#god fucking knows everyone would.be happier
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#no i actually genuinely do not wsnt to fucking be alive anymore#mum comes home and immediately only sees the things i haven't done and starts screaming and sobbing about it as if the place is a sty#when all that's fucking wrong is a cat threw up in her room and i haven't loaded the dishwasher yet#and she screamed at me to fuck off when i tried to clean for her#then there's the fact i'm completely isolated and reliant on her for everything#i can't get any work to afford moving#and then just. everything else.#now she's on the phone to my sister blatantly lying about it all to paint me in the worst fucking light possible#no actually why the fuck should i put up with any of this#i have no fucki g future#everything around me right now is hell#just. why should i fucking stay alive#i dont see a reason#i haven't for fucking *years* but i've just been such a fucking coward that i've gone numb to everything instead of making an out sooner#every good thing i've had i've fucking ruined myself#i've done nothing but hurt everyone i care about i just shouldn't fucking be alive#god fucking knows everyone would.be happier
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