#got these phags in before bed

[z13lovebot]

some pav/levi sketches

[zoraclover777]

3:00 a.m.

Summary: Being in the Winchesters' life wasn't all it was cracked up to be. That's why you left. The thoughts kept killing you on the inside.

Couple: Winchesters x reader

Warnings: angst, anxiety, (un)happy ending.

Requested: no

Song: 3am Anxiety by Lil Phag.

AN: idk i just had an idea???

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Eyes snapped open and you stared at the ceiling, breathing deeply at the memories running through your mind. Swallowing hard, you sat up with your back against the headboard and squeezed your eyes shut, attempting to drown everything out. You didn't have to look at the alarm clock to know what time it was, you already knew as you slipped out of bed and got dressed quietly.

When you got outside, you breathed in and finally let the thoughts resurface in your mind before you held in a breath.

"Ah, once again, you didn't listen to us. What's new, though, Y/N? You never listen to a damn thing we say and you almost got killed. Again!" Dean's voice echoed throughout the small hotel room as you clenched your jaw, staring at the floor.

"I was trying to help—"

"Everytime you TRY to do anything, you fuck it up, don't you get it?!"

"Dean, that's—" Sam's voice chimed in and you glanced up at him, watching as his eyes became soft before the older brother held up a hand.

"Nothing. 'M confused on why you defend her when she literally could've had her fucking head ripped off, dude!" Dean turned back to you before walking up to you and grabbing the collar of your shirt, pulling you close to him. You could smell the whiskey and disappointment on his breath as you ran your tongue along your teeth.

"You don't get to make the fucking decisions here, get it? If we say no, it means no. Get that through your thick skull."

The push wasn't hard, but it was enough to make you stumble back before Sam caught you gently and glared at his brother, eyes hard.

You could feel it. The burning. The turning and anxious feeling of feeling like you're drowning, but not knowing how to stop it. It's like, you're in a hole but you dug it yourself and now you're trapped here.

Tears burned your eyes as you turned to him, poking him in the chest with your finger and yelling. "I'm not a fucking kid, Dean! You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do—you're not my fucking dad!"

"You're right because I've been here and he hasn't! Stop arguing with me and go to bed or somethin', christ." He grumbled as he walked away, grabbing the whiskey before pouring himself a shot and he turned back around, raising an eyebrow.

"That was a low fucking blow, Winchester." The coldness of your voice didn't go unnoticed as Dean set his glass down and took a deep breath. You trusted him with that secret and he threw it right in your fucking face.

"If you can't listen. Leave."

"Dean—"

"Shut UP, Sam!"

It seemed like the whole room went silent because nothing was processing in your brain and suddenly, you couldn't breathe. Biting your tongue, you nodded and walked to the open closet before grabbing your bag.

"Y/N, please, he didn't—"

"Don't apologize for him, dude. He's right." The tension in the room was hard—bitter—and you forced a smile, looking at the taller Winchester before placing a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "It was nice meeting you, Samuel."

His eyes widened before he looked at Dean, anger filling his entire being and Sam clenched his jaw, unhappy with the results of this entire argument.

It had been almost three weeks since everything was said—regretted—and you opened your eyes, looking up at the sky for a quick moment. It wasn't right for the Winchesters to carry you and themselves and you started walking.

That walking lead you to a bar. A habit you got from Dean and you cursed, running a hand through your hair before turning around.

"Y/N?"

The soft voice of Sam filled your ears and it felt like the air had been snatched from your lungs as you looked behind your shoulder. His face would immediately give away that he had been a wreck since you left and you'd groan, facing him fully.

"Y/N, listen, Dean, he—he didn't mean anything he said, okay? Hey, why are you��stop walking away, please!"

"No, no, no, no, Sam. I can't, I'm not doing this. Not again." You spoke, legs feeling numb as you kept walking and you heard footsteps behind you. A hand grabbing your shoulder made you mumble before you were turned to the brother again and you batted him away.

"Please, just—"

"Can we not fucking do this, Sam?!"

"You're not even letting me finish!"

"I did that time, didn't I? Now, leave me alone. I'm not, this isn't okay, alright? You can't expect me to get shattered and put myself together in a month! That isn't right!" Hands immediately were on his chest, pushing him away from you and he grunted, stumbling on his feet before gaining his composure.

"I didn't say it was okay—"

You yelled, kicking the wall behind you and threw your arms in the air. "Why can't he fucking understand that then, Sam?"

"I don't know, Y/N."

Red. That's all you saw as Dean stepped out of the bar, calling for his brother before his gaze stopped on you and he froze. Taking a deep breath, you placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and smiled.

"Y/N, no—"

"Goodbye, Sam."

Turning around, you started to quickly walk away but not before you heard his voice and thought about what would have happened if you had stayed. The words burned in your mind the entire night and into the next.

3:00 a.m. would be the death of you, but as you sat up, the words would suddenly be consuming you and the world was spinning again, air no where to be found.

"Y/N! Hey, come back—I'm sorry! Shit, please, we're a wreck!"

Silence.

"She's not coming back, is she, Sam?"

"I don't think so. Let's get you home."

———

AN: idk, man, life is weird like this story???