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jenna-ortega · 1 year ago

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grey november

vertigo act iii

pairing - joel miller x female reader word count - 4.1k warnings - angst, pinv, meanish joel, tommy being a golden retriever, kissing, joel is stupid as always but he redeems himself, also fluffy joel a/n: hello all! hope you like this chapter! it proved to be difficult, since i hate writing fluff but lowkey it's there. let me know how you like it, and if you have any ideas for what you want to see next..i may or may not heed that advice ;)

SUMMARY: you and joel speak about what you saw, and you've decided you need time. needing time being you running and hiding from joel every chance you get. that is...until he catches you at thanksgiving. can you forgive him for what you think he's done? joel sure hopes so.

previous chapter - series masterlist

series playlist by the wonderful @lovers-liability

"Didn't expect to find you here," Joel muttered, crossing his arms. You turned off the faucet, swallowing hard before meeting his gaze. "I needed a moment," you replied, your voice steady but laced with unease. "A moment, huh?" Joel scoffed, his tone cutting through the air. "Funny how you seem to need a moment every time we're in the same room lately." You averted your eyes, the memories of your last conversation with Joel resurfacing. "What are you even doing here, anyway?" Joel continued, his frustration palpable. "Tommy invited me."

You had fallen for Joel Miller, and now you had to deal with that. You had to deal with the suffering only someone who had power over you could cause. Your body aches as you’ve spent countless nights awake, wondering what this suffering was supposed to mean. Does it make you stronger? Does it thicken your skin? Is suffering always meant to be brushed aside as a means of growth? Suffering has no glorious purpose. It only hurts.

It takes courage to lift your bones from your bed, to face the same pain you’ve been feeling through every simmering sun, and every crested moon. A man can do this to a person? You think to yourself. You want to ask him why, you want to shout at him, and beat at his chest. You want to hug him and kiss him all at the same time. Fall to the feet of the one who broke you and look for the healing you desperately needed. You feel yourself changing as the leaves start to change outside…is it November already? Are we bound to repeat the same cycles until even after the end of times?

Your body on autopilot as you walk to your shower, making sure the heat of the water burns to the touch. You need to boil your skin clean. Need to wash away any piece of skin that he once touched. Scrubbing yourself clean of him physically.

You hear cells take 7 years to regenerate.

Would it take that long to be a body Joel has never known?

—

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm orange glow across a quiet jackson, you found yourself perched on the edge of your steps. Feeling the cool air hit your cheeks as you try to breathe through your heavy chest. Grappling with a tangle of emotions.

Soft footsteps echoed a few feet from you, your body stilled, and when you lifted your head, there stood Joel, the man who had left a trail of heartache in his wake.

Joel’s eyes reflected a mixture of remorse and determination as he began to speak. The wind seemed to hold its breath as you waited for him to start, too confused and numb to begin to hold the weight of what this conversation meant.

“Hi,” Joel clenched his fists, guilt etched on his face.

You scoffed

“Hey.”

Joel shifted uncomfortably, his gaze unable to meet yours. The air felt charged with tension as you faced Joel, your eyes reflecting the storm within.

“I-I don’t know where to start,”

“Try starting with why the hell you’re at my doorstep. And then end it with you getting the fuck off my doorstep.” your teeth clenched, spitting attitude at Joel.

You began to walk away from him, trying to go back inside. You’re upset. Upset Joel didn’t stay away longer. You needed time to forget this, you needed to tell yourself he wasn’t real. You made him up, and now you’re back to the real world.

Joel stood there, frustration apparent on his face as he tried to reach out to you, who was briskly walking away. Joel grabbed your elbow, pulling you back to him, looking down at you with his eyebrows furrowed,

“Please, just hear me out. I'm trying to apologize."

You glanced up at him, eyes cold, but stopped reluctantly. Pulling your arm from him and crossing them.

"You can't just apologize your way out of this mess."

"I get it, I messed up. But walking away won't solve anything. Can we at least talk about it?"

You sighed, patience wearing thin.

“What is there to say?”, you shook your head in defeat

Joel ran a hand through his disheveled hair, finally not avoiding your gaze.

"I don’t know why she was there. I threw her out as soon as you left." his voice was strained, pleading to you.

A heavy silence settled between you two, until you spoke again, tone cold.

"I need time to think. Leave."

Joel nodded, sighing heavily, and turned to leave. As he reached the bottom step, an unexpected surge of anger consumed him. The weight of his guilt transformed into the Joel who destroys, and he turned back to face you.

"I'm sorry, alright? But you don't get to play the victim here. You have your faults too," he spat.

“Excuse me?” your nostrils flared, eyes flashed with indignation. "My faults?”

You both were about to put on a show for anyone who dared come near you two.

“Don’t act like it’s not normal for her to possibly be in my house. Remember what we did to her. Remember what you asked me for.”

Tears welled in your eyes, not believing what you’re hearing, you raised your hand to Joel, watching his head swing sideways as your palm landed hard across his face.

“Fuck you.”

It happened fast. He rushed your body back into your house, slamming the door shut behind him before he took his place back in your face. Holding both your wrists against the wall behind you, caging you into his body as his nose was practically against yours, looking deeply in your eyes as you’re both panting.

“You were the one that started this.” he picks your wrists up and slams them back against the wall, earning a whimper from you, raising his voice a little louder, “You don’t get to act like a brat when your actions have consequences.”

He lets go of your hands, and you begin to rub them furiously to try and dissipate the pain.

“Listen,” his demeanor is calm again, but you shrivel up against the wall to make yourself as small as possible. Feeling yourself begin to sink to the floor, you remain silent.

You sat on the floor, eyes downcast and silent. The weight of the argument lingered, suffocating the room. Joel took a deep breath, the gravity of his words settling on him like an anchor. He approached you cautiously.

He said your name, his voice low and remorseful, "I shouldn't have lost my temper like that."

You remained silent, gaze fixed on your hands. Joel sighed, a mix of frustration and guilt gnawing at him.

“I hate that we're both feeling like this," he pleaded.

You nodded slowly, and he lifted you up from the floor, both of you retreating to a quieter corner of the room, away from the remnants of your argument near your front door.

“I’ve been an asshole. Feels like I've said this all before to you,” he breathes out an airy laugh, you don’t budge.

He noticed your unease, your quiet demeanor signaling a vulnerability he had never intended to expose.

“How ‘bout we take a break from all this.”

You yearned for him even after it all. You desire things patterned to always destroy you in the end.

“Yeah, I-, I don’t think I'm ready to talk about us.” you stuttered out, afraid to make eye contact with him. Afraid if you did all your wishes from early to fall at the feet of the thing responsible for the collapse might come true.

Joel nodded, sucking in a breathe,

“Okay.”

—

There was a warm glow casted over the horse stables as you worked diligently, pitchfork in hand, cleaning out the stalls. The familiar sounds of horses neighing and hooves against straw filled the air. Your focus was on Sparkle, a gentle black mare with a shimmering coat that seemed to live up to her name.

As you worked, the rhythmic scraping of the pitchfork against the straw was interrupted by a light voice behind you. "Hey there! How's it going?"

Turning around, you were met with the smiling face of Maria, one of the many important people on Jacksons committee. "Hey, Maria! Just another day in the stables, you know," you replied, wiping a bit of sweat from your brow.

She leaned against the stall door, eyeing Sparkle with admiration. "Sparkle's looking as beautiful as ever. You really have a way with her."

You grinned, patting Sparkle's side gently. "Yeah, she's a sweetheart. Just needs a little extra care, don't you, girl?"

Maria chuckled, then her expression turned curious. "By the way, I haven't seen you at the bar lately. Everything okay?"

You paused, glancing at the pitchfork in your hand. "Oh, you know, just been here. Busy."

Maria tilted her head, her eyes narrowing playfully. "Busy, or avoiding the usual crowd?"

You chuckled, feeling a hint of embarrassment. "Maybe a bit of both. Sometimes, I think I'm too old to still be working there."

She nodded, understanding. "Fair enough. But you can't escape the social scene forever, you know. We miss having you around."

You sighed, a hint of a smile playing on your lips. "I'll make an appearance soon, I promise. Just got a lot on my plate right now."

"Well, whenever you're ready, we'll be at the bar, waiting for you," Maria said with a friendly wink.

She leaves, and you’re left alone. The chatter is constantly getting old for you, you want to be left to your own devices. You want people to stop caring about where you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re going. You need to be invisible. You need to make yourself something Joel forgets.

You were finishing up your early morning stable duties, and a gentle breeze carried the familiar scent of hay and warm animal fur. You found yourself behind the sturdy door of one of the stalls, placing your tools in a bucket filled with lukewarm water. The horses startle when they hear the opening of stable doors before you, and you froze. Turning quickly to see him.

fuck. Shit.

You duck, hoping he hadn’t caught your eye behind the thin door of the stall.

As Joel approached, you couldn't resist the urge to observe him unnoticed. His confident stride and the set of his jaw spoke of a man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. You crouched down slightly, peering through a small gap in the door, attempting to stay hidden.

Joel, engrossed in the routine of preparing his horse, seemed to sense your presence. His gaze flickered in your direction, and for a moment, you held your breath. However, his expression remained unreadable, and he continued his tasks as if he hadn't noticed.

The rhythmic sounds of grooming and the soft noises of the horses filled the air. You couldn't help but feel a mix of anticipation and nervous energy.

After a few moments, Joel finished tending to his horse and turned to leave the stable. As he passed your hiding spot, his eyes met yours for the briefest moment. There was a subtle acknowledgment in his gaze, one of hurt and one of anger.

Joel walked away without a word, and you emerged from your hiding spot, feeling a mix of embarrassment and anguish. If this is how you would now have to live your days in Jackson, you don’t know how much longer you would survive.

—

It’s been 21 days.

The warm aroma of roasted turkey filled the air, and the laughter of friends and miller family fun echoed through the spacious dining room. However, for you, the atmosphere was anything but festive. Being at the miller’s thanksgiving was anything but relaxing.

It’s been 21 days since you’ve had to endure Joel Miller.

You’ve done your best to avoid him, not seeing him at all, wondering if he knew better than to show up. Knowing you had Tommy to protect you, knowing everyone heard what he did to Vanessa, the whole town talked. And Tommy invited everyone to his thanksgiving. Joel would be brave to show his face, but you’ve always known him as anything but someone who’s scared to cause a little bit of trouble.

It’s been 21 days since you’ve been avoiding Joel Miller.

You stopped working at the bar, not for him, but because you knew he’d try and find you there. Knew it wasn’t something you wanted to do long term, and this just gave you an excuse to try something else. Now, you clean the stables bright and early, lucky to also avoid Joel when he picks up his horse every now and again for patrols. Your walks home are filled with a deep set regret for everything. Should you have heard him out? No. You knew better. You knew what kind of man he was, and would continue to be. You fight with yourself on it everyday, and your heart stops as you hear it,

It’s been 21 days since you heard his laugh. You won’t get to call it 22 days, and when you realize it’s him, you don’t look back. Pacing past the living room and to Tommy’s small bathroom. Your eyes bloodshot from too much shitty pinot noir.

—

The sound of the Thanksgiving celebration echoed through the Miller residence, but in the quiet refuge of the bathroom.

You were just splashing some water on your face, attempting to compose yourself amidst the chaos, when the door creaked open, revealing Joel Miller, his eyes narrowing as they met yours in the mirror.

"Didn't expect to find you here," Joel muttered, crossing his arms.

You turned off the faucet, swallowing hard before meeting his gaze. "I needed a moment," you replied, your voice steady but laced with unease.

"A moment, huh?" Joel scoffed, his tone cutting through the air.

"Funny how you seem to need a moment every time we're in the same room lately."

You averted your eyes, the memories of your last conversation with Joel resurfacing. The heated words, the accusations, and the unresolved tension had left a bitter taste that lingered.

"What are you even doing here, anyway?" Joel continued, his frustration palpable.

"Tommy invited me," you said, attempting to keep your voice level. "I'm not here to ruin your family dinner, Joel."

He took a step closer, his gaze intense. "Ruining it? You already did that weeks ago."

You took a deep breath, trying to keep your composure. "Joel, can we not do this right now? It's Thanksgiving, for God's sake."

"Thanksgiving?" he scoffed again. "A lot to be thankful for, right? Like the way you disappeared without a word."

You clenched your fists, the guilt and frustration mounting. "It wasn't like that, Joel. You know it's complicated."

"Complicated? You think I don't get it?" he snapped, his voice rising. "But that doesn't excuse shutting me out completely."

Silence hung between you like a heavy fog, the distance growing even in the confined space of the bathroom. The distant laughter and chatter from the dinner table seemed a world away.

The two of you stood in silence for a moment, the only sound the distant laughter and music from inside. Joel broke the quiet, his voice softer than before.

"I didn't want things to end like this, you know?" he admitted, running a hand through his hair.

"Me neither," you replied, avoiding eye contact.

Joel's jaw clenched, and he looked away, frustration etched across his face. The distance between you felt insurmountable,

He stepped closer, his hand finding yours. "I've been a jerk, haven't I?" he took his olive branch moment, hoping you would extend a white flag as well.

And in that moment, his dark eyes caught yours, and your heart dropped. You wanted your Joel back, you wanted to collapse and give up whatever game you were playing. You needed him, you wanted him.

It’s been 21 days too long without Joel Miller,

A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips. "Maybe a little."

Joel chuckled, a hint of relief in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let things get this far."

"And I should have communicated better," you admitted, squeezing his hand.

He nodded, a sincerity in his gaze. "Can we start over? Forget the fights and just... be us again?"

You smiled, feeling the weight lifting. "I'd like that."

"So, what now?" Joel asked, a playful glint in his eyes.

You smirked. "Well, I was thinking we could be lovey-dovey in the bathroom."

He laughed, the sound echoing through the quiet room. "Lovey-dovey, huh?"

"Yeah," you teased, "like in the good old days."

Joel tilted his head, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “I wouldn’t call what we do in bathrooms lovey-dovey, darlin’.” his hand wraps in your hair, pulling your head back to expose your neck, gently suckling a bruise there,

“But I’ll warn you,” his warm and wet breath spread throughout your neck as he smiles against your skin,

“I think I need to make this filthy mouth of yours beg, and never talk back to me again.”

You hummed in approval, moaning silently, “Impossible.” you teased,

Joel let go of your hair, hands now sliding down your body and giving your hips a bruising grip to remember,

“Always so mouthy, baby girl. Can’t be now with the town downstairs cutting the stuffing,” he bites his bottom lip, quickly swatting at your ass, a loud smack echoing off the walls as you squeal in surprise,

You shot him a quick glance, your usual sarcastic retort momentarily absent. Instead, you shrugged, feigning innocence.

"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" Joel chuckled,

You shot him a mock glare, finally finding your voice. "Very funny, Joel. I can be quiet if I want to."

He raised an eyebrow, a playful challenge in his eyes. "Sure, but that requires a well-behaved version of yourself."

You rolled your eyes, grabbing the back of Joel’s head, your hands locked in his hair–

"I can be well-behaved when I want to be."

Joel smirked, pushing your bodies closer. "And do you want to be right now?"

You giggle slightly, nodding your head “no” slowly,

—

You both have to be really, really quiet. Moving from the bathroom into a room that looks alot like..shit. This is Tommy’s bedroom.

“Really..” you squint, not having much time to speak as Joel is already pushing you back onto the queen sized bed behind you,

“Fucking me in your brothers bed?” you smile into the kisses Joel has been smothering you with, sucking your bottom lip as he pulls away from you, lifting his shirt up and off of his toned body.

“Someones gotta get some in here.” he jokes, smirking down at you as he takes his belt off quickly,

Joel goes back to devouring you, pulling your brown dress up to lay at your waist, exposing your clothed cunt to him. His eyes go darker as he pulls your legs apart so easily, sucking in air as he tilts his head to look at you. His permanent scowl plastered on his face as he focused in on your pussy.

“Baby,” he puts one of your legs down as he uses his thumb to rub against where your clit is beneath your underwear. His palm against your mound as he does so.

You moan out, squirming in his grasp, “Joel, I missed you,” you whine,

Joel leaned over, his bulge met your core as he began kissing you against. Both your moans being captured by each other's mouths. Dry humping each other in the process,

Confidence suddenly burst inside of you, holding his shoulders as you pushed your hips up as hard as you could, moving them in circular motion, hearing a small groan escape from Joel’s lips,

“Fuck” he groans in your ear,

“Gonna take this fuckin’ i give you?” he questioned rhetorically, because you didn’t get a say on whether you were taking it or not.

Pushing himself off of you, he now towered over you. Leaving you on your back with your legs spread open,

“Take these off, now” Joel pulled at the top of your panties, snapping them against your skin harshly.

You obeyed quickly, while watching him release himself, a long thick cock hanging out of his pants, warranting a gasp from you, feeling your own juices flow from you, staining the bedding beneath you,

Your reaction seemed to satisfy Joel, who was watching you as if you were prey,

“I want you. I want you right now.” his voice deep, dripping with lust as he walked back to you, grabbing your legs and dragging you to the edge of the bed, hearing you squeak as he did so.

He flipped you over, and your ass was up in the air, your entrance glistening for him, he couldn’t help himself, and that’s when you jumped forward screaming loudly as you felt a stinging sensation on your cunt. Joel’s hand vibrating off of the skin there,

“Not so quiet after all, honey?” he mocked you, rubbing anything that leaked from you back on your clit, you moaned lowly, soon turning it into a loud moan as you felt the thick head of his cock rub against you, teasing your entrance, dipping the tip in, causing you to grip the navy blue sheets beneath you, moving up with each tease.

“Don’t run from me.” he stated gruffly, and you turned to look at him, his wavy locks falling beside his face, his eyes caught yours, winking as he pushed inside of you, stretching you far enough to feel as if your insides were burning. “F-fuckOH” he was enjoying the way your cunt spazzed around him, feeling his cock enlarge even more at the way you pulsed for him,

Joel began thrusting harder, pushing your body forward with every hard snap of his hips, causing you to cry out in pleasure. Your body was on fire, feeling your heart sink as he bottomed out inside of you. With every thrust he tore into you further. Your body invites him in more as you feel yourself drown him with your cum, his cock becoming adjusted to you, taking advantage of every shake and squeeze.

“Joel–, fuck, faster,--” you felt your feet levitate off he ground, him holding your hold bottom half up as he obeyed your request, laughing at your whimpers. Your feet now dangling as he manhandles your body, fucking down into you as he grunts, his balls hitting against your clit and causing you to spasm even harder around him.

“Take it, baby.” his hips snapped harder into you, the room filled with panting and the loud clapping of your skin against his, moaning into the bed as you felt your release coming closer as he reached around you to rub your clit, moaning with you as you began letting go for him, feeling something inside of you begin to snap, you tried grabbing behind you, but he pulled your hand against your back, pushing your body further into the cushion as your pussy convulsed, and you came on him, shaking as he walked you through you orgasm,

“Cum around me just like that.”

“Darlin’ you feel so good, you’re doing so well.”

“Your cunts meant to take it like this.”

Joel’s low voice barely noticed as your ears rang from how hard you had cum. Joel following after shortly,

“Shit. Shit.”

“S–Shit, so, fucking good.” Screaming your name as he produced enough cum to cover your cunt and your ass entirely.

You were panting heavy as he fell on top of you, completely fucked out as his limp dick sat against your back. Joel is still in bliss, moving your hair away from the back of your neck and kissing along it, slightly humming into your glistening skin.

His lips only leave your skin to whisper to you in his daze,

“ s’ gonna be pissed if he finds out what happened here.”

You both laugh at the uncomfortable reality of this. You both will eventually have to get up and face the crowd. But for just a few more moments, you let yourself feel the comfort of being smothered under Joel’s body.

—

It’s been 21 minutes.

The door creaked open, and you and Joel stepped out of the bedroom, both wearing wide grins that couldn't be contained. The sound of Thanksgiving chatter from downstairs seemed muffled in comparison to the joy that radiated between you two.

As you descended the stairs, hand in hand, Tommy looked up from the crowded living room. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight of your shared happiness.

"What's got you two looking so... giddy?" Tommy asked, a curious smile playing on his lips.

Joel chuckled, exchanging a knowing glance with you. "Oh, you know, just enjoying some quiet time away from Bill's stories."

Tommy raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's all?"

You couldn't help but giggle, feeling the need to share your newfound joy. "Well, we might've had a little heart-to-heart. It's Thanksgiving, after all."

Tommy's eyes widened, a sly grin forming. "A heart-to-heart, huh?”

Joel laughed, playfully nudging you.

Tommy continued to scrutinize you both, but his teasing demeanor softened. "Well, as long as you're happy." you both smiled at him,

“And as long as it wasn’t in my room.”

You exchanged a glance with Joel, your smiles widening.

#joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller x you #frankie morales #din djarin

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lokiondisneyplus · 6 months ago

Text

Sophia Di Marto [sic] knows why the Marvel Studios breakout series “Loki” was so successful creatively. It was partially due to the casting. Much of it was in the writing and the direction, but mostly, it was about the dynamic between the title character, played by Tom Hiddleston, and Loki’s multiverse doppelganger, Sylvie, portrayed by Di Marto herself.

“Some of it’s in the writing, some of it’s in what Tom does, a little bit of it’s what I do, but that it’s how these two characters rub each other up the wrong way,” Di Marto says. “They’re so similar but so different. And I think that fine line between the two is what’s really entertaining to watch because they know exactly how to wind each other up. Sylvie knows exactly how to wind Loki up and audiences love watching Loki being wound up. So, it’s just really entertaining and that’s part of the chemistry because they sort of hate each other, but love each other and will always be connected now. So it is this really specific dynamic, which is a massive gift to be able to play with.”

Over the course of our conversation centered on season two, Di Marto reflects on whether Sylvie found peace at the end of season two, how the stunt choreography keeps her in shape, what new directors Justin Benson & Aaron Moorhead brought to the series, and much, much more.

____

The Playlist: First of all, I have to tell you, that even though it aired last fall, “Loki “is still one of my favorite programs from the past 12 months. I just thought it was so well done.

Sophia Di Martino: Thank you.

When you found out you were coming back for season two, did you have an idea already of where Sylvie’s arc was going to go?

No, I had absolutely no idea until I read the script and then I had to read the script like three times because it was quite confusing.

Did Eric Martin, who was the head writer, sort of sit you down and give you a heads up, this is where we’re going, this is how we see her?

I’m trying to remember exactly what happened. If anyone sat me down, I think Tom might have given me because an executive producer as well, so he’s more involved in the writing and all the behind-the-scenes stuff. I think he may have given me a little headline sort of idea of what the second series was about, but I didn’t really know what would happen until I read the scripts. And then as we’re shooting, it’s changing all the time as well. The main structure is the same, but it’s really a moving beast and a big collaboration. So we’re rewriting it all as we go with Eric.

After reading the initial scripts, did you at least think to yourself, “O.K., we’re going to get to a point at the end of the season where Sylvie is at least at peace?” Or do you think part of her is still out for some sort of revenge”

I dunno if she’s at peace at the end of series two. I don’t think she goes back to Oklahoma. I don’t think she tries to get that peaceful human life again. I think she’s on another adventure, but I dunno. I feel like she just keeps casting an eye over what’s happening with Loki and with Sylvie. I don’t think she’s ever going to be truly at peace. I think she’s a sort of natural-born fighter. I think she’s only ever truly herself when she’s fighting for something. So she’s perhaps gone to look for the next fight.

Do you think that’s the big difference between her and her alternate timeline version of Loki played by Tom? That’s the inherent difference because Loki doesn’t seem to always want to fight.

I don’t think he wants to fight, but he has something within him that’s unfinished and he’s always searching for his glorious purpose. And I think they’re both doing that in slightly different ways.

And I know every member of the media that you’ve spoken to has asked you this in some way, but have you been given any tea about whether Sylvie will continue looking for her glorious purpose down the road?

I have no idea. They’ve told me nothing.

Do you like that in a way?

Yeah, I mean, because if you can just get on with your life until you get a phone call that says you have to be somewhere at a certain point, do something. Yeah, it’s an exciting part of it.

Was there any scene or moment in particular where you were like, “O.K., this is a moment that I’m going to have to dig deep into. This is a tougher scene than maybe I might’ve expected this day”?

The scene that was most interesting to play was that moment in McDonald’s when Loki and Sylvie meet again for the first time. I don’t think there were hardly any lines in that scene. Maybe she says, “Are you going to order something or not?” And it is very sparse the dialogue, but there’s so much unsaid, there’s so much acting going on and they look at each other for the first time. And that was really, really cool to get to play that. It’s bumping into your ex for the first time.

And I’m guessing there is not a lot of rehearsal time correct? It was mostly working it out on the scene on set.

Oh yeah. Yeah. The only rehearsals that we got were some choreo or some fight stuff. Yeah, we didn’t get much rehearsing for the actual dialogue scenes, but I like it that way.

Do you feel like there’s more spontaneity?

For me? Yeah. I like to rely on my intuition and my spontaneity.

Well, I always heard that when you put good actors together should get good results. But this cast in particular had such great chemistry. Even in season one. Do you think that that was just luck? Is it just the talent of the actors?

I think it’s also the characterization. Some of it’s in the writing, some of it’s in what Tom does, a little bit of it’s in what I do, but that it’s how these two characters rub each other up the wrong way. They’re so similar but so different. And I think that fine line between the two is what’s really entertaining to watch because they know exactly how to wind each other up. Sylvie knows exactly how to wind Loki up and audiences love watching Loki being wound up. So, it’s just really entertaining and that’s part of the chemistry because they sort of hate each other, but love each other and will always be connected now. So it is this really specific dynamic, which is a massive gift to be able to play with.

I know you had stunt doubles for a lot of it, but you did do a lot of your own action choreography, correct?

Yeah, yeah. We learn it all and then they sort of swap it and change it when they need to make it look better.

Was it fun? Is that stressful as an actor to have to do that stuff compared to just regular scenes?

I love it. It was a really great opportunity for me. I mean, I was like three months postpartum on the first [season]. It was a great opportunity for me to get fit. I don’t go to the gym. I was the most unfit person when I started, so it really kicked my ass into gear. But I really enjoyed it. And it’s watching the finished product, it just makes you feel like an absolute badass, even though it’s not me. Some of it is not me. It feels great to be a part of it, and it really helps me get into character as well as Sylvie because she’s such a brawler. She loves fighting so much. I’ve realized that I do too. And I’ve carried on. I box a couple of times a week, and I really enjoy the feeling of being able to channel my aggression somewhere. And as a woman, I think it’s quite rare to be able to be given the opportunity to be able to be aggressive and I love it.

At least for season two, do you recall one sequence or set piece that was tougher than any of the others?

There was two of the fighting stuff. I’m trying to remember. The stuff on the Ferris wheel was quite tricky because the space was quite small and there were wires. We were doing wire work, so that was tricky. And a lot of it gets changed last minute. So, you learn the sequence and then they figure out how they’re going to shoot it, and then they realized you can’t do the sequence anymore, so you have to do a different sequence. And so a lot of it is learning choreo on the fly and changing it up and doing something different that works for the camera. So, that was challenging. And I remember I had to throw the TVA guidebook and I couldn’t get it in the right place. Things like that, take ages to try and do. In the first series, there’s a sequence where a knife lands right next to my face, and one of Loki’s daggers stands right next to my face. Little things like that take hours.

youtube

In the final episode, you have a great moment when Loki continues to go back to sort of the workroom area where you guys all keep getting killed again and again. And Sylvie sort of imparts on him one last time about what he needs to do. Do you remember that scene that I’m talking about?

Is it in Key’s workroom or the Key Lime Pie?

It’s the last time that we see that version of Sylvie. The spaghetti is coming to sort of wipe her away. It’s before he goes back and realizes that he has to go into the…

Oh, yeah.

I don’t know if you remember that scene, but it seems like such a rich moment for Sylvie. I was wondering, did those moments at least sit with you at all about how emotional Sylvie’s connection had become with Loki?

Yeah, definitely. And I think she’s the spokesperson in a way for his friendship group. It becomes a real ensemble by the end of series two. It’s not just Sylvie. He’s made quite a few friends and they’ve become almost like a little bit of a team and he’s watching each one of them disappear. And I think Sylvie’s the last one to be turned into spaghetti. And that’s the moment where he realizes he needs to figure out how to control this time slipping so he can change what’s happening because otherwise, he’s going to lose everyone.

The drop-off between season one and season two from Kate Heron to Justin Benson & Aaron Moorhead was almost non-existent. They certainly have their own directorial style, but the quality is just so good. Can you talk about what they’re like to work with as directors on set and what you thought they brought to the series?

They are so relaxed at times. I was like, “Why are you so relaxed? It’s making me feel nervous. Why are you so confidently cool and calm?” They just know exactly what they want and what they’re going to do. And they have their own style and they’ve done a bunch of indie films, so they’ve done their time and know how to do it, and they know how to work with each other so well. I dunno if it’s about something to do with being two of them so they can share their stress or something just so chilled out and so open and collaborative and funny and just so easy.

I know you recently wrapped “The Radleys” with Damian Lewis. It’s a horror vampire comedy, right? Can you talk about it at all?

Honestly, I dunno when it’s going to be released, but it’s a vampire movie about a family of vampires trying to live in suburbia and not drink blood.

And it’s funny. It’s hopefully funny.

Hopefully. Yeah.

#sophia di martino #sylvie #loki season 2 #Youtube

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tunaababee · 6 months ago

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we will be everything we say - Chapter 5

masterlist // fic playlist // read on AO3 // overall rating: e // wc this chapter: 3.5k // updates Mondays (aest)

Feyre Archeron has been best friends with Rhysand Sterling ever since she moved onto the same street when they were kids - the two became absolutely joined at the hip, with nothing able to come between them.

As they get older, life gets more complicated and things get harder. Not everything comes as naturally as it once did. People change, things happen, friends... drift.

But after drifting apart, maybe life can push them back together again, in time.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Chapter 5: twenty-one and twenty-two

Rhys couldn’t help but feel antsy despite the cosy, comfortable atmosphere of the house around him. His best friends in the world sharing drinks, breaking bread and just generally shooting the shit together again for the first time in who knew how long. All that matters was that it had been too long and everyone was here again. Cassian was happily sitting on the couch, Nesta perched in his lap with only some mild protests - he and Feyre’s sister had been dating for a few months after they had met at the gym Cassian worked at over in Windhaven. It took them a long time to stop riling each other up for more than a few moments before they used their big adult words and went out on a date, but it had seemed to be relatively smooth sailing from there. Nesta’s roommates, Emerie and Gwyn, had also tagged along and seemed to be fitting in quite nicely. Mor was chattering away with Amren and Varian, while Azriel seemed busy quietly brooding. Or maybe staring at Gwyn. Rhys couldn’t quite figure that one out, but he knew that he’d get to the bottom of it eventually. And yet, Rhys stood right beside him, almost equally as moody and out of it.

Because Feyre was coming tonight. After months of hasty apologies and rain checks for gatherings, she was finally showing up again.

The thought made Rhys’ gut and heart twist in tandem.

He had still talked to Feyre all throughout college, texting and calling when they were unable to meet up, but contact had been tapering off slowly but surely as the time ticked on. Rhys knew that she hadn’t been deliberately skipping out on spending time or talking with any of them on purpose - for the past few years, her art degree had kept her immensely busy while also managing to juggle a part-time job to help push her way through college. Feyre had managed to bag a scholarship after high school like she had been hoping for, but it didn’t quite cover the whole tuition, so she barely got any sort of reprieve before throwing herself wholeheartedly back into her future. Typical for a woman so unabashedly stubborn and glorious as- No, Rhys thought to himself. He had to stop those thoughts in their tracks. She was still with Tamlin. Engaged to Tamlin, last he had heard. Rhys had to rein himself in - he was well practised in the art, so why should tonight be any different?

“Rhysand, baby, don’t tell me Azriel’s brooding has rubbed off on you too. There’s only so much dark sulking our group can handle at any given time.” Mor strode over to the wall near the kitchen where he was leaning, shoving a plate with a few slices of pizza on it into his hand.

A practised smile slid across his features, though he knew it wouldn’t do much to fool his cousin. “Can’t a man stand and just have a minute to think his thoughts for a while, Mor?”

“In any other circumstance, sure. But we all know you get all loopy around Feyre to say the least. Except for maybe Nesta simply because she doesn’t like to be around you at the best of times, anyways. Just don’t overthink it, okay?” She placed a comforting hand on his arm, his own coming to rest on top of it and give a light squeeze of thanks. Something about Tamlin had always rubbed him the wrong way - not that anybody else felt kindly toward him, but Rhys struggled to hide it the most. It certainly didn’t help his case that Rhysand was still hopelessly in love with Feyre, but there was something more to it. He tried to put it out of mind as Mor moved back toward the group in the living room. Rhys ate his food and made light chatter with everybody, trying his best to keep his feelings out of sight and out of mind until, of course, Feyre inevitably arrived on Tamlin’s arm.

His heart almost stuttered out of his chest like a fucking schoolboy as he saw her - twenty two years old reduced all the way back to sixteen again in the blink of an eye. Suddenly he was ten times more conscious about what he wore and how he looked - he had gone for a simple look, a well-fitted black v-neck and dark blue jeans with some dress shoes.

Tamlin strode through the door first, Feyre struggling slightly to keep up, but she still tried her best to take everything in stride, a smile on her face. A smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, but a smile nonetheless. Feyre was wearing a pristine white short sleeve blouse, tucked into form-fitting dress pants with some flat shoes. It didn’t feel like her style, knowing she much preferred comfort and practicality over whatever business-chic fashion she had donned to match Tamlin. It showed off the weight she had seemed to lose, hips and wrists seeming to jut out more sharply with bone closer to the flesh than before. She let go to greet everybody, showered in a smattering of hugs and kisses on cheeks while Tamlin tersely nodded, his eyes flicking back to Feyre periodically as she made her way around the room. With every hello she got closer and closer to Rhys, his chest beating in double time almost by the time she made her way over to him.

“Hello, darling.” Rhys grinned at Feyre as widely as he could manage, though it didn’t escape his notice the way Tamlin glowered at him as he greeted her with his endearments he saved just for her.

“Hello, my dear.” She wrapped her arms around him and he didn’t hesitate to hug her right back. Feyre didn’t quite smell the way Rhys had remembered - lilacs, jasmine, warm sunshine on skin, home. Instead, she smelled of rose and lilies, of the sickly sweetness that makes your fingers stick unpleasantly. There were hints of her beneath it all, but it wasn’t quite her. It was something, someone different. He ignored the knot in his stomach as he squeezed her tightly, letting her go a few moments sooner than he would have liked. “It’s so good to see you.”

Before Rhys could get another word in, Tamlin approached, placing his hand possessively on the small of Feyre’s back. She straightened slightly before leaning into his side, arm slipped around his waist with an uncharacteristic stiffness. “Hello, Rhysand. Enjoying the get together?”

Rhys’ hands slid into his pockets, chin up and back straight with a feline grin. “Of course, you know I love any excuse to celebrate with my family, especially my brothers. We’ve been eagerly awaiting the both of you - glad to see you were both able to make it.”

“Yes, well, things have been busy since we all graduated, you know. Inheriting my father’s business was no small feat, I imagine you’ve been busy yourself with your own father’s business now being yours. I’ve personally had meetings and work trips abound, all with this one at my side. I can’t wait to have her as my wife.” His hand squeezed Feyre’s shoulder as he smirked, a small laugh escaping her as she looked up at him.

“Mm, I can imagine - congratulations to you both, I’m very happy for you. Please, help yourselves to some food and drink,” Rhys said, gesturing towards the pizzas and snacks they had laid out on the kitchen benchtop, a small cooler filled with various drinks just on the ground nearby. He looked at Feyre, eyes catching hers with a small smile. “We’ll catch up later, hm?”

The last thing Rhys wanted to do was ruin the night for everybody by being unable to stop himself punching Tamlin in the face due to all his showboating - he figured the best thing to do was to let them be and allow Feyre to come to him. They always came back to one another no matter what, and she would when she was ready - no matter how he felt for her, their friendship was first and foremost above everything. If he could have nothing else from her but her company on occasion, then that would be enough. Rhys wasn’t going to stop having faith in that now just because she was engaged to someone else - he may be a bit jaded, but he wasn’t a complete asshole. So he grabbed himself another beer, sliding into conversation with Cassian and Amren and used every ounce of willpower he had in him not to stare at Feyre all night. It warmed his heart a little bit to see her and Nesta making conversation, at least - things had always been a bit strained between the two of them, especially once their mother had died.

Nesta had always been favoured by their mom, though it resulted in Nesta being more harshly criticised by her and made into a colder, harder person for it. Elain got an occasional lookover from her, but Feyre wasn’t ever on her mother’s mind. The people it shaped them into, the issues it caused between them and for them? It took a long time for the sisters to start talking after high school at all, let alone being able to reconcile in any capacity. He focused on that pride for the two of them blooming in his chest over all else. It made everything else easier to take in stride over the course of the night - easier not to stare, easier not to be jealous. Easier not to worry about the slight pallor of her skin and her skinnier-than-usual frame.

Rhysand managed to keep his mind occupied well enough into the night. Feyre was laughing and smiling, all with Tamlin right beside her, as she caught up with everybody. Nesta eventually brought out Cassian’s birthday cakes - two ice cream cakes, at his insistence - as everyone sang him happy birthday. He couldn’t help but catch a glance at her as they sang, and saw a hollowness in her eyes that he hadn’t remembered being there. Something only the darkness and light of the candles could catch, just for a moment, until Mor caught him staring again and gave him a sneaky slap to the arm. The lights flicked back on and he could see that mask slide back up again as cake began to be served. He didn’t hesitate to dive into his own slice, offering to clean up everything while the others milled about in the living room, alive with music and dancing and chatter. Telling a sweet little lie that it was the least he could do, when really he just wanted an escape.

God, he was fucking useless. Rhys felt like he was struggling to keep it together just for one night. His head was a swirling mix of love and adoration and worry and jealousy. It made him feel utterly pathetic.

He didn’t hesitate to slip out into the backyard after he had finished - with the clinking of dishes and cutlery gone, he struggled to find something to help him drown out the slant of his thoughts that were quickly spiralling into some combination of worry and self-pity. The backdoor led out onto a small set of steps down into the yard itself, Rhys quickly descending before slipping back around them to hide in the blind spot that was made in the corner where the back of the stairs and the wall of the house met on the ground. He fished around in his back pocket, pulling out a lighter and a cigarette - it wasn’t a habit he indulged in often, usually reserved for social occasions where there happened to be other smokers, but if there was ever a time he would kill for an excuse to have a smoke, this was definitely it. Bought him a little more time to settle his nerves and racing thoughts. Rhys lit up without hesitation, taking a long drag as the back of his head hit the wooden panelling that lined the outer walls of the house. The sound of crickets and distant traffic were the only sounds breaking the silence, letting his eyes dance across the constellations and seeing which ones he could spot and name as a distraction.

At least, he was, until Feyre stepped out into the backyard herself, closing the door behind her before a shaky sigh loosened from her lips.

A small part of him hoped that she wouldn’t spot him, but the telltale wisps of smoke gave him up before he could even consider trying to put it out. She glanced over the railing of the staircase, a small smile on her face. A real one.

“Is this where you escaped to? I thought you said we’d catch up, huh?”

He simply chuckled in turn. “I was going to talk to you earlier, but I didn’t wanna interrupt you and Nesta.” Liar, he thought, scolding himself.

“As if that’s ever stopped you before.” Feyre trudged down the steps, eventually circling round to stand right next to Rhys and lean back, staring up at the stars alongside him. It reminded him a little bit of high school, moments like this.

“Maybe I’ve gotten more gentlemanly and considerate in the time we’ve been apart, did you ever consider that?”

“Absolutely not.”

The two of them grinned at one another, quiet laughs exchanged between them. This was the Feyre he had missed.

“So…” Rhys shifted on his feet uncomfortably. This subject was going to have to come up sooner or later. “Engaged at twenty-one, huh?”

“Ah, yeah. It only happened a few months ago.” Feyre held up her left hand next to her face - even in the low moonlight, Rhys could see the ring on her finger. It was absolutely encrusted in jewels, a heart-shaped emerald set and surrounded by far too many diamonds for his taste. It definitely screamed Tamlin to anybody who might know the two of them.

“Well, that’s gotta be exciting. How are you dealing with wedding planning on top of college? You’ve still got about a year left on your fine arts degree, right?”

“Oh, uh. I would have, yeah.” Her hands slid into her pockets, gaze falling back down to her feet.

Rhys turned to her with a quiet ferocity in his eyes, though not at her. He wouldn’t really…? “Would have?”

“Yeah, I… dropped out of college.”

Oh, that motherfucker. “You worked so fucking hard for that scholarship, though - what happened? Like, if it’s what was best for you, I’m not one to judge, but… Fuck, Feyre, I know how much you worked toward that goal.”

“Well, I was trying to work my part-time job while studying still, but all of that on top of having to accompany Tamlin to a lot of his business trips in the last year meant that I kept missing a lot of classes. Art isn’t exactly a degree that’s compatible with remote learning, and he said that if it was too hard to keep up with all those obligations that I didn’t have to. That he was happy to keep looking after everything, y’know, career wise. I could keep art as a hobby without the pressure of grades and trying to make a big name or something. I couldn’t come up with a reason to say no.”

“‘Because I love art’ is a perfectly valid reason, you know.”

“I know, but I… I’m tired, Rhys. I’m so, so fucking tired. I don’t even draw anymore. I just want a minute to breathe.” Feyre’s hands dragged down her face, drawing out a miserable whine as she shuffled closer, moving to rest her head on Rhys’ shoulder. A beat passed between them before Feyre reached up, taking the cigarette that was dangling from Rhys’ fingers between her own and putting it to her lips with a deep inhale. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Rhys would have killed to be that cigarette in that moment, pressed to her lips so tenderly. “No, be my guest. After all those smokes I bummed off of you in high school, I feel like this makes up for it.” He moved an arm around her shoulders, pulling Feyre a little closer and giving her what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze.

“Feyre…”

“If you’re going to get on my ass about getting back to college, I’m going to stop you right there.”

“No, no. I just… Yeah, it took me by surprise, but I just want you to be happy at the end of the day. If you think that marrying Tamlin and keeping up appearances at his business trips is what’s going to make you happy, I’m not going to stop you.” Rhys looked down at Feyre and plucked the smoke straight from her mouth, savouring the burn in the back of his throat as he tried to push the thought of just how intimate a moment this felt out of his mind. “But is it going to make you happy?”

She looked up at him, her blue-grey eyes meeting his. All Rhys could see was apprehension, confusion and sadness roiling within them. It made his heart clench so tightly he could barely stand it - Feyre deserved better than someone who touted her around like a pet on a leash.

“...I don’t know. I don’t know much of anything anymore.”

Maybe he could help make things better. He wanted to help make things better, make all of this go away for her. For his best friend, for the person who always brought him back to home.

“It’s never too late to… change course. Choose something different.”

He could swear he could feel a small current of electricity hum under his fingertips where they met with her arm despite her shirt.

“Like what?” There was so much hope laced into her voice.

Rhys lost his grip on the reins of his thoughts that knew better.

The cigarette in his fingers fell to the concrete as he cupped Feyre’s cheek, turning his body toward her properly as his arm slid from her shoulders to her waist and he kissed her. It was soft and gentle, with all the tenderness and care that he wanted to surround her with. That she deserved to be surrounded with. Her lips tasted like cigarette smoke and the slightly sweet notes of her lip gloss. Rhys didn’t push too hard, not wanting to overwhelm her or give her the impression that she didn’t have a choice, that he was simply trying to take.

Her hands slowly raised to his face, pulling him slightly closer, and he pulled her against his body properly in turn. He could feel her heartbeat picking up pace against his, the way she felt a little more relaxed against him - Rhys could almost die a happy man.

Until she pulled away.

“Rhys, I-”

“Fuck, fuck, Feyre, I’m so sorry-”

“No, I’m- I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have done that.” Her fingers were trembling, held to her lips in what could almost be mistaken for reverence, if he hadn’t known any better.

“We can pretend nothing happened, I made a stupid fucking-”

“You weren’t the only one at fault, Rhys.”

There was only a few steps distance between them after Feyre had pulled away, but it felt like a thousand miles now.

“Still, I’m so fucking so-”

“I think… Maybe we need some space. I’m not going to cheat on my fiance with you. I don’t- I can’t think clearly when I’m around you.”

He could feel his stomach drop straight to the ground, filled with lead and regret.

“...Okay.” It was all he could manage to say.

“I’m… I’ll let you know. When I’m ready to see you again.” Her voice shook relentlessly.

“But until then?” His voice was shaky. He knew what she was going to say, but it wouldn’t make it hurt any less.

“...Until then, nothing. Please don’t call me, Rhysand. Not for a while. I need time.”

Feyre wiped at her eyes and mouth a little, taking a deep breath before striding back up the stairs and inside again with that mask, that fucking mask, plastered on her face once more.

Rhys didn’t even bother heading back inside. He went through the side gate of the yard, making his way through the front yard and into his car, sending Cassian a text apologising for bailing early before driving home in complete silence. Guilt, rage, shame and regret slithered across Rhys’ skin and inside his guts relentlessly without a moment of reprieve from the moment he had left and they showed no signs of stopping as he got home, parked his car and rode the elevator up to his apartment. The moment he had finally gotten inside, Rhys slid to the ground against the back of the door.

For the first time in a long while, Rhys sat there with his knees to his chest, and cried. Cried at all he had wanted, all he had and hadn’t done, and all that wouldn’t be.

#feysand #rhysand x feyre archeron #fanfiction #rhysand #feyre archeron #acotar #actoar fanfiction #friends to lovers

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chic-beyond-the-wall-oc-acct · 2 months ago

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WIP Music Monday Thursday 🎧

Got Tagged by @rainwingmarvel7 💜

So Evanora has two playlists, I'm still working on the second one but the first one is 3+ hours-- it's her actual vibes, she's a little back and forth, think if Anakin Skywalker was a cluber. That's basically the only way I can think to explain it. I'll give three songs to basically sum it up.

The second one is basically just how she's perceived. I struggle with describing how She's perceived but-- she's been in cryo for 10,000 years, and in that time she became deified, and basically everything about her other than "powerful, wise teacher" has just been looked over. I have done all instrumental for this one as well. The Bene Gesserit have the ability to look through the memories of their maternal line and since they look to Raquella Berto-Anirul's memory the most in terms of Evanora, and Raquella was young when Evanora "died" her memories of her elder cousin are very rose tinted. But she is technically the same age as Paul, I went with more movie age which I believe is 18-19. In the books I'm pretty sure he's 15 but 🤷‍♀️

I think I'll tag @huramuna and @selfproclaimedunicorn 💜

#wip music monday #wip #oc playlist #evanora atreides #Spotify

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loki-is-my-kink-awakening · 9 months ago

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My 2024 predictions

Let your spotify predict your 2024! shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024

January: Absolution - Pawel Perepelica

February: Lokius - Natalie Holt

March: Farben - Orange Sector

April: You Don't Understand Me - Roxette

May: Doom Dance - Gunship feat Carpenter Brut

June: Singularity - Natalie Holt

July: Good Looking - Suzi Waterhouse

August: Purpose is Glorious - Natalie Holt

September: Older - Isabel LaRosa

October: Keep Your Eyes Peeled - ULTRA SUNN

November: Rainbow In The Dark - Dio

December: If U Think I'm Pretty - Artemas

Tagged by the lovely @mobius-m-mobius 😘

Passing this onto: @insert-witty-user-name-here @ladyofthestayingpower @abitofboth @bigpeepee @sparrow-the-tired-lesbian @boredintjqueen @starrose17 @ialwayscomewhenyoucall @janjan-the-ninth @kingeomer @bebx @gleamingsilence

#tag game #music #2024 predictions

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gumballmechanic · 11 months ago

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The Burden of Glorious Purpose

youtube

My happy Lokius playlist is dropping soon, so I'm posting again about my sad one! This is an updated version, with an added song and voice line! ❤️ Time stamps in the comments

#loki season 2 #loki series #lokius #loki #loki laufeyson #loki season finale #loki show #loki x mobius #mobius #mobius loki #mobius loves loki #loki playlist #lokius canon #lokius playlist #Youtube

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callunavulgari · 11 months ago

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"The kingdom come, the rise, the fall The setting sun above it all I just wanna be somebody to you"

Heather’s Top 50 Songs of 2023

thumbs — sabrina carpenter // dragostea din tei — feuerschwanz // edge of midnight — miley cyrus & stevie nicks // warrior of the mind — jorge rivera-herrans // happier than ever — kelly clarkson // flowers — miley cyrus // see you again — miley cyrus // six — six cast // fairytale — joel sunny // middle of the night — elley duhe // our light — lyn // it's terror time again — sesamoid // eat your young — hozier // step into darkness — dubkiller // got you — ga eun // just a man — jorge rivera-herrans // labour — paris paloma // the tornado — owl city // green green grass — george ezra // suzume — radwimps // can't take my eyes off you — boys town gang // survive — jorge rivera-herrans // mermaids— florence & the machine // unknown/Nth — hozier // we didn't start the fire — fall out boy // hold me like a grudge — fall out boy // where is the justice — death note musical // 30/90 — andrew garfield // everyday — buddy holly // i'm just ken — ryan gosling // what was i made for? — billie eilish // speechless — naomi scott // son of nyx — hozier // damage gets done — hozier & brandi carlile // paradise valley — honey and the sting // stand by me — florence & the machine // my prayer — the platters // baby don't hurt me — david guetta // quietly yours — birdy // someone to you — banners // one more time — blink 182 // adelaide — ramblewood // i'm just your problem — lur // you're gonna be okay — ashh blackwood // mr lonely — angel olsen // now and then — the beatles // vois sur ton chemin — bennett // history is now — natalie holt // purpose is glorious — natalie holt // the power — borislav slavov

short version | long version | spotify wrapped

short version is the link to what you see here, my helpfully abridged version. long version will lead you to the 141 song, 8 hour and 17 minute supercut playlist which i’ve been slowly cultivating since early january. spotify wrapped will lead you to a mixture of the long and the short version, which is honestly pretty accurate but does not helpfully represent my ear worms of the week. i also skewed my data for it by listening to the spiritfarer and hollow knight soundtracks on repeat to ease the wedding anxieties.

also fun fact, the cover for this year's mix is actually a picture of the tree outside our room during our wedding day.

under the cut are the lyrics that really resonated with me and only a little personal tidbits from this year, because let's be real, nobody cares.

i. thumbs || sabrina carpenter 'cause that's just the way of the world it never ends 'til the end and then you start again

This one was playing as we left the florence concert late last year and dogged me all through january and february last winter. ii. dragostea din tei || feuerschwanz Alo, salut, sunt eu un haiduc Si te rog iubirea mea primeste fericirea

Yes, it's a metal cover. Yes, I found it on tiktok. Yes, I love it unconditionally.

iii. edge of midnight || miley cyrus & stevie nicks The midnight sky is the road I'm takin' Head high up in the clouds (oh, oh)

There's THREE Miley Cyrus songs on here this year. Nuts. I really loved cranking this while driving home from Newark back when I was still hybrid. Much serotonin in those gray winter months. iv. warrior of the mind || jorge rivera-herrans & teagan earley Maybe one day they'll follow me and we'll Make a greater tomorrow, then they'll see Is it REALLY a surprise that Epic grabbed me by the throat this year?

v. happier than ever || kelly clarkson You ruined everything good Always said you were misunderstood Made all my moments your own Just fucking leave me alone I actually ended up hearing the Billie Eilish version of this first, but I ended up reading a post about how Billie's version was for the shitty boyfriend's of the world but Kelly's was to her mom and just. That resonated SO so much that it's stuck with me ever since. I have a complicated relationship with mine. She didn't come to my wedding this year. Anyway, definitely screamed this in my car on long drives. vi. flowers || miley cyrus i can buy myself flowers write my name in the sand

I need to preface this with the fact that my partner and I have a wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. This song is still a fucking banger. vii. see you again || miley cyrus I got my sights set on you and I'm ready to aim I have a heart that will never be tamed

Third Miley song of the year, I believe all ear worms before March. I ended up getting in a Tiktok loop of body transformations set to this song while I was really getting into working with weights. It was great inspiration that I DEARLY needed that early into things. The song is also incredibly catchy. viii. six || six cast we're one of a kind, no category too many years lost in his story I honestly feel like we saw this musical last year but this song in particular dogged me into this one. ix. fairytale || joel sunny *instrumental*

Found this instrumental version of a much beloved song due to a random discover weekly and loved it so much that I seriously considered using it in my wedding. x. middle of the night || elley duhe Come, lay me down 'Cause you know this 'Cause you know this sound

Shh, it's the horny booktok song. I won't be shamed. xi. our light || lyn 夢を夢と気づいた夜君を見つめ瞼を閉じる温もりも重ねた手も声も目覚めれば微睡みへと消えて

I have been trying to finish persona 5 royal since 2020. this year, i finally beat it. xii. it's terror time again || sesamoid Oh, you just might die of fright, It's a terrifying time.

Yes, it's a Scooby Doo remix. yes, I love it. xiii. eat your young || hozier I'm starving, darling Let me put my lips to something Let me wrap my teeth around the world The horniest Hozier song since Take Me to Church in my humble opinion. I adored it immediately. xiv. step into darkness || dubkiller Blood on your hands, maybe you're dreaming? Do you believe, nightmares you're seeing?

Tiktok? xv. got you || ga eun Will you promise you’ll rescue me Take me from eternal loneliness

This was the theme song (I think?) to a Korean drama we were obsessed with for a little bit and I don't think we ever finished? Song is interesting though and sticks with you. xvi. just a man || jorge rivera-herrans When does a ripple become a tidal wave? When does the reason become the blame? When does a man become a monster? More Epic, because I am a mythology loving twelve year old at heart. The many, MANY tiktoks to this particular song did not help.

xvii. labour || paris paloma The capillaries in my eyes are bursting If our love died, would that be the worst thing?

It's catchy. I had more typed out but tumblr fucking ate it, so fuck it.

xviii. the tornado || owl city A little rain never hurt no one, so I kept pressin' on And I tried to tell myself it's always darkest before the dawn

Another song I played very loudly while driving home.

xix. green green grass || george ezra Green, green grass, blue, blue sky You better throw a party on the day that I die

Dancy song!

xx. suzume || radwimps ル・ル・ルルルルル・ルルル・ルルルルルルル・ル・ルルルルル・ルルル・ルルルルルル We saw this in theaters! I really loved it! xxi. can't take my eyes off you || boys town gang You're just too good to be true Can't take my eyes off of you The Tiktok dances got me. More serotonin when I really needed it. xxii. survive || jorge rivera-herrans Six hundred lives I'll take Six hundred lives I'll break And when I kill you, then my deed is over

More Epic! xxiii. mermaids || florence & the machine You only get one night upon the shore So dance like you've never danced before

I love Florence. That is all. xxiv. unknown / nth || hozier You know the distance never made a difference to me I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea

Hozier was honestly the artist that kept me the most company this year if I'm not counting Spiritfarer or Hollow Knight. xxv. we didn't start the fire || fall out boy Mars rover, Avatar, self-driving electric cars SSRI's, Prince and The Queen die World trade, second plane, what else do I have to say?

I know it won't happen, but I hope every generation does a remake/remix of this song. Also, I saw Billy Joel himself in concert this year! xxvi. hold me like a grudge || fall out boy Hold me, hold me like a grudge The world is always spinning, and I can't keep up, whoa Honestly, I was a fan. xxvii. where is the justice || death note cast isn't everybody sick to death of all this stuff can't we all stand up and say enough?

This song gets stuck in my head like no one's business. xxviii. 30/90 || tick tick boom cast making choices, wicked witches poppy fields, or men behind the curtain tiger lilies, ruby slippers clock is ticking, that's for certain I still think that if Stranger Things did a musical episode Steve Harrington would have Andrew Garfield from Tick Tick Boom energy. xxix. everyday || buddy holly Every day seems a little longer Every way, love's a little stronger

Good Omens 2 dropped! I loved it! I also didn't love it! But mostly I was just happy. xxx. i'm just ken || ryan gosling I wanna know what's like to love, to be the real thing Is it a crime? Am I not hot when I'm in my feelings? And is my moment finally here, or am I dreaming?

I went to see this movie by myself because I was sick of waiting for someone to go with me and honestly had a great time. It was silly and fun and I loved the fact that so many dudes got so incredibly butt-hurt about it. xxxi. what was i made for || billie eilish 'Cause I, I I don't know how to feel But I wanna try

God, this song. It made me cry at the end of Barbie and I've been getting up in my feelings about it ever since. xxxii. speechless — naomi scott I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky Apparently this is from the Aladdin live action? I haven't seen it so I can't confirm, but I DID hear this song this summer and fall in love with it. xxxiii. son of nyx || hozier *instrumental* This one might be my favorite? xxxiv. damage gets done || hozier And, darling, I haven't felt it since then I don't know how the feeling ended But I know being reckless and young Is not how the damage gets done

Another Hozier!!!!!! xxxv. paradise valley || honey and the sting Take what you want from me I bring it willingly

I may have done these next three out of order, but hey! I got married this year! As some of you may know, paradise valley has been the song that I have been obsessed with since I first heard it on Wolf 359 back in 2018/2019. I couldn't figure out a way to make it work in a traditional sense for the wedding, so I ended up using it as a private last dance. As the clock was hitting ten o'clock we had our dj gently shoo the stragglers out the door and just crooned this to each other in the dark. It was probably my favorite part of the entire night. xxxvi. stand by me || florence & the machine So darlin', darlin', stand by me Oh, stand by me

This was our first dance. As it should be. We timed our few spins around the 'darlins' and it honestly went great. 10 out of 10, would dance again. xxxvii. my prayer || the platters My prayer is to linger with you At the end of the day I did a sneaky thing. It was Nick's grandparents 65th wedding anniversary a few days before our wedding, so I quietly found out "their song" and had our DJ play it as the first official couples/slow dance of the night after wishing them a happy anniversary. They cried. I cried. The photographer cried. It was great. xxxviii. baby don't hurt me || david guetta What is love? Baby, don't hurt me

Yeah, it's just a catchy cover. xxxix. quietly yours || birdy I've always been yours Only yours This was from the Persuasion soundtrack and god, it's just so achingly haunting. xl. someone to you || banners I don't wanna die or fade away I just wanna be someone Well, doesn't everyone?

Look. I just wanna be someone. xli. one more time — blink 182 Do I have to die to hear you miss me? Do I have to die to hear you say goodbye? I don't wanna act like there's tomorrow I don't wanna wait to do this one more time One more time. I got tickets to their concert next year. We'll see if they cancel this one. xlii. adelaide || ramblewood Wish you could lay those shadows down And find your way back home

I think this is a local artist? I fell in love with the song though. xliii. i'm just your problem || lur Sorry I don't treat you like a goddess Is that what you want me to do?

Watched Fionna and Cake in like a day and a half and fell all the way back in love with Bonnie and Marceline. xliv. you're gonna be okay || ashh blackwood puff out your chest, take a deep breath you're gonna be okay

This showed up on an anxiety mix and now I literally sing it to myself if I'm having a fast day. It is VERY short, but impactful. xlv. mr lonely || angel olsen Now, I am a soldier A lonely soldier Away from home Through no wish of my own My Yuletide fic that has not yet been revealed was about [REDACTED]. I listened to this and a handful of other sad, lonely songs while writing it. xlvi. now and then || the beatles Oh, now and then I want you to be there for me This song has DEVASTATED me since it came out. I will not be the same again. xlvii. vois sur ton chemin || bennett Vois sur ton chemin Gamins oubliés, égarés

Another tiktok ear worm. I'm not much for techno, but I love this one. xlviii. history is now || natalie holt *instrumental*

Loki fucked me all the way up, guys. I know everyone is crying about it, and I'm crying too! It's beautiful and tragic and one of the most fantastic endings for a character arc that I have EVER seen out of Marvel. I HOPE they leave it alone. I hope they leave it as is so we get to keep the beautiful ending and they don't fuck it up. xlix. purpose is glorious || natalie holt *instrumental*

Again, fucked me ALL the way up. I wept. And watched it three times in a row. These two songs will be on my writing playlist for the rest of time. l. the power || borislav slavov I found you too soon Shining star of mine, hold tight Don't fight the power

I have not officially finished Baldur's Gate. However, every iteration of this song is haunting me.

#heather says what #fanmixes #2023 #year in review #year in music #new year's memes #music makes the world go round

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acherons-ocs · 3 months ago

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OC Playlist - John Smith

Homebrew Call of Cthulhu RPG - Westroad

Only a few because his actual playlist is 5h long

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

Head Over Heels - Tears For Fears

Too Much Love Will Kill You - Queen

Day I Die - The National

The Great Gig In The Sky - Pink Floyd

Somebody To Love - Jefferson Airplane

Thank You - Dido

Knights of Cydonia - Muse

Take Me To Church - Hozier

Luna in the Sky Forever - Cvlt Ov the Svn (this one is actually diegetic)

Ruin - The Amazing Devil

The Painted Bird - Billy Vicente

Purpose Is Glorious - Natalie Holt

#ttrpg #tabletop roleplaying #ttrpg character #homebrew campaign #homebrew call of cthulhu #call of cthulhu #westroad #john smith #playlist #character playlist

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lilacerull0 · 7 months ago

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hi. a guy i've been going out is a fan of david bowie and i like his music but that's it i am not a fan. could you mayhaps recommend something to impress him since you're The Bowie Tumblr in my orbit. thamk

OMG HIIII!!!! I'll cook you up a Bowie salad 🥗

You can never go wrong with The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, so you should probably start there if you're an album person! It works best as a whole and it is a great introduction to Bowie because it captures his imagination without being too difficult to digest on first listen.

I ALWAYS recommend this track to people who wanna get into Bowie because I feel like it's such a BOWIETASTIC thing in so many ways without being too hard on the ear if you haven't been diving deep into stuff like his album Low which is SPECTACULAR, but not really something you should start with when it comes to ☀️thee spaceman💫. Anyways, I adore this one because it makes me feel like I am in my favourite theatre (I always act this one out in my room when it comes up on a playlist), all thanks to the way David pronounces each word with such dedication which is something I always endlessly appreciate. I'm also a sucker for the fact that critics either think it's a masterpiece or completely absurd because that IS Bowie at his finest. He's a mad scientist! Even when he tried to appeal to a wider audience, it felt like an experiment. I personally think this track is absurd, but in an absurdist theatre Samuel Beckett way and THAT is what makes it a masterpiece.

NOW THIS!!! This is from the movie Labyrinth starring our favourite alienguy, but no Bowie thing functions in a vacuum (Bowie outgrows Bowie like all artists do, but it's pretty damn cool how he seemed pretty chill with this... and found fans' input integral to his work) so you can always turn this up and place the sky and the moon within anybody's eyes and anybody's heart. I'm not telling you to sneak these (paraphrased) lyrics in a gift or anything, but also I'm doing exactly that.

Lou Reed thought this one was neat and in Lou Reed we trust. Seriously, it's a rare occasion for Louie to say such a thing about somebody else.

This is from Diamond Dogs which I truly have so much love for as a concept because it's this... mosaic of half-finished projects Bowie had envisioned over the years and they make... this glorious friendship of sound and ideas and I always think of it as proof that each little creative outburst every human experiences is worth something in the great puzzle of our lives, you know? This track in particular was originally written for the Ziggy Stardust musical which was never made and doesn't exist in a form it was originally imagined in, but it lives on... it changes things... So if you ever make something you think is worth nothing simply because you haven't executed the idea to the finish line, you're wrong.

Ending this response with a cover!!!! Originally a song by The Pretty Things and I'm using it for my epilogue on purpose because there's this criticism of Bowie's copycat ways that gets brought up occasionally when it's the exact feeling behind that accusation of his artistry that makes me like him so much and I hinted at it in the previous paragraphs. So! This is from an album that functions as an ode to songs Bowie loved so they're all covers basically (fun fact! there's a slavic band I love that copied this idea for their album, Les Chansones Populaires, and they have a Bowie track on it <3 music knows no limits, music as the ultimate form of love <3) What I'm trying to say here is that Bowie understood this fundamental truth about humanity which is that it knows no time and no space and both of these things are illusions. So... his covers and all his influences aren't thefts!!!! They're a testament to this shared human creative effort that indicates how the artwork is never ONLY about the one who made it. It's about how the entire world, those that inspire you and those that you inspire, are holding hands and adding a bit of themselves to this creation, therefore putting it into this washing machine of transformation that can never be turned off. And it's so refreshing to see an artist embrace that viewpoint.💖 (I always say this group effort thing is true for science too <3)

#sorry i went off i love this man...#💌restless wind inside a letter box💌

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luvie-42 · 1 year ago

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Loki laufeyson x Y/N Time of love

alr New fanfic series! kinda nervous bc idk what to do- BUT ILL TRY MY BEST LITTLE ONES!!! listening to my hype playlist aint helping im abt to dance

WARNINGS: mentions of abuse, cursing, strict parents, knife/dagger. if you dont enjoy or feel comfortable with these topics you're free to leave!

-You were a simple 29yo woman with abusive parents. You had no other place to stay, and your best friend had strict parents. They don't allow anyone else but family members in their house. You were in a miserable life, but your friend supported you all the way. Today those sorry excuses of parents let you go to the busy street where it looked so beautiful. Can't believe they let you out the house with booty shorts and a oversized hoodie and headphones

(this but it was night time)

-Just now getting out of a place you see everyone freaking out suddenly. "What the hell could be going on?" whispering to yourself. You saw this gut in gold, green and black holding some staff with a bright blue light at the end of it. To be honest, he was kinda cute. He starts to introduce himself. You thought this guy was just doing the most, until he shouts. "KNEEL". Every person starts to kneel before the man, he did look dangerous and like he can do some serious damage to this part of the town. You jumped and stood there against the shop wall.

-He starts to look if everyone followed his order but his eyes are locked to yours. You wanted to run out of there and get to your house but you didn't budge. He makes everyone make a path to get to you. Your bag of food dropped out of your grasp, your eyes went wide, and you started shaking. He's in front of you. Staring at you. You expected worse like he would make you kneel but, he took off his helmet and put the staff against the wall

-"Hello there mortal." He says blandly looking up and down at your figure. You start noticing and wanting to cover your plush thighs but you feel like you can't move. He starts to speak but notices your red face looking somewhere else from his gaze. "I'm Loki, God of mischief and I am burdened with a glorious purpose" Did he really just say that? "O-Oh I'm Y/N" Stuttering because of his tall figure with his hands next to his mid section to show that he wont hurt you.

-Out of nowhere he makes a dagger appear and hands it to you. He smiles while you hesitantly take it from his cold hands. "Thank you.." "Don't think of me as a villain, I'm like you. Neglected." He sure did look like it. You thought this was a myth but you snapped out of your trance when some guy in the american flag colors appears behind ya'll. "Excuse me for a moment" Loki says giving a warm smile and wink.

-You were positively sure this was not the first meeting you guys would have. You grabbed your bag and ran back to your house. Opening the front door, your dad comes to the door to yell at you but then notices you're shocked and almost traumatized. "The fuck your scared for? We didn't beat you up THAT bad!" You don't give an answer, but the fact that you met a GOD. A LITERAL GOD. "Why aren't you ANSWERING MY QUESTION!?" Your dad yells before throwing a beer bottle at you. You then again snapped out of your trance and use the dagger that Loki gave you

-You crashed the glass bottle to the floor and your mother then came to the scene to find a shocked father and a scared but still shocked daughter. "What the actual FUCK is happening?!" You were gonna say something but your father just had to cut you off. "YOUR STUPID LITTLE GIRL JUST CRASHED AND SPILLED A FRESH BEER BOTTLE TO THE FLOOR" You looked at him with disbelief. "You threw it at me! What was i supposed to do?!" "LET IT HIT YOU BITCH! WHY DO YOU HAVE A DAGGER TOO?!" Your mom just stood there but then heard you had a dagger, she never raised you like that but then again she abused you from 4 years old.

-"What is wrong with you Y/N?!" That. Was. The. LAST. Straw. "Y'know what? I'm DONE! IM 29 YEARS OLD, A FUCKING ADULT. YOU WONT LET ME LIVE MY LIFE, YOU WONT LET ME HANG WITH THE ONLY FRIEND THAT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE FAMILY, AND THE FACT YOU GET MAD OVER THE SMALLEST THINGS!! I MET A GOD WHO'S FIGHTING A SUPERHERO, AND THE AMOUNT OF TIMES YOU BEAT ME UP!" The parents look flabbergasted at the sudden outburst of their daughter "Do you know who your talking to little girl!?" your mother who had the audacity to blurt. "YEAH THE BITCH WHO CANT TAKE PROPER CARE OF THEIR DAUGHTER!" You said before leaving once more to your room to pack up and leave this retched household. -I wonder if i'll meet him again...- (- - mean thoughts)

GAWD DAUYM AM I TIRED. sometimes on july i just cant sleep and it happened last july so thats why this took so long but I TRIED MY BEST LITTLE ONES (why does little one remind me of thanos???)

#loki x you #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki x yn #loki fluff (?)#WHY IS THERE A HASHTAG OF LOKI X GRANDMASTER #tf wrong wit yall bro #nvm now i know why it reminds me of thanos.

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what-the-stark · 1 year ago

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🎶✨when you get this you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, publish, then send this ask/tag 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) 🎶✨

So I have a lot of playlists for Moods (™), but these are some of my faves from my general vibe list:

youtube

Tagged by: @kissedbymischief and @zemothethirteenth ❤️❤️❤️ Tagging: @indimensions, @blindbastard, @redxinmyledger, @gildinbainas, @notgonnabesubtle, @heroesfromtheashes, @trust-my-glorious-purpose, @normaltothemax, @resignedworkaholics, @localwebslingers

#munstuff #music #[ if you're feeling it #do the thing!#always curious about other folks' music tastes ❤️ ]#Youtube

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bullet1ni · 2 years ago

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IN Wonderland Ch. 1:

praying can’t save this

pairing: prince!jeongin x female executioner!reader (feat. changbin (and possibly some other idols in the future))

word count: 4k

🔒warnings: heavy violence, graphic scenes, blood, mental illness (if you look), mentions of sex, violent!reader, unstable!reader, wonderland au, just an unnerving vibe in general, mentions of being suicidal, reader eats a lot in one sitting, some science-y things i made up, wonderland au, sci-fi/fantasy au, (edit: i've also decided to classify this as hardcore angst)

author's note: justice for jeongin fics. also, this probably has some mistakes even after fifty billion proofreads and i just wanted to post this already

click here for the series spotify playlist

⚠️!Minors and sensitive readers proceed with caution!⚠️

Please don't copy or repost my work.

click here for the series masterlist

Preview:

As you pushed him away from you, the man gave out a cry of surprise and pain and clutched at his throat. When he pulled his hands away, they were stained dark red. At his throat, a sharp, clean, streak of scarlet where your knife had cut.

“How dare you speak as if you know an inkling of who I am?”

“Please!” The man before you screamed, writhing uselessly against his restraints. You watched the tears stream down his face in cold detachment. “I’m innocent, I swear! I’ll do anything! No, please-” He choked on a sob as you turned away from him to face the crowded execution hall.

You and the man were standing - well, he was kneeling, you were standing - on a brightly lit flagstone floor. The execution block where the man was cuffed was dead in the center and all around the floor, rows and rows of benches extended up towards the vaulted ceiling, like an arena. These were filled with cheering townsfolk and commoners, screaming and excited for blood. Above the regular seats was the upper level reserved for the Spades, the queen’s gardeners who carefully and painstakingly grew and painted her beloved roses. At the very top were the boxes, where the Diamond courtiers sat on plush velvet couches and were served sweet drinks and dainty pastries from the royal kitchen. But the grandest and most-looked-at sight in the hall besides the execution floor, was the queen’s observation balcony.

It jutted out of the wall, bringing it closer to the executions than any other seat in the room. Upon it sat the heart-shaped, blood red throne of garnet and gold where the Queen of Hearts sat watching, flanked by a group of Clubs dressed in bright red armor. Your eyes flicked up to the box, watching as the queen and her group of advisors leaned forward, watching the hysterical man with sadistic glee.

Directing your gaze to the two Clubs who flanked the door leading onto the execution floor, you beckoned with two fingers and they started towards you. Then, glancing up at the queen’s box, you looked at the judge who stood at attention beside the throne and gave an almost imperceptible nod. He stepped forward and cleared his throat.

“Ahem.”

The babble and chatter of several thousand spectators quieted.

“Welcome, citizens of Wonderland. We are gathered here today for a most glorious and sacred occasion. A mission, a duty, of the highest purpose.”

His voice filled the room in a strange way, with an almost tangible presence. This was purposeful, of course; the acoustics of the execution hall were specifically designed to amplify all noise, to add to the atmosphere. The crowd, equal parts impressed and in awe, burst into rapturous applause.

The judge cleared his throat and the crowd quieted down again.

“Before you stands a criminal, guilty of such crimes worthy of death. Treasonous words against her majesty the queen, trespassing amongst her most private quarters...”

You tuned him out as he droned on. Instead, you turned to the two Clubs who now stood at attention beside you. One of them held a large cushion covered with a silk cloth. You fingered the corner of the silk for a moment as the judge concluded the list of charges.

"And now, I present to you - the Executioner!"

A spotlight fell upon you and you allowed the crowd to take in your figure, clad in red armor and helmet.

You grasped the cloth and tugged it firmly away from the cushion, revealing the axe in a most dramatic fashion. The sudden gleam of silver caused several people in the front rows to clap their hands over their eyes.

The blade of the axe had been polished to perfection so that you could see your warped reflection in the steel. The light reflected off of it was blinding.

At the sight of the weapon, the promise of blood, the crowd burst into the customary cheers and excited applause. Handing the cover to the other guard, you gripped the handle of the axe and lifted it off the cushion. The familiar weight of it settled comfortably in your grip and you felt a surge of powerful satisfaction in your chest.

When you stepped away from the guards and turned to acknowledge the crowd, you were met with a thunderous roar of approval.

“Off with his head! Off with his head!” They crowed. Your face remained passive and you turned away from them, stalking towards the execution block with leisurely, unhurried steps. It was all in the build-up; the suspense was what made the crowd go apeshit.

You stopped beside the silently shaking man and looked down at him with a face void of emotion.

“Off with his head!”

The crowd roared, louder than ever. You cocked an eyebrow and tilted your head up towards the queen’s balcony. The cheering swelled as she stood up from the throne and walked to the railing. She looked around fondly and gave a dainty little wave.

“Off with his head!”

The noise was deafening, the crowd egging her on. The queen’s painted face spread into a manic grin and she threw her arms open and closed her eyes as if basking in the moment. Then, her eyes flew open and she pointed down at you. You met her frenzied gaze.

“You hear them!” She bellowed thunderously. “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”

And you lifted your arms above your head and swung down on the man in misery and relieved him from it.

There was a thud and a squelch and a crimson spray. The man’s head made an ugly sound against the ground, blood splattering across the flagstones, and the crowd screamed their approval. Without looking behind you, you turned your back on the decapitated body and the head and walked off the floor, silently handing your axe to one of the Clubs. The other one opened the door for you and it swung shut behind you.

The noise was muffled immediately, the effect not unlike that of plunging your head underwater. Blood rushing in your ears, you reveled in the relative quiet and the sound of your footsteps echoing off the walls of the tunnel as you made your way out. The tunnel sloped gently and you approached a second set of doors, also flanked by two Clubs. They held the door open for you and you passed by without acknowledging them.

You emerged in the dungeon. It was a dark, dank, moldy-smelling basement. Prisoners squatted or lay in their little cells where they awaited their:

1. trials (maybe)

2. deaths (definitely) The hateful gazes of the prisoners seared into the side of your head as you made your way between the cages towards the exit, refusing to meet any of their eyes.

“Look who it is,” a bald, vicious-looking man leered at you from between his bars. You continued past, ignoring him. “The executioner. 'Tis the fate that awaits us all,” he raised his voice for the other prisoners to hear. “Take a good look. Death at the hands of this child.” The other prisoners growled. “The queen’s champion toy. The prince’s whore.” The other prisoners chuckled. You slowed.

“And that’s all you’ll ever be,” he called after you, sensing weakness. “The queen’s little puppet, and the moment the prince tires of you, you’ll be kicked to the brothels where you belong.” Prisoners roared with laughter.

"Actually," his voice turned mock-thoughtful. "No, not really." His voice lowered and darkened simultaneously. "Not really," he hissed, "because you'd be dead the second that you stepped out of these walls. Killed by the families of all the people that you've killed. It will be a fitting death for you."

You knew inside that you should continue on. You had heard worse accusations from within the castle itself, but coming from a lowly criminal, whom you had never met in your life, assigning you labels and claiming to know you? You allowed yourself this moment of weakness, this crack in your facade. You allowed yourself a little shred of release. Lunging for the man through the bars, you gripped him by his collar and pulled him against them hard enough to leave a bruise on his cheeks.

“What did you say?” You whispered, dangerously low. You flicked your wrist and a knife fell out of your sleeve and into your hand. The blade ghosted across his neck and landed against his jugular vein.

“That's the way you deserve to die. In shame and without honor, just like all the good men and women you've murdered.” he whispered triumphantly. You shook him violently and he swore as his head was bashed against the bars again.

“I kill criminals, who committed crimes knowingly. I ought to kill you where you stand.” You watched in satisfaction as the man panted and wriggled at your words.

“You have no idea of the things that I have done to stand here.” Cold fury rose within you, the edges of your vision tinged black. You leaned in close to his ear. “Is that what you think I am? Is that why you think I am here? Because of the prince? I have done things you can only imagine and endured what you cannot even begin to fathom. If you knew even half of the truth…”

“How dare you speak as if you know an inkling of who I am?”

In the safety and solace of your quarters, you tore off your red ceremonial armor and chainmail, and the cape embroidered with the Heart coat of arms. They made loud clanking sounds when you dumped them on the floor of your parlor and two maids silently scurried to pick them up. Slumping into one of the plush, heart-shaped chairs, you shut your eyes.

“Camille?” You called out. You heard the quick, pattering footsteps of your lady-in-waiting.

“My lady!” Came the breathless reply. “Forgive our - forgive my unpreparedness." She stood before you, cowering. "I'll have your training attire prepared quickly.” You opened your eyes.

“It’s alright. I’m earlier than expected.” You always tried to be as friendly as you possibly could to Camille and the rest of the maids, but there must have been venom in your voice, because she looked at you uncertainly. You cocked an eyebrow and she hurried away into the dressing room. Letting out a long breath, a not-quite-sigh, you pulled off the leather boots on your feet.

You were braiding your hair when Camille returned. Fingers deftly finishing off your second braid, you stood and took the clothing from her. She gave a slight bow and left. Stripping yourself to your underclothes, you pulled on your training clothing.

A bodysuit in the richest shade of Heart red. It stuck to your skin as if it was part of you, giving you full range of motion. You had been told that the special material regulated body temperature and absorbed sweat. Laceless leather boots, bleached and dyed to a matching red. You looked dangerous, every part the queen’s champion.

Turning to leave, you passed the mirror without looking into it. No point. Your own appearance was ingrained into your mind, from the portraits of you in the hallways, from seeing your reflection in the blades of your knives.

“I’m heading to train,” you called out to Camille. Before a response could reach your ears, you were out the door.

You hated the arena. It was an oasis, it was a prison, it was a nightmare. It smelled of floors scrubbed clean of blood a hundred times over; to no avail, because blood and despair and pain were in the very essence of the place. It was in the air, in the walls, in the racks upon racks of weapons. It was the place where you slowly ruined yourself over the course of years, done things so terrible until you weren’t sure what you were. Certainly not human; certainly not any being with a soul. And then you returned to this place again to drown yourself in sweat and exhaustion - to forget what you were and the blood on your hands.

“Lady y/n.” You snapped your head towards the voice and saw the captain of the Clubs, General Seo Changbin. He had taken over his predecessor’s role as your trainer ever since he was appointed three years ago. Three years and you had never once spoken to him. Only followed his orders, to run faster, jump higher, punch harder. He doubled down on you with no sympathy, but that was alright with you. The more tired you were, the more painful it was, the better.

Changbin clapped his hands and in marched twelve armored Clubs, each carrying a sword and shield. You turned your head to look at them. They were closely followed by an army of medics carrying stretchers. You counted thirteen in total. You looked back at him.

“Today you will spar these Clubs.” He gestured towards them with his head. “They are twelve of my best. The fight ends when one side is unable to continue. Both sides have permission to draw blood. Arm yourself with weapons of choice.”

You looked carefully at the twelve Clubs for a moment. Not Eights. The number of white Clubs on their breastplates marked them as Tens. You turned and headed into the weapon vault.

It was a room adjacent to the arena, filled with shelves upon shelves of weapons of all sorts. From standards: knives, spears, bombs, guns, to some that gave you more creative freedom: a rope, tape, a large horseshoe magnet, boxes of matches.

Knives would work best for this one. The weak spots in the armor were sparse and few and miniscule, because they had been designed by the prince, the greatest mind in all of Wonderland.

You slid two knives into hidden pockets on either side of your hips and several more into the concealed belt sewn into your suit. You picked out the last pair to hold in your hands. After ensuring that all the knives were secure and invisible, you reentered the arena.

Changbin looked you over once, face as unreadable as ever and gestured you towards the center of the floor where the twelve Clubs were lined up, four rows of three. You approached them and stood at the ready.

“The lady will initiate the fight. Start when you are ready.” Changbin called from the side.

You felt the familiar rush of blood in your ears, drowning out all other feeling. Your muscles relaxed perceptibly and you felt a sudden urge to laugh, like you were high. But you didn’t. You just adjusted your grip on your knives and mentally went over your strategy. Pierce through the weak spots (armpits, backs of the knees, chins), limit their range of motion, then take them out.

One by one.

Easy enough.

You looked at the Clubs. They had not moved. So you started them off, to get a sense of their strategy. You took a step towards them. The effect was instantaneous. They fanned out, quickly surrounding you on all sides, shields up, spears pointing at you.

You waited.

Finally, you heard a soft, telltale clink from behind you. With lightning reflexes, you whipped around just as a Spade broke rank and lunged towards you.

Thirty minutes later, everything was going well. The medics had carried away nine of the twelve Clubs. There was a long gash on your cheek where a spear had raked you and you were pretty sure some of your ribs had cracked. You had all but two knives left. You set your sights upon a Spade who was limping from a knife in the back of his knee.

You dodged a thrust from his spear and jumped into the air, arms above your head to bring a knife down on him. He lifted his shield above his head and your knife sank into it with a hollow thud. Landing quickly, in the second he let down his guard, you grabbed his spear and shoved the butt as hard as you could into his gut. He lurched backwards with a groan. You pounced, slipping your last knife from the belt you shoved it up into his chin, twisted, and pulled it out.

He crumpled to the floor, gasping for breath as blood gurgled and dripped from underneath his helmet.

You whirled around, only to feel a white-hot, searing pain tear through your body from your left side. You turned your head to the side and saw another spade, one that you had stabbed in the arm, holding onto the spear which was now impaling you.

A wave of disappointment washed over you. Stupid, rookie mistake. Always keep track of every hostile. As you mentally berated yourself, the dark, black, agony crashed into you again like a tidal wave. You wobbled and fell to your knees. Your face contorted in pain; you hadn't felt such pain, such blinding, such horrible pain in years. You hadn't done this poorly in years.

The Spade had discarded his shield, which would have been a fatal mistake had you not been preoccupied with the other one. He shoved the spear deeper into your side and you gritted your teeth. The feeling of your body hitting the ground registered vaguely in the back of your mind, the mind-boggling agony being at the forefront of your consciousness.

You lay there on your back, fighting the black that crept along the sides of your vision. Changbin’s blurry face materialized above you, as icy as ever.

“Abysmal, my lady.” You stared blankly at him. His face betrayed no emotion. Your mind was becoming hazier and so you waited patiently as the pain settled in, until the darkness finally swallowed you.

The first thing you noticed was the tingling. A gentle buzzing sensation throughout your entire body. Then, the exhaustion. It hit you like a truck, and you felt your consciousness almost slip away from you.

With a great effort, your eyes fluttered open.

You were lying in a revival chamber, an invention of the prince’s. It was a glass coffin of sorts, filled with a clear liquid, thicker than water, like syrup. You floated in it, naked, submerged save for your face. The liquid was another invention of the prince’s, an artificial stimulator for your cells, speeding up their life cycles by hundredfolds, that entered the body through the skin. The buzzing sensation was a side effect.

A medic’s face appeared through the glass, peering down at you, then disappeared again. A moment later, the top of the chamber was opened. You sat up stiffly, and glanced down at your side. The spot where the spear had punctured you was smooth, as pristine as it had been before, if a little sore.

The medic helped you out of the chamber into a robe, and sat you down on the examination table. She picked up a syringe from a tray.

"My lady, the recovery formula." She held up the syringe.

You held your arm out to her and she jabbed the needle into your arm with expert, robotic motions. You felt some energy returning to your body.

“My lady, we'll ask that you stay in the revival ward for a few more minutes, until the residual stimulator has been absorbed into your skin.” You nodded. “The prince will be arriving shortly to do a short, follow-up examination of your condition. He will release you if all is well. We suggest that you ingest as much food as you can afterwards to help your body recover.” You did not reply.

Of course. Every visit to the revival ward always came with a visit from the prince. It was not procedure for him to personally attend to revivals. Only yours, for some reason that you could not understand. The medic left you to your thoughts.

You had known the prince for your entire life. He was the only other child that had grown up in the castle, the only other person who had even an inkling of understanding what your life was like. Because while you had been forced into becoming the queen’s executioner/personal bodyguard/assassin, the prince’s skill set was a bit different from yours.

He was a genius. It was discovered when he had turned seven, and shortly thereafter, he proceeded to propel science in Wonderland at an alarmingly quick rate. To say the queen had been delighted was an understatement. He quickly became the middleman between her and her twisted fantasies, unleashing a new level of sadism within her.

You heard the sound of the door being pushed in, footsteps moving towards you. You looked forward, absolutely still, ignoring him.

At her command, he had created a mutant for her. A group of genetically enhanced people. Her personal guard, the Eights of Clubs. They were all tall, handsome, obedient, with superhuman strength. They were also extremely well-endowed, even unnaturally so, to satisfy the queen’s sexual urges. On many nights, her loud sounds of pleasure filtered through the halls of the castle.

The sound of disposable gloves slapping against skin filled the silent ward.

After his success with the Eights, as they were called, she ordered him to create more. He was given access to all the prisoners, whom he experimented on. He combined them with animal and insect DNA, reversed their aging processes, turned them into monsters.Then when you were twelve, after killing a mutant that had escaped from his lab, the queen had the clever idea of making you fight them for her entertainment. And about then was when your life started becoming what it was today.

The prince moved into your line of sight. He approached you, staring directly into your eyes. You stared back. His tortured yet beautiful face, sharp nose, heart-shaped mouth, his eyes. Desperate eyes, unhinged eyes, I’m-doing-my-best-not-to-cry eyes. He sure did take the pain differently than you did.

You killed mutant after mutant, not quite animals, not quite people, more like monsters. You noticed nauseously that they seemed to become especially human right before they died. The queen requested methods of death; it became her favorite pastime, coming up with the goriest, most painful methods of death for the mutants. You put on these secret shows for her, but the screams of pain- sometimes yours, sometimes the mutant's- were hard to mask. Rumors formulated and circulated throughout the castle, rumors of your and the prince's involvement in some sort of agreement with the queen. Like this, you and the prince, barely thirteen, were thrust into the cycle.

You and the prince, barely thirteen, were eaten alive by self-disgust and abject horror.

Whereas your coping mechanism turned you into a soulless shell of a person, he didn’t. He simply retreated into his own brain, into his lair of a lab, drowning in his work a little more everyday. Personally, you were of the opinion that he would go mad like his mother. You wondered how he would use you when he did. But for now, he was still able to display emotion in moderation, he was still kind to the best of his ability, he was still alive.

“Y/N.” It was a curious tone of voice. Soft and flat - emotionless but gentle.

“Your highness.” You saw your reflection in his eyes.

“You broke two ribs and practically destroyed your spleen and liver. You suffered a serious concussion. You were in an emergency chamber for several hours, there was so much internal bleeding." His eyes searched yours. "This is getting dangerous.”

“I have full confidence in your abilities and technology, your highness,” you monotoned. “Your genius is unrivaled in this realm and-”

“Y/N, stop.” He cut you off. “Don’t, don’t you start that garbage with me. We're beyond that, you and I.” He puts his thumb and pointer finger several millimeters away from each other. “You were this close to dying. It wasn't just scrapes like normal!” These emotional displays of his always irritated you to no end.

“Your highness, I’m deeply sorry to have troubled you. I assure you, this will never happen again. It was an unusual mistake on my part, I promise-” You were interrupted again.

“Y/N,” his voice lowered back to its normal volume. “Y/N, don’t lie. I’m not an idiot. You’re not an idiot. I’ve had you in here far too many times for this to work.” You saw a veil lift momentarily over his eyes. He looked at you, pleading. “I’m asking you to please stop, stop training like this. You’re cutting it too close, I can’t go on like this. You can’t go on like this.”

Something in you snapped quietly. You gave him a look of disgust.

“Who are you to tell me what the fuck I can or can’t do, Jeongin?” You hissed. Quietly, biting, with eyes narrowed. “You said so yourself, you’ve had me in here so many times before, I’ve never had to put up with your pathetic complaints before. What’s the difference?” His eyes darkened with annoyance.

“The difference, Y/N, was that you nearly died this time! I didn’t tell anyone, I’m the genius, I’m supposed to know what I’m doing, but this time, I was working in the dark! Blindly! I was praying for you to make it through alive!” His voice rose again.

“Oh, praying were we? Why are you so stressed out about this?” You sneered at him. “What’s it to you whether I make it through alive or not? Maybe I want to die, hmm?” The veil that had lifted from his eyes momentarily seemed to settle down again.

“It matters because you are a symbol of power to our people, and an important member of the court to my mother. Your death would be catastrophic, politically and within the castle.” He said. He looked at you stubbornly.

“Don’t you lie to me.” The previous angry fire in your voice had gone out. Now you were only tired. “You only want me alive so you don’t have to be the only one who suffers the way that you do.”

There was no reply from the prince at that. He only backed away a few feet and turned away from you.

“Fine. I will tell General Changbin that all training activities and scheduling must run through me for approval first.” You stared at the back of his head, a multitude of emotion rising to your chest. First anger, then panic, then realization. You knew that allowing this to happen was a bad idea. A very bad idea. But you were tired. So tired. Your body had recently come out of overdrive from recovering from your injuries and you had very little energy. You felt the last shreds of will leave you.

“Whatever. Suit yourself, Jeongin.”

He turned with his face stony.

“Now the exam, Y/N.”

“Fine.”

return to series masterlist//next chapter

okey dokey this was my first writing post, thank you to those who gave it a chance and made it to the end 🤗

feedback+REBLOGS+suggestions+CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM(!) would be very much appreciated :)

btw if someone wants to beta read these for me, send me an ask! or if you have any questions, comments, or anything else!

xoxo

Seren

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