#graveyard shift has my renewed respect

[foreverthemomfriend]

After a long ass day of people being fucking stupid, the joys of working customer service…

I now choose to unwind with the gay little people in my phone and perhaps a touch of weed

[glare-gryphon]

I've now been driving my father's shitty car going on five months. Five months. He got it tuned up a couple weeks ago just so that it doesn't blow up while i'm driving it, but still needs $400-500 worth of work before it's actually... You know... A tolerable ride. It gets me from point A to point B, which I can't complain about, but it does it with the most rumbling and grumbling as any car can do. He's said he's willing to have the repair work done, but only if I'm actually going to keep the car. There's no point in fixing it up if we're just going to pawn it off for significantly less than the damn thing is worth, which isn't much in the first place. My rearview mirror fell off the other day. Just. Straight up fell off while I was driving. That's what we're talking about quality-wise. Anyways. Five months. Five months i've been driving this damn car and listening to my mother bitch about me not having a better car, but her being unwilling to go with me to look at a fucking car. I've brought her... Probably over 20 potential cars at this point and we've looked at one. One. That I didn't even pick out because it was 1) Way outside my budget and 2) a compact car, which I wasn't comfortable driving in the first place, let alone after being involved in a head-on collision. I want to fucking scream. But Glare, you’re legally an adult. Why don't you go out and just buy a car yourself? Partially because I have no idea what i'm doing? I know next to nothing about cars, nor car buying, and need a Real Adult to make sure i'm not getting swindled into buying some piece of shit. Which is all 90% of the local dealers sell. But mostly because I don't actually have any of my money on hand. When I got my refund check from the insurance company, my mother had it transferred into her account because her name was still on my account from when I was a minor & "I shouldn't have that much money just sitting around". Like what do you think I'm going to do with it??? Give it all to the local weed man??? I can’t even smoke; it makes me violently ill lmao... Her name is off my account now because I overdrew last month trying to get gas and it affected her credit score. And boy did I receive a stern lecturing on that. Like what the fuck was she expecting??? I'm still financially dependent on her!!! I told her like twelve times I needed gas money, and she said she would put some on my account but just never did??? She won't let me get a job because she works two jobs, my stepfather also works full time, and I have younger siblings on entirely different school/extracurricular schedules who can't yet drive. They are 16 & 17 respectively. Not driving. So I'm running them around... Basically from 6 in the morning (my brother has to be at class by 7:30 at the latest) to sometimes after 9 at night depending on where my sister's soccer practice is scheduled (One field is a 45 minute drive one-way even without traffic). I literally do not have time for a job unless I work a graveyard shift somewhere, but then when would I sleep? Who knows? I can't even pick up valet work for Lyft or Uber or something for the 3 hours of free time I actually get at a time because i'm not 21 yet. Which cycles back around to me not having a reliable car. Because i'm driving everywhere??? Every day??? And my mom complains about me not having a safe car but??? Won't look at a car??? She wants something local because she doesn't want to have to go with me to pick something up out of town, but all local dealers are just a circle-jerk of inflated prices I can’t afford and she doesn't trust private sellers enough to meet them somewhere and look at the car. I'm just??? Tired of running in circles!!! I'm trying!!! She wants me to carry my own weight financially, but she won't let me get a job. She wants me to apply to school and go away, but she keeps planning life around me being here to pick up the slack. I get so many snide comments about still living with my mother, unemployed, at 20, but she has blocked every possible move i've made trying to go forward. I can't even go get my fucking prescription renewed for my anxiety meds/antidepressants!!! I don't have any money & can't afford the fucking appointment on my own because my doctor won't prescribe me more than 6 months’ worth of pills at a time. Which, now that 6 months is up, I have to go back in for another full eval to make sure i'm not addicted to the shit or whatever fucking reason he has for dragging me back twice a year. I've been off them for months, which has fucking wrecked my relationship (I was dumped with prejudice last weekend lmao) and I am at my wits end. It's frustrating as fuck. I can't go to my biological father about anything more than what he offers because he's trying to put the other brother of mine through college at his expensive dream school and my stepfather is so deep in student loans he'll never be able to dig himself out, let alone help me with anything. Who the fuck gets a Master's Degree in city planning anyways??? But yeah. Turns out what I thought were allergies was actually the onset of a flu I picked up who fucking knows where, so i'm sick as a dog and a massively grouchy bitch rn. But that's where I am in life. Graduated with a two-year degree and on the fast train to Fucking Nowhere.