#gonna film a cute lil wolfstar thread about depression lol yeet

[remus-lupin-is-my-type]

Where the hell have I been?

Greetings everyone! I’m finally sitting down to write the post I’ve been avoiding for a while lol so buckle up lads cuz here we gO.

What it basically boils down to is this: I have been both extremely busy and extremely emotionally fragile over the past little while. 

It all started with my computer camera troubles (which still isn’t fixed btw LOL), and it really went downhill from there. Cosplay is a huge positive mental health outlet for me, and when I couldn’t really do it anymore, it took its toll. I felt so bad about not doing things and being as active in the hp rp community as I was, that I basically avoided it altogether (to put it in perspective, I’m even super far behind on TT’s blog *audience gasp*).

But it wasn’t just that. I am essentially working three part-time jobs right now. I am a receptionist at a retirement home, a receptionist/sterilizing assistant at a dental office, and I freelance edit. I now have only one day off a week, and the adjustment has been rough. I haven’t had the time or energy for much of anything tbh.

This led to a big ol’ backslide in the mental health department. Like. Pretty bad my dudes. I was constantly miserable, spinning my wheels being like “oh is this adulthood? Working shitty jobs and being sad but making money?” and I still struggle even now. But I’ve found coping mechanisms like investing in wireless earbuds so that I can keep one in at work and listen to podcasts and things to distract myself from negative thoughts. Also, I’ve been in therapy for a few months and that’s really been helping too. She’s the bomb. 

Then, just when things started to look up, I suddenly hit a wall about my weight and had several breakdowns about that. (Like seriously guys I’ve had at least four mental breakdowns since last I was properly on here lmao). I struggled with that for a few weeks, and I’m still struggling now. Constantly wondering if I’m doing the right thing/making the right choices, but it’s going well now. I’ve hit my wall, and now I’m evening out emotionally and I feel more hopeful about the whole thing.

I’m gonna try to stop making excuses. I bought an attachment for a tripod (which I’m actually gonna use with my mic stand) to hold my phone so I can film again. I tried it out today and it’s actually gonna be AWESOME because I can do so many more angles and things than before!! I still probably won’t be coming online soon as I feel it might be too annoying with the phone set-up, but tomorrow I’ve promised myself that I’m going to start filming one of the threads I’ve written during my hiatus.

SO. If you got this far, thank you so much for caring and for all your continued support and just for being the loveliest of communities. I will hopefully be seeing you soon! In fact, I’ll guarantee it!!! Hold me to it my dudes ;) 

Love you all so very, very much <3

Nicki xo