#glados looking mf

[umblrspectrum]

lucky for you, its snack time. time to go into my mouth now

[jerktournament]

FINAL ROUND - GLaDOS (Portal) VS Herbert P Bear (Club Penguin)

!!! PROPAGANDA BELOW !!!

GLaDOS: "So mot only is she running your character through a series of puzzles with the intention of killing her at the end, but in the second game she spends the Entire. Time. Verbally and emotionally abusing you, including body shaming and bullying you for being an orphan. If it's any consolation, she does have to exist as a potato for the second and third acts of Portal 2."

"Known for being mean (hot). Mercilessly targets the player character's every possible insecurity. Petty and mean. I understand if you don't want to include her since she tends to dominate polls, lol."

HERBERT: "This mf spends his whole life trying to heat up a frozen island and terrorizing the innocent penguins that live on it all bc he was bad at sailing one time and is too much of a wimp to try again. Classic Misery loves Company type asshole."

"operation blackout would have been NOTHING without him (mostly because he caused it). he has a SOLAR LASER. this polar bear is an ass who literally harnessed the power of the sun and froze the top members of the elite penguin force (a group of penguin special agents) and his best friend is an equally villainous crab"

"Herbert may be a fandom darling in our fandom of like, 20 people. BUT DON'T LET THAT FOOL YOU! He is a conniving, EVIL bear, and a professional jerk and some highlights of his jerkishness include...

- Spending ten years of his life (by the time the game closed) trying to destroy the Penguin Secret Agency and Elite Penguin Force (both were agencies that protected the island from disasters and villains like Herbert) with varying success...

- SUCCESSFULLY destroyed the Penguin Secret Agency with a popcorn bomb, which destroyed their HQ. It should also be noted that while doing so, he locked in the player, Rookie, and Gary the Gadget Guy, presumably so the bombs explosion would have killed them all.

-Teamed up with the EPF to stop the Ultimate Protobot 10,000 and the Test Bots, a small group of four dangerous robots after he personally brought them back. When Protobot went "too far" for Herbert's standards by threatening the environment and trying to completely destroy the EPF (despite the aforementioned Popcorn Bomb incident literally destroying the PSA, and also a certain Operation: Blackout), causing him to temporarily switch sides. This might sound like a character growth moment...except for the fact that he immediately betrays them once Protobot is dealt with and attacks and damages the EPF's HQ using a robot hydra made for the Medieval Party that he stole.

- A canonical ex-dictator. Don't believe me? Look up Operation: Blackout on the Club Penguin Wiki! He froze several agents during his reign of terror, was open to freezing innocent civilians, and also wanted to do away with puffles- the pets of penguins. He also banned several hobbies and professions during his reign (being a Ninja, a DJ, a Pirate, etc) for no reason other than disliking them. He also destroyed the EPF'S HQ and exposed two agents' private information to the public. This means Herbert is the first and only character to canonically dox people he doesn't like on Club Penguin.

-Was planning to bomb the EPF literally two months later with a hot sauce bomb (makes sense in context of the game and yes, it is more destructive than it sounds).

-Brainwashed puffles into digging coins for him purely because his henchman, Klutzy the crab brought a coin slot to use for his DIY heater, instead of just removing the coin slot and retooling it to work without one like a normal person."

[zical-moved]

so it turns out if i want to see the british robot the entire community goes fucking nuts for i have to play another game and focus for another ten hours

[ennoshawty]

robot!tsukishima

i scrapped this from my "middle blockers as things" post but here it is anyways i love hate him

warnings: deaths mentioned, heavy plagiarism from Portal (2), sorta-long, ooc? idgaf, gaslighting, it's just really bad tbh

we are: test subject

you are an ex-scientist turned prisoner turned test subject for your own tests.

TSuKKE11 is your own team project - you helped construct him basically. but after an accident that happened, you got knocked out and the next thing you knew, the robot was complete and angry. he turned rogue after he gained his own consciousness and now he’s in control of the whole testing facility from the control room and watches your every movement

you don’t know what became of your team but you assumed he killed them

mans is just off brand GLaDOS. if u don’t know who that is, GLaDOS is basically an evil salty passive aggressive robot with a love for murder, neurotoxicin, and science. in that order. you can just listen to her voice lines and imagine tsukki

whenever you’re stuck on a test course he taunts you. “oh poor you. need someone to hold your hand?”

sometimes he provides a helping hand but he won’t let you live it out. “don’t think too hard on it that you get a headache. we can’t have you passing out. here you go. try that button.”

and when you move on, it’s an even harder one.

and if you still don’t get his hint, he’ll get salty. “god, i couldn’t have made it more obvious. don’t you have a phd in science?”

he gets pretty frustrated sometimes (which is why he gives you hints). for a programmed robot, he sure doesn’t have a lot of patience.

and even at times he likes to sabotage you for the fun of it. bastard.

if he’s not gracious, then he won’t bother responding to your complaints.

but just because he’s not talking that doesn’t mean he’s not listening. or watching. so you should probably not curse his entire existence out no matter how much you can’t solve the puzzle...

and his tests sure are...dangerous sometimes. like he’s trying to kill you.

but no, of course not. he would never. it’s against protocol, he says. plus, who else would he test without you? the other thousand subjects put into cryogenic storage underground you don’t know of? pfft, don’t make him laugh. “gaslighter? now, what kind of a primitive word is that?”

sometimes when he feels good he plays classical music while you test which is pretty unfitting sometimes - imagine being wheeled into a death trap while clair de lune plays in the background

after a set amount of tests you complete, you are to report to the main room before you return to your bedroom - so you get to see him and hear how well/bad you did. he calls it a reflection, but really, he’s just throwing shade to your face.

“*sigh* not some very good results, unfortunately. well, i guess today wasn’t your day. neither was yesterday. or the day before that. or the day before that. or the week before that. actually, i’m starting to see a pattern here. looks like you just suck at these. do i need to dumb the courses down to your...caliber?”

bruh please unplug that mf

but why tf did the design team make him so...attractive??? how...dare you???

now i can’t even be mad at this mf for too long

but he looks familiar...you can’t place it though

he’s attached to the ceiling, actually, and it has a lot of tunnels which can take him to any room. you can’t beat him like a pinata tho cuz he can just lift himself up and down at will

thanks to being in control of the facility, he knows everything about you.

even your birthday. guess what he got for you as a birthday present?

MORE TESTS! and cake at the end. but it tasted horrible. you were VERY outspoken about the cake. he didn’t appreciate it but neither did you.

sometimes he likes to drop in some...disturbing science facts every now and then.

one day you sneak out of the test areas and behind the labs where he can’t see you

you navigate through empty corridors and office buildings and you finally find your colleague's room where he has all of the files on TSuKKE11 .

you were trying to find out how to disconnect him or if he has any weaknesses, but you found something even more horrifying.

looks like the leader of your research team, akiteru tsukishima was looking into consciousness transferring.

and you found a picture of akiteru tsukishima, with his little brother - who looks so much like TSuKKE11. (huh, maybe akiteru just really liked his brother so much that he designed the murder machine to look like him.)

and then you found akiteru’s reports and read through them and found out that TSuKKE11 is just the boy’s consciousness crammed into a robot’s body

is that the bite of 87?!

you even listened to akiteru’s voice logs and heard the two arguing

so now you’re shook up and you realize that it’s not TSuKKE11’s fault

but he still gotta go down if you wanna see the world again

so with everything in mind, you face him in the main room. “well...you’re finally back from running away. did you find what you need? what, still want to go back outside? like i’d let you. you still have 60 more years of testing to do.” *INITIATES BOSS FIGHT*

and you manage to defeat him! and take over the control room! you unlock the exits and you’re home running free! but something doesn’t sit well with you. so out of a whim, you take that hunk of metal TSuKKE11 and his electronic brain-card-thingy and book it

when you finally settle down in your home you start building and experimenting with it.

so you put TSuKKE11 in a roomba for fun. until you heard his screams of pain and curses whenever he bumped into walls which wasn't...pleasant. plus, he liked to comment on how dirty your house was. (give us a break, we’ve been trapped in a facility for how many months?)

and you finally put him in an artificial body out of the parts you took from TSuKKE11 - you rework his system to give him more of a human consciousness

it works! he’s still salty but this time, he feels more alive than robot.

and now he’s your android companion, without any murderous intent! ...or maybe he’s secretly plotting something. who knows?

Tsukki: Become Human

in other words: even though he tried to kill you, you try to give robot!tsukki a new life and purpose to give back what was stolen from him