#gracelogs

[casino-lights]

so. the thing about Illario and Lucanis.

I don't have the screenshots but somewhere in Lucanis' mind, you hear Illario's voice saying "If I was in charge, you wouldn't have to do this anymore." as far as I can tell, all the other lines in his memories are from the game, but this one is from The Wigmaker Job. the story that took place over a year (probably more) prior to the events of the game. it's referring to a scene where Lucanis comes back from their contract, injured, and Illario, worried about his cousin, says that Lucanis wouldn't have to do Caterina's bidding anymore if Illario was First Talon. so now we know Lucanis still thinks about that conversation, even though it happened so long ago.

two other things about The Wigmaker Job: 1) Illario is a lot different in it and in some ways he seems more competent than the Illario we get in veilguard; and 2) we see Zara Renata at the end, and she already has Lucanis in her sights. depending on how much time passed between that contract and Lucanis' kidnapping, she could've been setting this up for months to years.

in the concept art/storyboard frames that were recently released, Zara is hardcore giving siren in the first image and it almost looks like she's straight up controlling Illario via blood magic in the second (imo)

now imagine if Zara was looking into Lucanis, started with the people closest to him, found Illario, and said all the right things. imagine she said he should be First Talon, Caterina never loved him, Lucanis doesn't believe in him and is secretly just tolerating him, he can save Antiva from the Antaam (or whoever else), he can lead the Crows to their long-awaited unification and make them even stronger, he's the smartest prettiest most super special boy in the whole wide world, etc. (if you give this man an ounce of praise and he actually believes it, he will crumble, I know it.)

now imagine Zara, having successfully sunk her claws into Illario - Lucanis Dellamorte's cousin, the only person closer to the Demon of Vyrantium than the First Talon herself - manages to convince him to let her kill Lucanis. he doesn't have to do it himself so there's less guilt. there's no way Caterina would make him First Talon if Lucanis was alive. and then Illario would be in a position to protect his beloved Antiva because if there's one thing the Antivan Crows are, it's patriots. I think Zara played Illario like a fucking fiddle and the game was just really bad at showing us that. I think when her spirit says "he fooled us both," she means he fooled her by being less of a coward than she thought and straight up killing her.

and maybe this is the Illario apologist in me, but I also think he realized the whole thing was a doomed plan after he was defeated. I mean, he shows up to the final battle to help, at risk of his own life. maybe he's trying to atone, maybe not, but still - he is there, and he sounds more like the Illario we see in The Wigmaker Job than whatever we got through the rest of the game. with his quippy little "was that suitably self-important?" line, he's closer to himself than he was this whole time, and that makes me wonder if maybe he wasn't fully Illario. maybe that was grief and guilt and a shaky sense of self and Zara's manipulation and the feeling of losing his grip on the power he never quite had to begin with, all bundled up into a new, bitter, resentful man. I think he was used like a pawn in Zara's chess game, and that doesn't take away from his agency in this situation or lessen the blow of his betrayal, but it does make it easier for me to swallow the fact that the Obvious Traitor Illario I was immediately skeptical of in-game is not the Illario I immediately loved after one scene in Tevinter Nights where he shaves a single hair because it was uneven with the rest of his five o clock shadow.

I think ultimately, Illario realized Lucanis would forgive him anyway. I think it's because he realized he would forgive Lucanis too.

[casino-lights]

I could write an essay on the way Lucanis Dellamorte loves but for now I'll just say that him being so open and genuine with his friendship and love toward the rest of the team, immediately buying every single person at least one thing even if they didn't ask for it or even know they wanted it because he pays attention to them and their needs, fully accepting the responsibility of feeding everyone along with Bellara even though it would be a fairer distribution of labor if they kept the original cooking rotation, supporting each and every one of his teammates - even Davrin! - in their endeavors and respecting them and their choices, being ready and willing to converse with them and either answer their questions or provide a listening ear, making them desserts and coffee as a way of both caring and providing for them and sharing his passion with them in a small and non-intrusive way—

you would think a man like Lucanis, with tragedy following his family like a shadow, with a history of losing nearly everyone he loves, with the belief that all he knows and all he's good for is death, would try to stop anyone from bonding with him. and here he is doing the opposite, every day. actively bonding and openly, deeply, honestly, expressively, unapologetically loving.

[casino-lights]

I know we all love "william could never forgive michael for the bite and their relationship never recovered" (I do too) but imagine that he did. imagine william's rage wasn't what destroyed his relationship with his only surviving child what if it was his obsession with "fixing" michael's mistake. imagine william being so fixated on resurrecting elizabeth and his youngest son that he didn't realize michael was pulling away because of his own grief and guilt and self hatred. imagine william actually still loving his son until his death but he slowly became so twisted by grief and Coming Back Wrong that he didn't even recognize michael as his baby anymore. imagine that maybe once upon a time william was a good father and michael was his pride and joy. I am very delusional about the afton family

[casino-lights]

On three separate occasions, my cat, who loves everyone within seconds of meeting them, hissed, screeched, and bared his teeth at someone. Each of those three people turned out to be toxic and emotionally manipulative and they hurt either me or my mom in some way.

If that cat ever freaks out about someone again, I’m trusting him this time.

im crying

[casino-lights]

it bothers me when people say emmrich is gay coded because 1: everyone here is bi and you should stop saying things like that and 2: can't a man be sensitive, emotionally intelligent, romantic, and enjoy flowers and jewelry? he strikes me as queer-coded in the same way that well-dressed, articulate villains are, but bi is also queer and it smacks of biphobia to imply that his attraction to women and nonbinary rooks either doesn't exist or is less valid because of his characteristics.

[casino-lights]

I have to speak my truth not only does Illario have a slutty little dangly gold earring but he also has a gold diamond stud in the other ear and he bought two and he gave one to Lidia to go with the slew of other piercings and ear cuffs she has and they match and neither of them ever took them off or even considered doing so not even when he betrayed the family and not even when she hated him because of it your honor they are married

[casino-lights]

me, watching my gf play veilguard: I don't like this illario guy. he's shifty and I don't trust a word that comes out of his mouth

me, 3 minutes into her reading of the wigmaker job: I want this loser in a way that is concerning to feminism

[casino-lights]

I started writing a little bit about the job that introduced Illario and Lucanis to Lidia and I figured oh I'll write up a little mini wigmaker job-esque mission for them. hijinks, shenanigans, the works. it's now over 7k words long and I'm only halfway through. anyway who wants part one aka The Dellamortes Are Fucking Around At A Party Again? working title.

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is this a safe space to admit that I think Neve has great chemistry with Emmrich and they'd be an immensely cunty couple

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shipping Emmrich with two women is just so good because now he has two bodies to worship. two pieces of art to appreciate. two ladies to dress up in gold. two women do you see what I'm saying Emmrich in a throuple

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actually dying to see Illario Dellamorte with his hair down. maybe even wet. who knows

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a literal third of the songs on my Lidia x Illario playlist are Lana del Rey so I think it's safe to say it's going well

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and what if I use photo mode and strategic angles to take screenshots of my oc standing next to illario. what then

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I swear to god if I see one more person say that Emmrich is the ast*rion of veilguard I'm going to start throwing rocks

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I'm not sorry for fnaf posting I've been hiding this part of myself for 10 years and I have an oc and an au and everything I'm living my best life

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going quiet on social media is wack like no i promise i'm not dead i just go to therapy now