#going on is hard. there's like this burning desire for companionship in u as the person NEEDING it that no one else has

[kuromi-hoemie]

bleh

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Speak No Evil (Part 11)

The world is so cold. So refreshingly and sublimely cold. The promise of burning away her problems seemed so obvious but now she sees. She sees that the answer lies in the frigid nip of a tundra so vast that it could put her thoughts to a frozen stand still.

She stuffs her hands into her pockets. She isn’t sure what she is going to do here, what this place could possibly offer her.

But it sure beats the alternative. It sure beats stagnation. And it sure feels like taking control.

The lights flapping overhead like sheets in a breeze are better guides than any other that she has had. They don’t point her in any direction and it is daunting. But as they swoop gracefully down and rush by like a curtain, TyLee feels as though she is bound to find her way.

.oOo.

It is so swelteringly hot that even Azula is uncomfortable. With luck she will overheat and keel over before she reaches the volcano. Surely it will save her the trouble. As of now trouble is all that she has. And frankly trouble shares a name with misfortune. Trouble stands with her hands on her hips and a bold and perky smile on her face.

“The ruins are this way!”

‘Are you sure that you didn’t come across them that way?’ She writes and sets the parchment aside to point towards the volcano.

“I’m certain.”

Azula glances at the volcano.

Seicho laughs. “If you want to go to the volcano you can just s--write so. We can go get your voice back and then go sightseeing.”

‘Fine.’ She lowers the parchment.

“Alright, follow me.” She takes pause to drink from her waterskin before moving a thick swath of low hanging leaves.

With no urge to make conversation and even less desire to listen to Seicho’s incessant chatter, Azula is left with the droning hum of mosquito-fly and cicada and the occasional thwomp of a branch snapping back into place. It is such a steady constant. A borning, steady constant. Step after step becomes absently second-nature reduced to nothing more than an involuntary motion that she pays no mind to at all. She can feel herself lapsing, spirling into herself. Eventually her footfalls and the everpresent droning of insects fade into the background.

Just what the hell is she doing out here? Letting this girl lead her about and distract her from her goals? Why had she come to Ember Island at all when really she is entirely certain of what she wants. Of how this should end.

She sees TyLee’s face in her mind. She doesn’t smile, she isn’t angry. She isn’t even sad. She is horrified. Horrified and all Azula has to do is raise her voice slightly or drop it to a lower pitch. The girl weeps openly, she holds a hand to her cheek. “Why?” The question echos in her mind. And she doesn’t have an answer, not a good one. It was the first time she’d hit TyLee and it was the last.

“Why?”

She doesn’t quite remember. She doesn’t remember much about that day. Other than that it was her first full relapse. Very faintly and in a fuzz she remembers several bodies colliding with hers. Remembers her elbows hitting the floor and a needle biting her skin. She recalls screaming, “traitor!” There was something else too and then ‘traitor’ again. As far as she was concerned it had been TyLee. TyLee had chiblocked her. It was only well after being bound up nice and tight that it occurred to her that TyLee had been several feet away when her body went numb.

“Why?” It comes on the rustling waves of the palm fronds.

“Water?” Seicho offers.

Azula shakes her head.

“Are you doing okay?”

She nods.

“Well you haven’t been writing much…” She trails off. “I guess it’s kind of a pain to try to write out a whole conversation and walk at the same time.”

Azula shrugs. She thinks that she would rather be alone in her mind anyhow.

“Do you want to stop and rest for a moment?”

Azula shakes her head again. She feels perfectly content walking until she wears her shoes to threads and her feet bloody if it means getting to the ruins faster.

“You aren’t thirsty? Your feet aren’t sore?”

Azula holds up the parchment, ‘I’m fine.’

“Well I’d like a rest, if you don’t mind. I was hoping that we could talk a bit.”

‘About what?’

Seicho shrugs. “I don’t know, small talk I guess?”

Azula cringes, suddenly she is quite thirsty. She busies herself with taking her drink but Seicho is patient. “What do you like to do?” She asks. “I like going on these hikes and for swims. What are your hobbies?”

She raises her hand and ignites a small flame, willing it orange.

“Oh, you like firebending!” She grins. “I enjoy firebending, myself. Maybe we can spar together some time.”

If she has her way some time will not come to pass. ‘Sure.’

“Uh...cool.”

Azula watches her twiddle her fingers and shift her weight from one foot to the other. “What’s your brother like? It must be nice to have a brother who takes you to Ember Island.”

‘He’s…’ She brings her brush to a halt. ‘He’s alright, I suppose.’

“Oh.” She nods. “I think I get it. You guys don’t get along do you? And that’s why you’re here? To try to fix things with him?”

If she could, Azula would fix her with the most bitter laugh she could muster. To think that there would come a time when Zuzu wasn’t the problem. She supposes that he might just be the one good thing that she has left, even if he’d been the one to take all of the others. But she’ll let Seicho draw her own conclusions; a lie that she doesn’t have to put any effort into. Just silence. Silence and affirmative nodding.

“I guess I wouldn’t be all that happy if my sister and I didn’t get along.” She purses her lips. “Or maybe it hurt so much to lose her because we got along so well.”

‘In other words, I should just resent him for the rest of my days?’

“No! You should try to patch things up. I think it hurts either way around. But it’s better if you have good memories. If you lose him on a bad note, you don’t stop thinking about that. That’s what my mom said.”

She wonders if Zuko will see their current relationship standing as ending on a high note. Speaking relatively she’d say that he won’t have much to regret. At the very least he can take comfort in knowing that he did give it a good try. That should be enough. And it it isn’t, not quite, he can fall back on the Avatar and his friends…

“You should fix things with your brother. I don’t think that any relationship can be broken beyond repair.”

‘Then you haven’t seen how any of mine have unfolded.’

.oOo.

The woman hasn’t scrawled a single thing on that parchment since. Seicho sees it sticking slightly out of her pack; ‘mine have unfolded’. The scrawl glares elegantly and forlornly at her. She hasn’t even been able to get the woman to write so much as her name down. Not even a yes or a no.

She thinks that the woman doesn’t want to give her name. That she doesn’t want to get to know her. That she doesn’t plan on speaking with her again after this venture. Likely, Seicho had just pestered her into doing something she had no interest at all. Likely she has tricked herself into thinking that she could make the woman smile if she tried hard enough.

“The tent is big enough for both of us. Well, it will be when I’m done putting it together.” She holds up a bamboo pole and inspects it. “Have you ever set up camp before?”

The woman shakes her head.

“Can you build a campfire?”

The woman stands and gatherers a few sticks. She half expects her to dash off into the jungle and...who knows? But she returns with an armful of wood some minutes later. She arranges it into a neat star shape and sets it ablaze.

“Thanks.”

The woman sits before the fire and stares into it. Stares as though it has something important to show her or crackle to her. Seicho finishes crafting the tent and drops next to her. “Your fire is really warm.”

She shrugs.

“Sorry.” She mumbles. “I just thought that this could be fun. You looked like you could use some company and help to take down any feral spirits. I thought that it would help to have a friend. I guess I’m just bothering you though.”

The woman rests her head on her knees.

“We can go back if you want. Or I can…”

The woman picks out a branch and, in the dirt, writes, ‘no point.’

“No point in what.”

‘U going back.’

Seicho nods and gives a half smile, “I’ll try not to bother you with so many questions. I guess that you just like it quiet.”

The woman seems to think for a moment before writing a very plain, ‘ok.’

Seicho rustles through her pack for some fruits and fireflakes. They sit until the fire dies out. The woman makes her way to the tent first. Seicho lets her get comfortable before coming to join her. At least, she supposes, the woman hasn’t completely written her off. She dares to think that maybe, just maybe, the woman does want companionship even if she can’t bring herself to ask for or accept it.