#gotta find that one post thats like 'sex ed? how stupid do you have to be to study for sex lol??'

[zeravmeta]

i know luffy is aroace coded (and in my heart he is, celibacy win!) but also i think we are underestimating the potential comedy of luffy having sex because that idiot is irreverent of every single thing and you just know he wouldn't find sex to be like. special. its just something people do for fun!

his ass is on the snail phone within the hour like traffy did you know about sex??? lets have some! and then the strawhats have to tackle him away from the phone before they have like 4 separate naval armadas at their doorstep vying for the opportunity

[ayahne]

i can’t write, i say as i write 8 pages on Word

I discussed this simple little idea i had with @adelmortescryche from 2AM to 5AM and now it’s not a little idea. A lot of ideas thrown mostly randomly together on the same fic idea i will never write cause i write baaaad.

I call it : EdRi!!! On Para-Ice

- When Yuuri arrives at Wayne State to major in buisness and become a pro skater, he meets the four people with who he's going to share lodging.

- Ling is his age, he's a Xingian diplomat son that want to keep it low-key, and he's majoring in political science. He's a funny, eccentric kind of guy, and he makes Lan Fan mad.

- Lan Fan is « totally not » his body guard, and she's majoring in chemistry. She's a strange blend of calm and hot-temper. He likes her.

- There's also Phichit, ; he's younger, but so nice and enthusiastic ; he wants to do photography. (he's Thai and doesn't speaks much english, but everyone helps him and stick colored notes cards to everything and he learns quickly).

- And there's Edward Curtis, who is half cyborg, hot tempered, foul mouthed and full of shit and loyalty. He's younger than him, but more advanced than him in his studies. (« He's a genius », explains Lan Fan.) They got on like a house on fire.

- Strangely, even if they're so different from each other, they share the apartment fine. Lan Fan and Ed go run in the mornings, Ling cooks, Yuuri and Phichit go to the ice ring... They fit.

- Ed is a bit hyperactive, and when Lan Fan is too occupied to spar with him, he gotta finds something to do. (« No Ed, you can't punch people in the face. ») He visits Yuuri and Phichit at the ice ring, and he tries a bit of skating ; it's challenging, he likes it.

- Yuuri starts to teach him simple figures : a single-toe-loop, a sit-spin... Ed spend his time falling on his face because the automails are destabilizing him, but he's tired and happy when he masters a new move. From there, you can't stop him. Skating becomes the escape to his problems, and the guilt he feels.

- He comes to every of Yuuri's event to cheer him on ; he manage the panic attacks like it's nobody's buisness, and Yuuri starts to feel more confident. It's great time, they have fun.

- But one day, there's an accident ; the huge score board fall on Yuuri that just finished his routine. They have to amputate his arm.

- Ed has lived this before, and acts quick. He's there through everything, the hospital ride, the hospital stay, the therapy. With the others, he persuades Yuuri to get an automail (« Hey, we match now. ») He never let him wallow in his depression, and he puts him back on his skates with his therapist acceptance.

- They fight, with all the others, through Yuuri's terror of the ice, and slowly, slowly, he finds back his love for the ice ; he starts to skate again, to being confident. Ed does it all with him, he's his crutch. (« I miss two limbs. If i can do it, you can do it better. » And Yuuri does.)

(beware of the cut)

- "dude you can fucking make a quint and fly on the ice " says Yuuri "dont care still jealous" answer Ed, and they laugh and Phichit posts it on instagram

- Yuuri's like, welp, if you can do it, I should at least try and everyone screams NO because he's older than Ed. Except Ed, who's rolling his eyes being like, he could totally do it, he's older than me and just as flexible.

- They're both ULTRA flexible

- Cue Ed teaching Yuuri how to make some of his fighting moves on ice

- Cue Yuuri teaching Ed more quads

- All those EdRi comments. The first few are just fujoshi slobbering over them and their bromance, then someone who actually knows something about skating figures out what they're seeing and they sCREAM.

- And the skating fandom has a meltdown.

- Phichit posting out of context photos, like warming up when they're in weird yoga poses, and it seems a bit more intimate than it is.

- With tags like '#MySmolSonsBeFlexi' '#MustNotLetEdSeeTagsHeWillSlayMe'

- Phichit and all the others being DEADLY TIRED than his frighteningly prodigious friends not getting recognition just because they've got automail.

- Doesn't people realise that automail makes it harder ?

- “It's easier with automail ?” * Ed proceeds to detach his own arm and dump it on the stupid fuck's lap who crumble under the weight. * “Try lifting something that weight more than yourself higher than your head, and even spin with something ressembling grace when you have a brick instead of an arm”.

- Pole dancing class as part of the automail recovery therapy. Yuuri smiles, and he's like, this was totally for medical reasons.

- The ports gets cold and hurt when they're too long in the ice ring, so for when they train Phichit knitted them horrible arm socks (and leg sock for Ed). Knitting is not Phichit forte, and the mitts are ridiculous at best.

- Yuuri's favorite is a kaki monstruosity with purple polka dots, orange stripes, and some brown squiggles that are supposed to be flowers.

- Ed's are one atomic pink with red hearts on it, and a blue one with barely recognisable hamsters.

- The photos of them with it become viral.

- He decides to go back to competing, and he slays the handisport section. He wins all of the gold medals in the juniors, and then in the seniors.

- He's got a new coach ; she's pretty, kind and maternal, attentive to his anxieties and the fact that Ed is basically is contra-phobic object ; she's perfect, and exactly what he needs. Her name is Gracia Hugues.

- For his galas, he always do something with Ed (and either they do funny shit things, either they some mind-numbing show of skills mixing Ed's talents in flying martial arts and Yuuri's adaptability- anyways they're breathtaking)

- There's a fanbase dedied to their bromance, and some people do RPF with them.

- Ed browsing deviantart and diying a little bit (but save the nice, bro, safe ones on his phone.)

- Yuuri reading fanfictions, selecting the crack fics and the AUs to laugh with Ed, Phichit and Lin. (and Lan Fan. She's there, silently laughing)

- They're so much more low key about the bromance than Phichit and Yuuri that people have a lot more opinions about their bromance. And are sure it's a romance.

- Yuuri obviously finds it hilarious.

- Ed and Yuuri doing shit like this on purpose.

- One day on tv, some jackass ask if he doesn't miss his limbs, and Ed answers "thats equivalent exchange" while looking at Yuuri. The shippers goes mad, Yuuri goes awww cause he knows Ed meant it very innocently

- They only pop up in Phichit, Ling, and Yuri social medias because they dont take vids themselves or photos and even less post them

-  One day, there's an hORRIBLE rant made by a dude that says that Ed and Yuuri are lucky to have found the other because who would want any of those disgusting cripples

- and they're a bit hurt but not much because they told themselves the same thing since they got their accidents

- But Phichit sees red. He takes THE photo.

- the one after the showers after practice, where you can see skin, soft scars, glinting metal, muscles and cloth making it SFW, and no comment under it like he use to.

- It broke twitter

- (Yuri totally roasted the guy that DARED insult his idol.)

- Roy Mustang is an ex-man-single prodigy. He was adored by the public. When he retired, he decided he wanted to go into Amestrian politics (ie, the Army).

- He's the one that presented his old buddy from the army, Maes, to Gracia. (people all around the world whined when they announced that it was Maes marrying Gracia and not him.)

- Roy isn't sure if he's happy for both his friends because Maes became 1000% more annoying after meeting Gracia. (That's a lie, he loves them both and is more than happy.)

- When he became a state alchemist, his fans where like “fire alchemy ??? U SURE ?”

- Yuri Plisetesky is a die-hard Yuuri Katsuki fan, and he finds it unfair that

    1. no same sex couple on the ice, and it sucks because those two could do some pretty awesome shit

    2. Ed doesn't compete because not enough money and he don't care much for the competition ; he's there for the fun and for Yuuri

    3. he'd love to skate on the same ice as Yuuri but, eh, handi sections and mainstream ones doesn't mix. He hates the federation so much.

    4. no one knows about the handi athletes apart of Yuri and Otabek (because he whines at him) and he finds it the most irritating thing in the world, it's a TRAVESTY.

- And just, one day, he goes to Yuuri's ice ring, and he watches him, film him for future reference and manage to catch on film a *quad axel*.

- And the regular skaters, they're like "wait what" when they see the video of the first quad axel in history

- "but we don't know that guy"

- and Yuri goes in a screaming rant about how they're all stupid, it's “FUCKING YUURI KATSUKI YOU HEATHENS HOW DARE YOU FORGET HIM HE COULD HAVE BEEN THE BEST RIVAL FOR GOLD IF NOT FOR THAT ACCIDENT HE HAD TO LEAVE MAINSTREAM SKATING AND NOW YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HIM?!”

- And one day, Viktor, dense fridge that he is, find irl EdRi doing some figures in a public ice ring. He goes to Yuuri, says something like you skate nice, have you considered going pro, and ed punches him because the dunce doesn’t remember sharing the ice with Yuuri

- "I was too fucking kind i should have decked him with the metal one"

- Yuuri is nrgh between "he punched Viktor" and "am i that forgettable"

- Yuuri's also like Ed No Ed Stahp. While smiling happily because spiteful savage Yuuri. Who doesn't want Victor to get hurt, but he forgot.

- "We said no punching, Ed"

- ”Ed we talked about this.”

- ZE discussion they have all the time ; "Can i punch that dick in the dick" "No u cant"

- And he can only punch people if Yuuri is okay with it because everyone deem that if Yuuri thinks a dude deserve to be punched then he deserves it.

- If Yuuri thinks it's time to punch someone then it's time. Yuuri's everyone's moral compass. Except he isn't a good moral compass, because sometimes he's sassy and spiteful.

- Yuuri with really long hair after he stopped mainstream mens singles.

- First he was too depressed to cut it, then he realized it's easier for the automail. The hair gets stuck less in the joints and if they're long you can take them out easier.

- Phichit doing artistic© photos of tanned light hair Ed and pale dark hair Yuuri and destroying Instagram

- Al and Ed have been apart since they were 8 and 10 and they had the failed transmutation that left Al in a coma for 3 years with nearly no memories of his brother, and Ed without limbs.

- They went to different foster families ; Ed with Izumi and Sig, Al with the Rockbell. And Al doesn't remember Ed much, only what Pinako told him (he loved you more than anything, he was persuaded the accident is his fault)

- Olivia Armstrong is Ed social worker. The whole Briggs team work in social services.

- Ed refusing to search for his bro cause he's sure Al hates him, and, sure, Ed hates himself but not to the point of subjecting himself to that.

- Yuuri comforting him when he has nightmares about it, not saying a thing when Ed cries at night cause he misses Al.

- Phichit  stalking the whole internet to update Ed on how Al is doing.

- Al being so admirative of E.Curtis works in "Alchemy Actual". Pinako wince in the background.

- Al finds it hard to connect E. Curtis to his brother because E. Curtis is notoriously secretive. No one knows anything about him.

- Al doesn't watch ice-skating, and isn't much a fan of phichit-chu. And no matter how many times he falls on a video of Edward C. he can't connect either of them to his brother. Pinako's starting to wonder if he's ever going to realise Ed-on-screen and Ed-the-alchemist is Ed his brother. She shighs in exasperation and wonder why he's so dense.

- May being Ling's pint sized badass little sister (one of many but his favorite even if loves giving her shit)

- May is irritating and wonderful and god he wishes he could introduce her to Al.

- May find Al by herself and is like “... most beautiful boy i've ever seen in my entire life omg”

- She posts photo of her and him on insta, and Phichit send them to Ed, he becomes crazy.

- Al being in a perpetual state of “Wait what” concerning her.

- “Beautiful girl came out of no where to talk to me and flirt with me and take pictures with me what'

- She starts talking alkahestry and suddenly he doesn't register her pretty face anymore she's clever who cares about pretty I can talk about alchemy with her !!!

- May finds him adorable

- Cue budding romance while their big brothers are having aneurisms on the side. Yuuri, Phichit and Lan Fan finds it hilarious.

- And at LEAST Ling can interact with his sister and NOW AL but ED REFUSES and he is sad and frustrated so he goes skating cause he has too much energy and "you can't punch people for the lolz Ed"

- Yuuri just sighs and pats him on the back while Ed screams at the sky and goes throwing quads all over the place.

- So frustrated he tries a quint toe loop, but "not a quad axel, i'm stupid but not dumb, only quadsuki can do that"

- Ed having super nice automail that Yuuri offered him with the skating money ("look, we match !", he says, a twinkle in his eyes, echoeing what Ed told him a few years ago.)

- Since Ed doesn't want to see the Rockbell and has a « 0 interaction » policy, Yuuri found that guy that lives in a remote part of Australia that does incredible machinery. They go once a year with the gang.

- Ed considering himself « toxic » to those he loves. Lan Fan decked him in the gut, Ling rolled his eyes so hard it had to be inscribed in a book of records, and Phichit insulted him in Thai. He tried this bullshit with Yuuri exactly once and never did it again.

- Mari straight up hit him with a pan. She reminds Ed of Izumi.("My foster mom hits me with her pan, too.")

- Following that sentence, people start to be suspicious about his foster mom, until they figure out Izumi and Ed love each other. Their love is just... violently displayed. And filled with martial art montages.

- Izumi and Sig already have a biological son when they adopt Ed. Aoi is totaly enamored with his « big brother »

- They adopted another child, a little girl named Nina. Her dad tried to kill her, and as of such she's sick. Her and Al are the reason he started studying organic alchemy in more depth.

- Envy is Ed biological punk rock but so nice older half-brother. He's androgynous and loves confusing people. ("Are you a girl or a boy ?" "no.")

- Envy avoids Al cause he feels guilty too. He felt he shoud have been there for his two lil bro, no matter how angry with their dad he was.

- When Ed and Envy gloom together, Lin/Phichit/Yuuri/Lan Fan comes to hit them and like "no we love you yes we said love shut up, up, we going petting rabbits"

- Hiroko, Izumi and Minako being BFFs and drinking together. It terrifies everyone. They comiserate about their spawns.

- Izumi's kid is in awe of Mari (as he should)

- EdxAngst + Yuuri/coming-to-terms-with-his-anxiety

- "Where did your... special style of skating came from, Mister Curtis ? *behind, a video extract where Ed is doing a double backflip on the ice, before launching into some capoara moves while Yuuri smiles and just cartwheels for the lolz*"

- Roy calling Ed “a backflipping maniac”

- Cuts to Ed doing a triple back flip and a single hand cartwheel or something right after. Just to see the expression on Roy's face.

- Roy having ten cardiac arrest a day. Riza laugh in the distance. (She laughs at his pain all the time)

- "Curtis, when your in an ice ring you spend more time in the air than on the ice, it's not natural"

- One of Phichit most liked photos is one of Yuuri and Ed twirling Elicia around

- Even if Ed isn't an official competitor, he has die hard fans, that calls themselves « Ed's Homunculi », and they're led by 5 people that nicknamed themselves with the primary sins.

- Yuuri snickers at just their mention. Ed complains all the time. (« NO FUCK LET ME GO IM NOT EVEN A PRO DONT PuT YOUR BOOBS IN MY FACE DONT EAT MY HAIR WTF. Why are you all so DISTURBING »)

- Envy founded the fanclub because he finds this deadly funny, now he’s mostly in charge of the social medias.  Ed is horrified.

- Scar is married to Lust and follows her everywhere, to every competition sighing all the time.

- THE PRESIDENT OF HIS FANCLUB IS THE FUCKING FURHER OF AMESTRIS

- The idea of Amestris’s Furher being enamored enough with Ed's skating to give himself a stupid nickname kills all of his friends of laughter inside

- Aerugo is near greece

- Xing is in east asia

- Creta is near italia

- Drachma is between finland and sweden

- Amestris between germany and poland, and Ishval between poland and Austria

- Father couldn't arrange another full country array, and eventually decided to let it go.

- Envy's real name is Nichola Elric

- Lust is Veda Campos

- Wrath is King Bradley

- Pride is still Selim Bradley

- Gluttony is named Emilio Abatucci

- Scar is Luca Campos

- Izumi’s kid is named Aoi Curtis