#god every interaction with her and celia keeps getting more uncomfortable

[hikaaa-bi]

alice darling, can you be normal about like,, one thing?

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.03, “It's a Dilemna”

First of all, love the title for this episode. It reminds me of the classic 2011 Vince Vaughn/Kevin James dramedy, The Dilemma, which always reminds me of this tweet:

So prepare yourself for this episode, in which one of the characters might find themselves presented with “a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones.” Ooh. The possibilities are almost literally endless.

The episode starts with Bex and Andi playing off-brand scrabble.

I’m gonna guess... Word Trains? There’s clearly a heavy train influence here.

Bex takes a long time to play her word, but eventually settles on “dilemna” [sic]. Is this foreshadowing? Do you think Bex and/or Andi might have to make a difficult choice between two or more alternatives? And could it involve a jet?

Also, I can’t believe Bex went for dilemna when DEMJETIPRIZE was still on the table! That’s like a 200 point word!

Andi rips into Bex for spelling things wrong, but then Andi says superfluous as super-flew-us and everyone’s back on an even level.

If there’s one thing to learn from this whole ordeal, it’s simply this:

Words are stupid.

The next day, the GHC walks through school planning out their weekend. Andi says the Color Factory is in town, but I’m sorry, the only factory I’m interested in is of the cheesecake variety.

Anyway, the Color Factory is a bunch of colorful rooms that, as Buffy puts it, is “one those places that’s just for posting pictures on social media to make people feel left out.”

As Buffy’s describing that, I’m nodding my head like, Yeah, that’s so stupid. What kind of jerks would post dumb pictures like that to social media just to--

Never mind.

Anyway, Buffy and Cyrus are in.

Quick question: why does this girl assault Cyrus?

And why does Cyrus not do anything about it? Is his self-esteem so low he just lets people run into him and doesn’t even bother to say something? The poor child.

Buffy says you know who else might enjoy an artsy, interactive, colorful experience thing? Walker. And Andi’s like:

There’s definitely an unseen eye twitch going on here.

Andi slowly turns around and she and Buffy live in this long, awkward silence that gets mercifully ended by the school bell after a few seconds. They decide to talk about it later and scramble away.

Over at Cloud 10, Bex and Celia sort supplies in an empty salon.

I’m already starting to get worried about the business, you guys.

Celia asks Bex if she wants to go shopping on her lunch break. Bex sniffs out something suspicious, and Celia admits she wants to start a registry for Bex’s wedding. Bex doesn’t want to do that, though. Celia asks what Bowie thinks, but Bex says they really haven’t discussed the wedding, they’ve been too busy talking about bread. Celia loses all interest in shopping and goes back to her supplies.

Over at Red Rooster, Jonah strums a guitar when a dad and son come in. They are wildly over-impressed by Jonah’s guitar strumming.

Boy, wait till you guys hear actual music. You’re gonna flip.

Bowie comes to talk to the enthusiastic fans. Turns out, young Shaun (the boy) is turning nine, and his father, Victor (the man), would like to buy him his first guitar. Victor asks Bowie to teach his son, but Bowie’s like, eh, I’m not so much a guitar teacher.

But then Jonah’s like, yeah he is! He made me a music genius in two lessons! And he’s a rockstar! He traveled the world with the Renaissance Boys! You know the Renaissance Boys, don’t you? Bowie and... Rafe. And... Greg? And the cute one?

Bowie tries to play it all down, but it doesn’t seem to be working on Victor.

Victor says Shaun has a gift and he needs the right teacher, so Bowie accepts.

At The Spoon, Cyrus tells Andi he’s failing P.E., which seems almost impossible to me. All I had to do in school to pass P.E. was show up? Just like, stand around and keep breathing? There was a kid in my school who was in an iron lung and they got a B+. One student spent every period trying to attack the P.E. teacher with a big stick and didn’t fail the class. A boy in my school passed away in the 7th grade and still got a C in 8th grade P.E. because my P.E. teacher was convinced the gym was haunted by his spirit.

Anyway, Cyrus tries to figure out how to deal with this situation. Then he asks Andi how she’s going to deal with hers: Buffy and Walker. Andi wants to know if it really needs to be discussed. I mean, she said she was fine with it, sure, but then she was also quiet, so...

Cyrus says what Andi could do is, stay with me here, speak to Buffy. I feel like he’s tried giving this advice to Andi before, regarding Jonah. I forget if it worked that time. Probably. This time, though, Andi determines the best course of action is to not bring it up and hope Buffy doesn’t either.

Buffy arrives and immediately brings it up. You know what they say about the worst-laid plans...

Andi and Buffy decide to get it all out there. Andi feels weird around Walker and doesn’t want him to come to the Color Factory. Buffy understands and says she won’t invite him. Everything seems good.

Cyrus pulls out a chip he thinks looks like Obama.

Wow. Way to take care of a valuable piece of art. You wouldn’t just stuff a Van Gogh in a ziploc and hope for the best.

Bex comes by to see Celia and asks why she got a “Save the Date” for her wedding. Celia says it’s ok, because actually the I Ching chose the date. Bex reminds her she’s said over and over that she doesn’t want a big fancy wedding and Celia’s like, if I don’t do something, you’ll all be wearing shorts at the wedding like animals! Bex and Celia are sort of at an impasse here after it felt like they we’re doing so well in their fight together against Aunt Mei.

Cyrus talks with his P.E. teacher, looking for an out. He says he’s running a 17 minute mile. 17 minutes?! I had a kid in my P.E. class that did a 15 minute mile in an iron lung! Half my 8th grade class were in iron lungs, ok? I went to a weird middle school.

His P.E. teacher suggests taking a P.E. alternative, which leads to Cyrus joining the cast of Fame.

Is it just me or are the dancers performing a number based on a public domain version of the Rocky theme?

Also, aren’t we just barely into the school year? How are all the rest of these kids so good already?

Cyrus is exhausted and realizes he’s made a huge mistake. Not sure why he thought dancing wasn’t also a lot of cardio. Probably because he has a broken teenage brain.

At Red Rooster, Bowie tries to teach Shaun the guitar. He’s not very good. It appears that Bowie attempts to teach him for maybe an hour or so, realizes he isn’t the reincarnation of Jimi Hendrix, and then dies inside.

I mean, the kid is only nine. I’d assume there’s lots of room for improvement. Tons of room. But I’m not a member of the famed Renaissance Boys. (And if I was, I’d be the cute one. Believe it.)

Andi gets ready to head out to the Color Factory and walks right into Walker, who says they need to talk-er. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.

Walker wants to know why if Andi said she was cool with them just being friends, then what’s the deal with her being all weird around him. Andi’s upset Buffy told Walker that, but Walker says Buffy needed to explain why he couldn’t be around her.

Walker wants to know if there’s anything they could do to fix this whole mess and Andi’s like, mangle your face so you’re gross to me. No, she doesn’t know if there’s anything to do, but she does know Walker should go to the Color Factory. Walker thanks her for being cool, which is... a generous reading of the situation. Andi admits as much.

At the Color Factory, Cyrus remains in pain from doing just a very light amount of uncoordinated dancing.

Cyrus says he can’t go back to regular P.E. until next semester, so strap in, folks: we’re going to be seeing some more dancing this year.

Walker shows up. Buffy is surprised to see him, but Walker explains everything was worked out and he has Andi’s permission to enjoy the Color Factory with the others.

And enjoy the Color Factory they do. They’re laughing and posting pictures to social media.

In fact, you may say they’re having the time of their lives.

God, I hope Andi can’t hear that music or read the closed captioning.

Buffy texts Andi asking where she is and why she didn’t come but Andi has a tough time answering.

Bex and Bowie prepare food. Bowie thinks it’s nice Celia is obsessing over their wedding. Bex thinks they should be the ones to plan the date of their wedding, and Bowie asks her when that should be, and Bex doesn’t actually know, and neither does Bowie, so Bowie suggests maybe they should just trust the I Ching.

Bowie says if neither of them really cares, give this to Celia. Pick your battles, which is a smart tactical move in both warfare and in dealing with overbearing mothers. Bowie’s reasonability (reasonableness? Words are stupid.) wins Bex over.

Also, Bowie spent the whole scene just absentmindedly chopping up hot dogs.

It’s not really important, but I kept watching him do it the whole time, wondering what those chopped up hot dogs were for. But that’s my problem, not yours.

Anyway, the two parents realize Andi’s been quiet, so they go to check on her.

Andi’s not feeling ok. She explains that her friends are having fun without her, and that Buffy would rather be with Walker than with her. Bex is like, wow, would Buffy really say that? And Andi’s like, she didn’t have to, I know it’s true because Buffy told Walker he couldn’t hang out with her because she wanted to spend time with Andi and it made Andi uncomfortable. And Bex asks Andi if Andi told Buffy not to tell Walker that, and Andi feels she shouldn’t have had to. And Andi says she texted Buffy that something came up, and that’s why she couldn’t go to the Color Factory, but Buffy never asked her what that something was. Further proof of malice. Followed by the gravest insult of all:

WHY NOT JUST THROW DIRT IN MY FACE, BUFFY?!

Andi says to top it all off, her friends posted all sorts of fun stuff on social media, knowing full well she has access to the internet. I guess it’s sort of interesting she’s giving Cyrus and Jonah a pass here, but whatever.

Bex and Bowie try to cheer Andi up, but she’s in an emotional hole right now.

Andi is being a bit unreasonable, but I also understand it’s fairly realistic emotional behavior for her age (broken teenage brains and all that).

Being an adult, however, the ones I sympathize the most with in this scene are Bex and Bowie...

...who share a little, “Oh right, we’re raising a teenager” look as the episode ends.