#good god just talking about this garbage fest makes me want to take a shower

[justmenoworries]

I sincerely hope Gotham War becomes DC's Spider-Man: One More Day.

In that everyone agrees it was a fucking stupid idea, it is quietly retconned into oblivion and when after years somebody brings it up the only reaction is

[paradisobound]

Clouded Heads for Lust

Summary: Dan and Phil decide to get a new sex toy to help spice up their sex life a bit. But when Phil goes to buy something for them, his eyes catch on a plant in the store that releases this ‘sex pollen’. Now let’s just see what happens when the plant blooms. 

Word Count: 1.6k 

Warnings: This could be seen as dubious consent but that’s not my intention! My intention is both parties are completely consenting to what is happening to them. 

Written for the @phandomficfests BINGO Fic Fest: Prompt- Sex Pollen

View My BINGO | Read on Ao3

A/N: So I didn’t like the trope of sex pollen and what it stood for but I wanted to do it to get my first BINGO on my card (I have two other BINGO’s planned on this card besides this one) and so I kind of used a bit of the trope and then took a lot of creative licensing with it! 

They wanted to spice things up a bit in the bedroom. Or at least that’s what Phil has convinced himself that they have agreed upon. Mostly this is because he feels incredibly awkward as he’s stood in front of a random sex shop all alone because Dan didn’t want to make it suspicious if he went. Phil knows that Dan is doing this because he knows it makes Phil flustered to even so much as purchase a pack of condoms but this was a whole new level. 

The goal was to find something new that they could use in the bedroom. It wasn’t like they were having bad sex. In fact, Dan is literally the best sex Phil has ever had in his life. He confidently say this after 10 years that sex with Dan remains the best. But it was Dan’s idea when they finished one night and he turned to Phil and said, “Would you mind if I bought a vibrator for us to use?” 

Phil had sputtered. He’d literally been speechless. It’s not that that’s a bad thing because Phil knows it would be hot to watch Dan work a vibrator in and out of himself. But it jarred him. Because while he knew that Dan used sex toys often when he was alone, Phil still wasn’t expecting to have it be brought up so openly. 

So now Phil’s here. After long talks and understanding of what they want, Phil is here, stood in front of the store with his palms sweaty and shaky. 

Phil took a deep breath and pushed open the door, walking inside. He was instantly greeted by rows of X-rated DVD’s and other various sex toys. He swallowed down his fears and ventured further inside, trying to not make eye-contact with anyone else around him. 

He had been walking around for a while before he came upon a display of what looked like plants. He stopped and stared at what they were. Phil carefully reached out and picked up one. 

“Be careful with that.” 

Phil quickly turned on his heels and faced another male stood next to him with the name tag reading ‘Slim’ on it. 

“What is it?” 

Slim reached out and took the plant in his hand. “This plant, here, produces sex pollen.” 

“What is sex pollen?!” Phil instantly feels his face heat up and he finds himself sweating more than he had before as he tried to process what this weird plant even was. 

“When the plant blooms, it releases a pollen into the air and those who come in to contact with it will be possessed with an intense sexual lust.” 

Slim handed Phil back the plant and he took it back into his hands. He looked over the strange flower and noticed it looked like the petals were nearly bloomed out, they’d probably release their pollen in just a few days. 

“Is it dangerous?” 

Slim shook his head. “As long as whoever comes into contact with it can release those sexual feelings, they’ll be fine within an hour.” 

Phil nodded and then looked over the plant one last time. 

“I’ll take it.” 

***

“I told you to go buy us a new sex toy and you bought a fucking plant?!” 

Phil reached his hands up as he tried to stop the mini-tirade that is Dan whenever Phil buys something new that seems strange. 

“This is a sex toy!” Phil argued. “Well, not really. Like you can’t…stick it inside you or…” 

“Jesus Christ, Phil!” 

“…But in a few days it’s going to release a pollen and we’re going to be so horny that we’ll want each other so badly and I thought, maybe, that would bring us back a bit to when we first started dating and couldn’t stop touching each other.” 

Dan cocked up an eyebrow and grabbed for the plant that Phil had put on their kitchen table. 

“Are you sure that this is what this plant does?” Dan asks. “Because I swear to God, Phil, if someone convinced you to buy a plant from like fucking Venus, you’re moving out.” 

Phil tried to stifle a giggle as he looked at Dan and shook his head. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Let’s just see what it actually does.” 

Dan just shrugged his shoulders and then carried the plant off to their bedroom where it sat for three more days. 

***

Phil was coming back from the store a few days later when he opened the front door and noticed instantly something was different. There was a haze in the air and his head instantly felt a bit cloudy. 

He looked around the room and followed the haze to their bedroom where a delightful smell weighed into his nostrils. He breathed in and felt a sense of urgency under his skin. One that made him feel like he needed to get onto the bed and get himself off. 

He opened his eyes and looked down to where Dan was laying on the bed, his legs spread and a dildo working in and out of himself. 

Phil walked over to the bed and Dan turned his head to him. Phil leaned down and pressed a kiss to Dan’s lips as Dan deepened it. His hand came up and wrapped itself on the back of Phil’s neck. 

Phil reached between them without a second thought and wrapped his hand around Dan’s cock, pumping the slick skin a few times as Dan moaned loudly against his lips. 

“How long?” 

Dan gasped and pulled back. “A few minutes.” 

Phil nodded and leaned in again as he kissed Dan harder. He took his hand off from Dan long enough to reached down in front of him and undo his own jeans. He pushed them off as fast he could as his cock sprung free and hit against his stomach with a wet smack. 

He pulled himself onto the bed, pressing himself between Dan’s legs as he leaned down again to capture Dan’s neck with his lips. He sucks on the skin as Dan mewls and Phil reaches down between his legs and grasps the end of the dildo in his fingers. 

Phil slowly pulled the dildo out from Dan as Dan arched his back and reached up, nails raking over Phil’s back. Phil threw the dildo onto the floor, not caring where it landed, and sat back, removing his shirt. 

He can feel the heat under this skin and he’s so hard it’s bordering on painful. Dan looks the same way, the head of his cock a deep red, almost angry. 

“You want me to fuck you?” Phil asks. 

Dan nods. “Please! Do it now! Get inside me.” 

Phil nods and his head, clouded with lust, tells him Dan is ready so he positions himself against Dan’s hole and pushes in slowly with hardly any give. He thrusts fast and hard, trying to get as deep as he can inside of Dan. 

It feels so good. Phil finds himself feeling overwhelming relief with the pleasure of being inside of Dan. 

His thrust quicken and Dan moans way louder than Phil’s heard in a long time. It’s over fast and that’s probably because they’re already so wound up from the pollen. But they go again, not stopping between orgasms, and after three, Phil’s way past his ability. 

He falls down beside Dan, who is just as tired, and they curl up together and fall asleep, not even bothering to clean up their mess of lube, sweat, and other fluids. 

When Phil wakes up, it’s nearly ten hours later. His body still feels heavy with fatigue and his legs feel tired. He turns and sees Dan is still laying beside him, his eyes just opening up too. 

“So…that was a thing.” Dan says with a laugh. 

“It definitely was.” 

“‘M way too tired to do that again.” 

“Same.” 

Dan sits up in bed and stretches, his joints audibly cracking causing Phil to cringe. Phil sits up too, and winces at the sticky, dried fluids he feels on his stomach and by the way Dan’s not too keen on closing his legs, Phil figures Dan’s feeling the same way. 

He can’t even remember if they used a condom but he doubts it. 

“I need to shower.” Dan announces, getting out of the bed. 

Phil nods and says he has to too so they head to the shower together and clean up. There is nothing sexual about it and there is no meaning behind it. They’re just cleaning themselves up and that’s it. 

When they got out, they make their way back to the bed as Dan starts to strip it. Phil finds himself staring at the plant on their dresser, it’s flowers already back to how they were before, no more pollen being released. 

“While that was fun and everything,” Dan says, looking up at Phil as he removes the last corner of the sheet from the mattress. “I think we’re getting a bit old to have that stamina that pollen needs to have.” 

“Can completely agree.” 

Dan lets out a laugh. “Like that was a lot of fun and I definitely got out a like months worth of sexual indulgences but I also like just having normal sex with you without having our senses clouded by that alien pollen.” 

Phil agrees completely and takes the plant in his hands. He walks out of the bedroom and into the kitchen and opens the garbage can with his foot. He looks down at the £15 plant in his hands and shakes his head as he lets it fall into the garbage can. 

[thatbookcritic]

+α no Tachiichi

Title: +α no Tachiichi

Media: Manga

Author: Yuu Geni

Criticism written by: Kai

Editor: Julie

The Review:

Howdy folks! Kai here, back with another review for you all! This time, I’ll be reviewing a manga that I honest to god hate and I think it’s a piece of garbage. It truly is a waste of time and I’m only really reviewing this in hopes that I spare all of you guys, our lovely followers, the time and effort in reading it. Now… I’m sure you are all curious as to what this manga is all about. So… let me tell you then.

+α no Tachiichi is another classic example of every other isekai manga. Our protagonist, Satoki Houma, is your typical Japanese high school student who was suddenly transported to another world with her classmate, Haruka Toudou. As expected, the priestess summon them because they were looking for the holy maiden who would save the world from the forces of evil! Just by a glance, the priestess automatically assume that Haruka was the holy maiden because Haruka is a cutie while Satoki is supposedly ugly af. In an odd twist of fate though, it seems like Satoki has the holy maiden powers! Not Haruka! What will our protagonist, Satoki to do?!

Well… if you were guess “prove everyone wrong”, “vengeance”, or “save the day”, then you are very wrong. The correct answer is “Nothing a normal person would do!” As we already established, Japanese heroines are nothing normal. They may look human but they don’t think like humans. And Satoki is no exception to the rule. After being sidelined by everyone in the entire kingdom, tossed around like an object, and overall be treated rather poorly compared to Haruka, Satoki still decided to help Haruka in the end by doing this whole complicated act of pretending Haruka is the holy maiden while Satoki is hiding in the shadow. The reason why Satoki is doing this? A) Because Haruka treated Satoki nicely for ONE time by defending her against the big ol’ meanie knight (but we all know that was a romance flag for Haruka and the knight… basically turning Satoki into an object yet again) and B) Satoki doesn’t believe that she could be a proper holy maiden because she isn’t pretty enough. First of all… WHAT?! These are such stupid reasons that it makes me wonder if Satoki was dropped on her head as a baby. It’s the only possible explanation as to why Satoki stupidly believe in such bullshit. Let’s break down these reasons.

First, Haruka being nice to Satoki is really fucked if you look at it from a different angle. For one, Haruka was only nice to Satoki only once throughout the entire manga. It was basically just so the hot tsundere knight would go, “Oh doki doki. This Haruka girl is different from the rest! She treats both the ugly and pretty the same! What is this feeling!” And yeah yeah, y’all can argue that Haruka never intended that but that’s what the author intended. Satoki was nothing more than a plot device for Haruka’s reverse harem. After that, Haruka just sort of tossed Satoki away to enjoy her little harem and the shower of affections she recieves for being pretty. While Satoki is concern for Haruka’s well being and coming up with all sort of plans to make sure that Haruka’s image doesn’t crumble, Haruka here (who promised to watch out for Satoki might I add) is off dicking around like it’s summer vacation. It’s like Haruka forgets that Satoki even exist and hardly bother to come asking if Satoki is fine or if people are treating her well. Instead, Haruka only seems to remember that Satoki is a person when Haruka needs that “generic best friend side character” to run off to and gush about all her own personal drama and ask who she should chose in her bland love triangle. Like damn bitch, Haruka reminds me of every fake friend in a group. Yet Satoki just eats this shit up, my dudes. Despite being clearly treated as a lamp, this just drives Satoki forward in wanting to “protect her friend!” Being a reader, you just feel so bad for Satoki as you read the two girl’s interactions and how Haruka basically forces Satoki to be a cuck. Oh, did a mention that Satoki is basically a cuck? Besides clearly not receiving any praise for helping fight off the demon army or protecting the castle, Satoki is always awkwardly stuck between romantic scenarios between Haruka and her harem. Satoki would awkwardly be hiding under a table or some shit while she listen and watches Haruka make out with some random pretty boy. Like, Christ Almighty. I don’t understand what’s fun about that? These scenes just hurt my heart because usually what follows before or after these “romance scenes” would be Satoki being berated or treated like an object. It’s like looking at heaven and hell side by side. The comparison is just awful. And it’s not like this is a comedy scenes either. At the beginning of the manga, sure. But then these scenes became serious and down right vicious soon after. Yet Satoki just takes it! What’s even worse, was when the story was at a big dramatic point and Haruka points a finger at Satoki and blame her for ruining things. Bitch says what now??? After Satoki went through all that hardships for Haruka and Haruka putting Satoki through an emotional ringer, Haruka had the gall to call Satoki a bad person and that Satoki manipulated her. The one moment Satoki needed Haruka the most, Haruka turns her back against her. Some “protection” that was, huh?

While Haruka is an awful person and their relationship is fucked, the real problem here is Satoki for putting up with all that and more throughout the manga. Now, there’s nothing wrong in writing a protagonist with low self esteem or lack of confidence. But what’s important is if the author plans to do ANYTHING with those traits… AKA character development. You would expect that from a manga like this but nope! Satoki enter this world as a doormat and left it as a slightly proud doormat. There’s a reason why you don’t make your main character a static character but a dynamic one (remember these vocabulary words from English class?). At most I would imagine having a static character for a one shot or a short story, but a full on manga? Nah son. That just ain’t right.   

Having Satoki’s core issue be about her looks is just fucked and honestly shame on the author. At the beginning of the manga, we see that Satoki doesn’t really believe in that issue 100%. Yes… she might say it at first by going “Oh, there’s no way I could be a protagonist because I’m not pretty enough!” But this seems more like a self deprecating joke more than anything. Satoki might believe it just a little but not entirely. We can see it by how she wanted to first speak up to the priestess when Satoki first realize that she has the holy maiden’s powers. But as time went on, how the world treats Satoki just hammered in these insecurities and made Satoki submissive to all these actions. The world turned “Ha ha ha. I can never be a protagonist because I’m not pretty enough!” into “What’s the point? My looks define me as a person and I can’t do anything about it.” With Satoki’s already doormat personality, it wasn’t hard for her insecurities to become more apparent- Oh my god! Satoki is a dynamic character, she just went backwards! My third eye has been opened. Oh gosh… sorry everyone. This revelation just shook me. The story is still shit though. Let me get back to talking about Satoki.

After reaching rock bottom with her insecurities, it was Satoki’s allies who kept her head afloat in her sea of despair. Well… I guess saying that they keep Satoki positive is a bit of a generous stretch. On one hand what’s Satoki’s oresama teacher who helped keep Satoki’s abilities a secret and (sort of) looked out for her. I guess the teacher would have been fine if he wasn’t such a dick. Every word that comes out of his mouth was just a jab towards Satoki. At least he kept his end of the bargain in watching out for Satoki (I’m looking at you Haruka). Next is the bootleg holy maiden. You see, in the manga, the prince’s younger brother came up with a scheme of making up several holy maidens to confuse people (yeah it was a stupid plan) and there was this chick. Satoki and Ms. Bootleg were forced to work together and eventually they became “friends”. Ms. Bootleg was some vain chick with her own self interest but she does bring up some good points to Satoki for her to self evaluate her life. I guess the teacher and Ms. Bootleg were supposed to prompt Satoki to self evaluate and gain confidence but honestly, they did a shit job and Satoki hardly grew as a person. At most, they gave Satoki the confidence to “do what you want to do” bullshit but in the end, what Satoki wanted to do was to continue helping Haruka. “But she help Haruka on her own accord. The end.” BAH! BULLSHIT.

In the end, I’m not sure what sort of lesson Satoki or we, the audience, was supposed to take away from this story. Anything special about Satoki was just ripped out of her hands by the author. Haruka was the holy maiden all along and that Satoki’s power was just her link to the world. Once Satoki used up all her power, she basically gets sent back home. Hell! Satoki participated in the war but she never got a chance to see who won! What a load of horse shit. Haruka and Satoki’s relationship was easily “repaired” with Haruka forgiving Satoki’s deceit (Bitch, how vain are you???) And everything is now alright in the universe… my ass. Honestly, my head hurt as I recall all this. We started at point A and never left it. Seriously… what’s the lesson, moral, or entertainment value about this? From a writer's point of view, this is an example of cool concept but awful execution. Main character is a static one and all other side characters are just plain hateable. Any “interesting” plot development are shown off screen since Satoki is technically the side character for Haruka’s main character and it was just an angst-fest of Satoki being whipped around like a doormat. I would have more fun watching paint dry… at least I get the satisfaction of the paint actually drying in the end.

Overall Score: 0/10

(Kai’s note: Btw, the art isn’t bad. It’s pretty nice actually and I don’t see why Satoki is “ugly”. She’s a bit masculine but it doesn’t take away much from her look. I also find it annoying that the author never really approach it by having Satoki prove other’s her usefulness or prove them wrong or something. In the end, people just sort of shrug at Satoki’s appearance in the end. Once again, shit story telling.)