#going Insane over ivan posing sua as a sibling in his brain. he just wants to share understanding with someone

[atrophiedemotion]

ivan’s fondness for sua despite knowing she doesn’t care for him is just so,, god. it really shows how much feeling alienated/different and inhuman weighs on him. he’s literally just a kid who wants to know that he’s not alone.

till is someone so opposite him that it intrigues him, and he loves him from afar and accepts that he’ll never be the same for till no matter how much he longs for it. but sua is someone who is so similar to him he can’t help but care for her more than his surface level friendships because she gets it- even though sua feels threatened by ivan and doesn’t want to be associated with him.

just the fact that she has a ‘twisted’ aspect to her personality makes him feel a kind of kinship with her. because he lacks empathy he can’t relate as well to his peers, but when it comes to sua he doesn’t need empathy to understand her because he logically understands how her mind works. because it’s similar to his own. and that fact alone brings him a rare comfort and familiarity (that he desperately needs, might i add. sua has mizi to share joy and life with- ivan doesn’t share with till as much as they have a weird unspoken give and take).