#god i LOVE having mania. honestly so iconic. wish i was manic all the time

[transsexualraskolnikov]

okay so i was gonna write a vague post being sad and self-pitying but half-way through writing it i suddenly developed a god complex. initially i wanted to scrap the whole thing but i think it’s too funny not to be seen so i present you guys with: my emotions at 2 am.

here’s the post i initially wrote:

why do i always have to make a scene, i am so tired of it. why can’t i just mind my business and not give a shit about anything else. my temper ALWAYS gets me in trouble, i mean, if i was a fictional character i would be absolutely iconic for my behaviour, but my career is literally on the line. no it’s not. im doing it again, im over-reacting once more. nothing is really on the line here. what, my reputation? i dont give a shit about that. the more people know me, the better. the fact that everybody will hate me now? they all hate me anyways, now they at least get to be justified in their disdain. the teacher might remember my name and dislike me going on but there are no real consequences to that. what, he will be harsh on my master’s thesis? that’s a year and a half from now. if he still remembers this by then, well, i’m surely gonna doubt his credibility. worst case scenario here, he might try to drag me down academically but honestly? that won’t work. if he fails me on his subject, i can ask for a special jury on the assumption of unjust and subjective grading. and if it comes to that, i’ll pass with flying colours. there’s literally Nothing he can do to me. and the other students? i left them bitter and seething and that’s quite iconic. people like them, i’m now realizing, already go into a thing with the preconcieved notion they are Above all of it, so they were never going to like the subject in the first place. i’m realizing it now as i type it. i won on all fronts. i brought it to attention. i got myself into the spotlight. i made them eat their words. i didn’t let myself be walked over. i said fuck you. i went and said fuck you. i won’t be lying on my deathbed, regretting the fuck yous i didn’t say. i will have said them all. i came forth with my opinion and i made it heard and there was nothing any of them could have done about it but literally silence me. i am a menace. i have my own rules and im going to make everybody play by them.

end of post. honestly? so ICONIC. love the flare for over-dramatization with the deathbed thing but it’s a personal tick - it stems from that one post/story about a grandma on her deathbed being mad she didn’t tell more people to go fuck themselves that went viral like 9 years ago at this point. i literally think about it all the time. also by “silence me” i mean i just got banned from the university chat. not to repeat myself but ……. SO. FUCKING. ICONIC. god, i love myself. you know what? my short temper i was bad-talking at the beginning of the post? i love it. i could calm down at times, sure, but it’s such a drive honestly.