#gotta stop hittin crap

[green-alien-turdz]

Sick of shit.

[mediocre--writing]

au where steves dad is the abusive one?

ok i saw this whole thing a while back about how nancy slapped steve in s1 and he didn’t flinch or cower away and people said it could be a result of getting used to not flinching...

so steve’s dad is an all powerful, mighty businessman who needs the perfect wife and kid, meaning it has to be that way at home, as well.

steve is kinda used to it. like a little slap here and there are no big deal and he’s a little brat most of the time, so he kinda deserves it.

and, let’s just say, maybe billy moved to hawkins with his mom and her new husband (max’s dad) but he’s still pretty upset with the move. not as destructive, but still mad he’s been pulled from his home.

he befriends steve pretty quickly, they’ve got very similar personalities deep down and they recognize it pretty quickly.

billy’s a clingy friend. he’s the type of person to find one friend and latch on for life.

that’s why it’s so peculiar to him that he’s been friends with steve for almost a year now but has yet to go to his house.

steve’s always busy or his parents are having a brunch party or something. and billy gets it, sometimes you just don’t wanna be at your house and need a getaway, but this is bordering on ridiculous.

ridiculous as in steve has a drawer and a half of his stuff in billy’s vanity, plus a few jackets hanging on the hooks by the door. it’s weird.

and so, one random sunday that billy knew steve had nothing to fill his time on, he goes to his house as a surprise.

he had blissfully ignored the little signs between steve, himself, and his mom. the ones that flinch at loud noises and don’t particularly like bigger men. he figured it was whatever. he’d continue to barge into steve’s life if it was the last thing he’d do.

he rang the doorbell, waited for an answer.

“...nd when i get back there you better get rid of that bullshit you call a sense of humor or i’m gonna give you a real reason to cry!”

billy’s eyes widened at what he’d heard, but quickly composed himself as a man, he assumed john, steve’s father, answered the door.

“hi, how can i help you?” he was buttoning his shirt cuffs and looking annoyed as ever while staring down billy. as if he had better things to be doing.

“i’m here for steve,” billy have a small smile that felt more like a snarl.

“he’s busy right now—“

“but we’ve got a project. it’s due monday and we’re only halfway through,” billy chuckled as if he were telling an amusing anecdote. “you see, i’ve been blowing off our study meetings and he’s been telling me, you know, i’ve gotta do my share of the project, but i’ve been goofing off. you get that? right?

“so, anyway, my moms all on me about my grades and i need this project to boost it up, but i can’t do it without steve,”

john is still staring at billy with a nonamused look on his face.

“what class?”

“english. we’re supposed to compare and contrast whether elizabeth should have gotten with darcy or not. i’m pretty against it, you know. he was so mean to her and his only excuse was that he’s shy? sounds like a load of crap, ya know? but steve’s all for this mushy crap. he swears they should be together forever,” billy chuckles and keeps talking. “you know—“

“kid, if you shut up right now i’ll make sure steve’s down in a second, alright?” john finally cuts him off, looking about ready to rip his own hair out (or what’s left on the sides).

smiling, billy thanks him and walks to stand by his car, waiting for steve.

“go,” john says as he storms into steve’s room.

steve’s eyebrows furrow. his dads gotten mad before, sure, but never just kicked him out like this.

“your little friend... the one with the curly hair... he’s waiting outside for you to complete your english project,” john tweaks an eyebrow as he leans on steve’s doorframe.

steve’s eyes widen then he nods, collecting school stuff, just to make whatever lie billy spewed out believable. he pulls on a shirt and grabs a coat as he makes his way downstairs.

“when you get home,” john starts as he stands near the door, waiting for steve to come down, “we’re finishing our discussion, do you understand?”

“yes, sir,” steve nods as he smiles to his mother, swinging his backpack over his shoulder, which is the wrong move because it smacks and rubs at where the belt had hit earlier.

“go on, don’t keep him waiting,” john opens the door and steve practically sprints out the door.

billy gives a half smile as he gets in the car, steve walking around to the passenger seat and getting in, throwing his book bag in the backseat.

billy backs out of the (ridiculously long) driveway and starts driving out of the neighborhood.

“we don’t... actually have a project i forgot about by some chance, right?” steve asks meekly.

“i’m not even taking english this semester, steve,” billy says as a joke, but it comes out softer and almost sounds like he’s scared to say the wrong thing.

“why did you stop by?” steve asks as the boys pull up near the entrance to the trails that lead through the woods towards the quarry.

billy only shrugs as he turns the car off and gets out, walking down a trail, steve quickly following behind.

“you didn’t answer,”

“i—i don’t know?” billy admitted, shoving his hands into the tight pockets of his jeans. “i guess, i’ve never really seen your house and i was curious,”

steve nods as they continue walking in silence, only the crunching of leaves under their feet.

steve keeps glancing over to billy, wonders if billy can tell what happened by the way steve’s walking or talking.

billy keeps glancing over to steve, wonders what’s going through his head and how badly he wants to cry or scream.

eventually, after about 15 minutes of walking in silence, they reach the peak of the quarry, and billy sits down and hangs his feet off the edge.

he pats the spot to his left when steve stays standing behind him.

steve sits down reluctantly, careful not to scoot too close to the edge.

“my dad is a piece of shit, too,” billy says quietly as he looks over to steve, trying to gauge his reaction.

steve’s big eyes grow even wider before his head snaps over to billy, mouth opening and closing multiple times.

“it’s why my mom and i moved here. she divorced him when i was like, uhh—i don’t know—maybe eight or nine? but he kept bothering us. would show up at night and bang on the door, threaten my me and my mom, all that kinda stuff. it got worse when my mom started dating trevor, he kidnapped me once, when i was 10,

“got me out of school and just took me to his house and wouldn’t let me leave or make phone calls. trevor, he was a police officer in cali, and he was the one who helped my mom find me,” billy smiled as if it was a nice little story. “i don’t know what i would have been like if i’d have gotten stuck with my dad. he was mean and vile and hit my mom and i all the time until we just left, it’s the only thing that stopped it,”

“billy—“

“it’s not a pity story, steve. i’m trying to let you know that bad situations only get worse when you try to solve them on your own. and i know your parents probably won’t divorce or anything, so let me help you because i don’t want something to go too far one day that could have been avoidable if you just had someone,”

“i don’t—“

“don’t what?” billy asked, but it sounded more like a threat.

steve’s eyebrows pulled together and he sucked his lips between his teeth, face screwing up in a way that looked almost painful. “i don’t—i don’t know what i did—“

steve let out a gaspy sob that looked like it hurt coming out of his chest, tears that had been pooling for months finally breaking through the barrier, cascading down his face and, if this wasn’t such a heartbreaking moment, almost made his big brown eyes look prettier.

billy, scooting himself off the edge, pulled steve backwards so he could fall into billy’s chest and let it all out.

“you didn’t do anything, stevie,” billy brought a gentle hand up and down steve’s back and arm, “none of this is your fault, i promise. nothing you have done or will do is ever going to make his actions justified, ok?”

steve nodded his head slowly as he continued to cry, but it was less sobbing and more overflowing emotions at this point.

“do you wanna stay at mine tonight?”

“...please,”

“of course,” billy was tempted to kiss steve on the crown of his head, so he did. “you are welcome whenever you need to come over,”

“i’m scared to go back,” steve whispered, heard only slightly over the high winds.

“you don’t have to go back,” billy whispered in return.

“yeah, i do,” steve whispered again, “he’s already mad you interrupted—“

“interrupted what?” billy asked, wondering why steve left off his sentence.

“noth—“

“interrupted what?”

“was hittin’ me with ‘is belt,” steve said into billy’s chest, quiet as he could.

“stevie,” billy cooed, and, somehow, steve didn’t feel like he was being talked down to. it may have been the way it was said or who said it, but it made him feel safe.

they kept sitting their for another hour, at least, and just enjoyed the noise of nature. not loud men, not threatening home lives, just birds singing and wind blowing and the water lapping below the edge.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS 5th Anniversary Book - Sakamaki Ayato [Character Interview]

QUESTION 01. What is your favorite thing right now?

A. Kuku...Let me tell you ‘bout Ore-sama’s treasure! Look, this pencil’s pretty rad, huh? With this lil’ bad boy, any exam is a breeze! It shows you the answer just by rollin’* the pencil. Amazing, right? 

--> A lot of official tests and exams in Japan are multiple choice, which is why some students will get desperate and write the numbers 1 ~ 4 on the sides of a standard pencil and roll the pencil every time, picking whichever number it lands on as the answer for said question. 

QUESTION 02. What are your recent preferences in regards to fashion?

A. Fashion? I don’t care ‘bout that kinda crap, as long as I can move ‘round. I won’t wear any clothes that feel tight ‘round the collar and such. The ones with a hella lot of strings to tie are a pain in the ass as well, so I don’t want to wear those. Also the color’s gotta be red! Red clothes fit me best, so I own a bunch of them!

QUESTION 03. Do you have any subconscious quirks? 

A. I don’t. Ah, but sittin’ in those spinnin’ chairs and twirlin’ ‘round is fun! If all the chairs in the classroom were like that, class would be a little more interesting at least.

QUESTION 04. How do you spend your off days?

A. Visitin’ one Takoyaki place after another! Goin’ ‘round and tryin’ the Takoyaki from various restaurants is my current obsession!* Next holiday, I’ll have Chichinashi make me an extra large Takoyaki!

--> マイブーム or ‘mai bumu’ which comes from the English ‘My boom’ is a term used in Japan to refer to someone’s personal obsession. 

QUESTION 05. What does your sleepwear look like?

A. Ah? I don’t put much thought into what I look like when goin’ to bed. I’m just gonna snooze anyway, so anythin’ will do, right? I don’t want to feel restricted, so there’s times where I just randomly toss off my (upper) clothes and fall asleep like that. I’m honestly not picky ‘bout that kinda stuff. As long as they’re comfortable clothes, anythin’ works. 

QUESTION 06. What’s one thing you always do before going to bed? 

A. I wouldn’t say ‘always’. I go to bed whenever I feel like it, so I don’t have a set thing I do. Well, if I had to name somethin’ I do before hittin’ the hay, I guess it’d be goin’ to suck her blood? 

QUESTION 07. Which part of your own body do you like best?

A. My fangs! Without these, I wouldn’t be able to suck her blood after all. Also, the shape of mine are hella nice! Chichinashi just loves my fangs, you see? I’m convinced she thinks that my fangs are the very best in the whole wide world!

QUESTION 08. What do you like best about your own room? 

A. My Iron Maiden, obviously! It’s cozy to sleep in and the lingerin’ scent of blood is the best! Altho, I do think that room’s a lil’ small for Yours Truly, so I’d love a bigger one. That way, I’d be able to do lots of things with her. 

QUESTION 09. Tell us your most vivid memory with your brothers!

A. Memory? With those dudes? Well, the other day in Kanato’s room, I ate these ‘lil’ cream puffs’ or whatever ‘cause they looked like Takoyaki, and he totally lost his mind. I only ate them ‘cause I thought it was Takoyaki, but they were hella sweet and I got yelled at, it sucked. 

QUESTION 10. How do you feel about Karlheinz?

A. ...I don’t give a fuck. That old fart needs to learn when to shut his damn mouth. ‘Go to class!’ or ‘Study!’ or whatever. He barely gives us any allowance and he’d try and threaten me by sayin’ he’ll ban all Takoyaki! Listen, havin’ that stupid Four-eyes be a nag is already more than plenty! So stop bein’ stingy and raise our monthly allowance!

QUESTION 11. Where would you go on a date?  

A. At home, duh. Goin’ out is such a pain, so simply stayin’ at home is the best. Besides, she’s always so damn fussy ‘bout not wantin’ to have her blood sucked in public whenever we head out. Ah? I gotta give an answer that isn’t ‘home’? Any place will do, I guess? Anywhere, as long as she wants to go.

QUESTION 12. Which kind of gestures from a girl make your heart skip a beat? 

A. Gestures? Ahー ...That one thing. When they tie up their hair, or tuck it back behind one ear, that’s kinda nice, don’t you think? It gives me a clear view of their nape, makin’ me want to latch down right away. Basically they’re showin’ it off, practically beggin’ me to bite them, right? 

QUESTION 13. What does her* blood taste like? 

--> 彼女 or ‘kanojo’ in Japanese can be transated as ‘she/her’, but it is also used to refer to someone’s girlfriend. 

A. It’s sweet. Once I start drinkin’ her blood, I can no longer stop. I never get bored of it, and no matter how much I suck, it just never feels enough.

QUESTION 14. Which body part do you like sucking her blood from? 

A. It’s always delicious, but it just has to be the nape! Not only is it the easiest to suck from, but it’s easily accessible, so I kinda like that, you know?

QUESTION 15. What does she mean to you? 

A. Chichinashi is Chichinashi, right? But well, I guess she’s special? There’s nobody quite like her. From here on out, all she needs to do is be by my side and smile at me like I’m the very best. She’s the woman of Ayato-sama, the world’s most handsome* man after all!

--> かっこいい or ‘kakko-ii’ is often used to describe men as ‘handsome’, referring to their appearance as well as their attitude/behavior. Alternatively, it could be translated as ‘cool’ as well. 

[x-everrosekillings-x]

Reflection: Game # 1

A night of poker turns into a rescue mission when Daryl Dixon discovers an old friend is being abused by her husband, locking her in their bedroom when she wasn’t cooking or entertaining him and his friends, hitting her if she so much as speaks a word without his permission. Daryl is far too familiar with what it’s like to be abused. He takes it upon himself to make sure she gets out safely.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of drug use, sexual harassment by spouse

Word count: 2,336

I was sitting in our recliner when Merle grabbed his keys from our so called kitchen table and stumbled as he fumbled with them.

Where the hell is he goin’ now?

“Hey, little brother. Wanna come? It’s poker night with the boys.”

That’s right it’s Friday ain’t it.

“Gonna be a hell of a good time.” He said, slurring his words a bit. I noticed his eyes were glazed over.

He’s high, again.

As much as I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want him driving’ high as a fucking kite neither. He’s an asshole but he’s still my brother. I snatched the keys from his hands, he looked a bit offended, not that I gave a crap.

“I can drive, Daryl.” He said.

“Nope. No way in hell am I lettin’ you drive.”

“Whatever.” he said. Seemed to be his catch phrase lately.

I headed over to Merle’s old red pick up, the thing had to be older than me. The body was covered with rust but it ran and that’s all that mattered. I jumped into the drivers seat, Merle joining me in the passengers. I inserted the key and turned it. The rust bucket turned over a few times before it started.

The drive was pretty quiet. The silence only being broken by Merle telling a story about some broad he had been with the night before. “Oh boy little brother, she was a looker. Didn’t have to do much this time. She was all over me. Didn’t even have to get ‘er that drunk!” I just hummed “Mmhmm” in response. He was always bringing home some new girl, but always getting them drunk first. They were your typical dyed bleach blondes that had nothing better to do that sleep with a guy they just met. Though, Merle always had his way with the ladies. Me on the other hand, not so much.

The guys place we were going to wasn’t that far, just down the road a bit. I never liked the guy. I met him only one other time. Something just seemed a bit off about him. Couldn’t tell you what though. All I knew is that he was dating an old friend of mine, Elizabeth. Known her since we was kids. Even had a crush on 'er but was never sweet on her. I kinda regret that.

We pulled up to a run down trailer. The trucks brakes screeched as we came to a halt. The heavy metal door squeaked as I shoved it closed. Merle and I walked up to the door, it opened before either of us could knock. The man that greeted us was on the taller side. He wore a stained, white wife beater with jeans that had holes ripped in them. His brown hair looked like he had just gotten out of bed. Could of used a shave too.

“Merle! My ol’ friend, how ya’ been?”

“Good, good. Scott this is my little brother, Daryl.”

“Always a pleasure to meet another Dixon. Put 'er there.” Scott said as he reached his hand out towards me.

I looked at his hand and then back at him. I’m wasn’t much of a hand shaker and I most definitely didn’t want to shake his. So I continued to stare until Merle stepped in.

“He’s just a bit shy is all. Ain’t that right little brother?” Merle said putting an arm around me and laughing nervously.

“Yeah.” I said quietly, shifting my weight to my other leg and crossing my arms.

“Don’t worry we’ll loosen ya up yet Daryl.” Scott said, given’ me a slap on the back. “Come on in! Can my wife get you somethin’ to drink?”

I looked around to find Elizabeth standing in the middle of it.Wife? When did that happen? She said nothing as we entered. Her eyes were planted to the floor and her hands folded in front of her. Some of her long brown hair had fallen into her face. She wore a low necked shirt and a pair of shorts. Her face was peppered with freckles. The make up around her eyes was smudged giving her a slight raccoon look. Still she was darn pretty.

“Elizabeth would you mind gettin’ these gentlemen somethin’ to drink?” Scott said. He placed a hand on her waist. She jumped at his touch. With a nod she went to the fridge, bending over to grab two beers. Scott walked over and smacked her bottom with the palm of his hand.

“Ain’t she got a fine ass fellas?” He said with a grin.

Elizabeth stiffly walked over to me and Merle, handing us each a beer. Merle wasted no time opening his without a word.

“Thanks Liz. Is it alright if I call ya’ Liz?” I asked.

“Sure, you can call 'er whatever you like. I prefer sweet cheeks myself.” Scott interrupted. Putin’ an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in to him. “Isn’t that right, puddin’?”

“That’s right, baby.” She said. A fake smile spreading across her lips.

Believe me, I know when a women is faking a smile. I may not have that much experience with women but my mama was a master at it. That is, until she died in a fire. That’s what brought us to this part of the state anyway.

“I prefer to call 'er by 'er name. That’s why she’s got one ain’t it?” I snarked back at him. His smile disappeared from his face.

A knock at the door broke his attention from me. He moved from her side and made his way to the door. Three more guys.

Great, it’s a fuckin’ party.

Scott gave them the same introduction he gave us. Offering to have his wife get them drinks. But instead of smackin’ her bottom he grabbed her breasts makin’ her almost drop the beers she had in hand.

This guy is really startin’ to piss me off. Why doesn’t she stand up for 'erself? She shouldn’t have to deal with this bullshit.

I took a swallow of my beer as Merle introduced me to the others. I gave a slight nod of my head as a greeting. I didn’t bother learning their names. Not like this was going to become a regular thing.

“Alrighty boys let’s play some poker!” Scott announced raising his beer in the air.

We all go over to an old table that sat in he middle of the kitchen. A total of six chairs were at it. Sitting down, Scott pulled Elizabeth on to his lap, placing a kiss on the side of her neck. My muscles grew tense and I balled my fists.

For christ sake can he just stop already?  God, I need a cigarette.

I pat the pockets of my jeans and then the breast pocket of my plaid cut off shirt.

Shit, I forgot 'em.

“Anyone got a cigarette?” I asked with a sigh.

“Yeah.” One of the guys who’s name I hadn’t learned said. He reached into the breast pocket of his shirt, pulled out a pack, and handed it to me. I took one out of the carton and handed it back.

“Thanks, man.” I said as I placed it in my mouth and grabbing a lighter out of my pocket. I flicked the spark wheel and an orange flame appeared. Bringing the flame to the end of the cigarette I drew a breath in causing the nicotine laced smoke to fill my lungs. My muscles relaxed as I exhaled slowly, sending a cloud in front of me.

We started the first game, Scott dealt out the cards. I’m wasn’t much of a poker player but I knew my way around the table. The hand I was given wasn’t anythin’ special. We all placed our bets, I threw in a few chips. Taking turns we went around the table laying down our cards my. I went first.

“Straight” I said taking another drag on my cigarette and taping the ashes into the ash tray.

“I fold” The guy who gave me a cigarette said.

“Me too.”

“Three of a kind.” Scott said.

“Flush” said the other unknown man.

“Full house!” Merle said with a laugh. “Looks like I won this round fellas.” He said as he pulled in the poker chips that laid in the middle of the table.

“Good hand Merle. Wouldn’t expect anything less. How about you go give the man a kiss, babe.” Scott said patting Elizabeth’s bottom.

She rose from his lap and walked over to Merle. I watched her the whole time. Her blue eyes never leaving mine. She looked like she wanted to tell me something. Once she reach Merle, she bent down to place a kiss on his cheek but Merle turned his head at the last moment making her lips meet his.

“Thanks darlin’.” He said softly.

I smacked his shoulder and said “What the hell?”

“What? I can help myself. A girl like that, I gotta take what I can get.” He said with a sly grin.

I press my cigarette into the the ash tray, putting it out. My muscles grew tense again and watched as she returned to Scotts lap.

“Mind if I use your bathroom?” I asked.

“Go ahead. Lizzy here will show ya.” Scott said shuffling the cards. “Want us to wait for ya?”

“Nah. Go ahead and play.” I said getting up from my chair.

Elizabeth rose from his lap as with out a word showed me the way. She stopped suddenly, almost making me bump into her. I stop and look at her.

“Listen, I need to talk to ya’.” I whispered. “Something’s not right with you and Scott, any dumbass can see that. Now what is it? Is he hittin’ ya or somethin’?”

She stared into my eyes and  muscles in her jaw tensed up. I stared right back at her. In her eyes was something so familiar. Anger? Fear?

“The bathroom is right through that door.” She said with her voice thick with a southern accent.

“Fine. You don’t have to tell me, I’m just trying ta help.”

She turned her back to me and sighed as she crossed her arms, taking a few steps away from me. I sighed and pursed my lips. Taking a a step towards her I lowered my voice back down to a whisper.

“Listen, if at anytime you want me to help jus’ give the word. One word and that’s it. Alright?”

I brushed her shoulder with mine as I walked past her and back out to where the guys were.

“What were you two doin’ that took so long? Wait, I know. You were bonin’ her weren’t ya’ Daryl? Can’t say I blame ya’. She’s one fine piece a ass.” Scott said as Elizabeth and I re entered the room.

“We was just catchin’ up. I’ve know 'er since we was kids.” I said sitting back down.

“Is that right? You never told me you knew Daryl, puddin’.” Scott said as Elizabeth returned to his lap.

“It was a long time ago. I didn’t think to mention it.” She said shrugging her shoulders.

We continued to play long into the night. Merle was downing beer after beer. He easily drank ten or more. I drew each drink out, only having drank three by the end of the night, though I kinda wished I drank more.

I helped Merle from his seat and made sure he was steady on his feet before lettin’ him go. He stumbled towards the door, nearly falling a few times before catching the door to steady himself.

You still can’t hold your damn liquor can ya’ Merle?

“See you both next week?” Scott called after us.

“You know it buddy!” Merle said  a little to loudly.

I looked back at Elizabeth and her bright blue met mine once again.

“See you next week Daryl?” Scott asked.

My eyes moved from hers to his. “Yeah.” I said.

I flashed my gaze back to her one last time in search of that familiarity that I saw before. I turned back to the door and left.

The drive back home was quiet. Merle had passed almost instantly. I was tired myself and could wait to go to sleep.

We pulled up in our driveway. I nudged Merle in an attempt to wake him up. “Merle.” I said. “Merle.” I repeated, nudging him a little harder each time.

“What ya’ want?” He grumbled.

“We’re home.”

“Leave me be.”

“Nope, come on.” I persisted.

“Did ya’ not fuckin’ hear me?” He said, raising his voice.

“Fine!” I said. I got out and just before I slammed the truck door I mumbled ��Asshole.”

I walked up the steps to our old shack and opened the door. Upon entering, I threw the keys back onto the kitchen table and headed directly for my room. I sat down on my twin sized bed and it creaked beneath my weight. I reached over to the nightstand that was beside my bed and opened its drawer. In t sat a black revolver. I liked to check to make sure that it is there. Never know when you’re going to need it.

Tiredness had began to set and I removed my shirt and jeans as well as my boots. As I laid back on the bed and I adjusted myself into a comfortable position, propping one knee up and placing a hand behind my head and pulled the covers over my bottom half. I attempted to sleep but I found myself thinking about Elizabeth, making me sigh in frustration.

The house was quiet and I finally started to drift off to sleep when the sudden sound of the front door opening broke it. The footsteps that followed I knew were Merle’s. I turned my back to the doorway as he passed my room.

I glanced at the clock on the night stand next to my bed, 2:55 am. I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

[ozma914]

Walking Dead/Smoky and The Bandit crossover fanfiction. No, really.

So, I saw a familiar semi trailer on an episode of The Walking Dead last year:

Turns out it is the very same trailer that was part of Bandit's semi (although if you ask me, it should have been called Snowman's semi, since he drove it through most of the movie). Well, that got my creative juices flowing. How did that trailer end up on the side of the road, during the zombie apocalypse? So I wrote the story, and you can find it on the newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/2abeb8e942f2/what-do-the-walking-dead-and-smokey-and-the-bandit-have-in-common? Which, for some reason, seemed to erase the comparison photo above after I sent it out. So people are saying, "What's that funny little icon, and what semi trailer are you talking about?" And I apparently can't edit my newsletter once it's sent, which kinda makes sense since it's been sent since (say that three times fast), so I'm posting it here, too. One of the fun things about fanfiction is that you can merge two worlds that would otherwise never exist. My old fanfiction can be found under Ozma914 over at fanfiction.net, and includes such things as a meeting between Doctor Who and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ONE LAST LONG HAUL

“Bandit, this is the Snowman. Looks like those deadheads got the highway backed up all the way up to the 360. C’mon back.”

Snowman released the mic before letting his frustration out with a series of curses. Not that anyone cared about cussing on the radio anymore, but old habits, and all. He braked the eighteen wheeler, looking for a way around the sea of walking dead that stretched across the two lane highway as far as the eye could see. Suggesting the herd stopped at the 360 mile marker was wishful thinking.

“Snowman, we’re working on it, son. But the interstate’s a no-go—full of parked cars to the Carolina state line. We gotta find a way through ‘em, even if you dent my rig.”

Well, then. Attracted by the truck’s rumbling diesel engine, the walkers had started moving his way. Snowman put the rig in reverse and started backing slowly, while considering his options. This was the part where he’d talk to Fred, if his poor old dog hadn’t passed away years ago. Maybe it was for the best.

He was down to an eighth of a tank. The trailer, still decorated from the glory days with its bandit and stagecoach décor, was empty after a failed supply run to the south. He could always abandon it and try to hike around the herd, to get back to his friends and family.

It would take forever.

For a moment Snowman rubbed his three day stubble, then picked up the mic again. “Bandit … you find a place for the group?”

“I did, but we used up about all our gas getting there. Safe place, Snowman—I already dropped off your wife and kids, they’re fine. Guy in charge there’s got a tiger. A real tiger! You gotta see it. I picked up some more friends, too.”

Snowman chuckled, but he also understood Bandit’s underlying meaning. He had to see it. Had to get there, and with their fuel about out, that would be their last stop. No more long hauls across the countryside. Well, they were getting too old for that, anyway.

But first he had to get there.

“Now, son, don’t do anything stupid. We’re on our way.”

“Heh. Bandit, son, I think ‘stupid’ and ‘get through’ might be connected.” Snowman backed up more, being careful to stay between the lines. No tow trucks, not anymore. After some mental calculations, he backed up another hundred feet. It was all about force versus control.

There were thousands of them, shambling toward him. Thousands. And what if they someday turned north, and headed toward his family’s new sanctuary?

“Bandit, you make sure they get taken care of, y’hear?”

“Snowman, now, we’re almost there--!”

Almost there in what? That light little Trans Am? It wouldn’t make it past the first row. Snowman checked his safety belt, jammed the truck into gear, and hit the gas.

As he worked through the gears, the empty truck picked up speed quickly. He barely even felt the first impacts, as bodies flew right and left, but soon the rig began to shudder and lose momentum. The steering wheel jerked as bodies piled up beneath the semi. Snowman gripped it harder, his foot still hard on the accelerator.

There were so many dead. He got only a glimpse of one before it hit the corner of the cab—the guy was a giant, probably this biggest man in Virginia, or maybe the whole Southeast. At least, that was the instant impression Snowman got of him—six foot eight easy, closing in on 400 pounds. He must have been an easy target for the walkers, but he looked freshly dead … or as close to fresh as the dead got, these days.

The giant disappeared, and the big rig veered to the right.

The steering wheel spun out of Snowman’s hands. Without the seatbelt he’d have been thrown across the cab, as the semi launched itself across a ditch and into a field. Cursing, he hauled the wheel to the left and hung on as the truck jounced its way back toward the road, losing speed way too fast.

Suddenly it surged forward—he’d lost the trailer in the grass behind him.

For a moment he thought he’d get control back, but now the engine began stuttering as he steered through a grassy area, looking for a good place to regain the pavement. When the front wheels hit the ditch again, they stayed there. Somehow he’d kept the truck upright, but as its engine went silent Snowman knew this was the end of the line.

He’d made it maybe three-quarters of the way through the herd. Now those that could still walk did, headed toward where they’d last seen noise and movement.

“Took a lot of 'em with us, though.” He had a knife, strapped to his belt. There was the metal bar by the door, the same one Bandit had used to check tire pressure since he hauled his first load, all those years ago. But when Snowman reached for it, it was gone, maybe bounced somewhere behind the seat. “Well, now.” Snowman scooped up the mic. “Bandit, this is the Snowman, you got your ears on?”

“Snowman, you keepin’ the sunny side up and the bloody side down?”

Snowman gave a short laugh. “Son, I’m still up, but the rig’s down for the count. Didn’t quite make it through that crowd of deadheads, they’re worse than hittin’ Atlanta at rush hour. Don’t think I’m gonna make our rendezvous.” So close. His hand closed over the knife hilt, but already the dead were approaching the cab door, clustering up by the dozens. At least Bandit and Frog would take care of his family.

Then he heard a sound he’d never imagined hearing again. A sound he used to hate.

A siren.

“What?” Far ahead, through spatters and streaks of blood on the truck windshield, red lights flashed. A truck engine roared as it plowed into the herd.

It moved forward relentlessly, the gore collecting on it blending with its red paint job. A fire truck.

“Okay, Snowman, if you can’t make the rendezvous, we’ll just have to bring the rendezvous to you. Ten-four?”

As the truck got closer Bandit’s grinning face—how did he keep that handsome mustache in this mess?—appeared behind the wheel. He had two passengers, a small female in the front and someone he couldn’t make out in the back. The truck knocked down the closest walkers, then stopped in line with the semi cab. Bandit had to keep a little distance to allow for door clearance, and a few walkers stumbled forward until the figure in the back opened his door and drew a revolver.

Holy crap. It can’t be.

“What are you waitin’ for, you sumbitch? Get your ass in the truck!” Hanging from the cab, Sheriff Buford T. Justice took one-handed aim and blew a hole in the nearest walker’s head. Three more shots, three more dead-on hits. Then he scooted across the back seat—pretty quickly, for someone his size—to give Snowman room.

It was an easy jump from semi to fire truck. Well, easy when you didn’t want to touch what was jumbled across the pavement between them.

As soon as the door closed, Bandit put the truck into reverse. His legendary driving ability served him well as he backed up in the same path he’d entered, using only the side mirrors to navigate. A few more walkers had stumbled into that route, but proved no problem for the fire engine’s powerful motor. Through it all, Bandit still had time to flash his friend a grin. “You all owe me for that truck!”

“But how--?” Snowman flailed his arm toward the uniformed man beside him, who he now realized had lost a lot of weight. “How--?”

Justice made a dismissive wave, then realized he still held the gun and holstered it. “You think the gol-durn apocalypse is gonna keep me from tracking you and the Bandit down?”

Snowman glanced at Frog--no, Carrie, since CB handles hadn't mattered for a long time. She'd turned to kneel on her seat so she could see them. He saw the sympathy in her eyes, which made him look at Justice more closely and see the hangdog look, the dark bags under his eyes. His hat was gone, his hair pure white. “Sheriff … um, where’s Junior?”

Justice made a scoffing noise. “After my wife passed on, Junior wasn’t worth a bag of hair.” He squared his shoulders. “He went down fightin’ though, I’ll give him that.”

“I’m sorry, Sheriff,” Carrie said. “He was a good boy.”

“Yeah, well. After that, seemed like there wasn’t anything left but pursuin’ you all. So that’s what I did.”

“You caught us, sure enough.” Having made it through the horde, Bandit turned the truck around and accelerated away. “We’ll be out of gas by the time we get back to that crazy king and his tiger, so looks like our chasing days are over.”

They were all silent for a moment, as the truck roared down the road. “Guess my wife will be glad about that,” Snowman finally said. “So, how did you find that place, anyway?”

Bandit laughed. “Got waved down by a guy who looks exactly like Jesus, he pointed us that way. Said we’d fit right in.”

“So—you let Jesus take the wheel?" Snowman couldn’t help laughing.  "Ten-four."

"I'm not going down there. I hear zombies down there."

[badgerslick]

Jeeves Peeves - Nocturnal Emissions (Part 20)

One of the most popular summer travel destinations is Yellowstone.  We follow a New Jersey family.  The  Ekbotts, Olsen, Yart, 5 yr. old Igor,  10 yr. old Wana & Yart's mother, Nana Yigger. Nana:  Travel all these miles. Drag me from the basement. For What? T'  see some leakin' earth           water. Kin't hardly wait. Ogden:  Shaddup, you ungrateful old crow. Nana:  Keep sayin' ya  shoulda married that Rillo, forklift operatins' steady work. Wana:  If u remember Nana, if it wasn't for your teeth, I'd of never met Ogden. Nana:  I rue the day I stopped brushin' mah teeth. Didn't think you'd go for a denture technician. Igor:  Look, water spraying everywhere! Wana:  That's  a geyser, little bro.     Nana:  Uggh, smells like sulfur. Ogden:  Yeah, you should be familiar w/ the smell. The stench is like your breath. Nana:  'Member this alien. I was a volunteer knitting teacher. I kin thrust one a' them needles            right thru you pickle neck. Ogden:  I remember when I had to fit her dentures. Had to wear a haz-mat mask. Yart:  You two never stop. Outta be in a sitcom. Call it, 'If Words Could Kill'. Igor & Wana:  We're hungry. Got any snacks?   Yart:  Got your favorites. Shoe strings. Cheetos. Fritos. Doritos. Pork wrinkles. Chips. Pretzels.         Chili con queso, salsa, onion & bean, sour cream dill dip, popcorn. Darn, forgot the Spam. Igor & Wana:  Yummy, got any dessert?   Yart:  Ding Dongs. Twinkies. Hostess cupcakes & pies. Snickers. Milky Way.  Darn, forgot the         candy corn.       Wana:  Mom, Nana put her dentures on my lap again. Nana:  'Course I did. Muh dress is soiled. Ogden:  There's a rest area up here. Nana, get the diaper bag & head for the latrine. Nana:  Don't tell me whut t' do alien. Ogden:  What are you gonna do?  Attack me w/ your gums?  Owww....fuckin' old bat!   Wana:  Look dad, mom put Igor on the back of a buffalo!   Ogden:  What??? Yart:  Quick Ogden, get a photo. Damn buffalo got his head turned. Throw a big rock at his head. Ogden:  What??? Yart:  Do it now. Before he charges!   Wana:  Damn, that beast bucked Igor about 12 feet up that pine tree. Yart:  Quick Ogden, he's chargin' Nana! Ogden:  Fuck th' old magpie.   Wana:  Nana's got her knittin' needles out!  Standin' her ground! Took her trench coat off! Using            it as a matador cape!     Ranger Fred:  Hey Earl, ever seen the likes a' this?  Woman scarin' a bull bison? Ranger Earl:  Not ever! Wouldn't wanna mess w/ that old crone!   Ranger Fred:  Git the ladder so's we kin git the boy down. Ranger Earl:  You okay youngin'?   Igor:  Sure. Hey mom, dad, that was fun, can I do it again? Ogden:  All a' yous. Git your asses in the car. NOW!!!   Yart:  Pull over here Ogden. Ogden:  What now?   Yart:  I'm gonna cook us dinner. Ya hungry kids? Igor & Wana:  Always!  What about Nana?   Ogden:  Fuck the old crow. She's sleepin' off the Cheetos & Ding Dongs. Leave her be. Wana:  Hey mom, sign says no cookin' during bear season. Yart:  Haven't seen a bear since we entered the park. It's spring. Bears too busy mating t' be a          bother. Fires' goin', hand me those dogs, big bag a' veggies. Gonna be kabob night!   Igor:  I hear something in the brush, growling too. Yart: Sounds like Ogden at home, takin' a dump. Ogden:  Was takin' a dump, bear & 2 cubs sniffing around. We better go!   Yart:  You worry too much. Mama bear prob'ly too busy w/ the cubs t' care. Ogden:  Let's git outta here!  They're runnin' hard, right at us! Yart:  Y' might be right. I'll hold 'em off w/ the frying pan!   Ranger Fred:  Never seen anything like it.  Skinny little thing w/ that cast iron skillet, holdin' off                       that mama bear. Family runnin' t' the car. Ranger Earl:  Yeah, her hittin' the mama bears head, sounded like muffled church bells.   Ogden:  You're my hero Yart, saved our asses. Yart:  Lost the food, hafta order out at the motel. Won't be hard, got fast food everywhere!   Yart:  Where you been, it's late? Ogden:  Heard a sound in the old pelican's room. She checked out. Yart:  She......I don't git it. Ogden:  Fell off the bed. Think she choked on her dentures. Yart:  Mammmma! Ogden:  Took care of it. Called in a favor from the Manballino brothers. They own a packing plant              in Jersey. Course I gotta give 'em free dentures for the next couple years. Anyway, had              Dino call an 'associate', got a meat packing plant outside the park. They dress out meat  for hunters.              Park rangers put down old elk, deer,buffalo. The Granvanni brothers here dress 'em out             freeze dry some of the meat , including Nana & truck it back east. Real close to my office. Yart:  You didn't. How.....I know I'm gonna regret this......did u get her to the plant? Ogden:  W/ all the crap in the car, didn't have room for the carcass...er...Nana. Had to drive her to              the plant. Wanted it to appear like I just shot a deer. Wrapped her in plastic bags. Got a              set a' deer horns, legs & hoofs from the lobby. Duct taped 'em to her ankles & head.              Ripped the bags so if anyone looked, all they seen is hoofs & horns stickin' outta the              bags. Cino  & Carmine had 'er freeze-dried & on a refrigerated semi headed east before              I left the place. Yart:  God you're cold. Ogden:  So's the old vulture. Igor & Wana:  What's all the noise? Woke us up?   Yart:  Nana's gone...back east. Igor & Wana:  Whatever...We'll  soap & rinse the back seat. Ogden:  I been thinkin'. Been a crazy trip out here in the wilderness. Had enough of roughing it.              How about we go to Disney World?   Yart, Igor & Wana:  Yeeeeeee!!!!!!                                              Peevishly............Jeeves

[badgerslick]

Jeeves Peeves - Nocturnal Emissions (Part 11)

One of the most popular summer travel destinations is Yellowstone.  We follow a New Jersey family.  The  Ekbotts, Olsen, Yart, 5 yr. old Igor,  10 yr. old Wana & Yart's mother, Nana Yigger. 

Nana:  Travel all these miles. Drag me from the basement. For What? T'  see some leakin' earth 

            water. Kin't hardly wait. 

Ogden:  Shaddup, you ungrateful old crow. 

Nana:  Keep sayin' ya  shoulda married that Rillo, forklift operatins' steady work. 

Wana:  If u remember Nana, if it wasn't for your teeth, I'd of never met Ogden. 

Nana:  I rue the day I stopped brushin' mah teeth. Didn't think you'd go for a denture technician. 

Igor:  Look, water spraying everywhere! 

Wana:  That's  a geyser, little bro.    

Nana:  Uggh, smells like sulfur. 

Ogden:  Yeah, you should be familiar w/ the smell. The stench is like your breath. 

Nana:  'Member this alien. I was a volunteer knitting teacher. I kin thrust one a' them needles 

            right thru you pickle neck. 

Ogden:  I remember when I had to fit her dentures. Had to wear a haz-mat mask. 

Yart:  You two never stop. Outta be in a sitcom. Call it, 'If Words Could Kill'. 

Igor & Wana:  We're hungry. Got any snacks?  

Yart:  Got your favorites. Shoe strings. Cheetos. Fritos. Doritos. Pork wrinkles. Chips. Pretzels. 

          Chili con queso, salsa, onion & bean, sour cream dill dip, popcorn. Darn, forgot the Spam. 

Igor & Wana:  Yummy, got any dessert?  

Yart:  Ding Dongs. Twinkies. Hostess cupcakes & pies. Snickers. Milky Way.  Darn, forgot the

          candy corn.      

Wana:  Mom, Nana put her dentures on my lap again. 

Nana:  'Course I did. Muh dress is soiled. 

Ogden:  There's a rest area up here. Nana, get the diaper bag & head for the latrine. 

Nana:  Don't tell me whut t' do alien. 

Ogden:  What are you gonna do?  Attack me w/ your gums?  Owww....fuckin' old bat!  

Wana:  Look dad, mom put Igor on the back of a buffalo!  

Ogden:  What???

Yart:  Quick Ogden, get a photo. Damn buffalo got his head turned. Throw a big rock at his head. 

Ogden:  What???

Yart:  Do it now. Before he charges!  

Wana:  Damn, that beast bucked Igor about 12 feet up that pine tree. 

Yart:  Quick Ogden, he's chargin' Nana!

Ogden:  Fuck th' old magpie.  

Wana:  Nana's got her knittin' needles out!  Standin' her ground! Took her trench coat off! Using 

            it as a matador cape!    

Ranger Fred:  Hey Earl, ever seen the likes a' this?  Woman scarin' a bull bison? 

Ranger Earl:  Not ever! Wouldn't wanna mess w/ that old crone!  

Ranger Fred:  Git the ladder so's we kin git the boy down. 

Ranger Earl:  You okay youngin'?  

Igor:  Sure. Hey mom, dad, that was fun, can I do it again? 

Ogden:  All a' yous. Git your asses in the car. NOW!!!  

Yart:  Pull over here Ogden. 

Ogden:  What now?  

Yart:  I'm gonna cook us dinner. Ya hungry kids?

Igor & Wana:  Always!  What about Nana?  

Ogden:  Fuck the old crow. She's sleepin' off the Cheetos & Ding Dongs. Leave her be. 

Wana:  Hey mom, sign says no cookin' during bear season. 

Yart:  Haven't seen a bear since we entered the park. It's spring. Bears too busy mating t' be a

          bother. Fires' goin', hand me those dogs, big bag a' veggies. Gonna be kabob night!  

Igor:  I hear something in the brush, growling too. 

Yart: Sounds like Ogden at home, takin' a dump. 

Ogden:  Was takin' a dump, bear & 2 cubs sniffing around. We better go!  

Yart:  You worry too much. Mama bear prob'ly too busy w/ the cubs t' care. 

Ogden:  Let's git outta here!  They're runnin' hard, right at us! 

Yart:  Y' might be right. I'll hold 'em off w/ the frying pan!  

Ranger Fred:  Never seen anything like it.  Skinny little thing w/ that cast iron skillet, holdin' off

                        that mama bear. Family runnin' t' the car. 

Ranger Earl:  Yeah, her hittin' the mama bears head, sounded like muffled church bells.  

Ogden:  You're my hero Yart, saved our asses. 

Yart:  Lost the food, hafta order out at the motel. Won't be hard, got fast food everywhere!  

Yart:  Where you been, it's late?

Ogden:  Heard a sound in the old pelican's room. She checked out. 

Yart:  She......I don't git it. 

Ogden:  Fell off the bed. Think she choked on her dentures. 

Yart:  Mammmma! 

Ogden:  Took care of it. Called in a favor from the Manballino brothers. They own a packing plant

              in Jersey. Course I gotta give 'em free dentures for the next couple years. Anyway, had

              Dino call an 'associate', got a meat packing plant outside the park. They dress out meat  for hunters. 

              Park rangers put down old elk, deer,buffalo. The Granvanni brothers here dress 'em out 

              freeze dry some of the meat , including Nana & truck it back east. Real close to my office. 

Yart:  You didn't. How.....I know I'm gonna regret this......did u get her to the plant? 

Ogden:  W/ all the crap in the car, didn't have room for the carcass...er...Nana. Had to drive her to

              the plant. Wanted it to appear like I just shot a deer. Wrapped her in plastic bags. Got a

              set a' deer horns, legs & hoofs from the lobby. Duct taped 'em to her ankles & head. 

              Ripped the bags so if anyone looked, all they seen is hoofs & horns stickin' outta the 

              bags. Cino  & Carmine had 'er freeze-dried & on a refrigerated semi headed east before 

              I left the place. 

Yart:  God you're cold. 

Ogden:  So's the old vulture. 

Igor & Wana:  What's all the noise? Woke us up?  

Yart:  Nana's gone...back east. 

Igor & Wana:  Whatever...We'll  soap & rinse the back seat. 

Ogden:  I been thinkin'. Been a crazy trip out here in the wilderness. Had enough of roughing it. 

              How about we go to Disney World?  

Yart, Igor & Wana:  Yeeeeeee!!!!!! 

                                              Peevishly............Jeeves