#god and don’t even get me started on her music being sam coded through and through

[creekmud]

she is my fem sam winchester

[golbrocklovely]

never needed // colby brock

A/N: so fun fact about this fic is that i came up with it last year back in november. it was around the time me and my ex best friend stopped being friends. i was really in such a rough headspace, and i think the concept shows it. i just finished writing it today and wow... i still feel this way to some extent, but not fully (thank god). also i literally cried while writing it today so there’s that. hope yall enjoy this one. i'm trying to post a bunch of fics since this coming week is my bday (the 14th). no guarantees, but i'm trying my best to put out at least six things. let me know what you think of this one. see yall later :)

prompt: colby has been ghosting you for a while, just when things were starting to get good between you two. after a week of ignoring you, he’s finally ready to talk. || fem!reader x colby brock

trigger warning: angst, cursing, heartache, crying, honestly this one is really sad so sorry about that, happy ending tho

word count: 2331

~~~~~~~

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I groaned to myself, staring at my phone.

Colby was still ignoring me, something I had grown accustomed to this week. He had ghosted my calls and my texts. He turned his read notifications off too, so I had no clue whether or not he had even seen my messages at all.

Everything had been going great between us. We had met a couple years back and hit it off as friends right away. I always thought he was attractive, and our friendship was always really flirty; so much so that fans thought we were together. And then finally, something clicked a couple months back. I wasn't sure if it was the accidental drunken kiss we shared, or just a built up of feelings, but we finally decided that maybe we should test out an actual relationship.

We promised each other we would take it slow, both of us still heartbroken from our previous relationships and our general trust issues. But these past two months, we went into overdrive, actually taking the time to feel each other out as boyfriend and girlfriend.

And for the first time, I felt happy. Genuinely happy.

A week ago, we had even gone on a cute little date, something we had started doing regularly. We were in the middle of our conversation; I remember I laughed hard at something he said. It was loud enough that some of the patrons in the restaurant stared at us. And when he tried to shush me jokingly, a silence had fallen over us.

His face dropped suddenly, he became super serious and quiet, and then he asked if we could go home.

He told me the next day that he thought he got food poisoning and it just hit him in the restaurant. I didn't think anything of it and was fine with going home early.

But now, I wonder if he was lying.

I looked back down at my phone, reading over my messages from the past week to him.

Was I taking this too far? He could have just been busy. I don't wanna come across as clingy.

"Ugh, fuck that." I muttered out loud to myself, rolling out of my bed to get a drink.

I didn't care if I came across as clingy. I had a right to know why he was ignoring me. If it was work related, he would have told me. He had done that in the past before.

This was different, I just knew it.

Tomorrow, I planned to go over and see him. I would have done it tonight, but I knew he wasn't home. He was out with some friends at Saddle Ranch. Like a fan, I had to watch his stories on Insta, since that was the only way I knew where he was.

"Don't expect too much from him." Sam said.

I shook my head at that memory. When we got together, everyone was happy for us. But I could feel a certain tension in the room, a certain caveat that wasn't being mentioned. Later that night, Sam and I were by ourselves, and he asked me if Colby and I had really made our relationship official. I told him we hadn't gone all the way, but that we were taking it one step at a time.

"I'm happy for you guys, really. I just wonder..." His voice trailed off.

I cocked my head. "Wonder what?"

"Look, I love you both, but I don't know if Colby is really ready for a relationship. There's a lot of things he still needs to work through." He stated.

"We're not that serious." I laughed.

"Yeah, yet. If you plan to be, I just don't want you to get your heart broken because he wasn't ready." Sam admitted.

I patted his shoulder lightly, smiling. "Relax, Samuel. Everything will be fine."

"Alright. Just... don't expect too much from him, okay?" He mentioned, his eyes narrowing on mine.

That had been two months ago and... I think I should have heeded his warning.

A loud knock at my front door brought me out of my thoughts, scaring me. I grabbed a knife from my kitchen, striding over to the door. I glance through the peephole to see who was there.

Colby's face stared back.

"Y/N, it's me. Can you open the door?" He called.

I scowled at him through the peephole. "Sorry she's not home right now. Maybe you should try responding to her texts.”

“Look I'm sorry, but that's why I came over. I wanted to talk in person.” He replied.

“Damn, that’s a shame. Too bad she’s not home!” I exclaimed angrily.

“C’mon now, don’t be childish.” He remarked.

I swung the door open, holding back from yelling into my hallway. “Childish?!”

He smirked at me. “I knew that would get you to open the door.”

“You’re not funny.” I deadpanned, glaring at him.

“Can you please let me in? I seriously want to talk.” Colby responded, his eyes landing on mine.

“No, Colby. It’s one o’clock in the morning, I don’t feel like talking, and you’re drunk.” I jeered, resting my hands on my hips.

He scrunched up his face dramatically. “No, I’m not. I only had like two drinks.”

“Oh my mistake. I figured a person that randomly comes over to talk at the ass-crack of night is usually drunk,” I quipped. “Don’t you have better things to do, like be at Saddle Ranch?”

He stepped back, raising an eyebrow. “How’d you know I was at Saddle Ranch?”

I could feel my cheeks heat up. “Because… I watched your stories.”

“Nice to know you pay attention to me,” he uttered under his breath. “Please let me in.”

“No. Fuck off, Colby.” I hissed.

He rolled his eyes at my comment. “If you don’t let me in, I’m just gonna make noise out here in the hallway until you do.”

“Bet.” I huffed.

“What was your favorite movie again… ‘10 Things I Hate About You’?” He questioned, stepping back further into the hallway.

I blinked. “Yeah, so what?”

He looked up at me, giving me a devilish smile. “…You’re just too good to be true.”

My face dropped at his voice. “Colby.”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you.” He sang, pointing at me.

“Are you really-” I started.

He cut me off, running his hands down his body. “You’d be like heaven to touch.”

I hushed. “Seriously stop-”

“I wanna hold you so much.” He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself.

I grunted, smacking my hand towards him. “Colby, it’s one in the morn-”

“At long last, love has arrived.” He opened his arms wide.

“Shut the fuck up!” I whisper-shouted.

“And I thank God I'm alive.” Colby praised up towards the ceiling.

I retorted. “You’re fucking embarrass-”

He spun in a circle slowly. “You're just too good to be true.”

“I knew giving you the code to my apartment was a bad idea.” I grumbled.

“Can't take my eyes off of you.” He winked, pointing at me again.

Colby took a big inhale, ready to start singing the music, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him into my apartment.

I slammed my door shut, locking it quickly. “Next time you do something like that, I’m gonna kill you.”

“That’s not very- why do you have a knife?” He motioned toward the knife sitting on my side table.

“What-? Oh, I thought you were an intruder.” I explained.

He lightly smiled, his dimples appearing. “You think an intruder would knock?”

I snapped, annoyed. “Aren’t you here to apologize?”

“Right, right,” he cleared his throat, his demeanor changing. “Y/N, I’m deeply sorry.”

“Sure.” I narrowed my eyes, walking towards my kitchen.

He followed me. “I know what I did was fucked up. I should have responded to you.”

“You completely ignored me for over a week.” I informed him, resting my back against the counter.

He nodded. “I know. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I crossed my arms uncomfortably. “…were you busy?”

“No, not really.” He divulged, dropping his head.

“So, you purposefully ignored my calls and text…” I could feel my hands shake against my arms.

“You make it sound bad-” He mumbled.

“It is that bad.” I emphasized, stopping him. “Colby, you wanna talk about being childish? That shit was childish.”

He agreed. “I know it was.”

“Obviously not since you keep joking about it.” I argued.

“I’m not trying to joke,” he protested, running his hands through his hair. “Do you wanna know the honest to God truth?”

“Of course I do.” I answered, furrowing my eyebrows.

He exhaled, glancing at me. “When we first got together, even though we were taking it slow, I was terrified to date you.”

“Terrified?” I puzzled.

He swallowed hard. “Yes. Scared shitless.”

“Why?” I questioned.

“I thought it was because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But then… at dinner,” his voice lowered, his shoulders dropping. “I realized it was more than that.”

I shook my head, confused. “What are you ta-”

“I’m falling in love with you, Y/N.” He confessed.

His words made me step back, my breath hitching in my throat.

I choked. “What?”

“When you laughed really hard, and did that cute snort thing you do, I remember we looked at each other… and all I saw was you,” his eyes bore into mine, causing goosebumps to rise all over my skin. “No one else in that restaurant existed. And in that moment, I wanted to tell you I love you.”

I stammered out words, unable to think clearly. “S-so… you-”

“When I felt it, I knew I had to go home. Because I was just so shocked at the feeling. I haven’t felt that way for anyone in a long time.” He sighed exhaustingly, “and… I apologize that I ignored you. Every time I saw your messages, I knew I should have responded. But my body, my mind, wouldn’t let me.”

I frowned. “Because you love me?”

“Because… I’m scared to love you.” He admitted.

A heavy silence fell over the apartment. I shuddered out an exhale, not even noticing I had been holding my breath in for so long. Colby closed his eyes, twisting up his face, and turned his back to me.

“Why are you scared to love me?” I gulped, scared of his answer.

His shoulders tensed as he gripped the counter. “The last time you felt heartbroken… did it leave you feeling empty? Because that’s how I felt… for so long. It’s not even the empty feeling that bothered me. It was the fact that I knew something used to be there… and now it’s gone. I miss who I was before.”

I opened my mouth, but no words escaped.

“I have this deep, guttural feeling that you’re gonna realize I’m not worth loving, and that there is someone else out there that is, and you’re gonna leave me.” His voice trembled as he spoke, “everyone… always leaves me.”

I gasped quietly. “Colby-”

He turned back to me, his face becoming red. “I just feel like no one ever needs me, you know? Like some people only keep me around because they don’t have the heart to just tell me they don’t care anymore. Even Sam has someone else.

I consoled. “That’s not-”

“And I know it’s selfish to want everyone around me to only want me. I don’t really feel that way. I just… don’t feel like anyone really needs me as much as I need them,” his chest quaked as his breathing began to speed up. “And when you realize it too… I don’t think I can live through that fall out again. I don’t think I’m gonna survive it.”

“Wait, Col-” I murmured.

“At that dinner, I had this gut-wrenching anxiety come over me; a voice in my head that said ‘she’s gonna leave you too’ and… I’m just so sorry.” He panted, his eyes welling up.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly, pressing his body into mine as hard as I could. He buried his face into my neck, his body almost going limp against mine.

I couldn’t help my own tears spill as they landed on his shirt. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way before?”

“I was ashamed. I should be stronger than this.” He fumed through his tears.

I rubbed his face lovingly. “Who said that? You are strong. Expressing your emotions is strong.”

He nodded, croaking. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course. How about tonight you stay over, and then in the morning, we’ll talk about this more? Okay?” I suggested, resting my hands on his forearms.

“Yeah.” He whimpered.

I smiled brokenly. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

I lightly grasped Colby’s hand, pulling him slowly into my bedroom. He stumbled along, his head remaining down.

I sat him down on the bed and slid off his jacket, placing it on my dresser. I cupped his face, tracing his jaw with my fingers. His eyes finally landed on mine as I tilted his head up.

I leaned down and kissed his lips, resting my forehead against his.

“I’m not gonna leave you, Colby.” I stated, gazing into his eyes.

He begged in a hushed tone. “Please don’t.”

“I won’t. I promise.” I reassured, kissing his forehead.

I walked over to the other side of my bed and laid down. Colby kicked off his shoes, taking his belt off and pulling his jeans down. After getting undressed, he slid into bed with me, laying his head down softly on my chest. Wrapping his arms around me, he buried his head into my neck again, sighing against my skin. I ran my fingers through his hair, a light hum falling from his lips. I ran my other hand up and down his spine, feeling him shiver under my touch.

“We’ll be okay, Colby.” I whispered.

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

It’s The Avengers (03x16)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 16: You Picked the Wrong Weakness

Series Summary: Living in the Avengers facility post-apocalypse in a better timeline   Tony Stark has decided to capture every moment by pulling The Office on the Avengers. All of housemates are pretty used to the idea except for you, who had just come here to finish her degree, and the newest member- Loki.

Warnings: did someone just go and tell the otp about the otp?

Word Count: you know that feeling when you have had a bad experience on some project or assignment or homework before. And you know that thing is going to come around again next month or something like that. And you just age yourself by giving yourself anxiety by thinking everything that could go worse in that area. Yeah. So, I kinda shut that off for a few hours and wrote this.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

The Interview Room The camera is recording empty seats as a pair of voices grow louder with every second. "...it's like they don't even care about what the other person wants!" "...no, why would they. These rich daddies and their rich egos think they are the only ones thinking about the world." The camera swivels a bit to watch Peter and Scott enter with a new guest following them with a Caprisun in their hand. Peter: And why did you have to go ahead and help them? Shuri: *sits between Scott and Peter* *takes a long sip of her 'sun* What. I'm not going to give up any opportunity that involves space and weird energy boxes. Peter: Why did your brother even agree to it?? Shuri: *shrugs* all your sugar daddy had to say was 'what if it was Shuri'. And my thicc-head of a brother lost it like a rhino in a mating challenge. Peter: *scrunches his nose at the example* Scott: Great *sigh* now we'll never get to see them together. With your brains, those dads are probably already in space now. Shuri: Not so fast! They don't have the codes to neutralise the pandora's box yet. Peter and Scott: *look at each other*  Shuri: So teleportation might be delayed as long as I am kept happy?  Peter: *takes out a notebook* Scott: *takes out his phone and a card labelled Avengers Black Card* The camera pans in on a smirking Shuri sipping on her Capri sun.

Inside a Spaceship: Destination Unknown You and Loki were captured by the little drone flying at the same speed as the spaceship (which clearly had seen some remodelling, thanks to your rainbow buddies). Both of you were staring at something in front of you that lids by your waist level- something the outside drone was not able to capture because of the limited view in the spaceship window. The expressions on your face were serious. So was the arms-crossed stance. "Are you sure it wasn't just a noise?" Loki now had a finger on his lips in deep thought as he heard your words. "I am pretty sure of what I heard," he acknowledged without missing a beat. "So-" your voice faded as your fingers twirled in the air with a mind of their own- "that means he has...another..." "You really can't say it?" Loki looked at you with a questioning brow going up quite smoothly. You tsked. "It's my baby," you mentioned while Javier's camera watched you point down at slumbering Lulu. "I cannot just casually say he might have another hole and I think he farted through it. I cannot hurt my baby's feelings!" Loki scoffed. "Your baby's sleeping." "He still has ears." "You think he understands what a fart means?" "What do you think I've been teaching him when you, me or Javi pass the gas?" Loki's casual demeanour suddenly changed to an offended one. "I beg your pardon?" You were quick on your feet, already walking towards the front of the ship. "So, where exactly are we heading now? Aellae's next of kin? Though I find it hard to imagine she would have left your essence with anyone other than herself." Loki came and sat next to you, still pissed at that comment in those narrowed eyes. "I am going to circle back to your words-" he inhaled while you acted all innocent- "and no. We are not looking for anyone related to that witch." "Then are we looking for another one of your exes?" "No, we are n-" Loki stopped short, his lips right in a thin line as he stared at you. "Why are you so interested my exes?" You simply shrugged and raised your brows. "On the contrary, it seems your exes are still pretty interested in you." That casual expression turned into a familiar judgment as your head turned to look at him. "Though I wonder what did they find so-" you hands moved haphazardly- "interesting about you." Loki swivelled his captain seat towards you, locking your legs between his while grounding your armrests with his hands. Clicking the control button on your armrest, he moved your chair a bit closer to him, his face in close proximity to yours. Javier's camera panned in on the gulp moving down your throat while your eyelids did a flutter at this uncalled movement. The 4K caught those goosebumps rising right where his arm barely grazed yours and in the background, Lulu played an arousing violin piece. "Something you can only dream about, darling," he whispered. The violin picked up the charge in the air within its quick clean high notes. The only noise leaving you was the escape of the air stuck in your throat, shivering on its way out. "Of c-" you cleared your throat. trying to sit back up in your seat- "of course I can only fantasize. The reality makes me want to puck. Ugh!"

Loki: Y/N thinks space is all fun and games. What she does not realise is that just like earth, this universe too has an underworld. Ten times in size and twenty times as brutal. And Aellae was just the tip of the filthy iceberg. *camera zooms in on his tensed features* looks into the distance* Wonder who else she told about her. *looks back* *blinks* I'm taking her somewhere we can lie low for now. *rolls eyes* that is if she understands what lying low means. *sighs* 

You: *eating bread like a peasant famished for days* Hm? What? No *shakes head* 'm nod nerbous. *takes another bite* debinidly nod becoz o doki. He wash jus playing wee me. *viciously bites into the bread* *growls and buries head in your lap* 

"I am still telling you to ask for their help. It's not too late," you suggested in a composed manner, sitting in the co-pilot seat. "I am not calling seven alien boys just because you have a fetish for Korean pop bands." You thwacked his leg with yours. "I do not! And don't you dare talk shit about k-pop." Loki chuckled. "Why? What are going to do?" "I won't. But you know what k-pop fans are like, don't you?" The smile on Loki's face suddenly started to flicker away as he looked at the camera. "Remember that Vegas trip?" Clearing his throat, he adjusted himself on his seat, while you shared a devilish smirk with the camera. "We're going somewhere safe. Where I have a chance of getting my powers back and hopefully a gateway back to earth." You sat up. "Why didn't we go there in the first place?" Loki blinked, not really answering. You and the camera noticed the tension in his jaw. "It's not a place I like to talk about." The asteroid belt cleared in front of the spaceship to show the part of a planet covered in grey clouds shadowing frozen blue mountains and dark valleys. "Jotunheim," you whispered to yourself, letting the gloomy yet majestic scenery of the place reflect in your eyes. “Loki,” all humour in your voice seemed to dilute as you looked back at home, “we don’t have to go there. We-uh...we could go to one of Peter’s hideouts? Or maybe we could call the Boys and ask them to direct us to one of their safe places? You know, till we find a lead on your essence.” A smirk built upon the God's lips. "Is that concern I hear in your voice?" Those worry-laden brows suddenly dispersed all emotion to make way for anger. A slap made way from your hand to his right side of the back. The thwack was loud enough to wake Lulu and force a sincere 'ow' from the God's throat. "This concern is for me and my babies you awful animal," you growled, your voice considerably higher, "you think they'll survive there?"

Jotunheim If the mountains seemed to carry an eerie aura about them, the valleys were a straight suggestion of being pits straight to hell. To add to the effects of arriving at the gates of hell, the snow falling was harsh, to say the least. As soon as the door to the ship opened to let all the passengers feel the heat, the drone travelling outside took in travellers covered in thick fur. Javier carried Lulu on his front, both of them visible just with their faces- not to mention the former's blue eyes standing out over everything else in his surroundings. Loki too embraced the thick skin, looking quite the part of a Jotun till he picked up the hood of your coat to put it over your head without saying much; only smiling when you looked like a fluffed up birb in that Viking overcoat.

Loki: *smiling sheepishly**looks at you standing next to him* Angry birb *looks back at Javier's camera* Sam taught me that one. *camera pans at you simmering under that fur*

Lulu had already picked the background music for his pack's entrance. The Viking beat had just the right amount of weight and horror of the unknown in it as this place did. Just ahead of the pass lay the structure carved in the mountain itself. It could be called a palace or a temple. But that was not what sought your attention.  Eyes. The camera caught eyes in the dark staring at the unwanted guests. Blue. Piercing. Murderous. And more than one pair. The drone panned in on that one subconscious movement of your fingers gripping the fur of the coat on Loki's back as the God walked gallantly- as if he owned the planet. But your eyes did not stop to observe the alien movement around you. "Remember-" Loki's whisper brought you out of the daze your own thumping heart was creating for you- "do not show them your fear. Show them that you are to be feared." It may have been his words or just his voice that started to melt the fear visible on your features, lasting for five seconds before a loud thump vibrated the land beneath your feet, making you all come to a stop. And when that was not enough, the audience saw the feet first, then the legs and then the whole length of a Jotun appearing before them. Some necks were really going to feel it tonight.

"Who dares enter the land of Jotunheim?" came the thundering and low growl from the Jotun that stood towering over you all. "The one who is alive and stands on this land," Loki announced, "with the blood of Laufey in my veins, I have come to claim what is mine." There was nothing but an uninviting smirk on the Jotun's face. "I am Loki, son of Laufey, son of Odin, ruler of Asgard and your King," he commanded with ice in his voice, "and you...need to bow...before your King." The dead silence proceeding his threat of a speech was enough for you nearly bury you inside your own overcoat. And when that did not seem enough, your body- on its own- moved a step closer to Loki's side. "Oooooh Gooood," you whispered with quite the shudder while your face was plastered with a no-fucks-given wave, "we're gonna die." On the contrary, the silence was followed by many Jotuns coming out of the shadows to surround your group one by one before bowing down. Even the ones who looked quite young did the same. All of them except for the one Jotun who had greeted you first. "Allir fagna konungi!" they chanted in unison. "All hail the king," Javier translated it for you. "Didn't know you were into Nords," you quipped, "the language, I mean." "Honey, I am all into Nords," he signed before looking around with a smile, finding a buff Jotun that caught his eye. He did not take another second to blink at him and leave that giant a bit confused and flustered at the same time.

Inside the Palace The throne was sculpted out of ice that seemed as old as the mountain. Alongside it had been made seating arrangements for the family, running parallel till the doors of the throne room, all greyish blue stones marked with Jotun carvings. You and Javier believed they might be names of dignitaries. Lulu thought they are just doodles by other babies and proceeded to contribute to the stone they were standing next to. A little female giant sat down and looked at Lulu's doodles with curious wide eyes. Loki stood rightfully in front of his throne, admiring it before turning to his subjects, most of them adults who were exceptionally taller and blue-er than him. The drone captured the magnificence of the throne room that had fire pits next to the seats at intervals right alongside the stone pillars and right in the middle, a few feet in front of the king. But none of them were lit. And the giants were visibly annoyed by the drone while the kids wanted to catch it and play with it. "An Asgardian announces himself as our King," the one giant growled as he stood at the steps of the throne, "why would we believe you to be our King, son of Odin." He nearly spat the last part. The drone captured that bit of concern breaking out on your composed features but Loki just smirked. Pulling his overcoat to the side- as magnificently as he believed himself to be- he sat down as if he has done it ever since he was born. The authority exuding from his presence certainly put the murmurs going around the hall to a standstill. "At ease, Helblindi," he stressed to the giant with a purr and directed the rest of the audience to take their place. "Not you." Everyone stopped short to looked at their king. And he was clearly looking at you. You pointed a finger at yourself in question. "Don't you know your place....pet?" he commanded ever so slyly, discreetly pointing his finger at the stone next to his throne.

You: *look around to make sure no one's looking at you* *anger about to explode through your eyes* *whispering* Pet?? PET?? I swear gonna just *gestures to grab the air* grab his throat and *punches the said air repeatedly in her palm*  *camera pans out to focus on three baby giants looking at you in pure horror before their mother carries them away murmuring something* *camera swivels to show Javier looking disappointed* Javier: *signs* she said 'stay away from the crazy human'. *sighs* *shakes his head*

“Come-“ Loki’s fingers gestured at you to come over to that stone couch of a thing next to him- “sit.” Taking a breath to compose your usual embers of rage at that comment, you smiled and walked up the stairs to stand next to him. The camera recorded the little gracious bow you gave the God but not before your back was to the spectators and you signalled an insult with your middle towards him, nearly making him chuckle. And with one heavy inhale, you sat down next to him, clearly not at the same level as him. “Is this what Lulu feels like?” “I would’ve made Lulu sit in my lap,” Loki acknowledged with a smirk. “You’re welcome to join me anytime but for now-“ he adjusted himself on his seat and raised his voice to address the court- “let us have a feast tonight and raise our mugs in union of the Jotun king and his subjects.” Helblindi scoffed and spat on the floor. Loki did not look but he was surely observing his every move. “In union of an excuse of a giant who does not even resemble-“ “I would like you to stop there my brother-“ Loki announced as he got up, letting the whole room take one united gasp at the scene- “before you start regretting your own words.” You blinked at the reactions to turn and look at Loki. Now the lights from the ceiling did a stupendous job of catching the widening of your eyes while your pupils were dilated in an emotion only known to you when you witnessed- for the first time in your life- Loki's skin change its shade and features. The flawless paleness gave way to a blue so deep over those arms he rarely displayed in public. The colour ran up his neck as well, covering him all the way. And along with this shade came ridges on his skin which apparently every Jotun had; running up his face and down his limbs. Those smaragdines and whites around them were now replaced with red. “This Jotun-“ his voice was low, but with enough weight that it echoed to the last corner of the room- “has seen enough lives to know what is hatred and what is fear. So next time you try to question my right, Helblindi, know that I have no qualms in exploiting them in a way which seems necessary for me.” Helbindi did not seem to stand his ground much now. Not after a few Jotuns who stood up to speak against the giant who had been torturing them for a while with his reckless and greed-ridden laws. Javier's camera was stuck on your reaction in the middle of this mild chaos. Your parted lips, wide eyes, stare lingering all over the God's body, your throat feeling the urge to swallow the dryness; it really was a sight, an emotion that many fanfiction artists would want to take inspiration from. Loki- who was smirking at the warm welcome he was receiving through the roar against his brother- turned around to look at you. His smirk disappeared and his usually focused gaze was interrupted with those unsure blinks at your features. Before he could explain himself, one giantess blocked his way to you with a bow. "We have prepared the Bath for you and your companions, your grace," she announced, still with her head held low. His gaze was running between you and her. To make it easier for him, you got up from your seat and walked down to the giantess who wanted to show you, Javier and Lulu to the Bath. "Nandi," Loki finally looked at the giantess. "Yes, your grace." "I need you to choose four of your most loyal companions to guard them." "They are all ready to escort your companions where you please." Loki smiled at Nandi. "I owe it to your mother to protect you, your Grace, like she protected me and my children." "My mother had a loyal friend in you," the God appreciated before walking down the throne and away from the crowd. The drone followed him.  The graceful composure of the God crumbled like a dry sand castle as soon as the doors closed behind him and he was alone in the icy corridors. His pace got faster by the second, his eyes searching everywhere. "This isn't fair, you know." Loki stopped at the echo of your voice. The pause of one breath, and he knew where to turn to find you standing in the shadows. Javier stood by the pillar next to you two with his camera, capturing this strange tick on Loki's features. You stepped out of the shadows, your gaze uninterrupted, looking right at those red eyes. "Do you know the amount of chaos it would create on earth if people knew that you look like..." "Like what? A monster?" Loki's voice was heavy. "Nah don't say i-dammit! Now I cannot stop imagining the term monsterfuckers." Loki blinked. His brows furrowed at you ever so slightly. "I mean-" you sighed with frustration- "was it not enough that you looked like a literal God in a human form that you had to now go and reveal that you are one buffed up alien? Look at you? You are one breath away from starting a cult of monsterfuckers! Do you realise that? Look at-" you grabbed that one barely naked blue arm and tried to squeeze it- "this firm, cold, arm that is people are going think about in-" you tried to breathe, your gaze still stuck on his shoulder- "their bed at night. God, why do have to be so-" you pointed at all of him with a frustration-filled, longing look of...disgust- "you." By now Loki was raising his brows in question and shifting his gaze between himself and you, clearly confused by your reaction. It even seemed he was a bit flustered at one point. You winced, looking at his body again. Your eyes followed the ridges on his face to his neck, plunging down his v neck t-shirt. With a frown you turned hastily, flinging your body involuntarily in the direction of the bath. "I bet they go all the way down," you whispered to yourself in between your sobs and walked away.

Loki: *still stands there* *blinks* *looks at the camera* what...*looks in her direction* *looks back* *does this two more times* what just happened?

The Resting Chambers: Next Day One of Javier's drones followed you from the balcony you were standing in to witness the first light of the nearest star in this frozen land. The snow-clad mountains were a majestic sight in their own stature. Even the smile emanating under the warmth of the star could not deny that. The giggles coming from inside the room broke the sweet hum of sync you were having with the weather, walking back in to find Skandi and Kolga, Nandi's daughters setting up the table with Jotunheim's specialities- snowberries, Kruweed- fresh seaweed from the frozen lake- and Lulu's favourite, spiked abalones. "What are you girls snickering about?" Lulu was already jumping on the table to sniff everything placed for his liking. Once he had inspected every single item, he went over to his bowl of abalones.

"Nothing," Skandi cooed, "just discussing how Loki-" Kolga elbowed her sister to correct herself- "how his Grace, keeps looking at you." Your hands paused for a fraction of a second near your mouth before the snowberry found its way in your mouth. "Look at me how?" "He looks at you as if you might vanish any second if he does not keep his eye on you," Kolga added, sitting down next to you. Her face had gentle tones all over it. Her eyes seemed to sparkle whenever she talked to you. "Are you being punished for something?" It took you some time to realise she was genuinely curious. "What. No. Why would you think that?" "Because his grace keeps you under guard. I thought pets were kept in cages in Midgard." Skandi turned to Kolga with a gasp. "He caged her last night then?!" The camera captured your furrowed brows sitting there confused in between the sisters. You opened your mouth to speak but lost to Kolga. "You mean when he told off Helbindi that she will be sleeping in his quarters." Skandi nodded vigorously. "He could not have kept her in a real cage." "Maybe he chained her to the bed." "Ah. So he could keep an eye on her at night." "Is that what happened, y/n?" You hid your face behind the mug of tea that did not seem to leave your lips while your free hand seemed to check your cheeks for their temperature. "This tea is good," your burned throat appreciated the drink. "He seems quite...what is the word... possessive of her," Skandi commented. You shared a look with the drone- your face devoid of any emotions. Kolga hummed in agreement, popping a snowberry in her mouth. "I thought Kruge would die last night by his hands." Now that seemed to catch your attention. "Kruge who?" "Helbindi's guard. The one who nearly pushed you into the wall last night." "When you went inside," Kolga continued, "his Grace took Kruge's staff and struck him in his limbs and threatened him to never touch you again if he wanted to stay alive." "Kruge should be glad he did not use his powers on him lest he would be a part of the dark pit's icicles by now." Kolga and Skandi stopped talked to watch you lost in deep thought while your hands scratched Lulu's back on their own, making the floof purr quite loud. "Is she making this little creature vibrate?" Skandi asked her sister in a whisper. "It looks like it," her sister whispered back in awe.

You: *whispering at Javier* What? No, it's okay. We can record here. No one can say anything. *sits on the stone seat in the gallery that seems empty to the camera* *adjusts hair* is it recording? Of course. It's always recording. *clears throat* *at normal tone* So, clearly...*inhales* *raises brows* things are barely standing still right now. And it is clearly not helping that Loki is having sudden urges to pick a fight with whoever bullies me. *Javier's drone catches him discreetly signing at you to lower your voice a bit* You: *irritated* I mean does he want me to get bullied more? Bullies are always going to pick on the weak one in the group for fuck's sake! And evidently, I am the weaker sex. *the camera catches a movement behind you, turning to focus on the source* You: and his highness does not seem to realise that it will be too easy for these giants to torture his weaknesses out of me. Does he not see that? *squints at Javier* what? The drone is recording Javier aggressively telling you to cut it out while looking pale as his gaze goes far behind you. You turn to look where his gaze is going. Javier's camera automatically focuses on Kruge standing next to the last pillar, throwing daggers in your direction through his bloody eyes for a moment before disappearing somewhere. You: *turn around with a shade lighter yourself* *the camera is panning over your face now as you look at it* *whispers* Fuck!

Five Minutes Later One of the drones buzzed against the ice that separated the balcony and the bedroom, tapping itself repeatedly on the transparent frost till the door to the room opened. It turned around to record you and Javier rush inside- the latter placing his camera in his bag and packing his stuff. "Okay, relax, relax!" you stressed to the hyperventilating boy. "We need to get out of here," he signed. "Javi, take three deep breaths? Yes? One? Two? Good. Three. Now think about it. As long as we are with Loki, no one will dare harm us. Okay? Not to mention he has allotted us our personal security team." Javier was on the verge of sobbing. "What about when Loki is not around. What will we do then?" "Javi, don't think like that," you nearly fumed at him. "Loki is in the throne room right now. You take the guards with you and go to him and when you find a window let him know what happened, okay?" Javier was still taking deep breaths while sweating through his fur coat. He nodded. "What about you?" "I...have Lulu." You pointed at the floof sleeping with his belly bared and his paws out. "I won't leave the room, don't worry." Once convinced you'll be fine, Javier hurried outside, leaving you in a silence only filled by light snores of your baby. The drone recorded you biting your lip and tying your hair up in a bun. "Okay," you whispered to yourself, "now we wait." It also recorded the sudden change in the shade of one section of the wall opposite to your back. With the focus still on you, the section of the wall appeared to open out, revealing the pitch blackness lit by a pair of red eyes. The next thing you knew, the drone was lying on the floor, its barely working lens recording your muffled screams and boots struggling to find the ground as a pair of blue feet walked past the lens before it went black.

One Hour Later The camera sat on the stone seat, recording the periodic tapping of Javier's foot from outside the frame. Loki still had audience. The Jotuns discussed every aspect of Jotunheim with the king. Loki sat patiently, listening to every word before advising them necessary steps. The majority was satisfied with the King's suggestions. Many were even in awe. There were a few who were dissatisfied no matter what the God mentioned. "Well-" Loki sat straight, addressing the whole court- "this concludes our day then." "Your grace," one giant bowed at the steps, "there are a few more issues that need your kind attention." Loki sighed, his hand resting on the armrest, his fingers running over his lips in thought. Not sure about Loki, but the camera recorded the patient that ran out of Javier. He got up from his seat, immediately catching the God's eye, who was quick to raise his fingers just for the boy to stop taking any further steps towards him.  "You have stalled me enough," the God acknowledged, catching the giant off guard. "Helbindi should know it better than anyone that a coup against me would be a futile attempt." Loki did not budge where he sat, just his finger drumming on the arm rest. "And I am in no mood for a mutiny."

.

The one drone who had been playing with the Jotun kids picked up the damage to a drone in the resting chambers. It buzzed through the halls, trying to pick up your trail, finding corridors and corners to fly through, walking down dark pathways with no windows and steep stairs spiraling deep into the mountains. On its way it found Lulu howling and meowing in a frantic daze, walking down the same path where he found your scent. And it seemed like he found you through the same dark pathway that ultimately reached an opening.  There was nothing but ice all around and in every form. A section of the mountain that opened to the outside with a catch. There were cells cut into this ice for prisoners. Shackles of cold metal rested in every cell. Each of them had metals bars to keep the captives in and an opening in the ice to keep any grain of warmth out. And to add to it all, this entire prison cell rested on a frost chunk hanging at the edge of the mountain. "Stop, please, you cannot do this!" Your voice and footsteps could be heard echoing through this section. The drone buzzed and landed on the wall to record the Kruge stripping you of your fur coat with a maniacal grin on his face. "Hey! HEY!! Give me back my coat!" Kruge stopped you from going for your coat by his hand coming for your throat. His grip made it hard for you to breathe as you struggled to get out of the hold, your nails trying their best to dig into that stubborn cold skin of his. Lulu ran and growled at the giant, scratching at his ankles till the latter kicked him away. "What do you want?" you barely managed to get out of your mouth. "We want Loki out of Jotunheim," he growled in your face, smacking your back in the ice wall behind you before letting go of your throat. You fell down with a thud and a groan, taking in as much air as your windpipe allowed. "Okay," you wheezed, "okay. You let me talk to Loki and I will convince him to leave Jotunheim. I promise. I pinky promise." You even raised your pinky. But Kruge was already closing the bars on you. Lulu ran and jumped through the bars to stop by your side, sniffing and crying, wanting to make sure you were okay. "No no no no," you crawled to the bars, trying to wrap your fingers around them but failing once your skin felt the vicious cold personally, "please don't do this. You have to stop. Now." "You said you know Loki's weakness," a voice boomed from the shadows where you had been dragged from. A very familiar and ominous voice. The drone turned to capture Helbindi stepping into the ice prison with a stature fit for kings. "His essence is lost. It is a secret no more, you quim." You looked at Lulu in confused defeat. "Why does it feel like he called me a whore?" you whispered. Lulu threw his own curses at the giant. "Listen, sir, Mr Helbindi," you began, "you want the throne, right? And I want to get out of here alive. How about I take Loki with me? You get back your kingly rights, I get my friends back and we go our separate ways. Everybody wins!" Helbindi came down on his knees in front of you. A smile rested on those cracked lips of his. His hand went past the bars- to your surprise- and landed on your cheeks. Your gaze kept shifting between his eyes and his hand while your body tried to move away from his hold. But he was one stubborn bastard. "He must have kept you alive for a reason." Helbindi was talking to himself now. His thumb rubbed against your skin, something that was visibly making you uncomfortable. "Ah...he keeps you to satisfy his nightly needs." You pushed yourself away from Helbindi, only to be forced into the bars by his hold around your skull; his chuckle resonating through the prison. "Do not worry my little whore," he whispered right in your ear while his icy breath ran over your skin, "you will be my pet soon. And unlike Loki-" he licked your cheek with his tongue, driving you mad with disgust- "I prefer violence even in my chambers." Your breaths were shallow. A single tear falling from your eyes as you did you best to maintain your features. "You are making a grave mistake," you whispered through your teeth. Lulu tried to claw at Helbindi too but Kruge was already kicking him away, earning a death stare from you. The giant struck his nail in your throat, driving it deep till there was blood. "The only mistake that was made was by you coming into my land. And you all will pay for it." Dropping you back into the snow, Helbindi got up and walked back into the darkness.

.

Loki watched the doors open to let Helbindi in, his gait ever so dominating as he walked past the judgmental eyes of every other giant in the court with his own little battalion following him, carrying weapons of all sorts. "A king with no powers has no right to sit on the throne, Laufeyson," Helbindi roared, ground his staff a few feet away from the stairs to the throne, creating a crack in the ground. "And a Jotun with Asgard in his blood has no right to stay alive in Jotunheim." Weapons were drawn at anyone who was not on Helbindi's side. Javier was already on his feet, running by Loki's side with his camera. Loki still had his mouth covered with his hand, as if in a tired trance. "Everybody out," he commanded ever so smoothly to his audience- who was hesitant at first, but left as soon as the God's eyes pierced through every last one of them. Left alone with his brother's radical followers, he sighed out loud, his fingers still drumming. Javier felt a buzz in his pocket, making him take out the little tablet he used to control his cameras. "Your actions with every passing moment make me more sure of your inability to rule over the subjects, brother mine," the God simply commented. The seriousness on Javier's face was turning into a field of fear. "Oh, I am not asking, brother mine," Helbindi snared at Loki, "I am taking what is mine." "And why would I give you anything you want." "Ask your little plaything," Helbindi smirked. The drumming of those pale fingers stopped. Silence eroded in the throne room. And slowly a shallow panting was audible from the God's side. The camera suddenly lost its balance and fell down on the armrest before toppling on the throne behind Loki, his back still in the frame. Light reflected through Javier's eyes, more precisely through his tears, as he moved the tablet towards Loki. "Stop, please, you cannot do this!" your voice echoed through the tablet, and all the lines on Loki's face disappeared. His body got up from the throne, his eyes still stuck on the device, looking at the aftermath of Helbindi's actions. There was no emotion on the God's face while he witnessed everything recorded on the drone. He did not even budge till the recording finished. Once the screen blacked out, he swerved the tablet for Javier to take back. His gaze was apparently still stuck on the black stones on the floor, his jaw threateningly sharp in whatever light coming from the nearest star. "If you want to see her alive again, go back to your ship before the star drops fro-," "You touched her." His voice was just a decibel higher than a whisper; his shoulders stiff. The silver bracelets were visible on his wrists, more so with the light reflecting from them. His pale fingers now turned into fists. "You hurt her."  Nothing but the resonating crack of a metal reverberated through the hall and everything went black.

.

The drone sat over the bars, recording the visible shivering breaths coming out of you while your skin turned pale, your fingers blue and your hairs were already collecting frost over them, despite moving your legs as close as you possibly could to your body. "P-plea-hease," your voice shuddered, "s-s-stop hi-im. T-there is-s-s st-i-ill time." "Your master is quite possibly begging on his knees by now," Kruge cackled, gulping down the mead and pouring more from the barrel next to him. Lulu was trying his best to keep your warm with his little body, wrapping himself around your neck while whimpering for you. Kruge was about to finish another mug when his ears caught a snicker that slowly turned into a weak laughter. The drone recorded you chuckling through the pain of the blight. "What is so comedic," Kruge snarled at you. "You thought I was telling you to stop for Loki's sake?" you laughed a little more, making the Jotun simmer with building rage. "I was telling you to stop your master before it's too late, you sewage rat's tick." The lens panned in on your features, all those helpless tears replaced by a smirk that could put the devil to shame. "You master thinks I am Loki's weakness." Your eyes glistened with a tint of some hidden darkness inside them in contrast to all the white around you. "Because I made him think that, you buffoon." "He is nothing without his essen-" "Count your peaceful breaths, you son of a bitch," you stressed, never batting your eyelids, "because you are not going to die an easy death today." You smiled turned into a chuckle before your eyes turned heavy and you fell down. The drone- in its last few minutes- went dark, but not before recording Lulu's cried, mewls, howls that slowly turned into a blood curdling roar echoing till the end.

[thebestpersonherelovesbucky]

Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Ep. 3 Takeaway

The opening. That “we care” commercial that went straight into John Walker just coming in and tearing a place up like it’s nothing. Can we be any clearer on where the gov’t actually stands?

The vast difference between Steve Rogers and John Walker. I wanted to straight up punch Walker in the face for how he goes about things. “Do you know who I am?” Like...you’re a fucking rip off store brand asshole, buddy. You represent exactly what the world hates about America. You do not deserve that shield or the title or the respect that comes with them. 

Zemo using Bucky’s trigger words “just to see” what would happen. 

So, Bucky’s plan to break Zemo out of jail was literally something straight out of comic!Bucky’s persona. Sam’s reaction to it was straight out of comic!Sam’s persona as well. Perfect. 

Sam and Bucky’s “NO!” @ Zemo. Omg. Your dads are fighting, Zemo. Shut it. 

Sam and Bucky’s relationship, while still needing a hell of a lot of communication, continues to amaze me. They’re so much like comic Sam and Bucky. The bickering but partnership that’s solidifying more and more. How they keep checking on each other. The trust and faith that they obviously have in each other even if they don’t want to admit it. 

“So all this time you’ve been rich?” “I’m a Baron, Sam.” Zemo being a stereotypical, old-money-rich European. 

But is that the same book Steve used??? 

“He’s out of line, but he’s right.” I loved the Marvin Gaye conversation.

Fucking kudos to Sam for keeping in character and drinking that...whatever it was. 

Okay but seeing Bucky act like the Winter Soldier was just...I got chills. It made my heart explode. My jaw drop. The fact that it’s super clear now that he’s been pulling punches this whole time. The WS music. The pain Bucky must’ve felt while “in character”. I just. No words. 

In the same vein as Bucky acting like the Winter Soldier, the people’s response to thinking the Winter Soldier is there and the intimidation and fear. Thank you for that.

Zemo offering “The Winter Soldier” and the code words to Selby. My fucking heart.

Sam’s phone call from Sarah. I feel like it was just at the right time to remind us that Sam still has so much going on in his life. It’s not just this. Not just kicking ass and trying to solve whatever the fuck is going on. He has a life outside of this. His family. The world and how it perceives him. His choices. Fucking hell, will someone just hug this man????

“I can’t run in these heels!” SAM!!!

My sweet bitter baby Sharon. I love her even more. “Wow, she’s kind of awful now.” lmao. Her emotions are so valid and she’s so fucking badass. Surviving after everything. Taking down all those bounty hunters? Please, let me be yours. 

Thank you for Anthony Mackie’s shirtless scene. Thank you. I’ll have a few more of those, please. 

Zemo...wtf are you doing? You’re so embarrassing. 

Nagel’s casual mention of Isiah as a “test subject” literally made my blood boil. This man was a national treasure. A hero. Someone who the gov’t used and then tossed into a cell and threw away the key. He was experimented on by his own government and Hydra. And he deserves his justice. He deserves recognition. He deserves so much more than the bullshit “an American test subject”. Isiah Bradley is a fucking human being who’s been destroyed and I really hope they explore that more and give him the honor that he deserves.

Nagel thinking he’s better than Erskine? Fuck that. 

Bucky helping Sam back to his feet. He didn’t just pull him back up, he helped him. Idk why I liked seeing that so much. 

Sam grabbing Bucky and pulling him into the container. Again, idk why i like things like that just...i love it.

“You’re not going to move your seat up, are you?” “...No.” ‘Nuff said. 

Still not sure how I feel about Karli. There’s...a sense of wants to do the right thing. Maybe even is right in some ways. But blowing up the building with people inside of it sort of pushes her into the right reasons, wrong ways territory. Time will tell, I suppose since we still don’t know exactly what’s going on.

Who the fuck is the Power Broker? 

Sam. Sam. SAM. God, he’s going through so much. His emotions about the shield and what it meant for him to not take it are still just simmering beneath the surface. I get Bucky’s feelings about it, and he’s not exactly wrong, but he’s really got to start listening and trying to understand where Sam’s coming from because he’s not wrong either. As Sam said in the last episode, it’s not something Bucky or Steve’ll ever really get it. I can’t wait for Sam to accept the shield and I can’t wait for Bucky to accept Sam’s reasons for not taking it in the first place. I really hope that they truly reach that place of understanding and bonding and partnership. And on top of that, his relationship with his sister and his nephews and his life back home. Seriously, can someone just give him a hug!! 

Ayo!!!!! OMG!!!!!! I was NOT expecting that!! What a way to end the episode! 

I have no idea how they’re going to wrap this all up in only three more episodes, but they’ve been doing a great job so far and I’m so excited for more! I need the episodes to be 3x longer!! 

[glowcrizzle]

Today is the 1 year AO3 anniversary of Slow Show by @mia-ugly. I am beyond grateful that this experience (and it is an experience) has existed in my life for a year and felt it needed commemorating. 🎂  

I’m not a creator but I made this playlist for me, so I could take the fic with me, have it with my eyes closed, while driving -- you get it. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it. 

It’s a. It’s a lot. Excessive you might even say. Tumblr will only give you the first 100 songs in this, so, Spotify will fulfill you (or overwhelm you). If you hit my username on the playlist, there are separate playlists for each chapter. 

This is also on Apple Music, if that’s your jam, just hit me up and I’ll send you the link. 

🎉 Happy Slow Show Day!! 🎉 

13 pages of track-lists and excerpts below the cut. Godspeed! 💙

Key:

Songs from Mia’s soundtrack

Songs from the Fic

.

--Title--

Slow Show – The National 

_

--Prequel--

Loverman – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds 

Devils – Say Hi 

_

--Chapter 1--

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake 

_

bad guy – Billie Eilish 

-trash a set and shag your husband

_

Something About You (ODESZA Remix) – Hayden James 

-what it would take for Avery Fell to let his guard down

_

A Little Wicked – Valerie Broussard 

-The handkerchief in his hand is now stained purple

_

You Light Me Up In the Dark – The Hounds Below

-His hair catches the light like a halo, making him look more of an angel than ever.

_

Lazarus – David Bowie 

-This could be a problem

_

--Chapter 2--

Unsteady – X Ambassadors

-much easier than talking about the way his heartbeat is still racing

_

Heart of a Dog – The Kills

-Call me darling again.

_

The Twilight Hour - Still Corners

-Looked across the set and thought, Ah fuck me. I’m in love with him.

_

God’s Mistake – Tears for Fears 

-Avery: He’s closed his eyes again, mouth going flat and still.

_

Lounge Act – Nirvana

-Tell her all the terrible things I want to do to her husband

_

Transatlanticism – Death Cab for Cutie

-There’s a strange urgency tonight, though, and Crowley can guess why.

_

Do I Wanna Know? – Arctic Monkeys

-What could it hurt?

_

Clueless – The Marias 

-“Better - yeah. ‘S late.”

_

Motel – Meg Myers

-The hotel room is another disaster

_

--Chapter 3--

Alone in a Room – Asking Alexandria 

-“I’m having a moment here!”

_

Since You’ve Been Around – Rosie Thomas 

-makes Crowley feel like he can breathe again

_

Home Again – The Disco Biscuits 

-It’s starting to feel like home again

_

Every Other Freckle – alt-J

-Perfect. Ridiculous and impossible and perfect.

_

Something For the Longing – The Orchids 

_

As Far As I Can See – Phantogram 

-it’s been a really, really long time

_

Sinister Kid – The Black Keys 

-“Mothering buggering shit-”

_

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

-Crowley fists one of his hands against his forehead, shuts his eyes tightly.

_

--Chapter 4--

I Like Me Better – Lauv

-I liked the outline of your face under the stagelights

_

I Do This for You (ft. Marlene) – Giorgio Moroder

-“Let me see what I can do. About your precious Hamlet.”

_

The Longing – Imelda May 

-Avery POV: “Look at him like - like - you can’t let him see the way you look at him.”

_

Just a Man – Los Lobos

-Avery POV: like he’s being led into battle and not onto a set to do the job he loves

_

World In My Eyes – Depeche Mode 

-wants to make that bastard purr

_

Tired (ft. Gavin James) – Alan Walker

-Let me be a magpie for you

_

Blow My Mind – The Benjamin Gate 

-Avery: “I know you now.”

_

Breathe You in My Dreams – Trixie Whitley

-Crowley’s seen that expression on Avery’s face in his dreams

_

Love Me Like That (ft. Carly Rae Jepsen) – The Knocks

-What have I done to - oh. Oh. Right.

_

Like Real People Do - Hozier

-“Sure, angel, what- whatever.”

_

Clearly – Grace VanderWaal 

-Crowley waits for the rest of the night.

_

Gwendel – PeelsDeen 

-Az sits in the back seat, away from Crowley. Alone.

_

Now I’m In It – HAIM

-Avery POV: It’s a look like an open grave, a look like desire tempered with grief…

_

Flesh for Fantasy – Billy Idol

-Crowley isn’t lonely for the rest of the night

_

--Chapter 5 (Avery POV)--

Smalltown Boy – Rosborough 

-1978, Hartlepool

_

Bright Horses – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

-1986, Newcastle Upon Tyne

_

The Runner – Foals

-1991, Bristol

_

Shock To Your System – Tegan and Sara

-Tracy: “Why d’you let them?”

_

Cracking Codes – Andrew Bird

-“Forever, of course. I’ll never -”

_

Colour me In – Damien Rice

-Their fingers - just touch. Slightly.

_

I’m Not in Love – 10cc

-Less to regret by not ever speaking of it.

_

--Chapter 6--

Electric Current – Lower Dens 

-“I’ll let you know when you find it.”

_

Guess I Miss(ed) You – The Daylights

-Keep talking, keep him here a little while longer.

_

Reflecting Light – Sam Phillips 

-“don’t meet his eyes like that, it looks like it’s a lead-in to a kiss”

_

King of Pain – The Police

-a good reminder of the kind of life he’s got to live

_

I Wanna Get Better – The Bleachers

-and Avery’s gaze is so gentle it hurts a bit

_

Feather – X Ambassadors 

-Avery: “Someone has to”

_

Darker Side - Jonny Lang

-Avery: “Oh - good Lord.”

_

Firestone (Acoustic) – Conrad Sewell 

-“Will you show me?”

_

Velvet Gloves and Spit - Timber Timbre 

-“Anthony - ”

_

Wrong – Depeche Mode

-Avery: “I have to go.”

_

F**k it I love you – Lana Del Rey 

-“Not your fault, angel”

_

--Chapter 7--

Somebody to Love – Queen 

_

Heavenly – Cigarettes After Sex 

-“I fucking still.”

_

Will Do - TV on the Radio

-“You too. I’ll see you there.”

_

Monster – Colours

-No wonder Avery ran off like a thief after a heist

_

Swallow My Pride – Ramones 

-“I feel fucking ill about it.”

_

I Was Wrong - The Oh Hellos

-Avery: “I’m the one who has to apologize, not you.”

_

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret – Queens of the Stone Age

-Avery: “Please don’t tell anyone”

_

Wait for Me – Kings of Leon

-Avery: “Right now, I’m just - a bit in pieces.”

_

Don’t Stay – X Ambassadors 

-“You can - stay or leave or - whatever you like.”

_

The Moth - Aimee Mann

-Avery’s eyes meet his, and then it’s like a car accident

_

Red Door – Julien Baker 

-“I can - I can wait longer.”

_

Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell

-“I wasn’t apologizing for that. This morning. I won’t.”

_

Come Down to Me – Saving Jane

-Avery: “You were wonderful”

_

Secret Smile – Semisonic

-And if sometimes he catches Az watching him between takes

_

I Want More - KALEO

-Az laces both of their hands together, stares at them.

_

I’m Gonna Do My Thing – Royal Deluxe 

-“So don’t tell me what will hurt me. I know what hurts.”

_

--Chapter 8--

Perfect Day – Lou Reed 

_

Remember to Breathe – Sturgil Simpson

-“You can’t sit in the car all night you absolute nightmare”

_

Wild Love (Acoustic) – James Bay

-The two of them stare at each other and then both look away awkwardly.

_

Seasons – Future Islands

-finally, fucking finally, he’s exactly where he wants to be

_

Closer – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “if you like”

_

I Want All of You – The Verve Pipe 

-“If you think I can survive this without looking at you -”

_

Use Me – Miguel

-whatever he sees in Crowley’s face makes him come to some sort of decision

_

So Much Love – Depeche Mode

-Love, he said love

_

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You – Bill Ryder-Jones

-I know you, Crowley wants to say, but doesn’t.

_

Become My Dream – Silya & The Sailors 

-“Even if - anything, angel.”

_

I Belong In Your Arms – Chairlift

-For nearly two weeks it goes like this.

_

Faster - Matt Nathanson

-“You’re going to fucking kill me, angel -”

_

Come Together (feat. Sivu) – LAUREL

-In case you think they don’t wake up together

_

The High – Kelela

-Az has pulled a stool over to the edge of the tub

_

Just in Time – Valerie June

-Then Az’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around.

_

I Can’t Take It – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “Don’t rush, just - like this.”

_

Like This – Jake Scott

-Avery murmurs and it takes Crowley back to their first kiss

_

Terrible Love – The National

-Flinches away from him.

_

Help You Out - Emarosa

-And he nods.

_

--Chapter 9--

I Remember You – Ramones

-The first person Crowley loved was a liar.

_

Brighter Skies - Race Banyon

-As if they were cut with a jigsaw, as if they were meant to fit.

_

Not Tonight – Tegan and Sara

-When they reach the edge of the city, his hand slides out of Crowley’s.

_

As Sure as I Am – Crowded House

-So Crowley kisses him.

_

A Promise – Miriam Makeba

-And for awhile, he believed her.

_

Mistaken for Strangers – The National

-They’re only two small words, but they still make Crowley’s teeth ache.

_

Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen

-“Good-“ Swallow, speak, leave.

_

The Fear – Pulp

-Crowley should have been smarter this time. He really should have been.

_

Take Me – Leela James 

-“I’d like you to close your blinds.”

_

Whenever You Want It – Clare Maguire 

-“What do we do now?”

_

At My Weakest – James Arthur 

-“It will be.”

_

Komm zurück - Fotos

-For years and years and years, nothing did.

_

Come on Get Higher – Matt Nathanson

-their feet sliding in the tub

_

Lay Down – Sarah Proctor

-I want to wake up with you.

_

Sort Of - Ingrid Michaelson

-Why is my heart breaking?

_

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues 

-Just pump that shit straight into his veins.

_

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? – Ella Fitzgerald

-Avery: “What do you think?”

_

We’re Gonna Have A Real Good Time Together – The Velvet Underground

-“You want to grab dinner somewhere?” 

_

Hiding – IAN SWEET

-Crowley stops walking. Looks at Az in the darkness.

_

Romance Dawn – Radkey

-A slice of light cuts through the darkness.

_

Crown of Love – Arcade Fire

-Crowley feels like the world has never been darker, and his heart will never stop beating

_

Devil’s Backbone – The Civil Wars

-He thought he was ready for this conversation, but at the sight of Az’s face, his throat has gotten too tight to speak.

_

Sinners – Lauren Aquilina 

-“If this all goes down in flames, if it all falls apart - we can go off together.”

_

Please Forgive Me (Song of the Crow) – William Fitzsimmons 

-Avery: “It’s over. I’m - I’m so sorry.”

_

Start a War – The National

-He twitches and trips and yet somehow manages to walk away without falling over.

_

Broken – Daley

-And this soft heartache was somehow the sharpest of them all.

_

--Chapter 10 (Avery POV)--

Daily Battles - Thom Yorke & Flea

-He tries to remember these things - but the background is still a chorus of beeping machines. There’s nowhere he can be but here. 

_

Everybody Wants You - Red Hearse

-Go out and surround himself with people much more interesting and available than Avery. Better people, certainly.

_

A Thin Line – Blackchords

-But still - roads not taken, and other fun middle-aged spirals.

_

My Own Soul’s Warning - The Killers

-When was the last time someone asked Avery that? When was the last time he asked himself?

_

Who Am I - NEEDTOBREATHE

-I miss you.  There. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. 

_

Wait for Me - Jack Curley 

-What he wants to say is ‘don’t find someone else. Not yet. You and your black leather and your cut-glass profile: you’re gorgeous and God knows other people want you.’ 

_

Coming & Going – Amaal 

-“Two ships passing in the night,” he says quietly.  Then he takes a swallow of wine, lets it roll down his throat. “If you were here -” 

_

Iron - Woodkid

-Crowley leaves him there, pressed against the wet brick wall.  Crowley leaves him there.  Crowley steps between Avery and a camera, and then leaves him.

_

The Greatest Bastard - Damien Rice

-He can’t be the person that kicks Crowley into the ashes again. He can’t hurt him like this, and Avery’s going to hurt him - he already has. 

_

No Right to Love You – Rhys Lewis

-He deserves someone like - like Daniel. Deserves to be loved in the daylight.

_

If It’s Hurting You - Robbie Williams

-Time is a tricky business when you’re dying slowly; it skips like a flat stone on a quiet lake.

_

Happy For You – Gayle 

-But surely - surely he’s allowed just this much. Just one message, just so Crowley knows that - that he’s happy for him. That Avery is so happy.

_

I See You (ICU) - Phoebe Bridgers

-When Avery sees Crowley on the red carpet, it feels like the sudden remembrance of a lovely dream.

_

Once In My Life - The Decemberists

-Crowley: “I know there’ve been some - hard times. That’s - that is what it is. But for me - it’s been a privilege. A dream. So.” He nods and nods and nods again. “Thank you.”

_

Coming Down - Dum Dum Girls

-Tracy: “But I wasn’t. I was hurting you. This whole time, Az.”  She shakes her head, wiping frantically at tears that won’t stop falling. “He loves you.”

_

I Don’t Know Anything – Little Voice Cast

-He’s afraid of finding out that all this time - he was doing the wrong thing anyway. He’s afraid that Anthony Crowley will never talk to him again.

_

Sweet Sour - Band of Skulls

-"And you're fired"

_

Heart Attack - Devarrow

-The sun is still rising when Avery gets out of the car, closes the door behind him. Though some of the roads have changed, his feet still know the way down to the docks of his youth. He was never a sailor, but the shoreline is familiar as a childhood sweetheart, as a long lost love. 

_

Landslide - Robyn Sherwell

-He’s alone, and he’s nearly fifty years old. He could get on a ship, he could throw himself into the sea. There’s no one holding him back anymore. 

_

All I Can - Sharon van Etten

-And he knows. He knows.

_

--Chapter 11-- 

Salvation - The Strumbellas

- there’s a moment where he swears he sees a young idiot in black standing in the crowd. Red hair gelled up into spikes, black t-shirt full of holes and safety pins. A young man who has no idea how much he’s about to lose.

_

Soldier - Fleurie

-And he’s still fucking here.

_

Easier – Mansionair

-Then he gets the fuck above ground and he calls Beez (oh great, they’re his emotional-support-asshole now. That’s healthy).

_

Deep End – Holly Humberstone  

-“I brought you cheese,” Beez says, and Crowley starts crying.

_

Falling Short – Lapsley

-For the next few days, he lets his stupid body do what it needs to do to keep himself upright.

_

Chariot (Stripped Version) - Gavin DeGraw

-Shit, this was a bad bad idea. 

_

Quiet Light - The National

-There’s a text from Az later that night, and his name on Crowley’s phone makes him feel like jumping off a cliff.

_

All That We Had is Lost - Postiljonen

-He’s not allowed to be in love with that man anymore. Wasn’t ever, really.

_

Heal - Tom Odell

-It makes a rather hysterical laugh well out of his throat. Anthony fucking Crowley. You are still alive. 

_

Let Me Go - HAIM 

-Crowley tries to ignore the soft, injured expression on the other man’s face as he turns away.

_

A Beginning Song - The Decemberists

-“What’s more frightening than having a choice?”

_

The Spark - William Prince

-And he likes to think he would have just burned the world to ashes with the power of his love, would have said fuck everyone, I choose you – but who knows. 

_

Sharp Scratch - The Slow Show

-So stupid, I know, and I’m - sorry, I still love you and I’m tryin’ to stop and I will I just - needed to tell you that. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Just miss you.

_

Beautiful & Brutal – Plested

-Crowley moves without thinking. Falls like a stagelight, glass everywhere. He walks forward and is kissing Az before the door has even been pulled shut.

_

Bad Chemistry - Fake Shark

-“I’ve been - thinking about this -” Az says between darts of his tongue against Crowley’s overheated skin.

_

All We Do – Oh Wonder

-“But I - I love you. And I can’t -  hide. It hurts too much.”

_

Broken Strings - James Morrison (ft Nelly Furtado)

-“I wouldn’t survive it. That way it was. I wouldn’t.”

_

Stole the Show – Parson James

-But even on their distant shores, Crowley and Az don’t stop looking at each other. It feels like an ending. Maybe it is one. Not a happy ending, but not a bad one either.

_

Level Up - Vienna Teng

-excerpt from Anthony Crowley: Out of the shadows, under the spotlight

_

The Wire (Alternate Version) – Patrick Droney 

-Avery: “I’m rather in - in love with you.”

_

Sweet Thing - Van Morrison

-“You can stay at my place. If you like.”

_

Falling in Love - Cigarettes After Sex

-“I love you. I’ve missed you, and I love you, and I want you -”

_

Stay - Cat Power

-He watches the slow flicker of awareness in Avery’s blue eyes. The curve of his mouth into a shade of smile that Crowley’s never seen before.

_

Freedom - George Michael

-“To the world.”

_

--Chapter 12--

Banks - NEEDTOBREATHE

-What he wasn’t used to was bringing someone else down with him, and jail would be a bloody blessing compared to seeing Az grey-faced and staring out windows, or that one time Crowley’s pretty sure the man was crying in the bathroom, trying to swallow down the sound so that Crowley didn’t notice (he clenches his hands into fists just thinking about it).

_

Black Mambo - Glass Animals

-“It’ll have to be.” Crowley drops to his knees. “There’s a lot of ground to cover.” 

_

Florets - Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley can let his fingers curl against Az’s palm, can watch him open as a flame, not caring who notices.

_

Sight of the Sun - fun.

-That this longing won’t destroy him, and won’t destroy Az either. It’s not a shovel for burying Crowley alive - it’s a spade for planting things.

_

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

-Az drops his hand onto Crowley’s knee (“What is this song? I rather like it.”).

_

Only Everything (Acoustic) – Quinn Lewis

-“It’s nice to have someone make it for you, right? Sometimes,” Crowley says softly, too much love in his throat and in his hands. It’s hard to breathe around it, especially when Avery is looking at him.

_

The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

-“You bought a cottage for us.” Crowley is an animal being taught to speak through scraps of meat and electric shocks. “This cottage.”

_

Say You’ll Be Mine – Christopher Cross

-Avery: “But if you wanted -” Fuck, there are tears in Avery’s eyes. “If you want. I’d like to call you my husband. I’d like to say ‘let me ask my husband,’ or ‘I brought my husband with me’ or ‘my husband won a BAFTA’.”

_

Anthem - Leonard Cohen

-Their broken edges match. And somehow, the light still shines through.

_

Precious Love – James Morrison

-When the light catches them both, they shine. And so do you. So do we.

_

Good Man (acoustic) - Josh Ritter

_

_

If you made it this far...wow, hi hello. So, this is ours and my musical exposure is limited, if you’ve got a better song for an excerpt, feel free to shoot it over, more than happy for this to be a living changeable thing. 🤡 

[caravelmp3]

i could drink a case of you, darling

pairing: jake kiszka x female!reader warning(s): alcohol mention, we get a makeout sesh word count: 3k synopsis: (y/n) and jake head back to his place after meeting and hitting it off in a l.a. bar. with vinyls & drinks and a bit of the heat of the moment, things are bound to take off note: hi lovelies !!! this is the first gvf-related writing i have done since becoming a fan and i’m quite nervous about posting it & it’s also the first thing i have wrote in a few months so i hope it’s coherent hahaha :) i hope you all enjoy !! x 

     Warm summer wind whipped (Y/N)’s hair around as she stood on the sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard. Street lights and neon bar lights filled the sky and the streets below, bouncing off the ground, reflecting in Jake’s dark eyes as she instinctively leaned against him, hand sliding around his forearm for support. They stood among the throngs of people walking the street, those outside of the bar smoking a cigarette or asking for a light, and those standing outside waiting for a chance to dive behind the packed doors of the 70s-esque bar they just escaped from. It seemed like everyone in Los Angeles was spending their Friday night in the city, just like them. 

Jake turned to (Y/N) when she touched the inside of his arm, and he locked the phone in his hand, shoving it back into the pocket of his jacket. “Think the Uber is just around the corner,” he said. 

“Should we tell everyone that we’re leaving?” She asked, using her head to nod in the direction of the bar behind them. Just behind the doors, across the room filled with loud voices and music, their friends (and siblings) were inside, drunk and completely unaware that they had escaped their line of sight. “Or should we just let it be a surprise in the next five minutes when one of them goes to the bar and realizes we’re not there?” 

Jake licked his lips, and around the corner, he spotted a white car turning down the street - it matched the image in his head from the Uber app. It was their ride. “I think we should let it be a surprise.” He said with a smirk. 

She laughed, but didn’t know if it was from the alcohol pumping through her veins or the mental image of both their friend groups drunkenly stumbling around the bar, yelling their names in an attempt to find them when in reality they were whisking across the city, but she laughed anyway. 

“They will kill us,” 

“Oh absolutely,” Jake said before throwing up a hand, signaling the white car to them and letting them slow down to a stop in front of them. 

(Y/N) felt Jake pull away from her touch as he stepped down off the sidewalk and opened the back door to the car, poking his head in and talking briefly to the driver. Under the muffled music from inside, she caught him asking the driver for his name, and a second later Jake stood up and turned to her with a smile. 

He took a swift step up to the sidewalk, hands motioning to the car. “Your chariot has arrived,” He was tipsy. So was she. 

With a playful eye roll to his cliche line, (Y/N) shouldered her purse and stepped down off the sidewalk to the street, and she slid into the backseat of the car. Scooting in, Jake followed right behind her, their thighs pressed together as the driver sped off, following the directions to the house on his phone. The music in the car was low, just enough to hear what it was, but (Y/N) and Jake weren’t paying attention to anything but each other. She shifted to face him, his hand sliding to touch her knee through the material of her jeans, and they were talking, they were giggling about anything and everything, yet nothing at all. 

The orange street lights bounced in and out of the car the further they drove though East Hollywood, and she paused and admired him. Two hours ago they were mere strangers downing shots a table adjacent from each other, an hour ago they were laughing while dancing to Stephen Stills on a hammock-laden patio under string lights as those they came with cheered them on between rounds of beers and cocktails, and she never pictured her night ending by going home with someone. 

But she felt it when they talked, when they brushed hands, when they laughed. It felt like being with your best friend. They were two strangers in two different industries, but when they argued over Beatles versus The Rolling Stones before falling into singing whatever came on next on the jukebox, it felt like they had done it all before. 

“Oh god it’s almost one a.m.,” (Y/N) cursed under her breath as she glanced away from her cocktail to the watch on her wrist. 

Jake swooped in behind her, settling down on the bench to her right. She looked up at him with shining eyes and smiled, but there was a slight tug on her lips. “Got somewhere to be in the morning?” 

“No, I’m just supposed to go out tomorrow with some friends.” She looked forward, gaze darting across the room to where both her friend group and Jake’s were ordering standing around a picnic table next to the hammocks. “I might get an Uber and let you all have your fun.” When she reached into the side of her purse for her phone, Jake was quick to deflect her decision.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he reached out, placing a hand on her bag, and she raised a brow at him. He smiled, cheeks flushed and wisps of hair flying in the wind. She watched him pause as if he was thinking of what to say, then lick his lips before speaking up again. “I don’t want you to get an Uber alone. That’s sketchy.” 

(Y/N) smirked. “So what are you thinking?” 

“I’ll get an Uber, “he used his free hand to motion to the sky, “and you can come back to ours. I can show you all of those records that we talked about earlier. Maybe even let you borrow one or two.” 

“Oh, lucky me,” she grinned, obviously teasing him, and he chuckled. (Y/N)’s eyes scanned him quickly one last time - her brain ticking, determining whether or not going home with a stranger was how she wanted to end her night. And when his soft brown eyes met hers, she was a goner. “You get the Uber,” and Jake let out another chuckle, hand diving to the pocket of his jacket for his phone.

And half an hour later, after battling late traffic of East L.A., the two stumbled out of the backseat of the car and onto the sidewalk of a tiny residential area. With many rushed thank-yous, Jake shut the door and led (Y/N) to a small gate hidden between trimmed bushes, and he punched in a code before they stepped inside. 

While it wasn’t necessarily (Y/N)’s first rodeo, she did feel that kick of nerves in her stomach as she followed Jake into the house. Her heart was racing and stomach was full of nerves while he seemed so casual, tossing down his keys and flicking on the lights, heading to the kitchen while asking if she wanted a beer. 

“Yeah, I’ll take whatever you have.” 

Placing her bag down on the foyer table, she pushed further into the house, her eyes following a path of light from a room off the large living area. Peering inside, out of her own curiosity, she noticed a shelf on the wall full of records, and her feet led her inside. Her eyes drank in the sight of the vinyl's, the record player sitting in the corner of the room just waiting to be used.

Her eyes scanned the wall, looking at the different colors, the pictures, the fonts, imagining herself listening to them all. “You guys have Joan Baez records?” She beamed, speaking over her shoulder to Jake in the kitchen. 

Jake glanced up at her through the doorway, noticing her head craning back, staring up at the top shelf, and he smiled before screwing off the caps of the beers and crossing the distance between them. “I wasn’t joking when I said we grew up listening to literally everything.” He strolled into the room and (Y/N) glanced back with a matching smile, taking a beer from his outstretched arm, and then returning her eyes to the shelf. 

“My parents loved Joan Baez, mostly because she was the muse behind so many Dylan songs.” She turned her body towards him, their eyes meeting a second later and she quipped a brow. “Odds on having a Joni Mitchell record?” 

Jake’s eyes then darted to the wall. “More likely than you think,” and he stepped over and hooked his hand around the rolling ladder on the wall and slid it a few rows over to them. She watched as he took a step upon the ladder, and then another, reaching at the top shelf. “Which one - Ladies of The Canyon? Blue? For The Roses?” 

She reached out, holding onto the edge of the ladder while humming. “Surprise me,” 

Jake clicked his tongue, fingers fiddling with the vinyl before plucking one out. He held it out to her and she took it from his hand - noting the dark and light colors contrasting beautifully. It was Blue, her 1971 album. 

While he climbed down the small ladder, (Y/N) crossed the room to the corner where the record player sat next to a small lamp. She flipped on the lamp and flipped on the record player, pulling the record from the sleeve placing it on the turntable, then dropping down the stylus in one swoop. It started with All I Want. Joni’s soothing voice filled the room and she turned to Jake with a smile. 

“Is that your record?” 

He lowered down onto a chair, knees spread as he leaned back. “Think it’s Sam’s. We had so many duplicates of others when we moved in that we eventually just donated them all.” He explained and she gave a nod in response. 

Instead of taking the chair across from him, (Y/N) crossed the distance between them and lowered down onto the hardwood floor, placing herself right at his feet. She took a sip of her beer, crossed her legs, letting her shoulder brush his thigh while leaning against the chair. And they sat in silence for a moment - losing themselves in the sound of Joni’s voice, in the tapping of their hands and feet to the beat, in the sway of the melody of each song on that side of the record.

In the midst of Carey, Jake tilted his head to the side and looked down at (Y/N) at his feet. His free hand reached out, touching the skin of her shoulder, her neck, fingers twiddling with her hair. She felt his fingers graze over the back of her neck and she instinctively tilted her head back, and then she glanced over her shoulder to him. 

“Are you playing with my hair, Jake?” She teased and he let out a deep chuckle from behind her.

“It was so tempting,” he explained, hand then touching her shoulder, the side of her neck, and she felt her body melt right into putty. 

“That’s funny,” she shifted, turning to him. 

Jake raised a brow. “Why’s it funny?” 

And her eyes went straight to his hair. It was the second thing she noticed about him after his smile. His brown hair was long, hanging down past his shoulders, laying perfectly on the maroon corduroy jacket he was wearing. 

She lazily rested her cheek on the armrest of the chair, staring up at him with glossy eyes that had his heart racing. “Because I have wanted to play with your hair all night.” 

He smiled wide. “Well all you had to do was ask,” and he hastily slid down off the chair to her hip, both laughing while he came crashing down next to her. 

Legs tangled with drunken laughs, (Y/N) reached out, guiding her fingers straight through Jake’s long hair. His hair was soft, and they were so close she could smell his cologne on the collar of his shirt, making her head spin even faster. Jake leaned into her hand as she ran her fingers through the strands, finding it so soothing, and he looked at her, causing her to smile warmly at him. 

“This what you waited for?” 

“Like a dream came true,” she joked and they cracked smiles, “I’m mostly jealous though. Your hair is better than mine.” 

“Well, if it makes you feel better,” he motioned lazily to her leg, “I’m jealous of your boots. Wish I could pull those off as well as you do.” 

And she raised her foot up, the dark blue and sparkly boots glimmering in the low lighting of the room, and she shook her foot before placing it back down to the floor with a thump to the rug. “I feel like you would pull them off well. Pair them with any stage outfit and you’ll be Bowie up on that stage.” 

Jake leaned his head back against the chair and she shifted her knee over his thigh. She had her cheek resting against her own arm, fingers gently working in the strands of his hair. His eyes focused on her, on her flushed cheeks and red lips, glossy eyes, and he felt a kick of courage in his veins. 

“What would you say if I told you that I spent all night fighting the urge to kiss you?” 

(Y/N) stilled, her eyes searching his face, but she felt a kick in her chest, the butterflies filling her stomach. The guy she spent the entire night pining over was wanting to kiss her. And she felt like she was in a damn dream - hitting it off with a long-haired rockstar and sitting on their floor, tipsy, listening to vinyl. 

“I would say that you are a fool for not doing it.” 

Out the corner of her eye, she saw his hand raise up, the back of his fingers rubbing across the apples of her cheeks, and then his fingers slid to her neck and pressed against the nape of her neck, and she allowed him to pull her closer until their lips met. 

(Y/N)’s eyes fluttered shut as she felt his mouth press against hers, her body simultaneously busting at the seams while molding against him when she leaned in closer. His lips were soft, his skin was warm, her head was swirling. A second later she pulled back, nose nestling against his, and then she licked her lips before tilting her chin upwards and capturing his lips with hers again. 

The second kiss sealed their fate. 

Her lips parted when she took a small breath, and then she met his mouth again, over and over again while their bodies propelled them forward. Jake’s hands traveled down her body, touching her back, her hips as her fingers dived deeper into his hair, holding his head. When her lips dragged across his, his hands pressed against her lower back, and then her thigh, gently pulling her into his lap when she raised her knee to slide across his hips. Settling in his lap, their lips reconnected, this time more rushed, sloppy, heated. 

A slow and wavering breath left her lips when Jake’s cold hands met her waist - his skilled fingers traveling under the hem of her sweater and pressing against her hot skin, igniting her from the inside out as they kissed and kissed, and kissed again. She parted her lips and his tongue was in her mouth, and she could taste the hoppy beer, the nicotine on his breath from their smoke break before they escaped the bar into the night together. 

Jake’s lips broke away from hers and his head lolled back when she pressed her lips against his cheek, his jaw, trailing down his neck. He could feel his heart pound rapidly against his chest as she met the tender skin of his throat, and his fingers instinctively gripped tighter at the skin of her hips. Their lips reconnected for just a second before a noise ripped through the room - it was the typical Apple ringtone.

The noise startled them and they quickly pulled back from each other, looking around to see where the source of the noise was coming from. It was echoing from just outside of the room where they had placed their phones after coming in. When they realized it was their phones, they looked at each other - swollen lips and flushed cheeks. 

“Five dollars says it’s yours,” (Y/N) said quickly. 

Jake chuckled, his hands falling from her hips to her thighs, thumb rubbing along the seam. “And five says it’s your friends,” 

She quickly pulled her leg from his hip and leaned back, letting him stand to his feet. He quickly jogged out of the room and turned the corner to the foyer table, and a second later, he reappeared in the doorway with a grin while holding onto her phone with an illuminated screen. 

“Fuck,” she laughed, holding out a hand. He crossed the space between them and handed her the phone. The annoying ringtone stopped a beat later when she answered, and Jake busied himself with the records, walking over to change the vinyl to one he had in mind.

“Hey,” he heard her answer to her friends. “Are you guys still at the bar?” She asked next. 

He plucked a record from the sleeve and twirled it to the A-side, then placed it down, dropping the stylus onto the right spot to let it start playing. 

(Y/N) leaned on her hip, watching as Jake changed the records, but still paying attention to the loud sounds of the bar on the other end of the call - the yelling, the music, the cheers followed by clinks of glasses. And then she heard the album Jake put on to fill the space of the room - it was the first track of Some Girls, the 1978 Rolling Stones’ album. Their eyes met and she couldn’t help but laugh - just an hour or so ago they were arguing about the Beatles versus Stones between shots, and now he was making her pay for choosing the Beatles. 

“Anyways,” her friend sang through the speaker, “are you okay? Are you safe?” 

Jake spun around and pointed at her dramatically while then pretending to play air-guitar and (Y/N) beamed. “Yeah, I’m in good hands, no need to worry,”

[transsexualbloodlust]

Shrek and SPN an analysis

okay i said i would do a shrek and dean arch analysis and i’m here to deliver

before we ~get into it~ i’d like to say that this started out as being based on my head canon that dean likes the first shrek movie and the musical (secretly) but instead it just became it’s own analysis of the parallels, I will be doing a very short explanation of why i think that after this.

okay let’s do the obvious parts: the both have layers, and they r both bisexual and homophobic (i will not take criticism on this i’m right and u know it)

in regards to the layers:

In the shrek musical we get to see shrek’s childhood and back story. The basic summary is that on his 10th birthday his family abandons him and tells him he has to raise himself, that society will never accept him so he needs to “build a wall” (emotional) and find somewhere no one can get to him (emotional and literal). Shrek grows up knowing he is hated by society and although he doesn’t try to outright conform his choice of being the monster everyone wants him to be and living alone was conforming in itself, we learn later in the movie that shrek is lonely and wants friends but is afraid of vulnerability and how people view him. Now I’m sure we’ve all read a million and one essays on Dean’s personality but you’ll be reading one more. Dean also gets metaphorically thrown out, especially emotionally, by his father and is forced to fend for himself, except (and this is why shrek and dean’s personalities r so different) dean has sam and is forced to raise him. (dean is the woman coded version of this arch and shrek is the man coded version, once again i take no criticism). Dean is forced to live on the outskirts of society, constantly hopping schools, knowing about monsters and hunting, and he embraces that role as a form of protection for himself. This of course mixes with the way J*hn villanises dean to himself, he’s verbally abusive (and almost definitely physically) and holds dean to such a high standard he can never see himself as good enough. Not to mention how his bisexuality is likely seen as something disgusting. So in order to save himself he embraces that roll that his father has layed out for him, to the point where (like shrek and his roar) is very much a performance.

okay so how are the plots similar/something dean can relate to??

well dean and shrek both exist within the outskirts of society, never really wanting to enter and seemingly content with the performance they give. However (in very different ways) their ability to uphold the performance is tested and they embark and a journey to be able to go back to normal life. Shrek has to deal with the fairy tale creatures, and Dean has to save his father. (I genuinly think a lot of deans dependency on j*hn had to do with how much he based his identity on the man, and even though he does care about him and wanted to save him, his dependence on john and inability to recognize the abuse was a part of the performance he had to uphold). They then both get side characters , both Sam (no he’s not the main character stfu) and Cas for dean, and donkey for shrek. Who push them emotionally and force them to explore the possibility of life outside of that performance. They then both assume the roll of heros, something that their self image never truly allowed for. And when they get back to their old lives/rolls they realize it’s not something they truly want anymore, and that maybe it never was. Deans is much more subtle because he always feels the obligation to continue being a hunter wich is so heavily tied to the imagine J*hn projected on to him that he couldn’t move away as quickly as shrek did. But we start to see it in season 10. Then we ofc get to see the parallels between the love confessions. 😀😐

Okay so there’s the obvious “oh no they hate me what will i do” nature to both shrek/fiona and deancas but there’s literally so much more holy shit.

Cas/Fiona parallels:

The way Cas and Fiona r similar has a lot less to do with backstories and more to do with the essence of their arch’s, how they’re used, and how they’re coded. Cas and Fiona have Very different lives, however they where both agencies of the status quo. Fiona wants to be this maiden in her tower and be saved, and she actively reinforces that by following the ideas of a fairy tale even though she truly doesn’t understand the purpose of what she’s going through. Cas on the other hand is an actual soldier of god, he actively fights to uphold the bible and bring about heaven winning, he works to reinforce heavens power. However both he and fiona don’t fit the model of their stories perfectly and in doing so r rebelling against the story. Fiona is Quircky TM, and a whole ogre, she doesn’t fit into the basic model of her story and the fact that she’s different is what causes her to rebel against the story. Her very existence is what caused her to question the narrative. Cas’s very existence defies the narrative because he, unlike most angels, cares about humanity (dean, like humans but mainly dean). He is supposed to be an unfeeling soldier of the lord but instead he ends up being gay for a repressed kansas boy which throws a cog in the narrative he’s supposed to play out and causes him to question it. And on top of that their personality is what pushes their love interest to confront the parts of themselves they aren’t really willing to embarrass. Dean being bi and Shrek being an ogre. 

Okay so the actual confession parallels:

Obviously they are different, for one shrek is canon reciprocated in all countries (that i know of). But thematically?? what the characters r saying to eachother?? girl i’m loosing it.

Shrek is about accepting ones self as who u truly are and recognizing that that doesn’t need to be changed for u to be lovable. And Cas’ speech does exactly that, it tells dean that even though he views himself as a monster who’s driven by hate, even though he see’s him as his enemies do (think shrek seeing himself through the townsfolks eyes) he is actually driven by love and that he, without changing, is lovable in every sense of the word. More than that he’s lovable by what common society would consider to be the Ideal (angels being like 🤩 and princesses being 🤩). In this confession of love Dean/Shrek r moved to accept themselves as they are, Shrek in the moment and Dean later when he doesn’t kill chuck. And their loved one has their final closure to their story. Fiona is forced to accept herself as an ogre as well and Cas shows that he’s, like Dean, fundamentally driven by love even though he was told he shouldn’t be.

This is where we once again see the whole “dean and shrek have the same arch but dean’s is woman coded” thing which I will be getting into in a separate essay. But the basic idea is that Shrek comes to the realization partially on his own and gets final validation from Fiona where as Dean gets confessed to. 

Then after the initial confession both lovers are pulled apart, deancas have the empty, and shrek/fiona are briefly pulled apart by lord farquad. In both instances the characters are punished for the fact that they’re in love. HOWEVER shrek understands good story telling and has the lovers come back together.

And then ofc both Fiona and Cas get enveloped :D (Cas in goop and Fiona in light)

But this where we get into the exploring where Supernatural’s narrative SHOULD have gone, (as shown in shrek):

After the love confession we finally get to see Shrek realize that he isn’t the monster society painted him as and that that requires absolutely no change on shreks part, he’s accepted himself and realized that he can tear his walls down. Dean goes through the tearing down of walls much slower throughout the seasons, because Dean has the woman coded version of this narrative he already understands found family but he doesn’t understand that he is worthy of his family’s love in return. 

So in Shrek we see shrek live out his life with his found family, he’s had his arch he understands his worth and he realizes that he doesn’t want to be alone. Now as a finale denialist I will not be talking about what happens in the finale but we’ve all seen it and you know how supernatural doesn’t follow through.

This was so much fun i will be doing more later but I hope y’all enjoyed this <3

[cordytriestowrite]

Fight, Fight, Fight

Bucky x Reader

One Shot

College AU

Summary: I see your "there was only one bed" and raise you "there was only one shower" with a sprinkle of "enemies to...still enemies but also lovers"

Natasha Romanov slid Sam Wilson a glass of vodka. A literal glass of vodka. Filled almost to the brim with the strong, clear alcohol a few drops sailed over the rim and left a wet trail as the glass came to a stop. 

"Drink."

Who was he to argue with a Russian about drinking? He took a large swallow, letting it burn down his throat and wash over the knot of nerves in his stomach. 

"You have to say something, Sam. It's your house."

He nodded. Natasha was right. When he put up the flyers in the student union offering the spare bedrooms in the house he inherited from his grandfather he thought it'd be a win-win. He was in his senior year, about to graduate and in need of some cash flow: enter roommates. He thought it would be like living in the freshman dorms all over again, bonding with people like Steve and building lifelong friendships. But no, while the roommates individually were just fine, it was when they were together that brought Sam to sit at his dining room table practically chugging eight ounces of cheap vodka. 

Natasha was nice enough to support him, maybe nice isn't the word, annoyed enough to help him. They had only just started dating after being introduced at Steve's birthday party two months ago, but she had been witness to too many squabbles, slammed doors, and sabotage. 

"There's gonna be a civil war in this house in less than," Sam glanced at his phone, "ten minutes."

"That's why you drink.

-

Your books were heavy and kept slipping from your arms. You adjusted them as you walked but that adjustment would only work for a few minutes before you had to perform another juggling act. The house was only two blocks from campus, the air was cool and breezy, you were pretty sure you aced your civ test, but you were far from content, after all finals were only a month away.

Bucky was walking just in front of you, headphones blaring music that even you could hear. He held a single, slim textbook and a pencil in on hand and his phone in the other. That's why you were mad. Bucky insisted on walking home together after class, but you never actually walked home together. You worked hard in class while he coasted on through. And yet you knew you would both pass.

When you reached out to Sam about the open room in his house you were hopeful, optimistic even, about a new living situation that didn't involve sleeping two feet from someone else in a dorm room that was always too cold. Had you known Bucky Fuckin Barnes had also called up Sam you would have stayed huddled under your blankets with earplugs while your roommate had sex in the bed two feet away from you, loudly. Anything was better than being stuck with the guy in and out of classes, but it was too late.

You hit an uneven patch of concrete, stumbling and losing your hold on your textbooks. You growled in frustration as they tumbled to the ground, bending down to collect them. Every week, every fucking week, you had to carry four textbooks to and from class. Every week Bucky saw you carry four textbooks while he carried practically nothing. He never offered to help, not once.

"Hey asshole." You called, knowing Bucky wouldn't hear you over his music, but it felt good to yell.

"You could fucking stop and help me for once."

Bucky stopped and turned, he pulled an ear bud out of his ear and regarded you with a fake smile. He didn't move, didn't even raise his voice to match yours.

"Buy a backpack."

-

Sam's head shot up from the table top at the sound of the front door slamming open and hitting the wall. The house shook, or maybe that was just him. Natasha swiftly stomped toward the comotion, coming back in less than a minute with strong hands gripped onto the shoulder of both you and Bucky, who were still screaming.

"Backpacks were literally made to hold books-"

"Or you could just take one or two-"

"Why would I help yo-"

"QUIET!"

Natasha's sharp tone cut through the animosity between you as she pushed you into a chair opposite Sam. She walked Bucky to the chair at the far end and stood behind him, arms crossed and mouth tense.

"Sam." She prompted.

Sam sighed, wishing he was still face down on the table in blissful, drunk, silence. He took a deep breath, sparing a glance at his girlfriend before opening his mouth. He should have prepared something, but the booze had loosened his lips and now he was just coming out with it.

"I can't have it anymore. The fighting, the yelling...I'm done. I like you both and I'm sorry to do this but-"

"Sam, please don't say what I think you're going to say." You started.

"Dude, come on we're just-" Bucky spoke over you.

"You don't speak for me, Bucky."

"I'm just trying to apologize to Sam for your shitty behavior. Since you don't seem to want to do it."

"Bullshit, Barnes!"

Sam slammed his palms against the table top. He stood suddenly, a wave of dizziness sending the room into a tailspin. He closed his eyes, grit his teeth, and finally just said it.

"I want you out."

-

It was mid semester. Dorms were full and open rooms were few and far between. Sam agreed to give you both a week. It wasn't enough time, but between classes and homework at least you barely saw Bucky.

Wanda had found the apartment. Said it was good practice for when she got her real estate license. You couldn't pass up her help so you agreed to let her do some of the heavy lifting. 

The place she found for you was on the other side of town. One bedroom, no washer or dryer, and on the fourth floor. The building was old too. Faded wallpaper and flickering lights lead you down the hallway towards the unit. The realtor had given you a code to the lockbox hanging from the doorknob, but the box was already hanging open. You were about to text Wanda when the door opened.

"Bucky?"

-

"Wait, you two are moving out...together?"

Sam shook his head in disbelief, hoping he just heard them wrong. 

"Unfortunately." You grumbled, crossing your arms and glaring at Bucky.

Bucky glared right back, eyes hard and hands busy aggressively making a sandwich. He was getting mustard on the countertop, like usual. 

"Okay, one of you can stay here and the other can take the apartment?"

Bucky, finished with his sandwich but leaving the counter dirty, joined you at the table and with his mouthful answered simply.

"Can't."

"Can't?" Sam echoed.

"I paid the first and last month's rent. I'm not trusting her to pay that back to me."

You nodded, "And it's my name on the application. I'm not risking him tanking my credit score when he doesn't pay rent."

You snatched the remaining half of Bucky's meal right out of his hands, taking a large bite, savoring Bucky's protest more than the actual food.

"God, who destroys a sandwich with this much mustard?"

"It wasnt your fucking sandwich! "

Sam could only watch as the conversation digressed into yet another fight. How you two were going to share a one bedroom was beyond him, but at least he would get some peace and quiet.

-

You woke up, not suddenly, but gradually with enough time to know it was still dark before your eyes even opened. You also knew you were cold and that your body was huddled too close to the edge of the mattress. Behind you there was a loud, sudden snort that made you finally open your eyes. 

You were in fact at the edge of the mattress, your blankets nowhere on your person, and your phone screen showed the time to be 4:03 am. You turned, squinting against the fluorescent lights shining through the cracks in the blinds. Bucky was on his back, loud snores erupting from his open mouth, blankets bunched up around his body keeping him warm. He looked deep in sleep and that just wouldn't do.

With both hands gripped tightly on the comforter you yanked with all your might. You pulled and tugged until Bucky was completely bare, his exposed skin erupting in goosebumps. The snoring stopped, Bucky turned on his side, eyes still closed, to grope blindly for his missing warmth. You smiled ruefully and turned your back to him, enjoying the thrill of victory as you shut your eyes.

The mattress squeaked and rocked as Bucky flopped around like a fish out of water and suddenly your victory was stolen by a man who wasn't even conscious.

With a deep groan of resignation you turned over and dropped the comforter over Bucky's form, tucking the corner under his shoulder to trap in heat. Bucky exhaled deeply and settled into the covers. You turned your back to him again. Making sure the blankets were tucked under you as well.

-

Natasha didn't think Sam should be worrying about his old roommates as much as he was. But here they were out to dinner with Steve and Sam had barely said two words in as many minutes. Steve threw her a look, one that asked her to explain, but she only rolled her eyes and elbowed her boyfriend.

"Hm?

"I was asking how class was going, Sam." Steve gently reminded him. "But something tells me you got something other than finals on your mind."

Sam heaved a huge sigh.

"I can't stop thinking about them."

-

You vaguely remembered your alarm going off, but sleep dragged you back under as soon as you made the offensive noise stop. Next time you woke up there was much more appeal. The sun was soft, its rays warming your face. Your body was cocooned in a pleasant mix of skin and sheets. You hummed, turning into the warmth, breathing in the familiar scent of your bedmate. You couldn't even drum up irritation at the smell of his 3-n-1 shampoo. 

Responsibility tickled your brain, urging you to untangle from Bucky and get ready for class. You did just that, albeit reluctantly, sitting up and grabbing your phone.

You overslept. Your final was in thirty minutes.

"Shit!" You hissed, jumping out of bed.

"Whatisit?" Bucky grumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"We missed our alarm. Civ final's in thirty minutes." 

You pulled off your pajama bottoms, stepping out of the pool they made around your ankles. Bucky was up and out of bed by the time you pulled off your shirt. 

"Fuck!"

On long legs he sprinted into the bathroom, but you were there to catch the door before he slammed it shut.

"What are you doing?"

You shoved your way through, pulling back the shower curtain and turning the knob. The room filled with the hiss of water and arguing. 

"I've got to take a shower."

"Well so do I?"

"Does it look like I give a fuck?"

It was a race to get naked, to find yourself under the spray before the water could turn cold. You stepped into the tub, Bucky following suit. He closed the curtain, mouth still set in a hard frown.

"This is your fault."

You laughed, leaning your head back to wet your hair. 

"Oh, is it? Maybe if I wasn't up half the night because of your snoring I wouldn't have missed my alarm!"

You switched places with Bucky once you were doused, letting him under the spray. He grabbed his 3-n-1 shampoo bottle and squeezed too much into his hand.

"I only snore because you insisted on taking your mattress."

"My mattress is the most expensive thing in this apartment."

"So you're just bad at spending money then?"

You glared at each other, silent as your fingers worked to clean your hair. Bucky did the same. The staring match raged on for a few breathless moments, until for the first time all morning Bucky's gaze drifted away from your face and down your naked body.

"Pervert!"

-

"I don't know why you're worrying." Steve said, watching his best friend flitter around the kitchen.

"I just want to know how they're doing." He explained, pulling the chicken from the oven.

"You know, Nat's right. This is crazy. Why am I supporting this?"

Sam had to agree. He felt crazy thinking about his old roommates so much. It's been six months. If one of them had killed the other he needed to know.

"I'm just checking in on my friends, Steve."

-

Bucky opened the door to Sam's place like he still lived there. You pulled on your joined hands, yanking him back a step to chide him.

"We're guests stupid. Knock."

"Knock, knock." Bucky called sarcastically, shooting you a smug look when Sam shouted "Come in!".

"You're rude." You grumbled.

"And you're a know-it-all." Bucky shot back without looking at you.

"I'm not-"

"Hey!" Sam greeted, voice a bit too loud, smile a bit too wide. His arms were open as if he was going to go for a hug but they hung suspended as his eyes found your joined hands.

"What's uhhhh, what's this?"

You and Bucky looked down at your interlaced fingers, then at each other, then back to Sam.

"We're together."

Sam's arms fall heavily to his sides, then up to run over his head as his chest swells.

"WHAT? How? What?!"

-

You and Bucky had made your way home to your one bedroom apartment, changing into your pajamas and you continued your squabble from the walk home.

"They poop in a box. It's disgusting!"

Bucky scoffed, leaving the room briefly and coming back with a glass of water that he sat down on your bedside table.

"We shit in a box too if you think about it. Just admit you aren't a cat person so we can break up and I can take the cat."

He crawled into bed, lifting up the blanket so you could join him. You stood there for a moment before relenting and crawling in next to him, tucking your head under his chin and throwing your leg over his hips.

"Whatever, I'm tired. We'll continue this in the shower tomorrow."

"This isn't over." Bucky warned before planting a kiss to your forehead. "Love you."

"Love you too, but we're not taking Steve's cat."

Bucky groaned, rolling on top of you. 

"Cats are awesome, if you got your head out of your ass-"

"If you thought for more than two seconds about the responsibility-"

The bickering continued as you shed each other's clothes, putting a pause on fighting in favor of moving together. It's how most of your arguments ended and while most people, especially Sam, couldn't wrap their heads around that it was what worked for you and Bucky. So did the one bedroom apartment, the shower that ran out of hot water too fast, and the cat Bucky was going to sneak in before spring semester. It all somehow made sense. 

Except the fucking cat, come on Bucky!

Permanent tag list

@geekdorknerdfangirlblogger @eccentric-impulses @instantnoodlese @bambamwolf87 @dyanlzbb @sebstanhun @thoughtfullhuman @sbluehi @fanfictionrecommendations-com @spacezombiie @friendly-neighborhood-lich-queen @titty-teetee @alt-er-love-er-alt @bornfortherainydays @venitia89 @always-irrelevant @darkphoenixrisingwrites @drakesfiance @katzenwahnsinn @mywinterwolf @kcd15 @somewereinthegalaxi @justalilsad5 @becs-bunker @reading--mermaid @reviewfanfics @iamverity @evolving2deppression @darlingtholland @700teacups @lovemesomepietro @lyka-k

[smol-and-grumpy]

Something Just Like This - CH36

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean Winchester, mobster boss. He’s a little cocky, a lot ruthless and more often than not, short tempered. But he’s also, Dean Winchester, a war veteran and hero who suffers under a shit ton of PTS. He met her in a bar and thinks it’s fate that brought her to him. Little does he know why she’s really here.

Warnings: Fluff, a dash of angst

WC: 3386

SERIES MASTERLIST

Dean never thought they could talk things out in such a short time. He thought it might take days but all it took was some cuddles and a warm bath. He should have known though, because Y/N ticks the same way he does. She’s simple, says what’s on her mind, asks the hard questions even if she doesn’t really want to know the answer. 

She’s shaking as he dries her off and carries her to the bed to help her dress in a fresh pair of pj pants, a shirt and one of his oversized sweater before he tucks her in. He threw a shirt over his own head, wears some fresh underwear and walks out to get her pills. He comes in, asks if she’s hungry but she wasn’t. It’s still a couple of hours until dinner time anyway. He slips into bed with her after, can’t really spoon her because of her ankle but he gets as close as possible, lays his head on her good shoulder and noses at her neck. 

He breathes in her scent and whispers, “You smell good again.”

Y/N laughs at that, “Thanks?”

He has to laugh too because he didn’t mean for it to come out like it did. “No, I mean, you smell like you again. I missed that.”

She has her hand in his hair, scratches his head and he can hear her steady heartbeat. 

“There’s something I want you to see.” He says, rolls on the bed and gets his phone off the charger, hands it to her wordlessly.

She takes it, a frown on her face.

“Look at it.” He urges her and she pushes at the button, making the phone light up in the dark.

It’s still the picture of her and Cuddles on his home screen. 

“Dean,” She whispers, “I—”

“0502” He says simply and she looks at him perplexed, frowns when she realizes what the numbers are for. 

She thumbs over the digits, punches in the code and when she unlocks it, she sees a picture of her which he once took while she was still sleeping. Hair a mess, mouth open. He thinks it’s cute but she wouldn’t agree. She doesn’t say anything though. 

“Open my call activities.” He whispers and she does, opens it and looks through it, he doesn’t have a lot of callers on there, so it’s not hard to see that there are 3,212 calls he made to her old number. 

Y/N has tears in her eyes and Dean brushes his thumb against her cheek before he goes on. He’s not going to stop now, wants to get it over with because he wants her to know. 

“Look at my messages.”

She thumbs around on his phone, and opens the texting app. Her hands fly to her mouth, covering it.

He nuzzles his nose against her shoulder as she looks through it. There are messages he sent to her old number, and it starts from the moment she walked out. She can’t possibly go through them all because the last one was only sent three days ago. He never stopped texting her, if sometimes only for him to say hi and that he’s missing her. 

She opens her mouth, “I’m—”

“—it’s okay.” He interrupts her.

He’s told her everything she wanted to know. Everything he thought was important anyway. And everything he told her was the truth either. He wished he knew about the FBI thing sooner though, but what good would that have been? If he could go back, he wouldn’t have changed a thing. Would still have loved her. Would have wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

Dean takes his phone from her hands and moves up a little, lays his head next to hers on the pillow instead, rests his forehead on her temple. “Are you staying?” His heart is beating fast as he asks the question, and is kind of prepared if she’d say no, although it would kill him but he’s not the one who wouldn’t let her go if that’s what she really wants. 

“If you want me to?” She asks, and it’s like music to his ears.

“Yeah,” He smiles, “I’d like that.”

 ***

 Dean’s in the living room making breakfast when Sam knocks at his door. 

Dean let’s Sam in and immediately Sam senses that something’s different, because he grins so fucking idiotic and it makes Dean nauseous. That big ass sasquatch always knows when something’s up.

“How did your night go, huh? Wink wink nudge nudge.”

“Sammy, stop being so fucking creepy.”

“I see a pair of women's shoes at the door that’s obviously not your size, Dean, of course I have to be creepy!”

Sam walks in further and takes the cup of coffee out of Dean’s hand before he steals a strip of bacon from a plate. “You’re making breakfast for two, too! Guess she performed really well, that you let her stay.”

“Sam,” Dean growls, it’s a warning.

“I hope you used protection.” Sam’s taking another mouthful of bacon and washes it down with the coffee, “I don’t think you shouldn’t let people sue you for child support.”

“Sammy!” Dean didn’t mean to be so loud, placing his fingers to his lips as a way to warn himself. And then, softer, he says, “Y/N’s here.”

“What?” Sam shouts.

“You’re being loud!” Dean hisses.

“Sorry, okay,” Sam says and then he hisses too, “What? Where did you find her?”

“She was in a car accident. Messed up her ankle real bad. Long story short—”

“—Too late.”

“Oh, haha — shut up.” Dean mocks grumpily and goes on, “I was still her emergency contact on her phone and that leads us here.”

“Okay, fine, she’s here but have you talked it through? I hate to see you sad again, man.”

Dean smirks, “Don’t worry we talked plenty. She explained everything and I had my closure. I feel good. Haven’t felt this good in what?”

“A year.” Sam says drily.

“Yeah. She needs a lawyer to sue that son of a bitch who crashed into her car. You in?”

“Sure, send me the details because I gotta go now,” Sam knocks at the counter twice, “Was only on the way to the office, wanted to see how you’re doing. Is Y/N staying?”

“I think so, why?”

“Bring her around for dinner?”

Dean grins, “Sure.”

“Oh, that Lambo? Yours?”

“Cas. You wanna drive it?” Dean lifts his eyebrows in question.

Sam’s sending him a bitchface. “Nah, my dick’s way too big.”

 ***

 A couple of days later, Dean got Sergei to check up on Y/N. The doctor still lives in one of his apartments, even though he too, got more money than he probably will need in his life. But Sergei’s always been a one weird creature of habit, maybe that’s why he didn’t want to move. And maybe it’s also because Dean lets him live here rent free. It’s the least he can do since Sergei helped save Y/N’s life.

She’s doing much better and they can now lower her pain meds intake. Which probably also means that she’s gonna be awake more and Dean considers that a win. It’s still going to be a little over five weeks until she can take her cast off, though.

Y/N’s workplace had called in to lay her off. She was a little sad about that. It’s not really like she needed the money because Dean has plenty. He could give her half and would still have more than enough left to last him a whole lifetime. He thinks it’s more because she really likes to work, likes to have a purpose in life and he gets that. He tried to cheer her up, telling her that if she wants, she can pick up drawing again and he can fund her own art gallery. His idea wasn’t well received. And by mentioning the art, she suddenly remembers the drawing she left on her bedside table and asked him where it was. He said it’s in a safe place because he doesn’t want to tell her yet, but the truth is, that he framed it and took it to the new house, hung it up right at the entrance so every time he would go in there, he’d see and be reminded what he’s doing it for. Never actually gave up on the idea of finding her again one day and showing her the house, even if at that time he wouldn’t be in the picture of her new future anymore.

One day, he’d tell her. But it’s still too early now.

Cas came by last night to exchange his Baby against the hideous Lamborghini. Thank fucking god because Dean was starting to feel very awkward driving a Lambo around town to do the simplest of things. Cas had asked to see Y/N but she was already sleeping. He promised to take her around once she’s better. Maybe Dean should start to make a list of all the people who want to see Y/N to keep track and not to miss anyone. 

Gabe called too, Sam had been talking, like the gossip girl he is, and Gabe is overly excited that she’s found. Gabe was the one who helped Dean search for her because he hated to see Dean in the state he was in. He said to Dean that it’s worse than after the time their camp had been destroyed in Afghanistan. Dean owes Gabe a lot and Gabe’s also the only one who still lives nearby. He never needed much and only took enough money from Dean to tie him over until he can find another job. More than money, Gabe needs distraction, he once told Dean. He doesn’t need money because money would bring him back to the habit that he wants to shake off. So, now, if Dean needs anything, he’ll contact Gabe. Gabe actually insists on it. 

Y/N comes out of the bedroom, wearing one of his shirts. Dean doesn’t know why she raids his side of the closet when she has enough clothes herself. But he doesn’t really mind. She’s wearing a skirt because it’s easier to get it over the cast. Dean absolutely hates how cute she looks with the oversized shirt and the frilly skirt. Hates it because it makes him want her in a way he doesn’t allow himself to want her. Not yet.

“I’m ready.” 

“Good.” Dean says and it came out grumpy but he’s really not. It’s just that her outfit does things to him and he absolutely hates that he likes it.

He takes the key and gives her a hand to walk to the door. She clutches one crutch on the other side. 

“Jesus, this will take forever.” He mutters under his breath and sweeps her off her feel, carries her over his shoulder while she’s holding the crutch.

“Dean!”

“I’m sorry, it’s just, I’d like to get back by tonight and not still be here by then.”

She’s still over his shoulder when they get into the elevator and he sees their reflection in the mirror. He has his hand on her thigh and her skirt almost rides up to her ass. He turns his gaze down, doesn’t look. He carries her over to his car and they get in.

They’re driving to her apartment, moving things back to his place. Because it’s final. She’s staying. She really fucking stays.

Yesterday morning when he brought her a coffee to bed she looked at him and just smiled. Nothing else, just a smile. And her smile lasted an awful long while until he had to ask what’s wrong.

“I’m staying.” She said. Nothing less, nothing more. But it’s enough for him to sit down and kiss her. He wanted to ask if she really meant it. If she really thought it through because if she stays this time, there’s no running away and he had made it clear that he’s not letting her go anyway. He didn’t ask though, didn’t feel the need to because he’s sure that she knows.

She lived in a rundown building. It's a studio apartment and it’s nothing like her last one. The staircase smells of piss and he’s sure that he saw some kids selling drugs at the corner of the street. It’s surely not a nice neighborhood. Her apartment is small, cozy and it’s a stark contrast to the outside world around the building. Still, it makes Dean mad. He’s angry that she had to live here for so long without him knowing. But he guesses that if the circumstances would have been different, if Dean would have come knocking, she wouldn’t have wanted to come home with him anyway. 

Sometimes, things need time to fall into place and letting her come back on her own might have been the best for the both of them.

He brought a big duffel because she said that there’s not a lot to take back anyway. There’s notebooks where she keeps her drawings. Some books, a laptop. She packs only the clothes she really likes and that’s it. It doesn’t even fill the whole duffel he brought with him. Gabe is going to come around to clear and throw things out sometimes later in the week.

Dean carries her and the duffel down the stairs, breathes relief that his Baby was still standing and waiting for him at the curb where he left her.

She rolls her eyes when she sees him talking to the car, telling Baby how happy he was to see her still here and ready to roll. 

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad around here.” 

“Yeah, right. I saw someone exchanging his own grandma for drugs. It’s clearly not that bad.” Dean snorts and tells her to get in. 

They get home in time for dinner and pills. It’s only one pill now and it doesn’t make her mind as foggy as the ones before. She can even stay around and watch TV with him. He has his legs propped up on the coffee table, she’s leaning into him on the side and he wraps his arm around her. 

It’s easy, Dean thinks. He welcomes the good feeling back into his heart. 

One step at a time. 

She falls asleep against him, so Dean scoops her up and walks her to the bed. He tucks her in and slips in next to her. And he’s able to spoon her now, her ankle isn’t hurting as much anymore. He breathes in, the familiar scent makes him light headed. 

“Thank you.” She whispers.

“You’re welcome?” He replies but doesn’t really know for what. Not that it matters.

She chuckles at that and Dean listens as her breathing evens out.

 ***

 They’re almost at half time now and the skin underneath her cast starts to itch. She’s on the couch drawing when Dean walks in after he went out for errands. He looks over to see her poking around inside of her cast with a pencil.

“Stop that!” He shouts with his boss voice. It’s low and loud and she jumps up, almost dropping the pencil into the cast.

“It itches!” She whines and fucking pouts at him.

Dean unpacks the groceries, “I know but you’re gonna make it worse.”

Y/N lets out a frustrating groan and lets herself fall back on the sofa, her back hitting the leather with a thud. “This is ridiculous! This stupid cast is driving me nuts!”

“You’re driving me nuts!” Dean’s laughing. It’s easy how quick things progress with the two of them. How quickly they become comfortable with each other again. As if there was not a whole fucking year which separated them. He really missed that. Miss the silly arguments, the petty fights, miss someone who understands his humor.  

He pulls out a container of ice cream he just bought, gets out a spoon and walks over to where she's lying with her arm thrown dramatically over her face.

Dean sits down, digs into the ice cream — chocolate chip cookie dough, because it’s the one they both like and can compromise on. He’d rather have anything with peanut butter in it and she’s more of a coconut girl — and holds out a spoonful of ice cream out, waves it in front of her face. She still doesn’t see anything because of her arm.

“Y/N, come on, open your mouth.”

She doesn’t stir, “This better not be your dick, Dean, I’m angry.”

“What’s wrong with my dick?”

“It just doesn’t really make me feel better.”

Dean frowns and shoves the spoon into his own mouth, smacks his lips loudly as he eats it. “You contradict yourself because you used to say, and I quote, your dick always makes me feel so good.”

He actually wouldn’t know if it would still make her feel good because they haven’t done anything yet since she’s back. Just little kisses here and there and a lot of cuddling. Dean’s quite okay with that but it’s fucking hard to really stay away and he anticipates the day the cast will be off because maybe then she’ll be in the mood. He waited one year, what’s a couple of weeks longer, really. He just knows that it’ll be worth it and besides, he enjoys the thing they have as it is. It’s not just about sex, he once told Sam, and it’s still true.

She opens her eyes when Dean takes another spoonful. “What are you? Oh my god I want ice cream!” She sits up, and moves closer, pushing her head through his arm that’s holding the container, so she basically headlocks herself. 

“What? I just told you to open your mouth but you didn’t want to.”

“Please?”

“Yeah, beg for it.” Dean smirks, digs into the container, scoops up a spoonful.

She pouts then and it’s not fair that it still manages to make him weak. He feeds her the ice cream and she smirks around the spoon.

They’re sitting and eating together when she suddenly asks, “Can I ask you something? I need advice from a friend.”

He smiles because he likes that. “Sure.”

“So, you remember my ex-boyfriend?” She starts and the mention of the word ex hits him.

“Yeah, faintly.” He plays along.

“Yeah, do you think if I would try to get together with him again it would work out?”

Dean’s heart is racing stupidly fast. “I don’t know. Do you wanna?”

“I kind of do.”

“Does he want to?”

“I think so. He’s been taking care of me since my accident.”

Dean takes a spoonful of ice cream, an attempt to cool down his face. “Do you still love him?”

“I do.” It comes out fast. She didn’t even have to think about it. 

Okay, now his heart is doing the weird flip thing.

And then she adds, “I just don’t know if he still loves me like he used to. Or if he’ll be able to love me like that again. He’s been a great friend the last couple of weeks, though. I just don’t really know where we stand yet. I wanna try it again. Maybe if we try we could make it work? Taking one day at a time?”

Dean sets the ice cream down, pulls her against his chest, he’s sure she can feel how fast his heart is beating but he doesn’t even care. 

He kisses the top of her head, “Baby, I never stopped loving you. I would love you in any shape, any form, with any past and present, never doubt that.”

It’s the first time he dares to say baby in front of her so she’d hear it, didn’t feel like it’s his place when they still haven’t figured out what’s next. But being able to say it again feels good. It actually feels great. Like it’s a word only fitting for her, apart from his car, obviously.

She cries into his chest, and it’s good, apart from the crying of course. It’s good to feel her close again. It’s good to be able to work towards what they were. It’s good to work towards what they will be.

CH37

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Can I have V with either Taylor or Loki or Ransom or Chris or Curtis or Andy or Sam or Dean or Bucky or ....you get the picture 😂 I love you 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

A/N- Thank you for being so patient babes, I hope I did him justice. Love you always. Also, you showed me some pictures that made me think of this the other day and for the life of me I can't find them. But your man was in ALL BLACK. and that did things to me. FML. 

Warnings- Smut. There you go, that's all you get. 

Fingers closing around the champagne flute, your other hand toyed with the pearls hanging gently around your neck, smooth little beads Under your fingertips that you played with when you were studying something.

This time you were studying the room, looking to see if the current gathering of guests were yet bubbly tipsy enough for you and Loki to slip away unnoticed. No, not you and Loki... You and Conrad. That was the code name you gave Loki for this mission, you couldn't help but think of your reasoning for Conrad at the debriefing earlier today.

“Why you so insistent on Conrad?” Steve asked as he crossed out the name on the paperwork and wrote in the one you just had to have.

You grin at Loki, who gives you an amused smile, answering for you. “Because she happened to see Kong, and got it in her head I looked like the man playing Conrad.” Lokis fingers danced in the small of your back, and you gave an affirming nod. Steve still looks lost, but not going to question it, Tony though, he’a laughing in the background. “Shes worst then Peter with her movies.”

“Your playing with your pearls Dear.” A smooth voice brought you out of the memory, Loki sliding up beside you. Crisp black suit, well fitted made him take your breath away every time, and you couldn't help but tug on those pearls of yours and bite your lip, giving an up and down glance. “What is on your mind?” His hand circled possessively around your hip, and sipped from his own champagne glass, the bubbles making him wrinkle the tip of his nose a moment. Eyes sharp as ever scanned the room, and it seemed everyone had made their way onto the dance floor.

“That you look dashing in that suit Conrad.” you tease, your fingers dancing up his chest and tilting up to nip at his chin a bit. In your ear, a familiar crackling noise penetrates the band playing.

Coast is clear for you two to extract the information. Sam's voice giving a semi gentle reminder of why the two of you are actually here. Loki glances around rather quickly, then you two start playing and teasing going up the grand staircase. Appearing as a couple lovers in a champagne drunken tease. Catching each other up against the banister for long drawn out kisses and you giggling against his lips while taking his hand. By all appearances, you two were just looking for a room.

Which you two were, a specific room.

In the midst of you two putting on a show, people sweeping around the two of you in a hurry to avoid disrupting you, Loki was pressed up behind you, kissing on your neck while you were looking at room numbers. Bingo... “Its over here.” You muttering to him and his head lifts, a subtle flick of his wrist disabled the room's security, and you pick at the lock. His hand closes around your wrist and draws you back to him, chuckling softly. “Let me Love.” a simple brush of his hand clicked the lock and you rolled your eyes at him, cautiously entering the dark office room. “You couldn't just do that before Loki?” and the man grinned as he secured the door shut.

“You didn't even give me the chance to.” He reached into his suit and took out a flash drive, handing it to you. Keeping the room dark to not draw attention, you circle the desk and get the computer turned on. Behind you was floor to ceiling windows, showing the city far below in a twinkle of traffic headlights and late-night office workers in the surrounding towers. Further off the ocean still had a tinge of purple on the horizon, night swiftly swallowing the last bit of light. Slipping in the flash drive, it showed a good 10 mins to get all the files downloaded and secured. Ten Minutes of waiting and not getting caught. You push away from the desk and step up beside where Loki is admiring the city below.

“Beautiful isn't it?” You step up closer to the glass to look down at the street 20 floors below you, people just living there lives, unaware of all that was going on around them at any given moment. Apparently, you fell into that lull, cause you never noticed the God move up behind you till his hands slid along the silken covered thighs, his long fingers bunching into your dress. “Beautiful? Although quite lovely yes, there really is only one beautiful one here tonight.” His voice a dark huskier tone, and he pressed you forward against the glass, nipping on the back of your neck while using his knee to part your thighs for him.

You reach up to shut off the com in your ear. “Going Dark Sam.”

What?! Don't you dare, Y/N- Click. Gone, just you and Loki now.

Loki chuckled as he bunched your dress up around your waist, slipping a hand between thighs, and rubbing against the cloth for a moment, but slightly impatient as they now only had 8 mins to continue, he let his fingers pull it aside to find the heat he was searching for, leaving you shuddering against the glass a moment as slick coated his fingers. Teasing you until you were rubbing into his hand, searching for more.

“Right there Loki...” You whispered with a soft moan, his fingers playing you to heights, biting your lip and crying out softly. Loki sshh'd in your ear. “Can't have you making noise and blowing out cover.” He sucked on your earlobe and removed his fingers from your fluttering channel, your eyes growing desperate in the reflection of the window. He plucked the pearls that hung around your neck, and let them stretch across your ruby red lips till you let them slide over your tongue, round smooth reigns to keep you in control, while his hand clamped over your mouth, muffling your sounds.

“Hope your ready from me Love.” And fuck you were, you pressed your ass back, but that just resulted in him pinning you tighter against the glass, his hand working his pants open enough to release his cock, and press against your channel, and powerful thrust from behind left him seated deeply, filling you in a claiming motion. You were his, he was sure to remind you. Moment like this when he fucked you against the glass for the world to see. If only they would ever look up from there lives.

Loki's hips slapped against you, your body sliding up and down against the glass slightly and he used those Pearls to hold your head back, sucking on those beads while whimpering into his palm, his lips on your neck, all teeth and tongue tasting your skin in the gentlest and hardest of ways. Your slick flowed, a fountain of arousal that he drew from you with every pulling back and snap forward of his hips. There was no modesty in the way you clenched around his cock, not when he angled to hit your sweet trigger, whimper turning into a crying moan, that resulted in him digging his fingers more into the flesh of your cheeks, his hisses against your ear. “You better cum Darling, we can't leave till you do.”

It was so hard to resist him, not that you wanted to. And when your orgasm left you gasping against his palm, Loki caging you in his hold to push you through it while chasing your own, you broke 20 stories above the city, for all of them to view, the lights turning into pinpointed array of stars in your vision, losing all focus, the cold glass offsetting the heat Loki filled you with. You were at your highest shattering bliss, and the world, all of it fades into nothing but a hazy thought in the back of your mind. Loki's hands covered yours against the window, his fingers sliding through yours in a clasp as he bit on your shoulder, muffling his own cries of pleasure.

Filling you with his seed, he took tagged breaths against your shoulder before lifting his head, the two of you catching eyes in the reflection, and he was careful to pull out, covering your neck in kisses while loosening his palm and easing your pearls back out of your mouth and around your neck, whispering. “I love it when you wear your pearls Pet.” He worked on straightening your dress, sure it was once again in place, smooth, and streamlined flowing down your legs. Tucking himself away while you grabbed the drive, he slipped it back into his pocket and cleaned any evidence you two might have left on the glass.

Rejoining downstairs, you flicked the com back on, while Loki drew you onto the dance floor, expert hands sliding in place and you two slipped into the crowd, twirling slightly with the music. “Back Sam.” you said softly enough for just Sam to hear, and immediately there was some cursing on the other end.

You two are on a mission, MISSION. Ain't no damn time for- You started to ignore the ranting of your teammate, looking up at Loki who had a satisfied smile on his face and a light press of lips against your forehead, you buried your face against his chest, and finished out the dance. Plucking the ticket from his jacket while you two headed for the exit to give to the valet, you looked up at him.

“So Conrad, thanks for showing a girl a good time.” Unable to hold back the grin that crossed your face, Loki wrapping you up in your shawl and laughing softly to himself while you two left, heading back to the compound, successful mission accomplished.

[rae-is-typing]

Feeling Faint

Anonymous requested: Hi! I was wondering if you could do a fem!teen!reader x Clint ( platonic) where the reader lives in the Avengers tower and is sick and no one knows what to do and they start freaking out so Clint ends up taking care of her? I love your writing! 💖

Characters: You, Clint Barton, Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, The Vision, FRIDAY

Warnings: Fainting, sickness, the Vietnam War is mentioned, language, Peter panics, homework

Disclaimer: I’ve never fainted before, so I consulted the interwebs for my information. If you see any mistakes, please let me know :)

Word count: 1.9k

Warm spring rays bathe the communal floor in warmth, negating all need for artificial light in the afternoon. The sounds of video games and banter were distant, easily blending in with the sound of Vision and Wanda cooking in the kitchen.

It was a Friday in May, thank god. Fridays meant the weekend and May meant the school year was coming to a close. However, the school year coming to a close meant finals. And finals meant studying, so much studying.

Tony had a rule for you and Peter: homework before heroism. As the only two students in the Tower, you two had to stick together. You found yourself covering for each other if one of you had snuck out for hero purposes, helping each other out with school or even delivering snacks and gum during classes

It wasn't odd to see the two of you sitting at the designated " homework table', a small round table on the communal floor near the TV and surrounding furniture and near the kitchen and dining area. There were four chairs surrounding it so someone well-versed in the subject you two were working on could come and help the two of you out and make the living hell that is High School a little easier.

Today the two of you were on your own. You had caught up on all your homework the night before. You were also dead tired because of the all-nighter you pulled to get it done. Feeling like shit after an all-nighter was normal for you, but this time it was different. You head was splitting, your nose was running faster than Quicksilver and your entire body was sore. You couldn’t eat anything either, you felt like dying after taking a small sip of coffee earlier that day.

But Peter needed your help learning about the Vietnam War, and you'd be damned if you didn't help him out because you were a little sick. Even if you felt like you couldn’t help Peter out, you weren’t going to say you were sick. Avengers are good at saving the world, not taking care of a sick teenager.

The team didn’t like to leave you and Peter alone together. The last time they left you alone on the communal floor together, all the food was eaten, the kitchen was a disaster after a failed baking experiment, and a ten hour loop of Wii music was left on while you two recreated your favorite vines. Needless to say, some trust was lost.

Clint, Sam and Tony were gathered in front of the TV playing some sort of strategy shooting game. Vision and Wanda were cooking dinner. Peter sat in front of you, reading over his text book over and over again.

"So, the Tonkin Resolution let LBJ have full control over the military?"

"Yeah," You say, leaning heavily into the palm of your hand.

"Why?"

"Because communism."

"That's really it?"

"Pretty much. America wanted the war to escalate to stop the spread of communism," Your voice was flat, and speaking was starting to hurt your throat. You take a long drink from the water bottle next to you and dab at your nose with a tissue.

Peter nods, jotting that down on the paper next to his open text book. You close your eyes, rubbing them. A dull ache had grown in the back of your head throughout the day and the ache went to a roar. You scowled to yourself. It was getting painful to keep your eyes open.

"You alright, Y/N?" Peter asked, looking at you with soft brown eyes. His face was etched with concern and worry.

You offer a small smile, hoping that would calm his nerves a little. Peter was a naturally anxious guy already, and you didn't want to set off his 'Spidey Senses' as Tony likes to call them. "I'm fine, man. Do you have any other questions?"

"Are you sure you're okay? You really don't look great."

You blinked. "I meant questions about the Vietnam War."

"You really don't look good." Peter frowned, his eyes gleamed with concern as they bore into yours.

You picked your head up off your hand and nudged his arm. "I'm a-okay Pete. Do you want me to help you study for your history exam too?" You ask, swallowing a yawn.

"Maybe you should lie down for a bit?" He says meekly. "I'm worried, Y/N. Something feels off," His eyes dart around the room and knees are bouncing rapidly under the table.

"It'll be okay, Pete. So what can you tell me about World War Two?"

Your questions do little to calm Peter's senses, but he begins to ramble about World War Two. Without warning, you feel like the world is spinning around you. You were sure that if you were standing up that you would've fallen. Your head drops to the arm you had resting on the table. Your attempts to breath through the dizzy spell were futile and you barely register the hand that rests on your shoulder before everything fades away.

_____________________________

Clint bit down on his lip, moving his fingers carefully on the controller. One last kill and he would win. He aimed his gun at Tony's character and pulled his fake trigger. Boom! Right between the eyes! Clint let out a loud whoop, celebrating his victory. Tony's shoulders slump over in disbelief. Sam laughs and slaps Clint on the shoulder. 

"How the hell did you win that?" Tony demands. "I had that in the bag." Clint was about to answer, but he was cut off by a very panicked voice. 

"M-Mr. Stark?" Tony set his controller on the coffee table in front of the three of them. Clint turned to see a very shaky, very concerned Peter. His eyes were a little wet as he wrung his hands.

"What's wrong, kid?" 

"Y/N needs help, something's wrong with her. She passed out." Sam’s head shot up.

“What?” Tony hissed, worry growing in his eyes

"I do- I don't know, sir, she was asking me a question then she just slumped over like that." Peter sounded close to tears.  

Springing up from the table, Tony ran to the homework table. You were slumped over on the table, your head resting on an arm with your other arm hanging limply at your side. Wada had two fingers pressed to your neck, red smoke hanging in the air. 

"Peter, what the hell happened?" Tony demanded. 

“We- we were working on homework and she just fell over.”

"Did she say anything about feeling sick?" Clint cut in, voice calm. He had seen abundantly worse. They all had. But this was you, one of their youngest members, their child. 

Peter shook his head, looking at your limp body then at Tony. "Is she going to be okay?" 

Clint could easily see that Peter was beginning to panic. His hands were shaking and he was close to tears. Tony put an arm around him and led him out of the room. Sam was now leaning over you as well, checking for any visible injuries. Vision was saying something about fainting spells. 

"Back up, guys. Give her some space." Clint says, pushing his way to the table. Your skin lacked its normal color it was cold and clammy when he brushed some hair back from your face. 

"If she's not injured, move her to the couch," Clint says. Wanda steps back, as does Clint. Sam out an arm around your shoulders and them shimmied his other arm under your legs. He picked you up easily and moved to lay you flat on the long sofa. 

"FRIDAY? Is she okay?" Clint asked.

"Her blood sugar is low and she has a cold." 

"That explains the fainting." Clint says. "Can someone grab some hard candy and a glass of fruit juice?"

Wanda swiftly went into the kitchen, emerging in a minute later holding a few hard caramels in her one hand a glass of apple juice in the other. She passes them to Clint, and he sets them on the end table by your feet. 

“FRIDAY, is Banner free?”

“Dr. Banner is taking a nap. Should I wake him up?”

“No,” Clint cringed, remembering the last time Bruce was woken up before he was ready. That turned into a code green a little too fast. “We have to wait for her to wake up.”

_____________________________

Your eyes flutter open. Your head pounded, and the ceiling was spinning. When did you lay down? Why were you lying down? What happened? 

“Mornin’ sunshine," Clint says softly from his seat on a chair by the side of the couch. 

"Clint?" You ask, sitting up, rubbing your eyes. "What happened?" 

"You passed out, hon. Don't try to sit up," He says, making his way over to you and gently pushing you back down. 

"What?" 

"Yeah, you scared the shit out of Parker." 

"Is he okay?" You ask worriedly. 

"Yeah, Stark's with him," He grabs something from the table beside him. He turned back to you holding some candy and a glass of what looked like juice.

"Here, drink some of this. Its apple juice," He gives you a glass with gold liquid inside of it. You take your time sitting up, ultimately propping yourself up with the armrest. You sip at the cold juice while Clint continues to speak.

"We’ll have Banner check you when he wakes up from his nap. Something tells me Strange doesn't want to see us for a while."

"How were we supposed to know that Asgardian monsters were going to dye New York pink?" Clint chuckles. 

"I dunno kid, but his cape wasn't too happy about it," He stands up from his spot on the chair. "Hungry?" 

"No, no-" 

"Too bad. Chicken soup with noodles or rice?" 

"Noodles," Your disposition falls flat easily, you were too tired to stand up and not having an obligation felt nice.

"Atta kid. Noodles will always be better than rice.” Clint smiles before moving into the kitchen. You set your now empty glass on the floor and lie down on the couch. You closed your eyes, wishing to escape the beating drum in your head.

You arm was being shaken lightly. “Y/N, wake up, kid. Soups on.”

“Hmm?” You rub your eyes with the back of your hands.

“You fell asleep. The soup is ready. Can you stand without fainting?” Clint was standing above you wearing a purple apron with white bows and arrows on it.

“You’re wearing an apron,” You comment, giggling a little bit. 

“You’re definitely out of it,” He smiles. “C’mon. Sit up slowly,” He put an arm around your shoulders, leading you to sit up slowly. 

“Where’s everyone else?”

“They left. We didn’t want you to get overwhelmed,” Clint answers, helping you stand. He wrapped his arm around your mid-back, guiding you towards the dining area.

He sat you down in front of a bowl of soup while he washed the dishes. You ate the soup slowly, waiting for your stomach to act up. You got through half the bowl before you had to stop eating. 

“How you feelin’, kid?” Clint asked when you pushed the bowl away from you and laid your head on the table. 

“Tired,” You respond. 

“You wanna sleep on the couch here or go to your room?” You shrug your shoulders.

“The table isn’t comfortable, kid. Let’s go to the couch.”

You stand up, letting Clint guide you back to the couch. 

“Get some rest, kid. You need it.”

“Thanks, Clint.” 

The last thing you feel is a blanket being draped over you and a soft kiss on the head.

[thephantomofthe-internet]

The Party’s Over

Flayed!Billy Hargrove x Reader

Word Count: 3,252

Warnings: swearing, violence, breaking and entering-just a whole lot of nope is happening

Author’s note: So this is a request! I don’t normally do requests, but I did this one! It’s a very loose interpretation, but here’s the request: If your requests are open: could you possibly do a billy x reader based on the song when the party’s over by billie eilish? I love love love your writing and I’ve just finished season 3 so I need some billy love xx thank you! I hope you enjoy, nonnie! 

Tag List: @moonstruckhargrove @hotstuffhargrove @carolimedanvers @alex--awesome--22 @thechickvic @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @so-not-hotmess @agentsinstorybrooke @sunflowercandie @kaliforniacoastalteens @songforhema @spidey-pal @mickmoon 

Heather had to have gone insane. It was like she was trying to get fired. Every weekend, there she was, bringing new people to the pool after hours. A little party heightened with drugs or alcohol or just the excitement of getting caught. It was a risk Heather was easily taking on, usually with your boyfriend at her side.

Billy Hargrove had gone off the deep end, no pun intended.

Ever since he found out that Heather Holloway was a secret party girl, they’d become best friends. And his whole personality had flipped. Well, flipped back. The Billy Hargrove you were dating wasn’t the guy you were introduced to way back in October. When he first arrived, he was an asshole. He slept around, he bullied or mocked anyone who seemed different or self-conscious enough to feel hurt by him, he treated everyone around him like shit or like they were disposable. The only people who could put up with him for more than a month were those looking for a boost in their own popularity. Tommy H and Carol had stuck around despite Billy pushing them away at every opportunity, purely because they wanted to suckled the teat of Hawkins High popularity, drinking it in.

You didn’t put up with any of his shit. You didn’t laugh at his jokes, you didn’t sleep with him or go on one of his little ��dates’, you didn’t fall for his charm-you saw right through his bullshit. And that was frustrating to him; he wanted you to fall just like everyone else did. You were a challenge and he didn’t like those very much. But he was bored enough to keep trying. And eventually, after venting how tiring it was chasing you around was, you let him take you out just the once. And then you let him take you out a few more times, because what else were you supposed to do? Go out with Keith from the arcade? He was the only other person interested. Slim pickings meant that when Billy Hargrove came knocking, you answered.

And he wasn’t a bad date-he had a cool car; he drove fast, that was fun; he had good taste in music; sometimes he talked about interesting things; he was a good lay. He kept coming back too, you didn’t really get why. Neither did Billy, it wasn’t for love. He was bored of you after three dates. But other girls in town were more boring and they were annoying too. You weren’t annoying. You were almost cool. Like a friend he could fuck when he wanted.  That was nice.

But you were busy. And the summer was long. And being surrounded by girls in bikinis all day, drooling over him. Things were bound to happen. Nothing serious, nothing bad. Harmless flirting with Heather, she threw good invite-only parties, what was he supposed to do? Mrs. Wheeler was easy to frazzle, which was always fun, and she was something interesting to do. Well, he didn’t do her, but he wouldn’t pretend that he didn’t try. Not that he would tell you that. You didn’t need to know that. It would probably hurt your feelings anyway, he didn’t want to do that.

But you weren’t naïve. You noticed the way Heather looked at him. You heard the rumors around town about what and who he was doing. You tried to pay it no mind, but you worked at Sam Goody in the mall, every girl in town circulated that store and they all gossiped about the same things. So, you dealt with it. You dealt with the rumors. He was your boyfriend.  You knew him. He lied and he cheated and he stole, but he trusted you with everything. You were the exception, every girl he slept around with and never called again were the rule. And he was a stickler to his own rules.

Until now.

You didn’t believe the rumor that he was sleeping with Karen Wheeler; she was too much of a challenge, even for him. But the stories about Heather Holloway? Those made sense. Too much sense. Those were something to question. That was something to fight about. And you fought like hell. But Billy denied everything.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Billy cried, running his hands angrily through his hair, pulling at the ends. He’d been wearing the same white thermal for almost a week straight and you were very weirded out by it. In part because it was beginning to smell and he didn’t seem to notice in the slightest. But mostly because it was boiling outside! Hawkins had been in a heat wave for two weeks now and everyone in town had been dying. Everyone, it seems, except Billy. Wearing that dumb thermal, always wandering around with a blue raspberry Icee in hand. He always seemed to be in a daze or actively upset. There was no in between. And you hated it.

“Oh come on! Don’t act like I’m stupid! I see what happens when I’m not around! We had plans last night to go out and you ditched me! Without even a call! And Jennifer Spears sees you driving to Heather’s house! Heather’s for god’s sake!” you countered, matching his volume. Billy had snuck into your house that afternoon, still not bothering to use the front door even though no one was home and no one was going to catch him or even be mad at him.

“Why don’t you trust me anymore? Jesus! When did you become such a clingy girlfriend?” Billy scoffed and you about near punched him square in the jaw. What kind of bullshit was that? You’ve never been clingy! You’ve always given him the space to be the lone wolf he insisted on being. You didn’t cling, you didn’t pressure, you didn’t do anything to get in his way.

“Oh my god…” you massaged the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes tight “This really isn’t worth it. Do whatever you want with Heather, see if I stick around?” you snapped, turning your back to him dramatically, crossing your arms tightly over your chest. You didn’t expect Billy to stay and you weren’t upset when he didn’t. He knew to leave you when you were pissed off, because you’d only bite his head off about whatever had ticked you off.  You weren’t one to mess with when you were upset and Billy knew this.

Billy did exactly what you told him to do, he went out with Heather that night. And you didn’t talk to him for a week. But you didn’t let him get to you.  When your friends dragged you to the pool, you made a point to flirt with Adam, the assistant manager from the pool, only because he was an ass and Billy hated it when he smiled his smarmy smile. He looked like he was about to sexually harass you at a used car dealership.

But it didn’t do anything. And for the first time, you saw it. You saw how Billy was with other girls. You saw the way Karen Wheeler flirted shamelessly along with the other moms on the left side of the pool. That didn’t bother you, although the way Mrs. Armstrong, with her cheetah print one piece and neon green visor surrounded by tightly curled frizzy blonde hair kind of made you nauseous. No, what upset you was the way Heather and Billy interacted. It wasn’t flirting. That would be too obvious. It was like they were speaking in code. It was full of nods and knowing, neutral looks. They whispered far too much, Heather even pointed you out in the crowd. At first, you thought she was mocking you. That made your blood boil. But her expression was so empty, her eyes so dead. And Billy shook his head. They began whispering harshly to one another and you wondered what they were arguing about, if they were arguing at all. That was when you decided to leave the pool. You didn’t know why you went in the first place.

The answer came soon enough. Billy called. This was a shock, he never called, he always just showed up randomly to wherever you were to confront you.

“Billy, what do you want?” you huffed after learning who was on the other end, dropping down onto the mattress with a dramatic sigh through your nose.

“Look, we fought, I’m sorry, can we move on?” he replied, matching your frustration beat for beat. You rolled your eyes, but nodded.

“Sure, fine, what’s up?” you asked bitterly, running your hands through your hair.

“We’re throwing a party tonight. Be there.” Billy barked. He seemed angry, but you didn’t know why.

“Who’s we? And where is it even?” you asked quickly. Billy had a nasty habit of hanging up the phone after giving you brief bits of information.

“At the pool, Heather’s throwing it. I’m helping. You in or not?” Billy returned quickly, rephrasing his wording quickly. You contemplated starting a fight about it; after all, you were still mad about Billy’s sneaking around with Heather. But you decided to hold off on it.

“You picking me up?” you asked.                                                  

“Sure.” Billy replied gruffly.

“Around eight?”

“Nine.”

“Alright, I’ll be ready. I’ll see you then.”

Billy hung up on you without a goodbye, although it didn’t really bother you. The sound of the dial tone was friendlier than his goodbyes. Besides, that just meant that he didn’t want to or couldn’t attempt to say goodbye. It was sweet. That’s what you told yourself.

You did what he wanted, although you weren’t excited about it. You didn’t like authority and you didn’t need the Hawkins PD chasing you down. But Billy wanted to go and you were sort of glad that he invited you. He didn’t want to go with Heather. He wanted to go with you. So you pulled out your best black one piece and covered it with your homemade cut off shorts and a plain tee shirt. You pulled your hair up and ran outside to Billy’s car before he could even blast the horn.

Billy didn’t talk while he drove, his jaw was far too tight and his gaze too stern. He looked nervous or at least tightly wound. But you didn’t comment on it. You assumed it was because of the risk he was taking even showing up. One more meeting with the Hawkins police and he’d lose the car for the rest of the summer. And he needed his car. You kept quiet and held your bag tightly to your chest, keeping your gaze focus on the streets in front of you.

As you pulled up to the pool, you saw Heather leading a group of kids into the pool. You were surprised by the group. Where was Carol? Tommy? Tina? Vikki? Fuck, nobody even pretended to invite Steve Harrington! It was a bunch of misfits. You noted Nick Cline, who was most known for playing the cello in the school band and puking onstage; Lisa Reid, who was the first person in school to get braces and still had them; and Curtis Rudolph; who got so stoned at Tina’s Halloween party the year prior that he flashed the whole party his penis and forgot about it. The rest weren’t anyone you recognized, but you noted the trend between the three you did. They were outcasts. Nick Cline was ignored even by fellow band geeks, Lisa Reid was declared the least bangable girl at Hawkins High via their list in the locker room, and Curtis lost everything after everyone found out all at once how creepy  he was and how small his penis truly was. Nobody was fucking with them. Until now. Now, they were invited to an exclusive party by Heather Holloway, who was known for throwing the most exclusive, coolest parties in Hawkins and always getting away with it.

You were beyond confused.

Billy grabbed your elbow, pulling you back for a second. You turned to look at him, furrowing your brow. “What is going on, Bill?” you whispered, stopping in your tracks.

“Just wait for ‘em to go in. We’ll go in afterwards.” He replied easily, letting your arm go. You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest.

Heather peeked out from the gate and caught Billy’s eye. She waved him in, but Billy shook his head. Heather turned to you, smiling brightly. “Y/N! Come on! Leave the grump behind!” she called, laughing at Billy’s stern expression. You found yourself smiling too, something about her look made you want to smile too. It made you want to do anything she said.

You turned to Billy “Come on, let’s go. Before the cops shut this thing down. In and out quick, okay?” you whispered, looking up at him with the big doe eyes that you knew melted his heart. Something in Billy’s expression changed, his gaze softened slightly and he seemed conflicted with himself. But Heather’s musical tone call out to you again, beckoning you in. She had become a sort of siren and you weren’t refusing the sailor’s song she sung for you. You ran towards the gate. Billy couldn’t help but follow.

The group was circled together on the deck. Heather took the centre, raising her hand to silence everyone. “Alright! Everybody go and change in the change rooms and shower off! I won’t have you contaminating the water just for fun!” she explained, still with that fun party girl tone that lured you in. Everything about her face screamed that the situation was very serious, but her voice was so upbeat and fun that it distracted everyone around you. It distracted you too, you followed the line of awkward girls heading towards the locker room. Billy pulled you back roughly.

“Stay here, okay? She’s just bugging the nerds.” Billy said softly. And he smiled. That threw you for a loop, he’d been so annoyed all day, but now he was grinning at you like you hung the moon. And that was distracting you, it held you in place as he headed off behind the boys. You dropped your bag on the white lounge chair behind you pulling off your tee shirt and shorts before sitting down on the edge of the pool, dipping your feet. The water was far too cold, someone had turned the pool heater off completely, letting the water turn to ice on your feet.

The group was gone for far too long, it made you nervous. You kept your eyes on the doors, waiting for someone-anyone-to emerge. But nobody came out. You stood from edge, peering towards the doors, inching back to grab your bag. You had a bad feeling about this whole scene and you wanted nothing more to be out of it, even if Billy would get pissed about it.

Before you could even attempt to head towards the gate, Heather burst from the doors, grinning and giggling. “Y/N! Come in here and help me! Lisa’s got her braces stuck on her sweater vest I’m about to piss myself laughing!” she called, waving you over again. And you found yourself thinking that you could help for a minute. You didn’t have to run off now, maybe it would feel better in there.

The locker room was insanely humid. All the showers were running the hottest water they could, filling the room with steam. The lights had been turned off almost completely too, save for the one closest to the door entering the pool, leaving the room dark and eerie. Despite knowing that everyone had gone into the locker rooms, you couldn’t hear any voices. The only sound was from the showers running. Then, someone hit you hard against the back of your head.

You dropped to your knees immediately, losing your balance. You felt insanely dizzy and sick, you knew you were about to pass out. But you forced yourself to stay awake. You knew if you pass out, something worse would happen. Hands came to the back of your shoulders, forcing you to the ground. Heather hovered over you, her expression the same as it was at the door only moments ago.

“If you stay still it’ll be over faster.” Heather said with a sickly smile, looking up to nod at the person above your sightline. Your wrists were bound above your head with rope and you were dragged by them by the person just beyond sight. You screamed loudly, kicking your unbound legs wildly, aiming for Heather’s…anything. Anything to get her to stop this. But no matter how many times to struck her, she didn’t even flinch. She just kept walking slowly behind you.

“Billy! Billy help me!” you screamed as loud as you could. He was just in the other room, he had to hear you. But even if he did, he wasn’t there. There was nothing you could do now, fighting wasn’t working. The person dragging you bent down to pick you up, it was Janet Holloway to your shock and horror. How on earth did she get that strong? Her arms went under you easily and lifted you into the air fireman’s style. You contemplated fighting against her, beating her down. But you weren’t certain it would work. Instead, you let your body go limp, laying all your weight on her. Janet Holloway collapsed immediately under your weight.

This was your chance.

You bounced up, making a brake for the backdoor, not trusting yourself to be able to get passed Heather. You were so dizzy, your vision drifting in and out, but you made it out the door.

Tom Holloway grabbed you roughly by the shoulders, holding you in place as soon as you got outside. “Where you going, missy?” he asked with a cocky tone, his skin pale and sickly looking. He was sweating far too much, it was sickening. You struggled against his grip, trying to break away. Just like Janet, he was too strong, and it turned your stomach completely. You looked over scene, trying to find anything that could help you here.

They had a van, and people were already loaded into it, wrists tied and knocked out the same as they tried to do to you. Other than that, the area was desolate. No cars, no people, hell the streetlights were out. Everything was set up so you would get caught. So all those people would get caught.

Then, you found Billy. Moreover, Billy found you. He tapped Tom on the shoulder and he released you immediately. You fell into Billy’s arms, unable to wrap your arms around him, but so desperate to.

“I’ll handle her.” Billy said simply and Tom nodded, heading towards the van. The van sped off fast as soon as he was inside. You didn’t know where Janet and Heather were and you didn’t care. Billy would keep you safe.

“Billy, what’s going on? Where are they taking them?” you asked frantically, searching his face for any sign of humanity. But there was none. Everything about his expression was dead and empty. He wasn’t himself anymore.

“Just stay still, it’ll be over soon.” He said, laying you down, pulling a rope from his back pocket.

“Billy, what’re you doing?” you asked, trying desperately to pull your legs away. Billy held firm on them, not letting go no matter how hard you kicked at his face.

“Billy, I’m scared let me go.” You cried, kicking up at him.

“Don’t be afraid, it’ll all be over soon…” he said, almost sounding bored by the whole scene.

“Billy, look at me. Look at me!” you cried. Billy’s hands stopped for a second and he looked to you. A glimpse of his former self glinted in his eyes and you held onto it tightly. “Billy, this isn’t you. You don’t have to do this. Please just…just let me go…I won’t tell anyone.” Billy’s hands grabbed your legs hard, slamming them to the asphalt.

“Billy you’re hurting me!” a tear rolled down your cheek, your lip quivering violently. Billy looked up at you, shocked. His look…hurt. Like he didn’t want to be doing this. You held his gaze, letting a few more tears tumble down your cheeks and your nose run. Billy let go of your legs and reached into his back pocket, pulling a switchblade from behind him. You let out a strangled scream, but Billy shushed you. He brought the knife between your wrists and sawed through the rope, freeing your hands.

“Go.” He whispered. You saw the fear in his eyes, the sheer brokenness of his whole expression. You wanted to hug him, but you stayed still. “Go!” he cried and you shot up like a rocket. Abandoning your purse and clothes, you ran for your house, never looking back.

You didn’t know what could’ve happened, but you didn’t plan to find out.

[dreamofbetterthings]

Fake Out (Sam Winchester x reader)

Celebrity: Sam Winchester (Played by Jared Padalecki)

TV Show: Supernatural

Spoilers: None

Summary: You've had a problem with another student on campus that won't seem to leave you alone. When Sam finds out about your situation, he offers a way to get him off your chest. It's just for the time being though, right? You guys are still just friends, right? What happens after all this is over?

Warnings: Some angsty stuff later in the chapters, fluff in the form of best friends, and fake dating later in the chapters as well.

A/N: So...this is another update, after being gone for 84 years. When you lose your job and finish school work early every day, there isn’t much left to do, so yes, I am back. I was originally planning on using a picture of season one Sam, but I couldn’t find one that fit best with what I was picturing. So, I decided to use another where he looks a little bit older instead. Hope you don’t mind.

"Thanks again for helping me study Sam. There has to be some way I can pay you back.” You speak, rubbing your eyes for the umpteenth time. "It's no problem. You have most of the information down. Sometimes it's just easier to hear it from someone other than the teacher." He shrugs, shutting his notebook. You get up and start collecting your numerous flashcards and putting your books away. "I don't know. I haven't had a problem with Mr. Van since this semester started now all of a sudden, I can barely understand a word of what he's saying in class. It’s like he’s speaking another language." You close your notebook that was filled to the brim with highlighters and a rainbow of different colored notes in pen and put it in your bag. The two of you throw your bags on your shoulder and begin walking out of the little cafe. Your phone vibrates for another time that evening. Pulling it out of your pocket, the screen lights up the texts you have yet to respond to.

Brent

I'll see you tomorrow. Don't run off to class without me. Thu 4:30 PM

Brent

You like coffee, right? Thu 6:25 PM

You were annoyed. Brent had been texting you since class let out, which was at 2 in the afternoon. It was now 6 in the evening. Why in the hell was he always bothering you? Sure, you said hello to him a few times if you saw him around, but you did that to everyone. If you said anything to him then you initiated a conversation and he won't leave. If you don't say anything he will start a conversation himself and never leave. This is a literal lose-lose scenario. Oh god, what if he found your apartment? You don't even notice you've stopped walking until Sam snaps you out of it. "Are uh, are you okay? You zoned out for a bit." 

A loud sigh leaves your mouth and you stumble. "I-, it-, it's complicated." His eyes go soft as you two begin to walk again. “What’s on your mind?” You're silent for a moment, wondering how you plan to word everything. "If someone asks you out, and you politely say no, what do you do afterward if they still won't leave you alone? Hypothetically, of course." He raises his brow and asks "Well, that depends." You guys get to Sam's car and he opens the door for you. You thank him and he gets in after making sure you are fully seated. He lets the engine roar to life before driving off and answering you. "I would say you can talk to a campus adviser, but I don't know how much help that will do. If you're alone most of the time then try to find a couple of your friends to walk you to and from your classes, if that isn't too much trouble. Or, since he asked you out, just tell him you have a boyfriend. That should make him leave you alone. Hypothetically speaking of course. Although, part of me wants to think that you aren't being hypothetical about any of this, are you?" 

You stay silent and suddenly the music in the background wasn't loud enough. Every bone in your body wanted to just jump out of the moving car and run away from this problem. "It's alright. I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to." Part of your brain wanted Sam to know and you were glad you at least mentioned it. He was your best friend and it didn't feel right to lie to him. The other part of your brain didn't want him to worry and resented the fact that you said anything at all. Sam already knew your answer, even without you telling him. He had managed to see two messages that Brent texted you while you were studying for tomorrow's test. No wonder you needed advice on how to handle the guy, he just wouldn't take no for an answer. 

The youngest Winchester made it to your apartment just as the sun looked like it was going to start setting soon. The two of you got out of the car and as you looked up saw purples, blues, and oranges all tangled in dance within the sky. To say it was beautiful would be an understatement. Sam left his bag in the car and walked you to your door. Even though it was only a few feet from the car, he always insisted to make sure you got in safely. As you pulled out your key to the building you turned to face him. "Thank you again for helping me study. I think I'm going to start using the flashcard trick you taught me more often." He grinned and nodded his head approvingly. "I figured you would. That seemed easier than whatever it was you were doing before." After readjusting the bag on your still sore shoulders, you unlock the building to your dorm. Right before you take a step in, Sam calls you back. Turning around, he reminds you. 

"You know I'm always here for you, right? I know you've been stressing a lot lately, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't worried. I just wanted you to know that I'm always available if you need me, okay?" A smile appears on your tired face, and you wrap your arms around the male's much, much bigger frame. "I'd be lying if I said that you worrying doesn’t keep me sane. I appreciate it. I do. But, don't forget to take care of yourself, too. That means stop wearing clothes for two and a half days straight." You pull away and give him a funky face before you both burst out laughing. Sam was one of those students that became so focused on his classes, that was all he ever paid attention to. Which led to him lacking in proper hygiene among other things. Lucky for him, you could step in to remind him whenever he seemed to be slipping up. A bird ringtone erupts from your phone and you playfully roll your eyes. Quickly looking at the text and then putting the phone away, you tell Sam. "That's Andy. They're getting a little impatient, so I gotta go." He nods understanding and gives you one more hug before heading towards his car. 

"Hey, are we still going to the drive-thru tomorrow?" He opens his car door and nods. "You know I wouldn't miss it for the World. The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre starts at nine, and then A Nightmare on Elm Street starts sometime around ten-thirty." You nod and point to him. "You buy the tickets, and I'll pay for the snacks." Sam smiles again and as he gets in his car, he rolls the window down to say one last thing to you. "Pick you up at eight, that way we can find a decent spot?" "Sounds like a plan. Now get outta here, I gotta get ready for work." You both wave and he drives off as you enter your dorm building. 

__

Not in the mood for the stairs, you take the elevator straight to your floor. There was a pretty good amount of students going up and down the hallway. Either rushing to get to class from work, students in other programs hauling around sports equipment or cameras, or other things, or students like you rushing to get to work from class. You managed to make it into your room without any trouble, and as you take your school shoes off, you hear your roommate, Andy leaves the bathroom. "So, how was the date with Sam?" They ask with toothpaste foaming out of each side of their mouth. Shaking your head, go over to your bed, and drop your bag. 

"It wasn't a date. I have a test tomorrow and Mr. Van is hell-bent on making sure that I fail this semester. Sam offered to help me study on Monday, and we've been going over notes every day since." Grabbing your uniform you quickly change into it and switch places with Andy in the bathroom. "So that's where you've been running off to after class. At least he's cuter than Brent." An annoyed groan left your lips as you finished washing up. "Please don't bring him up again. I am so tired of hearing about that boy." Andy laughs and grabs both your working bags from the hook they're on. "I swear he follows you around like a lost puppy. Didn't you tell him that you weren't interested?" You spray yourself with deodorant and walk out of the bathroom to quickly put your shoes on when Cameron, the second of your three roommates bursts through the door. 

"Have you guys seen my laptop?! I had it earlier this week but I haven't seen it since." She runs to her room and starts throwing everything off her bed to look. Andy sets your work bags on the counter. "I thought you were working at the gym today, why do you need your laptop?" The nearly hyperventilating redhead walks out of her room to look through the couch as you head into your room to get her laptop. “I am. Tom was working on the computer that everyone uses to clock in and out of work when it went "pop." He unplugged it and tried to cut it back on again, but then it started smoking and he doesn't know what to do. I told him that the capacitor exploded and that he has to check the motherboard, but he just thinks cutting it off and on again will prevent a computer from smoking." 

Andy points out, "It could also be an electric surge from the power supply. You should have a warranty on those computers though. Call the company that he bought them from and see what they say." You walked back in with her laptop in her travel bag. "You messed up on one of the lines of code and put a nine instead of a six. I fixed the other problem you had, too." Cameron smiles ear to ear and takes the bag from your hands. Tossing it over her shoulder, she quickly gives the two of you hugs. "You two are lifesavers, honestly. We have our team meeting today and with all the computers out, Tom asked if I could bring mine since our place is closer than most." Andy checks her phone and tosses your work bag. "It’ll be our own lives we have to save if we’re late for work. We gotta go." After grabbing your keys, the three of you speed walk out of the apartment. 

You three take the elevator down to the entrance and towards your respective cars. Cameron gets into her grey 2014 Honda CR-V, while you and Andy carpool in her black 2016 Ford Escape. You two leave first, having the farthest drive, and wave at your roommate as you exit the parking lot. The drive is mostly silent until your phone buzzes in your bag. You pull it out and read the message.

Sam

I think we might have mixed up pencil pouches. Pretty sure the cover of mine doesn't have Bob Ross with sunglasses on. Want me to stop by your job and drop it off? Or would John get upset again? Thu 6:55 PM

 You laugh as Andy pulls into the parking lot of your job. Cutting the car off, you both get out. Quickly making it into the smoothie shop, the two of you clock in and grab your hats before relieving Michael and Steve at the front counter. You pull your phone out and send Sam a text back before more customers come in.

You

Sorry, Sam. I didn't even check to see if I grabbed anything of yours. I had to change for work and then help Cameron find her laptop. When I tell you I just barely made it in on time... That was a one-time thing with John lol, but don't worry about it though. We'll see each other tomorrow. Thanks anyway. Thu 7:00 PM

Tucking your phone back into your pocket, Andy gives you a nudge. "So when is he going to pop the question?" Giving her a confused look, she points to your pocketed phone. "When is Sam going to ask you out?" "Never going to happen." You take orders down and get the customer’s payment before heading to the back to make their drinks. Having every recipe on the menu memorized by heart, you already know what exactly to grab for theirs. 

Andy makes her way to the blender next to yours and makes her own set of orders. "I mean seriously, you two would be absolutely adorable together. Think about it, the two of you are practically inseparable at the hip as it is anyway. If Sam doesn't shoot his shot now, someone else might." After pouring the newly blended smoothies into their respective cups and capping them, you turn to your friend. 

"Look, I appreciate you trying to get me out there, but I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship right now. Even if I was, I don't think Sam is into me like that. He doesn't have the best home life, and right now, all he needs is a friend. That's where I come in. We're friends, that's it." Andy snickers as you walk back to the front and call the names out on the order. 

As much as you liked him, there was no way on God's green Earth, would the two of you get together, right?

A/N: Hope you like this first chapter! There will definitely be more ahead. Requests are open as well if you want a story of your own.

[hellyeahomeland]

“In Full Flight” | Directed by Dan Attias, Cinematography by Giorgio Scali

Sara: I love this opening shot of Mike, Alan, and Jenna in Kabul station. In my head I’m calling them the Three Stooges--which is accurate!--but when they turn on Saul in a pack like that I get The Plastics vibes.

Gail: The way they’ve lined up--Mike, Alan, and Jenna--by pecking order in the initial shot of this scene is interesting. We (the audience) should be on their side, shouldn’t we? They aren’t the enemy and are just trying to track down a compromised, rogue agent that may have knowledge about the assassination of the President, right? But we aren’t on their side, we know too much. As the camera pans around them, we see them from Saul’s perspective, lined up against him and standing in between him and the “front of the room” position he once (and very recently) held.

Sara: Locating Carrie after that doozy of a closing scene from the previous episode is always an interesting task. I’m struck especially by how bewildered, almost lost, she seems. I also have to note that this scene is basically identical to the one in “The Star” where she’s driving Brody to the safe house, and I wonder if she was getting déjà vu.

Gail: We have a window into Carrie’s mindset to start the episode as the ramifications of what just happened with Saul sink in. Sara’s comparison to Brody in “The Star” is spot on.

Gail: “You were drivin' / The getaway car / We were flyin' / But we'd never get far”

Sara: IJLTP and I loved this device in the episode. What a setup.

Sara: This image doesn’t really capture how fucking good this scene between Carrie and Yevgeny is. We know the framing of it, with the big bed in the background that they both keep glancing back at every twenty seconds, was entirely intentional. Which is just… *chef’s kiss*

Beyond that, I love the way Claire plays it. Quiet, whispering, this mix of desperation and built-up expectations (for what the flight recorder will reveal, not to mention whatever dance she and Yevgeny are doing). It’s really spectacular. She’s giving me Carrie in “Andante” vibes right before she decided to, well, you know…

Gail: I agree with everything you said, Sara. This scene is phenomenally done. A moment that struck me is when Yevgeny asks Carrie who she thinks shot down the helicopters. Her initial reluctance to answer him paired with his intense look at her begin their dance. As she is answering him and says that maybe no one did, his head tilts ever so slightly and I think the look on his face betrays a professional admiration for her. Her theory is probably one that he either shares or knows to be true. As the scene builds, so does their chemistry. It’s palpable.

Sara: First Saul, and now it’s Tasneem versus a band of three. I love this shot and the reveal that it was men under the burqas.

Gail: I didn’t notice that when I watched it! What a great catch, Sara! It struck me how similar Balach and Wellington are now that they have both found themselves serving new masters with vastly different ideas of what the path forward should be.

Gail: I love how she doesn’t break eye contact with Balach while the hood is being placed on her. Tasneem doesn’t blink first and I love her as much as I loathe her.

Sara: This “are you fucking kidding me?!” look is amazing. Nimrat Kauer has been so amazing this season. And though it seems unlikely I’ll get my longed-for Carrie/Tasneem faceoff, I love how they’ve added depth and layers to her character this season in ways I didn’t expect.

Sara: This might be one of my favorite ever visuals from this show. It’s a series of contrasts. You have the height difference, obviously. But they continue to dress Yevgeny in dark colors and Carrie in more neutral tones, even as they tie them together through their jacket details.

Gail: Carrie is high strung and relies heavily on her instincts which also contrasts with Yevgeny’s casual demeanor and his meticulous planning. Here, Yevgeny looks almost amused while Carrie looks laser focused and uneasy.

Gail: Yevgeny will lean on anything, even a ceiling.

Sara: I love this moment. The shop owner starts speaking to Yevgeny, who’s literally grasping the ceiling he’s so tall. Yevgeny smartly nods his head in Carrie’s direction: she’s in charge, not me. (“I just like how he’s always leaning. gainst stuff. He leans great.”)

Sara: Saul against another band of three (I mean, technically, Linus still looks like he wants to get swallowed by an alligator.) I’ve been picking up on body language a lot this season, and I couldn’t help but notice Zabel’s. Legs crossed, totally nonplussed. Meanwhile Saul is bent over, looking dejectedly at the ground.

Gail: The body language in the scene says way more about the power dynamics at play than anything that is said out loud. As Sara points out, Linus would rather be anywhere but there, his body language is very closed off, betraying his anxiousness and unease at the situation. Saul’s body is slumping forward and his head down. Zabel and Hayes are a mix of contradictions: they are both open (facing each other) in their arms but closed off below the waist by their legs that are facing Saul.

Sara: Yes! And then a few moments later, Hayes actually mirrors Zabel, crosses his legs and leans back in the exact same way. It’s very spooky.

Gail: Hayes has no original thoughts of his own. The fact that he is mimicking Zabel says a lot about who he is.

Gail: Saul plants seeds of doubt into Hayes by pointing out the reality of the situation and Sam Trammell plays with that knowledge so well in this scene as Hayes looks to Zabel for reassurance.

Sara: God, Sam Trammell’s facial expressions this season have been all-time. I never knew there were so many flavors of “oh shit what have I done?”

Sara: Julie and Ashley both picked up on this misspelling of Max’s last name. It’s PiOtrowski, not PiEtrowski. Another Homeland gaffe or …?

Gail: Weird... I never noticed that. But I did think her attempt to cover it up at the counter when Yevgeny walked in was futile. It most certainly did not escape his attention.

Gail: When I watched this scene I totally picked up on something between them. But looking back, maybe I’m getting it wrong that it’s Jalal feeling sexual chemistry with Tasneem. Maybe he’s just really feeling himself and feeling intoxicated by the power he’s wielding. Jalal definitely has a new swagger about him. Also? Ugh, Tasneem.

Sara: A truly stunning shot. I have nothing else to offer, except that I get no intentional sexual tension or chemistry between them. I think your suggestion that he’s high on power is right on.

Sara: Jalal walking up to the edge of the roof and this shot from below, lit by moonlight, reminded me a lot of the way they filmed Haqqani (and Saul) walking up to the edge of the cliff in “False Friends.” What an eerie father/son parallel.

Gail: I think it must be an intentional parallel too. Haqqani and Saul became equals and partners in peace in their scene in “False Friends.” Here, Jalal has no equal with him, no partner. Tasneem is standing far behind him, where he wants her and where she can watch the world begin to burn from her actions earlier this season.

Gail: Carrie’s body language here feels important. As Carrie points out, she isn’t turning her back on her colleagues. Her back is turned to Yevgeny as she waits to talk to Jenna, providing her a mental barrier between the two sides she is trying to play for the greater good.

Sara: If you need any indication that Carrie is not a traitor and hasn’t been turned, it’s the way she sits, silently stewing, after selling out her colleagues. Forget that they ignored her, left Max to die, and generally are annoying. It’s the principle of it.

Sara: That said, this expression--coupled with the perfectly-delivered line, “You did the right thing, Jenna”--is the Carrie Mathison version of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

Gail: Yevgeny has a million different smirks. This one reads as more professional admiration toward Carrie.

Gail: Poor Jenna. I used to think she was a Russian agent. Now I realize that she is actually Carrie’s. Looking back, Carrie has been grooming her all along.

Sara: [theme music from Curb Your Enthusiasm plays loudly in the background]

Sara: IJLTP.

Gail: Wholeheartedly agree.

Sara: I still am not buying that Carrie knows how to operate a computer.

Gail: What do you think is in the “Personal�� folder???

Sara: Oh my God, Gail, I wondered the same thing. Um... pictures of Franny and coded messages revealing the locations of her spy grab bags in every major city she’s ever visited.

Gail: The intimacy...

Sara: IJLTP.

Sara: What I really love about this scene is that Carrie and Yevgeny both remain exactly who they are, even while giving in to the game. Carrie is her trademark intense, direct, and forward self. Meanwhile Yevgeny leans back on the table, head cocked, a slight smirk in his expression. I really can’t overstate how impeccable the acting was in this scene. Claire Danes and Costa Ronin have to play all angles convincingly and they don’t falter once.

Gail: Absolutely. Yevgeny leaning back, smirking down at Carrie, gauging her interest. She leans in and gets closer to him and cocks her head, holding his gaze, as he considers what she is saying... It is all so well done.

Sara: I don’t know what to call these. Micro-cues? Anyway, the second Carrie says “Islamabad first,” the tone shifts. She leans in to kiss him three more times, and he pulls away--just ever so slightly--each time. It’s remarkable. There are very few scenes in the history of the show that have been this on-the-surface awesome while also containing so many layers. This is multifaceted awesome.

Sara: What an incredible shot that so sharply and succinctly visually summarizes Saul’s current position. I wasn’t on board with what they were doing with Saul initially this season, but I’ve really come around. They’ve systematically dismantled Saul’s career--and therefore his life, because his career is his life. I predicted that Saul might die at the end of the series. This doesn’t seem super likely at the moment, but the death of his career is on the whole a more devastating development.

Gail: You are right, Sara. This image is Saul’s current career trajectory in a nutshell. Saul is dying by a thousand cuts professionally and you can see in his posture and stance just how much it is weighing on him.

Gail: Ashley pointed out on the podcast how reminiscent this scene was of the Carrie/Quinn scene in “Why Is This Night Different?” Yevgeny and Carrie strike me as two sides of the same coin so I can see it. Both have personas they hide behind in order to do the work they do. This scene shows an evolution to Yevgeny’s feelings toward Carrie as well as a tenderness in him that Carrie tried unsuccessfully to appeal to. It also gives the audience a small window (and maybe even a little hope?) into the conflicting emotions Yevgeny is feeling for her.

Sara: Yevgeny pulling the ol’ sneak attack on Carrie suggested that he might have been playing her all along. But how then to explain this private moment, when no one but the audience is watching? For a man like Yevgeny Gromov, the truth and reality of his feelings for Carrie is probably daunting, especially when he’s been trained his whole adult life to stifle those types of emotions. I love what this moment reveals. That he’s not some scheming supervillain but really and truly human--that is, a bundle of contradictions. Aren’t we most ourselves when no one is looking?

[dothwrites]

kissing tiny flowers

For @winchester-reload‘s prompts...I’m a day late and a dollar short, but that’s just the way it is sometimes. 

Day 15: Led Zeppelin

Castiel can hear the music from outside the house. In and of itself, that’s not alarming. Dean has a tendency to like his music loud, to the point that Castiel has to remind him multiple times, Dean we live in the suburbs and some of our neighbors don’t appreciate Metallica blasted through the windows at 10 am. If he’s in the zone, really in it, Dean would deafen himself before he turned the music down. 

Today, Dean is playing Led Zeppelin, which again, not particularly newsworthy. Dean loves the band the way others love their first-born children, and Castiel has yet to see him make it through a seven day period without listening to at least one of their albums once. 

But today Dean’s playing Zeppelin III loud enough to echo through the garage, and that’s a big damn problem. 

Two years of friendship, four of dating, and eight of marriage, and Castiel knows more than he ever really wanted to about Led Zeppelin. Sometimes, when they’re in a tiff, Dean will roll over in the middle of the night, just to wake Castiel with an inane trivia fact, glorifying in the fact that he doesn’t have a job which requires him to be conscious at 7am. Castiel knows of course, that the band was formed in London in 1968. He knows the names of all the members, as well as their birthdays. He knows that Page usually wrote the music while Plant usually wrote the lyrics to the songs. He knows enough to do well for himself at Led Zeppelin trivia night at The Roadhouse (Dean’s idea), but more importantly than that, Castiel knows Dean. 

He knows that Dean listens to Zeppelin II when he’s feeling feisty, he listens to Zeppelin IV when he needs to concentrate, he listens to Physical Graffiti when he’s looking to calm down, and he listens to Zeppelin III when he’s sad. 

Not that Dean would put it in terms so blunt. Not that Castiel would ever confront him with this forbidden knowledge of Dean’s coding. But it’s there. 

Castiel knows Zeppelin. He knew Zeppelin by the end of their first day together as roommates, Dean nervous and excited at being away from his family for the first time, and Castiel overwhelmed at the prospect of four years of freedom in front of him. He knew Zeppelin when he and Dean bought a dime bag off of Ash and listened to their albums while sprawled out over Dean’s bed, staring at the ceiling and bursting into laughter when their eyes met. He knew Zeppelin when Fool in the Rain played in the background as he sat in Dean’s car the beginning of junior year and blurted out I think that I’m in love with you and Dean stared at him for too long of a moment and Castiel thought Oh shit that’s it, it’s done, before Dean lunged forward and kissed him senseless. He knew Zeppelin when Stairway to Heaven played in the background the first time he and Dean made love, their gasps and moans becoming part of the melody as they pressed helpless kisses to the other’s skin. He knew Zeppelin as Thank You played during their first dance at their wedding. Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes, the eyes of the man he was going to be with forever, and thought, Thank you. Thank you. 

And now Dean is listening to Zeppelin III and he’s alone in the house. 

Castiel walks in through the garage, into the kitchen, and then the living room. He notes the turntable, spinning away, and the sense of foreboding in his chest grows. Normally when he’s working, Dean prefers to set his Bluetooth to the stereo, so he doesn’t have to get up and continuously change the record. Dean uses the turntable when he wants to appreciate the little things: the way that the fuzz sparks when the needle hits, the slow spin and travel of the songs, the subtle flip from Side A to Side B. Dean uses the turntable when he feels nostalgic, and it’s only a short journey from nostalgia to depression. 

The door to Dean’s study is cracked open and Castiel pushes it open further to peer in. Dean is hunched over his desk, fingers tapping against the dark wood. He looks like he’s guarding against an attack from the world. 

A small sound from Castiel has Dean looking towards the door. it’s almost painful to watch him plaster on a mask of complacency. “Hey babe,” he greets, and it’s only years of experience that allow Castiel to hear the cracks in his voice. “Where’s the kiddo?”

“Claire’s over at Kaia’s house. She’s having dinner there. We’re supposed to pick her up around 9.” 

Dean nods. “I forgot. All right. Um, I haven’t started dinner yet and since Claire’s not here, do you want to just order something? We can try that Indian place--”

“Dean.” Castiel crosses the room in three short steps. “Dean. What’s wrong?” His fingers stroke over the rough stubble on Dean’s cheek, down his neck, to his shoulders. He rubs his thumbs over the exposed vertebrae of Dean’s neck, then over to the stiff muscles of his shoulders. “Don’t tell me that everything’s fine.” 

A dissatisfied noise rumbles in Dean’s throat as Castiel nixes his go to response. “But it is,” Dean says, leaning back to look up at Castiel. The top of his head presses into the soft part of Castiel’s lower belly and Castiel gives into the desire to press a soft kiss to Dean’s lips. 

“Please,” Castiel asks. 

In the background, the song switches over to That’s the Way. 

I don’t know how I’m going to tell you/That I can’t play with you no more...

“It’s stupid.” Familiar with this particular brand of obfuscation, Castiel waits. “It’s just...I was starting on this scene. The one where Sal tells his dad about Alan?” Castiel hums, never ceasing the smooth rub of his thumbs into Dean’s shoulders. “And then I thought, I thought...God, it’s so damn stupid.” 

“It’s not,” Castiel murmurs, his lips brushing against Dean’s forehead. “If it’s got you this twisted up, it’s not stupid.” 

Dean’s hand reaches up, blindly groping. Castiel obligingly lowers his head, allowing Dean to card his fingers through his hair. Tension bleeds out of Dean’s body as he slumps forward. 

And yesterday I saw you standing by the river/And weren’t those tears that filled your eyes? 

“I just got to thinking about everything...everything that he never got to do. He never met Claire, never saw Sam get married, never saw...” Dean trails off, but Castiel knows what he was about to say. He never saw our wedding. John Winchester died in their senior year of college, leaving Dean little more than comatose and Castiel with the pieces. 

“And the damndest thing is, I don’t know whether he would have been happy or not. My own wedding, and I don’t know whether my dad would have even shown up.”

There it is. There’s the suppurating wound, the decades old hurt, the one that even after all this time refuses to heal. Sometimes Castiel is sorry that John Winchester is dead since Dean still mourns his absence. Sometimes, Castiel is sorry that John Winchester is dead since he wants to punch the man in the face. 

But he doesn’t say that to Dean. Not now, when he’s raw and wounded. Castiel noses down to Dean’s temple, pressing kisses against the soft skin. “He would have. He would take Claire out to the shooting range and teach her how to take apart an engine, and she would have loved him.” 

He doesn’t know if that’s true. He doesn’t know if John Winchester would have turned up, he doesn’t know if John Winchester would have been happy in his son’s choice of husband. He doesn’t know if they would have been cut off or if John would have embraced his granddaughter with open arms. But the knowing isn’t important. What’s important are Dean’s fingers closing around his wrist, Dean craning his head up to smile at him, this time without the brittle, wavering edge to his smile. 

“What do you want for dinner? I know that you’re not wild on pizza, but we haven’t had Thai in a while, so maybe that?” 

Castiel hides his smile against the soft hair at Dean’s temple. “Whatever you want,” he murmurs, kissing down Dean’s cheeks until he reaches his mouth. “Whatever you want.” 

But now’s the time to look and look again at what you see/Is that the way it ought to stay? 

That’s the way it oughta be. 

[bamon4bamily]

TVD 9x05 Halloween Special (part 2 of part 2). Enjoy! =)

Cut to – Matt’s house. Matt is taking a nap, breathing heavily… we go into his dream… A post-apocalyptic scene; Matt is running desperately through a horror scene of debris; suddenly, he hears Vicky’s voice …

 VICKY: Matty, stop running…

MATT: Vic? (Vicky appears, he runs to hug her, and bursts into tears).

VICKY: It’s okay Matty (consoling him). This isn’t your fault… you didn’t’ have a choice.

MATT: There is always a choice, Vic.

VICKY: No, there isn’t. This is what was meant to happen.

MATT: Everyone is gone, Vic. Yet, somehow, I’m still here… how was this supposed to happen…?

VICKY: It’s for the greater good, Matty, trust me. With death comes rebirth…

MATT: Who wants to be reborn into a world like this?

VICKY: I do, Matty… I do, Matty… I do, Matty… (Matt’s vision of Vicky becomes blurry, as she repeats the same words on a loop… suddenly the set changes, Matt is now in what looks to be a bunker).

MILITARY MAN: General, as per your orders, Sir… (he hands him a black box, Matt opens it; inside is a chess piece and a note that reads: Make a choice... Matt turns the chess piece around; a code and the letter “L” are engraved on the bottom).

MATT: Activate unit 1…

MILITARY MAN: General, are you sure we should proceed against protocol?

MATT: We don’t have a choice…

MILITARY MAN: With all due respect, General, there is always a choice…

MATT: (Sarcastic smirk) Do you really think we are in control? 

(In Matt’s mind, the song: Crazy by Gnarls Barkley, starts playing, almost to a frantic state. He gets more visions of a post-apocalyptic world, and him as a child on his 7th birthday, while uncontrollably and unwillingly laughing, yet crying at the same time...).

Cut back to Matt's room, Khuyana sitting on the bedside, trying to calm him down. Matt wakes up suddenly, looking disoriented and scared.

 KHUYANA: (Caressing his cheek) Hey, hey… it’s okay… you're okay...

MATT: (Still quite disoriented) Sorry...sorry... I... I... I was having a bad dream...

KHUYANA: (Looks into his eyes, they seem to stare at nothingness) Matt, please talk to me, what’s going on?

MATT: (Unable to contain himself any longer) I’m terrified… I feel like all of this is just the tip of the iceberg… and I don’t think I’m equipped to handle any of this...

KHUYANA: We are all scared Matt, that’s expected… but we have each other to lean on… please, don’t shut us out.

MATT: I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick (kisses her), I’m just trying to find the best way to handle this… (Looking somewhat defenseless) Whatever happens, you know I love you, more than anything, right?

KHUYANA: I know (kisses him back), and we will get through this together, I promise.

MATT: I hope we will… (kisses her again).

KHUYANA: Now, how about we start getting ready? Caroline will kill us if we are late.

MATT: Oh, for sure...  Trust me, we don’t want to make her mad.  

 Cut to – The Salvatore house, Damon’s room. Damon and Bonnie are chilling out, lying in bed watching The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

BONNIE: Why can’t they make movies like this anymore? The music, the visuals… a true masterpiece. Horror movies now are just about young, big-boobed, girls making the dumbest decisions…

DAMON: (Teasing) Hey, I’m all for that! They might not be masterpieces, Bon, but you can’t deny the aesthetics (winks)…

BONNIE: You’re disgusting! (hits him with a pillow).

DAMON: Hey! (Takes a pillow, hits her back).

BONNIE: Oh, no you didn’t! (hits him again: they start a pillow fight; both laughing and tugging; at one point, Damon lands on top of her).

DAMON: (Staring into her eyes) God, I love you… 

(Awkward pause… Caroline walks in the room, they quickly compose themselves).

CAROLINE: What are you guys doing?

BONNIE: Watching a movie…

CAROLINE: Is that so? Then why is the TV off? (during their pillow fight they must have accidentally pushed the remote).

BONNIE: (Quickly clicks it back on) … it’s… it’s not… look (points at the TV).

CAROLINE: (Gives her a smirk) Really, Bonnie?

DAMON: Care bare, has anyone ever told you, you have the worst timing, ever.

CAROLINE: I’m sorry if I interrupted your “movie”, Damon, I just wanted to tell you guys we need to start getting ready to go trick or treating with the girls.

BONNIE: (Jumps off the bed) On it! (rushes out the room to avoid further awkwardness).

CAROLINE: (As she is about to leave) Just make your move already… gees! (Leaves).

 Cut back to – 1921 Halloween Ball, past midnight. Rebekah (looking horrified) is walking through a sea of decapitated bodies in the ballroom, the song: Midnight, the Stars, and You, is playing on a loop.

All the guests are dead, the only survivors are herself, Stefan, Klaus, and the bartender; the mystery lady, Katherine and Stefan’s friend, are MIA. She approaches Stefan and Klaus, who are blissfully having a drink at the bar as if nothing had happened.

 REBEKAH: What happened?

KLAUS: Sister, you finally returned. What took you so long? I thought you were just going to fetch someone to clean up our mess… (looks around) I reckon it’s going to take a bit more to clean this one up.

REBEKAH: What the hell did you do? Are you both insane?! It’s fine to indulge, but this (looking at the massacre aftermath) … how could you?!

STEFAN: Oh, don’t be so overdramatic! This party was dead anyway (sarcastic smirk).

REBEKAH: We need to leave…

KLAUS: Relax, dear sister, have a drink with us. (To the bartender) Some champagne for the lady, please.

REBEKAH: Klaus, I’m being serious, we need to leave, now!

STEFAN: Don’t be a party pooper, Rebekah. (To Klaus) Is she always this uptight?

KLAUS: She can be quite dull at times. (To Rebekah) We are staying, sister. Do what you please, but if this is going to be your attitude, I suggest you call it a night.

REBEKAH: (Pissed off) Fine, I’m leaving… (as she is walking away) You know, just because you can avoid the consequences of your actions, it doesn’t mean they won’t haunt you forever…

STEFAN: (Mocking her) Oh, she is poetic too! (He and Klaus laugh and cheer. Rebekah leaves; they hear a voice).

VOICE: Well done, my dears, you have proven yourselves worthy. Don’t you let her (referring to Rebekah) get into your heads... We all go a little mad sometimes…

BARTENDER: (Hands them a room key with the letter “L” engraved on it and a room tag, 237) Gentlemen welcome to the club. The Madame is expecting you…

 Cut to – The Salvatore house. Everyone getting into costume. Damon walks into his room, procrastinating having to put his costume on. Bonnie, already in costume, is hiding behind the curtain, sneaks up from behind…

 BONNIE: (With a low voice) I’m Batman… (Damon jumps, she cracks up).

DAMON: Jesus, Bon! You scared the crap out of me! (Takes a good look at her, she looks breathtaking; he shutters). Wow, Bon, you look amazing… just… wow, I’m speechless…

BONNIE: Well, Robin, what are you waiting for? Suit up! I need my partner in crime.

DAMON: Bon, listen, about earlier… (Caroline walks in) Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Honestly, Blondie, timing!

CAROLINE: What? (Looks at Bonnie) Oh my god, Bonnie, you look gorgeous!

BONNIE: Thank you, so do you; that costume is awesome! 

CAROLINE: (Caroline is dressed as Lucy, from Bram Stoker’s Dracula adaptation film from 1992, in the iconic vampire wedding dress). Right? But, thanks to Stefan, I’m going to have to change it!

BONNIE: No, why?

CAROLINE: Well…

 Cut to – a few moments earlier, Stefan and Caroline’s room…

 STEFAN: Surprise! (Stefan comes out dressed as Dracula but with a Hotel Transylvania mask).

CAROLINE: Stefan! What the hell!? You are supposed to be Count Dracula! Lose the mask!

STEFAN: Caroline, please, I need some sort of dignity… I’m keeping the mask.

CAROLINE: Urr, fine! But now I’m gonna have to change mine!

 Cut back to – Bonnie, Damon and Caroline.

 CAROLINE: So, now, I need to find something else to wear.

BONNIE: I still don’t get it, why do you have to change it? It’s so cool, Care!

CAROLINE: I know, but we are supposed to have a themed match! And this (pointing at her costume) makes no sense with Stefan’s dumb ass mask! Anyway, I just wanted to make sure Fairy boy here (referring Damon) wasn’t bailing out on his promise too…

BONNIE: Oh, he hasn’t, right, Damon?

DAMON: (With resignation, takes his costume) Fine, I’ll put the stupid costume on. Now, can you both please leave so I can change? Unless you want to stay and watch (winks)…

CAROLINE: Ew, no! Come on Bonnie, help me find something to wear… (they leave).

Cut to- Whitmore college, Elena’s dorm. Sam comes out dressed as Princess Lea.

 SAM: So, what do you think?

ELENA: (Dressed as a Star Wars creature) Mmm… I don’t know how to feel about it… I’m getting some confusing vibes…

SAM: Admit it, you love it (smirks).

ELENA: I… I think I do… am I crazy?

SAM: You are just the right amount of crazy (kisses her, mask on and all). Mmm, actually, that was extremely confusing (they chuckle) Ready to go?

ELENA: Yep, just let me just grab my purse.

 Cut to – The Salvatore house, the twin’s bedroom

 CAROLINE: Come on girls, are you ready?

LIZ & JOSIE: (They come out of the bathroom dressed like the twins from The Shinning) Trick or treat!  

CAROLINE: (Whispers to Alaric) I know we thought this would be a cool idea, but I’m really creeped out…

ALARIC: Me too…

 Cut to – Matt’s house. Matt walks into the kitchen, dressed as Robocop.

 MATT: (To Tyler) I feel ridiculous in this… I can’t even move!

TYLER: (Who is dressed in a werewolf costume, mask and all) Man, where are you? Can’t see shit! 

KHUYANA: (Khuyana walks in, dressed as Lady Robocop) So, you boys ready to go?

MATT: Wow, K, you look amazing…

TYLER: Screw this, I’m taking the mask off!

MATT: Guys, before we go, I need you to promise me that if anything goes wrong, you will do what you need to do, no matter what.

KHUYANA: Matt, don’t; we talked about this… all we need to do is stick together.

TYLER: She’s right, man, we got this. 

MATT: Guess you are both right. Now... will a group hug be too awkward? (They laugh and hug it out).

 Cut to – The Salvatore house, Alaric’s room.  Alaric comes out of the bathroom, wearing a Lego Indiana Jones costume.

ALARIC: Indiana Jones in the house! Let’s go do this!

RADKA: (Dressed as Cat woman) Well, hello Mr. Jones. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance…

ALARIC: Meow! (Kisses her).  

ALARIC: Ready to go?

RADKA: Honestly, no… Can you please tell me this is all just a bad dream, and that we can go about our lives as if none of this is happening?  

ALARIC: Rad, we will pull this off; we got the best of the best … plus a little extra help.

RADKA: Well, I guess you are right. Crazy wizard guy and his sect ain’t got nothing on us! Lego do this! (Alaric laughs and kisses her again).

 Cut to – Katherine in her room dressed as Maleficent.

KATHERINE: (To herself, looking at the mirror) I’m gonna bring these bitches to the ground… (Smirks, walks closer to the mirror, trips over her dress) Oh, oh, shit! (Stefan comes in, can’t help but laugh at the scene).

STEFAN: Need some help?

KATHERINE: (Trying to pick herself back up) No, no… I’m fine, (playing it off) I’m just looking for a… for a… an earring, yes, an earring…

STEFAN: Sure, you are… Well, I just wanted to check up on you; make sure you were ready for this..,

KATHERINE: Of course I am! I’m Katherine Pierce.

STEFAN: (Sweet smirk) You surely are… Anyway, we are about to leave for trick or treating, you coming?

KATHERINE: Didn’t know I was invited…

STEFAN: I’m asking, so you are.

KATHERINE: What about blondie? Is she okay with me coming along?

STEFAN: She is the one that asked me to ask… so, bygones, I guess.

KATHERINE: How big of her…

STEFAN: Well, if you gave her a chance you’d realize just how great really she is.

KATHERINE: (With a resignation look) Fine...

STEFAN: Listen, I’ll leave you to find your “earring” (mocking) but make it quick; we are leaving in 5.

KATHERINE: (As he is walking out) Stefan… (with a bashful look) can you please help me up? I’m all caught up in this freakin dress!

STEFAN: (Stefan cracks up, helps her up). Are you sure, you don’t want to put on something else?

KATHERINE: Oh, hell no, I’m owning this!

STEFAN: If you say so… Come on, they are waiting downstairs. (They walk out, she has a hard time trying not to trip).

 The gang goes trick or treating; they laugh, get some treats and some tricks, and have a spooky fun time.

Cut to - The Mikaelson mansion. Klaus is in his bedroom getting ready for the Halloween party. He hears the piano playing in the living room; which is odd since Danae is out on an errand. He goes downstairs and finds that the piano is closed, there is nobody playing it… on top of the piano is a black box, inside, a pair of antique golden cuff links engraved with the letter “L” and a note that reads: “We all go a little mad sometimes…” 

Suddenly, the television in the family room turns on to a black and white film with a creepy puppet-like orchestra man, waving a baton to the vintage Halloween song: Boogie Woogie Man.

TVD 9x05 Halloween Special (part 3) coming up next! Hope you stop by, read and enjoy! ;)