lovers-rck

[lovers-rck]

a guide to (not) sleep

pairing ellie williams and fem. reader

this is something new im trying out. it happens in the tlou universe (meaning: there is an apocalypse happening, but it's not the *main* theme) with some changes like ellie and abby not trying to kill eachothers everytime. wow, the magic of fanfiction!!

the original idea was to do a big long fic but i wanted to do a short version first to test the waters and see how is welcomed.......... so if you like it you can tell me by commenting, reblogging or whatever you want!!!

also the title is the first thing that came to mind so maybe i will change it later? i don't know yet.

ok too much talking. goodbye. enjoy.

☆

love isn't for ellie.

she tried, and tried and tried; it never worked for her.

riley was the first one, but we don't talk about her.

then it was cat; she had short hair, a face sprawled in freckles and a cool gun tattoo machine. ellie and cat lasted a good 3 months.

after cat, dina appear. her big smile and nasty jokes was what got ellie walking on walls for weeks before she had the courage to talk to her, and when she did, they matched perfectly, or that was what ellie wanted to think.

dina was perfect; funny, kind, beautiful, and all the good things, but ellie was not, and that was the problem; they didn't match with certain.... qualities.

that and the fact that jesse was crushing hard over dina.

so that was ellie's panorama; with two (three) failed relationships, she began to accept that maybe -just maybe- love wasn't for her, and that she had to take care of the things she was good at, like killing clickers; riding shimmer; critiquing joel's coffee, among other mundane things.

the months passed, jackson's ice froze and thawed, shimmer's shiny fur revealed among the tiny snowflakes melting in the first warm temperatures after a long, hard - too hard, if you ask her- winter in that new society.

the pages of ellie's journal absorbed every drop of ink that swore how in a world like that there was no place for love, with pretentious adjectives that ellie once read in an old dictionary that maria gave her as a birthday present and has already forgotten the meaning. page after page, clotted ink and textured paper bore witness as ellie swore, with all his life, that dina was the last shot, the last bullet left in that gun, and that ellie had wasted it.

but then you showed up.

ellie began to notice how her body unconsciously gravitated towards yours, seeking your accidental touch and your comforting closeness; ellie sometimes fantasized that it was the lack of vitamins in her body, the last traces of hypothermia showing up in her immune system provoking little hallucinations.

she doesn't know if it was the effects of the poor quality of care she was taking of herself, or if it was something else, but it was enough for ellie to consider that maybe - just maybe - her gun had one more bullet available; one more attempt, timidly hidden among the barn sawdust and tree leaves, waiting to be used.

that and you were fucking fun to be around.

"so, abby came and she hug me by surprise" you say, laughing and smiling at the memorie "i was so scared. i thought it was a clicker"

ellie nods, thinking who the fuck abby is. she doesn't know if she wants to know.

"that's fucked up" is the only thing ellie utters. abby? is abby that red haired girl that is in charge of the improvised supermarket at the end of the -again- improvised street? no. that can't be her.

"right?" you say, eating a piece of cake that ellie did or did not steal from the birthday of her neighbor "i told her that"

ellie ate a piece of it too. she didn't know how cakes tasted before the apocalypse, but she thinks this is okay.

"so what did she say?" ellie asks.

you shake your head, sucking your index finger, wiping off the frosting "she laughed"

maybe it was that girl you taught to ride last month. ellie remembers you said it was a lot of fun.

but what kind of riding were you talking about?

"so who is abby, anyways?" ok. easy. that was good, ellie thought. no one could ever suspect anything.

you looked at her for a second, an expression that ellie couldn't decipher but quickly faded.

"uh... remember that girl who killed two clickers at once on patroll? like, she choked them with her arms at the same time and knocked them down?" you say, the beginnings of your eyebrows coming together in a frown, looking at ellie.

oh, she remembers. she remembered very well.

"mhm, no, not really" ellie acts nonchalant, looking at her short and damaged fingernails.

"she has a braid, a blonde braid" you say, recalling

ellie purses her lips, shaking her head slowly "mh, no, i don't remember her"

she remembers. she remembers so vividly how envy consumed every bone in her body when she heard that news, seeing how your eyes widened in surprise and your smile widened so wide it reached your ears as you listened to the great deed that this abby had done, telling that story like she just found the cure; ellie wanted to roll her eyes so bad.

"dude!" you say, holding out your arms "muscles? like, very big ones?" you ask and ellie shakes her head once again.

"mm, no, sorry, i don't think i know her" ellie mumbles and has to restrain herself from snorting.

"well, whatever" you say "the thing is, i thought i was gonna die right and there"

ellie nods again, and her body slams into the mattress of her bed.

today was a rest day. jackson was resting quietly, some patrols were coming in and out frequently, absurd patrols to just kill the time and pretend to do something productive.

the town was having a good run the last few days, the amount of clickers around the area had almost halved, the injured people had been cured, and while food wasn't in short supply, it wasn't alarmingly scarce either, and that was something to celebrate at times like these.

it was a quiet day in wyoming.

so you and ellie were trying to kill time before getting back to the routine, and the hours seemed to be ticking away.

ellie was too proud of her room; it was comfortable, warm, and hers. on the walls were posters of savage starlight that joel kept getting for ellie on his patrols, warm christmas lights taped up, polaroid pictures with the image too faded from the sunlight coming through the window, sketches and chords of songs.

you loved ellie's room, you thought it was the coolest thing on the planet.

"you going for a nap?" you say, putting the cake away.

"uh, i don't know, maybe?" ellie murmurs, rubbing her face "i don't know what else to do. i'm bored."

"yeah, i could do a nap too" you say "I'm a bit tired"

ellie nods, a bit dissapointed that you go away so early, but she finds herself surprise when you grab her blanket and accommodate yourself in her bed.

ellie will have looked at you for a long time before you feel her eyes on you.

"uh, it's okay if i stay here?" you murmur, looking at her and ready to run away if she tells you to.

ellie finds herself in a trance that forces her to come to her senses as fast as she can "yeah, yeah" she says.

"are you sure? you don't seem so sure"

ellie wants to slap herself on the face.

"no, please, stay. you can stay if you want" she spoke, and regrets immediately by how needy she sounded.

you giggle and nod, curling up against one of her many pillows, the blanket resting on your body like a marble sculpture of a veil "thank you ellie" you smile slightly "have a good nap".

ellie can't seem to find the words so she turns over, afraid to move to much to the point that her bones will fall out of her body as she feels you so close. ellie can feel, hear, how your breathing slows down as the minutes pass, becoming calmer.

she doesnt know how much time passed on, but ellie feels her body take on a cold temperature, so she does what anyone would do; she reaches for the blanket to cover herself.

but she brushes against your body.

ellie's hand, as clumsy as her owner, accidentally brushes against your body as she reaches for the blanket. she doesn't know which part of your body it was, and she has the feeling that it's better this way.

ellie has never been with a woman. oh, well, maybe she is lying because she has, in fact, been with cat, but that was just a few touches right and there, more curious than desirous, nothing too affectionate to make an impact on ellie. but the thing is, she has never been with a woman, never slept with a woman.

like, really sleep, rest, take a nap, rest your eyes -as joel often says-

it was something so intimate that ellie had never been able to do with anyone. it was the moment where she was the most helpless, the most adrift, the most vulnerable. the time where all her baddy personality destroys itself to show her true self.

so ellie thinks, thinks, thinks, thinks and thinks but there is only one question that keeps coming up in different formulations, but it always remains the same:

how is ellie williams going to sleep with you next to her?

[lovers-rck]

[lovers-rck]

how do you even know if you like someone????? it's been a while since I liked someone and we have been talking for a few days now but i don't know if I like her of if I just like talking to someone wtffff😭😭😭😭 I don't even know if she likes girls too 😭😭😭😭😭 being gay is so hard y'all stay heterosexual

[lovers-rck]

me coming here to post anything but a fic

[lovers-rck]

guys I think I might like a girl from my class i'm going insane

[lovers-rck]

charm release tonight who is excited

[lovers-rck]

my winter break is a week away from me and im planning on writing so much while i have the time so any suggestion is welcomed.......

also if u have any question (related or not to the fics) u can ask me!! i love answering things it's so fun

[lovers-rck]

y'all don't know how happy i am when someone comments on my post it's embarrassing

[lovers-rck]

Abby when my period RAAHHHHHH

ok i know this request was about something smutty but i happen to be on my period and it came out a lot softer than i had intended so I APOLOGIZE..... smutty abby coming soon (we hope)

but enjoy

☆

"do we have those chips that we ate the other day?"

the christmas lights that are taped to your bedroom wall with tape stolen from your ex-roommate are slowly peeling off. abby looks at them.

"uhh... the orange ones?" she says, her gaze returning to the computer in front of her.

"yes" a mild pain settles in your abdomen; a warning of the upcoming colic.

"lev ate them all" abby's fingers type rapidly, the word counter increasing second by second.

"oh my god" you protest, more from the upcoming pain than from the chips "tell your child not to eat my food"

abby laughs lightly without stopping writing "it's not my child, for your information" thousands of daggers attack your abdomen "i'll buy you more tomorrow".

the pain takes your breath away. your body twists in on itself like a little bug looking for warmth to soothe the pain.

the pain lasts for a minute or so, but you can swear it lasted hours; your body is the trojan horse and the warriors inside your belly were out to fight tooth and nail, but against yourself.

your mouth lets out a moan of pain and abby turns around. she sees your body curled in on itself, your face contorted in winces of pain and she could swear she'd buy you all the chips you wanted if it would ease the pain.

abby gets up from her chair and her stocking-clad feet with your face stamped on them scurry across the room. your valentine's day present.

she gave you a t-shirt that reads "my girlfriend is better than yours".

"are you okay?" abby mentally beats herself up for asking such an obvious question "do you need anything?"

you shake your head and feel the warmth of her hand on your shoulder "just a second".

abby nods even when you can't see her. the pain lingers for a few more seconds, leaving your body for short moments and then fiercely attacks again.

"this is lev's fault" you joke, and abby knows it's her cue to go along.

her body climbs onto the bed, her muscles navigate between the sheets and blankets resting on the mattress, her freckled skin finds yours and her arms capture your body, enveloping it in a warmth that can cure all ill.

"no" you mutter "you have to finish the essay abby".

you try to pull away from abby, to detach yourself from her alluring warmth. that essay has been dwelling in abby's mouth, between her molars and gums, for months. you remember the countless times abby mentioned to you how important that essay was, how it could ruin or resolve her life, how nervous and anxious she was.

basically, it was very important.

but abby is abby, and she's a very committed girlfriend "don't be stupid" a breeze of freckles and moles comes back to invade you and press you against her body "it's my break".

you roll your eyes, abby never took breaks, but you decided to grant yourself the right to be a little selfish about her future and say nothing, resting your head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat.

abby's fingers dance through the fine hair on your head, untangling imperceptible knots and combing through each strand, blessing it with her warm touch belonging to a movie summer. you remember the time abby asked you if you were jealous of the sun that kissed her skin and caused more and more freckles with each passing summer; you laughed and tapped her shoulder playfully.

and to your stupidity, you did feel a little bit jealous

"you know what, i have the theory that every time you kiss me i get a new freckle" abby had said, she had sunglasses on but you could feel her gaze on yours "maybe you can test it"

that summer you gave her a million kisses.

"Do you want some painkillers?" abby mumbles, her words vibrating in her chest.

"i can handle it" you look at her. she's grimacing "what?"

"whatever" abby says and her breath hits your face.

wait a moment.

"stick out your tongue" you say

"what?"

"just do it!"

her hand rests on your lower back, her fingers make small circular motions, your chest bumps against hers.

when abby sticks out her tongue, you can see how it is slightly tinged orange.

"you ate the chips!" you yell.

abby's cheeks redden slightly and her laughter is loud. her body vibrates under yours.

"you're a liar!" you say, a smile growing on your face against your will "you fucking liar!"

abby continues to laugh and her hand comes to rest on the back of your neck, drawing your lips to hers.

she laughs some more and kisses you, slow and sweet with a disguised apology unraveling on your lips. abby opens her mouth wider and you can taste the salty taste of your stolen food.

"you're a liar" you whisper against her lips, her hand still on the back of your neck, holding you against her "i'll tell this to lev."

forehead to forehead, you can see abby's eyes narrow at your smile "i'm sorry" abby whispers too, leaving a small kiss on your lips "can you forgive me?"

she scatters small kisses all over your face: down your cheeks; the bridge of your nose; the bone of your cheekbones; the corner of your mouth; over your eyelids.

"please?" abby murmurs, her fingers caressing your cheeks "huh?" you slowly deny, a smile escaping from the corner of your lips "you don't forgive me?"

you deny again, and abby's mouth meets yours again. she kisses you so slowly that you forget for a second the stabbing pain of the colic attacking your body, you feel drunk, lost in the wetness of her tongue searching for a home in your mouth, so delicate and erotic at the same time.

"and now?" abby murmurs, her pupils dilated, her hand on the back of your neck.

"that's manipulation" you whisper, feeling her heart beat stronger.

she shrugs, caressing your jaw and neck "I just use the tools I have at my disposal"

you smile and leave a kiss on the tip of her nose "you forgave me?" she continues.

"i'm considering it" you murmur, and the blonde girl's lips invade yours again.

[lovers-rck]

CURRENTLY WRITING................ im gonna try and finish it to post it tonight ok stay tuned y'all (no one cares)

[lovers-rck]

re-reading some of my old fics damn i can't write like that anymore

[lovers-rck]

oh my gooooooooood i need a gf so bad (no i don't) (i'm just cold) (and bored)

[lovers-rck]

– abby anderson !

oneshots

☆ a pair of arms and a woody scent

☆ little secret

☆ kisses like candy

☆ curious about you

[lovers-rck]

– abby anderson !

oneshots

☆ a pair of arms and a woody scent

☆ little secret

☆ kisses like candy

☆ curious about you

[lovers-rck]

[lovers-rck]

my toxic trait is that I always post at inconvenient hours

[lovers-rck]

curious about you

OKAY so, this was *originally* for a request that i got sent about friends to lovers with abby, but i think i could (and i want to) write something better for that request so here is this.

to all those who sent requests, thank you, there are a couple that caught my attention and i will be dedicating some time as soon as i can, bear with me......

okay i'm done. enjoy!!

☆

"ugh, definitely not"

"why not?" abby says "it's a good movie"

she playfully nudges you with her shoulder, a smirk comes to her lips. you look at her.

"what?" she says

"you think fifty shades of grey is a good movie?" your hand grabs the remote from abby's hands, changing the channel.

"maybe i didn't choose my words wisely. it's.... interesting" abby steals the remote from your hands and flips back to the previous channel; your eyes see christian and anastasia kissing very noisily.

you stir in your seat. it's a saturday night, a greasy pizza box rests on the coffee table and the light coming from the television is the only thing illuminating the room. you turn to look at abby, the high points of her face are illuminated by the cool lighting of the movie.

"what's the point, anyway?" you ask, your teeth chewing on the edge of the pizza that abby doesn't eat.

"what do you mean?" abby replies, her brow furrows but her eyes don't leave the television.

"about the movie; like, is just that?" you point at the tv; a sex scene in the works.

"that?" abby smiles "you can say the word sex, you know?"

you roll your eyes and swallow the crunchy dough.

"say it" abby murmurs

you look at her; she looks at you

"what?"

"say the word"

you push her "fuck off"

abby laughs and moves closer again, her knee brushes the side of your bare thigh. the air feels heavy.

"i'm not going to move until you say it"

you let out a snort "what are you, christian grey?"

she lets out a mischievous grin "maybe i am"

you try to dodge her gaze. the fabric of the couch looks surprisingly interesting from one moment to the next.

"cringe" you say

"c'mon" abby murmurs, her proximity causing your heart to skype a beat.

abby's overpowering confidence shrinks you, molds and controls you to her liking. abby knows how to inhibit you and you know she does; over time you've learned that sometimes it's best to surrender to her.

so you sigh, and you say it "sex, okay? i said it. sex."

abby smiles and settles back in her seat. you can breathe again.

"see? it wasn't that hard. you're a pussy."

"i never said it was hard, you idiot. i just chose not use the word"

"yeah, whatever"

the minutes go by and you don't try to take the remote from abby again. there's (another?) sex scene in the tv, this one is a bit more explicit, more louder. you squirm; abby has a smirk planted in her face.

"you like that?"

you almost choke with your saliva "what?"

abby points at the tv with her chin "that. you like being tied?"

your eyes are fixed on the tv, but they're not paying attention to the scene unfolding. you can see out of the corner of your eye how abby waits for your answer.

you're afraid you're not going to be able to get away with this one.

"what's up with you and your questions today?" you try to play it cool

"i guess i woke up a little bit curious about you"

you hear a noise from the outside. you think that maybe today is your lucky day and someone will come into the house and will kill you and will end this torture.

but that doesn't happen.

"so, you are telling me you woke up thinking if i like being tied up?" you try to make abby uncomfortable, surprise her so that she finally shuts her mouth and leaves this round of questions that make your heart participate in a marathon that has no opponent.

but abby is abby, and you can't make her uncomfortable.

"yeah, i guess i wonder that"

you swallow your breath and hope she hasn't noticed. your head thinks of a thousand ways to dodge the question; something to say that's more convincing than "oh, im sorry abby, my mom just got hit by a car so i gotta go".

is this what friendship should feel like?

"so?" abby inquires

"um" suddenly the couch is too uncomfortable "i don't know"

"you don't know? what a shitty answer"

she is insufferable, you think "what do you want me to say?"

"i don't know, something more interesting maybe?"

you rolled your eyes "well, im sorry for not being interesting enough for you abby"

abby smiles slightly and continues to watch the movie. you almost thought you were safe, when her voice echoes again in the dark room.

"you didn't try it, right?" abby says. she is looking at you.

you reciprocate her gaze, a look of confusion plants itself on your face "what do you mean?"

the light from the television gives away as abby licks her lips "you said you didn't know if you like it, so that means you haven't tried it, right?"

her gaze on you is softer. you can tell that she is tired, more sleepy, less cocky.

"yes. you are correct" you say. you shiver, and so abby pass you a blanket "thank you"

"would you like to?"

her braid is a mess. blonde hairs are dancing around her face, framing her face and escaping the stiffness of the hairstyle.

you like this side of her. more vulnerable.

"i don't know. i would feel kinda dumb."

you whisper and abby smiles "im not anastasia steele, you know"

abby laughs softly and nods. she doesn't say anything back, so you take advantage

"have you tried?" you murmur

"being tied?" she asks, and you nod "let's just say thats not for me"

you chuckle. she yawns.

"and tie someone?" you ask, again.

"now you're the one asking questions, huh?"

you shrug "what can I say? i learn from the best"

abby laughs and settles back in her seat, her eyes watch the film intently.

"no, but i guess I'd like to give it a try."

you nod, even though she can't see you "good" you say.

"good" she replies

she fall asleep on the couch a few minutes later.