#gonna hit post and put on my big boy headphones and hit play FOR REAL THIS TIME

[thatlittledandere]

I've been procrastinating on this for too long. I'm gonna do a brave thing now and watch [S] Collide and regardless of whether it'll emotionally destroy me, leave me completely ambivalent or cause any of the other infinite possible reactions I'll boot up Steam and play something and take my mind off. It's been like two months this is ridiculous

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Fourteen. There's No Way.

word count: 5k (not including pictures) warnings: swearing

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

a/n: yeeeeee very excited about this chapter!! we're getting so close to some good stuff!!!! hope you like it!!! (also, if you understand the reference to bug’s second tweet about mr clean, you’re a real one) 

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Y/n laughed as she tucked her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on top as she stared at her computer monitor. "Yeah, okay, Gogy."

Quackity's laugh sounded through her headphones, cackling loudly and gasping for air as George defended himself in their voice channel. None of them were streaming, which allowed them to tease each other relentlessly without worrying about leaking real things. Currently, the target of the teasing was Y/n. Her guilty crime: Dream’s nickname for her. "She got his ass!"

"Oh shut up, Big Q," Y/n quickly spat back. "At least neither of us has a nickname that lies about our size. Short boy."

Quackity stopped laughing and pulled out his defensive card. "Okay, that's literally not funny. That's messed up of you to say, actually."

"Waaah," Y/n mocked.

"Okay, Bugsy, but no one seriously calls me Gogy, it's just as a joke," George defended himself. "I was only saying that I think it's cute how Dream calls you Bug!"

"Shut up," she mumbled with embarrassment. She loved the nickname and especially how everyone seemed to agree it was reserved for him. She wondered if he noticed that too, how everyone else, including most fans, called her Bugsy, leaving Dream as the only online friend who used the nickname.

"She's embarrassed," Quackity giggled. "Awww. Is the Buggy Wuggy embarrassed of having a crush?"

“I don’t have a crush,” she lied convincingly. 

“You better not. The title of your affection deservingly goes to me,” he said proudly, as if there was any shred of truth in his words.

“Get over yourself, Quackity,” George laughed, “before Dream tells you off again about being too short for Bugsy.”

“HEY!”

"I'm back," Sapnap announced as he unmuted in Discord. "What did I miss?"

"They're still bullying me," Y/n exaggerated.

“No, they’re bullying me!” Quackity scoffed.

“Sapnap, make them stop,” Y/n begged playfully. Usually Sapnap was on her side.

"It’s for a good reason though," Sapnap teased. "I mean, we'll stop bullying you if you admit to liking him," he lowered his voice slightly, probably since he lived in the same house as the man they were talking about.

Y/n smiled to herself and hid it behind her hoodie sleeve as if they could see her anyway. She kinda liked that she hadn't told Quackity or Sapnap about her official crush, enjoying having a secret like that. Well, a secret that George, Karl, and Naomi knew too.

"Then I guess I'll be bullied until the day that I die," she sighed. She swore she heard George cover a laugh with a cough and she sent his icon a death glare. He seemed to enjoy knowing her secret a little too much. 

"Is anyone going to actually stream today?" Sapnap asked. "I wanna do something."

"I'm thinking about doing Jackbox later," Quackity admitted. "Do you guys wanna join if I do?"

"Yes! Please," Sapnap whined. "I'm so bored."

"Sure, I'll play. Karl is spending the night so I can make him play too."

"Sleepover?" George asked. " Can I come?"

"Hm, no."

"That's messed up!"

"Can you join, George?" Quackity asked. "I need you in my title."

George hummed contemplatively and his voice turned mischievous, if only for a moment. "Yeah, if you get Dream to play."

Yeah, he definitely enjoyed knowing her secret too much.

"Right, you only play when your boyfriend plays too," Quackity groaned. "Cancel Dreamnotfound, I believe in Dreamsy supremacy."

"Says the man who asks me to marry him every day," Y/n scoffed.

"Actually, you're right! Bugity supremacy," he said.

"I swear it's become more frequent since I said you could flirt with me online again."

"It has, I'm making up for lost time."

Y/n rolled her eyes and Sapnap laughed. "I'll get Dream to play," Sapnap offered.

"So you'll play, George? I need you to commit," Quackity said.

"Yeah, why not," George agreed before adding with a giggle, "I wanna see Dream try to flirt with Bugsy."

"I hate you all,” specifically you, George, she thought. “I'm not playing anymore."

"NO, YOU ALREADY SAID YOU WOULD!" Quackity shouted.

"FINE," she groaned, a small laugh escaping her lips and completely exposing that she wasn't actually mad. "Speaking of Karl sleeping over, he's coming over in a bit so I'm gonna get off."

"Booo," Sapnap protested lightly. "Have fun with Karl."

"Let me know if he's going to play Jackbox with us. He better," Quackity threatened with no real substance.

"I'll make him," Y/n promised. "Bye guys!"

"Bye!" George and Sapnap shouted together before she disconnected the call.

Y/n stood up from her desk, stretching softly before looking around her room. She had a laundry basket in the corner, overflowing with clean, and now probably wrinkled, clothes waiting to be folded. She decided to use her time to clean up before Karl got there, even though they were probably going to sleep on the couches if at all.

She dumped the clean clothes onto her bed, tossing the things that needed to be hung to the side and neatly folded the rest. When she put her hoodies and sweaters on hangers, she noticed how much of her friends' merch she had. She had two GeorgeNotFound hoodies, a Sapnap shirt and hoodie, and even a Quackity hoodie. Karl didn't have any merch, but she did have a few of his personal hoodies that she had stolen from him over time and considered those her own exclusive merch, even though some of them had the Mr. Beast logo on them. She decided she needed Dream's merch.

For some unknown reason, perhaps it was because of how much she liked him, her face grew warm at the thought of wearing a Dream hoodie, even though it wouldn't have belonged to him. The idea made her nervous, like that would somehow give away that she had a crush on him if she bought some of his merch, even though she bought some of her friends' and even had Karl's actual hoodies. Despite the reasons that that was stupid of her to think, her brain said owning one Dream hoodie would be a dead giveaway of her crush, so she put off buying any. In reality, he'd probably laugh in his cute way when he heard that she bought one, or maybe go "whAT!" in surprise and happiness.

She desperately wanted to tell him things like that, tell him how happy his laugh made her and how adorable he was, or how she got butterflies every time he talked about anything at all. Since she couldn’t just call him up and tell him she hated stopped thinking about him, she decided to do something bold and subtweeted him, even adding a picture of herself with her face covered, hoping he would know it was about him, but that no one else would. She turned off comments for good measure, in case the stans made assumptions. Now that she threw away the "no flirting" rule for all her friends, she could do things like this. Worst case scenario is he thinks it’s weird, she tells him it was only a joke, and they go on their merry ways. Her heart would be broken, but nevertheless her ego would be somewhat saved. Harmless. 

Nervously ― plagued with the thoughts of possible consequences of posting something so bold and, to her, so obvious — she made her way to the kitchen and got a glass of water. He would know it was about him, right? And that's what she wanted? It was so forward of her to say to the world, especially since she hadn't tagged him in it. Leaving it up to interpretation almost made it like she was trying to hide it from him, which wasn't the case or she wouldn't have hit, Tweet.

She waited for him to tweet something vague about her as a response, or maybe even text her, before realizing it had the potential to make him uncomfortable. Maybe he would pretend to not see it so he didn't embarrass her, or didn't even know it was about him. Or maybe he's asleep and hasn't been on his phone. She looked at her clock. Dream asleep at 3:30pm? Unlikely.

As Y/n fell on her bed, contemplating whether she should delete the post and pretend like it never happened, she felt her phone vibrate and quickly swiped the screen to read it.

Y/n had to literally set her phone down to scream into her pillow. He was killing her. Stabbing her in the heart and twisting the knife with his sweet compliments and smooth delivery. He had to know what he was doing, the way he was talking to her like that. No one said "prove it" in that context without having something more behind it.

Why couldn't he just like her? Why did he have to be so nice and flirty towards all his friends? Why couldn’t she be the exception?

She picked her phone back up and left the messaging app, finding her camera roll and swiping through it in search for something to catch her eye. Food pic, meme, Karl’s cat, meme, picture of Naomi nearly falling off a sidewalk... where were her pictures of her face? Did she really not have any of herself? The seemingly endless scrolling stopped when she found one from when she first moved into the apartment. Naomi had taken pictures of every room to show her parents and asked Y/n if she could show her parents the streamers room as well. Y/n cheerfully agreed, and actually wanted to be in the photo because she loved Naomi’s parents like they were her own, so she jumped on her bed and smiled for the picture.

It was cute, the comforter she sat on was messy and looked comfy, and she liked the way she was posed, cross-legged and beaming at the camera with her dying plant on the windowsill in the background and fairy lights around the room. It was also back when her room was clean and presentable. Y/n thought it was a good photo and even would have posted it if not for the whole her being a faceless streamer thing.

She held her breath, contemplating if she should just send the image to Dream. She wanted to, she really did. But that fear of how he perceived her still nagged in the back of her mind.

Y/n must have been mulling it over for a while because as she decided to not send it, Dream followed up on his last text, clearly worried that he was pressuring her. She wanted to change the subject as soon as possible before she changed her mind and face revealed to him.

Y/n took a deep breath at the thought of how close she was to sending that picture to Dream. It wasn't the first time she genuinely considered it, nor would it be the last, but that was the first time she actually looked through her camera roll for options. She so desperately wanted to. Wanted to show him what she looked like. Wanted to hear what he thought of her. Wanted to hear him say, "I like you, Bug" after finally seeing what she looked like. Wanted to let him know how much she trusted him by showing him her biggest fear. It would be so easy to just rip off the Band-Aid; only a few clicks and he could see her face. See her.

But then there was the possibility of none of her fantasies happening. What if she sent him a picture saying, "here is me!" and all he says is, "nice", not finding her pretty or ugly? What if he thought it was just like... seeing a picture of a friend. He and I are just friends, Y/n scolded herself. But him seeing her opened up the opportunity for him to like her.

It was scarier the longer she put it off, almost like the more she postponed it, the more she had to prove. If Dream knew what she looked like from the beginning, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But since she had waited so long to show him, she felt like she had to make it worth the wait.

Was she worth the wait?

Y/n's bedroom door swung open, ripping her out of her thoughts and letting her know that Karl had arrived. He smiled at her and she laughed in response.

"Hello, Karl. Ever heard of knocking?"

"Nope!" he responded as he set down a cupholder with three drinks on her nightstand. "How are you?"

"Good." Daydreaming out about Dream... again. "How are you?"

"I'm so excited!" He dropped his backpack on the floor and turned to her, pulling her off her bed and giving her a hug. "I've missed you!"

"You saw me, like, a couple of days ago," she laughed as she hugged him back.

"A couple of days too long," he sighed dramatically, rocking back and forth into the hug before Y/n lightly pulled away from him. "Where's Naomi?"

"Uh... in her room I'm guessing?"

"I'm going to go give this to her," he explained grabbing one of the drinks and walking out. "Don't miss me too much!"

Y/n laughed and shook her head, laying back down on her bed with her phone in hand. She reread some of the texts between her and Dream and couldn't help the large smile that plastered itself on her face.

When Karl came back in, he jumped on the bed, wrapping his arms around her stomach and snuggling into her side. "Hello."

She laughed but pushed him away slightly, trying to ignore the pout on his face at her actions. "Hi."

"Oh, happy December!"

"Already? Geesh."

"Yeah, only 27 days until the lake!!!!"

Nervous and excited butterflies festered in the pit of Y/n's stomach. "What drink did you get me?"

"Your faaavorite," he sang as he grabbed the drink letting her sit up and lean against the headboard before handing it to her.

"Thank you very much," she said as she took a sip. "Oh, hey, so Quackity wants to do a Jackbox stream tonight and I said you'd join."

Karl groaned and laid back on Y/n, careful not to knock her drink out of her hand. "Noooo...."

"You don't wanna play?" she asked genuinely, patting his hair lightly as his head rested on her legs.

"I just want to hang out with you. It's been so long since we had Karl and Y/n time."

She sighed. "I know, but it will be fun. We'll play for like an hour and a half and then we can hang out for the rest of the night and all day tomorrow until you have to go to Jimmy’s house," she bargained like she was talking a four-year-old into eating some vegetables.

"Hmph. Fine," Karl pouted. "Is Dream playing?"

She shrugged. "I think so?"

"That's why you want to play so bad."

"What? No! I agreed to play before Sapnap said he would ask him."

"Mmmhm. So that Tweet earlier wasn't about him?"

"The... Tweet?" she played dumb but her face warmed up.

"Or was it about me?" he joked. "Have you just been blown away ever since we met and you're still thinking about how cute I am?"

"Shut up," she lightly pushed Karl's head off her lap as her face grew hotter. "Am I wrong though?"

"I don't know!" he said as he sat up and looked at her. "I've never seen the man!!"

"Oh, really?" she asked. "I didn't want to post it because I didn't want people to think I was bragging about knowing what he looks like..." she sighed.

"Then why did you?"

"Because... I also really wanted him to see it," she said with a shy giggle.

Karl face lit up as he cackled at her. "Look at you, trying to flirt!! Let's gooo!!!"

Y/n buried her face in her sweatshirt collar and laughed.

"Oh my gosh? Y/n subtweeting and flirting at the same time?? What on Earth?"

"It only counts if it works."

"Did it?” Karl asked as he leaned back and played with his rings. “You turned off comments and I didn't see him subtweet you back."

"That's because he... texted me... instead."

"WHAT? What did he say?"

Y/n laughed. "He said I wasn't allowed to tweet something like that and then turn off comments so he can't tell everyone it was about him."

Karl cackled again. "HAHAH! So true though!"

"Whatever. I'm not telling you anything else about our conversation."

"Why, was it spicy?"

"No. But— this is weird to talk about!"

Karl frowned. "You don't have to tell me... I just think it's so cute. But if you ever do want to talk about how much you wuv Dweam, I'm all ears. Tell me everything."

Y/n rolled her eyes fondly. "Okay Kawl."

"What time is Quackity streaming?" Karl changed the subject, understanding that Y/n actually didn't want to talk about Dream.

"I don't know. Ask him. Also, tell him you're joining so he knows." She took another long sip from her drink as Karl pulled out his phone and texted Quackity.

Her fingers itched to make another Tweet about Dream and she finally succumbed, but decided to outright tease him instead of flirt, not hiding the identity of her target this time. Really, it was just an excuse for her to try to get his attention like she couldn't just text him and have it right away.

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"Sapnap!" Bugsy cheered as he joined the Discord, Quackity off talking to his chat while the others slowly joined. So far, the only people there were Sapnap, Bugsy, and Karl.

"Bugsy!" he called back with a giggle. "Hi! Is Karl coming?"

"I'm here, Sapnap!" Karl announced. "Bugsy and I are just using the same mic."

"Am I not good enough for you?" she teased Sapnap and he laughed.

"Well you're going to ignore me to talk to Dream once he gets here, so I need a backup so I'm not lonely."

Y/n rolled her eyes with a smile and Karl laughed.

"We can talk while they flirt," Karl promised.

"Both of you shut up," she scolded softly.

Pretty soon, the others joined. In the end, Quackity had convinced Bad, Punz, and Wilbur to play, as well as all the feral boys.

"You could only get nine people to play, Quackity?" George asked once Quackity unmuted. "Wow, you must not have friends."

"Hey! I have friends, George! I do."

"Then where's the tenth person, Big Q?" Wilbur countered.

"LOOK! It was last minute! Where's Drea– that man is always late, I swear to—"

"I'm here!" Dream said quickly, joining the voice channel. "I'm here! Hello, everyone. Hi, Bug."

Karl smacked his hand over his mouth to cover his laugh, which escaped anyway, as he nudged Y/n. She had immediately buried her face in her hands and Karl had to turn away from the mic so no one could hear him laugh at Dream's direct greeting.

She pinched Karl's side before greeting Dream. "Hi, Dream."

"Are you guys ready to play?" Quackity asked.

"Wait, no, we're going to have to have Gene! Can't you get anyone else?" Punz asked.

"Everyone I've asked has said no!" Quackity groaned. "I'm out of people. Deal with Gene."

Y/n and Karl looked at each other at the same time, thinking the same thing. Naomi had been talking about wanting to play Jackbox sometime but that she never has anyone to play with other than Karl and Y/n. She'd be meeting most of these people on vacation in a couple of weeks anyway, why not see if she wants to play?

"What about my roommate?" Y/n spoke up as Quackity sent the code to the Discord.

"Who?" he asked.

"You literally met her when you visited," Karl laughed. "Naomi."

"Oh, yeah! She's cool."

"Invite her to play," George said, making Dream laugh lightly and Y/n smile because they knew they had been talking a lot.

"Yeah, give me a second, don't start yet," Y/n said before sliding off her headphones and making her way to Naomi's room. Before Y/n could even knock, Naomi swung open her door quickly, phone open to the Twitch app in her hand.

"I heard everything," she rushed out, eyes wide and hopeful. "C-can I play?"

"Yeah, you want to?"

"PLEASE."

"There are currently 130,000 people watching, just so you know."

"That's fine, I'm cool under pressure." That was very true. Y/n wouldn’t have let Naomi join if she thought her friend couldn’t handle the attention. She thrived in it. "Should I come to your room?"

"Yeah, come on." Y/n led the way and pulled up a third chair to her desk. Karl offered to listen to the Discord on his phone so Naomi could use the second pair of headphones to listen to everyone. All three of them still used Y/n's mic, Karl muted on his phone. "Okay, kinda scuffed set up, but we're all here. Everyone, this is Naomi."

"Hello!" Naomi said happily. "Nice to meet you all!"

Everyone greeted her and Y/n noted the redness on Naomi's cheeks as George greeted her with a soft, "Nice to talk to you again, Naomi."

Karl giggled again and slapped his hand over his mouth; Y/n had a feeling he'd have to do that a lot this stream.

"Can we all agree to not pander?" Bad asked, earning a few approvals.

"What if we play one game where we only pander?" Dream asked. "Like pander as much as possible for every answer."

"Wait, yeah, let's do that so everyone can get it out of their system," Wilbur agreed.

"But Naomi doesn't know us well enough to pander yet," Sapnap countered.

"Yes I do," she said with a laugh. "I've watched enough streams and lore videos to know exactly how to get votes."

"Damn, okay then," Sapnap mumbled.

"Yeah, she'll be fine," George promise and Naomi blushed again, making Y/n laugh. Naomi joined the lobby on her phone and the round began.

Pandering being the goal was both annoying and hilarious because people used the same jokes, but it was funny to see how hard people were trying to get the audience votes.

"Something you would take with you on a deserted island," Quackity read out loud as the prompt showed up. "An iPad full of downloaded skephalo fanfiction, HAHAH, or dreamnotfound fanart." Everyone laughed and Y/n could hear George scoff at one answer in particular.

"Aw, I love Skeppy!" Bad said innocently.

"Was that your answer then, Badboyhalo?" Wilbur teased as everyone voted on their favorite. Y/n, of course, cast her vote towards skephalo, but still pretended like the other answer didn't make her jealous. The player votes were split, but the audience made Sapnap's answer win in a landslide.

"Okay, the most disappointing thing to hear from a friend," Wilbur read the next one out loud. "Dreamsy is real, and you don't have a shot with BugsyGames."

"What the hell?" Y/n laughed loudly at the similarity between the two responses. Dream was laughing so hard, wheezing like he would never stop, and the sound brought a large grin to Y/n's face.

Everyone's laughs overlapped and mingled with each other and it was such a happy sound, distracting everyone's attention from Y/n a little.

"That would be the worst thing to hear!" Quackity yelled. "Good thing Bugity is real."

Dream stopped laughing abruptly and instead yelled, "WHAT?" which only made everyone laugh harder.

"Vote!!" Bad reminded.

"Wait, Quackity, what did you just say?" Dream asked.

"Well, I've seen her face, so... I think she loves me more," he said, just trying to get a rise out of the other, which seemed to be working.

Y/n thought again about how close she was to sending a picture of herself to Dream earlier. He probably would have immediately used it against Quackity, but she didn't think she would have minded because it was funny to see Dream jealous, real or not.

"Only because you flew out to hang out with Karl!" Dream yelled. "I'd fly just to see her."

"Then do it," Y/n challenged before she could think and her heart stopped at her own words.

Dream went silent and it was Naomi's turn to cover her laugh with her hand, Karl's eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"Why are you so defensive, huh, Dream?" Punz asked.

"Uh, you-you have to be when fighting for Bug's love and attention," he joked finally, and Y/n's heart resumed beating, a little fast at the implication of his words. Why did she say that? He probably thought she was so weird. "It's every person for themselves." Then again, so was he.

The votes were pretty split since they said the same thing, but the surprising thing was who said what. She expected one of them to be from Quackity, but she didn't know who wrote the second one about not having a shot. Sapnap maybe? Karl? They all joke around so who put it?

"DREAM?" Sapnap laughed. "You wrote that?"

"Well, yeah, I mean..." he trailed off with a laugh and Y/n's face caught fire. Did he really think he didn't have a shot? Because reality check: he’s the only one with arrows and the target is wide open. Was he joking or stupid or was she just not as obvious as she previously thought?

"Okay, okay, next one," Quackity laughed. "If cats were political leaders, everyone’s favorite president would be: Patches, okay," he paused as Dream cheered loudly, "and Bingus."

"Corpse isn't even here! Wrong audience!" Karl said.

"Bingus is for all audiences," Y/n mumbled, making Naomi laugh.

"Uh-oh, another faceless man stealing Bugsy's heart—?" Sapnap joked, immediately cut off by Dream's stern, "no."

"Naomi, you put Patches?" Wilbur laughed as the votes went towards the girl on Y/n's left. "Okay, she does know more than we thought."

"Oh, I know everything," she said evilly, double-meaning evident in her voice. Y/n gave her a look and Naomi just smiled innocently.

The pandering got so intense that Y/n almost cried tears of joy when the first Quiplash game was over and the no-pandering rule got put back into play.

"What, you don't like your name being every other answer?" Wilbur joked and Y/n shook her head.

"No. But certain ones were okay..."

"Yeah, the Bugity ones," Quackity joked.

Dream hummed out a soft, "Okay, Quackity," and the next game began.

The games went on as usual and Y/n had a blast. It was so fun to see her best friend interact with all her online friends for the first time and it warmed her heart how inclusive they were, making sure Naomi wasn't left out of jokes. It helped that Naomi's sense of humor was similar and that she already knew a lot about the streamers, but Y/n was still grateful for all the efforts put forth by her friends.

It also helped that George and Naomi clearly liked each other.

"Is anyone going to stream?" Quackity asked as he started wrapping up.

"I will if no one else is," Punz said. "I'm going to play Valorant."

"Oh, can I play?" Sapnap asked.

"Yeah, definitely, dude."

"Okay, I'll raid you." Quackity muted after thanking everyone for playing and Y/n left the call.

"Dude, that was SO FUN!" Naomi stood up and yelled. She sat down on the end of Y/n's bed, hands balled up in excitement.

Karl laughed as he fell on top of the bed next to where Naomi sat. "I'm so glad you guys all got along!"

"Yeah, I almost started crying when everyone was laughing at your jokes," Y/n laughed, swiveling in her chair to look at them. "That made me so happy."

"Oh my gosh, thank you so much for letting me play. I had so much fun. And they're all so nice and funny and I was worried they'd make me feel left out but they didn't at all."

"I'm so glad you had fun," Y/n said. "We'll invite you again if you want."

"Please do. Only if everyone's okay with it though!"

"I'm sure they would be."

“The lake is going to be so fun,” she sighed whimsically. 

“Because George?” Karl teased, causing Naomi to punch his arm. 

A Discord notification sounded on Y/n's computer and she turned to look at the screen, smiling when she saw Dream's name.

Dream: You left the vc so quick :( Bugsy: I have two goons to hang out with :( Dream: :(((( Dream: I wanna be the only goon you hang out with Dream: I was right, I don't have a chance with you Dream: Karl is the only focus of Bugs attention Bugsy: ?? Bugsy: lies detected Dream: wait really Bugsy: ... Bugsy: do I need to remind you of the tweet I posted earlier Dream: bug don't say things like that to me Bugsy: why not Dream: can you kick Karl back to his house so we can ft or call :( Bugsy: no <3 Bugsy: we can tomorrow after Karl leaves Dream: promise? Dream: don't get my hopes up bug Bugsy: yeah I promise :) Dream: :D

"Pay attention to me!" Karl whined. Y/n turned back around and saw that Naomi had left the room and Karl was laying upside down, close to falling off the bed with his head dangling dangerously close to the ground.

She laughed and typed one last message to Dream.

Bugsy: bye bye dream :) Dream: goodnight bug :] sleep well

"Okay," she huffed jokingly, turning back to Karl. "You have my full, undivided attention."

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[cata-linaa]

hello hello!! my “haikyuu facts” post got WAY more notes than i expected since i wrote it in the parking lot of a wendy’s , and thank you so much! Anyway, I think Oikawa slander is my favorite thing (the jokes just write themselves, it’s so easy i dont even know how to beat around the bush about it it’s RIGHT THERE-) but yes, I do know he’s a complex character this is just for funsies ok  I try to be nice when writing him I promise. This is my first actual written out thing, so bear with me :)

Characters: Oikawa w a dash of Seijoh

Pairing: Milkbread and you 

Word Count: Enough

Grammar: All over the place, no editing, just shit out some content, the more I look at it the more i cringe so I might come back to edit it in the future. 

Tooru Oikawa is completely and hopelessly tone deaf. 

i just KNOW this mf cannot sing

you stans give him a little too much credit sometimes, seijoh is NOT a boy band

but he does all the time anyway

the funniest thing, though, was that iwa actually let him think he was good up until about his first year of high school

it’s not that he thought it was funny, that would be mean.... (but seriously, it’s just that he would say something about his voice being shitty, and he would just refute with the notion that “you’re just jealous of me hehe” so he let it go because he was sick of having the same argument every day)

and oikawa’s family was just like “oh 😬... uh, good job honey...” because he’s a kid what are you gonna say LMAO-

however, several years later when he decided to serenade the team on the bus ride to a tournament, makki and mattsun changed that opinion real quick

man couldn’t BREATHE that whole week without someone laughing about it and doing an impression of the voice cracks galore that occurred 

his voice is very nasally and off key, super loud and yikes 

very theatre kid who never got told he wasn’t the broadway-bound baby he thought he was and was in fact, just over-annunciating and screlting (if you don’t know what this means i am so jealous of you)

he’s so annoying and i hate him/hj

but you don’t seem to mind, do you?

You squinted as the sun peeked through the blinds as you woke up, tangling yourself further in several blankets after shivering from the AC unit going at full blast from across the room. Wait. I turn off the air conditioning at night, and these aren’t my blankets! And this is definitely NOT my hoodie! Glancing down at the fluffy white duvet, that was not the one you had at home. And you definitely did not play Argentinian volleyball, much less buy official team merchandise. Looking around further, you realized where you were. 

You had spent the night over your new boyfriend Tooru’s house for the first time, since the movie you guys had watched ended too late, and you had missed the last train home. Tooru had started another one, but all you remember is the opening credits. Guess I fell asleep? You thought, but where is Tooru now? 

“AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHIIIIEIEEIEIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” You got up with a start. What was that? Tooru? It didn’t sound good. Hopefully, he wasn’t hurt. His knee had been bothering him lately, and he did have a big game coming up. Throwing off the blankets, you ran to the source of the horrible scream. Panting, you scrambled to open the door and got to the kitchen. 

Tooru had his earbuds in, and he was frying eggs on the stovetop, no injury in sight. You look around concerned, wondering why he would make such a sound and then, it clicked when he opened his mouth once more.

This fucking idiot. 

“AAND I’LL ALWAYSZZZSS LOVE-” He took a deep inhale, but you yank the headphones out before he could even try to hit that note.

“Oh hey! Look who’s awake-” He tried to reach down to boop your nose, but you were not having it this morning. 

“Tooru! I thought you were hurt! This is your SINGING?!” You had never heard him sing before, but now that you have, you kind of didn’t want to anymore. He scoffed.

“I happen to be a very good singer, thank you.” You rolled your eyes at your ridiculous boyfriend. He’s certainly a lot, but you guessed breakfast could make up for it. He unplugged his earbuds and cranked the volume up on his phone. 

“You know the words, Prince(ss)*, sing with me!” 

“No.”

“You know you want to, here.” He reached out for your hand, with Whitney playing in the background. You laughed and took it, and his heart melted a little. This was so, so dumb, but what the hell.

 It was an awkward kind of swaying, as the song was slow but also so passionately singable. Simultaneously to the half-dance, half karaoke Tooru was putting his hand to his heart and just letting out those notes, however off-key he was, the attempt was there. With each passionate screlt, he pulled you towards him, as you were also holding the hands he was wildly pointing and gesturing around. Soon, the worried and disgruntled look disappeared from your face and was replaced with a smile, and maybe you sang along too. 

The rest of your morning was spent with sleepy giggles and loud singing, and he did burn those eggs, but he took you out to get something to make it up, singing the whole way to the coffee shop, ignoring the odd looks from strangers, because he did have tomorrow to wake you up to breakfast and a song, if you were willing to stay.

Needless to say, you heard a lot more of that awful for years to come, and honestly? you wouldn’t trade it for the smoothest and most beautiful of voices, because it was his, and he was yours. 

*pet names like “princess” or “bubs” or whatever make me physically recoil and want to throw up and  i apologize for using it because it made me cringe and it might make you cringe too, but i just know he would call his s/o some bullshit corny ass name like that. 

i really hope i got that characterization right, anyways, i’ll hopefully improve with more practice, and as of Jan 2021, requests are OPEN!

[having-a-hyperfixate]

The Final Day’‘

This is absolutely going to be long and rambley af so I’mma just put a cut here. This is just one massive post for the entire rest of the game.

Rindo is back in the RG somehow. Which makes less than no sense. What was that crazy beam. Shibuya is GONE there isn’t an RG to send him back to, even if someone did want to send him back?

That beam reminded me of the Jesus beams not gonna lie.

But… Fret. Presumably Nagi and Beat too. They’re. Gone. Poor Rindo… That’s the worst kind of gaslighting. Reality itself is gaslighting this poor kid. ‘Your best friend in the world is gone, so gone that no one remembers him. You don’t even get to mourn properly because there is no one TO mourn.’  I am also not okay.

I assume this random talking to us at Hachiko is the dude I saw a brief glimpse of in a screenshot from the final trailer. Hazuki Mikagi, okay. Everything about this is supremely weird. 

Leading this weirdo around and he asked how we feel about emotions? Um, what?

Was he responsible for that beam of light?

This whole thing is extremely unsettling, I don’t think I like it. The music is all… serene, this guy keeps asking existential questions, who even comes up to some kid clearly having a bad day and demands a tour of the city.

He knows Rindo’s name even though we never told him. Not sure if that was a slip or an intentional nudge that Something is going on but there we go.

‘I should take this chance to apologize for Kubo. He’s a real piece of work.’ WHAT. YOU SEND HIM TO SHINJUKU?!?! IS THIS KID GOD!? WHAT!??!

‘Exorcised’. Like a demon. Which is a psychic rank you can get in the first game, and probably this game, ergo, a thing that exists in this universe.

Okay. So this Hazuki guy is Something Else. I dunno if he’s an Angel or higher or WHAT. He’s something. And he “exorcised” what Fuckwad had Fallen to when he decided not to stop at Shinjuku and continue on to Shibuya. But he only did this after Rindo faught so hard to stop it. And then he gave Rindo what he thought Rindo wanted. And now he’s here trying to understand why Rindo is miserable. Which to us, as humans, is obvious: the people he loved, the connections and family he had made through the game are all gone and worse, no one remembers they ever existed.

And now he’s being offered the chance to try again. This feels like a double edged sword. And I don’t care.

Okay I actually kind of appreciate the thing Hazuki is pulling here. He knows what it is that Rindo wants, I’m pretty sure he’s listening to his thoughts, actually, and in order to make Rindo own up to it he’s arguing the ‘no’ position. Giving Rindo someone to argue against so he can convince himself.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN AT UDAGAWA.

Bruh some of these clips were in the announcement trailer.

(I can’t wait to read the secret reports. That’s gonna be a wild ride.)

Oooooh that’s what ‘exorcised’ means. That is hardcore. He definitely deserved it but that is uh. Slightly inconvenient.

Can we actually contact Rhyme this time PLEASE. Oooh Rindo worked out Kaie is waiting for Rhyme. :O I’M FINALLY GONNA GET MY MASSIVE COUNTER OFFENSIVE FUCK YES. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I’M PUMPED LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!

Who’s gonna protect them. Beat. Really. Just give them the damn pins at this point. They both know their ways around a fight and Kaie might need the backup. If we lose, we’re all toast regardless, and if we win everyone gets put back where they belong.

AAAAAAAAAAAH SHE’S HERE!!! RHYME!!!! Aw… She can’t see Neku and Shoka cuz they’re actually dead. That’s really depressing. Makes sense but like. Oof. Especially for Neku.

I love that Rhyme still has a saying for everything.

This timeline is going to be a mess by the time I get everything positioned correctly lmao

Beat’s ‘How do you know about my sister?! Right, future.’ is never going to NOT be funny. It’s very refreshing to have a time travel plot where people just listen when he tells them shit needs to happen.

Is it acutaly Shiki time ohh my god. I might cry. Please tell me she has a face now. If her face is still illegal I will actually scream.

I’m offended. We didn’t get to go see Shiki. The betrayal. OH but now we might be? Stop playing with me, game. GIVE. ME. SHIKI.

Rindo was freaking out that we weren’t gonna be able to get rid of all the Noise around the café and I definitely threw my hands up and yelled when I saw the word ‘zeptogram’. And I read it before he said it, cuz I read v. fast. Nice to see you again, idiot. Please don’t go berserk again.

I am. Very impressed that Minamimoto managed to work out where the Dissonance Noise are coming from, down to the exact energy source that creates them. He nailed it. Well done sir.

I think… he’s proposing we awaken the city and use the energy generated by the thoughts and emotions of the living people to neutralize some of the Dissonance Noise that are waiting in the pin. Erode some of its power.

“How about this: I’ll talk, you type.” Lmao.

I got denied Shiki again. Part of me is annoyed. The other part of me is like ‘are they saving her entrance for when she can see Neku again properly because I can live with that’.

OH the Hishima cutscene is voiced now OKAY. Guess that means this is the one. Rhyme is voiced too. This is gonna be it.

And she speaks Minamioto. Coo.

Huh. Neku’s power is to sync with people. Which he learned to do in the first game. From Mr H, with the harmonizer pin. (Twister is playing and I have Emotions help) And now he’s gonna do it on an absolutely MASSIVE scale. This is insane. I am 1,000% here for it. Sync, Dive, Remind. And if I had to guess, we’re doing this atop 104.

Alright Shiba. ‘Mere. Tsugumi’s eyes aren’t all freaky anymore yay. Oh snap. He’s gonna unleash the Plague Noise against the Dissonance ones. Nice. Turnabout is fair play. I’m kinda sad Fuckwad isn’t here to witness that.

Alright. Change. Our. Fate.

SHIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I gave myself a headache ow.

“07734.” “Ew. Hey! Don’t just spout off numbers and walk away, you jerk!” That was amazing.

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. NO. NO WAY. I DIDN’T THINK THERE WAS ANY WAY. OH. MY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. This is the first time Neku’s seen him since Joshua failed to stop Coco from killing him. I’m. A puddle. Help. Neku looked so happy. My cat is slightly concerned haha.

Neku still holds his hands like he’s got the headphones. The same pose as in the first game when you scan. This gives me all the feels.

“They’re just mindless thoughts” Okay so I’m mentally exhausted at this point and I processed that as ‘thots’ and it was hilarious. BEGONE THOTS.

Okay this thing right here? This is a final boss. And it is cool as fuck. Too bad it’s trying to END ME. So cool. SO. COOL. Here comes phase 2 lol. I died and had to redo it. FML.

That. Was awesome. A worthy successor to the epic final strike of the first game. 999% eh?

I continue to not like Shinjuku rules. Once you’re a Reaper, leaving means you get erased once the game ends? Disrespectfully, fuck that. Oh don’t you dare, Shoka. Don’t. You. Dare.

Oh, Joshua is here. PLEASE. Lmao Shoka’s reaction. I’m sure he appreciates that, the drama queen.

*facepalms* Joshua strikes again. I’ve missed you, you little shit. You are terrible, but I missed you. Rindo, I’m pretty sure she’s fine. I think captain helpful over here reincarnated her for you. Since you saved him and his city. I guess I’ll see though.

Uzuki and Kariya continue to be adorable. I love them. And yeah, good luck calling in that debt from Minamimoto, Coco. Gooooood luck.

I’m having a lot of Joshua centered emotions right now there is too much Joshua all at once help. “I should have known I could trust you.” You are killing me dude. You really, really should have. I’m going to turn that line over in my head for way too long, I just know it, but let’s try to get through this before my brain turns off completely. “Let’s not keep her waiting.” OKAY THANKS I’M GONNA CRY AGAIN.

What Hazuki was saying about ‘purifying’ as opposed to ‘destroying’ Shinjuku makes me think that restarting it in some form was always part of the plan, so hopefully they’ll have luck with that. It’s still profoundly fucked up that any of that happened, and even more so that it was sanctioned. I’m. Going to be hung up on that for a while once it sinks in.

This poor idiot hitting on Rhyme is about to get got oh no XD

Shiki is breaking my heart. Aaaaaaaah!!! Reunioooooon.

Ooof it’s been a month since Rindo saw Shoka. Big oof. Joshuaaaaaa.

And then they almost got hit by a car lmao. OMG HE MISSED HER FRIEND REQUESTS AHAHAHAHAH YOU GOOBER. Neku really should have warned them that Joshua is Like That lol. Even when he’s being helpful it’s in the must backhanded way possible.

I would very much like to know why on earth Shinjuku needed to be obliterated though. Like. Does that… Happen often? Maybe the secret reports say.

Speaking of, time to get those, along with the rest of the trophies.

!!!! The title screen updated, NICE. Can’t let anyone who hasn’t beaten it see that but NICE.

There’s another Another Day. Oh boy. I am not ready for that madness yet.

Random thought as I was moving this from word, where I typed it: I’m really, really fucking glad they didn’t decide to deal with Mr H the way they dealt with sleezy mcfuckwad. That would have been�� I don’t have a word.

[sunshinejihyun]

Open Secrets - Saeyoung Choi

Summary: A story in which Saeyoung finds a love that ends up being closer than he imagined

Word Count: 3.8K

Masterlist

“Can you at least listen to that with headphones on? I’m trying to work.” Your roommate, Saeyoung called from his room, referring to the loud music you were currently playing in yours.

“I’m in my room, I can do what I want.” You called back but still grabbed your headphones, untangling them and plugging them into your laptop.

Tapping your foot along to the beat of the music, you reached to the floor, grabbing your laptop and going into the hacking forum you found when you were doing research on possibly starting working for a hacking agency. You smiled when you saw a little notification in the corner of your screen, signaling that you had a private message.

707: Hey babe! Got anything fun going today?

MC: just arguing with my roommate, the usual. you?

You and 707 had been talking on the forum for as long as you could remember and one day, he posted something about how annoying his roommate was and how difficult it was to concentrate on his hacking job, and you messaged him telling him how much you sympathized with him, since you had a horrible roommate as well. You both stayed up that night, exchanging stories about your horrible roommates.

707: I want to go out tonight but I’m too behind on work. Wanna video chat? U could entertain me ;)

MC: only if you can entertain me right back. ;)

Along with having horrible roommates, you and 707 had figured out that you guys had the same sort of humor and never ran out of stuff to talk about. You knew he liked to be called 707, he was into rock music, and liked Honey Buddha Chips and Dr. Pepper, and he didn’t really like to share much else about himself, fact wise. But you did know lots of personal things about him, like he has a twin brother who he lost touch with at a young age. All 707 knew about you was from your account: your name and the fact you had an annoying roommate and that you were studying computer science in college, and some of your deepest darkest secrets you had decided to share with him—he hadn’t even hacked you to find out more information. You were intriguing and he wanted to figure you out on his own.

707: C’mon! Aren’t u a little curious about who I am? Because I’m very curious about u. I tend to keep my identity a secret because of my work, but there’s something about u that makes me want to be completely honest about myself.

You felt a pink blush spread across your neck and cheeks.

MC: of course i’m curious. i’m just nervous. i’m probably not what you’d expect.

707: U’re everything I’d want and more.. pls let me know who u r.

MC: i’m sorry, i can’t.

You felt bad, you wanted to meet 707, badly. But there was something about the anonymity that was stopping you. It made you feel safe, protected. He had all your secrets but no face to put them to. You knew things about him he hadn’t told anyone else and if you were actually to put a face to those secrets, it’d be like your two worlds were colliding together.

707: Can I meet u in person?

“(MC), I’m going to the library. It’s your night to make dinner. I’ll be back later.” You looked up from your laptop and made eye contact with Saeyoung. You and Saeyoung weren’t roommates by choice; the campus had overbooked the residence halls this year so they put you and him together in a campus owned apartment.

“Yeah because studying here is so horrible.” You rolled your eyes, throwing a small pillow at Saeyoung. “Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.”

Saeyoung sighed, and mumbled something about how it wouldn’t be horrible if you were gone, and shoved another book in his messenger bag. “Just please, don’t burn down our apartment when I’m gone.”

He closed the door to your room and you looked down at your message from 707 that had still gone unanswered.

MC: when and where? i don’t even know where you live.

You felt your heartbeat increase as you sent the message. What if 707 decided that you weren’t worth meeting in person? What if he was just playing a trick on you? What if- a new response popped up.

707: I can meet u anywhere. I traced ur IP address and I’m close to you to meet wherever ur comfortable. I will come for u!

You read that message and found yourself scrambling to your closet, not even caring that he had violated your privacy by tracing your IP address, and trying to find something more presentable to wear than a black zip up hoodie and some grey sweatpants. Settling on a brown sweater and a black skirt, you quickly typed out a response to 707, telling him to meet you at a bookstore not too far from your apartment before smoothing down your hair.

Your heart was pounding harder than you thought it ever had before. Every step you were taking to the book store brought you closer to the boy that you spent every waking minute talking to. The boy who wedged his way into your heart even though you didn’t even know what he looked like.

You could see the inside now; the old chairs that didn’t match, the books that looked like they had been tossed into water and dried only to be placed back on the shelf. There were two boys in there, one sitting down in a comfy chair, emerged in his book and another one standing and waiting for someone to help him at the register, headphones in his ears.

MC: there’s two people inside. are you here yet?

You saw the boy with headphones take out his phone and type a response and you felt your heart twinge when you realized it was probably 707. Looking down at your phone there was no response. Maybe his data connection was bad?

The boy with the headphones grabbed his bag and started to head outside. As he passed you with a quick glance in your direction, you snuck a peak at the coffee cup he was nursing in his hands. The name on there said Jihyun, not 707.

So your 707 had to be the one on the couch, reading. You walked in and the boy looked up, looking at you confusedly. “MC?”

“Oh, Saeyoung. Hey.” Why was he here? “I thought you were going to the library.”

Saeyoung rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, gesturing to his coffee. “Change of plans, the library was busy with people cramming for finals.” You nodded, looking around the store for another boy. He wouldn’t stand you up. He promised he would meet you.

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Walking into the bathroom, you took a deep breath. 707 was nowhere to be seen, not that you even knew what he looked like. You pulled your phone out of your back pocket. There was a new message from 707 from a minute ago.

707: U here yet darling? Can’t wait to meet u. I’m sitting on the big blue couch in the main area.

Okay, he’s here. Maybe he just went to the bathroom when you came in. Splashing some cold water on your face to help you calm down, you walked out, only coming face to face with Saeyoung again.

MC: i’m literally standing in the main area and all i see is my stupid roommate.

You could hear Saeyoung’s phone buzz from where you were standing right when you sent that message. He pulled out his phone, read whatever was on his screen and stood up, walking over to you. “This was you? This whole time, the person I’ve been talking to was you, MC?”

Saeyoung looked mad. Hell, you were mad too. “You lied to me! You said your name was 707 and you liked rock music and-”

“You really think you know me? My real name is Saeyoung, 707’s a nickname and you would probably know that if you even tried to get to know me. How should you know what type of music I listen to? Not like you ever tried to like me.”

You felt tears threaten to spill, and you looked at Saeyoung. “I gave my heart to 707 and finding out it’s you is like being lied to. You lied to me.”

“I never lied, MC! You knew my nickname, I was more truthful to you as 707 than I’ve been with anyone for a long time. And how was I supposed to know it was you?” Saeyoung broke off, angrily swiping a tear off his cheek. “I thought it was just a coincidence that the person I was talking to was named MC too. That when I traced your IP address and you were in this area that there was no way, it had to be a fluke. I mean, what were the chances? Not like we could have ever put two and two together, we never made an effort to know each other in person.”

Tears were falling freely down both of your faces. You could just picture how the two of you looked right now, Angry stances, crying, but so much love still in each other’s eyes. This was the man you had fallen in love with, no matter how you felt before, you knew in this moment that this felt right. More right than anything had in a long time.

You looked up at Saeyoung, wiping away tears so you could see him. “What’s gonna happen now? I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” you broke off, another sob coming out of nowhere.

Saeyoung didn’t know how to react; he never had been in a situation like this before. Not like many can say they had. So he did the only thing he thought of:  Saeyoung lightly grabbed your chin, looking into your eyes, trying to find any sign of resistance before he kissed you. But he didn’t find anything in them but want and love.

It wasn’t a pretty kiss. You had been crying, your lips were chapped and he could taste the saltiness of the tears. This was Saeyoung’s first kiss, he didn’t know what to do and you weren’t exactly very responsive in all of this.

Saeyoung pulled away, brushing his thumb against your lower lip. “I-I-I should go. I’ll see you later at the apartment I guess.”

He waited a few moments before giving up hope that you’d say anything. Turning and grabbing his bag, he felt you grab his forearm, making him turn back to you.

And then your lips were on his. This time, you were the one in control. It was a rough kiss, full of anger and possibly hatred but definitely love and passion. Saeyoung dropped his bag to the floor, one arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer to him, the other hand knotting itself into your hair.

Pulling away, you looked up at Saeyoung shyly. “Can I walk home with you?”

Saeyoung smiled, grabbing his bag once more, holding his arm out for you to take. “I’ve never heard you call the apartment home before.”

You shrugged. “I always thought wherever 707 was, that would be home. I guess it took me too long to realize that I’ve been home all along.”

-

Six months later, you were sitting squished in between Zen and Yoosung on the dingy green couch that resided in the living room of your apartment. Jaehee was sitting at the small kitchen table, her laptop and various piles of paperwork spread around her. Sending a desperate glance at Saeyoung, he shrugged, silently apologizing with his eyes. You and Saeyoung were going to have a night in and watch some Netflix, maybe order some Chinese food since he was done with his current project for work and you two haven’t spent much time together lately. But when Saeyoung got a call from Yoosung asking what he was doing, your boyfriend panicked, inviting over his best friend and in turn, resulted in Yoosung telling Zen and Jaehee tag along, Jumin was invited but he declined, claiming he had work to do.

Since you and Saeyoung found out that both of you were talking to each other online, it took awhile for you two to find the same connection in person; it was awkward and frustrating and at points, both of you wanted to give up, but you pushed through and now you couldn’t be happier together. Once you two found your rhythm, he invited you to join this charity organization with some other people he knew, since you were finishing up with school and were looking for something to do. Perfect timing too, because the role you took in the organization was something that had recently opened up due to something tragic happening to a former member named Rika.

It’s not that you and Saeyoung were ashamed of your relationship, far from it actually. You wanted to shout it from the rooftops that you were in love with Saeyoung Choi, but It was just easier to let the other members of the RFA figure it out on their own without making it into a big deal. So here you were, sitting between Yoosung and Zen with Saeyoung on a loveseat next to all by himself. Shooting another look at Saeyoung, you silently got up, heading to the bathroom.

Once you left the room, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket and you pulled it out.

RFA Messenger: Message from: 707

Unlocking your phone, you smiled as the old name you knew Saeyoung as brought old memories back. Only you knew him as Saeyoung and to protect his identity, he was either Luciel, 707, or Seven around friends. Your phone quickly brought you to the message your boyfriend sent you.

It really sucks when u’re sitting in the same room as 2 other people who r talking about having a crush on ur gf.

From the other room, you heard someone exclaim loudly and you quickly washed your hands, walking back in the room to find Zen and Yoosung huddled around Yoosung’s phone. Deciding now was a good moment, you sat next to Saeyoung and set your hand on his thigh, just wanting to touch him as you haven’t had this chance in a while due to him being so busy.

“What are they freaking out about?” Saeyoung covered your hand with his, moving the intertwined hands slightly farther down his thigh.

“You know that text I sent you?” You nodded, looking at him inquisitively. “Well… Yoosung might have accidentally received it first.”

Yoosung walked over to you, successfully wedging himself in between you and Saeyoung. “So… you two are dating?” You nodded, biting your lip. “I don’t understand why it was something that needed to be hidden.” You and Saeyoung opted to stay quiet, not really sure how to respond to that statement

“To be fair, he has a point.” Zen called from the other couch, his head buried in a pillow. Jaehee has stayed quiet through this interaction, but now had stopped her typing to watch what was going to happen. “We‘re all in an organization together. V’s hiding things first, and now you two are as well.”

Shaking your head, you stood up and stretched before brushing down your shirt slightly when you noticed Saeyoung staring at the patch of bare skin that was showing. “The difference is that we weren’t hiding us dating, we just didn’t think it needed to be a whole announcement and if anyone asked we’d have told everyone right away. We figured that you guys would figure it out on your own. Whatever V’s got going on is his stuff, and he will come to us when he’s ready. So leave him out of it, these are two very different situations.” No one said anything after that.

Yoosung slouched down into the couch, nervously biting his nails, Zen stared at the white and cracked ceiling, like he was trying to put together a puzzle. Jaehee suddenly seemed very interested in her work again. Saeyoung was nervously drumming on his thighs and waiting for anyone to react.

Giving up on getting any sort of response out of them, you  headed to your room, moving to close the door but a foot stopped you. You opened the door and before you could say anything, Saeyoung’s hands were grazing your hips and his lips were attached to yours sweetly. “Goodnight, darling.”

Saeyoung brought a hand up to brush his thumb against your tinged pink cheeks and you grabbed his hand, lightly kissing his palm. “Are you coming in tonight?”

Since you figured out who 707 really was, you and Saeyoung have changed some of your sleeping arrangements. If Saeyoung was able to go to bed at night, he would crawl under your covers and wrap his arms around you whether you were awake or not; both of you found that when he started sleeping in your bed, you’ve both had been sleeping a lot better.

Saeyoung bit his lip nervously, looking over his shoulder before leaning down to press another quick kiss to your lips. “I’ll see what I can do, Yoosung might stay over and if that happens, I’ll probably give him my bed.”

You nodded your head, detaching yourself from his grip. “Have fun with the boys but don’t bother Jaehee too much.”

Saeyoung sent you one last smile before exiting your room and closing your door. You crawled in your bed and clicked on the RFA chat room, an idea starting to form in your head. You bit your lip, going into the text messages and thought of some messages that could make your boyfriend become a little flustered.

I think about you moaning my name a lot

Your body pressed against mine

My hands in your hair as you kiss my neck

Utter bliss

You could hear Saeyoung’s phone going off like crazy and you giggled to yourself, just picturing his face blushing red when he read those messages.

“Seven what’s the matter?” Zen’s voice brought you back to reality and you could just picture your boyfriend, sitting on his hands, his neck and cheeks flushed a bright red, and he was doing everything he could to avoid eye contact with everyone.

“N-nothing, I’ve gotta go to the bathroom, I’ll be back.” A few moments later, your door was being opened and then closed again, Saeyoung coming over and hovering over you, his hands placed on the bed on either side of your face. “You think it's funny? Sending me in things you know will make me crazy?”

You giggled, putting your right hand on the back of his neck, guiding his lips to yours. “It was a little funny.” Saeyoung let a low growl rip through his throat and he connected your lips feverently. You pushed him back slightly. “Y’know what we should do?”

“Really? You’re trying to talk now?” Saeyoung’s lips were ghosting across your neck and you had to struggle to push him away again.

“Take a picture of us together right now, and send it in the RFA chat room, and be like “oops guess you know our secret now”.

He agreed, opening the RFA messenger and pressing the new chat room button. You joined right away and you both waited until the other members logged in - sans V.

Not two seconds after Saeyoung posted the pictures, you heard Yoosung’s phone ding from the next room. “WHAT THE HECK?”

“You left us to go make out?” Zen, Jaehee, and Yoosung pushed their way into your room, not even caring about invading your privacy. “Don’t you have any decency?”

“Nah,” Saeyoung shrugged before burying his head in your shoulder and you giggled softly as you felt his breath tickle your neck.

Zen sent Saeyoung an exasperated look. “You better not act like a wolf to her alright? I know how men get around a beautiful lady so you better treat MC right.”

You giggled and Zen glared at you, sitting down on the bed next to you and Saeyoung, Yoosung and Jaehee following suit. Jaehee cleared her throat. “So how’d it happen? How’d you two get together?”

Saeyoung smiled widely, recounting the moments up to when you two got together. “And so now, since I had a free night off from work, we were actually trying to have a night in by ourselves tonight but-”

“Say no more,” Jaehee interjected, grabbing Zen and Yoosung by their wrists. “We’ll get out of your way. Have fun, but be safe!”

Yoosung waggled his eyebrows at Saeyoung and Saeyoung wanted to shrink into your mattress, opting to bury his face in your neck instead.

“I didn’t know Seven was capable of having feelings,” you heard Zen mention to his two friends on their way out the door, making you laugh as you heard a loud smack and Zen exclaim “don’t blemish my perfect skin!”

Once the front door closed, you brought Saeyoung’s head back up and kissed him. “So where were we before we were interrupted?” Saeyoung grinned, pushing you back down on the bed and covered your lips with his own, happy to stay up doing more things other than hacking.

As soon as he started making his way down towards you chest, both of your phones went off and he groaned, reaching for his own.

Jumin Han: If anyone didn’t know that Luciel and MC were dating, than you’re more stupid than I previously thought.

707: Jumin, just cuz u accidentally received one of my ~pictures~ meant for MC does not mean u figured it out on ur own

Yoosung★: Pictures? T_T

ZEN: Speaking of pictures, want to see a new one I took today?

Jaehee Kang: Zen, please share with us your beauty, for it will brighten even the night sky.

707: As lovely as this conversation is, I’m going to go kiss my girlfriend now.

707 has left the chatroom.

ZEN: I still don’t understand how Seven was able to get a girlfriend before me, especially since I am so good looking.

MC has left the chatroom.

You put down your phone and grinned up and Saeyoung who was already looking at you adoringly. “So… now that they’re gone, what do you want to do?” You asked, playing with his fingers.

“Want to play LOLOL as random people and make Yoosung upset because he’s losing to us?” Saeyoung looked at you with a wicked grin and you felt the same smirk make its way onto your face.

“Do you even have to ask?” You laughed as he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, taking you to the living room where his computer station was set up.

To anyone else, this would be a horrible way to spend your one night together. But to you and Saeyoung, as long as you were in each other’s company, that’s what mattered most.

[gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights]

Rating: G

Chapter Summary:  Adrien and Ladybug skate together. Chloe and Kagami play damage control.

Word Count: 2,809 | Chapter 3/4

XXX

“XY!”  Chloé shoved partygoers aside as she stormed up to the DJ table.

“Huh?”  Her former-favorite musician looked at her like she was crazy.  He was crazy!  ...And he couldn’t hear her through those stupid clunky headphones.

She yanked them off of his ears.

“Hey!  What gives, Cholera?”

“It’s Chloé.  Seriously, we’ve met five times!  How hard is it to remember my name?”  If she had to call Jean Claude by his real name, the least everyone else could do was give her the same respect.

“Chloé, Coleslaw, whatever.  Why are you yelling?”

Chloé pinched the bridge of her nose.  XY was probably just too stupid to remember.  Just like he was too stupid to follow basic instructions.

“You posted a picture to Instagram!”  

“Yeah?”  XY grinned and dug his pinkie in his ear.  Ugh.  His ears had to be clogged if he could stand being so close to the blasting music.  “Pretty cute, huh?  Lu’s a really good skater.”

It had been a pretty cute photo of Luka lifting XY above his head, while XY spread his arms wide like an airplane.  Frankly, it was shocking that Luka’s skinny noodle arms could lift his boyfriend.  But none of that was the point.

“No one is supposed to post photos until after the party.”  It shouldn’t have even been possible.  XY’s phone must have been some fancy model that could get past Max’s data block.  “You’re going to bring Adrien’s bodyguard right to us!”

“Pshaw, it’s no big deal.  They’ll be too busy looking at me to even notice he’s here.”

Chloé smacked her forehead.  She did not get paid enough for this.

“Is something wrong?”  Luka asked, approaching Chloé and XY with two slices of passionfruit cake.

“Yes, there is!  Your utterly ridiculous boyfriend is going to get Adrien’s party busted!”

Luka sighed at XY.  “Baby, we talked about this.”

XY’s bottom lip jutted out.  “But… it was just one teeny-tiny little picture…”

“Just listen to Chloé and take it down.  You can post it again when the party’s over.”

Finally, someone was taking her seriously!

“Awwww, fine.”  XY pulled out his phone and deleted the post.  “Happy now, Clooney?”

She huffed, but turned her back before she could say anything she’d regret.

“Excellent work, Chloé.”  

She jumped.  Kagami was standing right there.   How did she always show up like some kind of ninja?

“We will still need to engage our failsafes.”  Kagami began typing on her phone.  Chloé stood on her tip-toes, looking over her shoulder.  She was posting… some selfies with Adrien in a blue wig?  

“Hey, I thought no one was supposed to post pictures.” Chloé frowned.

“These will lead Nathalie and Adrien’s bodyguard off our trail.  I’ll adjust the lighting to make them appear as if they were taken just now.”  She added filters, and the background grew dark.  “Now they will believe Adrien is at the juice shop with me.”

“Not bad.”  Chloé smirked.  “You know, for someone who never lies, you’re awfully good at fooling people.”

“Only when necessary.  Adrien’s happiness tonight is my number one priority.”

Kagami’s gaze shifted down to the rink, where Adrien and Ladybug were skating hand-in-hand.

“You’ve done a good job,” Chloé said quietly, leaning against the railing.  Over her shoulder she watched Adrien and Ladybug weave figure eights.  Even over XY’s blaring music, she could hear their laughter.  Two years ago that would have made her jealous.  

But it was good to see her oldest friend and her biggest hero make each other happy, even if it was only for one night.

“Come on.”  Kagami smiled at her.  “No more slacking.  Time to learn how to skate.”

Chloé faked annoyance.  “Oh, alright.  If you insist.”

XXX

Adrien glided like he was in a dream.  The soft pressure of Ladybug’s hand in his was the only thing anchoring him to the ground, and even that felt too good to be real.

But she was real.  She was here.  She cared about Adrien enough to come to his birthday party.

“You didn’t hit your head too hard, did you?”  Ladybug giggled.

Oh.  He must have been staring at her stupidly again.  That was how he’d tripped over Marc and crashed the first time.

“I’m fine.  It helps that the ground is a built-in ice pack.”

She laughed again.  She never laughed at Chat Noir’s jokes this much.  Maybe she was just trying not to hurt his feelings on his birthday, but he’d take it.

“Look at that.”  She bumped his shoulder with hers.  “Looks like Queen Bee could use an ice power-up.”

He laughed as he saw Chloé wobble onto the rink, Kagami steadying her with both hands.  He was glad they were both getting along, or at least trying to.  Having so many of his friends in one place was the best birthday gift of all.

“I bet she’d love that.”  He wished he could use his ice powers too.  It would make it easier to avoid slipping and embarrassing himself again.

Not that she’d laughed at him, really.  That would be weird to get used to—not that he should get used to it.  As soon as he was suited up again, they’d be back to bantering and making fun of each other like normal.  

But for now, he savored the feeling of her eyes on his, of the way her brow softened beneath her mask every time he smiled.

(He was smiling a lot.)

“Hey, Adrien!  You gonna kiss her yet?”  

Adrien’s face caught fire at Kim’s shout.  Kim didn’t just say that.  

Please tell me he didn’t just say that.

His eyes darted to Ladybug’s.  She’d dropped his hand, and her mouth was stammering wordlessly.  

He couldn’t blame her.  His brain wouldn’t send a coherent thought to his mouth, either.

Kim turned around and started skating backwards.  “I’ve got a bet with Alix.  She thinks you don’t have the guts, but I believe in you.  Don’t let me down, man!”

He promptly crashed into Nino and Alya, and all three of them wiped out.  Normally, Adrien would’ve rushed to help his friends up.  But right now, he wanted nothing more to melt through the ice.

“Please just—ignore him,” he said quickly, falling back and clinging to the handrail.  “I don’t know where he got the idea that—I mean, not that I wouldn’t—er—I’m going to shut up now.”

She laughed hysterically, eyes darting back and forth.  Was she already looking for a way to escape?  

Gah, and everything had been going so well too!  He could almost believe that Ladybug… that she… what, liked him?  Just because she was nice to him and laughed at his jokes and held his hand…

“You know,” she said quietly, “I wouldn’t, um, mind if you…”

His heart sped up.  It could’ve done backflips in the pauses between her words.

“If I…?” He asked, trying not to sound too eager.  She could’ve been about to say anything, after all.  

Like maybe she wouldn’t mind if he left her alone forever.  Maybe she wouldn’t mind if he faceplanted on the ice like Kim did.  Maybe she wouldn’t mind if he locked himself in a tower, never to see the light of day until a fearless ogre came to save him.

She leaned in closer.  Her eyes sparkled as bright as the frosty tips of her tiara.

“If you… got me a slice of cake!”

He blinked, pulling back.  “O-of course!  Um, did you want me to bring it back here, or…?”

“Uh, yeah, sure!” She said.  “Er, on second thought, there’s no tables on the rink, haha, and I’ll probably trip even with my powers if I try to eat down here…”

“There’s tables closer to the entrance,” he suggested, still startled by Ladybug’s sudden shift.  The smile on her face looked strained.

“S-sounds great!”

Unfortunately, getting out of the rink meant skating past Kim again.  He’d finally made it to his feet with Nino and Alya’s help.  Alix sped past, blowing a raspberry at him.

“Just don’t make eye contact and we might be fine,” he said under his breath.

...Or not.

“Yo, Ladybug!  How’s my little monkey dude doing?”

Ladybug groaned.  “That’s my luck.”

“I thought Chat Noir was supposed to be the one with bad luck?” Adrien joked right before Kim got close enough to sling an arm around Ladybug’s shoulder.

“Hey, King Monkey.” She grimaced.  “Xuppu’s doing fine.  But, um, Adrien and I were just about to get some cake, so…”

“Aww, come on!  I bet my boy Adrien tastes better than some kind of fruitcake.  Who even thought of putting fruit and cake together?  Gross.”  Kim stuck out his tongue.

Plagg was shaking with laughter inside of Adrien’s borrowed hoodie.  Couldn’t the kwami Just Cataclysm him and put him out of his misery?

“It’s passionfruit cake,” he corrected on principle.  “And Marinette made it, so it’s going to be amazing.”

For some reason, Ladybug’s face only got more red at that.  “Right, amazing!  Definitely better than kissing Adrien, ha!  Ha ha ha…”

Ouch.  Now that hurt worse than a Cataclysm.

Kim winced in sympathy before patting Adrien’s shoulder.  “Sorry, buddy.  I tried.”

“Please stop trying,” he whined.

He and Ladybug finally escaped Kim.  Adrien glanced over his shoulder, and saw Nino flashing him a comforting grin.  Alya had dropped her head in her hands.

Me too, Alya.  Me too.

XXX

“Lesson’s over,” Chloé said while pulling her phone from her pocket.  She didn’t slip, even without holding onto the handrail.  Despite her attitude, she was implementing Kagami’s lessons well.

“The student doesn’t decide the length of the lesson.”  She crossed her arms.  

“She does when she has bad news.”  Chloé scowled.  “Max just texted.  That tracker you and Nino put on the Gorilla's car?  It’s going off.”

She held up her screen, which showed a map of the streets near their location.  A red skull icon flashed towards the ice rink.  Not good.  Adrien hadn’t even gotten the chance to eat his cake yet.

“We’ll have to deploy the contingency plan.”

“I thought you already—”

“The other contingency plan.”

Kagami grabbed Chloé’s hand and skated towards the exit.  

It was time to find Wayhem.

XXX

Marinette’s  pulse pounded in her ears.  Adrien was still holding her hand, even after Kim had come along and… well, been Kim.  But she could take it.  She was cool.  She was confident.  She knew Adrien had a crush on her!

And yet she was still too much of a coward to kiss him.

What if Nino and Kagami were wrong?  Granted, Nino knew Adrien better than anyone, and Kagami had probably never been wrong in her life.  

But still.

“I hope you like passionfruit.”  Adrien rubbed the back of his neck before cutting her a slice of the three-tiered cake.  It had taken her two days to fine-tune the recipe, not including the full afternoon she’d spent adding details with icing.  It was a pale shade of pinky-orange, dotted around the edges with rosettes of spring green.  Just like his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I love it!” she said.  It was a bit of an exaggeration, but she had gained a taste for it after eating one passionfruit macaron a week for the past two years.  “You’re lucky Chat Noir isn’t here.  He’d finish off this whole cake as soon as your back was turned.”

Adrien laughed.  “He’s got good taste, then.”

It was too bad Marinette didn’t know Chat Noir’s birthday.  Passionfruit was his favorite favor, too; she could reuse the recipe.  

They took their cake and some plastic forks and settled down at a table.  She sat across from him, but the table was small enough for her knees to bump his underneath.  She’d dismissed her ice transformation, so she didn’t have to worry about stabbing his feet with her blades.

“Wow,” Adrien said through his first bite.  “I knew this cake was going to be good, but this is—I’ve never tasted anything like it!”

“Really?”  She grinned.  If he was saying that to Ladybug, then he wasn’t just saying it to be nice.  He really liked her cake!

“Really.  I shouldn’t be so surprised, though.  Marinette’s amazing at everything.  She’s designed album covers for Jagged Stone, and won the student Ultimate Mecha Strike Tournament, and even impressed my father.”  He sighed wistfully.  “It’s too bad she couldn’t make it.  I really wanted to thank her.”

Her heart fluttered like a butterfly on steroids.

“I—I’m sure she wanted to be here too,” she said.  Should she find a way to sneak off and detransform?  Would Adrien have been happier if she’d come as herself?  “And I’m sure, if she were here… she’d want to thank you.  For being such a good friend.”

He stared at her with soft eyes.  A bit of icing still clung to his bottom lip.  She tore her gaze away.

You heard what he told Kim.  He doesn’t want to kiss you!

Wait.  That was what she told Kim.  After she’d panicked and blabbered something stupid by reflex.  Why had she said that?  She did want to kiss Adrien!  Now he was going to think that she hated him and probably hate the birthday present she’d brought and— 

“Ladybug?”  Adrien’s voice finally snapped her out of her spiral.  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Huh?  Why wouldn’t I be?”  She grinned too wide.

He glanced down at her plate.  Her fork was stabbed into the thin styrofoam.  That wasn’t the only thing she’d stabbed, apparently.

“You, um.  Spaced out and carved a broken heart into your cake.  Unless it’s supposed to be an upside-down spade…?”

She hurriedly shoved forkfuls of cake into her mouth.  Ugh, she was a mess without Alya here to help her keep cool.  How would Alya feel about getting her miraculous back for the sole purpose of wingmanning?  

It probably wouldn’t work.  There wasn’t an illusion strong enough to cover up Marinette’s spazzing.

She swallowed her cake.  “I’m sorry, Adrien.  I just got distracted for a second.  What were you saying?”

“I was just talking about Marinette… you two are friends, right?”

“Friends?  What—what makes you say that?”  She blinked.

“She helped you fight the Evillustrator and Kwamibuster.  I guess I just assumed, but—”

“Wait.”  Marinette dropped the fork back to her plate.  For once, her mind whirled for a reason other than proximity to Adrien.  “You—how do you know Marinette helped with Kwamibuster?” 

Had Chat Noir gone around blabbing about Multimouse to everyone?  No, there’d never been a trace of her on the Ladyblog.  And Chat wouldn’t reveal heroes’ identities like that, even if she’d already told him that “Multimouse” couldn’t hold a miraculous again.

“Um… because, she… told me?”  Adrien shrugged.  A tentative smile graced his lips.

Her brow creased.  “No, she didn’t.”

This didn’t make any sense.  How did Adrien really know, and why would he lie about it?  

Unless—?

Before she could follow that train of thought, Chloé’s hands slammed down on their table.

“Sorry to interrupt, but you two need to go.  We’ve got company.”

“What?”  Marinette blinked.  “Is there an akuma?  I’ll—”

She shook her head.  “Worse.  Kagami’s backups failed.  Nathalie’s here.”

“What?”  Adrien stood, nearly kicking Marinette’s shin in his haste to get up.  “I have to stop her before she tries to have Nino arrested again!”

Marinette grimaced.  Yeah, Adrien’s sixteenth birthday party hadn’t exactly worked out.  But she wasn’t about to let this one get ruined, too.

“No way, Adrikins.” Chloé blocked his path.  “Kagami’s handling her.  She told me to make sure you get out before you’re grounded for life.”

“But—!”

“Ladybug, I know you’re smart.”  Chloé turned to her before he could protest.  “Take him out the window before he pulls one of his little self-sacrificing stunts again.”

Self-sacrificing.  That would be like Adrien.

(It would also be like a certain partner of hers, who also liked passionfruit, knew about Multimouse, and had a crush on Ladybug.) 

“I can’t just leave you—!”

Marinette stood and wrapped an arm tightly around his waist.  He cut off, blushing at their proximity.

“You heard Queen Bee.”  She winked at Chloé, who smiled.  “Let’s trust your friends.  And trust me, too.  I’ve got a surprise for you.”

He looked down into her eyes, then hesitated as if about to ask something.

“Whatever, just take your surprise out there!”  Chloé pushed them away from the tables.

“Right.  Hold onto me,” Marinette told Adrien before grabbing her yo-yo.

“You don’t need to tell me twice,” he mumbled into her hair, his arms firm around her shoulders.

This is fine, she told herself while trying not to melt into an ecstatic puddle.  Then she cast out her yo-yo and swung through the distant window.

She and Adrien had a lot to talk about.

[santoteez]

Let Me Teach You - Namjoon

Word Count: 2.8k

Idol: Kim Namjoon (RM) of BTS

Genre: Smut with a dash of fluff at the end, like literally a dash, you might catch it if you squint

Edited: a lil (This is another of my older writings)

Warnings: Character’s name is pronounced Ah-Deh-zay, MC is a Black female with natural hair, Daddy kink, squirting, BFF to lovers, unprotected sex (don’t do it)

Adeze cuddled further into her bed, making herself comfortable. The snow coming down outside was intense, almost blizzard-like. She had luckily stocked the kitchen not too long ago, and her company issued a building-wide alert that they would be closed for the next few days, so she was prepared for an extra-long weekend of bingeing and stuffing her face. An episode of Arrow was starting on the TV when she heard the front door. Considering she lived alone, it had to be her friend, Namjoon.  Adeze and Namjoon had been friends since high school. When they were accepted to the same college, it was almost a no brainer that they both attend. They were roommates from start to finish, and after graduation, landed rather lucrative jobs. Adeze, having been a finance major, was now the CFO to a medium-sized corporation, on its way to being one of the big dogs of D.C. Namjoon on the other hand, was a head writer to The Washington Post, overlooking the rest and reporting to the editor-in-chief. Not bad for a couple of 24-year-olds.

“Leave your shoes at the door!” Adeze shouted, not moving from her spot in bed. “And bring me a lemonade from the fridge!”

“Giving me orders and you haven’t even seen me yet. What if I was a murderer?” Namjoon popped up at the doorframe with Chinese takeout and two lemonades in hand.

“All I ask is that I enjoy my lemonade before you chop my head off.” She reached for the lemonade eagerly.

“Take it easy, have you eaten a proper meal at all today?” He asked, pulling the drink out of reach.

“I had eggs this morning!”

“What have you eaten since then?”

“I may have had one or two ice cream sandwiches…and a few honey buns.”

“Exactly. Food. Eat.” He shoved a container in her waiting hands.

She groaned. “What’s in here, anyway? You might be poisoning me.”

“If I wanted to, I’d have done it years ago. It’s house special lo Mein.”

“What’s so special about it? Cyanide? Arsenic? Mercury?”

“It’s special because it was made for you. Can you act your age for once, Adeze? You need actual food.”

The dark-skinned girl rolled her eyes but obeyed nonetheless.

She opened the container, steam arising from the brown noodles. She twirled a forkful, lifting it up to her lips. She hummed happily. “You’re right, I needed real food.”

“What would you do without me? Imagine I had gone home today.” After graduation, the dynamic duo decided it was time to stop rooming together and get their own space. Their own space meant houses two blocks away. Namjoon’s house spent most time unused with him spending almost all his free time in Adeze’s.

“I know, I know. I appreciate you.” She watched as he sat next to her on bed before opening his own container.

“Is this another rerun?” He asked, eyes fixated on the screen as he bit into an egg roll.

“Yep. It’s before Oliver and Felicity got together. You know, back when they were just friends with extremely obvious feelings for each other.”

“Right. Then they finally fall in love and run off to get engaged. Must be nice.”

“Felt that. I’m gonna die a virgin.”

“What? There’s no way you’re still a virgin.” Joon turned to the curly-headed girl.

“Says who?”

“What about Chanyeol?”

Adeze shuddered. Talking about her ex is NOT how she imagined she’d be spending her evening. “I never fucked Chanyeol, thank God. Arrogant prick. He turned himself on more than I ever did. I’m surprised we even lasted six months.” The pretty boy barely ever spent time with her, and when he did, it was all about him.

“Holy shit. I just always assumed.”

“We can’t all be as experienced as you, Kim Namjoon,” Adeze said, thinking back to all the times Namjoon stumbled into their room in college with a girl on his arm late at night. It taught her to invest in quality headphones.

Namjoon smirked, rolling his eyes. “How many times do I have to apologize for College Joon? You know I’m not like that anymore.”

“The damage is done, you monster,” Adeze shouted dramatically, clutching her chest.

“Anyway, back to the conversation. I doubt you’ll die a virgin. You’ll lose it eventually.”

She scoffed. “Maybe when I’m 60. I don’t think I could trust any guy enough, anyway.”

A long silence ensued. Neither spoke, the TV the only source of sound in the room.

“I made it awkward, didn’t I?” Adeze asked.

“What? No, of course not!”

“No, I did. I put value to the whole virginity thing and I made it uncomfortable because you didn’t.”

“Dez, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. How you view your body and virginity is YOUR choice. Plus, that’s not what I’m thinking about.”

“Well, what ARE you thinking about?”

Namjoon sighed. “You said you want to trust the guy you lose your virginity to, right?”

Adeze nodded.

“What if that guy…was me?”

Adeze nearly snapped her neck turning to face the silver-haired boy, who was calmly eating his noodles as if he didn’t just offer his best friend sex.

“Boy, stop playing with me.” Adeze shook her head, turning to face the TV again.

“No one’s playing with you. Losing something that matters to you, to someone that matters to you. How is that a bad idea?”

“Joon, we’ve been friends for years. Best friends, at that. I don’t want sex or anything else to come between us.”

He rolled his eyes. “Dez, if my hoeish ways weren’t enough to keep you away, nothing will be. I know everything about you, and you about me.”

The girl pouted slightly. He had a point. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She nodded in agreement.

“Great. Come here.” He said, tugging at her arm.

“Right now?!”

“When did you think it was gonna happen?”

“I don’t know, I thought this was like a conversation. A preliminary hearing before trial!”

“Ever heard of a speedy trial?” He asked, yanking the girl towards him. Adeze shouted in surprise, landing in his lap.

Adeze began to hyperventilate, never having been this close to her best friend.

“Hey,” Joon rubbed her back, sensing her uneasiness. “It’s okay, the further we go, the more comfortable you’ll get.” He leaned in to kiss her. Adeze felt frozen, unknowing of what to do. When he didn’t feel her kiss back, he pulled away, frowning.

“Why won’t you kiss me back?”

“I can’t. Chanyeol barely ever kissed me.”

“Oh my God. You don’t know how to kiss.”

Adeze immediately pushed away, embarrassed. “Get off.”

Namjoon tightened his grip on her waist. “Hey, hold on a second. I’m not trying to make fun of you. I’m just realizing how shitty of a boyfriend Chanyeol really is. I don’t care you don’t know how to kiss. In fact,” He leaned in again, “Let me teach you.”

Adeze inhaled sharply when their lips met, kissing back this time timidly. Namjoon’s hands roamed cautiously, grabbing her by the thighs and pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. His tongue danced along her bottom lip, which she hesitantly allowed to slip in. His gentle suckling on Adeze’s tongue caused a strangled moan to escape her throat, earning a smirk from Namjoon.

“It’s okay baby, let me hear you. Tell me how good it feels.” His attention moved from her lips to her neck, kissing and sucking until he reached that spot that caused her breath to hitch.

“Fuck, Joon. Right there.” She mewled, to which Namjoon hummed in satisfaction. He tugged at her tank top. “Take this off.” He said eagerly, knowing there was nothing underneath. Adeze lifted her arms almost immediately, previous hesitations and cautions suddenly out the window. The insignificant garment was yanked over her head and across the room. Namjoon’s lips continued their sinful assault, lowering to Adeze’s chest. They latched onto her left nipple while his fingers twisted and pulled on the right. Adeze’s heavy breathing a result of Joon’s tongue swirling around the chocolate-colored nub, with the occasional biting to add to the sensation.

“You ready for something else?” He said, stopping abruptly with a smirk.

“Something like what?” Adeze asked, lust evident in her voice, which shocked her. She’d never heard herself this way.

“Lie down.” Joon said, getting up.

“What are you doing?” She asked, her head hitting the pillow.

“You’ll see.” He said, grabbing the unused pillow from the headboard. He made a hand motion signaling for her to lift up her bottom half, to which she obliged. In a swift movement, he set the pillow beneath her butt and yanked her sweats down to her ankles, and off her body completely.

It finally clicked for Adeze what was happening, and she tensed up immediately, closing her legs.

Namjoon looked up at her. “What’s wrong, Dez? Talk to me, baby.” He said, planting kisses up and down her thighs.

“What’s wrong?” She laughed nervously. “I’ve never had anyone see me down there, and now you’re trying to shove your face in it.”

“It’ll feel good, though. Aren’t you tired of hearing your friends’ stories? Don’t you want to know what it’s like?” He rubbed her thighs, a mischievous look on his face. Adeze nodded, biting her lip. “I’m dying to taste you. Let me taste you, baby. Yeah?” She nodded, spreading her legs slightly. Joon smiled, kissing her inner thighs, biting them ever so lightly.

“You’re so wet for me, baby. I’ve barely even touched you. You like how Daddy’s treating you?” He asked. Dez nodded. “Tell Daddy what you want him to do.”

Adeze whined in protest. He was taking too long for her. “I can’t hear you, baby. Don’t you want this? Tell me what you need from Daddy.”

“I need Daddy to shut up and eat my pussy till I cry.”

Joon shook his head, pulling the drenched panties off her body. “Bratty as ever. I’ll have to tame that smart mouth of yours. That’ll have to be next time, though.” He lied down on his stomach, marveling at the beauty in front of him.

“Such a pretty pussy, all for me.” He said, the warmth of his breath tickling Adeze, causing her to squirm.

“Please, Daddy. I need you so bad.” She whimpered.

“Of course, baby. Especially when you asked so nicely.” He said, before sticking out his tongue, giving her pussy a long, languorous lick. Reaching her clit, he paused, giving it a hard suck.

Gripping the sheets, Adeze gasped, her legs trembling from the sudden rush of pleasure. Joon continued his assault on her clit, his teeth grazing the nub with each suck. Dez bucked her hips, causing Joon to drape his arm over her waist, pinning her to the bed. It didn’t stop the girl from squirming, though.

“Stop fucking moving.” He growled. “You said you wanted me to eat your pussy till you cry, so that’s what I’m doing.” He said, licking up and down her folds frantically. Dez arched her back, her forehead just barely missing the headboard.

“Fuck, Joonie, you gonna make me cum.” She shouted, her acrylic nails digging into his arm. Her words clearly a motivation to increase his vigor, Joon attached his lips to her clit in a tight lock, sucking as hard as he could. Dez’s eyes bolted shut as her orgasm washed over her, her legs wrapping around Joon’s neck tightly. He pushed her legs apart forcibly, kneeling on the bed. He pulled her body up along with him until only her head and shoulders remained on the bed. He spread her legs as far as they would go before shoving his tongue down her cunt.

“Ohh, shit. Shit. Shit.”  Dez whined as her body trembled with oversensitivity from her first orgasm.

“Mmm, you taste so good, baby. Better than I could ever imagine.” Joon said, the vibrations of his voice sending jolts of electricity through her body.

“Shit, Joonie, I’m close again. I’m gonna cum. Fuck, it feels like I have to-.” She was interrupted by her orgasm taking over once again, but this time, spurts of clear liquid came gushing out of her, splashing everywhere.

“Damn, my baby’s a squirter. Look the mess you made.” He said, referring to his shirt, the comforter, and his chin, which was dripping with her arousal. Dez sat up, giving Joon a lustful kiss, tasting herself on his tongue.

“Fuck me already, Daddy.”

“Don’t worry, baby. Daddy plans on doing just that.” He flung his shirt off before fumbling with his belt. “Condom?” He asked, reaching for his wallet.

Dez shook her head. “On the pill. For my cramps, remember?”

He nodded. “Figured I’d ask anyway. Feels better raw, anyway.”

“I’ll never find out with you running your mouth as always.”  She rolled her eyes.

“I’ll shut you up in a second.” He said, ridding himself of his boxers. Dez stared wide eyed at the pulsing member. It was large, with veins running along the shaft. The head was a light pink color, with precum leaking out the slit.

“Cock leave you speechless?” Joon raised an eyebrow, smirking. He positioned himself at her entrance before she could spit out another smart remark. He pushed the tip in slowly. Dez tensed up slightly, the discomfort of something foreign settling in.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

She nodded. “Keep going.” He nodded in response, pushing further. He fought against the urge to ram into her. “Still good?”

“Give me a minute.” She said, taking a deep breath. “Okay, go ahead.” He rocked his hips back and forth, at a steady pace, sliding out a little before filling her again

“Faster, Joonie. Fuck me harder.” She said desperately, his discomfort twisting into blissful pleasure. He nodded, sliding out fully before ramming into her with much more force. His hips meeting her with every thrust, causing Dez’s toes to curl.

“I’ve waited so long to have you like this. You’re always so calm and collected, so in control. I’ve always wanted to see you lose control.” He said, lifting a leg onto his shoulder, plowing into her even deeper.

“I’m gonna cum again. Fuck, you feel so good, Joonie.” She said, digging her nails into his arms.

“Cum on my cock, baby. Show me how good I’m making you feel.”

Adeze screamed out, eyes rolling to the back of her head. Suddenly, Namjoon flipped her over, pulling her ass up in the air.

“Joon, I don’t think I can handle another one.”

“Yes you can, baby. I know you can. One more, that’s it.” He said, ramming into her without warning. They both groaned at the contact, Joon’s thrusts nothing short of animalistic. The sound of skin meeting skin drowned out the sounds of the TV, where another episode had long started.

“Shit, Joon.” She breathed out, barely a whisper.

“Right there?” He asked, his thrusts hitting that sweet spot deep inside her.

She nodded frantically. “Yes, right fucking there. Fuck, what are you doing to me?”

“You’re getting close, I can feel it. I can feel you clenching my cock in your tight, wet cunt. You keep clenching around me like that, I’m gonna cum.” Joon said, his thrusts turning sloppy.

“Mmm, cum inside me.” She mewled.

“Yeah? Wanna be my little cum slut? Tell me.”

“I wanna be your little cum slut. Fill me up, Daddy.”

Joon wanted so badly to release, but he was stubborn. He wanted to see you unwind just one more time.

Adeze gasped as her fourth and final orgasm hit her like a truck. She shook uncontrollably as fluids spew out of her once again. The clenching from her orgasm triggered Joon’s. Ropes of white, hot cum shooting deep inside her, mixing with her arousal and oozing back out. He fell back on the bed, painfully exhausted. He smacked her on the ass playfully.

“You. Go pee. ASAP.”

She rolled her eyes. “Still bossing me around?” She asked, getting up and heading to the in-room bathroom. She used it, washing her hands before walking back into the room. She laid back in bed, where Joon laid with his eyes closed.

“Tired?” She asked teasingly.

“You have no idea.” He laughed.

“You kept saying ‘next time’ and that you’ve been ‘waiting for this’.”

He sighed, opening his eyes. “You’re that clueless, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“I have feelings for you, Adeze. Always have. All those girls in college? I was trying not to think of you. When you dated Chanyeol, I was seething with anger. I was jealous to no end. And now that I’ve got a taste, my desire is insatiable. So yeah, there’s your answer.”

Adeze smiled. “I’ve always liked you too. I still do.”

“Do you wanna go out? With me? Not as friends?”

She nodded. “Of course I will, Oliver Queen.” She said, referring to the show still playing on the TV.

He laughed again. “Thank you, Felicity Smoak.” He kissed her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.

[j-esbian]

Second First Date

happy holidays to @osobhi​~ it seems like we had each other for the @mlsecretsanta​ exchange! I hope you like this! it’s post-reveal alyabug :3

on ao3

Words: 2.4k

Her parents were hosting a party to celebrate New Year’s Eve, and Alya was bored out of her mind. She was the youngest there; none of her parents’ friends had brought their kids, and Ella and Etta were down for a nap before midnight. Her parents had felt the need to start it six hours before midnight, so everyone could have dinner together, and the party was dragging on forever.

It probably would have been a little more bearable if she could leave and hang out with people she actually knew, but she had nowhere to go. After a while, she resorted to sitting in the corner of the couch, eavesdropping on nearby conversations and texting her friends.

From: Mari <3

How’s the party going??

Babe I’m so boredd are u sure u can’t come over

I wish :(( my parents won’t let me though

FuCk that

Wait bu t

I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind if ladybug crashed the party

HmmMmMmmMMmmm

Lmao

No but they’re dragging me to church

At midnight

Gross????

Why cant u just go in the Morning

B/c apparently?? We’re still open tomorrow??

Double Gross

Its ok I will send u a cyber smooch at midnight

Aww <3

Me too

Ugh gtg

Love you Alya

Ily2 mari

I’ll see if I can come by tomorrow

Gotta get me some sugar u know

Oh my goD

Uhh I mean ur dads pain au chocolat

Like ur cute but

Not everything is about u smh

YEAH OK SURE

;)

“Ooh, are you texting a boy ?” someone near Alya giggled tipsily. She looked up, the smile rapidly evaporating off her face.

“My girlfriend, actually,” she said tersely.

“Oh.” He didn’t seem to know what to say, and went to take a gulp of wine instead. He looked down at the empty glass in his hand, then back at Alya, eyebrows raised. He tipped it towards her with a shamefaced smile and sauntered away in search of a refill.

Alya rolled her eyes. She got up and went into the kitchen, where her mother was preparing a round of hors d'oeuvres.

“Oh, Alya. Can you get me the horseradish out of the fridge?” Marlena asked.

“Yeah.” She grabbed the little glass jar from the refrigerator and, while she was in there, nicked a bottle of the twins’ apple juice. She handed the condiment to her mother and surveyed the plates that were already prepared. “Are any of these ready to go out?”

Marlena looked up. “Hmm. Yeah, the vol-au-vents,” she said, pointing. Alya picked them up and headed back out of the kitchen. “Thank you!” her mother called after her.

Alya, however, didn’t return to the party, but took a detour to her room. She closed the door behind her, resisting the urge to lock it, and shucked off her sweater and shoes. She set an alarm on her cell phone--5 minutes to midnight ought to be enough of a head’s up to rejoin the party in time for champagne.

Then she slouched over to her desk and kicked back in front of her laptop. She could still hear the wine-laced chatter and laughter of the party, and slipped on her headphones. Soon, she was engrossed in her computer, and behind her back the hours melted together. She was only pulled out of it, eventually, by two nearly simultaneous events.

The first was that she suddenly realized she was out of food, and when she looked up to confirm that her empty fingers were indeed only chasing crumbs around the plate, she caught a glimpse of her phone screen lighting up in her peripheral vision.

Alya sighed, and scooted in her chair to grab her phone from the pile of blankets it had nested in. To her surprise, it was now a little over half an hour until midnight.

From: Nono

Hey Alya

Wyd

Playing stardew valley wbu

Chillin

U decent?

Like morally or

Pants

Uh why lol

I mean yea but

U got sth planned?

W h a t

No

Thing

What are you hiding

Nano my man

Ur terrible with secrets

Just come hang out

Ivan’s here

And Alix

Kim’s maybe on his way

Where are u

We’ll come pick you up

Damn thanks

Maybe the real squad goals was the friends we made along the way

Be there in 10

Alya found her shoes and touched up her makeup, humming to herself. She gathered up the remains of her snack and headed to the kitchen. Her mom wasn’t in there anymore, and as she placed her plate in the sink, she heard her parents’ voices in the din of the party.

Her cell phone buzzed with a new text.

From: Alix K.

We’re here!!!

Come otu

im gay

Bitch me too

Come outsid e

Alya ran for her coat, shouting at her parents as she passed through the hallway. “I’m going to hang out with Nino!”

No response. She paused with her hand on the front doorknob and yelled again. “I’m gonna go out with some friends!”

Her mom poked her head around the corner. “Be quiet,” she said in a stage whisper. “The girls are still asleep.”

“Sorry,” Alya muttered. She lifted her hand from the knob and pointed at the door. “I’m going out, though.”

Marlena squinted at her watch in the dim light. “Be back by one,” was all she said. She headed back to the party, and called over her shoulder, “Have fun, sweetie!”

Alya raced down the stairs, and the moment she set foot outside, she was hit by a snowball. She coughed and swiped at her face, trying to see who threw it through the splotches on her glasses.

She heard Alix and Nino laughing, and Ivan said, “Ooh, nice shot.” She finally cleared off her lenses, and saw Ladybug, standing with her friends, and brushing her hands against her legs to hide the evidence of her crime.

“M--Uh, what are you doing here, Ladybug?” Alya asked incredulously.

Ladybug spread her arms wide. “Celebrating!”

Though Alya was bewildered, she couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. “Don’t you have, like, other things to do tonight?”

“Honestly? No,” Ladybug said, shrugging. “I can’t think of anyplace else I’d rather be right now.”

“Hell yeah,” Nino agreed. “Marinette said you were bored at your house, so we got a crew together. Sucks that she couldn’t come, though.”

“Oh, well,” Ladybug smirked. “Guess she’s missing out.”

Alya stifled a laugh, and changed the subject before it burst out. “I thought you said Kim was coming?”

“Nah,” Alix said. “Turns out he and Max are at a LAN party, so, you know, they might never leave.”

“That’s fair, though.” Ivan scratched his nose. “Did, uh, they say where they were?” Alix glared at him. “What?”

“Never mind them!” Alya said cheerfully, linking one arm with him and the other with Ladybug. She turned to Nino. “Where are we off to?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t think that far ahead, honestly.”

They wandered to the end of Alya’s street, looking around. There were people everywhere, and the air around them was full of the sounds of Reveillon in full swing.

“Isn’t your friend’s dad putting on his show at the Eiffel Tower?” Ladybug asked.

Ivan shook his head. “Nah, Mylène’s in Canada visiting family. It’s her dad’s understudy.”

“Still, it could be fun,” Nino said. “Anybody got other ideas?”

They didn’t, so they set off.

Ivan fell back, separating from Alya and falling into step with Alix, and Alya leaned in to Ladybug. “I thought you said you were busy,” she whispered.

Ladybug smirked knowingly. “Come on, Alya, we’re never open on New Year’s.”

“But, then…?”

“I thought we could do something different.” Ladybug leaned into Alya, pressing against her side for a brief second before pulling away again, a coy look slipping onto her face. “You know, something exciting.”

“That sounds just fine to me,” Alya replied.

“Can I just say?” Nino interrupted. “You guys are the worst.”

The others turned around and realized that they had fallen into two lines and Nino, being the odd man out, was left to trail along behind them, alone.

“Aw, c’mere,” Alya said. Nino came up to join her and Ladybug, and she slung her free arm around his shoulder. “There. I got my two favorite people with me.”

“I’m surprised I made the list before Marinette,” Nino commented wryly.

“Your favorite, out of the people here?” Ladybug suggested.

“Okay,” Alix interjected. “That just seems needlessly rude. I mean, we’re right here.”

“Well, shit, man, she’s only got two arms,” Ivan retorted.

“I’m just saying,” Alix grumbled.

“And the sidewalk’s hardly wide enough for five people,” Alya added. “I mean, there’s barely enough space for three of us.”

“I could always carry you if it gets too crowded,” Ladybug suggested.

Alya winked. “Maybe some other time.”

The streets got more congested as they went on, and soon they were forced to walk single-file. Alya led the line, holding tightly onto Ladybug’s hand behind her so they wouldn’t be separated. Alix brought up the rear, but she was tired of trailing behind and jumped onto Ivan’s back instead.

With more people around, Ladybug had expected they would be able to blend in more easily, but just the opposite was true. She kept getting stopped, and people would hand their phone to Alya so they could get a picture. It was infuriating, and after a few blocks they stopped to build Ladybug a disguise.

Alix shed her hat and sweatshirt, while Nino held Ivan’s jacket for him so he could offer Ladybug his flannel.

“It’s definitely too big to fit you,” he said apologetically. “But I figure you can tie it around your waist, because none of us are going to give up our pants.”

Ladybug looked down at her conspicuously crimson legs. “Good call,” she replied, zipping Alix’s hoodie over her suit.

Alya stepped forward and unwrapped her scarf, winding it around Ladybug’s neck. “It’s not much by way of a disguise,” she murmured. “But it really helps pull your whole outfit together, I think.”

Ladybug nuzzled into it. “Mmm. Soft.”

“And you’d better take good care of this,” Alya said sternly. “My girlfriend made it for me, got it?”

“Well, it’s nice.” Ladybug winked. “She’s got great taste.”

Alya crossed her arms and smirked. “Uh, hell yeah , she does.”

“Anyway,” Nino interrupted, glaring pointedly at Alya. “I don’t have anything to give you, because apparently I’m a delinquent. Best I could do is a hat, but you’ve already got that covered, so… We should keep going if we want to get good seats.”

They forged on, although the icy sidewalks and tightly-knit crowds seemed to want to separate them at every opportunity. Alix jumped back up on Ivan’s back, and used her perch to peer over all the people and find a clear path. Ladybug jumped and reached for Alya’s hand when someone spoke, but they weren’t addressing her.

“Hey, kids, it’s cold out. Where are your coats?” a stranger called out.

“Your mom’s house,” Nino and Alix shouted in unison. He reached out behind him, and she high-fived him.

“You know,” Alya whispered to Ladybug, “I think Nino’s upset with us for flirting with each other.”

“What? Why?”

Alya tapped her thumb against the big black spot on the back of Ladybug’s hand. “Gee, I don’t know.”

Ladybug wrinkled her nose. “Oh! Aw. He’s trying to defend my honor.”

“Yeah, and he thinks I’m a slut,” Alya pouted. “Oh, well. I guess I do have a type.”

“Hmm,” Ladybug agreed. “Or, everyone just loves you.” She leaned in to kiss Alya on the cheek.

Alya snickered and danced away, as far as she could without letting go of Ladybug’s hand. “Sorry, Ladybug,” she said, clutching dramatically at her chest with her free hand. “But my heart only belongs to one girl.”

“I, however, am incredibly single,” Alix piped up.

Nino rolled his eyes. “Anyway,” he said loudly, “I’m not sure we can snag enough seats next to each other. We might have to split into a few rows.”

Alya looked up in surprise. “Oh, wow. We’re here.”

“That, my friend, is the beauty of the travel montage,” Nino replied.

The show was in mid-act when they arrived, and was much more than a one-man performance. While the mime was there, and he was center-stage on the ground, the air behind him was full of twisting acrobats, on invisible wires and banners of purple and gold, suspended from the Tower itself.

Ladybug kept Alix’s hoodie and Alya’s scarf, but returned the other pieces of her disguise to their owners. They managed to find a cluster of seats, and Alya and Ladybug were finally--relatively--alone. Ladybug rested her head on Alya’s shoulder and laced their fingers together.

“Hey, Marinette?” Alya whispered after a few minutes. “Don’t you think this is maybe a little… I don’t know, dramatic?”

“I think that’s the point,” Ladybug whispered back, watching the mime wrestle with an acrobat some 10 meters above him.

“No, I mean.” Alya waved her hand, trying to encompass the whole convoluted scheme. “Why was Ladybug out tonight? Why did Marinette pretend to be busy? Why not just come hang out without all the fuss?”

“Honestly?” Ladybug looked up at Alya, wincing slightly. “It’s kind of a publicity stunt.”

“Huh?”

Ladybug was quick to amend her statement. “That is to say, we’re just showing people we’re around even when there’s nothing really going on. Like, you know, we’re people, too.”

“In like a ‘don’t do crime because we’re always watching’ way?” Alya asked.

“More like a ‘friendly neighborhood superhero’ thing,” Ladybug suggested. “Chat’s off somewhere too, probably hanging out with his friends. Anyway, I get to do my civic duty and take you on an awesome first date.”

“I’ve literally lost track of how many dates we’ve had,” Alya said. “But this is definitely not the first.”

“You’ve never been on a date with Ladybug before.”

Alya laughed. “It seems like you’re just splitting hairs.”

“Listen, our real first date was just a study date,” Ladybug countered. “I think it’s natural to want a second shot at that.”

Alya hummed in agreement. “Well, then, this is absolutely an improvement.”

“Yeah?”

As if in confirmation, a spray of fireworks shot out behind the Tower, framing all the performers with a backdrop of red and gold sparks as they launched into their grand finale routine. In the distance, the bells of some unseen church chimed midnight.

“Yeah.” Alya slipped her hand under Ladybug’s chin and rubbed her thumb across her cheek.

Ladybug leaned up to peck Alya on the cheek. “Happy New Year, Alya,” she murmured.

“Happy New Year, Marinette.”

[dolphinshark]

10. Rihanna on N.E.R.D.’s “Lemon”

Kendrick only chose one guest rapper for DAMN. and he chose wisely. And while “LOYALTY.” absolutely rips, it wasn’t Rihanna’s best rap feature of the year. That title has to go her sneering, shit-talking verse on N.E.R.D.’s comeback single, “Lemon.” RiRi is the unchallenged empress of bad girl cool, and every croaked syllable and tossed off fuck-you line of this verse affirms her right to the throne.

...man, how dope is it gonna be when Rihanna finally decides to just a make a straight up rap album?

9. Young Thug on Drake’s “Sacrifices”

Who would have guessed that the next evolution of rap’s preeminent spazzy, addled weirdo would be restraint? Temperance? Downright...traditional...verses? Not I, at least. And yet, it does make a certain degree of sense. Thugga’s just taking everything he’s learned in his experiments in freeform assonance, bent rhyme, and euphony and placing it into a traditional framework. The result is as typically great as the rest of his work, but in a way that’s entirely atypical for him. 

8. Giggs on Drake’s “KMT”

One of the Great Mysteries of Drake is how he’s widely known as the Gentlest Rapper In The Game, when he’s actually at his best when he’s pissed off and taking names. There is perhaps no greater proof of that than how starkly the grime-influenced gourdbuster “KMT” stands out amidst the breezy riddims that populate the rest of More Life. And a major reason for that is the track’s show stealing guest turn. Giggs’s gutty, mile-deep voice has always been a helluva weapon and here he employs it perfectly, hanging back and lurking behind the beat like a panther. 

7. A$AP Ferg on Marty Baller’s “Like Mike”

Oh, the power of the musical triplet. For most of it’s runtime, Marty Baller’s “Like Mike” is the sort of sunny, giddy anthem that I’d throw in a party anthem playlist, forget about, and be pleasantly surprised by in twelve to eighteen months. But then A$AP Ferg hops on the beat and adds a single extra beat to the flow and turns it into a hook that’s taken up permanently in my brain. And that’s even before he dips into a herky-jerky double time flow that’s icing on the cake. (We’ve all officially decided the Ferg’s the best member of A$AP Mob by now, right?)

6. Chance The Rapper on DJ Khaled’s “I’m The One”

After owning 2016 so totally that he took half the spots on last year’s version of this list, Chance had a quieter and decidedly more mixed 2017. In the minus column were the petty (getting all Internet Mad about people not liking the objectively terrible movie The House) to the downright scummy (putting the screws to MTV.com to get them to remove an article in which a dude had the temerity to say that he didn’t like Coloring Book as much as Acid Rap). But a big check in the plus column was his verse on DJ Khaled’s Beiber-fronted mega-hit “I’m The One.” It’s breezy but dense in the way that only a Chance verse can be, the sort of one that you can sing along with in the car and unpack and analyze with your headphones one. Here’s to a little more of that and a little less of the other stuff in 2018. (Oh and “She want a n**** that pull her hair and hold the door for her” might be the line of the year.)

5. Kendrick Lamar on “DUCKWORTH.”

I’ve just been handed an urgent announcement!

Just let me put on my reading glasses...

[ahem]

It reads, “Kendrick Lamar is good at rapping.”

Huh!

Who’da thunk it?

...

In all seriousness, though, “DUCKWORTH.” is Kendrick putting all of his lyrical and storytelling gifts to carefully unfolding what maybe the best real-life plot reveal in the history of rap music. When we look back at his career, this is the moment that takes him from being a great rapper to being a mythic figure.

4. YG on Mike Will Made It’s “Gucci On My”

I’m sure that we’ve seen better rap verses  this year, but I’m also sure that we haven’t seen one that’s cooler than YG’s turn on “Gucci On My”. He drops three lines, then lets a chorus of ladies spend half his time listing the ways in which he is awesome. Once they’re done he slides back in with line that’s so effortless and smooth that we have to jump cut to 21 Savage’s “YEAH YEAH YEAH” reaction. In a weird way, it actually reminds me of a musical. Listen to that song again. Can’t you just see YG cockily two-stepping in front of a chorus line of women chanting about how he’s the best?

3. Jadakiss on “F vs J Intro”

I mean, did you think I wasn’t going to be obsessed with Jadakiss rapping how he is literally Jason Voorhees? Like LI-TER-AL-LY Jason Voorhees? Whew, boy. But, the thing about writing about Kiss’s rapping is that it’s so self-evidently great that it’s hard to write anything other than “Look! Just look at it!” His best verses are so tightly written that it feels absurd to try to put into words what makes them great. So, I’m just going to copy/paste three lines and move on. “I came out of the lake, but I be in the boondocks / Flannel with overall, work boots, tube socks / I’ll put something right through your face from out the toolbox”

(!!!)

2. Cardi B on Migos’ “Motorsport”

Real Talk 2017: I almost split this list into “Top 5 Cardi Verses” and “Top 5 Non-Cardi Verses” but eventually decided against it only because there were so many good Non-Cardi verses that I felt guilty excluding them. To wit: Cardi owned rap this year. And her star-cementing turn on “Motorsport” was what cinched the year as her’s alone. It’s everything that makes her great in a nutshell, sixteen bars of hard-nosed, Bronx-honk shit talking that oozes with her inimitable personality. And the thing is, it still feels like Cardi’s on an upsweep. If she owned 2017, there’s no telling what she’s going to do in the next twelve months.

In fact, there’s only one thing that could keep her out of the top spot on this list...

1. Lil Wayne on “Listen To Me”

...and that’s a new verse from the greatest rapper ever, mid-00s Lil Wayne.

When T-Pain announced that he was throwing open the Disney Vault and finally releasing his long-shelved full-length collaboration with Lil Wayne, I only wanted one thing: one (JUST ONE!) earth-shattering Mixtape Weezy verse. And, luckily, that’s exactly what we got. Now, “Listen To Me” is an objectively terrible song. (It samples the fucking Oompa-Loompas, for Christ’s sake.) But, Wayne attacks his verse in the way that no one did before him and no one’s done since. He jukes and pivots and glides through his rhymes with such deftness that you’re perpetually playing a kind of dizzying, ecstatic catch-up, always two lines behind him. It’s an artifact from a time when the weirdest rapper, the most technically advanced rapper, the hungriest rapper, and most purely fun rapper were all the same dude. Every other verse on this list was a gift; this one is a miracle.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This post has been edited. It previously contained explicit language that was inappropriate for a white writer to use, even in quotations. That language has now been starred out. Not editing it in the first place was wrong, and you have my sincere apologies. - TWG

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering how do you handle an adult life? I'm 17 and the fact that I'm going to be an adult is starting to panic me more and more. Like I CANT talk to adults. I stutter&I'm a mess. I'm even bad with my peers. Some advice on how you do it would be nice. I try to ask my parents, but they aren't very helpful and seem ready to drop me into the deep end to "teach me" a lesson about being an adult. (Sorry again about non blog related question. No obligations to answer)

Oh boy, I’m gonna do my best to answer this, but full disclosure? I’m pretty bad at being social. I have some issues, and talking to people is really hard for me. That might be helpful in this context if you’re coming from a similar situation, but I don’t know if that’s the case, so it’s possible that my stuff won’t work for you. I’ll give it a whirl anyway.

I actually was thrown into the deep end when I was about your age, because I ended up going to college in a state where I pretty literally didn’t know a single person. I don’t know if that was a positive thing or not, but I can definitely say that I’ve gotten significantly better about talking/adulting since then. I’m still terrified of everyone older than me, but I can fake my way through the majority of it now. 

For me, the biggest step was increasing my self-esteem. When I started living on my own in ‘14, my goal was basically to be invisible (a skill that I mastered a looooong time ago). I have this thing about people looking at me, so I didn’t like any kind of attention. It definitely affected the way I talked to people (I didn’t) and the way I acted.

That shifted after I discovered a couple of things

1) some attention is positive, and positive attention feels good

2) I’m imagining a lot of the judgement I feel from other people

The truth is, people don’t pay as much attention to you as you think that they do. We’re all trapped inside our own heads, right? My frame of reference puts the majority of emphasis on me, because that’s the only person I can hear and the only emotions I can feel. The same is true about you– you hear your thoughts and feel your feelings, so it seems like everybody else should be focussed on you.

That’s your mind playing tricks. Don’t believe it. Everybody else is focussed on themselves, not you, and that’s a good thing! They’re not actually looking at you. They’re just looking around. As soon as y’all walk away from each other, odds are you’ll disappear from their mind. It means that you don’t have to worry about doing everything perfectly. They don’t actually care. 

Repeat that to yourself whenever you feel like you’re doing badly. It doesn’t matter. They don’t care. They’re not that concerned about the things that you do.

Two tactics for increasing your self esteem:

Find something you’re good at and do it. A lot. I started writing fanfiction when I was 18, and it straight-up changed my life. I’d never had that level of positive reinforcement before– for the first time in my life, I felt better than mediocre, and it made me proud of my own skills. Once I knew I was good at something it became a lot easier to talk to people.

(This is where you need to bear in mind that I’m not what the kids call “mentally stable” so like…. this might not be healthy) For a solid two years, I played this mind game where whenever I felt like somebody was judging me or being unkind to me, I picked one of my more angry favorite fictional characters and imagined them yelling back at that person. It worked really well for me because it let me fight back without actually doing it myself. I don’t really get angry, so I imagined someone getting angry on my behalf. Thing is, after awhile I really could think things like “I don’t deserve this” and “hey asshole back the hell off” in my own voice. I don’t know if I can explain that any better

Practical tips for maintaining a conversation:

Ask questions. It’s a lot easier to have a conversation if they’re doing most of the talking, and they won’t think it’s weird if you seem interested. Just keep them talking by asking for more information about whatever they just said.

They’ll get more comfortable (and more talkative) the more emotion you express. Listen actively. Nod along. Say stuff like “Really??” Your eyebrows are your friends. React to the stuff they say.

If you don’t know what emotion you’re expected to express, draw your eyebrows slightly in, rest a hand on your mouth/chin, and say “interesting.” They’ll interpret that as whatever response they were expecting.

 I feel more comfortable if I’m prepared, so I straight-up have memorized anecdotes that I practice until they go smoothly. I mostly use stories about my siblings, but I also have this speech about communism that I use every time someone asks me what I’m thinking about.

I don’t know what kind of English you speak, but I realized a long time ago that if I amp up my accent, other southerners trust me more and everyone else sees me as less threatening. If that applies, use it.

Don’t be ashamed of your interests. It might seem embarrassing, but other people don’t see it that way. Niche comic book knowledge actually goes over pretty well at parties. Related tip: find The Interest of the person you’re talking to, and your life will get a lot easier. Let them teach you about it and they literally will not shut up. It’s great. Also you get good recs that way.

Tips to get people to like you:

Be helpful. Good in two ways: if you don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing and that makes you feel anxious, ask whomever is in charge if there’s something you can do to help. They’ll be charmed, and you won’t feel awkward anymore. Also good because people really like the folks that do them favors. They also like the people they did favors for, so let people do things for you if they offer.

Everybody likes the kid that brought food. Bake cookies. Bring cookies. New friends. Even if you don’t talk to them afterwards, they’ll have a positive opinion of you. I never spoke to the majority of my dorm neighbors, but they all liked me because I set candy and juice boxes in the hallway every holiday. In a classroom setting, offer to share your gum, buy extra scantrons, and lend people your pens. 

I befriend people solely by throwing gifts at them until they feel my love. Ask any of my mutuals. They’ll tell you.

Kindness honestly goes a long way? A lot of people, especially young people, really need someone to be kind to them, and they’re not used to getting that. If you can be that person, it’ll help them and it will make the two of you a lot closer. That’s how real friendships start. 

Always be respectful of other people’s trust. If they tell you important things about themselves, treat it seriously. Try to understand how they feel, and then let them know that you understand. Don’t tell other people’s secrets.

Tips for forcing yourself to Do The Thing:

I keep my to do list on post-it notes stuck to my dresser, one item per note, so I can pull them off one at a time as I do them. It’s more satisfying that way.

Personally I’m a lot more willing to do the things I hate if I feel like I’m doing them for someone else. Easiest way is to get one of my friends to ask me to do it (Hey in an hour text me and tell me to go to the grocery store). The best way is to bargain with one of my friends (if you call your doctor, I’ll make a real dinner tonight)

Again… I don’t know if you’re coming from the same place as me, but it really helps me to be open about my problems. I just tell my friends about my mental health issues, and then they help me to work around them.

Treat!!! Yo!!!! Self!!!! Seriously reward yourself for getting things done. Give yourself an episode of The Office for every page you write. Buy yourself ice cream for getting your errands done. If you’re going to do something stressful, have a plan for something relaxing afterward (I’ll go to the induction ceremony, and then I’ll go to the puppy store and pet a beagle)

[Eliza voice] 🎶 T a k e  a  b r e a k 🎶 If socializing is hard for you, realize that you don’t have to do it all the time. It’s okay to opt out, especially when you won’t lose anything by doing it. Personally, I go out of my way to make sure that no one speaks to me on the bus, walking across campus, or during lunch. Those are me-times. You can make sure people get the memo by wearing big headphones, bringing a book (even if you’re only pretending to read it), and avoiding eye contact. 

I find music really helpful for prep/recovery too. It works best if you find one song and play it on repeat until you get to the stressful thing, and  then do the same thing on the way back. Focus on one element of the song at a time. If you do it right, you can hit this meditative sweet spot where you stop thinking about what you have to do.

Stress relief (take it with a grain of salt because I am 95% stress at any given time):

Make your bedroom into a happy place. Pick a strong scent and make that part of the atmosphere– your brain will start to associate that scent with calm. My room smells like Irish Spring soap. When you finish something stressful, go to your room, take a few minutes to lie down and relax, breathe in and out, smell the happy smell. You did it.

Do stupid shit that makes you happy. Blow bubbles on your porch, put colored glassware on your windowsills so the sunlight turns red and blue, sing in your bathroom so it echoes all over the place. 

I hate admitting this with every fiber of my being, but exercise does actually reduce stress. So does eating healthy and sleeping normally, but I’ve never tried those last two.

If something makes you happy, keep it around. Save birthday cards, display presents from your friends, keep a happy tag online so you have a list of stuff to come back to. Your brain will remember the positive reaction, so it’ll undo some of the damage when you’re upset. 

Making other people happy will make you happy. Easiest method? Hit that anon button on the asks, pick the top five people on your dashboard, send them a nice message. Wait for excited response

It’s okay to google “cute babies” and scroll through pics until you feel alive again

I find it helpful to make things. I don’t know, there’s something about spending a long time on a project that makes me feel more productive, especially if there’s a visible product.

Things to remember: 

They aren’t watching you. They don’t care if you mess up. Your brain is lying to you.

Your worth is inherent and cannot be diminished by any of your actions or failures

Odds are the people you meet now won’t be the same people in your life in a few years. That means you don’t have to impress them. If you embarrass yourself in front of the lady at the brochure stand, it doesn’t matter. You probably won’t ever see her again.

It’s okay if this is hard for you. You don’t have to love meeting people.

You don’t have to like everyone. You don’t have to be friends with everyone.

It’s okay to say no. I repeat: it is okay to say no.

You’re going to be okay. You have a destiny, and you will fulfill it. It’s going to turn out exactly as it should. You don’t have to worry about your future.

These things get easier with time.

There’s no shame in seeing a therapist or talking about your problems

You have talents. You are interesting. You deserve attention and praise.

You know where to find me if you need anything

[lizardswithoutlegs]

HOOOOOWOWOAH BOY

ART ASKS

when i walk into a building i get to eat everybodys pencils and they cant say no

do it 

( also thanks for asking ! ) 

itd bother me a lot less if everybody came to my apartment and took one of these beautiful eggs

YEAH UNFORTUNATELY IM STILL..... WORKING THROUGH THE SAME WAITLIST but im comparatively REAL CLOSE to being done with it and i should be opening up sometime later in...... the Year

Boy Have I

theres This messy thing from a while back and then also

THIS, from even FURTHER back, when i didnt realize how fucking RED all the outlines on my things were because of the monitor i was using, two for the price of one

why not both

i do Not but it you ever see me walking on the street please throw handfuls of teeth at me theyre the only things my wretched body can digest and im always hungry

OH MAN ok so, an art telephone game is based on, of course, the game telephone, where one person says a phrase and then whispers it to the next person, and so on and on until the person at the very end says whatever they heard and if its done right the final sentence is wildly different than what you started with

an ART telephone game is the same kind of concept, except one person draws out a scene or character, and then other artists draw THEIR interpretation of whats going on, and so forth until the last person can end up with something COMPLETELY different than what the first scene was

youd think thered be less room for error with drawings, but as each person ONLY sees what the person ahead of them has made, they can get PRETTY OUT THERE - im gonna be a part of pythosarts game, and theyve done a couple of em before - for example one round started with THESE as the first two drawings

and then fourteen interpretations later, ended up with these as the final two

its good its real good

I Cant Control Where Bigfoot Goes, I Can Only Take Note Of Where Hes Been

YEAH, sort of ! on the main, iguanamouth, i have a bunch of different tags for art depending on what they are but not really a catchall one, BUT i do have an art only blog where everything gets tossed over ! 

HONESTLY THE ADVICE i got is basically what all art advice is gonna boil down to eventually - you gotta just. do it. you gotta DO it

absolutely nobody you know who draws things well started out at the level theyre currently at, and putting down the things youre visualizing onto paper is a combination of getting the the technical aspects down as much as getting the idea in your head

and that goes with figuring out anatomy and how bodies are put together ! ive got to use references for a Million things,. especially the dragon hoards - theres absolutely nothing wrong with using references for your drawings ! and being able to create accurate representations of things without looking is something that comes more with drawing something over and over and memorizing the body shape more than just, feeling like you should KNOW how to do something

so dont beat yourself up for needing references. if youre trying to shy away from them a little bit but still cant make something look nice without em, try using several different reference photos to put together an entirely different pose ? 

theres ALSO the SHRIMP METHOD, which is great for practicing and getting good at one particular thing - this probably isnt SUPER HELPFUL but good luck ! 

god i tried. exactly ONCE maybe fourish years ago but it wasnt art, i was trying to stream the lion king movie and i had no idea what i was doing, i didnt realize i needed to wear headphones so the sound wouldnt snowball into a feedback loop of my own voice that never ended but i kept laughing and it kept distorting worse and worse, like the audio version of saving and resaving something as a jpeg

it was just me and my friend ronni in the stream and ONE other person who never left and never said anything and i kept addressing them out loud like WHO ARE YOU and that only compounded the noise problem and eventually i gave up

anyway i havent tried since

i uhhhhh dont think i COULD, really - fear especially is something thats kind of subjective and one persons Big Terror could be neutral or even cute to another person

like for me i used to have a lot of childhood fears about the ocean, and how deep and dark and vast it was, to the point where i couldnt play a lot of water levels in video games, even ( but i had almost drowned several times when i was Very young which probably had, a little somethin to do with that )

maybe sometime ill try to explore things IM afraid of, but its hard to encompass a psychological response in an image !! could be a fun experiment, though ! !

a few PLANT ANIMAL AZKZ, HUH, DONT HAVE A WORKING Z KEY

SHIT DUDE THESE ARE... SO GOOD thats the official name EVEN IF i didnt use. a daffodil as the flower base. it doesnt matter 

yes

i got A BUNCH of flower and plant themed suggestions and theyre all REALLY GOOD ( way more than these ) but straight up im taking a break from em for a while - if anybody is else is reading this though you should definitely tackle one of em

WASABI ASKS

Do Not Feed Animals The Paste

i keep going back to read this ask because you could replace wasabi with my name and its the exact same. its the same. i feel like i have to hide somewhere

this was real and this is the award they gave us

there were other awards but the judges refused to give them out. they burned them in front of the other dogs. we won

it depends on the age ! wasabis pretty much an adult, so her sheds are pretty infrequent ( usually once every 7-8 months ) BUT when she was still growing back like 6 years ago, she would do a full-body shed every other month !

wasabi accepts tokens of appreciation in the form of : fruit, green beans. No Exceptions

i would never seperate wasabi from her hands

absolutely..... not. not even a little bit h h hh a this isnt a disney animal companion, i dont even know what “kind of like a dog” means with , a lizard who cant make any vocalizations or get up on their hind legs or NOTHIN sometimes if i hold a piece of fruit on my hand and she reaches for it she gets confused on whats what and tries to bite my fingers instead

ONCE WHEN SHE was attacking her reflection in a mirror i put my hand in front of her face to break eye contact and she SUNK HER TEETH RIGHT IN THERE but immediately let go like “oh whoops”

lissten . . .  wasabi is so sharp, just absolutely everywhere, and these are the sharpest. the grabbers

heres a lil battle damage from earlier today actually

this is pretty tame BUT the long long lines are from claws, and the thinner, closer together ones are from holding her and her scales scraping against the skin. so not even just the Body is completely safe ! this is not an animal youre gonna wanna get your face real close to if theyre in a walkin mood

she doesnt even MEAN to scratch the shit outta me, its just kind of a byproduct of being a big tree lizard. her tail is absolutely the worst thing to get hit by though. the WORST. lucky me she doesnt attack anything that isnt a dog or a vacuum cleaner or her own reflection

ahhh i got her when i was 16 ! and i dont know her exact age but she was somewhere between 3-6 months when i get her - SHES probably closer to 9 years, but ive had her for about 8

LENGTH THOUGH...... the last time i measured her she was just barely under four and a half feet, but that was a few months ago and its possible shes. Just Slightly larger. shes currently sleeping as i type this so i guess we will never know

duel me

too late for coats..... its all tail action now

ROCK ASKS AND ALSO ASKS ABOUT PUTTING ROCKS IN YOUR MOUTH

oh MAN i feel you . . . . . . . . . . i dont think i could actually Bear To Eat any for real but some of em. just. they. i gotta. just. bite on em a LITTLE just a little bit, a tiny bit, a nibble

when i was real young i used to tap things against my teeth to tell what kind of substance they were made of based on the feeling/hardness/density WHATEVER and i still sometimes do it when im checking stuff out and. it uhhhhh sure is interesting finding out not a lot of people did that

a handful of these delicious raw agates, just for you

please stop spying on me

i DO NOT but you may eat this piece of bornite

meet me at the airport and ill cover your bus fair

theres a lotta different ways to figure out what kind of rocks you got but when you have absolutely no clue on where to start your best bet is to search for the biggest distinctive features of it, and try to narrow it down based on the results

like for something like these pieces of chalcedony, you could try “waxy green translucent mineral”, and from the search results find a few candidates that might be what you have on hand, and then look into each one to see if you can get a definite answer 

ive got a handful of rock and mineral guide books that i always pick through whenever i snag something im not sure of, and if youre REAL into it those are always something you could start keeping an eye out for 

now this is a REAL superficial way to telling what something is and wont be useful for a good chunk of minerals ( as a lot of samples can look really close to something else ) and THIS is a much more in depth way of telling something apart, but its also a lot more time consuming ! so good luck. and good eating.

Just Try And Fucking Stop Me

ANIMAL ASKS THAT ARENT............ ABOUT MY LIZARD

im married to this one actually

fuck. ok. heres. a secret. a In the ask Post secret. wasabi goes through a period that lasts a month every single year where she carries eggs in her gut, and spends that month not eating and digging around in everything, trying to find the right spot to lay these eggs. and. when it happens i never know what to do with them, and i dont want to just THROW THEM AWAY so i. eat them. i eat the eggs. i fuckin eat the eggs dude

Theyre All Goddesses

unless you plan on having your lizard roam around outside whenever they want, the outside environment doesnt really matter much for most reptiles as long as you set their habitat up right ! BUT i do know that australia has bans on certain reptiles ( iguanas are one of them ) and so youre gonna have to look up whats actually available in that area 

 bearded dragons are native and those are always a good option, but so are a lot of geckos - its really gonna depend on what youre into ( but i dont really recommend anoles if thats an option, because theyre fast as Hell and dont like being handled )

what the fuck is a bee

oh geez im sorry ! i remember going through this with spiders a lot when i was younger to the point where looking at photos of em used to be a fuckin, TRIAL 

you could try a really gradual exposure deal, where you start off with getting comfortable with just images, and slowly working your way to dealing with one in a controlled setting ( like a petstore, maybe ? not HANDLING em or anything, but just being near one in a way where its absolutely impossible for them to touch you )

the shitty thing about this kind of phobia is that even if you KNOW its irrational theres sometimes not a lot you can do about it, but if you can stand looking at photos of them you could try learning up about them, and finding out the types of species youre likely to encounter around your house, and seeing how many ( if any ) are ones you should avoid ?

i know some people that have major problems with snakes are because theyre unsure if the ones they find are poisonous or not, and it might go a long way to confirm that the reptiles you meet wont be able to harm you even if they TRIED ( which is gonna be the case with a lotta house geckos, they cant do SHIT youre a GIANT )

very VERY few lizards have venomous bites, and the worst most of em can do is give you a bloody finger if theyre large enough, and even then its usually not much worse than a cat scratch !

still though, if youre really serious about trying to get past this, dont force yourself too quick into what you think you SHOULD be, and take tiny steps outta your comfort level when you can

this probably isnt uhhh SUPER helpful hh hhah but good luck !  shit im going through this post and its like ALL reptile photos. im sorry

i feel about them, with my hands

MMM it shouldnt HURT them unless theres something Really wrong, considering its a natural procession of growth, BUT its definitely itchy as hell, to the point where reptiles trying to remove it will drag their bodies over stones or walls tryin to get it off

sometimes wasabi drags her whole hind foot over her head like a dog to get it off and it is. a Sight

ahhh honestly there arent a lotta reptiles thatre gonna do much more than TOLERATE the touch and not really, enjoy it, like a dog or cat or bird

but speaking from experience with wasabi, youll probably want to avoid most the head and stick with the top of the back near the sides - wasabi doesnt enjoy having her tail messed with much either, but shes ok with her dewlap and feet being touched

the most important thing to keep an eye out for when youre touching one is their body language, because  THATS gonna be a dead giveaway for whether you need to back off or not

closing their eyes is a sign of stress, not enjoyment ! same with tilting the head back, but if thats ALL theyre doing then youre probably not gonna face any retaliation

B U T if theyve got an extended dewlap with a raised body or tail off the ground, not a good idea to interact with em ! thats a defensive posture, and you risk getting hit with a tail or even bitten if your hand gets too close

youve got more to risk with males, who are way more territorial and generally larger, but if they seem pretty chill when you approach and dont stand up and stare at you, youre probably in the clear

COCK of the ROCK

I HAVE im so jealous of anybody whos got to see one in person - actually handling one is a level beyond that which i could even comprehend

OTHER THINGS.....

no but i was bit by a pigeon once

this is the only joke i know

i fuckin WISH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayy im into it - honestly i havent been following the band so much as just kinda, picking up whatever anybody else mentions and so my knowledge on Gorillaz Lore is pretty uhhhh h hh h scattered but im definitely interested in seeing where this goes

i remember watching the first and second season and it being pretty good - some of the episodes and jokes are hit and miss but you absolutely got me with the creature and alien design

havent seen any of the third season yet though !

i mean the fruit ones could be pretty up there 

how bout. an abstract concept. who cares about physical forms wheres the dragon of melancholy 

why come theres nothing to eat in my apartment but bread. im good otherwise but its all just bread

i havent watched either of em in YEARS and YEARS but i distinctly remember. these lil dancing mushrooms

oh wait FUCK 

FUCK !!!!!!!!!

no... NO.... she is not allowed to eat ANYTHING from the plan shelf, try as she MIGHT

im a little mad that this sill isnt bigger because the only other one that gets sun is in my room and wasabi WIll... absolutely eat those. no doubt. a convenient and expensive salad, for my awful gremlin 

god im looking at these and its all jade plants isnt it

little golden books taste the best but they can make you sick if you have too many at once. my favorite genre for snacking is sci fi fantasy but anything over 300 pages tends to get a little tough if you dont break it up with smaller chunks. non fictions always a gamble because the taste is wildly different each time but you can usually tell how ripe it is by the cover color

ayy im already a big fan of some of their stuff, ive got a couple songs from them in my music tag - im especially into i miss you and their shut up and bring it here remix

TOP FIVE THINGS

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this is barely related but once i filled up a bathtub with water and then dumped about ten bags worth of mint tea into it and then just. soaked around in the tea. listen it was really nice. id try the cheese

i dont have any ships but i was on one of those model pirate boats once for a school trip. our boat was named naruto and the other one was named sasuke and the captains shouted “make them kiss” and ran them into each other. everybody on board drowned

youre trying to trick me into googling yoshi without shoes and its not going to work

me reading this message from the safety of my apartment :

nice try, but wrong again ! : )

THIS IS GOOD info, thank you

oh SHIT the other side of paradise, take a slice, life itself, and season 2 episode 3 are all my Big Faves

the way you phrased this makes me think you already have a strong opinion on it

hey uh. coming from a person who was absolutely CONVINCED that theyd be dead in the future when they were 12, a not insignificant part of that was me feeling that there was something irreversibly wrong with me for not behaving or acting in certain ways based on what was going downstairs

and obviously im still HERE but it means i can understand how devastatingly terrible it can feel when youre that young and it seems like the way you behave and feel are flawed, or dirty, and anything that can lessen that feeling and make you comfortable in your own body is huge, can save your life

not that im saying its always a LIFE OR DEATH decision !

i guess if youre viewing it as adults forcing a child into making decisions that you dont think theyre capable of understanding its easy to be hesitant about getting behind it, but nobody is forcing a child to be trans. nobody has tricked them into feeling this way. you cant just walk in and get started on treatment on an immediate whim - some programs require 2 YEARS of concrete evidence before theyll even consider it

i feel like you should try speaking to the parents of trans children before you really put down a concrete opinion on whether this is a good or bad thing, and seeing the difference ( if any ) its made in their lives 

people whove detransitioned, or found they had ultimately a different identity than the one they were exploring could also be an avenue to look intto ! i have several acquaintances who, after a period of years, found they werent trans but wouldnt take back the time where they were figuring out if they were, and i know this doesnt invalidate the friends i have who ARE 

ultimately this is what it boils down to for me : Its Sure Gotta Beat Being Dead

i WILL give you that ive definitely seen a lot of overreactions to seemingly innocuous topics on this website

but youve also got to keep in mind that everybody who is saying these things MEANS them, and to them theres a completely reasonable explanation to why they feel that way

im not saying you should blindly accept any criticism you get, but to instead try to get a grasp on WHY theyre responding the way they are instead of immediately dismissing it

its because i cant drive and they wont let me sit in the front on account of the smell

NICE THINGS

AHHHH I GOT.. a bunch of other really sweet messages to the point where id feel weird about putting em ALL UP BUT... IF YOU SENT ME SOMETHING i can promise i absolutely saw it and it made my day better and just, holy shit, thank you for taking time out of your life to say anything to me at all

because you didnt have to, even a little bit

youre all beautiful and im kissing you on the mouths all at once. no take backs