#goodbye tumblr i have to go study

[confettiinred]

something about these audric and grim pieces make me feel so ?? at ease ?? I CAN’T FUCKING EXPLAIN IT BUT AUUFJDHFJGJFJ,,, I LITERALLY MADENTHE FIRST ONE MY WALLPAPER AS SOON AS I SAW IT AND IT’S SO . 😢😢😢 do NAWWTTT PERCEIVE ME!!!!!!!

[gaywarenn]

.

[asgardian--angels]

Planet's Fucked: What Can You Do To Help? (Long Post)

Since nobody is talking about the existential threat to the climate and the environment a second Trump term/Republican government control will cause, which to me supersedes literally every other issue, I wanted to just say my two cents, and some things you can do to help. I am a conservation biologist, whose field was hit substantially by the first Trump presidency. I study wild bees, birds, and plants.

In case anyone forgot what he did last time, he gagged scientists' ability to talk about climate change, he tried zeroing budgets for agencies like the NOAA, he attempted to gut protections in the Endangered Species Act (mainly by redefining 'take' in a way that would allow corporations to destroy habitat of imperiled species with no ramifications), he tried to do the same for the Migratory Bird Treaty Act (the law that offers official protection for native non-game birds), he sought to expand oil and coal extraction from federal protected lands, he shrunk the size of multiple national preserves, HE PULLED US OUT OF THE PARIS CLIMATE AGREEMENT, and more.

We are at a crucial tipping point in being able to slow the pace of climate change, where we decide what emissions scenario we will operate at, with existential consequences for both the environment and people. We are also in the middle of the Sixth Mass Extinction, with the rate of species extinctions far surpassing background rates due completely to human actions. What we do now will determine the fate of the environment for hundreds or thousands of years - from our ability to grow key food crops (goodbye corn belt! I hated you anyway but), to the pressure on coastal communities that will face the brunt of sea level rise and intensifying extreme weather events, to desertification, ocean acidification, wildfires, melting permafrost (yay, outbreaks of deadly frozen viruses!), and a breaking down of ecosystems and ecosystem services due to continued habitat loss and species declines, especially insect declines. The fact that the environment is clearly a low priority issue despite the very real existential threat to so many people, is beyond my ability to understand. I do partly blame the public education system for offering no mandatory environmental science curriculum or any at all in most places. What it means is that it will take the support of everyone who does care to make any amount of difference in this steeply uphill battle.

There are not enough environmental scientists to solve these issues, not if public support is not on our side and the majority of the general public is either uninformed or actively hostile towards climate science (or any conservation science).

So what can you, my fellow Americans, do to help mitigate and minimize the inevitable damage that lay ahead?

I'm not going to tell you to recycle more or take shorter showers. I'll be honest, that stuff is a drop in the bucket. What does matter on the individual level is restoring and protecting habitat, reducing threats to at-risk species, reducing pesticide use, improving agricultural practices, and pushing for policy changes. Restoring CONNECTIVITY to our landscape - corridors of contiguous habitat - will make all the difference for wildlife to be able to survive a changing climate and continued human population expansion.

**Caveat that I work in the northeast with pollinators and birds so I cannot provide specific organizations for some topics, including climate change focused NGOs. Scientists on tumblr who specialize in other fields, please add your own recommended resources. **

We need two things: FUNDING and MANPOWER.

You may surprised to find that an insane amount of conservation work is carried out by volunteers. We don't ever have the funds to pay most of the people who want to help. If you really really care, consider going into a conservation-related field as a career. It's rewarding, passionate work.

At the national level, please support:

The Nature Conservancy

Xerces Society for Invertebrate Conservation

Cornell Lab of Ornithology (including eBird)

National Audubon Society

Federal Duck Stamps (you don't need to be a hunter to buy one!)

These first four work to acquire and restore critical habitat, change environmental policy, and educate the public. There is almost certainly a Nature Conservancy-owned property within driving distance of you. Xerces plays a very large role in pollinator conservation, including sustainable agriculture, native bee monitoring programs, and the Bee City/Bee Campus USA programs. The Lab of O is one of the world's leaders in bird research and conservation. Audubon focuses on bird conservation. You can get annual memberships to these organizations and receive cool swag and/or a subscription to their publications which are well worth it. You can also volunteer your time; we need thousands of volunteers to do everything from conducting wildlife surveys, invasive species removal, providing outreach programming, managing habitat/clearing trails, planting trees, you name it. Federal Duck Stamps are the major revenue for wetland conservation; hunters need to buy them to hunt waterfowl but anyone can get them to collect!

THERE ARE DEFINITELY MORE, but these are a start.

Additionally, any federal or local organizations that seek to provide support and relief to those affected by hurricanes, sea level rise, any form of coastal climate change...

At the regional level:

These are a list of topics that affect major regions of the United States. Since I do not work in most of these areas I don't feel confident recommending specific organizations, but please seek resources relating to these as they are likely major conservation issues near you.

PRAIRIE CONSERVATION & PRAIRIE POTHOLE WETLANDS

DRYING OF THE COLORADO RIVER (good overview video linked)

PROTECTION OF ESTUARIES AND SALTMARSH, ESPECIALLY IN THE DELAWARE BAY AND LONG ISLAND (and mangroves further south, everglades etc; this includes restoring LIVING SHORELINES instead of concrete storm walls; also check out the likely-soon extinction of saltmarsh sparrows)

UNDAMMING MAJOR RIVERS (not just the Colorado; restoring salmon runs, restoring historic floodplains)

NATIVE POLLINATOR DECLINES (NOT honeybees. for fuck's sake. honeybees are non-native domesticated animals. don't you DARE get honeybee hives to 'save the bees')

WILDLIFE ALONG THE SOUTHERN BORDER (support the Mission Butterfly Center!)

INVASIVE PLANT AND ANIMAL SPECIES (this is everywhere but the specifics will differ regionally, dear lord please help Hawaii)

LOSS OF WETLANDS NATIONWIDE (some states have lost over 90% of their wetlands, I'm looking at you California, Ohio, Illinois)

INDUSTRIAL AGRICULTURE, esp in the CORN BELT and CALIFORNIA - this is an issue much bigger than each of us, but we can work incrementally to promote sustainable practices and create habitat in farmland-dominated areas. Support small, local farms, especially those that use soil regenerative practices, no-till agriculture, no pesticides/Integrated Pest Management/no neonicotinoids/at least non-persistent pesticides. We need more farmers enrolling in NRCS programs to put farmland in temporary or permanent wetland easements, or to rent the land for a 30-year solar farm cycle. We've lost over 99% of our prairies to corn and soybeans. Let's not make it 100%.

INDIGENOUS LAND-BACK EFFORTS/INDIGENOUS LAND MANAGEMENT/TEK (adding this because there have been increasing efforts not just for reparations but to also allow indigenous communities to steward and manage lands either fully independently or alongside western science, and it would have great benefits for both people and the land; I know others on here could speak much more on this. Please platform indigenous voices)

HARMFUL ALGAL BLOOMS (get your neighbors to stop dumping fertilizers on their lawn next to lakes, reduce agricultural runoff)

OCEAN PLASTIC (it's not straws, it's mostly commercial fishing line/trawling equipment and microplastics)

A lot of these are interconnected. And of course not a complete list.

At the state and local level:

You probably have the most power to make change at the local level!

Support or volunteer at your local nature centers, local/state land conservancy non-profits (find out who owns&manages the preserves you like to hike at!), state fish & game dept/non-game program, local Audubon chapters (they do a LOT). Participate in a Christmas Bird Count!

Join local garden clubs, which install and maintain town plantings - encourage them to use NATIVE plants. Join a community garden!

Get your college campus or city/town certified in the Bee Campus USA/Bee City USA programs from the Xerces Society

Check out your state's official plant nursery, forest society, natural heritage program, anything that you could become a member of, get plants from, or volunteer at.

Volunteer to be part of your town's conservation commission, which makes decisions about land management and funding

Attend classes or volunteer with your land grant university's cooperative extension (including master gardener programs)

Literally any volunteer effort aimed at improving the local environment, whether that's picking up litter, pulling invasive plants, installing a local garden, planting trees in a city park, ANYTHING. make a positive change in your own sphere. learn the local issues affecting your nearby ecosystems. I guarantee some lake or river nearby is polluted

MAKE HABITAT IN YOUR COMMUNITY. Biggest thing you can do. Use plants native to your area in your yard or garden. Ditch your lawn. Don't use pesticides (including mosquito spraying, tick spraying, Roundup, etc). Don't use fertilizers that will run off into drinking water. Leave the leaves in your yard. Get your school/college to plant native gardens. Plant native trees (most trees planted in yards are not native). Remove invasive plants in your yard.

On this last point, HERE ARE EASY ONLINE RESOURCES TO FIND NATIVE PLANTS and LEARN ABOUT NATIVE GARDENING:

Xerces Society Pollinator Conservation Resource Center

Pollinator Pathway

Audubon Native Plant Finder

Homegrown National Park (and Doug Tallamy's other books)

National Wildlife Federation Native Plant Finder (clunky but somewhat helpful)

Heather Holm (for prairie/midwest/northeast)

MonarchGard w/ Benjamin Vogt (for prairie/midwest)

Native Plant Trust (northeast & mid-atlantic)

Grow Native Massachusetts (northeast)

Habitat Gardening in Central New York (northeast)

There are many more - I'm not familiar with resources for western states. Print books are your biggest friend. Happy to provide a list of those.

Lastly, you can help scientists monitor species using citizen science. Contribute to iNaturalist, eBird, Bumblebee Watch, or any number of more geographically or taxonomically targeted programs (for instance, our state has a butterfly census carried out by citizen volunteers).

In short? Get curious, get educated, get involved. Notice your local nature, find out how it's threatened, and find out who's working to protect it that you can help with. The health of the planet, including our resilience to climate change, is determined by small local efforts to maintain and restore habitat. That is how we survive this. When government funding won't come, when we're beat back at every turn trying to get policy changed, it comes down to each individual person creating a safe refuge for nature.

Thanks for reading this far. Please feel free to add your own credible resources and organizations.

[saetoru]

everything that is bold + italicized is nsfw. minors are not to interact with any nsfw posts

all links are in chronological order. it is recommended you read in this order for the best experience. please read all warnings on individual fics

not a date - gojo thinks he has you, you disagree

closer - gojo and his sunglass collection

attention - gojo loves attention too much

satoru, not gojo - gojo just asks for one chance

afternoon after - waking up next to gojo

honey - gojo learns to make pancakes for you

upper hand - it’s rare to have control over gojo

silence - gojo asks what you like about him

clingy - cutely annoying and clingy gojo

opulence - you and gojo have your first fight

spoiled rotten - gojo always gets what he wants

all for me - gojo loves seeing you in your new dress

finals week - gojo hates when you study

proud - the first time gojo hears certain words

wounded pride - gojo is just a bit jealous

baby - gojo, you, his mother, and baby pics

i wanna fuck you - gojo makes you a playlist

no heart - gojo finds out his contact name

meet ugly - the first time you meet gojo satoru

02:09 am - gojo comes to your apartment drunk

before & after - you knock on gojo’s door stressed

i know you still think about the times we had - you call, gojo always comes (5.2k words. break up + make up)

refollow - suguru makes you refollow him on socials

security - gojo visits your job—it doesn’t go as planned

paternity test - you and gojo are now co parents to a cat

yours, always yours - you plan on being gojo’s forever

goodbye kiss - you leave gojo without a kiss goodbye

saetoru do not plagiarize, repost, translate to other sites, or recommend on platforms outside tumblr such as tik tok

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 51!

almost the last fic rec list of the year, can you believe it? like last week, i haven't cross-referenced this list with previous ones, so apologies for any potential double recs!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

before the night fades | MilenaDaniels/@milenadaniels| 8.6k | T

EddieAna and BuckTaylor double date and it ruins everyone's night. this fic is one of my favourite outsider povs ever! it does such a wonderful job of capturing our 911 characters as well as fleshing out a lovely cast of ocs <3

chicken alfredo | EiraLloyd/@unlifeira | 4.6k | T

when Helena laughs at the idea that her son is now able to cook well, Buck ropes Eddie into proving her otherwise. this captures the buddie dynamic so so well <3 also made me hungry lol

do you want me (or do you want me dead) | carpediaz/@sofa-king-lame | 2.3k | T

The one where Buck finds out Eddie wears reading glasses and loses his fucking mind over them, and Eddie knows exactly what he's doing. eddie in reading glasses is a VISION holy shit buck is so relatable in this. i love the silly fun!!

emails i can't send | heartbeatdiaz/@lonelychicago | 6k | T

buck should've known better than to let his email account open and then give his computer to a toddler to play with. i love love love the formatting of this one, with the emails and everything <3 so so good!! they're just french angelfish <3

i took a little journey to the unknown | 42hrb/@exhuastedpigeon | 4.3k | T

“I-it’s okay, you don’t have to talk,” Buck says and the comforting warmth is back on Eddie’s hand. The only thought that rings clearly through his head is that Buck’s hand is safe. Buck is going to keep him safe. “Just - can you squeeze my hand if you’re awake?” this is just such a lovely fic. i love the character study elements and the hand holding and just <3

in the dark (with the stars) | tawaifeddiediaz/@aashiqeddiediaz | 13k | M

Eddie’s relationship with food, anxiety and cooking, as told through the past and present. eddie's relationship with food in both canon and fanon is absolutely fascinating to me. i loved this take on it so much <3

last first kiss | songbvrd/@songbvrd | 3.4k | GA

Buck tries to say goodbye. Eddie isn't ready. frankly i think the best promo i can give this fic is exactly what i said in my comment here, which is "tim minear better be taking notes" because wow it's just that good <3

lucky boy | serenelystrange/@serenelystrange | 1.9k | T

In which Buck and Eddie are so bad at being in a secret relationship, but instead of show-typical angst, fluff! secret relationship buddie, the gift that keeps on giving <3 exactly the fic i needed on a cold early bus ride this week!!

platonic co-parents don't kiss like we do | thelikesofus/@thelikesofus | 7.1k | M

5 times other people see Buck and Eddie kiss + 1 time they really mean it. i love love love all these different types of kisses <3 the loveliest buddie fic from the perspective of the firefam!!

take what the water gave me | Daisies_and_Briars/@cal-daisies-and-briars | 20.7k | M

New transfer to the 118, Eddie Diaz, has a secret. And upon getting to know his coworker, Buck, who is also hiding something, he begins to suspect their secret is the same. He's wrong. i've been devouring every little snippet of this fic i've seen on tumblr and i was so so excited to see the full thing land in my inbox! and wow did it not disappoint. such great worldbuilding and such a fantastic characterisation of eddie <3

the bunkroom fic | exvichan | 11.5k | T

The Station 118 bunkroom has witnessed a lot over the years. Private conversations, spats, occasions of affection, joy, and anguish. It’s seen pranks, and games, and camaraderie. It’s even been privy to an unfolding love story or two. It holds the memory of each of these moments. the 118 bunkroom my beloved <3 i love these little moments so much, especially the conversations between the firefam!!

the wayward son | brewrosemilk/@gayhoediaz | 56.9k | E

Eddie misses his son, grows a mustache, pines after his best friend, and becomes a regular at a gay sex club. That last part is either an indulgence or an inevitable, somewhat self-destructive conclusion to several decades worth of compulsory heterosexuality and catholic guilt. Don’t ask him which. i can't even capture the vibe of this fic in just a few lines but holy shit is it brilliant. the most incredibly writing, great characterisation, and also just very hot stuff. an immediate bookmark and new favourite!

[tuesdaykiss]

“touching toes”

rafe cameron social media au

“he’s over more and more, had to give him a whole drawer. to be honest, kinda like seeing his trainers by the door.” — olivia dean, ‘touching toes’.

synopsis: after finishing her fashion studies at college in nyc, y/n moves to outerbanks to live with her grandparents. she worries about the loneliness that comes with being in a new place, knowing only her cousin topper and other relatives… that is until she is acquainted with a certain cameron.

important character details:

sarah cameron - a popular and highly successful model, dividing her time between the glamorous world of la and her home in the obx.

rafe cameron - the older brother of sarah cameron, known for being just that (the fan girls love him). i guess you could call him an influencer, but i doubt he’d be very fond of that label: he models from time to time.

y/n - topper’s cousin, up-and-coming social media influencer, recently moving to the obx after studying fashion at a college in nyc.

some of her interests;

⋆ ballet

⋆ photography

⋆ fashion (duh!)

everyone else in outerbanks is pretty normal, in terms of social media presence. this is set post-college; everyone is early 20s. they’re all still finding their feet, getting to grips with the world.

masterlist:

1 - goodbye lady liberty

2 - good morning obx

3 - after the party

4 - photographing

5 - his trainers by the door

6 - morning, nan!

7 - let’s go to the beach, beach

(24 December @ 6PM GMT)

8 - in a magazine

(25 December @ 6PM GMT)

9 - i hate men

(25 December @ 10PM GMT) - DOUBLE UPLOAD DAY!!!!

10 - i love your dad

(26 December @ 6PM GMT)

11 - that’s how it goes

(27 December @ 6PM GMT)

a/n: i have never written anything on tumblr ever, so please bare with as i get to grips with how to use it. i don’t have a full plan… i’m just going with the flow! (wish me luck ig)

[thatgirlwbraids]

how I study & practice the law of assumption as a busy student

introduction

as a busy student who is re-learning the law after practicing a false version of the law . I realize grasping the law is more important than applying , applying is the easy part but really understanding this law is the most important part & that takes building faith that imagination is the creator for me that means studying the law and understanding it so I can apply it & see the power of my imagination .

overconsumption

I have been in the overconsumption trap quite a lot and I got nothing done in school as well . so what I started implementing is sticking to just one resource which is edward art I find his work concise and easy to understand compared to neville ( although I have read his books and still read them now & then ) .

the routine

like I said i’m a BUSY student & I found a way to stay disciplined ( david goggins 💌 ~ can’t hurt me author ) . but here’s how I actively study and apply the law while being a good student .

wake up & I do the edward art I AM THE CREATOR MEDITATION it’s only 10 minutes . try it out for yourself & youll know why .

when i’m on breaks i’m re-listening to his lectures ( I have 20 videos of his that I have a playlist of )

before bed I read his series for a short amount of time .

SATS while falling asleep .

importance of understanding the law

the reason why I repeat and repeat is because I truly want to understand I AM or my imagination and grasp it .

ending note + a goodbye

I urge you guys to do the same these “ tumblr bloggers “ will not help you as much the source will even I can’t help you as much as the source aka neville goddard or edward art . I will be going on hiatus to focus on my life & apply & study the law like mentioned I don’t know if i’ll be back but to anyone who’s reading this & made it this far … don’t give up on the law & I know you won’t because you want your dream & that desire that means so much to you so bad and I know that feeling …. my only advice is to study the law truly & straight from the source . my asks are always open and I will be answering so send me asks … bye angels <3

©prettymindset111

[rierice8]

Last words of an old flame

Thank you for 100 followers guyss!! I was supposed to post a scara fic a long while back but I’ve been pretty busy, but then the next time I opened tumblr I had 100 followers?! So I decided to dedicate this scara fic to that milestone. Thanks a ton guys! And sorry for the long wait, this fic is super angsty too- OOPS! Turns out liquid smooth is not the kind of music I should write smut too…

Word count: 1921

Ftm Scaramouche/wanderer x male reader

TW: heavy mentions of memory loss, angst, degradation, semi public sex (forest), creampie, blowjob

You don't quite know when you’d first felt like this.

Perhaps it was as you saw him for the first time, sitting way up high, far from the busy bustling streets of Sumeru with that dejected look on his face. Or maybe it was as you caught another glimpse of the strange man as you were studying the forest, drenched from the summer heat. It could have been when you first spoke with him, calling him out for seemingly following you. Maybe it was as you spoke the second time, or the third. It could have been as he and you got closer, maybe as you played in the shallow waters of a nearby stream as a way to cool off. Perhaps it was his perfect physique, the way the water made his shirt stick against his torso, his muscles accented by the sleeveless black fabric. His hair dripping against his face and his sly smirk as he forces water your way.

But you don’t think it matters when you started feeling this way. Because it feels good. Too good.

Sitting alone in your room, fingers wrapped around your cock as you grunt and throw your head back to the thought of him. Skilfully going up and down to the rhythm you imagine pounding the man with. Staring at the pictures of him you took with your kamera, precum leaking down your cock. It was like your skin was on fire, though if it was really his touch it would feel all the better. You were completely unravelled all while thinking of him.

Him.

…

Who is he again?

It's been days, or maybe weeks since you’ve seen him. But who was he? You rack your brain yet you can't seem to remember his name, looking through your memory there seem to be blank places, places where his face should be. He meant so much to you, you know that much. He was your world, your light.

What was his name again?

Months go past and you’re sitting, face in your knees, photographs with what seems like blurs of what was a man all across the floor. It was like someone forced him from your memory. You were starting to forget the memories you shared. All that was left was the feeling. It was like sparks lighting against your skin, or that's what you remember it as, at least. A burning desire, a passion, a love for this…figure. This blur. If you didn’t know any better, it felt like someone had forcefully cut out his face from your memory. You miss him so.

Miss him?

Who again?

You walked down the streets of Sumeru city in the summer heat, buying some herbs for your morning tea.

“Thanks again for the windwheel asters, they’re so hard to get here!” You exclaimed. The salesman smiled and said it was nothing as you waved goodbye and set off again. Your next stop was the flower store, which brought you an immediate sense of dread, as it always does. The flowers made you think of something, but you don't know what. It's the same empty patch that kills you every time. You shake your head in an attempt to fix your thoughts.

There.

Your head darted upwards. A man you’d never seen before sat on the roof of some building. You’d never seen before? Yea… never before. His eyes were focused on you. You made direct eye contact with the stranger who sat above you. Who was he?

“Who are you?” You yelled up to the wanderer.

He looked at you cynically before letting out a ‘tsk’ and standing up, preparing to leave.

“No please! Tell me, I swear I must have met you before, something feels wrong about you,” you begged him. He slid down the side of the building before grabbing your arm and dragging your shocked self away from the busy roads. You didn’t question his antics, only following him deeper and deeper into the forests to the sides of the big city. His indigo hair flowing in the wind, his left hand holding his hat down to his head, pale shimmering skin holding your hand tight. He didn’t break a sweat from all the running, so you tried not to either, as not to embarrass yourself. Besides, you were quite well versed in combat, both with and without your vision. Yet running this far and long seems impossible with human stamina.

“Stop please,” you panted. He immediately stopped running and let go of your arm. You stumbled backwards and ended up falling over. He stood above you and cried,

“HOW CAN YOU TELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW!”

You shuffled yourself backwards and away from the angry man. What did you know?

“I don't know…I’m sorry. Who are you even, I feel like I’ve known you but whenever I try to think of you nothing comes up and it makes my blood boil!” You said shakely, eyes wide open. The mystery man took a step back, stumbling slightly as he covered his mouth with his hand and his eyes went glassy. As if realisation has struck him through the heart and it hurt.

“I love you,” he trembled out.

“You don't even know me?”

He knelt down to place himself on top of you, caressing your cheek with his burning palms. Pulling you into a kiss. Like habit you kissed back. He moved his lips against yours and like habit you closed your eyes and sighed into his mouth. He slid his tongue into your mouth and, like habit, you let him. His touch felt oh so familiar, like you’d felt it a million times before. As though the was he touched you was the same as the past. Like he was the missing piece in your memory.

You broke the kiss panting and staring wide eyed.

“Just who are you,” you whispered as you lent your head against his shoulder.

“Everything you do feels so right, but I can’t remember you.” He smiled, a sad smile, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“I want you, my love,” he said with half lidded eyes.

And like habit,

You said yes.

Against a tree, deep in the forest, you ravaged this man who you’ve loved so much, yet who has been burnt from your memory. He stared up at you as his mouth worked your tip and his hands worked the base of your cock. Eyes tear filled yet perfect, seeming as though they were begging you to use his mouth as you pleased. Every time you moved slightly he’d moan around your cock, sending vibrations throughout your whole body. It was intoxicating, the way his pink lips worked so skilfully and as though they’ve been there before. As if they knew everything that made you come undone. You grabbed his head by his hair and forced him to take you all the way. He gagged before grabbing your thigh and letting you move his head as you pleased. His occasional moans were enough to get you burning on the inside, aching for him. Pulling him off your dick, he whined before you pulled him off the floor and pulled his shorts and panties right down. You lifted one of his legs above your shoulder to support him better before shoving a finger into his wet pussy, not needing any lube from how wet he already was. You pumped that one finger in and out of him slowly, painfully. You watched his face as he squirmed in pain.

“Hahh~ more, faster…please?” He moaned out.

You smiled at him as you pushed in one more finger and started moving them faster.

“Someone’s already all stretched out, like a good slut. I’m sure you were thinking of me a lot, hmm? Not being able to tell me who you are or show yourself really got to you, bad little whore.” You whispered into his ear.

“Mmfh! It- ah! It was so hard! I missed you too much~ ngh!” He groaned. You pulled your fingers out and licked them clean while staring him in the eye. You closed in and kissed him, letting him taste himself from your mouth. You moved down along his chest, giving him little hickeys and kisses along his whole neck and collar.

“Please…put it inside.” He begged. You smiled as you followed his begs. Aligning your dick with his sopping pussy before pushing in. It was almost like he was made for you, fitting you perfectly inside him. He moaned out loud and pulled your head down to his chest. You started moving, fast straight away, having no patience left to tease the wanderer anymore.

“Fuck, I feel as though I’ve done this before. Have I? Why don't you be a good little cock slut and tell me everything?” You say as you pull his hair so that he faces you.

“I- ah!! I can’t tell you~ mhfg, fuck me oh archons!” He whined. You furrowed your brows and sped up. Even now he couldn’t open his mouth.

Even now you were left in the dark.

You kissed him violently, smashing your lips together as you pounded his small frame and trailed your free hand up to twist and pinch his nipples. He moaned into your lips and you did nothing but speed up again. Chasing your own high.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum!” He moaned out.

“Then cum, slut.” And he did. He let out a long moan as he tried to close his legs, but you kept them open and continued so that you could feel release too.

“I can't any more n- no! Too sensitive~ ah!” He moaned, but you ignored his pleas.

“I don't even know your name yet I feel like I’ve fucked you senseless a million times. Yet you seem to know me so well, plastering yourself on me like some cheap whore,” you said, accentuating each word with a sharp thrust. The wanderer was a mess beneath your arms now. Crying and moaning at how good it feels.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum,” you groan.

“Cum inside me- ngh!! Ah yes, please!!” He whined and begged. You smiled and nodded slightly, after all, you couldn’t refuse such a good boy. With a few more thrusts you came inside him, filling his pussy up with your cum. You stayed like that for a moment as you caught your breath.

“I wish I knew who you were, you know,” you sighed. The wanderer looked away from you, in a solemn way.

“And I wish I could tell you, but even if I did, you still wouldn’t remember me.” He whispered almost inaudibly. You sighed again and pulled out. The man gasped at the sudden emptiness. You pulled your own clothes back on before helping him out and dressing him again. You then picked him up and carried him back to yours.

As you came home, you lay him down in bed alongside you, already knowing that he would be gone before you next opened your eyes. But you silently prayed that he’d still be there. Yet before you fell asleep, you stared at him, letting all the details you’d long forgotten sink back in.

“I forgot how beautiful you were,” you smiled.

He said nothing in return, just blankly stared at you.

“I’m sorry.”

In the morning he was gone. Just as you’d predicted, any trace of him vanished, all that was left were his words echoing in your mind.

The last words of an old flame.

[aceof-stars]

Narumitsu/Wrightworth Fic Recs! (Part 1, Multi Chapter)

I'm finally cleaning out my tabs and sorting through all the fanfics I've read so I thought tumblr would be the best place to keep my favorite fics :)

This post will contain only multi-chapter fics, completed fics will be listed first and then uncompleted ones. Assume it's a wrightworth fic unless I specify otherwise. I will also be subjecting you all to the way I tag/organize the fanfics I read. I'll try to keep spoilers out of my tags, but if you want to go in blind just click the link.

I will tag the author if I know their tumblr <3

Anyways, Enjoy!!

Canon Compliant, Mostly

A Long Way To Fall by Prospectkiss aka @prospectkiss

Era: OG Trilogy | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Casefic, Phoenix Gets Kidnapped, Includes Smut

The very first wrightworth fic I read!! <3

Paper Hearts by Prospectkiss aka @prospectkiss

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Angst, Reunion

So Soft that it h u r t s me

Turnabout Forgotten by Nali_li

Era: OG Trilogy | Relationship? Established Relationship & Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix has Amnesia, Pining While In a Relationship

res ipsa loquitur (the thing itself speaks) by griffonage

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix Didn't Know They Were Dating, Miscommunication (but it's funny)

pari delicto, pari passu (equal fault, equal footing) by griffonage

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix Didn't Know They Were Dating, Miscommunication (but it's funny)

Yeah this is very similar to the previous one but they're both very good

Five Times Miles Found Phoenix Infuriatingly Attractive and One Time Phoenix Threw It Right Back at Him by 3musketears

Era: Disbarment/AJ | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: Aspec Miles Edgeworth Suffers™️

Disbarment tends to be a really sad era to write in but this one isn't soul-crushing

to drink, and live, what has destroyed some men by multifandom_fanfic_writer

Era: Multiple (Pre-DL-6, Disbarment/AJ, DD/SOJ/Post-Canon) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix is Jealous of Miles' Admirers, Miles Edgeworth Rejects Everyone Except Phoenix

Guilty As Charged by JustNerdyThings

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: AJ Trilogy Characters Try Matchmaking-- Phoenix & Miles Don't Need It Actually, POV Outsider, Miscommunication (but it's funny)

A Night You'll Never Regret by MaudMoon (Idle_Wanderings) aka @maud-moon

Era: DD/SOJ/Post-Canon | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession | Plot Stuff: Phoenix & Miles Get Impulsively Married, Drunken Shenanigans, Temporary Amnesia, Communication!, Includes Smut

One of my favorite Post-Canon wrightworth fics, Phoenix and Miles are characterized so well <3

Canon Retellings/Canon Divergence

Reprieve by Almarna aka @almarnatiaam

Era: Pre-Canon (Bratfeen) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship → Breakup → Getting Back Together | Plot Stuff: Bratworth & Feenie are Roommates, First Game Retelling

Don't Lawyers Feel Love Too? by JustNerdyThings

Era: Pre-Canon (Bratfeen), Legally Blonde AU | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: Bratworth is Feenie's Study Partner, Turnabout Goodbyes Retelling

What Are Roommates For Anyways by daggar

Era: Pre-Canon (Bratfeen) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: Bratworth is Feenie's Roommate, Bratworth Tries to Have a Corruption Arc & Feenie Doesn't Let Him, Bratworth's Accelerated Redemption, Turnabout Memories Retelling

This one is similar to the last but it's angstier and involves more case/plot elements

UNFINISHED

A Demon's Justice by Evelinessa aka @evelinessa

Era: OG Trilogy (PW:AA) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship | Plot Stuff: Phoenix Loses Turnabout Sisters, Edgeworth's Delayed Redemption, Turnabout Sisters Retelling, Turnabout Goodbyes Retelling

pain, pain, so much pain please save me (jk I love it)

Feline Any Better? by Dreamnorn

Era: Pre-Canon (Bratfeen) | Relationship? Pre-Relationship | Plot Stuff: Bratworth's Accelerated Redemption, Bratworth Becomes a Cat and Gets Closer to Phoenix, Phoenix Wright Angst Train

Turnabout Transposed by NeeineArts

Era: No-DL-6 AU | Relationship? Established Relationship (um it's complicated) | Plot: Canon Edgeworth Travels to No DL-6 Universe, Crossing Timelines, Casefic

Alternate Universe

I Spy by zombiekittiez

Era: Spy AU | Relationship? Established Relationship → Estrangement → Getting Back Together | Plot Stuff: Phoenix & Miles Work For Opposing Sides, Secret Identities

Augh pain, what if I want wrightworth to be happy is that too much to ask for

The Return of Glory by MaudMoon (Idle_Wanderings) aka @maud-moon

Era: Hogwarts AU | Relationship? Pre-Relationship → Confession → Established Relationship | Plot Stuff: Phoenix & Miles are Rivals At First, Exposing von Karma, Found Family Working Together

AUTHOR DOES NOT SUPPORT JK ROWLING!! I REPEAT, AUTHOR DOES NOT SUPPORT JK ROWLING. Phoenix and Maya are BOTH trans here

HP worldbuidling elements are actually incorporated so well into Ace Attorney plot points

[xoxocyn]

my disappearance ♡

hiii this is cynthia most commonly known as gentlehue/jgracie/irlangelics <3 i wasnt gonna make a post like this for reasons i'll go thru under the cut but after having three of you reach out to me on pinterest i thought it'd be unfair to leave everyone in the dark 💗 tagging @luvusrry @findmeonvenus / @daystarpoet and @bloodwrittenletters thank u for checking up on me lovelies xx

okay so the main reason i deactivated yesterday was because i realised being on here was negatively impacting my productivity LOL as you all probably know (because i never shut up about it) im in my second to last year of high school and everything i do now and next year is what has the largest impact on what uni i get into which then has a pretty big impact on where i end up in the future basically LMAO 😭 my life is so busy these days between doing the whole ib itself which im still getting used to since the british system is so structured and tells you exactly what to do in comparison to ib where a lot of it is you doing your own thing & prepping for uni by researching diff courses and the lnat which is an exam i'll have to sit in order to apply to study law & also getting back into all my extracurricular/picking up new ones which is another thing i have to get used to since im SUCH an academically oriented person & a BUNCHHH of other things i wont be getting into rn 😭 and so i cannot afford to be lounging around in any way whatsoever right now!! this is the socmed app i spend the most time on and i tend to tell myself its ok cause im not replying to notifs im just scrolling which is so silly LOL but i need to eliminate that from my life soooo i left

a mini second reason why i left is smth thats gonna be rly hard for me to explain here & im pretty sure probs has smth to do w my ocd (another thing i dont rly like to talk ab that much so idk how many of u know this) but i have this thing where if something negatively impacts me or like if i have a negative association w it it becomes "imperfect" and i acc cannot have it around me like it physically disgusts me and i cant function or think or anything 😭 and thats what was happening w my tumblr account because of how it caused me soooo much procrastination and so little work done 😣 soz if this doesnt make any sense or if its weird but its smth ive had for years now and am slowly working on 😭 my perfectionism is so horrible too and tumblr makes it worse cause im always overthinking what my feed looks like 😫 like i cant have too many talking posts or too many asks or too many reblogs and im always doing them in a way that balances it out in my head and i spiral so bad over it 🙁

ANOTHER reason (wow lots of reasons) is cause ive begun to enjoy my real life so so much these days and dont want to be distracted by being online 😭 i love my friend group i love sixth form i love having a crush i love it all! a lot of my friends r graduating this year as well and so i probs wont be seeing them as often afterwards cause obvs theyre not all applying to unis in our city let alone our country !!! i dont wanna take this year for granted at ALL cause i'll so regret it if i do :(

the second thing im addressing is why i left w out saying anything LOL basically i knew if i posted smth and said my goodbyes i wouldn't commit to it at all 😭 and i need to seriously be disciplined w myself these days if i wanna be rich and traveling the world in 10 years 🫡

i dont know if i'll ever come back but im so so happy i got to know u all whether u knew me from jgracie or discovered me later on after i abandoned her im so glad i got to call u my lovely friends :) i carry a piece of you all wherever i go ♡ you know you'll always know me! i wont deactivate this account but i wont be active on it either unless i decide to fully come back, but if u send me an ask within this week i'll answer it xx

for those of you who are worried about my fics on jgracie, i made a backup account back in the summer and everything ive ever written is reblogged over there :) @cynarchives

[cozage]

Hi. How are you? Can I put in a request for Law x Corazon’s daughter? Corazon asks Law to take care of his wife and daughter (she is his age) if anything were to happen to him. After Corazon dies, Law finds them and stays with them before becoming a pirate and promises to visit. As the years go by, he falls for her and vice versa. Then after Dressrosa (which she helps them with), he asks her to join the crew.

A/N: Im great! anyway…Uhhhh yeah this got way long. I’m not mad about it. I hope it was worth the wait for you :) (you can also read it on AO3 if you dont like the tumblr format for long posts)

Characters: female reader x Law

Cw: sadness, abandonment, parent death

Total word count: 5.2k

A Lifetime Promise

You pout at the boy standing in front of you. “Who are you?” 

Your mom squeezed your hand to silence you. “You must be Trafalgar Law,” She said, smiling at the boy. She seemed tense, like she’s scared of something.

“You have a funny hat,” you remark, looking at the spots. They matched his skin, which was patch-worked like the cows you had at home. 

“You have a funny face,” he spits back, scowling at you. 

You stick your tongue out at him, and your mother picks you up and holds you on her hip. 

“Well, Law. Let’s get you settled into your new home.”

“What?!” you shriek, looking at your mother. “I don’t want him to live with us! He’s mean! And scary looking!”

“Quiet, Y/N!” Your mother hissed at you, squeezing you tighter to her. You could tell she was upset, but you weren’t entirely sure what you had done to make her so sad. So you kept quiet and let your mother lead the strange boy back to your house.

He stayed with you for a few years, and in that time you learned to coexist. You helped him study, and you were there when he got the last drop of lead poisoning out of his system. Both of you cried for the things you had lost and the things you had gained, and you learned to actually enjoy being around him and his friends. 

You spent the summers roaming the forests with Law, Shachi, Penguin, and Bepo, and you spent the winter huddled together in front of a lowly lit fireplace, your mother serving you all hot chocolate. It was heaven in the North Blue Sea, and you never wanted it to end. You all would be together forever, you were certain.

“One week from now, we’re setting out.” He had acquired a small boat, big enough for four people. “We’re going to take on the Grand Line and I’m going to be King of the Pirates.”

“It’ll be a tight fit, but we can all fit I think,” you said, examining the boat. One more person wouldn’t be that much weight.

Law shot you a look, and the other members exchanged looks nervously. They had been anticipating an argument, but they weren’t expecting it to be in front of them. 

“You’re not coming, Y/N-ya.”

You looked at him, trying to understand. Your goals have always been aligned. Go to the Grand Line and take down the Donquixote family. To take revenge for your father and for Law. 

“A pirate's life is a man’s life. You wouldn’t fit in. We all talked about it, and you’re better off staying here. Where you’re safe.” 

“I don’t want to be safe, Law,” you cried, your eyes filling with tears. “I want to be with you! We had plans!”

“Plans change.”

“You’re really going to leave me behind?” Your broken voice and bleary eyes were almost enough to change his mind. 

“I never promised to take you with me,” he snapped. He tried to ignore the pain in his chest when you ran away crying, but the dull ache didn’t go away.

The coldness between the two of you was worse than any winter storm you had ever encountered. He said goodbye when he thought you were asleep, and you laid there silently without responding. It was easier for you both that way. 

--

He didn’t return for another year, and when you saw the pirate flag the four of you had created now painted on a submarine, your heart soared. 

“Law!” You screamed, jumping onto the deck as if it were second nature. 

You leaped into his arms for a hug and he caught you, spinning you around with the momentum you both had gathered. 

“I missed you,” he whispered, clutching you close to him. 

Your heart skipped a beat. “Let me come with you this time!” 

His hands gripped tighter against your back, grabbing fists of fabric from your cloth dress. 

“Just kidding!” You say quickly, not wanting to pick up a year old fight. You scrunch your nose at him and your other three friends. “I bet you guys smell. So. Bad.”

Everyone laughs at that, and you pull away from Law nervously, hugging your other friends who you’ve missed just as much. 

Their visit was short, but you made the most out of the two days they stayed in port. You showed them new restaurants, and revisited some of your old adventures, and explored the marketplace with Law to make dinner for your mom one night. 

And when they left, you stood at the cliffside and waved until they were out of sight, praying their telescope wasn’t good enough to see the tears in your eyes.

--

It was three and a half years until Trafalgar Law came back to you, but it felt like a lifetime. You had learned to live with the pain of his absence, and tried your best to move on. But every time the light glimmered on the ocean, you could feel your heart calling out to him. 

Law came quietly that time. He was surprised when he looked for you at your usual spots and you weren’t anywhere to be found. He wandered the streets with his crew - now 7 strong - searching for you. 

“She’s down in the Trademark Hotel. She works the front desk now, dear,” an elderly woman at a stall said. 

He tried not to quicken his pace, but everyone could feel his speed increase, and worked to match it. His new crew was desperate to see the girl he returned home to, and his old crew members missed your face. 

He rushed in to see you standing at the desk, talking to a man who was dressed in a fancy suit. You laughed, and Law could feel his heart clench with joy at the sound of your voice. He couldn’t help but see a piece of Corazon in your smile now.

Your eyes slid over to the door to greet the new customers, and you screamed out upon realization of his identity, startling the man beside you. 

“Law!” You jumped over the desk and he opened his arms for an embrace as you ran to him. He held you in his arms for just a moment before you pulled away, and he reluctantly let you go. 

“Oh my god, this is perfect timing!” you squealed, running back to grab the man’s hand. “Jami, this is Law. You remember me talking about him, right?”

“Yeah…” the man eyed Law and his crew. “The pirate crew?”

You laughed. “And my best friend!”

“He’s more like your brother, isn’t he?” He smirked. “Since you were raised together.”

“We’re not siblings,” both you and Law said at the same time, and you laughed at your synchronicity, but Law’s eyes stayed fixed on the man.

Law frowned, looking between you and this stranger. He had his arm wrapped around your waist, and he was standing extremely close to you. It was clear you all were close, but Law had never seen him before. He was glaring at Law, as if he expected some sort of challenge from the pirate.  

You took a deep breath, and then broke the news. “Law, this is my boyfriend, Jamison.”

Law’s eyes widened at the news. You were too preoccupied waving to Shachi and the others, but it was enough for Jamison to see his visible reaction. 

“The three of us should have dinner tonight,” Jamison said, looking at Law with a smirk. “If you can leave your crew for that long.”

“No way! Everyone needs to come.” You pressed your hand against Jamison’s chest playfully, and Law felt something twist inside of him. “You have new people in your life too, Law. Introduce us!”

Law finally breaks his gaze from Jamison and looks at you, his jealousy melting away when he sees your smile. Things felt more normal when he looked at you and heard your voice.

“I’ll set up a reservation at the hotel restaurant for ten. Oh, and mom. So eleven. Does five o’clock sound okay?”

“Perfect.” He smiled back at you, and for a moment you were alone together in a crowded room. 

Jamison cleared his throat, bringing you both back to the group. He looked at Law and his crew. “The dress code is a bit more…” he paused to scan the pirates. “...Formal. I hope you have nicer clothes available than those.”

Law frowns, and he sees you mimic his own facial expression in response to Jamison’s words. “I think the Trademark can make exceptions for distinguished guests.” you said sweetly. 

“Darling,” the man hissed, squeezing your side causing you to flinch. “The Trademark has a reputation to uphold, don’t you think?”

Law resisted the urge to punch the man right then and there. If he stepped in now, you would only be angry about his interference. He knew he had to grit his teeth and let you handle it. He fully expected you to give some snarky remark back to Jamison and stand up for yourself and his crew. But the spunk he remembered you having seemed to have dissipated over the years, and your rebelling heart was more soft spoken than he remembered. 

You offered a compromise instead of a fight. “Then we’ll go to Cordelia’s.” 

“I don’t think Cordelia’s is the proper place for this occasion,” Jamison retaliated.

“Then don’t come.” Your voice was short and to the point, and Law could see the fire of defiance begin to relight in your eyes. 

“Cordelia’s sounds lovely,” Law interjected quickly before the fight escalated too much. “Still five?”

You gave him a tight smile and a quick nod, and then broke from Jamiston’s hold to run and wrap your arms around Law’s neck again. 

“It really is so good to see you again, Law.”

He held you tight for a moment, trying to remember the feeling of your body against his before he let go. “You too. See you at five,” he said, walking out the door. 

When Law arrived at Cordelia’s, he noticed the table was only set for ten, but nobody in his crew commented on it. Law kept the seat next to him open, in hopes that you would take it rather than your snotty boyfriend. But as it turned out, he didn’t need to worry about it. Only you and your mother showed. 

“Sorry I’m late!” you say, taking the seat beside Law without a second thought. 

“You’re always late,” Law teased. 

You waved him off, rolling your eyes at him. You leaned over so you could see his three new crew members. “I’m Y/N,” you said. “I’m so sorry I didn’t officially introduce myself earlier! I was just so overwhelmed with seeing Law and Shachi and Penguin and Bepo!”

“She didn’t even acknowledge us earlier,” Penguin said under his breath, causing Law to shoot him a glare. 

The rest of Law’s crew introduced themselves, and you spent a lot of time asking about them and their lives. Law could feel your nervous energy, like you were interviewing celebrities or famous royalty. You wanted to know everything about their lives and how they became a pirate, and by the time dessert rolled around, there was no time left to talk about yourself. 

“Can I walk you back to your place?” Law asked as you got up from the table after the meal. 

“Such a gentleman!” you gasped, feigning surprise. “Heart Pirate crew, it was lovely to meet you. Please come back anytime! You’re always welcome here.”

Law held out his arm and you grinned as you took it, overly dramatic in your actions. You walked down the cobblestoned streets in the moonlight, quiet for a while until Law broke the silence. 

“No Jamison for dinner?” he questioned innocently. 

You scowled. “I don’t want to talk about him,” you replied. “Jami always says Cordelia’s is our spot. He doesn’t like to share with other people.”

“He doesn’t seem like-”

“Law,” you warn, irritation creeping into your voice. “I really don’t want to talk about him right now.”

“Okay, fine.” He eyed you, but your face was completely unreadable. He wasn’t sure when he had lost the ability to read your emotions, but it saddened him now. 

“Can we go to the harbor before you take me home?”

“Of course, Milady,” he said, ushering you towards the sea wall at the bottom of the hill. 

You all sat on the wall, staring at the moon and its reflection against the ocean. 

“Tell me a story, Law.” It was something you used to say when you were kids. On the nights one of you had such terrible nightmares that you woke up crying, and the other would crawl into bed with the other. You always begged him to make up some kind of story to get your mind off of things. He was a good storyteller. 

He chuckled. “We’re a bit old for that, don’t you think?” He looked over at you, but your eyes were on the sea, deep in thought. 

“Tell me a real story, then.”

He obliged, of course. He’d do anything for you. Keep her happy and keep her safe. That’s what Corazon had asked of Law when he was a child. A lifelong promise for the man who gave him a life worth living. 

He told you the story of giant bees who hated humans, but loved Bepo’s fur. The crew had to make trades of honey for Bepos fur, and how it saved them from starvation and left Bepo half bald. 

“That can’t be true!” you giggled, pushing him away from you. “Tell me a true story!”

“It’s true! I swear!” He said, smirking at you. 

“Promise?” you looked up at him with wide eyes, desperately wanting to believe him.

He was about to respond, but your gaze distracted him. You all stared at each other for a few moments, hovering close to each other. Not touching, just out of reach.

“Take me to sail with you, Trafalgar Law,” you begged. “I won’t ask for anything ever again. Just take me with you.”

He desperately wanted to take you away from this island, from the man who claimed to love you and the mediocre job you worked. But he made a promise. 

“I can’t,” he whispers, and you can hear the pain he's causing himself in rejecting you. 

You pull away, breaking your eye contact with him to stare out into the sea. You want to cry, but no tears would come. You were expecting this response from him. You were expecting rejection from him. It still stung, but not as much as you were anticipating. 

“Okay,” you say with a nod, pushing down your sadness. “I won’t ask you again.”

You rise to your feet, and turn your back to the ocean and your best friend, and walk into your house on the dock. Law didn’t even have time to beg you to stay before you had vanished into the night. 

Law found your house the next morning with the help of a friend of yours. Of course, Jamison answered the door with that signature cocky sneer on his face. 

“She’s not feeling well,” he said, glancing at the back room. “How about you try again tomorrow?”

“We’re leaving tomorrow,” Law says, trying to push past the man. “I need to see her before we go.”

“I’ll send her your way if she’s feeling up to it, okay?” He starts to shut the door, but Law jams his foot into the opening to prevent it from closing completely. 

“I need to see her.”

“No, you don’t,” Jamison said, kicking Law’s foot out of the doorway. “I don’t need my future wife being influenced by a bunch of pirates. Your presence is bad for her. You make her rude and disobedient.” He pauses to look out to the harbor, and his smirk returns. “You might want to hurry, it looks like some Navy ships got a tip about a notorious pirate crew on this island. Wouldn’t want you to get caught.”

Law looks to the harbor and finds 10 marine ships on the horizon, and he takes off towards his crew, cursing the coward you’re with. 

“I’ll be back,” Law whispers into the air as he runs for his ship. “I promise.”

--

Law finally made it back to you two years later, praying that you wouldn’t be giving him another major life update when he found you again. He was terrified that he’d come back to you and you’d be engaged to that pompous ass - or even worse, married. He wanted you to be happy, but he knew you weren’t happy with that man.

The crew could sense his tenseness in the days leading up to the arrival on their home island. But nobody talked about it, until Shachi finally went into his office as they docked.

“Are you going to ask her this time?” He demanded. “You know she’ll say yes.”

“I don’t want her on the ship,” Law said. He didn’t even bother to look up from his book. 

“Bullshit,” Shachi replied. “You have Ikkaku here now too. You can’t even use that stupid “No Girls Allowed” rule.”

Law didn’t respond. It had been what he told you years ago, and he had to admit he was a little nervous to see how you’d respond to seeing a woman on his crew. 

“Captain,” Shachi said, walking over to his desk. “Ask her.”

Law finally looked up from his book. “I’ll consider it.”

When they docked, Law was the first off the ship. The others didn’t bother to follow him, they knew they’d see you soon enough. 

He made a beeline for the Trademark, and was surprised to find that there had been a name change in the past year and a half. 

It was now the Heart Hotel.

He walked into the lobby, but your smiling face wasn’t the one to greet him, and his heart sunk. A young woman sat at the front desk, but it wasn’t you.

“Hello, how can I help you today sir?” Her voice was high pitched and overenthusiastic, but Law couldn’t tell if she was genuine or not. 

“I’m looking for Y/N.” Law said, looking around. “Does she still work here?”

The girl at the front desk laughed at his question, but Law didn’t understand why. 

“Let me go get her. Please wait right here. What business do you have with her today?”

Law frowned, unsure how to answer the question. “Personal, I guess?”

The girl nodded and receded into a back room. A moment later he heard your voice cry out, and he relaxed a little bit. 

“WHAT?!” He could hear quickened footsteps, and the door to the back rooms opened, revealing your frame. 

He smiled when he saw you, but it was quickly erased when he saw your downward knitted brows and angry look on your face. 

“Trafalgar Law!” you screeched, storming out to where he was standing. You pulled your hand back and swung it around, your palm hitting his cheek full force. Before Law had time to react, you grabbed his shirt and pulled him close to you, so your face was only centimeters away. You were shorter than him, but with this amount of rage, he couldn’t help but feel intimidated by you.

“Don’t you ever leave me without saying goodbye again!” You said, and he could see tears in your eyes. Your glare breaks, and you crumple into his chest and let out a sob. 

“Why did you do that?” you cried. He wrapped his arms around you, and held you tight against him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, holding you tight. He didn’t make excuses or try to explain. It didn’t matter now. “I’m here now. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

You nod into his chest and pull away from him, viciously wiping the tears away with your hands. 

“God look at me, I’m such a mess.” Your voice is still thick from crying. “Amanda, I’m going on break. If anyone needs me-”

“They won’t,” Amanda finishes, and you laugh at her response. Then she corrects herself with, “I know, I’ll call you on the transponder snail.”

“Looks like you’ve moved up a bit in the hotel,” Law states as you take his arm and lead him out the door. 

Your laugh rings out, and Law feels his heart flutter in his chest. “I’m the owner now, thank you very much!”

“The owner?” he gasped, looking at you. Your chest is puffed out proudly and you’re carrying yourself with more confidence than the last time he saw you. 

“Yep! You like the name?”

“I was wondering about that,” he mumbled, looking up at the top of the hotel, where name was proudly displayed. 

You giggled again and bumped into him as you walked. “I missed you, Law.”

“I missed you too,” he said, bumping back into you. “You seem to be doing good for yourself.”

“Oh, I love running the hotel!” He can feel your excitement. “It’s something I didn’t even know I was good at, but it’s so fun! And the restaurant is interesting to work in too! It keeps me busy, but me and mom run it together and we work with local farmers and suppliers for everything in the restaurant and for the hotel.”

He listens to you ramble on about the intricacies of the business, and he feels his heart sink. He was going to ask you to come with him, to join him in his adventure. But he can’t pull you away from this life. He can’t pull you away from this happiness. He’s not so selfish that he would do that to you or your mother. He made a promise, and he would be breaking it by asking you to leave now. 

When you finish talking about your new business, you both find yourselves at the door of your house on the dock. 

“Would you like to come in?” You ask, pulling out your key. “I can make dinner for-your crew! How many are there now? I can make a reservation at the restaurant if you want!”

“There’s thirteen of us in total, but we still don’t have any fancy outfits, I’m afraid.”

You roll your eyes and open the door, trying to usher Law into the house. “The Heart Hotel isn’t as snobby under my new management. Table for 15, got it. Come on in.”

But Law kept standing outside. “Are you sure it’s okay with Jamison that I come in?”

You scowl, and you realize that he’s waiting for some kind of update on more than your professional life. He glances down at your hands, but there’s no sign of commitment around your fingers. 

“That kind of crashed and burned.” Your tone indicates that you won’t be going into any further detail, but Law isn’t quite done with his questions. 

“It looks like you came out on top, at least.” He walks into the house, looking around. It’s decorated similarly to the house you all grew up in, evident that only you and your mother were living in the space. “The hotel, the house…”

“Law.” Your voice told him he was getting into dangerous territory. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, flopping on the couch. He didn’t want to drop the conversation, but he could tell that he wouldn’t be getting any more information out of you at the moment. 

You put out a snack tray, and called Amanda on the snail transponder. “Hey dear, could you put in a reservation for 15 please? 6 pm should be good, but we might be a little late.”

Amanda and you chatted briefly, and then you came back to the living room to sit across from Law. 

“So, how’s the sea life treating you?” 

He talked about his adventures, telling you about his three new members on the crew. He saw you tense at the mention of a female joining the crew, but you didn’t say anything. You just snacked on the cheese and crackers and listened to his stories quietly. 

You desperately wanted to ask him to take you with him again, but you refrained. After the last time, where you begged him to go and then he left without saying goodbye, you promised not to ask anymore. And you would hold true to your promise, no matter how much it hurt to let him leave again. 

Law left you to round up his crew, and you all met up again outside of the Heart Hotel. You could tell his crew adored their captain, and it was good to see your old friends and meet your new ones. 

Dinner was delightful, and you could tell the chefs had put their entire soul into creating the meal for you all. 

“It looks like you’ve got the best of the best working for you,” the crew complimented. 

“Oh, they are! I love the creative liberty they take in each meal.” The more you talked, the more apparent it was that you loved the life you had built. 

Shachi and Law exchanged a look, a sense of understanding passing through them. 

“How long are you here for?” You finally asked after dessert was served. 

“We’re actually pulling out tomorrow morning,” Law said, ignoring the look of shock from his crew. They had anticipated being in port for at least a few days. 

“What?” Your spoon dropped out of your hand from the surprise. “So soon? I can put you up in-”

“That’s not necessary,” Law said, cutting you off. “I just wanted to stop by and say hello as we passed through.”

“I see,” you said carefully, trying to beat around the bush of the question you wanted to ask. “Are you heading to the Grand Line?”

“Not yet,” Law admitted. “We should be ready soon.”

“You’ll visit before you go for good, right?”

“Promise.”

--

He came back to find you a year and a half later. He had his mind set for the Grand Line, and he was finally going to ask you to come with him. You had to be by his side if he was going to succeed in being the King of the Pirates. 

When he walked into the Heart Hotel, he saw Amanda, who didn’t seem surprised to see him at all.

“Trafalgar Law,” Amanda said with a sad smile on her face. “She said you’d come back.”

Her words raised the hair on his neck. They were ominous and foreboding, and she spoke as if she knew something he didn’t. She walked to the back and came out with a envelope, which she handed off to him. 

“This was what she left you.”

“Where is she?” he demanded. His name was on the front of the envelope, the handwriting in your style. He felt sick to his stomach.

“I’m not sure,” Amanda said. “Off on some great adventure. There’s more in the note. You should read it.”

He walked down to the sea wall and sat, opening the letter to find out what happened to you. The date was marked 10 months after he had last visited.

Law, 

Mom died this morning. She got sick a few weeks ago, and it all happened pretty fast. The doctors said she didn’t suffer much, and she passed peacefully in her sleep. So I guess there’s some comfort in that. I wish I could’ve told you another way. Maybe I’ll find you and we can talk about it face to face before you’re reading this. 

I can’t stay here. Everywhere I look reminds me of you or her. This place I loved just feels dead now. Maybe I’ve outgrown it. Maybe I need something more. 

The last time you were here, I was hoping you would ask me to join you. But I see now that you don’t want me to be a part of your crew for whatever reason. Don’t worry, I’m not angry about it. I understand that you want to live your own life, and I don’t hold that against you. 

But I can’t wait around for you to brighten up my life every few years. I have to make my own adventure. So I’m heading off to be my own captain, going straight for the Grand Line. I’m going to do what we promised we’d do all those years ago. I’m going to go find my uncle and take revenge on my father. Some way or another. 

I hope I’ll see you on the Grand Line. We’ll meet as Pirate Captains, but don’t take too long, or I’ll beat you to the One Piece. 

See you soon.

Law shoved your note into his pocket and took off towards his crew. He wasn’t even sure if you had made it to the Grand Line, or how you would survive it long enough to get to Dressrosa. 

“We need to go,” he yelled at the crew. “The Grand Line! Now!”

Shachi looked behind the captain, waiting to see you tagging along. But you didn’t appear. “Captain, where-”

“She left!” He yelled. “She went to the Grand Line already!” 

“What?!” The crew yelled in unison. 

--

He heard rumors of a one-woman ship in Alabasta, but there wasn’t much information besides that. And then, on Kite Rose Island, he heard that you had disappeared. People speculated if you had been killed by an enemy ship, or sold into slavery, or sunk into the ocean. Law got sick to his stomach whenever he thought about it. 

But he still had a promise to fulfill. To take down Doflamingo. For you and for Corazon. 

--

And he did. With the help of the Strawhat Pirates and some luck, he finally succeeded. And as he sat with Sengoku, he couldn’t help but bring up your name. 

“Did you know he had a daughter?”

Sengoku raised his brow and smiled. “I kept tabs on her,” he said. “She came to Dressrosa about two years ago, and has been operating under the Donquixote family. I’m surprised you didn’t know.”

“She made it?” Law breathed out, unable to believe you had been here the whole time. 

Sengoku laughed. “How do you think your friends were able to navigate the colosseum so easily to escape? Or that the Tontattas made it to Dressrosa so quickly? How do you think Princess Viola avoided detection of her betrayal for so long? She may not have been an inner family of Doflamingo, but she was high on his rank and extremely trusted. Any time you thought luck was on your side, I assure you it was her.”

Law struggled to stand, looking around for you over the cliffside. 

“If I remember correctly, she was heading for the castle the last I saw her.”

He ran as fast as his feet would carry him. Even in his weakened state, he willed his body to stay upright to find you. His eyes desperately searched every face he saw, looking for your eyes, your smile. He had tried to abandon the hope that you were alive over the past three years since he found your letter, but it had never truly died. 

Finally, he found you laughing with the purple-haired princess of Dressrosa. He called your name, and he saw you turn to him, scanning the faces until you met his eyes.

“Law!” You screamed. You abandoned Viola and took off towards him at full speed, tears streaming down your face. 

He tried to brace himself for the impact he knew was coming, but it wasn’t enough, and the two of you tumbled onto the floor. He pulled you into his chest and refused to let you go, and you laid against him, sobbing. 

“You did it,” you cried, getting tears and snot all over his coat. 

“We did it,” he corrected. “We couldn’t have done it without you.”

You cried harder into his chest at his praise, and he stroked your hair gently. He didn’t care that the two of you were causing a giant scene in front of everyone. He blinked back tears of his own, relieved to know you were finally back in his arms and you were safe. 

“Sail with me. Join my crew.” It wasn’t a question, but you nodded in response. 

“I’ll follow you anywhere captain,” you sobbed. “I promise.”

He pulled you closer to him, never wanting to let you go. “And I’ll never leave you alone. I promise.”

[yourlastbraincell-kiwi]

A/N: This was a request on my Wattpad called ‘Bound to One Another’ and forgot to put it on Tumblr. I hope you enjoy it!

Also, it switches from Chase and the reader’s pov, please be aware of that, but it starts off with the reader pov!

Pairing: Chase Davenport x Reader

As far as I know, it’s got typos-

——————🧬——————

"Hey, guys!"

I said, walking over to Adam, Bree, Chase and Leo. They all greeted me with smiles and waves, while Chase pulls my to his side by my waist, and kissed my temple.

"Where we're you I've been looking everywhere for you?" Chase asked setting his chin on my head. "Yeah, he was sweated so much, it looked like it rained inside the school." Bree said, motioned to Chases shirt.

"He extremely worried that you missed the first couple of classes, but honestly, that isn't something he should be worrying about. Mr, H's class is anything, but fun." Leo said, as we all, except Chase made that one face.

"His class is in fact fun, what about the time we studied the human body, and how many different systems the body has and-"

"And that is why you don't have many friends." Adam said while Bree and Leo nodded their heads. I shake my head and look up at Chase, "It's alright, I just over slept and the traffic was so bad today. I'm lucky enough to even have made it to school." I said walked with them to our classes.

"See? Right there. I would've taken advantage of that.." Leo said and fist bumped Adam.

I rolled my eyes as they when to class and Chase pulled me aside. "You sure, you're okay?" I nod, grabbing his shoulders. "Yes, I promise you. I'm a-okay. And if anything were to..." His face gives me that really look, but I continue to talk anyway. "...Were to happen you'd know. Okay?"

He sighs and nods his head. "Alright, I gotta go to class now." I smile at him, giving him a farewell kiss, and went to class.

——————🧬——————

It was around 2:40, when I had left school, I said goodbye to my friends except Bree and told Chase, I'd call him when I got home. I usually take the bus, till I get somewhat close to my house. Then I walk the rest of the way, listening to some music, and chatting with Bree, about girl stuff before bringing the subject back to Chase and I.

"Chase was really worried about you, though. I've only ever seen him worried when, he was taking that big History Exam." She said and we both laughed a bit.

"I know, and I promised him that nothing happened, and that I'll always message, whatever the case may be, so I don't worry him."

"Good, but I better get a text too, cause being left with three boys? I love 'em, but boy can they be annoying." She said, waving as she walked home on her own.

I continue walking to my own house particularly slow today though, just to take in the scenery. That was until I saw a rustle of leaves to my right. I brushed it off as it was quite windy today, and I'd expect leaves to make some sort of movement, in windy weather.

I kept on my walk until I heard a bit of a hushed voice, and started to speed walk a bit. Something wasn't sitting right in my gut and I always listen to my gut feeling. The rustling of leaves picked up and I started to run, only to have my arm gripped tight, as making stuff fall out of my pocket, including my phone, yanking the earbuds out of my ears, with such haste.

I hissed out my clenched teeth and tried loosening my kidnappers grip on my arm, but he wouldn't budge, so I kicked the back of his knee causing his to kneel down, probably scraping his knee, and I yanked my arm and tried to run.

He grabbed my ankle, causing me to fall and hit my face on the pavement. I groan feeling my face get hot, near my eyebrow, and lower lip and some blood dripping from my nose. I turned to see him rushed as me I scrambled to my feet and, run as fast I could.

But he was faster.

I screamed her help, but it was no use, the nearest town was little ways ahead from where I was, all because I was wanted to stop and smell the bloody roses! He grabbed my by my waist and put s hand over my mouth, and I kicked and screamed trying something, ANYTHING, that could get me out of his grasp, but he tossed me in the back of his car and locked it.

I banged on the door, begging and pleaded for someone to here me, but no one was there. I eventually stopped, and slouched against the vans doors, and cried silently, eventually crying myself to sleep.

——————🧬——————

I walked back and forth, ready to rip my own hair out of my own head. "Chase, calm down maybe, she was at a friends house." Bree asked as they watched me stress out, in the middle of the hallway at school. "I already ran that probability in my head, over 12 times today and trust me she's not there."

"She said she'd call, but she hasn't and I..." I slowly turn to face my siblings. "I think somethings wrong."

We all looked at each other uneasily, before I walked quickly out the of the school, with nothing but determination on finding (Y/N). "Chase! Wait up!" "Hey! Slow down." "Where are you going?" They said running after me.

"I'm going to find her. You can either come with me, or stay here your choice." I said turning to leave, but Bree grabbed my arm. "What about class, and we all know how much you love Mr.H' class." Leo nodded and pointed at Bree, as if her statement was correct.

"I do, but finding (Y/N) is way more important then some...some...stupid class!" I walked away leaving them wide eyed with Leo's mouth agape. "Who are you? And what have you done with Chase?" He said, as they ran after me.

——————🧬——————

'Ugh...'

'What happened?'

I slowly lift my head, as my eyes fluttered open. I tried to get a look at my surroundings, but it was little blurry, and my head was throbbing. I tried lifting my hand up to feel my temples, but I realized I was bound to the wall. I tried freeing myself, but that definitely wasn't the way of doing so.

"Move, and my father will hurt you."

I looked straight ahead of me, and groaned with audible annoyance.

"Marcus.." He just smirked at me, swirling the tea in his little teacup, with a coffee stirrer. Then Douglas came up from behind Marcus and came over to me.

"Sorry to cut this...lovely conversation short, but (Y/N) is feel a little sleepy."

"What? What are you talking about-?" I asked before Douglas put me to sleep, smiling at me with mischievous eyes.

I groaned as I lifted my head again, which felt heavier then before, vision still blurred, but this time I saw things moving through my blurred eyes. I blinked more trying to clear my vision.

I had come to realize that it was Bree and Adam, we're fighting Douglas and Marcus. Whilst Leo and Chase tried freeing me, and we managed to escape and rushed to their home.

I was sat on the couch in the living room and felt extremely dizzy all of a sudden. I don't know what it could have been. Neither did anyone else, so Mr. Davenport had me stand up to do a body scan.

He stopped, looking at me with worried eyes, putting the scanner down.

"What is it? Did you figure out why I'm so dizzy?"

"I uh...I did. But you might have to stay with us for while."

"Wait, why?" I said looking at him with fury burning inside my chest. "What did they do to me?"

"Douglas has implanted a chip in your neck. A bionic chip." Big D, said looking at me with nothing but pure, guilt.

"You don’t mean…?" I said, but he nodded already know what I was going to say. I looked around at everyone before my eyes landed on Chase.

——————🧬——————

I had went to my parents house, and told them something other then the fact that I now have bionics, and now have to stay at the Davenports. Cause who's to say that they'll believe me if I told them the truth.

They eventually yet reluctantly, "believed" me and let me go. I packed some things to take with me, who knows how long I'll be there? And who knows how long it'll take me to master this newfound ability or abilities.

I stepped into the car and Mr. Davenport drove us back to his house. After I got there Chase had pulled me aside, away from everyone else.

"You have no idea how worried I was, when you didn't come to school the next day. I didn't know what to do-"

"But you found me, and I'm okay, sorta." I said with a small giggle, causing him to smile.

"I know, and now we're connected by our bionics, so we've got nothing to fret about. But I have to ask you something." I nod, feeling a little nervous in my gut area.

"After we're done with school and all. Would you like to marry me.. one day?" I open my eyes wide and look at him if he's crazy. But I quickly realize he isn't joking and I'm quick to answer him with a 'yes.'

The group cheers, high fives and hugs each other. As Chase and I share a loving kiss.

"They grow up so fast." Tasha said, as Mr. Davenport, wrapped his arm around her waist.

"I know, it's like almost yesterday, he was still wearing pull-ups." Adam said whipping his tears. I laugh as we pulled apart, Chase way too happy to even try and argue with Adam.

[stringchheez]

the 'clone accent'

So, if you've watched the Clone Wars series, you've definitely heard the way that the clones talk. It's a strange accent- as an Australian myself, I kind of hear it as a mix of Aussie, Kiwi, and American- which is of course odd, because Temura Morrison (who plays the clones in live action) has a Kiwi accent as a Mauri man himself. Now, obviously this could just be put down to Dee Bradley Baker being an American, who are notoriously bad at doing Kiwi and Aussie accents, but I like to make things complicated, so I've brewed up a little theory/headcannon surrounding the clones' accents.

It's pretty commonly known that accents arise when a group are isolated from outside influences on their way of speaking- the same can be said for dialects. This phenomenon doesn't just apply to states or countries though. Through the pandemic, there were a few studies that found that accents could also develop within even smaller circles; in the pandemic, this happened with families or groups that lived together. It doesn't just happen in focus groups though- you are highly susceptible to picking up the speech patterns of your close friends and family, but it can also just happen with people who you happen to be around in excess.

I figured that this same logic could be applied to the clones. The earlier batches would have picked up Jango Fett's accent after being around him for extended periods of time, and that would have transferred to the other generations of course. The only other people that the clones come into contact with while growing up (and therefore intaking information like speech patterns as brains are more malleable when younger) are the Kaminoan personnel, the bounty hunters who train them, and later on Shaak Ti as their Jedi guardian. The Kaminoans have what I would place as either a British, or a particularly posh Aussie accent- think like politician or news reader. The bounty hunters mostly have an American accent due to predominantly being from outer rim worlds. Shaak Ti has a fairly ambiguous "foreign" sounding accent, and probably has less of an influence over the clones' accents.

Given the isolation of the Clones it makes sense that after a while they would develop an accent of their own, which I think is a fairly solid lore-supported reason for the strange conglomeration that is their speech in the Clone Wars and Bad Batch series. I would also love to explore the idea of them coming up with a stylized dialect of basic, which would also be awesome.

Anyway that's it I'm going back into my deep slumber and awakening the next time I remember I have Tumblr goodbye...........

[s9fti3]

I HAVE THE FUNNIEST REQUEST FOR YOU (because this actually happened to me and I need to tell someone send help please)

I started talking to this guy on a dating app a few days ago. He's a little younger than me and normally I don't really date people that are younger than me; for context, it's because I had to mature really early on (it's a whole thing, I won't get into it). Anyway, I gave him my phone number when he asked and so we've been texting ever since; he sends me cute little 'good morning' texts, tells me that he hopes I have a good day, etc. (entirely different from my last relationship of several years - for comparison, it's like I was dating Jane or Caius and suddenly jumped to Seth???).

SO ON SUNDAY, I had been up all night trying to get roleplay stuff together and I stupidly went down to the mini Mart by my house early in the morning (still sleep deprived) to get some coffee, and before I left, I took a cute little selfie in the car and sent it to him. Well I was all excited from how cute the selfie was, and when I climbed out of the car, I LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CARRRRR FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS TWELVE.

ヽ(｡◕o◕｡)ﾉ

I haven't told him about it yet ...

I also found out that he roleplays like I do, and so I gave him my Sideblog. And when he followed me, I followed him back.

And I completely forgot that you can only follow from your main blog.

SO NOW THIS MAN CAN SEE ALL THE WEIRD THINGS I LIKE AND DO AND SEND HELP PLEASE

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS FOLLOWING MY MAIN BLOG UNTIL I CHECKED MY FOLLOWERS BECAUSE TUMBLR DIDN'T NOTIFY ME????

ANYWAY, this is all a really long winded way of asking you if you could please ease my embarrassment and write something between Seth and the reader involving these situations and Seth finding out from the reader about it (because my embarrassment is great for writing and I think Seth would be so amused to find out he flustered someone that much)

Thank you for the request, Lovebug!! I hope you like this :) (I have no idea what I’m doing!)

‘Call me maybe?’- Seth Clearwater Headcannon!!

• You had just so happen to meet Seth through Jacobs 17th birthday party. The conversation was very tame, introducing yourself to one another, talking about up coming events and how you liked the small, yet fun party.

• Seth was going to leave early as he had his ‘studies’ to get to. You took your shot and walked over to him, saying your goodbyes and offering to stay in touch. You had given him your personal number- not your home number, which you usually did.

• Sooner or later you guys started talking… a lot. You guys had also just so happened to share your facebooks with one another over call, friending each other. A very new app, Tumblr, was also something you guys had used to communicate. Well, at least on a fake account that is…

• On a very uneventful day, you had came home and opened up all of your social media to see if anything had happened. New friend request on Facebook? Except. Checking to see if Seth had texted you on Tumblr? Nothing. You had went to your other account that was used for your silly likings. Such as books, or movies, or even just clubs! Your heart sunk when you went through your followers for fun.

• You face bad became at least 3 shades lighter than what it was originally. As if on queue, Seth had called. You stared at your phone before picking it up and flipping it open, clicking on the call button… ‘Hello?’ Your voice ran over the line. ‘You’re into ___? Never knew!’ Seth said over the phone. Embarrassed you were. ‘Hey uh Seth, I’m going to have to hang up. I only have a few more minutes until my minutes run out and I can’t call anymore.’ You replied, almost wanting to die. ‘Huh? You said you had bought some extra minutes like… 2 days ago?’ He said confused. ‘Talk to you later, bye!’ I don’t think you’ve ever hung up the phone so fast.

• As if death had taken you by the hand, you avoided Seth, every chance you got. Of course it broke the poor boy’s heart, but over time you both overcame this little embarrassing moment, and now your telling it at your 3rd anniversary with Seth.

[jacksgreysays]

Extremely late, completely unnecessary opinion of the Watcher situation, (2024-04-24)

So this is a relatively belated post — several days after the initial “Goodbye Youtube” and one day after the “An Update” videos — and surely by this point there are more interesting/insightful op-eds (both in written form and video form, especially penguinz0’s fairly objective POV as, essentially, a YouTube expert) but there is something about the Watcher situation that made my brain itch. Thus, I wanted to write about it in order to make sense of it all as well as get into a philosophy that seems to be haunting me in recent years and which I think applies greatly here.

This may seem completely out of left field considering 1) definitely not fanfiction and 2) about Watcher Entertainment, a YouTube channel which—as far as this tumblr is concerned—I’ve not engaged with whatsoever, but I don’t know where else I would put this, and weirdly enough I think the general tumblr response to this whole predicament is maybe the… if not objective… then at least, most thoughtful?—or, perhaps, least immediately reactive?—amongst the various social media platforms, that I think some people might appreciate this anyway.

In terms of my relevant background: I majored in Management Science (which is just a fancy way of saying Economics + Business + Accounting because they are, weirdly enough, separate things) and minored in Film Studies in school, I am currently working in the stage tech industry (which, I know, is obviously different from film/video industry), and I like to think I am a fan/consumer of a wide variety of independent creators, some of whom I am lucky enough to be able to afford being a patron/subscriber. I won’t go into all of them—because it is a lot—but there are four in particular whose business models I want to analyze in comparison to Watcher’s admitted blunder:

A) RocketJump (known for Video Game High School and Anime Crimes Division; the core group which turned into the podcast Story Break, then became Dungeons and Daddies) B) Dropout (formerly College Humor, we’ll get into their discography later) C) Drawfee (previously an offshoot of College Humor, now fully independent) D) Corridor Digital (used to be mostly behind the scenes of how VFX studios work, have since become a mostly original content creator)

I will say, right off the bat, I am a patron of Drawfee as well as Dungeons and Daddies, and I am a subscriber to Dropout. I am not subscribed to Corridor Digital’s streamer, which I will get into why later. I understand that being able to sustain those two patronages and one subscription is a luxury that not everyone can afford and so my point of view is already skewed by being such a person who could theoretically afford another streaming service if I so chose. I also acknowledge that many fans of Watcher are not in similarly financially secure places as I am and that regardless of the business model, any monetization that comes from fans would have been a rough ask. However, I wanted to go into this essay in a way that accepts Watcher’s statement—that they needed more funding—in relatively good faith rather than assuming the worst (although that is another point I’ll get into later, largely related to the philosophy I brought up earlier.)

All four of the above listed content creators started or, at least, hit their stride on YouTube:

RocketJump and College Humor were, if not household names, then the digital equivalent of it in the “early days of YouTube.” They were part of the wave of content creators that made YouTube seem less like a bunch of eccentrics with cameras making videos on the side and more like a viable way to support yourself/your team with the art you create.

RocketJump’s Video Game High School went from short (less than 10 minutes) minimal location episodes in season one, to 30 minute plus episodes with full on fight scenes and car explosions by season three thanks to a Monster Energy brand deal. They also had two seasons of Anime Crimes Division, a literal TV quality show, thanks to a Crunchy Roll sponsorship. Unfortunately, RocketJump shut down not long after (their videos are still up on YouTube but they obviously don’t add anything new) but the core creative team behind that have been involved in several projects outside of YouTube (Dimension 404 on Hulu being one of the biggest ones so far) including the podcast Story Break (part of the Maximum Fun network) and now the independent podcast Dungeons and Daddies, the episodes of the main campaigns which are free with ads or, for patrons, ad-less along with additional mini-campaigns and other benefits.

I will say, during RocketJump’s decline, they did try their best to keep going. The partnerships with Monster Energy and Crunchy Roll were the big swings to get the funding to make those TV quality shows they wanted. I believe they lucked out with those brands in particular, or, at least, those brands didn’t seem to inhibit the creative process or ask too much of them that it felt like “selling out” but I also don’t have insight into why they didn’t pursue this model of, essentially, very weird but interesting season long commercials. Maybe they just couldn't find the right brands or maybe they did feel like it was too stifling. Regardless, before they shut down completely, they did also downsize—moving out of the actual city of Los Angeles over to Buena Park. Which is in Los Angeles county, and basically counts as LA still, but is way cheaper than literal Hollywood real estate. (I should have added to my relevant background that I’m born and raised LA county, and have relatives and friends in the film/movie industry, so trust me when I say literal Hollywood/city of Los Angeles is so overrated and unnecessarily expensive. There is a reason why LA traffic is the worst and it’s because everyone is commuting INTO the city. Respectfully and with affection, no one should live there. No one’s start up should be located there.) Obviously the downsizing didn’t necessarily work for RocketJump, but they also didn’t have multiple successful revenue streams the way that Watcher currently does.

In contrast, College Humor was acquired by InterActiveCorp and was turned into CH Media which was three pronged: College Humor, Drawfee, and Dorkly. In 2018 they made Dropout, which had exclusive content separate from their YouTube videos which involved all three prongs. Then some financial shenanigans happened early 2020—IAC withdrew their funding—and there were a bunch of layoffs right before the pandemic which extremely sucked. It has been stated by multiple people involved that it was basically a miracle that Dropout survived through all of that, but there were definitely some sacrifices along the way to make that happen. Currently, Dropout seems to be thriving with mostly exclusive content with the occasional “first episode of a season” posted to YouTube, OR if Dimension 20 is doing a “sequel season” in an already established campaign they will put the entirety of the previous season on YouTube.

IAC withdrawing their funding did put CH Media in a bind. They had to layoff a lot of people right before pandemic and, understandably, a lot of trauma was had. There were also weird issues with who controlled certain IPs/brands/digital assets (I mostly come at this from a Drawfee POV, it took several years for them to own the Drawga series and be allowed to host all of the episodes on their YouTube, and there was also something about the sound file for their opening animation?) but mainly the difference is what kind of content they generate. Originally Dropout had multiple scripted shows with high budgets and pretty cool effects/animations/stunts (Troopers, Kingpin Katie, Gods of Food, Ultramechatron Team Go!, Cartoon Hell, and WTF 101) whereas now almost all of their shows are variations of improv comedians being put into different scenarios or given different prompts. I’m not just talking about Game Changer and Make Some Noise, because Dimension 20 and Um, Actually also technically fall under that description as well. Which is not to say that these shows are worse than the scripted shows—I subscribe to Dropout, so clearly I’m a fan of their current shows—and the budgets for them have since increased to resemble, if not match, those early shows, but it is a noticeable shift in their content creation strategy as a response to the lack of IAC funding. And I will say: Dropout releases at least three videos a week if not more and at least two of those are long form at 30 minutes plus (Dimension 20 being the longest, of course.)

So, these first two business models are not really the most applicable to Watcher Entertainment considering their origin was to get away from Buzzfeed—they’re probably not keen to be partnered with or purchased by a larger company—but there are some aspects to both that I believe are valuable in at least showing the strategy in how these former YouTube creators could successfully extract themselves from YouTube or how they still utilize YouTube even if it is not their main hosting platform or revenue stream.

Then there is Drawfee and Corridor Digital, both of whom are currently—if not primarily—on YouTube, whose situations are more comparable to what I believe are Watcher’s goals.

Drawfee had to rebuild themselves like a phoenix from the ashes of the CH Media layoff during the beginning/worst of the pandemic. Side note: I’m happy that Nathan (one of the four main artists of the current Drawfee team) at least has forgiven(? or let bygones be bygones) Dropout enough to be on an episode of Game Changer (although I will say that this happened after Drawga was “returned” to Drawfee, and after Dropout officially split from College Humor as a brand.) All that being said, Drawfee was a team of four artists plus their editor who wanted to stick together but basically had all of their support system taken away from them. They took a bit of a break to assess their goals and options, announced a patreon with several tiers with great perks, and stuck to their upload schedule. In addition to two videos a week, they also stream on Twitch weekly, have a patron only stream once a month, and a draw class (for one of the higher tiers) once month. After asking their patrons on the relevant tiers if they were okay with it, they began releasing the patron only stream and the draw class to the general public for free after a month. The patreon perks also include things like merch discount codes, high quality PNGs of the final rendered art, access to the draw class with live interaction/critique, and a commission from the artist of your choice. The only “ads” they run are for their own patreon and merch store and, even then, they’re usually at the end of the videos with a credit scroll of the patron names during their exit banter.

Admittedly, they only have MAYBE eight employees—that’s including their video editor(s?) and their discord mod(s?)—with the main four artists doubling/tripling up duties as additional video editors, CFO, and marketing/merch leads. It’s a very streamlined crew and their production costs are not very high since it’s mostly screen recording of their drawings with their audio recording overlayed onto that footage. Although the video editors do sometimes have clever cuts to relevant images depending on their vamping. Sometimes they will have a guest artist but, again, since it’s screen and audio recordings, there’s no travel/housing costs. So, very minimal expenses due to low production costs and small crew but, again, their only revenue source is the patreon/merch, they don’t do outside ads and they very rarely do live shows.

Corridor Digital is, I think, the most applicable to what Watcher would ideally do, which I suppose is somewhat ironic for this essay in particular considering they’re the only one of the four that I don’t financially support. They have two YouTube channels: their main one being where they show the “final product” videos, but I believe their Corridor Crew channel which started primarily as behind the scenes type of videos is where most of their views come from. Especially their React series (VFX artists, Stuntmen, and Animators React etc.) On Corridor Crew they usually upload two videos a week — one which is a React and the other which goes into fun projects/challenges (involving VFX or not) or using VFX to explain scientific concepts — as well as the first episodes of their exclusive content on their streamer. Also behind that paywall are longer and ad-less versions of the videos on YouTube. They also have merch. All of them have merch, I don’t know why I’m stating that. They don’t have a patreon as far as I know, but I also don’t know if their subscription to their website comes with similar perks like discounted merch or something similar.

Anyway, their studio seems to be about 15 to 20 people — not all of them are VFX artists, of course. I believe they have higher equipment costs than Watcher since, understandably, Corridor has to be on the cutting edge of video editing technology. They do occasionally travel for shoots, but it doesn’t require big teams, and that’s only when the local locations available to them don’t match the requirements for the “final product” videos. Otherwise most of their videos are set in the studio or in the alleyway outside their studio in Los Angeles (the city itself, not just the greater county, though they are in a rougher and thus probably cheaper part of Los Angeles). I personally don’t subscribe to their website primarily because their exclusive shows don’t appeal to me—either they’re too technical or a little too dry; to be fair, most of them are VFX artists first before they are performers—and I don’t particularly feel the need to see the extended cuts of the videos uploaded on YouTube. Also I sometimes get a little bummed out by their lack of diversity.

All of this to say, from these four different business models, a bespoke Frankenstein business model for Watcher could be cobbled together. But also, even with that bespoke Frankenstein, there are some changes that Watcher would have to make: primarily their upload schedule. As of right now, I think they do MAYBE one video a week if not, perhaps, one video every TWO weeks. If they want a monthly subscription model, their rate of content generation would ideally be higher to double/quadruple their current upload rate. Obviously they want to create videos with higher production value, but at that rate of generation, something’s got to give: supplement their TV quality shows with either a behind the scenes type series or an increase of “we get four episodes out of Shane and Ryan get increasingly drunk in someone’s backyard” or something similar. Leaning into shows like Worth A Shot (the first season in which Ricky Wang makes cocktails based on a random ingredient, the second season threw in some competitive aspects which I didn’t really find necessary) or the Beatdown which has relatively low production costs (no travel, one location, maybe two cameras at most therefore smaller crew requirements) but a higher polished look. Otherwise, for a separate streaming subscription service, 2-4 videos a month is not going to cut it.

As of right now they probably can’t back out of the separate streaming subscription service because those set ups usually require some level of contract/paying for servers for the website and whatever is hosting their videos for a set amount of time. However, what really strikes me is that I literally didn’t know they had a patreon until I scrolled through the comments of the first Goodbye Youtube video. Maybe it’s been linked "tactfully" in the descriptions of videos, but considering they claim to be lacking in funds, the fact that they weren’t plugging their patreon at the end of every video is not just strange, but also irresponsible considering they do have 25 employees that they don’t want to layoff.

Additionally, I understand artists needing to be in a space that promotes creativity, but there are cheaper places that must be comparable that aren’t in literal Hollywood. It’s an unnecessary expense. On top of that, other people have already brought up that it was fairly crass to introduce this paywall, attributing it to the increased production costs, when the next planned “new series” is a reboot of an old Buzzfeed series in which people travel and eat expensive food. I’m not even talking about the personal expenses of Steven, Shane, and Ryan; what kind of car they drive or the cost of their wedding venue doesn’t matter on a business model basis.

But getting back to the patreon: again, I literally didn’t know they had one. I’m looking over their tiers— they have $5, $10, $25, and $100 — and for the most part they seem okay, although I think they have more to offer that wouldn’t necessarily cost them more. Ie, something that has baffled me for a while: the fact they don’t sell the mp3s of the Puppet History songs; they already exist and it doesn’t cost them anything additional because they don’t need to put it on physical media. Or maybe they do and they’re not marketing it similarly to how they weren’t overtly marketing their patreon?

And, okay, maybe they didn’t want to seem desperate — in the early days of Dropout and independent Drawfee, they both were very blatant in getting people to subscribe/join their patreon. As they should be. Desperation maybe doesn’t look cool and sexy, but it is earnest in a way that conveys equal effort that fans who can afford it would want to see. The fact that we weren’t getting rotating ten second clips of Steven, Shane, and Ryan asking people to join the patreon at the end of every video — even if its the same clip every three videos — is wild. And yes, the $25 tier includes a shoutout every 3 months on Watcher Weekly+ (which I don't quite understand what that is,) but the fact that they weren’t doing a quick post movie credits scroll of all the patreon names is, again, wild. Once you have that initial list, it’s not too difficult to add any new names that join and put that title overlay on top of, again, those nonexistent ten second clips of the three.

As others have already stated, it seems like an extreme mismanagement of their existing successful revenue streams, if they are actually struggling to pay all of their employees. Which goes into the philosophy part of this essay: don’t assume malice when it might just be incompetence. It’s something that I have to remind myself of often because I do get paranoid about people’s intentions sometimes and I have to check myself. Am I being overly suspicious of what might be just an honest mistake? Am I assigning ill will to an action just because it inconvenienced me?

Yes, of course, a lot of this situation could be misconstrued as straight up greed. But, also, Watcher is a relatively young company, helmed by three people who certainly don’t have experience running their own company:

They like to travel. They like to bring a full crew around with them. They’re renting out a shiny office in the heart of Hollywood where everyone knows is where real show biz happens. They’re adding more employees to the team because surely more people means better. And they want better productions values because the prettier the videos the more people will like them right?

It’s naive. It’s a level of inexperience combined with giving responsibility to officers whose main priority is to entertain. And if that means entertaining themselves and their staff, then they might not know the difference. It’s the kind of mistake that first time managers make—trying to prioritize fun over getting the job done. Prioritizing making friends with their employees rather than making sure the work the employees put in is equal to (or greater than) what you spend on them whether that is in paycheck or bringing them to cool locations for fun shoots. It’s a mistake anyone can make, it's just unfortunate that they made this mistake in front of millions of people. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s solely a greed induced cash grab.

But then comes the catch-22 of the philosophy—is it worse to assume incompetence than it is to assume malice? Or, in this case, greed. Especially for the heads of a company that holds the livelihoods of 25 employees in their hands. At what point does it not matter if it’s incompetence or greed if the end result is the same?

Is it better to think that Watcher knew about the various other business models of independent creators and just ignored the efforts put into achieving those successes or is it better to think that they didn’t know and just stumbled into one of the worst moves they could have done. Again, other people have mentioned that Great Mythical Morning—which Watcher has had multiple collaborations with—has managed to make the YouTube subscription/tier system work to the point that they can sustain themselves as well as spinoff channels. Is it incompetence or greed that led to Watcher thinking they could bypass that completely in less time and with less content?

I’ve been at this mess of an essay for several hours when I should have been asleep. Ultimately I want to say, regardless of incompetence or greed… yes, Steven is CEO and yes he is ultimately the one who makes the final call but it is disheartening to see the pointed vitriol at Steven specifically and the infantilizing of Shane and Ryan in comparison. Either they’re all silly uwu boys who are messing around not knowing how to run a company, or they’re all complicit in a crass cash grab in an extremely busted economy.

I think what’s most frustrating to me in all this is that there were so many other channels and creators who have literally walked this path before them and, again, whether through incompetence or greed or arrogance, for them to just ignore it… It’s not betrayal because I don’t know them and so there’s no relationship to betray, it’s just so inefficient and convoluted that I don’t understand. Or, no, even if it was greed, it’s an incompetent greed because at least pure greed would have been pushing that patreon every second they could. Their ratio of YouTube subscribers to patreon members is less than 1% and I bet that’s because a lot of their audience, like me, literally didn’t know they had a patreon. I probably would have become a patreon member of theirs had I known earlier, ESPECIALLY if it included access to those Puppet History songs. Drawfee has half as many YouTube subscribers and nearly double the patreon members as Watcher. I’m just baffled, is all, and maybe by this point sleep deprived.

Anyway. That’s my extremely late, completely unnecessary opinion of this situation.

Edit (several hours later after some sleep): I forgot to mention, because they did walk this back almost immediately, even before their "An Update" video, but I believe the original plan was to put EVERYTHING behind that paywall and pull their content from YouTube entirely. Which is, again, extremely baffling, because if ALL of their content is behind a paywall, how would they possibly gain new fans? Even if all of their current fans were able and willing to pay for their separate subscription streaming service, how would a brand new person even stumble on their content enough to want to subscribe if there wasn't a significant amount of "proof of value" free content on YouTube? Again, extremely baffling, and a level of incompetence that overshadows a "cunning" greed. But, like I said earlier, they did walk this decision back almost immediately. If I've misunderstood this and that was never their plan, please let me know, I don't want to be spreading misinformation in a situation that is already so convoluted.

[xoxomoonlightxoxo]

Somewhere Between Hello and Goodbye | Ch. 3: The Lucky Day

Warning: This chapter contains mentions of an eating disorder and depression, please read with caution as topics may be triggering.

a/n: Alexa, play Daddy's Home <3 Anywho, OC's spiralling summer was inspired by Bella's montage of passing seasons in Twilight ... I'm sorry, but I need to preface that OC will be going through it this whole season, I have already cried thrice. Also, a side question, can you guys actually play the songs I post for these chapters? Meaning, does Tumblr let yall do that or am I trippin? Because I truly think they add a lot to the overall experience. If not, please let me know, then maybe I'll just turn them into a Spotify playlist.

Sleep has become my escape. A temporary withdrawal from reality in which I live to remember everything Jungkook has forgotten. Sleeping through each passing day, I know that at least in my dreams we are still together. In my dreams, I will always find my way back to you, Koo. Even if you don’t remember it, the moon knows that we were once in love. It hears my helpless cries at night and feels every atom of my being that misses you, fearing the idea of us becoming strangers once again. 

It’s as if my happiness was erased with his departure. Holding my hand through each step of the way, he showed me the beauty in life and ended up being the one to take it all away when my fearing heart failed to reciprocate the painfully obvious love tethered between us. Now, my life is dull and pointless. How can I love someone else when every night I dream of you, Koo?

Swallowing pills to mute the sound of my heart beating for his barest touch, I’ve become lost in my own mind, haunted by everlasting thoughts. Although I thought I would be able to at least pretend to be happy for the sake of my family, it’s all become too much. Thus, it was only a matter of days, before my deteriorating behaviour sparked concern in my parents, fueling tension in the air we shared. It all started with fatigue, which then transformed into chronic sleep and in the end began to affect my eating habits. Feeling nauseous from the mere thought of food, I’ve grown to dissociate myself from it. I was hungry, but I couldn’t eat. And, as my hope slowly diminished, so did the number on the scale. 

“Mira, you have to eat,” my mom’s voice echoes in my ear as my eyes fixate on the plate of steamed broccoli in front of me. 

“I’m not hungry, I told you,” I sigh, swallowing down the lie with some water. 

“Mira, honey, please talk to us. What’s wrong?” my dad asks softly, placing his hand on top of mine. Hearing the trembles in his words, my eyes swell with tears before I shake myself out of it.

“I’m fine … just feeling a bit under the weather,”

“The sun has been at its highest peak this whole time, what’s seasonal about this?” my mom tries to remain composed as she shifts her chair closer to mine. 

“Talk to me, honey. What’s gotten into you? You were so excited to come back,” her hands caress my tangled hair as I nibble on the dead skin on my lip. 

“Mira, you’ve been silent since you came, and now you won’t even eat. Your mom and I can’t bear to see you like this,” 

“Come back home, Miraya. We can find another university here,”

“No. It’s not that. I’m fine, I swear. I just … I just need this break to end already, so I can focus on my studies again. That’ll keep my mind occupied,” I whisper softly, attempting to fake a smile as my empty gaze searches their scattering eyes. Recently, that's how most of our conversations ended. With helpless promises feeding my delusions. However, with each passing day, I come to realise that promises are nothing more than sweet lies. If it weren’t true, I wouldn’t have to find excuses for the aching feeling in my heart, but rather, melt in the overflowing passion of Jungkook’s burning love. 

Excusing myself, I throw away the cold plate of food and head back to my room, one which was once filled with laughter and a carefree sense of ambition. The same walls that watched me cry out of happiness upon receiving my acceptance letter just a few months ago are the ones that now echo my pathetic cries for help. Every inch of this room has become cold and numb, and I’m afraid that there is no more warmth in me that could fix this. 

Crouched in a fetal position as my body shivers under the floral duvet my mom gifted me as a welcome present, I dial Jimin’s phone number. It has been weeks since he moved back to Busan, but I have yet to receive any updates from him about Jungkook. In hindsight, maybe, it’s for the best, but if silence is the thing that'll save me then why do I still hold onto the smallest glimpse of hope for us? Even if it means walking across a minefield of rejected possibilities that would ultimately send me into a never-ending spiral, why do I still care?

“How is he?” I ask with hesitation. 

“Different. He’s different.” Jimin replies softly. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, he seems distant. Which is fair, I guess. But, he doesn’t quite seem to remember me,” 

“At all?” my voice shakes as I choke up. 

“Well no, he is still able to recover our memories from when we were kids, but recent events are very blurry,” Jimin goes on. 

I, was recent to Jungkook. We, were recent to him. Four months, that's how long I've known Koo, but I’ve been missing him for the last seven. Each day I daydream, reminiscing our memories, feeling the void in my heart knowing that I’ve been without him longer than I’ve been with him. Maybe, Mrs. Jeon was right. I would be lying if I said that a little part of me didn’t think that the reason for her ultimatum was purely based on a simple dislike of me. You know? Like, she didn’t see me as a good match for her son? Because, even then, her disapproval of my character would have been an easier pill to swallow than knowing that now, in Koo��s empty eyes, I’m no longer his Peaches, but a stranger. God, it hurts to even say it out loud let alone accept it. I can’t accept it, but I have to now, don’t I?

“Please take care of him for me Jiminah,” I manage to let out, wiping the tears rolling down my face. 

“I will Mira, don’t worry. I’ll see you soon, okay?” 

“See you,” I end the call, throwing my phone across the bed, my puffy eyes irritated by the brightness. 

That night was especially hard. Although my body was desperately wanting to succumb to the exhaustion, my mind wouldn't shut up. It kept replaying our memories, reminding me of the things I should have said. The words Koo never heard, but deserved to.

--

Hugging my mom, her trembling hands tighten their hold on my sweater as I take in the smell of her perfume for the last time. I missed her a lot, and the guilt of putting my parents through that torture has been eating me alive this whole summer. All they wanted was to see their daughter smile and I failed to fulfill even the simplest of their wishes. If only they knew how much I wanted to smile again. 

“Mira, I’m telling you again, we can find another university here,” my mom says with teary eyes. 

“Just say yes, and we’ll deal with all the transfer stuff, honey,” my dad joins, caressing my palms, as I let out a soft chuckle before shaking my head no. 

“That’s not fair. You guys didn’t raise a quitter,” I manage to let out, feeling my throat tighten from the build-up of emotions. 

“You’re right, we didn’t. But, even the strongest soldier needs a shoulder to cry on. Remember that we are and always will be by your side, Miraya,”

“Call us as soon as you land, love,” 

Passing through the airport security, I wave to my family my last goodbyes before heading to my gate. Am I excited to come back to Seoul? I don’t really have a choice, do I? That God-awful Nursing degree won’t finish itself, so yeah, I kind of have to go back. But, I know that school isn’t the only thing pulling me back. I know I can’t, but I still wish to see Jungkook, even from afar, it doesn’t matter. All I want now is to know that he is doing well.  

I’m not sure how, but as soon as my head rested against the seat my body shut down, falling into a much-needed sleep. I probably would have slept through the whole 12-hour flight if it weren’t for the bright beams of sunlight penetrating through my heavy eyelids. Taking a glimpse out the airplane window, I no longer saw snowy mountains but rather blossoming fields of greenery scattered within the busy cities of Korea. And, as the captain went through his ending speech, a flood of international students lined up near the exit, eager to get back into their previously established routine. It’s funny because I was sitting next to one of my cohort members from last semester, but we were both too tired to even realise. 

Nonetheless, putting my passport and ticket back into my carry on, I rolled my luggage down the escalator before a familiar voice called out my name. Searching the crowd of strangers filled with overwhelmed emotions, my eyes stop at a particular boxy smile. 

“Long time no see, Flip-flops!” Tae shouted across the hall, before waving me down to where he was standing with Jiah and Jimin who were just as excited about my arrival. Feeling my eyes swell with tears, I couldn’t help but laugh at his cute, little dance as he pulled me into a warm hug. 

“Tae, I’m certain you just don’t know my actual name,” I say with a grin, looking up at his sparkling eyes. 

“Of course, I do MJ,” he grins, rubbing the top of my head. Ha ha ha, isn’t he just a comedian? For context, my government name is Mira Jean … hence, the birth of MJ. 

“That’s enough, let us hug her too,” Jiah chuckles, opening her arms as my body virtually melts into her embrace. With tears rolling down our faces, her grip tightens around my form as she lets out a sudden gasp. 

“Mira! My goodness, why are you so small?” she asks with a concerned tone, her wide eyes scanning my body. Although, I always managed to maintain my normal weight, I guess, not eating properly for 3 months left its mark on the way I looked. As the numbers on the scale decreased, I became more and more fixated on the protrusion of my bones. I hated the feeling, but, I also couldn’t stop. Because I couldn’t get myself to eat, I relied on baggy clothes to create an illusion that would satisfy people’s perception of me. Unfortunately, I failed to fool Jiah as she saw right through the act. 

“I just stopped eating so much junk food, I’m fine. Trust me, this is a good thing Jiah, now I can finally fit into my favourite pair of jeans,” I try to laugh the pain away, caressing her hands as her furrowed eyebrows slowly release their tension. She isn’t convinced but also, doesn’t want to create a scene in public. I know that follow-up questions will be brought up along the way, but for now, my attention is focused on looking for someone who I know isn’t there. It’s silly, but before spotting Tae, a little part of me hoped to see Jungkook. To witness his sparkling doe eyes and bunny teeth, once again, like the good old times.  

“Okay, it’s settled, we are all going to my favourite Korean BBQ place,” Jimin exclaims, giving me a quick wink before grabbing both of the luggage out of my hands, and handing one to Tae. And, as Jiah intertwines her hands with mine, we exchange soft smiles exiting the airport as my skin finally feels the fresh, humid air of Seoul. Stopping mid-walk, I let out a deep sigh of relief. I hated every second of my summer, it was nothing short of pure torture but, at least, it too passed. 

“You’re good?” Tae whispers, softened gaze focused on my flushed cheeks. 

“Yeah,” I say softly, taking another deep breath as his arm caresses my shoulder. 

“He’s fine, Mira,” his words pierce through my ears as I unconsciously shoot him an alarming look. 

“You’ve heard from him?” I rush my words, anticipating his answer as my chest heaves up. 

“No, but I can feel your pain,” his tone is quieter now, eyes still searching mine. 

“I’m fine, Tae,” I mumble under my breath, lowering my head in fear of breaking down in front of them. 

“Just know that I’m always here for you, okay?” he says, pressing a soft kiss on my head before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. If only he could hear the way I’m screaming inside. The way I’m calling out for help. For someone to find hope in my hopeless state of mind. If only he knew how much I miss Jungkook. 

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Following the tradition, I will be hosting my annual house party before school beats all of our asses,” Jimin chuckles, caressing Jiah’s hand as their eyes focus on each other. Forcing down some dumpling soup into my system, I feel nauseous, but can’t risk growing Jiah's suspicion more, so I attempt to eat as little as possible without her noticing. 

“So, Mira, please come. Jungkook will be there as well,” Jimin continues with a soft smile which slowly fades upon noticing my gaze drop. Letting go of my spoon, my fingernails dig into my cold palms, as I’m back at square one. How am I supposed to face him when I can’t even handle the mere mention of his name? It’s not fair. None of them know about Mrs. Jeon’s ultimatum, and I fear that I can’t just simply tell them. So, I gulp down the pain and manage to put on another act, one that I seem to have mastered over the summer. 

“Mira, you’re okay?” Jiah asks, gently rubbing my forearm. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’m a bit jet-lagged. Sure, of course, I’ll come,” I reply with a reassuring smile, before looking at Tae. I recognize the sadness in his eyes because I see it in my own every passing minute. But, I can’t let him in. I can’t betray Mrs. Jeon’s trust, again. Even if it means that I have to betray my own heart.

--

We’ve been walking around the mall for probably 3 hours now and Jiah has yet to find something with that wow factor, meanwhile, I have already found 4 of the nearest exits. The party is set for tonight, and although I have already agreed to come, I can’t get myself to actually face the consequences. I can’t go, what was I thinking. What? Did I think everything was going to be fine once Jungkook saw me? Mira, he doesn’t remember you. 

“Jiah, you know, I really don’t think I should go tonight?” I say, slowly walking in circles as she eyes another mini dress. 

“What? Why?” she stutters, going through racks of possible options. 

“I’m just not feeling well,” I lie, fiddling with my fingers to calm down the nerves. 

“Mira, is something wrong?” Jiah stops what she’s doing before walking closer to my anxious self. 

“I’m fine, really,” I lie again. 

“You don’t look fine. You barely eat, barely sleep, barely talk to me,” she exclaims with a  tone firmer than before. 

“Then stop looking. Please, can everyone just leave me alone? I’m just tired, okay?” I burst, feeling everyone’s eyes on my distressed self. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. What do you need?” she says gently, reaching out her hands.  

“I just need space,” I whisper, crossing my arms in front of my burning chest. 

“Fine, I’ll give you some space. Please call me when you’re ready,” Jiah’s words cut deep as she walked out of the store, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The ones I’ve been trying to run away from this whole time. I can’t even get mad at her. She is only trying to help, but how can she when I keep shutting everyone out? It’s all my fault, I know. I just hope that this isn’t how it ends. I hope I don’t push everyone away, and someone sees right through the mask I put on. Because I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.

Locking the door behind me I plop onto my bed before finally resting my heavy eyes. And, within minutes, I’m passed out again. I think, I've grown to become eternally tired, no matter how much I sleep, there is just no end to this fatigue. Moving restlessly, I pull the white cover over my shivering body before hearing my phone ring. 

“Ugh, what is it now?” I grunt, squinting from the screen brightness as a small gasp escapes my parted lips. It was 8 pm already. How is that possible? I swear, I just laid my head. But, no, apparently I’ve been asleep for the last 5 hours. 

“Hello?” I manage to let out. 

“Flip-flops? Where are you?” Tae screams through the loud music in the background. 

“Tae, I’m home. What happened?” 

“Mira hurry, Jiah is drunk. You need to come pick her up,” he exclaims with panic in his voice. 

“What? Where’s Jimin? Can he not drive her?” I stutter, lifting myself off of the bed before putting my hoodie back on. 

“You want him to drive under the influence? Of course, he is drunk too,” 

“Well, why can’t you drive them?” I whine, almost pleading. 

“Who said I wasn’t drunk either?” he chuckles, sending me a flying kiss through the phone. 

“Fine, I’ll be there in a bit. Keep an eye on Jiah,” I sigh before grabbing my keys and ID. 

Thankfully, Jimin’s place wasn’t that far from our dormitory so, the ride there was only 10-ish minutes. Nonetheless, I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. And, as the driver finally pulled up to the apartment complex I practically ran inside. Following the sound of loud music, I made my way through the crowd of people who clearly had a little too much fun, as the alcohol in their system could be detected from the next block. 

“Flip-flops!” Tae exclaimed with a big grin. Stopping in my tracks, my eyes diverted to Jiah, who was standing beside him with absolutely no sign of a hangover. In fact, she looked better than ever in her new mini-dress. 

“What? You lied?” I snap, eyebrows furrowing more and more with each step I take towards them. 

“How else was I supposed to get you to come?” Tae chuckles, trying to rub my head before I push his hand away. 

“Get off me,” my tone is harsh as I lower my piercing gaze, shaking my head in disbelief. 

“Oh! Mira, there you are,” I could hear Jimin’s voice getting closer before turning my flushed face. And with that, it felt like time stopped altogether. There was nothing and no one in the room except for him and I. Koo and I. Feeling my gaze soften, I choke up from the rush of emotions in my throat. 

“Hi, I’m Jungkook. It’s nice to meet you,” he says with a warm smile, reaching out his hand as if meeting me for the first time. Before replying, I take a moment to analyze his face. The one I dreamed about every night and the one that caused me so much pain. He looks the same, except, his eyes no longer sparkle like they used to. I guess, we got that in common. 

“Hi …I’m Mira,” I let out a soft smile, before reaching out my own hand. 

“Yah, Kook, you already know her, you guys were best friends,” Jimin chuckles, patting Jungkook’s back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, please forgive me. I'm still trying to piece everything back together,” Koo says, covering his mouth before shutting his eyes from embarrassment. 

Feeling my throat tighten, I quickly excuse myself, before rushing out of the packed room towards the nearest fire escape. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but why does it feel like I’m going to pass out? It’s as if all the air was knocked out of my lungs. Feeling lightheaded I hold onto the railing and close my eyes for a moment. I can’t believe it. Koo, I saw you but you didn’t see me. You saw a stranger. And, suddenly, there I was, alone again, realizing that everything I feared had come true.

Regaining my composure, I decide to walk back to the party before my eyes are met with his. 

“Not a party animal, huh?” Jungkook grins, stopping in his tracks as his arm leans against the wall. 

“It’s my day off,” I let out a small chuckle, unable to keep his eye contact. 

“So … we were best friends?” he asks softly, hands fidgeting with the chains on his belt. 

“Yeah …” I nod slightly, nibbling on my lips. 

“It’s funny because I don’t remember anything from last year. I could barely recognize my own dad for a while. Jimin helped me a lot, he basically recalled sparknotes of my past for me,” he laughs. Oh, how I missed his laugh.  

“You really don’t remember anything?” I finally look up, searching his scattering eyes. 

“No, not one bit,” his muffled words are interrupted by the growling sound coming from my stomach, as I let out an awkward smile. 

“Oh, are you hungry?” he grins, bunny teeth on full display, as my gaze softens again. 

“No, no, no, I’m fine. I think I’m gonna head home now,” I shake my hands, zipping my hoodie before attempting to walk past him. 

“No, it’s fine, I’ll drive. I’m starving as well,” Jungkook assures, gently pulling onto the fabric as my heart sinks to my feet.

I knew I shouldn’t, but I agreed. I couldn’t say no to Koo. Not, after all the sleepless nights I’ve spent missing his mere presence. And, as we entered the nearest restaurant, everything felt real. He felt real. Even if he couldn’t feel it, my heart was beating for the both of us. For our first hellos, last goodbyes and everything in between. Just for tonight, I wanted to pretend like nothing happened. 

“Oh, look, Mira, they have a special deal on shrimp dumplings, do you like them?” his voice, brings me back to reality as I mute the thoughts running through my head. 

“Yeah, my mom made them for me all the time when I was little,” I smile. 

“Then, I guess it’s your lucky day,” he chuckles with a satisfied grin, before calling one of the waiters. 

“I guess, it is,” I say softly, feeling my throat tighten as I struggle to swallow the lie. Searching his naive eyes my own swell with tears while my body shifts restlessly in the seat. Desperately wanting to cave into the emotions, my mind is haunted by the thoughts of Mrs. Jeon’s letter. And, as I close my eyes for a moment, all I can see are the painful reminders of our enforced distance. Don’t call … Don’t write … Don’t interact. Yet, here we are, here you are, Koo. Live in the flesh, separated by a table and the forgotten story of our past. So close, yet so far that it physically hurts. To him, I’m just another piece of the puzzle that would fill the void in his memories. But, to me, he is the only piece that could make me whole again. 

Previous l Index l Next