#glitterypapercrowns if youre interested

[etchedstars]

?

1. be me for a minute, a real me - did you know ; my mind looks like the walk home from school pull bristles off of the stalks of spiky purple plants cross the street under a sky too bright to be real, the wind a better noise than the music in the background (it lures me into the street with its violins and its murmurings, tells me dance, tells me nothing but the inside of my mind & it is just my mind given some quiet - be me, it says, be dead &)

2. & what really am i - i don’t know anymore they say i am a writer a student blunt and thoughtful in the way only a teenager who is adept at hiding in the runhidedefend drills can be and its a half truth (because - explain your reasoning - ) now there are others spinning out worlds upon worlds dancing in the cosmos like i once was but now all the beautiful words i can force out of my prickly shrunken mind are pictures of the moon   (a blur of a dot in the sky it is supposed to be glimmering it is not supposed to be that shade of white) -

and on the walk home there are poems in my backpack burning their way through my folders   -(look, she’s haunted; can’t feel the green paper with my disconnect from culture through the history textbook    ;(think of your own culture i cannot i can’t-

3. haven’t felt attached to anything in a while except that’s a lie nowadays most things i say are incoherent and rambling again thoughts scattered and commas forgotten my english teacher would hate me i know she would if she knew this was me wouldn’t know it was me because the things i submit are easy and powerful and different from the girl doodling shapes all over her paper can’t link that to me can’t link this to me another lie in of itself i exist i exist i exist  ; in a world completely disconnected from this one i -

4. - i need to go now i have gone back to this deep yawning pit called a home homethatisnotahome because this house is a car full of anger it spills over through the open windows floods the freeway and all the people that should make up a home (tick off on your fingers mother father brother) they are in this car with me they watch as i turn into an empty sidewalk of burning sun and annoyance and run themselves over i am so tired of this family i am so tired please get me out i’d rather run five miles than stay trapped let me go

5. are you still me because if you are i apologize