#goddamit I wanted to have more fun with him and that's not a possibility anymore 😔

[ohsofttouch]

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[super-hero-girls-netflix]

How about both if you want? If not you can choose.

Emotional questionnnnn: What if a superhero died (including Batman and Superman cause why not >:))?

Uhmm...I'm going to talk mostly about if they just witnessed the death of the others since I don't think I'm ready to unpack the emotional baggage of killing a friend. ( But if you also about a specific kill with specific details on how it happened you can bet I'll give you a specific answer.)

It's clear in the aftermath of Superman vs Barman that Superman's death would take a toll on the civilians. He's iconic that way, I think it would be especially hard on Kara. And it would be terrible for Gotham morale and Batgirl especially, if Batman dies while being a hero.

It'd be terrible if either hero died. Both are incredibly strong and intelligent. If either died it would mean a villain strong enough and reckless enough to simply murder any adversary.

It would be pretty scary to all if Superman died....after all Cryptonien's are supposed to be indestructible, no?

Kara would take the death pretty hard. In denial, probably. Insisting that there is a way to bring him back.

If one of the Invincibro's (yo bros) died then it'll hit hard.

It'll hit differently depending on the counterpart. And the situation.

For example, if Hal died both sides will mourn. And the Invicibros will be a mess (I suspect that Steve and Hal were co-captains, if anything Steve is a bit of a figurehead). Speaking of 'captain' the school, whoever knew the confident brunet will be in shock because Hal always seemed a little invincible. Many would mourn him since he grows on you....like fungi. Jess will be wrecked and she'd blame herself because of course she would. She was his partner, she should have been there. 'And oh gosh she was alone now, she'd have to defend the space sector alone. And even if she's assigned a new partner it wouldn't matter because they weren't an obnoxious, confident, self-centered Hal'. And yes, there will be a certain dampness in the atmosphere for both teams.

If Barry died both teams (the whole city even) would mourn. Barry was beloved as both Barry the dessert slinger and the Flash, superhero speedster. Barry was kind of the kindness of the group. The one who did good for no other motive than the fact that he loved deeply and wanted to keep everyone safe. The team would keep chugging along with this mindset...but I don't think they'd be able to eat at Sweet Justice anymore. It would hit Babs' hard because he was her best (guy) friend and they swore to have each other's backs (in my AU) and she didn't have his and now he's dead. I think the girls would prefer to just move their headquarters since Sweet Justice was painful enough to just think about.

If Carter died I'm afraid no one will notice. Hawkman's death will be acknowledged but not Carter's. Carter's death if given any attention at school would be a mystery much like he was. Same with Hawkman, his death will be mourned but he'd be considered a mystery death because of his quiet nature. This will drive the boys mad because Carter Hall was DEAD and no one seemed to care. How can they not realize that everything has changed? Carter was more or less the level-headed one of the group. It would be particularly terrible for Karen since Carter was big and strong and knowing he's dead? Yes...she wouldn't take it well. She'd most likely try to avenge him.

If Oliver died it would be a bit of a scandal. I'm sure he has quite the fan base as both an aspiring actor and the charismatic Green Arrow. He was always the *cue dramatic gasp* dramatic one of the bunch. His death will be, you guessed it, terrible. Since happy, confident, loyal Green Arrow was killed. The atmosphere around the team would tune quiet, if a little hollow but they'd keep chugging through since Oliver wasn't friends with quitters. And it would hit Zee differently because the last thing they did was fight (of course they did) and now he's dead and she realized that she had fun arguing with him and their rivalry made acting so much more fun and now how is she supposed to perform when her co-star was dead? When the idiot who would make rude faces behind the curtains and then grudgingly admit she did 'decently' was dead?!? It would hit hard because Oliver and Zee shared a passion and they both left a stain there. She'd forever associate her love for the stage to her complicated friendship with a dead actor. (I think she'd hate when in the future people forget Oliver Queen's name). The whole girl said would mourn but they didn't know Oliver as well as Zee and Zee's a wreck so they'd channel their grief into comforting her.

God help the idiot who murders Steve. If Diana hasn't already killed you, the team will. The Invincibro's, I mean. Steve is a bit of a figurehead so kill the queen and they will make it their life mission to avenge him. That is all after the grieving, of course. Steve will be mourned heavily by both teams, especially by Diana and the Invicibros. Diana will be confused at first because she never even thought that Steve could die. Never crossed her mind. She never asked for anything, wanted for anything, but she wanted him. Him to be alive. How is that even possible??! Jeez, I don't see much of him so that's all I can really say.

If Garth is killed well... Both teams will be horrified and heartbroken. It's just that Garth is so innocent and sweet. And he was killed. The whole school I think would notice because the football team will mourn (in my AU) him. The city might be a bit indifferent because despite his confidence he never demanded as much attention as his team. But the team will never be indifferent to it. The Invincibro's will be furious to hide the fact that they are wrecked because yes, Garth can handle himself in a fight but he was only fourteen. He had plans and he was their friend, goddamit. (I really want to go in depth about how the girls and guys would react but I'll resist.) Kara will react similarly because how dare they take her little brother away?? One thing is letting him handle himself when he's getting bullied but killing him?

Okay...this is a quick peek at how the team and counterpart will react to their death....now for the girls!!

(they are all killed, okay? No different or accidental deaths)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

If Jess were killed the team would be a wreck, of course. Jess, I like to think, was the mom friend and medic of the group. The girls will mourn and healing will be hard. Very hard. They'll remember all the things she holds dear. I have no doubt they'll participate in protests like Jess has been bugging them to do when she was alive. The Invincibro's will be sad too, of course. Initially, then they'll be pissed. Won't rest untill they help the SHG defeat the killer. And Hal? He'll be feral, of course he would. He is very possessive and very loyal. He'd be in denial at first (they all would) because how can Jessica Fricking Cruz, passionate kind selfless Jess be dead?? That's not possible. She cared too much, had too much to do- she can't be dead. But I feel like halfway through his revenge rampant he'll remember that Jess was a pacifist and he'll...I dunno.

If Babs died the team will be swinging from horrified, to unbelieving, to furious. They'd be sad because Babs loved being a superhero and she loved helping people and now she was dead and- they'd be a mess. And don't even get me started on how Barry would take it. Wanna know how he'd take it? Very badly. Why? Because Babs is his best friend and his counterpart and he's supposed to watch her back and she's gone for real and this is terrible and he's so sensitive and everything is fallings apart it seems. He'll definitely be a little more jaded, a lot more protective and burst into tears when anyone orders a candy cake triple ripple tower with rainbow sprinkles. But then overtime it'll turn into a sad smile. Man, the Invincibro's will also be horrified since Babs was close to pretty much everyone.

If Karen died? Absolute pandemonium. The team will be equal parts blaming themselves and torn with guilt and sorrow. They will tear the world apart looking for a way to fix it somehow. Fix it the way Karen would have. The boy team, because despite all their teasing, will be in uproar because no one messed with Karen but them!! And Carter? He'll be at war with himself, because he should have protected her, the pipsqueak was too young and small and fragile to be able to hold off evil by herself and how dare she put herself in that situation? How dare she just leave them like that?? I feel like he'll be in denial for a long time, working through everything to avoid processing his grief but when it does it'll hit hard. Probably because of something small but subtle. Like getting electrocuted because Karen had quite a few fractal scars from her experimenting and super heroing. Or when he realizes he got stung by a bee- it's the little moments when it strikes deep.

If Zee died it would be a bit absolutely scandalous of course. Not only will the girls be horrified and heartbroken but so will Zee's fanbase as an actor and her father's assistant. The girls will have quite some time to even begin to adjust but soon enough they will jump straight into plotting their revenge. The boys will be livid of course but none more that her counterpart Oliver Queen. Oliver won't quite believe it, I don't think, he'll just think that Zee will just magically resurrect herself because the annoying actress who liked hogging his showtime couldn't possibly be dead. She was like a cockroach! No matter how many times squashed beneath your shoe those wretched little things will just come back. All the time...she couldn't be gone. And truly he didn't hate her, he just liked having a goal. To outshine Zee Zatara. So...how could she be dead? This will hit especially hard when he doesn't have a counterpart to fight with. Or when the leading lady role goes to someone new. Clear to say that Zee Zatara's death will be every bit heart wrenching.

If Diana dies be prepared for hell. The girls will fall apart with grief after avenging their leader. I feel that Babs would try to keep everyone together at least. The boy team will be furious because Diana was their battle plan leader too! And how- they'd be confused because how can the immortal Diana Prince die? The school would definitely have a service for the mystery top student. How would Steve react? He'd be horrified and lost, and confused but then he'd help the girls avenge W.W and live the rest of his life upholding Diana's values. (I'm not quite sure how he'd handle the grief.)

If Kara dies then there will of course first be the mourning (at least according to the show). Then the shock. Then the doubt because hasn't Kara 'died' before? And that would lead to hope which will make the moment of confirmation the most painful. For both teams. Garth will be completely blindsided with grief and anger because how dare they take his big sister? How dare they hurt moody, cold, rude at times, big softie at heart, Kara? And well I guess we'll discover that rage is also a prominent feature if the ocean, is it not? So yes, this will be an emotional rollercoaster no doubt about it.

✨✨✨EXTRA EXTRA✨✨✨

This extra will be non-super hero's who will also mourn and attempt to avenge the lost one.

Diana- she is the princess of an island of immortal warrior woman. Her mom is 'a final boss'. She will have plenty of people to avenger her (not that she would want that, per say). I kind of have a suspicion that Queen of Amazon's will either be overly sympathetic ('my daughter has chosen her path, now we can only honor her') or furiously because they were part of her daughters dream that got Diana killed (may you pray we never cross paths again or I will curse you as you have cursed me).

Karen- not sure... but maybe her parents??? They can make a suit too??

Kara- Her cousin because family is family and that's period and she's like the only survivor who doesn't want him (genuinely) dead. And Alex, her step-sister- maybe.

Jess- Green Lantern Corp.? Dexstarr?

Zee- her DAD, remember they are super close and he's super powerful and yeah....

Babs- Her dad- who's like a cop and even though he shown to be extremely lazy I have no doubt that he'd drop the donuts to find out what happened to his precious pumpkin pants. Might even call I'm Batman. Harleen, yes Harleen who tried to murder Robin because he embarrassed Babs will definitely go after her best friends murderer (even after finding out Vans secret identity)

Okay for Steve and Carter I genuinely don't know.

Garth, I'm not sure but if he's actually underwater royalty than you can expect a whole lot of flooding, earthquakes and sea monsters.

Hal- starfire is coming for your but

Oliver- Mortimer Drake, maybe? They are sort of bro's

Barry- DA WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD

Well...this was fun, wasn't it? Thanks for the beautiful ask, as usual @thedevilsmusicbox and I look forward to hearing from you. 😁🙋

[uwuch9n]

hey !!! today i’m gonna be trying to write some fluff to calm myself down and also try out something new in the process ! hope whoever reads this enjoys it :)

characters: kenma, nb y/n (self insert or oc) and a bit of kuroo :D

warnings or possible triggers: ear biting, neck kissing, wrists/arms being touched, stressed/overworked/anxious reader, and a thunderstorm/heavy rain ! please do not continue reading if any of these things could trigger any unwanted reactions ! maybe the next time i write some fluff or sfw fanfics you’ll be able to read ‘em !

a nice welcome home.

after a long day at your new job, a manga artist, you decided to end your shift for the night and head back home. you wiped the sweat off your forehead but the stress wasn’t easy to get rid of. the office wanted the manga to be done as soon as possible and you couldn’t get the last few pages right. it was very obviously a hard week for you. luckily it was a friday so you’d get saturday off, but sunday you had to go back.

after getting yourself together you stuffed your things into your bag and walked out to get in your car.

“hey there y/n! lookin great huh, i see you’re ready to go home to lil kenken right?? how you doing?” said kuroo as he ran into you right outside the establishment. he worked near that area and decided to stop by, luckily he walked into you at the right time.

“im doing well,, i guess.. i just was overthinking a bit but i’m sure tomorrow, or even tonight, i’ll be able to refresh myself and relax..” you said almost trying to avoid contact for the time being. kuroo noticed you didn’t seem to excited about things and so he decided to give you some words of encouragement.

“i’m sure whenever you get to relax you’ll be ready for work again! and besides you got a lil pal waiting for you at home, don’t you look forward to that?? he’s pretty good at comforting,, and i should know”- he chuckled. you gave him a smile and nodded in agreement. you let out a sigh and walked off to your car right before kuroo grasped your left shoulder and pulled you in for a hug. he patted your head with his hand and reassured you. you got a little flustered,, but kept it in.

“you’re doing amazing, really. i know you work really hard, so make sure to cool off, ‘kay? you got this in the bag!” he said, you clearly being able to sense his smile through his decently raspy voice. he let you go and gave you a little push to get you back together after the short hug, and you both waved goodbye.

well that was quite an experience. you knew that kuroo wasn’t a homewrecker, especially when it came to kenma’s s/o, but he was getting much more comfortable and supportive with you. that made you happy, but after thinking about what had just happened, you refocused and started your car.

you drove through the freeway and noticed all the billboards promoting businesses that you knew you’d rather be working at. you meet a stop sign and let out a sigh while other cars drive by. when it’s time to go, you go, as one would normally do, but you noticed that some water droplets were gently hitting the windshield of your car. it started getting a bit rougher and even more water droplets starting hitting your windshield, only this time they got louder.

you could hear all the other cars driving by thanks to the water that was slightly flooding the streets. you make a swift turn into your apartment complex and slowed down as you arrived at your apartment. you park at your designated spot and turn off your car. you adjust your bag straps that had fallen off your shoulder without you realizing, and reached into the back side of your car to get your umbrella. unfortunately it wasn’t there so you’d have to get wet, and it was raining pretty heavily. you sighed and reached into your cup holder for your apartment keys and got the right key ready in your hand for when you got to the door.

you slam your car door and lock it.

“goddamit” you let out as you start feeling your clothes getting humid. your shoes were hitting the floor inundated by the rain. you started running towards your door which fortunately was on the first floor. you inserted the key into the keyhole and turned your wrist gently as you peeked into the window. you could see the flashing lights of the tv. kenma was probably playing games again.

you closed the door and brushed yourself off as you glanced at kenma who had turned to see what that noise was. he knew it was you but he still wanted to see your pretty tired face. you gently took of your shoes and put your jacket and bag on the racks on the wall next to the door. you pushed your shoes with your foot and went to put on your favorite slippers.

“hey love, how did today go..?” asked kenma in a soft gentle voice, as to not startle you while you still were trying to shake off the water that had been absorbed by your clothes. you look up at kenma with an exhausted expression. “today was very stressful,, my manager told me to hurry up,, the artwork is due literally wednesday of next week and i can’t even get the stuff i’m working on now finished and-” kenma stopped your rambling by gesturing a hug and making gentle movements to come here with his small hands. you looked at him with a surprised expression, and then quickly changed it to a pleasant smile.

by then you realized that he had paused his game and the music of the game was still playing in the background, only a little quieter then when it’s actually on. you head to his little pile of blankets and pillows, and saw your favorite stuffed animal and a few snacks already set up for you for when you came home. that made you feel a lot better than before. “hey kenken, what’s all this stuff?” you asked acting clueless, but also trying to hear what he had to say about the setup. “it’s just a few things for you to pick out from,, i even brought you your little frog plushie; i know you like it..” he said while grabbing it and handing it to you. he blushed a little as you took it from his hands, gently caressing his as you did.

you took a look at a frog plushie but before you could get a full 360° look of it you saw kenma’s slender hands covering the two small black eyes of the plush. he set the plush down on your lap and grabbed your wrists. he knew your wrists were probably tired and sore after all that nonstop sketching at work, so he started gently rubbing them with his thumbs. he looked at your hands as he did, and then looked up at you. you had a cute shocked expression which he loved to paint on your face. he giggled and then went in for a kiss on the cheek.

after his soft tender lips were lifted from your cheek, you felt a bit of rustling and then a little blow on your ear which made you squirm. he bit it gently and kissed the side of your neck, while you sat there a bit flustered. kenma was usually the type to just give you a kiss on the cheek and continue playing his game, but recently you were getting much more attention from him. you didn’t mind it though, you kinda enjoyed it rather.

“you don’t have to give me neck kisses y’know..” you said hoping that he wouldn’t listen and just continue for a good minute. he of course didn’t stop and completely brushed off what you had just said. he moved to your shoulder and started kissing it, and then he pulled away. he look at you and gave you a smile, leaning in for a kiss afterwards. you kissed back and then grabbed him by the shoulders. both of you were blushing intensely, his blush just a little more calmed down, but it was there nonetheless.

“let’s eat some snacks, shall we?” you say after pulling away from the kiss and sitting there being a hot mess. you could hear the rain only getting rougher and rougher, and at one point you heard thunder. it was gonna be a loooong night. “let’s do that then” he said smiling as he reached over to the bowl full of strawberry pocky and small chocolate chip cookies. he fed you a stick of the strawberry coated biscuit and you nommed down on it happily, while he pulled away the excess pocky stick and brushed crumbs off of your lips with his thumb. his hand grasped the side of your face and he went to kiss your cheek once again before feeding you the rest of the pocky.

kenma turned to face the tv and then slowly got up to grab another controller for you to play with, since he was already playing a game and he wanted you to play along as well. you watched his flimsy self get up and come back to the floor in front of the couch. he sat down criss cross apple sauce style and handed you the controller, all while the thunder was still alive and the rain was still pouring.

“do you want to keep playing this game or... another game i have in our room...?” asked kenma in hopes that you’d say you wanted to continue playing the game he was already playing. he didn’t want to get up when he was right next to you. “this game seems fun, i’d love to play it with you” you said happily as you took the controller he had handed you and held it correctly so that he could get the multiplayer setting on and you’d be ready when he did.

you heard silly sound effects from when he switched the setting to multiplayer, and it filled you up with motivation for some reason. the thunderstorm and heavy raining didn’t bother you anymore because you knew you’d be safe with kenma. the music of the game got louder and kenma slowly lowered it a bit as to not disturb the apartment building. “you have to jump over the brown mushrooms and then jump into the green tubes and-” “..super mario bros..? don’t worry baby i know how to play this one” you winked at him and he let out a giggle.

he layed his head on your left shoulder which made you blush, and you followed it with a wide-eyed expression. he didn’t look too into it though, he was just focused in the game, and for him it was only nature. you rested your head on top of his and continued to play. time passed and it was around 2 AM. you and kenma had played for hours, and kenma was seemingly getting pretty tired, just as you were. “hey bub do you want to maybe go to bed now?” you suddenly paused the game and asked. “bed..?” he looked confused. he directed his eyes to the couch behind you two and you followed, quickly looking back at him.

“do you want to sleep on the couch tonight?” you put the puzzle pieces together. he nodded his head. “you don’t have work tomorrow so i figured you wouldn’t mind sleeping with me on the couch....” he said quietly in hopes that you would. you grabbed his face with your warm hands and kissed his forehead. “yeah of course i do!” you said trying to be enthusiastic, although your tired face barely allowed it. you both got up and he laid on the couch. you tried getting the bowl of snacks from off the floor and bring them to the kitchen but kenma quickly pulled you into his arms.

“tomorrow.. tomorrow we can clean up...” he said exhausted as you now were covering his body with yours. you adjusted yourself as did kenma and you both got into ‘cuddle mode.’

his arms wrapped around your body and you slowly started to kiss him all over. he laid his head back onto the arm of the couch. you relaxed your stiffened body, and closed your eyes as the music from the video game slowly faded away into nothing. kenma’s arms rubbed your back and moved to your head and shoulders. he gave you a final kiss on your head before drifting off to sleep.

that’s all ! i hope you enjoyed this self insert x kenma fluff fanfic ! if this does any good i’ll consider writing more fluff in the future :))

[ihaveissuez]

Here's my experience with my TC. It's not your typical story, or maybe it is, idk.

He was one of my teachers in my early years of high school and I pretty much fell head over heels for him within a year. It wasnt anything too big until the year after he taught me, because it got to the point where I wouldn't stop thinking about him. Like, I wouldn't think of anything else. I would do all the typical crush-type things, like dream of being with him and imagining our future conversations etc, but it came with a lot of anxiety, which still affects me today.

I've found that with most girls/guys who crush on their teacher feel pain 24/7 and they don't want to like them, but in my case, I did. And it was fueled by the fact that he did display some things that could be interpreted as him possibly liking me back. And before you say "I doubt it", my friends would point it out to me. Nothing ever happened between us, of course. Whenever we spoke it was always professional and nothing wrong. It was something merely innocent.

I was madly infatuated with him, like VERY. Anything he did that I couldnt interpret would send me flying into my mind with all these wild thoughts. Looking back on it, I wish I could have prepared myself for the worst, which happened at the end of that year.

Basically, he left the school to go overseas (more on that later). I cried for like two whole periods at school and had to keep running to the bathroom. Afterwards I calmed down and began to accept it. I found out that he had a girlfriend too, which didn't hurt me, but confused me because I thought he had feelings for me (goddamit I wish I could've been more down to earth).

Next year rolls around and it took me about 6 months to move on. It was a massive struggle but eventually after letting myself have fun I realized I was back to normal again. I thought I would never have to deal with this situation again. Then he decided to come back to school.

He came back because of complications and taught as a substitute for the remainder of the year. I panicked for a while because I knew that my thoughts and feelings would come flowing back to me, but at least I had experience and I could manage not to fall into this mess again. He has started teaching full time again, which is ok. I don't care that much anymore but it's hard to move on from him when you know he could be just around the corner, y'know?

Since he's come back, he's been a lot more distant from me and other students. In fact, people are complaining about him. Hes kind of a dickhead now actually, but I can understand that, he didn't want his trip overseas to be cut short. He seems to avoid me too, and I'm not really sure what I did (I can think of a few, but that's a story for next time), he says hi to me in the hallways still, but only if we're alone. It confuses me, makes me anxious and sad, but I've learned to accept it. Sooner or later, I'll have to move on and I think that this is a sign.

I am doing a lot better, however I still suffer from extreme anxiety to do with him, which I'll explain in a separate post (lmao again). This story has a lot more detail to it but currently my suburb/region is flooding due to rainfall and we might have to evacuate (fun!), So I'm writing this while we prepare for the worst.

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. After “Substitutiary Locomotion”. Jaylos’s room. Carlos is working on a new machine to help them with finding Ben)

Jay: so run this by me again. This is gonna be a...?

Carlos: This IS a DNA tracking device. Two months after dad got the crown we were paired up for an intergrade scirnce fair.

Jay: yeah?

Carlos: I only needed him for one thing. Hair. Hair from dad. Nail clippings from mom, skin flakes from Doug, lipstick blotter from Evie, towel from lonnie, dessert spoon from Jane and I already had loads of dna from you. Because you never clear out the shower drain

Jay: I’ve gotten better at that

Carlos: uhhhh...no. No you haven’t. Hence the inordinate tips I give the cleaning staff

Jay (dryly): thanks sweets

Carlos: you’re welcome dear. Now. Once it’s ready we can go back to the others and finally find my father

(In the halls of the school a certain pirate is lingering near a suit of armour)

Harry (drolly): I can feel you lurking Jay

Hadie (brightly): Jay’s still with Carlos. It’s me. Your brother

(Harry jumps a foot in the air, startled and laund in Hadie’s arms bridal style)

Harry: why...

Hadie: you looked distracted. I thought I could help

Uma (walking up to them): well, ya can’t. Move it or loose it Silkrobe. I wanna talk to him.

Hadie: ok, ok. But (he grabs her upper arm) if you upset him you’ll have me to answer to.

Uma: I’m not scared of you.

Hadie: oh of course you’re not. You’re the sea witches scion. You know what? I see it. I really do. Slimmer. Younger. No lines on your face yet. But the personality. The physicality. The voice. You’re more like Ursula then you care to admit.

(Uma looks like she swallowed an owl whole)

Hadie: I’ll leave you two to chat

(He leaves and Harry approaches her)

Harry: you’re getting called out a lot ain’t ya?

Uma (calming down): I just wanted to tell you that I was wrong.

Harry: hmmmmm?

Hadie: take this dictaphone and commit it to memory. It’ll help when you have another lovers tiff.

Huma: OUT!

Hadie: sorry

(He slinks away)

Uma: I’m sorry.

Harry: for what?

Uma: not believing you, calling you a liar. You know. That whole schtick.

Harry: that’s god. What tipped you off.

Uma: the eye glow and fire hair.

Harry: ahhh. Well then. You’re forgiven. But I am gonna hold it over you. For a long long time

Uma: I’d expect nothing less

(Off towards the side Evie’s looking pissed off)

Evie: great. Now they’re both happy.

Celia: you really do hate them don’t you?

Evie: more then you will ever know

(Near there entrance Mal’s vainly trying to call Ben again)

Mal: please please please work. You have never not answered me when I needed you before so there’s no use in starting now GODDAMIT!

(She throws her phone against the walls and squats down in frustration her head in her hands. She lets out a guttural shuddering screams and vines shoot out from the floor. Hadie pulls Gil away, Evie pulls Celia away, Uma pulls Harry away and Harriet pulls Cj away from the violent magical burst)

Gil: remember what Milo said. Focus on what you can do right now and not what can’t be immediately fixed

Mal: I know I know. It’s just that URGH. I want Ben to be here. Cause at least then I know he’s safe.

Gil: my brother has magic just like yours. He’s fine.

Hadie: Gil’s right.

Mal: how? How could you possibly know. You heard the gunshots. Ben could be anywhere. Unconscious. Bleeding out. Dying. He could already be dead.

Hadie: well. A. If he has you’re magic as you well know he has then he’s nigh invulnerable. B. If he died I would’ve felt it. Doug too. I have this sort of. Radar. Not a gaydar Evie. A real one it’s sort of a feeling. I can feel the exact moment someone’s died. Two people have died in this building. But they’re fully human. Their stamp is different. And the second gunshot was a cover up. I think.

Mal: then how do we find Ben.

Carlos (sauntering in with the tracking device and followed by Jay who’s got the biggest grin on his face): I may be able to help with that oh mother of mine. Behold ladies and gentlemen. And sea witch and bastard pirates. My DNA tracking device. And one of dad’s hairs.

Mal (walking hopefully over to him): really. You brilliant child MWAH (she kisses him on the forehead) uh how does it work?

Carlos (slightly embarrassed but still a little smug): like so

(He puts the strand into the slat. It beeps getting faster and faster and more and more higher pitched. The fizzles out and dies)

Carlos: This didn’t happen last time. And no Evie I literally just fixed it up. I did everything correctly. Why isn’t it. Why isn’t it working? CMON DAMN YOU. WORK. I WANNA FIND MY DAD. ARRRRRGH

(He throw the machine away and copies Mal’s previously hunched over forlorn stance)

Carlos (near tears): I just want my dad back.

(Jay crouches down and hugs him tight)

Gil: what hair did you use?

Carlos: dads! What kind of hair do you think I would’ve used for finding the fucking king?

Gil: purple.

Carlos: huh?

Gil: Ben’s hair is purple now. Like Mal’s. He’s got her magic. And the ember finished the metamorphosis. His hair’s completely purple now. Ergo cinnamon coloured hair wouldn’t work anymore because he’s not fully human anymore.

Harry: what the fuck

Uma: you never used to be this comprehensible

Gil: I’m not just a pretty face and a hot bod now. Cranial gears are turning constantly in this ol noggin of mine. I like it here

Carlos: so, I’m not a failure

Mal (smiling reassuringly): not even close

Evie: you never were C.

Jay: at least we know it still works.

Hadie: our nephews a genius

Harry: he ain’t my nephew. He’s my would be victim

Mal: I can turn into a dragon so watch your cartoonishly lipless mouth

Harry: or what?

Mal: how does a gangly fillet mingon sound?

Harry: I dunno what that is but since you’re the one that said it then it’s gonna mean my death

Mal: so you finally managed to win at connect the dots. Congratulations dickbrain

Cj: Harry

Harry: give me one good reason I should snap you’re fugly little neck right now

Jay: Mal

Mal (sarcastically): uhhhh I’m a dragon which is how we started this ridiculous skit in the first place

Gil: HEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! Look!

(The other ten follow the direction he’s pointing in. While Mal and hook were arguing the suits of armour snuck up on them. A hundred of them from all over the school. All to stop them in their tracks. This is when the opening to “this is war” happens)

Carlos: oh. My. Grandfather

Evie: what do we do?

Mal: uhhhh

Evie: Mal! WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO?

Uma: we fight. This is what we know.

Mal: I think they want me

Jay: nuh uh. No way. Ain’t gonna happen. You are not pulling the self sacrificial care. Not again.

Celia: I can take em

Core five, Huma, Hadie and the hook sisters: think again kiddo

Celia: oh I can fight

Mal: it’s a warning

Jay: a what?

(This is when “this is war” starts fully. After the song Mal nearly collapses but Jay catches her)

Mal: ohhh I cant believe that worked

Jay: you alright

Mal: don’t worry about me. Celia, you doing ok?

Uma: she’s fine

Celia: I can speak for myself thanks. I’m fine Mal.

Mal: good. Now we need to send a message to Maleficent and Chad. Maybe if I

Harry: oh for fucks sake. There’s more of them

(Sure enough. Thirty more suits of armour are marching towards the eleven vks)

Mal: of course. Oh my god I’m an idiot, not one word, from any of you or your tongue will disappear. If it’s Maleficent’s spell then

Jay: only another spell will counteract it

Evie: but what spell can counteract that of a dark fairy armed with the fairy godmothers wand.

Hadie: that of a god

(They all turn to look at him)

Hadie: with a little help from a free genie and child prodigy of course

Jaylos: we’re in

Mal: I hope to our father you know what you’re doing

Hadie: I’m a disciple of Dionysus. The first of this generation actually. What better way to stop the embodiment of evil with the embodiment of fun?

Mal: I wouldn’t know. I was never much fun

Evie: it’s true. I have it written on record in my diary.

Mal: oh that reminds me. Now we’re really sisters. I can read your diary with impunity

Evie: you can’t. Seriously. You can’t. It’s locked in a chest in my macrame room. And no one but Doug and I are allowed in my macrame room

Mal: That’s because it’s not a macrame room isn’t it? It’s you and Doug’s own private little love

Carlos: ohhhhkay. Let’s break this up before someone, Evie, gets thrown through a window or shot apart with glass.

Hadie: I concur nephew. Now everyone get to safety. Jay, Carlos and I will handle things from here

(Mal and Uma poof everyone else out of the room)

Hadie (eyes glowing a steely grey): suit of armor strong and true/make this metal bust a move

(This is when “cha cha slide” happens. After the song Hadie steps up to the final suit of armour)

Hadie: I believe my dear sister should have the honour of felling this one don’t you?

Jay: I should think so yes. What about you C?

Carlos: just tell em it’s safe to come back and dispense with the bullshit

Jay: Mal, Evie, Gil, Celia. Guys, it’s ok to come back now.

Hadie: Harry too

Jay: urgh...fine. Fathead as well.

(Two streams of smoke, one purple and one turquoise, swirl up from the floor and the other eight vks appear)

Mal: so what’s with the, uh, lone cyberman?

Jay: first of all, impeccable reference. Second of all, the three of us thought that you should do away with this yahoo

Mal: why?

Uma: yeah, why should she do it

Jay: because Mal is queen and you, captain calamari, barely qualify as a peasant. Go on M.

Mal: ok, ok. Ok. How do I...? OOH! I know. Ahem. (Her eyes start glowing). Go back to your masters, tell them that the vks are back in Auradon. We are running them out of town. And we are not gonna rest until they’re defeated. GO!

(The final suit of armour marches away)

Hadie: you’re incredible

(Uma looks mortally offended)

Mal: thanks. If you’ll excuse me (she takes a long swig if whiskey out of a hip flask) ohhhh that’s much better

Uma: is she seriously gonna be doing this most of the day?

Mal: probably. Milo’s asleep. So I’ve not got my therapist in hand.

Jay: if you don’t like it you can go

Hadie: please, please go

Evie: and ideally take a long walk off a short pier

Carlos: and get eaten by sharks

Celia: she’s my sister guys

Jaylos, Evie and Hadie: Sorry Ceels

Celia: Don’t be. She’s a drag

Mal: we need to find Ben

Carlos: agreed

Mal: so here’s what we’re gonna do. Evie, Uma and I are gonna take Celia to Evie and Doug’s place you’re rest up, I know you say you’re fine but your dad told me to look after you and I’m not ready to gain my inheritance yet

Uma: huh

Celia: dad’ll kill her if I get hurt or die

Uma: ohhhh

Mal: Jay, Carlos, Gil, Hadie. You guys look for Ben. The forest, the lake, surrounding areas. Any other places you can think of.

Hadie (joyfully): oh wait wait wait.

Mal: yeah?

Hadie: there’s a lot of intermagical tension within this little group and I personally feel that it could be dissipated if we do something about it

Mal: heh?

Hadie: an ice breaker

(The others groan outwardly)

Hadie (oblivious): I’ll go first. Harry

Harry (to himself): oh shit

Hadie: I love that your head has shrunk down from your infancy

(There’s a highly troubled silence)

Hadie (brightly): who’d like to go next

Carlos: I will. Gil. I love that you took to inventing like a duck to water.

Hadie: awww

Carlos: I’m not done yet. Uma. I hate you.

Hadie: ok...?

Carlos: I hate your. Idiocy. Your shortsightedness. Your malevolence. Your vindictiveness. Your. Obsession with one upping my mother. But if I’d course you don’t do you? Not if you’re the one in the right. Do you even know what he tried to do to me? Five years ago on my eleventh birthday I got lost in the marketplace. Separated from Mal and jay. I wandered into the docks. And I heard barking. Loud. Feral. Wolf like barking. I ran. But he cornered me. I yelled for help. And I heard you laughing. You laughed as I cried for someone to save me. Someone did. Evie. Did. She stabbed him in the leg. We left Harry bleeding out on the floor. But I still have nightmares sometimes. And I think I’ll always have them. But that’s ok. But you have to keep that away from me if you ever want me to see you as anything other than a petty vindictive shrimpy looking bitch.

Hadie (nonplussed): wow. Harry is this true?

Harry (very very surprised but not at all ashamed): well I uh...oh yeah. And I’d do it again. It was a really fun time for me

Carlos: I’m gonna kill him

Mal: bury the body in the forest. We’ll split up into two groups. My sister and cousins with me. Jay leads the search for Ben. Carlos Gil and Hadie go with him

Uma: and what about them?

(She points to the hook sibling)

Mal: honestly I blocked them out. Uhhhh.

Carlos: they can go with us.

Everyone else: what?

Carlos: my boyfriends a genie. My uncles a god. They can keep them in line. And as the cliche goes. Keep those you hate in short spikes

Cj: that is not the

Mal, Jay and Evie: yes it is.

Hadie: so I guess this is where we part ways. Awww. Our little family’s breaking up. I’m sad now

(Audrey walks in just as Hadie’s about to bear hug Evie)

Audrey: Mal?

Mal (relieved): Audrey? Good. You’re not asleep. He’s not gotten to you yet.

Audrey: no. Ben told me to activate the defensive mechanisms. Then I heard you fighting. Carlos you were great by the way. And who are these guys

Hadie: my names Hadie. I’m gay.

Audrey: I’m Audrey. And do I really look desperate?

Evie: don’t talk to me, I hate you

Mal: RIGHT! Of course. Introductions. Hadie’s my oldest brother. The one with a raccoon face that’s eyeing you like a piece of meat is my other brother Icarus. Sidenote: Evie’s my little sister and she’s 24 hours younger than me. Scary looking girl is Uma, my cousin. She’s hates me. Redcoat is Harry’s ever something truthful sister Harriet, their father is very imaginative. And the other one eyeing you like a piece of meat is Harry’s other sister Cj. Listen gormless. Audrey’s straight. You’re not getting lucky

Cj: dammit

Audrey: Uma...oh yeah. I’ve heard of you. Though judging from your frankly terrifying expression my longevity relies on me not saying what I’ve heard so I’ll shut up now

Uma (scowling): good choice

Mal: lets go to your room. We can talk there. I’m still not entirely sure this areas safe. Walls could have ears

(They all go to Audrey’s room. Outside the school Hades is trying to explain himself to Elsa)

Hades: what else do you need to know? I’ve said everything of importance

Elsa: but what I don’t get is why show up now

Hades: to help. To help my children defeat my ex wife

Lonnie: whoah whoah uhuh um. Ex wife?

Hades: yes. Maleficent. She left the morning after the ceremony. Can you imagine?

Lonnie: sadly yes.

Hades: I feel your pain. She was exquisite in the

Lonnie (hands covering her ears): LALALALALALALALALALALALALAIMNOTLISTENINGLALALALALALALALALALA

Elsa: it’s a tetchy subject

Hades: so I can see

Jane: are you really here to help

Dizzy: more to the point. Is Harry really my uncle?

Hades: yes. And yes

Dizzy: this is proof more then ever that there is no god. Except there is. You’re it. But he still exists. Why

Hades: I was hard up

Dizzy: I’m gonna need so much therapy after this

Elsa: agreed. Well my lord hades. I’m sorting this out so there’s no need for you here. If you’ll be on your way I can help my daughter and her friends

Hades: my daughters and their friend could do with my help

Lonnie (aside to the other two): you’ve heard of fighting in-laws? Well here’s the rarer but just as intense biological parents vs adoptive parents. I saw it on tv once

Dizzy: and?

Lonnie: nothing made sense. But hades seems nicer then Regina.

Dizzy: mom wouldn’t let me watch that show. She hated that woman

Lonnie: many do

Jane: and the rest?

Lonnie: think she’s a lesbian and in love with the biological parent. Who’s also her step granddaughter

Jane: some people are very weird

Lonnie: tell me about it

Elsa: I don’t want to hear it. You left them to their mothers and that cannot be forgiven. So no. I’m not gonna let you interfere with my daughter or her friends

Lonnie: here’s an idea. How about we all go help? Hades is more powerful then Maleficent. Elsa is an entirely different class of magic. We’re up against the fairy godmothers wand. Aka. Jane’s inheritance. So it’d be more productive if we all pooled our efforts, locate my boyfriend and his family and then take down chad and Maleficent. How does that sound

(The adults murmur their agreement)

Lonnie: now we can concentrate on

(A window on one of the upper floors explodes and a giant shadow flies out followed by a couple of gauntlets and pieces of chainmail and four helmets)

Jane: oh that is not good

Hades (worriedly): Celia. Oh this is not good

Lonnie: what do we do?

Hades: I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to get my children and my boyfriends daughters

Jane: I’m sorry what?

Dizzy: Uma and Celia are Doctor Facillier’s daughters. And how come you never told me you were dating him

Hades: it’s only been six months sweetheart. No one really knows yet and I’m an idiot cause he swore me to secrecy. Great. My wife’s going to be so thrilled

Jane: you have a wife? But Maleficent divorc

Hades: Persephone and I have a standing agreement from three million years ago. We’re gods. As long as she know most of them she promises not to smite them and vice versa

Lonnie: I hope Gil and I have a love like yours

Hades: thank you dear. You were being sarcastic weren’t you?

Lonnie: yes I was sir

Hades (smiling genuinely): I like you

Lonnie (smiling as well): I wish I could say the same

Elsa: how do you propose we get into the castle “milord”?

Hades: magic. Obviously.

Elsa: your move

Hades: gladly. Is everyone ready?

Elsa: oh we’re ready

(He steps forward and ignites his hands. This is when “the Phoenix” happens)

[light-miracles]

Supergirl 5x02

AKA the episode where I lose my mind and regret writing almost every fic I've done

Okay, how do I start? The episode was, being concise, pure perfection. I don't enjoy SG so much since s1. This could be the second best season of the show if they continue this way.

The Martians: I've waited YEARS to get some confirmation that Ma'alefa'ak existed in the show. And when I had lost all hope, the Monitor does his thing and takes him out of the Phantom Zone (we still don't know why but I guess it'll be explained before Crisis). The Martians are, easily, one of DC's best and more interesting cultures. I NEEDED more martians in Supergirl. I still need M'gann back. And I'm really pleased with all the villians this season.

Kara: My good hearted, deeply imperfect Kryptonian baby. How many times did Kara screw things up this episode? Kara can be very imprudent and a little bitchy when she thinks someone else is being less than honorable. (Kara, James hadn't decided if he wanted to be senator you can't use him like that goddamit). I don't know why people insist Lena is the gray character. The gray character is Kara since s2. That doesn't make her, indeed, a bad person, never. She's very human. And very strong. And deeply imperfect. Also I'm warming up to her using more formal dresses. It feels like she has grown up.

I don't trust this William. He has this weird face. If he's Kara's new love interest he needs to be more than a Mon-El 2.0. I don't know anymore.

Dansen: As a massive Sanvers shipper, I like Kelly. She's being something I always wanted my Maggie to be: useful for the plot. I'm rooting for Kelly to be Alex's (damn I hate this word) endgame. I'm not emotionally capable of imagine her with anyone else.

"How could I possibly feel this way about someone I barely know?" Alex baby you fell for Maggie after talking to her for like 2 hours plz stahp.

Andrea: She's interesting. Julieta Susana Gonzalo is one of THE actresses here in Argentina and watching her in Supergirl is as weird as watching your childhood crush getting along with your wife. However Andrea's character is promising and I think she fits. I hope she doesn't dissappear after this season like, oh, I don't know, EVERY OTHER DAMN CHARACTER I'VE LIKED.

Lena: Holy Jesus Tap Dancing Christ.

I was ready for her to turn evil, but I wasn't ready for her to go crazy. What the hell. This is not a fight for Lena's soul, this a fight for Lena's sanity. And I say it with love: she needs help. Now I don't think she's evil. Lillian and Lex are evil. Lena is losing her mind.

I do hope Eve's mind is still there. I'd hate a Thinker 2.0

Only Katie McGrath could turn Girls Just Wanna Have Fun into the perfect murdering song

[threeletterslife]

Whipped with a Cherry on Top

→ summary:  Kim Taehyung has been your friend for more than four years, having a very, very special place in your heart. Granted, he’s an annoying asscrack sometimes, but who isn’t? You love him to death — that is, if he doesn’t end up killing you first with his pesky tactics.

→ pairing/rating: taehyung x reader | PG-13

→ genre: it was supposed to be pure fluff but then my finger might’ve slipped idk now it’s crack too | f2l!au

→ warnings: just a shit ton of swearing as usual (:

→ wordcount: 6.5k 

→ a/n: i literally power wrote this shit bc the empty masterlist bothered the crap outta me sdjflsdj i hope you’ll enjoy! <3

♫: Promise by Jimin | Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers & Coldplay | Euphoria by BTS

[ROYAL ASSCRACK]: oHmYgOd bitcb

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: bitxh

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: birch

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: bitch

 [YOU]: bitcb

 [YOU]: bitxh

 [YOU]: birch

 [YOU]: bitch (:

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: fuck off botch

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: GODDAMIT

 [YOU]: yOU FAILURE

 [YOU]: what’s up tho it’s like 3 am go to sleep

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: can’t. forgot the reading assignment… 143 pages of that shitty econ txtbook let’s get ittt

 [YOU]: dude. we have the gov final tomorrow

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ikik… Y/N, baby can you send me the notes?

 [YOU]: istfg it’s not my fault you never come to class sO WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME FOR YOUR WRONG DEEDS

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ohmygod Y/N it’s not the time to be dramatic. my GRADES are at stake here

 [YOU]: bitcb

 [YOU]: bitxh

 [YOU]: birch

 [YOU]: bitch** fine. i am the bestest friend ever but fine. i’ll even send you my econ notes so you don’t have to read the txtbk. am i not the bestest friend ever

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: THANK YOU I OWE YOU BIG TIME I LOVE YOU

 [YOU]: uh huh mhm

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ):

 [YOU]: fine.

 [YOU]: i love you too.  nOW GO DO YOUR SHIT I NEED SUM SLEEP

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: WELL THEN SWEET DREAMS BOTCH

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: fuck

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you know what. i’m not even gonna try

 You giggle slightly, immediately sending that irresponsible dimwit of a best friend, Kim Taehyung, your econ and gov notes. Sometimes, you think that boy could’ve possibly died in college if it weren’t for you. But then again, you’d probably be dead in your grave if it weren’t for him. He’s saved you one too many times from disaster dates that could’ve left you traumatized for life.

 Kim Taehyung has been your friend for more than four years, having a very, very special place in your heart. Granted, he’s an annoying asscrack sometimes, but who isn’t? You love him to death — that is, if he doesn’t end up killing you first with his pesky tactics.

He’s killing you alright. He really is.

 “Oh, c’mon! It’s just one party,” Taehyung whines as he hands you your regular — a whipped chocolate ice cream cone. Today was Whipped Wednesday, a day where you come to visit your bestie at work and even get an ice cream cone for free because quoting Taehyung, “We’re only in trouble if someone finds out.” (Actually, you have no idea how the manager hasn’t found out about this yet, counting the fact that it’s been going on for years.) Whipped Wednesday has been a thing for both you and Taehyung for as long as you can remember — that is since he started working at the ice cream parlor at the beginning of freshmen year.

 “Aw, Y/N! I owe you one, remember? From all that note-sharing? I’m just returning the favor and taking you out for fun!” Taehyung says.

 You roll your eyes, taking a lick at the ice-cold dessert. “Are you crazy? It’s finals week, Tae.”

 Taehyung laughs, rushing over to the ice cream machine to make some perfectly whipped ice cream for a line of giggling customers. Something tells you the giggling girls are here to feast their eyes on your best friend, not his impeccably made ice cream cones. Your best friend comes back to you, slightly out of breath from being worked for the past hour.

 “That’s exactly my point, Y/N,” he huffs. “One party to fling away all that unwanted stress!” He rushes over to tend to some girl batting her fake-ass lashes at him.

 “But my point is, really? During finals?” you call after him. You take a large bite out of your chocolate ice cream, deep in thought.

 “Why not?” Taehyung calls over his shoulder. “It’s not like you can save your shitty grades with one exam!”

 You scoff loudly, putting a hand to your chest. “Excuse you, I have all A’s!” you shout, redeeming yourself to the people who might’ve heard you have ‘shitty grades.’ “Only two are borderline,” you mutter.

 “All the more reason for you to come and party!” Taehyung sings as he whips up two vanilla ice cream cones, handing them to young siblings, smiling at them warmly. He looks up at you, giving you the same, cordial smile.

 God. If it weren’t for that amazing smile of his, you’d refuse every one of his foolish ideas. But because of his irresistible smile, you’re stuck doing stupid shit with him. I guess that makes us best friends, doing dumb crap together. I blame it all on the smile.

 “You know what? Fine. Fine!” you say angrily, biting aggressively at your ice cream cone. “But I am not getting wasted!” You lean over the counter, glaring playfully at your friend.

 “Yes!” Taehyung cries, rushing over to squeeze you in a happy hug over the counter. “But it’s your loss if you’re not getting dumb drunk,” he chuckles, winking at you.

 You huff. “One of us has to get the other home — you and I both know it’s always me!”

 “You know it!” Taehyung laughs. You can’t help but laugh along with him.

It’s times like this when you wonder what would’ve happened if you’d said ‘yes.’

 Taehyung is getting ready for the party, ignoring your yapping of, ‘wear it and leave it!’ He faces his glowing mirror, his handsome, chiseled face slightly illuminated by the soft, yellow light. It’s the way how the gleam of white in his eyes shine. How his lips are perfectly pursed on his face from concentration. How his delicate nose sits on a perfect angle…

 It’s how he laughs at your dumb jokes, how he takes care of you in the simplest but heartwarming ways, how he loves how outspoken you are, how he hates to be away from you…

 You like to wonder what it would be like to date him. You like to wonder what would’ve happened if you had accepted his offer to be his girlfriend. Sometimes — no, often times (especially these days) — you wonder if he still likes you.

 When Taehyung had asked you out back in high school, you had barely known him. You were the loud girl, captain of the speech and debate team. While Taehyung… he had been some kid hiding behind others in the marching band.

 Too nice to reject him, when he asked you to your junior prom, you’d made some excuse about how you weren’t going — even though you had bought your dress and everything. You actually ended up not going, in fear of seeing Taehyung at the school party. But that had been the very starting point of your relationship with him.

 You had to give it to Kim Taehyung. He was quite the persistent guy. By the end of the year, he’d joined the speech and debate club, pushing his way to the top finalists of the school — right next to you. It was hard not to befriend him if you had to see him countless hours after school to practice for competitions.

 Easily, Taehyung found his way into your life. And much easier, he became the largest part of your life. By the time you graduated high school, you and Taehyung were inseparable: the best friends of the century. Taehyung was not the shy, nameless kid in band anymore, he was outgoing, spunky and risk-taking — even more so than you.

 Both of you never, ever reflect back on that possible romance that could’ve bloomed between the two of you. It’s just too awkward, you suppose. Besides, you’d missed your chance. No matter how much you liked Taehyung now, you couldn’t really say anything without bulldozing over your solid friendship. You’d rather have Taehyung as a friend than lose him forever when he rejects you.

 “Are you actually gonna wear that to the party?” Taehyung laughs, making you jump out of your thoughts.

 “Yes,” you say boldly, gesturing towards the ugliest pair of sweatpants you have, then tugging on the collar of your fluffy turtleneck sweater. “It’s called my male species repellent outfit.”

 “You’re fucking impossible,” Taehyung chuckles, shaking his head. “I’m almost embarrassed to be seen out with you.”

 “But you love me,” you croon, rolling yourself across Taehyung’s bed as you plop yourself on his carpeted floor. “Can we finally go now? If I have to wait a minute more, I’m not gonna fucking go.”

 Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Hold up, you idiot. Unlike some people, I want to look decent for a nice party.”

 “Don’t look too decent or the girls are gonna steal you away from me,” you pout. Taehyung turns around, flashing you a smile that makes the blood rush to your face.

 “I’d never let them steal me away from you, baby,” he coos.

 Your heart threatens to bust out of your chest, but you calm it down with a deep breath. It’s too bad you know the pet names Taehyung often calls you are all part of an ongoing joke.

 “Whatever, asscrack, let’s go.”

The party has the most atrocious music you’d ever heard in your life. Every single song boasts the same beat, making it seem like the same goddamn tune was on a broken record, repeating over and over and over again. Your head hurts like hell. You’re starting to actually think studying for finals would’ve been better than this.

 At least the parties you usually attend have good songs. This one is the epitome of trash.

 “Taehyung!” you yell at your friend who’s choking down another shot of vodka. “You idiot!”

 Your friend turns to you, a lazy smile spreading across his lips. “Hey, baby,” he mumbles, gesturing you over. You roll your eyes but obey, walking straight to his side.

 “Steady on the shots, Tae. Unless you want to wake up dead in the morning,” you sigh. “Who’s gonna shoo away the fuckboys for me, then?”

 Taehyung chuckles lowly, looking at you from under his long, eyelashes. “I shall rise up as a guardian knight to protect m’lady,” he declares dutifully in a weird, ancient accent.

 “Oh no, no role-playing,” you seethe through your teeth. “Last time was bad enough! Kim Taehyung, you hear me?” you yell at your friend, taking his cheeks in your hands as you shake his head in an attempt to cure him of his drunkenness. It does shit though.

 “M’lady! I must beseech you not to… caress me as such. You make me test my heart, dear lady,” Taehyung wails drunkenly.

 “Shut up,” you snap. “Let’s get you out of this dump.”

 “Please, dear Y/N, will you promise me to be by my side ‘til the autumn leaves turn their pleasant shade of amethystine? Will you swear to never leave me even if the sun collides with our heavenly planet?” Taehyung says dramatically, clutching onto your sweater in the process.

 You roll your eyes. “Yeah, I’m staying, Taehyung.”

 “Thank you, m’lady. You are too kind to me,” Taehyung mumbles, attaching himself onto you as you struggle to maneuver both you and your best friend safely out of the bustling party house.

 Once outside, you’re finally able to take a deep breath, the cold night air filling your lungs. It would’ve been peaceful if it weren’t for the nasty music that you can still hear and your best friend tugging at your hand as he kneels down on one knee in front of you.

 “Yes?” you ask, annoyed as you look down at your friend. He’s so pathetically drunk that you have to fight off the huge urge to video record the whole thing.

 “M’lady, I must confess to you what my heart has been telling me since the start of time itself,” Taehyung says sincerely, his eyes never leaving yours.

 You scoff. “Taehyung, get up from the grass. These people might water it with their own piss, judging by their music choices.”

 Your best friend pretends not to hear you. Either that or he’s so drunk he can’t hear anything but the voices inside his head. You’re joking. Kinda.

 “Y/N! Oh, Y/N!” he howls. You’re so glad the shitty music is so loud no one else can really hear this wailing except for you. “Dear, Y/N!” Taehyung vocalizes. “I’ve admired you from afar for too long. I have ventured upon treacherous lands to earn your love. But all I get is the reward of acquaintances! I must ask for more my dear!”

 You laugh, even letting a snort loose. “Oh, Taehyung.” It’s particularly enjoyable to watch someone you like to be so drunk — especially since he’s literally trying to drunk-confess to you in some medieval language.

 “I love you, oh dear Y/N!” Taehyung declares, softly squeezing your hand as he stares at you through his hooded eyes.

 You giggle, patting his soft head of hair. “You should’ve taken acting classes instead of following my ass into speech and debate,” you mutter, smiling fondly at your friend.

 “Please, Y/N,” Taehyung pleads, “will you marry me?” He pulls out a slightly crushed onion ring from his pocket and holds it out for you to admire.

 You nearly choke on air as Taehyung presents you your edible wedding ring. “Tae…” you breathe, a bright smile making its way onto your lips. Honestly, when’s the next time my crush will propose to me? Oh, fuck it. I’ll play along. “Why, yes, my handsome knight. I will marry you!” you giggle, sliding the slightly greasy onion ring onto your ring finger.

 “Oh dear! My love, my sunshine! You’ve accepted!” Taehyung wails, taking your hand and peppering it with at least a thousand little kisses.

 “Surely I will accept the marriage proposal of such a wonderful knight like you,” you laugh, tugging your friend back up to his feet. “Shall we get you home?”

 Taehyung doesn’t answer you, his eyes looking somewhere that were definitely not your eyes.

 “Taehyung! Let’s go,” you repeat yourself, starting to drag your friend to his car. But he stays rooted on the ground. You sigh. “We’ve role-played enough for one night, don’t you think?”

 “Oh, but I agree. It’s about time we stop,” Taehyung says softly. You follow his gaze to see he was staring intently at your lips. Subconsciously, you lick them, your eyes flickering down to gaze at his lips as well. He tugs you close to him — so much so that you can feel his hot breath on your skin.

 It’s enough to give you goosebumps. God, you don’t know if you should stop him or just let him continue… But it seems as if Taehyung doesn’t want you to overthink (as you usually do), quickly leaning forward and pressing his warm lips on yours.

 You gasp into the kiss, finding your balance by gripping on the front of your friend’s shirt. All thoughts fly out the window as you melt into Taehyung’s embrace, breathing in the slightly alcoholic scent and chasing his lips with yours.

 Taehyung is in no hurry as he lingeringly moves his mouth across yours, hands moving up to cup your cheeks in a loving manner. He breathes his hot breath against you, leaving you feeling a bit faint as you slowly wrap your arms around his neck to secure the both of you.

 In your opinion, it ends too soon. Both of you pull away at the same time, gazing in each other’s eyes. You’re still catching your breath. You want to take a minute, close your eyes and forever engrave this moment in your head.

 But Taehyung speaks. “M’lady, that was a wondrous kiss, was it not?” he speaks slowly, your noses touching in the middle.

 That’s when your perfect world shatters. It’s no time for victories. Your crush confessed to you, proposed to you and kissed you drunk. It wasn’t real. You feel a goddamn migraine creeping in and you grasp your head. You swear to god, you usually always have something to say. Goddamn Taehyung. He’s the only one that can get your tongue so twisted.

 Immediately, you jerk your head away from your friend, looking down at the grass. “Let’s go,” you say, tugging at his wrist.

 “Lady, why in a hurry? Let us dwindle just a bit more,” Taehyung giggles. But you’re persistent, tugging him all the way to his car. You sit at the driver’s seat because god forbid you’re gonna let Taehyung drive dumb-drunk.

 “Y/N?” Taehyung whimpers in the shotgun seat, watching you drive with your eyes looking straight ahead. “Are you mad at me?”

 You sigh, your head throbbing from your headache. “No. No, I’m not.” I should be mad at myself for falling for all that.

 “Oh okay,” he responds in a small whisper. “I’m sorry.”

 Why is he sorry? Your stomach does a few somersaults.

 “Are we voyaging to slay the dragons?” Taehyung whispers, biting at his nails nervously. “I have forgotten my armor and my sword…”

 You don’t feel like replying back with something snarky. “No, we’re taking you home, Tae.”

 “Oh, lord. Thank thee.”

Taehyung’s probably not as thankful for you as you haul him into his bed, grunting from his weight. It’s really not that your best friend is heavy, it’s more like your body isn’t built to haul heavy mass.

 “Y/N?” Taehyung asks as he scrambles up from his bed.

 “Go to bed, Tae,” you say, shaking your head, cheeks continuously flushed.

 “Can you stay?” your best friend whines, staring at you with his large, puppy dog eyes. “I don’t wanna be lonely.”

 You want to so, so bad. But you don’t want to wake up in the morning, laying on the same bed as Taehyung and regret even more things in your life. “No, I can’t stay,” you say, smiling meekly. “Finals stuff. I’m sorry Tae, I’ve got to go.”

 You don’t give him time to answer as you practically bolt out of his room, cold hand massaging your burning forehead. If this was anything like Taehyung’s other drunk encounters, he should forget everything in the morning. You just wish you were drunk so you could forget too.

You wake up the next day, drowning out the distracting memories from the night before as you groggily force yourself to sit down on your desk to get some last minute cramming done before your finals. It’s almost noon by the time you’re done, and you get ready for your very last exam, grabbing a pair of sweats and a crinkled hoodie for your outfit of the day. Taking a granola bar in your mouth as you tie your greasy hair up into a messy bun, you leave your dorm in a rush.

 The final goes well, as expected. You were in a good mood, actually, having finished all the exams. You could’ve lasted the whole day without feeling any sort of dread until the memories flood back to you.

 Oh fuck, I kissed my best friend.

 You’d plum forgotten from all that econ cramming. Shaking your head and taking pity on yourself, you sigh, checking your phone the first time that day. 31 messages from yours truly, Kim Taehyung.

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: gud mornin

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: rise n’ shine

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you up

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: thx for getting me home last night lmfao

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: did i do stupid shit

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: jk dumb question

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ofc i did (:

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ok i found a goddamn onion ring in my bed

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: did you put it there

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: istg you love those greasy little shits

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: they remind me of your hair during finals week haha

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: jk please don’t kill me i love you

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you nerd why aren’t you answering

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: i bet you’re studying for that econ final

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: bitch i’m winging that shit

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: make sure to eat something more than a granola bar

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ik it’s not whipped wed but come see me at my shift at the ice  cream parlor after the final!!!!

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: !!!!

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]:!!!!!!!!!!!!

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: lmfao you’re gonna kill me for spamming you and i value my  life so i’ll stop here

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: but srsly meet me at the ice cream parlor

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you need to tell me all the stupid shit i did yesterday ahahfsdjsfljf

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: also i’ll whip up your fav when you get there

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: COMPLIMENTARY because i love you

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you’re not gonna see this until after the goddamn final but

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: GOOD LUCK BITCH

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: if anyone deserves 120% (haha the curve) it’s YOU

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: KICK ASS BBY

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ps

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: istfg if you recorded my drunk ass i’m going to SHANK you

 You’re glad he doesn’t remember shit. You’re also glad that you didn’t record him last night. An angry Taehyung is not something one can survive so easily. You’re joking. Kinda.

 Your heart flutters slightly at his texts, how he worries for you. You really don’t know how you can see his face again without possibly fainting from blushing so hard. It’s as if the kiss fueled your feelings for him and now they were more uncontrollable than ever.

 You’re not sure if you should tell Taehyung exactly what he did last night or just tell a little white lie for the sake of your friendship. But then again, you kinda suck at lying. You’re just stressed that you have no idea how he’ll react if he finds out about your feelings for him. Will he distance himself from you? Will your friendship stay but never be the same? What if… he still likes you?

 Shaking your head, you laugh to yourself. Fat chance. We’ve friendzoned each other ever since high school.

 You head over to the ice cream parlor, feet thudding heavily on the sidewalk. As soon you open the door to the shop, Taehyung greets you with a loud, “Y/N!” which turns a few customers’ heads.

 “Hey!” you smile, waving back at him. You slightly duck your head so you won’t have to see his handsome face in fear you’ll get all flustered over again. “What’s up?”

 Taehyung hands you your favorite whipped chocolate ice cream and this time with a cherry placed neatly on top. “Just work,” he laughs. “Like the little addition to your usual? I wanted to try something new for you!”

 You smile, looking at the impeccably whipped ice cream, admiring every little swirl and the shiny, red cherry sitting on the very top of it. “Mhm, of course. Thanks, Tae.”

 Your friend gives you a bright smile, sending your heart into overdrive. God, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up without blowing my head.

 “So… What kind of crazy shit did I do this time?” he grins, rushing over to tend to a few customers waiting for him.

 “The usual,” you say, as nonchalantly as possible. “Role-playing.” You take the round cherry, popping it into your mouth.

 Taehyung bursts out laughing as he whips up more ice cream cones like the professional that he is. “What did I role-play this time?”

 “A fucking knight. You were using this weird accent and your vocabulary expanded by a tenfold,” you chuckle, licking at your ice cream. “Apparently I was the princess you were so in love with.”

 “Oh?” Taehyung asks as he settles over the counter, leaning against it just like you. “Enlighten me with more,” he says, a full grin pasted on his face.

 Your cheeks heat up at the memories. “Um… Something about fighting a dragon without your armor… A love confession in some Shakespearean language… I think, at one point, a marriage proposal?” you say as casually as you can.

 “Woah, woah, woah, there!” Taehyung snorts. “Me? Propose to you?”

 “Yeah, with a goddamn onion ring,” you chuckle slightly, biting your ice cream cone. “I don’t know how it got in your bed but…”

 Taehyung raises his eyebrows. “Oh shit,” he mutters. “Did we…?”

 “No, you ass!” you blurt. “You asked me to stay with you but I…” you trail off. “Can we not talk about this? How was your final?” you say, aggressively biting at your ice cream.

 “Bombed it,” Taehyung answers shortly. “You’re trying to change the topic, Y/N. Why? Did I do something that bad?”

 No, it was fine. Great, actually. But you can’t tell him that. “No… Yes… Maybe? It depends on how you think about it,” you sigh. “I dunno. Forget it,” you say. You can literally feel the blush creeping in and settling on your cheeks. If it were any other person, you would’ve easily told them they’d kissed you drunk, but with Taehyung… it was so much harder. You’re struggling to form coherent sentences. It’s so not like you, the queen of speech and debate.

 “Oh, c’mon! What’s there to hide?” Taehyung pushes you, leaning even closer towards you. “I already confessed my undying love to you drunk, so…” It hurts because you know he’s joking.

 You sigh loudly, resting your chin on the counter. If Taehyung didn’t feel the same as you, nothing would matter, right? Ah, fuck it.

 “You kissed me.”

 “Wait, what?” Taehyung asks, completely caught off guard from your sudden spilled truth.

 “You kissed me, Tae.”

 “I…” Taehyung’s eyes widen as he searches your face for any other reaction. He laughs nervously. “Well, this is awkward.”

 “Yeah…” you mumble.

 “I was drunk, Y/N,” Taehyung says slowly, looking away from you. He chuckles without happiness. “You must’ve been caught off guard… I’m sorry. I swear it was nothing.”

 It was nothing, huh? Fuck. That didn’t hurt at all. No, no. It killed you over.

 You want to spill it out right then and there. Yet it seems so that you can argue about sensitive topics such as abortion, gay marriage and politics but you can’t seem to confess your feelings. Yeah, but a lost debate isn’t as serious as a lost friend, you reason.

 “Oh, okay,” you manage to answer. Already, you feel the awkwardness.

 “Yeah…”

 “Mm…”

 “Um, my shift will be over in a few. I’ll drive you home,” Taehyung says blandly. It feels so weird to not hear him tease you, or have a playful tone in his voice for that matter. He usually nitpicks at everything, but seeing him just tell you that in the dullest way possible… You don’t know what to think.

 It’s then when you’re finally able to feel your chocolate ice cream melting, the sticky, brown liquid making a mess of your hand. You don’t have much of a reaction to it as you get some napkins to clean yourself.

 It’s dying, melting away in an ugly shit color — just like your friendship.

 You and Taehyung both take your seats in his car; you haven’t spoken a word to him since fifteen minutes ago — which feels so weird because usually, you two are talking up a storm. There’s always something to say. Except now.

 Taehyung must be embarrassed, you think. His reaction tells you exactly that he hadn’t meant it. It kills you. Your heart feels shattered. Somewhere deep inside you, you’d hoped he’d said something on the lines of, ‘Oh, Y/N, I meant that kiss with all my heart.’

 Who am I kidding? You know that stuff only happens in movies.

 Taehyung starts the engine of his car and you jump slightly. Your friend takes no notice as he keeps his eyes straight ahead. The car ride is so silent, you can literally hear the gears of your brain working as all sorts of bad thoughts fly through your head.

 Does this mean… an eternal goodbye to Whipped Wednesdays? What if we won’t meet ever again? What if… he won’t be a part of my life anymore? Does he hate me for letting him do it?

 You’re still shaking in anxiety as Taehyung parks in front of your dorm building. “See you, Y/N,” he says shortly, waving slightly at you.

 All you can do is nod in acknowledgment, quickly exiting the vehicle.

 And just like that, Taehyung exited out of your life for a good week. You agonized in your dorm, moping around and eating a shit ton of ice cream that wasn’t perfectly whipped by Kim Taehyung. Your phone was collecting dust somewhere in the dorm and all you ended up doing for almost a whole week was binge-watch your favorite rom-com show on your laptop — probably accumulating as much weight as the text messages your friends were probably sending you.

 It was nothing. It was nothing. It was nothing.

 His words echo in your head the whole time. Just as you’re finally able to crack a small smile from a corny joke on a show: it was nothing, it was nothing, it was nothing.

 Maybe he hadn’t meant it? you had reasoned. No. He had been so disappointed in himself after finding out. You’d seen the look on his face. The horror, the humiliation.

 You don’t want to think about it, but it’s all you can think about. It takes you almost a full week to finally cease your moping. You take a nice, long shower in hot water, treat yourself to a healthy salad and squeeze some yoga in, in an attempt to lose some of that weight you gained from binge-eating so much ice cream.

 On Wednesday morning, you finally pick up your phone, wiping off the dust with your hand. 561 unread messages. 12 missed calls. Shit. Your friends probably thought you’d finally snapped from stress and buried yourself in a ditch.

 All of the calls and half of the messages are from Taehyung. You take the liberty to scroll through them quickly. To summarize, most of the texts comprise of, ‘are you mad,’ ‘you dead,’ ‘you gud?’ Then the most recent text, just five minutes before: ‘don’t forget about Whipped Wednesdays!’

 Shit. Right. It’s Wednesday.

 You don’t know if you want to go. You’ve never missed a day of Whipped Wednesdays since the day Taehyung started working at the ice cream parlor. But you’ve already come this far mourning a heartbreak. You don’t know if it’ll be healthy for you to see Kim Taehyung so soon.

 Regardless, you find yourself wordlessly getting ready, curling your hair and wearing a presentable outfit for once. At exactly noon, someone knocks at your door. You know it’s Taehyung, arrived to pick you up.

 You open the door, your stomach doing insane acrobatic tricks, making you feel all queasy. There, Taehyung stands. Handsome as usual.

 “Oh good, you’re good,” Taehyung says, rushing in to hug you. You’re taken back by surprise but soon, you find yourself wrapping your arms around your best friend as well. You had missed him. “I thought you were dead, the way you weren’t checking your goddamn phone. You idiot. I worried. I was so close to breaking in. But then I realized you were probably going through one of your moody phases.” He chuckles in your ear.

 The hair on the back of your neck stands up straight as you nod. “Yeah… moody phases,” you repeat. “I’m fine,” you say, pulling away and giving your friend a small smile. “Let’s go.”

Again, most of the car ride is silent, as if staying away from each other for a week made you strangers, foreign to the other’s presence. You really can’t take the silence though. God, you want to say something so bad, but what would you say?

 Haha, sorry Tae, but the reason why I was moping around like a baby for a goddamn week is that I might like you?? And you kinda rejected me??

 You mentally slap yourself. You’re never this tongue-tied. You hate not being able to say what’s on your mind. You want to speak. You need to —

 “Tae?”

 Your own voice surprises you as you can see Taehyung jump slightly in his seat, his hands still fixed tightly on the steering wheel. Immediately, you regret ever speaking. Too late now.

 “Hm?”

 You literally want to shank yourself for being an idiot. You’re stuck. What are you supposed to say? Maybe apologize? Yeah, apologize for being the bitch that you are, ditching your friend for a week, Y/N.

 An “I’m sorry” spills from your lips at the same time as Taehyung. Both of you chuckle. It was pretty common for both of you to say something in a unison. Soulmates, as to how you two had reasoned it as. Already, the awkward atmosphere isn’t as suffocating as before.

 “You should be sorry,” Taehyung teases, a grin escaping his lips. “You had me worried sick!”

 You huff. “If anything, you should be sorry. Just… just kissing me like that out of the fucking blue! How am I supposed to goddamn act?”

 “Okay, first of all, I was drunk. Second of all, it was nothing, I told you!” Taehyung laughs.

 “Oh my god, don’t call it nothing!” you blurt out. As embarrassed as you are for saying that, you feel better just voicing what’s on your mind than being silent.

 “What would you call it then?” Taehyung asks.

 You roll your eyes. “What am I supposed to say? It was the best kiss I’ve ever had?”

 “Best kiss?” Taehyung laughs. “I mean, of course, I was involved,” he says sassily.

 “Oh god, no,” you stifle a giggle.

 “Well then, tell me, Y/N. Do you feel the same as me?” Taehyung asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

 You make an ugly face. “What kind of vague question is that? I’m no mind reader! How am I supposed to know how you feel, huh? If I knew, don’t you think I would’ve cried from rejection or happiness, already?”

 “Wait a minute —”

 “I’m not waiting anymore, you asscrack,” you huff. “Whether you like me back or not is out of my fucking hands. But you have no idea how much I regret not saying ‘yes’ to you four fucking years ago.”

 “Like you back? Regret not saying ‘yes?’ You like me?” Taehyung asks as a grin forms on his face.

 It feels like you’re on the debate podium, expressing yourself with your words — except, it’s way more nerve-wracking than any competition you’ve been to.

 “Yes, asscrack. I like you,” you admit. It feels so good to let it out, your chest immediately feeling so much lighter. In fact, you think you lost the fifty pounds you’d gained over the past week. “You have no idea how hurt I was when you called the kiss, ‘nothing.’ Yeah, I’m a sensitive bitch and I admit I was being an absolute asshole for avoiding you, but you can’t just kiss me and expect me to act as nothing happened!” you pause for a deep breath, nearly choking on air doing so. “Agh! But the worst part is, Kim Taehyung, I know you’re not an asscrack or an idiot. You’re not even a complete shithead! You’re amazing, a bit annoying when it comes to schoolwork, yes, but also a caring friend, kind, loyal…” You trail off, fumbling over your words. You don’t know what to say. Again.

 You bury your face in your hands. “I’m not crying, I just lost my train of thought,” you sniff. “You just make me… lose my fucking words. I don’t even feel like a goddamn debate champion near you. You make me blabber around like a fucking second grader! I can’t form coherent sentences for shit! I don’t even fucking know what I’m saying right now! Fuck, you make me cuss so much, goddamit!” You finish, letting out a huge breath you hadn’t known you had been holding in.

 You hear Taehyung’s low chuckle and you jerk your head up, glaring through your teary eyes. God, I hadn’t meant to get emotional. Or to be fair, I hadn’t known I was going to confess now, either.

 “Wow, Y/N,” Taehyung laughs. “Are you really blaming your foul mouth on me?”

 “Are you fucking kidding me, Kim fucking Taehyung?” you rage. “I just confessed my whole heart out and that’s the first thing you say?”

 “Yup. And I’d pay good money to see you confess to me again. 10 out of 10 you’re the better confessor between the two of us,” Taehyung chuckles, giving you a final look before parking his car in the back lot of the ice cream parlor.

 Your eyebrow twitches in annoyance. Aggressively, you wipe away the tears welled up in your eyes, glaring at your friend, your crush.

 “Oh, Y/N,” Taehyung says between laughter, placing a hand on your arm. “I’m sorry! I really am,” he giggles. “I swear I’m not laughing at you. I just can’t believe after all these years — Idiot! I like you too!” he blurts out.

 What.

 What.

 What.

 What the FUCK?

 “YOU ASSCRACK!” you scream, shaking your arm away from Taehyung’s grip. “YOU MADE ME CONFESS LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT!”

 “Well, duh. I’m getting you back for rejecting me in high school,” Taehyung laughs. “Besides, I’ve known you for years. I know how much you tend to blush around people you having feelings for.”

 You scoff as you swing open the car door, hurriedly stepping out. “So are you rejecting me right now?”

 Taehyung smiles at you, stepping out of the car. “I would be crazy to reject someone like you.”

 “You would still be crazy even if you didn’t reject me,” you tease, smiling as you nudge Taehyung to the side.

 “Yes, definitely. I’d be crazy for you,” Taehyung giggles, nudging you right back. He intertwines his warm hand into yours as if to prove it.

 You flout. “Asscrack.” But of course, you don’t mean it. You never do.

 Oh god. His hand fits so perfectly interlocked with yours and you stare down at it, so happy your chest feels like it’ll burst.

 “You know you love me,” Taehyung answers, swinging open the door of the ice cream parlor and letting you inside first.

 “I do know,” you reply shortly as Taehyung gives you one final grin before parting from your hold and walking over behind the counter. He dons his apron and washes his hands, then grins at you. “The usual, Y/N?”

 “Hmmm… the usual,” you confirm, “but with a cherry on top.”

 “Got it! One whipped chocolate ice cream with a cherry on top! Free from all costs because you’re all mine,” Taehyung announces, his sparkling eyes locked onto yours.

 You’re at a loss of words once more. You swear something in your chest explodes at that moment — it’s a burst of emotions, actually: warm, fuzzy and cordial. You’ve got to admit, sometimes Kim Taehyung is a beautiful angel. Other times, he’s a straight up asscrack. Too bad you’re whipped for him — just as he’s whipped for you.

masterlist

[mystwright]

Her PT.1

Characters: You and Suga

 Word Count: 3194

Read Her PT.2 Here PT.3 Here

He walked through the group studio doors with an all too familiar scent clinging on to him. "Out again?" You asked as you looked up from your seat.

"Yeah" He replied. You sighed. "We need to talk... Are you ready?" You asked.

"I just got here Y/N, give me a minute to breathe"

You looked at him and already he seemed annoyed. He took his jacket off and sat across from you. Hiding behind a black face mask, all you could see were his piercing eyes looking at you.

"Alright, what do you want?" He asked.

The coldness in his tone hit you hard but you shook it off. It wasn't often that you would have to contact him, let alone be alone with him... but you were to have a meeting tomorrow with the board and you wanted everything to be perfect.

You shuffled through some of your notes to pull out a sheet and handed it to him. "We need to fix some of these lines. I think a lot of fans will get confused on what it means"

Once he saw what song it was, he looked at you with disbelief written all over his face. "It's fine. It means what it means, Y/N. You didn't seriously call me over just for that? I was out with someone." Who was it this time? You thought. At this point it didn't hurt you anymore not knowing who he was with or what he was doing. There was always an excuse for him to not be in the same room with you.

"Yoongi, I don't care if you were out with a million people. My job is on the line... If I see a possible problem, I have to fix it." He took another look at his lyrics and then got up from his seat. "Like I said, it's fine" With that, he grabbed his jacket and was out the door again. You sighed and looked at his now empty seat. He never acted like this with anyone else. Why was he only like this to you?

The next day, you sat in the office with your boss and the rest of the group members. Tensions were high but you did your best to propose your ideas.

"Y/N, did you go over the new lyrics?" Your boss asked.

"Yes."

"And what did you think?"

"I thought, for the most part, that it was good. But..."

"But?"

"I believe there were some problems with the chorus" You continued.

You could feel your boss glaring at you from across the room.

"If you saw a problem, why didn't you fix it?" He asked.

"Well…  I tried to fix it on my own but I couldn’t quite come to a final decision with the writer… it was requested that I just preserve the original intent of the song and it's meaning... So I left it alone"

That unfortunately didn't cut it for him though.“So you saw a problem and left it alone?”

You could feel yourself turning red under all the pressure but then Yoongi suddenly spoke up from his seat.

"It's my fault, sir."

Your boss turned to look at Yoongi. 

"Your fault?" Your boss asked.

"I wrote the lyrics. Y/N tried to get me to fix it, but I was too stubborn about it so I told her to leave it alone. She’s not to blame. I am." You were so confused. Was he seriously standing up for you? Your boss got up from his seat.

“I'll see you all again in one week. Fix these lines or I'll push the comeback date further.”

The other members began to scold him after the meeting.

“You can't keep doing this to us. We’re already behind.”

He cut them off.

“Leave me alone. I'll get it done. I always do.”

He began to make his way over to you.

“Come with me Y/N, we have work to do”

You were surprised. “Me?”

“It's your job, remember?”

You reluctantly got out of your seat and followed him.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“My studio… Where else? Don't tell me that you've never been there”

“Why would I go there? It’s not like you've ever invited me before”

He stopped for a second as if he was going to say something but changed his mind.

“Hurry up”

The trip to his studio wasn't going to be long. Once the two of you were in the elevator, he hit the button for the third floor. As you stood next to him, you couldn't help but want to sigh in relief now that the meeting was over. Even if it was Yoongi’s fault in the first place for not wanting to help you fix the lyrics... he did get you out of  trouble.

“Thank you” You said breaking the silence.

“For what?” He asked.

“Stepping in and explaining what happened. For a second, I was sure I was going to get fired back there”

“Don't think too much about it. I did it to save my own skin. You were so close to bringing me down with you anyways”

You scoffed and looked at him.

“Are you always like this?” You asked.

The elevator door opened before he could answer you.

“This way”

You stayed in the elevator.

“No, I don't want to go with you if you're just going to act like this all day”

“You're being childish, Y/N. Hurry up.”

You couldn't believe he said that. You pushed the close door button but he stuck his arm through so the door wouldn't close

“Goddamit Yoongi, let go of the door! It's clear you don't even want me to go with you”

Yoongi made his way into the elevator. For a second, you were afraid he was going to try and drag you out . Instead, he just looked at you.

“Please come with me. I really want to know what ideas you have to make the song better”

His voice was so soft and gentle. It was like you were talking to a whole new person.

“Are you being serious?” You asked.

“I'm not going to ask you again”

You looked at him but he turned away.

“Fine”

You followed him to an unfamiliar door and watched as he punched in a code.

“Is a code really necessary?” You asked.

He nodded his head  and then opened the door.

His studio was nothing like you expected. It was just so chill to say the least.

Suga.

Suga.

Suga.

“Obsessed with your stage name much?” You asked jokingly.

He smirked.

“Everyone is”

“Bears too?”

“I didn't bring you up here to make fun of me”

You let out a small and nervous laugh.

“Sorry. I didn't mean it in that way. I think it's actually really cute”

You didn't notice him smile while you continued to look around. His studio definitely screamed Suga to you but there were some aspects of it that showed a different side to him. Figures upon figures and music equipment that looked more expensive  than anything you could probably ever afford.. and then shampoo?

“Do you spend a lot of time here?” You asked.

He let out a small chuckle as he began to take his face mask off.

“Too much time. Sometimes I even just fall asleep here because I'm working so late. If you're ever looking for me, I'll be here. I mean, I practically live here Y/N”

That was weird to hear. You thought he was always busy going out instead.. Or at least he always made it seem like he was when he wasn’t able to work with you. You scanned his studio again. With your eyes locked on his piano… Maybe you were wrong about him and those moments of absence where you thought he was just going out, because seeing his studio was making you see him in a new light.

“Have a seat Y/N, I'm gonna go grab another chair for me.”

You sat down and waited. When he returned, he placed his chair next to you and took a seat. While you had worked with him before, there was something different about this time. Everything felt a bit too crowded in his studio. Maybe even a little intimate since it was just the two of you alone together. You looked at Yoongi but he had his eyes glued to his computer screen. Of course he wouldn’t be looking at you… With his face mask finally off, you could see the rest of his face that he was so good at hiding. You looked away.

“What kind of music do you like listening to?” He asked as he was setting up his computer

The question threw you off guard.

“You want to know what I like listening to?”

“Yeah, why else would I ask?”

He was such a cheeky bastard.

“I don't know, to be honest. I kinda like everything. But it also all depends on how I'm feeling. Right now, I really like listening to J. Cole though”

He nodded as if he agreed with your music choice.

“He's one of my favorites”

“Yeah?” You asked a little too excited.

He smiled at you.

“Yeah! But Kanye West is number 1 in my book. My goal is to work with him one day.”

You couldn't help but notice his smile and began to feel a little weak. Was this the first time you were actually seeing it? No. But this was definitely the first time he was smiling at you. You couldn’t help but blush and pray that he wouldn’t notice. His smile was so sweet and part of why you liked him so much.

Once his computer was fully loaded, he opened up a file from his documents.

“I think you need to listen to the whole song with the beat and everything so you can understand it better”

“I’m sure it sounds fine... But those lines…”

“Just.. here.”

He grabbed a pair of headphones from his desk and leaned in as if he were going to put it on you.

“Oh I can do…”

The headphones were already on you before you could finish your sentence. For a second, you both just looked at each other in shock at what just happened.

“Thank you...” You barely whispered.

He turned away.

“Just listen to the song” He muttered.

You did as you were told. As you sat listening to the song, Yoongi brought out a notepad and scribbled down some notes. What was he writing about?  As curious as you were, you didn’t want to pry and so you focused on the song. He was right, the beat really did bring  the song together... but you just weren’t sure. You took your notes out again and studied the lyrics.

When the song was done, you took the headphones off.

“What did you think?” He asked.

“You were right about the beat but the lyrics feel so personal. It almost sounds like you’re writing about someone too specific. That being said… that specific person… it better be army or else we will have a problem.” You said. “You know how crazy insane their detective skills are”

“Of course it’s army” He replied.

You looked at him again. Who was the lucky girl? You wondered. Knowing it wasn’t you, a twinge of sadness hit you for a moment.

“Armys are very lucky then. The lyrics are pretty sweet” You replied.

For a while, the two of you sat working on the song together. As you both talked about what could be done to make it better, you couldn’t help but be in awe about how passionate Yoongi was about music. You felt proud that you had made it this far to work with someone like him, even if he didn’t want to work with you.

You sat thinking about him for a bit. When he turned to look at you, you quickly glanced at your watch and yawned.

“Tired?” He asked.

You looked at your watch again and nodded. “Yeah, I think it’s time for me to go. Could you send me the file that you let me listen to? I’ll listen and look over it again at home.”

“Can’t do that” Yoongi replied as he closed the file.

“Why not?” You asked.

“All unfinished songs stay here in my studio. You’ll have to come back tomorrow if you want to listen to it”

“Seriously?”

He didn't even give you a chance to debate it.

“Yep. I’ll see you tomorrow at noon Y/N.”

You got up from your seat.

Another day with Yoongi…

“Fine, I’ll see you at noon then”

The next day, you rushed upstairs to his studio. You were up late fixing the lyrics and had slept in too long. You looked at your watch and saw that it was a little past 12. Crap. You thought to yourself. You didn't even have time to eat anything.

You reached his door and almost knocked until you saw that he had a doorbell.

A doorbell… Really?

You pressed it and a few seconds later, Yoongi opened the door.

“About time Y/N.. your food is getting cold”

You felt out of breath.

“Food?”

You walked in and on his desk was a cup of coffee and a pastry for you. You were so surprised.

“Thank you...”

You stood staring at his kind gesture and he noticed.

“Come on Y/N, we have another song to work on”

“Right..”

You took a seat.

“Wait, did you eat yet?” You asked.

He looked at you hesitantly. “No…”

You gasped.

“Here, have some!”

You grabbed the cinnamon roll and broke it in half for you and him.

“It’s fine, Y/N. I’ll be full from just watching you eat. Besides, I’m sort of on a diet..”

“What?!” You practically yelled. “That’s nonsense! Eat!”

His eyes grew wide as you handed him the cinnamon roll and urged for him to sit down next to you. As you both sat, no words were exchanged by the two of you. Instead, there  was just  a comfortable silence between the two of you as you both ate.

Once you were done, you took a sip of the coffee and grinned.

“Was it that good?” He asked.

“It was delicious! Thank you again.”

He nodded.

“So you said we have another song to work on?”

He turned on his computer again.

“Yes, after you left yesterday, I took it upon myself to look over the other songs too”

You cut him off. “Oh! Before we begin on the new song, here”

You handed him the lyrics that made you late.

“It was kind of hard to rewrite without the beat, but I think I managed to make it more inclusive.”

He looked at the lyrics and then at you.

“Well, there's only one way to see if it’s fine.”

He took out his mic and began setting it up. In the back of your head, you knew this was only to find out if the new lyrics would work, but you were freaking out. Were you really going to witness him perform live and literally two feet away from you right now?

Yoongi looked over the lyrics again and began to play the beat on his computer. Once he started rapping, you knew you were screwed but you had to remember that this was work. Nothing else.

He continued and you listened in awe. It surprised you, even when it came to a part that was meant for the vocal line, he sang the lines in front of you. He could probably give the vocal line a run for their money if he wanted. You thought.

After he was done, he seemed a bit embarrassed and let out a small smile. As soon as you saw it, you couldn’t help but smile back.

“What?” He asked.

“That was amazing..”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Are you lying to me, Y/N?”

Your eyes grew wide.

“What!? No! Why would I lie to you about that?”

He let out another smile and you lost it.

“What now?” He asked amused.

“Nothing.”

“No, tell me”

You didn't know how he was going to react.

“You have a really nice smile.”

“Oh”

Crap. He probably thinks I’m a creep now… You thought. Fear began to take over and then word vomit began to spew from your mouth.

“It’s just… I've never seen you smile at me before. To be honest, it seems like you're always glaring at me… like you don't want me to be in the same room as you.”

You paused for a bit to look at him. He was so hard to read. His expression was blank and you didn't know if you should continue but you did anyways. As much as you didn't want to admit it.. you liked him but his constant rebuffs of working with you often threw your hopes out the window.

“If you find that you can't work with me, I can try to make it so that you don't have to see me as much. Maybe I can give my feedback and notes to Namjoon instead? Or maybe even Hobi? It will be a little more work bu…”

Before you could finish, Yoongi had moved in to silence you with a gentle kiss on your lips. It was so sudden that for a moment you froze. He gently nipped at your lips and to your own surprise, you found yourself reciprocating. He was so warm and his kisses were nothing like how you thought they were going to be like. They were soft and almost a little cautious.

Lost in the moment, you closed your eyes as his hand rose to your face. You felt his thumb graze your cheek as your lips continued to move together. How did it end up like this?

It wasn't until you realized who it was that you were kissing that you finally pushed him away from you.

“What are you doing?” You asked as you got up from the seat.  

“Wait, Y/N!”

You didn't even bother to look back as you stormed out of his studio. He had just kissed you and it was too much for you to process. You didn't know if you wanted to go back and kiss him again or just run away.

“What was that?” You thought to yourself. You continued to the parking lot and got in your car to get away as fast as you could.

Back at your apartment, you wanted nothing more than to just relax. You sat in your bathtub while hot water ran in and tried not to think about what happened between you and Yoongi.. but you couldn't help it.

“It wasn't even that good of a kiss!” You told yourself. “Stop thinking about it!”

But his lips still lingered on yours.

Her PT.2 Her Pt.3

[chopmyhead]

Needing/Wanting

pairing: James Wilson x Reader summary: You haven’t felt your boyfriend’s touch in awhile and it’s driving you crazy. warnings: Smut! Voyeurism/Masturbation/Sir!kink word count: 1,972 notes: inspired by @peachy-cube ‘s list for James’ kinks. Couldn’t shake the thought outta my head and well here it is. 

- You're missing James like crazy. - You've been dating him for around half a year now and have gotten to know each other pretty well. - But this past month has been crazy hectic for the both of you. You're in animation and have been pressured into meeting some important deadlines to the point where you sometimes didn't even leave the building for days on end. (Although James was super nice and brought you food and change of clothes for those crazy times) - You were looking forward to some alone time with your boy but then as soon as you were done with your projects, James had to leave for a convention and immediately after, for a Let's Play project in Austin, leaving you alone for nearly 2 weeks back in L.A. - The build-up of stress and exhaustion and now loneliness made you yearn for James more than you've ever had before. - As soon as you woke up that morning, you said out loud to yourself, "4 days. Just 4 more days til he's back." - But the thought made you groan rather than feel relief. 4 days? You needed him now. You needed to see those dark eyes of his. You needed his hands on your hips. His lips on yours. His voice in your ear. His weight on you. You just...needed him. - The thought of him made you start rubbing your thighs together. You didn't care that you just woke up. If you couldn't get relief now, the day was pretty much gonna be shit. - But as you drifted into your imagination, you tried to remember exactly how James took care of you last time. - What happened first? God, it had been so long since you two had sex. - It was definitely after some party that you guys were invited to. James didn't want to go at first and honestly, neither did you, but it was for the business you worked at so you had to least make an appearance. And because James was a sweetheart, he couldn't let his honey down by not being by your side. - You remembered you dressed up as best as you could so as not to appear as the slop that you usually arrive to work in. - But instead of impressing your coworkers, it just got James all worked up the entire time you were at the party. - You'd be talking to a head supervisor and James would sidle up behind and as nonchalantly as he could, grab your ass. - You gave him a look but it was just met with a little smirk and innocent eyes. - When the party got louder due to a co-worker blasting a song to get the crowd going, James took the opportunity to brush your hair away from your ear (seemingly like a doting boyfriend), lean in, and whisper some of the dirtiest shit he has ever said to you. - Needless to say, by the time you two got back to his place, you were all over each other. - You sigh and then smile. You close your eyes and start to feel up your own body while lying in bed, imagining his hands doing the exact thing. You remember how he liked to start from cupping your face as he kissed you deeply, slowly slide them down your neck, and rest on your shoulders. - You would usually respond by lightly scratching at his chest right below his neck, arching your back and pushing your chest closer to him, signaling him to move on to the better stuff. - He'd get a chuckle from that. The thought of that laugh. The thought of that little smirk that drove you crazy. - Fuck, you wanted him. - You move your hands to grope your own chest and you moan at your own touch. - If James were here right now, he'd take one of your nipples into his mouth and suck on it while gently pinching the other. - Fuck, you needed him. - When he felt like you were dizzy just from that, James would then slide his hands further down at your hips and push his thumbs right above your core. - "You fucking tease..." you say out loud. Your eyes are still squeezed shut and now your hands are copying everything that you can remember him doing. - Again that laugh. But it'd be darker this time. A gravel to it that showed how much he really wanted this as much you did. - You let out a shaky breath and furrowed your brow, dropping one of your hands to feel how wet you are. - "God, I fucking want you, James. Please." - A sharp inhale. You started to rub your clit. - "James...." you breathed out again. - You pushed two fingers in. You wanted it to be him so bad. - "Please, baby..." you moaned and started to push in and out. Imagining his fingers. Imagining his dick. - "[Y/N]....." - Your eyes flew open and your hand jerked out of yourself so fast that it kind of made you wince. - You sat up and saw James standing in your bedroom doorway. Eyes boring into yours. - "What the fuck?" you panted. "What are y-? How are you here?" - "We finished up early in Austin and I thought I should fly back as soon as possible and surprise you." James said but in such a low and soft tone. - His eyes are still locked onto yours and you realize how you must look right now. Your shirt that you slept in is pushed up to your neck, revealing your chest, and you definitely don't have any underwear on since you took them off as soon as you started your little adventure earlier. - Oh, god. "So, um......how much did you see...just now?" you looked down in shame, feeling a rush of red-hot embarrassment on your face. - "Not enough." You look back up. James hasn't moved from the doorway but his stance is of someone trying to withhold themselves. - Arching an eyebrow, you let out a dry laugh. "...You want to see more?" you say hesitantly. - James immediately nodded, a smirk growing on his face. That smile....goddamit. - Whatever embarrassment you were feeling just moments ago is gone. You scoot down to the edge of the bed and are only just a few feet away from James at this point. - "Give me something to work with, James." You look up at him with lust-filled eyes and you can see his body fall a little as if he wanted to just pounce on you. But instead, he takes a deep breath and takes off his shirt. - "Is this good for you, baby?" James says. You respond by touching your chest again and focusing on his. Thinking about how good it'd feel against you. - James tosses his shirt to the side and looks at you, the way you were biting your lip while rubbing your chest. - Fuck, he wanted you. - "James..." His eyes flick back up to yours. "I want to show you more but I'm gonna need some inspiration." - "Yes, baby." James says. He grabs his pants and starts undoing the button and zipper. - You can't believe how obedient he's being. Usually, it's you under his will. You saying "Yes, sir" "No, sir". - His pants fall to the floor and you immediately notice the gigantic bulge from his underwear. You keep one of your hands to pinch your nipple as you take the other, fill yourself as much as you can, and grind against it. - James growls at the sight. - Fuck, he needed you. - James, without much thought, starts to palm himself outside of his underwear. You whimper. You want to do that. You want your hand where his is. - You lift the hand you were grinding on. It's drenched at this point. - You look at your dripping hand and then look back at James, who at this point has pulled his underwear off and is stroking himself. - Fuck this teasing bullshit. You want him, he wants you. - You slide off the bed and fall down to the floor, on your knees, right below James. You take your dripping hand and wrap it around James' cock. He takes a sharp breath from the sudden warmth and slickness of you. - "I missed you so much, James." You start to kiss the tip of his dick while giving him long strokes. - "Oh, baby, you have no goddamn idea how much I missed you." James is grabbing the back of your head now. - While it was fun to see him at your will for a second there, this is where you felt your most weak at. On your knees before him, his hand controlling the rhythm in which you sucked his cock. God, if you weren't wet before. - You pull your head up. "James, please." you whimpered, looking up at him. - "Bend over the bed and spread those legs wide, baby." - Yes, finally, this is what you both wanted. - You stand at the edge of the bed and place your hands on the sheets while James raids your bedside table for a condom. Once situated, he grips your hip and lines himself against you, teasing your entrance. - "Fucking, just do it already!" you moan. "Excuse me?" James smacks your ass hard and rubs the redness that started to form because of it. - "P-please, sir, I mean." Your head is spinning from exhilaration. - "Good girl." James' heart is thumping from intoxication. - He pushes himself into you fast and bottoms out quickly. That feeling of being filled by the man you love. Fuck. - He wants to go fast and hard but again he restrains himself and starts at a slow pace, making sure you feel every inch sliding out before slamming back into you and bottoming out again. - He does that for a few minutes until he feels you becoming restless again. Another slap to your ass should fix that attitude. - The feeling of you tighten on him when he slaps your ass again makes his eyes roll up into his head. - He can't hold himself back anymore. - You can feel James losing his restraint and honestly, you're begging for it. You want him to go harder and faster, you want the stimulation. - You can feel the build-up of your climax beginning. "James, I'm so close." You beg him. "Please, sir!" - James' hand slides down from your hip and finds your clit and starts to rub it raw. - "Fuck, yes! Yes, thank you, thank you!" You're shuddering as wave after wave of your orgasm is hitting you. - It's been so long since you two have had sex that you feel like it's never going to fucking end and your mind is on cloud nine because of it. - You're so high up on that cloud that you don't even realize that James is still pounding into you. He's feeling every shiver of your muscles and loving it. He can't believe how fucking lucky he is to have such a vixen lusting after him like this. He can't hold on much longer. - "Oh, fuck, [y/n]!" James pulls out, rips off his condom and cums on your ass and back. James' groans bring you back to Earth. If it was anyone else doing this, you'd tell 'em off in a heartbeat but it gives you some sort of comfort of being marked by James. You're his. - You both are panting heavily. James shakily gets up and walks over to the bathroom to grab a towel to wipe you down with. - After you get cleaned up, James pulls you up to the bed with him and lies down with you. - "Don't ever be gone that long again," you mutter as you cuddle up to him, your face burrowing into his neck. - If it was anyone else telling him off, James would shut them down instantly, but for you...well, he's yours. - It's what you both needed.

[dear-ranger-i-drank-your-coffee]

Have a somewhat assorted collection of thoughts on RAEY 1!

Some spoilers, so it’s under a cut.

It was a fun book! I enjoyed it a lot! I loved the youger!Halt and youger!Crowley interactions, aah. It certainly has me wanting for more because of that. Anyways, I loved that Crowley got finally more attention.

It’s been certainly a while since I read something in an evening. It felt good and also somewhat sad and nostalgic bcs hell I barely read anymore.

This is a very nitpicky complaint & definitely not something that I will hold against the book, but my somewhat-still-active-camper side was screaming ‘BIRCH BARK’ basically the entire first chapter. It burns even while wet because it’s very oily & repels water! (And I even went and checked it grows in Britain, and yes, it does. It doesn’t grow in Australia though so that might explain things)

The only thing that somewhat majorly irked me was Crowley just basically straight up believing Duncan was doing the stuff the people said he did when they said that he knew him and by the description obviously implying that he was his friend. And they haven’t even thought about the possibility of it being an impostor and it was so painfully obvious it literally made me slid my hands down my face at one point. Crowley should know better than believe an old wives’ tale without confirming it first.

That’s more of a first impression of the situation though. It definitely could be way worse and I’ll see how it will sit with me after I inevitably re-read RAEY at some point.

Some of the descriptions got somewhat convoluted and I had trouble imagining what was going on? It might’ve been my slight scatterbrainess when reading that I jumped over things but the scene as they were setting up the entry to the castle where Duncan was held was especially confusing for me. It was fine once they actually started climbing in there and everything slid into place, though.

Pritchard’s death was slightly underwhelming? I feel like the sheer amount of side characters didn’t give him enough space to develop much on his own, and tbh the revelation scene could be executed better, imho.

ANYWAYS, I DON’T WANT TO MAKE THIS SOUND NEGATIVE. I think the book was fun and good! I’ll definitely read RAEY 2 if I manage to locate that bloody book goddamit.

I hope that this is at least somewhat coherent because I’ve written this over the span of like 3 hours, constantly being interrupted by something, so my train of though is. uh. nonexistent through this

[thirstyfortom]

Hey! Thanks for your blog! Can I make a request where MC is playing stripping poker with some her friends (not only girls) and is winning, but then RFA + Saeran comes in, she is distracted and loses the bet right in front of her s.o. eyes? You don't have to write it if it doesn't sound interesting. Thanks again!

YShame on me for almost rejecting this requestjust because I know shit about poker, I did some basic research and it becameone of my favorite requests so far, thanks for the great and creative idea,anon. It was interesting af!

I still know shit about poker, all I got isthat Royal Straight Flush is the biggest deal on Texas Hold’em, but thesearen’t probably very accurate, so let’s forget poker and focus on the strippingthing, ok? lololol

 Common: You became great friends with them, and you invited them to this party at yourplace. They never confirmed they would make it, they been acting really weirdaround you for a couple of weeks now, so you were pretty sure they wouldn’tshow up. So you relaxed and when your brother’s friend suggested playing StripPoker, you said “why not?” along with two other girls and another guy. You hadno idea how to play Poker, but you found out that you were pretty good at it,maybe you were very lucky? Doesn’t matter, fact is everybody was half naked andyou still had your skirt and tank top.

But then…they came in. They realized it was stupid trying to be away from you if theyliked you so much. Who knows? Maybe that was the night they would finallyconfess their feelings for you… it’s so embarrassing being at a party theydon’t know any one, where were you?

Your eyeslocked. They see you among these semi-nude people, what’s going on? And you…you feel your heart stop for a minute only to race like it never did before… ohcrap!

“MC? Yourturn!” your brother’s friend tries to call your attention, you are quickly tookaback. “I… I… Flush!”, you say, tripping or your own words. He smirks, showinghis hand “Straight Flush!”. Shit! There goes your tank top…

Anotherround, and you notice you went out of all of your luck, or maybe you needed tohave some strategy, after all? Now you are half naked, and your s. o. is rightthere staring at you? Disappointment? Disapproval? Or… are they enjoying this?

Zen

Hewas rooting for you, he suffered as much as you did when you showed your hand,and somebody had a Four of a Kind, making you lose your bra.

Fromhis point of view, there was a girl blocking the view, so he couldn’t see yourchest… unfortunately? No! He was a gentleman! He was never going to stare atyour naked body!

Bothof you were relieved when you said out loud: “Straight Flush!”  That was it! Nobody could have an upper hand!Unless… “Royal Straight Flush!”, his mouth opened in full surprise, how wasthat possible? You… lost?

Yougot up and hooked your thumbs on the waistband of your panties… since you werehere, why not make the best out of it? You looked straight at Zen…

Whyhas he been acting weird around you? Couldn’t he see how much you liked him? Fuckthat! His eyes were peering through you. You had his attention now…

Yourocked your hips back and forth in a teasing manner, looking at him, andletting the panties slide down your thighs. Zen’s breathing was getting heavy,his eyes looked darker…

Seeingyou like this, teasing him so shamelessly… you obviously were putting this showfor him now… did you… like him as much as he liked you?

Hedidn’t even have time to think of that… he just saw how the two guys werelooking at you…

“MC,I finally found you!” he was trying so hard not to look, now he was that closeto you. “Sorry, gentlemen! I’m afraid I have to steal her for a moment…”

Yougathered your clothes and followed him, without even thinking. You weren’t sureif you were feeling more embarrassed there with those people or with him now.

Youtwo went to your room. He turned his back on you. “Put your clothes on. I won’tlook, I swear.” His voice was cold, nothing like him at all.

“Whyare you acting like this?” “Why are YOU acting like this? Getting naked amongthose hungry wolves… are you out of your mind?”

“Whydo you even care, Zen? I was just having fun! I wasn’t uncomfortable till youshowed up! By the way, what are you even doing here?” you asked, putting yourbra and panties in an angry way.

“Youinvited me!” “Well, I didn’t think you were actually coming, considering howdistant you’ve been… did I… do something wrong?”

“N-No!You did nothing wrong! Except for accepting playing Strip Poker… I’m just… Iguess I’m just… jealous, MC.” “J-Jealous of me?”

“Well,yes, I… I have all these feelings for you, and seeing you like that just…makes the beast inside of me go insane! You drive me insane, MC!” your heartskipped a beat, was he…confessing to you?

Youcame close to him and made him turn to look at you. “Goddamit, MC! I told youto put your clothes on, not only your lingerie!” “Oh… so you don’t like mybra?” “What? No! I like it, I like it very mu… wait, no! I’m…” ERROR “It’sfine, Zenny… you can take it off if you don’t like it…” “MC, the beast…”

“Showme…  I guess I saw a hint of the beastwhen I lost back there, and… I’m very curious to see the whole thing…” “MC, I…I…” you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and he gave up. “If you insistthat much…”

Yoosung

Hedidn’t even know how to play Poker, let alone Strip Poker, he just figured itwas something naughty when he saw all those half naked people… and you…

Heblushed and tried to look away, but something kept pushing his eyes back atyou, he never saw this much of your skin and it was… even better than he couldimagine.

Andyour breasts were so… oh no! He wasn’t going on with this, this was wrong! Hecouldn’t look at you like this, you were always so sweet to him, and how was herepaying you? Thinking of you in such a naughty way?

 “StraightRoyal Flush” the guy said out loud. Yoosung didn’t know what this meant, but hecould only assume it was bad, judging from the look at your face… oh no, didyou lost? WAIT! If you lost, that means… OH HELL NO!

 Youclosed your eyes as you took your panties off, you weren’t sure if Yoosung wasstill watching, but you wouldn’t risk seeing his flustered face, you likedteasing him, but this was beyond any teasing you’ve ever done to him…

“Oh!Get off, dude! You’re ruining the game!” you heard the guy who made you losecomplaining and opened your eyes.

Onlyto find Yoosung standing in front of you, his arms and legs open trying tocover you, you could not see his face, but you bet he was doing that adorableangry face…

 Thatwasn’t that adorable when he turned his head to look at you, you couldn’t see hiswhole face, but you felt a shiver going down your spine, he looked PISSED

Hegathered your clothes on the floor and handed to you, his head was low thiswhole time. “Yoosung… I…”

“CanI talk with you? Alone!” he looked at your poker buddies when he emphasized theword “alone”. You obliged, you wouldn’t dare to counteract him right now…

Youtook him to your bedroom and quickly put your clothes back on, you didn’t wanthim to feel even more embarrassed. “W-Why were you doing this, MC?”

“Yoosung,it’s just a game… it’s… it’s no big deal!” “Well, it is for me! How do youthink I felt seeing those guys looking at you like that?” “I don’t know, howdid you feel?”

“Howdid I feel? I…” he was blushing again and his eyes didn’t seem that darkanymore, he was going back to his usual self. “I… felt angry and… reallyjealous, MC.”

“Whywould you be jealous?” “Because… I… I… really… I… likeyouverymuchMC! “ he spokefast and closed his eyes, like he was waiting to be hit or something.

“Ilike you too, Yoosung.” You said, and he opened his eyes to find you smiling athim, oh… it was so sweet… he just felt this urge to hug you. “So… you neverplayed Strip Poker?” you asked him through your embrace. “No.”

“Doyou want me to teach you?” although you couldn’t see him, you felt his gripgetting tightened on your waist and his face burying in your hair. “Yes,please”

Jaehee

Shenoticed that before she came in, you still had your clothes on, so was her thereason of your bad luck? She felt bad for you…

Seriously,as if it wasn’t enough she treating you so coldly the past few weeks, when shegathered courage to see you, she made you lose your game.

Shewasn’t mad at you or anything. She knew she had no right to say anything, youwere a grown up woman having fun at your own party, who was she to sayanything?

However…she found herself struggling not to look at your body, it was exactly like sheimagined, maybe even better… and now she realized how much she imagined yourbody, what was going on with her

“StraightRoyal Flush!” she was aware this was the ultimateupper hand and it was almost impossible to get one, and if you didn’t have oneof that, it could only mean…

Youlooked at Jaehee, how long has she been standing there? Oh, she looked sobeautiful dressed this casually… you didn’t even think as you removed yourpanties, you only had eyes for her having her eyes for you…

“Ohmy, MC! What a nice body you have! You almost making me gay over here…” thegirl who made you lose said that, you blushed.

 “Youcan’t ‘make’ someone gay, young lady.” You heard Jaehe’s voice behind you.Shit! This woman was a ninja! “Chillax, I’m just messing with her! Who are you,her mommy?” the girl shrugged.

“No…I’m just… a good friend who’s aware of the rules of the game, and you can notcat call other players.” “Yes, she has a point” one of the guys pointed out.

 “Okay,whatever! I’m sorry… jeez, people are so touchy those days…” “Jaehee, are youokay?” you asked her, she was blushing and trying not to look at your butt.

“I’mfine, MC. How about… you? I was wondering if we could talk a little, alone…?”“Yeah, sure…” you picked your clothes and got out of there, it wasn’t funanymore standing there with such a weird atmosphere… you went to your bedroom.

“MC,I… know it’s not my place to butt in, but you should be careful with yourfriends, some of them can get the wrong message if you don’t say anything…”“How do you know it would be the wrong message?”

“Pardon?”“How would you know I wouldn’t like having my friend complimenting me?” “I’m…I’m just assuming you’re not interested in women, MC.” “And why would you thinkthat?”

“I…I don’t know, I just… keep telling myself you aren’t, so…” “So…?” “So it’ll hurtless if you reject me, because… there’s nothing much I can do if you don’t likegirls, but if you do, I… have to recognize there’s something wrong with me…”you were so thrilled right now, you couldn’t believe she was as insecure asyou…

“Jaehee,there’s absolutely nothing wrong about you! Butm you’re right, I… I don’t likegirls…” “Yes, I already was expecting it…” “I like only one girl… you!”

“Me?Y-You like me?” you went to kiss her and you felt her face burning, since younever put your clothes on. “Will you take this as a ‘yes’?”

“I…yes, MC. I will…” and you two hugged “So… you seem to know a little about StripPoker! Where did you learn it?” “I already told you I’m not that innocent, MC…”

Jumin

Thiswasn’t what he was expecting of a party thrown by you, it looked like a fratparty, and how come there was no wine?

Heknew how to play Poker, it was a social skill acquired being a business man,but Strip Poker? This was new…

Hewasn’t sure about how he felt. He was angry, but not really at you? He was angry athimself for not talking to you properly and showing up like this to your partywhere he clearly didn’t belong? But… at the same time, he wasn’t pleased at yousharing a poker table with another two men… were you out of your mind?

“StraightFlush!” you said, he nodded in satisfaction, you were good at this! “RoyalStraight Flush!” uh oh… you were in big trouble, weren’t you?

Yousaw Jumin staring at you and felt a shiver. His eyes felt… hungry? Oh, so maybethis was what Zen was talking about. “Even Jumin is a wolf, MC! Don’t let yourguards down around him.”

Butyou didn’t care, seeing him looking at you like this stirred something insideyou. You wanted him to keep looking… it was the least he could do afterpractically disappearing from you the past few weeks…

Assoon as you got rid of your pants, you felt something resting on yourshoulders, it was a coat… a man’s coat, Jumin’s coat., and he was behind you,looking away…

“Hey,dude! What the fuck?” the guy who made you lose complained. “Sorry, sir. I knowhow bets work, but I’m afraid I need to end this game for her right now, as Ireally need to talk to her by ourselves.”

Youwent to your bedroom, he refused to come in with you. “Jumin, what’s going on?”“You tell me, MC! Are you messing with me on purpose? Reminding me of what Ican’t have?” you were talking through the door.

“Whatare you talking about?” “I just noticed how different we are, MC. And althoughI cherish you so much, I don’t think I can stay around you without losing mycontrol. And I noticed how uncomfortable you got when you saw me…” “I wasn’tuncomfortable, I was just… caught by surprise seeing you here, I never thoughtyou would show up to a party like this… you are right, we’re very different,but… the way you looked at me, I… I felt really good…”

“Youdid?” he was relieved you couldn’t see his face blushing… “Oh… so by anychance, you… feel the same way as I do?” you didn’t answer. “MC?” Silence… hejust saw you opening a little gap on the door and handing his coat to him, hecouldn’t hide his frustration. “Okay, I understand… sorry for barging in toyour party… I’m going now…”

Youopened the door, your clothes stayed at the poker table… “I never said youshould leave.” And there was that look again… and it kept getting closer and closeras he closed the door behind him.

Saeyoung

Hetried to play some poker online when he was really bored and trying to ditchwork. He was very decent at it, but it wasn’t really his thing.

Butnow it was, strip poker? Featuring you? He’s down for that. He would have comeearly if he knew he had the chance to join this match.

He would love to be the one that makes youlose your last piece of clothing, but… somebody else had that honor.

“RoyalStraight Flush!” oh… judging by your face, this was no honor. Yeah… he wouldn’tlike to make you feel embarrassed like you looked right now.

Andthen your eyes met his, and all your embarrassment went away. What was he doinghere? It took a lot of guts to show up like this when he’s been barely talkingto you…

Soyeah, if he’s gonna be looking at you with those puppy eyes, you might as wellenjoy this and tease him a little, or will he ignore your naked body right infront of him?

Youtook the stripping thing very seriously, asking for your friend to hum the PinkPanther’s theme and rocking your hips very teasingly before taking your pantiesoff.

 Youfelt a cold hand on your shoulder… Saeyoung was beside you, holding the clothesyou left behind. “Sorry, fellas. Game is over.” He took your hand and draggedyou away from there.

Healready knew where your bedroom was, which made you blush, he turned his backon you so you could put your clothes. “Don’t get any wrong ideas, MC. I’m justhelping you.”

“Whatif I don’t need your help?” “Judging by the way those guys were looking at you,yeah, you would need my help pretty soon…”

“Andyou are different from them? Because I saw you looking!” “Yeah, but it’sdifferent because… because I respect you, ok?”

“Ignoringme like you did all those weeks? Yeah, I wouldn’t say you really respect me,Saeyoung.” He took a deep breath. “I did it precisely because I respect you,MC.”

“Really?Why is that?” you sounded mad “Because… I like you so much, you have no ideahow much I like you, and… I’m so afraid I’m going to hurt you, I couldn’t livewith myself knowing I could be the cause of your pain one day…”

“So…it didn’t really occur to you talking with me would be the right thing? BecauseI can understand if you don’t want to be in a relationship with me, what youcan’t do is coming to my party as if nothing happened and try to lecture meabout respect! And look at me when I talk to you!” you made him turn away toface you.

“You’restill naked!” “What? You don’t like it?” “No, I… like it very much… I like you…very much…and I…” “My eyes are up here, Mr. Respectful.”

“S-Sorry,I just…” and then something clicked on his mind. “I have a straight, MC!”“What?” “I’m not bluffing! I have a straight! What do you have?” “I… I don’tknow, a full house?” “Oh no! It looks like I lost!” he took his hoodie off.

Yougot it what he was doing pretty quickly. “I have a flush…” you told him. “Darnit! High Card!” and there goes his shirt… you kept on going with this until hewas in the buff with you.

 “So…what do we do now?” you asked, trying not to stare at his amazing abs “Well, ifI’m Mr. Respectful, you must be Mrs. Respectful looking at me like that, so nowwe do what happy married couples do?”

Saeran

Hehated: parties, drunk people, people generally. He liked: free booze and you,mostly.

Henever played poker, but he knew the basics. Strip poker? What a lame idea!

Ormaybe it wasn’t…? He saw your bra flying and then he got the appeal of this, itwas… pretty cool.

Yourbody was even better than what he tried so hard not to imagine, but he did morethan he would like to admit it. He was trying so hard to be a cool guy whorespects you and your personal space and not to look like a pervert weirdo.

“RoyalStraight Flush!” oh shit! Were you really…? No, you didn’t have the guts to doit, did you? In front of those guys? Those disgusting, weird guys looking atyou like a piece of meat?

Yousaw Saeran looking at this very curious. His widened eyes looked so cute, youalmost forgot you were mad about him just pretending you didn’t exist.

Itwas like… “Oh, now that you can look at my tits, you notice me? Alright…” andthen you took your panties off, but as soon as you did, you felt somethingwrapping your whole body, you looked behind you, and there was Saeran huggingyou and covering your body with his jacket.

“Ah,come on, dude You ca-“ Saeran just glared at the guy and he shut up, scared.“What the fuck, Saeran?” you asked him, you could feel his body against you, socould he and now you were both blushing.

“I…I … we should talk.” “Ok, let me go first, so I can pick my clothes.” “But thenthey will see you…” “Just let me go, Saeran” you hated talking like this tohim, but it was necessary, he backed away, trying not to look again.

 Youwent to your bedroom, he was still a little flustered. “No need to be likethat, we’ll only talk, Saeran.” “W-What? What are you saying? I… I know that… Iwasn’t thinking… what you’re thinking… I… am going to stop talking now.”

“Oh?So this is pointless, you said you wanted to talk!” you put your clothes onvery angrily. “I better go back to my party before they…” he grabbed your handand looked down. “Please… please don’t go, MC”

“Why?”“Because I… like being alone with you, I… like when you have all those peopleand you sill choose me to be alone with. I… enjoy your company very much.  I… enjoy you… very much…so much I know I needto be away from you before I do something stupid. But I… want to be with you?”you were feeling bad for getting angry, the poor thing was only trying toconfess…

“Saeran,so do I, but… you can’t just ignore me and show up like this, I know you haveyour problems, and I’m more than willing to help you, I told you a milliontimes. So let me help you, don’t just… do things that concern us by yourself,please?” “Yes, of course, MC, I’ll… yes, I promise.” “Thanks”

Andyou hugged him, you felt his breathing stop for a second, but you smiled whenhe wrapped his arms around you. “So… what were you thinking when I brought youto my room?” “Oh, I… you know, MC! You were naked and… it’ just us on yourbedroom and… don’t make me say it!”

“Okay,I won’ t.” you let him go, but he was still holding you “I would rather showyou.”  

V

V was requested later and you can see it here! ~

[wtcrs-blog]

South of the border west of the sun

Once i spent 6 wonderful weeks stydying english in New York. ‘Wonderful’ cause those 6 weeks were mostly not about studying english and not even about New York itself, as i expected it to be, but about people who surrounded me there. One of them was a 15yo Colombian guy who was into reading and writing and who gave me a book which turned a whole bunch of stuff in my life upside-down. Here’s the letter i sent to the guy after reading the book. So, meet and greet, “South of the border west of the sun” by Murakami. 

So, firstly, I guess I need to tell you about my relationship with literature in general. I’ve told you already that I love russian literature and that Murakami is far from being my favorite writer. There’s a simple explanation to all of this: tho I read for pleasure mostly, I like to have a feeling of gaining smth while reading a book, and I feel like ‘gaining’ when I read stuff which is written in kind of a sophisticated way and which has smth more than just a cool plot in it. To make it a bit more clear, imagine reading ‘War and peace’ and some teenage stuff like ‘The fault in our stars’ or ‘The maze runner’ (have no idea if u know these two but the point is that it’s just simple stuff for teenagers). All of these books might have a thrilling plot and you might enjoy reading all three but what’s the difference between ‘War and peace’ and ‘The fault in our stars’? To put it in a simple way: ‘War and peace’ is a real piece of literature with not only a fun plot but with all that language and style stuff because of which we call it classic literature while ‘The fault of our stars’ has nothing except the plot and is so freaking easy to read that you’ll probably read it in one day cause you don’t have to make ANY effort to read it as it’s written with the simplest words, with the simplest style and the simplest language you can imagine. So, what I’m driving at is that I do not like reading simple stuff because I do not feel like gaining anything from reading a thing which does not require any effort to be read.

Getting a bit closer to the subject: I haven’t read much from Murakami (to be more specific: ‘Norwegian wood’, ‘The wind-up bird chronicle’ and a few short stories only) but all the stuff I read was pretty simple. I’m not talking about the meaning here, just about the way all of this stuff is written. Obviously I’m not implying that Murakami’s books are written as ‘The fault of our stars’ is written, for god’s sake no, but anyway Murakami’s style is not that sophisticated. And that’s why I can’t say I liked it much cause here’s the main point of Polina-literature relationships: no matter how much I like the plot, I need to like the style to say that I enjoyed the book. And I haven’t read anything from Murakami about which I could’ve said that I liked the style.

Getting to the point exactly (God bless me here cause I have no idea how to put all of this into words). All of those Polina-literature-relationship things which I’ve just told you about went freaking down and do not work anymore because of your book. It just somehow destroyed all the principles I had.

It’s the first book I’ve read in my life which had nothing similar to what I call ‘a sophisticated style’ but which is surely one of my favorite books now regardless of how it is written. I can’t explain it to myself but anyways it doesn’t matter much I guess. Just real fun to suddenly find out that I’m capable of liking smth that has nothing to do with being sophisticated J

Soooooooooooooooo the book itself. Goddamit Pablo GODDAMIT what’s wrong with the ending? How am I supposed to go on with living my normal life after reading this. I feel the same as I felt when I read your ‘Crisantemo’. I have a couple of interpretations of the ending but I’ll never know which one is correct. And maybe it really should be so cause as you’ve told me once, it’s important what I think of it myself and I should find the meaning which kinda fits my own personality and sometimes it’s not that important to know the correct interpretation cause there’s no correct one. It’s just different for everyone.

1.      The first and the most simple interpretation which came to me first was that Shimamoto committed a suicide. So she’s dead and there is not much to think about actually. But if I stick to this interpretation, I have a whole lotta unanswered questions. For example: what for did Murakami put that episode with Hajime following Shimamoto and then that strange man grasping his elbow and giving him that envelope with money? What for did all of this happen? What’s the meaning of this? Who was the man? What was the money for? And why did it disappear at the end of the book? Why don’t we know anything about Shimamoto’s life? Actually there’s no end to these questions. And if you stick to this interpretation you’ll realize that actually we know NOTHING at all. We don’t know anything about anything except Hajime’s life. Just think about it for a second: how strange it is to know all the details of his life and not to know a single thing about Shimamoto’s life, how strange it is that everything in this book is a question except Hajime’s life. All of it looks like a real bad book written by a random person who has nothing to do with literature: someone just sat down with an idea of a trivial romantic story and started writing. He or she wanted to make the story look like a real book and put so freaking many events and so many characters into the story, but this person is not a writer and he knows nothing about writing, that’s why he was just not capable of leading all of this to the end: he invented all those characters and events but put no meaning into them, gave no answers and all of this led to nothing at the end. Those characters, those events led to nothing, the book could easily exist without them. Practically all books arise a whole lotta questions. You read and you wonder why this or that happened but you always get all the answers at the end. This book doesn’t have a single answer. No answers at all. Is it a good book? Is it even literature? Putting random, meaningless stuff? Looks more like a draft to a book, not a real book. But this is a real book, there’s nothing more except those 250 pages. Just a book with no answers, a book by a real bad writer? No, can’t be so, I thought. I might not like Murakami but I’m not that crazy to refuse acknowledging that he’s a writer with big ‘W’ cause the whole world knows him. It means smth, right? So, then, what’s wrong with this book?

 And at this point I came to the second interpretation.

 2.      He left Shimamoto at the age of 12 and he never saw her again. There was no man and no money. None of this ever happened.

At first I thought it was a pretty stupid way to interpret the ending, but then I found so many things to support this interpretation that I’m pretty sure that’s the right way to explain everything. Well, at least for me it is J

a)      There’s not a single moment in the whole book where it’s said that anyone except Hajime ever saw Shimamoto. We never see anyone talking to her, we never see anyone interacting with her in any other way, we never see Murakami saying that there was someone who even SAW Shimamoto. The only person who saw her was Hajime himself. Even when there were situations when there was no way for people not to interact with her, it didn’t happen. She sat in the bar and she wanted a cocktail. Did she ask the bartender for anything? Do we see the bartender saying anything to her? Never. It was Hajime who talked to bartender for her, it was him who the bartender replied to. Do you remember all those ‘soaked to the skin’ moments? She never took a cab, we never saw her interacting with a cab driver, with a bus driver, we never saw her in any kind of transport at all except for Hajime’s car. She never took a cab though it was raining as hell and she was wearing all those expensive clothes and from her description it was absolutely clear that she was not that kind of woman who would prefer getting all soaked and wet to taking a cab. But she never took one. What about Hajime’s night with her? How she disappeared in the morning, how Hajime could never figure out the way she got back to the city cause it was simply not possible: no cabs, no buses there. Moreover, she was wearing high heels. No way she could get back to the city on foot. It took them hour and a half driving to get there, how much it would’ve taken her to get there on foot, wearing high heels?

b)      The present Shimamoto gave Hajime disappeared with her in the morning. Okay, fine, I totally get the fact of her disappearance, but why would she take the present she gave him? She disappeared herself, she knew she’d never come back, so it was pretty logical to give Hajime something that would remind him of her. And she really did give it to him. But then she just took it back all of a sudden. What the hell.

c)      That money in the envelope which disappeared at the end of the book. How do we even know that envelope ever existed? Did we see Hajime taking the envelope out of that drawer? Ever? Somehow interacting with the envelope? Never. He got the money from that mysterious man, he put it in the drawer and then at the end he found out that the envelope was no longer in the place where he put it. We can’t be sure it ever existed. We can’t even be sure he ever met that man.

d)      Shimamoto’s medicine. (I’ll just put a quote here) ‘I looked at the packet. Nothing was written on it, not the name of the medicine, her name, directions. Strange, I thought, considering that such information is usually provided so you won’t take a medicine by mistake, or so others will know what to do’. Not much of a possibility Shimamoto had such a packet, especially considering that she had a really serious health issue (which is obvious cause she was literally dying in Hajime’s car) and she knew that such an attack (or whatever you call it) could happen to her anywhere at any time and she would need a person next to her to help her take the medicine, so the person needed to know exactly how to do this. Surely it was life and death matter to have all the information written on the package. But the information wasn’t there. Because probably there was no medicine at all.

And if all of this is not like that and I interpret it incorrectly then we need to look for an answer to the good old question which I’ve told you already about: what for did Murakami put all those episodes? What for was there that man and the envelope? What for did we see Hajime thinking about why didn’t the package have any information? And, finally, and most importantly, we need to answer this question: freaking why did Hajime ask himself at the end of each chapter whether what had happened to him REALLY did happened? Freaking why was he always searching for proof, for signs which would show him that he REALLY saw her, that they REALLY had that night, that the envelope was REALLY there? Is it even healthy from mental point of view to always doubt the events happening in your life? Do you ask yourself if you really met me? Do you ever try to find a proof of something that you saw with your own eyes?

 ·        ‘Sometimes I’d think it must have all been a delusion, from start to finish a fantasy I cooked up in my head. …… But it did happen. It really happened. It really did happen’

·        ‘Maybe I had had an illusion, I thought. But this had been no illusion. It really did happen’

·        ‘But once I acknowledged that the envelope had disappeared, its existence and nonexistence traded places in my consciousness. A conviction that the envelope had never actually existed swelled up inside me’

So here we come to a pretty obvious question: what the hell was wrong with Hajime? Was he a schizophrenic or what? Well, we’ll never know for sure, and there’s only a couple of things I came up with to support the idea but they are not very persuasive to be honest.

1.      From the very beginning I got that strange sensation of some kind of abnormality in Hajime’s relationship with the world. Something with his wife, something with his children, I still can’t make it out, but the center of all of this lies here: when it came to leaving everything and going to Shimamoto, he said to himself that he didn’t care about anything except Shimamoto. He clearly made a point that he didn’t care AT ALL about what would happen to his children after he left. How could that be? Not caring about two little daughters? At all? Absolute apathy? I’d get it if he felt it towards his wife but not towards his children. Moreover, he was ready to leave his business which he struggled so much about before, ready to forget about returning the money he lent from his wife’s father. It’s not even that he was ready to leave it all, no, he was ready not to care about it anymore. At all. And here it already looks like an obsession with Shimamoto in sake of which he was ready to throw everything away.

2.      Before I came up with the second interpretation I wondered what is the scene with Izumi suddenly appearing in his life again doing in the book. What’s the meaning? But if we stick to my second interpretation, it would have a meaning. It was some kind of a tipping point. After seeing Izumi, Hajime started getting down to earth and all those Shimamoto stuff, all his memories and illusions started fading away. If it’s not like that, I have no idea why Murakami put this thing into the book.

So, everything adds up, right? Seems like I found an explanation for a lot of things and now the book finally makes sense, a whole lotta sense to be honest, but still there’s something going out of tune here.

Why did Murakami put the scene with Shimamoto telling Hajime about her baby’s death? If Shimamoto was only an illusion, why would Hajime need to imagine such an episode? Why would he need that baby in Shimamoto’s life? What does this baby’s death mean? Why would Murakami even bring the baby, the new character into the book? What is the point here? But here’s something which strikes me even more: literally a paragraph after this episode we saw Shimamoto dying because of some breath problems. What did the baby die of? Breath problems. Is that just a coincidence or am I missing something important?

And here we come to the final point. The last sentence in the book.

‘Until someone came and lightly rested a hand on my shoulder, my thoughts were of the sea’. Who was it? Was it Shimamoto?

 ‘probably is a word you may find south of the border. but never, ever west of the sun’