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yetanotherreader · 4 years ago

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Useful—6(1)

Genre: College AU

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N Y/L/N

Summary: The school's most popular boy wants to be friends with Y/N, out of the blue. It definitely doesn't have anything to do with her hot best friend, though.

Word Count (For the chapter): 6,367

Warnings (For the chapter): Fluff, Mentions of Depression, suicide attempts, murder, angst, panic attack, fluff, more fluff?

A/N: Well, hello there. First of all, THANK YOU. I mean it, thank you so much. You guys are so supportive, it makes me feel I don't deserve y'all. And since I made you wait extra long for this chapter, I wrote an extra long chapter. Does it make up for the delay?

Just got to know I can't make a post this long so I'm going to post this chapter in two parts. If you're patient enough, please do read. Thank you.

Useful Masterlist

Chapter 6(1)

Chapter 5

"Really now? That's where you bring me?" Dean said, as you rolled your eyes at his, pretty much, failed attempt at hiding the excited little girl he was being.

"Stop, huh. Stop acting like you don't enjoy this." A mischievous smile formed on his lips when you said it at god knew what he thought.

"But theme park rides? What are we? Babies?"

"Babies go on theme park rides?" You looked at him, amused by the stupidity that practically dropped off every word of that sentence, "Alright, grandpa, you can sit at a side while I go enjoy those rides alone. Come on, Dean!"

"Only because you insist." He said as he grabbed your hand and dragged you through the gates. You didn't even remember visiting a theme park, it's been that long you came to one. It was beautiful and you already were ready to jump into every ride you find. It was mesmerizing.

Painfully mesmerizing. Just a reminder of how you fucked up your childhood. But you were going to enjoy today. You had come here with your best friend, and nothing—no haunting past memories—was going to make you less happy about today.

"Here, sunshine," amidst your thoughts, you didn't even realize when Dean's hand slipped out of yours and he went. You shook your head to break the chain of thoughts.

Dean stood there, with a kid grin on his face, holding two candy floss in either of his hands. The sight was to behold, as something inside you did a somersault, and just like that all the dark memories faded away as you took the blue one from him.

"You're gonna leave me with the pink one?" He pouted, giving you one of his puppy dog eyes, which he claimed he learned from his little brother.

"Not working on me, Dean. Go tell Sam he wasn't a good teacher." You said, chuckling. And you couldn't have misheard it for the death of you, Dean giggled. Actually, giggled. Like a baby. It made your heart flutter inside your ribs and just like that, you let your eyes linger on his freckled face for longer than it was appropriate for a friend.

"Do you think we should go to that place first?" You followed Dean's gaze and shook your head seeing a small 'pie stall'.

"So typical of you, jade boy." You arched your eyebrows at him, "what d'ya say we go on some rides and tire ourselves a little before that?

He pouted, again, the cutest pout you've ever seen, as you laughed at the ridiculousness of his face, "that face does not suit you, Dean. Get back at being that tough guy."

He followed behind, as you made your way to the stall. He beamed,"As if you don't die to kiss it off my lips all the time."

"Watching too many chick flicks these days, huh, Winchester?" You responded, too quickly, without turning to look at him and let him see your flushed cheeks. Comments like these made you want to think if Dean sees you like someone more than just his best friend too, if he ever had thoughts of both of you together in more than the way you were. It wasn't something that happened all the time, but sometimes you liked to wonder. Dean was everything that a good guy could be, and much more than you deserved. You could never make that place in his heart. And definitely not with how you looked.

Sitting down on one of the small tables, you sighed. Licking the candy straw one last time, you tossed it in the dustbin that wasn't too far away from where you seated. Dean let out an amused laugh, "My kinda girl!"

You looked at him taking a seat in front of you on one the plastic chairs, with a scrunched up nose and a sheepish smile, "What even?" You laughed a little, "Your kinda girls lick it off the stick, now?"

Dean almost choked on his floss before smirking at you, "yeah, yeah they do."

It took you a moment before you realized what you just said and you hid your face in your hands, "Oh my god, Dean! Shit shit shit, I didn't mean it like that!"

By this time, Dean was doubling over laughter. He kept his forehead on his fists in order to hide his face as he kept laughing.

"Alright stop okay, it wasn't even that big a deal." You scoffed, embarrassed, trying to stifle your own laugh. Dean's smile was contagious, especially when he was like this—laughing his heart out with an almost red face while his eyes crinkled in those gorgeous crow feet which were starting to become your weakness, "Oh god, Dean, stop."

And just like that you both were laughing, unbothered by the people around giving you crazy looks. For the first time in a very very long time, you didn't care about how you looked while laughing. It just came naturally with him, easier,"Your face...you should have seen your face." He took a deep breath, regaining his ability to speak, "I'll go bring us the pie."

"I'm paying!" You yelled after him, as the smile faded away from your lips. You knew he didn't mean it like that, he never would but the voice in the back of your head was hell bent on convincing you otherwise. He just meant it in a funny way, like you would if you said something like this to someone, but for some reason you couldn't help but think there was something about your face that forced a laughter out of him. If he thought your face was funny or weird, or if he thought you were ugly but was just too nice to say it directly. Your heart felt heavy, and suddenly you wanted some air. Your self doubts were the worst thing. They never let you enjoy, worse they always ended up ruining your days. You subconsciously pulled out your phone and looked at your dark reflection, observing just how flawed your face was. Every little scar looked back at you, the little milia under your eyebrows or your not-so-cute nose. You hated looking at yourself, face or elsewhere, it felt like you were made of flaws. And if you couldn't love them yourself, why would someone else? You shook your head, it wasn't the time for this. Today, you came here to spend some time with your best friend. Hating yourself could wait for later.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dean's soft voice shook you out of your trance.

"Uh-actually.. nothing. Where's the pie?"

"It's coming. What's up with you, really? One moment you're being all adorable and the next you're serious like this. Are you okay?"

Adorable. That's what he meant. He doesn't think you're ugly.

Or maybe he does?

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to silence your thoughts, but in vain. They kept getting louder, telling you to just stand up and walk away from him.

You don't deserve a good friend like him, you'll ruin his life too.

You knew where this was heading, and if you didn't stop it now you're going to make a clown out of yourself in the middle of a fxckin' fair. You tried to take a deep breath, your shaky hands came up to your ears trying to stop the voice, but it felt like you didn't even know how to breathe.

"Hey, hey, hey," You heard a familiar voice at a distance, "Y/N!" You felt two warm, big hands on yours, and you opened your eyes to see concerned green orbs looking back, "You're okay, I'm here."

It took you a second or two to register what was happening, and it felt like a bucket of cold water thrown on you. You were here, in front of Dean who knelt in front of you, looking like a weakling. This wasn't supposed to happen, this was supposed to be his day. You pulled your hands away from underneath his to make a hold of his wrists and slowly remove his palms from your face, "I'm..I'm okay. Just fine."

Dean's brows furrowed in confusion at the hint of cold in your tone, followed by a subtle clench in his jaw. He stood up, took a step back and looked away, with a stoic expression, "Yeah. You're okay."

You breathed out his name, still a little shaky and out of breath. You knew you needed him, but something held you back. You were so used to dealing with everything by yourself, that having someone now just felt weird.

"It's fine, Y/N. But I'm here, okay? And I'm not going anywhere," his few words of reassurance meant a lot more to you than you cared to admit. He walked up to you and held your hands pulling you on your feet, "Need a hug?"

You bit your lip, not sure how to tell him that you did. Fiddling with your fingers, you looked up at him through your lashes to see him smile and mumble an 'idiot' as he engulfed you in his embrace. It was a full bear hug, and it was funny someone like Dean gave it to you. He was a huge softie for a tough guy he acted like.

"See it wasn't that hard," he said nuzzling your neck, and if you didn't know any better you would think this intimate gesture had a meaning.

"Shut up, dork," you giggled, feeling his stubbles tickle at your nape, "You're so touchy."

"Don't tell anyone though," He pulled away, looking at your grinning face with a soft smile, arms still around you, "So now, listen here. We are going to eat that delicious pie, I'm taking the bigger piece, till we gain a couple extra pounds and we are going to go have fun and we won't give your pretty little brain enough time to go south."

"Sounds about right!" You beamed.

The next hour was spent having the time of your life. The rides you'd never been on before, you did now, and if you were being honest to yourself, you had never had so much fun before. You wondered why you never had it when you were a kid. Dean was so good with the bumper cars, you just realized how interested he is in cars again. It was funny to see him trying to fit, though. It took awhile for him to adjust his large frame in that tiny car, whilst you laughed your ass off. He made sure to take revenge, though, and bumped his car in yours again and again. And then there was the mechanical bull. Your favourite. It was the first time you sat on one, and boi did you underestimate it. You, even, challenged Dean calling it 'easy peasy' and all he did was smirk at you. You should have understood it wasn't as easy as you thought it was. You barely lasted a few seconds before being thrown off, and this time it was Dean's turn to laugh. Dean lasted on it for almost a minute, yelling 'Yee Haw' making everyone laugh.

Two old ladies came up to you while you goofed around with your drinks, and you found out they were together. They almost fangirled over you both, telling you stories of how they sneaked out of their houses to go to carnivals and how much you kids reminded them of their youth. You almost choked on your coke while Dean seemed to enjoy it, "Right? Y/N and I have been together since high school. Her parents didn't allow her to date back then, and we sneaked away to meet. You won't believe it, our first kiss was scandalous. Right, sweetheart?"

You stared at him with a mouth agape, what the hell was he high on? You narrowed your eyes at him and he looked at you mischievously, as if challenging you to continue. Oh, this could be a game of two. You smiled at him, as you turned your head towards the couple looking at you both with starstruck eyes, "It was my first kiss. It's kind of funny. I made this one wait three months before I actually let him kiss me, and that was the kiss of a lifetime. Not because it was perfect, but because it wasn't. He was staying at his uncle's with his little brother, Sam that day. His Uncle just happened to be my neighbour. He sneaked out in the middle of the night, climbed up to my room. We were watching a movie, cuddling and it just kind of happened. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. Like I said, it was my first so I didn't know how to kiss him back. He thought I didn't want it, so he apologized. Kept saying sorry with that adorable face until I had to stop him." You looked up at him, again, with a smirk as he looked back intrigued, "with a kiss."

He arch his brow, clearly enjoying this as the shorter woman cooed. You wiggled your brows at him, and he took it as his cue to continue, "and that took my breath away. We made out on her bed, while her parents were just a room away. That was the hottest thing I had ever experienced, well until something else happened of course," He smirked again, looking at you as you bit your lip in anticipation of what's coming next. His eyes traveled down to your lips at your little action, "She's the hottest thing you'll ever see, not that you will, when she takes control. She looks innocent and all, but she's a wild kitten in bed. And then there are times when she completely surrenders, letting me have my way with her-"

"Too much information, babe!" You squeaked. Your eyes wide and cheeks flushed as you stared at his face, his expressions mischievous. He smirked, snaking his arms around your waist pulling you possessively to him. This was the closest you'd ever been to him, physically, and you were afraid he could feel your heart thumping in your ribs as your chests pressed with his.

He looked at you with a winning expression and whispered in your ears, "Lost so soon, wild kitten?" You could feel your ears heating up and you knew very well he saw it too. This wasn't how it was going to be, he wasn't going to know that he had that power on you, even though he did and let him tease you about it for the rest of your life. You were going to take the winning shot. You stood on your tiptoes, slowly pressing your lips to the side or his mouth, letting them linger for a second or two as you whispered a 'no' against his skin. You pulled away, looking back at his flushed face. You made Dean Winchester blush, you deserved a goddamn medal. After a moment the reality of the situation hit you. You just almost kissed your best friend. It was a game, and you hoped it didn't ruin things between you two. Your best friend mattered to you more than a silly crush you had on him.

"Oh my god, you two are so cute!" The shorter woman squealed, effectively pulling you out of your thoughts, pulling both of you out of them. You saw her looking at you with an awed face, while her taller wife scolded her a bit, "Sorry, I just get a little excited around young couples."

"It's okay, we didn't mind." Dean spoke politely, his hands still around your waist, "but I think we should get going. It's going to get dark in a couple more hours."

Walking out of the small hut, you didn't know how to form words. You couldn't believe you did that, you just hoped Dean let it past. It was so awkward, and you knew he could feel the tension too. Great, you just ended your most beautiful friendshi-

"So, uh-" Dean started, trying to cut through the tension, "First kiss, huh?"

"High school girlfriend, huh?"

"Well," he chuckled, "You won't deny it was fun. I mean, now that I think of it, we can make a pretty good couple."

You laughed, all the tension leaving your body at his fun tone, "You bet. A pretty good, scandalous couple, who make out in the room next to my parents."

He laughed, throwing his head back this time, "Wild kitten? How ridiculous."

"That part got me. What was going through your mind when you said that?"

"A lot of things. Fantasizing my best friend? Scandalous, enough?"

"Oh my god, Dean" you laughed, trying to hide your blush as Dean threw his arms around your shoulders, "Let's go there, I still want a ride."

"On me?"

"Shut up."

You stood in front of the giant ride, eyes beaming with excitement. You wanted to go on it as soon as you entered the park. Loop-o-plane. "Let's do it!"

"I-I am not going anywhere near that thing," You frowned and looked at your best friend only to have him look ahead with saucer-like eyes.

"Why?" You whined.

"What if that thing comes out?"

"What thing?"

"That thing that's keeping this thing in place."

You looked at him like he's grown horns, "No it won't."

"But what if it does?"

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life," his voice went soft, you turning to look at him, as his voice grew high again, "but I don't trust that thing. It's a machine, Y/N. You should never trust a machine. What if that belt breaks and we fall down and die? I hate hospitals!"

You grinned amused by his childishness, "We won't fall down, Dean, and you won't have to go to the hospital."

"Nah."

You sighed, "Alright, you can stay here and I'll go. Is that okay, now?"

His eyes grew wider, "Y/N Y/L/N, no. I know you ain't all that fond of your life but I'm not letting you get yourself killed."

"What-what even? I'm not going to get myself killed. Please, De? Please, please, please, please, pretty please?"

"Don't give me that look," you flashed him your most innocent pleading face as he glared at you, "Argh, if we die, we die together. I hate you so much."

"All the love back." You grinned, pulling him by his arms.

The next two minutes were the longest two minutes of your life. Dean screamed like a little girl, clinging to you until you couldn't feel your eyes and hand anymore. It was fun and it was torture. When you got off the ride, both of you were a little shaken, rather Dean was a lot.

"See! I told you it'll be fun." You said, cautiously, as Dean glared at you. He walked faster until he was ahead of you, "Aye grumpy soldier, come on!"

"I am never hanging out with you ever again. You little, you little-"

"Little what?" You ran up to him, and grinned, "Wild kitten?"

You could have sworn you saw his lips curl up a bit. He looked at you, narrowing his eyes, "You aren't my best friend. You're an enemy in disguise. Who sent you?"

"Lucifer!" You giggled.

"Or are you satan?"

"Hey!" You whined as he laughed circling his arms around your shoulders. You let out a little yawn, "I'm tired."

He smiled down at you, his face looking shades of pink from the setting sun. His freckles stood out darker than usual. He was a sight, so beautiful, "Let's take you home, sleepyhead."

By the time you were on the road, it was pretty dark. You sang loudly to the radio with Dean, all the tiredness leaving your body. It turned out to be the best day of your life. You, your best friend shutting the world out and living your best life.

"Dean, stop!"

"What? Why?"

"Pull over, pull over." Dean pulled over at the side of the road as you stepped out, Dean following suit, "Look at that."

Dean followed your gaze, his breath hitching at the beautiful scene in front of him. There were a couple of swans in the middle of the lake, bowing their heads in front of each other under the moonlit sky, "Wow.."

"They are mating," You whispered.

"Mating as in banging?" You couldn't help but chuckle lightly at Dean's genuine curiosity, "What?"

"No, not yet at least," You said, keeping your voice low, "They are surrendering themselves to each other. For a lifetime. The heart they're making, it's their courtship ritual. They flutter their wings, sing and dance and bow down to each other offering each other their lifetimes. They are said to be epitome of true love. Some of them even die of heartbreak if their mate dies before them."

Dean looked at the sight, awestruck. He never saw something like this before. He could all but whisper, "That is beautiful. You think such love exists between humans?"

"Like soulmates? I don't know. I never saw any. Most of the people I saw are either together because they have to, or just break each other's hearts. You?"

"Don't know. About what you said, my parents loved each other a lot. I don't know if I can love like that though."

"Maybe when the right girl comes?"

"When the right girl comes." He looked at you with a small smile and soft eyes. You, once again, read his features. He was the most beautiful man you'd ever seen, and it reminded you everyday why you would never be deserving of him. The moonlight danced on his face gracefully, and it almost took your breath away. He was gorgeous.

"You think we can go anywhere near them? Will they run away?

You shook your head lightly, pulling yourself out of your long shot of a dream, "No they won't run away, they will attack."

"Oops"

"But we can sit a little far away from them, see that bench?" You nodded to a bench near the lake, away from the swans, "Wanna sit for a while?"

He nodded, excitedly as you made your way to the bench with your hands held together, "Y/N," Dean whispered looking at you as you sat on the worn out wooden bench, "Thanks for today. It's the most fun I had in years."

"Me too." You smiled back at him.

There was a shift in the atmosphere, which you couldn't quite comprehend. It was different with Dean tonight, almost intimate. His hand never left yours as you sat by the side of the river and you didn't try to pull away either. It felt perfect. You took a leap of faith shifting closer to him, and dare you say if it were a fragment of your imagination, you saw a little smile on his face. His thumb caressed the back of your hand, and you knew whatever it was tonight would be an unspoken story by the morning. None of you will speak a word about it, but you wanted to cherish it right now. You put your head on his shoulder and he let out a sigh, returning the gesture and bringing your joined hands to his lap. You sat together in silence, seeing the mute swans at a distance singing out their love for each other.

"I'm sorry," you whispered after a while.

"For?" He whispered back, none of you wanted to break the trance you were in.

"For yesterday. I was a bitch, you didn't deserve that."

He sighed, "Sweetheart, don't beat yourself up for that."

"I don't understand why you put up with me. All I do is hurt you."

"You know what you do? You cheer me up when I'm down. You hug me outside a party house when you see that I'm struggling. You join me for movies on Friday nights and I absolutely love that. And you know what more? When you think you messed up, you come and make up for it. You don't just let it pass, or get away with it. You don't go back to being friends again acting like nothing happened, you own up to your mistakes and apologize. You make things right. Maybe we don't talk about ourselves a lot with each other, but the nights that are hard for me, I always think that I'm not alone. That there's a girl out there rooting for me, that I matter to someone and she will miss me if I am gone. You keep me going, Y/N and that is why I put up with you."

Chapter—6(2)

A/N: So yeah, the second chapter is coming right up. I hope it's not too much for one day. Also, feedback is greatly appreciated.

Btw, I LOVE YOU ALL.

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dyketectivecomics · 5 years ago

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Little Miss Moonbeam

Chapter 1: Hit the Pavement

(Read below or on ao3)

Summary: It was a coincidence, really. Harley and Ivy had spent the better part of their month in Vegas, laying low and enjoying newfound freedom. After being cleared for the first time in years of their criminal charges, all that they’d needed to complete their plea deals, was to stay away from Gotham for the better part of the past few months. As this temporary banishment drew to a close, Harley proposed celebrating, Vegas-style. Finding just enough pieces to pull together one of the fastest and tackiest weddings that Pam had ever seen, only one thing was missing; a flower girl. As fate would have it, Raven is tagging along on her mother's tour. And above all else, she is looking for an escape. While they hadn’t kept in contact since the incident at the Asylum a few years back, it had hardly mattered to Harley, who had greeted the girl with a warm hug and invitation to their impromptu wedding. To which Raven happily obliged, on the condition they’d let her tag along on their road trip back to Gotham. A condition that a much more sober and clearheaded Ivy was starting to severely question the motive of... ... Meanwhile, Zatanna enlists Diana's help in finding her daughter. With mixed results.

...

“I’m going to fight it.”

“You’re going to lose, babe.”

“I’m gonna destroy it.”

“It’s a whole-ass saguaro cactus, Harls. And it looks like it’s over twenty feet tall.”

“Language,” Raven quietly interrupted as Harley made a motion to roll up her nonexistent sleeves.

In a tank top and booty shorts that hugged her in all the right ways, Ivy had to admit she found the blonde’s antics mildly amusing, at the very least.

Their volkswagen’s coolant had done a piss poor job. They’d barely made it an hour out of Vegas before it began to leave a trail of smoke behind, and caused a minor panic among each of the passengers. Ivy managed to pull over, find a signal with Harley’s phone, and called for help. Now it was simply a matter of waiting for a tow from the nearest town.

She was starting to become a tad more worried about the heat getting to her wife, or to this poor kid they suddenly found themselves in charge of.

Pam quietly apologized to the girl as Harley continued putting on a show for them. Pushing her baseball cap forward like Popeye and winding up a fist as if ready to punch out all of the cacti’s lights , she made quite the fool of herself as she stubbed her toe against a barrel cactus and subsequently howled in pain. Raven let out a giggle that she immediately tried to cover with her hands, and Ivy rolled her eyes.

“That’s what you get for trying to fight nature,” she called out lazily.

She couldn’t help her smile as Harley began hopping on one foot, attempting to take out the needles and muttering at the pain. She began to hop a little too far back from that barrel cactus, however, and brushed right by another species then.

Raven started laughing outright as Harley let out another couple yelps of pain. “Call ‘em off, Red! I surrender!”

“Only if you get your ass back to this car already!”

“Language,” Raven said again, this time with a pointed glare at the former rogue.

Slowly turning to face the girl, Ivy took her time to size her up.

She leaned against the seat on her side, arm sticking to the leather due to the sweltering heat. In a purple tank top and white tennis shorts, with sneakers that looked almost too big for her feet, she seemed almost impossibly small. Pam distinctly recalled the light-up sketchers the girl had worn when they first met, and being oh-so-annoyed by how they only seemed to flash brighter with every other step. The girl had obviously matured at least a little since that time, but certainly not enough to impress this rogue.

She didn’t think kids were so much a nuisance , rather that many of them were generally loathsome compared to most adults. She would never admit to having a soft spot for them, however. It really wouldn’t do to have her reputation put on such a dangerous line.

Especially since this one was really starting to get on her nerves now.

She took off her sunglasses and placed them atop her sunhat, pleased when Raven’s own sapphire eyes lifted to meet hers at the movement.

“You and I both know your father swears enough to make a sailor blush, sunshine-”

“Don’t call me sunshine-” Raven growled, meeting her gaze, glare for glare.

“Moonbeam, then,” Ivy sneered, “And if we’re going to get along these next few days without wanting to kill one another, let’s get one thing clear-” She leaned forward, hands resting on knees in the most patronizing pose she could manage. The girl’s frown deepened in response. “Harley and I were criminals. We’re doing our best , but we’re not going to completely change over night. So just bear with us. Alright, Moonbeam?”

The girl gave a nearly imperceptible pout, and tore her gaze away, muttering something under her breath as Harley limped over to where they sat in the car.

“Those cactuses are tougher than they look.”

“Cacti,” Raven and Pam corrected at the same time. Harley only gave a small, knowing smile, before pulling up her leg and using the open door as a footrest. She made slow work of pulling out the last of the needles stuck in her skin, sucking in a sharp breath with each tug and pull.

“Um, I can help with the pain,” the girl volunteered, “If you want. It’ll help you heal faster too.”

“Aw, I ‘preciate that Ray-Ray, but y'know what they say,” she took a pause, “ Comedy is pain plus time.”

The botanist gave a groan as Harley gave a shit-eating grin.

~*~*~*~*~

The panic hadn’t set in until well after the show.

After all, she’d had an occasional argument with Raven before. She fully expected her daughter to be somewhere backstage waiting for her.

Traditionally, she would have been in the dressing room. It was the fastest way to clear the air, and the most private place to talk other than waiting until they were back at their hotel room. On occasion, Raven would sneak off to other areas. The girl had become well acquainted with more than one theater’s catwalks and costume storage.

But after exhausting every possible sulking spot, Zatanna felt something knot uncomfortably in her stomach, as if her heart had dropped out of its place.

She talked with stagehands and crew members alike, those who had witnessed them fighting earlier in the evening, and those who helped to paint a picture of where the girl had run off to.

One thing had been made almost immediately clear: Raven had left the building.

And there was no telling what kind of trouble she could find herself in.

~*~*~*~*~

“God, I love small towns,” Harley sighed after taking the biggest gulp she could manage out of her chocolate milkshake. She nudged the strawberry one further across the table to it’s intended recipient, who sat sulking in her seat. “C’mon, Ray-Ray! Nothin’ cures the grumps like a milkshake! And we ain’t leavin’ till you finish yours.”

“We’re not leaving at all until the shop clears our ride,” Ivy sighed, taking her seat beside her wife with their orders in hand. “Mechanic said it could take a few hours.”

“Shh, milkshake first, Red. Doctor’s orders!”

“Doctors don’t prescribe milkshakes,” Raven snorted, still looking pointedly out the window and away from the clown and the botanist.

“Yeah? Well these doctors do!” Harley smiled, tapping the glass with a spoon before dipping it into the treat. “Dessert first, kiddo. That’s how ya live your life right.”

“Just indulge her,” Ivy stage-whispered, “You’ll be happier for it.”

“Appreciate the… back-up,” the clown sang between bites of her burger, bits of ketchup and mustard flying onto the table.

Ivy rolled her eyes, handing a napkin over to the clown as she took a careful look around the diner.

It was nearly empty, save for the waitress behind the counter and the trucker at the far end of the bartop with his own meal nearly finished. There were a few television sets, many of them playing various sports channels. The sole set that displayed a news broadcast, however, caught her eye. The volume was too low to make out the anchor’s words, but in the news ticker was something alarming.

‘World Famous Magician’s Daughter: Still Missing. Last Seen Leaving Vegas Hotel.’

Her back straightened, but she tried to appear nonchalant as she signaled to the waitress to turn the volume up on the broadcast. She kept a careful ear out as Harley and Raven began a petty argument over the merits of chili dogs versus hotdogs, grateful that the clown seemed to be getting along well enough with the girl.

~*~*~*~*~

She breathed a little easier, when she heard Diana was available, and in the area. Well-rested after an intergalactic League mission and itching for an easy assignment, she had practically skipped into the theater to meet with the magician.

“Zatan-”

“Diana, I-” she interrupted immediately. The tone her voice took, the empathy Zatanna could feel in the amazon’s voice in so few syllables, was almost too much to bear.

“I just want my-” She choked on the word, swallowing thickly and composing herself before she turned again to face the amazon.

“Vegas PD found some witnesses. She’s hitched a ride and they’re heading east-”

“Then what are we waiting for. Fill me in as we go,” Diana smiled, “Let’s find your daughter.”

~*~*~*~*~

“Remind me again,” Pam sighed as she interrupted Harley’s radio channel surfing with a forceful press of the power button, “Why I shouldn’t simply turn this car around and give you back to your mother?”

“Because I’ll let her follow through on pressing charges for kidnapping if you do,” the eleven-year-old glared at the botanist in the mirror as she leaned forward on the front seat. Her arm couldn’t quite reach for the dials on the radio, but she hadn’t given up hope yet for taking control of the music from the rogues.

“And to think, we were gonna invite Zanna to the wedding, too.” Harley shook her head incredulously as she kicked her feet onto the dash. Pam shot her a few concerned looks before she sighed and slowly brought them back down.

“We all saw that news ticker back at the diner,” the botanist mused, gripping the wheel a bit tighter as she realized she’d unconsciously picked up speed. She slowly eased off the gas, and tried to relax her grip. They didn’t need another reason for any highway patrols to pull them over.

“It won’t be long before Zatanna sends the whole damn League after you,” she reasoned, “And after us, by default-”

She stopped herself as Harley touched her shoulder, catching her wife’s nod in the girl’s direction. Pam glanced to the rearview mirror, to see Raven had slumped into the backseat, glaring daggers out her window as her eyes misted over. Her arms were crossed over her chest, hands balled into fists and crackling with the barest hints of energy.

And that was when the former rogue felt one of her own eyes begin to mist over, and recalled the incident at the Asylum, and the unfortunate conditions under which she had first met the girl.

It was Raven’s emotions, making a wonderful mess of what should have been a happy honeymoon.

She felt Harley’s hand squeeze her shoulder, just before the clown began taking off her seatbelt. “Make room for Auntie Harley back there, Ray-Ray! It’s time for some quality therapy-time!”

“Harley!” Ivy yelled, “For God’s sake! I can pull over!”

“No time, Red! Keep yer eyes on the road!” she yelled back in reassurance as her foot bounced against the volkswagen's ceiling, and nearly hit Ivy square in the face. “Me an’ Ray will have some girl-time back here, ‘kay?”

“I don’t-” the girl took a deep breath, closing her eyes and humming something quietly before she opened them again to give the clown a stern look. “I don’t need to talk about it.”

“Pammy, darling, please make a note in the patient’s chart that she’s uncooperative and a spoil-sport,” Harley declared, a tad louder than necessary.

Biting back a smile, Ivy could only respond with a nod, “Noted.”

“Now listen, kiddo. You may not think you need to talk. That’s fine. I ain’t gonna make you talk,” she reached to place her hand atop Raven’s, pulling back when the girl shuffled further away. “But just know we’re an option, ‘kay? It’s always better to talk to someone about how ya feel. It ain’t gotta be anyone except who you decide.”

She stretched her arms slightly above her head then, as much as the car’s ceiling would allow, and laid them nonchalantly behind her head, leaning back against the door on her side and picking up her feet to lay them across the girl’s lap.

“Now if ya don’t wanna talk about… why exactly ya wanted to tag along. Then we’ll talk about what we’re gonna do when we get to New York! ‘Cause here’s what I’m thinkin’...”

They knew from experience, and from many a trusted road atlas, that a trip from Las Vegas to New York would take thirty-six hours, minimum. Mrs. Pamela Isley-Quinzel was starting to believe this particular trip would take a tad longer than that.

#little miss moonbeam #au: magic foster family #randywritesfic #dc bombshells #rachel roth #harley quinn #poison ivy #harlivy #zatanna zatara #diana prince #dianazee #wondermagic #(hints of magicblazer but those'll come later ofc)#look at me posting this at 1am bc I'm a coward fjdklf;a #(but as always. likes are appreciated. reblogs mean the world tho #and if you reblog with a comment I'm legally obligated to die for you)

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artificialqueens · 6 years ago

Text

Red Tulips (Biadore) Chapter 5 - Clown&Mermaid

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long, but I hope you all will enjoy the new chapter!

“Is everything ready?”

Adore glanced one last time around her room, just to make sure she didn’t forget anything - not like she had a lot with her in there, except for a few clothes and everything she needed to draw. She then looked at Courtney and nodded; the blonde wasn’t wearing her uniform for the first time since they met, her long hair free on her shoulders, a cute pink blouse and shorts that showed her tanned legs - it was almost weird to find out that Courtney actually had a cute style, since she was so used to seeing her in that boring dress. She also looked younger, which made Adore feel definitely more comfortable at the thought of having to travel with her.

“Yeah, I think I’ve got everything. Is Bianca here already?”

She asked then, unable to hide how excited she actually was. When Bianca told her she was gonna take her out of there for a few days, Adore couldn’t believe it: it had to be a joke, the doctors didn’t even allow her to see her own mother, why would they let her go out with someone that, besides how close she was getting to Adore, was a complete stranger? Courtney had told her that, since Bianca’s company was helping her a lot, Bob was inclined to let her out for a couple of days - as long as she had the nurse with her all the time. It was better than nothing, and besides, Adore enjoyed Courtney’s company. Once she was sure it wasn’t just a mean joke, she couldn’t help herself but hug both Bianca and Courtney before she started deciding what to bring with her.

It took Bianca a few days to organize the whole thing; her visits were shorter for a while, since she wanted to get everything ready for the trip, and while Adore didn’t like seeing her so little, she tried to be patient. When Bianca announced they were ready to go, Adore almost made her fall down, literally jumping in her arms.

Now she was so happy she almost couldn’t wait anymore. Courtney and herself were waiting for Bianca at the entrance of the facility, and while the nurse was sitting comfortably, Adore was right in front of the window, like a puppy waiting for her owner. The only thing missed was a wagging tail. She heard Courtney chuckled after few minutes.

“Be patient, miss Delano. She’ll be here.”

Adore pouted, tapping her nails on the glass of the window with impatience. It was sunny outside, fortunately, and that was a relief for her: she was worried that they wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the few days off, and the thought of being finally able to leave for a few days just to end up not doing anything at all made her stay up all night. Now the only thing that worried her was if Bianca was really gonna show up; she couldn’t help but being on edge, and she was probably gonna feel like that until she saw the other woman. It was way too good to be real, surely something was gonna go wrong.. Bianca could’ve changed her mind, she could already picture Courtney and her waiting for hours, getting worried and in the end they would just find out Bianca had other things to do, or maybe she could end up in an accident… all the possibilities were filling her mind, until she saw a car parking right in front of the facility, and Bianca coming out of it.

A smile immediately found its rightful place on Adore’s lips when she squealed in happiness. She grabbed her suitcase, already running to the entrance - she even ignored Courtney’s call, as the woman asked her to slow down and wait for her, going straight out of the facility so fast that no one was able to stop her. Bianca was there, in a short red dress that softly embraced her figure - it was the most casual Adore ever saw her, since the other woman always came to visit her in a suit, probably coming to her right after work. She always looked beautiful, but there was something in seeing her with her long hair finally free and a peaceful vibe surrounding her, something that made Adore feel at ease.

She didn’t waste any time: Bianca seemed surprised to see her outside and she opened her mouth to say something, but Adore was already in her arms, too happy to contain herself. She squealed again, then giggled like a teenager while hugging the woman as tight as possible, as if she could vanish if she stopped holding her.

“You’re here!”

There was a surprised tone in her voice, that made Bianca laugh briefly. She could feel her hand patting her shoulder for a few seconds before she hugged her back, even if in an awkward way. Bianca was always a little weirded out with physical contact, but Adore quickly found out that it was just a facade, and that she only needed a few moments to get used to it.

“Of course I’m here, silly. Why do you sound so surprised?”

She asked her, rubbing Adore’s back gently for a few seconds before pushing her a little from her shoulder, so she could see her face. Adore shrugged, with an embarrassed smile: she didn’t want to sound stupid at best and ungrateful at worst, a possibility that could become reality very quickly if Bianca would find out that she actually thought it was all a big joke and that Adore didn’t trust her.

“I don’t know, it just… feels surreal.”

She simply said in the end, and since Bianca was now smiling at her with that softness that she always showed when they were together, Adore relaxed. She could finally just think about the trip, and nothing else.

Courtney finally arrived, letting out a deep sigh once she was near the other two. She glared at Adore, who giggled in response and broke the hug with Bianca.

“You shouldn’t run out like that. You’re my responsibility, what if-”

“Oh come on, what could’ve happened? It was just for a few meters. Cut the nurse act, Courtney, it’s gonna be a vacation for you as well.”

Bianca answered before Adore could even open her mouth, and the way she talked to the nurse made her kind of suspicious. They never interacted much, at least not in front of her, but the way Bianca rolled her eyes and talked back to Courtney was way too familiar to be someone she only talked to when she was coming to visit her. Considering that Courtney, who was always nice and kind towards anyone, was not only now glaring at Bianca but she even pinched her arm, something was definitely weird between them.

She decided not to question it too much. After all, she was going away for a weekend, she didn’t care about anything else in the world.

“I’m still working, it’s not a vacation.”

“Yeah, whatever girl. Come on, hop in the car. It’s time to go.”

Bianca looked at Adore with her last words, and she didn’t need to add anything else. Adore sent her a kiss, then one to Courtney and got in the car, ready for the weekend to finally feel different from the last months she had spent there.

____________________________________________

“So, where are we going?”

Adore asked after a while, looking out of the window. She could recognize some of the buildings she was seeing, even if she couldn’t point out when she went there - but it was an improvement that made her even more excited about the trip. Maybe it was really gonna do her some good.

“It’s a surprise. It’s gonna take a while anyway, so get comfortable.”

She looked at Bianca when she answered: the woman was driving, with her eyes fixated on the road and an amused smile that found its place on her face when she heard Adore’s dramatic sigh. She wasn’t really good at waiting, she would complain and whine till she finally had what she wanted, but this time it wasn’t gonna work. She pouted, looking in front of her with her arm crossed on her chest: it was a bummer, that Bianca wouldn’t even tell her where they were going. The things she had packed were useful in different places, so she wasn’t even able to get a hint while packing, so she tried to ask both of them questions about the vacation itself, but neither Bianca or Courtney gave her a hint. After a while she simply decided to give up and try to enjoy the ride.

It really took them a while to arrive: they didn’t stop to take a break, and Adore was worried Bianca was gonna get tired of driving for so long, but everytime she asked her if she was fine Bianca would look at her for a few seconds with the happiest expression she ever saw on her face, and tell her she was great. Adore could tell that she was enjoying the ride, and the little chat the three of them had going on in the meantime. Courtney, after half an hour of silence, found her way into the conversation and was now clearly at ease with them, cracking jokes and making both Bianca and Adore laugh. She was much more relaxed, and while Adore and her always chatted about a lot of things, the nurse never stopped reminding the both of them that she was working, and that they weren’t friends out for a drink. Now, the whole nurse-patient vibe was completely gone, and they were just enjoying themselves.

“Here we are.”

When Bianca finally parked the car, Adore couldn’t believe they actually managed to arrive. She immediately hopped out of the car, looking around with excitement: the sun was warm, there was a little breeze making sure it won’t become too hot for her, and the smell of the ocean was so strong it made her head light for a few seconds. She felt almost at home, like she belonged there, in a place that looked completely out of time, where everyone on the street was looking happy and relaxed. No one was running around, trying to get somewhere faster, it was like they didn’t have any thought in the whole world.

“Oh my God, I can hear the waves even from here! Can we go to the beach like, now? Immediately? Pleeeease?”

Adore asked, already whining while pulling both of the women by their arms. She heard Bianca laughing and Courtney sighing, even if she had a smile on her face that was saying everything Adore needed to know. In the end, she decided to stop just because Courtney almost fell down - and that wouldn’t have been a good way to start their little vacation.

“All right, but we have to check into the hotel first and then buy you a swimsuit. Is that okay? Can you wait?”

Bianca asked with a mocking voice that made Adore snort and then give her a little punch on the arm that she was pulling a few seconds before. It was a part of Bianca that she got to know a while ago, once the older woman seemed more comfortable around her, and now she loved it. She loved when Bianca joked with her and even about her, because she could hear in her voice that whatever flaw she was pointing out in that moment, was also a flaw that she liked in Adore. She was blunt, but never mean, and she was so funny Adore almost peed herself multiple times in the last few weeks.

“I can wait mom, don’t worry. You can take your afternoon nap.”

Her words made both Bianca and Courtney laugh, even if the first one was pleased about her answer and the other was simply shocked. Adore was sure she was even gonna scold her, because there was no way her nurse was gonna let her talk like that to their guest, but instead Courtney gave her a little pat on the shoulder and nothing more. It was a relief, actually: Adore wanted nothing more but to be completely herself in the few days they had there, and clearly Courtney wasn’t gonna stop her.

“You little shit. Come on, let’s get in - I don’t want to hear you complaining like a baby because we’re wasting time.”

Bianca said, grabbing her luggage with one hand and Adore from her arm with the other. Adore followed her, with a huge smile on her face and an excited squeal that made its way out of her mouth: finally, life was starting to feel right again.

_________________________________________

Checking in didn’t take them too long, since they all agreed to just leave their packages in the room and go out shopping once Bianca and Courtney were done changing for the beach - but Adore didn’t think it would take them so much to find her a swimsuit. She didn’t care too much about the outfit itself, she was ready to get the first one that would fit her and just jump into the ocean, but Bianca had a different opinion on that.

It was probably funny to whoever saw the three of them in there: Bianca, busy looking through the different swimsuits, mumbling about what silhouette was better, what color would compliment Adore’s skin and other things neither her or Courtney could catch, Adore with her hands full of clothes already and the blonde, waiting for them at the door like a bored husband waiting for her wife and her daughter to be done with it. Adore was sure they were gonna be there for the whole day if it wasn’t for the fact that, after the fifth swimsuit she tried on, she decided to complain that she wanted to see the ocean and soon. In the end, she decided to buy a light blue bikini, mostly because there were different fish printed on it that were cute, at least to her. Courtney and Bianca just smiled when she announced that that one was her favorite, and once she was finally ready, they were directed to the beach.

Once they arrived, the first thing Courtney did was to take off her dress just to show a purple bikini, and then she sat down, with an heavy sigh.

“I don’t know about you two, but I intend to stay here and get a tan.”

Bianca rolled her eyes, placing her bag on the sand. She was wearing a short red dress that really complimented her complexion, to the point Adore couldn’t help but stare at her… and she even caught herself wishing for her to take it off. It was just a passing thought, but she immediately felt her cheeks warming and guilt building in her stomach: she was drooling over a married woman. That was the shittiest thing she had ever done, probably - unless she killed someone in her life before. She didn’t want to think about it, so she decided to clear her throat to get their attention.

“Can I go into the water even if you stay here? I really want to swim.”

Courtney looked at her for few seconds, before pointing them on Bianca, a smirk on her face that confused Adore. Bianca, on the other hand, looked wary.

“What?”

The older woman asked, almost defensive. Adore didn’t question the kind of relationship the two had, but the more time they spent all together, the more she was sure they at least had to know each other - and probably Courtney knew something that made Bianca so aggressive, much more than she had ever been in front of her.

“Calm down, I was just gonna ask you to go with her. No need to be so defensive all the time.”

Courtney mumbled, and Bianca’s shoulders immediately relaxed. Yeah, they definitely knew each other - and Adore was gonna find out how they had met and everything else. She was curious, after all, and… a little suspicious. It was so odd to think that her nurse knew the woman that saved her life - but she didn’t want to make any kind of theory up before asking them.

“What a great nurse you are, lazily tanning all day instead of taking care of her patient. Alright, I’ll go with her - I was gonna do it anyway.”

Bianca replied, flashing a smile to Adore that immediately made her forget about everything else she was thinking before. She immediately took off the dress she wore over her bikini, Bianca doing the same thing and revealing a red swimsuit that matched her dress - she was stunning, Adore thought, but in her mind she always was no matter what.

“Fuck yeah! I have to warn you though, one of the few things I know for sure about my previous life is that I’m a mermaid. Will you be able to keep up?”

Bianca smirked in response to her confidence, her eyes, always so sad and distant, for once looked full of life and on fire - and they made Adore’s blood boil in her veins.

“I always loved a good challenge.”

__________________________

Adore laughed breathlessly when she sat down, all wet after half an hour in the water. Bianca did the same, trembling once they were back to the beach after being so used to the temperature of the water; she took a towel for herself and placed it on her shoulders, trying to warm herself up a bit, then passed one to Adore so she could do the same. The other girl was shivering as well, rubbing the soft material on her skin - but she looked happy, and it was enough to warm Bianca completely.

They had been playing for a while in the water, racing each other to see who would make it farther without stopping, then they even wrestled a bit, and Bianca had to admit that she hadn’t laughed so hard in months. Adore was a hoot, she noticed the smallest details in everything around her and found a way to bring them up in a light no one else would see them - it was what made Bianca fall for her in the first place. Adore could find poetry in a puddle, write an entire song about it and it would make perfect sense to everyone who was able to listen to her music. For someone that was blind to the beauty of the nature as Bianca was, it was refreshing, a way to see life in another light.

“I beat you!”

“No you didn’t, you cheated. You grabbed my ankle to stop me so you could arrive first.”

“I still won. We didn’t have any rules to begin with.”

Adore was so proud of winning their little race, and yes, she cheated, Bianca didn’t have the heart to take her win away. She would probably say everything to make her happy in that moment, to give her a few peaceful days before going back to a useless routine, waiting for a life she didn’t remember anything of… waiting to go back to her, even if Adore didn’t know that.

Bianca rolled her eyes in response, and Adore giggled while rubbing the towel on her head for a while.

“Well I’m glad you two had fun. I could hear the laughters from here.”

Courtney joined their conversation, with a satisfied smile on her face. Bianca knew that to her, it wasn’t just something personal: Adore was her best friend, so she was sure the blonde was happy to see her enjoying a little time off, but she was also probably nervous about the whole thing. After all, she placed her whole career on the line just to give them a few days together, and Bianca didn’t know if she would ever be able to repay her for that.

Adore nodded, leaving the towel on one of their chairs once she stopped shivering.

“It was so fun! Will you join us later? Or tomorrow, I mean, we still have all day tomorrow for that.”

Courtney nodded to her question, making Adore smile even more. It was almost like it was before the accident, and it was easy for Bianca to forget that the woman in front of her, while still being her wife on paper, was completely unaware of their relationship. She already caught herself thinking of kissing her, and she almost did it when they were playing, but thankfully Adore didn’t notice it.

“Can we take a walk now? I saw some pretty seashells, I would love to pick them up… can I take them back with me, miss Act?”

Courtney’s eyes softened, and she grabbed Adore’s hand for few seconds when she heard how insecure her voice was about the matter. It wasn’t surprising: for what Bianca knew, the rules in the facility were pretty strict, to the point no one believed possible for them to get Bob to say yes to their little trip. She even heard other nurses whispering about it, like it was some kind of historical moment.

“Of course, I’m sure no one will mind.”

Adore got up from her seat with a jump, that made both Bianca and Courtney laugh for a small bit. Then, Bianca got up as well: there was no way she was gonna leave her alone… and plus, collecting seashells was something they always did together, even if Adore didn’t remember it.

“Come on. We can compete and see who finds the most beautiful ones.”

The younger woman took her hand, humming happily for a few seconds. Bianca followed her, looking around for seashells that Adore would like while she left her side to go a little farther from her, picking up seashells and gathering them in one of her hands. Maybe they should’ve taken something to keep them all together, but Bianca was too distracted to think about it now. She kept glancing at Adore, smiling to herself: that view was so familiar…

“How many do you have now?”

Adore’s voice reached her, making Bianca look down to her hands. She only had two seashells, both quite pretty, while the other one had at least ten of them. Adore, confused, walked towards her.

“Just two? I thought you were competitive.”

Bianca laughed, a little embarrassed. She shrugged, then; she didn’t see any problem in being honest and telling her what was really going on - to a certain degree, at least.

“I am, usually. I’m sorry, it’s just that my wife and I always take vacations here and she loves seashells as well. This” she pointed at the whole beach “Reminds me a lot of her.”

Usually, Adore would’ve jumped in and ask her immediately more about it, but this time she kinda looked hurt. Bianca was just confused by the pain in her eyes, while the younger woman looked at the seashell she gathered in her slim hands.

“Do you miss her?”

She asked then, with the tiniest voice Bianca ever heard her use. She wanted to hug her, but she knew it wasn’t appropriate, not in that moment. And still, she was way too confused by the sudden change to do anything.

“A bit. This is where we had our honeymoon, you know? We could afford going outside the country, but neither of us had the time. We married and then we both had just a week off before going back to work.”

Adore smiled. It was a cold smile, though, but she still held Bianca’s hand with the free one she had, and then proceeded to walk with her.

“How was it?”

Past

“I can’t believe we’re going back tomorrow already.”

Adore said, pouting, her head resting on Bianca’s shoulder while they were walking. The water reached their feet from time to time, and since it was late, it wasn’t too cold for them to shiver when it happened - it was actually pleasant. Bianca tightened her grip on Adore’s waist, with a deep sigh; she was just as bitter as Adore was about it, but she knew they couldn’t take more time for themselves. There was so much to do back at home, between Adore’s album that needed to be worked on and Bianca’s clothing line that was almost ready to be presented, it was already a miracle they managed to get a week off after the wedding.

Bianca kissed Adore’s forehead, lingering with her lips on her wife’s skin for a little longer.

“Me neither. It’s gone so fast… but don’t worry. As soon as we can, we’re gonna get a real vacation.”

Adore looked at her, rubbing her cheek against Bianca’s shoulder for a few seconds. The reality was that Bianca felt guilty for not being able to give her the honeymoon of their dreams; when she asked Adore to marry her, she was daydreaming of weeks away from the States, maybe in a tropical island where they could spend days in water and completely relax, leaving their lives behind for a while… and being unable to give her that, made Bianca almost embarrassed - and angry, but that wasn’t anything new.

“Oh? So you’re already planning our next vacation? Who are you?”

The younger one joked, poking Bianca’s hip until she gently slapped her hand - to which Adore reacted with a little yelp, making Bianca laugh a bit.

“Shut up. I don’t know, I just want to give you the whole fantasy, you now?”

Since Adore was looking at her confused, Bianca sighed a bit. They stopped walking, the breeze ruffling Adore’s hair more than it already was before.

“I mean, we had a beautiful wedding… and I wanted to have a wonderful honeymoon as well. You know, visiting foreign places, try weird food, things like that-”

“Bea, you’re too hard on yourself.”

Adore interrupted her, placing her hand on Bianca’s cheek with a soft smile. Bianca didn’t even realize she was getting nervous and frustrated at the idea of being unable to give Adore everything she could, until she looked in her eyes and she saw how happy they looked; she immediately felt more relaxed. Adore gave her a quick kiss on her lips, caressing her cheek.

“This honeymoon was wonderful - yes, short, but wonderful nevertheless. We’re married now, we have all the time in the world to travel and see new places together. I’m glad we even got a week alone, I was sure we were gonna have to head back as soon as the wedding was over.”

Bianca smiled; she knew the feeling. The first day of honeymoon she was almost afraid she’d receive a call from Raja, asking her to go back immediately for whatever reason. At least they managed to live an entire week without thinking about their usual life, which was more than Bianca could ask for after years without a vacation.

“I’m sorry. I always want more… and you remind me that I already have everything I could ask for.”

They hugged for a while, the beat of their hearts and the waves crashing against the land as the only sounds they could hear - until Adore decided to break the contact, then she grinned.

“I don’t want to think about the departure till tomorrow, okay? Let’s enjoy this last day!”

“And what did you have in mind, my little dove?”

Adore giggled at the pet name, giving her a quick kiss before she started running. It caught Bianca off guard, but just for few seconds before she decided to run after her wife, that was laughing few meters away from her. Adore always loved playing chasing each other, to the point where she would just tickle Bianca before running away to make her run after her, just for the fun of it - she admitted she liked to see Bianca so wild and different than the usual composed woman she was used to seeing, and that’s what made the older woman decide to indulge her in those games more often. After all, she liked the feeling of being wild and free, something she never thought about herself.

“You’re so fucking slow Bianca! What is it, you’re too old to catch me?”

Bianca let out an offended squeal, before trying to fasten her pace.

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that Delano.”

They ran around for a while, until Bianca managed to catch her - not the way she intended, though, because as soon as Adore felt her hands on her hips, she tried to break free. It just took one misstep to make her fall back, followed immediately by Bianca, who was still hanging on her dress and ended up falling on her; neither one of them were scared, though. They were both laughing, especially when Bianca decided to get her revenge by tickling Adore, who let out an high-pitched scream.

“No no no, stop! You know I’m sensitive!”

She begged, squirming under Bianca who was still laughing - but then she stopped, unable to do anything but to stare at her own wife. With her long, black hair spread on the sand, her green eyes full of life and her beautiful smile that was there just for her and only for her, Bianca felt as if she was in front of one of those representation of an angel she’d have seen when she was a child, holding her mother’s skirt and looking at the paintings in the church she had to attend every Sunday since they were the only pretty thing around. Adore made her feel much like that: the only good thing that actually picked her interest in a room full of people.

Adore’s laugh died as well, replaced by a knowing smile. It wasn’t a mystery that she could read Bianca better than anyone else, to the point she just needed to look at her to find out what was going through her mind. Bianca let out a sigh, while Adore placed her hand on one of her wife’s cheeks again, just like before, but this time she dragged her lower to kiss her - a longer, more intense kiss than before, that left both of them breathless.

“I don’t want to go back at the hotel…”

Adore murmured against Bianca’s lips, who sighed and bit her lower lip. The beach was empty, there was no one besides them.

“We don’t have to.”

Present

“So… did you two have fun that night?”

During Bianca’s story, Adore seemed to start feeling better - or that’s what Bianca supposed, once the younger woman smirked at her and poking her hip with her index. Bianca felt her cheeks warming a little, but she managed to keep her usual facade - she even raised an eyebrow to look more annoyed, and answered her smirk with another one.

“I’m not gonna tell you about my sex life, you weirdo. You can watch porn if you need company.”

Adore laughed at her joke, but her eyes were a little sad again. It was a look Bianca had already seen in the past, when something was bothering her but she wanted to try to hide it… and this time, Bianca didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t afraid of asking, not at all, but since their relationship was very different from the one they had before, she was unsure Adore was gonna be completely honest with her.

She then decided to simply hold her hand, squeezing it gently; the sadness wasn’t completely gone, but Adore looked at their hands and smiled, a much more honest smile than her first laugh.

“Let’s go. Maybe we can convince Courtney to go out for drinks tonight. What do you say?”

Adore squealed, clearly yearning for something similar, something that would make her feel normal again. After all, Bianca was sure she didn’t have any occasion to feel like an ordinary person in the facility, and since they were finally out together, why wouldn’t she try to get them more?

“You’re the best, Bea!”

___________________________

Maybe going out wasn’t a really good idea, Bianca thought when both her and Courtney were trying to get Adore in bed. She didn’t drink too much, but apparently what she had was enough to make her stumble on her own feet, while giggling like an idiot. Bianca was confused: Adore was a heavy drinker when she met her, then why all of a sudden she couldn’t take a few drinks?

On the other hand, Courtney was confused as well. She had accepted their proposition, saying that a drink wouldn’t have killed her since she was perfectly fine except for the memory loss, but now she was getting worried - Bianca could see it in her eyes, and in the wrinkles that were now showing up on her forehead since she was frowning very hard.

“Okay, we’re almost there.”

Courtney said, while standing in front of their room and trying to find her keys. Bianca sighed, trying to keep Adore still while the younger woman was still laughing and she decided to hug Bianca as tight as possible.

“You smell soooo good.”

She mumbled, rubbing her nose in Bianca’s hair - who laughed a little at the action, while patting gently at the hip she was holding. It was funny to see her in that light, and a relief: the sad vibe she was sending before, when they were on the beach, was definitely gone - during their night out Adore was nothing but excited, she wanted to see everything, she asked to take a sip of both their drinks, and she even wanted to dance both with Bianca and Courtney. When she went to the bathroom, both of them agreed that going out that night was the best idea they could have come up with. Adore looked even healthier than before… until she suddenly couldn’t even walk straight, and while it was funny to see her rambling about any possible thing, Bianca couldn’t help but worry a little.

“Thank you, I shower.”

Adore laughed way too hard, holding on her even more. Bianca could see Courtney rolling her eyes with a smile at her joke, then she finally opened the door and they could lead Adore inside, who decided to protest a bit.

“I can walk, I’m not that– ouch!”

She didn’t even finish her sentence before she stumbled on her bed, to which she clearly didn’t pay attention to while she tried to walk in her room. Adore groaned, giving light punches to the mattress, and Bianca chuckled while she helped her to sit down.

“What were you saying?”

“Shut up.”

Adore groaned again, and this time she gave Bianca a little punch on her arm - but she didn’t react, just helping her taking off her shoes. Courtney vanished in the bathroom for a few minutes, then she came out with makeup wipes, to help Bianca get Adore ready for bed.

“I don’t need your help…”

Adore mumbled, while Courtney was busy gently wiping the makeup off her eyes and Bianca was looking for her pajamas. Bianca flashed her a smile once she saw that she was pouting: knowing Adore, she probably wanted to get ready on her own and didn’t want to admit she was having a hard time - she was as stubborn as a donkey when she wanted. She caressed her hair, then, trying to calm her down.

“You’re drunk, sweetheart. Let us take care of you, alright? After all, Courtney is your nurse, she’s used to wiping asses as well-”

“There’s no need to bring that up.”

The blonde complained, but the little exchange made Adore giggle a bit and lose her pout. She nodded, then, letting them take off her clothes - something that Bianca let Courtney do, since it would’ve been too awkward for her - and once she was ready, they helped her to tuck into bed.

When they were sure Adore was comfortable, they both changed as well and they went to bed as well; the night had been fun and everything, but if they wanted to get up early in the morning to go to the beach again, they definitely needed to rest.

Half an hour has passed since they switched off the lights; Bianca could hear Courtney’s breath getting heavier, a sign that meant she was already asleep… and to her surprise, she couldn’t hear Adore snoring as her usual. She was used to have difficulties sleeping, and that usually meant she had to listen to the little concert her wife played only for her every night, but this time around she couldn’t hear any sound coming from Adore’s bed… she was already wondering if there was a possibility that the memory loss could affect that side of her as well, before she felt the sheets being lifted up and a warm body against hers. She didn’t react at first; she knew the perfume she could smell few seconds later, and she was definitely surprised by that. After the surprise, worry was her first feeling, which made her turn around to face Adore and ask her what was wrong.

She was met with a pair of sad eyes, which made her immediately hold the younger one a little closer without even thinking about it.

“What’s wrong? You’re not feeling well?”

She asked her, with a low voice not to wake Courtney up. Adore sobbed a little, hugging her tight and hiding her face against Bianca’s chest. She immediately stroked her hair, asking herself if she needed to wake up Courtney after all; whatever it was, it looked pretty serious. Adore didn’t talk for a while, then her voice came out shaky and full of fear.

“You’re not gonna leave me, right? You’re not gonna go back to her wife and never come back to visit me once this weekend is over, promise me.”

Bianca’s breath was shaky; she wanted nothing more but to scream her the truth, because Adore was clearly hurt and scared in that moment, and she promised her she would’ve never felt like that once they were married. She looked at Courtney’s figure in the dark for few seconds, before lowering her face to look at Adore, who was now looking back at her. She bit her lips: she had to trust the doctors… even if she didn’t want to. What kind of damage would telling her the truth make?

Her mind was divided on this. A part of her thought nothing could be worse than what already was going on, and another one was whispering viciously that oh it could’ve been worse and she didn’t really want to find out. In the end, she decided to keep the things as they were, even if it broke her heart all over again.

“Of course not. I care about you, a lot. I would never leave you.”

Her voice was sincere while she tried to swallow the desperation in it, and apparently it worked: Adore smiled, swiping off a few tears from her eyes… and kissed her.

It was nothing more than their lips pressed together, but it was enough for Bianca to freeze on the spot. She didn’t know how to react: her heart wanted nothing more than to kiss her back, hold her even closer, but her mind wasn’t on the same track. That was right, but not in the way she wanted. There was no possible way any doctor would agree on Adore kissing her wife in that state… but Adore didn’t go crazy. She looked at her, confused and terrified, definitely less drunk than she looked before; Bianca’s heart sinked at the thought that she probably was thinking she did something wrong, and then she acted without thinking about it twice. She cupped Adore’s face, kissed her lips once again - she could hear the surprised squeal coming from her mouth, easily dead once both of them were too busy to kiss to think about anything else.

It was just like she remembered it; Adore was always an hungry kisser, she wanted to have and taste more, it was something that had always made Bianca’s knees weak.. but this time she wasn’t gonna let her go beyond it. While every part of her craved Adore so much she could feel the fire in her growing stronger, just as much as the need to touch her everywhere, it wasn’t the right thing to do. She had already done too much with the kiss, she didn’t want to completely fuck up the situation… and she even found herself hoping that Adore would forget everything about that night.

That was the only solution, since the kiss didn’t seem to give her back any memory. Adore looked happy, but still oblivious… and as much as Bianca didn’t want to be hurt by that, because it was no one’s fault she wasn’t remembering her, it was still a dagger in her heart knowing that her own wife, who just kissed her, didn’t remember a thing about the years they had spent together. Didn’t she feel there was more to them than a shaky friendship growing only between the walls of what was basically an hospital? Couldn’t she feel it? It was way too frustrating to linger on the thought, but she couldn’t help it.

In fact, once Adore whispered her goodnight and she fell asleep against Bianca’s chest, the older woman couldn’t stop thinking about it: she wasn’t gonna be able to get any kind of sleep now, she was sure. Looking down on Adore, who was now sleeping calmly, she knew she was screwed.

That was going to get more painful than that.

#biadore #bianca del rio #adore delano #lesbian au #rpdr fanfiction #red tulips #clown and mermaid

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greasygyeom · 7 years ago

Text

Title: Look at Me

By: GreasyGyeom

Summary: Graduation Ceremony and a sea of people, will you be able to make it through the day? Jinyoung x Reader. Angst/Fluff. Trigger Warning: Death

Playlist: 170830

Author’s Note: (i) San-nakji (산낙지) is a variety of raw dish made with long arm octopus. Although the octopuses are killed before cut into small pieces and served, the nerve activity in the octopus’ tentacles makes the pieces still squirming posthumously on the plate when served.

(ii) I’ve always thought music and reading goes really well together. It’s new format I’m trying. If you would like some soothing bgm that goes with the piece, hit up the link above! It’s a great way to share music too, so let me know if it worked out for you!! Love <3 <3

Graduation day.

Yes, it’s graduation day; the day you finally complete five years of studying art. The day you get that stamp of approval from a bunch of really old people that you are indeed qualified to freely express your mind via any visual medium necessary.

You lay in bed, twisted awkwardly, thinking about the day ahead of you and dread every unholy second that inches it closer.

Social situations make you uncomfortable and jittery. You talk too fast, you tap your feet a lot and your attention span reduces to that of a 15 year old adrenaline junkie in the worlds biggest amusement park, who is constantly nauseated but out of compulsion needs to experience every ride.

But, things are always different when he’s around. Suddenly being in a crowd feels less like a clown circus and more like an art gallery where you’re able to glide through without your head exploding.

So the only activity you are actually looking forward to is seeing Jinyoung, because he somehow manages to make things better, every time.

Thinking about getting on stage, your brain automatically begins to list the scenarios that could cause potential embarrassment. Tripping and falling on and over numerous objects takes up the first few bullet numbers — spearheading your decision to wear boots — flat boots.

You pick up a dress to go with it. Of course it’s all black — you rarely pick any other colour — and pair it with some simple silver accessories.

You force yourself out of the semi-coma you’ve been lying in and take a quick shower. The anxiety begins to spread through your body. You consider tidying up your room in an effort to sooth yourself, an invisible pros and cons list already forming in your brain.

The cons list wins, obviously. You possibly can’t clean every nook and cranny in the time available and if you had to leave the process of cleaning half way through, it would give you more anxiety than you initially began with. You really have no choice but to breathe and drink water.

Tissues. Your brain suddenly buzzes as you close the bottle cap, like a phone alarm springing to life on snooze; because what if something or someone spills liquids - no, worse, solids - on you.

You spend a considerable amount of time looking for the soft kind for runny noses in case you felt especially teary, the rough kind for cleaning that didn’t leave paper traces all over clothes and the wet kind for miscellaneous germ related quirks.

You take your time to get ready, switch on some music and mildly successfully dance away your nervousness.

But somewhere in the middle you let out a yawn.

Coffee, you need so much coffee to go through with this day.

As usual, your irrational fear of not waking up on time has kept you up through the night and as a collateral not only have you been awake for more than 24 hours you’ve also managed to get ready to leave almost an hour early.

“Should have listened to him.” You absentmindedly speak to your dull grey walls and proceed to ‘Netflix and chill’ on your sofa (without the innuendos involved, of course).

After 40 minutes of being on the edge of your seat while watching Stranger, you check the contents of your bag, one final time.

Time really does fly past when you’re engrossed in Jo Seung-Woo’s brilliant acting.

You quickly throw in your lip-balm and check the clock. Five minutes. You scramble to make sure all the plug points are switched off in your apartment — a quirk you’ve picked up from Jinyoung.

You lock up and head downstairs to find a cab.

Of course it rains down on the day you need to step out.

You don’t live too far from campus, you can easily walk it, but choose not to get splashed with muddy water by an inconsiderate driver. With your luck, the chances of it happening are magnified.

Your phone leaps to life as you sit inside the car. There’s an instant smile on your face.

“Hey Moon, all set?” he asks from the opposite end of the line.

“As set as I could be, I think.”

He can hear your anxiety through the phone. “You didn’t sleep. I told you I could call you and wake you up.”

“I know, I should’ve listened to you.”

He chuckles. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay with you yesterday. I really wanted to. I wanted to drive you up on your big graduation day.”

“Aw, it’s alright Peach, it’s not that big of a deal. But, I’ll be seeing you later yeah?”

“Of course it’s big deal! I’m actually just dropping some paperwork at the torture chamber right now, I’ll come as soon as I’m done.

Are you nervous?”

You laugh at his torture chamber comment.

“A little maybe? I just don’t want to…. be embarrassed in any way, that’s all. I just need the universe to be this kind today. Get in get out — no fu - udge ups,’ you sheepishly conclude, patting yourself for not actually mouthing the profanity.

His dislike for foul language is as vehement as your dislike for raw octopus, so you seldom cross that line.

You can mentally see his eyes wrinkle around the edges, at your syllabic swerve. A windy snicker reaches your ears. “Nice save dummie, you were so close to eating san-nakji today.

“Never.” you declare with an unwavering determination; the very thought of un cooked food — and not just any food, seafood — sending a shiver down your spine. “Anyway, I’ve reached Uni…. almost. See you when I see you, Peach.”

You hang up and mentally prepare yourself for hypothetical social interactions that may or may not take place, through the rest of the distance.

When you step foot on the cobblestones of your campus, you take in all the air you can. It’s not that you can’t breathe, you really can — but who’s going to convince your brain that.

In the five years you spent locked up in the art halls, studying anatomy, inhaling acrylic paint fumes, you acquaint yourself with a handful of people, none of whom you wish to bump into, at least not alone. Unfortunately, with your only actual friend away on vacation you’re left to suffer the sea of students alone, until Jinyoung’s arrival.

You push your earphones in and switch on your playlist, letting the sweet sounds of the guitar serenade your tense nerves.

Everywhere you look there’s parents following their children to designated seats, going to the art gallery where all the final projects are displayed, buying souvenirs, visiting the mess doing things together and that imagery starts unraveling a tightly sewn hole inside your heart.

You yawn again.

Coffee.

You’re not in the mood for any kind of physical exercise, but you could also walk to the edge of this earth for a cup of good coffee, Kunzum was luckily on a few ways away.

“Hey Minsoo.” you greet your regular barista, at the campus cafe - your safe place.

“Same order?”

“Yeah, Iced Caramel Macchiato, extra strong.”

“Coming right up. You need a doughnut to go with?”

“No, I’m gonna pass on that. I thought you guys would be shut today?”

“I kept it open just for you.”

You realise how much you would miss your bants with him. He’d been your only source of caffeine for 5 years. He probably knows you better than your classmates ever will.

“Should I keep an Americano ready for Jinyoung?”

“You’re the best, Minsoo.“

He grins through his heavy beard and moustache.

The cafe is in a quaint corner of the campus, surrounded by shrubs of Forsythia. Spring was never your season, but as you sit there by your favourite window seat and reminisce the divinity of your campus with the cold-ish winds and sun kissed yellow flowers blooming all over, you can’t help but feel slightly gloomy. You would no longer be able to watch your favourite cherry blossom tree unfold before your eyes.

A deep sigh escapes you, suddenly roadblocking your throat.

You spent five years preoccupied with deadlines and keeping up with your professors and libraries and finessing techniques and it only just dawns on you how empty your schedule is going to be henceforth.

A degree in art isn’t exactly a gateway to becoming a well paid corporate ring leader — not that you want to be one either — but your mind is making you second guess yourself at this point. Maybe you should have gotten that degree in psychology.

“Macchiato right out of the freezer.” Minsoo interrupts, placing the take away cup on your table. You check your phone - still almost an hour for the actual ceremony to commence.

You take in a sip of familiarity.

Your memories race back to a time when you were in your second year — when you’d met Jinyoung in this very cafe for the first time. You smile vaguely, picturing him in the seat by the wall, so engrossed in and visibly distressed by Haruki Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore.

The details are a little hazy — it has been three years after all — but what you remember with utmost clarity is the way his expression changed, as he read along the plot twist; how he nodded his head gently as he understood the subtleties of the text.

He had looked so genuine, diving into the depths of what you considered Mr. Murakami’s best work. He’d caught you staring and you had very uncharacteristically smiled back, instead of hiding your face in embarrassment.

He’d ended up buying you another coffee. You’d ended up staying there with him till closing time. The nostalgia makes you weary.

“Miss me?” His face comes into focus.

You’re unable to hide your surprise. “How did you know I was here?”

“I asked myself, where would my caffeine addicted girlfriend be on this campus and my genius brain led me here,” he replies, bending to kiss you on the cheek.

“Some day you’re going to get punched in the face because of your smart mouth.”

You grin, he pouts.

“Your coffee is ready by the way,” you inform, pointing towards Minsoo.

Jinyoung returns holding the donut you had earlier declined.

“Eat,” he says, shoving it in your hand.

You find it difficult to say no to him.

“See you later Minsoo,” you chime from the doorway, gulping in your coffee.

“I want to see your project,” Jinyoung tells you.

“You want to…. see my final project?’

“Why the rhetoric?”

“No! I was just wondering…why?”

He looks at you with a blank expression, his mouth slightly open and his very plump lips curving into a slight o; conveying his feelings with a slight exaggeration.

“Moon, you nearly starved yourself trying to finish it. I want to see what’s more important than food, for you.”

“Only food is important.”

“More important than I am?” he teases.

“You’re a Peach, you’re food alright.”

He laughs, habitually covering up his face to stop his teeth from showing. How you hate that habit of his.

You turn left at the next corridor and make way towards the gallery. Truth be told, even you hadn’t seen your work, post submission. You are just as curious to see what it looks like hanging from a wall.

Walking through those halls next to each other feels like déjà vu from Jinyoung’s graduation two years ago; a time when you weren’t even sure if your relationship would make it beyond the walls of your school.

“Nothing’s changed, but everything’s changed,” Jinyoung breathes in, entering through the gallery doors.

You look around, “It’s that one, the diptych,” you point at two frames, 3rd from the door.

He’s in disbelief and doesn’t hide it. You watch him watch the artwork carefully. He studies it the same way you remember him studying Murakami — with absolute diligence.

He finally looks at you. “You made us?”

Your eyes bolt to the floor. You don’t anticipate the embarrassment that is now painting your cheeks red.

“It’s beautiful.”

Did he really call it beautiful?

“You like it?” you ask, fiddling with your hands.

“Theres a boy, sitting and reading a book on the moon,” he analyses the diptych with a smile on his face. “The same boy is at a coffee shop with the moon shining above. It’s so poetic.”

“I — thanks,” you blurt out. “I tried to not be cheesy about it.”

It was, however, a mild confession of how deeply he had impacted your life. Somewhere in these 3 years he’d started calling you Moon, and somewhere — thinking about it in the last few months — your artwork had come to life.

He looks at you deeply, like he’s searching for something in your soul. You feel transparent under his gaze. He can see through all your walls and peek into your heart without you wanting to fight that feeling of being exposed and vulnerable.

You know what he wants to say, even though he doesn’t say it. He’s subtle like that, always talking with his eyes.

There’s an announcement about the ceremony and the gallery starts to empty out instantaneously.

You yelp and hide behind Jinyoung after spotting one of your acquaintances.

Please let him not find me — you’re quite literally begging the universe at this point.

“Moon, he’s waving at you.”

“No, oh god no.”

“Hi!” Daehyun excitedly greets you. He’s…..chirpy, as always. “It’s great I ran into you, I was just telling my parent’s about you! Your piece! It’s amazing!“

“Haha, thanks. It’s alright, I guess”. Your fake laugh is terrible.

“Did your parent see it? Are they here? Oh man! They must be so proud!”

Your heart falls to the bottom of your stomach.

“I’m with —“ your voice betrays you.

“I’m here with her,” Jinyoung takes over, wrapping his arm around you to keep you from falling.

“You said your parents were here? Are you making them wait? It’s not polite to make your parents wait like that”.

The harshness in his tone combined with the kindness in his eyes throws Daehyun off-guard. “Oh. Yeah, yeah, sorry. I should really get back to them. I’ll see you after the ceremony!” he smiles, bows and runs off.

When Jinyoung turns to you, there’s nothing but worry lines all across his face. “Are you okay?”

You nod, wanting to put his troubles to rest in one go, “I’m fine, Peach”.

He leads you through the arched hallway towards the ceremony grounds. “I’ll see you on stage. You’ll do great.”

You smile nervously as your mind edges closer towards panic mode.

“I should not have let you drink that coffee,” he sighs, catching your hands in his and rubbing them gently. He knows the numbness has reached your fingertips already, seeing how fidgety you are.

“It’s okay, I’m okay. They’ll call my name, and I will walk on stage and walk off stage and I will be fine,” you reply reassuringly, talking more to yourself than him.

“I can see you get your degree from the side, I don’t mind.”

You gently decline his offer, “I want you seated and looking proud of me.”

“I’m already proud of you, Moon.”

His encouragement gives you some strength, but against the influx of 6 year old repressed feelings, it feels a tad bit inadequate.

A high tide washes over you, drenching your consciousness with bitter sweet memories. You wish for your parents. You wish for them to be with you so desperately in this moment.

The speeches begin; your hear starts to race. You pacify yourself with the incentive of it being over soon. But then what?

What are you supposed to do when you get back home. Tomorrow? In a week? What about three months later when you’re still lying on your cold floor, still asking for a bus to hit you one day.

No no no.

No.

You’re not going to do this.

A violent siren triggers in your mind. The darkness begins to widen as an old wound stares you at point blank range. The accident. The cremation. The funeral. The people. So many people, sitting, waiting for you to say something. To tell them how unfortunate it is that your parents passed away. How regretful you feel that you couldn’t even tell them goodbye. How terrified you are of leading a life without them. How proud you wanted to make them.

Your name is announced — Once. Twice.

The third time you snap out of your daze.

Stumbling forward with what feels like an anchor lodged in your chest, you step onto the stage, cross all the board of directors and shake hands with the dean.

“First Division, very impressive.”

“Thank you, Sir.” you absent-mindedly reply, taking the scroll in your hand.

You want to run away from there as soon as possible because you don’t know how much longer you could hold off the tears welling up inside you.

Jinyoung sees through your exterior, just from how withdrawn and controlled your body language is. His eyes follow you off the stage; you vanish in a split second.

He immediately dials your number.

The number you have dialled is currently busy.

“Ah no, Moon,” he sighs under his breath and gets up to leave. He apologises to everyone in the row for causing a disturbance and sprints, as soon as he’s away from the crowd, in what he thinks to be the right direction.

His foot steps echo through the empty buildings, louder than a snare.

He tries your number again, only to get the same response. He stops in the middle of the atrium; realising the absurdity of running a wild goose chase.

He rakes his brain for your hiding spots.

The cafe is out of the question, Minsoo would ask questions.

The classrooms are shut.

The park outside your main arts building is closed for landscaping.

It leaves only one viable place — the library.

He takes a u-turn and exits through the gym, going through a shortcut to your favourite place on the campus. Out of the 5 libraries, he goes to the one farthest from the main campus — the one closest to the forest.

“Did a girl come through here, maybe fifteen minutes ago?” he asks the proxy-librarian in a hushed whisper.

“Maybe,” the man replies.

Maybe — he could work with maybe. He skips three steps at a time on the stairway to reach the 3rd floor and heads to the section he’s hoping to find you hiding in.

His footsteps soften in an effort to not startle you.

You’re sitting on the small stool people usually climb on to reach the top shelf — hunched over, shaking, hiding your face in your palms, breathing shallow and fast, in the middle of a pool of tissue papers.

You feel some movement around you, but couldn’t be bothered by it.

“Hey Moon, please forget to fall down. Hey Moon, don’t you go down.” he sings, very softly, sitting in front of you, waiting for you to look up. It’s a line from one of your favourite songs. It’s a line he sings to you often, when you’re experiencing your world crashing down.

“Why do you keep finding me,” you groggily ask, sniffing in your tears.

“I’m your muse, aren’t I? I’m supposed to find you.”

“I want to vanish. Jinyoung. I miss them so much.”

He doesn’t say much, just puts his arms around you. You break down even worse than before. All the wind in your lungs empties out with your sobs and you hold onto him for dear life; fearing if you let go, the last glimmer of hope would disappear too.

You keep your head buried in his chest.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do”.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. Nothing makes sense to me. I thought if I tried to forget about it — about the accident, I could convince myself it never happened. I thought I could forget them. I thought I could live without them. And most days I’m able to. I got pretty good at it. But then there’s days like today. And I can’t help but hate everyone and every thing,” you ramble.

“Do you need me to schedule a session for you? Tell me whatever you need, Moon”

You shake your head. “What if I fail Jinyoung? At life? What if I’m unsuccessful? And mediocre? What if I die without anyone knowing who I was and what I did? What if one day you wake up and realise you don’t love me anymore? What will I do, Jinyoung. I can’t watch everyone leave me again.”

Another wave of uncontrollable hot tears streams down your cheeks and onto his shirt. You weep incessantly. Your throat is so blocked you feel as if you could choke and die at any moment. And you’re embarrassed — so embarrassed for blabbing out everything on your mind without filtering it. So, not only do you feel like absolute shit, you feel like absolute clingy shit.

You let go of him.

The library tiles below hold your attention for all the excruciating minutes that pass.

“Hey-hey-hey, look at me,” he says, cupping your face. Your cheeks are damper than a riverbed.

You keep retracing the concentric patterns of the floor, unwilling to face him. He nudges your chin, his palms still generating heat on your flesh, forcing you to make eye contact.

You fall fast and deep into the black liquid swirling in his soft eyes. You’re overcome with the same warmth you feel wrapped in a quilt on a cold night. Everything suddenly seems…. manageable again.

He grazes his thumbs over your eye-bags, wiping the residual saline liquid off your face.

“Do you trust me?” He asks.

Do you?

You think back to all the times he had come through for you. How he’d witnessed so many of your firsts, when even after two years you felt like a stranger in the city. When you had moved to a new dorm and he’d carried your belongings, for you. When you had moved into your first apartment all by yourself. When you had accidentally burnt your new apartment kitchen and had called him even before thinking about calling the fire department. When your kitten had passed away and he had come over with a tub of ice cream without saying anything.

All the times you’d driven him crazy and he’d never let you feel any less loved. The times he’d waited in the parking lot during your psych visits even though you’d asked him to leave.

He’d been there for everything, no questions asked.

How could you not.

You dip your head low and mumble a barely audible “I trust only you.”

“Then will you trust me when I say you’re going to do something good with your life?”

The tears well up in your eyes again.

He boops your nose with his before placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“I could wake up and not be in love with you one day Moon, humans are fickle — you taught me that. But, so could you. So, how about we cross that bridge if we reach it?”

You bury your head in his chest when he encloses you in a tight embrace, settling a whirlpool of uncertain emotions in your mind.

“I’m sorry, I unloaded all of that dead parent baggage on you again.”

He gives you an unforgiving, incredulous look which softens as soon as he sees your innocent bloodshot eyes. “You’re supposed to unload your baggage on me. You’re my only Moon.”

You smile. “You know I love that you call me Moon, right?”

“No, you never told me. But I’m happy,” he hums. “I’m here, I love you”.

“I love you too“.

You hold him tighter as he snakes his arms around your waist.

In that moment you wish you could stay like that with him forever, because you wanted nothing — nothing — to ever change.

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