#gonna b real. this was a joke post intended for like 10 people based on a complex web of injokes we have so it breaching containment like

[raisinzone]

reblog to have a very happy every surface sunday!

[ghostyprince]

title: place your hand on mine (untie your mind) 

word count: 1.404 rating: G fandom: BuzzF. Uns. relationship: Ryan B./Shane M. summary:   Based on this tumblr post: "i bet my hands are bigger than yours dude. i bet they are. no fucking way are your hands bigger than mine. oh, you wanna prove it? go on then. place your hand against mine and we’ll measure them and settle this right now. go on. do it. palm to palm bro let’s go."

author’s note: I wrote this at 10 PM half-asleep because I really needed something cute after having a bad day, so enjoy!

[READ ON AO3]

or read more here

"No way your hands are bigger than mine, dude!" Shane's lips quirked into an amused smile, sometimes he couldn't believe Ryan was so competitive about such small things. They've just finished recording the latest Post Mortem, it was only the two of them left at the Ghoul HQ. Apparently, someone on Instagram really liked Shane's big hands. He often received comments like that and he kept on ignoring them usually, however, this one particularly amused him, so Shane decided to include it in the video. Ryan hadn't looked like it bothered him at the moment, he just laughed and said something about the BuzzFeed mugs being abnormally small. Apparently, now that their recording session ended, he had some strong opinions about it. "Does it matter? I mean your hands aren't small either, even compared to you being pocket-sized." The smile stretched into a grin after Ryan answered with a slightly annoyed huff. "Rich coming from the guy whose head is way too big for his beanpole size." He scoffed but moved on pretty soon.

"Come on, I bet my hands are bigger than yours, that person is so wrong." He held up his palm, open towards Shane, elbow on the table. Shane snorted, leaning back in his chair and taking a few seconds to just eye him, and his held up hand. "Prove it, big guy," Ryan said, pressing the matter further, his tone was challenging. "Why are you so hung up on this? Is this like- Is it an insecurity of yours, or something?" Shane asked eventually, only half-joking. He's not gonna be a dick, if it really was a thing for Ryan, he won't make fun of him about it. Maybe he will, a little bit. "What? No! It's just- I'm curious, okay?" Ryan shrugged, acting like it was no big deal, but Shane saw right through him. He knew that nervous look, saw it every single time they arrived on location while shooting for Supernatural. The shifting of his eyes and anxious twitch of his lips. Why on Earth was Ryan so nervous about Shane's hand size though, was beyond him. "People seem to mention it a lot, so I just don't get it, you know. Are you going to leave me hanging?" Ryan continued, finally meeting his eyes, he was smiling, almost shyly. Almost hopeful, Shane noted. That's what broke his half-hearted protest. "Sure, I'll humor ya. For the record, I still think this means nothing and is dumb, but if it's so important to you..." He pointed out, trailing off, before sliding his hand against Ryan's, who let out a tiny gasp, so faint, Shane would've missed it if he wasn't busy studying Ryan's face. Which was in fact rapidly heating up by the second. What Shanee didn't expect is how he, himself would react. To his hand against Ryan's, and to the reaction he was given. That small gasp and those intense brown eyes twisted up his insides, setting butterflies or bats or whatever they were, wild in his stomach. Their hand being like that wasn't anything new, they did it in an episode before, Shane couldn't even understand how that slipped Ryan's mind. Ryan surely noticed any size differences between their hands before? Maybe he's been too distracted at the time. They held hands during the summoning session too, Shane admittedly thinks about that way more than he probably should. In fact, he thinks about a lot of things he probably shouldn't. How Ryan's lips would feel against his, how he'd rather comb his hand through Ryan's oh so soft looking hair instead of doing this dumb hand size comparing thing. Although, now that their palms were pressed together, Ryan's fingers flexing against his, Shane could feel the warmth of his skin. All of the little callouses on his palm, it took his breath away.

Again, they've done this before, it shouldn't be anything special, and yet it felt so different. Like he was touching Ryan for the first time, after craving to do so for so long. It's not exactly a false statement. Maybe it was the intimacy of it all, the peaceful quiet of the Ghoul HQ, it just being the two of them, time didn't seem real. Not to mention Ryan's eyes never leaving his, once he took the courage to look at Shane. He didn't speak, not even when they must've been sitting there for minutes, just staring at each other, hands touching. From the outside, they must have looked so fucking dumb, two dudes palms pressed together for a reason neither of them seemed to care about anymore. Shane looked at him, the way he allowed himself sometimes when Ryan was busy with editing. Taking note of all the things this literal sunshine of a person knocked his socks off with, as easily as it was nothing. Shane wasn't too much of a sentimental, or romantic person per se. Perhaps, on rare occasions, and lately, when he caught sight of Ryan. He kept it all to himself though, the lovely curve of Ryan's nose, those sharp jawlines, or his pretty brown eyes, that were too tired too often. His hair with little to no product, soft and curly, his toothy smiley, or that laugh he coaxed out of him. Shane could go on, it wasn't even a start on the long long list yet. He kept the thought of kissing those lips bruised, 'til both of them are breathless, the most. He always snapped out of it soon, because reality sunk in because Ryan had never given any indication that he'd like any of that.

Shane tried, he really did. Every single attempt at flirting fell flat, Ryan was incredibly oblivious it seemed. Probably being direct about his feelings would've been the best method, but he didn't intend on ruining one of the closes friendships he ever had. So he tested the waters with small flirty comments here and there. They increasingly got less and less subtle, as Shane's frustration grew upon realizing that Ryan's impossible to flirt with.

Of course, there was always the possibility that Ryan had ignored his flirting so he wouldn't have to turn Shane down, or simply the idea of Shane being anything more than a best friend hadn't even occurred to him. And yet, he still got his hopes up every single time Ryan looked at him that certain way. Sometimes it would show on camera too, and Shane replayed those moments more times he'd ever admit to, heart fluttering at the implications of those looks. (And then he felt ashamed for overanalyzing his friend simply looking at him, just to do it all over again the next time he was given the Look as Shane called it.) What really made Shane's heart want to jump out of his chest is the fact that Ryan was looking at him like that right then and there. Not a short little glance Shane would catch him do, no. Ryan was looking at him like he hung the moon and stars, openly and more filled with fondness Shane ever had the privilege to witness. Shane's fingers moved in their own accord, sliding between Ryan's like they were made to fit there perfectly. The stunning and very much smug grin that slowly formed on Ryan's face melted away all of his doubts for good. He suddenly understood why it was so strangely important to Ryan now. God, he's been set up so bad. Shortly, there was a tug on his hand, Ryan pulling him closer, to meet him in the middle, pressing their lips together. Because Shane was still dumbstruck by the realization. It didn't take too long for him to contribute to the kiss, however, finally, finally pushing one hand through Ryan's hair with such fierceness, it made Ryan laugh against his lips, and Shane also found himself smiling, no, grinning like an absolute fool. Shane hadn't remembered if they ever found out whose hand was bigger, but it's not like it mattered in any way. They would have plenty of time taking note of that, holding hands, or kissing each other's knuckles. Going by how wrecked Ryan looked every time Shane grabbed two perfect handfuls of his ass, or when he casually rested his hand on one of Ryan's thighs Shane didn't think he was too bothered by the fact that his hand was probably a little bigger.

[tybalt-you-saucy-boi]

Hello! I was curious to know what some of your favorite Mindcrack moments are in all of their years of existing?

Bro. You are in for a motherfucking LIST.

Off the bat, every single Team Canada Prank. I’ve practically memorized the Sky Shrooms and King of the Ladder episodes. That moment when Guude realized Etho was part of the prank and said “We? Who’s we?” and Etho stuttered and fell backwards off the mushrooms to his death was the first moment in my life that I truly felt alive. #TheOfficeIsAGoodShow #RealMenUseTheirRingFinger

Von Swaying Guude’s house changed my whole outlook on Minecraft. How could someone make something so darn ugly and yet so beautiful? It’s the epitome of doing something for the sole purpose of shit starting creating and having fun rather than aiming for perfect and never finishing. Zisteau is a great addition to any video 10/10 educational content

Just about every moment in Guude/Nebris/Pakratt/Arkas’ TerraFirmaCraft Reloaded series. Had to pause videos multiple times to write down quotes and even then I passed up some good ones! I fully intend on rewatching the series from each perspective. Arkas getting slain by bear, Guude and Arkas secretly growing mushrooms and getting high, Pakratt confusing dolomite and diorite, literally everything Arkas does, THE COWS, that last episode of absolute chaos wtf Pakratt

UHC #ForTheKidsSeven with Single Malt scotch’s skyblock base and rampant cheating from every team except Nebris’. I fucking LOVED that near-kill with the anvil, and all the chaos as the border shrank. Four players stuck in a 1x1 column! The arrow volley between SMS and SkyblockJr. Can this happen every UHC?

Speaking of UHC, Etho and BdoubleO’s epic fight in season 11! He was absolutely on the ball with those potions, I was sure he’d die before he could use them all. And Etho’s fight with Guude right before that was hilarious! Guude high as fuck on percocets and Etho like completely confused at what Guude was doing. The original UHC skybase by Zisteau #I’mALavaExpert and Anderz reaction to the skybase, and then to Guude’s dogs

The whole portal thing in season 3 with Pause, Kurt, and Beef too! That has remained one of my favourite UHC moments since I saw it, there is nothing more classic. Every single season I hope someone will make a portal for no reason and end up in someone else’s base with them. #TheWolfTheWolfAmazing!

Zisteau’s E-Pranker Montage. I legitimately cry every time I watch it, particularly during 0.5 (the fourth prank) when he rebuilds Bdubs’ first house from his Building With BdoubleO series. Bdubs’ moment of realization hits me like a train even though I know it’s coming. Like, if someone built my first Minecraft base to prank me I think I would die on impact, but like in a good way.

And back to UHC! Season 14 episode 5. HOOOOOOLY FUCK! 2spooky4me should have totally been a UHC team! Remember when Zisteau played UHC? It just isn’t UHC without him to be honest. And besides the #BadYouTubers and #ImALavaExpert moments from Super Hostile and Ninja Turtles, Parkas had a great season as well! Shit, everyone was awesome! Parkas listening in on BTC finding a silverfish, Doc listening in on Ole Yeller right before Zisteau-ing himself and swearing, Baj hiding nether wart, every single drunken drink Genny did, Parkas towers “we should smelt some stone to make bricks”, snnnnowballs! :D, HEY JSANO! WHY YOU RUNNING JSANO?, “ooooh, we’re right behind you haha” “BTC, they’re actually here.” Pakratt was slain by generikb, Avidya’s spooky voice echoing around Seth and Anderz “You wouldn’t hurt an old teammate, would you?” “I dunno. It’s been awhile.” Just. God this was a good season.

Season 19 with Vechs and BTC! You’ve heard all the famous quotes, “how did I get stuck with you of all people” “Vechs, Vechs. I don’t hate you anymore” “He’s not dying. He’s just mad right now.” “Did it come from your hand, knocking a teammate off the ledge?” “THAT WAS A MOD!” etc etc. I also like MC’s half heart midnight desert dash, although it took a good 10 years of my life from the stress. Oblivious Pakratt running away from his teammates as they yell after him and then wondering why he hasn’t found anyone yet. Seth’s reaction to MC’s diamonds. Coe’s post commentary, again, you know the quotes: “Left. Chicken. Right. Chicken.” “This bucket has wheels!” “Are you gonna put that dirt in a chest?!” etc. Kurt finding Beef “Sharpness Five diamond sword!” and PiMP turning around. F1 and PiMP in general. SwedishZen and Millbee with the melons.

Obligatory mentions: “NOOO YOUR DOGS KILLING ME!!!!”, 2Germans1Hole, Zisteau crafting a clock and finding every excuse to use it during the game so that those 4 gold didn’t go to waste, Rob’s jukebox battles, Anderz fighting spiders when a creeper wanders into his hole, Bdubs’ “real” season 9 ending, Nebris going God-mode “HIT ME ALL YOU LIKE”, Nebris and Pause double kill, Nebris and Pyro double kill with Bdubs watching and cleaning up at half a heart and then Etho cleaning up again and finding the potions B left and Bdubs interrupting his video to do facecam to explain that he’s a nice guy who shares and leaves gifts for others (basically whenever Bdubs does facecam in UHC. Let’s face it, when Bdubs whips out the cam you know you’re in for a good show), Team Uppercats season 10. All of it.

Trouble in Terrorist Town when Pyro and Coe pull a long con on Pause and Guude in like episode 9 during the last round. I had to pause the video to take it all in, I was just in awe. That series is one of my favourites! I always watch from Pause.

In original DvZ when BTC got warned for breaking a cake. Also Pause’s helmet!

Team Canada CTM uhhh forgot which series, but Pause and Beef getting stuck in a hole, Etho dying, placing TNT over their heads, and singing “Pause and Beef, best of friends” while Beef panics.

Etho calling Pause fat as a joke and Pause taking it serious and then Etho going “wait, are you actually fat?’ lmao.

Pause yelling about vacations on episode 37 of the podcast with BdoubleO “STOP TELLING PEOPLE I’M GOING ON VACATION IT’S NOT A VACATION!!!!!!!” and every time he’s yelled about vacations or muted his mic.

Baj reading a question and mid sentence switching to talking about the curry he had last night, and then there’s a pause and the rest of Nancy Drew fucking loses it.

On the podcast, Kurt’s “Wake me up, boys!” That whole episode was a blast!

The whole “sitting or standing?” debate and the guests’ reactions to it.

Doc accidentally killing Notch on the Mindcrack server, and Dinnerbone confused about him not dropping an apple.

Doc’s zombie death loop from season 4 with Anderz saving the day and then promptly dying.

B-Team mafia in survival of the fittest, Etho killing Genny, and B and Etho teaming up afterwards. Also B and Pungence talking excitedly at the end was adorable, you can really tell they’re brothers lol. And Etho drinking out of the outhouse! Bdubs’ comment on that video killed me lol. And Etho forgetting his push-to-talk and failing to team up with Doc.

The whole got-dang B-Team trial.

End of season 3 tour “On a scale from Baj to Anderz” “Arkas, say something about your build.” Arkas: “Hello.”

The original Death Games, when Etho reveals his secret to Nebris particularly, and all the trash talking. Also Millbee, MC, and Nebris coming to kill him and Kurt logging on in the middle of it.

Prop hunt, and all the wiener and erect jokes. “Am I erect?” “I just saw a can spying on me while I was trying to put my wiener in the toilet!”

Pause and Rob getting girlfriends in Orespawn, and Rob naming his after Pause, and Pause murdering his.

Andrea talking about waking up with spiders in her mouth in an old Triple Eh Mondays episode.

Nebris “sensually” feeding Beef a banana (and practically begging to do it to) on the Mindcrack marathon, and Beef completely ruining the mood lol

Zisteau accidentally launching CaptainSparklez back into a lava tree column and “Dude, it’s okay. You can just kill me” after Jordan’s hit him about 40 times.

#ForTheHorse

MC accidentally killing his one and only teammate JSano during UHC season 22

Sevadus and Seth playing blindfolded lego with Chad’s underwear on Sev’s head, lots of swearing, bugs in the lego, “Are you sure it’s the grey lego?”, “I don’t think I like kids anymore” etc

All the Pyro and Baj burns on Quiplash, ie “What’s something that absolutely does not make you think of a penis in any way?” “Baj”

Coe and Pak playing that stupid horse/giraffe volley ball game with the stretchy legs and neck, and Coe doing the silly accent

Bdubs calling Nebris a psychopath in Nebs’ first FTB episode because he jumped a dangerous ledge for 2 (TWO) pieces of glowstone dust

Nebs coming outta nowhere and jumping in Etho’s car when he was about to test his race track

The first few episode of CrackPack and the battle between Etho and BTC, and Beef and Nebris

The first building game with potatoes on sticks, the second accidentally dirty and racist building game with bloody toilet capsules, the third actually dirty building game with a viking hat with a penis inside

God, I could go on forever, but I’ve already spent over an hour and a half on this.

[beardyallen]

Well, that went quickly...

What day is it? I’m starting to lose track of how long I’ve been here...

Well, it’s been a week since my last post, and it seems that a lot must have happened, but honestly I feel like I’ve just been cranking through a bunch of comic books.

But I do know that Friday and Saturday involved a good deal excitement, so I guess we had might as well pick up pretty much where we left off!

Last Friday was Orientation for ICB, which meant getting all of the 35-40 instructors, 10 staff members, and the 6-8 people in charge of this program together in a room to introduce us to...basically what we’d been doing all that week. Also, aside from a couple study-abroad-undergrads and my officemate and me, everyone there had probably already heard the spiel.

It was scheduled from 5p-6p with a buffett afterwards, but a bunch of the Communications people from my floor were going out to eat (again?) afterwards, so I made plans with NR. She wanted to try this Mexican restaurant in what I’ll describe as the “international district” of Beijing. Most everything around us when we got there looked like it belonged in literally every metropolitan area in the world. Every major brand you can imagine had a store. Multiple. Too many...

But the Mexican restaurant we visited is owned and managed by a Mexican expat, apparently. He even stopped by our table to ask how the food was, and let me tell you: that quesadilla was the BOMB!!! And the margarita was pretty good (not as good as MHO’C’s, though!). By the time we finished up dinner, it was kind of late, so we wondered around the shopping center, found a bookstore. You know: the usual.

Fun fact: when a store or restaurant wants to indicate to their patrons that they are getting ready to close, they play smooth jazz and turn the lights down. Like for real. Had their not been windows open to the pavilion outside with it’s hundreds of light displays, I would have been seriously concerned when the lights in the place just went out and Kenny G popped up on the speakers.

We entertained the idea of finding the cinema nearby to see Alita Battle Angel, but during the 15 minutes that we spent wondering around in search of the complex, it seemed to elude us. Plus it was getting close to that time when the subway shuts down, and I wasn’t exactly hankering for a taxi ride this early in my stay....if at all.

The next morning, I got up early to meet back up with NR at the National Museum near the Forbidden City. Now, for the most part, the stairs I get don’t bother me. But I will say, if you’re going to stair at the pasty white guy with a hard-to-describe-its-color-accurately-beard, maybe don’t do it when you’re going 15 mph on a bike, facing in the wrong direction! *sigh.....Some people’s kids...

But what really bothered me, especially at the time, was the father-of-three who straight-up filmed me on his phone from 5 feet away for a solid 6 minutes, three hallways, and two escalators! I get it, I’m funny looking. But I really think I a picture would have done just fine...

One of the things that bothered me the most about that experience was that (a) he had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, (b) his daughters seemed rather embarrassed, (c) he filmed me with the screen aimed at me so I could watch myself on his phone, (d) there was text on the screen, and (e) it went on for a solid 6 minutes.

In hindsight, I was wearing sunglasses and a hat, in a subway system, in the morning, heading to the center of Beijing. Maybe he thought I was a celebrity? I had spoken to a Communications graduate student the other day who happens to be black, and he told me the story of how a citizen here pull out their phone with a picture of Samuel L. Jackson on it, and gestured to him as it to ask if it were him...even though SLJ is for sure at 70 years old and this kid is no more than 35. And he looks 25. #smh

Anyway, after dealing with whatever the hell that was, I got to visit the museum! They, for whatever reason, were not allowing people to bring their charging blocks into the museum (external battery that you can use to charge your cell phone and other devices on-the-go), but more surprising to me was just how many people carried one with them! At least, it was surprising until I took a moment to think about it. As I’ve mentioned before, basically every payment made in Beijing is through WeChat, which needs internet access, so I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising. You also really can’t navigate through the city with some sort of Maps app; there are just too many bus routes, train routes, terminals and stops to keep logged in your head.

As far as the museum itself goes, the gifts to China from foreign governments exhibit and the Ancient China exhibit themselves took most of the day. Also, no surprise: the gift that took up the most floor space was given by a U.S. President. I also got a refresher in 8th Grade Social Studies. Too many small countries to remember all of them, and that space made me feel somewhat moronic.

The Ancient China exhibit was exceptional, though. They broke up the last, oh...750,000 years of human-ish life in China into 8-10 separate eras, the first few cataloguing the life and evolution of Homo erectus pekinensis into Homo sapien, while the latter eras were segregated dynastically. I’ve never seen the progression of human evolution laid out in such detail! The rock tools became better rock tools, then pottery and paper, stamps, buildings and so much more! There were even ceremonial helmets that would put the Juggernaut to shame!

It was strange, though, to have all of this knowledge just beyond my fingertips both literally and figuratively. The literal sense isn’t too shocking, as I’ve been to a museum before and know not to touch the pieces, but to have placards written in a language that would take years to learn was frustrating. Fortunately, NR has a never-ending supply of patience, and she translated much of the text. She even quizzed me on several of the characters. I’ve worked out how to write “rock” for sure.

After the museum, we wondered over to a nearby mall that, honestly, puts the Mall of America to shame. No joke. This place was huge! It just kept going and going and going! There was a particular alley that has all of the “exotic foods” that you might see on The Amazing Race, which I haven’t tried yet but intend to, but the rest is mostly-outdoor shopping center. Our reason for being there was to find food (we had been in the museum for a bit over 7 hours), and then sit our fine asses down in a movie theater to watch Alita.

We found a restaurant that served food traditionally found where NR grew up. It was exceptional. And the beer just made it better. :P

The movie experience was something else entirely. I’ve gotten used to watching television and movies with subtitles so that, when people decide to talk to me, I can follow along with both bits. Or if people are just talking near me while I’m watching television, I don’t have to rewind the show. That helped a lot; the movie was still spoken in English, but there were Chinese subtitles. I recognized the Chinese character for “1″ frequently enough, but that was about it.

The movie itself was way more than I expected. I shouldn’t be surprised, given that one of the primary characters is played by Christoph Waltz. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should definitely consider it.

Also, additional fun fact: I’m thinking that most (if not all) showings of major motion pictures here are in 3D. *shrug* Side note: we’re going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow and I’M SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED!!!!

After the movie, we wandered back to the subway station and parted ways mid-subway-ride to head home. The next day I spent playing Kingdom Hearts 3 and sipping some beer in the 3rd Floor Lounge. All day. It was blissful.

This workweek has consisted of four main things: teaching responsibilities, a bit of dissertation work, trying out another one of the cafeterias on campus, and reading comic books. Oh, and beer. But that kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? There’s a convenience store on the other side of the building in front of the Guest House that has cans of beer. You can buy them individual for 3 yuan, or roughly 45 cents. I won’t lie to you: I bought 12 of them and it didn’t cost me more than 6 bucks. And it’s really not bad, and even more convenient than the liquor store I lived by in Denver.

Anyway, as I said, I’m going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow, then to “W-Town” (originally Watertown...so glad they shortened it...) in northern Beijing, which sits at the base of part of the Great Wall. More than 20 people from ICB will be heading up to their on Saturday, so I imagine one of them will take pictures. Probably ML or S. So you’ll have those to look forward to since you know I won’t be taking any!

Oh!!! I almost forgot the biggest thing that happened this week! Actually, it might be the biggest news of my entire stay!!!

I did laundry.

And I washed my slippers. I’m not convinced that they’ve stopped smelling, but I’m holding out hope that I’ve finally figured out how to resolve an issue that I know humanity has been seriously struggling with for decades. I’m on the verge of a breakthrough, people, I swear!

Anyway, time to finish this beer, read a bit more of Scott Lynch’s Republic of Thieves (WE FINALLY FIND OUT ABOUT SABETHA!!!!), and head to bed. Big couple of days ahead...

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

P.S. I bet you thought I was gonna forget! After class on Wednesday, I worked out how to make a phone call from here to the States to wish my Mom a Happy BIrthday. Caught her at work, and we got to chat for a good long while. It really put a nice cap on my evening, and it seemed it gave her a good start to her day. Anyway, I hope you had a great evening, found something nice at C&B and enjoyed that glass of wine you mentioned! Love you!!

[gameridernews]

Ex-Aid review: Month 6 (Episodes 21-24)

Alright, the review I posted for month 5 was a joke, as you know. I don't really intend to change how I do these reviews, and the only pictures you'll see (presumably) are screencaps from the episodes I'm talking about, not goofy reaction images. With that said, let's ACTUALLY go into what March gave us! It’s a big month of plot, and I also end this review by going into predictions.

For starters, a real interesting Bugster based on Giri Giri Chambara plagues a detective that investigates the Bugster Virus, as well as Genm Corp's previous CEO who's now in prison - been a little while since we saw Kuroto's papa, in fact... the last time was when another person was investigating the Bugster Virus. So you can see why this detective is in trouble.

The detective stuff was pretty fun. I like the idea of someone getting involved like this without being a Rider - it's a small way of making the world of this series feel a bit bigger, with characters who simply have no relation to the Riders and are on their own journey.

Oh, this is also the episode where Brave uses Drago Knight Hunter Z to use the Full Dragon formation. Pretty cool of them to do that even though the toy isn't made to do it. I think once Ex-Aid is over I might need to have a paragraph of text dedicated to the figure line...

Meanwhile, back in 2000 when Kamen Rider was making its return to television, a little Kuroto discovered the Bugster Virus within Genm Corp. This is only the start of what we learn about little Kuroto. It was an interesting tidbit to have a real specific year for when this all started. Things start to get more interesting once we hit the second episode of the month...

... Because Kuroto is busteeed! After all this hiding in the shadows, the ministry of health barges into his secret hideout and takes away all of his plans. Not only that, but he's also been infected with the Shakariki Sports' Bugster Virus, which seems like some form of karmatic justice! Nice to finally get some kind of representation for that game, by the way.

And on top of all this, Kuroto has been reduced to a sobbing mess as his plans have seemingly fallen apart, he confesses how he was jealous of Emu's creativity as a child, and infected him with the Bugster Virus using a demo of Mighty Action C (no doubt spawning fan Gashats). It seems like Kuroto's on the road to redemption now that Emu vows to cure him despite his sins--

Or, you know, fuck you.

In a twist that, admittedly, I was almost convinced wasn't about to happen, Kuroto returns to his god complex and tells Emu how naive he is and how he's been Kuroto's personal puppet all these years because of it.

As someone who has only seen a few episodes of JoJo, he's gone full Dio - he's metaphorically burned Emu's dog and is now as much of a monster as any Bugster. He then uses his zombie Bugster army to take over the Genm Corp building with the most shining pride. He also destroys Emu's Gamer Driver, meaning that our protagonist - and by extension, his allies - are powerless. He’s won.

But I know my tropes, so I knew what was about to go down. There's other things to talk about first, though.

Just wanna say as an aside, the suspicious Gashat that we're basically aware of the purpose of has some nice story revolving around it. I like that we're once again bringing back Mr. Burger (as I've decided to call him now) because Taiga is paying him to make a new Gashat to counteract Genm's cheating Zombie Gamer form.

The Monks Of Tera/Terror idea is hilarious, but I'm gonna be honest... I expected this to actually be a tie-in to the Snipe spinoff before we got to see it go any further, since he has a Bang Bang Tank Gashat there that we've yet to learn the context of. But I guess they could still make that happen.

There's also a nice bit of character interaction as Hiro wants to go fight Kuroto, then Taiga just slaps the silver Gashat into his hand to give him some better equipment than the Gashat Gear Dual B. Whether this is his way of saying Hiro is more skilled, or he's totally screwing with him since it didn't work in his own belt, I like that moment. Especially if it's the latter.

It doesn't end there, as the episode makes me realize something kind of important: Kiriya, our first Rider death of the series... has not been forgotten. In fact, compared to Kurokage in Gaim, whose death was important and only came up a couple times after, Kiriya's involvement really does matter. So I can't feel sorry he's gone, because he's leaving one hell of a mark. Especially with the realization Hiro then makes after reading his old notes about the Bugster Virus research.

It's during the first fight with Genm that Brave does something that's surprising, even after his solid development so far: He, the biggest doubter of Emu, gives a "You're the only one who can do this" speech to him. He's now aware that the Bugster Virus in him is the origin of all Bugsters, as well as all Gashats - if anyone will be able to make use of this silver Gashat and defeat Genm, it's the person who created Mighty Brothers XX.

As if that weren’t enough, he took one hell of a shot for Emu while he was overcome with the pressure of his role as the chosen one, so BAM that’s two characters who go through some good development. I appreciate, especially after Ghost, that Emu isn’t just naturally falling into that role - he’s lived a life feeling like someone who’s just trying to get by, and now Hiro is telling him he’s basically their savior. He’s understandably nervous.

But yes, after Brave's fall, Emu finally unleashes a giant metal can of whoopass on Genm, using the only thing that could overpower him: Something that's 10 x 10! 99, to be exact. Maximum Mighty X's mech suit was a thing I knew would be pretty divisive once I saw it in toy catalog scans, but it surprised me in a few different ways.

For one, they went with an actual suit instead of having it be CGI, which immediately makes it a lot cooler when it's a practical effects. That's a show of confidence, I'd say. But also, lining up with its intended purpose, it apparently has the ability to reprogram... a power that hopefully will not be part of Ex-Aid's final form because this already makes him pretty powerful.

Because of this, Maximum Mighty X is literally the only thing that can stop Genm now. "I reprogrammed your immortality," as Ex-Aid said. What a line. You can’t get this stuff anywhere else, folks.

But defeat doesn't come easy. Emu wants to be the one who saves Kuroto from himself. He chooses not to kill him, but to instead give him a beating that simultaneously removes his compatibility to the Gashats, leaving him unable to transform and thus take away everything that made him mad with power.

In Emu's mind, this is how Kuroto can finally be put on the road to redemption, despite his sins--

Or, you know, fuck him.

I've seen the "GAME OVER" dialogue over Kuroto's death numerous times, and just based on tropes, I knew he'd die in this episode even though people have made sure to say to me “Maybe he’ll just lose the ability to transform”. But I kinda wasn't expecting Parado to be the one to kill him - it makes sense. I figured it was a little out of character for Emu to be the one to deal the finishing blow, and Parado has had this long-standing problem with Kuroto ever since he killed one of the Bugsters out of pure spite. You know you’re a terrible person when your death makes the viewer feel happy for one of the bad guys.

As my joke review says, this is a cathartic episode, seeing Kuroto finally get what's coming to him after manipulating and backstabbing his enemies as well as his allies. With the previous episode, they made sure that Kuroto was far from redemption and the only thing that could take him down was a new form. Ex-Aid gained. And so, the day is... saved?

I made a post about this since I knew this was happening, but I’ll say it here: He made a great villain. His actor properly portrayed a gentleman who'd been dragged to hell by his own hubris. He was a character you could hate because that was his role. He received the death only he could receive. His story is over, finished.

Naturally, I have to address the thing people bring up a lot: When an actor leaves a Kamen Rider show, we see a photo of them on set holding a bouquet of flowers, a congratulatory gift from the staff to let them know they did a great job and they'll be missed. It's become a thing fans recognize as a definitive sign that a character won't be returning.

The reason this gets brought up here is, some are convinced Kuroto will make a return because no photo exists of the actor receiving said flowers. On the one hand, maybe that’ll happen once he’s done filming for Lazer’s spinoff, but on the other hand... maybe we put too much faith into such a random thing, you know? Graphite's actor got his, and he's coming back in the next episode. And let's not forget all of what Kiriya's got in terms of movie/spinoff appearances. We should take that to mean the flowers aren’t that literal.

Personally, I’m gonna take the scene of Kuroto screaming and turning into pixels while we hear “GAME OVERRR” as a sign that he’s dead for good. Plus, as said, he’s kinda done all he needs to do. Bringing him back would be like... when Gaim had a final episode that was “Let’s bring back the movie villain for a revenge plot just because”. And who besides me was cheering for that?

Anyway, I'm rambling now. Let's talk about crossovers! Starting with Gaim, Kamen Rider and Super Sentai have had crossovers to promote the spring movie, no matter how little screentime Sentai gets! Let's... let’s get this one over with.

First up is episode 7 of Uchu Sentai Kyuranger! 97% of the episode is just a Kyuranger episode. A monster is stealing the birthdays from children, and eventually steals the birthday of the gold Ranger, Balance. This causes any attempt to celebrate birthdays to disappear, making everyone profoundly depressed.

Does this sound like an Ex-Aid crossover yet? Well, as the image will show you, a Kamen Rider villain appears - it's... not Ikadevil, but rather SPACE Ikadevil! This isn't a random redesign made for the crossover, but rather a random redesign from a previous movie where Fourze's space theme got randomly leaked into the Shocker villains as they rebrand themselves as Space Shocker. It's a cute idea for Kyuranger, which is based in this Star Wars/Trek setting where we have galaxy-dominating aliens.I can dig the idea of Shocker still persisting.

Space Ikadevil randomly appears to delay the Lucky/Shishi Red (the lead red Ranger), so the Kyuranger commander beams down a Kyutama (their collectibles/transformation items) that he figures is perfect for the fight - it's an Ex-Aid Kyutama which summons Ex-Aid in his Level 1 form, and he delivers a beatdown.

Shishi Red also demonstrates his plot convenience luck by accidentally flipping Ex-Aid's Gamer Driver cover open to level him up, so that was fun. Gets a bit weird as he lets his suit dematerialize and he's just Emu, then suddenly disappears into pixels as the Kyutama disappears with him.

I THINK the implication of this cameo is that Emu was warped to the Kyuranger setting thanks to... space magic? I would like to think it’s a simulation, but that doesn’t make as much sense when you see Ex-Aid’s episode. If you don’t think too hard about it, it’s a decent way to explain how the past and future could meet.

Sure would be nice if the Ex-Aid episode cared about giving a reason for the crossover action. SHOTS FIRED.

Episode 24 of Ex-Aid starts off with three punk rockers who are all infected with the Bugster Virus. As they leave the hospital and reveal themselves to be stronger versions of reused monsters who inexplicably have no visual cues to show that they're stronger, Lucky appears! No particular reason, he just happens to be in the area-- which I guess is in-character for his plot convenient luck. I'm not making jokes by the way, I wish I was - that’s his entire gimmick. He’s my one complaint about Kyuranger so far.

Lucky wants to help, and because I guess Ex-Aid's cameo in Kyuranger is kinda-canon, Emu just assumes Lucky is a fellow hero and they transform together. Shishi Red helps Ex-Aid take on the monsters very quickly, and once they return to their hosts' bodies... Lucky kindly fucks off after very randomly planting the seed for this episode's message.

I had a lengthier thing to say here but I'll sum up why I think this cameo is terrible: It's lazy. Kyuranger’s is worse since it feels like an repisode they just edited Ex-Aid into, at least with this one I can see Ex-Aid clearly made a filler episode just for the whole minute of a crossover. Gaim and Drive handled their Sentai crossovers in the form of an hour long special which had more time to tell an actual story that connects the shows. Say what you will about those crossovers, at least they tried.

Worth mentioning this might not even have any relevance to the spring movie these are presumably made for. Like Drive and Ninninger had a crossover TV special, but the movie ignores that it even happened since Drive has no idea who they are. If the Ex-Aid/Kyuranger episodes literally have nothing to do with the movie then this was even more of a waste. 

Right, I was reviewing an episode or something.

Okay, so Lucky randomly mentions that he has friends to rely on, and Emu says he has three friends he can rely on as well. Asuna asks what he means, and he tells her it's Hiro, Taiga, and Kiriya - ouch, poor Asuna. See how well that bike corpse protects you when Poppy starts kicking your ass next month, jackass.

Turns out Emu thinks too highly of himself here, as Hiro doesn't really recall ever regarding him as a friend and Taiga is kind of like the guy who's closer to your video game collection than he is to you. With three Bugsters running around, they decide to see who can destroy them first - or at least, Taiga decides that's the bet.And in true Taiga fashion, you lose all your Gashats if you lose, but he apparently doesn’t.

I should say this after that rant about the crossovers... This episode was a lot of fun. It's undeniably made because of the Sentai cameo, due to its message of teamwork, a major part of Sentai. When they aren't focusing on the red Ranger. Having previous monsters return with new levels is fun too. Even if they have no alterations. Gotta keep them untouched for Kamen Rider Chronicle.

They end the teamwork message on a good note. While they're all kind of selfish and immature on their own ways, as doctors these three are on point. Emu's learned a lot about how to deal with patients, Hiro and Taiga are willing to admit that about him, and Taiga even shows some kind of compassion for a patient by calling for an ambulance in the "I care but I don't want to show it" kind of way I expect from him. It's a nicely executed scene.

If I'm right about this being some obligated Sentai cameo thing, they handled it with grace by this point in the episode. I had forgotten that Shishi Red never made a second appearance until now because it was all so good on its own.

The episode does have some interesting developments too! We see the new CEO of Genm Corp, who's just... kind of a joy to watch. Now, admittedly, I got spoiled on the fact that he was a Bugster thanks to the latest monthly scans showing up before I watched this episode. But I'm glad that they kinda got to the point about it once he talked to Poppy about her singing the theme to their latest game: Toki Meki Crisis Kamen Rider Chronicle!

Then we end on the most surprising twist of the episode: Parado has realized Kuroto's dream of finishing Kamen Rider Chronicle... for himself! He summons Graphite, and reveals to us that Graphite could always be brought back, it was just a matter of time. I guess this also confirms Graphite is in fact supposed to represent Drago Knight Hunter Z, a thing I had doubts on since even his TV Asahi bio doesn't say anything about his origin, just that he’s a Bugster. 

The evil new Genm Corp CEO also appears and brings Poppy Pipopapo with him, apparently having brainwashed her to take part in the new game. I was asked about what I thought about the twist that she's actually evil, but I'm pretty sure the intent is that she was one of the good Bugsters and it just so happened that this guy turned her evil. It makes me less sad to think of it that way.

This scene alone has led to two theories about Kamen Rider Chronos, the Rider who uses Kamen Rider Chronicle to transform. Based solely on the fact that Parado is holding the Gashat, no, I don't think Parado is Chronos. he is Para-DX and you so rarely have someone go from one Rider identity to another like this. In fact, Malus > Jam in Gaim is the only example coming to mind right now.

And based solely on the fact that he has little motivation or personality, I don't think Graphite is Chronos either. But I kinda wanna believe that Graphite theory is born out of a desperation for Graphite to not be a waste of a character, because honestly I don’t think he’s earned the role of “main villain for the rest of the show“.

Anyway, things got pretty heavy this month! Ex-Aid went to Planet Robobot, some asshole died, and a poorly-written hero kicked off a fun episode about teamwork only to leave us with the revelation that Kamen Rider Chronicle lives on - the foreboding premonition of the new beginning...

So a few months ago, when we were only 1/4 of the way through Ex-Aid, I made some predictions. Let’s see how I did.

I think that Kamen Rider Lazer as we knew him is gone. We know that Ex-Aid will use the Bakusou Bike Gashat in his belt to summon the bike, and I think that’s the extent of his return we’ll be seeing, no new character as Lazer and no robotic Rider - as cool as that’d be.

So far, that’s still true, at least for the show. The movies and Televikun spinoff don’t count because that’s a temporary fanservice revival. Yes that’s what I think of as the toku equivalent of fanservice.

When it comes to Genm... I think he’ll still be around for a while. But I’ll be surprised if Ex-Aid’s next power-up (after Double Action Gamer) doesn’t kill him off. We simply haven’t seen anything beyond Zombie Gamer and it’s Level X. Ex-Aid will far surpass that, along with our next Rider.

Someone pick up the phone, because I called it~ But in all seriousness, I didn’t think I would be so accurate with that claim.

Speaking of Para-DX/Parado, I think we’re gonna learn something interesting about him. In particular, maybe he’s NOT a Bugster? There’s just something fishy about how he looks at Emu in battle. Perhaps he’s an old friend who’s become a monster, or if he is still a Bugster maybe he’s one of the first. I expect him to be something more than just some throwaway guy like Graphite.

Parado has certainly been more of a character than Graphite was, but I don’t think we’ve received any history on him beyond being a Bugster. I was right to suspect that his looks at Emu were fishy, but that had more to do with Emu being the first infected with the Bugster Virus. I’m gonna consider that prediction undetermined.

Now then, let’s make some new predictions!

Kamen Rider Chronicle sure is chaotic. I say that knowing the next episode has already aired and people keep asking me my thoughts on it - naturally I've been spoiled on some stuff. But I think that the effects of Chronicle are gonna be temporary, and all of the deaths resulting from it will be undone somehow. I mean if that's not the case, that's the most civilian death I think we've had since Kuuga. Ride-Players will probably all go away after that, meaning Niko's chance to be a Rider will probably be short-lived.

Next up, Kamen Rider Chronos. I really still believe Kuroto's dad is going to be him. Not Parado, not Graphite, just a man we keep seeing in prison. He's got an intimidating visage to him I look forward to seeing in a Rider belt.

We're getting Poppy Pipopapo as Kamen Rider Poppy, and due to the nature of female Riders, people have low expectations for where she'll go. Some think she might even die! But based on the blue-eyed version of her in the opening (as opposed to the red eyes on the physical suit we've seen in the preview), I suspect she'll turn good and still get to fight as a Rider. At worst, she might get the Buggle Driver II taken away from her so that Chronos can use it.

And since Para-Dx is the last big thing to expect this month, let's see if I can get another good death prediction in: I think that Parado will be a major antagonist for the heroes now that he's been boosted to Level 99, which is gonna be a close rival to Ex-Aid's Maximum Gamer form. Maybe he's even immune to the reprogramming powers! But if there's anything to take him down a peg, it'll be Ex-Aid's final form. Let's just hope he gets in some character development/history before then.

A lot of these are admittedly focused on the upcoming month, but I won’t revisit them until we’ve hit month 9. Can you believe we’re at the halfway point already?!

[oh-star-how-the-mighty-fall]

After Laughter review

Warning: Obvious spoilers ahead, so be wary if you have yet to listen to Paramore’s new album!

At long last, Paramore has released record number five, titled “After Laughter”. Hayley explains, “After Laughter is about the look on people’s faces when they’re done laughing. If you watch somebody long enough, there’s always this look that comes across their face when they’re done smiling, and I always find it really fascinating to wonder what it is that brought them back to reality. So, that’s what After Laughter is.” I think that’s pretty cool.

Any Paramore fan knows all about the hard times that the band has been through over the years (yes, pun intended). So, it’s not any wonder why 90% of the lyrics on this new album are quite heavy on the dejected side. Personally, I love how honest Hayley was about her feelings and emotions while writing the lyrics, and isn’t afraid to show it on this record. She has always written honest, raw, emotional lyrics about the tough moments in her life and in their band. All We Know Is Falling was mainly about Jeremy quitting for a while, while Brand New Eyes was largely about the tension between the Farros and the rest of the band. Writing After Laughter about Jeremy’s second departure from Paramore, and the subsequent lawsuit, only makes sense.

I thoroughly enjoyed the juxtaposition of Hayley’s emotional lyrics and Taylor’s (and, on some songs, Zac’s), often upbeat compositions. It keeps the album from being far too depressing. The beats and riffs are catchy and easy to tap your feet to, which I love. I can picture myself dancing to the live versions of these songs (especially now that we know that a US tour is indeed happening soon!)

And now, a track-by-track breakdown. Please note that I am not a musician, so if you want detailed opinions about Taylor’s intricacies, talk to someone who knows more about that. I’m just your average music lover. I don’t even know if my personal ratings (out of ten) are accurate to how I feel about the song. You’ll notice that nothing here is a perfect ten. I’ve always had difficulty assigning a perfect score when people ask me to fill out ratings on surveys, so the same applies here. Maybe there is always room for improvement. Or maybe I just don’t know how to rate things properly. Shrug.

But I digress. So, without further ado…

Track #1: Hard Times Walking around/With my little rain cloud/Hanging over my head/And it ain't coming down Rating: 7/10

Ahh, our first foray into the After Laughter era. I knew to keep an open mind when I first heard that Paramore would be going in a different direction with their new music. No more hard hitting, heavy guitar riffs (at least we will always have their older pop-punk material to satisfy that craving). And sure enough, this track’s opening line is played on steel drums. I remember turning to my fellow P-more fan friend at this part, joking, “are we in Jamaica?!”. I’ve heard people say, before the album came out, that this was quite a departure from their usual sound. And at first, I agreed. But after a few more listens, I realized that it actually isn’t that much different - sound-wise - from, say, Ain’t It Fun. It sounds different enough where it’s certainly no Ignorance (or even Riot!’s heavier b-side, Decoy), but it’s still got that familiar hard drum line (oh how I’ve missed Zac’s drumming) and a recognizable Paramore riff. Sure, it’s a bit more 80s than anything they’ve ever done before, a quality that’s reiterated in their music video, but who says that’s a bad thing? Got to love the reference to “Don’t you ever wonder how we survived” in Monster (intentional or not, just something I noticed), made in Hard Times’ lyric, “And I still don’t know how I even survive”. I LOVE when bands reference their older songs in lyrics. Might be a big reason why I loved Part II so much. PS, can we also talk about that last final shot of Taylor awkwardly walking off-screen in the Hard Times music video? I rate that an eleven out of ten.

Track #2: Rose-Colored Boy I want you to stop/Insisting that I'm not/A lost cause/‘Cause I've been through a lot/Really all I've got/Is just to stay pissed off/If it's all right by you Rating: 8/10

This song opens with a cheerleader-esque chant, “low key, no pressure, just stay with me and my weather”. I have to admit that I’m not the hugest fan of that little part. I can’t quite put my finger on why. Maybe it’s a bit too cheerleader-y. However, the rest of the song is quite solid. Hayley put a bit of attitude in her vocals on this one, especially on the mini runs (“And oh, I’m so annoyed”). That, along with her lyrics, perfectly conveys the frustration upon meeting someone who is just. So. Damn. Sunny. Like, come on, not everything in life is sunshine and rainbows (add in an eye-roll). We’ve all been there: we are in a funk. We want nothing more than to go home, pull down the shades to complete darkness, and wallow in our rotten mood. But oh, no, of course we have to see the one person who makes it his personal mission to pep everyone up. Take off those damn glasses, man. But the melody is happy and upbeat…again with the confusing juxtaposition, which I find such a clever disguise. Also, I saw a graphic floating around Tumblr that compared the lyrics in the bridge, “You say my eyes are getting too dark now”, to Hate To See Your Heart Break’s, “I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close”. Again, it might not have been intentional (or maybe it was, because there are several more references sprinkled throughout this record), but either way, yasss.

Track #3: Told You So I know you like/When I admit that I was wrong and you were right/At least I try/To keep my cool when I'm thrown into a fire Rating: 8/10

When this song came out before the album’s release, I loved it (and still do). At first, I loved it just as much as Hard Times (which, was a lot). But then, I started to find myself playing it more than Hard Times. Not to say I disliked Hard Times, but out of the two early-released songs, I prefer this one. I love the music video as well (great job writing and directing, Zac!). In this article, it explains, “He based it on the band’s car rides after recording sessions in L.A. ‘Zac noticed that my anxiety and overall state was just a lot more peaceful on those drives,’ lead singer Hayley Williams told The FADER, ‘and mentioned to me that it made him happy to see me rest for a moment. It means a lot that they conceptualized a video around a passing moment we had as friends.’” Oh, my heart.

The music is so catchy, especially with the use of a xylophone (watch the video the band posted on social media of Taylor recording that part, if you haven’t already). And the intricate guitar riffs during the pre-chorus of “I hate to/say I told you so/but they love to/say they told me so”…and during the chorus (“say they/say they/told me”)? Wow. Major heart eyes, Taylor.

Track #4: Forgiveness And I don't pick up when you call/‘Cause your voice is a gun/Every word is a bullet hole/Shot a hole in the sun Rating: 8/10

This track is one of my favorites. Hayley’s voice is SO on point here. I love the vocal melodies she wrote in the verses, and how the beat isn’t constant. The beat between “another heart attack” and “if I lay on the floor” are shorter than the others. Does that make sense? (See? I told you I’m not a musician!) But if you’re following me, then maybe you’ll agree that it makes this song more interesting. I like how the vocal melody is simple but still catchy. The harmonies are great too.

Track #5: Fake Happy You think I'll look alright with these mascara tears?/See I'm gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth/And if the lights are low they'll never see me frown Rating: 9/10

This one might be my absolute favorite on the record. The opening verse starts off slowly drawn out with a simple guitar, and an effect on her voice that makes it sound like it’s coming through speakers. And then the beat picks up, and wow. The bass lines on this track might be one of my favorites (shout out to JMJ!). The lyrics are so sad, because they seem the most real to me: during the self-titled era, the band put quite a bit of emphasis on the fact that they were doing much, much better after the drama with Josh several years prior. However, now that we’ve heard this song….we have to ask ourselves: was that all a ruse? It seems so. The line in the bridge, “I know I said that I was doing good and that I’m happy now” seems like a direct reference to their Self-Titled Deluxe released demo, Tell Me It’s Okay (“tell me it’s okay to be happy now/because I’m happy now”). So now that they once again assure us that they’re better now (in part two of the Zane Lowe interview), are they really? We might never know. By the way, the teacher side of me can’t help but cringe at the incorrect grammar in the bridge. But okay, for you, Paramore, I will let that slide. Something something, “artistic license”. (I will bite my tongue to keep from pointing out that the word “well” would have totally fit fine).

My favorite part of this track may be the chorus. It seems to be the most upbeat song on the album, perhaps the most danceable. It may be a strange thing to dance along to such a catchy song while simultaneously singing, “Oh please don't ask me how I've been/Don’t make me play pretend/Oh no, oh what's the use?/Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too”. Again with the confusing rollercoaster of emotions this band is putting us on….

Track #6: 26 Reality will break your heart/Survival will not be the hardest part/It’s keeping all your hopes alive/When all the rest of you has died/So let it break your heart Rating: 8/10

The first time I heard this song, I was pleasantly surprised to hear a finger-picked guitar-centric ballad. True ballads like these are somewhat rare for Paramore; I can count on one hand the number of slow songs that they have (Misguided Ghosts, In The Mourning, Hate To See Your Heart Break, am I missing any? The Only Exception picks up at the end, so I’m not including it in this list). My point is, this song is gorgeous. Apparently, Hayley was just waiting for Taylor to send her a finger-picked ballad like this. That makes two of us, Hayles. As for the lyrics, when I listened to them the first few times, I was sad, but it took about four or five listens before I unexpectedly started tearing up (same thing happened with Tell Me How, but more on that later). I believe that was thanks to the combination of the lyrics and the dejected but beautiful manner in which Hayley sings the song (but really…her voice though. Damn.). Yet another reference to an older song, Brick By Boring Brick, is made in 26 with the lyric “after all wasn’t I the one who said/keep your feet on the ground”. I love that. Also, I would be remiss in not mentioning one of my favorite parts about this song: the strings. Oh, God, the strings. I am a sucker for the brilliant use of strings in a slow song (I blame Copeland for that). On this song, the swelling violins (and probably other instruments? Viola? Cello? Someone more knowledgable, please help a girl out) do a wonderful job of ripping out your heartstrings (ha, ha) and mushing them haphazardly back into your body. The feeeeeels.

Also, I heard two brilliant covers of this song from some mega-talented Paramore fans, and it didn’t help my heart any. Major ouch.

Track #7: Pool And I wonder is it better to get it over with?/The illusion can shatter before we begin Rating: 8/10

After the emotional experience of 26, we’re back to upbeat songs. What a relief! Pool is After Laughter’s resident love song. The lyrics are interesting because they correctly describe the reality that any relationship - not just romantic, but also platonic and familial - is usually something that at times brings you both immense joy AND heartbreak. Taylor said in the Zane Lowe interview, “It’s always the coolest thing about hearing what Hayley writes. She’s being honest. There are so many love songs that say, hey man, everything is perfect and beautiful, and everything about you is awesome and this is all great. But Hayley always writes for the people who can’t relate to that, and they’re saying, man, I love this person, but I am dark, and this feels dark. And I always love that because that’s real. With songwriting, we’ve all figured out that it’s not always the things that you want to communicate, or you want to come out. It’s the things that need to.” Right on the nose with that one, T. It’s quite interesting to compare the sentiments of Pool to Paramore’s other love songs, such as Still Into You and The Only Exception. This seems to be the more grown-up version of those songs. The honeymoon period is over, and Pool seems to be the result of what comes next.

Right off the bat, I love the sound of the bells. It’s something that I don’t really ever think I’ve heard in a song, and it gives it a nice touch. Paramore is certainly experimenting with new sounds this time around, and I’m totally here for it.

Track #8: Grudges I know you're shaking my hand like it is the first time/Are we alright?/Are you recounting all my faults?/And are you racking your brain just to find them all?/Could it be that I’ve changed or did you? Rating: 6/10

Grudges is one of my least favorite songs on the album. That’s not to say that I outright dislike it; I like every song on the album. But something about this track just doesn’t quite do it for me like the others do. Zac had a hand in writing this song, but I know that that’s not the reason why it’s one of my least favorites. I mean, have you heard his other band HalfNoise? If not, check out French Class or Know the Feeling. Zac is a great songwriter. I think one of the reasons why I don’t love this song is that it seems like the lyrics are crammed into the verses, and they don’t seem to fit as seamlessly. I do enjoy the actual content of the lyrics, however, and I’m glad that they wrote a song about welcoming Zac back into the band. Plus, hearing Zac himself sing in the bridge was a treat; his voice is quite good (again, listen to HalfNoise). I’m happy that he’s back in the band, and in an article, he says that the Farros’ departure in 2010 had more to do with Josh than Zac, which I figured. Anyway, back to the song: the chorus is catchy, and I admit that I found it stuck in my head on more than one occasion, but overall, I prefer other songs on the album to this one.

Track #9: Caught In the Middle Nostalgia's cool, but it won't help me now/A dream is good, if you don't wear it out Rating: 6/10

Caught In the Middle is another one of my least favorites, but again, I don’t dislike it. In fact, I don’t think Paramore is capable of writing a song that I outright disfavor. The song seems a bit elementary to me, if that makes any sense. I do enjoy some parts of the song, such as the lyrics in the bridge, “I don’t need no help/I can sabotage me by myself” (which, by the way, always reminds me of Twenty One Pilots for some reason. I don’t know their music well, but it just seems like a vocal melody that they would write). The bass line in the chorus makes it feel like we’re in Jamaica again.

Track #10: Idle Worship Oh, it's such a long and awful lonely fall/Down from this pedestal/That you keep putting me on Rating: 8/10

Idle Worship, aka: the closest thing to a rap song that Paramore’s ever done. I haven’t seen Hamilton, but Idle Worship makes me think of Lin Manuel Miranda. I’ve heard a few of the musical’s songs, and Idle Worship’s verses remind me of it. Will any Ham fans agree with me? Upon first listen, I wasn’t sure what to make of this song. The verses seemed a little frantic. However, as I sat with it, I came to really enjoy it. The chorus is strong, and the lyrics are creative. My favorite lyrics are probably, “Remember how we used to like ourselves?/What little light that's left/We need to keep it sacred/ know that you're afraid to/Let all the dark escape ya/But we could let the light illuminate these hopeless places”. Brilliant. Also, speaking of brilliant, Taylor explains in the Zane Lowe interview that the sound that opens the song is actually a modified sample of a real-life sound that results from the wind vibrating through a metal grate atop a skyscraper in Manchester, England, called the Beetham Tower. Who thinks of these things? Oh, that’s right. Taylor York. Raise your hand if you’d like to live in his brain for a day just to see the kinds of genius things that pass through it. *Raises both hands enthusiastically*.

Track #11: No Friend I’m no savior of yours, and you’re no friend of mine Rating: 8/10

No Friend is the first and only time that Paramore has invited a guest vocalist to sing on their record (not counting the Self-Titled Deluxe cd…sorry, Joy Williams, but the deluxe wasn’t an official studio release). Since Hayley is completely absent from this track, you wouldn’t even know it’s a Paramore song if you hadn’t heard it on the album. I will be the first to admit that I am not a big mewithoutYou fan. I can appreciate their talent as musicians, but their often post-hardcore music isn’t in line with my tastes. However, Aaron Weiss’ spoken word on No Friend combined with Taylor’s composition just…works. It’s definitely the most interesting song on the album, what with Aaron’s vocals being very low in the mix, to the point where it’s difficult to hear what he’s saying (but thanks to the wonders of the internet, I can look it up). Aaron and Hayley apparently co-wrote the lyrics, and though I don’t know who wrote what, I will say that these lyrics are the most clever and deep on the entire album. “So throw your pedestal of stone in the forgetful sea/As protection from the paper-thin perfection/You project on me.” And again with the references to their older songs. I won’t put them all here; consider it a scavenger hunt of sorts. I also quite enjoy the way the instruments slowly fade out at the end until all that’s left is Aaron telling a story about accidentally grabbing a bear in a river.

Track #12: Tell Me How Of all the weapons you fight with/Your silence is the most violent Rating: 8/10

I’ve decided that as much as I LOVE Paramore’s heavy pop-punk guitar riffs, I’m always here for a P-more ballad that isn’t afraid to stir some real emotion inside you. Like 26, this track randomly hit me several listens into it, when I suddenly found myself with goosebumps on my arms and tears in my eyes. Whew, my heart hurts just thinking about it. Are we to assume that this song is about Jeremy? “I know you think that I erased you/You may hate me but I can't hate you/And I won't replace you” suggests that notion to me. They were friends for a very long time, and after all they’ve been through over the years, despite what’s happening right now between them, I can’t imagine they’d just cut him out of their lives, just like that. Paramore is resilient, and no stranger to drama, and it makes them stronger artists for it. I think they needed to write this album, and get some things off their chest, and I don’t doubt that in a couple of years, maybe after this whole thing blows over, they’ll reconcile with Jerm just like they did with Josh. Only time will tell. But Tell Me How manages to twist your heart with its honesty and desperation, and accompanied with the simple piano in the beginning, just really fits.

So there we have it. Track by track, more or less my thoughts. I could have gone into more detail about each individual song, but I think honestly, most of them speak for themselves. This album is really solid…and I’m not just saying that as an obvious Paramore fan; the lyrics and mood of the album are very truthful, and I consider it akin to a diary of their life as they’re living it now. Like I mentioned earlier, we as fans of the band are all too aware of the current unfortunate situation they’re faced with, and we each have our own individual opinions about it, but I feel like few bands would let us take this deep of a look at just how much they are (or were) hurting. They’re not wearing a mask anymore. Their self-titled album was all about how much better their lives were, and now after hearing After Laughter, we realize that it was mostly just a facade. Many people hide their emotions; it’s human nature. But to let those walls down and expose the extent of your pain is a very vulnerable thing to do, which is why I’m grateful that this band trusts us enough with this album.

Overall, my favorite tracks are (and this is subject to change at any moment) Fake Happy, Forgiveness, and 26. My least favorite songs are Grudges and Caught In the Middle. But all in all, I very much enjoy the album as a whole. I’ve listened to it, from start to finish, way too many times to count, and I’m no where near done. Thank you, Paramore, for releasing this gem. I’m proud to call myself a fan and thankful that you haven’t given up on yourselves, or on your Parafamily. I hope you never will.