#good news is we are making a date to discuss surgery/implants for one problem | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wireraft0-blog · 4 years ago

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Oxford Cryosystems.

Cryo https://tenorreport4.webs.com/apps/blog/show/49419355-fat-freezing-treatment-facility-3d-lipo-non-surgical-treatment - What Are The risks?

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women Are making Use Of vaginal tightening Up cream On Their Faces instead Of Botox.

eliminating Skin identifies Yourself.

Why Do results depend On the Number Of therapies I Have?

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get In Touch With united States.

What Does 'fat thawing' as Well As 'fat Freezing' feel Like For clients?

The pull is deep under your skin's surface area to stop your face from looking pulled. The cuts are made along your hairline so the marks won't be visible. A facelift is cosmetic surgery that reshapes the reduced fifty percent of your face to make your face look fresher as well as younger. All surgical procedure can carry a risk of problems, although we will certainly ensure that you are in healthiness prior to you are permitted to undertake the treatment. During your first assessment, your specialist will go over with you the potential dangers and also the treatment itself, so that you recognize precisely what to expect with the entire procedure.

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You might require further surgery or other therapies to preserve the results of the facelift or necklift. Just like all procedures, there are risks associated with having a facelift or necklift. Although the risks are not likely, it is necessary to evaluate them up versus the prospective advantage of the surgical treatment. Go over each of them with your plastic surgeon to make certain you understand the potential difficulties as well as effects. A facelift is a procedure to tighten up and lift the loose skin of your face listed below the eyes. ( Anything above the eyes is a browlift.) A necklift tightens as well as lifts the skin of the neck. It is completely normal to experience some discoloration as well as swelling of the face as well as neck, yet felt confident that both of these signs will diminish very promptly, equally as lengthy as aftercare advice from your cosmetic surgeon is adhered to.

Can I drink alcohol after fat freezing?

We also recommend not drinking heavily (alcohol) the day of your treatment. One drink or glass of wine is OK. It is common for the treated area to feel bloated, look swollen, and to experience temporary dulling of sensation in the first few days and weeks after CoolSculpting.

As an additional choice, you could desire to obtain a babysitter or nanny to aid you with your children for a short time as you recover. However, it is not possible to prevent scarring where the surgeon has made cuts.

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women Are using vaginal tightening Up cream On Their Faces instead Of Botox.

After a procedure such a facelift, it is easy to understand to be exhausted and also lack your common power. Asking good friends or household to mind your youngster or pet dogs can, consequently, aid lift some of the tension included with this!

If keyhole surgery is the right choice for you, your surgeon will make numerous really small cuts into the skin on your face. A Traditional Face Lift will include your doctor making a medical cut along your hairline, down past the front of your ears and right into the hairline behind the ears. Because of the careful positioning of the laceration, your scarring will certainly be hidden within the hair and natural creases of the face as well as it will certainly fade rapidly up until it is barely noticeable. When the incision has actually been made the doctor will certainly extremely meticulously separate the skin from the underlying tissue, prior to repositioning excess fat and tightening up face muscles. The skin will then be lifted and also stitched right into area along the initial laceration and any kind of excess skin got rid of. There are 3 primary kinds of Facelift surgical procedure; Typical, Minimal-Access Cranial Suspension as well as Keyhole Surgery. Your specialist will suggest you on which technique is most suitable and also which will generate the best results - details of each procedure can be located listed below.

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They will certainly after that describe the kinds of facelift procedures that are suitable and also suggest you on any type of various other treatments such as an eyebrow lift, cheek implants, chin implants or lipo that will aid you accomplish your goals. At The London Center, several plastic and rebuilding surgeons provide facelift surgery.

Ideally, clients wanting facelift surgical procedure need to have some elasticity left in their skin, also if it is sagging, and also a good bone structure can also help. Most of people are aged between 40 and 60, though there are numerous older, healthier people that go through facelifts. A discussion with your expert will permit you to identify whether this type of surgical treatment is ideal for you. Our faces are our most predominant attribute therefore play a large component in exactly how confident we really feel in our appearance.

Her glowy skin, cheekbones as well as tight jawline were more than enough to make me call her skin medical professional and publication in. The brilliant aspect of these brand-new procedures is that you still look exactly like you-- simply fresher, smoother and much more airbrushed. This surgical treatment involves lifting drooping jowls as well as the neck with the excess skin being eliminated. At your preliminary meeting with your professional, they will certainly analyze your face and neck carefully as well as ask you regarding your expectations.

removing Skin identifies Yourself.

Nonetheless, as we age our skin begins to droop and also one area where this is most noteworthy is on our faces and also necks. A facelift helps to attain a smoother and stronger appearance by tightening any loose skin. In many cases, clients are thrilled with the outcomes of their facelift operation. However it's extremely crucial that you have practical assumptions of the result and also your consultant will certainly discuss which functions which can be boosted and also by just how much, as well as those which can not.

Why Do results rely On the Number Of treatments I Have?

Normally, you do not need a General Practitioner recommendation to see a cosmetic surgeon for a preliminary consultation. Nevertheless, if you choose you wish to go on with the treatment, your cosmetic surgeon will call for even more in-depth info on your medical history. In this situation, they may contact your GP for this details, with your permission. We have actually compiled some of the most usual facelift Frequently asked questions regarding the procedure listed below. It is useful to review them via as there may be some inquiries that you had not thought about. On fat freezing service , if you still have further inquiries don't worry! Your BAAPS/BAPRAS specialist will enjoy to address them throughout your appointment.

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Resting as well as resting with your head propped up with cushions for the first 10 to 14 days can additionally help to lower any swelling. If you were put to sleep with a basic anaesthetic, you will gradually get up adhering to surgical treatment under close guidance. You will have dressings around your face and also you might also have water drainage tubes in position. The nurses will often eliminate any water drainage tubes prior to you go residence. If local anaesthetic was used, you might really feel a modification in experience in the treated area of the face. Your surgeon or the nurses in the recuperation space will offer you medicines which you can take if essential. As component of your facelift aftercare, your cosmetic surgeon will certainly likewise organise a follow-up consultation with you.

This tightens up the underlying muscular layer along with the skin, offering an increase in tone that is longer long lasting. As UK market leaders in plastic surgery, we provide recommendations you can trust, treatment based upon your individual needs, and support throughout your trip with us. When people check out us, the really initial thing they notice is our faces. So, if we're dissatisfied with the way our faces look, this can have a significant impact on our self-esteem. As we age we lose muscle mass tone, which can trigger the skin in our face and neck to sag. A facelift is a procedure whereby the skin is tightened to produce a firmer, smoother appearance. A facelift is an operation to remove excess facial skin and any type of unwanted fatty down payments.

The very first reported HIFU facelift treatment for visual usage remained in 2008.

20% of the result can be seen quickly after the treatment, nonetheless the full result of the facelift HIFU treatment are revealed 3-- 6 months later on.

A number of tiny medical trials have discovered HIFU to be risk-free and also efficient for face training and refining creases.

The HIFU facelift procedure includes very focused ultrasound waves penetrate deep into the skin and boost collagen as well as elastin production.

At Elite Visual appeals, it is not advised to receive energy-based therapies such as HIFU or radiofrequency skin tightening up while pregnant.

A lot of our clients only require 1 therapy as we utilize the most up to date type of HIFU modern technology by 3D Lipo.

Nevertheless this might be based upon the level of skin laxity, the biological action to ultrasound energy as well as the person's collagen-building process, some clients may take advantage of additional therapies.

get In Touch With united States.

If the issue is extreme, i.e. a very serious turkey neck, full improvement may not be feasible. A facelift operation can turn around years of aging by smoothing out excess skin of the neck, under the chin, along the jawline and across the cheek. Fat is gotten rid of from below the jawline and also under the chin where it is undesirable however maintained as well as repositioned from the dewlap to the cheek to recover quantity where it has been shed.

What Does 'fat thawing' and Also 'fat Freezing' seem Like For customers?

This is common around the treated area for the first couple of weeks after a facelift surgical procedure. Typically, this will certainly go to its worst 3 to 4 days after the operation, and will certainly then progressively start to settle.

Can you poop out of your mouth?

It's possible to poop out of your mouth It's called fecal vomiting, and aside from being utterly disgusting and terrifying, it's an indicator of a major health problem. Though if you're vomiting your own poop, you probably know you have a major health problem.

For lots of people, combining a Face Raise with Neck Raise Surgical procedure guarantees that the general appearance is rejuvenated and also patients that undergo this mix of procedures have reported looking one decade younger. Facelift surgical procedure, additionally known as Rhytidectomy, is one of one of the most frequently asked for procedures by both males and females that want to look as young as they really feel. It is performed to remove or reduce the skin that has shed its all-natural elasticity - normally around the eyes, mouth and jaw line - smooth the skin, reduce lines and also wrinkles and rejuvenate a tired-looking look. All independent facilities and medical facilities that offer plastic surgery in England have to be signed up with the CQC. The CQC releases evaluation records and also efficiency ratings to help people select treatment.

Which is better for double chin Kybella or CoolSculpting?

Kybella and CoolSculpting each have their own set of benefits and drawbacks. Kybella can treat small areas of fat, does not require a capital investment, and can be done in a small exam room. CoolSculpting, by contrast, can debulk bigger necks, treat lateral areas, and involves less downtime than Kybella.

Clifton Park Medical facility is devoted to giving exceptional cosmetic surgery results for all of our patients. to better boost your outcomes you facelift may be integrated with a neck lift, blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, and/or face implants such as chin implants. -- for people who have extreme facial sagging, as well as cheek and also neck ageing. Cuts are made under your Shallow Musculoaponeurotic System layer that regulates your facial expression as well as this muscle layer is lifted along with the fat and also skin.

Throughout this appointment, your surgeon will inspect your injuries to see exactly how they are healing, eliminate any kind of non-dissolvable stitches, and also remove or change any type of dressings if essential. Your Medbelle BAAPS/BAPRAS doctor might be able to provide you better facelift preparation ideas as well as even more details details on your surgical treatment, on the day of your assessment. Make sure you follow their instructions to accomplish the best arise from surgical treatment.

At what temperature do fat cells die?

The optimum temperature for fat cell death is actually just above freezing at 39 to 41 degrees Fahrenheit. The threshold for damage to your skin and other tissues is a much lower temperature that CoolSculpting machines will never reach.

It leaves only faintly visible fine lines to make sure that others will certainly not understand the reason that you 'look so well'. As we age the skin on our face and neck begins to droop from a loss of muscular tissue tone. A facelift is a procedure to tighten up the skin on the face, generating a firmer and smoother appearance. A fantastic immediate radiance as well as a much more defined jawline, raised brow and cheekbones. But because this is functioning from within the full-lifting as well as skin tightening up result shows up after concerning four weeks. Great deals of individuals state they do not need to top up their Botox as frequently when having this treatment, and also some individuals stop entirely. There's no requirement to." Surprisingly, because having a mix of these new treatments, she has stopped having Botox as she feels she does not require it.

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waravenue47-blog · 4 years ago

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how To look After Your Skin After A Facelift.

Cryo therapy - What Are The risks?

Content

women Are utilizing genital tightening Up lotion On Their Faces as Opposed To Botox.

eliminating Skin tags Yourself.

Why Do results rely On how Many therapies I Have?

pick From 13 venues supplying vaginal tightening Up In Uk.

What Does 'fat thawing' as Well As 'fat Freezing' seem Like For clients?

The pull is deep under your skin's surface area to avoid your face from looking pulled. The cuts are made along your hairline so the scars will not show up. A facelift is plastic surgery that reshapes the lower half of your face to make your face look fresher and younger. All surgical treatment can bring a danger of problems, although we will guarantee that you remain in health prior to you are permitted to go through the procedure. During your initial appointment, your doctor will talk about with you the prospective risks and the treatment itself, to ensure that you understand exactly what to expect through the whole procedure.

youtube

You may require further surgery or other therapies to preserve the outcomes of the facelift or necklift. Just like all operations, there are dangers involved in having a facelift or necklift. Although the dangers are not likely, it is important to weigh them up against the prospective advantage of the surgical treatment. Go over each of them with your plastic surgeon to see to it you understand the potential problems and also consequences. A facelift is an operation to tighten and lift the loosened skin of your face below the eyes. ( Anything above the eyes is a browlift.) A necklift tightens up as well as raises the skin of the neck. It is completely normal to experience some bruising as well as swelling of the face and also neck, yet rest assured that both of these signs and symptoms will certainly decrease extremely rapidly, equally as long as aftercare guidance from your specialist is followed.

Can I drink alcohol after fat freezing ?

As an additional option, you could want to get a sitter or nanny to help you with your little ones for a short time as you recuperate. Unfortunately, it is not feasible to prevent scarring where the cosmetic surgeon has actually made lacerations.

women Are using genital tightening Up lotion On Their Faces as Opposed To Botox.

After a procedure such a facelift, it is easy to understand to be weary and also lack your typical power. Asking good friends or family members to mind your child or animals can, as a result, aid raise a few of the tension involved with this!

If keyhole surgical treatment is the right choice for you, your surgeon will make several extremely little cuts into the skin on your face. A Traditional Face Lift will include your surgeon making a surgical incision along your hairline, down past the front of your ears as well as right into the hairline behind the ears. Because of the careful positioning of the cut, your scarring will be concealed within the hair and also natural folds of the face as well as it will certainly discolor quickly until it is hardly noticeable. Once the cut has been made the specialist will certainly very meticulously separate the skin from the underlying cells, before repositioning excess fat and tightening up face muscles. The skin will certainly after that be raised as well as stitched into area along the initial incision and any kind of excess skin eliminated. There are 3 major sorts of Facelift surgical procedure; Standard, Minimal-Access Cranial Suspension and Keyhole Surgery. Your surgeon will suggest you on which method is most ideal and which will certainly produce the best outcomes - information of each procedure can be discovered listed below.

They will then discuss the sorts of facelift treatments that appropriate as well as recommend you on any various other procedures such as an eyebrow lift, cheek implants, chin implants or liposuction surgery that will assist you attain your goals. At The London Clinic, numerous plastic as well as rebuilding doctors provide face lift surgical treatment.

Ideally, patients wanting facelift surgical procedure require to have some elasticity left in their skin, also if it is sagging, as well as an excellent bone structure can likewise assist. Most of patients are aged in between 40 as well as 60, though there are many older, healthier people that undertake facelifts. A conversation with your specialist will allow you to determine whether this sort of surgery is right for you. Our faces are our most primary feature therefore play a large component in how positive we feel in our look.

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Her glowy skin, cheekbones and also taut jawline were more than enough to make me call her skin medical professional and book in. The fantastic aspect of these new procedures is that you still look precisely like you-- simply fresher, smoother as well as extra airbrushed. This surgical treatment includes raising drooping jowls as well as the neck with the excess skin being gotten rid of. At your first conference with your consultant, they will examine your face and also neck carefully and ask you regarding your assumptions.

Are CoolSculpting results permanent?

CoolSculpting is clinically proven to produce permanent results. Once the treated fat cells have been frozen through cryolipolysis, they die. The body's natural reaction is to remove these dead fat cells through its natural elimination process.

removing Skin identifies Yourself.

Nonetheless, as we age our skin begins to droop and also one area where this is most noteworthy is on our faces as well as necks. A facelift helps to attain a smoother and also stronger appearance by tightening up any kind of loose skin. Most of the times, clients are happy with the results of their facelift procedure. However it's really crucial that you have realistic assumptions of the result and also your expert will discuss which functions which can be boosted as well as by just how much, and those which can not.

Why Do results depend On how Many treatments I Have?

Typically, you do not require a GP referral to see a plastic surgeon for a preliminary appointment. However, if you decide you want to proceed with the procedure, your surgeon will certainly call for more in-depth info on your medical history. In this case, they might contact your GP for this information, with your approval. We have actually assembled some of one of the most common facelift Frequently asked questions concerning the procedure listed below. It is useful to review them via as there may be some concerns that you had actually not thought of. On the other hand, if you still have better inquiries do not fret! Your BAAPS/BAPRAS surgeon will be happy to address them during your assessment.

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Can you freeze your fat off at home?

CoolSculpting is known for “freezing” fat cells, but there's much more to the process. During your treatment, your provider uses a small applicator that also sucks out some of the frozen fat cells. However, applying ice at home only freezes your skin and doesn't get rid of any fat cells.

Resting and also residing your head propped up with cushions for the initial 10 to 14 days can also help to decrease any type of swelling. If you were placed to sleep with a basic anaesthetic, you will progressively awaken complying with surgical procedure under close supervision. You will certainly have dressings around your face and you may likewise have water drainage tubes in place. The registered nurses will often remove any drainage tubes prior to you go home. If local anaesthetic was used, you may feel a change in feeling in the cured location of the face. Your specialist or the nurses in the healing area will supply you painkillers which you can take if necessary. As component of your facelift aftercare, your specialist will certainly additionally organise a follow-up visit with you.

This tightens up the underlying muscular layer along with the skin, providing a boost in tone that is much longer enduring. As UK market leaders in plastic surgery, we offer guidance you can trust, treatment based on your specific needs, and also assistance throughout your journey with us. When individuals consider us, the really initial thing they notice is our faces. So, if we're unhappy with the method our faces look, this can have a big influence on our self-esteem. As we age we shed muscular tissue tone, which can trigger the skin in our face and neck to droop. A facelift is an operation whereby the skin is tightened to create a stronger, smoother appearance. A facelift is a procedure to get rid of excess face skin and also any unwanted fatty down payments.

In a similar way, Botox as well as fillers are to be avoided too for the very same reason.

The very first reported HIFU facelift therapy for visual use was in 2008.

20% of the outcome can be seen quickly after the treatment, nevertheless the full result of the facelift HIFU treatment are shown 3-- 6 months later.

A number of tiny professional trials have located HIFU to be safe as well as reliable for face lifting and also refining wrinkles.

The HIFU facelift treatment involves highly focused ultrasound waves pass through deep right into the skin as well as promote collagen and also elastin production.

At Elite Looks, it is not advised to receive energy-based therapies such as HIFU or radiofrequency skin tightening up during pregnancy.

The majority of our clients only require 1 therapy as we use the most up to date form of HIFU innovation by 3D Lipo.

This results from the lack of information regarding their effects on the foetus.

However this may be based upon the degree of skin laxity, the biological reaction to ultrasound power and also the person's collagen-building process, some clients may benefit from additional treatments.

get In Touch With us.

If the trouble is severe, i.e. a very serious turkey neck, total improvement may not be feasible. A facelift procedure can reverse years of ageing by smoothing out excess skin of the neck, under the chin, along the jawline and across the cheek. Fat is gotten rid of from below the jawline as well as under the chin where it is unwanted however maintained as well as repositioned from the dewlap to the cheek to recover volume where it has been lost.

What Does 'fat thawing' and 'fat Freezing' feel Like For customers?

This is common around the cured area for the first couple of weeks after a facelift surgery. Typically, this will certainly be at its worst 3 to 4 days after the operation, as well as will certainly then gradually begin to work out.

Can you poop out of your mouth?

For many people, integrating a Face Raise with Neck Lift Surgical procedure makes certain that the overall appearance is rejuvenated and also individuals that undertake this combination of procedures have actually reported looking one decade more youthful. Facelift surgical treatment, additionally known as Rhytidectomy, is among one of the most typically asked for treatments by both males and females that intend to look as young as they really feel. It is carried out to eliminate or reduce the skin that has actually lost its all-natural elasticity - usually around the eyes, mouth and jaw line - smooth the skin, reduce lines as well as creases and rejuvenate a tired-looking look. All independent clinics as well as health centers that provide cosmetic surgery in England have to be signed up with the CQC. The CQC publishes evaluation reports and performance ratings to help individuals choose treatment.

Which is better for double chin Kybella or CoolSculpting?

Clifton Park Hospital is dedicated to offering exceptional cosmetic surgery results for every one of our individuals. to even more boost your outcomes you facelift may be incorporated with a neck lift, blepharoplasty, nose job, and/or facial implants such as chin implants. -- for individuals who have serious face sagging, and cheek and also neck aging. Cuts are made under your Surface Musculoaponeurotic System layer that manages your face as well as this muscle mass layer is lifted along with the fat as well as skin.

Throughout this appointment, your surgeon will certainly examine your wounds to see exactly how they are recovery, eliminate any type of non-dissolvable stitches, as well as eliminate or change any dressings if needed. Your Medbelle BAAPS/BAPRAS surgeon might be able to offer you better facelift preparation suggestions as well as even more details info on your surgery, on the day of your appointment. Make sure you follow their guidelines to attain the most effective results from surgical procedure.

It leaves only faintly visible penalty lines to make sure that others will certainly not understand the reason that you 'look so well'. As we age the skin on our face as well as neck begins to sag from a loss of muscular tissue tone. A facelift is a procedure to tighten the skin on the face, producing a stronger and smoother look. A wonderful instant glow and also an extra specified jawline, raised brow and also cheekbones. But because this is working from within the full-lifting and skin tightening impact is visible after about four weeks. Lots of individuals state they do not require to cover up their Botox as frequently when having this treatment, and also some people stop entirely. There's no requirement to." Interestingly, since having a combination of these brand-new treatments, she has actually quit having Botox as she feels she does not need it.

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blankasolun · 5 years ago

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source: Metal Hammer 7th May 2020

How Dave Mustaine Took on Cancer and Won

By James Blaine (Metal Hammer) 21 hours ago

Megadeth mainman Dave Mustaine opens up exclusively about staring down cancer and what the future holds

The whole world is coming apart at the seams.

At least that’s the way it seems in Nashville, Tennessee this week. A T6 tornado tore the hell out of town just as the coronavirus hit the Volunteer State. Even President Trump is in Music City today, surveying the damage from Marine Helicopter One, hovering above us as we step into a dark, downtown studio to meet with local resident, Dave Mustaine.

The Apocalypse’s first and second horsemen take a back seat, at least for the moment. Right now, we’re more concerned about Dave’s dog. Oblivious to its diminutive size, the long-haired Chihuahua descends upon us like some high-pitched Hound of Hell, menacingly baring his teeth and threatening to devour our very soul if we step any closer to his master.

“Easy, Romeo. Easy,” Dave says, reaching to save us from the snarling beast. We coil back, cautiously offering the back of our hand. Dave laughs gruffly. “Oh, no,” he says. “That doesn’t work with him.”

As the Megadeth frontman corrals his pup, it gives us a chance to check out the legend after his recent health crisis. Mass of fiery mane – intact. Black jacket, jeans, black t-shirt, white sneakers. Honestly? Well, he looks like Dave Mustaine, like the hellraiser still not sold on cheap or easy peace. He moves a bit slow, but not creakily – more like a man who’s fought the Devil bare-fisted and lived to tell the tale.

With the hound at bay, he turns to greet us. It’s difficult to know what’s appropriate in this season of paranoia and mutant pandemic, especially for a man who’s just had his immune system nuked. Do we fist bump? Nod and touch elbows? “Nah, I ain’t worried, man,” Dave assures us, shaking hands with a vice grip. “I’m healthy now.”

The backstory: March 2019. After being bounced from doctor to doctor, Dave gets an official diagnosis that sounds like some dystopian speed metal verse. Squamous cell carcinoma on the base of your tongue.

Hold up. Cancer? Mustaine? No way.

If anyone seemed indestructible, it was Dave Mustaine. Bad ass, bad attitude, snarling, spitting, raging, red-headed, black belt-carrying soldier in God’s Army, Godfather Of Thrash. That cancer could sink its claws into someone like Dave sent shockwaves through the metal community. Now, one year after the diagnosis, Metal Hammer comes to Music City to hear his testimony first-hand. Because Dave Mustaine kicked cancer’s ass.

“Yeah, I’m pretty stoked about that,” he says, grinning as he grabs a bottle of water and motions for us to have a seat in a private, black- walled dressing room. The obvious first question: So, how do you feel? “I’m a little run down, but a lot of that’s from the medication and all the stuff that goes along with treatment. They hit the cancer really hard, nine doses of chemo and 51 radiation treatments, which just beats the hell out of you. My mouth is still messed up but overall, I feel really good.”

Dave settles in on the couch to tell us how he got the news that he was cancer-free. “I was here in Nashville, at my doctor’s office. He had to reach down the back of my throat, which was really unpleasant, but it was important for him to feel and make sure. And he said my progress was amazing, that both sides felt the same. I’ve got a metal plate in my neck that I figured might cause problems, but the doc told me, “Dave, you are in perfect health, 100%. You’re free to go.”

Dave pauses to slide a piece of Big Red gum into his mouth, twisting the foil between his fingers, reflecting before he continues. “It sounds bizarre, but I kind of knew. I took good care of myself. I’d done everything my doctors told me to do. I had tons of support from family and friends. And I had lots of prayer. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I expected it. I had faith that I was going to be healed.”

At this point, Dave rewinds to early 2019, explaining how he received the grim verdict. While out shredding with Joe Satriani and Zakk Wylde on the Experience Hendrix tour, severe mouth pain struck. “I’d gone in to get some dental work,” he says. “And after, it felt like the dentist had broken a piece of scraper off in my gums. I went back and he sent me to an oral surgeon who checked me out and said, ‘You need to see an ear, nose and throat doctor. I don’t want to say anything bad, but it looks like the Big C.’ Well, fuck, dude! Why’d you say that, then?”

Dave shakes his head, still pissed, taking a long pull of water. “Anyway, I figured I’d take care of myself once the Hendrix tour was over. While out on the road, a friend of mine knew an ENT at the local emergency room. He came over, took a look, and said it wasn’t anything to worry about. But I knew something was wrong with me. It was just too far down for anybody to see.

“We had a day off and I was home in Nashville, so I saw a local specialist who suggested a scope. I don’t do good with scopes, so they had to knock me out to get the tube in. But yeah, they confirmed that it was cancer in the side of my throat that had spread to two lymph nodes.

“Initially, they wanted to send me to MD Anderson in Houston for 11 weeks and I said no. fucking. way. I’m not gonna be away from my family for that long. So, they set me up at Vanderbilt, with Dr. Cmelak, who’s actually one of the best radiation oncologists in the country. I had a good team.”

Fortunately for Mustaine, Music City is also the healthcare capital of the United States. The band cancelled tour dates and put the brakes on a new record so Dave could begin a brutal treatment regime, resting at his farm in the rolling hills of nearby Franklin between blasts of radiation and IV chemo drips. The worst, he says, is over.

“I’ll have to do another MRI soon and check in with the doctor regularly, three years, five years. But the cool thing is, my voice came back even better than before. I think the treatment shrunk whatever was on my vocal cord that was making it hard to sing. I’d seen pictures of my voice box and there was some kind of bubble on the flap that was giving me trouble. Cyst, tumour, nodule, whatever the fuck it was. But that’s gone now, and they say long as I don’t do anything stupid, I should be good for the rest of my career. I know once you get cancer you’re never really out of the woods, but if the process doesn’t scare you into changing your lifestyle, then shame on you.”

Dave is no stranger to injuries and pain. He suffered career-threatening nerve damage to his left arm during a 2002 stint in a Texas rehab, and a decade later, underwent emergency surgery for spinal stenosis – whiplash, if you will – resulting in titanium implants in his neck. Flashing his trademark maniacal smile, Dave insists he felt no fear in the face of death.

“I already died once,” he says, referencing his 1993 overdose on Valium. “I don’t remember anything, though. No light or tunnel or any of that shit. I respect death but I’m not living my life in fear. There was a little when I first found out that I had cancer, but it wasn’t so much about dying, as not being able to use my gift anymore, to play guitar or sing. That really shook me. To be inconvenienced is one thing. It’s something else to lose your gift.”

Dave leans in. His steely glare, coupled with the white beard and wild hair, gives him the appearance of some Old Testament prophet of doom. “When they told me that my arm was 80% and I would never play guitar again, I thought, ‘You have no idea who you’re talking to. I will absolutely play again, and it’ll be a matter of days, not weeks.’ There’s a couple things I still can’t do, but I feel like I can play almost as good as I used to. Going through that thing with my arm was helpful. It gave me the courage to face any kind of medical problem I might have down the road. I’m going to do everything they say and if there’s blood, I can handle it. I’ve seen my own blood before.”

We ask about the darkest days, if his reputation causes people to expect an unrealistic level of strength. Dave fidgets with his shoelace. Ruffles the pup sweetly. Reaches for another piece of gum before the reply.

“I think people do expect me to be invincible. It is a lot of pressure,” he admits. “But when you come out on the other side victorious, they cheer even louder. I like being a man of the people. That might sound corny, but it’s true. The hardest part was having to let others take care of me. I’ve always been so independent that even if I do need help, I’m not going to let anyone know. But overall, chemo wasn’t as ugly for me as it is for a lot of people. I had a couple of days where I got really sick and threw up, but that was it. I tried to be upbeat. When I would go in for treatment, I’d talk with the other patients, try to be encouraging.”

The thrash titan was forced to miss the band’s inaugural MegaCruise in October, with his daughter, Electra, stepping in to represent the family. Upon completion of treatment, Dave was able to return for the Killing Road tour with Five Finger Death Punch in January. While on stage at the SSE Arena in Wembley, he announced that the cancer was in complete remission.

“Actually, I think I mentioned it from the first show of the tour,” says Dave. “If not Helsinki, then Stockholm for sure. I wanted the fans to know that I’m OK and how great the crew has been. And for sure, I want to tell the truth and let everyone know how much I prayed through this whole ordeal. Not just like, ‘Oh, yeah, thanks, God.’ But that I really, seriously prayed.”

Christian for nearly two decades, Dave has always been vocal about his beliefs. While discussing the role faith played in his recovery, he pauses, raking fingers through his beard, measuring his words.

“After growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness, there was a time that I hated the concept of anything that I had to answer to. The church disfellowshipped my sister, Debbie, and I was the only one who would sit and listen to her cry. It flipped me out and all I wanted to do was get back at the people who hurt my sister,” Dave explains. “But now, I try to keep my prayers pretty gentle. I don’t pray for anyone to get hurt or get what’s coming to them, only for God’s will and that he would help me do what I need to do. To me, prayer is just an open, honest, easy conversation like you’re talking to your dad. Essentially, that’s what God is supposed to be, our Father, right? So that makes it easy for me to engage in prayer.”

Asked to elaborate, Dave adds, “In the Bible, the Pharisees liked to pray in public so everybody could see them. They thought the louder they prayed, the more pious they would seem, like it’s an indication of their righteousness. For me, righteousness is something that’s exhibited through consistent behaviour that’s Godly in nature. You sum up the gospels with the Golden Rule. Helping others, no matter what. There’s this old song by the Circle Jerks called Wonderful.”

He sings the chorus of the 80s punk classic. Romeo perks up, cocking an ear in his master’s direction. “It’s a great song that talks about how it’s really not so hard to do something nice for someone else. Help a stranger. Smile. If you see a homeless person, give them something to eat. I was homeless once. It was the worst, man. Scrounging for food, living in [bassist] David Ellefson’s van…”

Dave apologises for losing his train of thought, blaming the lingering effects of “chemo brain”. After a break, he switches gears, discussing the positive changes that have come from his battle with the disease. “My wife and I are getting along tremendously, and things are really good with my son and daughter right now, too. I’ve got a better relationship with my band. The other day, Kiko [Loureiro, guitarist] says to me, ‘I really like this new Dave!’ What he was talking about, is when you’re dealing with pain, you drink, you smoke, you bitch, because you don’t know what’s going on. But soon as I found out what was wrong with me, I attacked it. Once I did, I could feel myself getting happier too.

Support also came from outside Dave’s immediate circle. His old band brother, James Hetfield, reached out, as did Kiss’s Paul Stanley and Ozzy, who was at war with his own medical demons in 2019.

“Everybody’s treatment is different, but Bruce Dickinson had been through throat cancer about five years ago, so he was able to give me a lot of insight into what to expect. His biggest advice was to listen to the doctors and don’t rush to get back onstage. They told him to hold off, but he went back out to perform and nothing came out. Well, OK. I get it. Bruce waited a month before his first show, so I held off a little longer. My last treatment was in September and I made plenty of time to rest, exercise and eat right before we went back out on tour. We did 22 dates overseas, and I feel great now, except for the fatigue. But I think a lot of that might be due to um, extracurricular activities. Staying up late. Not sleeping. Maybe a little, you know…”

Thumb and forefinger to his lips, Dave inhales sharply, making the universal symbol for partaking of the herb. Could he be referring to the alleged medicinal benefits of CBD oil? “Don’t screw around with the oil, man,” he growls in the same gravel baritone as his crushing thrash classics. Our eyes go wide as the voice from sixth grade Headbangers Ball comes to life.

Dave cackles at our reaction, pushing back a wayward strand of hair. “If you’re gonna do it, get the good stuff. I think the world is just now finding out the beauty of cannabis and everything it can do for you. I hear people talk how it’s good for cancer patients. C’mon, it’s good for any fucking patient! The radiation zapped my salivary glands so I couldn’t make spit, which made it really hard to swallow and get food down. They gave me this crazy mouthwash to use that had Benadryl and lidocaine in it, but I still couldn’t eat. So cannabis helped with that, except I got a terrible craving for kiddie cereal. I went to the store and got, like, 20 boxes.”

The thought of the Tornado Of Souls singer devouring countless bowls of cereal is a pretty cool picture and we can’t help but inquire about his favourite fix. “Trix with marshmallows. Froot Loops with marshmallows. Frosted Flakes. The kind with little marshmallows. You get the idea. My cancer team told me to try and watch the sugar intake, but they said, ‘Dave, if you can eat – then eat.’ The doctor threatened to put a feeding tube in my gut if I lost too much weight. Well, they scared the shit out of me with that one, but it worked.”

With Dave healthy and back onstage, the follow-up to 2016’s Grammy Award-winning Dystopia is on every Megafan’s brain. Late last year, Dave teased songs that were “heavy as hell” with titles such as Rattlehead, Part Two and The Dogs Of Chernobyl.

“I don’t know if any of those titles are still holding up,” he says, revealing that the band has been tracking at Nashville’s Sound Kitchen with co-producer Chris Rakestraw at the controls again. “Whenever I make a record, the names of the songs change so many times. I think we’ve got 14 songs for this album and another folder with six. The songs are constantly evolving and as they do, we change the title to be more reflective of what makes the song distinct.”

So, will we see a new Megadeth album before 2020 ends? “I hope so, yeah,” says Dave. “We’ll start back in a couple of days and keep plowing until it’s done. Metal Tour Of The Year starts this summer, but that should be fun and easy [Editor’s note – we spoke to Dave before COVID-19 outbreak]. We’ve got a week’s vacation coming up soon and I’m going to go rest up and get ready to come back and make a brilliant record.”

Nashville traffic is anarchy these days and Romeo looks like he needs to hike his leg. As the sun sets over the Cumberland River, Dave stands and slides an arm around our shoulder, recruiting Metal Hammer to thank the fans for all their thoughts and prayers. It strikes us, how we expect legends to be carved from granite. On one hand, we understand that our heroes are human. But on the other, we never want to see them frail, or sick, or down. And that must be a hell of a burden sometimes. But perhaps, it’s also what keeps them moving. If our heroes can keep pushing, then that gives us the courage to keep pushing too, through all the shitstorms of life, disasters both natural and manufactured, even the ones we bring upon ourselves. Decades later, they still inspire perseverance, hope, and the determination to never let the bastards grind you down. Maybe even a little 21st century metal up your ass.

Still, we have to ask one last thing. Dave’s been on the road almost 40 years. Dues paid; the mark has been made. Was he ever tempted to call it a day, sit back on the farm and enjoy a slow, simple life?

“Yeah, I guess I could do that,” he admits, shrugging like it’s no big deal. “But I love what I do, and I like helping the band and crew make money. Playing music makes people happy. A lot of times while we’re out there, they share stuff with us, some good, some bad, but we get to bring our own little brand of panacea to people and somehow, that makes them feel beautiful. Even if it’s for just one night.”

Published in Metal Hammer #334

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Dave Mustaine Talks About His Fight With Cancer source: Metal Hammer 7th May 2020 How Dave Mustaine Took on Cancer and Won By James Blaine…

#bruce dickinson #chris rakestraw #dave mustaine #david ellefson #dystopia #james hetfield #joe satriani #kiko loureiro #kiss #megadeth #ozzy osbourne #paul stanley #sound kitchen #tornado of souls #zakk wylde

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nancygduarteus · 7 years ago

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Turning Piglets Into Personalized Avatars for Sick Kids

When Charles Konsitzke and Dhanu Shanmuganayagam first met, they were both just trying to get some peace and quiet. It was early 2014, and they were representing the University of Wisconsin-Madison at a fancy event to promote the university’s research to local politicians. After hours of talking to senators, Shanmuganayagam was fried, and went for a walk to clear his head. That’s when he bumped into Konsitzke, an administrator at the University of Wisconsin’s Biotechnology Center. They introduced themselves, and discussed their work. Shanmuganayagam said that he ran a facility that rears miniature pigs, which are genetically engineered to carry mutations found in human genetic disorders. Scientists can study the mini-pigs to better understand those diseases.

“And I said: I have a project for you,” Konsitzke recalls.

Konsitzke’s son Mason, now aged 7, was born with little brown birthmarks on his buttocks. Many kids have one or two of these café-au-lait spots and at first, Konsitzke thought they were cute. But after more appeared, he did some research and found that such spots are a common symptom of neurofibromatosis type 1 (NF-1)—an incurable inherited disease. Around Mason’s first birthday, a pediatrician confirmed the diagnosis.

Mason Konsitzke (Bryce Richter / University of Wisconsin-Madison)

NF-1 is an incredibly varied disease with many possible symptoms. The spots are the least of them. Some patients, Mason included, develop learning disabilities. Others develop bone and heart problems. Most commonly, patients get tumors on their skin and nerves; Mason already has one on the side of his face. These tumors are usually benign, but even so they can still disfigure. “It continues to grow, and if it runs out of space, it will deform his face outward,” says Konsitzke.

Konsitzke isn’t a scientist by training, but through his job he’s well connected to the scientific world. Once Mason’s diagnosis was in, he started asking around about NF-1 research. In particular, he wanted to know where the bottlenecks are. What was the single thing he could do that would most accelerate research into his son’s condition? And the answer that he kept hearing was: Find better animals to experiment on.

When studying diseases, scientists often turn to laboratory animals like mice and zebrafish. They can use these so-called model organisms to work out how mutations cause diseases, and to find and test possible treatments. But the usual lab animals aren’t a good fit for NF-1. They’re too small, and they don’t react in the same way to the mutations that cause the disease in humans. For example, studies in mice suggested that a drug called lovastatin might help to address the learning and attentional problems that accompany NF-1. But when the drug was tested on actual children, in a large clinical trial, it did nothing.

To better understand NF-1, Konsitzke learned, you need a species that’s closer in both size and biology to a person, and yet is still relatively easy to raise and study. That is, you need pigs. “Pigs closely represent humans,” says Neha Patel, who directs the UW neurofibromatosis clinic. “People with NF-1 have varied cognitive deficits, from severe learning issues to subtle problems. If you imagine studying those in a rat, you’d only get a crude picture of how that translates to humans. But pigs are intellectual animals.”

That’s why, in a quiet corner of the Wisconsin State Capitol, Konsitzke was so excited to meet Shanmuganayagam. Here was someone with experience in raising, engineering, and studying pigs. Here was just the guy he needed to give NF-1 research a boost.

Dhanu Shanmuganayagam (Bryce Richter / University of Wisconsin-Madison)

For his part, Shanmuganayagam was keen to take on a new challenge. “I know a lot of diseases,” he says, “but when Chuck told me [about NF-1], I thought, ‘I don’t know what this is.’ And I can’t believe I didn’t know because it’s not that rare.” Indeed, NF-1 affects at least one in every 2,500 babies, making it more common than other better-known genetic disorders like cystic fibrosis. And that figure is probably an underestimate, because many cases don’t present with obvious symptoms. “It’s under-recognized, and kids are not getting the best care,” says Patel. She’ll often see parents whose children clearly meet all the clinical criteria for the disease, and yet hadn’t been diagnosed for over a decade.

The disease has a low profile partly because its symptoms can be so disfiguring. Patients with NF-1 often “become closeted and sheltered,” says Konsitzke. “People don’t look at them or listen to them, so there’s no strong speaking voice for the disease.” The man whom Pope Francis embraced in 2013, whose face was covered in growths, had NF-1. Joseph Merrick, the so-called Elephant Man of 19th-century England, was once suspected of having had NF-1. “Our neuro-oncologist told us to take pictures of Mason now, and be prepared for his face to change,” says Konsitzke.

For different reasons, NF-1 has a low profile in the scientific community, too. It’s caused by mutations in a gene called neurofibromin 1 (confusingly also shortened to NF1), which is daunting to study because of its large size and unusual variability. “People fear it in the research realm,” says Konsitzke. There are more than 4,000 variants of the gene, each of which changes the symptoms of NF-1 in subtle ways.

Again, the pigs can help. Konsitzke and Shanmuganayagam aren’t just planning to develop pigs that can model the symptoms of NF-1. They want to use the revolutionary gene-editing technique known as CRISPR to create pigs that have the specific mutations of a particular individual. Each child with NF-1 would get their own personalized piglet, whose version of the NF1 gene matched their own. The piggy proxy could be monitored to see how the kid’s condition might progress, especially since they mature faster than humans do.

The pigs could also be used to test possible treatments. At the moment, people with NF-1 “are their own guinea pigs,” says Konsitze. “It takes years of tests and side effects to find something that works. My son is on a cocktail of four different meds.” Having an animal that mirrors the particulars of a person’s condition might make it quicker to narrow down the best treatments. And Konsitze argues that this should save enough money to compensate for the costs of creating a customized pig.

A pig undergoing surgery (Bryce Richter / University of Wisconsin-Madison)

Shanmuganayagam and his colleagues started actively trying to make the gene-edited pigs in 2014, with a shoestring budget of $50,000 from the Neurofibromatosis Network, which they bolstered through their own fund-raising efforts. (Two companies also developed pig models of NF-1 around the same time: Recombinetics, based in St. Paul, Minnesota; and Exemplar Genetics, in Sioux Center, Iowa.)

Jennifer Meudt, one of Shanmuganayagam’s colleagues, led the work. “Dhanu said: ‘We’re going to gene edit pigs,’” she says. “And I said: Okay, ha ha, how are we going to do this? My background is in botany.”

The easy way to do it would be to buy pig eggs from slaughterhouses, fertilize them in the lab, do any necessary gene editing, and inject them back into sows. But UW’s pig-rearing facility is kept free of disease-causing microbes, so the team can’t just implant their pigs with commercially sourced embryos. Instead, they have to artificially inseminate their own sows, collect the embryos, inject them with CRISPR ingredients, and put them back into other pigs.

The embryos themselves are hard to work with, because they’re not translucent like those of many other animals. “They look like little black balls, which makes it more difficult to inject when you don’t know where you’re poking,” says Meudt. There are logistical complications too. Meudt has to do the CRISPR injections in a building that’s 30 minutes from the pig facility, so the animals have to get shuttled back and forth. From start to finish, the process to make a single embryo starts at 4 in the morning, and ends at around 10 at night. “Those are well-traveled embryos,” Meudt says.

The team delivered their first edited animal in November 2016, which carried a set of NF-1 mutations that had been reported in an earlier published study. They have since engineered three more animals, each with a different cluster of mutations. All of these are essentially personalized—they represent someone’s case of NF-1, but those patients are anonymized.

The next step will be to create pigs that are openly personalized to specific people—and the team is in the midst of getting approval for that. “We slowed ourselves down for some ethical reasons,” says Shanmuganayagam. For example, if a personalized pig starts to show symptoms, and their child counterpart has not, how should the team communicate that information to a family? What happens if the pig dies early? Should a family even get to know which pig is “theirs”? “We’re trying to resolve that,” says Shanmuganayagam. “We might blind ourselves to whose pig is whose with the option of revealing at a later date. I’ve also had my group read Flowers for Algernon.”

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/12/turning-piglets-into-personalized-avatars-for-sick-kids/548204/?utm_source=feed

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ionecoffman · 7 years ago

Text

Turning Piglets Into Personalized Avatars for Sick Kids

“And I said: I have a project for you,” Konsitzke recalls.

Mason Konsitzke (Bryce Richter / University of Wisconsin-Madison)

Dhanu Shanmuganayagam (Bryce Richter / University of Wisconsin-Madison)

A pig undergoing surgery (Bryce Richter / University of Wisconsin-Madison)

Article source here:The Atlantic

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gingerbaby79 · 8 years ago

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What. Is. HAPPENING?

November 29

So long story short, my cycle this month has been ...off. Without boring anyone with too many details, I am now faced with a choice: wait this out for another month and see what happens, or take a pregnancy test.

My history with pregnancy tests is decidedly NOT GOOD. For the 7+ years we were trying to have kids, pregnancy tests were my kryptonite. All month would build up with "maybe this time" thoughts and hopes, only to be crushed by that definitive negative symbol on that cursed white plastic stick.

So yesterday when I talked with my doctor on the phone to discuss my current symptoms (that I was SURE were signs of endometrial cancer) and she suggested that I take a pregnancy test, I panicked. She's going the logical, medical route. Are you using any contraceptives? Haha...that's hilarious and of course not because why would we? Almost ten years of specialists and medication and surgeries and injections never produced a positive pregnancy test. So, you can understand why my thoughts go to a more... negative outcome: endometrial cancer.

It wouldn't be that far-fetched an idea. As I said to my doctor, my track record for a "normal" outcomes of medical issues is not great. My first mammogram resulted in breast cancer, surgeries and radiation. Plus I have a lot of the risk factors for endometrial cancer. While I had considered the possibility of pregnancy, I also ruled it out because cancer just seems more likely.

I know, that sounds really defeatist and probably overly dramatic, but I promise you it's not. If you knew all the details of my medical history, you'd be like, yeah, she's not crazy, she's just being completely logical based on past events. I promise that's exactly what you would think.

So while taking a pregnancy test seems like no big deal to you, it's a huge deal to me. I've found peace in the last 4 or so years in the life my husband and I have made. And it took me a LONG time to get to where I am now, accepting life as it is and not as I wish it would be. That pregnancy test would be like dipping a toe back into the ocean of despair I nearly drown in.

Update 12/2/16

I took the pregnancy tests. Both were positive. And then, because I couldn't believe the result, I asked for a blood test. Also positive. So later this morning I will go for a second blood test to see if the hormone levels are increasing (meaning this might actually be a real thing), or if they're dropping and I'll have a miscarriage (which, to be honest, is the result I'm banking on because this whole thing cannot possibly be real.)

What a mindfuck. I didn't tell Dan until after the second blood test results came back. I didn't see the point since I was (and still am) sure this is going to end in nothing. I mean, there's a tiny part of me that runs ahead planning for what might be an actual pregnancy and child, but it's a very small part and I have to keep telling it to SHUT UP BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A GOOD TRACK RECORD WITH THINGS GOING NORMALLY, ESPECIALLY IN THE REPRODUCTIVE DEPARTMENT. I call her Linda, that annoyingly fake-positive voice that keeps imagining scenarios in which I get to tell my family that I'm pregnant SHUT UP LINDA, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR INNANE STORIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED. God, Linda's the worst.

12/5/16

The third blood test showed more elevated Hcg levels so it looks like this is going to be a thing for awhile. Stopping some medications and getting on a more folic acid-friendly vitamin.

No more wine, I guess. And how I'll keep family from asking questions about that remains to be seen.

Dan and I are still reeling from this. None of it seems real, and we're both of the mindset that we shouldn't get excited about anything because we're both waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know, the one where everything goes to shit. We're waiting for it because that's always been our experience in these kinds of things. Want to have kids? Try for 7 years with no success and find out you have multiple reproductive disorders. Find a lump in your breast? It's probably a cyst since you have no family history of breast cancer and you're young. Nope, it's cancer.

So we're waiting for this to be another in a long line of disappointments. If it doesn't turn out that way, it will be a miracle.

Still actively stuffing a sock in Linda's face hole when she pipes up too much about the possibilities and exciting nature of this.

12/10/16

Thursday we had an ultrasound. There is an actual...zygote? Embryo? Whatever. There was even a flicker of a heartbeat. It was surreal and not something I thought I'd ever experience in my life. I sobbed while the technician had the ultrasound wand shoved up my vagina, which I'm sure she appreciated. Then we (just me and Dan, not the ultrasound lady) went out to dinner to celebrate because, even if this all goes to shit, we had this one moment of joy and wonder that we never thought we'd have.

I'm just over 6 weeks according to the ultrasound, although the date of my last period would put me closer to 7. I probably ovulated late. I'm amazed that I ovulated at all.

It's really hard to contain my anticipation. Despite my better judgement, I signed up for the BabyCenter app thing. Every time I do or think anything that assumes I will have this baby, I immediately feel anxious because I feel like I'm tempting fate to rip the rug out from under us.

For now it's just waiting and hoping. More blood tests and ultrasounds next week.

12/14/16

I keep having dreams where I'm bleeding, which of course is because I'm afraid of miscarriage.

All my blood tests come back normal. So far things seem "fine", but because everything is happening in the dark and there's no way to know, without medical intervention, whether things are progressing well. My ultrasound came back "normal" except I apparently have a uterine fibroid (not great) and some kind of fancy-worded bleed (also not great).

The baby's heart beat was within the normal range, although we didn't get to hear it, and it's at least in the right place (the uterus) and not ectopic or something.

I haven't actually bled at all since what they think was the implantation bleeding, so i guess that's good news. I just keep expecting it to all go to shit at any second. Which, in my experience, is completely possible.

I have to remain hopeful. Being stressed about it definitely doesn't help anything, so I'll keep trying to distract myself so I don't think about it too much.

12/15/16

Today I'm 7 weeks...I think. I have another ultrasound scheduled for this coming Monday, which hopefully will help me to feel more ...secure about things.

I keep thinking about what it would be like to be one of those women for whom pregnancy is just a fact of life. Women who just assume things will work out. I wonder if my sister was like that. She seemed that way. She had 4 kids no problem, and I wonder if people like her worry about everything going wrong of if they kind of just expect things to be normal because that's always been their experience.

The years of trying and failing month after month after month, and the breast cancer diagnosis, just ingrained in me that things just generally don't work out well for me. And while I know that's not, strictly speaking, true because I've also had many, many really lovely and good things happen in my life, I've learned to expect the worst.

12/27/16

It's our 13th anniversary today. We've been together for 15 years, married for 13, and just about 9 weeks pregnant. Assuming everything is progressing as normal in there, I would be due at the beginning of August 2017. I'll be almost 38.

I'll be starting progesterone today so that hopefully increases the chances of things going well and this whole thing actually running its course and increasing our family by one.

It's been a long time since I've trusted my body to do anything normally, so it's exceptionally hard for me to imagine that anything about this pregnancy might be viable. Even though I've had multiple blood tests, two ultrasounds, and no negative physical signs that things are taking a bad turn, I still don't really trust that my body is capable of incubating an actual, live, normal human being.

We told my parents and family on Christmas. I was planning to wait until the end of the 1st trimester since the odds of miscarriage decrease around week 13, but since I see my family so often, and since my mom wanted to play flag football on Christmas day, I realized that I wouldn't be able to keep it secret for much longer. Although the logical conclusion for my being super moody and bitchy and not drinking probably wouldn't be that I'm pregnant. They'd probably just have thought that super-bitch mode had clicked into gear and they'd just have to wait it out.

It was super fun to tell them though. In the last 10 years I've never really been able to share good news with them - just a slew of debbie downers of infertility and cancer. So being able to surprise them with something genuinely joyful was a fun experience. Even if none of this works out, it was still fun to share this one happy event with them.

It becomes increasingly difficult to keep Linda quiet. I find myself thinking about names, looking at cribs and baby carriers online, and imagining a life where we have an actual child that is half me and half him. Years ago I would daydream about these things with such desperation, but it's been a few years since I let those dreams go and focused on accepting the life we have and learned to be at peace with our quiet little family.

The reality is that anything could go wrong at any moment. We're hyper-aware of that fact, and it makes it hard to get too attached to the joy of what is happening. Experience has taught us that we need to proceed with caution, and I don't know at what point we'll be able to relax and enjoy this miracle. I'm trying to. I'm trying to just live in the present moment, being thankful for even just this part of what is happening - not counting on it continuing and not banking my happiness in everything working out.

12/28/16

I can sleep like a boss lately. Easily 10-12 hours a night, sometimes with a nap in the middle of the day. It's nice that I can. Not having to wake up at 5am every day has been one of my favorite parts of not working in a school anymore. Thank you god that the book shop doesn't open till 10am and I usually work in the afternoon anyway.

Dan crawled back into bed with me this morning around 8am to snuggle. God I love him. At some point I rolled to face him and said, if this does end with an actual baby, I think we should name it Murtaugh because we're too old for this shit. Funny and true.

I started taking progesterone last night, which hopefully will be a safety measure in keeping this pregnancy going. I really don't like this phase of being pregnant but not looking pregnant and not being able to feel anything happening inside me. Other than fatigue and nausea, there is no way to tell if anything is progressing in there, or if everything has stopped. If I could have an ultrasound twice a week, I would - just to appease my anxiety.

Because is the heart still beating strong? Who knows. Is my body actually doing what it's supposed to to support this little life? I DON'T KNOW. I have to believe that it is, but my body and I don't have the best track record. We have trust issues, to put it mildly.

Dan's busting ass around the house. It's like his nesting instinct has kicked in and he's moving furniture, clearing out closets, painting rooms... whereas I mainly nap and eat throughout the day. It doesn't feel quite fair not to help out, but the no lifting, no paint fumes makes it difficult to be of an real help.

12/29/16

I slept for 11 hours last night. And now it's 2:00pm and I feel like I could take a nap. Lately I have two main moods: Hungry and Tired. Sometimes alternating, but usually both at the same time. Tired also comes with his buddy Nausea, and they hang out with me quite a bit. The Bonnie and Clyde of this pregnancy, Tired and Nausea show up without warning and hold me up, guns blazing.

I'm not complaining. For years I would have given anything to feel as crappy as I do right now. I take it all as a good sign that I'm still actually pregnant. I actually start freaking out in the rare moments that I feel kind of normal.

One of the most annoying things about the last few months has been my stupid foggy brain. Simple things take me forever to decipher or explain, I have to be told things repeatedly and I can't remember things as clearly as I normally do. I understand it's a normal part of all this... pregnancy brain or whatever... but it's definitely one of the more frustrating effects.

12/30/16

It's almost New Year's - a holiday that's always seemed arbitrary and somewhat pointless to me, probably because I don't enjoy parties.

Years ago, when we were trying in fultility to have children, I would usually be glad to say goodbye to the passing year with all its failed pregnancy attempts, failed medical interventions, and months of the hope/depair cycle. And At some point on New Year's Eve, I would think to myself, maybe this NEXT year will be our year. It never was, at least not in the way I wanted it to be. But the truth was that EVERY year was our year; I just couldn't see it that way for a long, long time.

1/7/17

The dreams where I'm bleeding persist. I wake up sure that the dream was part truth and that miscarriage has begun, but nope, it's just my crazy brain living out my worst fears while I'm asleep. I guess we can rule out the possibility that I'm a prophetic dreamer.

I'm just over 10 weeks now. Our first OB appointment is this coming week. I'm nervous for it although I have no real reason to be. It's just that, in my experience, specialists are usually the ones to tell the really bad news. I've never gone to a medical specialist and heard "good" news. And I've been to a lot of specialists over the years.

I keep checking myself in the mirror to see if I look like I'm getting increasingly pregnant. I mostly just feel bloated, so chances are it's just gas.

1/9/17

It's been a strange day. I'm emotionally off-kilter, which accounts for the fact that I am sure that I'm not pregnant anymore. There is no factual basis for this feeling - I just believe that it has to be true. I think it's mainly because I'm terrified of our first OB appointment this Friday. I'm sure we're going to go in there and get devastating news - no heartbeat - and then ....

and then suffer the humiliation of failing at this as well.

And it would be humiliating. After having been so joyful in the miracle of all this, it would be a really difficult blow. It would be just another in a long list of failures that prove to me that life can be cruel and that I cannot trust my own body. Having to face my family and friends and tell them that, no, actually, this isn't going to be a thing, would be humiliating.

I am well practiced in the art of humiliation. I wear it like Hester Prynne wore her shameful letter. My letter is not visible, however, but it is burned into my soul for the remainder of my life, no matter what the outcome of this pregnancy is. My scars remind me to be humble because no matter what I want - no matter what I think should happen - what will be will be. And my desires have absolutely nothing to do with it.

But for all its pain and public shame, humiliation teaches humility. And I have been humbled more than many that I know, but I am grateful for those lessons, and that is how I know that no matter what happens, I will eventually be okay. WE will eventually be okay. Because we can survive anything.

But I am still terrified for Friday.

1/10/17

I need to spend time in contemplative meditation, focusing on the life that (I hope) is still growing inside me. I have to believe that this miracle is possible because I'm sure that the negative thought patterns and stress aren't going to be helpful to anyone and they run like background noise in my subconscious all day.

This inner conflict is exhausting, and as an Enneagram 9 it's my main weakness. I'm trying to maintain some semblance of inner peace, but it's really difficult when there is such emotional and mental upheaval. I think I have to actively cultivate and focus on what peace I can find or make, believing that there is still a chance that this will all work out.

1/16/17

The OB appointment went fine. The doctor is really good. Really kind. She used the sonogram (?) to find the heartbeat, which Dan said he could hear, but all I could hear was a flurry of thumping that was hard to distinguish. I think it was mostly just my own heart beating.

I have to go to another specialist since I'm of "advanced maternal age" (what a flattering term). We have that appointment tomorrow, morning and then an ultrasound in the afternoon. Part of that appointment will be genetic testing which we've decided to do since we'd rather know what's coming and be able to prepare for it.

1/18/17

It's starting to get exciting. We had two appointments yesterday. The first one was for genetic testing (all they had do is take my blood). That should tell is more definitively if things are normal or if there's any kind of developmental disorder (Downs, etc). Even though none of the disorders appear to run in our families, these tests will also tell if either of us is a carrier, which would make it possible for any child of ours to have serious genetic disorder. It will also tell us the gender, so we'll know in about two weeks if we're having a boy or girl. Yikes.

Then, in the afternoon, we had an ultrasound and there is an actual baby in there. We saw its little legs kicking and its jaw moving and we heard the heart beat. I don't know if everyone feels this way, but they didn't play the heart beat long enough. I could listen to it all day.

Also, it turns out that I'm a bit farther along than we previously thought and my due date is July 31st (Harry Potter's birthday!), so I'll be 13 weeks this Friday which means I'm nearly into the second trimester! I truly can't believe that we've made it this far. Just typing that feels a little like I'm tempting fate.

1/21/17

I'm currently sobbing because I decided (for the first time since we found out I'm pregnant) to get on Pinterest and look at baby nursery ideas. Specifically Harry Potter themed ideas. And now I'm sobbing because I can't believe this is real and because the first time I read Harry Potter was when I was 32 and undergoing cancer treatment after we'd tried unsuccessfully for years to have children.

And now I'm 37 and I'm crying uncontrollably because the wisdom in the Harry Potter books helped me through one of my darkest times and is now part of one of the most joyful times of my life and I CAN'T HANDLE IT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I'M HORMONAL.

Also, at our last appointment, our due date was solidified as July 31st. You know who else had a birthday on July 31st??? HARRY f-ing POTTER. This has to be a sign that this kid is going to be a wizard....or that I'M a witch. Please god let me be a witch.

1/25/17

I got a glucometer and have to check my blood sugar 4 times a day to see if I should keep taking the meds for PCOS that I've been taking, and I only just realized this morning that I shouldn't be pricking fingers on my left hand to get blood because of my lymphedema risk on my left side. Duh... I KNOW this information; I've lived with this knowledge for over 4 years and yet and it took me 3 days of taking blood from my left hand to remember it. This baby is really using up a lot of my brain cells.

2/21/17

So far, so good. Despite my irrational fears, everything is progressing normally. I have literally never said that phrase in reference to myself.

Also, I'll share a problem I'm having here. I really don't like all the attention I'm getting with this pregnancy. I mean, I guess it's great if you're the kind of person who likes being the center of attention, but I've never liked other people focusing on me and asking me questions and wanting to know things. I'm more of a background-type. Just let me quietly go about my business and I'll share stuff when I'm ready. It's just so much... pressure.

I mean, yes, this is happy news. Yes we're excited. But we're also always teetering on the edge of terrified. And not because we're scared of becoming parents (well, not only because of that). No, we're just too familiar with how quickly things can go wrong, and so while we're pissing our pants with excitement for something we never thought we'd have, we're also pissing our pants because we're half expecting the rug to be pulled out from underneath us at any moment. (In this instance, pissing your pants indicates both joy and fear.)

#pregnancy #surprise #announcement #infertility

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