#god ive never been your strongest soldier

[gunsatthaphan]

bye.

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

hi, indian anon here ( I think I used the ⏳️) ig you can say I'm an ex swiftie, but in the sense that I was never exposed to western music until evermore and I listened to it and loved it. I never engaged with the fandom or anything, and didn't even know all these things taylor did, and I thought taylor was a decent person because of the documentary. This was until ofc, the matty healy incident which opened my eyes to her behavior, but idky I felt like I couldn't openly dislike her. Everyone in my school was obsessed with her and if you're a girl, and you hated her, or even disliked her, you were a pick me, and I didn't wanna get hated on more by my classmates (long story there). The last straw for me was prolly when 1989 tv was released (after the mh incident I just called myself a swiftie cuz I liked her earlier work) and I had joined an online swiftie group chat, and the people there were so vile and hateful. I remember saying it's wrong hating on harry styles for cheating on her cuz she did the same, or that Joe alwyn is just a regular dude, and so are all her other exes, except prolly matty and the John Mayor guy for dating a 19 y/o (SHE ALSO DATED MINORS THO??? no one talked about this shit) and I mentioned that she's not god and that she has done bad things, and the gc, which had 50 active members everyday, collectively not only hated on me, but also these people had access to my private insta acc. My face, my friends, my address, they knew it all. It was so scary, and while I have been in plenty of toxic fandoms before (my first death threats were by the hp fandom, which I've left long back), I actually felt threatened. It actually felt like a cult, and it was scary until my insta acc got shut down (idky), and the ppl couldn't find me anymore. The swiftie fandom is weird at best, and potential criminals at worst, because wtf. They don't have any sort of individual thinking, and if someone does, they will find a way to shut it down. Even now, when I interact with a swiftie and taylor Swift comes up, and I say I don't like her, their behavior is just like the ones online. Ik ppl get more confidence to do bad things online cuz of anonymity, but swifties are the same irl, too. They completely believe it is okay to treat ppl terribly, harass and spread disgusting rumors and even doxx a Palestinian woman and give her details to Isreali organization. Like that actually happened. I regret that I didn't leave the fandom sooner because I can't believe I was associated with something like this. Ik celebrities make mistakes, and that fandoms always have one toxic portion, but this is too much.

Sorry for the long rant tho 😅

- ⏳️

sorry it took me a while to respond, there is SO MUCH HAPPENING in this ask. like 3 diff asks rolled into one omfg

1. peer pressured into “continuing” to like taylor swift you are a different kind of victim im so sorry you went through that (and all to prevent you from being bullied…im so sorry)

2. THE SWIFTIE GROUPCHAT: that is horrible and TERRIFYING. all you did was practice critical thinking and you feared for your SAFETY. their reactions are not logical nor rational and speak to how dangerous her fanbase is.

if you feel like you cannot call out your fave for their behavior without your safety being threatened, that is not a fanbase, that is a cult. i think we should actually did a venn diagram of swifties and cults we’d have a perfect circle.

3. SWIFTIES IRL: this is so true about how they behave. ive had friends tell me theyre scared of saying they hate taylor IRL cause of the backlash they’d receive. THAT IS NOT NORMAL. even when BTS was at their peak ppl never felt threatened by the ARMY to that point 😭

you NEED to send more info/links/ss about the doxxed palestinian. i need the #SwiftiesforPalestine to see wtf their mutuals are doing. that is ABHORRENT behavior. that poor woman!

thank you sm for this ask, u are truly one of god’s strongest soldiers cause wtf!!!! is wrong!!!! with swifties!!!!!

(p.s. if you are a repeat anon go ahead and sign off your asks with an emoji so i can keep track! thank you!)

[juggalomary]

She’s here and just sent off to my beta reader (ugh thank you again). I’m excited to announce the unbetaed "of scars and silence"

content warming! violence, mcd (technically), described injury ig? Enjoy

“John Elias Mactavish was an honored soldier and a loving uncle. He did not however live long enough to become a husband, father or grandfather. He had the ability to light up a room, literally and figuratively, and had never failed to get every possible man out of any situation. You may not know him as a soldier, but I did, and so did the men sitting in the place of his parents. That fireball of a man was once one of my closest friends. I wish him the best in whatever death may bring.”

Gaz has shed a tear, and Price is smiling reassuringly and sadly at once. Ghost clears his throat and blinks back a single tear. Losing comrades was the sad truth about the military. He watched his best men get gunned down and there was nothing he could’ve done. This was different.

Ghost had watched, and had seen Price get hit. He could’ve made a shot, but they were just moving too much to risk it. He attempted to go over to them, but a Konnie got a hit onto his temple, knocking his steps to a halt. He felt a single wave of darkness fly over his vision and leave, simultaneously with a gunshot. The thunk of the body on the floor was met by silence as he regained himself.

Johnny, lying dead on the concrete, active bomb being defused, no Makarov. He doesn’t remember shouting out to him, but apparently it happened. There was an exit wound. There was an entrance wound. There was no shot of him getting up.

Price and Gaz had the bomb defused by the time the initial shock was wearing down. His pulse was zero, his breath was zero. Everything was zero.

Soap was dead. He couldn’t come back. Goddamit ghost still had the the killing bullet in a box in his room. He didn’t actually admit that to anyone.

His ashes (most, soaps sisters and the task force, as stated in his will, were to receive some) were spread in the wind and water off the Scottish coast. His dog tags are worn by Mari Finch-Mactavish, his Irish twin.

The world kept revolving after his death. Makarov's heart is still beating after his death, not for long, if Price had something to do with this.

x/x

Waking up from a coma is a jarring experience, especially when you wake up with a massive blind spot in your left eye, and extremely obnoxious tinnitus in your ear.

As far as he can remember he shouldn’t be awake. A loud noise, likely a gunshot was his last sensation he can remember. He can’t remember much else. That seems like an issue for a later moment, he was tired.

He dreamed for the first time since being shot that night. He dreamed of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. Conquest, a blonde woman, late thirties, strong souled and confident. She was his adoptive mother, after his parents had left. War, a tall man with a hat and mutton chops, he spoke rough but cared deeply. In this he was a father, his source of advice. Hunger was a tall, young, lanky man, a cap with some flag sat atop his head. A brother and a friend, a lover, but not to him. He could make any man, even the strongest yearn, hunger, and beg, for his approval, but John (?) didn’t need to beg, he already had it.

Finally, if not the most important but the most scary was death. 6’4, shoulders wide as mountains. His muscles had to have been the size of his head. He wore a human skull across his face. He was feared by most, not his 3 other horsemen, not soap (?), but everyone else. He told jokes, he showed emotion, he smoke cigarettes as well as vaped, at least on the field. He would sneak onto the roof with john and watch as mars, named after the god of war, aligned with earth.

These horsemen were familiar. The dream brought him comfort in times of terror.

He woke up officially to a nurse changing a bandage on his head. An IV was jammed into his hand and his arm was in a sling. His whole head hurt, waking up from such an experience like this one, this dream was bound to give him a headache. The nurse walks in front of him, he only knows this when she walks around to his right and notices his stare.

He can hear what she says but she does say something. Then out of nowhere a man guarded by two burly armed men and a doctor.

“Good morning six. I hope you can hear me. We will get you a hearing aid soon. We’re wishing you a speedy recovery.” The man spoke with a thick accent, Russian likely. He didn’t know who he was, he knew he could barely hear him and couldn’t see his right side.

“Thank-“ he was hit hard across the face. He hadn’t done anything yet to deserve it.

“The task force is not to speak unless asked a direct question. You will learn over time.” And with that he's gone as quickly as he appeared.

He, who was referred to as six, which seems dehumanizing, was left to think.

He had to think about this task force. How was he qualified? Is this military? Is he military? He was six, so who were the other five? Who is soap, and why dies he refer to himself as it.

x/x

The nurses came in once every hour and a half. He only had a tv with Russian sitcoms playing. The nurse would chuckle, check and change his IV, every 3 nurses they would feed him through a tube in his nose.

That tube itself was a problem, he would throw it up nearly every night. And then gag and tear up when they put a new one in. He stopped being audible when he received a clean cut across his collarbone.

The injuries received after he got there just added onto a list of things wrong. The most notable ones include, puncture of the frontal lobe, entrance and exit wounds, deafness (cured by aids), complete blindness in his left eye, titanium plate in his head, and a shattered collarbone.

He quickly realized that those were just the things he was told because they were operated on. He had a vertical scar across his forehead, eye, and cheek. These cosmetic things did not bother him because he was not allowed to look.

Six was released into light training after about a month of recovery in the hospital. By this point he was completely silent, never asked questions so he never spoke. In light training he met another guy, one who used bsl, which six understood without ever learning. He learned he was called eight and had a steel rod in both his legs.

These two were only one apart in formation so they were also one room apart. Eight was ever the luckier of the two, knowing he was in the British Royal Navy, but had his legs shattered with an ied in Kyrzakhstan.

Six tried to remember but was only met by the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Death called him Johnny, sounding increasingly stressed and worried with each call until he was screeching in agony. He disliked dreams with death.

Still that man, death himself must’ve been important if his damaged mind remembered him. The other horsemen were there often enough that he didn’t fear sleep. Only one actually riding a horse, which was famine, on strangely enough, a chestnut thoroughbred racehorse. He would pet and brush this horse. When he showed up in dream he’d know it’d be a full night's sleep.

[devine-fem]

honestly an industry that is made up by mostly white males who make content for mostly white males is already set up for failure but pleaseee never close your account & take this as god giving the strongest battles to the strongest soldiers

we need more people like you who actually read comics and who genuinely care abt the characters & not just some woobified version of them

yeaaah, people have a hard time digesting anything but fanon. fanon is for people who know canon and transform it into something they can enjoy more… but we forget that, i haaate the way people see the batfam, people make them boring LMAO

dude, i’m just so in my head about my depression thats been getting worse because ive recently not been doing anything but reading comic books… ive really just been pulled deep into the dcu and need to get out. especially when youre a damijon shipper and fandom likes to wack you over the head each month like its in their schedule. sighhh

but ive decided not to go anyway, just not gonna stress on making content and im gonna force myself to get out of my bed

[gentlehue]

its the way we both had friend trauma at 12 years old omfg 😭🙏🏽 no cz that one girl managed to change so many of my habits and thought patterns and im so glad ive mostly recovered but i def think it helped me and i would not have been the girl i am today without that experience so 😁😁 very very happy for the both of us growing from this craziness

STOPPPP WE'RE SO SYNCED 😭 idk if u were 12 same time as me but if u were then im convinced it was the covid in the air because i dont think it wouldve been as traumatising if i acc saw them face to face all the time ?!?! AND LITERALLY YOURE SO REAL ME TOO? i became such a recluse and i was never open to meeting or befriending new people because i felt like i was "betraying" them (the betrayal thing HAUNTS me omg) i ws lit a shell of myself id constantly argue w my fam specifically my mom all the time too cz she could see what they were doing to me but i couldn't 😭 shes gods strongest soldier for dealing w 12-13 year old me omg... i rmbr when i had that friendship breakup as well i was so distraught i became PHYSICALLY sick like the symptoms r a bit tmi but trust it was bad 😬 ANYWAYS IM SO PROUD OF US FOR TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES AND PUTTING IN THE EFFORT TO BECOME BETTER!!! WHEN I COUNT THE SCARS THERES A MOMENT OF TRUTH THAT THERE WOULDNT BE THIS IF THERE HADNT BEEN YOU 💘

[someh0eontheinternet]

Yelana x Obsessed fem.reader

(this is just a fanfic i wrote in two seconds and is purely a self insert because im OBSESSED with her but i hope u enjoy anyway haha 🌸🌸) (SEASON 4 SPOILERS) (no manga spoilers)

You became a scout because you needed the money. nothing more, nothing less. you weren't trying to chase after glory, or even protect the ones you loved.

all you wanted was to get your bag and go home.

luckily for you, your fighting skills were second to only the Ackerman's and you werent heartless enough to not put yourself in dangers way to save a comrade or two from the jaws of a titan. because of this, you were adored by the whole regiment due to the countless lives yourve saved in battle.

during the attack on Marley, and following your return to the flying blimp, you were greeted once again by your beloved comrades. you take a moment to silently count to yourself the number of soldiers around you and send a silent prayer to the ones who have fallen.

Interrupting your train of thought was a loud screech from the room over, that almost resembled a child. curious, you make your way over to the captain's den to find eren, levi, zeke, and two screaming children yelling about something you couldnt understand. Levi was the first to speak up...

"Y-n. I'm glad you're safe but this doesnt concern you. Please return to the other room."

You shrugged your shoulders and was about to turn to leave when a tall figure caught your eye.

"omg...omg....omg"

(sorry if this next part is cringe lol)

it was love at first sight. you lost control of your body as you speed walked over to her. she absolutely towered over you. she had to be 6'7 at least. you didnt even know women could get that tall ....

without thinking, you stand alarmingly close to her, taking her by surprise, and start speaking without thinking.

"oh my god....you are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. everything about you is just so....handsome. your blond hair. your gorgeous grey eyes. even the way you're looking down at me. who on earth even are you!???" you look up at her with a sparkle in your eye that almost made the tall blond lose her composure, but she recovered.

She had never been complimented like this before. her whole life she had been told that she was a misfit and she was too 'masculine' to fit in. god....you really caught her off guard.

she tried to hide it however, her pride was too important.

"I....who i am is none of your business, soldier. i would advise you return to...."

she was cut off however by you moving your body closer you hers, your breasts pushing up against her chest, causing her cheeks to become a deep red.

"oh please pretty lady, no reason to be so harsh with pretty old me. i just wanted to tell you how beautiful you were".

"Well i um...*cough*" the tall woman looked away embarrassed.

hange entered the room and spoke up.

"come on yelena, you should give her more of a chance. this is y-n. one of our strongest and bravest soldiers. plus, she's cute as a button. practically all the boys in the servey corps have developed a crush on her one time or the other" hange chuckled as they entered the room.

"....hey, i havent" eren pouted in the corner, too embarrassed to be taken seriously.

"haha fucking loser" zeke said, mocking his little brother eren.

"hey! shut your trap Zeke" eren growled.

"hey back me up levi. tell yelena how good of a soldier y-n is" hange whined

"well...ive never seen anyone kick ass quite like her. even mikasa hesitated on the field, but y-n just shoved her blades right up their smelly asses"

"she did what..." yelena interrupted.

"pretty pleaseeeeee yelena darling. ive never liked any of these nobodies (eren: hey!) but you're special. please if you take my hand in yours i swear to love you until my last breath".

yelena looked away and pouted before swinging you up over her shoulder and walking out the room with you.

"we will be back later. and dont u dare disturb us."

*blush* *blush*

💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺

authors note:

im so sorry xDDDDD

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

1st of all ive played aoc recently and have been on yiga brainrot ever since and you've kept me well fed so THANK YOU. 2nd: we see sooga calling kohga master and sir, but would he be into calling kohga something else? like... daddy, owner... god??? 👀

Oh my god, age of calamity, such a good fucking game (never finished it though, the ones where you can't get hit ONCE fucked me over). Secondly, I could TELL you the answer to your inquiry. Or. I could show you ;)

"Sooga, in here, NOW."

Sooga knew that tone. His Master was unhappy. When his Master was unhappy, NO ONE was happy. Sooga entered his napping spot, and of course, his Master was being waited on, hand and foot. He had foot soldier's massaging his hands, cooing sweet words at him and offering him treats amongst treats. Sooga bowed before him.

"Yes, Master Kohga?"

"These two shitheads aren't doing it right. Couple of fuckin' newbies. YOU need to show them how to do it properly."

Sooga knew immediately what to do, what his Master wanted. He pulled out his blades, before plunging them into the ground. Step one, show helplessness, that your safety was in his hands. Then, after gesturing for these two to step back, he got on his knees before his Master.

"I apologize on their behalf. They don't know that you deserve everything, honestly and truly. Let me take over in their stead. You, are my Master. You, are worth more than any rupees, worth more than all the bananas in the world."

"Mmm...doin' a little better. Keep going."

Sooga was trying hard to calm down. He knew Sooga relished in the idea of verbally adoring him, it was sweet, sweet torment.

"You are the strongest amongst us all. You are the most breathtaking, the most charismatic. I adore you, I respect you, I'd kill for you, with no hesitation. I am your puppet, to do with as you please, for you deserve nothing less."

Kohga was loving this, he could tell from his sinister chuckle. Kohga snapped his fingers, and Sooga sat there as someone handed him something. Something that was very quickly tied around his neck. Kohga yanked, till his mask was pressed up against him. Such warm, soft skin, seperated only by a thin layer of the uniform. If Sooga was allowed to, he'd tear it apart with his hands, savor the goodness underneath. But this wasn't for him. This was for Kohga. For his temper, for his ego.

"Much better. But, I feel like 'Master' is a little cliché. We can do better, can't we? Gimme a selection, you mutt."

Sooga was beneath him. He was waste under his heel. He knew it, they knew it. And he loved it. It made him throb underneath his clothes, he would hump ANYTHING as a means of relief.

"Something like...d-daddy?"

"Ugh, no, makes me feel old. Try again. And you know what, pull yourself out. Don't touch it."

Sooga obeyed, pulling his hard cock out, but doing nothing else, letting it be presented to his Master, like a prize. It was a bit embarrassing, having these two watch him, but he knew better than to question him. He put his hands behind his back, showing he wouldn't touch himself.

"Does this suffice?"

"Mhmm. I like how hard you are. And I think these two like it too. Take note, boys, when you worship me, i want THIS kind of excitement. And THIS kind of commitment. Go ahead. Feel it."

Sooga stiffened as they did as they pleased, one lifting his shirt to play and toy with his chest, while the other started to play with his cock, hand going up and down alongside his length.

"Master Kohga, p-please-"

"You don't cum until we find a name I like. That. Is. A. Command. Meanwhile, these two get to observe. Now, keep going."

Fuck, these new recruiters were eager. The gripping of his fingers on his chest, the massaging of his balls. All while Kohga watched. All while he was ordered to praise him. He swallowed, before continuing.

"Y-you are my lord, my reason for being, the only one who'd EVER be worthy of being called a king..."

God, help him. Kohga had pushed him further into him, pressing his semi hard cock against his face. He could taste it, if he was allowed to.

"Definitely getting there. But you can so better, you dog."

So hard to focus. One had their mouth around his nipple now, sucking and kneading. The other was jerking him off rather quickly, sucking and slobbering over his pulsing balls. He wanted to cum, it was hurting now. But he would hold, it was his command.

"You are a GOD to me, all mighty and all knowing. You're m-my ultimate, I am but your property. You fucking own me!"

Kohga made a sound of intrigue, and that was how he knew he was happy.

"Owner, now that's a good one! Say it again, my big, smart boy. Maybe I'll let you cum after."

Kohga yanked again, damn near making him choke. But he liked it. Not the yigas currently playing with him, but for his Master FINALLY being happy.

"You're my Owner! I belong to you! I'm your property! You t-treat me however you'd like, I'll take it! My Owner, my love, my blood, my heart, my SOUL!-"

Kohga held his hand up to signal him to shut up. Sooga was trained to know what to do without Kohga needing words. His voice was a blessing, it should be saved only for important matters.

"I want you to stand up. And finish yourself off for me. If you don't finish by the time I count down, your dick is going in the cage, and it's not gonna fucking come out. Four,"

Sooga stood up the second he started, pumping his cock exactly how he liked it. Slow, but with an ironclad grip.

"Three. Now who am I?"

"My owner, my owner, my owner..."

He kept mumbling it, lost in the sensation of his lust. The leash hung around his neck, like he was an unsupervised mutt, and it's how he liked it. Kohga letting him do all the work, for the sake of his own hands touching his big, poochy tummy.

"Two. You gonna make it big for your owner?"

"S-so big, so big, PLEASE!"

Kohga hesitated. To make it hurt. Make it ache. It felt so GOOD, being forced to wait.

"One. Cum."

And cum he did. He swore under his breath as he jerked himself off to completion, ribbons of cum pouring from him and onto the ground. It was, honestly, a bit of a spectacle. But that wasn't enough for Kohga.

"Good boy, Sooga. But we aren't done. All fours, like a good boy. You, fuck his ass."

Sooga shakingly obeyed, gripping onto the dirt as one of them pushed their dicks into his ass, starting to thrust into him, and muttering over how tight he felt as he did so. Kohga held onto Sooga's chin, gently stroking it with his thumb.

"Since you're mine, you do what I say. And these two are gonna use you as a cum dump. When they're done, I'M gonna fuck you. Understand?"

"Y-yes my owner, ANYTHING! I'll do ANYTHING!"

"Such a good, good boy~"

[aloneatl4st]

Im not using tags cuz I hope this doesn't get found

Ive started college in 2023 and now im getting closer to my 1st year. Ive met many people and stopped talking to quite a few.

Ive recently made friends with a guy whose name shall be Hunter for this post and anonimity. Hunter is a straight guy who ive gotten to know quite a bit in the last 4 to 5 weeks.

Im ashamed to say it, because i should know better, but ive had a crush on him for i would say 3 months. Against my better judgement i decided to let myself get infatuated with a man that has no ability to like me back which isnt something surprising to me but still a mistake i couldve avoided somehow... I just dont know how.

Hunter is a very nice and caring guy i would say in general, he funny and he, unlike most straight men ive talked to in my life, isnt disgusted by my existence as a queer man. He touchy feely and for shits and giggles even asked me if i want a piggy back ride (im a 6 foot non-skinny man, he realistically had no reason to do that). I dont really laugh like I laugh with him and thats what makes me feel so painfully pathetic.

Recently it seemed he got a bit closer to another one of my friends whoch made me feel super defeated as she is a girl, but i managed to confirm from her that neither one of them like eachother.

Another huge problem is that he broke up with him abusive girlfriend about 2 or 3 weeks ago, which makes me feel disgusting and "opportunistic". I wish I wasnt like this but i havent received this level of attention from a man in a while, especially positive attention.

Realistically I know Hunter will never like me or be into me (hes got VERY clear straight boy behaviour, its hard to explain) but hes also pretty gentle with me and sometimes his touches linger and I feel like a fool for letting some second-grade infatuation ruin me like this.

Ive been unable to function for 2-3 days right now, just listening to lovesick music and fantasizing for something that was clearly not meant for me ever. Sometimes I still regret not being born a woman, so I could just love the guys Ive been into in the past without feeling added-on guilt of incompatibility due to sexuality.

I just wish he knew how special he is, and how sweet and nice, and hes also such a sight for sore eyes... Gods I am not your strongest soldier, stop giving me your toughest men to have crushes on my hearts love capacity is too large to use on men who cant love me back.

In a world in my mind where things go my way, he figures out he is bisexual and somehow I have a chance with him, I just hope itd happen fast cuz he has rendered me immoble and unable to complete simple tasks cuz all I do is think of him.

Hunter... youre very beautiful and sweet, and I know thia information is useless because neither one of us can do anything with it, but I hope whoever is your next girl will treat you right cuz if you treat women better than you treat me than I cant imagine ever being toxic to you like your exes were 💔

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] GOOD MORNIGN BESTIE I HOPE YOURE HAVING A NICE EVENINGGG i saw ur post abt the xlmi big fic progress and how it just?? i was 😭😭????? NAUR WAY THATS HORRIBLEEE i hope you'll manage to fix it since theres so many Words so many stuff there to rewrite aaAAGHHHH you r gods strongest soldier to endure dat fr....

ive been doing okay since the past week but boy do i have to tell u my brainrotting is like a permanent disease it is hell to keep everything in check with my irl work so thats that LMAOO AND I JUST KNEW IF THAT FIC IS FINISHED ONE DAY ITLL ADD INTO THE PILE IN MY BRAIN BUT I WILL ENJOY IT I SHWEAR TO U i just know u'll nail it so good idk whats the actual point im giving here IM JUST YEAH. YEAGHHHHHHAHHH 👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

btw ur respons 2 my recent ask,... i sent that out of catharsis cus i miss theym sm and now i read back and i was ugughuhuhu. anyway. yknow when i overanalyze things right.... i still think abt ur past response on the case of xiao's vulnerability and u saying along the lines how i portrayed it being realistic as i can bc i know the stakes of it the people who are involved the way both he and those who witness it and care for him respond that i keep every aspect of it in character. i had to go back to that ask to write this KFHWHFHHD BUT YKNOW i just wanna point out cus im feeling eck of Stuff and remembering that makes me feel better cus i been doubting saur hard abt it coming fron self indulgence so it can get Out Of Hand SO I HOPE U KNOW THAT OK. U ARE SO AWESOME SO REAL FOR IT AND I LOVE YUOU SM UEUEUUEUEUEUEUE I HOPE U HAVE A GREAT NIGHT AND COMFY SLEEP SOON holds ur hands warmly spinning us together and we helicopter our way into the stars <333333333

GOOD MORNING BESTIE !!!!!!!!!!! I AM HAVING A GOOD EVENING THANK U :DDD <33333

i think ive fixed the Vast Majority of what needed to be fixed, im gonna be so fr i. realized what was wrong, Took A Fucking Nap, and then when i woke up i cracked my knuckles and got to work fixing/editing and there May be small parts/details i missed BUT if there are ill catch them when i Really Truly edit the fic (i.e. when its almost done and i read the entire thing out loud to myself to catch as many errors as possible)

i love u so so so bad, sometimes things are wildly self indulgent and very realistic and true to canon sometimes true geniuses (read: You) are able to seamlessly mix the two and its so rare in fandom in general but you manage it every time i will never understand how yet i will always be SO grateful for it and for all that you share

UR JUST AS AWESOME AND ILY JUST AS MUCH !!!!!!!! THANK U SM PLEADING FACE EMOJI I HOPE U HAVE AN AMAZING DAY TODAY !!!!!!!! holding UR hands as we helicopter into the stars can we pretend like airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars <- thats us but instead of crying/wishing we ARE the shooting stars we are the dream come true <- i literally have no fucking idea what im saying i just used the last of my brainpower to finish up this one scene and now im back to being fried </3

[llogllady99]

INTERMISSION

CHARACTERS | Levi, Erwin, Hange, Petra, Nanaba, Mike, Eld, Gunther, Oluo, Moblit

RELATIONSHIPS | Erwin x Levi

Genre | Reincarnation, Afterlife

IV | Afterlife, Hurt/Comfort, Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence. Alternate Universe - Modern Setting/ Reincarnation, Fluff, Reunions, Introspection.

SUMMARY | Levi dies and reunites with Erwin and the others in the Afterlife. 

WORD COUNT | 2.5k

It was one of those sunny days that Levi passed away. The kind of days that occurred in the middle of summer, sun shining proudly in the centre of the sky, beaming with light in all directions; its yellow rays placing gentle kisses and giving shape to everything around them. A breeze blew gently, ruffling the blades of overgrown grass, flowers, and other plants that were blooming by a pristine and crystalline river. A river so clean and fresh that even the tiniest of rocks could be visible. Southern Magnolias, Flowering Dogwoods, birch, and oak trees lined the river and gardens of the people resided in the area. On such particular days, Levi could be found gardening away his late adulthood; his garden was the most clean and organised with freshly mowed lawn and colourful flowers, trees, and bushes placed meticulously around the alleyway that lead to the entrance of the house, the backyard, by his windows and entrances, and inside the house. Therefore, it should have been no surprise when Levi spent his last day doing exactly that: cleaning, organising, and arranging things.

It came unexpectedly, like death often does. It should have upset Levi, he was still considered too young to die by the rest of the world, but he himself couldn’t have been more happier, more relieved, and at peace. It had started with a soft breeze, blowing through his now white strands of hair that were still arranged in the same familiar undercut and under his white cotton dress shirt that was a bit oversized. Then came a wave of unfamiliar fatigue, causing Levi to lie on his back on the grass, his eyes now on the sapphire sky, watching the different sized clouds move along in slow motion. Somehow he knew his time had come, he always had great intuition. With black now cornering his vision, the man closed his eyes, letting the sun rest gently on his face, warming him one last time. He smelled the sweet aroma of his flowers, he listened to the almost silent buzz of a bee in the distance, appreciating the things he had become so used to. Finally ready, Levi inhaled deeply, and with a contented smile spreading on his tired and wrinkled face, exhaled slowly as everything went black, sounds and sensations ebbing away gradually.

However, the world didn’t stop, the sun still shone, the birds still sang their relaxing songs, their high pitched chirps sounding through the valleys, the wind still blew, and the clouds in the sky still travelled their never ending journey; a perfect day for humanity’s strongest soldier to pass away.

-

Levi was now engulfed in deep darkness, thick and relentless. Silence reigning over the infinite void. It wasn’t a heavy silence or an uncomfortable one but rather comforting and warm, making him feel at peace in god knows how long. He looked down at his hands, they weren’t wrinkly anymore but soft and smooth again. He was back in his original form, his old inky black hair hanging daintily on his forehead, his cheekbones once again high and sharp, his eyes now a strong grey steel, and his lips rosy red. His body was also young again. Now that he was in this purgatory of sorts, a giant screen appeared in front of him, displaying moments from his life in chronological order. He saw himself as a baby, his mother cutting for the first time his hair in an undercut, his mother telling him stories, embracing him, loving him. Then came her death, her horrible death, leaving Levi alone. His uncle Kenny made his appearance on the screen, taking him under his care, teaching him how to fight and defend himself after walking away never to be seen again. It showed how he met Isabell and Furlan, the days they spent together in the underground. The blonde boy reading to them by the fire, Isabell snoring in Levi’s lap, his hands in her hair, twisting the ginger strands, Levi defending the redhead in a fight, and Isabell telling them jokes one night whilst playing cards. All of the precious moments now unfolding before his eyes. It made Levi’s heart swell with happiness at seeing their faces again. He had forgotten their faces after so much time but seeing them now reminded him of their bond, their brother like bond. Then he joined the survey corps and shit hit the fan.

Next came memories of joining the survey corps, of seeing Erwin for the first time, their first kiss, first time making love, moving in the same room together, going out with his comrades, Hange, Nanaba, Mike, Moblit, everyone made an appearance on the screen. Then came the brats, their round baby faces and bright eyes full of determination. Retaking wall Maria. Erwin’s death…

It displayed the four years in between their battles. The years when he moved in with Hange and having tea with them every other afternoon before making the plans for the attack on Liberio. The shit show started, the whole fucking rumbling, Eren going batshit crazy, Mikasa killing him, and them staying behind in Marley. His friendship blossoming with the other two brats and finally tasting true freedom, a world with no walls where the sky was the limit. Other sequences also played, like how he returned to Paradis, Gabi and Falco’s visits, who were now married and living happily in some exotic country, and then the day he died. He would have argued he lived a beautiful life, one which he certainly didn’t regret, but after Erwin’s and Hange’s death his only purpose was to survive the day, get through it and ignore the sinking feeling in his gut.

If this was the after life, why wasn’t anyone here? Did he do something wrong? Where was Erwin? Didn’t he promise he’ll be waiting for him? For the first time in the darkness, Levi felt suffocated, he couldn’t breathe, the overwhelming feeling he did something wrong washed over him, imbuing his every cell and tissue. Luckily, before he could finish that destructive train of thought, a glimmer of white appeared in the distance. As the small dot got bigger and bigger, Levi realised it was some kind of vortex that was sucking everything in it, including him. It sucked in his feet first then his hips, stomach, arms and finally his head. Everything went white around him, his spirit was travelling with so much speed that he felt he was inside an airplane engine, the turbines spinning faster and faster, the noise getting louder and louder, and finally the plane took off. As the noise reached its apex, Levi’s surroundings became silent until he was pushed out of the vortex and into the afterlife, the one in which his comrades also seemed to be.

Levi landed bottom first and with a thud, his backside coursing with pain. He flinched and got up. He scanned his surrounding and noticed that in the far off distance there was a group of people. Relief washed over his entire being as the feelings of panic and loneliness left him entirely. One by one he willed his feet to move, each step becoming more hurried, until he broke out in a run. The shape of the group was getting bigger and bigger as Levi closed the distance between them. The closer he got, the more he could make out their faces. Wait! Was that blonde and messy brown? Hange and Erwin? Happiness started blossoming in his chest, like a bush of Camelias in spring, the flowers opening up more and more, becoming bigger and bigger covering the whole green bush with their beautiful pure white and milky pink. A smile grazed his features and tears started falling down his face, each droplet streaming down his jawline then falling on the ground behind him.

“Erwin!” Levi shouted, finally getting his lover’s attention. Erwin turned, wide eyed as he recognised his voice and broke into one of his famous full mouth grins. He extending his arms, inviting the raven in. Levi gladly took that invitation, jumping on Erwin and sending both of them tumbling down, wrapping his arms tightly around the blonde, sniffling that familiar cent of cologne and tobacco. “You waited for me! I can’t believe you waited.”

“Of course I did, in fact all of us did. Look around Levi, we’re all here.” Levi lifted his face and looked around, his eyes landing on Hange grinning maniacally at him, Nanaba and Mike close to each other, Moblit, and his squad.

“Heya guys! Long time no see I guess.” Levi stood up from Erwin and made his way in between the group, taking everyone’s faces in. They were all here. He looked in Hange’s direction, they now looked truly happy without a care in the world. He approached them and wrapped them in a tight embrace, one which he so seldom offered when they were alive.

“Hey short stuff. Gotta admit watching over ya from up here got kinda boring. You were never up to any shenanigans, you just sat there all day reading your damn newspaper and drinking that awful tea.” Hange playfully reprimanded him. Levi snorted then play kicked their feet. Petra came up and hugged him from behind, burying her soft ginger hair between his shoulder blades. She inhaled shakily and choked out:

“Missed you so much, Levi Heichou.” Levi turned around and tucked some of her hair behind her year, setting his hand on her cheek, rubbing with one thumb a tear that spilled from her left eye. The raven then wrapped her tightly in the same hug he’d given Hange, burying her small head in his shoulder. “Missed you too.”

Mike came up and sniffed his hair, his nose scrunching up taking up as much of the sent as possible and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, trying to pin point the smells. He then patted Levi on the shoulder and told him:

“You still smell the same, maybe except with a hint of a flowery touch to it.”

“Always so romantic.” Levi replied, shaking his hand like brothers do. Nanaba came up behind Mike and offered him one of her beautiful smiles. “Great seeing you Levi, but Mike,” she then grabbed the tall man’s hand pulling him towards her, “it’s time for us to go.”

“Go where?” Levi asked frantically, he just got here why were they going already?

“We will get reincarnated, me, Mike, and Erwin.” Nanaba replied casually as if it was the most natural thing. Levi started hyperventilating.

“Why?” He croaked. “I just got here, you can’t go! Not yet! Erwin please don’t go!” He looked around and found the blonde standing next to Mike, he grabbed his hand tightly, urging him not to go, however it was for nothing as his lover wouldn’t budge.

“I can’t Levi, my time has come.” Erwin grabbed both of his hand and kissed his knuckles and fingers, rubbing them against his cheek. “I need you to watch over me and when your time comes too, join me. We’ll meet again, in a world with no titans and infinite time on our hands. We will truly be happy there.”

“Fine, but promise me you won’t do anything stupid Erwin. Wait for me.” Levi demanded, raising himself on his tip toes and pulling Erwin down for a passionate kiss. After they parted, Erwin stepped next to Nanaba and Mike again and waved his big hand at the others before all three of them vanished from sight.

Over time, the same exact thing happened to the others. Eld and Gunther went, shortly followed by Auruo, the other people also gradually disappearing to god knows where. After some time, only him, Hange, Petra, and Moblit were left. Now it seemed that Moblit’s time had come too, if the bear hug he gave Hange was anything to go by. Offering them one last kind smile, Moblit vanished, leaving now only the three of them. Hange cried that day, harder than he ever saw them do it and Petra rested her head on Levi’s shoulder, sorrow and longing also emanating from her being. For a few years, all they could do was watch. Watch Erwin’s seventh birthday party, Mike and Nanaba chewing on their toys, Eld being adopted, guess he didn’t have much luck in this life either, Gunther ride his bike, Auruo playing his first song on the piano and so on. On a not so special day, when they resumed their seats and watched over the others, Hange stood up and with a kind smile and wave their hand they vanished too. Levi cried and so did Petra, they missed their friend dearly but it was bound to happen. A few short months after Petra also left, leaving Levi alone, drowning in the familiar feeling of loneliness.

A month after, Levi got visitors in the after life, they were Armin, Mikasa, and Annie. They greeted their captain and took their seats next to him, joining him in watching over his friends.

“I guess now I have you brats to watch over me when I’ll go down there.” He joked, getting a pat on the back from Armin.

“Hopefully, in the next life I won’t be a midget anymore, You guys don’t know how fucking hard that has been for me.” That earned him a laugh from all of them. Over the next two months all of them got closer together, Armin and Mikasa telling him about how his death impacted everyone. Apparently it has been a national funeral, all the nobles and even queen gathering around his coffin. How ironic.

One day, Levi woke up groggier than usual and much more heavy. It felt as if the ground was pulling him towards it. It was no doubt: his time had come. Armin was the only one that was watching the world down below, Mikasa and Annie sleeping soundly a few feet away. Levi sat next to him and cleared his throat, redirecting the blonde’s attention to him.

“This reincarnation thing is so beautiful, getting a second chance in a world not as cruel as ours.” Armin began. “I’m glad we aren’t stuck here forever, it gets more boring every day.”

“Try doing that shit for seven years.”

“That’s really long. I can’t stand this place anymore and I’ve only been here for what? Two months? If you don’t mind me asking, who was the first to go?” Armin asked, a little bit shy in case he was prying too much.

“Erwin.” Armin’s eyes widened. “Yeah, I just got here and he was already gone. But now is my time and I’ll finally be reunited with him.” Levi stood up and grabbed Armin’s hand also pulling him to his feet. “See ya Armin, you were always my favourite cadet.”

Bringing his fists and arms to his chest, delivering his last salute to the 15th Commander of the Survey Corps, he vanished, white clouding his vision. Everything went black afterwards.

-

The next time Levi opened his eyes, he was crying his eyes out and shouting like a mad man, his little legs and arms kicking and moving in all directions. He had been born into the new world.

Notes: 

A song I would recommand while reading the fic is It's been a long, long time. Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read it and notes and comments are welcomed, Obviously, I do not own Attack on titan or any of the characters that take part in it. They are inspiration for my works and I love them to the core. Thank you again lovelies for taking the time to read it! <333

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 10

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, violence, ptsd, agnst

W/c: 3.7 k (whoops)

A/n: Thank you for all the love ive been receiving on the previous chapters! I’m really glad you guys are enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing it for you! Hope you all are having a wonderful week! 

“Cummon’ is that all you got?” Sam teased, pinning your hands above your head. 

You’d been at this now for hours. Wanda and Shuri had come to watch as Sam kicked your ass over and over. You were absolutely exhausted and had yet to win a match against the aluminum bird-man.

What was wrong with you? You definitely weren't a ‘great’ fighter, but you were usually able to hold your own. Each time you would take on Nat or Bucky it seemed to come naturally. Like your body knew the moves before your brain did. 

You lunged at him, sending a swift kick to his side. He saw it coming, of course, and dodged it with ease. 

“Take him down Y/n.” Wanda shouted from the side lines. Her voice distracted you and the next thing felt was the cold gym mat as Sam slammed you down, knocking the air right out of your lungs. Sorry. Wanda gasped watching you groan in discomfort.

“Can we take a five?” You weazed out, leaning back on your elbows and trying to catch your breath. 

“Fine, five minutes but then we’re going again.” Sam helped you up again and you stumbled off the mat to join Wanda, Shuri and Natasha. 

“What’s going on with you?” Nat half joked, passing you a water bottle. You shook your head, absolutely exasperated from asking yourself the same question. 

“I don't know. I just can't think straight.” You mumbled over gulps of water. Of course, deep down you knew what had you so distracted, but you also knew that acknowledging the blue eyed soldier would give him more power over your mind than he already had.

Wanda looked at you sympathetically. She knew what had you so bothered. She also knew that having your ass handed to you was the last thing you needed right now. 

“Oh, Y/n you dropped something,” Wanda started, giving you a mischievous wink. She bent down and lifted up a towel, placing it in your hands, but not without slowly tracing her palm over yours. Instantly you felt the heat from her fingers sizzling into your skin. You had gotten used to the feeling by now but the sensation still startled you some. 

“Now it's a fair fight, no?” She smirked. You looked over your shoulder to make sure Sam hadn't seen your little interaction and of course, he hadn't. 

“You’ ready for round… What was it? Seventeen?” Sam shouted from across the gym, causing you to grit your teeth. He was in for it.

“Ready.” You spoke, mostly to Wanda who only smiled in return. 

You hopped back up onto the sparring ring mat you and Sam began circling each other again. The electric power Wanda had lent you surged through your body, giving you a little more confidence. 

Sam lurched at you sending a right hook which you blocked, however you didn't see his left jab that met your gut with a hard thud. You gasped, stumbing backwards a few pases.  

“This is the woman who put Bucky Barnes on his back? I don’t believe it. I think the boy went easy on you.” He chuckled, springing to his feet and lending you a hand up. 

“Fuck off, Sam.” You spit, stretching your neck from side to side in an attempt to calm yourself down.

“Oh, she’s got a mouth though? Cummon’ Y/n, do somethin’ bout it!” He shouted, circling you, waiting for your next strike. 

“Shut up!” You demanded, feeling a familiar sensation begin to warm around your now clenched fists.

“Oh, I don't think I will. Cummon’ baby, do your worst.” He shrugged, sending you into a state of rage you'd never seen before. You didn't know if it was the pent up frustration of the week, or the snarky comments from Sam, but something just snapped. Suddenly your vision was blinded by a white hot sting and it wasn’t Sam standing in front of you. It was the monster who took everyone you ever loved away in one fell swoop. The monster who created you.

“With pleasure, ” You seethed through gritted teeth. With the flick of your wrists, you were in the air, floating above the mat as the red current wrapped itself around you, broiling with power. With a scream that you didn't recognize as your own you cast the electricity protruding out of your body in two powerful tendrils, hurling Sam off the ground and into the wall behind him. He crashed with such force the cement crumbled beneath his frame. 

“Hey, hey Y/n. Calm down, I was only playin’,” Sam lifted his hands in surrender but it was no use, his words came out as a dull ringing in your ears. 

“Я собираюсь разорвать тебя на куски.” I’m going to rip you apart, you screamed, sending your power up and hurtling towards him. Sam ducked quickly as the red sphere exploded above his head. You shrieked in frustration, dropping back onto the mat and sprinting towards him, but before you could strike him with your next blow, two strong arms wrapped themselves around you, hurling you back onto the ground. You gasped as you hit the mat, instantly trying to get back up and finish the fight, but you couldn't move. 

“Let me go!” You shouted, flailing your body in a desperate attempt to free yourself, but it was no use. 

“Not until you calm down. Take a breath.” The husky voice echoed in your ears but you couldn't focus on who it came from. You writhed under his figure but he was too strong. After a few moments lying there, your vision began to clear and you could see who held you down. 

“You.” You gasped, a lump in your throat beginning to form as you blinked away tears you didn't know were there until now. 

“Hey, doll. I’m here, It’s Bucky. You're okay now.” He spoke, his hot breath fanning your face. You instantly recoiled at the sensation, feeling nauseous and furious and terrified all at once. You knew his face, it has haunted you for years. How could you possibly forget such a cruel and vile face. 

“I know who you are, Winter Soldier.” You spat the name at him, causing his face to fall and his brows to pinch together. 

“You… You killed him.” You tried to control your voice but it seethed in rage. Bucky was so caught off guard by your words he let his grip on your arms falter, and in the second, you were free. In the last bit of strength you had, you sent the man rocketing back. He crumpled onto the floor, trying to regain his balance but you were already on him. You straddled his hips and with your hands already scorching with crimson flames, you planted them on either side of his head. He wailed in agony as his body fell limp, eyes rolling back into his head. 

“Stop!” Wanda screamed. Her small arms wrapped around you, yanking you off of Bucky and onto the ground beside him. Your body ignited into flames as she held you tight, and suddenly, you weren't in the gym anymore. 

Your chest burned as you sprinted across the bridge, not caring that you had dropped your motorcycle in the middle of the road. 

“STOP! Please don’t do this. Don’t hurt him! Please, PLEASE! NO!” You screamed, desperate to reach him before- 

The first gunshot rocketed through the air and into Tommy’s chest, sending him stumbling backwards. He was dangerously close to the edge of the bridge now. 

“NO! Please, stop! Please don’t! STOP!!” Your voice cracked as the recognizable taste of blood pooled in your throat. 

“I have my mission.” The soldier spoke coolly. 

You were almost there. You could almost see the terror in Tommy's eyes when two more gunshots fired into his gut. He gasped, stepping back and teetering over the edge. 

“Please, please, no. God, NO!” You wailed, watching Tommy bring his hands up to hold his chest and as his blood blossomed across his white t-shirt, soaking him in its deep rusty colour. 

“I love you.” You heard him say, as his eyes closed and his body disappeared below the bridge.

“NO!” You shrieked, your body giving in as you dropped to the ground.

You knelt on the ground, not caring that your knees were beginning to blister as the boiling pathment scolded you. You choked on sobs as the memory of the last gunshot rang through your mind. No, this isn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Your mind screamed, but you knew all too well this was reality. Tommy was dead, and it was all your fault. 

Your eyes exploded open as tears streamed down your face. You looked around the room, panic washing over your body. 

“Y/n? Y/n, can you hear me?” Natasha yelled, relief washed over her face as you came to. 

“I remember... I remember everything.” You whimpered, before everything went black. 

………………..........................................................................................................

Your eyes fluttered open, looking around the familiar lab. You knew where you were, but the throbbing headache caused you to feel disoriented as you tried to focus on your surroundings. The robotic beeping from the monitor you were hooked up to began to pick up pace as the memories from the last few weeks rushed back.

You groaned in pain, using all the strength you had to look up at the I.V. drip slowly delivering its clear liquid into your veins. Whatever dose they were giving you was strong. 

Better safe than sorry. You thought, because that’s exactly what they’d be if you could move your pinky finger without feeling like you’d pass out. 

“Morphine?” You croaked out, mostly to yourself. 

“Flunitrazepam, actually. Illegal in America for obvious reasons. We tried everything to keep you down, this was the strongest we had.” Shuri’s voice rang in your ears as she approached the left side of your bed. You chuckled softly, losing strength half was as it turned onto a low sigh. 

“Damn, you’re not playing around…” You spoke sarcastically. 

Shuri looked at you seriously, her usually playful tone was now stern. 

“You threw Sam like a ragdoll and Bucky’s still in critical condition.” She all but scolded. 

“Good.” You seethed at the mention of his name. The fact that these people could look at him or call him that was revolting. He was a monster. 

“You don’t mean that, Y/n. I don’t know what you remembered but-“

“Everything. I remembered everything. And I’m going to fucking ruin him.” Your voice surprised Shuri. It was cold and smooth and devoid of all emotion. 

“Just like he ruined me.” 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 The morning sun gleaming through the window is what stirred Bucky awake, but the horrendous pain that surged through him was what kept him that way. He tried to move but his entire body screamed in agony.  He could hear was his bones slowly snap back into place, mending themselves together so excruciatingly slow. The feeling was nothing short of torture. It reminded him of his time with Hydra. 

Bucky let out a groan, alerting the rest of the team of his consciousness. Steve was the first beside his bed. He was speaking, but the words didn't make sense to Bucky.

“Hey Buck. Welcome back, buddy.” He spoke gently. Bucky groaned again, trying with all of his strength you sit up but the little movement only sent a rippling pain through his body. 

“Don’t move. Y/n messed you up real good.” He explained. 

Y/n. He needed to see Y/n. Needed to make sure she was okay. To hold her and tell her she was safe. That she could breathe again. 

“I have to see her.” Bucky finally croaked out. Steve's face fell, sympathy clouding his features. 

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Nat spoke. She was seated in the corner of the room. Bucky didn’t think he’d ever seen her look this worried. She was always so calm and collected. 

“Please I-“ 

“No, Bucky. You’re not seeing that, bitch. Look what she did to you!?” Steve suddenly shouted. Bucky flinched at his harsh words like they caused him physical pain. In a way, they did. 

“Don’t call her that…Why can’t I see her?” Bucky snapped. Steve only blinked at him, unsure of how to console his friend and protect him all at once. 

“I’ll think you guys need to chat… We’ll leave you alone.” Nat solemnly spoke, obviously uncomfortable. She looked to Wanda, who was sitting cross legged on the window sill, and motioned for her to follow. She stood, but before leaving walked over to where Bucky’s broken body lay. She placed a small hand on his now blue and purple one, shattered in every way. 

“I’m so sorry, James. I didn’t know that she would- I… I’m just so sorry.” She choked on her words, a sob escaping her lips before she turned away and walked out of the room. 

Steve cleared his throat, drawing Bucky's attention back to his friend, who had now pulled a chair beside his bed. 

“I think we need to talk… there’s something I should have told you, but I need you to understand, I was only trying to protect you, Buck.” He started, his eyes bore into Bucky’s. The intensity of his stare made him feel suddenly uneasy. 

“What’s going on, punk?” Bucky pleaded, causing Steve's heart to shatter at the idea he caused his friend so much pain. 

He was almost unrecognizable. Infact, if it weren't for his signature Brooklyn drawl, Steve might not have known it was him. One of Bucky’s eyes was black and purple and completely swelled shut while the other was bloodshot and caused his iris to look remarkably blue in contrast. His flesh arm was completely shattered in several different places and bruises blossomed along his chest. Twenty five broken bones, three cracked ribs, and a fracture that extended all the way from the top to the bottom of his spine to name only a few. The doctor had said if he was unable to heal the way he does, he'd most likely be dead. 

This was his fault. If only he was a better captain. If only he knew the right words. If only he had left Y/n and the mess that she has brought into their lives back in NewYork.

 No, this was her fault… he wouldn’t let her ruin Bucky. Not after everything he has gone through, everything he had done to get better. 

“I’m going to get you out of here, Bucky. We’ll leave first thing tomorrow, when you heal.” Steve started but Bucky shook his head. “Don’t argue with me, jerk. We’re leaving. That's final.” he ordered. He half expected Bucky to coincide, but he knew his friend better than that.

“What did Natasha mean when she said we needed to chat?” Bucky questioned. He was only starting to regain feeling in his limbs, but he was still too weak to sit. Steve signed, knowing there was nowhere out of this one. Bucky deserved to know. Even if it would wreck him.

“Okay, listen, Bucky… I’ll tell you, but... I just- I… I was trying to protect you. You've come so far. So, so far and I thought that if you knew the truth that- I don't know, that you’d go back there.” Steve began, watching Bucky carefully for some sort of signal that he should keep going. When none came, he swallowed the lump in his throat and continued.

“Your mission was Tommy. You killed him.” There was no right way to say it. No delicate manner in which to sugar coat the fact. 

Bucky blinked at Steve for what felt like forever. His face was unreadable.

“I did some digging and… You gotta know, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have… You didnt have control of-”

“How long?” Bucky's voice was cold and sharp. 

“What?” Steve shook his head trying to get a read on his friend's reaction to the information. 

“How fucking long have you known?” Bucky demanded. Steve couldn't tell if it was from the recent beating he had taken or if his face was red with anger. He reached out his hand to place it on his friends, but he pulled away. 

“Answer the question.” Bucky spat, his eyes were dark now, bruising slowly beginning to disappear. Steve signed and looked into his lap. 

“Since she got here. But you gotta’ understand-”

“Get out.” Bucky fumed, his eyes sending daggers into Steve’s. 

“W-what?” Steve stuttered. 

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.” Bucky emphasized every word, hate dripping from his lips. 

“Okay, I’ll go. But I still think we should-” Steve started, but Bucky cut him off again. 

“I swear to God if you don't leave right now I’m going to do something I’ll regret.” Steve only nodded in understaning and finally sulked out of the room leaving Bucky with his thoughts.

The moment he was gone Bucky tore the tubes clean out of his wrists and jumped out of bed. His whole body screamed when his feet touched the floor, but he didn't care. Nothing compared to the excruciating pain in his chest as he tried to process what Steve had said. 

He killed Tommy. He murdered him. He- He… He was going to be sick.

Bucky ran into the washroom just before collapsing onto the floor beside the toilet and emptying his stomach. 

She was never going to forgive him…

……………………………………………………………………………………………

You stared at the ceiling, counting the tiles when you heard the commotion from outside your room. T’challa had been standing watch at your door for the past hour, but he had left to get you all something to eat. 

“Get. The. Fuck. Out” The voice boomed from next door. You instantly recognised it as his. You couldn't help the pang in your heart when you heard the pain in his words. 

I could show him real pain. You thought. You could of course, and did. But with the mega drugs Shuri had you on you weren't sure you could use the bathroom on your own, let alone go for round two on the Soldier's ass. 

Soldier. The man deserved no such title. He was a murderer, a cold blooded monster. 

But he told you about his time at Hydra. He didn't remember half of the missions he was sent on and the ones he did were always in pieces. You shook away the thoughts with a loud groan. 

No, you were not about to feel bad for him. Whether or not the man knew, it happened. He killed Tommy and what did you do? You kissed him… The thought of his lips on yours made you nauseous. The thought of enjoying his lips on yours made you even more so. 

How could you let this happen? Who the fuck had you become? Hydra took your memories and suddenly you were a love struck puppy who needed a murderer's validation? What? You thought he’d swoop in and Ta-dah, you were fixed. All that trauma, all that death and grief would just magically disappear? You scoffed at the notion. 

“I swear to God if you don't leave right now I’m going to do something I’ll regret.” His voice echoed through the halls, bringing you back to reality and out of your thoughts. You heard Steve storm out of the room, and then everything went quiet.

He was alone. No one was guarding your room, it would be so easy to just-

“Hey, knock, knock.” Natasha sent you a tight smile as she entered the room. Dammit.

“Hi.” You spoke dryly. “You got the next baby sitting shift?” You tried to sound sarcastic, but the words came out cold. 

“You don't need a babysitter. More like a fully armed battalion.” She chuckled, causing you to smirk. 

“What do you want? I'm kinda’ busy.” You gestured dyly around to the current state you were in. She chuckled, shaking her head as she took a seat on the bed by your feet. You flinched at her sudden proximity. You could remember the relationship you had made with Natsahsa during the weeks you had been here, but you obviously couldn't trust the person you were then. You certainly weren't her now. 

“I wanted to officially introduce myself…” Her words caught you off guard. Suddenly a little more intrigued, you met her gaze. She has a soft smile on her lips.

“It’s really nice to finally meet you, Y/n. I’ve heard amazing things about your work. I’m really looking forward to getting to know you. The real you.” Her words were real, and raw. She flashed you a smile and reached out her hand. You stared at it for what felt like forever before you took it in yours and gave it a small shake. 

“I-uh-I really appreciate you saying that…” You were skeptical, of course. The woman had forcibly brought you here. What if she knew about… Barnes? Yeah that sounded right.

She cleaned her throat and shook off the vulnerability she had just shown you.

“Anyways, I wanted to let you know a few days ago I sent someone back to your apartment to get some of your belongings. They arrived this morning. Thought it was about time you got your old wardrobe back.” She smiled. “I’ve had someone drop it off in your room. As soon as you get the ‘okay’ to leave, I’ll take you there.” Her words were so genuine you were taken a back for a moment. 

“Oh… Well, thanks.” You sent her a tight smile. “When exactly do you think that will be?” 

“I don't know. Do you still want to kill Bucky?” She asked.

Yes.

“No.” 

“You're a horrible liar.” Nat chuckled.

“Whatever… Will you at least go see what's taking T’Challa so long? He left to get something to eat and I’m starving.” She spoke. She only nodded and tapped your leg, getting up to exit the room. Before she left she turned around and smiled. 

“I’ll come swing by later to check on you.” When she finally closed the door you let out a long sigh. The room fell silent again, but the sound of muffled sobs from the other room made it hard to really relax. 

What a little bitch, you thought, causing a smile to appear on your lips. The first real smile in a long time. 

................................................................................................................................

A/n:Thank you for reading this monster of a chapter! If you got through it leave a like or reblog! You fuel my very existance! As always, im opeing to any and all feedback! And thank you again to @cutie1365​ for being my official guid into the world of fanfic writing. Honestly shes a life saver! 

@kalesrebellion​

@projectcampbell​

[witharsenicsauce]

Chosen Stories From the War #14: Engraved with Purple Runes

The days of isolation passed so slowly. The Avenger was quiet, for once, and there was an air of calm surrounding those aboard. Perhaps since the Chosen had finally settled in, the anxiety the soldiers felt about them was all but gone.

It was Friday, and those whose job it was to take morning patrols woke to the rising light. Bryni had cooking duty and was in the kitchen serving up eggs and bacon and sausages to hungry soldiers. Fresh fruit was on the menu today as well, which everyone was happy about.

In the hospital, where the curtains were drawn and closed, Dhar-Mon Madron awoke early in his bed. Today was the day.

His was sister already there at his side, her nose buried in a book. She looked like she had been awake for some time, but when he opened his mouth to question it, she smiled and marked her place on the page. “Good morning, Brother. Are you ready for your meeting today?”

“Quite ready.” He clenched his right hand. The fingers still tingled and the tips were numb, and Tygan was unsure if Dhar-Mon would ever fully regain feeling in his arm, but he could use it fairly well, and his right leg had recovered completely. “I trust the Commander will be pleased by my cooperation…?” His usual bravado was all but gone.

Kon-Mai stood, tucking her small book into her sash. “The Commander is not hard to please, it seems. Bradford may be hesitant, but he is not the Commander. So do not worry about him.” She looked at the clock. “Where is Gur-Rai? I told him to be here thirty minutes ago.”

On cue, the door opened and in strolled Gur-Rai, peeling a pineapple with his bare claws and scooping the pulp into his mouth. “Hullo!” He said with a mouth full of pineapple.

Kon-Mai and Dhar-Mon looked at their brother with disgust.

“What?” He said, yellow juice dribbling down his chin.

“What, and I mean this with utter sincerity, is wrong with you Brother?” Kon-Mai rubbed her temples. 

“Well the Avenger just got a new supply shipment, and I’ve forgotten what pineapple tastes like since my human tongue was tragically ripped away from me.” He held out the mutilated fruit. “Want some?”

Kon-Mai shook her head, but Dhar-Mon looked at it inquisitively.

“Come on~” Gur-Rai waggled his brows. “You know you want to~”

“Perhaps...later.” Dhar-Mon sat up in bed, careful not to disturb the IV still in his arm. “Once I am released from this contraption.”

“Shall I get the doctor?” Kon-Mai asked. “I do not think you need that IV drip anymore.”

Dhar-Mon hesitated. “I do not want to bother Doctor Tygan. He is already very busy.”

“One of the nurses, then.” Kon-Mai said.

“I can probably pull it out.” Gur-Rai mused.

“No, Brother, thank you.” Dhar-Mon grunted. “We do have some time before I must meet the Commander, there is no rush.”

“Are you certain?” Kon-Mai asked. “You’ve been bed-bound for so long, Brother.”

“Yes, yes, a few more hours will not destroy me.” He chuckled. “But, Sister, might I ask your favor…?”

She raised a brow.

“I...may need assistance getting dressed.”

.

.

Kon-Mai was surprised that her brother had not gone down wearing his armor, but what looked like simple monk robes. Not that they were tasteless, in fact this cloth was the strongest, finest velvet material ADVENT had, impervious to nearly everything, and much stronger than Kevlar. But she did wonder why he had discarded his plate armor before his grand show. Dhar-Mon did not seem to sense Kon-Mai’s musings as she tied the silver sash around his waist.

“Well look at that, Brother!” Gur-Rai clapped. “You look like a new man!”

Dhar-Mon said nothing, but Kon-Mai saw him smile with a look of pride.

She took his arm. “Can you walk, Brother? Shall I retrieve your walker?”

“I do not need it.” Dhar-Mon insisted. He took a few tentative steps with her help, and Gur-Rai came on the other side of him just in case. Surprisingly, though, as they got moving, he seemed to be doing just fine, keeping pace with the two of them almost at their normal speed. Kon-Mai had to admit, she was proud of her big brother.

They came to Senuna’s quarters and stopped as Gur-Rai knocked once on the door. It took a moment, but the door slid open and they saw the Commander stand up from behind her desk, smiling. Only Bradford was at her side this time.

“Welcome, Dhar-Mon!” Senuna sounded like she was trying to be chipper, but something seemed to be weighing on her mind. “Please, come inside. Jane will be here in a bit.”

“Jane…?” Dhar-Mon looked bewildered at the sights around him. Kon-Mai had forgotten he had never seen the Commander face to face before.

“Yes. You know Jane. She’s pretty famous.” Senuna giggled but it was obviously forced. “Um…have a seat, please!”

Gur-Rai came around to Bradford and held out the mangled fruit rind. “Wanna pineapple?”

“That looks disgusting, where did you find that?”

“In a box.” Gur-Rai smiled, chunks of pineapple stuck in his teeth.

Bradford shook his head. “...No. Thanks.”

Senuna sat down across from him just as Jane entered the room. The two women exchanged looks, almost as though they were having a full conversation with their eyes. After a moment, Jane nodded and went to stand at her side. Once again, the Commander was flanked by her best soldiers.

She smiled and clasped her hands, but as she opened her mouth to speak, Dhar-Mon spoke first.

“Commander Senuna.” He said. “I know you have very little reason to trust me, after the crimes I have committed in the name of my former masters. But I come before you today…to humble myself, before you and your soldiers, and to pledge to you my loyalty.” He knelt on one knee, sinking to the floor slowly. “If you shall accept me, I will crush and destroy your enemies and raze all that oppose the resistance! I shall devote myself to-”

“Wait wait wait.” Bradford held his hands up. “Hold on there, Big Guy.”

“There’s no need for any of that!” Senuna was smiling, almost laughing at the situation.

“I disagree.” He insisted. “Your resistance has suffered at my hands. I must repent.”

Jane raised a brow, her lip twitching. “Well, I certainly won’t say no to an apology. Especially for the time you extracted information from me. Forcefully.��

Dhar-Mon lowered his head. “I regret every injury I have dealt you, Lady Jane Kelly.”

“And I forgive you.” She nodded. “Now stand up and come over here. We need you to sign a bunch of forms.”

Senuna and Bradford exchanged looks. “I’ll admit, I didn’t expect this to go so...smoothly!” She sat up, looking cheerful. 

“So, Dhar-Mon, we need to make sure you know what this job entails.” Bradford said. “Especially after your last...exchange with the Elders.”

“And now that we have all three of the Chosen, I don’t think we can keep your identities a secret any longer.” Jane added.

“I will do whatever I must.” Dhar-Mon said with conviction. “Anything to return this planet to its former splendor.”

“Good…” Bradford trailed off as he pulled out a form that looked like the ones Kon-Mai and Gur-Rai had signed. “I drew up the contract early-” He glared at Gur-Rai “-since it seemed like you were eager to start.”

Gur-Rai winked at Bradford.

“Contract…?” Dhar-Mon looked confused.

“Yeah.” Jane said. “You sign it to indicate you agree what we’re asking you to do.”

“I agree…?” He looked between his siblings.

“That’s right, Brother.” Gur-Rai held his arms open. “They offer CHOICE here!”

“If you don’t agree with any terms in the contract, we can always negotiate.” Senuna added. “We can also edit it later, in case something happens, like if you’re injured again. Oh, and you can even choose a new callsign. I mean you can keep ‘Warlock,’ but your siblings have both chosen other names…” She chuckled. “Hehe. Chosen.”

Dhar-Mon looked in...almost horror at the paper on the table before him. “...And...what if I say no?”

“Well, we’d probably edit the contract to make it more in line with what you want.” Bradford shrugged.

He looked scared. “...I would never dare to question your judgement, Commander, but...to demand such of you…”

“Brother…” Kon-Mai took his hand. “They will not punish you.”

Dhar-Mon seemed to flinch involuntarily, squeezing his sister’s hand. “...I apologize Commander.” He croaked. “I am used to taking orders from my masters. Contracts, choice, negotiations...to ask for such things, to speak out of turn, was a punishable offense.”

“Is that why you look like you’ve seen a ghost…?” Bradford rubbed his face with his palm and suddenly looked 20 years older than he was.

Senuna opened her mouth like she was going to call out to him, but she closed it. Her eyes were sparkling with barely hidden tears.

“We’d never hurt you.” Jane said, her voice still steady. “Not like the Elders did.”

“I’m sorry.” Bradford chimed in, his voice quivering. “God, I didn’t know…”

“As am I.” Senuna took a breath, wiping her eyes. “You’re safe here, Dhar-Mon.” She stood up and opened her arms to him. “I know my powers better than the Elders could ever understand, and with me, you will be safe.”

“With XCOM.” Bradford clarified. “We won’t ever punish you unjustly.”

“Unless you defect back to ADVENT.” Jane shrugged. “But I don’t think you will, after that stunt you pulled in Vatican City.”

Dhar-Mon seemed to turn purple as he blushed. “That was...quite a statement I made.”

“You think?” Jane chuckled.

“I loved it!” Senuna beamed. “It’s EXACTLY the blow to the crotch ADVENT deserved! And the way you yeeted that priest over the balcony? Iconic!”

Dhar-Mon chuckled awkwardly. “I appreciate that, Commander…” He looked down at the contract on the table before him. “Well, I have not signed my name in a very long time, but if you have a writing utensil-”

Jane handed him a pen, and Kon-Mai stood beside him as he scanned the contract, reading much more slowly than she had. He then slowly scratched a few simple Etheric symbols into the paper, along the line.

“...That works!” Senuna handed the contract to Bradford and reached out to shake Dhar-Mon’s hand. “Welcome, Dhar-Mon Madron, to XCOM!”

“It is an honor.” He gave her hand a gentle shake. “Do you know what my first assignment shall be?”

“Well.” Senuna smirked. “Nothing too strenuous, but…”

“We do have a lead on an ADVENT mobile facility 30 miles north of where we are.” Bradford said. “It’s small, but from the energy reading they’re putting out, it seems like they might be doing something interesting. With something useful.”

“We think there may be experimental weaponry in this base.” Jane said. “We want you to retrieve it.”

“Commander, I’d like to join my big brother on this mission.” Gur-Rai said.

“Why?” She raised a brow.

“It’s his first, after all.” He shrugged. “And my own first mission went south very quickly. I would volunteer my sister, but she just returned from her own little escapade.”

Kon-Mai looked to the Commander. “I am not injured. If you wish me to go-”

“No, he’s right.” Senuna nodded. “Next time, though, you three will finally be together again. But for now…” She looked to Gur-Rai. “I’ll put you on the mission list.”

“They’ll also need a hacker.” Jane said. “Mithridates just got a promotion, he would be a good choice.”

“Oh I agree!” Senuna tapped her chin. “And...let’s send Princess. She hasn’t been out for a minute.”

“Princess?” Jane grimaced. 

“She’s very capable. And she’s been making great progress in her psionics!”

“That doesn’t make me less nervous, Commander.”

“Well than Jane, how about you join them?” Senuna smirked.

Jane looked between the Chosen. “Fine by me. I need to get off this ship for a bit.”

“Well light my ass and call me a star.” Gur-Rai crossed his arms. “THE FAMOUS Jane Kelly is gracing us peons with her presence?”

“I will slug you right here.” Jane grumbled.

“Oh Jane, I thought we were friends! Unless your violent tendencies ARE a sign of affection-”

Dhar-Mon elbowed Gur-Rai in the ribs, and Kon-Mai snorted in laughter.

.

.

Dhar-Mon looked down over his new equipment, all wrapped up in a literal bow with a sticky note from the Commander herself, reading:

“I ADORE those priest robes you have, so much so I made another pair especially for combat! Shen went a little overboard with the armor though but I left it because it looks AWESOME!

Much love,

Senuna.”

The robes provided were purple leather instead of cloth, and instead of the normal Etheric symbols around the edge, the sleeves were embroidered with silver Latin letters reading “Vigilo, Confido.”

“I am watchful.” He whispered to himself. “I am relied upon.”

He hugged the robes to his chest. It was comforting.

“Do you need assistance?”

Dhar-Mon turned and saw Kon-Mai standing behind him, though he had not heard her come. Her mouth was a thin line and her eyes met the floor as she approached him, holding her arms out to hold the robes as he removed his own. He did so slowly, and as she watched him, she seemed to grow more anxious.

“What is wrong?” He demanded.

She shook her head. “It is nothing.”

“Little Sister.” He said, straightening up and putting his strength into his voice. “As your eldest brother, I demand you confide in me!”

She glared at him. “That is not very convincing.”

He seemed to deflate, and Kon-Mai held out a hand, then pressed it to her face. 

“You have barely recovered.” She said. “And the Commander is already sending you into battle.”

Oh. She was worried about him. “It is my duty as a soldier of XCOM.”

“Perhaps it is.” Kon-Mai nodded curtly. “And perhaps you will wind up dead on the battlefield.”

“I promise you, Sister, I will not die.”

She looked doubtful. 

“Would you prefer if it was you on the mission, instead of Gur-Rai?”

“Yes, actually.” She crossed her arms.

“Do you not trust him?”

She hesitated, not out of uncertainty though, no it was clear she knew the answer.

“A year ago? I would have told you not in the slightest.” She said. “Now that we are free of the grasp of the Tyrannical Elders…”

“I shall keep him on a short leash.” Dhar-Mon assured her.

“HE is supposed to be protecting YOU.” She protested.

“Yes.” Dhar-Mon nodded. “But he is the Hunter, Kon-Mai, not the Protector.”

She nodded, sifting through the clothing. “...This armor is truly art. Dr. Shen is incredible in her work.”

He looked back over his belongings. The purple leather was latched in the chest with a breastplate of shining metal, engraved with XCOM’s sigil on the front. For pants, it looked to be a variation of his normal undersuit, but with silver plating lining the thighs and covering his shins. On his shoulder was a circular pauldron of shining metal, encrusted with a single amethyst and lined with purple.

“Truly…” He said as he held it up to the light. “A suit of armor…”

“For a warrior of XCOM.” Kon-Mai smiled at him.

He looked at her. “Sister...what name have you chosen?”

She blinked, then smiled. “Well, I am Shrinemaiden.”

“And our brother…?”

“Darkstrider. Do not ask why.” She shrugged. “Have you been thinking of rebranding, Brother?”

“I...do not feel the Warlock suits me anymore.” He said, clasping his shoulder pauldron into place. “I am no longer that being…”

“I would say you are quite the holy man.” She smiled. “Like a monk who has taken a vow of solitude.”

“Perhaps.” He nodded. “A hieromonk, even.”

“Oh, how very elite~” His sister chuckled.

“It is a profession of great importance.” He puffed out his chest, which only made her laugh harder.

The intercom above them buzzed. “Kon-Mai Mordenna, please report to the gymnasium.”

Dhar-Mon raised a brow. “It appears you have been summoned.”

She nodded. “No doubt my student awaits her master.”

“You have students?” He smiled. “I am proud of you, Sister.”

“I wish you luck on your mission, Brother…” She lingered for a moment. “...And...keep yourself safe.”

“I promise.” He nodded, watching as she left the room.

Kon-Mai didn’t notice, as she turned the corner, Gur-Rai standing outside the door, his arms crossed and eyes glued to the floor. The Darkstrider clenched his fists.

He did not remember what sadness felt like. But this must be pretty close.

.

.

“What do you mean we cannot just teleport?” Dhar-Mon asked his little brother as the Skyranger shuddered with wind turbulence. The humans had little trouble with the height of the ceiling, but the eldest Chosen was forced to completely hunch over, and even then his head was pressing against the roof uncomfortably.

His brother had mitigated this problem by lying on the floor, legs against the wall and feet touching the ceiling. “We can’t teleport anywhere, my dear brother.” He said. “That was one of the Elders’ gifts. And we’ve cancelled our subscription.”

Dhar-Mon harrumphed and crossed his arms, looking to his right at the young lady beside him. She had made a point to introduce herself as Lady Demetria Min, and as he glanced at her, she straightened the little tiara that was holding back her hair.

“You like my crown?” She gleamed. “It was my great great great grandmother’s! You know, she was married to the 3rd cousin of Prince Philippe, Duke of Orléans!”

“Cool.” Jane scoffed from across the aisle. Her face was steely, like always, and she was eyeing both Chosen men with an unreadable expression.

“Yes!” Princess said, not sensing the sarcasm in Jane’s voice. “Great Great Great Grandmother Liên secured the future for House Min! I’ll bet you she wouldn’t have surrendered to the aliens!”

“Then they would have killed her.” Jane said.

“She would have beat them! She could shoot a rifle from a moving horse!”

“Yeah, Princess, and they had plasma weapons and mind powers.” The young man, Mithridates, finally looked up from his agonizingly slow typing. “Who would win there?”

Princess pouted and leaned towards Dhar-Mon. “Don’t believe them. They’re just jealous.”

“I’m sure your ancestress was a noble woman.” Dhar-Mon said. “But no one can stand against the might of the Elders-”

“Except us!” Gur-Rai cut in quickly. “Because we’re stronger, smarter, faster, and I can personally assure you, we are much better looking~” He winked.

Jane blinked slowly. “...Whatever you say.”

“Drop zone incommin’!” Firebrand called back. “Get ready y’all!”

“Right.” Jane stood. “We’re landing about a mile and a half from the site itself, and we’ll be approaching under the cover of night.”

“Is this a stealth mission?” Mithridates sounded nervous.

“If it was, the Warlock wouldn’t be here.” Jane assured him. “We surround the site, and when I give the order we bombard it on all sides. Mithridates, you’re there to analyze the loot we pick up. What’s useful to us, and what is junk.”

“Gotcha, Quiet.” He nodded and closed his laptop.

Princess stood and stretched. “Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”

For once, Jane smiled at her. “Yes it is.”

.

.

Gur-Rai stayed at the back of the group, handing his brother the robe to drop from the Skyranger. “You got it?”

“I simply jump, yes?”

Gur-Rai chuckled. “Only if you want to break your legs. Hold onto that, and the Skyranger will lower you down.”

“This is simple.” Dhar-Mon scoffed, but Gur-Rai could read the nerves on his face.

“I’m right behind you, Big Guy.” He patted his brother on the back and looked at Princess.

“I’m a little scared too~” Princess fluttered her eyelashes. “Will you carry me, Darkstrider?”

He smirked. “Of course, sweet girl. C’mere.” He turned from her briefly to watch Dhar-Mon sit on the edge of the Skyranger and slide off. The rope buckled a bit under his weight, but he was lowered safely down, where Jane and Mithridates were waiting.

Princess came up to Gur-Rai, and he picked her up around the waist, with her holding his neck. He sat on the edge, wrapped his legs in the rope, and pushed off, sliding down faster than any of the other soldiers.

As they reached the ground, the Hunter gave a little twirl, and came to a stop with a pose. Princess giggled as she let go of him, and Mithridates gagged.

“Can we save the PDA for after the mission, please?” Jane rolled her eyes and drew her gun. “Move out.”

They spread out slightly and pressed forward into the treeline. Gur-Rai stuck beside his brother like he was glued to him. Good thing too, because Dhar-Mon’s eyesight was worse than he remembered, and he immediately tripped over some roots and would have fallen, if Gur-Rai had not dove in and caught him.

“Hmph.” Dhar-Mon grunted as he righted himself. “You do not need to do that, Brother.”

“Oh yes I do.” Gur-Rai said through gritted teeth, Kon-Mai’s words ringing in his head. “Believe me.”

“I have a visual.” Princess sang out over the comms.

“Let’s catch up.” Gur-Rai straightened up and took up position at the rear, behind his brother in case he should take a fall again.

They came to a small cliff, which ended abruptly and led down into a rocky crater that looked...almost recent. Down the steep sides, cut into the stone, was a circular building of glistening silver, the dark rock forming up around it like waves.

“Is that a UFO?” Mithridates said, pointing at the structure.

“Well I’ll be damned…” Gur-Rai looked through his scope. “I haven’t seen one of those in years…”

“Central?” Jane called over comm. “We have a UFO down here. It’s a big one…”

“Believe me Jane, that’s nothing.” Bradford seemed to chuckle. “That looks like a crashed Overseer. They’re like glorified scout ships.”

Jane looked uncertain, glancing toward Dhar-Mon.

He nodded to her. “These shall be no trouble for a warrior such as myself. And my brother will help too.”

“Hey.” Gur-Rai said, actually sounding annoyed. “I’m here to babysit YOU, remember?”

“I remember.” Dhar-Mon sighed.

“Well, I’m going to get to higher ground.” Gur-Rai backed up, and they heard a slight rustle as he climbed into a tree. “Let me know when, and what, to shoot.”

“Roger that.” Jane said. “Mithridates, with me. Princess, Warlock-”

He cringed at the name, and with Kon-Mai’s words ringing in his ears, Dhar-Mon blurted out “Hieromonk, if you please.”

“...Okay then. Hieromonk, go around that curved pathway there and get as close as you can without being spotted.” She stood up. “When I give the signal, I want you to hit them with everything you got.”

“It shall be done.” He and Princess got to their feet and went around the trees, Gur-Rai watching them with his scope. He sighed.

“You think it’s a good idea to send him out in front?” He called down to Jane.

“I do.” She looked up. “Eyes on the prize, Darkstrider.”

“Yes, Quiet.”

.

.

Dhar-Mon was not a stealthy man, and Princess was even less so with her bright purple hair and her tendency to squeak whenever her foot hit something unexpected. In fact, they had almost alerted the guards twice: once when Princess nearly stepped on a rattlesnake, and again when Dhar-Mon slipped and almost slid into the ravine before pulling himself back up.

They found a large rock at the bottom that was big enough to hide behind, and ducked behind it as Princess grabbed her Psi Amp off her back and held it up. “Ready when you are, Quiet.”

“Excellent.” They could hear Jane was moving. “Mithridates, hurry up.”

“Why are we going so fucking fast?!” Mithridates could be heard panting as he spoke. “Like-WOAH!”

“We’re in position.” Jane said as they heard Mithridates being yanked along. “Darkstrider?”

“My body is ready, Jane, and so is my gun~”

“On my mark. Three…”

Dhar-Mon braced himself, his hands beginning to glow with psionic power.

“Two…”

He felt Princess shift beside him, and the energy around him moved as she did.

“One…”

He took a deep breath.

“NOW!” 

Dhar-Mon emerged from his hiding place, taking one last second to charge his attack, and shoved his hands forward, releasing a blast of psionic energy toward the trooper unlucky enough to be standing in front of him. The soldier went down in a daze, and the two who had been standing a few feet away cried out in pain as the spark jumped from one to the other.

He saw Princess grasp at the orb of energy in her amplifier and throw it outward, hitting a Muton soldier in the chest. Unfortunately, the Muton was not as injured as she had counted on. It turned toward them, snorting and growling.

“Oh bollocks.” She backed up, and Dhar-Mon moved in front of her as the Muton charged.

There was a thunk and a splat, and the Muton fell, sliding to a stop at Dhar-Mon’s feet. He looked up at his brother, who had his teeth clenched in concentration, his gun smoking.

“Tell our sister about that when we get home.” He seemed to growl as he slid down from the tree, moving in closer for a better shot.

“Move out, move out!” Jane rushed forward, firing at the soldiers who were coming at her. They were weak compared to Quiet Jane Kelly, who seemed to mow them down like grass, but even so, the Muton soldiers seemed to be closing in.

Dhar-Mon ran forward and pulled his energy forth, his eyes glowing purple as he did, and apparitions began to spring from the ground. Psionic spirits came forth, ready to defend. Without him needing to speak a single command, they rushed towards the Mutons. One very fragile spirit took the brunt of the gunshot meant for Jane. As it went down, another rose to take its place.

Jane looked to Dhar-Mon in confusion. “Thanks…?”

“Always, Lady Jane.” He said.

“Please, call me Quiet.” She smirked. “Mithridates!”

“I’m pinned down!” He screeched from behind a post. It was true, he was hiding as two troopers and a Muton came up behind him, and tried to grab him from around the pole. Mithridates ducked out of the way, but the Muton got a hold of his collar. Two bullets whizzed by them, and the Darkstrider audibly cursed.

“I meant to do that.” He growled. “Stay there, I’m coming down!”

“I DON’T HAVE MUCH CHOICE IN THE MATTER!” Mithridates screamed as the Muton lifted him above it’s head. “SOMEBODY HELP!”

Princess pulled another psionic blast from her amplifier, squinted, took a deep breath, and screamed as she fired. This time, she hit the Muton right in the face, sending it flying back and forcing it to drop Mithridates, who landed with a soft thump on the grass.

Dhar-Mon beckoned his brother over as Gur-Rai jogged towards them and winked at Princess. “Nice shot, my lady~”

Princess giggled, turning as pink as her hair.

“Thanks.” Mithridates grumbled as he got to his feet. “Let me get the door.”

“Darkstrider, take point lookout.” Jane said, coming up beside him to help keep watch. He complied, but Dhar-Mon could see Gur-Rai staring at him instead of through the scope.

He came up beside Gur-Rai, who looked away. “What troubles you, Little Brother?” He whispered.

“Nothing.” Gur-Rai muttered.

“Do not lie to me.”

“You’re not my dad.” Gur-Rai sniffed and focused through his scope. “I’m fine. Just doing my job.”

“You have been out of sorts since we came here.”

“Oh yeah, like you would know…” Gur-Rai fell silent. So did Dhar-Mon. The two stood there awkwardly.

“Look, I’m supposed to be protecting you right now.” Gur-Rai looked Dhar-Mon directly in the face. “Let me do that, alright? Please? Unless you think I’ll fuck that up, too.”

Dhar-Mon balked at his comment, just as Mithridates shouted “Got it!” Behind them, the door swung open, and they heard the sound of a plane approaching in the distance.

“Fuck. Reinforcements.” Jane looked to Gur-Rai. “You and I will hold the front. You three, get inside and start rooting around. Grab anything you think looks interesting.”

“Understood, Quiet.” Dhar-Mon gestured for the young soldiers to follow him inside.

The inside of the wreck was almost completely empty. There would be one or two troopers around a corner every so often, but Princess took them down quickly, and when she was eventually stifled by a shot to the foot, Dhar-Mon picked up for her with his own psionic attacks, leaving their minds scorched and useless.

They came to the center, where the roof had caved in, opening up the large starry sky above them. Dhar-Mon heard the sounds of gunshots outside, and for a moment he worried greatly about his little brother.

Gur-Rai was a warrior, Dhar-Mon assured himself. He would be fine. At this rate, he was beginning to sound like Kon-Mai.

“Guys…” Mithridates stepped toward the huge hole in the center. “Guys look…”

Princess gasped. “What IS that? It’s so beautiful!”

Dhar-Mon looked toward the center of the ship, under the open sky where the metal ground had given way to dirt and rock. There, buried in the soil, was a silver war hammer, engraved with purple runes and glowing in the moonlight.

He stepped towards it. “...This is…” He had never seen such a thing before, though he had heard the Elders were expert smiths; they had crafted his sister’s weapon with their own hands, after all, and he knew they took great pride in their work. Why would they leave this one…?

“It’s giving off a lot of energy.” Mithridates said.

“What kind of energy?” Princess asked.

“I dunno, the purple kind? I ain’t Tygan.” Mithridates peered over his laptop. “Wait, Dhar-Mon, don’t touch it!”

Dhar-Mon ignored the boy and reached for the handle. The weapon seemed to vibrate as he grasped it, and suddenly he felt a jolt of energy, and the hammer practically lifted itself as he yanked it from the dirt. He stumbled for a moment before letting it settle firmly in his grasp, the runes shining brilliantly.

“Woah!” Mithridates gasped, looking at his laptop screen. “These readings just went off the charts!”

“Well, you should get bigger charts, then.” Princess snarked. “What’s all that weird writing on it?”

Dhar-Mon looked at the side, where the carvings glowed with purple light. He recognized the Etheric letters and read them out one at a time.

“...Yseult.” He said. “I believe this is the name of this weapon.”

“That’s probably what Tygan wanted us to get.” Mithridates said. “Let's check around a bit more, see if we can’t find-”

There was an explosion that shook the ship, and Dhar-Mon heard Gur-Rai scream.

His heart in his throat, Dhar-Mon hoisted the war hammer and gestured to follow. “Come! Our comrades have need of our help!”

“But Quiet gave us an order!” Mithridates shouted.

“Stay here then!” Princess spat as she and Dhar-Mon sprinted for the entrance.

Mithridates stared after them, groaned loudly, and followed.

.

.

What formerly was the entrance was now a large hole leading to the outside. To the left they could see Jane, bleeding out on the grass as she used the last of her strength to pull herself to safety. Princess rushed over to her, but stopped short and screamed in terror.

“OH FUCK!” Mithridates dove behind Dhar-Mon for cover. “ARCHONS!”

Dhar-Mon looked up and, lo and behold, there above them three Archon soldiers hovered, one of which had detonated the aforementioned explosion.

Dhar-Mon had one thought, and that was to find Gur-Rai. His brother was nowhere to be seen, and for a horrifying moment, Dhar-Mon feared he may have been buried under the mounds of rubble. He didn’t have time to ruminate on that, though, because one of the Archons charged him. Dhar-Mon stepped back and, on instinct, held up the war hammer to defend himself.

There was a clang. The Archon’s spear had bounced off the handle, inches away from Dhar-Mon’s face, flinging his assailant back. Acting on instinct, he swung the hammer across his path, slamming into the Archon with a loud bang and a sickening crunch. Metal tore, and the poor creature landed on the ground in a heap of scrap and flesh. The runes on Yseult were glowing brightly.

“Holy shit.” Mithridates looked up at Dhar-Mon. “Can you do that again?”

“I shall certainly try.” He looked to Princess. “You must aid Quiet! Get her to safety!”

“Roger!” Princess panted, running to where Jane was again. One of the Archons, after seeing it’s comrade being opened like a can of soup, made a run for the hills and disappeared into the trees. The other rushed at Dhar-Mon again, but this time, he was prepared.

Or at least he thought he was. As useful as Yseult was proving to be, it was heavy and slow to swing, as he learned when he swung the hammer and the Archon zipped out of the way with nary a scratch. It roared at him and jabbed it’s spear towards his heart, which he only just managed to dodge, causing the green serrated tip to stab into his shoulder. He cried out, dropping Yseult and staggering back as the Archon rushed them.

“Run, boy!” Dhar-Mon called out to Mithridates. He summoned up his psionic powers, preparing to blow the Archon (and possibly himself) to high hell.

“What about you?!” Mithridates cried.

“RUN!” Dhar-Mon took a breath. “And tell my sister I am sorry.”

“You can tell her yourself.”

There was a loud “ZAP” and the Archon stopped it’s charge forward, wobbling in the air. Dhar-Mon saw that a hole had opened up in it’s chassis. Another loud gunshot, and it’s head was severed from its body.

As the body of the Archon fell to the ground, Mithridates and Dhar-Mon peered around the building wall.

There stood Gur-Rai, scowling. His clothes were covered in dirt and his armor plates were dented. His face was bloody and badly scratched. As he holstered his rifle on his back and began to walk over to them, Dhar-Mon could see he was limping badly, dragging his foot.

Dhar-Mon approached him, meeting his brother halfway. He opened his arms, and Gur-Rai fell into them, hissing from the pain.

“You are injured.” Dhar-Mon scolded. “You arrogant little fool! I thought you were…” He gulped.

Gur-Rai jabbed his finger in Dhar-Mon’s face. “Shut up. Shut the fuck up.” He looked up. “It’s my job, alright? Me.”

“Your...job?”

“Yes, my job is to protect you out here, because our bitch sister thinks I can’t.” He shifted his weight too much onto his injured foot and cried out. “She thinks I don’t love you, you fucking asshole!”

Dhar-Mon blinked in utter confusion. “...What has caused this outburst?”

“I heard you two talking in the armory.” Gur-Rai’s head was parallel with the floor now. “I heard her say she doesn’t trust me to keep you safe. And I will make myself a Berserker’s Bitch before I let her be right about that!”

Dhar-Mon stood, absolutely stunned. “...Little Brother…”

“Don’t do that.” Gur-Rai growled. “Stop treating me like a kid.”

Dhar-Mon chuckled. “You are right, Brother, you are no child.” He pulled his little brother into his arms and embraced him. Surprisingly, Gur-Rai did not struggle.

“You are a brave and noble soldier.” Dhar-Mon patted his back. “And I owe you my life.”

.

.

The Skyranger landed with a thump in the garage, and the company filed out slowly. Jane was being helped by Princess and Mithridates as one of the medics came rushing to the garage with a wheelchair for her. Gur-Rai and Dhar-Mon watched as she was hauled off to the infirmary, and Gur-Rai tested his weight on his foot again.

“You should not aggravate your injury.” Dhar-Mon said.

“I don’t think it’s broken.” Gur-Rai shrugged. “Nasty sprain, though.”

They heard familiar footsteps, and exchanged a smile before glancing up to see Kon-Mai. She ran to them, throwing her arms around Dhar-Mon first, then reaching over and pulling Gur-Rai into the hug.

“You are both alright…?” She asked.

“We are both alright.” Dhar-Mon pulled away. “It would not be so, if not for our brother.”

Kon-Mai looked to Gur-Rai, who avoided her gaze.

“I was certain I was to die on the field of battle. It was Gur-Rai’s quick thinking that saved us all.” Dhar-Mon raised a brow. “I do not think there is reason to doubt him, Sister.”

She looked between the two. “Whatever do you mean?”

“I protected him with everything I had in me.” Gur-Rai shrugged and crossed his arms.

“I am happy to hear that.” She looked at him suspiciously.

“Kon-Mai, you believe our little brother holds love for me in his heart, don’t you?”

Kon-Mai looked like she was about to make a joke, but the pained expression on Gur-Rai’s face stopped her. “Of course I do. It was he who has been helping you learn to walk, who held me as I sobbed for you, I know he would give his life for you or me alike. I just…” She raised a brow. “What is the meaning of all this, Gur-Rai?”

“...I heard you saying I couldn’t protect Dhar-Mon.” Gur-Rai mumbled. “That you didn’t trust me....”

Her face grew to a mix of horror and sympathy, and she grabbed her brother and pulled him into a hug.

“I know I’m an asshole.” Gur-Rai said, pressing his face into her shoulder. “But family’s family. You two are all I have left…”

“I know.” She rubbed his back. “And I was mistaken, Gur-Rai, I should not have doubted you, whether in your ability or your intention.” She pulled away and looked him in the eye. “I hope you can forgive this trespass.”

“Hey, buy me a drink this Saturday, and let’s pretend it never happened.” He chuckled. “Now, as much as I enjoy these little affection sessions, my foot is starting to go numb, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go pay the Good Doctor a visit.”

Kon-Mai gasped. “You should not be walking on that injury!”

“I offered to carry him.” Dhar-Mon shrugged. “He said he wanted to walk.”

“It’s down the hall.” He winked at Kon-Mai. “I will be fine.”

She rolled her eyes. “Go on then.” She patted him on the back as he left, and looked back at Dhar-Mon. “...What is that?”

“What is…?”

She pointed to Yseult. “That.”

He lifted it so she could see. “I do not know. It is a war hammer of some sort. From the energy surrounding it, I feel as though it is yet another relic from our...former masters.”

“Yseult.” She whispered, tracing the runes with her hands. “It sits well in your grasp, Brother.”

“Indeed…” He shifted it in his hands, feeling how the weight rocked back and forth. “It was quite the lucky find…”

.

.

.

.

.

(It’s technically Friday! Which is when I said this would be out!

Sorry for the lateness, it was really the first half of this chapter I wanted to rework, then  I discovered it didn’t need as much work as I thought.

Here, we see Dhar-Mon finish his transformation, gaining a new weapon and a new name! The Hieromonk! I think it suits him well~)

Archive: https://chosenstories.tumblr.com/

[eldunea]

all things considered, wilhelmine von hohenzollern was definitely stronger than lotor. but lotor was smarter by leaps and bounds, and that made all the difference.

looking at wilhelmine’s full potential, it’s easy to see in what aspects she has the upper hand. she is a vessel of arceus that assimilated with a deity who in ragnamax form can destroy the entire world and kill almost every single legendary in existence. she has over 70 years’ worth of battling experience, with her entire team having anywhere in the neighborhood of 40 - 60 years’ worth. all of them were altered to have 31 IVs, beneficial natures, and 252+ EVs in more than two stats--some of them with all stats maxed out, which lotor is too young to have achieved. really, it’s to the point that some aspects of lotor’s win against her are necessarily put down to luck and circumstance.

he was lucky that she assimilated the zygarde cores too quickly and couldn’t fully control her powers, otherwise she would have gardemaxed her entire team all at once and slaughtered him on the first day. he was also lucky that he had been working against her for many years, and by now had gained some knowledge on her team; had he been anyone else who challenged her blind, she would have slaughtered him too. and lastly, he was lucky that he managed to kill all of her pokémon before the final day when she ragnamaxed, because if even one of her pokémon were around to gardemax at that time, good fucking game and good bye.

the main factor in lotor’s win against her is that when it came to brains, she was simply outclassed. she has many decades’ worth of brute force backed up by enough competence in battle to at least make lotor think a little. but the truth is, in terms of strategy and playing the long game, she’s really not the brightest bulb in the box and in every aspect of her life and leadership, it shows. 

she thought the preuzien league’s current system was sustainable, and the best way to build an army. never mind that it gave prussia a disastrous age dependency ratio. never mind the fact that when you’re trying to build an army you should make your soldiers focus on fighting for a common cause, not on tearing each other apart to prove who’s the strongest. she was also stupid and shortsighted enough to assimilate four zygarde cores in too short a time, which means that she had more power than she could reasonably control and so she was never able to harness it to its full potential. literally, when she finally got what she wanted and was able to start the end of the world, the first people she tried to kill were HER OWN SUPPORTERS. why? not because maybe it was a practical villain move to get rid of those who might put their own god complexes above their loyalty, but rather because she couldn’t stand the thought of any human trying to be better than her. lastly, speaking of taking on too much power…it was what eventually killed her. she wholeass died from having all five zygarde cores inside her because she took them on before she was ready, arrogantly thinking that she could handle it. if she had had the patience to wait another century or two, gradually increasing her own capability to handle more and more cores, she actually might have won. but her greed and need for instant gratification won out, and so she met her demise.

so yeah. on the surface it seems like she would be guaranteed the win against lotor…in the end, though, lotor’s victory over her is not surprising in the LEAST.

[delicioustrashlove]

who am i

since birth.. lets go all the way back . ive been the shock the unplanned the unexpected, yet ive also been the blessing, the miracle , the " im going to a mother to a 19 year old girl"

ive been the brat the cry baby and the hard to control. terrible twos had nothing on me im assuming . but all so misunderstood as the physiological mental damage was over looked . acting out was only a cry for help.

ive been brave and courageous and i spoke my mind always, with harsh truths and words that cut . ( what most adults in my life would call bratty and a smart ass mouth attitude, my dad after a few beers liked to refer to me as a fucking bitch with a side of breaking my toys and reminding me how much i looked like my mother who he then screamed out how big of a whore she was... just to hurt my feelings, i think .

ive been the star, the one that shines bright in every room i enter ,every ground my feet have ever touched . the one they remind my mother to watch out for . wild one , is the term . my emotions where never something that was talked about or adressed . so i poured my soul and ocean of tears and feelings into performance . everything i did was always deeper and raw . to much for child to know.

ive been the adult when it shouldn't have been my time , the protector , the fighter , when i was too young to know the pain of battle .

hiding behind a bathroom door baracaded so the monster out side couldnt get me . (my father as my mom would work nights) being the only soldier my baby brother had. as id hide things under the bathroom sink through out the day while my father was still sober , only knowing from pattern that when the night falls he will turn into the devil. that door ..... that lousy wooden bathroom door doesnt do me justice. it was god who kept him out.

ive been the disrespect the problem and the black sheep.. born with so much wisdom and strength for my own good . i was fearless , until the sun set . then id shake and scream in my sleep . in the nights of unconsciousness id wonder to the streets under the moon light. as if my own self conscious begged for a way out of this place. but i was never granted that peace ....

there was to much for me to do here in this life. too much lives to save, souls to impact , and places to leave my mark. god sends his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers . and my purpose was meant for far greater then living and dying . a soul beyond the times where the clock is just an object and the only thing you need to feed is your mind .

ive been the taken... taken to soon. ive the the one who was robbed of her innocence. the voice the strength and the power i had once , no longer lived in me . the fire was put out . forcefully . ive been the exposed , too soon . to the evil in a mans eyes words and unwelcome hand. only to learn the night was a permanent stable to hide and cry. screaming into my pillow , not knowing how to handle or process. most sexual damage done to me was done by men in my family . men who where supposed to help raise and shape me . deep dark secrets ive never put down on paper . first time for everything i guess. i was so conditioned to being strong and i realized at a young age that im alone here in this world . but i have more to fight for. so i buried it . only to cry my self to sleep every single night .

ive been violated. and no one helped me not even my own self. a child so young so pure. meets a new person called manipulation . and how that is so powerful to keep your mouth shut your legs spread and your eyes closed , because this will be over before you know it. and i couldn't bare to watch .

which brings me to my next chapter . ...

ive been the runaway , the troubled the lost. almost fallowing the darkness of the one that hurt me the most growing up. drowning my pain in smiles laughs and drinks , people , places , ignoring reality . i was always the life of the party such a bright soul . i strayed away from my family out of anger to try so hard to get that girl back in every party i was to young to be at and every underage drink i ever had. i had learned and mastered the art of lying . i had hid so much of how much i was suffering for so long that i started to transform my self into what ever i needed to be to survive . to have that control. it didn't matter though . that was taken from me . but i knew no other way . 14 years old i "lost my virginity " and i say that cus i had control of that time . not the times when i was a child . i wanted to have that say . that choice. i never even wanted to do it. i got flashbacks the entire time . i cried i screamed and i shook. i dont know really what i was doing . why i did it . i didnt want a man to do that to me. by saying some how i fooled my self into thinking i was in charge. it didnt work though. i ended adopting a slut like lifestyle . submitting and catering to guys, only to self harm and cry behind closed doors.

ive had a breaking point . 15. i was 15 years old. a freshman in high school... he was 30 . he was family . and he took that last part of me i had left at that time.

ive been the whore the slut the drunk girl the problem child the run a way and the mentally unstable . i started to ditch class, go to college parties , and drink like i a 58 year old widow . i wasn't supposed to be that.

then i became 16.

then i went to a party i should not have been at.

then i met a girl .

then i fell in love.

as a child i always kissed my girlfriends , we always touched each-other and slept naked. i dont want to talk to much more about that . due to its not your fucking buisness. but fun fact my first lesbian experience was in a closet . haha. believe it or not.

not the point .

im meet this girl i tell her im 18 , i was 16 she was 19. we spent the whole night at the party together.

when i saw her.... it was dark with a blue fade in the room and there was flashing strobe lights. she was gorgeous.

went up to her and introduced my self . i remember being in the kitchen at this house party , not hearing the music not seeing the other people but her and her only .

she picked me up and sat me on the counter top and grabbed my by my hair and pulled me close with the other hand and kissed me . and i felt alive again . we spent the whole night together . laughing talking kissing touching.

the next day she came over for a sleepover.

now im going to tell you the part my mother and family thought of me as. they put me in this catagory . not me . so acording to my family heres the next chapter ....

ive been the disgust . the sick one the confused and the one my family calls " we have to pray for her "

i never felt more love or content or attraction and happiness , then being with a girl. i couldnt hide it anymore , why was i so scared i thought to my self for so long . ????

i was brave yet again though .

16 year old me came out to my family.

i wrote a letter to my mother . i sat her down in the living room i expressed my desire for women . she cried. she didn't understand. i could see and feel the disappointment . broke my heart .

ive been the abandoned . my family couldn't except . it had some damage mentally because i kept my moments after that private. i was afraid and i was almost ashamed . but i was really just mad . i hid my self . how unfair to of you as a parent to not except your child . to force them in to hiding . you should be ashamed, your one job is to protect your children so why again abandon me ?

i since then never expressed my attraction for women again to my family . they refered to my lesbian self as a faze . oh how i was so lost and confused. i heard rumors of how " daddy issues" she must have been raped " she needs god " thats what happens to city girls " or very harsh words of pretty much im gross . alot of people left me . alot .

i at one point got so fed up and ran away with a girl.

i turned 18,.....

2 months later i was driving to north carolina.

to be with the girl i fell in love with when i was 16. long story short it didn't work out but i salute my self for being bold and brave. so its important to include in my story .

ive been a women who back tracked . i have been a women influenced based out of fear.

i fell back into old patters when i moved home again, and then that was the start of my marathon . i ran and ran and ran. i didn't know my self and i didn't want to . she was broken and hurt and fucked up. so i tried to be everything but her.

i've been mistaken . i abandoned my self . i gave up really .

i spent my days unhealed searching for the next exciting thing . anything that could light my soul on fire again.

a new job a new project a new person ....

really anything.

i have you know , i accomplished it all though. every project every job and every person. i can do anything .

its like theres internal force in side me , i cant quite unlock it yet but its there. i felt it then and i feel it now every single second

ive been confused . ive been running . what does one do after its all calmed down and the parties over. what does one do when youve done it all? all im left with now is the healing process . the one i ignored my entire existence .

ive been 25... then i was 26....

i am 26 . and i ask my self who am i ?

i cant answer that with out finally being honest about who i have been . so this is a tell all i guess. a tell all to my self.

shall i regret ? no. shall i hate? no shall i hide? never .

so heres me .

raw uncut and real.

im attracted to women im a lesbian . .

i was born a human raised catholic , but i also believe in the energies and signs of the universe. i believe in souls and how they maneuver from world to universe to place to heart to mind to feeling .

i believe in god and respect that but i also believe in beyond

i don't like to to think how people will react to me or the ones that will leave me behind for being someone other then what they want me to be. ...... but im at peace with my self .

those who matter don't mind and those who mind DONT MATTER.

i wanna live my life being me , being loved and accepted for who i am . not for what i need to be to fit into everyones world.

ive made mistakes clearly but it doesnt make me a bad girl . it makes me experienced . it may roughen up my edges a little but don' worry it builds character .

its quite scary being your self ...

but its the most freeing thing you'll ever feel in your life.

i almost wrote an apology to everyone who cant except me as if i owe you all that.

but i dont... i dont need to say sorry for being me .

so i ask my self who are you brianna ?...

the answer is me. i am me .

and im unapologetically my self .

im strong .

theres alot of things to my story i didnt include . i wasn't ready to. thats okay those are my boundaries . i share what i want. im in charge of me!

the only thing and person i would ever want to apologize for is being a pain in the ass to is my mother.

im sorry . theres things you can except or love about me. im sorry iv been messy im sorry you've had to get your hadns dirty to many times for me. i know you wish i was like you , and some days i wish i was to . but my purpose is bigger. you gave birth to a very unique remarkable girl. i just want to say thank you., im not easy never have been but thank you for saving me everyday . you and i are not close we dont talk about personal stuff or share our hearts pain but i love you and i know you love me . and i salute you for everything youve been and everything you are. it my heart of hearts i hope one day you can accept me for me. i shouldn't have to hide from you.

if random strangers can take me in for my sexual orientation then i really hope you can to.. i respect you though. no matter what . and i except you no matter what.

you know whats incredible? love is so beyond a human beings understanding.. so so so beyond.

take your thoughts .. put it in a diary.. then make it public .

free your self .

i love you all

[donaldgloversnephew]

Diary Entry No. 14

Greenlights

Mathew McConaughey wrote his book on the signs life gives you and how they can dictate the speed in which you go but also stop you dead in your tracks and cause you to readjust or slow down. Life can be very hard, but once you bust through that tough exterior of hard times, doubt, regret, absolutely nots, and crippling despair…you get to taste the sweetest milk ever made. My entire mental make up has been focused around ignoring the “No’s” in life and focusing on the “could be’s” now i think that makes me a bit naive at times and a little more finesse than force which does end up rubbing people the wrong way, but i can honestly say its made my life a happy one.

When I was a kid I prayed to God that I would never see hard times, that I would never have to battle the devil. Didn’t consider myself one of “God’s strongest soldiers”, as my grandmother referred to them, and to his credit I’d never seen a dreary day…that I can recall. Now let me tell you something about me and my life. I grew up with no mother and father, both were imprisoned when i was a baby. I bounced from place to place every weekend every season every year. Ive been to 5 different elementary schools. 1 middle school and 3 different high schools. I was molested and beaten. ALOT! I was a handful (my aunt nicknamed me Mr. Myers). Honestly I don’t remember any of that. You know what I remember? Church with my Grandmother on Sunday’s; video games with my cousins; hide and seek; the playground at my aunt joanne’s house; selling rollie pollies to neighbors: the thrill lady; county fairs; summer waves; skating rinks at the star castle and super goose; buster the dog i had at aunt janie’s house; alot of love and a bunch of adventure. It took me growing up to see the bad parts of growing up. I thought God sheltered me, and he did just in a different way. Just goes to show you you’re actually stronger than you give yourself credit for…greenlight

[thisxisxali]

Rowaelin: Locked in the Dark Part V

The last installation- hope you loved it!!! <3 Ali

Part I: 

https://thisxisxali.tumblr.com/post/164045234020/rowaelin-locked-in-the-dark-part-i-tomb-of

Part II:

https://thisxisxali.tumblr.com/post/164268369935/rowaelin-locked-in-the-dark-part-ii

Part III:

https://thisxisxali.tumblr.com/post/164530202220/rowaelin-locked-in-the-dark-part-iii?is_related_post=1

Part IV:

https://thisxisxali.tumblr.com/post/164875304560/rowaelin-locked-in-the-dark-part-iv

HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS LAST PART <3

******

When she next woke, it was to see Rowan packing up the tent. He smiled in her direction when he saw her eyes were open. “You slept for nearly an entire day, Fireheart. We were waiting for you to wake up so we could get back.”

Aelin tried to sit up, but Rowan was there in only a second, holding her arms and carefully picking her up above her bandages. “Easy there. You’re not healed yet.”

“Rowan, put me down. I can walk.”

“No.”

“Don’t be a stubborn—“

“Territorial fae bastard, I know. It can’t be helped. You’re going to have to deal with it.”

She only glared, knowing there was no way to talk him out of it. She sighed and tried one more time, against all hope. “Rowan, there are soldiers out there and I don't want them to see me like this.”

“I don't care. They've seen me carry you in from Maeve’s so it doesn't even matter. Stop fighting it, Aelin.”

Rowan walked out their tent, arms full of Aelin. He nodded at one of the men that had already finished packing, Gavriel. With a look of understanding in his eyes, Gvariel went to quickly pull together the tent Rowan had left mostly unpacked.

Once everything had been stowed away, everyone mounted their horses. Rowan had chosen the strongest mare of the lot, for it would have to carry double; he wasn't letting Aelin out of his sight. Not that Aelin was much added weight with the aftereffects of her confinement.

He sat Aelin down first before pulling himself up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist with careful precision.

Then, they were off.

***

While Aelin had started the ride completely coherent and invigorated at the prospect of seeing their friends again, the repeated movements of the horse and Rowan’s body heat against her back combined to pull her into a restful doze.

“Wake me up?” Aelin rested her head against Rowan’s chest and looked up at his face. How she had missed that glorious face. He leaned down to press his lips against her forehead in answer, his arm tightening around her waist in reassurance.

With a smile on her lips and peace written on her face, Aelin Galathynius fell asleep in the arms of her King.

***

“Aelin.” She groaned. “Fireheart, wake up. We’re here.”

She shook herself awake and a grin slowly crept onto her face at the sight of their ship. Aedion and Lysandra, looking like her usual self, were running for them with eager smiles.

“Aelin!” She didn't even have a chance to properly dismount from the horse before Aedion was pulling her into his arms. He was pressing into her wounds, but she didn't care. Oh gods. She never thought shed see them again and the sight of their delighted faces made her tear up.

When she was passed from her cousin to Lysandra, Aelin’s face was wet with tears. As soon as Lysandra disengaged from her, Aedion had begun his tirade.

“What were you thinking? Did you really believe we would leave you? Why would—“ Aelin had tackled him.

“I’ve already heard it from Rowan. And as you may recall, I didn't exactly have a choice in my capture, but I’m sorry. I should've known better.”

Satisfied with her answer Aedion squeezed her closer. Aelin winced at the pressure against her back. Earlier, when the adrenaline had been pumping through her veins, she hadn't felt the sting. But now the pain was a steady hammer against her ripped back.

Aedion pulled away and held her at her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

When she didn't answer Aedion opened his mouth to ask again, but Aelin beat him to it. “M-my back.” Aedion waited for further explanation. “S-she whipped me.”

At those words, Aedion and Lysandra stiffened with rage. Only then did Aedion feel the bandages wrapping around her torso under the fabric of her shirt.

Lysandra interjected, “Let’s get you to your room.”

Without missing a beat, Aedion picked her up above and under the bandages and Aelin groaned and slapped at his chest.

“What is it with you fae males and not letting me walk?”

By this time, Rowan had come back after taking the horse to the stables. “Not that you don't enjoy it,” he remarked. Aedion smirked.

Her cousin set her on the bed before all three of them sat on the edges and peered at her in concern.

Lysandra was the first to reach out. She grabbed Aelin’s hand. “Look. I know you've been through a lot and this experience with Maeve…” she trailed off. “Just- you can talk to us you know. We’re here for you. So if there is anything you need, please please let me- let us- know.”

“Aelin, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doubting you. When Galan and Ilias arrived, I… I’m so sorry.”

From her position on the bed, Aelin smiled and just like that, he was forgiven.

“I’m hungry. Is there any—“ Before she even finished the sentence, Lysandra and Aedion had scrambled up and hurried in the direction of the kitchens. “I shouldn't have done that. They're going to bring enough food for an army.”

Rowan chuckled and shifted closer to her on the bed. He slowly pulled her into a sitting position-so she could eat- and took his place behind her. With his nose buried in her neck, as if he was breathing her scent, Rowan murmured, “I love you.”

Aelin twisted to kiss his cheek. “I love you too buzzard.”

In a few minutes, Aedion and Lysandra came back, arms piled high with food. Aelin groaned, “Please say that’s not all for me. I’m not that hungry.”

“Where are your manners Aelin?” Aedion joked. “We’re all eating here.”

As the four of them ate, they discussed what had happened while Aelin had been gone and the plans to come. When the sky began to lighten, Lysandra and Aedion left the room. They had talked all through the night and only now were they going to sleep. Thankfully, Lysandra had managed to clear the day of any meetings when the news of the horses being spotted had reached her.

Aelin was already half asleep when Rowan moved to lay her down on her stomach and proceeded to lay next to her, keeping contact with her. He needed to reassure himself that she was fine. She was here. Rowan had finally completed his mission. With that thought in mind, he fell asleep as the the sun rose.

***

She was standing, chained in iron once again. She was back on the platform in Doranelle. But this time, Rowan stood before her, arms bound above his head and chest bare. Behind him stood Cairn, whip in hand.

“NO!” Aelin lunged toward him, only to remember the chains holding her back. She could only scream his name until he throat was hoarse, as Cairn, grinning, struck the whip against Rowan’s back the way he had struck her only days ago.

Aelin was being shaken. “Aelin! Aelin! Get up! It’s only a dream!” Her eyes snapped open to find green ones only inches away.

His name, “Rowan,” only a breath from her lips as sobs wracked her small frame. He pulls her close and Aelin buries her head into his chest.

**

Rowan gets up, deciding he needs water and it can’t wait until later. The sunlight streaming through the window is a reminder of the time of day. He hurries to the kitchens to grab a pitcher and a glass before hurrying back to their room.

When he gets back, he hears Aelin nearly screaming his name. Among the shouts were the words no and stop and sobs as her face was stroked with tears. Aelin was surging around the bed. Searching the other side of the bed side for him.  

He rushes to the bed, leaving the pitcher and glass forgotten at the door. “Aelin!” He shakes her, hoping it will pull her out of whatever hellish nightmare she’s experiencing. “Aelin! Get up! It’s only a dream!”

Her eyes snap open, staring into his as if she’s still dreaming.

Rowan hears her whisper his name, it’s just a whisper of breath as if she’s afraid he’ll leave. Sobs break out and her whole body shakes with the force of them. Rowan reaches out and pulls her against his body, wrapping his arms around her small, shaking frame.

“Fireheart,” he murmurs. “I’m here. It was only a dream. I’m here. I’m here.” He continues to repeat his mantra while stroking her once brilliant golden hair, now dull with weeks without care.  Soon she calms, breaths slowing down to an even rhythm of sleep.

Long after Aelin falls asleep, Rowan remains holding her, unable to let her go for fear that she would descend again into the depths of her nightmares where he wouldn't be able to reach. Instead, he rocked back and forth clutching her tightly, but carefully, closer until she awoke.  

“Good morning,” she yawned, face still pressed into his neck. “Did you even sleep?” He didn't answer, just pulling her tighter to his body.

This. This was all she needed. And if she got to wake up with Rowan for the rest of her life, she would call it a blessing. She knew there was more to their journey. She still had to defeat the Valg and take back her throne, their throne, but for now, this would be enough.

**************************

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