#god forgive me cuz I’ve read things everywhere

[madhatter0309]

Being able to read the most unhinged and smutty things in public without making any face it’s like having superpowers

[magniloquent-raven]

so, uh, this fic is inspired by this post. cuz @bambixxblue tagged it as billy/steve and the idea lodged itself in my brain. so here y’all go, pls enjoy

----

Valentine’s Day was a month ago. Steve had, on a whim, bought a box of chocolates. The heart-shaped box kind. It was a deep shade of red, and, because he wasn’t drunk when he bought it, the least frilly one he could find. 

It was a completely normal thing to do in early February. Especially for a guy like Steve. He might have been dethroned and dumped for the school creep but he was still rich and good-looking, people expected him to be putting himself out there. It had been months since he and Nancy broke up, enough time for him to have moved on. 

And he had. Moved on. Hence the Valentine’s Day gift. 

He was sweaty and anxious the whole time he was in the store, worried that someone might look at him and just know. Know who the chocolates were for. 

No one did, because it was a dumb thing to worry about, but he still left with his heart in his throat and his palms sweating through his gloves. 

He drove home a little faster than normal that day, and his hands shook as he unlocked the front door. 

Once Steve got inside he stared at the bag in his hand. Stared at it, and...god, this was such a stupid idea. This was the kind of shit he did for girls he liked, back before Nancy. He could just walk up to them in the cafeteria and their friends would giggle and blush and it was all so easy, but this...

He couldn’t do that with Billy. Nothing about this situation was easy. 

The chocolates ended up shoved in Steve’s sock drawer, and he spent the next month trying to forget the whole thing. 

Which is hard because he and Billy are friends now. At first it was a silent truce. A shared cig here and there while they were waiting for the kids. Then there was Billy’s muttered apology, and Steve’s tentative forgiveness. 

Then suddenly Billy was everywhere, and Steve...well, Steve apparently hadn’t learned much from getting his heart broken before because he fell hard. Again. 

So now they’re hanging out in Steve’s back yard sharing a blunt and he’s trying really hard not to think about how his mouth is touching something that Billy’s mouth also touched because he’s apparently been transformed into a twelve-year-old who’s never been kissed and gets worked up about shit like that. 

It’s, frankly, very embarrassing. 

“—and I told her, it wasn’t happening, but—” Billy’s rambling about something, smoke trailing from his lips, and Steve isn’t hearing a single word. “—Harrington?” Steve blinks a couple times. Refocuses. “You with me, man?”

“Um.”

Billy snorts, “Yeah, didn’t think so.” He’s grinning though, slow and lazy. He only smiles like that when he’s high, like he’s shed a couple layers of whatever keeps him wound so tight when he’s sober. “S’cool.”

“So, uh, what were you...?” Steve rubs the back of his neck, sheepish, and looks away. It’s easier to listen to Billy when he isn’t looking at him. His face is...distracting. His everything is distracting, actually.

“Ugh, fuckin’ Amy. Chick won’t leave me alone. It’s annoying.”

Right. Billy’s endless line of suitors. Steve’s favourite thing to talk about. He shrugs in a way he hopes is noncommittal. “She’s cute though.” He glances at Billy, who’s wrinkling his nose. 

“Why don’t you date her then,” he grumbles. 

“I did. Sort of. Sophomore year I bought her flowers for Valentine’s Day and then we hooked up a couple times.” He immediately regrets bringing it up. It reminds him of the aborted Valentine’s Day gesture stuffed in his dresser. Thinking about it ever is awkward, but doubly so when Billy’s sitting right next to him.

“Right, forgot you used to do that stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“Girls.”

Steve chokes on his spit. “You’re an asshole,” he coughs, while Billy cackles at him and pats his shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Billy hums. His expression settles into something more pensive. “You didn’t do anything this year though. You’re not still hung up on Wheeler are you?”

“No!” he says it too quickly, too vehemently. Billy raises his eyebrows. “I mean—I—I’m not. I was gonna do something but—” Steve’s whole face feels like it’s on fire and he bites his tongue. Literally. He clenches his jaw to keep any more words from coming out. Billy’s hand is still on his shoulder and it feels like a lead weight. 

“Oh yeah?” His voice is light but Steve can feel Billy’s fingers tighten on his sleeve, clutching at his shoulder. Steve’s brain goes a little fuzzy. “Why didn’t you?”

He cannot have this conversation. He can’t. It shouldn’t happen. He repeats it, in his head, panicking and anxious, guts in a knot, but the words slip out anyway. “No point. It...wouldn’t have gone over well.”

“Come on, King Steve’s afraid of a little rejection now?” 

Yes. Terrified. 

Maybe it’s the weed making him stupid. Or maybe he just wasn’t that bright to begin with. Or maybe monster hunting has made him reckless even in the face of fear, because he stands then, tells Billy to wait and walks into the house.

His body feels numb. There’s nothing but the roar of his heartbeat and a sick, anxious twist in his stomach.

The box is a little squashed. There’s a crease in the cardboard lid, a jagged line across the length of it. 

It feels like he’s barely had time to blink before he’s in his back yard again, looking down at Billy. He’s sitting on one of the lounge chairs, blinking at Steve. His button-up is askew, hanging off to one side and half unbuttoned, his eyes are a little bloodshot, his hair is tangled from the breeze, and Steve’s never seen anyone more beautiful. 

He drops the box in Billy’s lap.

“There’s no note or anything. I...didn’t think I’d actually...It’s been sitting in my sock drawer for a month because I was too chickenshit to tell you that I—anyway, that’s for you. It’s for you, ok? And that’s why I didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day, because I’ve liked you for months and I knew it was stupid to do anything about it, but, well, no one’s ever accused me of being smart.” Steve lets out shaky breath that’s half sigh, half self-deprecating laugh. He feels like he’s about to shake apart, he’s trembling so hard. 

Billy hasn’t said anything. He’s staring at the box in his lap, putting his hands around it real careful like he’s afraid to break it. Or afraid it’s going to explode. Honestly, Steve can’t read how he’s feeling about the whole thing but he’s bracing himself for the worst when Billy finally looks at him, wide-eyed. “You...I...” he trails off, then shakes his head, laughing. 

And...it’s not the worst thing that could have happened. But it still hurts. Steve’s getting ready to bail so he can cry himself to sleep when Billy stands up, a weird look in his eye. “Wait here,” he says, and walks off. Which. What.

Forty-five excruciatingly long seconds later Steve—who hasn’t moved, can’t, he’s panicked and frozen—feels a hand on his shoulder.

Billy’s back, and...

He shoves something crumpled and pink into Steve’s hands. 

“That’s been in the glove box of my car for a month.” It shows. The edges are bent and there’s a split up one side of the lid. There’s a bow on it, squished beyond saving, with a little card hanging off it that says pretty boy in smudged ink. “Couldn’t keep in in the house ‘cause I got drunk and fuckin’ wrote on it, like an idiot,” Billy’s fidgeting with his hands, not looking at Steve.

He looks nervous, even though Steve was the one who brought this shit up in the first place, even though Billy already knows Steve has feelings for him. Even though Billy Hargrove never gets nervous. 

Steve’s heart is so full it hurts. “I kind of love you,” he blurts, too loud and extremely unsmooth. He can’t feel embarrassed about it though, because Billy finally looks at him and the look on his face takes Steve’s breath away. 

He’s got this tiny little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and his eyes are wide and wet and hopeful, and who gave him the right to have eyes that blue, and his freckles—

Billy’s standing a lot closer than he was before, and Steve’s pretty sure he’s forgotten how to breathe entirely by this point. Which is fine, because he can feel Billy’s hand sliding across the back of his neck, threading through his hair, and if this is how he dies then so be it. 

And then Billy presses a kiss to Steve’s cheek, to his nose, his forehead, so softly, cradling his face like it’s something precious and Steve is so happy he could cry. 

“Oh,” he breathes, quiet, afraid to break the moment. 

Steve can feel Billy’s smile again his cheek, “Yeah,” he says, breath hot in Steve’s ear.

He doesn’t say anything else. Doesn’t need to. Steve pulls him close and kisses him soundly and he knows he’s loved too.

[kmelanin]

patient-hyunjin request

request- Hi beautiful! Your writing is absolutely amazing and a true gift for black girls! I saw your requests were open and I was wondering if you could write a skz Hyunjin smut like you're a western idol and you come visit korea during ur break cuz he's also on break but you get mad cuz he's always hanging with this gg idol but then you guys makeup and bathtub cuddles. Pleasee and thank you

an/ im so sorry this is late! I hope you enjoy my sloppy writing. :’))))

-Hyunjun posted a photo- You read your phone screen and sigh. You sat back in your seat in the back of your drivers vehicle, on the way to the airport. You were heading back to Korea for your mid-summer break vacation. This would be your first time back since leaving for America five years ago to pursue and further your singing career. Out of all of the people you will be seeing and visiting, your ex best friend is the only person on your mind.

If anyone knew you, they knew about Hyunjin and vise versa. You two were such an unstoppable duo, until exactly five years ago. You always think about his confession, or supposed confession. 

--- “You what?” He stands there in front of you his face twisted up as if he was a puppy and you kicked him. 

“I'm leaving Korea.” You repeat. He doesn't say anything, just squints his eyes. So you continued. “I have this opportunity to further my career with this company” You continue on explaining yourself. 

“What about the companies I showed you?” He asks softly, his voice laced with confusion.

“I told you no in the beginning Hyunjin, they don't want me. Not only am I black, but I'm also one thick ass bitch. It doesn't match up. In the US, I can actually get somewhere.” You try to say everything carefully, trying to read his expression. But it was so hard. 

“What about me? You know I can't just leave, and I need you here.” He tries to fight it, fight the reality. 

“And what? Just sit on the sidelines, and just say fuck my own wants and dreams?” You ask about getting defensive. 

“No, but I- I love you so much. I don't want you to be so far away from me.” He runs his hands through his hair, his frustration showing. “Look, I wanted to tell you this another way. But you, you are the one for me YN. I can't- I'm not ready for you to leave this soon.”

“I can't change anything Hyunjin. I've put you first for so long, it's my turn now.” You are getting heated now. Why can't he understand? 

“If you leave, I'll hurt, hurt for a while. And i won't forgive you…” He mumbles, tears running down his face. You didn't even know how to react to it. You knew he would be upset, but trying to manipulate you like this? 

“Fuck you, Hwang Hyunjin.” You got up from your seat and left.-----

You regretted leaving him that day, and not saying goodbye before you left for America. But you don't regret going to America. You tried to call him a couple of times since then, but he ignored you, sent you to voicemail. You tried to talk to him through other members, but they just advised you to let him move on. 

But you didn't want that, you wanted your best friend. You wanted him to be proud of you, as you are to him. 

The only person you've told that you were coming is Felix, and your mother of course. But she's in the US. You didn't want to tell the world, so you could get some peace and quiet.

Once you get off of the plane, you meet up with Felix and he rides with you on the way to your apartment that you have here. 

“He’s gonna kill me.” Felix laughs next to you.

“Why do I have a feeling that he's going to kill me too?” You sigh, your nerves are also trying to kill you. 

“Ahh, I don't think so. I think he’ll be shocked, but he has definitely changed.” He rolls his eyes. 

“Changed? What do you mean?” You ask, tilting your head a bit. 

“Everyone but Hyunjin thinks that he just suppressed everything. Like at first you can't tell that anything is wrong, he is good at putting up an act. I mean, that's kinda our job. Right…” He pauses, “ But we know him better than he thinks. Lee thinks that he's waiting, he doesn't want to get over you.” 

His words stunned you. You are speechless, did you leaving really hurt him that bad? He definitely hates you.

“I mean, you had to know that the kid has been in love with you since way before debut. God, it was annoying! So i'm not surprised he can hide his feelings so easily, but it's like this time he really got hurt, so he hides a lot more.” 

Once you got to your apartment, Felix made sure you got in safely and then had to head to the studio. He did leave Hyunjins location tomorrow night, so that gave you an idea. Supposedly he's going to be at the dance studio, practicing his dance moves. You really have no idea how to confront him, other than to pop up. You've been at this studio before, so it shouldn't be hard to find. 

For the rest of the night you take your time and unwind from your travels. You call your manager and let him know you wanted some food in the house and a chef, you needed some homemade Korean food in your life. 

You hop in the shower and wash the day away. You don't wash your hair since you had a jet black, fresh wig on. But you do shave everywhere and use some body scrub. After some shower lotion, you love to see your skin glowing. 

You put on a silk slip dress and your slippers. You can hear the chef in the kitchen banging things around, making a great meal. You go into the living room and head over to the sound system that you had, it plays whatever music throughout the whole apartment. You put on some softer korean music, and you start to light some candles. Your anxiety levels at the moment, were skyrocketing. But you were trying your best to forget about him for the moment, and get yourself together. 

The past five years has definitely made you realize the love you had for this man. But you thought for sure that he hated you, that he wants nothing to do with you. But after hearing Felix, you just needed to see him, and either actually end things or get this friendship back in order. You needed to end these questions that cloud your brain on a daily basis. 

After everything you've been through and all the shows you've done, you've never felt this amount of anxiety.You stand in front of the studio, right outside. It was around six at night, and you were really debating on leaving or not. You look at your phone, at the time once again. He should be leaving anytime now. 

He was taking forever, or maybe it was the nerves making the time go by so slow. You put your phone away and you walk up the stairs. You open the tinted glass door and step into the air conditioned hallway. You walk down the hallway and turn down the first left. If you remember correctly, this was the right direction. Since the rooms were sound proof, you couldn't hear any music, but you went to the room with the lights on. The one room in the hallway with its lights on. 

You take a deep breath and you look through the glass. 

You swear your heart stopped. You can see him, but his back was turned to you. You could see his face in the wall tall mirror. He was wiping his face off with a towel, and he had his water bottle in his hand. His hair was longer than you remember, in that beautiful black color. He wore black shorts that went right above his knees and a big white shirt. He also had some black Vans on.                                               How can he make such a simple outfit look so good? 

Suddenly, your eyes connect in the mirror and you quickly pull yourself away from the door. You turn around and try and scurry away. But you hear the door swing open and his voice yells out towards you. 

“Hey! Stop!” The sound of his deep voice alone has you stopped in your tracks. “Who are you? Stop playing around.” He goes on in Korean. You need to turn around before he thinks you're a fan and calls the cops for stalking. So you do. 

You turn around and lower your hood, once again connect your eyes with his. You clench your jaw at the sight of his eyes widening at the sight of you. His mouth falls open, moving around as if he wants to say something. Then his eyes get glossy, and soon start to water. 

 “Yn?” His voice whispers. Before you could say anything, the door opens and this auburn hair colored girl walks out. 

“Oppa?” She squeaks and leans against him. She then spots you and tilts her head, probably wondering who you were. 

You sure the hell were wondering who she was. Felix didn't tell me he was seeing anyone, why didn't he tell you?? You didn't know what to feel.

“Oh, I'm sorry for interrupting your dance practice. Text me, and maybe we can catch up while i'm here?” You chose your words carefully then you were out of there. 

By the time you were outside there were tears running down your face. Everything is so overwhelming at the moment. Was that his girlfriend? Is that why he ignored all of your messages?

You stay in your apartment for the next couple of days. You just needed time to think about what just happened. You found out the girl he was with is a trainee, and she just debuted. He was always kind and helping people with their dances. But it's been so long, and with the way she was leaning against him...they could be dating, or at least seeing each other.

Your phone starts ringing on your lap. You look down from the movie you were watching and you see Felix's name across your screen.

“Hello?”

“You are so lucky we have nothing going on!” He yells through the phone. 

“What?” You are confused. 

“Don't ask me what. You knooooow what. You went to see him but then just leaves when he wants to say something.” 

“I freaked! He was with some girl and I was interrupting something.” 

“If you thought they were dating, you really are stupid.”

“Excuse me-”

“He's on the way to your apartment so I hope you're there.” He cuts you off. “Tell him.” Then he hangs up. 

You knew exactly what he was talking about. 

You were now at that point in your career where you can locate anywhere in the world and it would mess and disturb anything. So you wanted to relocate your permanent home in Korea. You wanted to tell him in person, hoping for a great reaction. But like usual nothing is going your way. Now you had no choice but to tell him now. Not when you had time to grow another pair of balls. 

You quickly run to your room and change your clothes to something that covers a bit more skin, then just some short shorts and a sports bra. 

Your doorbell goes off and you take a deep breath. This is it. 

You walk to your front door and you open it. 

There he stood. He had a striped shirt tucked into some black jeans. A bit of jewelry, hair just perfect. No makeup, but he still seems to just walk out of a magazine.  

“Please come in, I'm happy Felix sent you here.” You say softly as you hold your door open wider to let him enter. He comes in and slides his shoes off, leaving him in his black socks. You weren't sure how much he knows, but everything is making you so anxious. 

As soon as you shut and lock your door, you were instantly pulled into a back hug. His towering figure practically engulfed you against the wall. His neck was tucked into your neck. You turned around so you can hug him back. You didn't know how much you missed this until now. His hold is so warm and welcoming, especially when he's clinging on to you for dear life. You were so used to seeing Hyunjin the korean kpop idol online, that you almost forgot how much of a baby he was around you. He was always so touchy. It annoyed you before, but now it's the best feeling. 

You loosen your grip a bit, because you wanted to see his face. But one of his hands that was on your waist goes up to the back of your head. So as you went to look at him, he pushes your head forward and crashes his plump lips against yours. Utter shock runs through you, freezing your body where you stand. 

He pulls away slightly, but comes back leaving a more gentle kiss on your lips. He repeats and repeats. Slowly you realize what the fuck is happening and you kiss him back. You kiss him probably way harder than you intend, but he clearly doesn't mind because he instantly matches your energy. Both of his hands are holding your face gaining that control that he wants.

Hyunjin is hungry, he's been starving ever since you left. He couldn't help himself. He can wait for the words, they can come later. But he has been waiting for this exact moment for what feels like forever. 

You needed this to slow down though, you put your hands on his chest and push him away. He listened this time. He even backed away a step, putting himself at a bit of a distance. 

“Felix told me that you might have thought there was something going on between that trainee and I. There's not, I promise.” He goes on. 

“Oh yea? What else did he tell you?” You ask, crossing your arms. 

“Your address.” 

“Mhmm, and by that kiss i'm guessing you don't hate me.” You say thinking out loud at this point. Hyunjin frowns and pouts his lips a bit.

“Hate you? I could never hate you.”

“Well, I wanted to tell you this last night, but I felt like I was definitely intruding.” You start, but you don't want to talk much about that since all you could really think about is his lips at this point. “I am relocating my home base here in Korea.” You blurt out. His eyes look away and back to you quickly. His head tilts a bit in confusion. You wait, letting him comprehend what you just said. Then in the next second, his eyes jump in shock. He looks back at you and his mouth falls open. 

“You're staying in Korea?” His voice comes out strained. You couldn't say anything from the look on his face. Thank fuck he was right or else he would've been broken all over again. You just nod your head really fast, and brace for impact. Which thankfully you did, he runs the very short distance to you and he scoops you up hugging your body. He spins with you in his arms, and you both laugh. 

As soon as he puts you down he grabs your face again and kisses you. This time you kissed back instantly causing the kiss to level up quite a bit. His hands slowly make their way to the back of your head to hold you still as he kisses you deeply. One of his hands runs down to your waist to pull you impossibly close. 

“I missed you so fucking much.” He moans against your lips. You couldn't help but to whine at his words. Because God you missed him so much. Your hands mess up his perfect hair as you run them through it. 

His lips break away from yours again, and he suddenly bends down and grabs onto your thighs and lifts you up. Your sudden shock doesn't help and he leans you against the wall. He laughs a bit as he comes back in for some more kisses. Once he has a better grip on you. He lifts you off the wall and walks towards the living room. 

“Down the hall, first door.” You mumble and kiss down his cheek to his neck so that he can find his way to your room. 

He gets to the end of your bed and he drops you on top of it. You let out a small shriek when he does. 

“What's with you, you're so aggressive?” You ask laughing a bit. He smiles down at you as he climbs on top. 

“Try having the love of your life leave for five years and come back and tell me how you feel.” He mumbles against your ear then kisses it. 

“Mhm, I left the love of my life, but now I'm back and I'm staying, so I know that we have all the time in the world.” Your words barely come out and his lips leave marks all over your neck. He rips your top off and starts to leave more.

“Well during this time, I'm going to show you how much i've missed you.” He hooks his fingers into the waistband of your bottoms and he pulls them off. He leans down and leaves baby kisses on your skin, trailing down in between your legs. You let out a shaky breath when he leaves a kiss on you right above your panties. 

He didn't waste anymore time and he ripped them off. His tongue touches you first, and a sigh leaves you. Your fingers find his head and you grip on to his hair for dear life, pushing and pulling on his head as he eats you out. He puts one of your legs on his shoulder and he leans up just a bit, so he could get his tongue deeper. Soon his fingers join, making you scream out in utter pleasure. Your lower body was twitching so much, making him hold on to your for damn near dear life. 

“Mhm, I can't wait.” He suddenly lets you go and he rips his shirt off, and he leans up and unbuckles his belt. You got distracted by his slightly cared out torso, and so he quickly undoes the rest of his pants and pushes them off. You go to grab onto him, but he stops you and pushes you back. He mounted you and slid his dick against you a couple of times to coat himself in your juices.

“I wanted to taste you too.” You whine a bit, your mind filling with the thoughts of him.

“Like you said, all the time in the world.” He mumbles and takes a peek up at you. He bites his bottom lip as he slowly pushed himself into you. Any response you had to his words, disappeared. This feeling was better than you would've ever thought. You finally have everything you've ever wanted in life. 

He leans down on top of you and he thrusts his hips against yours. His arms were flexed on either side of your face. He gazes down at you, his eyes stuck on your lips Your face is scrunched up in pleasure, your mouth falls open in an ‘o’ shape. He takes that chance and kisses you deeply. He slows down his hips, giving you long deep strokes. You could barely keep up with his kisses from the constant bliss you were getting from him. 

He pulls away and trails down your neck, marking you up some more, making the ones that were already there, bigger. He kisses down your torso. Before you could whine about him not being on top of you, he quickly flips you over on your stomach. He pulls your hips up making you bring yourself on all fours. The way he was handling you really turned you on. He always was so gentle with you. 

His hand pushes your back down a bit, and you arch it as much as you could. He pushes into you again and he bottoms out. He leans over you leaving kisses on your back as he drills into you. 

“You aren't going to leave me again? Mhm?” He asks you in a low voice. All you could do is cry out, but you nod your head trying to answer him. He moves your head so it's to the side and he gives you a kiss on your cheek.

________

You lay on the bed, your body covered in sweat. Hyunjin gets up and asks you where the bathroom is. Your eyes were closed and you were so close to being asleep. You tell him and he walks off.

He walks into your bathroom and notices everything to set up a nice bubble bath. He was surprised how big of a tub you have. 

Once he was done filling it up. He lights the candles that you already have. He walks back to your bed and sees you fast asleep on the bed. He smiles and walks around to the side you are closer to. He leans down and picks you up, startling you. 

“Hyunjin, put me down.” You groan. You just want sleep. 

             “You gotta get cleaned up.” He smiles down at you as he sets you on your feet. Your eyes widen at the view in front of you. He takes a step forward and puts a foot in.

“It's perfect, come here.” He holds a hand out, you quickly take it and he helps you in. You sit down in the warm water. It was perfect, your body easily welcomes the water as you go down. He quickly finds the spot behind you and you. His arms circle around you and he snuggles into your body from behind. You couldn't help but to smile and play with his hair a bit that was on your shoulder. 

“I love you so much. It's like all the hard times i've had in the past don't even exist when you're around. As stupid as I sound, plese don't leave me again.”

[sanchoyo]

Looks like you’re gonna have to gush some more cuz I meant in general uwu🌸

🌺😌🤟 Always happy to! Okay here’s just some General bnha Thoughts ™ Mostly Lov centric. You asked for them, and you said GUSH about them, so here’s. A Lot! :)

This isn’t a lov one but it’s really funny so I thought I’d put it out there:

-when bnha was first gaining traction on tumblr, it was all art of Tsuyu. I have no idea why. People were talking about the funky frog lesbian superhero anime. Maybe it was just the people I was following, maybe it was a general trend, but I LOVED her design!!! my fav color and frogs r super cute!!! And I already loved superhero media, so I was like. I’ll watch it. For Her. SO. FROPPY IS THE REASON I WATCHED/READ BNHA. I went in thinking she was the protag and I was sooo confused when Izuku was... tbh I still think it’d be more interesting if she was lmaooo aus where? ...seriously if anyone has good aus where this is the case send them LOL

-I don’t actually feel that bad abt what Shigaraki’s doing. I still feel bad for him. I’m this post. yes im an apologist. its not my fault hes sexy and has been running around shirtless. hes a lesbian icon like thor is. I want to touch his hair. hes never done anything wrong in his life. he could kill all might, deku, bakugo, whatever, I’d still be sayin this. I don’t feel bad for gt. like. was anyone genuinely attached to him? lmao

-well u know how spinner’s quirk is just sticking to things? We haven’t seen him use it in canon except like, (1) time iirc?? I think this is probably bc he’s embarrassed about it even in front of the league... I loooove the idea that he gets more comfortable with it around them :”) and also how shigaraki. um. does that falling asleep thing while standing up with his eyes open, canonly? (which I still love lmfao) Imagine someone in the league walking in a dark room, turning on the light n just seeing. Spinner upside down, stuck to the ceiling asleep bc heat rises and its Warmer Up There. (cold blooded thing like tsuyu?? come ON give him a big fuzzy coat and scarf...) and Shigaraki in the center of the room, slouched but still standing, eyes open and motionless. Theyre both sleeping. Whomever sees it just...slowly walks out. LMAO

-Toga roller derby au. No deep thoughts I just think she’d be good at it. 

-Toga 100% is a social butterfly and could befriend anyone if they didn’t just judge the fact she was trying to stab them smh :/ (ok but seriously anytime I see cute friendships with her n the other kids im like :) aw. I feel like her and Camie...would be good friends. Camie feels chill enough to be like ‘ok whatever thats totally fine I forgive you!!’ LMAO we love airheads here)

-HOW DID TOGA GET SO GOOD AT FIGHTING? We know she’s been on the run since middle school or so, but good enough to pin Deku down after he’s been formally trained at a ~hero school~ for a while? (she pinned him TWICE I think, once when his arms were messed up, but, the other time as Camie, so? AND THEN WAS ONE OF THE 100 PEOPLE TO GO THRU TO THE 2ND ROUND OF THAT? even tho she didn’t bc she had to leave) good enough to beat Aizawa in a fight and stab him? A professional hero and teacher for YEARS? Is that seriously just street training??? Can people acknowledge how amazing her combat skills and reflexes are??? More Toga appreciation when?? Also her backstory??? SO subversive and incredible, hate when people reduce her to just a ~typical anime yandere~ :/

-Tomura doing stuff with his hands/fingers to train his quirk!!! And to learn to be careful with it!! obv I’m a Big Fan of him playing piano to do this and video games are prob the canon answer, but like, guitar or any stringed instrument that requires Hands would work too. Or knitting/sewing? EMBROIDERING? ??? Please, let me give you the mental image of him knitting aggressively while mentally scheming, watching a twitch streamer or smth too while doing it. (Doing stuff with your hands is a great way to let your mind come up with creative stuff, that’s how I come up with writing/drawing ideas 70% of the time)

-Tomura actually PREFERS cutesty, relaxing games. I mean, he does fighting and bloody stuff irl, games are a way to relax...he’ll play shooters and gta type games with The Lads, but. on his own?? animal crossing. pokemon. kirby games. mario. zelda. BIG ZELDA FAN (not saying this bc I, personally, am biased, but,) slime rancher, stardew valley, funny simulator games... he really enjoys those :”) God forbid he has a kid bc they’re 100% getting named after a viddy game character unless someone can talk him out of it LOL. Toga and Tomura are that animal crossing /doom meme where she’d be asking for doom and him asking for animal crossing :”)

-Bits and pieces of Before are kinda stuck in Kurogiri’s brain, but like. mostly useless stuff the doctor didn’t care about removing. Like, types of clouds. So Tomura kinda picks up on stuff like that. He can just look at clouds and tell you what type they are because Kurogiri used to take him up to high places in the city and point them out to calm Tomura down from a panic attack when he was younger. He can tell you if the sky looks like it’ll rain with a 80% accuracy rate too. 

-Kurogiri left food out for kitties in the alley beside the bar. They weren’t allowed in for Health Reasons (it IS a bar with sanitation standards!!) And Tomura really wouldn’t stop it or encourage it either way so long as Kurogiri did his job, but occasionally would stand outside with Kurogiri and just watch the kitties from a distance. If any approached he’d go back in (lowkey afraid he’d hurt them by touching them :( ) They kinda kept that between them tho, bc they both Know AFO is a big bag of dicks and no fun

-people have pointed out how similar aizawa and tomura look. this was 100% the intention. tomura has a hatecrush on him. THIS IS SO FUNNY AND HORRIBLY AWKWARD FOR KUROGIRI LMAO

-Sako??? Mr. Dramatic?? Opera fan. Drama kid. Like, obviously, but. Really. He is. I feel like he can speak a dozen languages. I also feel like he used to be an overachiever but got too ambitious. He was def some kind of leader at one point of a diff Group or something that fell apart. I LOVE how creative he is with his quirk and the magician theme??? incredible. I don’t show him enough love but I Love Clowns :o)

-I don’t care what their canon heights are. Spinner and Dabi? short kings. My height hcs are (tallest to shortest) Kurogiri, Twice, Sako (who also has heels on his boots and a tall hat, keep in mind), Tomura, Magne (Tomura and Magne are about the same height imo) Toga, Spinner, Dabi. LISTEN. Dabi has short energy. Sorry. it’s true tho

-This is a semi-popular hc I think bc I KNOW I’ve seen it before, but Dabi having Terrible Vision and needing glasses is so so good. (seriously, with burns THAT close to his eyeballs, how could he not?) 

-he tries to be a tough loner coolguy. you’d think he’d smoke, but I hc his ‘weak constitution’ comes with weak lungs (esp from years of a flame quirk?? inhaling smoke over so much time is SO bad for you, most people who die in fires actually die of smoke inhalation...) so he’s got like, an inhaler, can’t smoke, actually gets carsick, needs glasses, overuses quirk to save friends constantly, likes napping, a little awkward and rude. Tomura put him in charge of the vanguard so he’s smart, and good with strategies too, like a nerd. this is the Dabi I wanna see, not the popular fandom version of him tbh also step on hawks one more time sir :”)

-I wish all the lov fics weren’t?? villain!deku like I said earlier, but also, chatfics? I have nothing against them but most of them are just a bombardment of Memes with NO PLOT!!! Listen. text/chatfics CAN have plot and be an interesting way to tell a story. I almost want to write one just to show what I mean...

I know I’ve said I like spinaraki and blackmagic, but I am a multishipper, so a few ships I don’t talk about that I like that involve the lov in some way:

-toga/any of the 1A girls??? or Camie??? super interesting. ALSO in the radio drama, bakugo’s voice actor said Toga was his favorite girl??? so?? bakugo/toga ?? I WANT TO SEE IT. but specifically my fav dynamic with her is when someone ELSE is the one to like her first, it’s what she deserves.

-Kurogiri/aizawa/mic?? any variety of that is also 👌🏻 I also kinda wanna see kurogiri/all might bc. Dads. COME ON. they bond over ‘well, I raised him, and you want to have a part in his life now?? ok. earn it. prove it. I’ll screen you first’ or something LMAO they’re both genuinely concerned for the boy, and SOOO biased. let them bond.

-WAIT WHERE IS THE MIC/COMPRESS CONTENT. THEYRE BOTH DRAMATIC. ENEMIES TO LOVERS?? HELLO??? SOMEONE?? ANYONE. rarepair hours

-giran/twice is cute. like he was hyping him up so much and so ready to go save him...

-dabi/magne where is the content. when. why not everywhere??? I’ve also seen magne/compress which was cute!! or twice/magne? they’re the big sibs of the lov...

-dabi/spinner?? come ON dabi could get over his learned biases and spend time with him and they could hold hands. I want them to.

-dabihawks. Obviously bc the Drama. yes even still, don’t @ me. (also, shigahawks, seen some REAL interesting fics with it tbh) or spinahawks?? adding hawks to a ship is like adding extra chili powder. makes it SPICY dramatic)

-nine/tomura don’t @ me once again. both kinda afo’s playthings, nine obviously was the test for tomura’s new upgrades...they both love their friends...That Scene in the Flower field </3 hmmm tragicships are fun.

-tomura/mirko. more enemies to lovers. big fan of her and bunnies. remember when he wore bunny ears in bnha smash. (ok its crack but. CUTE.) 

-I’ve also seen shiganatsu and shigafuyu and I’m like. these are cute, but also Dabi’s reaction always makes me cry laugh. so good.

-MOST EVERYONE IN THE LOV IS LGBTQA+!!! heres my personal headcanons:

Toga: pan or bi (CANON BASICALLY)

Magne: transwoman (CANON BABEY) bi, leans towards men. (her crush on dabi in bnha smash... uwu content where)

Shuichi: gets sooooo flustered canonly, I think he’d go for the first person Who Hit On Him (I can see him being the target of those mean pranks where someone says ‘my friend likes you!!’ and the friend is like ‘eww!!’ :(((( ) he’s super hesitant for romance, lots of repressed stuff. gay but takes sooo long to realize it bc he thinks most women are conventionally pretty Aesthethically, feels obligated to Like Them, but has bad self esteem so never goes after them, then only likes (1) guy so hes like?? is this allowed?? is this allowed???? (HES LIKE. IN LOVE WITH SHIGARAKI)

Dabi: bi but rly hasn’t ever gotten to date anyone, so he’s actually more reserved about it and while he’ll tease, he absolutely is absent and kinda oblivious (again, I KNOWWWW bnha smash isnt canon, but. my god. when magne is hitting on him and he Just Doesnt Understand.) also hes ace

Tomura: doesn’t care. (just prob says ‘its whatever’) trans/nonbinary (i’M NOT PROJECTING, BUT. :’/) probably goes with like, the label queer if any but doesn’t care much for labels

Kurogiri: bi??? kind of??? I say kind of bc well, I hc U Know Whom as bi, I feel like thatd carry over but he’d be really avoidant to date anyone bc hes gotta Watch His Kid u know? this is gonna sound surprising but I think he’d be the type to be like ‘ok we can have a one night stand/fling BUT it cant get personal bc I have a Job to Do for my Son so don’t get up in your feelings’ and act a little coldly at first or very ..not personable... depending on who it was he’d prob turn around eventually, esp if that person valued his feelings/job :”)

Sako: that mans Not Straight. I hc him as gay and also trans :3c

Twice: Bi and HAS dated prob more than anyone else in the league imo, super comfortable with his sexuality and supportive of everyone else’s :)

ok that’s about all I can think of atm, come back in 5 minutes and my brain will refill with lov headcanons :3 thank you for asking!!

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Alright, everyone, this is a personal post as much as it’s a public post so feel free to scroll all the way down to the  colored text for the public part of the message but if you, like me, enjoy drama, then continue on!

So, to make a very, very, very long story short for those who don’t know, I call my birth mother Mother Gothel due to her emotionally abusive upbringing of me that caused me to suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and even hair loss! A few years ago, back in 2016, my friend-turned-sister drove down with her mother, packed me and my bags up, and gave me a place to live and start over where I’ve been able to get jobs, go to school, and become much healthier than I used to be! 

During those years of growth and recovery, however, I kept in contact with Gothel through emails and the occasional phone call. Over the years, from the safety of being hundreds of miles away, I told her that I was gay and dating a girl. The resulting emails were not pleasant and she had no problems about calling my girlfriend a whore. Lovely, right? 

Every email she has sent me has contained detailed bible quotes and scripture and needles of guilt over everything I’m doing “wrong.” She’s still “so proud of me,” however. So at least there’s that, right? 

As of recently I emailed her and told her that I will be attending a four-year university in Tacoma Washington (moving away from Illinois) to continue my education. Her resulting email was lengthy. Here is some of it - cut for length.

Hi Michelle.

... 

You have to watch everything you say this day and time, at least that is what Jesus said in the Book of Matthew 5:37-- "Let your Yes be Yes, and let your No be No. Anything else is from the evil one." (anotherwords the devil will take your words you speak and trip and mess you up land you in jail or prison for 10 yrs)That would be really sad after you work so hard for an education and degrees then let him mess you up but read in John 10:10--the enemy comes to steal--kill--destroy--but Jesus said I have come so that you may have life and have it more abundantly.  That is why Jesus said in Proverbs 18:21" Life and death are in the power of the tongue"

...

I was telling Mom on the phone just this morning we talked for two hours-- that I was going to get a restaurant job here as soon as possible and let it move me out of here--I am moveing to Battle Creek or Marshall by Sept (labor day) and that I was sooo excited that I would finally get to see you, she said either her or Carl would drive me to [REDACTED] every now and then to see you. So Yes, I feel like a bomb was just dropped on me, my heart is broken, however I hope you will be happy and I wish you well in body and spirit-- I wish you nothing but the best. Just know one thing is for sure, I read my Bible and I will tell you right now, we are living in our last days you need to be concerned about where you are going to spend eternity. I just finished up reading the book of Matthew. In Matthew 21:25 The Heading Reads: "The Coming of the Son of Man" vs 25- And their will be signs in the Sun, the Moon, the Stars--mens hearts will fail them for fear and the expectation of those things which are coming on the earth, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. vs 27--THEN they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with Power and Great Glory. Now when these things begin to happen, look up and list up your heads, because your redemption draws near". Jesus said He would give us signs in the Heavens above and the earth beaneath. All of the earthquakes that have been happening for the last decade leading up to the Austrailian wildfires, and billions of animals died, God is giving us the signs, its just like He said in Matthew 24:36-44. 

Lastly, 1 Thessalonians 4 :13--But I do not want you to be ignorant brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God wil bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven With A SHOUT--with the voice of an archangel, and with the Trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rist first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord, Therefore Comfort one another with these words.

After the Rapture, then comes the tribulation. I have read Revelation many times and to say the least you don't want to be left behind.  In Heaven their will be 30 mins of silence that is when all Hell breaks loose down here. Just whatever you do, Do NOT take the mark of the beast if you do, then you will mark your soul for eternal damnation. Then you will hear the devil say----"Hello! Welcome to Hell!

I am saying all of this bcuz now you have a choice to live for God or for Satan. If something should happen to your body or God forbid but if someone tries to take your life or you get in an accident and your heart is not right with God--That is exactly how you will stand at the Judgement Bar. The minute you take your last breath in this body, you will be ushered into the presence of God then it is too late to make a decision there it is if the Angel does not find your name in the Book of Life, then the devil stands there waiting to escourt you to------Well lets just say---You Don't want to go there. But the Bible says you will answer for every deed done in the body good and bad.I know one thing, it can't be too much longer according to scripture. The greatest tool the enemy uses from his toolbox is that you have plenty of time--well I can say the devil is a liar cuz Jesus just says--Be Ready it is not up to us how long we get to stay down here, that is God's calling.Second Timothy 3----But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of truth. 

Sister, we are living in our last days, make every day that God gives you breath in your body count bcuz you don't know when it will be your last day. There is pleasure in sin for a season--Hebrews 11:24. Whatever you do, don't let the devil take your life and your soul, it is not worth it.

Love You So Much and want to make sure your soul doesn't go to H---.  I am praying that you will have a preacher as a husband.I miss you Michelle, I miss hugging you, I miss walking up those stairs to bring your meals to you I would LOVE to hug you just one more time. That may or may not happen before He Returns ony God knows this.Please write me back when you can, you are always on my heart and mind. I have made mistakes while we were all living at 2414, I am so very sorry I pray that you forgive me if I have offended you please forgive me, I thought I had it all together. But now I see, I was just messed up and made lots of wrong choices, but God came along with His Holy broom and cleaned up my mess and said to move on. I am so glad when He forgives our sins, He forgets never no more to be remembered. All I can say is ---Thank-you Jesus.

...

Love You Forever my dearest Daughter and Friend.

This is the average email from her and I’ve been told that it’s not normal to receive emails this long talking about how she’s ‘devastated’ by my choices and how the world is going to end in hellfire soon. Please allow me, however, to show the email she immediately sent after the above.

[T]acoma is Washington's most dangerous city, with a violent crime rate of 953 incidents per 100,000 residents. While this is a relatively high rate — the 96th worst in the country — the city's incidence of property crime stands out even more. ... Indeed, the city had the country's 15th highest property crime rate in 2016

The overall crime rate in Tacoma is 138% higher than the national average. For every 100,000 people, there are 16.81 daily crimes that occur in Tacoma. Tacoma is safer than 3% of the cities in the United States. In Tacoma you have a 1 in 17 chance of becoming a victim of any crime.

Have you done the research for this city?They said Tacoma is the most violent city in Washington,I love you and want you to be happy. There are sooo many universities with the same opportunities.

How would you get around, does your friend drive? I did see how beautiful the area is but you just have to be careful I guess everywhere you go. 

As you can see, she immediately invalidates my choice - something I was very truly wonderfully excited about - and sends me a message that triggers my anxiety. I should note that she did not allow me out of the house without her even when I was an adult and over 18. If I went somewhere she had to be there with me.

Ah, but now we come to today and the email that spurred this post to creation. The above emails were sent two days ago and I have yet to respond. The email below was sent just today. 

Hi Michelle.

While I cannot apologize for what I said, It was not my intention to offend you in any way. I just went to google and typed in most dangerous city in the state of Washington and Tacoma popped up, that is out of 100 cities in the state.Okay, I know you say you have been there and all and you are no match for all of the evil there. God forbid, should something happen to you--you would be just another name and another number to them there is no much evil there they can't control it, I say to you just watch on a daily basis all of the crime that goes on in that sin city.

You better be praying about this cuz I don't think God would want you to put yourself in harms way--make a wiser choice, and God will bless you for it.Look at what happened to kobe bryant incident.... they met a very bad situation face to face and of course their was no way they could turn that around. My whole point of conversation.....sure you can do what you want bcuz you are an adult grown woman, but I would strongly advise you to pray to God about it and make a wise choice here, your life and future depends on right choices you make now.

What about University of Michigan in Ann Arbor or East Lansing University, Michigan University Kalamazoo, they are on the ten universities in Michigan. You need to reconsider your decision and think about your resourses you can get more help from family  bcuz I have all kinds of family up there and I will be up there soon. You are no match for Tacoma Washington. I only say this bcuz you are my daughter and I don't want something really bad come out of this just bcuz you are trying to get an education behind you--this calls for wise decisions.

You may never speak to me again, but I just want to inform you that you need to be very very cautious here.

Love You Forever.

... 

“You may never speak to me again.” 

...

This is the last email I have read from her and it will remain the last email I will ever read from her. I also will not be sending her any emails ever again because you know what? 

Her scared, anxious daughter Michelle Jean Anderson died and I’m what’s left - and I’m sick of her shit. 

So, hello, everybody! My name is Andy Alex Anderson and my pronouns are he/him (or they/them if you panic and forget) and it’s a pleasure to meet you! 

[hiuythn]

hellloo, sorry if this is an annoying question so don’t feel pressured to answer, but have u ever had a problem with comparing your writing (or just self) to others?? like it’s a huge struggle for me, and i really look up to your writing! and many others, but it feels like a nearly impossible standard to ever reach :(

yeah bud ofc!!! i feel like that all the time haha it’s um. it’s shitty, for sure. i know it kind of seems like i know what i’m doing, but i’m kinda just muddling along. i’m minoring in crwr, right, and like, i average about a 75% on all my assignments. i’m constantly learning and seeing all my flaws everywhere. and my identity is so tied to writing and reading that the first time i got crit on my work in class it was like. hah, so demoralizing. like, if i’m not conventionally pretty or smart or w.e then can’t i at least be good at something else? cuz when you’re a kid, your world is small and it’s easy to be the best at things, and it’s only when you try to expand your experiences and further your development that you, ironically, feel like you’re falling behind.

what i’ve been trying to practice is to just...not care about it as much. easy to say; i fail at it more often than not. but like, as a person who takes everything to heart and fixates so strongly on things, it’s been kind of a relief to try and cultivate a light-hearted mindset instead. like rather than being intimidated by an author i feel is above me, i try to find happiness and excitement in their work like ‘oh wow holy crap how did they do that? how do i learn to do that???’ 

so then writing becomes less about being the best or getting to the highest point in the fastest way possible, and becomes more about the process, about having fun and laughing at yourself when you write shit like ‘tongues fighting for dominance’ or whatever skdjkjdhhkdjfhskd oh god that hurt to type

and there’s some days where i can’t be that forgiving on myself and it’s alright. i just try again tomorrow. or the day after that, or however long it takes to start over. it’s better to challenge myself to be kind and fail sometimes, than to be resigned to hating myself forever.

and i don’t think it helps to think that there’s a ‘standard’ for writing? sure, there’s like grammar and formatting rules, but you can learn those relatively easily. in terms of creative skill or storytelling, having a ‘standard’ is limiting. it limits the paths you can explore, limits the creativity that only you--an individual being with your own ideas and feelings that can’t be replicated in others--can bring into existence. 

there’s no way that there could only one way to write--that’s just boring!

[roses-are-blue16]

Novels-Random order

Novelupdates.com for more info about anything -> Back to Masterpost

Fave: 5/5

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation/Mo Dao Zu Shi

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, Historical, Mystery, Romance, Shounen Ai/Yaoi Other Unofficial tags: Smart Protagonist, Shameless Protagonist, Smart ML, Love interest falls first, Devoted Love Interest,  beautiful couple, power couple, wuxia, interesting supporting characters    

Status: Ongoing 

Art: 1 2 3 4 5 

Other things: there is an Manhua & Donghua out, all posts tagged by name here

Official Summary: As the grandmaster who founded demonic cultivation, Wei WuXian roamed the world in his wanton ways, hated by millions for the chaos he created. In the end, he was backstabbed by his dearest shidi and killed by powerful clans that combined to overpower him.He incarnates into the body of a lunatic who was abandoned by his clan and is later, unwillingly, taken away by a famous cultivator among the sects—Lan WangJi, his archenemy.This marks the start of a thrilling yet hilarious journey of attacking monsters, solving mysteries, and raising children. From the mutual flirtation along the way, Wei WuXian slowly realizes that Lan WangJi, a seemingly haughty and indifferent poker-face, holds more feelings for Wei WuXian than he is letting on…

My Thoughts: First chinese novel I stumbled upon and I fell in love with. To me everything about this story is absolutely perfect, from characters, to plot, romance, mystery and worldbuilding...everything was so unique and beautiful. And the translation group Exiled Rebels does an excellent job portraying it in english as best they can. There are some hurdles tho: for example if you haven’t read any chinese novels before you have to adjust to terminology a lot- especially names (everyone has like three names). So if you’re like me who stumbled into it with no idea what expect you’ll probably get confused a lot but if you stick out you’ll get used to it and rereading the first few chapters later after adjusting is probably a good tip. Unlike other BL/Yaoi stories that I’ve seen (mostly japanese manga) the romance actually blends and makes sense; and not fetishized or forced, even if you don’t like the genre it won’t get in the way of the story (especially with china’s censorship).    

   2.  The Legend of the Sun Knight 

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Mystery  Other Unofficial Tags: Shameless Protagonist, Anti-Hero Protagonist, Strategy, Hilarious interactions, War, Neocromancy, Leader, Loyalty, Elemental Magic, Black-Bellied Protagonist, Demons, Sarcasm abound

Status: Complete  Other things: Manga-(Discontinued?) 

Official Summary: I am a knight. To be precise, I am the Church of the God of Light’s Sun Knight.The Church of the God of Light worships and serves the God of Light, and theirs’ is one of the three largest religions on this continent.As the whole continent knows, the Church of the God of Light has the Twelve Holy Knights, and each one has his own unique personality and features.To be the Sun Knight is to have shining golden hair, sky blue eyes, a compassionate nature, and a brilliant smile.“The benevolent God of Light will forgive your sins.”I must have said that line at least a million times in my time as the Sun Knight.However, the greatest wish in my life is to be able to stand before the entire continent and roar, “Damn your ‘the whole continent knows’! This Sun Knight just doesn’t feel like smiling! I just don’t want to forgive these human trashes! I just want to pepper my sentences with ‘f***’!”Unfortunately, even to this day, I continue to wear a smile as I say, “The benevolent God of Light will forgive your sins.”

My Thoughts: Actually read this years ago (5-6?), and I always thought it was a japanese novel but I guess it isn't(?)-anyways not important. This story was absolutely hilarious, you won’t meet a more entertaining guy.  The contrast between how he’s forced to act as the leader of the religion- belevont, kind, smiling, pure- is the total opposite of his real personality so much so that it gave a shock (of pure delight) cuz of the drastic inner and outer faces. There’s 12 knights in total ,each is totally unique and you get introduced to them super fast. There is different conflicts that occur, that fall on Grisia’s ( the mc) shoulder to solve as he is the leader and while it starts off lighthearted, in the end some serious stuff occurs. This is a very warm hearted story about brotherhood i think overall. (Also heard that Grisia falls into the legendary trinity of shameless protagonist: Wei Wuxian from GDC is one of them and I agree lol). Very unique storytelling, it twists all kinds of classic tropes and plays with them, overall a very fun read.

   3. Eight Treasures Trousseau 

Genre: Historical, Josei, Romance, Drama Other Unofficial Tags: Arranged Marriage, Calm/Lazy Protagonist, Ambitious ML, Politics, Power Couple, Royalty, Doting Love Interest, Beautiful Couple 

Status: Complete

Official Summary: Everyone in the City of Jing thinks that bestowment of marriage between Xian Junwang and the daughter of the Yi’an Marquis House is to insert a fresh flower into manure.Xian Junwang was that fresh flower and the di daughter of Yi’an Marquis House was that manure that was not liked.It is said that what is heard is false, seeing is believing. Who knows what the truth really is?

My Thoughts: A really nice story set in Ancient China, and in my opinion the best one written. The story has both the female lead and male lead on pretty equal field in terms of their relationship, you won’t see any weak-willed person in this couple. This story also portrayed realistically the difficulties of living in Ancient China as a woman, by showing us many different kinds of people. The villains make you feel complicated emotions even when you hate them, which shows you great storytelling. No-one is excessively stupid and the mc is just stomping over them with her “cleverness” in this story which I liked. The MC is actually very lazy and this gave the story a very relaxed feel, which lead to time just flying by. I’ve just recently reread it which rare for me to do.  

   4.  A Slight Smile is Very Charming  -Side Stories

Genre: Romance, Comedy,Josei,School Life, Slice of Life   Other Unofficial Tags: MMORPG, Gamers, College/University, Power Couple, Beautiful Female Lead, Handsome Male Lead, Smart Couple

Status: Complete 

Other things: Adapted to a drama: Love 020

Official Summary:What is it that makes a man fall in love with a woman at first sight? Appearance? Aura? Wealth? NO, when campus prince and gaming expert, student Xiao Nai first saw Bei Wei Wei, what made him fall in love was not her extraordinary beauty; but her slim and slender fingers that were flying across the keyboard and her calm and composed manner!!! Embarrassing, no?At the same time, gaming expert Bei Wei Wei was on the computer methodically commanding a guild war, and won a perfect and glorious victory despite being at a disadvantage; completely unaware of the fact that cupid is nearby.Soon after basketball player; swimmer; all-around excellent student; and game company president, Xiao Nai, uses tactics both on- and offline to capture this beauty’s heart. Therefore this romance slowly bloomed.

My Thoughts: This is a very quick, lighthearted story. It gets straight to the point with no drama, if you just want a nice, quick romance to read then I highly recommend. When I was debating whether to read it or not, one of the reviewers on novelupdates said it had a drama, and I usually hate drama’s but they recommended it, so I went to check it out before I started reading and I surprisingly loved it. I usually hate cheesy but they managed to pull it off real well, so I was squealing and cringing at the same time (lol), it’s probably because the actors are really good looking so you can’t help but let it slide. The drama added some drama not a lot but some to the story. When I went back and read the novel I realized how quick it was compared to the drama. I recommended both honestly, if you’re looking for some fun. 

   5. Rebirth of a SuperModel

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance, Slice of Life, Yaoi  Other Unofficial Tags: ShowBiz, Transmigration, Black-Belly Protagonist, Love Interest Falls First, Clever Couple, Talented Couple, Power Couple, Celebrities, Acting, Media 

Status: Complete    

Official Summary: In his past life, Ming Yu struggled in the European and United States fashion circles, eventually becoming the well deserved king of the catwalk.After dying from a serious illness and being reborn, Ming Yu was surprised to find: Huaxia stars shone brightly, there were successful names everywhere!In this better world, on a more vigorous and brilliant stage, the first supermodel tries to reproduce the glory of another world! Interviewer: May I ask Mr Xi, this year Ming Yu said he would surpass you. As the number one global supermodel, what is your opinion on this? Xi Ze: This is a bad question. My family has very strict rules. Home Owner Ming Yu: …….  The pair of black-hearted husbands will sweep the fashion industry, conquering the world. 

My Thoughts: A really fresh story, I never got bored. It focuses more on the MC and his rise as a supermodel, and sprinkles in the romance with ML. While reading it (before it got completed), it felt like me and other readers were cheering on the MC as fans as well, which was a lot of fun. I’ve read some other showbiz transmigration stories but I got annoyed or bored real fast, this one I found real fun, no matter how many days until the next chapter you could pick it up and feel happy. Some things people might not like: there a lot of photoshoot scenes (he is a model) so some might get tired of that, but they go by pretty quick. While MC was the number one model in his old world, it doesn’t make him OP, he has his own flaws and he grows a lot which makes him more interesting. 

   6.     Sansheng, Wangchuan Wu Shang

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, Fantasy, Josei, Romance, Supernatural, Tragedy   Other Unofficial Tags: Goddess, Gods, Mythology, Heavenly Tribulations, Honest Protagonist, Protagonist loyal to Love Interest, Reincarnation, Beautiful Couple  

Status: Complete

Official Summary:  This is a story that follows the courtship between a stone from Hell and a god from Heaven that begins in the underworld and spans for three lifetimes in the mortal realm.

My Thoughts: Honestly was suprised how much I liked it. Despite the MC being naive, and ready to throw it all away for the ML, you can’t hate her. This a very fast story (about 15 chapter and 3 bonus stories), which adds to its charm. If it was longer I might have not liked it as much. There are overwhelmingly positive reviews about this story on novel updates which made me give this story a chance and I agree with them. If you like romance definitely check this out.   

    6.  The Earth is Online 

Genre: Action, Adventure, Drama, Psychological, Sci-Fi, Supernatural, Shounen Ai/Yaoi   Other Unofficial Tags: Game Elements, Thriller,  Survival Game, Special Abilities, Calm Protagonist, Clever Protagonist, Slow Romance, Modern Day

Status: Complete       

Official Summary: Six months ago, tens of thousands of black phantom towers appeared all over the world, floating above the cities. Chemists, physicists, religious people… all of them could do nothing.Six months later, people became used to the towers and no longer paid them attention.One day, Tang Mo saw a flying insect crash into it instead of going through it. The next day, a sharp and clear child-like voice issued an announcement to all humans. “Ding dong! November 15th, 2017. The earth is online.”  The black tower’s three iron-clad rules: 1. Everything is explained by the black tower. 2. 6 o’clock to 18 o’clock is the game time. 3. All players, please strive to attack the tower.

My Thoughts: You won’t find a story more unique than this. I doubt there’s anything similar to this story. Something that might come close might be the manga Tomodachi Game, but that's only the doing games for survival bit. I don’t know how the author came up with this, the games are so smart, that you may feel like you’re getting smarter by the end of it or that you’re IQ is hopelessly low. And it’s not the fact that rules are ridiculous and don't follow logic either, when the answers are revealed they make sense.. Honestly reading this I’m glad something like (probably ;) ) won’t happen because I doubt I would survive. I have a real admiration for the author for coming up with this. The story is good at keeping you wary and on edge that something is going to happen at any moment. Some issues?: The romance was so so slow burning that it became a background character, and there wasn’t a big payoff moment like the author gave us this weird analogy when they finally did the deed, that I was burning with indignation, just thinking about it pisses me off, but it probably has to do with the censorship in china. Also there were too much straight explanations that kinda got annoying but could be ignored. I think with how well the author set up the survival element that you could ignore the flaws pretty quickly. So glad I found this novel.      

   7.  Quickly Wear the Face of the Devil - Side Stories

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, Romance, Sci-Fi, Yaoi Other Unofficial Tags: Acting, Apocalypse, Artificial Intelligence, Episodic, Mob Protagonist, System, Virtual Reality, Cunning Protagonist, Devoted Love Interest, Possessive Characters, Hacker

Status: Complete       

Official Summary: A top hacker was chosen by the Lord God to be reborn into countless worlds, always as an expendable villain.With no free will, every world became a dead end. Every one of his lives ended tragically. Finally, after wresting control of the Villain System, this ace hacker decided to enact revenge. Even if his very bones were rotten, he’d choose to occupy the very heights of morality, if only on the surface.Thus, he would change his fate as an abused slag.

My Thoughts: If you’re on novelupdates you’ll hear about this story at some point, it has become infamous on the site. And for good reason, this is the top written System transmigration into multiple world stories, or just system stories. There a multiple worlds and each one has it’s own flavor you’ll definitely have your favorites. It’s a very fun story to read and if you’re new to system stories like I was when I read this, you’ll inevitably compare all others to this one.  

    8.  The Rebirth of the Malicious Empress of Military Lineage

Genre: Historical, Josei, Martial Arts, Mature, Romance Other Unofficial Tags: Betrayal, Politics, Military, Royalty, Scheming, Revenge, Beautiful Female Lead, Handsome Male Lead, Cunning Couple, Slow Romance 

Status: Ongoing 

Official Summary:  Shen Miao, the Di daughter of a military lineage, pure, amiable, quiet and yielding, foolishly in love with Prince Ding, threw herself into the role of a wife. After assisting her husband for six years, she finally became the mother of the world (Empress).She accompanied him to fight for the country, flourished the country’s territory, took risks to become a hostage in another country. When she returned five years later, there was no place for her in the Inner Palace.The beauty in his arms smiled brightly, “Older sister, the country is stabilized so, you should retire.”Her daughter met with a violent death and her son the Crown Prince was deposed. Her Shen family who sacrificed themselves for the country and the Emperor, not a single one of them were lucky enough to escape. With the change of one dynasty, everything was overturned. Her clan perished and she had to mourn for her children.Shen Miao never thought that being a married couple who have gone through trials and tribulations and mutually assisted each other was just a stage joke to him! He said, “Seeing that you have followed Zhen for twenty years, Zhen will grant you an intact corpse. You should thank this kindness.”Under the three Chi (1 chi = 1/3 meter) of white silk, Shen Miao made a malicious vow: In the time to come, she will take part in each and everyone’s end!Upon rebirth, she returned to the time when she was fourteen, when the tragedy had yet to occur, her family was still alive and she was still the pure, amiable, quiet and yielding Di daughter of a military lineage. Relatives hiding a black heart, Elder and younger (female) cousins are ruthless and malicious, the new Yiniang is like a tiger watching its prey and the disreputable man who wants to repeat the events?Her family must be protected, the huge enmity must be avenged, the Imperial seat of the country must also be a part of the trophy. In this lifetime, let’s see who can beat the others!

My Thoughts: I’ve tired to read numerous novels with the reincarnating to get revenge trope and I’ve never been able to complete them for variety of reasons but ultimately it’s because they end up sucking. This novel however is like a ray of light for this trope. Whatever way you think she’s gonna resolve something you’ll never guess right. I’m always pleasantly suprised. That’s something I can say for the whole novel it’s always surprising even with the current chapters with story almost at a close we readers just got shocked yet again. You’ll definitely experience a variety of emotions watching the story unfold, right now I’m pulling a napkin between my teeth (please author put us out of this misery already T.T). I doubt you’ll be disappointed.    

Great: 

Everyone Thinks that I Like Him 

Genre: Comedy, Romance, School Life, Shounen Ai/Yaoi  Other Unofficial Tags: Uni, Dense Protagonist, Slow Romance 

Status: Complete 

Official Summary: From infancy to maturity, what Ye Zhou dislikes the most was “two”.The reasons were: he was ranked second at home, he had been forever ranked second at school, no matter how diligently he worked and tried, he couldn’t shake off that “second” curse. What was more exasperating was that, at University, not only was he ranked second, but even his appearance that he was proud of had to be classified as second best! Why can’t I obtain the first place!The eternal second will rise!Then, Ye Zhou, after his vigorous efforts finally rises and the result was… the first became his boyfriend.This is the story of a man who has been forced to be “second” and how he became the first, most popular.Protagonists: Ye Zhou, Shang Jin.

My Thoughts: Cute, Fluffy, Funny. As you can see there is no drama tag so if you’re looking for an explosive story this is not it. But it is a very realistic story especially in regards to the acceptance of the couple how it differs for the younger generation vs. the older generation. The story is very natural and the characters believable. If you a cute story this is it.  

    2.  Empress with no Virtue 

Genre: Adult, Comedy, Drama, Josei, Mature, Romance, Smut Other Unofficial Tags: Arranged Marriage, Bickering Couple, Politics, Misunderstandings, Politics, Royalty, Imperial Harem, Power Couple,

Status: Complete

Official Summary:  The free-spirited and brutally honest Ye Zhen Zhen was unwillingly chosen as Empress to the playboy Emperor Ji Wu Jiu. Their very first wedding night, she kicked the Emperor down from their bed and he sought out his concubine instead. This completely disastrous start was only the beginning of their eventful life together.

My Thoughts: Although not especially memorable, I enjoyed reading it. It was fun watching the couple act petty to one another. Honestly their relationship reminded me of boys pulling on pigtails to get the attention of their crush. There are a lot of funny and fluffy interactions, made for a fun read.   

tbc.... Posted 2/13/19

[pinkykitten]

Standing Up

The Greatest Showman

Three - Legged Man x female! reader

Warning: the mob being buttholes, bullies, violence

Specifics: romance, fluff, man vs man, fall, pumpkin, race neutral reader

People:  Francesco “Frank” Lentini (three-legged man), you, the mob, P.T. Barnum (mentioned), P.T. Barnum family (mentioned)

Words: 1,732

Request: By anonymously Hi there! I've been reading through your blog (mainly tgs tag you have) and love your writing! 💕 I was wondering if I could maybe request a story for Frank, the three legged man? Maybe where the mob finds out about the two dating and start to target her and it gets to her, so Frank comforts her? Hope that's a good enough of a description 😄 Thanks!! ❤

Authors Note: hiya! thank u so much for liking my tgs writing. im so happy that i write for this fandom cuz honestly it deserves to much luv. thnx for requesting and i hope this was good enough. btw i luv this character like i would point him out every time i saw him he looks so cool! im sorry this took so long pls forgive me! i hope you enjoy and pls feedback is much appreciated. thnx!

You and Frank have been dating for a couple of months, loving every single moment you both shared with each other. 

Intertwining fingers, overwhelming hugs, countless of kisses, and so much more is the love you both posses. 

Meeting Frank was the best thing that has ever happened to you. You and Frank had greeted through a friend, and a very known friend at that. It was through Ralph Krooner aka the elephant - skinned man. Everything was history. 

You did not at all mind about Frank’s extra leg. You knew he was self conscious about it and just knowing that fact made your heart ache in sadness.

Unfortunately Frank wanted to keep your relationship a secret. Not wanting even a homeless cat to know. 

His reasoning? “I don’t want people to find out, love, because I don’t want you to get bullied or hurt because of me.”

You understood and respected his wishes. You didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t trust you. 

“Oh look at how big this one is Frank!” You called to him, waving your hand in the direction of the object you were wanting to show Frank. It was Fall, you were bundled up enough but not too much. You had wanted to go to the market so badly last Fall but Frank was not comfortable yet to go. This time he made the effort to attend the Fall market. All just to make you happy. 

Frank walked to you and as he walked people stared. Some children and some adults. Scoffing, whispering things to each other. 

You so badly wanted to tell them off, tell them how rude they were being and how they should teach their children manners. But again, you had to keep your relationship with Frank a secret. 

It was hard in public. You wanted to call him love, sweetheart, all these pet names but you couldn’t, you had to call him Frank. You couldn’t even hold his hand in public. It was a nightmare! 

“What is it y/n? Are you okay?” He asked concerned. 

You nodded your head, “yes silly I am alright, but look what I found!” You squeal in delight as you show him a huge pumpkin. 

With a struggle you picked up the orange fruit (if it got seeds then it a fruit, at least thats what ive heard) to show to Frank, closer up. Frank tried to help you the best he could.

He did help immensely. 

“I’m sorry I can’t be much of help,” he looked down ashamed of himself. 

You softly placed your foot by his and he looked up wide eyed, “Thank you good sir for helping me carry this. You are very strong.”

You bit your lip as you saw how his muscles flexed from the weight of the pumpkin. Frank saw you admiring his arms and he smiled with a little giggle. 

“You are very welcome, beautiful madam.” 

You grinned and asked him if he could carry it to the paying tent. 

As you and him walked there more people stared, more people whispered. Some even laughed. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the worst of these bullies. The mob. They tormented and treated people differently from them with evil acts. They spit, threw things at them, and called them names. You glared at the leader of the mob. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have done that. 

As you went to the paying tent, the mob came to his side. 

“Oh look another freak!”

Frank, still holding the pumpkin, pushed you behind him, setting and arm in front of you in case anything were to happen you would be protected. 

“Men, we don’t want any trouble. Please let us get on with our day with no confrontation.” Frank tried to avoid the situation. 

“No, I think we’re good here. You helping out this young woman?” They all started hooting and hollering at you, whistling for you to come over. “C’mon little darling, we can show you a good time.”

Frank placed the pumpkin on a nearby table with anger, “How dare you talk to a woman like that? You outta be ashamed of yourselves.”

The leader of the mob cackled, “All women are whores!”

At that Frank almost lunged at the man, but quickly you placed your hands on Frank’s shoulder. Stopping him. 

Frank took deep breathes and you saw his hands turned into fists. He was very irate!

The men laughed so hard, holding their bellies. “What kinda man are you? Can”t even protect your whore. I mean look at ya, god must’ve hated you when he created ya. I mean he gave you an extra leg.” They all laughed again. 

You could tell Frank was trying to hold back his tears. Feeling useless. 

You became furious! You, elegantly walked up to the men. They all hushed and the leader raised his brow, thinking you were coming for some alone time. 

Next thing you knew, you slapped the man hard on the face. His eyes went red and he looked so angry. 

“You don’t ever call me that again, you hear! I am not some toy that you get to play around with. I am a woman and I should, no I deserve respect. And you should go to hell for saying those mean comments to my love!”

Everyone seeing the scene and the mob gasped. 

“Thats right, I, a woman, love him,” you point to Frank who is standing there shocked at your words. “You do not have the right to bring people down and to hurt their feelings just because they look different. You have no right! He deserves the same respect as everyone else. He is so amazing and so kind, he shouldn’t be treated this way. So I think that is enough, and if you would like another slap, you know where to find me.”

You then took Frank’s hand in yours and walked to the pumpkin to buy it. As you almost picked it up the leader of the mob grabbed it first and with a snarl said, “I don’t like your little threats whore, you best be careful what you say now, or else.”  

He then raised the pumpkin high and threw it to the ground making the pumpkin splash everywhere. 

“I was gonna buy that you monster!”

You were so excited for this pumpkin because you had wanted to make so many dishes and desserts for Frank. But now it was ruined, you seeing the pumpkin patch was empty of pumpkins. 

“Too bad,” spit the leader, giving you a hard slap on your face as well. You fell to the ground, your cheek already swelling. Your dress ruined with dirt. And the people, the people laughing. 

Frank flung himself to the leader and started punching him with all his might. Lets just say Frank was winning. Not letting the leader out of his sight. 

Just then P.T. Barnum came out with his family in the back of him to break up the fight. He held back Frank and you can tell Frank was happy to see him.

Frank looked to you feeling like he wanted to comfort you but you just stood up and ran away. 

“My love, wait, please,” you heard Frank’s calls. But you didn’t want to, you couldn’t stay anymore. 

Tears streamed down your face, they were never ending. You felt this day and age people will never understand you. You felt lost. You felt weak. You were pretending to be this tough girl when on the inside you were fragile and scared. But you don’t regret any second of it. You got your point across, you showed the world that you do love Frank, and that you would take any slap for him. 

You went to your house and hurried with your keys to unlock the door. You sprinted inside. 

In your house you felt safe and protected. Nobody could see or hurt you. 

You sat on one of the kitchen chairs and just wept. They were uncontrollable. You felt humiliated. 

“Oh god, I’m so terrible. I even left Frank there. Well, at least Phineas is there.” You spoke aloud to yourself, sniffling in the middle. You grabbed a handkerchief and blew your nose. 

You then hear your doorbell ring. You try to regain your composure and make yourself look presentable.

You look through the blinds to see Frank standing there. His hair all disheveled, his clothes out in some places. He looked very worried. 

“My love are you okay?”

You stood there, leaning on the door frame. You smiled and the tears came back, you hugged Frank crying on his shoulder. 

“It hurt me what they said to you Frank.” 

Frank nodded and placed both hands on your cheeks, kissing the swelling of the slap. “Y/n, I didn’t want you to do that for me. You got hurt because of it. I knew this would happen.”

You looked up at him and shook your head. “I did what I was meant to do, protect you. Defend you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. And I don’t care who sees anymore, I want the whole world to know that you and me are together, in love.” You laced your fingers with his, and kissed his hand. 

Frank looked at you adoringly, “are you sure, beautiful? You may regret it.”

You brought his face to you and whispered, “never.”

You and him shared a deep, emotional kiss. Some people passing by looked at you two. You didn’t care anymore, you wanted to shout to the heavens how much you loved this man. 

After the kiss Frank leaned his forehead against yours, “I am so sorry they hurt that perfect face of yours. Thank you y/n, for standing up for me today. Nobody has ever done that except Mr. Barnum. I love you so much.”

You smiled, Frank brushed your tears away. “I love you, my sweetheart.” You kissed Frank again. 

“I have a surprise for you,” Frank chuckled grabbing something from behind him. 

“What is it?”

Frank then brought out a huge pumpkin, bigger than the one you had earlier. You jump up and down in delight. 

“Oh my god thank you so much Frank! I love it, its perfect!” You hop to him, giving him a big embrace. “Its perfect,” you whispered to him. “Just like you.”

[sycraft]

word. something. blah blah. 1, 2, 3. fist up, fist down. internal tears welled up inside. keep.them.inside. hidden. away from the eye, the light, the attention and not.make.a.sound. stomach twists and tries to settle. leg aches..pain in places that i forgot were there..that i chose to forget. why? all those years, all those experiences. repressed. unavailable at the moment..try again later.

sometimes i want to go back to those places....to remember. to get another re-do but won’t it be too hard? too many triggers and i’ll start spiraling down to those dark years where i was numb. away. on “vacation”. where i had too many nights crying myself to sleep and escaping to the bathroom to wipe my nose and after walking from the sink to the towel to dry off..i was lost in the soft touch and i slowly hugged it. embraced it and let my tears flow once more always hoping i would get a hug in return. always waiting for the gentle touch and assuring me it would be okay, that it would pass...i clutched harder as i hiccuped hoping no one heard me. had too many of those moments. things happened during the day and at night, it was quiet. quiet until it all erupted and things escaped, things were taken. i remember hearing, feeling somewhere someone..something was laughing as i laid there trapped. during those times i did not sleep alone of course cuz of our living conditions, and i tried desperately to reach for a touch. something real and breathing with blood flowing just underneath my finger tips. i held for as long as i could but not hard enough to wake them up and it helped. at times..

still happens today of course, but not as much as it DID back then. i’ve reached out for help, for dealing, for fixing, for trying somehow. i overcame. i fell. i tried again. i kept falling and falling until there was no more. then i repressed. i brought small parts out to rummage through the mess and put what where, where it needed to be. where i thought it would be okay and stay so ever still. i panicked and fell right back in, again. i heard the laugh once more and saw its big grin. i felt it through my panic attacks, my tears and frustration, flowing through my fingertips when i could not keep my hands still. i recall feeling tingly sensations everywhere every time i rubbed or whatever i did with my hands when i was breathing unsteady and shaking and crying and feeling s much anger. feeling frustrated because i could not speak nor explain what was going on. i remember being in these moments and getting yelled at. getting thrown words like “crazy”, “you’re sick”, “you need help” and them trying to hold me still. the look in their eyes..they didn’t get it from my past POV. there was so much going on back then now that i think about it. i know IT is still in there somewhere..waiting. always waiting. i’m trying though. SHE needs me. THEY need me and honestly I need me too. i have plans to fulfill. i have goals that i need to reach for HER. the girl in pain and God help me if i let her suffer like that again..

anyway this helps. dealing with so much i repressed. everything that was left behind and now i have to pull it out and deal with it to become better. after all, self care is important right? to let go, to forgive, to heal, to GROW.

maybe there are people who read this and if there are, fewer people get to this point but if they do get to this point, thank you and i’m sorry you had to read that...

-XX