, I also experienced my  first “hangry” episode where once again, Shannon saved the day and supplied salads for the rest of our trip, but honesty I learned so much about the industry and about what being apart of a team was like - I can remember that being the week I really fell in love with the fitness industry - I also got to travel to Lake Placid, New York for another conference where I partied on the Olympic ski slopes, set 2 Guinness world records with over 2800 clubs worldwide, Represented Canada and carried the Canadian flag into the Lake Placid Olympic Center in front of thousands of people!

I experienced bobsledding first hand and met so many amazing club owners and staff members- I even got to watch keynote speaker and YouTube sensation Gary Vaynerchuk where we were first introduced to Rick, But I also had the opportunity on many occasions to meet the CO-Ceo’s of AF and pick their brains – they had a way of making fitness fun- I remember it being 12am sitting outside of my hotel room in Lake Placid with another Manager from a club in Arkansas and Chuck and Dave walked towards me, I said hello, they called out my social media handle “look it’s Canadianrose” which may not seem like much BUT with over 3000 clubs worldwide and thousands of faces in the crowd they recognized mine - I met some amazing people and in a round about way I found Zumba which as I have mentioned owns my heart, and where my next venture is going to take me – working with that team taught me so much and played a huge role in who I am too, and indirectly opened doors for where my passion lies and although it may not be interior design I am in control of marketing, social media and the complete design aspect of what’s next and I am allowed to be creative!

However, outside of working with Anytime, I have never travelled but I am dying to go somewhere warm!  

Fact 5 with a (reality) twist – I am not only what you see on social media, I am a human being with feelings and someone who is really struggling right now to do what’s best for herself- which hasn’t always proven to be easy.  I have started therapy, it was necessary for me to ask for help because I am having a hard time finding who I am. But what I am that is never going to go change is that naturally charming girl that I talked about months ago, my experiences that I have mentioned above have curved my path and have contributed to who I am today- I own that and I am confident in my own skin and the decisions I have made, I am bold enough to call someone on their bullshit, I have the strength to take on an already failing empire just to have my voice back and you simply cannot match what I bring to the table – and I am confident enough to eat alone-and I am confident enough to portray the real me on social media and in real life going forward and throughout whatever venture is next!

And to answer the above 2 truths and lie- I do not drive a Mercedes!

[emilyemcnabb]

Courtney and Scott’s Classic Charleston Wedding

Courtney and Scott’s gorgeous love story and stunning Charleston wedding are filled with serendipitous successes. The couple, who met when Scott sent a “Hail Mary” dating app message, flew out to Charleston the day before their venue hold expired to see their destination city first-hand, for the first time, and fell in love with it. Classic details defined the day, like Courtney’s show-stopping Pnina Tornai which was discovered at a last-minute dress shop appointment made after she was convinced she already knew a different dress was the one. Call it luck, call it destiny, it all came together beautifully with the help of The Petal Report who designed the event at The Gibbes Museum of Art with gorgeous florals by Pretty Petals of Charleston. Our friend  Clay Austin Photography was on hand to capture all the details of the day in these beautiful photos.

What made the wedding special and unique? 

It took us about 6 months to choose a location.  I wanted a European or tropical destination, and Scott, along with our families, wanted to stay local.  I probably looked at 60+ venues compiling folders of spreadsheets, PowerPoints, etc. One week in June, I finally realized my island dream was not going to work, and that Friday I received a call letting me know that a hold I had placed on a venue in Charleston months prior would be expiring the following Monday.  I called Scott and told him the news.  Having no idea I had even looked at Charleston (he had never been and I had been once when I was 17), you can imagine his confusion.  He called me back a few minutes later telling me “leave your office immediately. We cannot miss this flight!”.  About 3 hours later we were on a flight to Charleston, and after the first night there, we were officially in love with the city.

Tell us about the gown and where/how you found it!

I had gone to multiple dress appointments with crews of family and friends.  My mom was coming into the city to see a dress at a boutique in SoHo which I was ready to purchase.  I felt badly making her trek in to just see one dress, so I made a last-minute appointment to stop at Kleinfelds on the way down, however, I was sure that the other dress was THE ONE.  Our consultant came into our room toting a Pnina Tornai gown with a HUGE bow, and my mom and I instantly gave each other the same look of “you have to be kidding me”.  Overly girly/preppy was never my style, and after being forced to wear my trademark giant bows for the first ~8 years of my life, I avoided them at all costs.  When I put it on, we both were shocked.  It worked! The Suzanne Harward gown at the other store was entirely done in a heavy lace, and was extremely modern, trendy, and a bit risqué. This was the complete opposite – classically elegant.

The sample size was many sizes too big, and after our appointment I found a photo of the gown online showing the intended fit/style which was not at all what I had wanted.  However, after discussing with my consultant, we decided to order the gown a few sizes larger, and completely cut it apart, piecing it back together with the deep-v front and low, open back, ultimately creating a custom gown. I had them attach the bow so that I could remove it after the first dance, but the bow stayed on the entire night (even after it was dipped in chocolate from the mother of the groom’s birthday cake)!

My husband wanted my dress to be a total surprise, refusing to even be in the room when the topic was brought up. One day, after purchasing the Pnina gown, I asked his opinion on a few dresses I had bought for other events. He replied “you like that whole ‘deep-v’ thing don’t you…? I really am NOT a fan of that look”.  During the months following, every time we saw that “deep-v thing” on TV he would point it out with the same disgusted look and express his distaste (as you can imagine, this occurred multiple times a week throughout the season of The Bachelor).  It was an ongoing joke with my friends, family, and coworkers, and each time it came up it took everything in me to not burst out laughing and confess.  I was so grateful that we decided to do a first look so that I would not end up laughing the entire walk down the aisle.  Come the wedding day, he absolutely loved the dress (at least that’s the story he’s sticking to!).

What were some touches added to make the wedding personal? 

My mom’s childhood friends created amazing welcome bags personalized for each guest, and a custom logo which appeared everywhere throughout the weekend; the paper products and signage, water bottles, cocktail napkins, etc., and 5Church even had it done in white chocolate to top the desserts at the Welcome Party.

We had multiple days of events including cocktail parties on the terrace of my parent’s suite at the Bella Grace, a Welcome Dinner party at 5Church for all 180 guests, a post wedding brunch, and a beach day at Sullivan’s Island.  It was like being on a vacation with all of your family and friends – what could be better than that!

The lighting design is something that I came up with myself and was extremely risky given it was something that neither Cayleigh or IES had ever seen or done before.  They executed it perfectly, and it looked amazing during both the day and night! To this day we still get comments on it from guests.

The cocktail ring I wore belonged to my grandmother who is no longer with us.  It was something I had admired so much growing up. She gave it to me years ago, before she passed away, but my parents immediately took it to for safe-keeping, and I never saw it again.  For Christmas, they surprised me by having it resized and fixed up so that I could wear it at the wedding.  Not having seen it since the day she gave it to me, every time I looked down at it, I pictured it on her hand.  It made it feel as though she was there with me that day.

One of our good friends, and Scott’s “work husband”, officiated the ceremony.  He had never officiated before, and took his job very seriously, conducting multiple calls and meetings over drinks.  He did an amazing job!  The entire ceremony script was so personal and made guests both laugh and cry.

Cru Catering surprised the guests on the dance floor with late-night snacks of Chicago Dogs (in honor of a trip to Chicago Scott had surprised me with when we were dating), and Philly Cheesesteaks. Both were big hits!

My four-year-old nephew, Dylan, was our ring bearer, and was the last to walk down before me and my dad. As they were pushing him out the door, he turned back to me and yelled “Wait! Wait! Coco…… I like you!” with tears building in his eyes.  I had managed to hold back tears all day until that moment!

What was the most memorable part of the day? 

The last song played was “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey.  Both sets of parents, Scott and I all came together on the dancefloor with our arms around each other, and all of the guests formed a circle around us; everyone dancing and singing along at the top of our lungs!  There is a great picture of that – one of our favorites of the night.

In the Trolley on the way to the Gibbes, the driver played all the classic wedding songs, and my bridesmaids, my mom, and I were all singing and dancing the entire ride. Everyone on the streets was staring!

Scott: When Courtney was at the end of the aisle, and everyone stood and turned, and the musicians began playing “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Elvis.

Tell us how you met and became engaged.

We met on a dating app – a “modern-day romance story”.  Scott had never been on a dating app date, and I never responded to messages – just liked to play the swipe game.  He had messaged me and didn’t get a response.  A couple of weeks later, after a date with someone I had known during college but hadn’t seen in years, I got home I opened the app to see a message from Scott saying that he thought he saw me crossing Park Ave around 5pm (he calls it his Hail Mary message). Realizing that it was likely me (my office is on Park Ave and I had left for my date around that time), the combination of the humor of coincidence and the cocktails from the earlier date brought me to actually reply to a dating app message.  A few days later we had our first date, and we texted the entire cab ride home and for hours into the night.  We actually named one of the signature cocktails at the Welcome Party “The Hinge” as an ode to where it all started!

I’m absolutely obsessed with all things Christmas. We even have two Christmas trees in our apartment – one big, formal tree, and a small tree with all the ornaments we’ve collected from our trips together.  We always celebrate our own “Christmas Day” the weekend before Christmas; just the two of us.  On the year we got engaged I texted Scott two days before our Christmas Day, letting him know that I had decided to take that day off.  Little did I know, that news would put a huge fork in his elaborate plan.  Panicked, he texted my best friend, Beckett, telling her she had to do whatever it would take to keep me out of the apartment that afternoon. The two of them came up with a plan of pretending one of her clients arranged for the Glam Squad to come to her apartment to do hair and nails for her and a coworker before their company Holiday Party that evening, and that her coworker canceled last minute. After getting home, we opened all of our gifts from unde the tree, and Scott told me to go check out the NYC ornament he had picked up for our small tree. I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to pick out an NYC ornament without me.  I saw a shiny silver ornament that read “I’ve been meaning to ask you this…”, slowly turning it around, I read the other side: “Will you marry me?”.  I jolted around in tears to see him on one knee behind me.  After, he told me I only had time to quickly call my mom because of our dinner reservations his boss had made for us, and that we would call everyone else after dinner.  He asked the cab to drop us off a few blocks away from the restaurant, and said that we actually had time for a quick drink, and suggested we stop into the wine bar/restaurant on the corner.  When we walked in, I immediately saw my mom and dad and burst into tears, again. Then I looked around the room and realized the entire place was filled with our families and close friends.  We celebrated until the early morning hours! I couldn’t have drawn up a better proposal and night if I tried.

Coordinator & Designer: The Petal Report // Photographer: Clay Austin Photography // Floral Design: Pretty Petals of Charleston // Wedding Venue: The Gibbes Museum of Art // Bridal Gown Designer: Pnina Tornai // Makeup Artist: Makeup By Dannon // Hair Stylist: Wild Ivory Beauty // Wedding Cake: ABCD // Catering & Bar: Cru Catering // Tent, Dance floor & Stage Rental: Skyline Tent Company // Rentals: Snyder Events // Rentals: Ooh! Events // Entertainment: Emerald Empire Band // Lighting: Innovative Event Services // Guest Transportation: ACW Limo

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