#god the period cravings for hot old men never stops for me

[lacebird]

please... i am but a mere mortal woman i literally cannot handle this right now

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

[lostinthewiind]

That’s What Love Sounds Like

Joe Liebgott - Band of Brothers

Synopsis: Joe enjoys nothing more than making you scream, especially when there’s a risk of getting caught. 

Warnings: ***SEXY TIME***

“Joe.” you breathed out, your words wrapped in silk as you threw your head into the pillow and arched your back. Your hand reached underneath the covers and grabbed a fistful of his dark, soft hair, tugging slightly as he teased you more and more with his heavenly mouth.

You were trying your best to keep as quiet as possible in an effort to not wake the rest of the men in the old, abandoned home. Joe, however, had conflicting plans. It was a rarity that he got to hear you moan his name, so for that evening, while Easy Company was stationed in a small, quiet village, he was going to have you squirming and screaming as much as he pleased.

Joe’s lips worked up your inner thighs, his teeth ghosting over the sensitive skin here and there, sending chills up and down your body. When he heard you inhale sharply, a devilish smile spread across his lips and you could feel it on your flesh. 

Testing the water, Joe ran his tongue over the thin fabric of your underwear. Your breathing hitched and you let out an involuntary moan, pulling harder at his hair to a point that you were sure it was hurting him, but if it was, he wasn’t letting it on. 

“You have to be quiet,” he warned, his head popping up from under the covers as he climbed back up to meet you face to face. “We wouldn’t want anyone to wake up, now would we?”

You scoffed as your hands ran along his bare chest. “Funny, I thought that was exactly what you wanted.”

“I mean, I personally don’t care if every single man in this house knows you belong to me.” he dipped down and pressed open-mouthed kisses to your jaw, slowly and tediously working his way down your neck to your collarbone. “But I would rather this moment stay between the two of us.”

Placing the palm of your hand on Joe’s cheek, you guided his face back up and captured his lips in yours. “You’re such a tease,” you mumbled into his hot mouth as you enjoyed his taste of stale cigarettes and the beer he had shared with some of the other men earlier that night. 

Propping himself up with one elbow, Joe reached down and hooked his fingers under your knee, pulling your leg up and positioning himself so he could press his hips against yours. 

A great deal of pleasure rushed through you at the small amount of contact. Although you would never admit it, the extended period without sex had left you a little impatient and hot under the collar. Your excitement at finding out the company would be staying in a real building with real beds that night had been hard to hide, and you and Joe immediately knew what activities would be taking place once everyone else went to sleep.

“How can I not be a tease when it gives me the pleasure of hearing you moan my name?” he pressed himself into you harder, the friction of his uniform pants against your underwear making you bite your bottom lip. “Tell me how much you want me,” he demanded, his voice low and husky, his warm breath on your ear.

Your eyes screwed shut as you bucked your hips up to meet his, unsatisfied with how long he was taking to give you more of the pleasure you so desperately craved. “Joe…” you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself up to meet him. You needed him. You needed to feel as much of him as possible. “I want you more than you know.” you met his demand before kissing him again.

Joe felt heat rush to his face at your words, and with a growl, he shoved his tongue into your mouth. The hand that he had been holding your knee with moved up and cupped your ass, squeezing hard as he ground himself into you again, his own patience running thin as he felt the front of his pants tighten. 

“Please…please…” you begged, your mouth moving to nibble at his ear. “Please me. Love me. Fuck me.”

Hearing you specifically ask for him to fuck you sent him over the edge. Dropping you back down onto the bed, Joe stood up and discarded his pants in record time. Your chest rose and fell rhythmically as you watched him undress, your eyes taking in every inch of his body. 

The way his longer-than-usual hair fell into his eyes was extremely sexy to you, not to mention the rest of him. To you, he was a perfect fucking specimen; a man that women only got to be with in their dreams.

Once his pants hit the floor, Joe jumped back overtop of you, his hands gripping at the hem of your shirt and tugging it roughly over your head. As soon as your chest was exposed, his mouth attacked your breasts, his tongue swirling around your perked nipple. 

The guttural groan worked its way up from your core and ripped through your throat. Joe’s hand slapped down over your mouth, shushing you without speaking. 

The sparks of ecstasy coursing through your body left you with pent up energy, so you decided to find something to do with your hands. Dropping down to his waist, your fingers slipped under Joe’s boxers and grabbed hold of his already erect member. 

Joe shuddered at your touch, his hips jerking to push himself further into your hand and increase the friction. “Now who’s the tease?” he looked up at you in between switching his saliva-dripping tongue from one breast to the other. 

“I’m not teasing,” you told him plainly. “I want you to quit fucking around and fuck me.”

The corners of Joe’s mouth curled into a sly, cheeky smile. “Your wish is my command.” he caught your nipple between his teeth quickly before reaching down, his hand wrapping around yours around his cock. 

Pulling himself out of his boxers, he pushed your underwear to the side — not even bothering to remove them all the way, much like he was doing with his own undergarments — and lined himself up with your entrance.

Joe ran his calloused thumb over your folds a few times, the moisture doing wonders for his ego. “You want me to fuck you?” he leaned down, his face inches from yours.

Your dark eyes locked with his, your stare direct and intense. “Yes.” your tone was laced with your hunger for him.

In a single, fluid motion, Joe pushed himself inside of you and collided his lips with yours. Your back arched once more and your hands clawed at the sheets of the bed before drifting up to his back. 

Joe’s movements were slow and deliberate at first, pulling himself almost all the way out of you before slamming back in all the way to the hilt. Your lips moved together in sync, your teeth clashing together more than once due to the pure desire you held for each other. 

Thankfully, the bed was a rather sturdy one, because if it had been squeaky, you were sure the whole house would be wide awake by then. Your nails dug deep into Joe’s back, leaving marks there that would remind him of your night together through the coming weeks.

“Fuck.” Joe sputtered as his pace quickened, his hand frantically grabbing at your hip, thigh, and ass, searching for something to grab onto. 

“Joe.” you found yourself moaning more frequently as the waves of pleasure moved through you. “L-Liebgott.”

Hearing his name dripping from your tongue, sweet and thick like honey, supplied the man with the drive he needed to increase the speed of his thrusts even more. 

Somehow, someway, you found yourself begging for him to fuck you harder, faster, rougher. You wanted him to make you his in every single way imaginable. 

Complying to your request, Joe hooked one arm under your lower back and pulled you up ever so slightly, your new position allowing him to bury himself deeper inside of you. 

That small change was all you needed to begin your ascent to your climax. You felt the pressure building in your core, the pleasure so intense that you had to bite down on your forearm to stop from screaming. 

All you could do was nod as you looked up at him, silently encouraging him to keep doing exactly what he was doing. The sight of you gradually unraveling in front of him sent Joe into overdrive. God, you looked so fucking beautiful. 

Feeling himself nearing his own orgasm, Joe buried his head in your neck and sucked at the sensitive skin there, faint moans and whispers escaping him every few seconds. 

“I’m gonna…” you removed your arm from your mouth and grabbed onto Joe hard. “I’m gonna…”

“Me too.” Joe’s voice was raspy in your ear. “Just hold on, baby. I’m almost there.” 

Your mouth fell open as you threw your head back once more. “Joe!” you couldn’t help the cry that escaped you. 

Joe didn’t even care that you were screaming at that point, and frankly, neither did you. You were so close to your climax that you could practically reach out and grab it. Your whole body was engulfed in the sweet grasp of the beginning of your orgasm.

With one final thrust, followed by a sloppy, wet kiss to your jaw, Joe sent you over the edge. Your eyes rolled back in your head as you rode out your waves of pleasure, the tightening of your walls dragging Joe down with you. 

“Oh, fuck me!” he growled into your skin as he pulled out and came onto your lower stomach. 

As the two of you descended from your highs, bodies shaking and sweaty and breathing laboured and rugged, Joe’s arm wrapped around you and held you tight. 

All at once, the room was plunged into silence. No more moaning, no more skin against skin, no more gasping for breath, no more whispered nothings. 

“God, I love you so much.” Joe placed an exhausted kiss to your cheek before rolling off of you and exhaling. 

Out of nowhere, you let out a chuckle. “You think the others heard us?”

Joe thought for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, most definitely.” his head turned to look at you. “I don’t care though. That was goddamn incredible. They’re all jealous.”

You rolled your eyes as you pushed some of your hair out of your face. “Yeah, jealous.” you scoffed. “We sound like lunatics.”

“We sound like we’re in love.” Joe corrected you. “That, my dear, is what love sounds like.”

[vxlarmxrghulis-blog]

( lorenzo zurzolo, he/him ) — high greetings to lord rennick of house bolton, the dreaded hellhound. the twenty four year old is known for being quick-witted but has the tendency to be callus too. ( parties, women, and wine never truly interest you; it’s war and mischief that you crave. bloody hands and a dangerous voice. you are a beast in human skin. so go on and show them who you are. tell them, tell them all, ‘you should be scared of me.’ ) 

HEY Y’ALL! my name is victoria buuuut feel free to call me vic! I’m super excited to be here with all of you since I’ve been stalking this group for a hot minute now! I’m still working on my other intros so this one isn’t completely finished. dont let it stop you from hittin’ this with a like so I can come IM you to plot tho. lil nic here is my fav so the earlier I can start the ball rolling ideas out for him the better! 

uh, little bolton trigger warning. if you’re familiar with the family and their practices from the series + show make you uneasy, this is your heads up! 

I. STATISTICS

NAME: rennick bolton

NICKNAME(S): nic, renny, ren

ALSO KNOWN AS: the dreaded hellhound 

AGE: twenty four 

TITLE: lord rennick of house bolton

SEAT: the dreadfort

REGION: the north

RELIGION: old gods of the forest

MORAL ALIGNMENT: neutral evil  

GENDER: male , he / him

HEIGHT: 5’11

FACE CLAIM: lorenzo zurzolo 

POLITICAL ALLEGIANCE: house bolton, house stark, house targaryen

CULTURE: northmen

SIGIL: a red flayed man, hanging upside-down on a white X-shaped cross, on a black background

WORDS: “our blades are sharp”

II. PERSONALITY

rennick is a clever little lord. cunning, well-spoken, and ambitious. which all sounds good on paper until you really get to know him. then it’s like all of a sudden a light goes out. poof. now you’re truly met with a living personification of what bolton men are truly made of. a self-serving, manipulative, and slightly crazed young man who decides his actions on whatever mood he’s in for the day… although sometimes he just does unspeakable things out of the pureness of his entertainment / curiosity. it’s best not to be around him when he’s experimenting. he learns his best tricks from the tales he reads from books given to him as gifts from across westros that are filled with ideas of how others are treated for treachery. like a child, things like that fascinate him and allow him to have sort of unexpected giddiness from the knowledge he receives from them. 

he’s at his peak when he has blood on his hands.

nic also has a sort of snobbish arrogance about him too. when around the right people, the young lord displays an extreme need for attention and compliments which is the complete opposite of what his father would have liked to see him as. but considering that old hag has passed… nic has taken it upon himself to harbor a pretty large ego that’s attached to him along with how incredibly sadistic he is. 

III. ABOUT

|||. born into this cold cruel world as the youngest bolton and from the moment he began to grow into a boy he had constantly been compared to his brother, royce. a lovely bloody reminder that he’ll always be second to the famous black arrow. the keeper of the dreadfort. hello, childhood resentment. |||. as he grew into a boy (and living in the ominous black pit of his brother’s shadow), little nic took his chances by causing periodic havoc in the dreadfort whenever he wasn’t forced into focusing on his studies or wearing himself out from training. and we’re not talking about little pranks here and there, we’re talking full out mayhem of young nic doing things a little lords should never be doing. think of that kid sid from toy story when he would blow up toys in his backyard for shits and giggle. that was nic. only his torture would be real. pricking stable boys with stolen kitchen knives. skinning rabbits and making little girls watch. setting the hounds loose on those who would wonder out in the yards. the kid was a mess and he’d get the crap beat out of him by his father anytime he got caught. it was never an unusual sight to see the youngest bolton with a bloodied lip or plum-bruised skin after something went horrifically wrong in the dreadfort. |||. after a while nic had gotten used to embarrassing the family name with his little antics, but eventually he grew out of it after growing tired of being questioned as to why he simply couldn’t act more like his brother. and with his sister being shipped off to get married and his time in the north starting to bore him, nic began his interest in other matters such as conducting the fate of those imprisoned at the castle and inflicting pain there rather on them than on others. we call this growth. now all this energy fills to those who personally deserve it. |||. ( to be continued cos ya girl has two other intros to post ) 

IV. AESTHETIC

icy snow, black dobermans, steel chains, carving knives, heavy iron, sweet pomegranates, tender bruised skin, a sinister smile, scraped knuckles, mouth full of blood, cuts on your knees, the chill of the wind on goose-fleshed skin, the slash of a sword, the heat of a burning fire, a lonely corridor with the shadow of someone watching you, deafening screams, peeling of skin, black fur to keep you warm at night, long winters, legendary stories you’ve heard a thousand times over, climbing trees, drunk of wine, the feeling of victory as a life ends in your hands, the words ‘please, sir, mercy’ going through one ear and out the other

V. WANTED CONNECTIONS

|||. his own person confidant: |||. a past/current lover: |||. enemies, lord knows he has a few of them: 

VI.PINTEREST

rennick bolton

[brownskinsugarplum76]

Eye of the Storm, Ch. 1

So, I'm going to take the plunge into something multichapter. I'm not sure where it will end up, and I'm not sure how long it will be, but I'll keep going as long as I can (but no regular publishing schedule). It's going to be AU-ish, with Robert single, but with as much as of the legit Zeppelin timeline in place as possible. It's starting in 1976, after his car accident, right before the release of Presence. And it brings back Maggie, of San Diego beach fic fame. 😁

Thank you, as always, to @firethatgrewsolow for your expert advice, guidance, and review. Thank you also to @starchild0985 for your encouragement for me to just do it. And thanks to @callmethehunter for the Maggie character idea to begin with.

No smut in at least the first 2 parts, but we'll get there.

Thank you. Please send positive vibes--I am a bit nervous about my ability to pull off a bigger story. ❤️❤️❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robert was enjoying himself at one of his favorite places besides the stage: the soccer field. He smiled as he watched the LA Aztecs thwart another Dallas Tornado goal attempt at 80 minutes into the match. He had to admit it wasn't as exciting as being at a Wolverhampton game, but it would do. Few people in America got feverishly passionate about soccer like his countrymen and women. This was especially so in LA, the playground of starlets and rock stars, most of whom thrived on nocturnal indulgences rather than daylight spectating.

He swept his hair out of his face for the umpteenth time. The wind meant that Old Man Winter, as gentle as he was in The Golden State, was not ready to retreat. Robert was glad he'd brought his leather jacket with him from Benji's car; his black, long-sleeved tee wasn't enough to ward off the coolness of the air. He had to laugh at the thought that the weather could be considered chilly, having survived much worse winters across the pond.

It was a few weeks shy of spring, a few weeks before he'd be thrust back into the spotlight with the release of the seventh album. He was proud that the band was still standing. During their forced hiatus there had been an influx of raw, hungry, minimalist groups openly mocking bands that reveled in grandiose musical ideas on grandiose stages, and Zeppelin was not immune to these kinds of attacks. But being in the studio a few months prior in front of a microphone felt like home, even if he was still on the mend.

Just like his pride in the band's resilience, he was thankful to be on his feet unaided, a couple months removed from the confines of a wheelchair or leg brace. He was also extremely thankful that his fall in the studio, during a moment of excitement, didn't cause another injury and another setback. He wouldn't have wanted to let the band or himself down in that way.

He shifted his attention back to the game. He refused to sit while soaking in the sun and the sport, the camaraderie with his friends, and the feeling of being alive and well. He also was enjoying being off duty, as Robert Anthony, rather than the Golden God. He would enjoy that feeling while it lasted; it never lasted long.

He had been scanning the crowd periodically as, in addition to the game, he was looking to score a lineup for a passionate match in his bedroom. It seemed a bust, because the few women present were tightly clinging to their significant others. But then he saw a familiar face, and he couldn't help but smile.

Maggie.

He hadn't seen her in about a year, though she lived a road trip away. And now he realized that had been a mistake. With too much on his mind after his accident, instead of reconnecting, he felt it safer to conjure up the memory of her body on their first night together. He remembered fondly how she lay underneath him in San Diego, slightly dusted with sand, as the world spun in a haze of tequila and the ocean waves rolled incessantly a few yards behind them. He also frequently thought of seeing her the following year at Kezar. Bonzo joked that she was the second bird who felt the clutch of his hand that day. It was an apt description, because Robert couldn't keep his hands off of her. After that reunion, he stole as much time as he could to visit her in San Diego or spirit her away to LA, whenever the band was camped in its American home base. Their relationship was free-flowing and undefined, but fueled with enough passion for it to bloom whenever they got together. He hoped they could pick right back up.

He watched her approach the stands, alone, and he took that as a positive sign. “Maggie, love!” he exclaimed. He raised a hand and waved; his cuff bracelet was almost in danger of flying off in his excitement. The gesture bordered on absurdity, as if she wouldn't be able identify a tall, otherworldly attractive man, one with whom she'd had many happy memories, who also just happened to be a household name. He grimaced at his overeagerness. But if his convalescence in Malibu told him anything, it was that cabin fever was possible in paradise. He wasn't quite ready to engage in tour life, but he was ready to be the prowling, pouncing lion again, not the broken man who was the receiver of TLC, even though the women were very lovely and very willing. He craved a fun fling, or more, with the right woman. The sight of Maggie gave him hope that he would get his wish.

She looked his way. Her mouth went wide, but her face soon settled on delight.

“Robert!” she squealed when she reached him. “What are the odds? How are you?” She threw her arms around his neck.

His spirited bear hug lifted her petite body from the ground before he initiated a kiss, one that successfully conveyed how much he missed her.

“Much better,” he said, putting her down and smiling some more.

“That's right, your accident! You're lucky to be alive!”

“I'm also lucky to be walking without a limp or anything… Some of the specialists had their doubts, but I never gave up.”

“That sounds like you. You look great,” she said, appreciating every inch of him from his hair, which was bigger than usual due to the vicious wind, to the red Converse sneakers on his feet.

“So do you.” He realized nothing had changed: her dark, wavy hair still grew past her shoulders, her smile still warmed his heart, and her curves, swathed in jeans and a thin sweater under an open peacoat, still called to his primal core.

He brushed her wind-blown hair out of her eyes. It was a futile gesture, because there was no shortage of wind. But when his hand came to rest on her cheek, it did accomplish what Robert ultimately wanted: a tender connection.

Maggie closed her eyes to savor the feel of his large hand. Robert beamed at the thought of how much she seemed to have missed it.

She greeted Benji, whom she had met at Kezar Stadium, and introduced herself to the rest of Robert's friends.

“Can I get you something? A hot dog? A beer?” Robert asked Maggie.

“I'm OK, thanks.” She turned to watch the play on the field.

“No worries. If you have time, maybe we can stop somewhere after the game?”

“I'd like that.”

Robert picked up his beer and took a sip. “So, what brings you up here, love?”

“I actually live in LA now. The band, we were signed, and we released our first album last month. We've been doing a bunch of LA gigs and are gearing up for a short tour in the summer. And we're going to open for Santana on a couple of dates this fall!”

“How wonderful! The time of year will be perfect for your tour. No risk of an icy car crash death, as when we first hit America…”

“I'm definitely glad for that! And you'll have to tell me that story another time. How frightening! So, I think I've read that you all have a new album coming out soon?” Maggie asked.

“In a few weeks’ time.” Robert sighed.

“Not excited?”

“I'm glad we recorded again, and it was really amazing that the album came together so quickly, but I have been enjoying the slow pace of our time off. I've missed the stage, but the circus that forms up around us, night after night? It's been good to have some distance from that, you know?” He watched LA race down the field and score a goal. He pumped his fist in the air and cheered.

“Lifelong soccer fan? Here by yourself?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I am,” Maggie said. My father got us kids interested in soccer, and we all played in the neighborhood. My one brother was supposed to be here with me today, but he's a bit under the weather.”

“Rough and tumble tomboy past, then?” Robert took another sip of beer.

“I did have more boy friends than girl friends growing up. It led to lots of crazy adventures, but it also gave me the confidence to lead the band and deal with trashy men in the industry...”

“I bet you've come across tons of them already.”

“Tons,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“Well, if I know you, you've reduced them to damn near tears at the end, yeah? I know you don't take shit from anyone.”

“Thankfully we have a manager now, so I can step out of that role, but yes, I have fought for what we deserve.” She grinned proudly. “My band is my life and my family. I can't keep quiet when things seem to be going wrong for us.”

“That's my girl!” Robert leaned in closer to Maggie. “I also remember that you're a lady who knows what she wants and doesn't stop until she's satisfied,” he whispered in her ear before nipping her earlobe. A hungry smile spread across his face as he contemplated her fiery spirit.

“And that has not changed,” she said, turning and looking into his eyes.

She placed a hand on his chest as he tilted her face and kissed her slowly.

Robert marveled at his eagerness to consider leaving the match early, to spend some alone time with Maggie. This was new behavior, and it spoke volumes about the importance he had placed on her.

With only a handful of regulation minutes left, and LA comfortably ahead, he decided to break with tradition. For her.

“I think we know how this is going to go…” He put on his sunglasses and zipped up his jacket.

“The game, or our time together?” Maggie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Ah!” Robert ran a hand through his hair. “I meant the game,” he said with a chuckle. “But--”

“--I'm teasing you. I'm sure both of your thoughts are spot-on. In fact, I'm counting on it.”

“One catch, though, Maggie dear: you'd need to drive, as I'm still at the mercy of Mr. Lefevre, here, for getting around. LA traffic is too much work too soon for my delicate bones, I'm afraid.”

“At my mercy… I like the sound of that, even if you left out the detail of me being your chauffeur…”

“You'll forgive an invalid lad and be gentle, won't you, love?” His sweet gaze became more seductive the longer their eyes connected.

She sighed, remembering how Robert could charm his way out of anything, and how willing she had been to let him do it. “Sure, if that's what you really want…”

“For now, anyway,” Robert countered.

With a warm smile, Maggie linked her arm with Robert's. The two of them said goodbye to his friends and headed to Maggie's car.

[kayliemusing]

Survey 7

1. First thing you wash in the shower?  - Hair 2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? - Neither. Blah! 3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - I’ve never been kissed. 4. Do you plan outfits? - No 5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?  - I’m feeling a little tired, but overall really good because I finally wrote a piece I’m proud of. It didn’t feel like pulling teeth for once.  6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? - My blanket! 7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body?  - Scream 8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?  - Last night I had this weird dream that I was watering brown grass and the water was making it go green. That was it. That was the dream. 9. Three of your current feelings right now? - Tired, content, proud/relieved 10. What are you craving right now? - Nothing really. I feel okay. Earlier I was craving some kind of candy. 11. Turn ons?  - Hands, jawlines, toned backs (I know it’s weird but have you seen a nice back? great eye candy), confidence, kindness, humor. 12. Turn offs? - Offensive jokes, Rude to food workers/retail workers or rude in general, arrogance 13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? - Cabbage 14. When was the last time you cried? Why?  - This morning listening to worship music. I know it sounds tacky to other people, but I was just feeling really grateful to God at the time. 15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? - I guess Wonderwoman because I like her outfit. lmao. I don’t really watch/know a lot about superheros. I watched Wonderwoman and enjoyed the movie and she’s insanely beautiful, so that’s my choice. 16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? - No 17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? - Lick it, how do you bite it?! It’s so cold!! 18. Favorite movie ever? - I don’t think I have favourite movies. I’m not a big movie watcher. So I have a few I like but I don’t know if I’ve ever had a favourite movie. I think closest to my favourite movie would be The Greatest Showman though or A Christmas Carol (2009) because that one makes me feel happy and content. 19. Do you like yourself? - Self love is something I struggle with the most in life. As of right now, no. I have a lot of self loathing and I don’t know why. There are things I love about myself like that I’m kind hearted and that I pay attention to small details and that I’m self aware. But I could list a million things I hate about myself, and like three things I like. 20. Have you ever met a celebrity? - No 21. Could you handle being in the military? - No way! 22. What are you listening to right now?  - I can’t listen to music while I do anything else, because I can’t multitask. So I’ve been sitting in the quiet. But I was listening to music earlier and I think I was listening to Ahay by Of Monsters and Men. 23. How many countries have you visited? - I’ve never been outside of Canada. 24. Are your parents strict?  - No, but they had boundaries and rules. 25. Would you go sky diving? - See, I like the idea but I would never go through with it so no. 26. Would you go out to eat with a stranger? - No, that’s so awkward and I’m bad at conversations that goes past “Hi, how are you?” with people I don’t know. 27. Whats on your mind right now? - Nothing for once. I guess writing, like always but mostly that I’m proud of myself for spitting something out that I really enjoyed writing. I missed that, because I’ve been struggling with my writing. 28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? - Not really.  29. Have you ever been in a castle? - No 30. Do you rent movies often?  - No 31. Whats your zodiac sign?  - P i s c e s 

32. When was the last time you had sex? - Haven’t had that yet. 33. Name five facts about yourself. - I’m a Writer, surprise surprise since I never stop talking about it on my surveys - I love Taylor Swift (another great surprise since I ranted about her yesterday) - My favourite band is Of Monsters and Men - My favourite writer is Richard Siken - I was born in March 34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? - No 35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny?  - I do believe in karma.  36. Brown or white eggs? - I think they taste the same, so both. 37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? - No 38. Ever been on a train? - Yes 39. Ever been in love? - No   40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it?  - Yes, because I don’t believe in ghosts 41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? - I’d love to be Taylor Swift for a day so I could check out her house and see her kitchen, and write a kick ass song.  42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to becopme more attractive, would you do it?  - No 43. Whom do you admire and why? - Taylor Swift. I admire her as a writer, of course, but I also admire her as a person and business woman. She’s so clever and quickwitted, and she’s so kind and generous. But also, I’ve seen how people have tried to tear her down her entire career literally for just existing and being a successful female artist and she’s always gotten back up and come back with a bang. I just love that devotion to her craft - that it’s basically stayed the same since she started: writing music. 44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? - I loved anything Robert Munsch 45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? - I would panic first of all, but I would call 911. If it was safe enough or I thought I could make it, I would save the baby but I’m not going to deny that I would probably be panicking and too afraid to go inside. 46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? - I don’t really care what they do as long as it’s not mlm. 47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? - Haven’t done either. (I’ve had wine before obvs, but have never been able to stomach more than half a glass.) 48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? - Same answer as the last. 50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it?  - Probably not because I’m assuming it’s blood money or stolen or John Quinones is hanging out in the distance with a camera crew ready to shame me.    51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them?  - Yes, because it’s not leprosy and it can’t jump off of them   52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? - That’s a solid nope 53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? - I haven’t yet 54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires?  - No, but I’ve always found werewolves fascinating. 55. If you could live forever, would you want to? - I hate the idea of dying, but I’m going to say no because I feel like living forever would be lonely and painful, and I’d like to go to heaven and live a better life there. 56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? - Probably Cher from Clueless when that guy slung his arm around her shoulders. “Ugh! AS IF!”  57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? - I’d like to either visit the 80′s bc I feel like they were iconic, or the 1830′s-ish because I love the detail they put into architecture and furniture. Probably would hate the Polio thing, but beggars can’t be choosers. 58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it?  - No, I mostly disagree with capital punishment. Even if the person was horrendous, I don’t believe in celebrating death. 59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? - No because the internet would hurt my feelings and I would cry during debates 60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? - I think that would be cool, yeah. Then you could know what you’re getting.  61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy?  - Wealthy thanks.

[theapostlesnigeria]

PROPHET OR CHRIST - YOUR CHOICE

"In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe." - Hebrews 1:1-2.

"Friend, my life is not dictated, controlled or directed by any prophecy of any Prophet or man. My life is strictly and solely dictated, controlled and directed by God's infallible and timeless Word as written down in the Bible, not even as explained by any Teacher of the Word." This has always been my reply to all who have drawn my attention to Prophecies by God's Servants. For irrespective of our arguments or explanations, God's Word cannot change from what God meant it to be. "Your word, O Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens." - Psalm 119:89.

Most times these beloved brethren will reply by quoting 2 Chronicles 20:20: “Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful.” They will always tell me that the infallible Word of God demands of me to listen and believe in the prophecies of His Prophets. I will always answer them thus: "Yes God's Word is Eternal and Infallible, but it is also dispensational." It's the dispensationality of God's Word that made Jesus spare the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-11) from sure death as demanded by God's Word in Leviticus 20:10. So, in that dispensation, the Old Covenant, God spoke to His people through His anointed Prophets. But in this our dispensation, New Covenant, God has chosen His Son, Jesus Christ, to being the source through which He speaks to His people as clearly seen in Hebrews 1:1-2. So, I resolved to spending my time studying the Bible to listen to what Christ has to say to me through the written Word rather than what Prophets are prophesying. It is only the unfailing Word of God as written down in the Bible, not even as explained by an angel talk less a mere man, I can trust for the wellbeing of my soul. Every other source poses a grave risk to it: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him.” - Proverbs 4:23; Luke 8:18. Friend, fake prophecies tend to kill our faith in God's Word, thus taking away the little knowledge of God we have gained. It is your responsibility to protect your heart from being polluted through what you see and hear.

That's why God took time to document His Word in a book called the "BIBLE". God is clearly and unambiguously saying that in these our Last Days, it is Jesus Christ, not the Prophets, He used and still uses to speak to His people. This is why the Bible still speaks to us today. The Words of God spoken by Jesus Christ 2,000 years ago and written down for us, is still effectual and valid today just as it was 2,000 years ago. Honestly, the level at which Believers hold on to Prophecies of men over God's unfailing Word is alarming. This resulted mainly because of our inability of drawing a clear distinction of the roles of Prophets in the Old and New Covenants.

Many of us find it difficult to accept the fact and truth that God has moved away from the Old Covenant rooted on the Law to a New One rooted on Christ Jesus, our New High Priest. The coming of this new High Priest unto the scene necessitated a change of the Law, that is, how we worship, relate and communicate with God: "For when there is a change of the priesthood, there must also be a change of the law." - Hebrews 7:12. Thus Christ coming unto the scene, changed everything. It changed the way we worship God - Romans 7:6. It changed the way God relates and communicates with us - Hebrews 1:1-2. So no one, no matter how highly revered or anointed, has any right or authority to draw us back to a covenant God has moved on from. "By calling this covenant “new,” he has made the first one obsolete; and what is obsolete and aging will soon disappear." - Hebrews 8:13. It's either you move along with God or you will be left behind with relics of Religion. You can ask the Israelites this - Romans 10:1-4; 9:1-5.

We should now restrict ourselves to hearing from the sure source God has spoken to us in this New Covenant, Jesus Christ, and still speaks to us today, the Words of Christ as written down in the Bible. Therefore, we should be extremely careful and wary of all these prophecies of our present day Prophets, majority of whom are there prophesying for the sake of Fame and Wealth gain. "The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron." - 1 Timothy 4:1-2. God knows the perilous times we are in. He knows that Satan has unleashed his false Prophets on mankind - "For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve." - 2 Corinthians 11:13-15. That's why He sternly warned us to stick to His WRITTEN Word, no more on anyone's Prophecies: "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ." - Colossians 2:8. Which better way of seeing to this admonition better than studying the Word of God yourself? No Servant of God, including myself, is a sure bet. All must be submitted to the veracity of God's infallible Word else you open yourself up to deception. Note that someone you hardly know or trust can be able to deceive you. It takes only people you hold in high regard to deceive you. That's why you must verify every teaching and prophecy coming from any man. "Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true." - Acts 17:11. If these Believers, despite all the breathtaking miracles, signs and Wonders performed by Paul (Acts 19:11-12), could still submit his Teachings to the veracity of the Scriptures before believing them, there is no one on earth now you should not verify his Teachings from the safe confines of Scriptures before believing.

Therefore, that means you must study the Bible, you must search the Scriptures yourself. Anyone, Believer or not, who is not ready to study the Word of God, will leave themselves to deception and be taken captive and merchandised through the hollow and deceptive Philosophy and Prophecies and Teachings of these False Ministers of God. If you are swayed by Miracles, Signs and Wonders, and evaluating Ministers of God by only that yardstick, sorry, you are toying with your Eternal destiny. You better hear again what Christ said about it: “At that time if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Christ!’ or, ‘There he is!’ do not believe it. For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect—if that were possible. See, I have told you ahead of time." - Matthew 24:23-25. If God said it will happen, be rest assured it is even happening already. Your concern now should be if you have been deceived and laid astrayed to Hell. The only way of avoiding this is by listening to God Himself, speaking to you through the Words of Christ as WRITTEN DOWN IN THE BIBLE.

Friend, be alarmed if you have been deceived, if you have followed a False Teacher, if you have been merchandised already. All it shows is that you do not actually belong to Christ. For if you have really belonged to Christ, you wouldn't have followed a False Teacher. The Sheep that belong to God can never follow a stranger. They will never follow a false Teacher. They will follow the voice of their Masters - "... When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice. I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me. " - John 10:3-5,14. When you truly belong to Christ, there is no way you cannot pick His voice and thus avoid following the False Prophet. That's the truth Christ is emphasizing in the above scripture. So when you fail to recognize the voice of your Master to be swayed by Miracles, Signs and Wonders into following a False Prophet, that shows you do not belong to Christ. For if you have belonged to Him, you would have recognized His voice. That is why Christ sternly warned us thus: “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them..." - Matthew 7:15-16. It is your responsibility to identify them. If you are deceived, it's because you failed to do what Christ instructed you to do. You simply wanted to be deceived - period. And you will pay for it with your Eternal Destiny.

Everything about God now wholly and solely revolve around and on Jesus Christ. Listen to Him as He is now the sole means God has spoken to us in these Last Times. This you do by studying the Bible yourself: "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good." - 1 Peter 2:2-3. You cannot afford to outsource the study of God's Word to any human being. Friend, Satan has pulled all the stops pullable to ensuring we are deceived into eternal destruction. But what have God not done to save us from being deceived by His enemy, Satan? What stone of warning has He left unturned over the intrigues and schemes of Satan towards deceiving us? How has He not warned us? The ball is now in your court.

GOD BLESS YOU - BRO KINGDOM EGEJURU

[sarahburness]

How Creativity Creates Mindfulness, Happiness, and Peace

“Mindful and creative, a child who has neither a past, nor examples to follow, nor value judgments, simply lives, speaks and plays in freedom.” ~Arnaud Desjardins

No human being lives without experiencing the duality of life.

Good and bad. Love and hate. Life and death. Acceptance and rejection. Success and failure. Joy and jealousy. Compassion and judgment.

So why do we spend so much time trying to pretend that it’s bad to experience all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly?

Even our weather men and women tell us it’s a going to be a bad day because it’s raining or snowing. I mean, come on! The earth rejoices when it rains; snow is a natural part of our eco-system.

Why do we try so hard to suppress the difficult feelings and experiences in our lives? Because our brains are wired that way? Because we were traumatized? Because our parents, teachers, and God knows who else told us to?

Does it really matter, as we heal, who, where, and why?

I remember the first time I heard the quote “Thoughts are things.”

I knew instantly that if that was true, I was in trouble because I had a lot of thoughts I wasn’t proud of and never voiced out loud. I was taught at a very young age not to “rock the boat” or be “too dramatic” and the worst, “Your mom is unhappy because of you kids.” Yikes!

So, when things got bad at home or at school or at church, they got stuffed. In me. In my heart. In my gut and in my head.

On the outside I looked fine. Cute, bubbly, artistic, smart. But on the inside I was scared, confused, and anxious, and did not have a clue how to interact comfortably with people.

I tried really hard (unsuccessfully) to fit in.

Luckily, I had the outlet of art. I drew, I painted, I sewed, I made batiks—whatever I could get my hands on in the art department at the Catholic High school I went to, or whatever my mom would let me touch at home. She was an amazing seamstress, but, with eight kids, had neither the time nor patience to teach me. Luckily I’m old enough that we had “Home Ed” in high school, so I learned to sew well enough that my mom would let me use her sewing machine.

Being creative got me through high school and into college with no major consequences. I wasn’t insecure, lonely, or in need of an outlet. I didn’t drink too much, I wasn’t promiscuous, and I didn’t do drugs.

Fast forward a couple decades and I can tell you that eventually, I did experience the consequences of trying to drink my thoughts and feelings away. 

I stayed pretty creative as long as I could, but, as life goes, I grew up, got married, had kids, and started to work.

The turning point was when I lost my family of origin after some dramatic, painful events that I've chosen not to discuss publicly. (I learned the hard way that going over and over painful past events is not helpful to my healing.)

I could not deal with what was going on inside of me.

I started to drink more and more to squash what I was feeling.

Within a few years, the addictive gene in me eventually cried out “GOT YA!” and I was lost.

And this is what led me to the finding peace through being creative again. My crisis. My breakdown.

An intervention with beautiful, sober women, who didn’t know me but wanted to see me find myself again led me to being creative again.

These women had been learning how to draw and paint from a friend who eventually became my sponsor.

When I saw what these women had painted, with no artistic experience, it triggered something good inside me—the memory of being creative. (Yes, people, we can have good triggers!)

“Whatever this is, I’m in!” I said, and I was on my way home. Home to my true self.

They introduced me to an art form I had never heard of before, mandalas. I had no idea what a “mandala” was. Never heard of it and didn’t care. The mandala teacher had a studio full of every art supply you can imagine and space for many women to create. I was in heaven!

As I drew and painted my first mandala, my creative mind took over and the crazy thoughts in my head stopped.

I didn’t realize it then, but being creative again forced me to be what we all strive for when we think of being mindful: calm, serene, awake, and aware. 

My goal was to have fun and be creative again, but what I got was far more than that.

I reactivated the divine creative energy we are all born with.

When I’m engaged in any creative activity, my “monkey mind” settles down. My inner critic has little to say. I’m not regretting the past or fearing the future. I’m in the here and now. I’m centered, relaxed, and rejuvenated.

I got really curious—what’s was going on?

Why had engaging in creative endeavors become so significant in my life? Why did it feel like that had been the single most important thing in my healing (after being sober, that is)?

The Interconnectedness of Creativity and Mindfulness

So began my research into creativity and mindfulness.

I discovered that Carl Jung used art therapy with his patients. He encouraged the spontaneous drawing of mandalas. He believed that by just letting his patients draw with no interference, they would heal things in their psyche without even knowing it.

“Most mandalas have an intuitive, irrational character and, through their symbolical content, exert a retroactive influence on the unconscious. They therefore possess a “magical” significance, like icons, whose possible efficacy was never consciously felt by the patient.” ~Carl Yung

I stumbled upon a new book about the power of doodling called The Doodle Revolution, by Sunni Brown. In the book, Sunni cites a lot of very famous people who used doodling to help them think better and retain information. She challenges all the parents, teachers, and bosses who say, “Stop doodling! Get serious! Grow up!”

“There is NO SUCH THING as a mindless doodle,” according to Sunni.

CNN reports creative activities impact the body in a way similar to meditation. It’s like yoga for your brain.

This was also about the time that “adult coloring” became a billion-dollar industry. Why are millions of adults coloring, I wondered?

The more research I did, the more obvious it became.

Our society is craving sanity. Coloring reminds us all of the days of childhood when it was okay to pick up crayons and zone out for a bit. Having “adult” coloring books has given millions permission to stop, color, and find peace.

What I personally experienced while being creative was mindfulness; my brain was quiet yet active brain while painting, collaging, sewing, drawing, coloring, baking, and crafting.

Being creative somehow taught me the skill, if you will, of paying attention to me, of being mindful.

As it turns out, when you are being creative, you are using both your creative self and your analytical self, your left and right brain hemispheres at the same time. This not only quiets your mind, it engages it.

You are creating without angst. It kind of just happens.

My creative self was reawakened. I was allowing myself to be me, to feel me.

Having something creative “in the wings” became important, something to look forward to. Downtime became fun instead of something I dreaded.

This is not say that being mindful instantly became an easy process for all the other times when I was not doing something creative.

Having gone through some pretty traumatic years, it was “normal” for thoughts of dread, unworthiness, sadness, and shame to rumble through my mind, like the undercurrent of a river when I was engaged in mundane activities.

Being alone cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, doing bills, and working was still wrought with angst and despair.

I began to yearn for that calm, serene mindfulness I felt while being creative at all times in my life. So I engaged in more creative activities and hung out with people who were on the same path of healing. I began to create a new “family” of people who supported and loved me. 

I found and became active in a spiritual home. I started to naturally attract friends on the same path of becoming more creative, more mindful, more spiritual, more compassionate and successful in all areas of life.

I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and learned how important it is to notice it all—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Wow, it’s okay to have “bad” thoughts. It’s actually normal. It’s hard. And I learned that it’s my responsibility alone how to handle it.

I’ve subscribed to helpful blogs like TinyBuddha.com and mindful.org.

I started doing Bikram (hot) yoga.

Ninety minutes in a hot room doing yoga brought up a lot of difficult memories. But I stayed with it. I stayed in the room even though I was terrible and even though I would sometimes cry during the thirty-second rest periods between poses as I processed memories of hating my body and feeling ashamed and remembered being teased for being fat.

I began meditating.

At first I could only meditate with music or a guided meditations for five to ten minutes. I meditated like this sporadically for years.

Just recently I started meditating in the morning and before bed at the suggestion of my life coach. She suggested two to five minutes, silently, in the lotus position. I said, “I can do at least ten I’m sure.” Much to my surprise, ten minutes was easy so I progressed to fifteen, then twenty, then thirty.

I am now meditating for thirty minutes, alone, no music, sitting in the lotus position (as best I can) twice a day. This I consider a miracle. Meditating like this has also allowed more memories to gently come up and dissipate. Wow.

Being mindful is not always an easy road, but it’s a much better path than trying to stuff painful memories, feelings, and thoughts down. 

It’s much easier than trying to drink them away.

I know this to be true.

Being mindful has helped me be comfortable with my thoughts. Okay, that’s not always true—I still sometimes get angry and want them to go away, but I don’t dwell as much, I don’t lash out as much, and I am most definitely a happier, more peaceful person.

The Process of Being Creative Triggers Memories—Good Ones

If you activate your divine creative energy, you are activating the positive, shiny aspects of yourself. You remember happier times. You feel accomplished. You’re happy with yourself. You smile more (and people smile back)!

As you then become more mindful, perhaps through yoga and meditation, the difficult thoughts and feelings are balanced with the positive, creative, and happy aspects of you.

You take responsibility for your life. It’s fun to be with you.

You realize that you are the person you’ve been waiting for.

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-creativity-leads-to-mindfulness-happiness-and-peace/