#god i hope social media doesn't reflect reality

[so-i-grudgingly-joined-this-site]

Once again I wish I could find the "beware of fandom becoming cult-like or rebranded conservative religion" post because I would add onto it "beware of fascist ideology hidden in #progressive phrasing". Like, I've seen concerning things like blood and soil (Nazi ideology about ethnic purity and an idealized rural lifestyle) hidden in a very thin veneer of queer cottagecore or similar, and tumblr just lapping it up. Likewise, concern over cultural appropriation leading to suggestions of de facto segregation. Like, think beyond the phrasing, PLEASE. "You are not immune to propaganda" is more than just a meme!

[pawberri]

The key problem with "proship vs anti" discourse is that the most extreme versions of each side, the ones who actually bother to identify with these labels, accepted each others worst takes as arguments they had to debate. "Fiction =/= reality" is, in practice, an absurdly reductionist, anti-intellectual, thought-terminating-cliche that dictates we can learn nothing about a person via art and that their fiction reflects no political or moral messaging worthy of critique. In response to this, the "puriteens" who are too young to possibly hope to articulate their discomfort, to untangle their position from what is often real trauma experienced online, simply argue "yes, fiction influences and reflects reality in a 1 to 1 capacity." They, and people who want to use the groundwork they laid to make bad-faith callouts, make bad arguments about how the action of engaging in problematic fiction is on equal ground to real life abuse, or is a clear indicator of interest in real life abuse. Both of these arguments are terrible, but each side seems to radicalize the other further and further into their own brands of anti-intellectual reactionary belief. "Proshippers" become libertarian absolutists about free speech and view all transgression as righteous and alternative and therefore leftist. They gain a reactionary nostalgia for the past, desiring a time when people didn't seem to care about the implications of art. "Antis" become authoritarian and hypervigilant for signs of moral decay, at their worst, willing to align themselves with government bodies that offer carceral solutions to the debate. They are willing to use harassment as a tool of punishment, which then leads to false accusations and a fear of openness that puts people at risk of being triggered via obfuscation. (That said, proshippers also take part in plenty of harassment.)

I will say that I believe both of these movements are equally sensitive to co-opting by right-wing forces. We see the authoritarian tendencies of anti culture in harassment campaigns and even the way Republican law makers co-opt "grooming." The proship/fic crowd has such extreme nostalgia for the past that I often see people align themselves with the cultures of 4chan or other happily right-wing websites. They so heavily reject the idea that a drawn sexual depiction of a child could reflect any desire that they are disinterested in analyzing what the motivation behind the depiction is. i.e If we track the history of lolicon in Japan we do find that is, yes, countercultural, but that counter culture is right wing, very misogynistic, and defensive of patriarchial Japanese culture as it is and was including its culture around rape and abuse. Plenty of fictional content works as radicalization material, and radicalization material needs to be ambiguous. There is a valid reason to be hesitant to trust people who consume this content, even if I do not believe most of them will ever be dangerous towards children. The mere presence of sexuality is not enough to make a movement left wing. This kind of thing can again be seen in right-wing libertarian movements in the US. (And even leftist movements can be bigoted and even "pro-pedophilia" or otherwise disinterested in social reform around abuse.)

Is all content with elements of age-play this way? No. But to me, that is why kink media deserves to be treated as art and analyzed, critiqued, treated seriously. It doesn't have to do anything to anyone to be worthy of a moral critique. Said moral critique just doesn't warrant harassment and cruelty and reactionary exaggerations of the person consuming said content.

Anyway, what's my point in saying all this? I don't know. I'm just begging you to tag your God damn content with specific tags instead of random and nebulous shit like "dead dove" or "dark content", and also begging you to stop harassing people who do tag their content so I don't have to guess what "dead dove" and "dark content" mean. No one will erase incest kink fics or people who feel sickened by the idea of them off this earth because we aren't god, but we could at least all be responsible about tagging, flagging, and age-gating our stuff.

[lovers-rck]

hazel has a massive crush on the reader but doesn't think she's gay and reader has a massive crush on hazel but doesn't think she notices her

thank you for the request! i hope you like it <33

☆

That's it.

When the tap water hit Hazel's face, she knew what she had to do.

The night before she had read an article online about how to get over someone you had to ignore them for three months. Or something like that. The point was, she just needed just three months free of you to finally end this agony called love and be free.

It couldn't be that hard.

Yes, that's what Hazel was going to do. She couldn't go on suffering in silence, pretending to want to fight you at the club just to enjoy the (violent) rubbing of your body against hers. No. Of course not.

Her case was so severe that she had flunked the literature exam for staring at you during the long classes of 10 minutes - literature was her favorite class!

So yes, Hazel knew what she had to do, and the moment she walked through the school bathroom door she knew she made a decision she couldn't regret.

"Hi!"

God. It was you.

"I gotta go" Hazel said, running from your grasp.

"Wait!" the rubber of your sneakers squeaked against the corridor tiles as you tried to keep up with Hazel's hurried pace "We need to study for the class of Mr G"

The class of Mr G. Right.

Last week there had been the class to determine the pairs for the final project in Mr G's class, "Why should be more male presidents than female?", and you and Hazel had come out together. At the time Hazel had thought it was a sign of destiny, now she wanted to die.

"Uhh..." Hazel's legs were moving with great speed, at a pace you had trouble following "Im gonna quit school"

Your body slammed on the brakes "What!?"

Finally, Hazel stopped her walk and turned to look at you. The corridor was empty and silent, the only sound that could be heard was both of you gasping for breath.

"Yeah" Hazel said, looking at anything but you "Sorry".

Ever since she had met you, Hazel knew how you were going to be her downfall. Entire nights had been spent thinking about you, imagining scenarios where the two of you would magically fall in love and spend the rest of your lives together. Then Hazel would wake up, ready to face her harsh reality where you were not a part of it.

You clearly didn't like girls. Hazel knew this and as much as she would have enjoyed knowing that that wasn't true, the reality was that she was never going to be reciprocated by you. According to her intense pursuit (stalking your social media) your previous partners had all been guys, good looking guys and jocks and funny and with bright futures. Everything Hazel was not.

Liking you had become an act of torture that she willingly subjected herself to every day.

"You are not going to quit school hazel" you shook your head quickly "Let's go".

You offered her your hand, and for a second Hazel was about to take it and abandon her whole master plan.

But no.

"Im sorry" she said "I gotta go"

With a quick movement, your hand made contact with Hazel's arm, stopping her. Your touch felt warm against her cold skin, a contrast that made perfect sense.

You dragged Hazel into an empty room and pushed her body in roughly, then closed the door.

"Ouch" she said "The fight club is tomorrow"

"Im sorry" you said, locking the door.

"What are you doing!?" Hazel exclaimed, her body expression showing surprise "I told you i gotta go"

"We need to talk"

The empty room turned out to be the school chemistry lab. Large jars of liquids and colors adorned the shelves, the sunlight streaming behind them causing a reflection to rest on the faces of both of them.

"We have nothing to ta..." Hazel said, still avoiding your gaze.

"Did i do something wrong?" you said abruptly, and Hazel's eyes finally met yours.

She could easily detect the pain that your eyes transmitted, making her feel like the worst person in the world "Of course not" she said, "You never do nothing wrong".

"Then why are you acting like this?" you whispered.

Hazel had caught your attention from the minute you two fought in the club. Her punches were timid and light, and even when you almost broke her nose in one round, she still asked you worriedly if you were hurt.

Her nobility and gentleness got you from the first moment. From that day on, Hazel left you wanting more and more of her, you felt like you could hardly get enough of her presence.

But she was Hazel, and she was never going to love you.

"I don't know" she whispered too "I just can't keep like this,"

"Like this?"

"Yes, like this!" her voice rose, becoming slightly higher pitched "i cannot stand to be with you anymore."

The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them. Unconsciously, your hand went to your heart.

"Im sorry?" you said, trying to ignore the sudden stinging in your eyes "You cannot stand be around me anymore? fuck off, Hazel"

Hazel laughed unwillingly, shaking her head "You don't understand".

"Oh, why? " you moved closer to her, feeling the words come out of your mouth fiercely, totally controlled by the pain "You think i'm dumb right now? You cannot be around me anymore because you think i'm too dumb? Is that right?"

Hazel continued to shake her head as her hands rubbed her eyes in frustration.

"What, Hazel?" Their bodies were inches apart, the two of them with two completely different emotions "Oh you are not gonna speak now? C'mon Hazel!"

"Stop"

"Then explain to me what the fuck is happening!?"

"Quit now"

"I do not fucking understand why are you acting like such a bitch Hazel!"

"Because i cannot keep pretending that i'm not in love with you!"

The room was silent. The smell of kerosene danced in the air.

"What?" you murmured

"I'm sorry" she said, playing with her own fingers in an attempt to distract herself "I'm sorry"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" you felt your heart pounding.

"Because we are friends" Hazel murmured in such a sad tone that you just wanted to hug her and never let go "And I'd rather stay friends than lose you".

"Haze..."

"I know nothing will ever happen between us" she said "I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore".

Carried by the impulse, your body eliminated the space between you and Hazel's lips met yours.

Her lips matched yours perfectly, dancing in sync as if they had been waiting for this moment for a long time. Hazel's hands found home on your face, holding you so gently that you thought you might faint from such bliss.

After a few seconds and to the regret of both of you, you had to pull apart for air, your lips suffer instantly from the lack of warmth of the other.

"I want to be more than your friend, Haze" you murmured, and you could see a smile form on his face.

Your body guided you towards Hazel's lips again, following a path that you had never traversed but felt so familiar.  

[xhashaseed]

- Its meaningless to live, so live with meaning ...

[WARNING - PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING -]

Before you continue to read this, please know that I am in a healthy place. It's because I am writing things like I am about to, that I am okay. I understand that this stuff can be disturbing to some people, so let me warn you now, this is a musing on nihilism, existentialism, and absurdism. It is not a cry for help but more of a trumpet of hope and love. Regardless of whether you are sensitive to such subjects, skip this post; I'll be back to my usual fare after this.

[WARNING OVER ---]

Why fucking bother?

What's the point?

I'm going to die.

I will be forgotten.

There are no, will be no, monuments in my name. I'm barely even a speck in the world. I didn't win the genetic lottery, I never got hit with that streak of luck. I will never be a superstar, world leader, famous artist, great warrior, or recognized philosopher. Everyone around me reaps more significant rewards and gains more fame for the same things I am doing, and I fall deeper into obscurity as every year rolls by. I am, by the world's standard, mediocrity incarnate.

I am nothing. But I was nothing to begin with. Before I lived, I was nothing, and to nothingness, I will return. Is that so bad? It's funny, to be honest. If immortality is being remembered after you are gone, this, too, is futile. The people who remember will die. My records will decay. All that finds me in the end is Oblivion itself. I am a scratchmark on a piece of paper drawn by an artist, who grew frustrated with it, crumpled up the paper, and threw it into the waste bin.

Would life be any better if it had an undo/redo button? I argue at the same futility. The outcome doesn't change. Let's say I DID become a superstar and lived a life of money, power, and fame. Let's say I became the most loved person on the planet. Let's say I "won" the game of life. Did I win the game of living?

Did the insect I squished the other day reflect on my cosmic social score? Am I a good person because I said "good morning" the other day to someone who looked depressed? I draw pictures people may find amateurish and weak. I write stories with questionable grammar. I compose music of possible quality. I contribute very little to observable reality. Yet here I sit. Trying to make sense of my loneliness and insignificance.

I can only perceive the world through my own eyes like I'm some sort of trapped god unable to bend reality to my will. I cannot honestly know if this world is real, and I cannot honestly know if the people I talk to indeed exist. I am alone in a sea of billions and billions more after I am gone.

So why do I exist? Why bother with the meaning of a game where there are no winners or losers? Why live a life of bland experience. If I cannot become "great" why not just cease to be?

Tomorrow ...

There is always tomorrow ...

And this isn't just some words of hope to myself. I am curious to see how this goofy little life I was given will officially pan out. In a constellation of stars, remarkable heroes, and villains, why was I chosen to see life through the eyes of "just some person" who means nothing? If forums and other social media are to be believed, there are people out there who seek out these types of games and stories.

"I don't want to be the hero, I just want to be some guy..." I will read it sometimes, and laugh. If I am the "not-hero" in my own story, and I can only read it, feel it, through my own body and eyes, like a very open-ended chose-your-own-adventure story, then why not just keep reading?

I should have died a few times I can count. I should have been in prison for a few others. I should be worse off as often as I should have been better off. Upon this thought, I laugh even harder because I am trying to figure out by which standard I am measuring this? The people who I cannot say if they too exist or not? Myself? Why should I feel discontent when nothing is meaningful to measure my success or failure?

There is always tomorrow. You don't know how this lousy movie might end. It could wrap all of this up with one conclusion. I can only watch it once. I can only celebrate successes and failures once. This is a hardcore, one-life-only, let' s-play, and I am the audience.

As self-absorbed as it sounds, I should only be entertaining myself. I like stories that feel good. I like stories where people laugh and cry, love is pure, and villains can be turned into friends. These are the stories I want, so I will keep living to tell that story until I run out of batteries. I may not be a rock star, but I'm still having fun. Even when I am sad and depressed, it is a sweet feeling. I want to see how my story ends, not because I switched off the power, but because I one hundred percent-ed it and got my special ending.

"Xhasha Seed" - 8/25/2024

[fanficsrusz]

Lure Of The Maw Chapter Two - Henry Cavill Pirate AU

Warnings: Eventual Smut. Kidnapping. Mentions of physical harm. Men being Pervy. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN SOCIAL MEDIA CONSUMPTION. NOT ME. THEREFORE I DO NOT ACCEPT ANY RESPONSIBILITY IF YOU GET TRIGGERED FROM THIS POINT ON. If you read and you feel like I’ve missed a T/W then please let me know nicely and I will adjust ❤️.

Pairing: Y/n x Pirate Henry cavill

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: Y/n’s sheltered life comes crashing down when pirates use her to get what they want.

A/n; I take way to long to update anything but here we are 😂. I still have no idea what I want to happen do enjoy the nonsense until i finally get a proper plot.

Chapter one

Sleep came like the falling of an axe. I knew it must come but I fought it with everything that I had. Those defenceless hours, oblivious to my surroundings, were enough to light up my whole body with fiery sparks that make me want to scream with anger and cry with fear. I am utterly wired until that time when I cannot fight it anymore and the sleep is as instantaneous as it is unwelcome. I have some warning though, when my thoughts become intertwined with random ideas, impossible ideas, I seek my flimsy bed, not what I'm used to, and hope I can get maybe even an hour's sleep before I have to experience the horror show that is reality.

Tucked into the little shelf that night, the sleep pooled on my eyelids, and the wooden ship was filled with the soft sounds of people sleeping. The wind swooped up, over the heights of the sails, rushed and rustled through the creaking beams, and gradually ebbed away through the crags to silence that wasn't filled with the waves crashing against the side of the ship. No longer did the rocking make me feel sick, but instead created a soothing rhythm to which rocked me to sleep.

The previous day had been quiet, nothing to feel the numbing void of darkness that was offered from the bare walls. Those few hours alone was enough to make me crave any type of communication, any voice, any entertainment. But instead I only found comfort in the darkness of my eyelids.

I had no idea how long I had been asleep for until I woke to the sound of breathing that wasn't my own. It was heaving, like a man's and rapid as if he's run into the room. I listen, still, trembling as the memories of where I am rush back. He's moving slowly, his heavy feet creaking floor boards that are silent for me.

"Wake up, Princess" there booms that deep voice that still sends shivers down my spine and despite the heat that floods my body, I remain still in the poorly lit room. I can hear him lean against a beam in the room, his hands tapping gently against metal - probably his sword, or belt buckle. The way he calls me princess is more of a sarcastic humour rather than being respectful and I fight the urge to roll my eyes beneath my closed lids.

I can hear him huffing to himself when I don't respond to him and within seconds he's calling out to me again.

"For God sake, heavy sleeper are we?" I hear his weight shift again and this time the heavy strides of his steps come closer and before I can even register anything, I can feel his hand on my shoulder as he roughly shakes me.

My eyes shoot open as a gasp leaves my lips and he pulls away from me. I sit up straight and throw my legs off of the bed as I jump to my feet, trying to make my body appear as large as possible, as if he was a bear.

"I would prefer it if you didn't lay your dirty hands upon me again, captain!" His title came out as a bitter poison that I hoped would cause him some pain, something I had come to do just as he called me princess. I could have walked away had it not been for the smirk. That little rise in the corner of his mouth he was oblivious to combined with the cool detachment in his eyes that was mixed with a playful gleam of excitement that seemed to spark in his eyes.

I had unintentionally given him inner delight. He was savouring the moment as if it was a sweet nectar.

"Sleep well?"

Maybe it was his stupid face or his stupid tone, or maybe just my lack of control but I once again found my self taking a swing at him with as much ease as the restraints around my wrist would allow. But with a grunt Henry caught my wrist mid air.

That deep, low, chuckle that only he could manage echoed through the cabin again and I felt my teeth dig into my cheeks as he tightened his grip on my wrist.

"Barely even awake and already taking swings at me." his smirk remained unchanged as he stared down at me and with a rapid jerking motion of my arm, I pulled my hand from his grip.

"You're going to have to be faster than that next time"

Henry's stillness scared me. Perhaps it is the faint sunlight making his skin gleam, or the lack of wind letting every hair hang without movement, I'm not sure. He doesn't even blink. Our bodies sway with the movement of the ship, a lazy and understated rocking motion. It's times like this where if this was someone else, I would turn away and try to hide from their gaze, but not with Henry. He had this power over me that even I couldn't explain.

Henry had quite forgotten what one can see in peripheral vision and his eyes are walking from my hair line to my feet and back up again. In short, he is staring and there seems no end to his fascination. The only time his gaze breaks is when I clear my throat in an attempt to calm my thumping heart.

"I guess I will just keep on practicing".

With a swish on my dress, I take my seat again, holding my back straight and folding my arms as best as I could as I turn my gaze to the small window in the room.

I can feel Henry's gaze on me for a moment longer and from my peripheral vision I can see his tongue lick over his bottom lip.

"I have some businesses to talk to you about". The playful tone in his voice had stilled and instead was replaced by a more serious one and I rolled my eyes.

"And what's that? Is my scent to hypnotic for your idiotic crew" sarcasm.

I expected some sort of laugh or sarcastic comeback but instead all i got was a serious response.

"We have received word from your father" just like how Henry had turned serious, I too felt my body stiffen as I snapped my head to look at him, analysing to see if he was telling the truth.

"What?"

"Read for yourself" He produced a single piece of parchment from his pocket, the bright red wax sigil was one I was oh so familiar with.

With a push I was on my feet and with two large strides I found myself inches in front of Henry as I snatched the paper from his hands. My eyes skimmed over the cursive letters, my mind numbing at the words that laid there.

"It seems we have a deal"

Shock brings a quietness within, a moment to feel my emotions change gear and numb my soul for what is to come. My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up.

"Looks like he really does care about you after all" Henry's sarcastic tone returns and for once I don't know what to say.

"No" that's the only word on my mind as I reread the words over and over again. "My father would have never made a deal with people like you!"

"Well whether you believe it or not, Princess, your father has agreed to disburse the taxes back to my people in exchange for your safe return".

My eyes glance up at him through my lashes and I shove the paper back into his hand as I turn my back to him, not quite sure what I was feeling. How could my father bargain with - pirates?

With a sigh Henry continues.

"I'm just waiting for word from a friend in the village to make sure he does what he says and then your father has demanded that I leave you with a fleet of his royal guards, about a four days journey from here" I hear his voice waver a little and all I do is remain silent.

"So that's it then? I can go home in four days"

"As long as your father keeps his end of the deal then you will be sipping tea and eating your fancy pansy food by the end of the week and I will be nothing more than a distant memory"

That's what I was afraid of. Maybe it was seeing the same castle walls for the past countless years or the constant routine of being followed by guards everywhere, but with Henry, I felt a spark of excitement, endless thoughts of what could happen rather than knowing every little detail of what my future holds. And even if Henry didn't say it, I could see the look in his eyes when I disobeyed him or talked back to him. He enjoyed it just as much as I did.

His face remained motionless for a second more before his lips turned up again in what I had come to assume was his factory setting.

"Did you think I was lying? That I wouldn't keep up my end of the deal?" he chuckled lowly as he stepped forward and I felt my feet remain in their spot. "Just because I'm a pirate doesn't doesn't inherently make me a liar"

I could feel his breath on my face, the smell of alcohol strong but not unbearable, instead it was almost intoxicating but for all the wrong reasons.

"I had a mission princess." I watched as his eyes darkened and I felt the way his warm, rough fingers found my skin, wrapping around my neck with ease as he gently squeezed. I could breathe but I was more than aware that he could take that from me at any moment. I didn't move, didn't jump or didn't scream. I only stared at him, watching my reflection in his eyes.

"It wasn't to take you…. To torture you or - have my way with you" I heard the desperation in his voice and I to felt a familiar warmth in my stomach as I tried to control myself.

His eyes remained focused on me, as did mine on him. I swallowed hard and it made me all the more aware of his hand on my throat and the power he held over me.

Just as the warmth became almost unbearable, he pulled his hand away and it left a burning that I know no one could even recreate.

"No. It was to simply get your father's attention" Henry cleared his throat as he turned away from me, trying and failing to hide the fact that he was readjusting himself. "and Now that I have that, you can rest easy. Enjoy your few days at see and then you can be back home"

Seeing the effect I blatantly had on him made my heart twirl and hearing his voice made my stomach flutter. I can't help but feel this way about him.

Pin-drop silence...? How is that remotely possible with my heart somersaulting. His mahogany hair moving through his fingers as he brushed it back in a way I have come to adore and his cerulean eyes locking onto me as he turned back to face me in a trance with such intensity; looking away is unthinkable. His eyes constrict as he winked at me, unaware of the repercussions. The dimples that indent in the corners of his embellished skin is my last coherent thought as I become painfully aware of the silence that wrapped around us.

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as Henry looked in my direction, he grinned and I snapped my head away, knowing that if I continued to stare I would get lost in his big blue eyes. I could feel his eyes still on me, I silently inhaled and exhaled, hoping that his thoughts about me were good.

"I'm hungry" I quickly spurt out, not really knowing what else to say. What else could I say? I want to feel your touch on me again? I don't want to go back home because I can't stop thinking about what could happen between us? You make me feel something I've never felt before? I want to have your cock as deep inside me as humanly possible? This man was turning me into a harlot.

Henry smiled to himself, his eyes dropping as he inhaled deeply.

"Very well, i'll send something in".

With a nod of his head he sent a member of the crew off to fulfill my request. Henry turned around to leave but not before taking one last look up and down my body. He may have thought I didn't see that, but I did.

"Captain?" I called out hastily and he stopped in his tracks and his attention was back on me.

I said nothing and only extended my binded hands in his direction. Henry raised his eyebrows in confusion before finally letting them fall as he realised what I was asking of him.

"What? No!" he huffed out a chuckled and I let my arms drop back to my body

"How does once expect me to eat with these"

"Well you seemed to manage quite fine when trying to attack me earlier. Not to mention how you busted my lip not too long ago as well" Henry crossed his arms and my face remained stoic.

"it's not going to happen, Princess. No offence but I don't fancy waking up with a knife to my throat" I opened my mouth to protest but decided against it seeing as he was half right.

I felt my lip twitch in annoyance as I suddenly accepted the fact that the binds were there to stay for a while longer and I shifted on my feet.

"I don't blame you. I would do the same if I was in the same situation - fight back that is." His eyes softened a little in reassurance and my heart once again flipped. "But nonetheless, the ropes stay tied".

Henry once again turned to leave me but for some reason I just couldn't stop myself. I wanted him to stay with me almost.

"My father really isn't a bad man" I watched as Henry's shoulders stiffened and he sighed heavily.

"How I do wish to live in that fantasy world you get to live in"

He slowly turned again and the soft expression and playful smirk were gone, instead replaced with an angered grimace.

"He is a bad man. He's a murderer and a thief." his eyes remained dark with rage.

"Let's just say I wouldn't lose a night's sleep if I got the chance to kill him myself, I can tell you that" his rage subsided a little as he noticed my wide eyes and his chuckle once again filled the room.

"Don't worry, princess. Your daddy's going to be just fine unless he goes back on his word. if he takes you and then goes back on his promise, he's going to lose more than just you. He'll lose his limbs, his eyes, he's tongue and just about everything else".

I remained silent through his little threat. Henry huffed a little, running his hand over his beard.

"I'm not a monster, princess. I may be a brood and violent at times. But I have my reasons for the way I am. Can you say the same for your father?" His voice became softer and calmer than I had heard before. I couldn't tell who was lying. Him. Or me. The one person who kept saying my father wasn't a monster.

I saw those gravity-drawn shoulders painting a picture of Henry's heart, as if neither it nor his soul would welcome a beat. I see in his eyes that his brain had built some new walls with him so lonely on the other side. I too knew that same feeling as I felt the tears burn the edges of eyes.

My eyes fell to the floor and I watched as he stepped closer to me, his hand coming to tap my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

His eyes were so different in that moment, more soft than I knew eyes could be. The dangerous pirate who could kill me at any second was gone and instead they were the eyes of one who cared deeply. If it were anyone else I would drop my gaze, but with him, I'm drawn in closer, always wanting more. In his eyes is humanity, the person he really is and not what the world saw him as.

"The world is a cruel place and the truth is cold, y/n" he spoke my name with such delicacy and it made me feel warm inside. Never before did my name sound so beautiful.

"you've had the luxury of hiding from it, but I haven't. You could judge me for the way I turned out and I can sure as hell judge you too. Safe, naive, sheltered, believing that everything is good and all is right. All the while my people are being beaten, hung, dragged behind on horses as they scream for their lives - " his voice grew in volume and the rage he felt was understandable and I felt sorry for him. " - and for what? For not being able to pay some ridiculous tax?"

Henry's breathing became heavy, rugged and uneven and my heart ached to hug him, to apologise for everything.

"All I can say is ask him yourself when you get back. See if his eyes speak true to his innocence." Behind that icy stare was a mountain of pain, yet extracting it would bring pain and instability.

We stood in silence, the only thing keeping me from crying was the fact that my teeth dug into my cheeks, a trick I was taught by a maid to control my emotions years ago.

Neither of us moved until a knock filled the silence and we both shifted away from each other. I wiped my eyes of their vacant tears and Henry cleared his throat. I turned my head away from the man who entered the room with a tray of food, and I listened closely as I heard two sets of footsteps leave the room without another word.

~~

My thoughts were blank. What a strange occurrence. Normally my thoughts were twisting and turning; suffocating me with their whispers. But now, nothing. What did I know? I knew nothing. I lived a lie and now I didn't know what to do.

I chewed my nail impatiently, my foot bouncing against the wood below them and I needed answers of the truth.

"Princess!" that deep voice called out to me from down the hall outside my room and I jumped to my feet, straightening out my dress a little in the process.

The second I saw his head of hair peer round the door, I allowed my face to hold its stoic position as I waited to see what he wanted.

"Good evening. How was your dinner?" His eyes fell to the empty plate that once held an array of foods from chicken to nuts and dates, not what I had expected from a pirate ship. In all honesty they could have given me a stale piece of bread and I would have consumed every crumb within seconds.

"It was satisfactory" I held my head high as he picked up the plate and handed it to someone else.

"Oh my sincere apologies on behalf of the ship's cook for disappointing your majesty" he gave a small bow and it stunned me how his cocky nature had quickly returned and I was still caught up in my emotions.

"Are you mocking me, Captain?" His eyes squinted slightly as he drew out a long hum before nodding profusely.

"hmmm, yes" he laughed loudly and I rolled my eyes.

"Well if that is all you intend to do I request to be alone"

"That's not all I came down here for".

He peeked my interest and I peered at him intently.

"No, I came to check in on you. Give you a little bit of company" Henry looked around the room as if he had never seen it before himself as he took a seat on a chair that sat in the corner, the wood creaking under his weight.

"it does get awfully lonely down here and something tells me you aren't one to go without attention"

I stared him down and blew a strand of hair from my face.

"Don't take me for a fool, captain" my voice was strong and unfaltering and Henry held his hands up defensively.

"Caught me in a lie you did" he chuckled again before sitting back comfortably. His eyes stared at my body again before landing on my face that I was sure had a tint of red.

"Alright, I confess - You fascinate me"

Words left me as my mind went blank.

"w-what?" the only word that seemed I was able to speak.

"Well I just can't stay away. I'm actually going to miss having you aboard. You've got a fire inside you that no one seems to dampen. Never before have I had someone speak to me the way you do. I thought about the day someone finally did and I imagined what they would look like. But a princess never seemed to fit that description. You're definitely more than I bargained for".

I felt almost embarrassed as he stared at me, the warmth in my stomach almost matching the warmth that radiated from my chest.

"Not once have you wailed or cried in self pity. You haven't begged for your life or your father's" he shook his head as he seemed to remember something, an inside joke maybe. Henry wagged his finger at me and chuckled.

"But you. You take swings at me, spit in my face and you fight back".

I felt a small smile pull at my lips as pride filled me.

"So?"

"so, if I stay here for a little while will I get hurt again?"

The smile on my face grew a little at the admittance that I had managed to hurt him.

"No" I simply said, taking a seat on my bed.

"tell me. Will you be happy to return?" The smile I had faded just as quick as it had appeared and even I didn't know the answer to that but thankfully Henry was too eager with his questions to allow me to linger on that one.

"What's it even like there? To live in luxury? I reckon my imagination doesn't do it justice"

I felt a sarcastic remark bite at my tongue and I couldn't control it.

"It's more than an animal like you deserves" I glanced at him briefly with a glint of resistance before turning my gaze back to the wall.

"Oh I see. You know it's funny, princess" Henry stood from his seat and slowly marched to stand in front of me, hands behind his back as his eyes remained on me. "Your lips insult me… But your eyes twinkle as they do"

I swallowed the lump in my front as I crossed my legs and straightened my posture.

"I have no idea what you are talking about"

Henry chuckled, stepping closer to me before leaning down so his face was inches away from mine.

"You know what I think? I think I am no more of an animal to you than you are a rich, spoiled brat to me" our eyes met and I could see the resistance that both of us held. His eyes flickered down to my lips for a second and I could tell he didn't mean to do it. "I think we both know that there's more to each other than meets the eye"

I so badly wanted to reach out to him, to run my fingers through his salty hair. But my pride held me back and Henry thankfully stood up.

"Be honest, there's a part of you that's thriving on all of this. Being amongst pirates and being at sea away from civilization and prying eyes. And being more than a pretty face in a perfect little world" his voice turned dark with desire as I stared up at him, not quite sure what to say.

"So you admit you think I'm pretty"

"and you don't deny anything else"

We both held our gazes strong and anyone could feel the tension that surrounded us.

"You see, I can be quite perspective - for an animal" He chuckled lowly and I still remained silent.

"Well princess, I bid you goodnight. I'm going to be turning in soon."

Henry turned to leave and I suddenly found my voice.

"Can you leave a candle burning?" Henry smiled and simply nodded, pulling a match from his pocket and sticking it to create a flame that lit the room much more.

"I'm sorry for leaving you in the dark, princess." he smiled softly.

"And maybe a blanket?" Henry's eyes flooded with guilt as he finally noticed the way I clung onto myself for any warmth.

"You've - you've been cold?" I watched as his gaze turned to his men who stood outside the door and their faces turned white with fear.

"My sincere apologies, Princess. My men should have been on that and I promise you the right consequences will be taken"

I laughed quietly as I watched the men scramble to find a blanket and within seconds one was being handed to me.

"Now for God's sake we are not your servants, no more requests".

I wrapped the scratchy blanket around my body but I couldn't care less because the warmth was all I needed.

"Good night, princess"

"Good night, captain"

Tbc

(tags will be added in reblog)

[tereishqnachaya]

Aangan is SUCH a criminally underrated show.

It is easily one of the best drama of recent times that is WHOLLY Pakistani not just in the story and characters but the aesthetics as well. Yet.. I can already see it be ignored by all the mainstream media and the award shows simply because it does not have any Bilal Abbas or Ahad Raza in it. 13 episodes down and the show hasn't failed at any single point. It's light and positive but doesn't shy away from showing the insensitive and often times TOO sensitive side of the people who make up the most of the population of the country - the middle class people. If the jokes of the show are always on point, so are the things that it forces us to ponder upon. And I can never stress enough about how POSITIVE the show us. There is no super villain here or too farig people scheming to ruin a poor girl's life.

Aangan is a show with so many stories that can be anyone's story. Any basic Pakistani person can watch the show and find himself be reflected in one of the characters or the situations perfectly. There's such.. apnapann in the show. Somewhere somehow.. we Pakistanis have heard of these people if not seen them. For all intents and purposes.. Aangan is a social drama because it shows the mundane reality of our society without exaggerating or downplaying it. Aangan is all about us human beings of the Pakistani society, the aam awaam, at our good and bad. I am okay with all the Baaghis and Udaaris as they do show the ugly realities of life but honestly.. I want more Aangans gracing our TV screens. Because it is rare to find such positive and hopeful representation of the Pakistani life on TV. A show you can watch with your entire family without feeling uncomfortable..Pakistani dramas desperately need more of such stuff. And it's downright STUPID that it's been slept on by the mainstream media like this.

STOP OBSESSING OVER PROBLEMATIC TOXIC PIECES OF SHITS LIKE MIR HAADI AND SHINE MORE LIGHT ON THE AQDAS!! Give the audience more POSITIVE characters to root for. GOD knows we all need them at this point. The world is dark enough as it is and it will just keep on getting darker. Shine more lights like Aangan to give people not just the hope of the better times but even SHOW them how it's done!!!