#gooher rambles

[gophergal]

What does it say about me that Clark Kent glasses would work on me...

[gophergal]

It's been way too long since I've drawn a beautiful, unhinged woman.... I shall rectify that inaction

[gophergal]

I just thought of.... The fucking funniest concept for the next Milestone Event

I draw random Cursed Ships. People give me one character apiece, and I pair them off by when they were suggested.

And I make it fully serious. Your thoughts?

[gophergal]

.... file this under selfies I've taken that are objectively kinda unnerving

[gophergal]

I think it's super telling that many of my stress dreams take place back in highschool

And further telling how many take place in a world where I lost my dad instead of my mom

[gophergal]

Wait, Crisp Rat is actually playing Garfield?

I thought it was a joke

[gophergal]

Listening to all of Leon's in game lines in re2re without context just sounds like the fucking funniest road rage I can't

[gophergal]

Demi folks really are just homie sexual

[gophergal]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻!!! You don't have to answer 5 if you don't want to. Also, my guinea pigs says hi. :3

YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY ABILITY TO RAMBLE BRO

1. I feel really bad for not having written for a few months, but I also know that writing when I don't feel inspired to is like pulling teeth. I just really want to get a few ideas on the page and out of my head. Specifically, I have a long form Normal Michael AU in mind that I love dearly, but can't bring myself to start. I guess I just don't want to quit anymore fic projects. Like, I had one from when I was in the Hetalia Fandom that was a fallout 3 au and I've gone back and read it. It's actually not that bad, I'm just sad I'll never finish it. I want to, but I'm really not the same person who started it, so I don't think I could do anything with it.

2. Speaking of writing, I have so many projects in mind, but here's another one I can't bring myself to write and abandon! So, I've spoken before about a gay little surreal fantasy story I wrote in freshman year. Well, I've really wanted to rewrite it!! But!! It's so much effort!!!! I can tell you a little about it:

so, a boy (I imagined him to be like 17 or something) has become the man of the house due to his father passing of an illness during the previous autumn. It is late winter and his mother and sisters desperately need him to bring home game to eat. All hope is nearly lost- then he finds a glorious, shining white stag in the woods. The majestic creature does not move, nor even react as it stares at the boy, his bow pointed at it. Ultimately, he decides it would be a great loss for the world should he kill it, and spares it. The rest of the hunt is smooth and full of luck, and he takes home enough for his family to last well into spring. A few years after that desperate winter, a newcomer moves to the village: a smith with pure, silvery hair.

3. I know that all I've posted here for y'all to read has just been VERY straight forward smut with feelings, but I love surreal stories. Horror, fantasy, drama? I don't care, I love surrealism. There's just something both comfortable and unnerving about it. I guess it's just because it reminds me of my own dreams, which are truly a mixed bag of scary and sad. A while back, as in a year or so, I had a dream that my mom faked her death and came home. I cried really hard when I woke up and just had a piss poor day after. A few months ago I had a very disturbing and graphic dream about twin Nicholas Cage farmers brutalising eachother. That one actually shook me to my core upon waking. I was scared and confused at first, but it faded within my first hour of consciousness. Then there are just the really weird Lewd Dreams which, idk man, I completely disagree with the guys who say that we dream only of things we wish to have.

4. I've noticed that a big part of why I haven't really done any big projects lately is because I get worried that if I don't post actual art very often, the three to five people that actually follow me because they like what I do will forget all about me. Being forgotten, even online, is a huge fear of mine. Like, that's what I fear about death and aging, not the pain of the nothingness, the being forgotten after. That's one of the reasons that the amnesia tropes make me so sad! Like, example being botw, cause I'm a bit obsessed again. Link doesn't remember anything at first, and then it's implied that his memory is patchy afterward. Is he the same person? Zelda is heavily implied to be in love with him, but imagine being in that situation. The person you once loved no longer remembers you. They're far different now and don't have the same qualities you cherished... Would you still love them, or just the ghost that exists in your mind every time you look at them?

5. OK SORRY THAT'S BEEN REALLY SAD. UHHHH, HAPPY THOUGHT NOW-

I love that I've been basically adopted as a mom/big sister friend to some of my friends. I have a friend IRL who goes to my school that's still 14 so she calls me Art Mom. It's so funny to me, I'm one of the least motherly/nurturing people I know! I guess it's also fun that I've been adopted as daughter/little sister friend too. They're both a bit funny since they're so different. That's the neat thing about human interaction I suppose! No matter what, your relationship to two different people will never be the same! My dynamic with my bff irl is very different to my bff online. For example, IRL bff and I are so close that people have genuinely confused for sisters or girlfriends depending on the situation. When we have sleepovers, we cuddle every time. It's great. She's been there for me for years and I'm so grateful for her every day. Online BFF and I have our entire dynamic based on respecting boundaries. We both are checking in with the other frequently to be sure that we're both comfortable. That's very different from many other friendships I've had. Like, believe it or not, I'm very reserved and quiet irl! Usually, the first boundary that gets stepped over is my Bad Social days where speaking is really difficult for me. Online BFF just needs to see me say "hey sorry, it's a bad social day and I'm having trouble talking" and they get it. They're so patient with me, even when I don't feel deserving and - UGH I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS GODDAMN IT WHY ARE Y'ALL SO NICE?????

[gophergal]

📝

Do you keep a traditional diary/journal?

I try to, but between forgetting to write in it and hating myself too much to care sometimes I just give up usually. I really wish I had sometimes, since theres a lot of my life I've forgotten. Happy moments and sad that I'll never get a chance to re experience.

[gophergal]

Just had my first willing sip of alcohol in quite a few years lmao