#greener grass 2019

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

[cultofcreatures]

i’ll meet you outside the dairy f̷̧̞̹̖͕͈̽͐̌̈́͂̅͐̈́͝͠͠ŕ̴͓͇͇̮͔̥́ę̶̛͈̱̖̱̬̟͙̯͖̣̻͖̪͈̯̝̫͆̈́̈́̈͋̃̊̈́̂̑͒͘ͅͅė̴̢̨͂̓͘̚͠z̶̧̧̡̢̢̹̯̲̫̫̺̠̼̺̬͕̱̬͉͓̻̟̪̯̾̚ͅz̸̛͔̰͐̽͂̾̓̐̽̎̀̾̆̅́̿͌̄̀̀͝͝͝z̸̨̢̺̲̦̹͉͙̬͚̖̫̺̥̬͖̤͉̭̮̋̏̆̍̈͜

[sims2istheonlysims]

Sims movie should actually be made by those people who made Greener Grass (2019) because the surreal/absurdist, slightly offputting/unsettling but also just comical and almost mundane horror of its uncanny reality a little to the left saturated Wes Anderson-esque isolated suburban world I think would perfectly capture just the right vibes, and you'd just have to watch it to understand what I mean, but like, sincerely, vibes, vibes, vibes.

[izmooi]

izi’s Random Movie Review

Greener Grass, 2019 dir. Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe

This post contains spoilers.

"This movie feels like Gerwig's Barbie but amped up x10 with a lot more to think about."

Greener Grass (2019) was a movie that caught my attention through its brightly colored poster and continued to pique my interest through its black comedy. This absurd and macabre storyline follows a neighborhood of individuals, mainly focusing on the one Jill Davies in her effortless sacrifice to please.

The entire movie sets itself up like a stereotypical role-assigned American movie, but as the storyline continues, clearly objectifies the roles that a character can play. The roles between media-centric men and women are battled roles. The children in this movie seem to harness more understanding of mature comprehension, conversation, and protest to the world around them than the braces-wearing adults who struggle to compete with one another.

Jill has a loving family, but due to the influences and harsh struggles to please the relationships around her, she slowly finds parts of herself being stripped away. The awkward conversations give into why Jill is so weak to give into the demands of those around her without much question. There are lots of confusing dynamics when it comes to intimacy that Jill struggles with, from those with her husband, her son, and her peers and friends (especially that of her friend Lisa Wetbottom). Jill fears the perceptions that others have of her becoming actualized in a less-than-perfect way. To deflect this, she spares the feelings of others and it leads to her feeling more discomforted in her own skin. She has to remember so much about those around her to make sure that she's always watching over her shoulder, that she doesn't even realize the parts of her that she's losing, both in a metaphorical self and when an impersonator comes right from under her nose to take over her life.

This movie feels like Gerwig's Barbie but amped up x10 with a lot more to think about. There are many layers of symbolism that all connect to spell out the competitive nature of their community. Jill falls heavily into the influence of others and it causes her to ruin her own life. At the end of it all, the actualization that she now realizes for herself allows her to see so many things around her that others can't, things that she has been blind about for years. Is there a betterment of life living in ignorance and feeding into competition with others?

Lisa and Jill demonstrate such an interesting relationship between two women. Upon first meeting them, we see Jill give up her new baby to her. Throughout the movie, we watch the two slowly switch places. Jill swapped out due to her submission to others' perception, and Lisa's manipulation of this weakness as she tries to manifest what she has always wanted to appear superior in her community (despite lots of what she flaunts from children, her home, and other parts of her lifestyle being fabricated from lies that no one has challenged or caught on to).

Like any movie I will review, there is always a lot more to analyze. There's more to go deeper into about the relationship Jill and Lisa have, there's more to dive into about the power dynamic children hold over the adults in this story (and how these protests to power lead to such differences in characters between Julian and Bob as children growing up and changing into people). This movie was such an inspiring watch when it comes to symbolic theming through a variety of subtle to direct approaches. The ambiance of this movie was such a refreshing watch, and I think DeBoer and Luebbe have a fantastic experimentation of chemistry together.

8/10

Check out this review and more on my Letterboxd

[visitor-q]

[letterboxd-loggd]

Greener Grass (2019) Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe

September 7th 2024

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I remember your submission about H and national security implications. So, with the new Boris revelation- that he had a talk about Harry just before megxit to convince him to stay- what do you think about this from a national security angle?

To me, it seems, that the uk govt also realised what the possible implications could be if Harry's loyalties landed on the wrong side. Do you think that is why, as a last resort, the then PM was recruited to have an informal chat with him? Obviusly harry is so thick and daft, that he would take any allegations of possible defection very poorly. But, surely that must have been a point of discussion at the palace as well as 10 downing.

It seems that everyone but Harry, took his leaving very seriously. And he didn't realise the repercussions until just recently. What else do you will could think might come out about megxit?

So first, the palace has announced that they never asked Boris to speak to Harry. I think what probably happened is one of the following two scenarios:

Scenario A: The Queen discussed Megxit with him in one of their weekly audiences and he thinks she’s asking him to problem solve this, so Boris steps in.

Scenario B: It was Charles/Clarence House that asked Boris to step in and not the palace, but Boris doesn’t know the difference. (Which is very plausible considering that he confirmed in his memoir he never read his briefing papers and often learned things from The Queen herself.)

Second, there’s no national security angle to this. It was made very clear that take away their demands in the Megxit Manifesto - which the BRF did at the Sandringham Summit - the Sussexes didn’t actually have a plan for what they were going to do. Where would they live? Were they going to lease/rent or buy? What would they do about transportation? How would they pay for their expenses? For childcare? For security? What would they do for work? Would they immigrate or just live there? What kind of visas did Harry need? Could they keep their diplomatic passports or did they need to get regular ones? Etc, etc. That’s probably how they got the 1-year trial period; there was no plan and the little plan there was wasn’t realistic.

The BRF was doing everything they could to make the Sussexes wake up to the reality that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side and that Harry, especially, was too dependent on the machinations of the monarch - living expenses paid for, generational wealth, do-nothing career, household staff, drivers - to be able to manage it exclusively and entirely alone without support. Since the Sussexes weren’t listening to the BRF, someone thought an “outsider” might be able to make them listen and Boris (who’s very much equally privileged and tone-deaf on similar issues) was chosen. Or self-appointed.

I think had the BRF called the Spencers in to help, they might’ve had a chance but it was still too late because once Meghan got Archie out of the country, she was gone and if she was gone, so was Harry. The opportune time to get the Spencers involved would’ve been Summer 2019 or right after Africa. But even then, I’m not sure that the Spencers would’ve been able to do anything; at that time, Harry wasn’t speaking to the Earl (he either no-showed or was NFI to Archie’s christening) and he was probably the only one that could’ve made the Sussexes happy, by allowing them to stay in Diana’s home. I know, Althorp wasn’t really her home but the association of Diana to the estate is really strong and probably would’ve mollified the Sussexes long enough for things to cool down but it doesn’t address the issue that Meghan hates the UK and desperately wants the golden glorious glamor of Hollywood.

Harry does seem to have better relationships with Diana’s sisters but I’m not sure they could’ve convinced the Sussexes to change their mind without being able to give them Diana in the way that only Earl Spencer could, as he is the current occupant for Althorp.

But for all I know, maybe they did call the Spencers for help and it just didn’t work. But I don’t think they did, because it would’ve leaked out. Maybe they tried to and Meghan blocked it because she knew once Diana was invoked, it was game over and she’d be stuck. Or maybe she had already invoked Diana to Harry and that’s how she convinced him to do this in the first place and now Diana’s sisters coming in with their version of Diana would undo her hard work.

Anyway. Not really a national security analysis. Personally, I don’t like doing hindsight analysis - where you take everything you know now and apply it to a situation years ago in the last - because then you’re making assumptions and assumptions end up turning opinion into fact. That’s not objective.

I prefer to focus hindsight analysis on “what we knew then” with “what we know now about what we knew then.” Specific to the January 2020 bro-chat, there isn’t much context for that. The only thing that changes is how much anger Harry had at the time, with revelations in all the royal books, towards not being treated exactly the same as William by everyone - his wife, the public, the family, the monarchy, etc.

I can’t comment on the national security aspects of why the PM may or may not have decided to speak with Harry about Megxit because at the time in January 2020, there weren’t concerns about defection or bought loyalty. Not publicly, at least. At the time, the public concerns were about Harry’s relationship with the press, and with that we knew that Harry was friendly with certain members of the press and liked speaking to them because they made him feel important. Remember, the interview with the Russian pranksters where the general public began to realize “wait a minute…” wasn’t until March 2020.

I don’t know that I have anymore predictions for Megxit. Obviously the biggest issue is whether Archie is “of the body” as there’s been a lot of speculation Megxit happened (partially) to obscure that. I’m not sure we’ll ever get the answer to that.

Some other guesses:

Exactly when, where, and with whom all the contract negotiations for their content deals (Quibi, Netflix, Spotify, The Bench, Penguin Random House, and Oprah) began. There’s a lot of very plausible speculation that these talks (and Netflix filming) began way before 2020.

The press lawsuits - who, what, where, when, and how. I want to know everything - who finally convinced Harry to sue? What role did Elton really have in it? Who’s bankrolling the lawsuits? Did Harry seek lawyers out or did lawyers seek Harry out? How much influence did Meghan have on the lawsuits? Were the lawsuits preemptive to get Fleet Street to stop investigating or talking about the inconsistencies in Archie’s birth?

The exact details and timing of how Megxit went down. Who stayed with Archie, and where, while the Sussexes were in the UK each time? Who financed their expenses? When did Trudeau learn that he was footing their entire bill and how long before he booted the Sussexes - was it immediate or was it only when the public began complaining? When did Meghan start complaining about Canada and began demanding they move to the US? When did Oprah and Tyler Perry come into the picture? How long did they really plan to stay in Canada before moving to the US? Did they take advantage of the Covid panic to expedite their US move or were they already in the US before the revenge tour? What did/does Dan Wootton know that he didn’t publish? What did/does Scobie know about Megxit? Was the BRF aware that the goal was always to move to the US? Did the BRF really believe it was the media that made the Sussexes quit? Did the Sussexes really quit monarchy or did The Queen actually fire them as speculated

[angelic-ambedo]

The Weirdest Fucking Movies I've Ever seen Pt. 1

Okay so I sort of champion myself as a lover of weird movies. And it's funny because regardless of how many I've seen, every time I watch a weird movie I genuinely feel as if it is the weirdest movie I've ever seen in my life.

So, I decided to make a list which compiles all of said weird movies and then a description of why I find each so uniquely weird. If you find any of these descriptions or titles intriguing, I recommend you seek these movies out, because a weird movie = a good life ya know so yeah

If you have more weird movies please please recommend them im hungry for new crazy cinema bebesssss

Eraserhead (1977) - genuinely makes no sense.

Coherence (2013) - trippy scientifically interesting thriller

Some Velvet Morning (2013) - abusive cat n mouse relationship

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) - emotional violence

Greener Grass (2019) - let's shame suburbia!

Trash Humpers (2009) - people fucking the trash...?

Julien Donkey-Boy (1999) - mental illness be so sad and trippy

Gummo (1997) - literal photo album of a dysfunctional town

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006) - bulimia PSA in disguise

Black Bear (2020) - art seeps into the "real" world

Begotten (1990) - god kills himself

Trouble Every Day (2001) - eating people presented as...a turn on?

Baise-Moi (2000) - punk feminist murderous women are sick and society sux

Palindromes (2004) - one character is played by a ton of different actors of different ages, races, and sexes

964 Pinocchio (1991) - so much vomit, even more cyberpunk lobotomy sex machine madness

Meet the Feebles (1989) - the muppets give each other STDs and commit mass murder

In the Realm of the Senses (1976) - a torrid, pornographic affair used to escape the horrors of a war-torn world

Enter the Void (2009) - going to the past, present, and future, POV shots that include blinking, going inside the body, taboo themes with a psychedelic style

Love (2015) - horny pseudo-porno about a misogynistic asshole who somehow pulls hot, sexually adventurous women

Climax (2018) - LSD fueled nightmare

Pink Flamingos (1972) - a competition to be the "filthiest person alive" (spoiler alert: the cool drag queen wins)

Vivarium (2019) - Suburbia is still creepy, guys

Be My Cat: A Film for Anne (2015) - can we please stop having erotomania like celebrities aren't into u babe :(

No No Nooky TV (1987) - Computers being cool and saying "boobs" and "clit"

The Piano Teacher (2001) - unsafe nonconsensual bdsm and sexual repression is...no. please no.

The Night Porter (1974) - stockholm syndrome and wild bdsm stuff with postwar themes

Belle de Jour (1967) - more bdsm themes

Titane (2021) - woman fucks a car and gets pregnant

Daisies (1966) - two girls cut up pickles and destroy the patriarchy

Creep 1 and 2 (2014, 2017) - murder has never been this funny

Garbanzo Gas (2007) - a human cow gets an all-expenses paid trip to a motel before it hits the slaughterhouse

Melancholie der Engel (2009) - ew.

In Our Garden (2002) - old men dicks + weirdest dialogue I've ever heard in my life

The Rehearsal (TV series) (2022) - this is the ultimate weirdest thing ever and I don't know how else to categorize it.

Trigger Warnings (all of these movies are weird/fucked up but some of them contain actual fucked up stuff that like. happened in real life. so below are the triggers for that kind of stuff. All of these films are genuine films, not the gore stuff the internet produces, but some of them because of the country/time period/transgressiveness include content that is inappropriate and/or ethically unacceptable, so I've included those movies below)

Baise-Moi - unsimulated sex scenes which includes SA scenes that actors consented to but characters did not. this proves a feminist point but is still incredibly upsetting and stayed with me for a while as there are close ups and its awful.

In the Realm of the Senses - Please look into this one more before you watch it, I'm not going to describe things in detail because it makes me so uncomfortable but there are some scenes that involve young actors that should not ethically have been in the situations they were put in. The movie is exceptionally well made and from what I know globally respected so I don't know why they had to ruin it for me but whatever.

Pink Flamingos - One infamous scene involves an actual chicken death. It was the early 70s (long time ago and no PETA) and they apparently ate the chicken afterward, so I felt less immoral about this one but still gross.

Melancholie der Engel - okay please genuinely never watch this movie unless you're super into traumatizing yourself and are very desensitized I guess. There's a ton of actual animal abuse in very very graphic/unnecessarily disturbing shock type situations. There's other bad unsimulated stuff but this is the worst of it from what I know.

Love and Meet the Feebles contain scenes that are transphobic and/or racist, which is gross. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls was made by a very bad person. A bunch of the movies also have unsimulated sex stuff, I don't know if that makes anyone uncomfortable but if it does I'm just putting it out there.

[aintmovingnow]

Greener Grass (2019) dir. Jocelyn DeBoer & Dawn Luebbe

[cipheramnesia]

Greener Grass (2019) doesn't beg comparison to other films and filmmakers as much as demand it, and it does so in the way of many unique works of art - not so much because of being derivative, but more because it inspires the same sense of disquiet and upset, hits on the same dark touchstones, as others have. We want something to articulate what exactly this experience is like, and there are few enough artists working in the same sandbox that the first response is something like "it's John Waters meets David Lynch."

As comparisons go, it's no detrimental. The less you know going in, the better, but those two names together I think evoke the mixture of highly stylized, deep running dread that characterizes Greener Grass. It's also a movie which invites an inventory of all the surreal directions it goes, but that kind of list feels shallow. Lots of media is filled with strange events, but not very many works sell it quite the same. Still, the opening of the movie, much like the basic comparison, immediately tells you what to expect in tone. Suburban mom Jill, baby on her lap, perfect pink barbie clothes, watches her son fall on the soccer field. Her face twitches and struggles behind a wide, blank smile that will remain in place for the majority of the film as she watches him laying in the grass, moving his limbs sluggishly, as if she is staring at a dying fish. She turns to Lisa, next to her, in perfect blue barbie clothes, and asks if Lisa wants her baby. Neither woman deviates from the blank smile, they both speak almost like actors struggling to keep in character, their faces twitch, everything about them undercuts their dialog their expressions, the mood of the bright sunny scene and cheerful sitcom score, and Lisa decides she will take the baby.

Everything about the scene screams about something terrible being wrong, both in obvious and subtle ways, and that's much of the movie itself. Greener Grass on its surface is about the comfortable lie of the suburbs and the upper middle class of the USA, but deeper down, it's about the surface in general, not just about how hard and sad life is for rich white women. While the movie is utilizing that imagery and those tropes specifically, it's to a larger purpose speaking to isolation and privilege, masking and social roles we use, toxic masculinity and microaggressions. The plot, such as it is, may be one woman slowly falling apart, but the meaning of the movie is much broader and more intriguing - and most importantly speaks to the world beyond only what's pretty and expensive and empty. All the characters are in a barbie dreamland, in barbie dream houses, but no matter where they go the reality of people who aren't neurotypical or white or able bodied or wealthy or straight is inescapable. The strangeness and dread that lurks under blank smiles never lets the viewer relax into comfortable satire or simplistic center left reassurance of one Bad Oppressor and one Good Oppressed. It's a movie constantly screaming, through clenched teeth, how all of us are being forced into this performance, the pretty lie, that claims everything about the USA is perfect and happy. It's an amazing work of art, highly recommend checking it out while it's still free on Tubi, or anywhere good movies can be pirated.

[herbaklava]

Documentaries to watch for Black History Month (and in general):

1. Color Adjustment (1991) dir. Marlon Riggs

2. Ethnic Notions (1986) dir. Marlon Riggs

3. Paris is Burning (1990) dir. Jennie Livingston

4. 13th (2016) dir. Ava DuVernay

5. Black Art: In the Absence of Light (2021) dir. Sam Pollard

6. Summer of Soul (2021) dir. Questlove

7. Grass is Greener (2019) dir. Fab 5 Freddy

8. Tell Them We Are Rising: The Story of Historically Black Colleges and Universities (2017) dir. Marco Williams & Stanley Nelson Jr.

9. The Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution (2015) dir. Stanley Nelson Jr.

10. 4 Little Girls (1997) dir. Spike Lee

Most of these are on Netflix, Max, and Kanopy (you can use Kanopy for free through your library or university!)

[rollercoasterwords]

as a movie person, any movies to recommend? 👀

i’ve seen your horror recs so preferably other genres if possible

no horror does eliminate like 80% of my movie recs lmao but yeah!! some non-horror faves:

everything everywhere all at once (2022)

the handmaiden (2016)

labyrinth (1986)

the last unicorn (1982)

greener grass (2019)

children who chase lost voices (2011)

but i’m a cheerleader (1999)

heathers (1989)

the iron giant (1999)

we need to talk about kevin (2011)

mysterious skin (2004)

she’s the man (2006)

clue (1985)

where the wild things are (2009)

return to seoul (2022)

donkey skin (1970)

return to oz (1985)

earth girls are easy (1988)

[silversongcomic]

2018, that was my last post. I've been doing a lot of soul searching the past few years. Life's been hard, but who here hasn't felt the that things have gotten rather tough?

So what the excuse for the absence? Why did I stop drawing) why did I let my comic ROT! Just good old trauma. You know the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side? Well I guess I fell for that old adage. I took a job, closer to home with better pay and seemingly better prospects, and within 18 months it began to eat away at me from within. All my flaws left magnified, my every step under scrutiny. At first you tell yourself to grown up and get on with it, be an adult and learn to cope. But it's taken until now to truly understand that a part of me knew something was wrong and that I was hollowing myself out.

I got pregnant in 2018, had my boy in 2019 which was classified as a traumatic birth. We both nearly died and mainly due to noone hearing my concerns, I knew something was a miss and I was right. I won't get lost in the weeds. Tired and in survival mode I trudged on, went back to work.

Then you spot it, the same pattern, the way the company likes to remove people they don't think are a good fit. No meetings addressing the issue, just cutting their involvement in mainline projects, assigning their work to others, cutting their dept budgets or assigning them unreachable goals and then you see it happening to you, and you KNOW what comes next. It either a 'redudancy' or an off-site sacking followed by a fake ass company wide email about how YOU decided to leave the company to pursue your passions.

I get pulled into a manditory 6 months review meeting to check how I'm doing after coming back from maternity leave, only to served a redundancy marked the same day as my birthday. Happy Birthday to me! 🎉

I saw it coming, but it STILL stung. "It's not you, it's just business" but you know that's not true. These smiling assassins have performed this play by the book to everyone else who wasn't well received or who didn't play ball. But they don't like confrontation, they'd rather the problem just disappeared. They want me to disappear...

Cue COVID!

The chaos, the stress, the fear, the isolation. The world changes, but you're still hurting. The healing doesn't really come. You feel broken and damaged but you have a child to look after, so you're stuck survival mode.

I had not found joy in my creations for sooooo looooooong, and that hurt. The guilt, the anger, the sadness trapped in a loop.

But in the past year or so, I've felt that spark start to ignite again. The path to healing hasn't been straight forward but similar to that of an artist. The wobbly line that climbs upwards so you progress. with leaps and setbacks along the way but the healing is happening and I am starting to recover, I'm starting to feel 'me' again.

Why'd it have to take years? Who knows, but looking back on this blog, my deviantart account, my comic, I'm feeling that enjoy again. That cruel voice in my head quietening. I've lost so much time, or have I? Is this what was needed, this very painful journey or growth? Had that toxic job consume too much unnoticed and this was what was needed to repair? Who knows.

What I do know is that I took a look and decided on what I wanted to be not want people expect. I did the same for my art. The worse part was that I ever let them make me believe my art wasn't good enough. Perhaps I wasn't the right fit, but I and the art was still good.

Getting this out has been healing. And once I hit post it'll feel real. And even if noone reads it, I'll know it out there in the void, it's been aired and I can move on finally and stop dwelling on the past and get on with it all!

If you stuck it out this far, kudos! Give yourself a pat on the back! That was a long read!

[haveyouseenthishorrormovie]

Stats from Movies 1001-1100

Top 10 Movies - Highest Number of Votes

Pet Sematary (1989) had the most votes with 921 votes. I Know What You Need (2023) had the least votes with 310 votes.

The 10 Most Watched Films by Percentage

Sleepy Hollow (1999) was the most watched film with 56.4% of voters out of 424 saying they had seen it. Saint Drogo (2023) had the least "Yes" votes with 0.2% of voters out of 495.

The 10 Least Watched Films by Percentage

They/Them (2022) was the least watched film with 62.8% of voters out of 682 saying they hadn’t seen it. I Know What You Need (2023) had the least "No" votes with 5,2% of voters out of 310.

The 10 Most Known Films by Percentage

Pet Sematary (1989) was the best known film, 3,8% of voters out of 921 saying they’d never heard of it.

The 10 Least Known Films by Percentage

I Know What You Need (2023) was the least known film, 94.2% of voters out of 310 saying they’d never heard of it.

The movies part of the statistic count and their polls below the cut.

What Josiah Saw (2021) It Comes at Night (2017) Something in the Dirt (2022) Lisa Frankenstein (2024) The Toxic Slime Creature (1982) The House of the Devil (2009) The Dark and the Wicked (2020) Shin Godzilla (2016) Run (2020) Nine Dead (2009)

The Addiction (1995) The Guardian (1990) Open 24 Hours (2018) Here Comes Hell (2019) Sweet Home (2015) Like Dogs (2021) The Stylist (2020) Saint Drogo (2023) Girl on the Third Floor (2019) Evil Bong (2006)

The Hunger (1983) Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988) Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2 (2022) Bed Rest (2022) Witchhammer (1970) Leonor (1975) Cold Skin (2017) The Vourdalak (2023) Blood for Dracula (1974) Flesh for Frankenstein (1973)

The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer (2003) The Dirties (2013) The Vigil (2019) Storm of the Century (1999) Infinity Pool (2023) The Final Wish (2018) Devil (2010) Uzumaki (2000) Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva (2023) Blood Red Sky (2021)

The Finale (2023) The People Under the Stairs (1991) Eli (2019) Autopsy (2008) Sleepy Hollow (1999) The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror (2007) I Walked with a Zombie (1943) Paganini Horror (1988) Titane (2021) Burying the Ex (2014)

They Remain (2018) Vicious Fun (2020) Vivarium (2019) Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel (2018) Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire (2019) Summer of '84 (2018) A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) Sweet Sixteen (1983) Popcorn (1991) April Fool's Day (1986)

Eerie (2018) Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) Greener Grass (2019) The Innocents (2021) Dark Harvest (2023) Häxan (1922) Dark Light (2019) Arthur, Malédiction (2022) Polaroid (2019) Antisocial (2013)

Headless Horseman (2007) Radius (2017) Goblin (2020) Havenhurst (2016) The ABCs of Death (2012) Abandoned Dead (2015) Pet Sematary (1989) Dark Water (2005) Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor (2023) Witches Straight From Hell (2023)

Belzebuth (2017) Fade to Black (1980) Scanners (1981) Blood Punch (2013) Cannibals and Carpet Fitters (2017) Split (2016) Game of Death (2017) Paperhouse (1988) The Baby (1973) Splatter: Naked Blood (1996)

A Perfect Child of Satan (2012) Blair Witch (2016) Night of the Devils (1972) I Know What You Need (2023) Midnight Son (2011) Slaxx (2020) They/Them (2022) The Darkness (2016) Wind Chill (2007) Crypt of the Vampire (1964)

[visitor-q]

[sugarfiendgfx]

Trauma's a bitch ...

2018, that was my last post. I've been doing a lot of soul searching the past few years. Life's been hard, but who here hasn't felt the that things have gotten rather tough?

So what the excuse for the absence? Why did I stop drawing) why did I let my comic ROT! Just good old trauma. You know the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side? Well I guess I fell for that old adage. I took a job, closer to home with better pay and seemingly better prospects, and within 18 months it began to eat away at me from within. All my flaws left magnified, my every step under scrutiny. At first you tell yourself to grown up and get on with it, be an adult and learn to cope. But it's taken until now to truly understand that a part of me knew something was wrong and that I was hollowing myself out.

I got pregnant in 2018, had my boy in 2019 which was classified as a traumatic birth. We both nearly died and mainly due to noone hearing my concerns, I knew something was a miss and I was right. I won't get lost in the weeds. Tired and in survival mode I trudged on, went back to work.

Then you spot it, the same pattern, the way the company likes to remove people they don't think are a good fit. No meetings addressing the issue, just cutting their involvement in mainline projects, assigning their work to others, cutting their dept budgets or assigning them unreachable goals and then you see it happening to you, and you KNOW what comes next. It either a 'redudancy' or an off-site sacking followed by a fake ass company wide email about how YOU decided to leave the company to pursue your passions.

I get pulled into a manditory 6 months review meeting to check how I'm doing after coming back from maternity leave, only to be served a redundancy marked the same day as my birthday. Happy birthday to me! 🎉

I saw it coming, but it STILL stung. "It's not you, it's just business" but you know that's not true. These smiling assassins have performed this play by the book to everyone else who wasn't well received or who didn't play ball. But they don't like confrontation, they'd rather the problem just disappeared. They want me to disappear...

Cue COVID!

The chaos, the stress, the fear, the isolation. The world changes, but you're still hurting. The healing doesn't really come. You feel broken and damaged but you have a child to look after, so you're stuck survival mode.

I had not found joy in my creations for sooooo looooooong, and that hurt. The guilt, the anger, the sadness trapped in a loop.

But in the past year or so, I've felt that spark start to ignite again. The path to healing hasn't been straight forward but similar to that of an artist. The wobbly line that climbs upwards so you progress. with leaps and setbacks along the way but the healing is happening and I am starting to recover, I'm starting to feel 'me' again.

Why'd it have to take years? Who knows, but looking back on this blog, my deviantart account, my comic, I'm feeling that enjoy again. That cruel voice in my head quietening. I've lost so much time, or have I? Is this what was needed, this very painful journey or growth? Had that toxic job consume too much unnoticed and this was what was needed to repair? Who knows.

What I do know is that I took a look and decided on what I wanted to be not want people expect. I did the same for my art. The worse part was that I ever let them make me believe my art wasn't good enough. Perhaps I wasn't the right fit, but I and the art was still good.

Getting this out has been healing. And once I hit post it'll feel real. And even if noone reads it, I'll know it out there in the void, it's been aired and I can move on finally and stop dwelling on the past and get on with it all!

If you stuck it out this far, kudos! Give yourself a pat on the back! That was a long read!