#god. god. god. god. god. god. god. none of you understand how badly i wish i were a witch.

[skenpiel]

wish i was a witch for real that would be so badass. god i would do anything for a magic broom

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (6)

ー☆ Chapter 6: Spirit

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cussing really ー☆ Word count: 8.2k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Hello, lovelies! This is a chill and soft chapter compared to the mess the past few ones had been lol. I tried out something new with the passing of the week in the story, while illustrating it, I hope it's enjoyable and nice. I thought it was a nice little idea. I think we can say that they are finally headed in the right direction lol. Let me know your thoughts! I'll try to update next week, but with classes back again...I cannot promise anything, I was dreading this moment lol. Please listen before or while reading this chapter to Spirit, this chapter's song. I hope you enjoy, happy reading!

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng @deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

『But it's nice to hear a voice or two

Something's stirring, my conscience is split into two

And it might be a phase

But I swear this shit is clear-view』

            The noise was too much—well, it wasn’t any different to how noisy the cafeteria usually was—but my head was thumping violently and my eyes were burning. I hated to admit it, but a cold was catching up on me and that brought bigger despair into my bones than it was necessary. I hated being sick, and it really wouldn’t come in handy right now as I had to study for the upcoming test Seulgi wouldn’t stop yapping about. She had been talking about it since we had stepped inside the cafeteria, and it was only adding onto my growing headache, making me sniff loudly as the hot steam of the—somewhat tasty—soup was blowing into my face, making my eyes sting. I had to consume something hot—and healthy—if I wished to recover faster. I couldn’t help but shudder as I wrapped the warm beige and black patterned jacket tighter around my frame. Considering the state I was in—I should’ve probably worn something warmer—but I had assumed it would be warm outside today—it wasn’t.

“I think the professor said something about checking whether we handed in all the assignment, and how that will count for our final grade too.” Seulgi was still going on about that dreaded test, and I groaned as the spoon slipped from my fingers and rattled loudly against the metal cup my soup was in. Seulgi’s eyes snapped up as she looked at me, her own spoon hanging midair in her hand as she looked at me concerned, “Y/N, are you okay?”

“No.” I snapped, holding my head in my hands as I sighed loudly, “You keep talking about that bloody test and I already have a ragging headache—please, Seulgi, for the love of God, shut up!”

“Jesus,” Seulgi muttered at my outburst, very visibly trying to hold back her amused grinned, “when did you become such a drama queen—oh, wait. You’ve always been one!”

I rolled my eyes and flipped her off before grabbing my spoon and scooping up some soup, bringing it to my lips to blow it before eating it. Seulgi just giggled and continued eating her soup. My phone, which was placed on the table, suddenly buzzed, and my eyes traveled to it quickly, reaching out for it with my left hand.

“So, uhm, last night at the concert…” Seulgi trailed off and my eyes lifted to look at her for a second, watching as her cheeks suddenly flushed.

“What about it?” I asked as I unlocked my phone and very aggressively tried to ignore the sudden violent thumping of my heart. Fuck, why was my body acting up so much lately? My fingers were eager as I pressed on the notification from Mingi, opening up our chatroom.

I hate him: how u holding up Me: terribly…my head is on the verge of exploding and seulgi just keeps on going and going

There was a cough and I remembered the soup in my spoon, that I hadn’t eaten yet, and, so, I quickly did as my eyes traveled back to Seulgi. One eyebrow was cocked as she looked at me, but she didn’t say anything just swirled her spoon around in her soup.

“Well, Wooyoung was very nice, he’s—lovely.” Seulgi licked her lips as she averted her eyes when a small knowing smirk grew on my lips, “Yeah, very lovely, anyways, he dedicated a song to me and kept on looking at me while he was singing and—yeah, he stayed by my side all evening.”

Another buzz of my phone, and I had to fight every nerve in my body to not open the message immediately. Besides, I was having a conversation with Seulgi, she was more important right now.

“Sounds lovely, indeed.” I hummed before gulping down another spoonful of my soup. Seulgi’s eyes narrowed slightly, as she leaned forward in her seat.

“Since when did you start agreeing that a man was lovely—let alone Wooyoung?!” She made an expression as if what we were talking about was scandalous, and I scoffed, the phone buzzing in my hand again. My grip tightened around it and I quickly unlocked my phone before looking back at Seulgi.

“If I hate a man, that’s the problem, if I am supportive of the guy you’re hanging out with, that’s the problem. Make up your mind, Seulgi.” I deadpanned, and my best friend just scoffed, leaning back in her seat as she was finished with her soup. I raised my eyebrows at her and she pursed her lips. I couldn’t help it, but my eyes traveled down back to my phone as I quickly read the text from Mingi.

I hate him: seulgi seems like a cool person, wooyoung talks about her all the time is ur head okay? still got a headache?

I have no idea when texting each other become normal, because I still found it weird, and slightly irritating. After last night, I thought things would just…remain the same way. Just because Mingi and I shared some personal things did not mean that we now had to be—like this. Like we were friends or something, because we certainly weren’t. I still couldn’t stand his guts, and my thoughts on him did not change one bit. He was still a self-centered, arrogant, and an egotistical asshole, and yet this morning I woke up to a good morning text from him, eyebrows furrowing, and fingers quickly typing out a text which said that I was blocking him if he sent one more message. And he proceeded to send several more…to the point where I couldn’t ignore him anymore…and just…texted back. And it was weird, because my heart would not settle for one second each time I got a text from him, and I hated this feeling. What was happening to me? Why didn’t I just block him already?

“Y/N, are you listening to me?” I felt caught red-handed as I looked up at Seulgi, who’s eyes were narrowed once again, as she kept looking between me and my phone, suspicion growing on her face. I cleared my throat awkwardly, and despite wanting to ignore it, I quickly typed back to Mingi before placing down my phone and paying full attention to my best friend.

Me: yeah, it’s gotten worse

“I’m sorry, my mom texted me and it was urgent.” I lied through my teeth, hoping that Seulgi would buy it. My mother rarely texted me; she would usually call even for the smallest things, however, there were rare instances and Seulgi knew that, but the look on her face told me that she didn’t fully believe me.

“Okay,” She drew out the word and I went back to eating my, now, warm soup, “I was just saying that…I think I’m falling for Wooyoung.”

I paused as my eyes slowly raised, falling on Seulgi. Her voice had gotten quiet and she was fiddling with her fingers in her lap, cheeks slightly coated pink. I didn’t say anything as I continued looking at her, but she was still avoiding eye contact. In fact, she looked on the verge of passing out and that was very unnecessarily funny—but Seulgi didn’t seem to think the same.

“Stop that!” She snapped, leaning over the table, “I’m serious, I—stop looking at me like that!”

I pressed my lips tightly together to stop another snort from breaking through and looked back down at my half-eaten soup, not feeling like having more of it, but the soreness in my throat was slightly gone, and my body wasn’t shivering as much as before. I had to eat a little bit more.

“He’s too sweet and caring, I can’t help it.” Seulgi went on, voice still quiet in the loud cafeteria, “And he treats me well. Like…he pays a lot of attention to me and remembers everything I say. You should’ve seen him last night, up on the stage, I try not to think about it, but I think the song he sang was…a confession or something.”

“Why don’t you ask him out then?” I found myself asking as I finished my soup too, not having an appetite to eat anything else.

“Well—” Seulgi sighed and leaned back in her seat, “I’m scared I’m just reading too much into things, you know. I might be overthinking everything, and it turns out he sees me just as a friend.”

“I highly doubt that,” I said with a chuckle as I placed my left elbow on the table and my chin in my palm, “Would someone who isn’t into you dedicate a love song to you?”

“I wouldn’t.” Seulgi muttered, cheeks turning pink again. I grinned at her as my head continued throbbing, I tried to ignore it. Now that I had eaten, I could finally take my medicine. This morning when I woke up there was a note on the counter in the kitchen and three pills placed on top of it, instructions on the note from my mother as to when and how to take them. She knows me too well.

“Exactly, you wouldn’t, and neither would Wooyoung.” I told Seulgi and I watched as a small flustered smile made it on her face. It made me chuckle, I felt happy for her. Seulgi deserves someone who treats her right and loves her a lot, her previous relationships have been all close to terrible, her partners not understanding her fully. Seulgi was an artistic soul trapped in a fragile, but warrior body.

“You think I should ask him out?” Her voice was small, I knew she was scared of ruining something which brought her so much happiness. I didn’t want to see her suffering either, so I didn’t want to give her the wrong advice, but sometimes we had to take a leap of faith and see how things work out.

“I mean, at this point I’m convinced he’s into you, so…” As I trailed off, a sudden, and weird, thought popped into my head. I could always ask Mingi about Wooyoung’s feelings towards Seulgi, but that implied two things. One, I was giving away Seulgi’s feelings towards Wooyoung, and perhaps that wasn’t a smart move as Mingi would surely tell Wooyoung about it. Two, it implied that Mingi and I were now on a level of friendship where talking about our friends feelings was alright. And it certainly wasn’t, because—Mingi and I weren’t friends. I don’t like Mingi, and he—just enjoys making my life hell.

“I’ll think about it.” Seulgi said with a hum, and then her eyebrows suddenly furrowed, “But—enough about me and Wooyoung. Are you okay?”

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at her and shrugged, “Well, my head is on the verge of exploding, but other than that, I think I’m fine.”

“You didn’t sound fine yesterday, Y/N.” Seulgi had a knowing look in her eyes and I realized she figured it out that I had lied on the phone when I told her I had a family emergency, hence why I wouldn’t go to Outlaw with her. I just sighed, feeling smaller as I pulled my jacket tighter around myself.

“I was just—” How was I supposed to tell her that I pretty much had a breakdown and felt like dying because I found out that Yunho was Mingi’s best friend, and that I damn nearly lost my mind when I saw Yunho happy with another woman on Instagram? It sounded crazy even to me and I didn’t want to embarrass myself even more. I knew Seulgi would understand and never make fun of me, but I felt pathetic, and I refused to make a fool out of myself again, “Tired, and stressed. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Are you sure?” Seulgi asked softly, her hand reaching over the table and grabbing my arm, her warmth seeping through the fabric of my jacket. It was comforting, “You know you can tell me anything.”

And suddenly I felt like telling her that Mingi and I had been texting since last night, since—since he witnessed the aftermath of my breakdown, and drove me home because it was raining too hard. But it didn’t feel real, I knew it wouldn’t last. Whatever this was—whatever Mingi was trying to do, it wasn’t real. It wouldn’t become anything real. And so, I forced a smile on my lips and nodded at Seulgi, patting her hand with my right one.

“Of course, and I do tell you a lot of things, you know?” Seulgi just rolled her eyes and retracted her arm, making me chuckle. As she leaned back in her seat I heard some commotion happening behind me, but I didn’t turn around to check. Today was not the day where I fed my curiosity, all I wanted to do was go home, get underneath the thick blanket, and sleep for a whole week so that the sickness would be gone.

“I always feel like you know more about me than I know about you—and we’ve been friends for years now, Y/N.” Seulgi shook her head and I chuckled.

“That’s because you talk a lot more than I do.” I teased her with a chuckle and she rolled her eyes, until they suddenly widened and she was sitting up straighter in her seat, making me furrow my eyebrows. I noted the way she subtly tried to fix her hair as they were in two low ponytails, and before I could ask her about what she was doing, I heard two male voices behind me, one of them shrill, while the other one was raspy. I should’ve hated myself for how quickly my body reacted, my heart in my throat as my ears suddenly started ringing due to the rapid thumping of my heart.

“Hi, girls!” Wooyoung’s cheery voice was loud as he suddenly appeared to my left, going around the table. The chair to my right was drawn back and my body stiffened as a backpack was dropped at the foot of the table. Wooyoung pulled a chair out for himself and plopped down in it messily, leaning towards Seulgi, making her eyes slightly widen. Wooyoung pressed a loud kiss against her cheek, and I couldn’t help but stare back at her just as surprised as Seulgi was looking at me. And she’s afraid that Wooyoung doesn’t feel the same for her?! Before I could say something inappropriate and something Seulgi would kill me for, the deep chuckle to my right distracted me, reminding me of my own rapid heartbeat all of a sudden. I turned my head and came face to face with Mingi, who had a soft smile on his lips. My left hand turned into a fist as I didn’t know how to react—how to act. What was he doing here? Why was he here? And why was he looking at me like…he was actually happy to see me?

“Hi.” He greeted quietly as his smile widened and I gulped, trying to ignore the glasses sitting on his long nose. They were close to slipping off, but it didn’t seem to bother Mingi as he didn’t do anything about it, his dark and fluffy hair falling in his eyes, giving him a boyish look. He was wearing casual clothes, light blue jeans paired with a dark purple hoodie, and a few silver necklaces peeked through from underneath the fabric as it fell close to Mingi’s collarbones. I cleared my throat and averted my eyes, noticing that neither men carried trays with themselves. Were they not going to eat?

“Hi.” I greeted back quietly and pushed my shoulders back as I turned my head away, suddenly becoming extremely aware of the two pair of eyes watching Mingi and I with intrigue, but also surprise. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Seulgi, but she didn’t react. Mingi seemed nonchalant as he noticed the two sitting across from us being weird, and suddenly, a yellow thermostat was pushed in my direction.

“I got you some wild berry tea,” He said as my eyes snapped back to him, growing wide, “since you’re not feeling too well. I hope it helps with the headache and sore throat. Imagine how much worse you’d be feeling if you didn’t listen to me…wanting to walk home in the rain—”

“Yeah, thank you, okay!” I didn’t mean to exclaim, nor blush as hard as I have, but Seulgi’s eyes were boring into the side of my head, and I was scared Mingi would say something which I would have to explain to her later—and I did not want to do that, like at all. Mingi’s smile was amused as he nodded once, resting his hands on the table as he watched me fumble with the yellow thermostat as I tried to put it away in my bag. God, this was mortifying—why would he embarrass me so badly?!

“Now it makes sense why you kept carrying that around with you,” Wooyoung chuckled, and his next words made everything worse, “You hate tea.”

Of course Mingi hated tea, why would he like it? Like any normal person does?! And the knowing smirk on Seulgi’s face was certainly not helping as I cleared my throat, and pushed my hair behind my shoulders before crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Who hates tea?” I found myself muttering with a scoff, trying to diffuse the weird tension, but I really should have just shut up.

“I do.” Mingi muttered back, jutting his lips out into a pout, and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at him, hating the way my eyes lingered on his red, plush, lips.

“Whatever.” I found myself saying as Mingi chuckled, angling his body towards me. My eyes darted to Seulgi alarmed, but thankfully it seemed like Wooyoung and her weren’t interested in us anymore as they fell into conversation, their voices loud and eager as Wooyoung explained something to her and Seulgi nodded enthusiastically.

“Did you sleep well? I never got to ask you this morning…” Mingi spoke up again, and my eyes were back on him. I sighed and shook my head no, trying to ignore the weird feeling in my heart. Why was Mingi sitting with me when he could be entertaining his baboons—fangirls—right this second? Somehow that thought was a little more infuriating than it should have been, so I quickly pushed it away and answered Mingi instead.

“Not really, but it’s fine. I had a rough day yesterday.” I found myself explaining, and Mingi hummed, “And you…did you sleep well?”

My voice sounded hesitant, and I found myself feeling unsure suddenly, wondering where this conversation would lead to. What even was the meaning of it.

“Yeah, but it was short lived.” Mingi said with a chuckle, and I raised an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“I got inspired,” Mingi’s cheeks suddenly flushed a light shade of red, and my eyes narrowed as he suddenly avoided eye contact, running a hand through his hair, “So I stayed up to write lyrics.”

“Oh, I see.” I pursed my lips and found myself wanting to say more, “I know the feeling. I get inspired at the worst of times. I’ve stayed up countless nights just to draw or paint. It’s really a pain in the ass when you have class in the morning.”

Mingi laughed and nodded, “I know, I can’t tell you how often I skip those classes.”

“I wish my professors were that lenient.” I chuckled as I rolled my eyes, making Mingi smile as he leaned slightly closer, making me stiffen as his glasses hung on for dear life on the bridge of his nose. I was itching to push them up his nose—and since when did I get such urges?! I’d rather die than touch Mingi.

“Mine aren’t lenient either, but—” He leaned even closer, and my jaw tightened as I fought every nerve in my body wanting to lean away, “If you’re smart about it, they’ll let you off.”

“Are you calling me dumb?” I narrowed my eyes at Mingi and he chuckled, finally leaning away, back in his seat. It felt like I could finally breathe, but my heart still felt like it would fall out of my ass any minute.

“There it is—I’ve missed her.” Mingi’s words were sarcastic, but the teasing smile on his lips told me he wasn’t necessarily bothered.

“What.” I huffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest again, “You admit that you act like an ass just to piss me off?”

“I don’t act like an ass, doll,” There it was, that stupid nickname he’d called me by once today already through text, “It’s you who gets bothered by me being simply myself.”

“Yeah, ‘cuz you got a shit personality.” I found myself huffing, finding this exchange a lot more familiar, less unnerving compared to the weird amicable conversations we’ve been having since last night.

“Well, that I did not miss.” Mingi’s eyebrows were in a frown, and I suddenly felt—bad. Since when did I care if I hurt his feelings or not? I bit back a groan and sighed loudly instead, licking my lips.

“Whatever, I—thanks for driving me home last night.” I found myself blurting it out despite having thanked him once already, “I would feel a lot worse now if you had let me walk home in the rain…”

Suddenly the yellow thermostat placed on the table next to my hand felt like it was burning my skin, and my cheeks grew hot. No way in hell I was blushing because of a bloody thermostat right now.

“Yeah, I told you so, didn’t I?” Mingi wriggled his eyebrows playfully, and before I could stop and think, my right hand was balled into a fist and I was hitting Mingi’s bicep, scowling at him. It made him laugh loudly as he pushed my hand away, his palm warm against my fisted hand, and I realized my cheeks were even hotter now. Fuck, where can I bury myself right now?! And if seeing the satisfied smirk on Mingi’s face wasn’t bad, the sudden silence coming from Seulgi and Wooyoung certainly was worse as they gaped at both Mingi and I. I knew why, of course, but Mingi seemed not to catch on as he looked at Wooyoung with a confused frown, raising his eyebrows at him. They were very probably shocked by the sight in front of them—Mingi and I being cordial for once? Never heard before, never to be imagined up until this point. And when Seulgi opened her mouth to say something, I just knew nothing good would come out of it, and I quickly kicked my left foot out underneath the table, my boot coming in contact with her shin, making Seulgi yelp loudly as her eyes grew into saucers. Wooyoung looked at her confused and she grit her teeth, brushing off the concerned questions rolling off Wooyoung’s lips, Mingi looking between Seulgi and I confused. I forced a tight smile on my lips and gave Seulgi a warning with my eyes, thankfully successfully shutting her up as she started speaking about the test we’d have tomorrow, coercing both Mingi and Wooyoung into a conversation as I sneakily unclasped the yellow thermostat and took a small gulp of the tea made by Mingi. It was sweet.

『And I'm standing at the edge

I'm just trying to pretend that I want you so deeply

'Cause your spirit sings sweetly to me

Think I'd rather be alone』

Monday

Me: mingiii i passed my test!!! I hate him: omg really?! that’s great, congrats!! Me: told ya, i’m too smart bby lol I hate him: who’s the cocky one now? Me: u

Tuesday

I hate him: can’t remember the last time i ate mashed potatoes Me: lol that’s random? I hate him: lol ik…i’m over at woo’s and his mom made us some fancy dinner everything is mouth watering i think i reached heaven finally Me: aren’t u a bit dramatic rn? u acting like u hadn’t had food in a year I hate him: food t h i s good i certainly hadn’t have also, i’m not dramatic side eye Me: shouldn’t u be paying attention to whatever’s going on there? i mean…woo’s mom did prepare all the food for u don’t be ungrateful, put ur phone away I hate him: yah, why are u trying to get rid of me? i’m in the bathroom, btw so i’m not being ungrateful to anyone dumbass Me: firstly, ew. secondly, asshole I hate him: i’m only washing my hands chillax oh—woo’s calling for me ttyl Me: no, actually don’t text me ever again.

Wednesday

I hate him: have u seen the moon? it’s so pretty Me: mingi?? it’s literally 1am I hate him: i know, but have u? Me: yeah, i’m looking at it rn I hate him: isn’t it so pretty? Me: it is but what’s gotten into u? I hate him: nothing…i just can’t sleep Me: me neither I hate him: so what are u doing then… Me: was trying to draw but it’s not coming to me rn hasn’t happened in long so i was on tik tok scrolling what are u doing? I hate him: idk i’m just… idk i was jotting down some lyrics but it’s not coming to me either i’ve been just restless all day long Me: ik, u’ve said so during lunch did u get to eat that hot dog, btw? or did wooyoung steal it again I hate him: nah, i let him have it then made some for myself when i got home it’s too quiet, i hate it Me: play some music the one you showed me yesterday that one was good I hate him: u liked it? i thought u didn’t Me: i was just fucking with you i’ve been listening to it on repeat I hate him: oh, that’s cool it’s one of my faves i’m glad u like it too now Me: mingi i’m becoming sleepy now… I hate him: it’s okay go to sleep we’ll talk tomorrow Me: sweet dreams, mingi I hate him: u too, y/n … i miss Yuyu so badly

Thursday

Me: i think i’m stuck I hate him: u need help? Me: with my assignment, mingi… I hate him: yeah, still need some help? Me: what does a music major possibly know about impressionism?? I hate him: i thought that’s ur favorite style? how come u’re struggling?? Me: even the most talented prodigy’s struggle sometimes mingi I hate him: my apologies ur highness, for i have committed such a treacherous act by assuming u are not enlightened enough for this assignment may i propose a recreational method that might help such torturous process to come to an end faster? Me: pls stop talking like that I hate him: i’m actually typing but ok wanna know??? Me: yes, idiot just say it already I hate him: say it out loud Me: i can’t belive u just made a twilight reference i’m blocking u like rn I hate him: so anyways wanna hang out? Me: i thought u had something smart to help me out with… I hate him: t h i s is that smart thing Me: i gotta help mom with dinner in half an hour so i can’t I hate him: and tomorrow? Me: mingi… I hate him: okay, fine…at least i tried… again and again and again Me: told u to stop but u never listen I hate him: ofc i don’t wooyoung told me not to give up u’ll say yes eventually Me: wooyoung is literally the worst person u could accept advice from stop I hate him: he just read this and now he’s crying thanks Me: not my problem ur friends look at ur phone when we’re talking wait— what?! I hate him: lol u’re fucked did u not tell Seulgi? that we’re talking… Me: why would i? we’re not friends I hate him: ouch that one hurt but ok Me: tell wooyoung he’s dead if he says anything to seulgi i mean it, bro I hate him: ok, bro.

Friday:

Me: min are u mad at me? I hate him: why u asking Me: cuz u’ve been ignoring me today and u haven’t answered my texts and u’re still dry is this… because i said we ain’t friends yesterday? I hate him: took u long enough to figure it out dumbass Me: well u are the dumb one, idiot if u don’t talk to me how am i supposed to know?! I hate him: how would u feel if i said we ain’t friends? Me: idk but i certainly wouldn’t overreact because we really aren’t friends min I hate him: pff ok bye Me: are u serious rn?? mingi??? ???????? MINGI?! SONG MINGI?!?!?!? I hate him: stop blowing up my phone Me: mute me then I hate him: ok Me: wait don’t omg fuck okay mingi i’m sorry I hate him: wasn’t that hard to say it was it Me: are we actually friends then? i said that because idk I hate him: yeah we’re friends Me: ok but just for the record I still hate your guts u’re insufferable self-centered egoistical selfish annoying an asshole arrogant and you always piss me off idiot I hate him: weird way to confess but ok ig love u too bestie Me: song mingi.

Saturday

I hate him: y/n the world is spinning Me: lol are u drunk? I hate him: not drunk tipsy definitely fuck i can’t see the letters Me: for someone who claims they can’t see the letters u’re typing extraordinarily well I hate him: autocorrect exists thank fuck damn i need water Me: go drink some then idiot I hate him: ok will u pick me up? Me: lol no get ur ass home i don’t have a car I hate him: u could drive mine Me: did u drive there when u knew u were going to drink??! I hate him: nope lol this is funny i almost slipped off my seat lol woo is so loud and hwa thinks we can’t see but he’s had his hand on hong’s thigh all night long it’s disgusting—not like that! i love them— yn maybe i’m drunk hey, i should probably stop typing doll? Me: mingi u’re shitfaced and funny stop texting me ttyl when u’re hopefully sober take care and… text me when u get home

Sunday:

I hate him: god…i’m never drinking again Me: lol welcome back to the land of living I hate him: haha aren’t u just s o funny rn? Me: i’m always funny my sense of humor is immaculate I hate him: u wish i’m the funny one hongjoong drove me home last night sorry for not texting, but the second my head hit the pillow i fell asleep Me: it’s fine glad u made it back safe and that u’re alive ig I hate him: aww did you worry about me? missed me? omg u’re so cute!!!! Me: blocked I hate him: ik u can’t do it cute Me: fuck off

『Shut the lights

Lock my phone

Close the blinds

Here we go

I'm in motion

So long 'til the dawn』

            Today’s theme in Professor Yoon’s class was a painting of your imagination following a style you really love. Impressionism has been a painting style I’ve been obsessed with since a young age, always begging my mother to take me to art galleries which displayed said style. There is something about the fusion of colors, the tracing of lines soft yet accentuated. Perhaps it was the bloom of colors which attracted me to it when I was younger, but as I started practicing it, I realized it was actually the freedom I loved about Impressionism. You could start out with something small, which would lead to something big and beautiful. It looked like it followed no system, yet everything came together once you looked at the whole picture, once you took in the beauty of it all. I had chosen the painting Waterlilies and Japanese Bridge by Claude Monet as inspiration for today’s class, the blues and greens dominating the painting, the lilies having a light purple yet pink hue, never outshining the greens and blues though. It was a color play, giving depth to the painting by using a darker shade, or just drawing over it with the same color until the shadows were created. The painting was a masterpiece, and I was the happiest when my mother gifted me the painting—of course it had been a fake one, but an eight-year-old didn’t care about such things. And I would still not care about it. Of course, owning an original like that is any painters dream, especially mine, but unless I had the money and connections to actually own a Claude Monet painting, I would have to suffice with the fakes that could trick non-art lovers into believing it was real.

The class had been a pleasant one, with classical music playing in the background and with Professor Yoon walking around and helping his students by giving advice or by taking their paintbrushes and sweeping over their canvas, patting their backs with a small smile as he encouraged everyone to keep on going. Mr. Yoon is probably one of my favorite professor’s, always dedicated and soft. Never too rough or demanding. He had always helped out those who needed it and it was very clear he loved what he was doing. Each class he’d bring something new, an idea or a project, and he’d let us explore our creativity and evolve in areas we didn’t think were our forte. If only more professors like him existed, perhaps my years at university would’ve been a little bit more pleasant. But the class came to an end earlier than I wished for, bringing me back to reality as Mr. Yoon clapped his hands twice, a bright smile on his face. He had long light blonde hair swept behind his ears and soft features, he almost looked angelic in the right lightning.

“Very well, class. Today’s lesson is over.” There was a rumble of thunder in the distance as I sighed loudly, “You can bring your paintings to the backroom to dry and we’ll see each other on Friday. We’ll be continuing with today’s project, so have no worries if you couldn’t finish it today.”

There was a murmur of thanks in the classroom and my serene bubble was popped when something to my left crashed loudly against the floor. Seulgi had knocked over the little metal can full of her paintbrushes, and she cursed silently as she bent down to pick them up. A few of the girls around us helped her as I got off my stool, handing her a stray paintbrush as it had rolled over.

“Are you in a rush?” I asked confused as she snatched the brush from my hands and hastily thanked whoever helped her.

“Yes!” She exclaimed, eyes wide, as she took a peek at her wristwatch, “Fuck. I have a date with Wooyoung in an hour and I need to get ready!”

My eyebrows raised. A date with Wooyoung? She never told me they were going out now. Strange. I could’ve sworn she would’ve called me screaming her head off if Wooyoung had asked her to be his girlfriend.

“When did you ask him out?” I managed to ask as I started packing away my own stuff. The chatter in the class was slowly dying down as people were leaving. There was another rumble of thunder in the distance.

“I didn’t ask him out.” Seulgi huffed, pushing her wavy hair out of her eyes. My eyebrows furrowed as I paused to look at her. She glanced at me and rolled her eyes.

“We’re hanging out, it’s not a date date.” Seulgi explained quickly, putting her bag around her left shoulder, “But I think I will ask him out today. I’ve had enough of beating around the bush. If he likes me, good, if he doesn’t—we’ll see what happens.”

“He likes you, trust me.” I gave her a reassuring smile and Seulgi’s expression softened for a second before she became panicked again. I chuckled and grabbed her arm, steering her towards the exit, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of your painting too. Get going if you don’t want to be late.”

“Oh my God,” Seulgi exclaimed, pouting, “I love you!”

I cringed away when she pressed a sloppy kiss against my cheek, making her chuckle before she waved and basically bolted out of the classroom. Mr. Yoon chuckled at her antics and I got to work, grabbing both canvas to bring to the backroom before I would leave. This was our last class for today and I couldn’t wait to get home. With the thunder loud in the distance, I would love making it home before it starts raining. I didn’t want a repeat of the night when I got soaked in the rain. It’s been a week and some days since, and I was back to being healthy. Besides, Mingi certainly wouldn’t be here this time too to drive me home. We haven’t spoken yet today and I haven’t seen him in two days. It wasn’t unusual, but lately him and Wooyoung have been hanging out with Seulgi and I during our lunchbreaks. Mingi had said he was busy producing two new songs for his final exam, so I understood he was busy, but it still felt a little weird. I didn’t know where exactly to put this whole ordeal, but if he thought we were friends now, then…I guess I could give in and entertain that thought as well. It didn’t help that we’d been constantly messaging each other, and I tried to ignore the giddy feeling it left in the pit of my stomach with everything I had in myself. I didn’t want to accept the implications of what this could mean. It felt weird. There was no reason for me to overthink something so simple as Mingi and I talking and getting to know each other. If he viewed me as his friend, then I perhaps could put a little more effort into getting to know him and opening myself up as well. My mom—and Seulgi—would certainly be happy to know that I was making friends. Not that I would tell either one about Mingi—because—because. Because it wasn’t anything serious, and even if we were friends, I didn’t expect this friendship to last. Mingi was still a guy, an egoistical and self-centered guy, who could ditch you at any random moment. And he was also Yunho’s friend. That was also saying something about him—but I pushed away the menacing whisper in my head which reminded me that Mingi could be just like Yunho, that he would hurt me just like his best friend did. It was like a never-ending vicious cycle and it felt like it wouldn’t come to a stop. As if the ghost of Yunho would never truly leave me alone. Somehow he was still part of my life unwillingly, and I was letting it happen. It had been going on for too long.

I greeted Mr. Yoon with a bright smile as I got my bag and slung it over my shoulder, bowing my head slightly once I was in the doorway. He returned my smile and waved cutely; his eyes bright but tired. He was always a hard worker and sometimes when I had classes until late in the evening I would meet him at the bus stop, waiting for a man to pick him up. Mr. Yoon was a simple yet elegant man. I have always admired him and respected him, most grateful to him when he had encouraged me after I told him about wanting to start an art club at the university for the art students, but also for those who were simply interested in drawing and painting. Him and Mr. Lee, another professor I completely adored, were quick to proceed in helping me out by finding a classroom suitable enough for our shenanigans. I will forever remain grateful to them.

It was late in the afternoon and the tall stone walls of the building weren’t too helpful in providing light in the corridors as I walked down the art wing, taking a left turn before reaching a smaller circular, but wide, staircase. I quickly ascended the stairs, and was met with a wide hallway where you could head straight, left, and right. In order to reach my exit, I had to turn onto the right narrow corridor littered with doors on both sides. It was the music majors’ wing, their studios lined up on both sides of me with dark wooden doors, each having a small rotund glass where you could peek inside. These rooms were soundproof in order to not disturb anyone, and I let my hands rest in my pockets as I slowly walked down the hallway, feeling my phone with my left hand and picking it up. I took it out of my pocket and unlocked it, checking for any new messages, but there were none. Mingi still didn’t show any sings of life today and I sighed as I locked it and put away, chewing on my bottom lip. I knew he wasn’t mad at me and that I haven’t done anything lately which could’ve upset him, but the sudden weird feeling settling in my stomach felt unnerving. I felt almost restless. Head littered with questions. Was Mingi fine? What was he up to? Why was he not texting me today? I had sent him a meme I found earlier, but he hadn’t even seen it, let alone answered with a silly meme of his own. It was a never-ending whirlwind of questions in my head, distracting me from pressing matters at hand. Like what my essay about the history of arts would be about, because the deadline was right around the corner and I slacked off—once again.

I sighed as I was past the middle of the corridor by now, but the sudden faint music coming from my left catching my attention. I raised my head up and looked towards the dark wooden doors, noticing that the light was on in a studio a little behind me. I pursed my lips and as curiosity overtook my senses, I slowly shuffled backwards, towards the studio, and carefully peeked inside. I tried to remain ominous as one of my eyes looked through the glass, however, soon my whole face was almost pressed up against the small window as I was presented with Mingi’s familiar form. He was hunched forward as he stood, hands pressing against a long table, hands gripping the edge as his mouth moved fast, eyebrows furrowed, and a vein on his neck close to popping. There was a microphone in front of him as he leaned close to it, his lips almost touching it as a headphone was placed over his right ear, leaving the left free. Mingi seemed to be dressed in casual clothing, wearing beige pants, which were a tad bit too big for his form, and a black t-shirt which hung loosely around his form. A longer and shorter necklace adorned his neck, and I gulped as he raised his left hand and starting mimicking something, seemingly hitting the beat as I could feel the muffled vibrations against the door. The sound was very faint, but I could still hear his raspy voice as he rapped, licking his lips once he seemed to be done. I gulped as he was bobbing his head up and down, an attractive smirk appearing on his lips as he started slowly bouncing his body, stepping away from the desk slightly, gripping his left pantleg and then suddenly—our eyes met each other and I gasped loudly as I ducked and swiftly turned around, hurrying off the way I was initially headed towards. The stairs were in my line of sight when I suddenly heard a door opening and then— “Hey, stranger! Freeze!”

 My body froze without my own accord and I cursed loudly, face flushing as I heard Mingi’s deep chuckle behind me. I knew I didn’t have much choice now that I had been caught, and so, I quickly composed myself and turned with an unphased expression on my face. Mingi had a smirk on his face as he was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his broad chest.

“Yeah, stranger, haven’t seen you in days.” I found myself quirking an eyebrow, and Mingi chuckled.

“I’ve been cooped up in my studio, working on this track for my finals.” He explained, reminding me that I already knew this, and now I felt awkward, “Don’t tell me you’ve missed me, doll.”

“I told you to stop calling me that!” I couldn’t help it but feel furious as Mingi watched me with a smug expression, pressing a finger against his plump lips in mock consideration.

“Hmm,” He blinked innocently, “No, doll.”

I rolled my eyes and went to turn around, but Mingi’s question stopped me, “What are you up to right now?”

“Classes are over,” I answered as I gripped the strap of my bag, “so I’m headed home.”

“By feet?” Mingi’s eyebrows slightly furrowed, and my eyes narrowed as I slightly shuffled awkwardly. We haven’t been alone like this despite talking through text, I felt a little awkward, almost as if I didn’t know what to do with myself. It was weird. It was just Mingi. Why would he make me feel like this? I still hated him.

“Of course, idiot.” I rolled my eyes as my answer was a lot snappier than intended, but Mingi just chuckled and looked past me.

“Do you have an umbrella?”

“No, why?” I asked confused and followed his line of sight as I turned around, eyes falling on the big window. It was pouring outside. Again. And I didn’t have an umbrella with me. I groaned quietly and squeezed my eyes shut for a second as I cursed every deity out there for making it rain right now out of all times. I couldn’t catch a cold again; my immune system had barely built itself back up.

“I’ll drive you home.” I heard Mingi say behind me, and when I turned around to face him, he was closer than before, the door to his studio still open. My heartbeat suddenly picked up as I watched his tall frame come closer.

“No need to do that, I’ll just wait for a bus.” I cleared my throat when his strong cologne evaded my senses, “Thanks, though.”

“Don’t be silly.” Mingi scoffed, and slightly leaned down to be eye level with me. The height difference between the two of us wasn’t that great, I’m a tall girl myself, “You’ll catch a cold again, and I don’t have enough tea bags at home to supply you for another week, again.”

“I never asked you to bring me tea.” I found myself all defensive as I looked away, feeling the heat on my cheeks. I refused to acknowledge the fact that I was blushing, but Mingi chuckled, and when I looked back at him he looked amused.

“Yet you never refused me—not even once.” His voice dropped as he teasingly leaned closer and I scoffed, slapping his chest, and pushing him back. He stumbled for a split second, but he quickly regained his balance and gave me a displeased glare.

“Whatever, I’m going—” The warm hand holding me back by my forearm took me off guard as I looked down at Mingi’s ring clad fingers wrapped around my clothed arm.

“I mean it, Y/N.” Mingi’s voice was soft and deep as I looked back up into his brown eyes, “I’m almost finished and then we can go. I promise you won’t have to wait too long.”

I took a deep breath and softly pulled my arm out of his frail hold, biting my lower lip in thought. As if on cue, there was a loud rumble of thunder which shook the building and I jumped, making Mingi raise his eyebrows at me expectantly.

“Fine, I’ll stay. You can drive me home once you’re finished.” I muttered defeated and watched as a bright smile crossed Mingi’s lips, his eyes turning crescent and almost disappearing, his front teeth protruding as he suddenly leaned forward and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, hurriedly yanking me after himself, forcing me to keep up with his long strides as he lead us towards his studio.

The feeling of his arm wrapped around my shoulders should’ve made me feel disgusted and I should have slapped it off, but I couldn’t help but soak in his warmth and the musky cologne, which was even stronger now that I was pressed into his side, the loud thumping of my heart the only sound in my ears that I could hear.

『Yeah, there's thunder in my head

And it rumbles through the dust on my shelf

Yeah, there's thunder in my head

Unfamiliar like I'm somebody else』

❱❱ Next chapter

[lalixlizzie]

Sky full of stars

_______________________________________________

Regina Mills x fem!Reader

A/N: This is the first time I write something like this, sorry if you don't understand something, English is not my first language but I try to write the best I can.

Warnings: None.

_______________________________________________

It was a starry night, the moon was shining brighter than usual, everyone was having fun at Granny's. It had become very common for you and them to meet almost every day in that cafeteria.

They are celebrating that they prevented another curse from being carried out in Storybrooke, to be honest you think everyone is already tired of how repetitive this situation is. You think everyone needs a break.

Everyone is having a good time, but there's someone you can't get out of your head. Regina was the only person who didn't seem to enjoy the night.

She was sitting alone at one of the tables in the place looking out the window. You didn't like that, she should be happy and celebrating, not sad looking out the window waiting for it to be time to leave. You took a deep breath and went straight towards her.

“Hey.” You said as you reached her table. Mills looked up and her eyes connected with yours.

Those beautiful almond eyes were now looking at you. Oh god, you could faint right now. You never had the chance to tell Regina how you feel about her, whenever you wanted to try, things happened that prevented you from doing so.

“Hey...” She looks at you confused and then looks at the others. “ I thought you were celebrating with Emma and the Charmings ”

“It's tiring, they smile all the time, it seems like something is happening to them. ” You joke, to which Regina laughs. You never get tired of hearing her laugh. “Can i sit?”

The mayor nodded and with her arm indicated the place where you could sit. As you do so, she looks at you with a smile.

“ Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face? ” You began to touch your face to get rid of what made the brunette smile.

“No...” Mills moved closer to you to stop your hands, moving them away from your face as she intertwined her fingers with yours.

You started to get nervous, but you couldn't show it. What happens if she realizes that you like her? Will she talk to you again? You did not know. But after asking a thousand questions in your head, there was something that made you return to the conversation.

“Henry told me he had a lot of fun with you the other day. ”

“Oh, I just took him to the arcade and then we went for ice cream. It wasn't a big deal.”

“It's not what you did, but what he told me you told him”

You said a lot of things to that kid, you don't really remember the things you guys talk so much about. Emma almost always asks you to take care of him for a while while she finishes paperwork at the police station.

And that was a problem, many things went through your mind again. What could Henry have said to his mother?

You had no problem letting Emma know, since you have been friends for years and always tell each other things, no matter how stupid they are. And Henry liked to be part of your conversations, so you always included him.

But Regina... She wasn't the same as Emma.You don't know if she would take things well or badly.

“And... what did he tell you? ” You said as best you could, you weren't going to show that you were nervous.

“He told me something funny, that you like me.”

You swore you were going to kill that kid. Your cheeks began to burn, you were embarrassed, surely the former Evil Queen could see it.

“Everyone likes you, Regina. You are charming and a very good person. ” You tried to make an excuse so she wouldn't see the obvious.

She started shaking her head. “Not in a friend way. He said you were in love with me.”

“Oh...” These moments are the ones you wish the earth would swallow you and disappear. You never thought you'd feel this way. “I'm so sorry, I don't know how he could say that to you, I've never said that. I'm really sorry if you felt uncomfortable, I didn't mean...”

You couldn't finish your excuse because you felt the softness of Mills's lips on yours. You felt a million butterflies in your stomach. You couldn't believe what was happening. Did she silence you with a kiss? Like in the movies? Oh God.

After a few seconds, Regina separated her lips from yours and you just stared at each other, no one spoke for minutes. You could only concentrate on the moon reflected in the brunette's beautiful eyes.

“Does this... Does this mean anything to you?” You asked, afraid that the answer would be "no."

“Of course yes, I also have feelings for you. I thought Henry told you.”

“He didn't.” You said quickly.

“Well, now you know it.” She came a little closer to you, and gently and delicately placed her hands on your cheeks, and then kissed you.

[your-highnessmarvel]

Tommy's Girl

Requested by @bunnyanon: Hey, I would like to request a jealous Tom Hiddleston x y/n fic based on Jesse’s girl but by the end is with Tom. -🐇

AN: I REALLY HOPE that this was with the song rick springfield lMAO or else well, this is awkward.

Warnings: None, just some cute Tom pining after youuuuu

*gif not mine

Enjoyed this and want more? Send in your requests!

MASTERLIST

Tom watches you for a while before he understands that he likes you.

"So then, if you think I'm bullshitting, you have to yell it before the next person plays," you say.

"Of course," he answers.

"And then, if i'm not bullshitting, you have to pick up the entire stack!" you continue.

Here he is, pretending he doesn't know how to play bullshit. Because he has a massive crush on you.

You. One of his mate's brother's girl.

"Say that again," he says, pretending to be confused, leaning over the table as if he can't hear you over the noise of his friends around.

You proudly tell him the rules again, and this close, he can smell your intoxicating perfume.

He loves the way your eyes challenge him when he calls bullshit on you. He loves the way you laugh, squint your eyes, mouth stretched over your teeth. You're so careless, so clueless that he can't help but stare.

God, he wished you were his girl.

Every time your boyfriend would come to the table and kiss you on the cheek, Tom had to rip his eyes from the sight. Every touch, every inside joke, every whispered word - you should be sharing that with him.

But tom was a gallant man.

"Again, y/n!" he says, loudly, taking your attention away from your boyfriend.

You happily play along.

And every other time Tom and his mates hang, you're there, playing bullshit with Tom.

And every birthday party, every celebration, every holiday season - he wishes he had you.

And every wedding invite he opens in the mail, he begs the holy father above that it isn't yours.

Until his mate has a house party to celebrate his new promotion. And you're not there. But Tom's mate's brother is... without you. Your boyfriend, here, without you.

Tom has to be slick about this. Because he wants you so badly that he would rather cut his toes off than risk making any mistakes that jeopardizes his chances with you.

So he asks his mate with your boyfriend seems off. He tells Tom not to worry about it.

He tries to talk to that girl you hang with but there's no opening to bring you up.

So he calls his agent, gives him your name, and tells him he needs to return something to you. Just a phone number would do.

As soon as he gets the digits, he escapes the house and texts you.

where are you? -tom

where where?

Hilarious.

at Jason's.

Oh... me and my boyfriend broke up. i'm sorry, but i won't be coming back for another game of bullshit

Tom takes a second, relishing in that weird jealous feeling that was suddenly not a heavy weighted blanket over his shoulders.

please. can i see you?

You reply almost instantly.

yes

You weren't his girl by the end of that night, no. But Tom had admitted his feelings and given you the space you needed to heal. And by the next time an invite to his next movie's red carpet came in Tom's mail, he was happy to put your name down under his plus one.

[charlotteking23]

He’s not that bad

Eric Divergent x reader

warning: none

word count: 927

It was late at night, and I could not sleep at all. Only listening to the loud snores and shuffling of the wind outside. Tomorrow was our final fight and rankings for the first stage and I was praying I would make it. After a while, I quietly snuck out and walked around the halls, it was dark, with no light, no sound only the waves crashing near the chasm. Finally, I stopped walking near the training room, I walked in front of the punching bag, punching it as hard as I could, the bag only moving a little. Until I found a warm breath hitting my neck.

"You're doing it wrong" I turned around and was met with cold ocean-blue eyes. Are you stalking me now Coulter? but I got no reply only a burning death stare basically asking me, do I have a death wish. " No, I was walking and found you here in the training room, so why are you in the training room so late at night?" an amusing Eric asks. Well if it was not obvious, I was practicing for my fight tomorrow. After a few seconds, I feel Eric's hands on my body. "you need to create tension in your core because of the size differences between you and the others". I don't know why but all I could think about was his smooth hands touching my body. But after a second he disappeared and left the training room with me wondering what had happened. I punched the bag again causing it to sway much faster. After practicing for a few hours, I decided to head back before anybody saw me.

"WAKEEEE UPPPPP!", screamed four. He was Banging the side of the wall with a pipe. I woke up startled, remembering today was our final fight and what had happened yesterday with Eric. " hey are you ok". "Huh,... oh hey Tris, yeah, I am alright." "OK, you just seemed spaced out lately". Don't worry I am fine. and she left to shower. ' "OK, you just seemed spaced out lately". Don't worry I am fine. and she left to shower.

I was sitting between Christina and Tris, anxiously waiting, biting my nails. Which I know is a bad habit. In my final fight, I was against Drew, which is better than going against Peter. Eric had called me and Drew to ring, Drew had a smug smile on his face, Oh how I wanted to wipe it off his face so badly. Drew tried to hit me first but I was fast enough to duck, an advantage to me being small. We were fighting for god knows how long, both of us not giving up. He hit me in my face causing blood to come but maybe as a defense or for pleasure I hit where the sun didn't shine, he won't be making any babies Damn. I Won my fight Man did it feel good. And Eric even gave me a smile well if you called that a smile but nonetheless a smile.

Right, the final ranking will be posted at the end of dinner, you can leave now, Four said rather eagerly. But I didn't care, I was starving for some chocolate cake.

It was the end of the dinner and I had a good feeling I would at least be in the top 15. I looked on top of the balcony where the rankings would be announced but instead, I found dark blue eyes looking at me, Eric, I whispered to myself. I stood there not breaking eye contact with him until he started to talk.

It is the end of stage one, here are your rankings, if you are not placed in the top 20 then pack your things and leave Dauntless compound. Damn, how can Eric say that with no emotion at all but no matter? I see my name sitting at 9 place which was better than I hope. I left leaving Christina with Will and Tris who already left. I was walking deep in thought happy I made it this far till I bumped into a certain someone, ERIC.

Fuck, Fuck, I am so dead if anyone notices I am missing you will probably find me in the bottom of the chasm by Eric. But instead, he just grunted and mumbled something under his breath, which I couldn't understand. "Initiate, and watch where you are going," with harshness Eric said. "It's your fault, you bumped into me first and I think you owe me an apology", with confidence I replied. "Alright," ALRIGHT that's all he answered, I was praying he wouldn't hurt because of my big mouth but he just replied so plainly. I almost thought for a second he was getting a cold.

it was the initiate's party for completing stage one. I don't know why, but I kept looking for a blue-eyed leader until I saw him. I ignored him pretending as if I did not see him.

Instead, I danced to the music swaying my hips around while dancing I felt a pair of strong hands wrap tightly around my waist, guiding me to dance more. I turn around seeing Eric as I wrap my arms around his neck. We continued dancing with each other no matter how many strange looks we got.

As Eric and I walked out of the party, I realized he was not as bad as we spent the rest of the night together.

[2demondogs]

Heartbreaking Charthur angst. Like a "What if..." Charles never left to help Rains fall and was there for Arthurs' end (high honor, help John ending)?

Anon I see ur vision, I respect your smoke, you are real for this, etc ad nauseam.

Any incorrect details um... blame it on the alternate timeline. I'll be honest I didn't proofread cuz this shit made me sad.

Words: 1.7k Tags: sickfic... :), character death, stream of consciousness, a lot of nondenominational religious Thoughts, major spoilers

Arthur had realized, since his first and last doctor's office visit, just how much time there was in a day.

Job after job after job and all that precious time he had never realized was slipping by. He wished he had never slept, for one; he hoped in the afterlife, if there was one, he might never sleep, because all things must end eventually, as he is still learning, and he'd hate to make the same mistakes twice.

He thought the Devil would look like Dutch, God save his soul — does he, here, mean himself, Satan, or Dutch? Arthur still doesn't know, supposes that they all need saved just as badly — and that he'd be worker of the month down there, too.

Turning tricks, maybe, wouldn't that be funny, workhorse to company pony, he thought recently, and then the pains started in earnest because workhorse wasn't always his middle name and it hurt badly to think of the days before.

Arthur still wants to go back.

It's been nearly an hour since Micah kicked him in the ribs. He knows, because he has become good at telling time, as if the universe is letting him on all those preternatural secrets a little early. It hurts so badly that it has ceased hurting at all— wouldn't he be sad to know it, if Charles had not shot him once Dutch had discarded him, too.

So many emotions on the matter of Dutch, yet no time to feel them. It's a good thing he began grieving him when Hosea died.

Instead of the sharp, white-hotness that he had worried was a rib puncturing his already squeezed lungs, there is now a constant ache throughout his body, maybe his very soul; he had used all of his breath screaming when Charles tried to move him, has not gotten one good one in since, and he thinks they both know the truth.

It's all up to one cough.

One last kick in the ass and it's lights out for old Mister Morgan, because that rattling in his breath can only mean one thing.

Charles kneels before where he lays on his side, looks down at him the way he had looked at that gored horse they came across while hunting, months ago— the way he looked at it before he told Arthur to put it out of its misery. He couldn't pull the trigger, even if he knew it was the kind thing to do. There is something meaningful in that memory which Arthur cannot think of words for, but he understands it the way men understand things when they are dying: silently, and completely.

Why is Charles so quiet, now? Arthur's eyes fall shut, and he cannot find the strength to open them for a long time.

He wouldn't be greedy if God came to him and said sure, son, you all look like ants from here, I'll drop you back into seventy-eight. Blood is seeping into his lungs, has to be, and every drop makes Heaven and Hell sound a whole lot more real.

In a perfect world, he might have left and made house with Eliza or made himself suitable for Mary, swallowed that boring life the happy way most men do. Because he would know. He would work in a mine and he would be happy to breathe in the coal, because he would know.

His wedding ring, he would know that, too, and suddenly this split-second daydream becomes a nightmare all over again.

I need to move on, Arthur, she wrote. It was one less thing to leave behind.

Sometimes he wished that Charles went, too, that he had chosen the type of belonging he'd grieved so often or that he had chosen Dutch, never to be on this mountain in the first place. That he had spat on Arthur and left him without a trace of his mortal life as he lay here dying, none except the familiarity of the sun breaking the sky and the grass dancing in the valley below — dancing, what a funny word for it, or maybe he's just hallucinating as his consciousness begins to slip to—

Well, wherever it's going to go.

No matter what, Arthur wishes that Charles did not look at him that way when he decided to stick around. They both knew it was because of Arthur, and they both knew it was temporary. He's been giving him the same look. Something like love, and grief.

I'm not dead, he wants to tell him, but Arthur knows there's no difference now and Charles doesn't deserve any more lies, anyways.

He lied to everyone, and selfishly.

How many of them will die? Hosea was coughin' more. Was I contagious before...?

That day, Arthur had realized just what all those science folks mean when they say humans are brief, in the grand scheme of things even if he was not egotistical enough to believe life begins and ends with himself— but men are temporary, and there's only been so many of them, and there only will be so many of them. He had marveled at the huge, ancient bones he found for that odd little critter of a lady, months ago.

Just yesterday, he entertained the idea that God had been real even before he needed Him most, and that He was telling him something by crossing their paths: Life before you, life after you. Don't get comfortable.

Rest assured, Big Man, he thinks, I am not.

But somehow, he almost is.

Death is certain, now. There is no guessing here, no waiting without knowing.

Some divine intervention, he's sure all dead men receive it as a consolation prize of sorts for completing the great big task of living. Charles' large, warm hand is on his shoulder, light as a feather. He tries to speak, even though he can barely think in words, and all he manages is a groan that comes from deep in his gut.

Arthur wishes he would crush him, that he'd hold him even if it made him scream in agony. He wishes Charles was—

Was—

No, he doesn't. He doesn't want Charles to give him the mercy execution.

Arthur just wishes he were not giving Charles his own form of execution. He is laying still, grimacing hard each time the shallow raise and fall of his chest makes his body scream. Charles has no idea what he is feeling, but he must be able to see on Arthur's face that he's feeling things inside his body which should not be happening: the sac of his lung ripping further open, his bowels threatening to let go, his sternum pressed tight to the skin above from a week of near-starvation because there is no amount of food that could feed the disease that is eating him alive.

He knows how it feels to watch a man you love die, even if his had been his father and he's certain that it's harder at their present age, and when you've chosen to love someone. No hands of blood had pushed them together.

Arthur wishes he had known it sooner.

He doesn't know if he ever wants to hear it from Charles' mouth, but he blinks his eyes open as the vague, misty image of that day finally fades for good. The sky is breaking hard beyond the shadow of Charles' form. It is glorious as sunrises always are. He feels his bones grinding on one another. He is clenching his teeth so hard, his molars are about to be pushed through the gums and into his mandible.

Never one for making his own decisions, Arthur wonders again if God is real or if he is coping with this horribleness in the only way he knows how: relying on someone else.

Again, he wants Charles to crush him. Even if it stabs the broken rib through his lung and out his back, even if it kills him before he can use his last breath to find out how his throat smells— he wants Charles to be the one to hold him.

Hosea is gone. So is Dutch. Arthur would long for Charles even if they were both here, although alarmingly he feels as though Hosea is somewhere around him — he cannot see, smell, or hear him but he knows it silently, and completely.

I love him, Arthur is thinking, has no time to study how selfish he would have felt just one month ago for his desires in this moment. Dead men cannot regret any longer, or maybe regret becomes like the pain when you are dead, grows so big that it blocks out the sun of peace. He made me feel safe, he thinks, already in the past tense, as if he is rehearsing what he will tell all the fellow skeletons.

He squints through the morning light and finds Charles' face, drawn tight in an expression he has never, ever seen before.

His eyes are open sores. He's never looked more like an angel.

With the last of his breath, Arthur opens his mouth and finds it suddenly very hard to draw in air. His throat itches, and if he swallows this cough he will simply choke on his own vomit instead— so he begins to hack, feels his lungs decompressing and the violent convulsions through his abdominal wall as things that are not meant to touch it touch it.

He gets his wish, because Charles is curling around him. He wants to shove him away, but then he doesn't; if Charles is going to get sick, he already has, and this is all he could have ever wanted in this moment. Charles is warm, and his chest presses over Arthur's jolting side as if holding him still, and he realizes the man has been talking but he has no time to regret not listening.

He's forgotten English, anyways, doesn't think in words anymore but feels everything. His throat thickens with the metallic taste of blood and his body squeezes, squeezes— Arthur goes stiff in panic and shock, fingers of both hands clawing into Charles' arm, and if either of them were sober the blood his nails draw would be felt.

In the moments before he can no longer breathe, he sees — with that nonmaterial eye that shows men dreams, nightmares, the best novels — something like peace.

Yes, Hosea feels very close now, and Charles, very far away.

[radplaidtacofan]

Idk if anyone will see this or care but this is my coming out post

I'm 33 and I think I'm finally done pretending I'm something I'm not. I've known since I can first remember that I was a guy. My first memories are of running around shirtless, being told I would have to cover up soon and not understanding why. I wondered why I didn't have a dick. I always wanted to prove how strong I was, how fast I was, how high I could climb, etc. I remember when I first learned about puberty and I was 100% certain that, when the time came, I could pick which one I'd be and I knew I'd pick male. I couldn't wait to start growing a beard and look like Riker.

The dysphoria has always been really fucking bad. The autism, ADHD and OCD made me miserable already but dysphoria made me so badly depressed by the time I was 10 I was constantly thinking about ... well, let's just say that I never thought I would see 33.

I found out being trans was A Thing and started binding, begging my parents and doctors to let me start hormones, etc. I had a really shitty person at CAMH tell me that I didn't meet the criteria? Lmao. He's probably retired now and I hope he's miserable tbh.

I did eventually take T in my early 20s for about a year, then I had a breakdown thinking I was making a huge mistake... because I didn't think I'd ever be happy. I feel wrong down to my fucking DNA. Even now I'm fighting with myself because I feel terrible that I can never be a cis man and it just... it kills me.

So yeah, I decided to chug copium for years thinking that if I tried really really hard I could accept being female and be Okay.

Hahahaha. Ha.

The funny thing is, even when I was chugging copium I was still thinking things like, "If someone had a magic wand and could make me a cis male I'd say yes without hesitation," or, "I wish Star Trek was real cause they could fix me easily," or even, "Wearing a dress is drag."

I still felt like I was being weird by looking at bras, panties and swimsuits. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if you're into drag! And I'd fight anyone who tries to make trans women feel bad. It's just, personally, it doesn't feel Right for me.) I assumed people saw me as a man. I really played up being girly. I'd be giggling and acting flirty and barf. But I thought I was being very Gender and convincing people! And that's what I was trying to do: convince people. People who didn't need convincing because they saw me as a woman. It was just me who didn't.

Fun fact: I quote this all the time and people keep looking at me weird.

Anyway, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown over the past few days because my brain finally said, "You know what? Fuck this and fuck you. You know what you are, goddamn idiot bastard man." So now I'm trying to be less of a goddamn idiot bastard man and continue the process I started when I was like... 3. I'm gonna make little me so fucking proud when I grow that beard (god I hope I can grow a beard) and get this weight off my chest.

I haven't figured out what name to go by yet because I've been through several since I told my parents I hated my name when I was like 10 and none of them fit. But I am a man and I am starting the process of making that obvious to everyone around me.

I already know some people are gonna be challenging but fuck it, we ball!

[geodetojoy]

Collection of wisdom saga thoughts:

(None of these are in chronological order it’s just whatever pops in my head :P)

- Athena calling ody her friend in we’ll be fine vs ody calling Athena his mentor in monster????? That compared to my goodbye???? Fucking brutal. They’ve both changed so much after losing each other bro. OW

- LOVE that in little wolf the suitors are always using the chorus as like a taunt, bit it never fits into their dialogue it just kinda interrupts it but then Athena comes along and the chorus ties directly into what she’s saying, like “don’t go down without a- fight little wolf fight!” It’s really cool how it shows his opposition vs his allies I love it

- also just. so many shrimp emotions brought out during legendary and we’ll be fine. guh

- the video game aspects were so cool!!!!!! Love the one on one with Telemachus and antinous with the mortal combat-esk animation that went along with it!! And in god games how every time Athena convinced a god it played like a level up sound effect!!! Suuuper interesting :D

-CALYPSO!!!!! HER!!!! The first time ody has faced an enemy that doesn’t mean him any harm (harm as in like. trying to kill him, obvi she still did some fucked up shit to him) but might actually be the worst one out of all of them because he just misses his wife so damn badly. Don’t even get me STARTED on the fuckin “ody” and “open arms” shit bro that HURT

- Did I mention I love Telemachus? I love Telemachus. He’s so ambitious and so so kind and has such a good heart I adore himmmmmm <3 Despite never really being able to meet his dad aside from as an infant, he looks up to him so much and respects him and wants to be like him, and I’m sure that’s all Penelope’s doing <333 the wife and husband ever, actually. they invented heterosexuality and true love

-GOD GAMES!!!!!!! While I’ve seen plenty of understandable criticisms, like it being too short or fast-paced, I think jay did the absolutely best he possibly could with it!! It’s so fun and gives us such a good glimpse into the thoughts and priorities of all of the gods and ATHENA!!! WHAT A QUEEN!!! UNMASKED WITTY AND QUEEN OF THE BEST STRATEGIES WE’VE SEEN FRRRRR!!! Also I’m fuckin obsessed with ares’s voice it sounds so coollllll AND ZEUS’S GROWL BROOOO it’s so impressive I wish I could do that. I’m also gonna have the way they say Aphrodite and hera in my head forever I owe them my life

- I know jay talked about it in a short, but I actually really enjoyed the differing perspective!!! Don’t get me wrong I miss my boy ody and I’d love to know more details about his situation but I’m so incredibly happy we got an Athena pov I have so much more appreciation for her she might be my favorite character now

- I’ll never get over all of the unique character motifs and just how unique they sound. Like how Circe and calypso sound so similar yet so incredibly different, just like their stories!!! Jay you legend

Ok that’s all for now back to listening on repeat

[yanderederee]

Aftermath…

July 21st, 2004

..T….nt…amitt….damnit…damn…damnit..daMniT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT

Chifuyu didn’t have the heart to stop him. Chifuyu has always been the one to rest a hand on Baji’s shoulder and stop him when he was being reckless.

However, this time, if Chifuyu were to even try to touch Baji, there was a guarantee that same arm would get bent.

Chifuyu couldn’t stop Baji’s assault on the subway tiles. “Damnit!!” Baji screamed once again. It was amazing how his voice hadn’t given up, going at this same pace for almost 11 hours now.

“Damnit!!” Baji yelled, finally losing vigor. Chifuyu ran to his side, helping his captain to his knees when he couldn’t take the overwhelming dig in his chest.

Baji was a victim too. He’d been forced into things no man ever should have to experience. Let alone a 13 year old kid, with what felt like the weight of the world on his back.

Baji couldn’t control the sobs that took him over in violent tremors. Chifuyu held Baji’s weak form, while they began to cry together.

“Damnit… I ..” Baji croaked out. Chifuyu held on tight, coursing his friend to talk.

Please, just talk to me. I know I can’t help. But please. Let me hurt for you.

“I couldn’t… I tried…” he sighed, blurry vision making out the wrappings on his arms, meant to heal the cuts and burns underneath. The blood that still stained them, because he kept opening the damn things wide open. Chifuyu doesn’t think it’s on purpose. Baji knows it is.

“Why… why does shit like this happen, to good fucking people!” Baji’s rage was slowly on the incline again. His temper may have been bad before, but the severe concussion and trauma he’d been forced to endure, he was uncontrollable.

“She didn’t do anything! Stayed out of toman, never skipped her dumb fucking curfew… S-she…” he bawled. Rage gave way to pain once again, and Chifuyu shook when he held tighter.

Baji almost whispered what came next, sending shivers down Chifuyu’s back.

“I couldn’t understand it before.. wanting to kill someone so badly. So seriously…” he evened out his tone and became stone. “But damnit..Chifuyu-“ he tried to keep the tough face, but as if immediately being brought back to earth, his walls crumbled all over again.

“None of it’s her fault, you’re right.” Chifuyu agreed, quickly following up. “We know who’s to blamed Baji. It’s okay.”

“We’ll get out revenge.”

It had only been two weeks since Toman and Yotsuya Kaiden fought .

…

July 11th, 2004

“…. I thought… we’d get …the chance…” you said softly, between hiccups you held back so harshly. “I had.. so much planned for…”

It was Tanabata after all. And it was long ruined.

“… I know.” Baji spoke into your hair. Ever since muscle in his body was sore, and shaking. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, cradling your head with his one good arm.

“Don’t worry baby, the gods will hear your prayers. I promise you that every god who ..” he paused, pulling away, and firmly cradling with all the softness there was left in him. “I promise, I will make the gods and humans alike, who let this happen. I will ..”

“I’ll make sure that every single one of your wishes come true.” He nuzzled his forehead against yours, uncontrollably letting tears flood past.

You could see Baji’s pupils become uneven, eyelids blinking over and over.. he was going to lose conciousness. “Baji-”

“Keisuke.” His voice broke once, hurt at the usage of his last name. “Pl..lease..” he closing his eyes when he held back a sob. “Please let me still be your Kei.”

…

Baji passed out immediately after those words, sobs racking him in and out of slumber, even still.

There was nothing more you wished to do than to cradle his broken form into you. It was so natural to follow those urges ever since you two agreed on dating.

But you couldn’t disturb him with the equally violent panic attacks what ripped through you without warning.

Nauseous, you felt hands wondering areas they never should have. Disgusted, scared—- you fell out of the hospital bed trying so hard to make it to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, Chifuyu is stunned into tears when he finds your unconscious form collapsed on the floor, a pool of vomit only feet away.

“Oh god,” stunned when obversing the scene in front of him, he was horrified to actually catch your flickering gaze. Very in and out of consciousness. “Y/n, hey, it’s okay.” Chifuyu encouraged. He sat you up, and folded your knees under his grip, gently carrying you around the accidently and into the bathroom.

“Here,” he sat you by the toilet, discarding his hoodie, and rolled up his sleeves. “Only think about staying sat up against the wall.” He instructed, laying the back of his hand over your forehead.

“Doing great,” he smiled at you brilliantly when you managed to keep his gaze for longer than three seconds. “Take your tim-” he started, until another violent wave of nausea keeled you over the edge of the toilet suddenly.

Holding back a pitiful string of tears, Chifuyu bit his lip and pulled strands of hair from your face. “Let it out,” he kept going, adding considerable pressure into the small circles he rubbed into your back.

Chifuyu sat with you as you lethargically came back in and out of conciousness. Crying some seconds about how awful everything felt, dozing off peacefully into his chest, to worrying about Baji. This cycle repeated from the morning when he first came to check on you, til the nurses released him of his role, and shooed him out. He made sure they kept his hoodie for you to hold onto. Just in case.

“Why didn’t you call for a nurse earlier dumbass?!” Baji kicked Chifuyu’s waiting room chair harshly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it!” Chifuyu admitted bashful. “I just.. I couldn’t leave.” He shrugged, painfully.

“You’re a good guy, Chifuyu…” Baji said, his head felt like it was spinning while he cradled into his busted hands. “Thank you.. for staying by her.”

“I’m sticking by you too, yaknow.” Chifuyu shoved Baji softly. Baji gave Chifuyu a look over, before smiling. “Thanks…”

Baji would absolutely never in a million’s years admit just how terribly he was struggling. But being a good person, he couldn’t hide it for shit. Not this time.

“‘Kids just go round hitting eachother over the side of the hair for fun these days?”

…

“I just can’t believe the things these kids are getting themselves into anymore!”

…

“Ms Baji, this is serious.. he’s looking at a 3 month healing window, just from a glance…”

…

So much annoying chatter. His head was splitting open so damn bad, he honestly couldn’t really remember any for the next few days, if you’d asked him. Just a few core memories to get by.

He felt pathetic, the dizzy spells that took him down, out from his own feet. He was almost thankful that school was finally out for the semester, since remembering anything was difficult, but above all else, Nothing. Felt. Normal.

While recovering, there were so many times he would excuse himself to hide into a bathroom stall, and let whatever uncontrollable urge take over.

He felt so unlike himself at every given opportunity, uncomfortable in the way his friends and family alike would look at him.

Don’t look at me like that.

He wanted to snap back. And unfortunately, he did.

His sense of irritability spiking and diminishing quicker than a conversation could be held.

He’d get frustrated at the littlest of mistakes.

Baji couldn’t stand the look of pity everyone gave him when he slipped or slurred a word.

Yet, out of every person, he made dead honest effort to push pash every single symptom down, if only for a few minutes or hours.

Just to enjoy the feeling of comforting you.

Baji cries alone to himself more than ever, but he made, forced you into pinky promising him that should you ever, ever, ever, need him ever, for any reason. He would escape his hospital room and force his way into yours.

To be here with you, now. It’s past midnight, quiet and dark, easy on his dissipating headache. Baji heard you wake up with a gurgled, terrified scream.

The same scream that ripped him wide open in the first place.

Bolted, Baji came to witness your sweat stained hospital gown clinging to you while you were gathering your bearings, upright in the bed and panting, hyperventilating.

You held eachother the entire night, sharing sniffles, and tighter squeezes.

“How are you feeling?” You asked him, leaning against his chest, while he lay his back in your hospital bed.

“Nothin’ to worry about,” he gave you a reassuring smile. “I’m already halfway healed.”

You stare into him deeper, and knowing you were about to call his bluff, he looked away and chuckled. “Yeah, I’m hangin in there.” He answered honestly.

“But.. I’m seriously more worried about you,” he gently touched, his bad arm tucked into your side as you carefully considered it while cuddling into him closer.

As bad of a liar as you may be to him, you always made sure to wear this obvious mask of serenity. You rolled your eyes, as though being used to hearing this now.

“I’m not going to force it out of you,” Baji rested his forehead against the dip of your temple. “I have no idea what kind of things go on inside your head. Wish I did,” he chuckled shifting to kiss your cheekbone. “… you’re smart. I trust you…” he shifted your absent gaze, dewing up when he made deep eye contact.

“I trust you to talk to me,” he whispered again. “I’ll be anything you need, forever.”

“So when you’re ready, I’m here…”

[littledollll]

If you are comfortable writing it could I please request a Lucifer X reader.

R gets pregnant (r and Luci didn't realise they could even get her pregnant) and is scared/overwhelmed especially because they don't know how Lucifer will react to the news.

R ends up having a miscarriage before they tell Lucifer they were pregnant so when they find r on the floor of their shared bedroom crying with blood on their thighs they immediately become concerned and go to help them.

R ends up having a breakdown saying that it's somehow a punishment for not being sure they wanted to keep the kid in the first place and how Lucifer needs to find someone else because clearly they aren't a worthy partner if they can't give them an heir.

Lucifer runs them a bath and holds them in it whispering then words of reassurance and telling them that none of this is r's fault at all.

Love and light

Lucifer Morningstar x reader

Warnings: miscarriages, crying, fear of abandonment

A/n: I didn’t even know how to begin writing this but I wanted to so badly and I felt like I needed to. I hope In some way this comforts anyone who needs it, and to whoever needs to hear this. I love you, and it’s not your fault, I promise.

You didn’t even know this was possible. But here you sat, curled up and bloodied on the bathroom floor. Praying to whatever god would listen for the strength to get your shit together before they got home and found you. They would leave you, you convinced yourself. Why would they want you anymore after this? Your prayers went unanswered as they arrived home and you couldn’t find it in yourself to move.

You’d never seen Lucifer look so alarmed, it only made you feel guiltier. Immediately running up to you and kneeling on the floor, both of their hands hands cupping your face as they tried to decipher what happened since you couldn’t talk through your sobs.

Wasn’t it just a week ago you found out you were pregnant? How did you get here. At first you weren’t even sure if you wanted a kid. You were scared, anxious of how Lucifer would’ve reacted when you eventually told them, but you never got the chance to. This is how they find out. With a shaking hand you pointed towards your drawer in the bathroom cabinet and immediately hid your face into your knees when they stood to look where you pointed.

A pregnancy test. Just barely peaking out from under your pads, Lucifer froze, they took it out and laid it on the counter, for a full second too long they looked between you and the test. You crumbled and spoke through sobs. “I’m- im sorry, I took it- a week ago I, I was so scared to t-tell you- I understand I should be replaced-“ they pulled you into a hug. So tight it could’ve been bone crushing yet it’s just what you needed.

“My girl.. my sweet girl, I would never, I could never replace you. Don’t apologize. You didn’t do this.” You shook your head. “I failed- as, as a partner and parent- it’s all my fault. I wasn’t sure-“

“Don’t say that, don’t talk about yourself like that, you are my love and light. It’s okay to be scared, to not know what to do. Don’t blame yourself.” They looked at you with nothing but love and adoration. Carefully tilting up your head they laid a kiss on your temple. “Let’s get you in the bath, my love, I’ll join you if you wish.” you barely nodded. Your head was pounding and your body just felt weak.

Lucifer walked you through every single step, from standing you up, to rinsing off in the shower before they filled the tub, as you sinked in first they went to move away causing your hand to spring up and grab their wrist. “I’m just cleaning up, my heart. I will be gone no longer than a second.”

They stuck to their word. After everything outside was done they entered the bath behind you, their hands smoothed down your arms lovingly. “I love you all the same, what happened isn’t your fault, you didn’t cause it.” rubbing your shoulders and back, they placed gentle kisses where their hands followed. Then circling around your waist and hugging you close, their chin resting on your shoulder.

You breathed in deep and out slow with their guidance. You felt your headache come down and for what felt like the first time in hours, you could actually breathe.

“I love you. My love and light.”

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (2)

ー☆ Chapter 2: RunRunRun

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cussing really ー☆ Word count: 6.6k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Hihi, second chapter is out!! I hope you all enjoy it and leave feedback, I really really appreciate that!! Taglist is still open for those interested. Do not forget to check out the playlist and listen to the song before or while reading (RunRunRun)!! Thank you. Now, enjoy!

Taglist: @orshii @lovely-red2 @juicy-red @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

『I always thought it would be easy (easy)

To get you out my mind (mind)』

            Certainly my sleep could’ve been more peaceful, but after the shit I pulled—drew Mingi’s eyes, for fuck’s sake—I knew I was in for a long night of overthinking and overanalyzing everything. Just for a second I allowed myself to place aside all judgement and foulness I felt towards the smug prick and, yes, admitted, that perhaps he wasn’t too bad to look at. Not a little bit, not even at all. However, this thought unsettled me and quickly made me remember how my blood boiled and nerves rose caused by his stuck-up attitude and irritating smirk. He was an asshole full of himself, and there was no way in hell I would allow his mild handsomeness overshadow his good for nothing personality. Guys like him were only by your side for a short while, while the relationship would feel new and exciting, and after that they dip like you have never even existed on the surface of Earth. That thought alone made me groan last night and punch a pillow before I finally willed my mind to calm down and erase the knowledge of his existence—or of the very obvious drawing of his eyes in my sketchbook, which I started considering my journal at some point.

If the lack of sleep wasn’t enough to put me in a sour mood, then the chilly air of the morning certainly made me grit my teeth as I stormed back inside the house to grab my beige and maroon plaid flannel shirt before running off to catch the bus to university. Currently, Seulgi and I were sat in the cafeteria enjoying our lunches—well, she was, my appetite never found me today—as I chewed the last bits of my quite simple sandwich I have packed in a haste this morning, Seulgi’s mouth, despite being full, was constantly moving and spouting information after information. I was only half-heartedly listening to her at this point—I swear to God, Wooyoung has been the center of our conversation for the past half an hour—as I held my pencil between my fingers and mindlessly doodled in my sketchbook. I wasn’t drawing anything particular, just random shapes which my brain felt necessary to draw as Seulgi suddenly hiccupped, face turning red. I cast her a glance as she quickly opened her bottle of water and chugged down at least half of its contents.

“Are you good?” I asked amused as she fanned her face.

“I think I almost just died.” Her answer made me snort as I grabbed the apple off my tray and bit into it, almost instantly regretting it as I was never a fan of apples.

“No wonder, you keep talking with your mouth full.” I muttered and Seulgi rolled her eyes as she went back to eating her lunch, smiling to herself like an idiot. I rolled my eyes but basked in the silence, finally able to have a little bit of peace of mind. I loved Seulgi and her random rambles, but not when they were about Wooyoung. And lately he seemed to be the only thing she talked about.

“Did you get to rest last night?” She asked as she gulped down her soup, eyebrows furrowed as she took in my appearance, seemingly finally aware that I looked tired. I shook my head with a sigh and turned the page of my sketchbook as I have filled the other one with shapes. Seulgi glanced down at the clean page and grimaced, leaning in closer towards me, “Just how stressed are you right now? That’ll be your third page in the past fifteen minutes.”

“I’m not really stressed,” I corrected her, taking another bite of the apple and regretting it again, “I’m just bored and probably restless.”

“Why?” Seulgi inquired and I shrugged, pressing the pencil against the white sheet of paper and carefully starting to draw sharp and precise lines.

“Don’t know,” I muttered, eyebrows furrowing when suddenly the cafeteria was filled with noise as if a whole crowd entered it, “Mom says it’s the full moon.”

“That was like…almost two weeks ago.” Seulgi gave me a deadpanned look and I chuckled, shrugging again. I most certainly wasn’t going to tell her that I haven’t slept well last night because I drew Mingi’s eyes and then freaked out over it, and was still pretty much freaking out about it, because I didn’t know what this meant and why it happened. And I really didn’t want to find out as I mindlessly pressed a small but firm dot underneath the lines I drew on the left side of the paper.

“I don’t know then, Seulgi, you know I have periods when I can’t sleep.” Seulgi hummed at my response and then a coy smile made its way onto her lips and I raised my eyebrows, pressing her to go on and tell me what was on her mind.

“What did you think of Noir Zenith?” I didn’t want to talk about this.

“They were fine.” I answered boredly, drawing a small semi-circle underneath the sharp lines, “Nothing too impressive. I’m now convinced you only like them because of Wooyoung.”

“Stop!” Seulgi shushed me with a blush and pointed her fork at me threateningly, “I actually enjoy their music, alright?! I liked the band before I started liking Wooyoung, so stop being mean.”

“Whatever,” I stuck my tongue out at her as I added a bit of shading to the drawing, “I expected their music to be worse, that I’ll admit, however, I only vibed with Seonghwa and Wooyoung—”

“Yeah, you made that very clear, Y/N.” Seulgi cut me off with a sharp tone and it brought a sheepish smile onto my lips as I was about to take another bite of my apple just as I narrowed my eyes at the drawing, staring at it for a second longer. And then it clicked. Fuck. I quickly shut my sketchbook closed as I threw my pencil on the table, groaning loudly. I couldn’t believe it. Why was I doing this? Why was I drawing Mingi’s eyes again?

『I think I found a new addiction

It feels so right』

“What?” Seulgi asked confused as she gazed at my closed sketchbook.

“Nothing.” I muttered lowly, banging my head against the table once before taking another bite of my apple, trying to ignore the way my heart started to race. There must be something about his eyes if my brain decided to burn it into its memory and recall it at any given time my pencil touched a piece of paper as I let loose to draw mindlessly.

“You’ve been acting weird all day long, Y/N.” Seulgi raised an eyebrow and I sighed, slouching down in my seat as suddenly there was a roar of cheers. I wasn’t interested at all to know what was happening behind me; therefore I found no desire in myself to turn around and look. It was probably the football team or some noisy first year’s having a little bit too much fun in the cafeteria while they totally disregard that, perhaps, some people would like to hear their own thoughts while given a longer break from their studies. My lips pulled into a sneer and I almost turned around to find the culprits I could glower at, but Seulgi found her voice again now that she was done with her lunch, “Wooyoung complimented my outfit twice last night, Y/N, twice! I was seriously freaking out!”

“Oh, wow,” I muttered unimpressed, not having it in me to tell her that she’s told me that information three times now, “and yet you kept stressing about it.”

“I couldn’t help myself,” Seulgi pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, “I was so nervous. It was the first time he invited me to their performance—”

“Haven’t you seen them countless of times before last night?” I asked with narrowed eyes and Seulgi rolled her eyes with a tsk.

“But this was different, Y/N, you’re so impossible I don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this—”

“Yeah, me neither.” I gaped at her fakely, making Seulgi roll her eyes, “This is the third time I’m hearing everything, Seulgi.”

“Well, sorry for being excited about my crush finally showing interest in me.” Seulgi’s voice hardened as she snapped and I pouted, knowing that I have upset her. She threw me a glare as she grabbed her phone, acting uninterested as I reached over the table and softly gripped her wrist. I knew she couldn’t resist when I acted cute.

“Sorry, you know I’m cranky when I don’t sleep, don’t get mad.” I coerced her with a sweet voice and she just spared me a glance before going back to her phone. I sighed dramatically and retreated my hand, falling back into my chair and groaning as I closed my eyes briefly. My muscles were sore from sitting almost all day long, and my eyes hurt from too much light and staring at my sketchbook even when it wasn’t necessary. I opened my eyes and allowed them to roam over the cafeteria as I decided to quickly finish the little apple I have left over and took in the students around us. All groups were enjoying their free time quietly, speaking amongst themselves in a moderate tone, not loud enough to disturb anyone, yet there was one fucking table which just wouldn’t shut up, and fed up with it, I whirled around in my chair and searched for them, nose flaring in irritation. However, when my eyes landed on the culprits, my heart fell into my ass and my jaw clenched as I allowed the vicious glare to overtake my features as I sent daggers towards them. There he sat. At the table closest to the entrance, clad in a much more casual outfit compared to last night with sunglasses obscuring his view—who the fuck wears sunglasses inside—as he was surrounded by at least five girls. Mingi was leaning back in his chair, body falling against it awkwardly as his limbs were too long for it, legs spread out wide as he currently had his hands behind his head, smirking up at the blonde girl from the pub. Huh, so she goes to our university, should’ve expected that.

“Disgusting.” I sneered quietly, enticed by the view as my body wallowed in irritation, hatred and disgust, wishing for nothing more than to slam my sketchbook against Mingi’s head and scream the most creative profanities in his face. He was just asking for it with his smug face and shit eating grin, acting like he was a God, above everyone else, making girls swoon for his ass when he wasn’t even all that great.

“What’s—oh.” Seulgi cut herself off once her eyes followed my gaze and she chuckled. I could see her raise an eyebrow from the corner of my eyes as she watched me before looking back at Mingi, leaning back in her chair as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, “You never explained why you hate him so much.”

“Ugh, just look at him!” That was all Seulgi had to say to set me off, “He’s self-centered and conceited! He’s a jerk and he treats everyone else like they are less than him, and oh, my God, don’t even get me started about his stupid smirk which screams, ‘oh, look! I’m better than you ever will be, and by the way, you’re dumb as fuck!’, God, I hate the guy.”

Seulgi’s eyebrows went up to her hairline that’s how high they were raised as I turned around to look at her, having seen enough of Mingi’s stupid side profile as he smirked and laughed at every stupid thing those girls were probably saying to him, “Okay, Miss I hate his pants so much I can’t stop staring at him; that was intense, what the fuck. Poor Mingi, he didn’t even do anything to you and here you are—dragging his ass like he killed your cat or something, Y/N.”

“That would be the last straw—”

“You don’t even have a cat.” Seulgi deadpanned and I sighed exasperated, throwing an irritated smile her way. She was supposed to be on my side, not defending an asshole when she could clearly see how much distaste I had towards him.

“Whatever, I just can’t stand him, alright?” I muttered at last with a huff and Seulgi cocked an eyebrow as her phone pinged, quickly looking down at it. Her mouth instantly stretched into a huge smile and she started bouncing her legs up and down as she slapped the table once very loudly.

“I’m about to die—” She took a deep breath as she squealed quietly, looking at me like she has won the lottery or something, “Wooyoung finally asked me to hang out!”

I smiled at my best friend, happy that things were going well for her, “So, it’s a date then?”

“Not yet.” She smiled as she was texting back, biting her lower lip with a huge smile on her face, “But perhaps soon.”

“Oh, he better ask you out soon,” I muttered just as another roar of squealing disturbed my pace of mind and I have reached my limit for today, that was it, “Or I’ll make him regret being born.”

Seulgi cackled at that as I grabbed my sketchbook and pencil and showed them inside my backpack, “Y/N! That’s too much, don’t you think—Where are you going?”

“Class.” I answered curtly, throwing my flannel shirt around my exposed shoulders as I wore a dark blue off-shoulder long sleeved blouse, paired with black ripped jeans and fishnets underneath.

“We’ve got like ten more minutes until then—”

“Yeah, but if I hear Mingi’s bitches squealing again in the next three seconds I might go ahead and jump out the fucking window.” I deadpanned and Seulgi bit her lower lip as it quivered, threatening to burst out into laughter. It wasn’t funny, and so, I gave her a harmless glare.

“Oh, God, you’re impossible. I can’t believe you’re this cranky.” She said as she finally started laughing.

“This isn’t me being cranky, this is me being irritated by someone’s whole ass existence, anyways, see you!” I called as I took off before Seulgi could say anything else, I knew she’d be following me soon after as we had to walk to the other side of campus to reach the Art’s building.

『Run, baby, run

Run for your life

I'ma tear out your heart

It'll always be mine』

I steeled my expression and pushed my shoulders back as I took off towards the exit, gripping the straps of my backpack tightly. The closer I got to it—which meant I was also getting closer and closer to the table Mingi sat at—the louder those girls voices got. Anyone close enough could hear what they were screaming about—okay, they weren’t screaming, but they were loud—and it made me bite my lower lip as I started tapping my finger against the strap of the backpack, trying to calm my nerves. But Mingi was just sitting there, basking in the attention, grinning and laughing loudly at the very shitty and poor attempts of flirting of the girls, and I really didn’t mean to, but my eyes landed on them and my jaw fell a little bit open when I noticed him signing some stupid looking banner with his face plastered all over it as a black-haired girl was gushing about his looks and deep voice. Where the hell were we? Highschool?! I knew Seulgi was praying right now to all the existing Gods and asking them to let me pass by their table without no disturbances, but that just wasn’t possible as my cheeks flushed in disgust and anger, shooting a sharp glare at the side of Mingi’s face.

“Even your autograph is pretty.” One of the girl’s sighed dreamily, “Can you get any more perfect?”

“Oh, angel, you haven’t even seen everything and you’re already head over heels for me?” Mingi’s voice dropped a few octaves as he blinked up at the girl seductively and I might have as well thrown up in my mouth. I scoffed as I passed behind him, stomping my feet perhaps a little bit too hard as I noticed two girls glance my way.

“Assuming things once again, aren’t you?” My tone was snappy and ice cold as I threw in the comment in passing. I didn’t intend on stopping, but Mingi’s instant reply made me halt.

“Insulting others once again, aren’t you?” I huffed quietly as I bit my lower lip, whirling around. For a second I was taken aback by the unimpressed looks thrown my way by the girls, but I didn’t let it show on my face.

“Only those worthy of getting put in their places, Mingi.” I allowed a cheeky smile slip onto my lips as I stared him down, his eyebrows slightly furrowing. I was surprised to see the dark eyeshadow give more depth at the outer corner of his eyes, the makeup being absent last night. His lips were shiny and you could see the blemishes clearly on his jawline now, his black hair still covering his forehead messily. His grey jumper was oversized and reached mid-thigh over his denim jeans; matching jacket draped around his chair.

“Isn’t it a delight seeing you today as well, Y/N.” Mingi’s tone was mocking as he raised one eyebrow, making me roll my eyes, “Good morning.”

“My morning was good until I heard your puppets and you giggling as if we were in highschool—and it’s noon, Mingi, thought you were smart enough to know lunch time was during noon.”

“What’s your problem?” The blonde snapped and placed a possessive hand on Mingi’s shoulder, which made him cast her a side glance. His lips twitched, and for a second—just a little second—I was able to see the irritation in his eyes at the unwanted touch; it almost made me furrow my eyebrows and throw a questioning glance at Mingi, but I stopped myself. I was certainly misreading his expressions. He loved this, the attention and praises. He was pathetic.

“You and the dude you’re worshiping as if he were a Greek God—” I sighed dramatically, leaning down a little as I made eye contact with Mingi, “Get over yourself.”

It made him chuckle and his nose scrunched up, eyes slightly becoming smaller, but there was no humor in the sound he made, “At least they don’t show up to a performance without knowing the artists and start shitting on them unwarranted, insulting them as if they were superior to them. I say you’ve got something to learn from these girls, Y/N.”

I scoffed and crossed my arms in front of my chest, “Yeah, like what? How to pucker my lips and bat my eyelashes at you to gain your attention? Or throw in cringey flirting and nonconsensual touches?” 

The girls seemed shocked as I threw them all a glare before my gaze landed on the embarrassing banner as I felt Mingi’s heated gaze on my face. He didn’t say anything as his jaw clenched, palms balling up into fists. My eyes fell back on him and our gazes locked, both of us annoyed at this point, as we stared each other down, glares molding into one sharp look as we both refused to look away first. If he thought I was going to back down, he was wrong. His sharp eyes were narrow as a fierce look glazed over them, and for a split second, my eyes fell on the mole underneath his right eye. The drawing I was doodling not even half an hour ago flashed in my mind and I clicked my tongue, suddenly irritated with myself and with Mingi for getting to me so easily.

『Oh, there she go

Losing my head』

“Your silence says everything I needed to know—”

“Don’t get too cocky, smarty pants, silence speaks louder at times and you’re down right embarrassing yourself right now.” My jaw hung open at Mingi’s next words, which were harsh and hissed out as his raspy voice reached my ears, and I sneered at him.

“The only embarrassing one here,” I looked around, “are your puppets, bro. And that fucking shit ass banner.”

Before anyone could say anything I whirled around and stormed off, aware that Seulgi had seen the exchange from afar and was up on her feet, basically scurrying around to gather her things and come to the rescue of Mingi. I just knew she’d have his back and I really didn’t have the energy to sit around and listen to her chastise me in front of him and his baboons. However, I did hear the girls throwing insults after me, Mingi remaining an awful lot silent. It’s not like he could’ve said anything. And I knew he wished to say them to my face, to see the rise he got out of me. I scoffed as I stormed out the building, wanting to let out a frustrated cry in the meantime.

『Please don't waste any time

The sirens are turning red

I found a whole another vice』

            It had gotten dark outside by the time Seulgi and I headed to our curricular art class, fog slowly settling upon our little town as the lampposts illuminated the dark streets, casting an aery yet comforting feeling. I would have to walk home later tonight, but I found the thought relaxing and much needed after the tumultuous day I have had. I couldn’t stand still all day after the encounter with Mingi and his baboons, I couldn’t help but mull over his words over and over again, so much so, that I got called out in one of the classes by the professor. It was embarrassing, but what was even more embarrassing was that one of the girl’s from the table shared three classes with me and kept sending me unwanted glares, pissing me off to no end. If Seulgi wouldn’t have been by my side the whole day, I probably would’ve confronted the girl and cussed her out, ruining my image more in her eyes, if that was even possible.

I was slouched forward, chin resting on my palm and elbow pressing into my thigh as I listened to Seulgi ramble on about how her hangout with Wooyoung went. Her cheeks had a constant flush on them and I grinned as she sucked in a deep breath as she desperately needed it after talking for a few good minutes without stopping.

“And he bought me coffee too even though I never asked,” She bit her lip, trying to contain herself, “He was waiting for me with it in his hands.”

“That’s sweet of him.” I mumbled and looked behind Seulgi, looking out towards the class. Today not many could make, there was a total of five students sitting around the room, working diligently on their sketches. Today’s theme was the human body, a shape or an outline of your choice. It could be a face, a body, or a shadow like figure. Everyone had free reign of choosing the style as long as it was a human shape.

“I know, and his hands were freezing cold,” Seulgi gushed, “So, I gave him my gloves.”

“The Hello Kitty ones?” I asked with a quiet chuckle, turning the pencil over in my hands. I was itching to get started on our assignment, but Seulgi was on her rant once again and I didn’t want to interrupt her again. I have felt bad all day long for upsetting her in the cafeteria; I shouldn’t ruin her mood just because I’m cranky myself.

“Yes!” Seulgi laughed while covering her mouth, “And he looked so cute wearing them, Y/N! We couldn’t stop giggling about it. Pink might be his color.”

“You should’ve dared him to wear something pink at their next performance.” I added with a chuckle, making Seulgi giggle as her cheeks flushed even a darker shade of red. If she kept up with this, her whole face would turn red and she’d look like a tomato.

“I don’t think that would fit the whole rocker concept they have going on.” She muttered with a chuckle and I just shrugged, glancing at my bare paper. I hoped Seulgi would get the hint that I really wanted to start drawing now, but she opened her mouth again.

“He suggested we take a selfie—” Seulgi let out a dreamy sigh, “I don’t think I have enough self-control to not set it as my lock screen.”

“Wouldn’t that be too fast?” I wondered, raising an eyebrow at her. Seulgi nodded, looking slightly defeated.

“It would, I just hope the day will come when I’ll be able to do so.” Her voice got quieter as she looked down at the ground and I didn’t like the sudden drop of confidence. So, I grabbed her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, smiling at her encouragingly.

“It will come, stop doubting everything and just go with the flow.” I offered her a big smile, “I know Wooyoung is a generally nice guy, but his kindness feels different with you. It’s sweet.”

“Stop.” Seulgi hushed me, lightly slapping my arm, “You’re feeding into my delusions, I don’t want to get hurt if things really don’t end well.”

“Have some faith in him, yeah?” I slapped my hands together as I straightened in my seat, glancing at Seulgi’s usual spot, “Shouldn’t you start drawing, though? We’ve got an hour only today.”

“Shit!” Seulgi exclaimed loudly as if she just remembered where we were and what we were doing, “I totally forgot what I’m supposed to be doing right now, this is embarrassing.”

“Off you go!” I shooed her off with a laugh and Seulgi scrambled to her place, face red as she quickly tied her long hair in a low ponytail, eyebrows furrowing as she opened her sketchbook. Despite Wooyoung being the only thing on her mind, I knew she wouldn’t be drawing him. Seulgi was spontaneous and very creative. She found it easy to draw whatever was on her mind, whether it was human shaped, abstract, or a landscape. She had a natural talent when it came to human figures and she absolutely loved drawing anyone whom she had in mind. Which was the opposite of me. I couldn’t draw just anyone. It took me lots of hours of studying and tracing ones features with imaginary lines, mapping out their faces and bodies in my mind carefully before putting them on paper. I needed a muse when it came to drawing humans, and before dating Yunho, I never even had one. Before dating Yunho, I could barely draw an eye. During our relationship I learned many things about myself, and one of them was that I needed to hyper fixate on something—or someone—if I wanted to place them on a paper. It wasn’t obsession, I wouldn’t call it that, it simply was something I found beautiful and inspiring enough to put on paper. I usually did it mindlessly too, used to always drawing Yunho when it came to this subject, so I didn’t bat an eyelash as I relaxed my muscles and allowed my mind to rest as my hand took over, bravely creating lines on the blank paper.

『I always thought it would be easy (easy)

To get you out my mind (mind)』

However, to my utter shock, it didn’t take long for me to realize that the man in my drawing, even by its simple outlines, wasn’t Yunho. It looked nothing like him. My quiet thoughts started to get louder and louder the longer I allowed my hand to trace new lines, go over the older ones and bolden them. Shadows casted over the sharp eyes as I traced the outline of their tall nose, eyebrows scrunching when it seemed like the man was glaring back at me. I couldn’t help but glare back, repulsed by the nagging name ringing through my mind the second I placed the mole underneath his right eye. Mingi. Song Mingi. I didn’t want to admit it. This wasn’t him. The man in my drawing wasn’t Song Mingi. It looked nothing like him. It was pure coincidence that his nose and eyes and moles were in the same spot as Mingi’s. My hand faltered and grip tightened around the pencil once I got to draw the lips, wondering whether I wanted to finish this sketch today—or any other day at all. Deep down I knew I didn’t, but I also hated leaving my works unfinished and there was something deep inside me telling me to suck it up, to stop being childish. It was just a damn drawing. It meant nothing. It really didn’t. Especially since I couldn’t stand him. His annoying stupid smirk. My jaw clenched when Mingi’s smug face stared back at me, almost as if my brain took a picture of his face during lunch break and decided to taunt me by recalling every single detail as I worked diligently.

『I think I found a new addiction

It feels so right』

I have long finished the drawing, giving up to finishing it thoroughly as I felt my muscles spasm just at the thought of perfecting Mingi’s face in my own sketchbook. Anyone could see this. Hell, the other students in this class could ask me to show them my drawing for some inspiration and then I’d be fucked. There’s no way others didn’t know about Mingi and his band. Perhaps I had been the only one living under a rock this whole time, oblivious to the music department and their endeavors at our university. And if word got out that I started drawing Song Mingi, I’d rather die than face him ever again. That simply just wasn’t possible. I refused to even entertain such thought. I’d rather draw my ex of five years and have others think I still wasn’t over him—I seriously am—and bash me for living in the past than start talking about my—inexistent—crush on Song Mingi. The shuffling of papers and sudden movement of others in the room brought me out of my glaring contest with the fake Mingi on my paper and I turned around when I heard my name being called out.

“Could you check this out for me?” Jake, a second-year student, asked shyly. I nodded with a smile and got off my stool, stretching, before I headed his way. He wasn’t an art major, but he apparently had always enjoyed drawing, so he joined our little club. His skills were pretty good, but he still had a lot to learn. As I stopped by his desk, I was met with the face of a girl. She was smiling brightly and the drawing was really good, the shading lacked, but that wasn’t such a big problem.

“Oh, this one is really good, Jake. You’ve gotten a lot better lately.” I offered him an encouraging smile as I patted his back, “Maybe adding a bit more shading next time will do the trick better, hm?”

“Thanks!” Jake beamed as he started gathering his stuff, making me nod as Krystal, a classmate of Seulgi and I, beckoned me over.

“I suck at human shapes, you know that.” She said with a sharp chuckle, lips pulled into a grimace as she slowly turned her sketch around. Yeah, Krystal was really bad at human shapes but it wasn’t something to get judged for. Drawing humans was very difficult and I couldn’t blame her for struggling with it, when, I, myself struggled most of times. However, this drawing presented itself as her best so far.

“This is amazing, Krystal, what are you talking about?!” I exclaimed as I gaped at the outline of two girls leaning onto each other, hugging around the shoulders. One of them was taller and the other one had longer and lighter hair. It must’ve been her older sister and her in the drawing. Their faces weren’t detailed or defined, but their shapes were very beautiful and precise.

“Good, God, I never struggled this hard in my life before.” She said with a sigh and got off her stool as Jake and Yunjin waved goodbye and left. Seulgi bounced over, curious to see Krystal’s drawing, and squealed when she saw it.

“You have to show this to Professor Yoon!” Seulgi exclaimed, “He’ll pass you in a second straight to next year’s class.”

Her comment got Krystal laughing and I shook my head as I walked away once I noticed Yiren struggled packing her stuff away. She was the youngest in our club and a little clumsy, always bumping into things and dropping paint on the floor whenever we were painting. She thanked me quietly as she scrambled around to pack her things and then rushed away shyly, quietly thanking me as she ran out the door. I stopped for a second and wondered why she always looked so intimidated by me. Seulgi walked up to her desk and started putting her things away as well as I walked back to my place, grabbing my backpack to put my pencils away. Krystal and Wheein greeted us in unison before walking out the door, leaving Seulgi and I alone. She approached me with a huge grin on her face, dangling her drawing carelessly between her fingers. I chuckled as I watched her, raising an eyebrow, “Who did you draw?”

“Oh, Joohyun!” Seulgi grinned and showed me her drawing eagerly, her cousin’s face staring back at me as she was laughing hard. I could hear Joohyun’s cackling laughter echo in my head and I smiled at the drawing, missing the girl. She was a few years older than us and had moved away to a different country in order to pursue her modelling career. Seulgi and Joohyun were like sisters, and being Seulgi’s best friend, I had the pleasure of meeting the phenomenal woman her cousin was.

“This is so gorgeous, Seulgi.” I said with a pout and a sigh, “You made me miss Joohyun now.”

“She’s visiting in two months!” Seulgi exclaimed, the news sweeping excitement into my veins as my eyes widened.

“Really?!”

“Yes!” Seulgi grinned, closing her sketchbook, “I can’t wait for us to hang out, it’s been too long since we’ve seen Joohyun.”

“Indeed.” I sighed and picked up the rubber I have dropped like an hour ago, “I also wish I had your skills when it comes to drawing human shapes.”

“Why? So that you can draw Yunho better?” Seulgi’s cackle wasn’t malicious but there was slight judgement in her eyes as I rolled mine.

“You’re so funny today, have I already told you?” I mocked her and Seulgi huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“What? Tell me I’m wrong.” But before I could tell her she was wrong, she was speaking again, “I know you drew him again, Y/N.”

“I didn’t!” My response was too fast and defensive and I regretted speaking up the second I saw Seulgi’s eyes flash with interest.

“You didn’t draw Yunho?” She asked shocked, not even bothering to hide it. I sighed lowly, awaiting the questions tumbling off her lips for the next thirty minutes, “Who is it then?”

“No one important.” I muttered, eyes falling on the drawing, making me realize that I had to put it away before Seulgi got the chance of seeing it. I wouldn’t live another day if she got even a glimpse of it, “Let’s go.”

But as I reached for the sketchbook, Seulgi slapped my hand away hard—it started stinging instantly—and ripped my sketchbook off the drafting board. Her eyebrows furrowed for a second as her eyes took in the drawing, and then, a loud gasp left her lips as her eyes shot up, staring at me wide eyed, confusion written all over her face.

『Run, baby, run

Run for your life

Gonna tear out your heart

It'll always be mine』

“This isn’t Yunho—”

“I told you—”

“Bitch, this is Song fucking Mingi?!” Seulgi’s voice raised and I gulped, mentally preparing myself for the screaming and nagging to follow. But Seulgi sounded an awful lot composed despite the various emotions written all over her face, “What is Song Mingi doing in your drawing?”

“That’s not Song Mingi.” Was the best I could do as I scoffed, gripping the sketchbook as I tried to yank it out of her hands, but Seulgi was gripping it firmly.

“Yeah, sure, and I’m fucking blind then—” Seulgi rolled her eyes before giving me a deadpan look, “This is Mingi, Y/N, you’re not bullshitting your way out of this. Now, explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain.” I didn’t mean to snap, but it happened, “It’s not Mingi. Why the hell would I even draw that fucker? It’s just a random face which popped into my head and I drew it mindlessly, alright? Maybe it looks like Mingi, but it’s not him.”

“Yeah, sure, and I’m the fucking Pope in Vatican—”

“Seulgi!” I snapped and tugged on the sketchbook again, finally getting her to release it. She didn’t seem too impressed as I quickly shut the sketchbook and grabbed my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder, “Shut up and let’s just go.”

“The hell am I shutting up, bitch.” Seulgi scoffed as she got her backpack too, “That’s Mingi and you can’t gaslight me with this one. Are you into him—”

“Oh, my God!” I exclaimed with disgust ridden all over my face, “Do you even hear yourself right now?! How could I be into him? I hate his guts!”

“That’s why you fucking drew him—”

“I didn’t draw him!” I finally exclaimed just as we got out the room, Seulgi shutting the door loudly behind us after she turned the lights off.

“You’ve been acting hella weird ever since we’ve been to Outlaw, Y/N, what are you not telling me?” Seulgi leaned against the wall as I locked up the room.

“I am not acting weird and there’s nothing I’m not telling you, so, will you just drop this whole thing?” I snapped, raising my eyebrows at her in irritation. Seulgi bit her lower lip and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she looked like she was contemplating. But one another glance at my face and she knew she wouldn’t get anything out of me, so she just sighed and shook her head as she pushed off the wall.

“Fine, let it be your way,” She muttered, falling in step with me by my side, “At least it’s not Yunho anymore. You’re finally getting over him—”

“Bitch, I’ve been over him for ages.” I threw my best friend a sharp glare and she just chuckled, shaking her head at me. I held back the urge to slap the back of her head hard in hopes that her delusional thoughts would get slapped out of her head with the effort.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” She mocked and before I could go off on her again, she faced me and smiled brightly, “Want to get McDonald’s before we head home?”

All thoughts of Mingi and wanting to hold a whole ass speech to Seulgi about him flew out of my mind at the mention of said junk food and I nodded eagerly, linking my arm with Seulgi’s as she started talking about a girl in her history class and how she managed to embarrass herself and her professor at the same time today.

『Run, baby, run

Run, baby, run』

❱❱ Next chapter

[cutemothman]

I need to talk about Scully in season 8.

Her best friend has just been abducted and the search for him is being treated like a manhunt. Like he's a criminal. After all she's done to stick up for him, she has to watch as his name gets dragged through the mud over and over again. He's a joke to everyone. Despite the fact that he's brilliant and loyal and has the biggest heart, they still see him as a raving lunatic who's obsessed with aliens and ghosts and cryptids. It's even suggested that he staged his abduction because he knew he was dying and wanted to go out with a bang. But that's not Mulder and she knows that. She's not even put in charge of the taskforce to find him, even though she's the person who has the best chance of finding him because anyone else is going to go looking in the wrong places. They can't find him because they don't know him like she does. The power is completely wrenched away from her.

And at the exact same time Mulder goes missing, she finds out she's pregnant. At the end of Requiem, you can see all the emotions she's feeling. Fear because Mulder's gone, confusion because she thought that she was infertile, and hope. So much hope. Gillian does a fantastic job in this scene. She's crying and she's scared but you can tell she wants to be happy about this. It's what she's always wanted. To be a mother. And she knows it's Mulder's baby. And it's so fucking unfair. She got what she hoped and prayed for. After all she's been through. After discovering Emily and having to watch her die. Just as this dream comes true for her the love of her life is ripped away from her.

And she's alone. Without the person that's been by her side for 7 years. I wrote in a fic once that Scully and Mulder are like two bonded shelter cats that can't be separated. She's not used to him not being in her life. Thank god she still has Skinner who always has her back (I get super emotional thinking about how he didn't even entertain Alex's ridiculous request to take out Scully's baby in exchange for a vaccine for Mulder). And despite a rocky beginning with Doggett, he's more than proven himself to her. But none of that matters because she doesn't have Mulder. The person who understands her better than anyone. And because of all the things she's seen, everything she's been through since they first went to Bellefleur, she can't deny the existence of all the improbable things that he's has been showing her all these years. Scully loves Mulder so much that she becomes him. When she's out on cases with Doggett, she assumes the role of believer as a foil to Doggett's realism. She knows how badly Mulder was treated, but now she has to experience that firsthand. Stepping into his shoes, she has to listen to people calling her crazy just like they did to Mulder all those years.

When they find Mulder's body, Doggett literally has to drag her off of his corpse.

Beside Mulder's grave, Scully comments to Skinner how it doesn't feel real that she's standing there. They've had a lot of close calls over the years, but they've always ended up okay. No matter how scraped and bruised and bloodied they always managed to get out alive. Until one of them didn't. He was the last one, she says. His father, his mother, his sister, and now him. In a beautiful moment, Skinner points out that he wasn't the last in reference to her baby (god, I love Skinner).

It's real this time. He's really gone. No matter how much she wishes that she'll see him walk through the door of his office or hear his voice when she picks up the phone he's gone and it's real and he's not coming back.

We as the audience don't get to see what those three months were like when she believed that he was dead, but they must have been absolute hell. She has to grieve him. Knowing that their child will never meet their father. She got her miracle but at what cost? She has to think about how she can move forward. How she can pick up the pieces and continue that work that he started, because if she doesn't, then what the hell was it all even for?

Three months isn't nearly enough time to even scratch the surface of her grief but she's getting up each day and surviving. She has to. What else is she supposed to do?

And then he comes back.

Scully saw them put Mulder in the ground. She stood by his side as he was lowered. This wasn't a magic act. This wasn't a trick of the light. It wasn't a case of a 'missing presumed dead suddenly reappears' soap opera plot. He was dead and now he's not. Scully's seen a lot of shit and opened herself up to new beliefs but this is a whole new level of bizarre. How do you even begin to process the return of someone you put in the ground. People don't just come back from the dead. Aliens exist and monsters are real but people don't come back from the dead.

No one who spends three months buried alive comes out of that okay. I love how they show the change in Mulder's personality. Duchovny portrays him so well. His jokes have more bite. He's darker. There's a new kind of tension that hangs between him and Scully. So thick it's almost choking. It's palpable, especially in that scene where they go back to his apartment. They seem to be dancing around each other. He even apologizes to her for being cold. He says that he's having a hard time figuring out where he fits in. He sees Scully, heavily pregnant, with a new partner by her side living her life without him, and that must be so fucking hard for him. I think back a lot to their conversation in the motel room in Requiem. How he tells her that she has so much more she needs to do with her life. Not our lives, your life. What really strikes me is how he doesn't include himself into that equation. The white picket fence domestic life that she craves. Even though she asked him to be the father of her child, he doesn't see how he fits into that scenario. He never did, even from the beginning but he was willing to try because it's Scully and he would do anything for her. But now, he sees her doing okay without him and he super doesn't feel like he belong.

I sense a kind of hopelessness here from Scully when he comes back. She doesn't know how she can convince him that, yes you belong in my life, so a lot of things go unsaid. There's something that's so maddening but also so special about this show and things that are unspoken. The things that are left up in the air. All the things that we are left to piece together. They don't even touch on the topic of the baby's paternity right after he comes back even though you can tell it's just eating at him. I think he knows but a part of him just can't believe it. He flashes Scully a confused look when Langly makes a comment about him being the father. She doesn't tell him because he's been buried for three months and she doesn't want to pile anything else on him. She can sense that he's hurting so deeply and there isn't a whole lot that she can do about it.

So here she is. She has him back, her best friend rose from the dead. By all intents and purpose, this is a miracle. The man that she loves crawled his way from the grave and back into her life. But things are different now. He's changed and so has she. And she knows they can't ever go back to the way they were before.

[td-brick]

hmm for total drama fandom, i'd ask for 3, 9, 16 and 22! (or maybe 24 if you really wanna pick violence)

3 - Most td takes on here piss me off ngl so I don't have one specific screenshot but pretty much any time someone treats something that terry (or god forbid one of the vas) said as if it's canon even though it's not even implied in the script I get so frustrated 😢😢 I don't believe in word of god and it annoys me so much that so many td fans seem to. No harold does not canonically like taylor swift even though her va HEADCANONS that she does.

9 - The bigotry lol I feel like this is an obvious one but every time I see how badly the women and characters of color are written it's just sad man. It's actually awful. And not nearly as bad but the fart jokes are just annoying as hell but that's again obviously not as bad in the first place and it's at least excusable with td being a kids show and kids think that's funny 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

16 - I could say a million things for this but I'll go with like. The general characterization of fanon cody. To me it's so far removed to how I see him/how he is in canon (aka a creepy "nice guy") that I don't understand it and why they even like him if it's just an entirely different character (in my eyes). To me fanon cody reminds me more of canon sam lol

22 - Most friendships (especially f/f ones)... obviously I'm not against shipping at all but idk I feel like some dynamics are underexplored when they're not romantic. It's like sometimes people forget that close friends are a thing that exists lol... idk I just wish I saw more interesting discussions about friendship I guess

24 - GODDD I FUCKING HATE SIERRA/CODERRA DISCOURSE SO MUCH ITS SO MIND NUMBING AND NONE OF YALL KNOW WHAT NUANCE IS I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT AND ITS STILL GOING ON AFTER MONTHS. I DONT CARE ANYMORE I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO CARE ABOUT!!! FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFF

[writtenbynath]

The hypno community and good behaviour

I came across a post here on tumblr and it kinda made me foam at the mouth, not in a good way, so let me just make a few points here.

It has come to my attention lately that many of the tists on tumblr are just not being shown the care and respect they deserve.  When subjects vanish without a word. It leaves tists to wonder what did I do wrong?, or what didn’t I do that maybe I should have?  This is most true of newbie tists, but none of them are immune.  Dear Tists/ Spiral Weavers, Faeries? Gods , when your subjects do not communicate there wishes with you, or put far less care into your well-being than their own they are undervaluing the relationship. A relationship is never ever solely one persons responsibility, so please don’t worry yourselves over those who have not put half as much care or thought in as you have.

Are you fucking kidding me? When a subject vanishes without a word, you done goofed, my friend. You did something to scare them off. You did something that made the subject want to never speak to you again. It's good to look inward and wonder what you've done wrong. That path leads to growth. Think long and hard about what you did that hurt them.

Get your act together. Treating your subject right is not rocket science. It's basic human decency. If you give the subject a nice positive experience, they come back for more. If you behave like a good person, they become your friend. If you're a dick to them, they leave. Plain and simple.

The second thing that really bothers me about the hypno-community is subs that claim to be traumatized by the smallest of things, especially when they do this falsely and/or publicly.  Yes hypnosis can be scary, and I’ve had a few experiences i did not enjoy.  Your tist is magical but also they’re not magical. They are not all-seeing, all-knowing. They cannot guess how you feel unless you communicate openly and honestly with them. And accidents happen. They happen all the time. Most commonly the number one thing that goes wrong for me is the motion sickness nausea effect, and there’s just stuff that unsettles me, but guess what? When that happens we go back and fix it. I’m going to apply a rule a Dom taught me here. It was actually about anal sex but it applies very well here too. We prepare as best we can that things are smooth and clean  but sometimes that is not the outcome. If you can’t deal with it being unpredictable, just don’t do it. It’s not for you.

Since fucking when are you the expert on when another person is traumatised? Maybe the subject didn't tell you that you hurt their feelings (their feelings! their! I know grammar is hard, but please!) because they kinda suspected you would belittle the problem and deny that you did anything wrong. Maybe they feared you wouldn't take their feedback seriously because you didn't take their wishes and boundaries seriously either. Maybe that's why they ghosted you.

It's hard to understand what happens when someone is truly traumatised or triggered, it's really hard to empathise if you've never been through that yourself. It's tiny little things that can set it off and that does not invalidate the realness of the trauma. The correct response is not to get defensive. It's to ask how you can help. It's to learn from it and do fucking better.

Are you seriously saying "hey, if a bad experience traumatised you, just go away, it's not for you" is that seriously your response when a person gets hurt? Fucking seriously? It really is no wonder our community is shitty if you can't even show an ounce of compassion for a person who feels hurt.

Online people behave badly. They behave in ways they would never behave in the real world.  Online is the place where you can show as much or as little of yourself as you want.  When you build relationships online they are real relationships.  When you indulge in hypnosis online, that is a relationship, and there is a code of basic honour and decency.

The absolute hypocrisy of saying this after this previous shit is galling. You know what happens the most in our online community? Shitty tists inboxing shitty scripts because they get off on control fantasies. Subjects who just want to get out of their own heads with some online trances getting stuck with suggestions and triggers they don't know how to remove. Subjects who just want to get their trance on but who can't find a decent hypnotist who will consider their needs.

I have zero sympathy for hypnotists complaining that subjects are not being nice to them.

[wrr000]

Ok I've been craving some protective Heimdall so hear me out.

Reader is getting harassed by someone and they eventually lay a hand on the reader bruising them pretty badly, Heimdall witnesses this and loses his shit. this could be a headcanon or a one-shot I don't mind

(f you somehow find this and want to write it can the reader please be male I'd really appreciate it) <3

Thank you for requesting! You requested it ages ago, but 'write block' kicked in :|| I'm trying to get back to you guys! Keep in mind that I'm also a slow writer so let me take my time C: As for this - not the best, kinda rushed, but I need to start with something in order to write as much as weeks ago.

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Summary: gender neutral reader is working for Odin and his family, but after getting into relationship with Heimdall they got better job and treatment, but not everyone likes it

Warning: swearing, abuse, killing, very short with not many details, maybe I'll write a one shot for this promp! Heimdall being overprotective

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

Since you got officially in relationship with Heimdall something has changed and certain people started to treat you differently

Before you confessed to God of Foresight you were working for Odin as well as for the rest of Aesir and you knew how he was towards others. Despide this you develop feelings towards him and most imporant - eventually get his attention

After you two got together your job slightly changes. It was still work for Odin, but your tasks were different and they treated you better. Maybe that was the flash point for your three 'ex-coworkers'

At first there were only unpleasant comments and strange looks. You heard them gossip about you. It was annoying, but you didn't pay attention to it. You didn't even care when they started insulting you, that was just stupid trash-talk. But you got fed up when they sabotaged your work or even destroyed your stuff. ALWAYS when none was watching. Always when Heimdall wasn't around. You had enough

You decide to confront them and ask what did you do. You were always nice and polite, never refused to help. Nothing changed after Heimdall became your boyfriend. So why? But things turned not the way you would like to. It all happend so fast

"You didn't earn this job! You didn't earn to be treated better! You just fucked that asshole meanwhile we are working hard to be not treated like trash... To fucking survive in this world"

And one of them striked you right in the face. Of cource you could defend yourself, but you didn't understand. You didn't wish to fight them. You fell on the ground. Pain was overcoming your senses, but you could feel your cheek throbs. Everything was blurry, every sound and every person in front of you. A lonely tear ran down your cheek mixing with the blood you didn't even notice

"You motherfuckers"

It was Heimdall. He saw and heard everything. One thing he couldn't understand is how low creatures like them even thought about hurting you. Mentally and physically. His lover, the dearest person in the Nine Realms, you. They made you bleed. It made him furious.

He was striking really fast and most likely very painful. They couldn't touch him nor dodge his attacks so it was safe to say that their lifes were doomed. He was going straight for the kills, it wasn't the first time and just as then none can stop him.

It was the first time you saw Heimdall like that. Full of anger, savage. Was that the true face of the Gods? His true face? You watched the person you love kill those people, one by one. You saw some blood. He swinged his sword and other was down. Someone tasted his godly shoes. They were hopeless like little children lost in the fog.

Were you afraid? Rather not, it was more of a big shock. You didn't want this to happen. A thought cross your mind that that's the price to pay for being close to All-Father and his family.

It ended fast.

You finally got up from the ground covered in mud. Your clothes were fit only to be thrown away, but it wasn't cause for concern. You looked up at Heimdall. He stood with his back turned to you. A single strand of hair fell over his sweaty bloody face. He was panting heavily, his hands clenched into fists and jaw tightened.

"I'm sorry..."

"You are not the one who should be sorry" he said more calmly than you expected.

Your eyes meets his. You wanted to tell him everything, but not a single word could escape your mouth so you just say eveything in mind. More tears appeared on your red cheek. You sobbed quietly.

And then Heimdall took a few steps forward. In a blink of an eye you were in his arms. He rested his chin on your head and you snuggled into his chest. His grip tightened. It was very comforting. You felt safe.

"You should tell me right away when it started. None will rise their hand at you, hear me? None" he said harshly, but he wasn't upset with you. He just wanted to protect you.

"Now let's go. We need a bath and you need a solid rest. Don't worry, you're safe now, sunshine"

Little smiled crawled on your face. You two indeed looked awful. But you weren't sure if bath and sleep would erase everything that happend. It was too much for one day.

[beevean]

https://gizmodo.com/castlevania-nocturne-interview-spoilers-alucard-annette-1850892875

This is an interview that for once is not only with Deats but with Clive Bradely as well, Nocturne's writer and Ellis' replacement.

Before I start, I love how they talk about *that* ending like it's the hypest thing to ever hype. They know. They know what the fans only care about.

It ends with a clear and ready indicator that team is ready to tackle arguably the most iconic Castlevania narrative of all time, Symphony of the Night, as Richter and his allies find themselves bolstered in the darkest hour by the arrival of a familiar face… well, to us, at least, even if our young heroes aren’t as up on their Castlevania lore as gamers are.

Fucking peak. I love it. The gang is ready to tackle the SoTN story because even though they were about to die badly, after losing Tera, Alucard is there to save the day. Goddamnit if you suck his dick any harder you'll vacuum it off his body.

Also lol and lmao they cannot adapt SoTN at all. Where is Richter grappling with the fear that after killing Dracula his life is now done, making him easy prey for Shaft's manipulations? None of this can happen. Dracula isn't even around!

The character of Annette, trapped in a castle, made me think of Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame—this extraordinary woman who sweeps into France. It seemed an obvious step to make Annette a revolutionary from St. Domingue/Haiti on that sort of model.

This... sure is a train of thought. I'll just say N!Annette fucking wishes she had Esmeralda's charisma.

Later we had a Haitian adviser on board, Cècile Accilien, who helped us with aspects of the history and culture. We wanted it to be as authentic and grounded in reality as possible.

oh god no spinning i'm wheezing

If i was Mrs. Accilien I'd be offended by how the character named after me can't even be a proper wise guide without degenerating into "your entire self is rooted into being a slave" and "those stupid frenchies will never understand our pain, so don't bother expecting empathy from your boo", but what do I know

also yeah sure it's realistic how Annette uses the power of her gods to run away from slavery

I just loved the idea of Richter’s grandfather as this bitter old guy who’s been through hell, lost his magic (which at the point they meet is also true of Richter)—kind of the opposite of Richter, or an image of how Richter could end up if he doesn’t evolve into the hero he needs to be.

Fuck off. I've already ranted about this. My poor man Juste deserves better than being "that one stupid asshole that exists as a warning".

I just wanted to add that Juste is a really special inclusion in the series for me, and Clive brought him into the show in a really great way that resonates really well with the Castlevania fan in me.

"wah i'm so glad juste was included in my story as a cynical fuck to be bullied, for meeeee 🥺 i'm such a big fan guys 🥺🥺🥺"

I don't like Deats. I know it's mean of me, but the more I read him talk, the less I like him as a person, he's just so conceited. I don't know who is the bigger hack between him and Flynn now.

So there’s almost a bit of a debate about Alucard’s design and whether he has intended to have pale blonde hair or white hair in Symphony of the Night based on the artwork of him and even his character’s sprite in the game. At the time of designing him in the original series, though, I decided to lean towards the pale blonde hair in order to invoke his mother, which was appropriate to the story. His hair got more saturated during lighting/compositing than I had ever intended, though, which was a constant frustration of mine. But even back then I tinkered with the idea that if we were to jump forward in time, to show how time has passed by leaning more towards the white haired direction (this also had the added benefit of not being something we would have to worry about getting over-saturated during lighting!).

Well, there you have it. N!Alucard's hair got lighter in-universe. I wonder if he changed color naturally or he decided to change his appearance.

for Nocturne, we wanted to invoke his SOTN look while also reflecting that this is a version of him that’s been awake and fighting for 300 years

Mhh. So I was right. He did live on for 300 years and witness his friends' death, abandoning his castle and village and Trevor's descendants to fight by himself. I'll make sure to judge this decision once S2 comes out.