#god. all my friends are dyslexic. i should not have trusted that they would catch everything

[m00ngbin]

SO MANY PEOPLE SAW THAT TYPO AND THEY DIDNT SAY A WORDDD

[georgecostanzaatemysoup]

The Perfect Date...

So, basically, this movie is about a kid named Brooks Rattigan:

They say his name about 50 times in this movie, so it’d be kind of hard NOT to remember it.

Anyway, he’s a poor kid who wants desperately to get into Yale. Kind of like Rory and her need to get into Harvard during the first 3 seasons of Gilmore Girls, but where Rory was quirky Brooks has to be self-centered or else the movie just won’t work... I guess.

The problem with Brooks’ dream is despite his good grades and extra curricular activities, he is unable to answer the one question I’m sure all of us have had problems answering:

Typical high school movie stuff... and high school stuff in general. If we’re being honest, I’m almost 30 and I can’t answer this question.

Anyway, Brooks has best friend named Murph:

Let’s just say, Murph is the reason I sat through this whole movie. He is computer smart (he’s also dyslexic and plans to write his college’s admission essay about this, which is probably one of the most interesting things that happened in this movie and wasn’t mentioned after he offhandedly said something early on... which, you know, seems to happen a lot) and has a crush on Tuna Melt Guy :

Yeah. Tuna Melt Guy, as he is called the entire movie (the guy doesn’t even get a name which is a problem in itself), orders the same sandwich every day (I guess) and their story is basically a b side, not really touched on, but we assume they end up together by the end type of deal.

There’s also this guy named... Brad the Stereotypical Douche (he has an actual name, but I can’t remember it):

Basically, Brad (or whatever his name was) made a deal with his uncle to take his cousin to a formal at her school, but his girlfriend Madison is supposedly home alone and he doesn’t want to do it. SO, Brooks volunteers because he a) needs the money for Yale and b) really wants to drive Brad’s Douche Mobile (I thought I took a screenshot but I didn’t, so just picture any stereotypical “douchey” cars and you’re golden) just once in his poor boy life.

Brad’s cousin, Celia Liberman:

Who I was kinda hoping WOULDN’T end up with Brooks (we’ll get to that) is that stereotypical “tough” girl who stomps around in her boots and throws a fit when asked to wear a dress (i.e me circa 2005-ish).

So, Brooks takes her to her dance at the most pretentious looking school I have ever fucking seen:

And they do some bad dancing (because the quirky, “tough” girl needs to be a bad dancer... I’m also a bad dancer, but I wouldn’t call myself quirky) and Brooks happens to see HER:

The girl of his “dreams” I guess. I can’t remember her name, but I’ll just call her Veronica because that’s who she plays in Riverdale.

So Veronica, apparently, has a very rich dad (according to Celia, he’s basically sleazy Batman). She’s so rich, in fact, she has actual valets at her house parties:

And she lives here (more on that later).

While on his “date” with Celia, she offhandedly mentions he should make an app where he pretends to date girls who need a date. She’s joking, but Brooks takes it seriously and asks his computer smart bestie Murph to help him make an app:

The app is basically GrubHub but for dates. Basically someone sends Brooks a message asking him to go on “dates” with them and they get to decide his personality, his outfits, and whether or not they need him to talk or listen (man, where was this shit when I was in high school) They set it up like ANYONE can use it, but only girls do in this movie (which it’s fine... I guess?).

So, Brooks starts getting messages and becomes who these girls need him to be. A salsa dancer, a cowboy, a douchebag... just whatever they needed he would do it. So, in a way, it’s not a terrible premise, but it starts to get to his head.

He basically starts pushing Murph out of the whole App process (you know, the creator of the App) and it gets to the point where they don’t really hang out anymore (again, typical high school movie plot), but again we’ll get to that in a bit.

I should probably mention Brooks’ dad:

Mister Rattigan (I can’t remember his first name) is a part time teacher and writer, but he hasn’t written anything in a while (not since his wife left him and started a new family with a new guy). He really wants Brooks to go to the college he works at, but Brooks is deadset on Yale. Which, in retrospect, knowing that your kid wanted to go there you’d think he would have been a bit more supportive.

He’s not a bad dad, not by a long shot, but he’s the typical movie parent who is quirky but wants something for his son that his son doesn’t want (until the end when he decides to go to the college his dad wants him to go to and that’s after his dad gives him a speech about how he’ll support his decision).

So, yeah, moving on. Celia calls Brooks out of the blue to ask him if he wants to pretend to date her to make her crush Franklin jealous. She uses his crush on Veronica to get him to agree. He readily does and tells her about his app.

She makes fun of it, because of course she does, on the way to the party and that’s when they end up at sleazy Batman’s house with the private valet company? I guess?

👆 Franklin 👆, of course is a pretentious hipster because he HAS to be otherwise how would Celia know that she belongs with Brooks and NOT this guy. He basically goes on one of those stereotypical music snob rants about how vinyl is the only way to appreciate music and Celia agrees because he’s cute. This I can relate to because in high school I too went along with stuff because someone happened to be cute.

So, Celia and Brooks start to “date” to make their crushes jealous. Celia also asks Franklin out because they need an “excuse” to break up. While this is happening, Brooks is supposed to be getting close to Veronica because they really don’t have any scenes together UNTIL his and Celia’s “break up,” but that doesn’t happen for a bit.

While “dating” Celia reveals that her dad is conveniently friends with the Dean of Yale and offers to ask him to talk to the Dean about meeting with Brooks. He agrees because OF COURSE he does and the meeting goes well because apparently Brooks researched the guy and lied about how one of his “interests” just so happened to coincide with the dean’s interest. Because that’s normal... I guess.

Afterward, they go and hangout with Murph who commented earlier that week about how he and Brooks weren’t hanging out as much anymore since they made the App. Despite making plans with Murph, and telling him he would not break them for the the App, Brooks does it anyway pissing Murph off in the process. And also dismissing Murph’s worries that he messed up with Tuna Melt guy when he pre made his sandwich (don’t worry, he didn’t, but again this isn’t even touched on much after this until the very end).

Needless to say, adding more drama to the story, Murph switches shifts (at the job they both share) with another dude and calls Brooks a “selfish prick” so yeah, and what pisses me off about this entire fight it takes until almost the very end for Brooks to do anything about it (on screen) which is really fucking annoying, but I won’t get into it.

Anyway, on her date with Franklin, Celia realizes they have very little in common and decides to stop whatever it was they were going to become because of that AND the fact that he reveals himself to be the graffiti artist she doesn’t like (her and Brooks have this entire conversation early on in the movie about how “Trashbag” is probably a white, overly privileged rich boy, and it turns out she was right):

Her bad date makes her “realize” she really likes Brooks (you know, like any typical high school movie... of course someone has to catch “feelings”), but he’s oblivious and doesn’t see that (which makes me wonder how these two end up together, but that’s... not important right now).

His obliviousness aside, they decide to go along with their epic “break up.” But Brooks, idiot as he is, decides to bring in some real truths that Celia had trusted him with and because of that she slapped the shit out of him:

He, being the oblivious idiot that he is, doesn’t catch on and thought seh was acting. Sending her a text that basically said “👍” and goes after the girl he “wants.”

Veronica:

The “perfect” girl... according to Brooks. Who, not surprising” was willing to makeout with him mere SECONDS after his “break up” with Celia... okay.

But, like all of these movies, the “perfect” girl dumps his ass when she realizes he’s been letting girls buy his time to go on dates with them. She’s also (rightly so) upset that he lied to her earlier about where he’s from (Celia told Veronica he was from... some uppity town when he really wasn’t and I guess he never bothered to tell her the truth).

So, yeah, Veronica wants nothing to do with him as does Celia, but Brooks tries to dance with Celia anyway (finally realizing, I guess, that he actually DOES like her at the dance AFTER Veronica walks away.

But Celia turns him down by telling him “I am not your back up” which made me go “oh, maybe these two WON’T end up together” (I was wrong).

So, Brooks has no one and he’s really sad, and he does that typical high school movie thing where he lies in bed, moping, trying to get Celia or Murph to answer his texts (they don’t.)

The next day at school, Murph and he do talk and he apologizes for pushing Murph away, and they make up. WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN SHOWN ON SCREEN SINCE THE SUB SHOP SCENE!!! OH MY GOD!!

Anyway, here’s them making up:

Also, “tough” girl Celia has a moment with her parents where she basically goes all John Mox on her mother and basically says, “I don’t WANT your life.” You, know as you do, but unlike Mox hers ends with a Liberman family hug:

I do not take good screenshots...

Anyway, after all of this, Brooks is seen finally writing his college admissions essay, but instead of writing to Yale (like the movie makes us believe) he decides to go to UConn like his dad wanted (plus he had a full ride so, I mean, Yale or not that’s what every kid wants when entering college) he writes a “admissions” letter to Celia basically asking her if they can date.

Yeah.

So, yeah, they start dating (as do Murph and Tuna Melt guy? I think?) or it’s implied they start dating. They kiss at least, so I’m going to assume they start dating (but they’ll probably break up six or seven times because Brooks and Celia seem like THAT couple).

It was an alright movie, I’ll admit, but it was also a typical high school flick. So, take it or leave it I guess.

Oh, one more thing, I still don’t know if he was able to answer the question regarding who he is, I stopped paying attention... mostly. Yeah.