#goofy aah murder man

[blood-n-tears]

why does google photos always give me either the cringiest or worst photos possible???

😨😰😭💀💀

[the-acid-pear]

Today I was talking w some bloke about the painter arg and like man ppl really just dislike that bc they don't like gore and it's so silly. I'd be like pensive emoji us gore fans have it so rough but nah. It's ok. I like gore to remain a relative niche. That's ok. Not everyone can giggle and LOL at goofy aah murders. I wish they stopped deeming anything they don't enjoy as bad tho. 👎

[speedypandaweasel]

One Big Adventure - a Wilford Warfstache and Abe story (Non-Ship) (2,914 Words)

Thank you for the request @canceltheact! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

If you would like to submit a request, see the information at the Masterlist and submit through the Q and A!

PSA - THIS IS NOT A SHIP oke, let us begin...

Dazed images fog up the minds of two *very* hungover men as they stagger their way up to the apartment. Abe fumbles his way through the door and over strewn clothes. He continues on and manages to put together the kaleidoscope of scenery that is right in front of him. To his left, a saggy sofa sits and a cheap TV dangerously hangs off the stripping wallpaper by a thread. To his right, a grimy kitchen is on display which even the worst chef in the world wouldn't waste his time in. The other man, however, is blabbering away, slurring his words like a car on an icy motorway. "HA!, I tell *hick* you Abe, I'm so glad I remembered you, you see *hick*, I can't even remember where I put my-" Aaaand he's gone. His body moulds into the cushions that poorly support his droopy frame, and his scuffed platform boots dangle over the side. Abe smiles, slightly soberer than before. Who would have thought that this stock still of a man, whose only aesthetics were the colour beige and veterans, would somehow have a goofy, lighter side to him? All the criminals he's met and caught among the years...

Hold up, has he met anyone? He can't remember any experiences where he HAS met any, so why did he think that? Hm, must be the Tequila talking. Abe hopscotches over the empty Wine and Martini bottles that are decorated across the stained carpet. Damm, William has not been taking care of himself. Mind you, neither has he so he can't really say anything. He arrives into the walk-in kitchen and opens a dusty cupboard. His tired eyes only meet with shot and tumbler glasses.

How much does this Man drink!? Shuffling used plates and greasy cutlery out of the way, he fills a scotch glass with water. Dowsing the liquid felt like heaven. His exhausted physique felt like a body that's been stuck in the desert for a considerable amount of time and didn't know it needed water to survive. Oh, now he feels the headache coming on.

Reader, you know when water tastes funny? It's because your brain hasn't been receiving enough H20 because you've been drinking too many energy drinks. Yeah, that feeling is exactly what Abe is feeling right now. CONTINUING ON!

The scotch glass watches from the draining board whilst the Detective plays the quietest game of the floor is lava, whilst the moustached man is making much more noise. He manages to reach a corridor which he thinks leads towards the bedroom and tiptoes down the tight hall to find a vacant room. On the way, he passes another room. It was Barnum's. His mind was split in two, Does he go in? Or stay out? Through the crack in the door, the catastrophe has indeed spread into his sleeping quarters. A mountain of flamboyant disco clothes gathers dust in front of his Chester draws, the bed's not made and more liquor bottles are having a social gathering on top. Oh William, you may be a murderer, but you need to prioritise yourself. He takes a last look at his passed out flatmate down the hallway, before shutting the guest bedroom door. Grey. It's all he's met with. Much like his exterior. He slips his shoes off and starts to unbutton his off-white shirt. he runs a hand down his chest and over the scar. How the Hell did he survive that? He can't be bothered to go into it right now, he's too tired. He snuggles into bed and does the infamous cold bed dance.

You know the one.

Abe gets out of the tempting bed once more and walks back into the living room. He creeps over to William, the man's mouth catching flies. He carefully takes his enormous shoes off and places them on the floor. Barnum's mismatch socks disappear underneath the blanket. "Night William."

~ A gorgeous smell of Breakfast wanders its way through the apartment and Abe groggily wakes up. His eyes peel open and with a yawn, he trudges through to the living room. Remembering from earlier this morning, he needed to position himself for his dance routine around the non-existent floor. "What are you doing my main man?" Barnum brightly asks, a hearty chuckle accompanies the question. Resided in the pristine kitchen, his big, strong hand holds a Skillet and two China plates are centred on the pebble grey marble island. Abe, however, is currently squatting as though he was playing a game of leapfrog with some imaginary friends. The Detective goes to jump but then is taken back at the sight. The apartment is now spick and span, no more Wine Bottles, no more strewn clothes. The windows are tied wide open and it overlooks the sketchy neighbourhood that they reside in. "How did you do this?" "Do what?" "You know, clean up this quickly?" Barnum checks his watch. It's 7:30 am "Oh well you see, I ironed a nice pair of jeans and found a lovely dandelion coloured shirt. Accompanied by some rainbow braces I think I look quite dashing don't you think so?" "No William, I-I mean the Apartm-AAH!" Abe clings his hand over his head, damm this- "Headache is killing you?" William slides a glass of water over with an Aspirin pill. "And no, I didn't clean the apartment, she did." Wilford looks- wait, why are you looking at me!? "Anywho, we need to get going my slightly hungover companion! But first, breakfast!" Wilford sets a serving plate down of a full English Breakfast: Sausage, an Egg, two cooked Tomatoes, Bacon rashes, Baked Beans and a slice of Buttered Toast. Wow. He didn't know William could cook? The two men got stuck in right away and the TV is turned on. Two bright and very similar faces appear on the screen "Badgers the secret Killer?... And now for the weather, Jim?"

The camera pans to, what they believe, is Jim. Their face resembles a deer in headlights. "I swear, they don't know what they're doing. It's hilarious!" The Detective says with a mouthful of Toast. Barnum laughs, wipes his mouth with a napkin and takes a swig of his Orange juice. "Right! I mean, who is their boss anyway?!" The men eat and laugh their way through their plates talking about what topics they would cover if they were reporters. After a while, they both recline back into their bar stools and the cook starts to tidy up the dirty dishes. "Oh, no, let me do it. It's the least I can do." "You're alright my man, I've got this. Besides, you need to freshen up!" "But whe-'" "First door on your left"

They share a light chuckle. "Thanks Wilford, I really appreciated that," Abe says before going back down the hallway, whilst Wilford rolls his sleeves up and starts to clean the less-silver cutlery.

He smiles. That's the first time he's ever said that to him. "No problem Abe."

~

The passenger door slams shut on the Detective's Vintage SUV and Wiford pulls out a gigantic map from his pocket. This map includes hundreds of paths scrawled with crayons and a hint of Martini can be smelt.

"Are you sure, you know where you're going?" Abe questions. Judging by what that map reads, they are going to get lost very easily.

"Of course I know where I'm going! I am Wilford Motherloving Warftsache after all." A pang of guilt hits the Detective, he genuinely can't remember who he was.

"Ok, Wil, you can drive."

After playing at least 3 rounds of rock paper scissors, or when Wilford won, Abe hesitantly let the murderer drive. God knows where though.

Wilford excitedly thrust the keys into the ignition. He couldn't wait for what the day entailed!

"Careful Willford, you're gonna break the keys!" Abe says through gritted teeth.

"Oh pah-lease! I know how to drive" he retaliates. His brown boot floors the pedal and reverses straight into the iron fence.

"Yep, it's working."

The Detectives face, now pale, grips tighter onto his seatbelt and his feet are glued to the floor. "Wil, of course it's working. Now, step on the ga- nope, that's the brakes Wilford."

Pedestrians quiver in fear as they see a horribly driven brown vehicle screech to a stop and then start again. They have to clamp down on their ears as the monster of a car drives past them down the alleyway, swerving left and right much like the driver's speech the other night.

The SUV survives to the end of the road and dents a stop sign perched, well once, straight on the kerb.

"Will, which route are we taking?" Abe asks as he takes the map from the driver's hands.

"It's the one marked Highway of Life, it's gonna be a good one, trust you me."

"Well, this has got off to a surprising start so why not go for an adventure?" Abe says. He's given up at this point.

~

"LIFE IS A HIIIGHHWWAYY! I WWAAANNNA RRIIDDEE IIT ALLL NIIGGHTT LOOOOONNGG!" The two pop stars start belting out of the car as Wilford drives them to their last stop. Who would have thought that two polar opposites positions of the law would be in the same car together, let alone blasting Disney songs out of the car.

Wilford's hair whips away from his face as the SUV's top winds down.

"LIFE NEEDS A BIT OF MADNESS EH ABE?"

"HELL YEAH IT DOES"

The Afternoon sun blazes down onto their blacked-out sunglasses and the Golden Gate bridge paints a picture for the Detective that prescribes him with a carefree attitude.

Life was his to choose and he was here for it.

~

The SUV turns off the Highway onto Richmond Street. The Afternoon sun glowing dimmer.

Just in time.

Now reader, if you haven't read my WKM Tumblr Song series, then you won't understand this next section.

The SUV passes bountiful shrubberies and picket fences. Cherry Blossom dust drift its way into the car and Wilford starts to tear up.

"You ok Buddy?"

"Yeah, I'm ok." After all his years of interrogation, Abe knows that that answer was a lie. Yet, he didn't want to push it.

The car comes to a halt and is parked underneath a summer coated oak tree.

"Why'd we stop?"

"I want to show you something."

Abe opens the vintage door and steps out. In front of him, wildflowers and grass sway on the cliffs breeze and small pink flowers grow on its edge. Overhead, a sea glistens with sunlight rays and pink and amber hues dust the sky.

Man, this is enough to make a grown man cry.

The cars driver door can be heard shutting and a shadow walks up behind him. An intimate silence roots itself between the two men.

"You may be wondering why I brought you here."

Abe nods, still looking forward, yet intriguingly listening.

The man sighs, "I used to come here all the time as a young lad. We used to have picnics and dance until dawn. We were so free up here. Away from life, away from Duty, and she was away from Him, that was all that mattered. "

His voice breaks.

"But things change, people change and suddenly, I couldn't do that anymore.

That's why I want you to see it."

Wilford wanders over to their spot and picks up one of the pink flowers sprouting through the grass.

"You may have thought of us as the scum of the Earth Detective. But there are two sides to every story."

The Detective joins the Murderer and puts a hand on his shoulder.

Wilford chuckles. The last time he was here, he was completely and utterly alone. He was like- like a freshly born fawn still trying to find his legs into this world that didn't make sense.

But now...but now things are looking a little brighter.

"If there is anything I can do to make it up to you, just name it."

"You can't do anything really, it's just the way this messed up world works."

The two friends sit down in the grass, making fresh new imprints into the cliff edge, next to two fading ones.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure" "How many people have I killed?"

...

That question lingers in the air for an uncomfortably long time. All that can be heard are the lapping of the waves below them and the occasional swallow talking in the trees.

...

"I don- don't know Wilford," Abe breaks the silence, "I should know, but I-I don't.

...

Abe looks at Wilford, his broken and tear-stained eyes manage to glance back before returning to look out at the sunset.

Abe must do something here. But what? He said himself that nothing can be done so what can he do?

He reminisces on the day they were reunited. So much anger, so much confusion. But Wil was so cheerful, not a care in the world!

Now look at him.

And it was all his fault. If only he didn't get involved...

A second flashes by and Abe does something he should have done the second Will did it.

He hugs Him.

...

"I'm sorry Will."

...

Moments cling on for seems like forever and the embrace is broken. The two tear-stained friends look up.

The afternoon sun has now gone beneath the horizon and is replaced with the all too familiar twilight scenery, which glows softly for miles and miles, each star a lantern that has been entrusted with keeping something special.

"There was another reason why I wanted to bring you here."

Wilford wipes his eyes with his sleeve. "Do you see that star, the big one?"

"Yeah" "That's the Evening Star. That Star is the reason why I have hope. And now I want to share that hope with you. I know we got off the wrong foot but since we're in the same boat now, I think it's time I opened up about where I've actually been."

Abe swallows, this man is truly broken, and he can't do anything about it.

"Thank you for trusting me." "We're not done yet. It's your turn!" "What?" "Make a wish." Cautiously, the Detective slowly stands up from his permanent grassy imprint and walks towards the cliff's edge. The man looks around and sees only patches of shrubbery and wildflowers.

And his newfound friend encouraging him to proceed.

He clasps his hands together and wishes hard. His eyes scrunch together as he becomes a child once more as well. His once tight shoulders have finally become relaxed. After so many years of searching for answers, he doesn't need to worry any more.

A single tear is swept away from the Murderers face as he watches on from the patch of grass. He remembers that feeling and the dream he wished for all those years ago. Yet now, his wish is slowly changing.

Granted, he can't remember who he was but bully does he know what he wants to be. And being here for him, at this very moment, is a wonderful way to start it.

Abe's hands fall to his side and he stares out onto the ever stretching view. His feet are glued to the spot and his mind is only fixated on that one goal. Wilford slowly joins his side, already having a hunch on what he dearly wants.

"What did you wish for?" The Murderer asks.

The Detective huckles, "Now if I told you, it wouldn't come true, would it?"

"Very true my friend."

Little did the men know that their newly found wishes were the same.

"Don't you mean, Best Friend?"

CRACK

The heartwarming moment is abruptly stopped by the sky blasting wide open and millions of sounds exploding across the cliff. The light breeze has rapidly sped up into a storm and is propelling thick gusts upon the two.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL NOW!?" Wilford yells at the hole, completely unfazed.

"YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS!?" Abe yells at his Friend.

"OF COURSE I DO, IT'S TIME FOR WORK."

"WORK!? SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE A JOB!?"

"WE ALL HAVE A JOB - WE'RE ACTORS! I'LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING IF WE DON'T GET SPLIT UP."

"IF WE DONT GET SPLIT UP!? WHERE ARE WE GOING!?" "I HAVE NO IDEA! BUT THAT'S THE FUN OF IT! AFTER THREE, WE WALK IN."

"ARE YOU CRAZY WE'RE GONNA FALL!"

"TRUST ME, WE WON'T."

Wilford grabs Abe's hand and he stares at him. Abe stares back, fear-stricken. Finally, he nods.

"TOGETHER?" "TOGETHER."

"ONE"

"TWO"

"THREE!!!!" The two Actors charge straight over the cliff and into the blinding light.

~

Wilford finds himself in some kind of leather chair with neon lights surrounding him. A script in one and his prop gun in his other.

No pants on, no wonder he feels too comfortable.

He scans his scene and sees his co-actor, Kathryn, running her lines on the other side of the room.

A chair sits opposite him and behind that, a red T-30 minutes until showtime sign is displayed for him.

Abe, however, isn't needed on set yet. His adventure hasn't begun.

But both of their characters will have to cross at one point or another, it's just a matter of time. Yet for a fact, no one can edit their Friendship; Their Joint Wish.

Because, as they say, Life is a road that you're travelling on, when there's one day here, and the next day gone.

[cannibalcreeps]

How sister and brother met there s/o

Ah some Odet sibling asks!

These two need some attention and love as well UwU 

----- 

Brother Odet: 

The first time Brother had seen you he developed a quick ‘crush’ like he always did when seeing a pretty or handsome person, he believes it must be love he’s feeling, though truthfully his type of ‘love’ was actually just lusting after you and wanting to keep you for himself like a greedy child, he didn’t actually care for your well being or mental state, that young man just wanted you for his selfish pleasurable desires. 

He would stalk you through the West Virginia forest, hoping that you didn’t end up dead from one of his families traps or just get murdered by one of his family members,he was planning up a way to convince his parents to keep you and a way to prevent his jealous sister from throwing a fit and just butchering you on the spot. Once your ‘friends’ had been picked off one by one and you somehow miraculously seem the be one of the last people alive would he take his chance at grabbing you, the boy would just tackle you to the ground and pin you down to begin tying you up, if you struggle to much he’d start to get annoyed and slam your head into the ground a few times to make you stop, he may want you but he sure wasn’t going to make it easy for you to get away.  If you’re still conscious would he press his whole body against yours and run his hands over your hair and cheeks, lifting your head up so he could see your lovely face, letting out a string of giggles and coos. Taking you back home you would end up in the dog cage, he’d crouch at the  cage wires and poke his fingers through, making ooh and aah noises at you as he teased and mocked your frightened state. He had to be careful to not show how much he liked you as his sister was now watching, bullying him whenever he got too close to you in the cage so she could mock and terrify you as well. 

Every time you were brought out to join them in a meal he was always looking at you, giving you flirtatious smiles, sneakily touching your hand and arm or reaching under to stroke your leg and hip while offering you food, when you comply and do as you’re told to survive he is extremely giddy and happy. 

Despite his attempts at not showing how much he wanted you around his family, they started to pick up on it very quickly with how much he spent bothering you. Sister would start becoming more aggressive and possessive over him, but a few warning looks and snaps from her father to leave him be is enough to stop her from acting out and just shooting death glares at you instead, all the while you were just confused by the whole ordeal of being kept alive this long but hey, it’s not like you could complain if it meant living. Despite his irritating tugs and touches, you were getting used to Brother Odet being around you so much, even though you had nowhere to go in the small dog cage, his goofy silliness was starting to become charming and you appreciated when he attempted to stand up for you whenever his Uncle or Sister came around to scare you.

It was weeks before the family decided to take the step further in seeing if you’re worth being kept around, you had no longer struggled and complained at eating people which granted you the privilege of eating with them without being tied to the chair with barbed wire, you stopped you sobbing, whining and begging which pleased Pa and Ma a lot as that was starting to irritate them.

But what really sealed the deal was when you start to get protective of their kids whenever they were threatened by escaping victims, mostly the two could handle themselves fine but even though they were young adults they too could get overwhelmed by a larger person trying to kill them. And when Ma and Pa were impressed, it was what made you be able to stay in the family and oh boy was Brother going to start pushing the moves on you more openly now, his sister, though a bit cranky, would start tolerate you, you made her brother happy and that’s all that mattered.  As for Brother, what had been a lusty desire had turned into actual affection and love when you spent more time around him, he was more gentle and giving than before, finding ways to gift you with whatever he thought you would like from weapons, to clothing, to books. It would eventually become an established relationship after a year or two of being allowed into their family and as long as you continued caring for the family you got to stay and be with Brother. 

Sister Odet: 

Similar to how Brother met his s/o, Sister meets hers through a hunt and kidnapping. But straight off the bat she doesn't like you, she is an aggressive, vindictive and jealous little woman who gives you more than a few shoves and smacks whenever she catches Brother smiling at you. How you were found is when Brother, Pa and she were hunting you and the camping crew you were with, being picked off one by one as you all attempted to escape and survive. You had run off into the sawmill to hide only to be jumped and knocked out. When you had awoken to Sister in your face sneering and making mean faces, you were the one to find her oddly attractive, you didn’t know why but despite the disgust in her eyes you enjoyed how they sparkled. So when you commented on her being pretty she was taken aback by the words, confused and a little grossed out she slammed the cage you were being held in before walking off. For this to even work, it was you who had to be the chaser, but you had to be careful with how you tried to get this mutant cannibal's attention especially when her father was around. As for Brother? You ignored his advances and attempts at being ‘aggressive’ towards you when you showed more interest in his sister. Sister found your attempts to woo her both annoying yet intriguing, no one had ever gotten her gifts like you did, nor compliment her hair or clothing in such a sweet way, it was slowly starting to make her stop at her mirror more often and play with her hair, she was catching herself eyeing off other dresses to wear around you which made her confused and angry. 

The only reason you were alive now was thanks to her convincing her parents that she wanted to use you for traps, in which your first day of being bait you played along and allowed her and Brother to capture and kill a few traveling adults. It was enough to allow you out of your cage and to receive your own ‘room’ which was a small storage room sure but better than a cage with a skeleton in it. You were slowly proving yourself to be useful enough to not be eaten and to work with them, but your advances on Sister was starting to get noticed by Ma and Pa. Ma was curious by the idea, she liked seeing her daughter fawned over and that she would have more than just her brother to spend time with, whilst Pa was on daddy mode, he was protective and watched from afar with annoyance, he didn’t want his little girl hurt but seeing as she was getting more a confident boost he was allowing your flirtatious was to continue. As for Brother? He was more upset that he wasn’t getting as much attention anymore and would get all pouty, but with how aggressive and possessive Sister had suddenly gotten over you there was nothing he could do about it, on the bright side he was now allowed to chase after victims for his own pleasures without the worry of Sister getting into a jealous rage all the time, she still did but with her attention mostly on you it made it easier for him to get away with it.  Sister would eventually reciprocate the affection, it would start with hand holding and small cheek kisses before moving onto more affectionate attention. She will still let you know who is boss and that you now were hers only, but with how far you’ve come you were just happy to be with her. 

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1960

Under the cut.

Marty Robbins – “El Paso” -- January 2, 1960

Why have I heard this song a lot? It's not my parents' kind of thing, or my grandparents'. Anyway, this time the narrator is the murderer. He killed another man out of jealousy that a woman, who might not even be his woman, had a drink with the other man. It's a pretty okay old-fashioned country song, but it'd be better in Fallout: New Vegas.

Johnny Preston – “Running Bear” -- January 18, 1960

This. Thing. Is. An. Abomination. Fake tribal chants. Through the entire thing. They form the beat. And then there's a swing trumpet. And it's about a Romeo and Juliet situation, but the singer sounds like he thinks he's singing a goofy novelty song. I didn't know this song existed, and now I have to re-evaluate what I think the worst #1 is. I think this one takes the spot from "Having My Baby."

Mark Dinning – “Teen Angel” -- February 8, 1960

No, not Earth Angel, sadly. This guy's girlfriend ran to the railroad tracks to get his high school ring and got squished. He doesn't sound all that broken up about it. He doesn't sound capable of feeling any emotions, really. Very bad song.

Percy Faith – “Theme From A Summer Place“ -- February 22, 1960

It's a pretty instrumental, but a bit too gloopy for me. I looked up "A Summer Place," assuming based on the music it would be a light and frothy movie about young people in love. Uh... not really. But it ends happily. Also it has a message about not condemning young people for having sex, so that's good.

Elvis Presley – “Stuck On You” -- April 25, 1960

Though his voice sounds cartoonish to me, Elvis still feels like a breath of fresh air compared to most of what he's surrounded by. In 1960, he had more oomph than nearly anyone else on the charts. Anyway, you've heard this one. It's fine.

The Everly Brothers – “Cathy’s Clown” -- May 23, 1960

This one still got radio play on the oldies stations when I was a kid. It's got a beat, the music and beat change up, and the narrator sounds appropriately bitter after a bad break-up. I wouldn't seek it out, but I wouldn't change the station either.

Connie Francis – “Everybody’s Somebody’s Fool” -- June 27, 1960

Here we go, someone besides Elvis with a real spark. The narrator can't seem to leave this person who keeps cheating on her, and she sings that someday, her cheating lover will find someone they truly care for who will be untrue, and then they'll understand what she's going through. She sounds pretty happy about it. It's not Connie Francis' best song (that's "Who's Sorry Now"), but it's not at all bad.

The Hollywood Argyles – “Alley Oop” -- July 11, 1960

Oh right, I forgot for a moment, I hate 1960. This song is dumb. It knows it's dumb and revels in it, and I hate it.

Brenda Lee – “I’m Sorry” -- July 18, 1960

The narrator didn't realize it was cruel to play with other people's feelings until her own heart was broken. Possibly she was the girlfriend of the narrator of "Everybody's Somebody's Fool"? The song isn't as good though, mostly because of the spoken word section, which is cringe-inducing.

Brian Hyland’s “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” -- August 8, 1960

I can't believe I'm only up to August of this stupid, stupid year. When does Motown get here already? Ugh. Stupid, leering, creepy novelty song.

Elvis Presley’s “It’s Now Or Never” -- August 15, 1960

Good, it's Elvis again. Except this is a huge slice of fromage. Elvis was better than this. His belting is impressive, but it should be in a better song. I'm bored. Elvis was never one of my faves, but he should also never be boring. I hate this year.

Chubby Checker’s “The Twist -- September 19, 1960

THANK YOU GODS AND LITTLE FISHES. You know this song. You've danced to this song. This song is truly great. Possibly the rest of 1960 up to now had to suck so much for this song to come out.

Connie Francis – “My Heart Has A Mind Of Its Own” -- September 26, 1960

Did Connie Francis ever sing about anything but heartbreak? She can't get over someone who loves her. She doesn't seem too broken up about it this time. There are lots of mariachi horns. I can't associate mariachi horns with heartbreak. It could have been a good song, but Connie Francis' total nonchalance and the mariachi horns make it pretty bad.

Larry Verne – “Mr. Custer” -- October 10, 1960

This is supposed to be funny. It's a racist novelty song that seems to hate everyone and everything. I return the sentiment. Put this one in the bin with "Little Bear." Cripes 1960 sucked.

The Drifters – “Save The Last Dance For Me” -- October 17, 1960

Okay, all of 1960 didn't suck. There were a handful of very good songs among the dreck, and this is one of them. The narrator is happy that his wife (likely) is dancing with other guys, he just wants to remind her who she's going home with. It's got a nice Latin beat, good violins, and a singer who shows actual emotion. And the emotion isn't a simplistic one; he sounds totally happy that his wife is having fun flirting and dancing with other guys. But he knows that sometimes people get swept up in the moment and make mistakes. He's cheerful, not nagging or possessive. I like it.

Brenda Lee – “I Want To Be Wanted” -- October 24, 1960

A teenage song about wanting a boyfriend who adores her. It's... okay. I would probably have identified with it hugely when I was 15. Though I would have scoffed at how dated it sounds. I'm more tolerant of how it sounds musically now. But, though I understand the sentiment, it's still pretty overwrought. I guess now that I'm middle-aged and I've got what she wants my main feeling is that she needs to calm down and live her life rather than obsessing over finding the perfect person to spend a million years with when she's still a kid.

Ray Charles – “Georgia On My Mind” -- November 14, 1960

Aah that's the stuff. What is there to say about Ray Charles' version of this song? How do you describe perfection? Moonlight through the pines. This must have been a revelation at the time. It still is.

Maurice Williams And The Zodiacs – “Stay” -- November 21, 1960

"Oh won't you staaaay." I can't listen to this song without trying to sing along, and making my throat hurt in the process, as I'm an alto and I can't reach those falsetto notes. It's a fun song and a classic. Maybe Ray Charles fumigated 1960 and now it will be good?

Elvis Presley – “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” -- November 28, 1960

Yes! Elvis was a dramatic singer, and this is a dramatic song. Like everyone with an instinct for dramatic performance, he knew that true drama is often found in quiet and contemplation. He's soft throughout, and only half-belts at the end. There's a spoken word interval, but it's the kind of song in which you've already been seduced, so it's enjoyable. Plus Elvis knows how to speak it -- no embarrassment at all. Excellent. This is the kind of song that makes me understand Elvis mania.

BEST OF 1960: "Georgia On My Mind"  WORST OF 1960: There is an embarrassment of putrescence here. At the end, it's a tie between "Running Bear" and "Mr. Custer."