#grow a backbone and actively engage in your relationships it won’t kill you god

[unlimitedbutchworks]

im not publishing the poly anon hate as it’s deeply pathetic and disrespectful towards the healthy and happy non monogamous erotic relationship I share with your mother

[thestrategicmom]

2020 Vision (Part 4): Using Faith to Find Serenity in Times of Disruption and Despair

Over the last few months, weeks, and days, many of us have told ourselves to have faith countless times, or said it to friends and loved ones to provide hope when things seemed hopeless. The U.S. COVID-19 death toll has well surpassed 100,000, over 40 million Americans are out of work, and for those of us fortunate enough to be physically healthy and still employed, the erosion of boundaries between our personal and professional lives is taking a significant toll on our mental health. 

To add insult to one hell of an injury, I feel a sick sense of déjà vu as new cases of Black Americans being killed in their homes, gunned down while jogging, and mercilessly choked on video show that the fight for the mere acknowledgement of black life has made little, if any, progress.

It’s in these moments that the power of our renewed 2020 vision and our four focus areas (gratitude; intentionality; optimism; and faith/serenity) come to the forefront, while also remaining the backbone of who we are, who we want to be, who we ultimately become, and how our influence/energy is shared with those around us;

First, we explored gratitude, the seed of joy. Gratitude challenges us to find peace and contentment by being appreciative for what we have and what is. Gratitude is the beginning, the alpha. We can’t begin to see or appreciate what joys, opportunities, and possibilities lay ahead if we haven’t taken the time to appreciate what is and what’s already come to pass. 

Second, we focused on intentionality, our directional compass and giver of focus. Intentionality pushes us to define our values and infuse meaning and purpose into our thoughts, decisions, and actions. Intentionality not only helps us envision the life we want by figuring out what matters most, it also gives us a guide for determining what steps we should take to make our vision a reality.  

Third, we explored optimism, a mindset filter and problem-solving strategy. Optimism empowers us to harness our positive energy to maintain a sense of resilience, hope, and resourcefulness when dealing with life’s inevitable challenges. Optimism is both a confidence that things will work out, and an acceptance that if they don’t, you can and will bounce back. Optimism helps train our minds to see challenges, disappointments, and sometimes, outright failures, as temporary setbacks rather than permanent roadblocks.

Unfortunately, as recent times have shown, sometimes we face Goliath-sized challenges that are so scary, so complex, that even the strongest of optimism isn’t enough. Herein lies the power of our fourth focus area, faith and serenity. Faith is defined as ‘complete trust or confidence in someone or something.’ Faith sustains us and offers us the solace we need to keep going no matter what we’re enduring or the obstacles ahead. Regardless of what you have faith in, having faith is critical to a life of love, happiness, and fulfillment. When used properly, faith culminates in a feeling of serenity, which is defined as a state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled. Serenity offers a deep-seated peace and unlocks the ability to connect with our purpose by believing that everything will turn out all right in the end.

While we typically think of faith through the lens of God or religion, faith is a much broader concept that also involves having faith in ourselves and extends to having faith in others.

Faith / Trust in Something Bigger

There will always be uncertainty, ambiguity, and challenges that are too overwhelming to wrap our heads around. This is where believing that we’re a part of something bigger than ourselves becomes so critical. Whether it’s trusting in a higher being like God, spirituality, or some other value system, it’s important to trust that we are all part of a bigger picture, which in turn gives serenity to our crazy and often unsettling realities.

Dedicate time to connecting and improving your faith: The same way we carve out time to feed our minds, and our bodies, we have to similarly carve out time to feed our souls. Build habits that help to sustain and grow your faith. Pray often, read inspiring books and religious texts, and engage with others who can challenge or push you in your faith.

Make Space for Your Inner Voice: Have you ever sat in a dark room alone with no sound? The silence can initially feel quite unnerving, but if you resist the temptation to grab your phone, you’ll start to really notice what’s on your mind. These moments create time and space for your inner voice to speak. Some call this inner voice God, others call it their gut, but regardless of what the voice sounds like, we must create the quiet space for us to hear it. So find ways to quiet the noise and negative self-talk through prayer, meditation, or even just incorporating a one-minute mindfulness exercise into your day.

Reflect on who came before you and those who’ll come after: The most readily accessible evidence that there’s a bigger plan at work is demonstrated by legacy. Our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents lived through similar yet uniquely different challenges, and their decisions and actions allowed us to be here today, living this version of the present. Similarly, a brief glimpse at your kids and the possibility of what they can achieve long after you are gone is another way to begin to envision what this far-reaching forest could be, even though you’re just a tree. 

Faith / Trust in Self

A key element of faith that’s often overlooked is faith in self. We must trust in ourselves and have faith that we’re good enough to reclaim the power we often surrender to our fears, and boldly create the life we want. With intentionality and effort, self-trust can get us out of our own way and offer an internal GPS that enables us to more confidently act, make decisions, and seize all that life has to offer.

Give your Intuition some Credit: One of the best ways to reinforce trust in yourself is to reflect on your life, focusing on times when your inner voice has served you. Maybe it was a leap of faith that changed your life for the better, or maybe you listened to your intuition about your health or your children, and it made all the difference. For me, it was the decision to move to Nashville to pursue my JD/MBA, where, little did I know, I would grow leaps and bounds in my thinking and faith just in time to meet my soulmate. Reflecting on these moments reminds us to trust ourselves and have confidence in our ability to make decisions without crowdsourcing the answers. 

Be honest with yourself: Like my papa would say, ‘Say what you mean, and mean what you say,’ which implicitly means ‘say what you mean, and do what you say.’ If there are commitments you make to yourself around areas like health, your relationships, or your development, follow through with them. It’s been really difficult to stay disciplined with my writing and exercise given how mentally and emotionally draining the last few months have been, but I refuse to give up on myself. Yes, I’ll take a break, but I won’t quit, and frankly neither should you. Quitting undermines our self-confidence, but honoring these commitments enables us to build trust and faith in who we are, who we can be, and the impact we can make.

Faith / Trust in Others 

Believing and having faith in yourself and something bigger are just part of the equation. We’re not in this thing alone, so we can’t forget to have faith in each other. Trust that there are others that care about your well-being, support you, and want to see you win. While people aren’t always good and often fail to meet our expectations, we can’t lose hope in their ability to be good and do better.

Let your light shine: We all have talents, strengths, and gifts that can inspire, motivate, and help others. This is our light onto the world, and we should seize every opportunity to let it shine. Embrace the countless ways to share your gifts every day. For me, it’s writing, cooking, teaching, and chasing any opportunity to be a light and blessing to someone else. Think about what’s important to you, what you’re passionate about, and what you’re good at. What problems in this world can you use those gifts and strengths to solve? Now, stop thinking and start doing. Whether at home or beyond our homes, trusting others with our gifts is how we use our lives to serve a greater purpose.

Give people an opportunity to grow and improve: If you take a look at the news, reflect on history, or consider your personal experiences, you’ll likely come up with a laundry list of reasons why not to have faith in people; however, despite what we’ve heard, seen, or experienced, we can’t stop believing in others’ ability to listen, empathize, grow, and as Spike Lee would say, ‘do the right thing.’ Acknowledge the hurt and pain of the past but don’t dwell on it; lead with love, openness, and acceptance. Peaceful protests attended by thousands who are risking their lives to demand that our public servants, neighbors and government officials honor the sanctity of all human life is an inspiring example of faith in people. So, don’t just sit on the sidelines, join the movement! Whether it’s sharing your experience, actively listening and looking to learn from others, or working with like-minded people to be the change you want to see, keep trusting, keep believing, and keep building a more just and loving community, brick by brick.

Whenever in doubt or whenever your faith begins to waver, return to gratitude. Think of the things you have, your experiences, your gifts, and most importantly, the people that surround you. They are living manifestations of something bigger, and constant examples of the enduring impact we can make on that bigger picture when we love, encourage, and appreciate one another.

Right now, the future may seem somewhat dark and uncertain, but faith allows us to believe and have confidence in a future we can’t see, people we don’t know, and a version of our self we haven’t yet discovered. When combined with gratitude, intentionality, and optimism, we have everything we need to shine a light on our path ahead and forge a way to manifest our vision individually and as a collective society. This in turn enables us to attain a sense of peace, or better yet serenity about whatever lays ahead this year, next year, and long after our lifetime. We all have burning questions about the future of our family, our country and our society, and while faith doesn’t answer the questions, it gives us serenity in knowing that regardless of the answers, everything will turn out okay. So... Have faith!

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