#god save me from being a senior in highschool

[andwithinme]

doodles because i feel the need to post something

[bratzkoo]

delivery! (iii)

Author: bratzkoo | credits to @monvante​​ for the banner!

Pairing: pizza delivery guy! jungkook x reader, reader x seokjin

Genre: fluff, comedy (i think?), semi-angst

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings/note: obsession with pizza, swearing, there has been a huge misunderstanding with who the reader is in love with, seokjin is oblivious with the readers feelings, jungkook being the other half of the busan torture device, i made some changes with their ages, it’s a highschool! au but there will be an eventual time skip.

chapter summary: You didn’t have the heart to tell Jungkook that you made a terrible mistake of accidentally confessing to him instead of Seokjin. Fast forward to school day, you see something very upsetting in the cafeteria.

delivery i | delivery ii | requests are close, for now | masterlist

That night, Jimin barged into your house. "BITCH! I KNOW YOU'RE SAD, BUT I HAVE NEWS!"

You paused the TV and moved to the side of the sofa to make room for him. You were watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, trying to distract yourself from the day's events with Jake Peralta's antics. Empty chip bags and cookie wrappers littered your coffee table – evidence of your emotional eating spree.

"What news, Chim?" You asked, not having a lot of energy because of Sana's betrayal. You were wearing your comfort clothes: oversized hoodie and sweatpants, hair messily tied up.

"Karma is a bitch!" Jimin clasped his hands, practically vibrating with excitement. His uniform was disheveled, tie loose around his neck, suggesting he ran straight to your house after school. "Right before we left the canteen a guy-- no one knows who he is-- but I would date him for what he did. Get this, he accidentally nudged Sana's drink and she got soaked with iced tea and he just continued walking without even giving her a second glance. He's so girly pop!"

"Wait, what?" You sat up straighter, pushing aside your blanket fortress.

"YES!" Jimin jumped onto the sofa, nearly knocking over your remaining snacks. "Oh my god, you should have seen it! She was wearing that white designer blouse she always brags about—"

"The one she kept saying was from Paris?" You interrupted.

"THAT ONE!" Jimin's eyes sparkled with vindictive glee. "Now it's more like tea-dyed couture! And the way this guy just walked away? Iconic! She was standing there, mouth open like a fish, tea dripping everywhere. He didn't even flinch!"

Despite your determination to wallow in misery, you felt your lips twitching. "What did Jin do?"

"That's the best part!" Jimin grabbed a cookie from your stash. "He tried to help her clean up, but she was so embarrassed she just ran to the bathroom. Literally ran! In her designer heels! I saw at least three people recording it."

You couldn't help but laugh at the mental image. "I shouldn't find this funny..."

"But you do!" Jimin pointed the half-eaten cookie at you accusingly. "See? You're smiling! First genuine smile I've seen all day."

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table, interrupting Jimin's victory dance. A text from Jungkook lit up your screen:

[Kookie 🐰]: Hey, noticed you seemed down today. Hope you're feeling better! [Kookie 🐰]: I saved you an extra fortune cookie from the restaurant 🥠

You couldn't help but smile at his thoughtfulness. Even through text, his shy sweetness came through.

"Ohooo? What's bunny boy saying?" Jimin tried to peek at your phone, nearly falling into your lap in the process.

"Nothing!" You pulled your phone away, feeling your cheeks warm. "Just asking how I am."

"You know," Jimin's voice turned serious as he settled back into his spot, "he might be good for you."

"Chim..."

"I'm just saying!" He held up his hands defensively. "The guy clearly cares about you. And unlike certain seniors we know, he actually shows it."

You threw a pillow at him. "Can we go back to talking about Sana's tea bath?"

"Fine, fine!" Jimin grinned. "But let me tell you about her mascara running down her face first!"

The next morning, you were still thinking about the mysterious tea hero while walking to school. You'd barely slept, caught between replaying Jimin's story about Sana and texting Jungkook until 2 AM. He'd somehow gotten you to laugh with his terrible dad jokes and cute emoji usage.

You were checking your phone, rereading his good morning text (complete with a bunny emoji), when you turned a corner too quickly and crashed into someone. Your phone flew out of your hand.

"I'm so sorry!" You started apologizing before looking up, scrambling to pick up your phone. Your jaw dropped when you saw Jungkook in your school's uniform, already holding your phone out to you. His dark hair was slightly messy, like he'd been running his hands through it.

"Hi," he said with his usual shy smile, the one that made his nose scrunch up slightly.

"You go here?!" You practically shouted, causing several passing students to stare.

"Since freshman year..." he rubbed the back of his neck, a habit you'd noticed he had when he was nervous. "I'm in Class 3-B."

You were about to respond when you noticed something – a faint brown stain on his white uniform sleeve. Your eyes widened as you connected the dots, remembering Jimin's vivid description from last night.

"Oh my god, it was you!"

His ears turned red but he had a slight smirk playing at his lips. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"The tea! Yesterday! With Sana!"

He shrugged, trying to look innocent but failing miserably. His eyes gave him away – there was a mischievous glint in them you'd never noticed before. "She wasn't being very nice to you."

Before you could respond, Jimin's unmistakable screech echoed through the hallway. "YOU'RE THE TEA KING?!"

"Chim!" You tried to shush him but he was already running towards you both, his bag swinging wildly behind him.

"AND YOU'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME?!" Jimin looked between you and Jungkook like he was watching a tennis match. "This is better than my dramas! No, this is better than that time I caught Mr. Park singing TWICE in the faculty room!"

Jungkook looked mortified as other students started gathering, whispering and pointing. His ears were now completely red. "I should get to class..."

"Wait!" You grabbed his sleeve without thinking. The fabric was soft under your fingers, and you could feel his arm tense slightly at your touch. "Have lunch with us today?"

His whole face lit up, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Really?"

"Yeah, we can eat at the courtyard. You know, the one behind the science building?" You found yourself rambling slightly. "It's usually quiet there."

"I'd like that," he said softly, giving you one last smile before heading towards his classroom.

As you watched him walk away, Jimin nudged you so hard you almost fell over. "So, I did some digging – and by digging I mean I terrorized that kid Taehyung from 3-B until he spilled everything."

"Chim!"

"What? I brought him coffee!" Jimin defended himself. "Anyway, apparently your bunny boy is quite popular in 3-B. He's president of the photography club and everything. The quiet mysterious type, you know?"

"How did I never notice him before?" You wondered aloud, thinking about all the school events you must have crossed paths at.

"Because you were too busy making heart eyes at Jin?" Jimin dodged your attempt to hit him, laughing. "Just saying! Though I have to admit, the whole 'secretly spilling tea on your enemy' thing is way hotter than Jin's dad jokes."

"They're not dad jokes, they're—" you stopped yourself, realizing you were defending Jin out of habit.

Jimin's expression softened. "Hey, want to hear what else Taehyung told me about your knight in shining delivery uniform?"

The courtyard behind the science building was your favorite spot in school. It was quieter than the cafeteria, with a few wooden benches scattered under large trees. During lunch, you and Jimin were already settled there when Jungkook appeared, holding his camera and looking slightly nervous.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, sitting across from you. "Had to help set up for the photography club meeting later."

"No worries! Not like you're delivering pizzas right now," Jimin grinned, then turned to you. "You know, he's actually the only employee who's never quit despite my tyranny."

"You mean despite you abandoning him during weekend shifts?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Hey! Dad lets me get away with it because Kookie here brings in the most tips," Jimin defended himself. "The ladies love him."

Jungkook's ears turned red. "They just feel bad because I'm usually alone during rush hour."

"Sure, sure. Nothing to do with your puppy eyes at all," Jimin winked. "Speaking of which, did you know he's also the photography club president?"

"Really?" You asked, watching Jungkook fidget with his camera.

"According to Taehyung, he's been doing the yearbook photos since freshman year," Jimin added, mouth full of kimbap. "My employee is so talented!"

Jungkook ducked his head, embarrassed. "It's not a big deal..."

"Can I see some of your photos?" You asked, genuinely curious.

He hesitated before pulling out his phone. "Sure, but uh... don't judge too hard."

As he scrolled through his gallery, you found yourself impressed. There were beautiful shots of the school during sunset, candid moments from sports events, artistic angles of everyday objects that somehow looked magical.

"These are amazing," you said honestly.

"Thanks," he smiled, then paused at a particular photo. His thumb hovered over the screen like he was debating whether to show you.

"What's that one?"

"Um..." he slowly turned his phone towards you. Your breath caught.

It was you, sitting under this very tree last spring. The cherry blossoms were falling, and in the photo, you were laughing at something, petals caught in your hair. The lighting made everything look soft and dreamy.

"I actually have a lot of photos of you," he admitted quietly.

"What?"

He started scrolling faster now – you during the school festival helping at your class booth, you concentrating during the sports day relay race, you teaching a freshman how to get to their classroom.

"This is... kind of creepy but also sweet?" You weren't sure how to feel. Each photo was beautiful, capturing moments you didn't even remember.

"Sorry," he looked embarrassed, running his hand through his hair again. "You just always looked so bright in every shot. I couldn't help it."

"Oh my god, you've had a crush on Y/N forever!" Jimin exclaimed, making both you and Jungkook jump. You'd almost forgotten he was there. "Is that why you never complained about me skipping shifts? Because Y/N always orders from us on weekends?"

"I... yeah," Jungkook admitted, meeting your eyes. "Since freshman year, actually. You helped me find the photography club room when I was lost."

"I did?" You tried to remember.

"You were running late for something, but you still took the time to show me the way," he smiled at the memory. "You probably don't remember."

Later that day, heading to your next class, you passed by Jin and Sana in the hallway. She was clinging to his arm, still slightly pink-stained from yesterday's tea incident. For the first time, you didn't feel that sharp pain in your chest. Instead, you were thinking about lunch with Jungkook, his shy smiles, and the way he saw beauty in ordinary moments.

Your phone buzzed with a text:

[Kookie 🐰]: Thanks for having lunch with me today. Same spot tomorrow? [Kookie 🐰]: I can show you more photos if you want. The non-creepy ones this time 😅

You smiled, typing back a quick "Yes ❤️" before entering your classroom. A small part of your brain noted how natural it felt to add the heart emoji.

Maybe, just maybe, your drunk self wasn't so stupid after all.

"Y/N!" Jimin's voice carried across the classroom. "Taehyung just told me Jungkook has a whole photo album dedicated to—"

You threw your pencil case at him before he could finish. Some things were better left unsaid.

[wooteena]

oh my god i just realized it's been literally years since you've been active. how the hell are you?? :O

helaurr anon omg lets do like a wooteena roundup ❕

still 16 (going on 17) (actually 33 /ref)

still australian (might change if plans go well because CRINGE TW:)

still dating the tumblr boyfriend. remember when i e-begged for a date 3 years ago? snagged dutch fanartist @onlygayminecraftstuff ? still going strong babes. froot for life i tell you.

hopefully going to- 🫣 to🫣 meet up🫣 sometime soon🫣🫣 face reveal for the meetcute when it happens promise

thatll happen once highschool slows down or finishes though. im a 'senior' so to speak ! year/grade 11 or 12, you guess ^_^

graduation might be late or happen differently because im💚 still disabled! trying to fix that too, sorry about the canon disability rep erasure guys my bad /sar

on the srs though? im winning. thriving, even. as much as tumblr was (and is, considering that i check in every 6months 😭) a space that i couldnt have lived without, there is definitely smth unfort to be said that this was the only place i could socialize because of how little capacity for anything i had from ages 12-14 because of chronic pain. being able to say that im full time at school and are finally, fully 'in' that rl friend group and show them the weird shit that happens on tumblr is probably the best, and most unbelievable thing i could tell chronically online, preteen wooteena.

i will never ever stop returning and reminiscing on this stupid minecraft blog is because i got to be an annoying kid with (mostly!) no repercussion and socialised during probably formative years while i was hurting. tumblr gets to be the place for the disabled, queer, and weird, always.

tldr wooteena cringefailed all over the screen about how tumblr saved their life probably. i love the blr because it loved me

get dogged on

[ncrosha]

my favorite part about josh's whole character arc is the fact that the senior x-men were fretting over him becoming the next magneto and put him on the mutant death squad anyway. its very epitome of what did you think would happen.

but god he starts off so happy on krakoa. coming off of the death of pretty much everyone he'd known and loved, finally doing what he'd realized he could do but now with a team of people - a new family - and he's almost back to his highschool energy. still more reclusive and strange than he'd been before, but that silly edge was coming back.

and then x of swords happens and the writing is on the wall for what it means for krakoa. the first time he uses his powers like this again cements the start of the fall for him.

in fact it brings back my favorite artistic interperation of him - blank white eyes.

like man he's trying, but that just ripped open some barely healed wounds.

i'm still so bothered that the five's miniseries was cancelled because the dynamic is fascinating, and i so badly wanted someone to explore how josh of all people feels being back on krakoa & being forced to do the x-force's dirty work again.

nd it really has him pulling back. josh isn't present for sofia's awakening at all. he doesn't have a scene with her (or laurie which is so frustrating, and don't get me started on how they handled the thing with kevin) and refocusing on work.

their back and forths with beast are painful in x-factor. and i imagine josh was the one who started pushing that they do something because he'd done this shit before with vanisher and it still haunted him, but no dice.

he's back to being a tool for a political game he wants no part of.

he just seems to burned out and annoyed to be here in what little we see of him, when he's intereacting with other mutants beyond the five. i'm.... choosing to view the fact that he rarely has any speaking lines as the fact that he just really doesn't want to talk to these people and leaves everything to hope or egg. but he has apparently withdrawn from everybody save for the five and does not affiliate with his old friends as much.

he's here because this is the one thing he wants to do. and honestly, being in the white hot room probably isn't the worst thing for him.

[mommycain]

Ethel Cain

ive been a big fan of Ethel Cain for a while now and it all started in 2020. shortly after discovering her, I began listening to all of the music that she made and it was weird because i've loved rock, metal, electronic, shoe-gaze and indie music and the artists that produce music of those genres, but i've never been so obsessed with someones music, the only ones that came close were deftones, nirvana, linkin park, breaking benjamin, in this moment, Chelsea grin, white chapel, son lux, and lorn. These bands / musicians meant a lot to me and still do, but i was never as in love with them like i am with Ethel Cain.

Growing up poor, gay, and autistic in southern Ohio (Wilmington OH) i was very isolated and ostracized by many. By the time i was a senior in highschool i had enough trauma to make a psychologists head spin, i was personally attacked by children and adults ever since i came out as gay at a very young age, sexually assaulted, abused in every way imaginable by multiple people, recovering from addiction, had multiple suicide attempts, multiple loved ones die, and helped raise my brother all before i was 18, so I really connected with many of the themes and lyrics in her music. I dont mean to come on here and dump all of my trauma on unsuspecting people, i just still cant believe there is someone out there that makes music that i can relate to on such a massive scale. I just want to give her a hug and thank her for existing in the same world as i do. The cliche of people saying "their music literally saved my life" always kind of bugged me, sure, some artists got me out of some dark moments in my life, but Hayden's music really did pull me away from self harm and suicide many times in my adult life. i want to sit down and just talk with her for hours and listen to her life story and thoughts. i know ... trust me i know, i sound kinda crazy, but i,ve just never felt this way about anyone's music except for her's.

Ive annoyed all of my friends relentlessly with how obsessed i am with her music and her as a person, and ive been spreading the gospel of Mother Cain as much as i can, but here are some deep dives into my thoughts about my favorite songs by Ethel Cain.

Earnhardt- 2020 / 2021.

This is the first Ethel Cain song i ever listened to. When i listened to Earnhardt for the first time, I felt seen, understood, and i was so confused as to why she wasnt more popular. This song had me in a chokehold and i still listen to it religiously, but anyways, Earnhardt really spoke to me when i first heard it and i fell in love with her voice and her mind while listening to this song. The betrayal and hopelessness in the lyrics and the theme of wanting things to get better but everything seems out of your control and only finding peace when thinking about your own death, it all spoke to me in ways i never imagined a single song could.

Michelle Pfeiffer- 2021

While i was scrolling on tiktok, i came across a video of Hayden sitting in a diner with her friend and i thought the whole vid seemed like a found footage film and i loved it, i started reading the comments and there were people saying that she was "running from the law" and "she killed someone i think and now shes fleeing her state", while i was confused, i went ahead and looked at her profile and saw that IT WAS HER, the one who made Earnhardt!!! my favorite song!!! so i went ahead and looked at other videos then stumbled upon a promotion for her new song: Michelle Pfeiffer and immediately listened to it. I was hooked ever since.

Ptolemaea- 2022

Yes, the song that puts the fear of god and or satan into the hearts of the mentally sane and cid-het men, as well as being an anthem to those that have been wronged by those same men. The feeling i got from hearing this song for the first time was extremely cathartic. the demonic and haunting voice of hayden at the end of the song is unnerving and devastating, when you hear it, it feels like a looming figure standing over your paralyzed / near lifeless body, and it wants you to let go and submit to it. The symbolism and poetry in Ptolemaea is something i admire to no end.

Hard Times- 2022

This song quickly became one of my best friends favorite songs, and i dont blame her, Hard Times is another devastating song that paints a picture of sorrow, trauma, insecurity, doubt, shame, and longing for stability and peace.

Dog Days- 2019

An almost lullaby about toxic relationships, full of pain and confliction. wanting to keep someone close to you no matter how much they hurt you, allowing them to hurt you because you can still see a glimpse of who they used to be, the person you fell in love with, excusing the abuse because they still show you affection from time to time, even when you know that loving them is only hurting you and you know it would be best to leave, you stay because no matter how hard you try, you cant help but fear the possibility that nobody will love you as much as they do. you know its poison, but youve been drinking it for so long you worry that life wont ever be the same without it. This is another song i relate to immensely.

Alright, ive been awake for over 37 hours now, so im gonna get some shuteye. i hope you found my crazed obsession amusing and or insightful, and i hope i dont look like a total psycho lmao, i just wanted to geek out and fangirl a bit because again ... i dont really feel this strongly about other musicians.

ps: Hayden ... Queen Ethel ... Mommy Cain ... if by some chance you see this, let me know! so i can die out of embarrassment in peace. thanks, love ya!

[ticcitavvi]

weirdly off topic but like.

maybe it was just because of how insane and spotty my education was (literally in and out of school from 3rd grade to sophomore year of highscool, and living in very rural Texas)

but like. when I tell you I had never heard of the black panther party until junior year in highschool. and only because I watched a documentary that VAGUELY mentioned it and inspired me to research it. insane.

but tbh, black history month at my public school entailed the announcements mentioning one person, saying a very short description of their achievements, a day. so it would be "Martin Luther king was a prominent leader in the civil rights movement' and then move on to talk about what was being served at lunch.

and that about sums up the education I received in regards to POC history.

so anyway. now looking back there is a very large hole in my education.

I WILL SAY.

senior year, I was in a dual credit history class.

(which, for those who don't know, is basically a college class you take in high school which counts for both highshcool and college 'credit.' the idea is that you can then enter college having knocked out a fair amount of your prerequisites, and save money. both my brothers entered college with 1 1/2 years of college already completed, and graduated early. of course, I am not very academically gifted, so I still have to take the classic four. anyway, back to the point)

I am not kidding when I tell you that I learnt more about history, especially in regards to POC (and even more specifically in regards to the treatment and history of Native Americans) in that semester long class than I did in 17 years of public education.

god, not to get off topic but I loved my professor. he did not sugar coat things.

also learnt that the way we depict 'cowboys' in western media, old and new, is so patently false. People who claim 'cowboys' were only white men have no understanding of history- in fact, a pretty large number of cowboys were POC. and don't even get me started on what being a 'cowboy' even actually entailed.

back to the point- the fact that it took me so long to even just REALIZE that there was such a gaping hole in my education is absurd.

anyway. that's my little rant. have a nice day (๑˘︶˘๑)

[curejiraiya]

I don't usually like to headcanon more modern things into a story that are unrealistic to happen, at least not on a public post lol. like ik the average teenager in Japan 10 years ago isn't getting therapy as an option for their ailments I know that, but god idk I have to headcanon that both Hiro and Kouji get therapy between Rainbow Live and King of Prism they needed it so so so bad.

Kouji really needs to unpack how learning about how his father actually died and how the responsibilities of an adult were thrust on him when he was only a child caused him to distance himself mentally from everyone and everything, allowed insane depression to develop, and caused his self esteem to tank. like he got FUCKED up rightfully so by his dads death, did not grieve correctly, and then he's thrown even more information about it again when he's only like 15. That would literally make someone grieve again, he needs to talk to a professional and I think he does.

and fuck Hiro has so much to unpack. it's so much he needed to be in therapy by the age of 3. but specifically in the time gap he needed to work on his self esteem (he doesn't do this) but also his depression. like no I understand why he loses heart and motivation once Kazuki breaks his pride and snaps him to reality. But man, he has the eyes of a broken person. You don't just shift from broken and unable to function to completely normal overnight, there's a lasting impression even when things do get better. I think he got help getting back to normal. plus all the other problems he needs to unpack, his mom, his past, fuck his EVERYTHING.

Idk that man needs medication it would help him so so much and I think it does! I think that's how he gets better; a solid support group and medical help. there's my headcanon. Same with Kouji, like he has the strength to go to America and help and not shut down completely when something is going wrong because he got on medication and got help.

I also think like they continue this treatment lol, maybe when they're actually adults and not teenage adults they could look internally and decide if they still need help, and Kouji probably wouldn't anymore but Hiro's problems are lifelong. but through out Pride the Hero they're definitely still in therapy and on meds, or like at least had to pause their treatment for the plot of that movie and go back to it after.

actually this is my headcanon I can just say what I think happened. I think Kouji stops cuz he's in fucking America I don't think it's realistic to expect someone to see a therapist in a country they do not live in when they're like on a visa. that's what he is on right like he's 17 and he's on a work visa. do they even do that? google says there's no age limit so that's fine. but (even though his reaction is perfect I would not change a THING) I think it has him emotionally distancing himself again. like he puts it on himself to take this huge burden of raising money to save the school. he feels like he HAS to do this, which is true lol but he doesn't ask for help or mourn the loss of the fucking end of his senior year in highschool he just accepts it and goes to America. I feel like he probably wasn't doing very mentally well during that bit of his life lol and to be taken away (literally by being in a different country) from his mental health care would compound that issue. yeah. meanwhile I feel like Hiro is kinda a dope right, he probably still is in therapy throughout pride the hero because he doesn't really have a reason not to be, I just think he's probably not talking about anything important (I did this irl when I was slightly younger then he was in this movie so maybe this is a projection thing). like Hiro's like "hello therapist! today we will talk about the stress I feel when I think about this one specific and inconsequential piece of my childhood, and not idk my entire world crumbling down before me because of some distance between me and the man I like." like he's not emotionally mature enough to address the real problems he's facing yet, because unlike when he got therapy after Rainbow Live the problems aren't over.

but like that doesn't say anything about their characters idk I think it takes a LOT of strength to say "hey I need help" like THAT'S where they grew after Rainbow Live. they grew so much that they got the strength to be able to ask for help. they matured enough to realize they needed it, and to realize that no adult was going to do it for them.

idk I mean this actually isn't a crazy headcanon lmfao but I don't post headcanons usually cuz I'm scared people will make fun of my opinions ;-; but but this is an important one to meeeee these two boys need help! and I think they get it. they deserve to get it

[nappingmoon]

choso x reader fluff :)

desc: a meet cute with the best older brother in the world <3

w.c. 1.5k

choso grew up raising his brothers. it was always his job to keep them safe, to teach them by example and get them out of trouble if they ever stumbled into it. when his parents died a few months after his eighteenth birthday, choso took custody of his little brothers-- there wasn't even a moment of hesitation in his mind. he would be there for the most important people in his life because he is their older brother, no ifs, ands, or buts.

caring for three young boys who eat their weight in food was not easy. choso picked up three jobs and spent most of those first years with his time entirely split between working and talking with his little brothers. he would schedule his jobs so that he could leave breakfast made in the morning before the boys woke up and run home during his lunch break to whip up their afterschool meal before running back. during the three hour break between his main two jobs, he would chat with his brothers and cook up dinner, which was always ate at the table. he cherished this time, soaking up the boys' expressions at the first bite. though he was on a budget, meal and ingredient prepping on sundays helped him keep track of what he could use to make the meals go farther and also gave him a bit of time to get creative with the dishes. he liked to surprise his brothers by mixing in their favorite foods with unique ingredients he found in the grocery clearance section. these times were the was able to truly relax and see the fruits of his efforts reflected back at him. his brothers were safe, content, and had full bellies each night.

when eso and kechizu are of the age to work and help out at the house, choso lets go of one of the jobs, prioritizing making it to all of yuujis baseball games and trying to be more present in their lives. he gets more creative in the kitchen, baking breads, making sauces, and diversifying the plates even more. he invests in better pans and still considers the family dinners to be the most important thing in his life.

but then his brothers keep growing. kechizu and eso leave for college and trades. yuuji is a senior in highschool and he has more clubs and friends. nightly dinners turn into weekly dinners turn into "i'll try to stop by but i've got this thing..." . he doesn't know how to handle his baby brothers leaving the nest. he doesn't need to throw himself into work anymore, having saved enough and worked up in rank and salary over the years, but he finds himself missing the busyness because now he just sits and thinks about the fact that his brothers are away from him.

then, you happen. he's walking through the grocery store, mentally planning out this week's dinner and trying to prevent himself from getting too much (his brain is still wired to prepare portions for his little brothers. despite being aware of this, choso can't help but make more than enough, always hoping that his little brothers will show up at his door, hungry and eager for another one of his meals.) when you accidentally bump into him.

"oh my god, I am so sorry, did I hurt you?" you ask, despite the fact that it is you who is on the floor and he who seems completely unharmed by your slip.

choso extends a hand to you and you take it, watching as the muscles in his arm move to help you up. "I am okay, are you?"

"yes, yes, thank you for helping me up" you say, as you dust yourself off and adjust your hair, cheeks warming a touch at the fact that you just fell on the floor in front of one of the most handsome men you have ever seen. "I was trying to pull out that bag of rice when my hand slipped and i lost my balance! I usually just by the bags of microwavable rice but my niece is spending the next week at my house and I want to feed her good food. I think rice should be easy enough but I didn't know these bags were so heavy and oh my god I am rambling about rice to a stranger. I am so sorry, thank you for helping me, I won't take any more of your time goodbye!" you turn around and just as you step towards your cart, eager to leave this mortifying situation in the past and text your best friend that you just fumbled a man that looks the grown version of your teen hot topic dream boy, a hand reaches out to halt you.

"you forgot your rice," his deep voice reaches your ears and you find your emotions at war, both humiliated but also stunned at how hot a man can sound when saying a household food item. "this is a good brand, and jasmine rice goes well with most dishes. you have a good eye." you turn around and watch as he bends over to grab the bag, straightening up like it weighs no more than a feather and coming around to place it in your cart. "do you have any recipes in mind?"

you're sheepish when you respond "I, uh, saw some things online but I have been on my own for a while and never really got too into cooking since it's just me. I probably have consumed more instant ramen and microwave meals than any person should in a lifetime." you avoid his eyes as you confess, lightly embarrassed to still have the eating habits of a college student despite having graduated some years ago. "I was just going to look up easy yummy recipe books and try my hand at anything with less than 10 steps."

choso surprises you, and himself, if he's being honest, when he opens his mouth next. "I can teach you, if you'd like." and when you look back up with him with eyes that gleam like he'd just offered you a million dollars, he can't find it in himself to want to take back his words.

and so you find yourself swapping kitchens, familiarizing yourself with his and he filling yours with essentials that he cant figure out how you have lived without all this time (who doesn't have pepper in their house?). even after he gets you to the point where you can feed your niece at least three different homemade meals, and she is back with her mother, you find yourself missing the small lessons. you reach out to him, using the number he gave you in case you needed a quick kitchen tip or question, and ask if he would mind continuing the lessons. you make up some excuse, and he accepts eagerly.

one day, yuuji will walk into an animated duo behind the kitchen counter. the house is usually quiet but this time there seems to be an argument-- he can catch pieces like "i can't measure with my heart i need a number!" and a disbelieving "you did not just add baking soda instead of powder." the sight he is greeted by is his older brother in an apron, hands on his hips and looking down in confusion-- and a possible twinge of adoration?-- at an apron clad figure covered in flour. it takes a moment before he is even noticed and choso gulps at the realization that he was so invigorated by you that he lost track of time. he clears his throat, trying to find the words to explain but remaining speechless at his worlds colliding like this.

you take the initiative. "hi! you must be yuuji! your brother never shuts up about you, he's always got great things to say. it's nice to finally meet you." you say, giving him your name at the end. "choso is trying to teach me how to bake but I think I might be a lost cause."

as choso watches the two of you interact, he feels his heart swell. seeing you go back and forth with his precious little brother is enough to tip him over the edge.

he asks you out that night, just as you take your first bite of the bread you finally managed to make together.

you choke on it, inhaling the small piece of the loaf in your surprise. after you manage to get it out, sipping on the glass of water he got you to ease your cough, he begins to laugh. "was that a yes or did the question repulse you so much you thought it better to die than to answer?" he asks.

you consider throttling him for nearly causing your early demise and then making fun of you, but as your hands approach his neck, they pull him to you instead of squeezing. your kiss, however, seems just as effective at taking his breath away.

for some reason I feel like choso would be really good at cooking.

[diedbutterflies69]

Will you stay?- Bang Chan imagine.

Contains: friends to lovers au. , Divorce, smut, fluff, blindfolding, oral sex, explicit sexual stuff etc . Minors don't interact.

Never once on your life, you thought you could get your shit together and laugh genuinely at the worst in world. falling out of love is worse but it's even more worse if it's your it's not you who fell out of love. Married at 22 and the honeymoon phase hardly lasted for a year and by the age of 26 got yourself labelled as a woman who sabotaged her own marriage in thirst of money. Your ex husband was bitter about your success even before you got married. He thought as a woman, you just did bare minimum and got yourself a high positioned rank by sleeping with one of the rich rags. You tried hard enough to hold on to that rotten red string , but he had the scissors and just cut you off. You weren't willing to sacrifice your career just because of his Immature mindset, yes you loved him, but can't a women love her own hard achieved success more? That's the question you wished to ask everyone who pointed there fingers at you. After divorce you didn't feel pain just numbness. Your self-hatred coming more stronger than ever, even hating the job, you tried Saving since years, getting life on track seemed impossible and at the end just quitted. Moved out of the city just to move back to your home town, the root of your real pain. It wasn't really a town but rather a more flashy city, expensive shits which you were unable to afford in childhood but now it wasn't any big deal. Earth is round and sometimes precious people find you all by themselves. Your highschool friend, the only friend you had throughout your lifetime because of your anti social tactics.

Bang Chan, the social butterfly who almost knew every single student in whole school, he was the hottest guy you ever saw in your life and also the kindest. You had crush on him even before you both were friends, he was your senior,used to help you with those shitty math sums, crack jokes every now and then and scolded you whenever you procrastinated. He came to congratulate you even on your graduation day, even though there were many more students whom he met you were still glad atleast someone bought you a beautiful bouquet of tulips and bellflower. The last time you saw him was before you moved out in search of cheap collages without informing him, as you thought you were just one of many friends he had and won't ever notice someone like you existed.

But god, how much wrong you were.

You met Chan after almost 9 years in convince store and his reaction was almost priceless , like finding treasure. He was now more handsome, beautiful and god-like even after all this years his style of dressing didn't Changed much, he still looked like Kim Kardashian at 2021 met Gala. nevertheless his smile still had those healing properties with his Cresent moon eyes. He was absolutely stunning.

The first sentence he spoke after confirming your identity was 'I missed you' and then tons of lectures and questions . Knowing how narrow-minded you were he gasped dramatically. Cheesiest ways of saying how could I forget my best friend and so on. That day was probably the best day of your life and maybe even the day after years you really smiled. You both exchanged numbers and addresses and his home was just 10 minutes away from yours. Destiny indeed.

Now it's been over 7 months since you met Chan again and he never made you felt like you were just one of his 109 friends. Chan made you feel special, after knowing what kind of disaster you faced he was even more supporting of you, you both used to spend weekend together watching variety of shows and movies going to stargazing, best friend goals. After many years you knew even if Chan had many people to confide with he never really did. He was alone, just a night owl obsessed with work. You were happy. And he was happy too. Being just friends was enough for you, but not for him . He was slowly trying to find courage to confess his love to you. He liked you fuck from highschool days. He found you once randomly staring at him across the room and when you suddenly disappeared all his fantasies were scattered, he knew your dreams and was willing to help you with your every step. knowing how messed up your household was from your neighbours he felt guilty for not being able to give you happiness. He loved you, but was helded by his own insecurities.

Not anymore though, he wasn't the same coward who just stared at the love of his life from distance. Being the extra human he was, he bought you one of the most expensive restaurant of the whole country, man was loaded. After driving for almost 5 hours you both finally reached there .

Now a nervous Chan sitting infront of you. You being oblivious to the fact that he has a beautiful diamond ring and a confession to make. Chan handed you the menu card and every single dish had an extraordinary name, without much thought you placed the order.

"atleast tell me now, why are we here?" You asked the man infront of you who was behaving extra weird today, he looked sick and was occassionally asking you random questions.

"No reason, I was in mood for long drives and... You know have a nice meal" Chan said fidgeting with his fingers he was acting like a flustered high school guy it was clearly indicating that he was lying but you didn't really care, Chan was weird sometimes.

"Sounds fake, but okay. By the way you aren't sick right?" You asked Chan out of pure concern as he was sweating profusely even in an cold AC room.

"I am fine, just feeling a little hot. Don't worry", Chan said it was more like he was convincing himself that he was fine and shouldn't worry. He wasn't a teenager but a human with responsibilities who once again fell for someone out of his league, he used to think that and he still sees you as a literal goddess. While he was lost deep in his thoughts, the waiter came with food , and this was his opportunity to shoot his arrow. You both started eating and talked like being in paradise.

"did you liked anyone in highschool?", Chan asked you out of blue making you almost choke on food. The only person whom you liked throughout your highschool days was the guy sitting infront of you and you didn't really remembered much guys and the best answer was probably saying a lie with little truth.

"no one lol", you answered trying to sound chilled but since highschool crush topic was out you weren't able to keep your curiosity with yourself.

"What about you, liked someone?", You asked trying to sound nonchalant and not desperate and bitter.

This was the Exactly the conversation that Chan planned in his mind. And here started his way to either heaven or pit of rejection.

"I loved someone", Chan said and you this time you really choked from the depth of your heart, you thought Chan was anti romantic type of guy as he never talked about of his female friends with you or bragged about his non existent dating life. Trying again to not sound jealous or bitter you spoke again.

" Who was that lucky bit-- I mean girl yes girl? Who was she?", You asked, almost letting out the bitch loudly. You weren't sure but you saw Chan smiling cheekily, he was really getting old acting weird more and more everyday.

"Well... Someone from our school",Chan said and you swear you didn't made a disgusting face showing pure jealousy. The best human in your life and your first ever crush had crush on somebody, you didn't knew why you were feeling so fucking bitter but you weren't able to handle the curiosity anymore.

"Tell me her damn name", you asked Chan in a frustrating tone not being able to keep jealousy to yourself.

"Why you being angry", Chan asked followed by his small laugh.

"I am angry, just the food was a little spicy you answer me now, her name?", You answered Chan with your defenses up and still sticking with your previous question.

Chan in response got a little serious now,you thought he was being childish now, he wasn't a kid who was given a dare to name out his crush yet he was acting like one.

"You won't leave me right, I mean after I answer your question?", Chan asked you and you didn't knew what to say in response you were now a little sus about him.

"fine don't answer, keep secrets", you said and continued eating. The next thing Chan said made you now choke and die on food.

"I loved you and I still love you" Chan said looking down at the table head hanging down like his teenage self just confessed he watched porn infront of his parents. You were shocked, frozen and the your heartbeat 10x faster, you didn't knew how to react and tried to find humor in this extraordinary situation.

"Chan, you kidding right?", You asked Chan with a nervous smile on your face. Chan looked up at you , his eyes trying to find yours but you avoided the eye contact.

"I am serious, I liked you from HighSchool times, I saw you for the first time in library when you were looking at me, I swear you were so beautiful and even now after all this years after seeing you I can't, I can't help but fall for you all over again, sorry"

Chan confessed, his voice filled with sincerity and vulnerability his sentences were scattered here and there and incomplete explanation but still you understood everything he really poured his heart to you, you felt like crying even if you both weren't such stupid cowards back then, then today you won't have turned out a divorced women and Chan a guy who grew out lonely even if he had a world for him.

"What should I say Chan?", You asked Chan you were sounding like a girl whose bf told her to breakup even if the situation was exact opposite. Even if you love Chan , you didn't think about him reciprocating same feelings back to you. You were beyond insecure with your love emotions. One thing was sure you won't be able to love Chan without being a bundle on him. Your emotion Baggage was too big and you didn't want Chan to get his heart too with your stupid emotions.

"I love you and I will be really really good to you. Please try staying with me I will try really hard to earn space in your heart, please?" His confession was like literally begging. You weren't able to believe if he was real or not, if it was a dream that will end as soon as cruel morning comes, this felt like fantasy. Chan was a amazing man, he had everything money ,honour ,beauty a nice heart. He was like a character written by women so perfect so delicate yet strong, and he loves you this fact was enough for to lose your mind. but you thought you were a taint to his beauty, you were a character full of inferior complexes and a person too easy to dislike thats what illusion you made about yourself. A random extra in her own story.

"I will pay the bill, let's talk later", you said and walked away immediately to pay the bill leaving a clueless and disheartened human behind. Chan was able to see how you stopped yourself from saying love you too and throwing yourself in his arms. He wasn't same from HighSchool a guy who gets overwhelmed by his own emotions and gets unable to see others. He knew you had atleast a small space for him in your heart and to make a big room for himself he had to throw out all your insecurities and self hatred. He followed you like a lost puppy and he wanted to pay for food but you already did and now you were already out of restaurant searching for his car to get back.

Chan sitted beside you, without doing anything silence and awkward air surrounding you both.

"start the car", you said breaking down the silence, you were extremely worthless and trash as you made the only one person whom you love feel like nothing.

"Just answer me, will you try dating me please", Chan said his voice again passing draggers into your heart. Trying to form any logical explanation you spoke again.

"I am not looking for relationship right now, see Chan you are amazing, but I can't make you happy now and did you forgot that I am divorced, please understand" you said expressing your real insecurities and fear, fear of not being able to keep a man happy.

"you don't want relationship because you divorced that fucking trash of a man?", Chan asked he was getting frustrated you thought but he just wanted to make you happy and not deny what your heart wants.

"my mind isn't stable, I might just irritate you everytime with my mood, you will will get tired of me and leave me -- I don't want to be alone again I will die if you leave me", you confessed tears threatening to fall out of your eyes there wasn't any doubt that you loved Chan he filled the void in you in just months made you happy but you didn't wanted to just take and take and give nothing in return. Chan's hand found yours interlocking your fingers with so much delicateness that you might cry.

"you think so low of me, just stay by my side I will make you so happy that you will hardly get time to think about your past, trust me", Chan said his fingers slightly lifting your chin up to look into your eyes, you looked in his eyes filled with so much care and this was your last straw before breaking down in his arms.

"I love you, I love you so fuckin much, you were my first love my only friend, my everything, please-- please love me", you confessed tightening your arms around Chan, his scent making you feel safe and like home, his one caressing your hair and other wiping away the tears. Even though the scene was more like a dramatic clique scene whatever emotions you both felt was unexplainable.

"So you my girlfriend now hmm?"Chan asked you for first time in night his voice containing pure happiness and excitement.

"I have a sexy boyfriend", you said smiling from ear to ear against Chan's chest. The label boyfriend making your heart flutter, you didn't knew happiness like this can even exist.

"My love", Chan said his voice sweeter than honey, suddenly the night was more starry."now can we go home?" You asked Chan finally breaking the hug, reality hitted you now Home was 3- 4 hours away.

"I made a reservation in hotel, we gonna spend night there", Chan casually said making your heart jump out of your chest.

"pervert, you planned everything seriously", you said dramatically and giving him a playful digusting look.

"I booked two rooms", Chan said now starting the engine making you feel embarrassed. "Who is pervert now~" Chan said in air teasing you more.

The rest of the ride you both talked about anything and everything. Confessing how you used to find ways to always be in each others vision etc. Both of you finding a new thirsty side of each other. Nothing felt uncomfortable, it was happiness those inhumane laughs crazy tricks you both used to pull everything was heaven. After some time you both reached infront of a gaint hotel , it looked expensive af but regardless Chan knew how to waste money and you were tired of lecturing him about savings.

"let's go", Chan said removing your seatbelt and getting out of car to open the door for ya. He was being so cheesy gentleman and you were enjoying every minute.

"room 42 and 43" Chan said to the receptionist and she handed two keys to him. Thanking her then getting on elevator, you were a little disappointed that you weren't sharing room with Chan, yes you were pervert and total simp for Chan, he was too hot and your sexual drive was getting higher each passing second. The elevator doors opened and you got off. Chan handed you the room key and softly kissed your forehead, both you wished it was your lips.

"if you want anything, just knock okay?" Chan said in his lovely tone, I want you you internally screamed, nevertheless you gave him a nod and got inside that expensive room .

Starring at the ceiling while lying on the bed your mind was full of Chan, you knew he wasn't probably sleeping and was wasting time in watching random shit on internet and you were hungry, hungry for Chan, it wasn't your fault that Chan was so hot. Trying to fall asleep and fidgeting here to there you finally decided to knock on Chan's room door. A danger zone. You noticed how the door flunged open in less than few seconds.

"Hi" you said scratching back of your head and trying to think what next to say.

"Hi..?"Chan said being confused.

"there is cockroach in my room, let me stay with you" you said a clear white lie. Taking impulsive action were never good for you.Chan sighed before opening the door fully and signalling you to come. This was your happiest day ever.

"whY you lying", Chan asked you as you plopped yourself on sofa besides bed. He asked the sentence in a sarcastic way.

"Do you you wanna kiss me?", You asked Chan with a straight serious face catching him off-guard, you didn't wanted to waste more time, you wanted to do everything with Chan, yes fucking on first day of dating was a little too early but you fantasized about this gorgeous man since ages, in your eyes he looked total dom but his reaction to your question was making you doubt your thoughts.

"Are you sure", Chan asked you clearing his throat.

"Are you virgin?"you asked Chan, he was being too nervous.

"Obviously not"Chan answered you in duh tone, rolling his eyes. And it was getting awkward.

"The cockroach must have gone by now I should go, bye", you blabbered and got up ready to leave, you were about to open the door but Chan grabbed your hand and before you knew anything his hands were on your cheeks cupping them softly and his lips so close to yours, Chan's eyes were looking straight in your orbs , your heartbeat stronger than ever.

"Can I?", Chan asked your consent his thumb softly brushing against your lower lip. This man had totally made you insane, something stirred inside you. Chan was perfect he was everything you wished. You gave him a small nod and slowly his lips touched against yours, you wanted to cry, his lips felt so good, he didn't rushed his movements everything was happening in slow motion, he holded you with such a vulnerability like he was afraid that you will go, your hand reached his head, fingers moving through his soft locks. You felt his tongue inside your mouth , you felt a electricity run down your body when the kiss deepened.

We kiss again. The next kiss is the kind that breaks open the sky. It steals my breath and gives it back. It shows me that every other kiss I’ve had in my life has been wrong.

Breaking the kiss Reluctantly in need of air, Chan rested his forehead against yours. He was hot almost like burning, sweating.

"Why are you so nervous, Chan?", You asked Chan hugging him tightly clinging like the last leaf to the tree.

"I am scared, I just love you", He said engulfing you in his arms. And you Finally felt, what real love feels like.

"Love you too", you replied softly.

"Do you wanna continue..?"Chan asked you his tone little less scared.

"Off course", you said looking at him with smile, something inside you told it was okay to let out your freaky side infront of Chan. Chan smiled back and suddenly turned you around , the large bed infront of you.

"Lie down there",Chan whispered in your ears , his low register sending shivers down your spine. This was exactly how you pictured Chan to be, your inner submissive almost died. You followed Chan's word and laid on your back on the bed, now you were feeling like a virgin. His eyes roaming through the room in search of something.

"Are you okay with being blindfolded?", Chan asked you as he came back with the tie he wore today and was rolling it slightly in his palms, and you swear you never saw a man so hot in your entire life. Getting blindfolded was one of your unfulfilled kinks.

"ye- yes", you replied your tone filled with thrill and excitement. Chan came back to you standing near you, his hand softly cupped your cheeks , before bringing the tie to use it in sinistrous way tonight. The cloth felt strange to your eyes, his cologne smell hitting you and Chan caught your shy smile, His heart felt so fluffy. Tieing a comfortable knot Chan sat on bed near your waist. His hands slowly crept near your stomach leaving a direct lingering touch on the sensitive skin, eventually going upwards while giving a little squeeze to add stimulation, his hands reached your boobs, you didn't wore bra, and he wasn't surprised maybe your nipples perked up enough to get noticed, his middle and index finger Rolling your sensitive bundle of nerves, the blindfold making his every touch more intense, your breath was heavy you let out a suprised moan when Chan gropped your right boob in an erotic way, this sole action increasing your wetness down there you were getting impatient. You moaned his name a little loudly when his lips came in contact with your sensitive neck, sucking in a painful way, inorder to leave a hickey.

"Should I touch you here", Chan asked you as his hand reached to your area where you needed him to the most, hands going directly inside your panties ,but not touching he was a teaser.

"yes please", you moaned almost breathlessly too tired of intense foreplay. You just wanted Chan to rip off your clothes and fuck you till sunrise. Getting satisfaction with your answer Chan finally removed every clothing of your lower body, leaving you completely bare, all at his mercy. His finger moved up and down on your opening , the wetness making Chan easily slip his one finger deep inside you.

" my baby is so wet, because of who?", Chan asked you as his finger was moving slowly inside of you and thumb rubbing circles on the bundle of nerves.

"because of.. you", you admitted without any hesitation trying to grind yourself on his hand, begging for more.

"Good", Chan said and without saying anything he added another finger inside you moving a little faster inside your cunt, rubbing your walls with a little pressure, scissoring them inside you painfully and making way for a third finger too and by then you were a complete moaning mess, his fingers were pleasure yet torture the blindfold making your senses weak. Mind full of whatever Cham was giving you. Your legs were shaking sign of your orgasm approaching you, by one hand Chan holded your thighs tightly to their place fingers now moving more faster to make you reach the peak of pleasure.

"Chan.. I--I-I-- wanna cum please", you moaned your little squeaks and begs almost making Chan's cock cum right inside boxers. With some final thrust of his fingers, you cummed the hardest you could imagine, squeaky sounds coming as Chan was fingering you through your orgasm, you almost crying from overstimulation. Moaning his name like a chant.

"you did well",Chan praised you finally removing his fingers from you leaving you empty, but it won't have last wrong. Chan removed your blindfold , the bright lights hurting your eyes, you adjusted your vision and the image of Chan sucking his wet fingers coated with your liquid came directly in front of your eyes. Letting out a helpless whine.

Chan plopped himself on knees on either side of your thighs, finally letting his cock out, leaking with precum, and he was big, thick , you didn't thought he could get even hotter.

"Ready baby?", Chan asked you as he fully undressed himself as well as removing your top, your mind hazey . The scene which you pictured since highschool finally happening.

"yes", you replied Chan, he came down to kiss you passionately and slowly entering inside you. You moaned painfully, tears pulling your vision, it was a painful pleasure. Chan kissed away your tears and hand interlocking with yours after finally being fully inside you he started to move at slow pace.

"you feel so good Chan", almost screaming from pleasure, your whines were fuel to Chan's ego and he increased the pace. Body slapping sound filling the room, his groans were most sexy thing you ever heard. Again and again his tip hitting your deepest spots.

"I am close", you moaned out breathlessly, pleasure becaming too much to handle .you released around his cock, reaching the peak second time at night.

After giving a few more thrusts Chan cummed at your stomach, he was still sane enough to not curse you with kids while being lost in pleasure."I love you", he said as he settled beside you hugging you tightly. This was heaven.

"love you too", you said , your voice a little hoarse.

"by the way I forgot that I bought a ring to propose you", Chan said, realisation hitting him, that he forgot to say the long ass paragraph that he was supposed to say while sitting on one knee. You smiled at his guilty face.

"don't worry, propose me after having shower", you said heart filled with pure joy and happiness . Happiness of knowing that You love someone who will always love you back.

[dxrkdreamer]

Not So Bad

Modern Sukuna x Reader

Working late had been the bane of your existence, only getting worse when a certain man started showing up to your store’s parking lot to light his joints.

Word Count: 2.7K

Warnings: 18+ implied sex, mentions of weed.

(A/N: should I make a part 2? It seems pretty popular

Couldn’t come up with a name for the store so I used Anavrin from ‘YOU’)

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“11:00 pm? Again?” you rubbed the back of your head trying to hide your frustration, the store manager nodded his head, sighing you agreed to stay late at work again since the closer frankly did not want to stay. So now here you are grumbling as you finish sweeping the floor and checking it off your log. You worked at a high end grocery store named Anavrin, a store that swore to sell organic produce and products to the best of quality. You took up a job here in your senior year of high school, planning on working for a few months to save up for college. And yet… 4 years later you’re still here grumbling at the extra hours you had taken. After your second year of working you had a promotion to supervisor… woo hoo!!... but it turned out it was more responsibility than expected. But it paid a little more and you could not argue with that.

‘I should be a little more optimistic, I’m graduating uni this year’ you’d tell yourself anytime you wanted to pull your hair out because of your measly job. You finished turning off the lights and locking the door, sighing as you felt the cold fall air hit your tired face, taking a deep breath of fresh air… wait a second “Who the fuck is smoking weed!” you yelled in a girly voice, as if this day was not long enough. Since you were in charge of a proper closing you marched off towards a tall man leaning against the back of the store, laughing and conversing on his phone. It was a little nostalgic, you remembered your highschool days, sneaking around and smoking pot in strange places. But he was not as young as a teenager, in fact his build made him look older than you.

“Hey! I’m going to ask you to leave, this is a smoke free property” You tried saying sternly gesturing to the sign right above them that read “no smoking” in bold letters. But your short stature compared to the man made you look like a kid waving your arms around attempting a snake dance.

“What on earth is this?” a man with pink hair and face tattoos said “I’m so scared, I should be so ashamed for not reading the sign” he cackled as he pressed the joint to his lips and inhaled again. “My apologies”

He did not look sorry at all.

“Look, I’ve had a long day. I’d like to go home so please go to a proper location or I’ll-” but you’re cut off with the joint stuffed to your pretty lips.

“You’ll what cutie?” he smirked as you stared at him dumbfounded, the joint stuck to your lip as you tried to figure out a reaction. But the man was already on his way towards his motorbike. Of course he had a motorbike. “First one’s always free darling, next time I’ll charge ya” he winked as he put his helmet on and sped off.

“Mother fucker” you swore and banged your head against the brick wall. ‘Never am I staying late again’ you groaned. You walked to your car, but not without tucking the joint safely in your pocket for when you got back home.

---

And that was your first of many nightly encounters with the pink haired man. You were not surprised to see him anymore in the parking lot, either smoking, laughing with friends or just sitting on his bike staring at his phone. You learned his name was Sukuna… you had asked for it during the nth time you threatened to call the cops. You also learned he sold weed to the store manager, so he pretty much had a free pass on smoking here.

“Working late again (name)? My, they must pay you a lot for you to stay here.” he smirked, watching you with grinning eyes. Your annoyance shot up at the mention of your little over minimum wage pay. They definitely were not paying you enough for the store, but giving you a delinquent like this guy… you had written your resignation letter a few times after his nightly visits. You ignored him as you walked to your car, heavy footsteps followed “I brought ya a little something” He grinned handing you a baggy with a cookie “It’s on the house, made ‘em myself”. Eyes narrowed as you tilted your head up to glare at him, but realized you were a lot closer than you expected. You could hear him breathe, feel the heat off his body and smell the spicy cologne he was wearing as you breathed a little too loudly trying to inhale the scent. “Not today darling, that package is for another date” he winked.

Oh my God.

What have you done? Sure he was hot and you didn’t mind the view, but his mouth made up for that. He was like an evil version of a talking cat. Opening his mouth to smite you, prideful like one and given the opportunity would sit on your face if you were lying down. Wait what?

“I’m not interested in you like that!” you squeeked.

He tilts his head to the side, resting his cheek in the palm of his hand “Then how are you interested in me?”

“I’m not interested unless you’re a customer, or an employee here or something!” Frustrated, you grabbed the zip loc with the cookie in it “And I’ll be confiscating this!”

“Sure thing, I made it just for you. It's a special recipe”

“I’ll let the cops know!” you yelled getting in your car, throwing the cookie on the passengers side as you sped home for the night.

“So if I was an employee…or something...” he wondered gazing at the stars, his thoughts frenzying around as his mind came up with the most brilliant idea. Cackling loudly “you’ve really outdone yourself this time me.” Laughing as he got on his bike, speeding towards his apartment.

---

“A new employee?” You mused, It was pretty hectic at work recently, one of your employee’s had quit and they finally found a replacement “I wonder what they’re like”. You asked yourself as you prepared a training checklist to go over, making sure to not make it too hard on the new guy- you heard it was his first job after all. “Hello! And welcome to the Anavrin family!” you say smiling with closed eyes, as you open them your mouth went agape. ‘What the….’ had the demon cat from the parking lot shrunk and gotten more youthful?

“Hi, I’m Yuji Itadori. You must be my brother Sukuna’s friend. He said to write your name down as someone who referred me to the job”

Chuckling nervously with the clipboard in hand you checked off the box for introductions “I’m (name) the grocery supervisor, and you would be working under me mostly.” Friends with Sukuna? Cutting your wrists open and watching them bleed sounded like the better option.

As the shift progressed Yuji showed you he was the complete opposite of his older brother. Always finishing his tasks, being kind and sweet. Everyone else loved him too, just on the first day. He was stocking milk and eggs the way you had shown him, one of the last tasks of the night. The crowd of customers thinned out as it got late and the store was closer to its closing time. You watched to make sure he was doing them correctly and if he needed any help. ‘This wasn’t so bad’ you thought, closing your eyes and leaning back.

“So how’s my little brother been (name)?”

Your eyes shot open at that voice God no please. “He’s been amazing, but you can’t just put my name as a referral without asking me-” There stood a tall Sukuna in a dress shirt with his sleeves rolled back, probably coming after finishing his day job. Majority of his tattoos were covered except the lines on his wrists that were exposed, making you gulp inaudibly. Suddenly feeling underdressed in your uniform’s polo shirt and measly work pants and sweater as you stared up at his glory.

“Sorry darling, I can’t do what?” he smirked. Mentally praising himself as his plan got into action. He couldn’t lie, (name) was interesting. Always yelling at him, cursing him and swearing that she would murder him if it was the purge. His usual charm not working gave him more of a challenge. Not to mention the way she was kind to younger brother made his heart swell a little.

The annoyance returned once you saw his shit eating grin “You can’t write my name down without asking me!”

As he opened his mouth to speak, the intercom went off, notifying everyone that the store was now closed and any remaining customers should bring their purchases to the front to pay for them.

“Yuji you can go home now, I’ll put this away and start heading out myself” you say massaging your temples with your fingers.

“See you soon (name).” Sukuna winked as he walked towards the exit, waving behind at you as he went outside to wait for his brother.

---

Unfortunately soon had never come… at least not for the last 3 weeks. Making you miss the tall man in more ways than one. Maybe he wasn't so bad now that you thought about it. The usual nightly teasing might make you seethe but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t laugh about it later in your car. Somehow his laid backness and mocking smile made your night light up a little. And the weed that you would “confiscate” really did help you unwind after a long shift.

“Maybe it was because he saw me in my uniform” you grumbled. That had to be it. You weren’t a sore look on the eyes. Right? But compared to him… you hissed as you felt your lower half heat up and tremble at the thought of the man. “Well it's only 11:00 pm… and my first class is at 9:30 am… and then I have work at the 4:00.” Debating your options…. ‘This is why I’m probably so grumpy all the time, I think too much’

“And probably need to get laid” you said aloud. Living alone did have its perks, no one could call you crazy for talking to yourself. Your friends always nagged you about your dry spell too, but one night stands weren’t really fun to you anymore. They were too shallow and you always found yourself feeling more frustrated by them than relaxed.

Quickly rummaging through your drawer, you found your lovely device and turned it on. The buzz filled the room as you fell on the bed and groaned. Your mind was wild as you thought dirty little things about the man. Your eyes rolled back and you felt little whines erupt from your throat as you imagined him on top of you with his signature smirk, choking you and teasing you, calling you terrible names and whispering dirty things in your ear.

But as quickly as you heated up, the device buzzed and suddenly stopped. Too hazy to think straight you tried turning it on and off again, soon realizing it was the battery that was dead. “For fucks sake” you threw the vibrator and it hit the wall and fell with a loud thud. Good. Pulling your covers up, scowling as you shut your eyes to sleep.

The next day only went further downhill. Your lecture was long and uneventful, you forgot there was a guest speaker instead of the usual prof, most of the class skipped anyways so you sat alone and pretended to be interested. And as you went home from campus, your car broke down on the way leaving you stranded in the heat as you waited for the tow truck. You really just wanted to buy some batteries and get some time to yourself before work. But life had another thing planned once you got home, you only left with half an hour before you had to leave for work. Which barely gave you enough time to shower, change into an excuse of an outfit, grab your uniform and run out the door. You heard a few whistles as you ran to the bus stop, most likely because of the skimpy outfit which was pretty much just a long t-shirt made into a dress with stockings. But this was not the time to be picking fights.

Work was more mundane as ever. Emptying, stocking, organizing and talking was all that seemed to happen. You frowned for the nth time in the day when you saw Yuji was not scheduled to work today and you remembered him mentioning that he was going somewhere with friends for the next two days. The boy could always turn a bad day around. He was a blessing to the department and the store as a whole. The long day finally came to an end and the weekend awaited. Stuffing your uniform in your bag as you walked out you saw a familiar motorbike and a man leaning against it getting ready to light a joint.

You didn’t think, all you could hear were your footsteps smacking against the pavement as you ran to the man. Blood rushed to your head as you slowed down, stopping barely an inch away from him. He was wearing jeans and a dress shirt and most important, that smirk.

“I didn’t realize you missed me this much darling, otherwise-” but he was cut short as your hands gripped his head and pulled him down to your lips for a not so innocent kiss. You had to admit, you liked the guy. But as he responded by deepening the kiss and sliding his wet tongue into your mouth to taste you, you realized you wanted more of him. And you found yourself in his apartment, stripped down with his face buried between your legs as you came down from your second orgasm. Him licking you clean and not missing a single bit.

“When” you panted “when is Yuuji-” but he shushed you by gagging his fingers deep in your throat.

“Not until Sunday at least” he smiled with a sinister look, your wetness coating his lips “we have the whole weekend darling” He had waited almost two months for this so he was definitely going to take his time and relish the next few days. How could he not? You were beautiful with a fiery personality, and that showed by the ways you disobeyed him on his bed to get a reaction. It seemed the roles were reversed, but this time there would be consequences. For you at least.

He was relentless but you were no pussy and would not back down either. Both of you with fire and heat taking over your bodies as you brought spark and life into the night, wanting to explore every bit of each other, not stopping until you noticed the sun starting to rise causing exhaustion to take over.

He had let you stay to sleep in, provided you with a clean shirt to wear and even made breakfast for you. Presented you with a “gourmet plate of eggo waffles with the finest Aunt Jemimah maple syrup” he said which earned him a giggle from your pretty lips.

“I can make pretty good waffles from scratch” you told him proudly, puffing out your chest in pride. But these were special to you, the whole moment was special.

“I intend on trying them,” he spoke after a moment. He thought it was out of character for him to ask for a relationship but he wanted to be with you more than just a few times. And wanted more of you in different ways. He wouldn’t get his brother involved if it was a casual fuck relationship that he wanted. Which reminded him he owed the brat 50 bucks.

“Maybe you should come over sometime” you smiled sweetly, blushing a bit.

“I’d like to see you more, take out and get to know you” he said, interrupting your invitation.

“I’d like that too.” you said smiling.

[lumpypanda13]

Zomboo AU

Hi there! This is my first post on tumblr that isn’t a reblog so I hope it’s good! :)

(Edit - This was originally supposed to be a multi-chaptered fic but due to a busy schedule and general lack of inspiration for this particular story I’ve decided to leave it as a one shot. Sorry to anyone who wanted more from this story, however if anyone wants to pick up where I left off feel free :)) All I ask is that you tag me if you do write more so I can read it :D) 

TWS/CWS: Death, blood, gore, mentions of vomiting but nothing graphic or detailed, mentions of intentional misgendering and bullying, swearing, all caps in the last sentence, biting and a description of someone being attacked by/turned into a zombie.

If any of those make you uncomfortable or uneasy please don’t read! The last thing I want is to trigger someone /gen

This is strictly about the characters, not content creators - I will never write about any cc!s and if I accidentally break any of their boundaries (or forget to include/tag a tw/cw) please let me know. Also please don’t send this to any cc!s or mention it in any of their chats.

The idea for this is based off of this tiktok and I use he/they pronouns for Ranboo throughout.

With all of that out of the way, I hope you enjoy!

-Petrichor <3

The apocalypse wasn’t at all how Ranboo had imagined it to be. The hoards were exceedingly slow, fumbled over the simplest of movements and couldn’t work together to literally save their lives.

This did, however, make being a zombie all the easier for Ranboo.

It had started like most other days. Ranboo woke up with their alarm, dressed and headed to school all without waking their parents. If he woke them, he’d have hell to pay; they weren’t home often but when they were, they were best left undisturbed. They made their way quickly to school, ignoring the taunts and jeers thrown at them by a group of kids in their classes who had overheard them state their pronouns once and made it their mission to misgender them at every turn. Ranboo had gotten quite good at ignoring certain people who decided to make life hell for him, knowing that one day karma would give them their dues and reward him for putting up with so much bullshit.

He made it to his fourth period of the day, sat in algebra listening to his teacher drone on about how incredibly useful and not-at-all pointless the equations they were doing were, when he happened to look out of the large window to his left and see a girl from his chemistry class sink her teeth into the jugular of a jock he didn’t recognise. Wincing at the PDA, Ranboo quickly turned their attention back to the mind-numbing math – it was better than seeing a couple get way too comfy in public. They continued on until someone in the row in front of them let out a shriek.

“He’s dead! Oh my god someone killed Punz!”

At that Ranboo’s head snapped up. Punz was a well-known student who gained highschool fame by playing on the football team with his little group of jock friends and who had been fairly nice to Ranboo for a while now. Most of that group was nice to them, especially the senior captain Dream who had taken one look at Ranboo and declared them under his protection.

Everyone in the classroom, the teacher included, had rushed to the side of the room, and were pressed against the window. Gasps of shock and terrified exclamations rang out from the group although Ranboo couldn’t see anything past them. One boy rushed away from the group towards the wastepaper bin where he threw up and, while the crowd was temporarily separated, Ranboo used his above average height to his advantage as he slid into the gap and gazed out the window to where the couple had been a minute prior. The girl was nowhere to be seen but the jock, confirmed now to be poor Punz, lay on the pavement in a pool of his own blood, his neck torn open with teeth marks just barely visible around the pulsing wound. His face was turned away from the classroom, but it was obvious that he was dead – nobody could survive an injury as severe as that.

Just as Ranboo felt bile rise up in his throat, Punz twitched. Ranboo’s eyes widened as he stared at the jock’s body, unable to look away from the gore.

Maybe my eyes are just playing tricks on me. Ranboo’s mind helpfully supplied. He has to be dead by now.

Then Punz moved again, his leg twitching every so often.

It was then that Ranboo realised they were the only person still at the window. Some classmates were crowded around the bin, others hugging one another and crying, others screaming at one another in their confused panic. The teacher was ordering everyone to stay calm and return to their seats so the authorities could be called but no one listened. Turning his attention back to the window, Ranboo was met by the horrifying sight of Punz now kneeling on the ground, staring blankly at the pool of his own blood. They let out a scream of terror which drew the attention of their classmates and teacher, all of whom rushed back to the window to see what they had witnessed.

Slowly, Punz lifted one knee and firmly planted his foot on the ground. He swayed for a second as if experiencing vertigo before pushing himself up onto both feet and standing up straight. Blood had stopped gushing from the hole in his neck and now just steadily soaked into his once white hoodie, his golden medallion now seared with red. Then Ranboo felt his own blood turn cold as Punz swirled his head to look at the class behind the window. His once icy blue eyes were now a crimson red with veins of charcoal creeping through them like vines. Similar grey veins slithered up his neck and face, giving his skin the impression of being covered by lichen.

In a moment of unadulterated horror, Punz stumbled rapidly towards to window forcing the entire class, Ranboo included, to yell in fear and shuffle backwards. He collided with the glass and let out an animalistic howl, nails screeching as he clawed at the glass like a tiger in a cage.

Three things then happened.

Ranboo’s classmates and teacher booked it for the door, clambering over schoolbags, tables, and chairs in order to reach safety and get as far away from Punz - or whatever it was that looked like him – as fast as possible.

Punz’s sheer strength and football prowess paid off in his favour as he shattered the window, glass flying everywhere including into Ranboo’s skin. They had turned their body to the right in order to try and run from the hailstorm of shards but didn’t make it a single step before the glass pierced the entire left side of their body. They let out a shout of pain and fell to the floor as blood began to well up in the cuts.

Two strong arms grabbed Ranboo’s shoulders and yanked him towards the gaping window. Punz had crawled through while Ranboo was distracted by the window breaking and made his way over to the petrified seventeen-year-old on the linoleum.

Ranboo suddenly felt an immense pain in his right arm and when he looked down, he saw that Punz had sunk his teeth into Ranboo’s skin and was refusing to let go. Ranboo screamed in fear and pain which unfortunately only drew the attention of some more… things. They had been lingering outside the door but now barged in and began assisting Punz.

One bit into Ranboo’s jaw, another onto his torso, two grabbed his right leg and played tug of war with it between their iron grips.

As everything began to fade to black, Ranboo cried for help, hoping that somebody, anybody would save them. In his last moments of life, Ranboo Beloved saw a green-hooded football captain with a broken baseball bat in hand skid into the doorway. He felt nothing but white-hot pain shooting through his body as he heard Dream cry out to him.

“RANBOO NO!”

[katsrnerstories]

BillDip SlowBurn FanFic Chap. 1

Bill had destroyed Dipper's mind.

It has been a few years since weirdmageddon. Since Dipper and Mabel defeated demons from hellish planes of existence and saved the world and their friends from soul and mind crushing madness.  

Dippers a freshman in college now. It was a moment that he had wished for for years. Highschool had been…

Well it wasn't the worst it could have been. Dipper hit a major glow up around the beginning of junior year (with Mabel's help of course) and life was a little easier. He was asked out on dates, went to a few parties here and there that people dragged him to, had some typical highschool fun in the city...

Until around that same time he started getting replies from colleges his senior year, he started to see Bill again. Every once in a while his mind would wander back to that summer, but it was always the good things or nightmares of the horrors they saw.

It started with just a little glimpse here and there. An eye in the back corner of his periphery, some yellow glimpse in a dark room. 

A ghostly hand on his shoulder.

But these things were nothing to the first time Dipper realized something was wrong.

Dipper saw Bill in his dreams. And those dreams were beyond nightmares.

He had had nightmares before. Nightmares of weirdmageddon were common for both dipper and Mabel. But these… these were real; as much as a dream could be.

Because of Gravity Falls, Dipper really wasn't afraid of a lot of things that would have scared him. The unknown was comforting to him. Maybe because it wasn't too unknown to him and Mabel.

But bill. During those nightmares, brought everything he feared to the frontlines. 

It had been a while since Mabel and him shared a room, so Mabel really didn't know about the fear Dipper experienced those nights. 

She was more focused on getting to LA.

She wants to be a criminal psychoanalyst. To look at the minds of people and figure how they tick. Criminals especially. 

Dipper could swear that Bill had done something to her to make her go down such a dark career path, but he couldn't say anything; he neither had a psychology degree nor was untouched by Bill himself.

Who really knows, it could have been anything else that happened to her in those hellish four years of highschool. 

She had moved away quickly after highschool ended to learn in LA. Of course they facetime and text all the time, but the separation was still felt by both of them.

Everyone missed her presence. Her positivity, her unique personality. 

That had transformed into something much darker come junior and senior year. She found out after a few failed boyfriends that she was not only Asexual, but that guys and even girls, can’t seem to give that part of a relationship up. Some even found it offensive that she felt that way.

Dipper went back to oregon. Of course he was in the city, but on weekends he would visit the Mystery Shack and Gravity Falls. 

Soos was happy to give him one of the rooms in the basement. Sometimes even Grunkle Stan or Grunkle Ford would visit. 

They decided shortly after Dipper and Mabel left that they would travel. Of course Ford's labs still sit under the mystery shack, but when Mabel and Dipper visited Soos the summer of their junior year Ford gave them full control of the labs (as long as Dipper kept everyone safe. Which he did too much annoyance of Mabel)

Soos and his wife at that time had just had a little baby boy, and now have a comfortable four kids, two boys and two girls (three of them were triplets) and run the shack not to much better than Stan did, with the same soul in the campy attractions and overpriced merchandise. 

Wendy is in her senior year at a community college in Oregon city, right around the same place Dipper decided to go to school. They hang out pretty regularly, just around weekly.

Robby left gravity falls as soon as he got his GED. Went for New York, looking for a punk career. He sends Wendy emails every once in a while about his music and where he's at. 

Shockingly, Pacifica stayed in Oregon, going to the same college Dipper goes to. They see each other, and after leaving her family, she found a lot out about herself and became a much better person. 

She found she loved a good smoke and art. Apparently, something she hid from the world was that she loved art. She was probably one of the best artists Dipper had seen. After she left the hell hole of her family, she became really chill. Calm. even nice. 

Her and Dipper have coffee pretty much every day. She was one of the only people who also knew what he had gone through.

And she was the only person who noticed as Dipper got worse and worse for wear. 

Bill had been particularly evil the past few weeks, taking much more joy in Dippers struggle. Long ago Dipper had just sort of given up on screaming for Bill to stop. But he always refused to make a deal with him to stop the fear. Not again. 

“Another nightmare again?” Pacifica asks, as Dipper requests 5 shots of caffeine in his already bitter caffeinated black coffee. 

“Yeah. it's getting harder and harder to say no every night. And honestly the empty dorm isn't helping.” 

“Why don't you just move in with me? I've got an extra room that's got your name written on the door if you want it.” 

Dipper almost accepted, but decided against it. It was kind of weird, no matter how good of friends they were, to live with the ex that made you realized you were gay.

It wasn't her fault, it was just…

He liked a different kind of ass, as Mabel had said when he came out.

No, the daily overpriced coffee meetup was enough. 

“Have you talked about it to Ford? Hes got to know something about it if he went through the same thing?” 

“I don't want to bother them with it. They thought they got rid of Bill that summer, we all did. Bills my problem now.”

Pacifica gives him a knowing look. She knew that he was breaking, but couldn't figure out how to help him. 

“Hows journalism?” Pacifica takes her coffee as she changes the subject.

“As boring as it ever is. Graphic design?”

“As confusing as ever.” Dipper takes a big sip from his steaming coffee. It's a briskly cold morning, enough he brought out his knit set Mabel had made for him on their 18th birthday. He had no shame in wearing it, and it in fact felt comforting today, to know that she was still with him in heart at least.

She never grew out of her sweater thing. She still makes sweaters, using it to get her to the next rent payment sometimes. Everyone can count on a big box with sweaters from her every Christmas here in Oregon. 

With their coffees in hand, Dipper and Mabel head off to campus. And once they made it there they said their goodbyes with a hug and went their separate ways to start the day. 

Dipper wanders into the lecture hall for his advanced maths class. People filter in as he types away on his computer. 

The students around him wanted to be scientists, economists, etc. everyone found it weird that a creative writing major was not only taking advanced maths, this early in the morning, but was killing it. His grades spoke for themselves. 

The class starts and Dipper still types away on his computer. He had been bored the night before as he was staving off sleeping and had read a chapter ahead in their textbook. He taught himself the three hour lesson that day in an hour. 

It was no doubt that Dipper took after his great uncle Stanford. Grunkle Ford told him at one point that Dipper reminded him of a young Dr. Fiddleford. Dipper didn't really like being compared to the scientist that started a whole cult under Gravity Falls before going batshit crazy himself for a very long time.

He only hoped that he wouldn't end up like him. He didn't want to be some crazy man who roams the town. 

Dipper had a story that he needed to finish for his next class. He had started to wear away the stories of Gravity Falls with his creative writing classes that he now had to actually think about what story to write. Mabel helped him out with the premise of the story last night. So he spent that class writing a simple flash fiction of one roaming the backrooms. (an urban legend Mabel had read about in an article somewhere.)

He found comfort in knowing that one thing did not exist to him. That one thing did not sit in the pits of Gravity Falls waiting for Dipper or one of them to unearth it.

The story reminded Dipper of falling through the endless pit just outside the Mystery Shack. A hole where they reminisced on days of the summer as they spent the day, or who knows how long, falling. they were all lucky that it was not, truly, endless. 

And quickly the story was finished and the class closed early. 

Dipper went for an early lunch. He scrolls through his phone, seeing Mabels three new instagram posts and all the other people she introduced him to. 

After Mabel found out Dipper was gay, she went on a mission to hook him up with some LA guy. Oregons not terrible with their acceptance, but it's not something to be very open about. Plus Dipper wasn't the kind to walk pride without someone like Mabel hyping the both of them up. Because god knows that she needs just as much hyping up with who she is as Dipper.

When he walks into his empty apartment, anxiety wells up in Dippers chest. Quickly he turns on the TV, letting it run as white noise as he makes his lunch. The apartment had been empty since his recent relationship ended. Dipper is glad it ended, as the abuse just got too much; yet it was bad for Dipper to be left alone with his thoughts. Especially in an apartment that seemed to hold so much sadness and bad memories.

Mabel, after helping Dippers style, had made him a whole cookbook for him. It had all different kinds of foods, but the main dishes all were healthy. She had gone on a fitness rampage her sophomore year and had never truly grown out of it. It was from a bad place, but she turned it to a positive. As she always does. 

She had told him that it was the first thing other than sleep to keep alive longer. She had made him promise that he would try to stay alive. 

At this point it was the only thing keeping Dipper alive. 

Bill had taxed his mind so much it was rare to find him not paranoid. Bill made Dippers anxiety beyond chronic, and the lack of sleep did not help his depression. 

That had developed after Pacifica. It wasn't because of the break up, more at the fact that she had helped him so much. 

She had accepted him being gay. She had helped him gain friends during their relationship, and she even helped him when money wasn't the best. 

All this caused his anxiety to get to his head. 

What if they think I’m evil for breaking it off with her? What if she'll never want to see me again? What if, what if, what if…

His depression had just gotten  worse after the breakup and dealing with being alone again. It was the reason Dipper stayed with someone like that for so long. 

All of the depression and anxiety ended up crashing down at the same time Bill Cypher ended up crashing into the picture. 

At that point Bill only came to terrorise Dipper a few nights a month. It was easier to deal with.  Now it's every night.

Dipper finishes making his food, sitting down in front of the TV to watch a show on Netflix. 

He had been getting through the true crime shows. He swore that eventually he'd eventually either run a show like it with Mabel or be one of the cold cases lost to the world. 

Yet within only a few minutes Dipper not only found himself asleep, but stuck in the mindscape. 

“Been trying to avoid me, Pine Tree?”

Dipper no longer was shocked by Bill's voice. In fact the more and more he heard his voice, the more and more it began to sound almost human.

[chaos-writes]

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher: Ghost in the Flesh

Warning: 14+ Swearing. Gore. Word count: 1,688

No party was as good as the ones hosted by Stu Macher. An 18 year old Rich Bitch senior, whose parents decided they could trust him with the house while they went on vacation somewhere in the Bahamas. He was also a piece of eye candy, along with his buddy, the ‘Definition-of-Teen-Angst’ Billy Loomis. He's that one ride or die friend of the school. You see, these guys are popular. While they may not be the jock d-bags of the highschool superiority complex, they are known around here for being party animals. Stu is also the goofiest in the school, the class comedian, if you will.

Me? I’m just… there. Look, Stu is throwing a massive party tonight. I’m not gonna flirt or anything. I just wanna get some beer and bounce. No biggie. In’n’out.

Okay, I'm a little freaked out. I don't wanna bump into a dude named Randy Meeks, a guy who's built like a weasel and acts like one too. He's a horror movie fanatic who acts like school is an actual movie, well, a horror movie. I really have nothing against him, he's a good dude, but still. I'd rather not talk to him.

The whole school day I spent pondering about the party. I found myself daydreaming about Bill- err… watching the movie at the party. Casey and I couldn't stop talking about it. We’re best friends, so we do a lot together.

I rented out the Robin movie and skedaddle. Randy was screaming and I wanted none of that. I go home and put the movie on the counter. "Mom? Hey, I brought a movie home! I know you'll love it!"

School is over for the weekend and I head to the video store on my walk home. Randy is stocking shelves as usual. I look at the comedy section; ooh, my family will love this one! It's a Robin Williams movie! And there he is, Party Man himself. Stu Macher, picking on weasel dude. I see Billy, talking to a group of girls who swoon at his slightest movement (ewww).

It was getting closer to 8. I watched that movie with my parents and ate. I did my homework, cleaned my room, and showered. I set out for the 10-minute walk to Stu's house. Instead, I got a phone call. "Hey, it's Billy. Do you need a ride here?" Right, I gave him my number to help study.

"Well, the house is just a 10 minute walk away-"

"Why don't you just let me pick you up? Shorten that time."

"Uhm, ok then. You need my address?"

"N-... yea, I do."

A few minutes later, I see the car of one of the most popular guys at school pull up in front of my house. Gee, that was fast. "Hey, mom? I'm gonna hang out with my buddies tonight. I'll call you before I leave for home."

I'm in his car. I'm in his car. I'm in his car. Oh my god. Ok, he's cute. But I can't freak out like this. "You- ah, ok there?" He says. "O- oh, yea, I'm sorry, just zoned out." I stammer. His car smells like cologne and it's very clean. And he's right next to me. Billy Loomis. Sitting in his car. Next to a loser.

“Hey, you know Stu and I are close, right?” Billy said. “Of course I do! You guys are double trouble!” I giggled. He laughs. God, that laugh. It was so melodic, so… perfect. “Well, we’ve been thinking about getting closer with you. Y’know, we’re not very close. We wish that was different. You’re very kind, and you have such a great personality.” He admitted. I stare blankly for a second. Hey, did he take a back road? “I like that idea,” I said. He looked at me with those gorgeous brown eyes. “Yeah?” 

I nodded and smiled. I can’t believe this! He smiles and giggles lightly to himself. A solid minute went by in silence before we pulled into his driveway. We got there early so we waited in the car a bit. “Hey, that ride took as long as the walk would've taken,” “well, i wanted to have enough time to talk to you,” He says. 

“That’s okay, I like long car rides anyways.” I said.

I walked with Billy into Stu's front door. Wow, this place is, just, beautiful. Stu walks right past me, straight to Billy. They start quietly talking together, Billy tosses a glance at me and Stu looks and smiles at me, I had no choice but to smile back. I was a guest in his house after all; you're supposed to be polite to your hosts.

It made me nervous. Really nervous. I wasn't thinking at all. I walked into the kitchen to cool down, that was really weird. Stu walked over to me after the two were done talking. He was actually really nice to me and we had a really fun conversation about aliens and whether or not they’re real. He did impressions of what he thought they would look like. He's such a goofball.

He handed me a beer and sat me down on the couch, right next to him. Wow, he is tall sitting next to me. I took a swig and decided you know what? I can stay for more than a beer. It's all good. I’m not big into horror movies and Stu knew this, so he explained all the lore behind Halloween while we were watching it. 

I think one of the boys said something to Randy, because he hasn't even looked at me, not once, the whole night. Not even during his little ramble about the "rules" about being in a horror movie, or whatever.

During the movie, Stu noticed that I was cold. He told me I could go upstairs to grab his sweater. So, I head upstairs very cautiously, looking for the sweater. He said his room, right? 

I then feel swift footsteps behind me and an arm wrap around my throat. Shit! I'm in a blood choke! I couldn't get out. Everything just faded. 

I woke up in Stu's bed, I must've been out for hours. I stumble and try to fight myself awake. I feel so weak. I stumble down the stairs and begin shaking at the sight.

The whole house was a bloodbath. Randy was tied up and soaked in blood, dead. Sydney was dead. 

Casey, oh God, Casey, mutilated beyond recognition and hanging from a tree outside the house. I can’t breathe. I can’t imagine how scared she was. Did she call for help? Could I have saved her?

The only people left were me, Billy, and Stu. They were soaked in blood and covered in stab wounds.

The police were on their way. I tried my best to help Stu, he was practically mutilated. I put pressure on his wounds and moved on to Billy. He wasn't as bad but he was losing a lot of blood.

I don't know why the killer didn't finish me off after I was unconscious.

The wait at the hospital was long. There were police officers and social workers and doctors talking to me, asking weird questions, and it was all happening so fast and I was so scared. I couldn't think, my head felt like it was splitting open. Casey, what did they do to you? Oh God, I’m so sorry.

The boys were in emergency surgery. A nurse came into the waiting room. "Hey, the boys are out of surgery. You can go and visit them, although it would be a while before they wake up."

I get into the hospital room and there they are. A shared hospital room with 2 empty beds opposite of 2 occupied beds. They're both asleep, hooked up to oxygen, connected to wires and tubes of all sorts. It was almost as scary as seeing them drenched in blood back at that party. Well, massacre.

I drag a chair in between the beds, pull the dividing curtain back farther, and wait. I sit and think about the party, how Stu was so tall sitting next to me on his couch, how Billy just... offered me a ride. The ride itself. It seems a little insane but do they... have feelings for me?

After I moved to the woodsboro district, both boys broke up with their girlfriends within a week from each other. It kinda sucks because I liked Sidney and Tatum, and now they want nothing to do with me-

"Hmmm...?" Stu slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head. "I had no idea you'd be here." He said in a tired, raspy voice.

"Hi, Stu. I just wanted to check up on you boys. You guys were really badly hurt. I feel awful, I could've done more to help."

"Honey, it's okay. Besides, imagine how badass these scars are gonna look when they heal over!"

"You big goof!" I giggled. Billy stirred in his bed. He lifted his head, rubbed his eyes, and groaned. "Hey, how did it go ove-" he stopped mid sentence. Both he and Stu shared looks of horror between me and themselves.

Why are they acting so strange?

Oh no.

Oh God.

I felt my heart stop in my chest. They didn’t. They couldn’t have. Casey… 

“You… you were the killers?” I said in a soft, shaky voice. Billy smoothed his voice, “Now what makes you think we were the killers?”

“The… the phone call, the conversation at the front door, the… oh God, Casey!” I broke into sobs. I couldn't help it. They killed my best friend! 

“Hey, it’s not like that. We never meant to hurt you…” Stu pleaded. 

Billy’s expression turned from amusement to horror as he watched tears slip down my cheeks. Both were silent as they leaned in from their beds and wrapped their arms around me. “How can we make it up to you, beautiful?” Billy asked.

Silence fell over what seemed like the whole world.

“Stay with me. That’s the least you can do.”

 “Of course, sweetness.” Billy said.

[drops-of-moonlights]

What are your issues with S3 of Winx Club?

Okay, so. I am going to get long and ranty and annoyed overall on this post. I shouldn’t even have to preface this, half of the people that follow me have critical thinking skills I hope, but you can have whatever opinion on S3 and all the things I’m gonna touch on this post, I do not care and you should not either, live your life however the fuck you want yadda yadda yadda. Now:

The first thing that comes to mind is the pacing, and just how fucking terrible it is. Every single event takes so long and its so slow for the first 18-or-so episodes (a lot of situations really did not require two episodes), only to be suddenly kicked into high gear and have 7 different “final” battles one after another. It felt like it was just happening to end the season already and so they could keep working on SOTLK, and like I get you’re working on both and all but you COULD have afforded to at least PRETEND you gave a shit, Rainbow.

Next topic is Valtor, who is my absolute least favorite villain in the series, and yes, I am including the S5-S7 villains on this. This is where it’s not much a fault of the character itself (well. not ENTIRELY a fault of the character), but a fault of both the narrative and (and for this I am petty) the fanbase. Valtor, to me, is the most generic villain in the franchise, a different flavor than Darkar but by no means less bland - Valtor is your standard “hot” prettyboy villain who tries to charm the protagonist to his side with the empty promise of answers, and THAT COULD HAVE BEEN INTERESTING... if the show ever bothered to do anything with it other than Valtor creeping on a senior highschool student for 26 episodes. Because it’s all a farce, there’s not an actual connection between them outside of Valtor feeding her lies about her retconned parent’s backstory (we’ll talk about this more later) and both of them having God’s power inside them. My second point on Valtor is that he singlehandedly ruined the Trix’s characterization to simply be your standard evil henchwomen that thirst after Valtor’s dick because truly they all have terrible taste in men, and nothing else, and it’s annoying as all fuck, ESPECIALLY when you compare the Trix as Darkar’s lackeys a season earlier, where they stayed mostly the same personality-wise and only allied with the Phoenix out of necessity and survival. And the worst part? Valtor doesn’t do shit in the season! Like, at all! He only ever gets Chimera, Cassandra and Diaspro on his side, blinds Aisha and that’s literally it as far as confrontations with the Winx go - outside of fighting them when they get the Water Stars and the three last battles, he spends most of the show’s time fucking around random planets getting weird magic and sitting broodily on a chair, and apparently this makes him a good villain???? Okay, sure.

And since I mentioned them, let’s get on the Water Stars for a bit, and while yes, this is the one part everyone agrees on that was weak as fuck, it still brings attention because WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. All this time there was this antithetical force to the Dragon’s Flame, super-mega-ultra powerful little thingies that could douse the Flame’s power almost permanently, AND YOU ONLY BRING THEM TO ATTENTION NOW AGAINST VAMPIRE AESTHETIC. Do you have any idea how fucking useful they could have been against the Trix in S1???? If they had gotten the little squishy motherfuckers two seasons earlier the War of Magix would have been over quicker. And it’s not like Bloom would have been in much risk, she barely had any Flame left in her.

In a similar situation, we have Enchantix, which is my second most-hated form after Tynix for similar reasons. One, where in the fuck were all the Enchantix fairies during S1? Fairy Dust is supposed to be this OP magic, and could have also been very useful against the Army of Decay. Two, the way to earn Enchantix, for what is retroactively just the final base fairy form, is far too obtuse and complicated for the average fairy, not to mention incredibly limiting - you just have to hope someone from your realm is in a dangerous situation so you can fling yourself into danger and probably die, and all you get for it are some opera gloves and a pair of barefoot sandals. Like sure a super powerful magic upgrade also happens but still, it’s such a specific situation to find yourself in that it’s no wonder no one ever graduates Alfea, it’s literally borderline impossible unless you like traveling. My last point on the transformation, and this one is a bit YMMV, 3 of the 6 Winx did not actually earn Enchantix. Bloom counts for this, but it’s an actual plot point (though it was terribly handled) so I let it slide most of the time, but Musa and Tecna? Musa didn’t even get to sacrifice anything, she just suddenly got the form and that’s it, GALATEA was doing more of a sacrifice to let everyone leave the burning library without her than Musa was. Tecna also got Enchantix without saving anyone from Zenith, and before you even type it out, no, it was never said Tecna saved the entire universe by closing the Omega Portal. None of the three English dubs nor the original Italian ever say this. That’s entirely just fanon. I have headcanonned it away as “some of the prisoners were Zenithian” to justify it for myself, but overall it was very obviously just shoehorned in because as always, the writers don’t know what to do with Tecna.

“But Drops! What about Nabu???” I can already hear you type, and no, I do not like Nabu. I don’t hate him either, outside of the fact I reject the idea of Aisha being into men in any way, shape or form, but he is very much worshipped as the Golden Child in the fandom and I’m tired of it. You can see a better description on my feelings about Nabu (as well as how the fandom loves to demonize Sky for the shit he pulled in S1 but hold nothing against either Brandon or Nabu, who pulled the same shit) here.

There *is* a part of S3 I like, that being the Solaria Usurpation arc, but it’s the one sole thing that I legitimately enjoy in the season and I’m not gonna stick around the fuckton of episodes that interrupt the arc just for that.

But what I hate the most about S3, above all this, is how goddamn irrelevant it is. Outside of getting the Winx Enchantix, NOTHING about the season is remotely relevant lore-wise or plot-wise, and the show itself acknowledges this! Even SOTLK pretends S3 never happened and the girls just got Enchantix somehow! Because of the drive Rainbow had to end the franchise’s original arc with fancy shitty CGI, they ended up making the original last season of the show, what was supposed to be the best thing before the movie, into the biggest waste of time instead. You can really just watch the episodes each girl gets Enchantix and then the final episode and you wouldn’t miss anything at all.

So the TL;DR for all this is “I hate S3 because Valtor sucks, Enchantix sucks, the pacing is garbage and there’s really nothing nice in it outside of like 3 episodes”, and I refuse to rewatch it ever again.

[soopysoap]

Uh, I read your post about having an 80's au for the foreigen kids. And since I'm a Foreigen kids stan, can you tell me more about it?

HI. ANON? ILY.

They're really just random n messy ideas and i forget how many there are but i'm throwing them all here

so the whole thing takes place in highschool and mainly surrounds the cockswolds cotswolds (mainly mark but rebecca is usually there too)

most of them are seniors, rebecca's a junior

mark is an unpopular nerd, therefore the main character because it's the 80s. so is rebecca but she's not the main character

uhh everyone else is kinda just there

like there are no side characters all the foreign kids are kinda equal focus- wise but the main one is mark i guess

like the leader of their group idk idk

estella is the stereotypical rich popular girl, but she's also a closeted lesbian they're all closeted tbh so she's trying to hide that from her mom. Her mom, instead of being all 'Blah blah blah brrak hearts to fuel my life' or something she's just obsessed with status and how popular Estella is. She's always pleased when Estella has a boyfriend, but it's not often. Basically Estella is more smiley and happy than she usually is, but she's stil usually indifferent. Smiles either when she's genuinely happy or wants something. Most of the time she's deadpan or rolling her eyes

Gaydamien is the rich popular jock, his ego is huge. His dad (since he cant be the son of satan in this one) is the principal of their school. He usually gets what he wants, no matter what. Instead of "You dare [insert something here] to the Prince of Hell????" its that but with "Damien Thorn???" yknow because of his last name. He's been dating Estella to boost his ego, mainly. Doesn't realize he likes guys yet. Estella and Damien hate each other, but everyone believes they're dating because they're too scared to say otherwise. They complain about each other to each other AND to people in private.

Pip is just- he's less of a nerd but more of a kid that's just. There. He isn't nerdy but he definitely isn't popular. At all. He's just a pushover man idk what to tell you. He's usually being bullied. He has a huge crush on Damien, because he got him out of trouble with some other jock like. Once. Always gets giggly around him, it's funny to watch. Also very passive aggressive @ Estella because she's dating him. They have very few classes together, but whenever they do he's always like "hey :) so hows damien" and she responds with "why would i know" and he's like "because??? youre dating him???" and she looks really confused for a second and then is like "OH- Oh yeah okay uh. I don't know. So." and then she starts complaining about him or something and pip is all ":) why not just break up?"

Pip also hates Christophe

Which, speaking of, Christophe is also an annoying egotistical jock who plays football with Damien. Damien and Christophe are best friends. Christophe and Gregory are dating in secret

Gregory is the stereotypical gay kid. No other way to put this. If Ryan Evans from High School Musical had a superiority complex. He's a theatre kid, and takes pride in tha- OH MY GOD. Rachel??? Maybe he's Rachel Berry from Glee??? it would kind of work idk,, ok uh anyway yeah he's always bullied for being openly gay and it sucks but he took defense classes in Yardale (yes he's still a transfer from Yardale, yes he constantly mentions it) so he's able to hold his own. But Christophe usually steps in to get Gregory out of there and tend to his wounds.

Rebeccaaaaaa she's the unpopular girl, just started school and doesnt know shit about it after being homeschooled almost her whole life. Has a little crush on Estella, but Estella "Doesn't" notice her. (Estella just thinks of her as some pretty girl who isnt worth her time) Rebecca usually keeps to herself, is usually gossiped about. Estella never gets involved, but whenever she'd get asked about it, instead of defending Rebecca she just says "I hardly believe any of the rumors. She was homeschooled, not taught in witchcraft or satanisim. Or whatever else everyone's saying. Everyone should really calm themselves, if they were so worried about what people thought of them when Rebecca started going here then they should get that in order first before ruining Rebecca's social life. God. You all have to grow up." So, not necessarily a defense but also not an insult. Rebecca still finds it sweet.

Mark is a neerrrrrrd 80s main character. Minus the popular love interest and yearning 😩 And also if the main character had a god/superiority complex.. he's bullied the most other than Gregory, mostly by Damien n Christophe. Girls don't like him, guys don't like him, he really only had Pip and Rebecca for a while. Pip because he's overly nice to almost everyone and wanted to befriend Mark immediately. Usually during lunch Mark sits with Pip and Rebecca. Mark has to hear about Damien all the time from Pip though, so that's annoying.

Uh I know that Pocket is TECHNICALLY a foreign kid but idk shit about him and dont really think about him but he's Estella's cousin and often hangs out with her since he doesn't really have a friend group. He's also really good friends with Pip. BUT since this is a horror au he dies off early

After theyre all friends some stuff happens yada yada yada Gaymien realizes he's pan and has a crush on Pip, Estella takes Rebecca out for a makeover , Christophe gets severely injured because this is a horror au as well, Damien and Pip make out at some point-

Estella and Rebecca both know that theyre Lesbians but they refuse to admit that they like each other

Kinda thinking of this as if it was stranger things or something so i definitely want there to be like... a series of bad events. everyone thinks everythings cool and fine and whatever and there are moments where our group kinda just get to chill n' be kids. idk i just want there to be a falling out in the group and then they all realize they need each other or something dumb like that

also for some fun chill moments we can have estella and rebecca walking around holding hands and laughing n' stuff bc they love each other idk idk

and after the falling out when they all join together again estella is the first to see some scary stuff but she was also the first to drop everyone except damien and christophe (because of her mother) and so she blames herself and doesnt think she can go to them and just has to deal with it on her own

eventually she tells damien who immediately tells pip who immediately wants to get the group together again

everyone's (the cockswolds) are reluctant to hang out again because of the way they were just forgotten so easily, but they go anyway. because of the horror stuff. they both are pissed at estella though

at some point estella gets badly hurt and rebecca saves her and starts nursing her back to health

estella: why are you... why are you doing this. dont you hate me?

rebecca: i'm doing it because i actually care for you, idiot.

estella: i care for you i just... couldnt...

rebecca: what? spend time with a lowlife like me?

estella: you know thats not what i meant-

they go on like that for a little while longer until they wind up confessing to each other "Because I love you! Is that so fucking hard to believe?!" Would be rebecca's and Estella's would probably be "I don't hate you! You're my favorite person, and I hated having to stop hanging out with you! I love you, okay?!" it would be :) fun

damien and estella come out to each other first. well- damien doesnt really come out he just tells her how confused he is and they hug it out and estella tells him she's a lesbian and they both talk a little while longer and decide that breaking up would be the best idea

thats all i've really figured out for sure,, i have some more ideas but this is. a lot already so. i'm just gonna stop before i write too much 👉👉 anyway, anon ily ty for this. also sidenote: the horror stuff has to do with weird sacrificial cults. i know i have nothing for that and really only talked about how everything starts and drama instead of the interesting stuff but 🥴 i have no defense i just love my kids ok drama is fun

[icantpostthisshitonmain]

evangelical christianity is the pot calling the kettle black

from the first moment that i can remember, my mother took me and my siblings to church. when she decided to homeschool us, the church quickly became one of my only social outlets. i remember the first church we went to- it was a brick building with an organ and a real bell and belltower. looking back, that was the best experience i had with christianity. 

my mom did not stay at one church for long, and we eventually left and tried out several others. one church was held in a renovated barn and the services consisted of the pastor reading whatever evangelical articles he found on the internet and subsequently a prayer request session. after the service we would rummage through clear plastic bags of donuts and bagels donated by the local grocery store. i saw nothing wrong with this. 

when i was thirteen, approaching highschool, my mom became tired with the churches our small town had to offer. we then started attending a larger, more modern church almost an hour away. she quickly became enthralled and we became regulars every sunday. of course, my older brother and I had to attend youth group. 

two things of note: thirteen was the age i started to become depressed, and i distinctly remember an eight month period where i struggled with my sexuality and more importantly, the existence of god. this church was also fiercely evangelical and even my mom would complain about the services occasionally. 

because my older brother was fairly extroverted and popular, i almost never missed a youth group throughout all of highschool. i even joined the student leader team in my senior year. 

one thing of note: i developed anorexia and bulimia when i was fourteen, two years before i graduated highschool. 

i spent a lot of time at that church, but, maybe because i was starving myself, i don’t remember any specific details. instead everything blurs together into general themes/events. 

theme 1: i am wyatt’s little sister. there is rarely a situation where I am present and he is not. i cling to him because he is loud and distracting and fills up the silence that i leave. no one hates me, but everyone pities me because poor dags look how quiet and shy she is. 

theme 2: i am a christian. i am a christian. i must be a good christian. we must love homosexuals, but not support their lifestyle. i must save as many people as i can from hell. my dad is going to hell and it is my fault. if i died today i will go to hell. i did not actually mean it when i accepted jesus into my heart i should do it again or imgoingtohell. 

theme 3: i have an extensive knowledge of every bathroom in that building. the one that i like to use is on the second floor right across from the balcony. if i go there no one will know im there. i can leave once during the service and go to the bathroom. there is going to be food. i am too weak to resist eating, and therefore i will need to go to the bathroom. if i run the tap, no one will hear it. when i go to sit down again, no one will notice i left. 

there are really only three major events. the first is during spring of my senior year. i am sixteen. i started taking ballet a few years ago along with irish dance. my mother notices that i am losing weight and tells me that i need to eat more or she is going to take me out of dance. i get angry and we fight. several months later we fight again and i stop going to dance. this means that instead of going to church, dance, and home, i now only go to church and home. 

the second event is early summer after i graduate. my mother finds me vomiting into the sink with the tap running. i don’t really care. 

the third event is late summer after i graduate. after arguing about it for several weeks, my parents finally decide to allow me to go on the mission trip to guatemala i had planned to attend months before. i spend a week in guatemala, eating one tortilla and spoonful of beans per day. i try to vomit in the bathroom once and feel terrible because i worry i clogged the toilet. i barely drink water. i come home twelve pounds lost from my one hundred and ten pound, five foot six inch self one week earlier. i had never felt better and also never felt worse. 

(last thing to note: people with bulimia will often hate themselves because they can’t lose weight. to my sixteen year old self, this was the greated thing i had ever accomplished.)

i was sick. i had spent the last three years of my live getting sicker and sicker. it wasn’t until i was almost dead that anyone noticed. 

that is why i hate evangelical christianity. while i might not have been close with any of them, someone should have noticed me, especially the adults. instead these adults hyperfocused on the conversion of vulnerable teenagers, often holding mass events or secret getaway trips to do so. 

i am now twenty one, and mostly consider myself agnostic. i have not attended a christian church in 5 years and do not seriously plan to ever again. 

religious trauma is one of those phrases that is being thrown around a lot, and i don’t really think i was traumatized. i did eventually get help and am completely recovered. but i was definitely neglected by the people i trusted and who i thought at the time were as close to god as you could get. i was a lonely teenager whose only outlet was the church, and they still failed me. 

in this last picture i am sixteen. this is before i went on the mission trip. i had known these people for years.