#greg knows more about Tom than his own wife probably tbh

[sigurdjarlson]

Crack thought of the day but Suck Session addition :

Sometime after the Nero and Sporus rant. Tom keeps referencing it because it’s their little inside joke now okay.

Greg figures he should probably be bothered by being referred to as Tom’s wife but he’s not. Like..who cares? Malewife rights or whatever. He kinda likes it

Anyway they’re at one of those lovely Roy family dinners that always end so well

Tom being Tom is trying to make it seem like him and Shiv aren’t on the verge of divorce, “could my beautiful wife please pass me the salt?”

Both Shiv and Greg reach for it at the same time.

Greg gets it because of his freakishly long limbs.

And alright..people laugh because it’s a weird Greg moment right? they’ll razz him and Tom about it for a while but whatever. Greg’s just… like that.. he says and does all kinds of weird shit

Except they both fail to react like two pals just goofing around.

Tom tries way too hard to play it off,

“Oh YEahHHh..I was saying earlier. I spend so much time with him at the office? he’s basically my wife…but like..my work wife…because I’m married to you, Shiv, honey..my wife wife”

Greg blurts out, “I did not have sexual relations with your husband.”

Shiv just rolls her eyes and says something sarcastic like “wow, I’m so glad we cleared that up, Bill Clinton.”

But Greg is still holding the salt and when Tom goes for it he lifts it out of arm’s reach and looks at Tom very seriously

“You know..I’m not trying to tell you what to do or anything, Tom but…are you sure you should be adding more salt? Like.. your blood pressure is already high enough?“

“Just give me the fucking salt, Gregory.”

“I mean having high pressure is really..it’s not like… good for you, Tom? It’s not very healthy?

“Oh fuck off, Greg.” He the. proceeds to snatch it out of his hand and pour a horrifying amount of salt on his food out of pure spite.

After a few awkward silent minutes at the table, Shiv just says to Tom “I didn’t know you had high blood pressure?”

Which sends Roman into a fit of hysterical laughter.

They are never beating the allegations