#good lord almighty that is the most dense thing i have ever put in my mouth

[whumpninja]

Holiday whump prompt: force your whumpee to eat fruitcake.

[libralita]

Reread Review

Title: Oathbringer

Author: Brandon Sanderson

Summary: Dalinar Kholin's Alethi armies won a fleeting victory at a terrible cost: The enemy Parshendi summoned the violent Everstorm, which now sweeps the world with destruction, and in its passing awakens the once peaceful and subservient parshmen to the horror of their millennia-long enslavement by humans. While on a desperate flight to warn his family of the threat, Kaladin Stormblessed must come to grips with the fact that the newly kindled anger of the parshmen may be wholly justified.

Nestled in the mountains high above the storms, in the tower city of Urithiru, Shallan Davar investigates the wonders of the ancient stronghold of the Knights Radiant and unearths dark secrets lurking in its depths. And Dalinar realizes that his holy mission to unite his homeland of Alethkar was too narrow in scope. Unless all the nations of Roshar can put aside Dalinar's blood-soaked past and stand together--and unless Dalinar himself can confront that past--even the restoration of the Knights Radiant will not prevent the end of civilization.

Rating: ★★★★★

Original Review

Review:

I am not ready for this.

“You’re close to them, and I’m being watched.”—Gavilar, Page 23

Wait, who’s watching Gavilar?

Gavilar, I think you have a bad interpretation of what “Unite them” means. Who was stupid enough to pick him?

Did we ever find those Listeners who ran away in Words of Radiance?

“Instead, Dalinar had only a handful of new Radiants, and there was no sign of help from the Heralds. And beyond that, the Almighty—God himself—was dead.”—Page 31

We are so screwed.

“Looking for him? You lost your highprince?”—Dalinar, Page 37

Hey, now. You lost a Herald.

SEBARIAL AND PALONA!!

“Along the way they’d picked up Highprince Aladar, a distinguished bald Alethi with dark tan skin. He was accompanied by May, his daughter: a short, pretty woman in her twenties with tan eyes and a round face, her jet-black Alethi hair worn short and curving around her face.”—Page 40

This reminds me: WHO THE FUCK IS MAY ALADAR? In this reread I count and she shows up nine times in the book. I think she barely has a line but Brandon bothered to give her a physical description (that sounds strangely like Vin with her being short with short black hair). Plus she has a weird name. WHO IS SHE???

“Thakka nodded, shouting the ordered. Dalinar reached for some water. He’d beed to meet up with Sadeas and— Something slammed into Dalinar’s shoulder. He caught only a brief sight of it, a black blur that hit with the force of a roundhouse kick. It threw him down, and pain flared up from his side.”—Page 48

Honestly I could watch Young-Dalinar get shot with an arrow all day.

“He glanced to the side, where Sadeas’s soldiers had rounded up some weeping women for Sadeas to pick from. ‘I was looking forward to tonight,’”—Page 52

Now I remember why I feel no pity for his death.

“Storms, Dalinar, at this point I’m not certain a rockslide could kill you.”—Page 52

…True.

“He’s a sliver of the Almighty himself.”—Page 59

Just like the Lord Ruler was a sliver of divinity.

DALINAR, HE JUST WANTS YOUR APPROVAL!

“YOU HAVE BROKEN OATHS BEFORE.”—Stormfather talking to Navani, Page 62

What oaths?

“‘It is you,’ Lirin said. Then he scrambled over and caught Kaladin in an embrace. ‘Oh, Kal. My boy. My little boy. Hesina! HESINA!’”—Page 74

Well…at least one father didn’t die.

“‘That,’ Kaladin said, ‘was for my friend Moash.’”—Page 78

Roshone getting punch is significantly less satisfying. Also FUCK MOASH.

“‘So…some of my spears have been women, then? Kaladin asked. ‘Female, at least,’ Syl said. ‘Roughly half as these things tend to go.’ She flitted up into the air in front of him. ‘It’s your fault for personifying us, so no complaining. Of course, some of the old spren have four genders instead of two.’”—Page 83

Wait, what?

"The way she spoke, she expected to be there when Kaladin...Well, he'd never considered that before, though she went with him everywhere else. Could he convince her to wait outside? She'd still listen, if not sneak in to watch. Stormfather. His life just kept getting stranger. He tried--unsuccessfully--to banish the imagine of lying in bed with a woman, Syl sitting on the headboard and shouting out encouragement and advice..."—Page 111

Oh, Lord….

“Fen’s reply came. ‘‘I will admit that my merchants are intrigued by these Oathgates. We have lore surrounding them here, that the one most Passionate could cause the portal of worlds to open again. I think every girl in Thaylenah dreams of being the one to invoke it.’’”—Page 136

Important.

“‘Why do they refuse you, Uncle?’ Elhokar asked, ignoring the question. ‘Do they think perhaps you will try to usurp their thrones?’

Dalinar drew in his breath sharply, and his guards looked embarrassed to be standing nearby. They backed up to give him and the king privacy. ‘Elhokar…’ Dalinar said. ‘You likely think I say this in spite,’ the king said, poking his head into the room, nothing his mother then looking back at Dalinar. ‘I don’t. You are batter than I am. A better soldier, a better person, and certainly a better king.’”—Page 139

YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD KING DAMMIT!

“Elhokar shook his head. ‘Perhaps…perhaps I’m a fine king. Not extraordinary, but no an abject failure. But in the face of these events, the world needs better than fine.’”—Page 140

SOBS!!

“‘We all must accept the consequences of our actions, Uncle,’ Elhokar said. ‘I’ve been learning this very slowly, as I can be as dense as a stone.’”—Page 140

This section is going to make me sob.

“Elhokar perked up. ‘Yes! I’ll do it, Uncle. I’ll take a team and reclaim our home. Aesudan is there; if the rioting is still happening, she’s fighting against it.’”—Pages 141-142

OH MY SWEET CHILD JUST WANTS TO BE USEFUL.

“‘It is fitting,’ Dalinar said, ‘that their king should be the one who saves them. I will see that you have whatever resources you need, Elhokar.’ Glowing gloryspren orbs burst around Elhokar. He grinned at them. ‘I only seem to see those when I’m around you, Uncle. Funny. For all that I should resent you, I don’t. It’s hard to resent a man who is doing his best. I’ll do it. I’ll save Alethkar. I need one of your Radiants. The hero, preferably.’ ‘They hero?’ ‘The bridgeman,’ Elhokar said. ‘The soldier. He needs to go with me, so if I screw up and fail, someone will be there to save the city anyway.’”—Page 142

Brandon Sanderson is a cruel man who needs stop doing this to me.

“Dalinar blinked. ‘That’s very…um…’ ‘I’ve had ample chances to reflect lately, Uncle,’ Elhokar said. ‘The Almighty has preserved me, despite my stupidity. I’ll bring the bridgeman with me, and I’ll observe him. Figure out why he’s so special. See if he’ll teach me to be like him. And if I fail…’ He shrugged. ‘Well, Alethkar is in safe hands regardless, right?’”—Page 142

Fuck, now I’m just imagining when Elhokar is in the Cognitive Realm, before he goes into the Beyond he’s just like “I failed…but the Hero will save Alethkar…it’s in good hands”. Fuck, noooooo.

“He beamed.”—Page 142

Oh Elhokar….

“‘Shallan?’ Adolin asked. ‘Are you well?’ No.”—Page 149

And here we begin “Shallan, I’m concerned about you”.

“‘Inappropriate?’ Pattern said. ‘Such as…dividing by zero?’”—Page 150

Pattern is the best.

NO MATING!

“Shallan did spend quite a lot of time drawing you all.”—Page 162

Adolin doesn’t question that Shallan is talking in the third person.

“I’m offended by everyone’s presence. You’re no more revolting than the rest, Mister Highprince.”—Page 171

Oh, Zahel….

“Don’t be melodramatic,”—Page 176

I’m sorry, Dalinar, have you read your book? From the prefaces I’m pretty sure you hold the melodramatic shard.

I wonder if Kal’s captor’s daughter is going to be an Arc 2 character.

“No. We’re nice. We’ve always been nice. I never hit anyone, even when I was mad.”—Page 188

I would love to watch Jasnah try to ram an Ivoryblade down this little Listener’s throat.

“‘My brothers. Pattern, I didn’t kill them, right?’ ‘What?’ he said. ‘I talked to Balat over spanreed,’ Shallan said, hand to her forehead. ‘But…I had Lightweaving then…even if I didn’t fully know it. I could have fabricated that. Every message from him. My own memories…’”—Page 199

Much concern.

“An explosive burst of wind drove him against the wall, and he stumbled, then stepped backward, driven by instincts he couldn’t define. A large boulder slammed into the wall, then bounched away. Dalinar glanced and saw something luminous in the distance: a gargantuan figure that moved on spindly glowing legs. Dalinar stepped back up to the feast hall, gave the whatever-it-was a rude gesture, then pushed open the door”—Page 209

You’re so edgy, young Dalinar.

“‘We’ve been assessing the sister,’ Ialai said, leaning in from Gavilar’s other side. ‘She’s a touch vapid—’ ‘A touch?’ Navani asked. ‘—but I’m reasonably sure she’s being honest.’”—Page 211

FIGHT ME.

“I could literally survive being stabbed with a sword through the chest. I think I’ll be fine with some ruffians in the market.”—Shallan, Page 222

HOW. DID. JASNAH. DIE?! Oh my god, Shallan is so bad at putting two and two together in this book.

“[Ialai] and her husband were too wild a variable for us to invite. Their motives are their own; I don’t think they align to those of anyone else, human or listener.”—Mraize, Page 231

So the Ghostbloods are interested in the human-listener war.

CREEPY YELLOW SPREN!

“None could stand before [Dalinar]; all were tinder and he the flame.”—Page 265

Especially Evi.

The Midnight Mother is still so weird.

Sah’s daughter’s name is Vai. Need to remember that.

So does Ellista’s smutty romance novel contain the secret to the cosmere universe or…?

“Sequels always have to be bigger.”—Page 335

BRANDON SANDERSON!

When you realize that Rock is basically SA’s Sazed.

“‘In short, everyone who might have been able to help us is crazy, dead, a traitor, or some combination of the three,’ [Kaladin] folded his arms. ‘Figures.’”—Page 412

That’s usually how it works.

“‘The Stormfather said their pact was weakened, but did not say it was destroyed,’ Jasnah said. ‘I suggest they we are least see if one of them is willing to return to Damnation. Perhaps they can still prevent the spirits of the enemy from being reborn. It’s either that, or we completely exterminate the parshmen so that the enemy has no hosts.’ She met Kaladin’s eyes. ‘In the face of such an atrocity, I would consider the sacrifice of one or more Heralds to be a small price.’”—Page 415

Jasnah’s plan B is genocide.

“‘Jasnah?’ Pattern asked. ‘I do not think you are paying attention, Shallan. She is not very empathetic.’”—Page 453

Whaaaaaat? Nooooo.

“‘It’s your daughter,’ Dalinar guessed. ‘Her lunacy.’”—Page 493

I’m sure this is absolutely nothing.

Every time there’s a Moash chapter I write ‘FUCK’ above his name. Because FUCK MOASH.

Like one who was born unto himself. A beautiful name! You are who you are!

Isn’t it interesting that Elhokar and Jasnah are both extremely paranoid people? Was it because of something Gavilar did?

Does the idea of fighting in the Tranquiline Halls come from Listeners? Because the best are reborn to fight against the humans and reclaim their land….

“Storm it, Kaladin had been protecting a murderer.”—Page 534

No….

“‘Your Majesty, you’re going to be a woman.’ ‘Fine,’ Elhokar said. Kaladin started. He’d have expected an objection. Judging by the way that Shallan seemed to stifle a quip, she’d been expecting one too. ‘You see,’ she said instead, ‘I don’t think you can keep from carrying yourself like a king, so I figure that if you look like a highborn lighteyed woman, it’s less likely that you’ll be memorable to the guards who—’ ‘I said it was fine, Lightweaver,’ Elhokar said. ‘We mustn’t waste time. My city and nation are in peril.’”—Page 609

Look at that! Look at that character development!

“This is a time to be realistic. A king must do whatever he can for the good of his people, and my judgment has proven…deficient. Anything I have ‘accomplished’ in my life has been handed to my by my father or my uncle. You are here, Captain, to succeed when I fail. Remember that. Open the Oathhgate, see that my wife and child are ushered through it to safety, and return with an army to reinforce this city.”—Elhokar, Page 610

FUCKING END ME.

“The king let Kaladin pull him away, and a good thing too. Elhokar had been fishing in his pocket, perhaps for a sphere to give the exhausted woman. Storms! In the middle of the crowd!”—Page 616

HE CARES DAMMIT!

“‘Your Majesty, it might be best to catch the next highstorm, return to the tower, and report back to Dalinar. He can’t reach us with his visions here, and one of the Unmade could very well be beyond our mission’s parameters.’ ‘We don’t need Dalinar’s permission to act,’ Elhokar said.”—Page 625

Nooooooo.

“‘It’s a good plan, Elhokar,’ Adolin said. ‘Nice work.’ A simple compliment probably should not have made a king beam like it did. Elhokar even drew a gloryspren.”—Page 667

Sweet child is trying.

“[Elhokar] took a drink of his wine. ‘There are few people remaining to whom I can still be a hero, Radiant. This city. My son. Storms. He was a baby when I last saw him. He’d be three now. Locked in the place…’”—Page 734

YOU’RE A HERO TO ME, ELHOKAR!

“Elhokar watched silently as she filled in the shading and finished the picture. Once she lifted her pencil, Elhokar reached past her and rested his fingers on the page. It depicted Elhokar kneeling on the ground, beaten down, clothing ragged. But he looked upward, outward, chin raised. He wasn’t beaten. No, this man was noble, regal. ‘Is that what I look like?’ he whispered. ‘Yes.’ It’s what you could be, at least. ‘May I…may I have it?’ She lacquered the page, then handed it to him. ‘Thank you.’ Storms. He was almost in tears!”—Page 735

HE COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT!!

Oh, Evi dying is even worse the second time.

“Chapter 84: The One You Can Save”—Page 809

Nopenopenopenopenope.

“Kaladin joined Syl and glanced behind the dressing screen, which had been pushed back against the wall to section off a small cubby. Here a child—two or three years old—huddled and trembled, clutching a stuffed soldier. Several spren with soft red glows were picking at him like cremlings at a corpse. The boy tried to turn his head, and the spren pulled on the back of his hair until he looked up, while others hovered in front of his face and took horrific shapes, like horses with melting faces.”—Pages 812-813

And here we have the youngest new Radiant in our crew.

“Elhokar had fallen to his knees. In one arm he held his terrified son, in the other hand he held…a sheet of paper? A sketch? Kaladin could almost hear Elhokar stuttering the words. Life…life before death… The hair on Kaladin’s neck rose. Elhokar started to glow softly. Strength…before weakness… ‘Do it, Elhokar,’ Kaladin whispered. Journey. Journey before… A figure emerged from the battle. A tall, lean man—so, so familiar. Gloom seemed to cling to Moash, who wore a brown uniform like the parshmen.”—Page 819

Please…no….

“Moash pulled the spear free and glanced at the Shardblade. Then he kicked it aside. He looked at Kaladin, then quietly made the Bridge Four salute, wrist tapped together.”—Page 819

Fuck you, Moash. Go fuck yourself. God, I fucking hate you.

I hope Venli is the main character in the next book.

“Ahu giggled at Dalinar. ‘Have you seen me?’”—Page 852

Nothing like drinking with god.

Dalinar can’t even remember Renarin’s age….

“‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘I’m crazy.’”—Page 933

Yep.

Aluminum falling from the sky?

Maaaaaaan shit really hits the fan in this book.

I’m excited to see Rlain and Venli interact.

“A Blade that bleeds darkness and cannot be defeated.”—Page 1078

WAIT DOES THE NIGHTWATCHER HAVE NIGHTBLOOD AT THIS POINT???

“She prompted them, and their leader looked down, the spoke to Anxiety. ‘It’s just that…Thaylen City? This is our home. We’re expected to attack it?’”—Page 1087

UNITE THEM!

So if the world’s ending hold onto Way of Kings for dear life. Got it.

Lift is our lord and savior.

Taln is such a fucking champ.

“I will protect those I hate. Even…even if the one I hate most…is…myself.”—Page 1138

Dead.

So the Dustbringer spren are probably going to be bonding with Listeners so that’ll help with the whole Unite Them thing.

“Elhokar’s son.”—Page 1212

My poor dear!

“‘So you’ll break rocks?” Moash asked. ‘We heard something. Made us want to be near you.’”—Page 1222

By heard do you mean like Moash killed a god? Or do you me like Listener business? Because if it’s Listener business and Moash becomes a Knight then FUCK THAT NOISE! I will never forgive him!!

I’m so mad at Wit for taking Elhokar’s spren.