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smokeybrand · 3 years ago

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Smokey brand Select: Shaken, Not Stirred

I was watching that trailer for the last Daniel Craig bond film again and it’s still hype as f*ck. I cannot wait to see who the f*ck Raimi Malek is playing. I have a sneaking suspicion it’s a modern take on Dr. No but we’ll see. It’s weird how much anticipation i have for this movie because i would consider myself a casual Bond fan, until i revisited the franchise. I started with Dr. No and worked my way back through to Spectre. To my surprise, i am kind of hype for this franchise. I kind of didn’t know that about myself. In retrospect, i do have vague memories of catching that Bond marathon on one of those Turner stations every year. it was one of very few things my dad and i shared. Odd. Anyway, here’s my favorite of the bunch! Full transparency, A lot of Daniel Craig era films are going to make an appearance They are the best of the franchise, hands down. Not all of them are my favorite but the majority are definitely going to make this list, and probably pretty high. A lot of the Pierce Brosnan Bond flicks are going to miss this list and make the honorable mentions. Those things are pretty terrible but Brosnan is my generation’s Bond so, mediocrity aside, they hold a special place in my heart. Just, not on my list.

10a. A View to a Kill

This one makes the list because i really like the villains in it. I’m sure there are many, many, better entries in the franchise that could have taken this spot, but i believe that if you have an engaging or entertaining antagonist, you can salvage a mediocre plot. Christopher Walken and Grace Jones do exactly that for this otherwise sub par Bond outing. The plot is a throwback to the more outlandish of the early Bond films which makes it a little more whimsical than i like but it’s tolerable. What ain’t, is the fact that this is a Roger Moore Bond flick. Moore is my least favorite Bond of the lot. I even kind of like Lazenby more and that guy was just impersonating Connery for two hours. Honestly, dude’s movie is great and i might like him more strictly because his one film is arguably better than all of Moore’s outings. I mean, Moore was in Moonraker for crying out loud. Talk about jumping the shark. I mean, honestly, i actually enjoy that absolutely ridiculous film. My mans Jaws got his girl, Dolly, in the end but that’s no excuse for how aggressive sh*t it was. Like, the lowest of lows in the franchise were on Moore’s watch and he never had any real defining highs. Dude’s time in the tux is just blergh.

10b. The Spy Who Loved Me

The last of the Moore Bond films to make this list. Again, i don’t care for Moore as a Bond but he’s had some of the best villains to date. I’d say only Craig has better antagonists. Moore’s rouges carry his films for me and one of my favorites makes his first appearance here: Jaws. Man, i love this dude! I mentioned my love in passing at the end of the A View to a Kill entry, but i can really dig into my affection the giant, beast of a man, here. I first witnessed this man’s iron toothed glory as a kid, long before i understood the nuance of film. To me, Jaws was this massive, imposing, near mute, force of f*cking nature that just absolutely manhandled Bond throughout the film. Jaws left every impression on me and he wasn’t even the primary antagonist! I don’t even remember who the big bad was in this one and that’s because the sheer cinematic presence of Richard Kiel overshadowed every aspect of this movie. Jaws was the first villain to completely steal the show from Bond. It would happen a few more times over the years but, for me, this was the first time i was more impressed with the bad guy, than i was the Bond. It also helps tremendously that Kiel would later play Mr. Larson in Happy Gilmore; The best Adam Sandler film ever made! Fight me about it!

9. Diamonds Are Forever

Diamonds Are Forever is an adequate Bond film and i could go into minute detail as to why but, let’s be honest with ourselves; This thing makes it to this list on the strength of that title song, alone. Diamonds Are Forever is a f*cking banger and, fifty years later, still slaps harder than most of the sh*t coming out of the music industry today! Shirley Bassey births one helluva of a song with this track, beating out her excellent Goldfinger opening. She sings both of these songs with such force, such passion, it’s hard to argue against their position as the best music in the franchise. Seriously, Bassey’s voice control, lyrical delivery, and abject power, are exquisite and really makes it difficult for those who came after to even hold a candle. There’s a reason Kanye sampled this thing for his record Diamonds from Sierra Leone, a whole ass classic in it’s own right. All that aside, as a film, Diamonds is mediocre at best. It’s the last of Connery’s outings and he definitely rests on his laurels in this one. Dude is visibly older than the last time he had donned the tux in the disappointing You Only Live Twice. If that movie was Connery portraying contempt for his contractual obligation to the character, then this one is the phoned in performance of a Connery who has completely checked out, but definitely wants that check to cash. Diamonds has it’s strengths as movie but, let’s be honest, it’s Connery going out with a fart instead of a bang. It’s a serviceable Bond outing if a bit derivative. I’d definitely take it over anything in Moore’s era but it ain’t that great a watch. But that title track is strong as f*ck, though!

8. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Listen, George Lazenby is no one’s favorite Bond. Dude really feels like he’s doing his best impression of Connery, which makes sense as he was the first to try and fill the tux after Connery bailed. I don’t think Lazenby did a bad job as Bond but he was in a f*cked up position to begin with. After four films with Connery, people had impossible expectations so they just outright rejected man. The never gave him a chance to begin with so Lazenby never did another Bond after this one. He’s the only actor to hit it and quit it. Don’t misunderstand, i get the vitriol. Connery is my favorite Bond, too, so of course i didn’t like Lazenby way back when i was a kid. Watching Majesty’s, now, as an adult with a proper sense of cinema? Yeah, Lazenby got shafted. He never got a chance to properly give us his version of Bond and that’s a shame because i think, given the character trajectory Majesty’s had Bond pointing, we could have had some pretty substantial development. However, this thing was hated upon it’s release and buried until Dalton’s turn as 007. It wasn’t even referenced until one of Moore’s later films, if I'm not mistaken. That sh*t is absurd, especially considering this was the first time we saw Bond vulnerable and actually wounded. Spoiler alert for a film that’s five decades old but Bond quits MI-6 and marries his love interest, Tracy di Vicenzo. Diana Rigg’s performance really gives Tracy life, presenting to us a woman that could absolutely capture Bond’s womanizing heart, until she’s mercilessly gunned down at the end of the film. Yes, I'm aware Fridging a love interest is a problematic and cheap way to grow the Protagonist but, come on, this thing was made in a different time. Watching Tracy get capped left an impression on those ye ole timey audience and even left Lil Smokey slack-jawed.

7. Dr. No

I would be remiss if i didn’t recognize where this all started. Dr. No blew my mind when i first saw. I was very young back then and this was the very first Bond movie i ever saw. I didn’t have near as much understanding about film making back then and just appreciated the movie for what it was. Let me tell you, Lil Smokey really thought it was something. I mean, never mind the beach side reveal of Honey Ryder, an iconic scene in film history in of itself, but it’s real hard to beat that very first Bond introduction. Connery is my favorite Bond and this was my first experience with 007 so i was left with a great impression. Some years later Craig will come along a press Connery for that title but, to this day, it’s still Sir Sean. When people think Bond, they think Connery for a reason. As a film, Dr. No is okay. I like the plot for the most part but, revisiting it as an adult, it’s pretty one dimensional. Most films back then were. I think, though, that’s mostly because of the time period in which it was made. It’s difficult for me to appreciate older movies like those because of how spoiled i was growing up during the Eighties and Nineties. I was born in Eighty-four so the movie i grew up with, were leaps and bounds beyond the almost rudimentary filming structure of Dr. No. New Hollywood had yet to come along and revolutionize how to make movies so i could only judge Dr. No on the strength of it’s performances and they are pretty great. at least Connery is and that’s enough. He carries this inaugural film, definitely leaving a tall shadow out of which to climb.

6. Goldfinger

Goldfinger is the highest rated Bond film on Rotten Tomatoes and for good reason. This thing is quintessential Bond viewing. If there was ever a template on how to make these movies, Goldfinger is definitely it. It has the best of everything; Outstanding performance as the titular protagonist from Sean Connery, an epically timeless title song, a cartoonishly deranged yet sinister villain in Gert Frobe’s Auric Goldfinger, one of the best henchmen in Oddjob portrayed Harold Sakata, a truly ambitious plot with proper world altering consequence if Bond fails, a classic Bond Girl performance from Honor Blackman as Pussy Galore, and the very first appearance of the Bond staple Aston Martin. Goldfinger is an amazing watch and really leans into Connery’s take on the character. This would be his third outing as Bond and he feels right at home with it, like it’s finally his performance to beat. There are just so many classic aspects of this movie that would go on to be recognized, not only in the franchise, but in the cultural zeitgeist, itself. Tell me you don’t remember that scene where Goldfinger has Bond strapped to a table with a laser pointed at his junk, before smugly quipping about his expectation of death? How about Jill Masterson, revealed to have been murdered under the cover of night, her gilded corpse lying prone in Jame’s bed? Bro, i know if you’ve ever played GoldenEye on the N64, you f*cking KNOW who the hell Oddjob is! Goldfinger is just everything a Bond film should be and deserves it’s place as one of the best to ever do it.

5. GoldenEye

I love GoldenEye. It’s a near perfect Bond film. It walks the line between the suaveness if Connery’s era, the gadget-laden camp of Moore’s run, the more grounded nature of Dalton’s time in the tux, and the potent physicality of Craig’s turn. Before the sequels turned him into a straight up caricature, Pierce Bronsan was my second favorite Bond. His take on the character in this one film, was the best i had seen since Connery. I loved the plot, too. It’s a throwback to those more “Ransom the World” narratives from entries like Thunderball or The Spy Who Loved Me. I mean, maybe the GoldenEye space laser is what that Senator was talking about when she referenced her reason for California wildfires, i dunno? Suffice it to say, i adore the villains in this thing. Sean Bean as 006, Alec Trevelyan, is every bit the foil to Brosnan’s Bond and i definitely enjoyed Alan Cumming’s hackerman, Boris Grishenko. Cummings is a consummate joy and he really chews the scenery in this one but, come on, this movie would be nothing without Xenia Onatopp. Famke Jensen simply stole every scene she was in as the flagrantly psychopathic, sexually sadistic, femme-fatale. She is every bit the Bond girl Pam Bouvier turned out to be, but on the opposite in almost every way that counts. Xenia is absolutely out of her f*cking mind and she enjoys every second of it, just like i enjoyed every second of her and this movie. It’s a shame Brosnan’s follow-ups never reached this height again because GoldenEye is an outstanding Bond outing. Interestingly enough, this was directed by the same person who helmed the Bond flick everyone touts as the best in the franchise. That might be why this one is so good.

4. Quantum of Solace

Look, i love Quantum of Solace, okay? I just do. It’s probably the third weakest of Craig’s four outings but i kind of f*ck with it. Solace holds a special place in my heart because it was the fist of the Craig era films i ever saw. Yes, i skipped out on Casino Royale, that was one me, but i circled back around after i heard how much people hated this one. I thought it was pretty good so i was confused by it’s fervently negative reception. Quantum feels like a throwback to Connery’s era. I enjoyed the plot tremendously, thought it was shot well, and the visuals were exceptional. I mean, that scene where Strawberry Fields was killed with a Goldfinger homage was enough for me to completely fall in love with this flick. The fact hat she’s played by Gemma Arterton, whom i happen to believe is a proper goddess among us plebeian mortals, helps tremendously, too. Also, Olga Kurylenko is in this thing and i adore her as much as Arterton. I think she’s one of the only Bond Girls to never sleep with Bond and that really left an impression. Problematic Brownface aside, Kurylenko's Camille Montes has more autonomy than ninety percent of the woman in any of these films. On the strength of Bond girls, alone, this thing makes the list but Quantum is more than just that. I cannot stress enough how much i really, really, dig this plot. The stakes are ridiculous and the antagonist is pretty good. Not as great as the one that came before or the one that would follow (I’ll get to SiIva, just you wait) but Mathieu Amalric’s Dominic Greene is sufficiently slimy and is definitely a throwback to villains like Auric Goldfinger. I think that’s why i like this one so much, it just really reminds me of Goldfinger but with a modern spin to that type of narrative. I think Quantum gets more sh*t than it deserves but, i mean, i don’t thing Casino Royale is as good as everyone says so what the f*ck do i know?

3. License to Kill

I really like Dalton’s Bond films. Both of them. The Living Daylights is a great outing for the franchise, but it’s License to Kill that really delivers on Dalton’s version of Bond. Daylights, up to that point, was the most visceral and grounded Bond to date but it still felt right at home in Moore’s more campy era. License does not. It doesn’t even really feel like a Bond film which, i think, added to it’s divisive nature among audiences. This wasn’t the first time Bond was taken out of his rather debonair comfort zone but it was the first time he was so aggressively violent. Like, this movie is straight up Scarface with a 00 in front of it. I loved every second of this more grounded, realistic, violently angry Bond (something that Craig would be praised for some two decades later) and you could tell Dalton was really establishing his take on the character. It was far different than his predecessor, hearkening back to the darker aspects of Connery’s Bond. It’s a shame we never got that third Dalton flick because, i think, he could have really did something special with the character going forward from License. The plot, itself, is a rather simplistic revenge story but f*ck if it isn’t a bloody affair. Bond is carnage incarnate through this movie’s run time, really earning it’s tile. It’s incredibly f*cking gory and never apologizes for the body count, something that is quintessentially Eighties. If Dr. No is a product of it’s time, then License to Kill is just as much for it’s own decade. Not only that, but this thing has a great primary antagonist in Robert Davi’s Franz Sanchez and an equally brilliant henchman with Benicio del Toro’s Dario. Those two psychopaths can give Tony Montana a run for his money any day. Also, Carey Lowell’s Pam Bouvier is one of the best Bond girls to make the franchise. She’s every bit the problem Bond, himself, is and that speaks volumes to her agency in a historically misogynistic franchise. Just like Quantum of Solace, i think this entry, Dalton’s entire era in actually, is given too much sh*t. These films aren’t bad just ahead of their time.

2. Casino Royale

Casino Royale is a straight up force in the Bond franchise. I did not expect how kinetic, how physical, this entry turned out to be. Like noted above, my introduction to Craig’s take on Bond was Quantum of Solace. While there was a distinct physicality in that film, it was very apparent the narrative quality of that movie was a throwback to the more espionage nature of Bond. Imagine my surprise when i popped this thing and and watched 007 straight up Jason Bourne a guy to death! Like, holy sh*t, dude. It’s weird to think, after seeing that explosively savage opening sequence, Royale would settle into an unnervingly tense card game. Those poker scenes really had all of that menacing energy but anytime there’s a semblance of action? Anytime there’s a hint of a fight? Oh my god! You FEEL that sh*t! I was exhausted by the time i finished this movie, which has never happened with a Bond entry. Ever. Not even Skyfall had me that f*cked up when the credits rolled and i believe that movie is superior to Royale in every way. I think a lot of that intensity has to do with the direction. Like i said before, this one was directed by the visionary who gave us GoldenEye, Martin Campbell. Dude introduced us to two separate Bonds, in the the perfect way possible, because Daniel Craig immediately shot to the top of my list. Quantum put him in the running but Royale sealed it. This is the most Bond feeling of plots in Craig’s era, hearkening back to Dr. No in a lot of ways. It gives us a quietly sinister antagonist in Le Chiffre, portrayed deftly by a scene stealing Mads Mikkelsen, but this film’s secret weapon is definitely Eva Green’s Vesper Lynd. Listen, i gushed about the strength of Quantum’s Bond Girls but Lynd is easily the best of the franchise. Easily. By a wide margin. Everything bout this movie is the perfect re-introduction to the Bond franchise, the perfect reboot of a film series that had gotten itself mired in over-the-top camp and unwieldy plot contrivance. I love Casino Royale so much and can absolutely understand why people say this is the best movie in the entire franchise, so why isn’t it my favorite? Because Skyfall is a superior film, overall, in almost f*cking every way.

1. Skyfall

I absolutely love Skyfall. For me, this is the best Bond of the entire franchise. As a film, it’s f*cking exceptional. Beautifully shot, expertly directed, paced brilliantly, and, holy sh*t, the performances! Sam Mendes really directs the f*ck out of this movie and Craig always delivers as Bond whenever he dons the tux but, f*ck, can we just talk about Javier Bardem’s Raoul Silva? Dude gives us a villain as insidious and cruel as his Anton Chigurh but uncannily charming. Silva is this tanned and blonde, sophisticated, charismatic, psychopath who simply oozes this disarming smarm but, just underneath that aloof playboy facade, burns an incandescent malice for everything M. I am staunch believer that you can judge the worth of a film by it’s antagonist and Silva is one of the best i have ever seen put to film. His whole reason for being, the driving force in his life, is just to kill M. That’s all. For all intents and purposes, this is as much his flick as it is Bond’s. Skyfall is basically just License to Kill but for Silva. It’s a deceptively simple plot, but one charged with personal stakes and emotional agency. Most people say this is just The Dark Knight with a coat of Bond paint and i can totally see that. however, if you actually think about that criticism, is it really something for which this film should be ashamed? Let’s be honest, The Dark Knight is an exceptional film, with an exceptional antagonist, and an exceptional plot. If you ask me, that comparison isn’t derogatory but actually vaults Skyfall into great company. Plus, TDK is in a three-way tie for my all-time favorite film so any comparison with that flick is going to be looked upon pleasantly from my very biased eye. All of that considered, how could this one not me my favorite Bond? Plus, we got Q, Moneypenny, and one of the best title songs, ever, from Adele!

Honorable Mentions: Spectre, The Living Daylights, From Russia With Love, Die Another Day, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, You Only Live Twice, Moonraker, Live and Let Die, Thunderball

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