#god how long has this just been out there waiting to finally notify you😭😭

[jojothesplatoonnerd]

50! For OC asks! =3

Oh god I had to get reminded of this post I don't know why Tumblr decided to ping you for it now 😭😭😭

I have my oc Atmen I've been reworking! She was originally gonna just be a mammalized octoling but I had a cooler idea at work that I drew

She's got a mask that changes shape because it's a big mass of chromatophores that grew over her face after an. Accident. She doesn't like to talk about it, or talk much at all, really! She usually hangs around back alleys, usually behind the lobby where Marigold gives her food. Her mask itself kinda feels like a wet eggshell and it splits apart, and when it does there's yolky thick ink inside! Her pronouns are she/her and if she does ever battle she uses the H-3 Nozzlenose!

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Reality

Hey, A.

I brought you some Christmas bells. Your cup is getting full, but I can't imagine coming here too often empty handed. Maybe I'll bring another cup next time. I came today because it's the one day in a 3 week stretch of predicted weather that's not freezing and/or wet.

I cried at work today. Hard. You know why. Talking to M and L about it I know is good for me but it honestly makes me cry harder. Like gross, snotty crying. The kind I did a year ago. Actually not quite a year ago, because I didn't know you died until the 12th. When R called me. Because I'm not on Facebook and your partner didn't tell anyone. She didn't even tell your dad. I know you hadn't gotten along with your folks for a long time, but damn man. She had the local sheriff's office notify him. Which just has always seemed excessively cold and not like something you wanted. Had to wait for your dad to tell someone with Facebook before anyone knew. Me. D. J&R. GR still wouldn't know. That sucks.

So I wasn't sobbing a year ago today, because I was still under the impression you were going to text me back once you were done cleaning up the mess the dogs made jumping in your pool in December and walking through the house or whatever other reason that wasn't You Died that you weren't texting me back right away. I should have known better, man. You never waited that long to text me back. Never. Shit it was never more than the length of a movie in the theater. I didn't know though. You and J are the only people I've ever trusted like that. He WILL get back to me. I don't have to roll over every word I said wondering where the mistake was that made him never talk to me again. But you died.

I cried so hard for like a month after finding out. I remember almost not being able to stand up at your funeral. I'd have hit the deck if D wasn't there. R offered to go with me and I said no in favor of a different friend and I think I freaked her out pretty bad with how emotional I got. I used to never get emotional in front of people about anything. Not anymore. Definitely not then. I couldn't come here the day they put you in the ground. It was the right call to make when D said, "I don't think you should go. It's too much. It's too hard." People talked to me at the service almost like I was your widow. D was right of course. I didn't want to go to the cemetery with her and your dad and your son and your family, all of whom I know you had really complicated relationships with. Our friendship was (is) insular and singular and maybe kind of possessive. I can't share you with other people. It's still fucking hard to, in grief, to let all of it or even enough of it out. But I remember sobbing, "But I have to know where he is." D said the cemetery would tell me when I was ready to go. I knew this, of course. I thought I'd need J with me, but I have to be here alone. That's reality.

Speaking of reality...your dad was here today when I got here. I drove around and didn't park because I could tell he was leaving. I waited for him to go to come over. That's your gift to me today, when it's been a year. Reality. Someone else was finally here. At least he left the things I've left for you, even though he didn't bring anything himself. For you or your mom. A part of me has wanted this for 9 months, since the first time I came here. Someone else is acknowledging that you're gone. So that I can feel like it's real and not just some nightmare my social anxiety invented. Thank you. For that. And for everything else. Thank you for being the best friend I ever had. For so long. Through so much. I know it's selfish as fuck for me to wish you were still here to walk me through all the shit I'm a big baby about doing alone. I miss you terribly. I love you so much. You fucker. God. 😭💔

I'll be back on the next warm day that isn't actually Christmas Eve or Christmas. Rest in peace, my dear friend. I know what reality is, but I'll never let you go. ❤️❤️❤️