#gracie speaks about shitty shit so doesn't want to use her proper tag

[daisymondays]

Ignoring someones triggers is really disrespectful. You clearly have no experience being triggered otherwise youd respect people when they mentioned it.

Hi, I wasn’t going to reply to this, in fact even as I write out this reply there is a small part of my brain begging me to stop typing and go to bed. However, here I am. Sucks for both of us, though probably more me.

Firstly, I am sorry that you (or maybe you’re not my commenter idk) find the couple of mentions to past Bucky/Natasha in the fic triggering, after the first comment alerting this I added a note in the intro that there would be references to Steve and Bucky’s previous relationships as they’re 21 year old lads and neither are virgins – however I didn’t want to tag all of these mentions officially because they hold no relevance to the fic, it is after all a story about Steve and Bucky and their relationship.

Secondly, and the bit I know I should not be typing but I am anyway because I’m a bit impulsive like that. (Warning triggering stuff coming) It takes a lot of audacity to come into someone’s inbox and presume you know something about their life – but then again it doesn’t because you’ve done it on anon. And something like triggers are a sensitive topic, which is why I do genuinely try and cater for them. The reason I do this is because I am currently triggered by the wind changing direction. I have been sexually assaulted twice this year, the second time a couple of months ago and let’s say I haven’t handled it brilliantly.

I am triggered when I turn over in my own bed where it happened. I am triggered when people start talking about rape. I am triggered by the fact he goes to my university and I think I see him even when he’s not really there. And I am triggered when I do genuinely see him. I am triggered by jokes. I am triggered by the discussion of eating disorders because I’ll never be able to fully escape one that’s plagued me for the last six years of my life. I am triggered by my own intrusive thoughts.

When I am triggered I experience anxiety attacks, I experience depressive episodes, I get too drunk, I stop eating, I start over-eating, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe, I can’t be.

So, I know exactly what it feels like to be triggered, Nonnie, and I wish I was as clueless as you think I am. I would love to not know what it was to be truly triggered, but I do. And I do my best to deal with it and not make other people feel shitty. I certainly don’t presume to know shit about what’s happening in anyones lives.

This fic I am currently writing is my life-line in all of this, it’s fun to write and I love all the characters. They’re bigger than the story I’m telling so I’ve tried to flesh them out with backstories accordingly. I’m sorry if people don’t like the way I’ve chosen to tell that story, but all anyone has to do is close the page and its gone.

I’d like to think people are enjoying the fic, it’s one of my favourites I’ve written, but as I’m learning, you can’t please everyone. Sorry again.