#glad I still have the capacity to draw other things lmao

[sanctus-ingenium]

answering asks vol 2.

'Smiths' can encompass enginesmiths (mercury), armoursmiths (mars), alchemists (saturn) and some others - generally a smith is someone who works with engines or metal in any capacity, whether by constructing them, managing their fuel, making armour, etc. all of them have a completely degendered role in the church. They are supposed to be wholly devoted to their craft & church, to the point of becoming almost unpeople, sexless.

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I like pantera :) he's the main character beast sure (alongside leun) but he's got a lot of interesting history and has been through a lot.

To start out I do some basic sketches while looking at bestiary diagrams of the animal type. Then I draw the base proportions over a photo of the animal's skeleton. Once the joints are all in place and I could imagine it moving relatively freely, I pick a motif and design the armour shapes with that in mind (i.e leun's trefoils, taurus's waves). The motifs come from a bunch of sources - if I see them in medieval art around that animal, the beast's use purpose, the culture that built them and how it might differ in art styles to the 'basic' designs from the heart of the Mezian theocracy. Fun stuff like that.

As an exercise I have taken (human) characters from other settings and made holy beast versions of them, trying to imagine what animal it would be, what weapons, what armour designs, etc. Behold, Bowman:

It's a fun exercise! I recommend :>

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Hi! Thank you for the suggestion! I actually did try to use OneNote for my thesis but I found that it ended up an extra step that got in the way. Instead I organised my reference papers manually (and wrote up all my bibliography by hand as well). I haven't heard of Notion so I might look into it :> as someone with adhd I find that the best way for me is to make it stupid easy, which is why discord works because I already use it for talking with friends and I like the mobile app.

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SO true!! You can make whatever the hell you want forever and that sounds really cool, I'm glad I was able to help in some little way >:) (although, holy beasts are not robots.. i think the best description for them is just. exotic vehicles.)

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lmao it's totally fine!! I love to talk

Sir Heaven had such a profoundly negative experience with Leun that he struggles with the concept of making anybody else do what he now considers to be his burden. He also feels that taking any new people inside Leun would endanger them.

The bishop of Salvius cathedral is the guy Heaven answers to, and his superior officer. The bishop has reported the matter to the pope and they're still working hard presenting new potential novices to Sir Heaven, but the thing is that Sir Heaven rejects them for seemingly valid reasons. He doesn't just say 'no I'm not taking apprentices', he says 'this one's reaction speed isn't good enough' or 'this one is too prideful'. But the longer he tries to keep this up, the more suspicion he heaps on his shoulders. If the time came, no, he would not be able to deny a direct order from the pope.

Ketjan was selected at random, one of a large group of other children who were not raised in the church. This is to ensure that there is no per-existing bias or knowledge of how holy beasts work. And he just happened to be the only one of the group who could master Leun's very demanding dialogue tattoo. The recruiting enginesmiths, who designed Leun's systems, were the ones to train him, but Ketjan was the one to write most of the procedures for operating Leun based on feedback from the dialogue.

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Replies from THIS post:

@ospreyonthemoon @kicks-tiktaalik-back-into-water

Krokodilos had an amazing high-tech ventilation system that used active air pumps to keep it circulating. But exactly like the second reply says, it broke down frequently. And because of how it worked, the interior of croc had to be air-tight so that the pumps could work efficiently. And, of course, if it broke down, and it was air tight on the inside, it instantly became a more dangerous deathtrap than your average passively ventilated beast.

There were valves that could be opened in an emergency but these were only added after the first Incident. The pumps would break down from the fabric seals degrading, lose efficacy, and then the parts furthest from the pumps would suddenly not get enough air anymore because air couldn't be moved such a distance with faulty pumps. The reason his enginesmiths want him to be re-commissioned is because the only barrier was the material used for the seals, and they believe they can innovate some new materials or try something different and have it work. They were even thinking of trying natural rubber, which would have worked perfectly, but they never got approval for it.

[autistic-shaiapouf]

What's your opinion on Meruem x Pouf? :3

I saw this ask come in yesterday but wanted to wait until I had enough time to give it my full attention 👀

The short answer is that I support it with a resounding yes courtesy of the illustrious @ravenfeet222 👀✌️💖

The long answer is gonna give me a lot of space to talk about pouf which is why I wanted to wait to answer this 😭 Gonna live up to the url for just a moment 👀

ALRIGHT SO, let's talk about pouf for just a second. I truly do feel that a LOT of people missed the major points of pouf's character just because his arc had a lot of negative growth, plus the more flamboyant aspects of his character also seem to have made some people write him off U_U I've done a few large scale analysis pieces on him but I'm gonna reiterate a few points for the sake of the discussion at hand, and they're all points about how pouf interacts with and perceives the world around himself.

Pouf is afraid. It's explicitly said in canon multiple times that as the arc progresses, he understands everyone around himself less and less and grows increasingly more afraid of all the change. Pouf is also emotionally disregulated, he shows intense anger, he cries like his heart is breaking, all with little prompting. One thing I clung to was a line that seemed to be treated like a joke - pouf commenting that soldiers had no need for memory or emotions, ironic coming from the most emotional character in the arc, but what I believe it hints is that pouf doesn't view his own emotions as out of line. He thinks he's acting in a perfectly reasonable manner and minimizes his emotional expression to not conflict with his own personal image of being a perfect soldier (on his good days - there's still plenty where he thinks very poorly of himself).

Okay so pouf is afraid and he struggles! Where do we take this? My argument is gonna get a little shaky bc I'm a pouf scholar and haven't studied meruem to the same extent but I'm not gonna let that stop me 👀 In my eyes, meruem's arc progresses in an opposite manner to pouf's - meruem grows more stable and trusting while pouf feels increasingly more suspicious and borderline paranoid of the world around himself; meruem's desires become more grounded while pouf's grow increasingly more frantic and based in fear. They counteract each other in ways that would be conducive to each other's growth, with special regards to meruem acting as an anchor for pouf's fears and general anxiety about the world. Meruem, judging from his earlier-arc interactions, could still get caught up in his mind similar to pouf, but focusing on asking himself what he's meant to be doing, what his purpose is, and pouf would easily draw him out of that. I'd also like to believe that, somewhere in there, pouf learns to be more of an individual, likely with a little help from meruem pushing him towards his interests and helping him grow beyond what pouf initially considers to be his purpose.

I'm not generally someone who cares much for shipping (as someone who's aro and ace, though I do have very contrasting feelings for specific fictional guys lmao) but I can definitely see the dynamic between the two growing into something mutually supportive if both of them were given time to grow (which canon didn't do U_U). Let this also be my way of saying that I have strong opinions on the ants and the caa as a whole and I wish I saw it get discussed in a greater capacity but you can't win them all, I put out what I can and am always glad to be asked about them 😤 Also I just think that pouf deserves to be happy, the man entered a mental health spiral and dropped dead imagining himself as a failure; he's. very personally important to me and to see him get put in a situation where he can start to recover and become healthier means a lot to me, so that's also a bonus ✨️

[immobiliter]

there's so much to say about this conversation between furina & neuvillette in 4.2 and i think a lot of people try to use this line in particular to push them as a ship ( which is fine, you do you ), but personally? not how i feel about them at all and i want to take this in another direction for a minute. i don't think furina is implying anything about neuvillette here ( whether it's as a deflection or not ) and is in fact kinda insinuating the exact opposite lmao, but more on that in a moment. imo, she's not necessarily talking about "watching" her in a lurid or sexually charged way, she is talking about the act of being looked at. over five hundred years of pseudo-godhood, furina has literally made herself to be looked at — there are certainly sexual implications you could take from this more generally, especially with the marilyn monroe influences in her character, although i won't really be talking about this here, i feel like that is a topic all of its own — by others. she is the leading lady of fontaine, she must be centre stage, she must draw the audience's gaze and she must keep up the facade. i think, when this line is paired with this one from her SQ, too, it makes more sense in context~

in turning herself into something ( i say something instead of someone, because she doesn't really have a personhood and that is her greatest problem going forward following the AQ ) to be gazed at and marvelled at, she has also turned that gaze into her ultimate fear. she knows that people must look in order to believe in her apparent divinity but, as i've talked about before, furina is acutely aware of how fragile that facade still is and is obsessed with controlling how others perceive her, even all these centuries later, especially in the wake of the impending prophecy that she seemingly cannot stop. she cannot get close to people, she cannot allow people in, she cannot develop any meaningful relationships out of fear that the role of the divine starlet on high will shatter. as she says~

plenty is made in her character stories of how difficult she is to work with in a professional capacity as an actress over the years lmao, but there is one exception to this: neuvillette. she has had no choice but to work with him for four hundred years and, while i don't doubt that she is still a complete nuisance to work with at times ( thank you for your service, neuvillette ), the two of them still made it work. there's no way that furina could have worked alongside neuvillette for that long and not given him a glimpse behind the curtain — as he points out in the line before hers in the AQ, he knows that she has never been as superficial as she claims to be. but the point that i think furina is getting at here is that neuvillette has never weaponised that knowledge of her character against her like he does here. neuvillette knows her better than anyone ever could, he never needed to look or marvel at her from a safe distance as regular fontainians did, he would express a certain amount of impatience and tut at her i'm sure but — and this is the important thing — would still quietly fall back into their routine of running fontaine together. i think furina found a great deal of comfort in that relationship, as close to an equal partnership as she was capable of having. convincing him that she was focalors was a very different task to convincing fontaine that she was focalors ( given that he is the hydro sovereign ), and yet he had never verbally expressed any doubt to her until this moment — which is also why i think she becomes so defensive to him afterwards.

and as a small sidenote, i also just find it oddly poetic that the one character who was never that preoccupied with looking at her over all those years as everyone else was, is the one most glad to see furina's return to the stage in her SQ ( where, as we know, she receives her vision ).

[waspgrave]

i love seeing you adore A from Wayhaven lmao

i remember following you when Book 2 came out and you HATED A it felt like. and i couldnt blame you. A could be a fucking bitch. i still play A's route for funsies tho, got an MC just for A and everything

anyway. its always cool seeing people's opinions do a 180 on something as benign as what characters they hate becoming ones they love. i love the human capacity to change. and its so nice to see someone change their mind and have it not be A Big Thing. and yet i also find it funny that i fully support you on both sides, everytime you said or say anything about A, im was "youre so right" while sipping my drink as you went on about the insults and im doing it again about the praise. guess you just have fun insights lol

regardless, much love to you and yours; im adoring the Wayhaven posts, so i hope you keep having fun with it. i too cant wait for Book 3. have a great day ♡

omg well. First off - anon, i'm glad you think character development happened, and i'm joining you in sipping drinks, but i've never hated or even disliked A!! I'm almost positive i've never posted anything overly insulting about them aside from the fandom standard 'look at this poor bastard - i need and will torment and befriend them' and hating drawing them which i will continue to bitch about. I even defended them from the naysayers saying their ass would be flat (which it ISN'T) 😤😤😤

Secondly, i am now setting our shared drinks down to share opinions - i AM loving their romance now that i've finally done it. I never played through it because i struggle to play more than 1 character/route and was busy going 'ugh look at you. pitiful. mwah' at the other romantic disaster. I played the book 3 demo with it and am in awe that the struggle just doesn't stop. We touched hands a month ago and Adam hasn't stopped being scandalized and keep breaking things, it's great

[writingonsaturn]

Better Unsaid

a/n okay this has been all over the place!! it was originally going to be a blurb and darker and closer to smutty (so keep your eyes out for that??? lol), but then I made it softer and the concept got away from me and it got soooo much longer than expected lmao and i still dont love where it ended so maybe part 2?? i have the idea i just dont know lol 

summary: Reader is a princess and Anakin has been her guard during the most public season for the past two years (not the most logical thing but just go with it lol, it gets explained better in the fic) and after a near death experience the two are conveniently forced into a....

ONE BED TROPE ONE BED TROPE *cough cough* ONE BED TROPE WITH ONE PERSON HAVING TO WAKE UP THE OTHER BC THEYRE HAVING A NIGHTMARE,, :)))))))

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His smugness is the only thing about him I can consider ‘ugly’. And because I am so desperate to not have feeling for Anakin, the Jedi who has been assigned to protect me through coronation season (which lasts for most of winter), for the last two coronation seasons, I hold onto my distaste for that side of him. Which is why I suppress my laugh as he waits for my reaction with that confident smile. 

“Come on, that was funny.” 

Rolling my eyes, I let myself sit on my bed. I can’t tell if he’s actually funny or if my evening has been so boring that his sense of humor has started to become appealing to me due to comparison. In short, the suitor I was forced to spend an entire evening with lacked personality so much I’m starting to find Anakin funny.

“You’re much more entertaining than this evening’s suitor.” 

Anakin’s expression shifts slightly, his assured grin dropping slightly. “Another miss?” 

“You have no idea.” I relax slightly, taking a moment to be glad that I completed my father’s request and now I can just enjoy the time I have with Anakin. “I know my father’s desperate to make sure my marriage is useful for our people and that he worries about this selection process because he always thought my mother would be here to help, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t rush it so much. It feels like all he wants me for is to marry me off in exchange of finance or weaponry or something diplomatic.” 

“You’re more than that.” His response is so soft I think I might have missed it if I needed it less. I curse myself for feeling so validated by him. His words shouldn’t mean anything to me. After all, he could easily just be saying that because agreeing with my father will just make me more unpleasant to be around. 

I smile politely while avoiding his eyes. I keep my hands on either side of me, fighting the urge to fidget. “Thank you, Anakin.” My words sound weak in my own ears, so I’m sure he notices my shift in mood. “I’m tired today, I think I’m going to go to bed early.” Normally, I’d be able to shrug off these kinds of things, but the beginning of Coronation Season makes me irritable. The anniversary of my mother’s death hits me harder each year. 

“Y/n.” My name comes out so velvety I can’t find it in myself to interrupt him. “You are more than someone meant to be used as some kind of royal currency, and I mean that as more than just a...friend.” 

I let his last word linger. We’ve tried so many titles that never seem to fit right. He’s the chosen one, one of the most powerful Jedi to exist, and the Jedi assigned to protect me each Coronation Season because that’s when my mother was assassinated. He’s my guard, but we’ve spent too many nights laughing together and talking about everything and anything. And I guess now he’s my friend, even though sometimes when he looks at me in a certain way or sits too close to me or reaches for my hand to guide me somewhere I can’t breathe right. 

“Anakin, you know I love when you’re here, even though sometimes you drive me insane. And I appreciate your kindness, but your words can’t change the truth. That’s how my father sees me and he’s not exactly wrong. I’m not a son, I haven’t been raised to lead an army or lead much, and--” 

“I’ve seen you in meeting after meeting, convention after convention. I’ve witnessed the way you handle real problems and I know how you care about your people. You’d make a great leader, you don’t need a husband to be valuable.” 

My chest swells, feelings I never let myself think about mixing with thoughts of Anakin that I’ve spent so long trying to avoid. “That settles it, you’re my favorite person.” 

He grins, the look warm enough to melt the odd lump in my throat. I fight down a smile as he steps forward. “And I wasn’t before?” 

“I take it back--your head’s big enough without the additional praise.” 

Rolling my eyes, I lean back slightly in order to recreate the distance he so easily destroyed. “And I thought you had finally warmed up to me, princess.” 

The use of my title makes me skeptical. The last time Anakin used it was when he was trying to ease me so that I’d walk around the palace garden so he had an excuse to do the same. It was beyond late and I was half asleep, but he had os much energy he was desperate and just needed to do one more thing. I felt bad that his schedule revolved so heavily around mine (and when he softens his eyes and says please, I’m left incapable of saying the word ‘no’) so I agreed. 

“What do you want?” 

Anakin dramatically clutches a hand over his heart. He throws his head back slightly as if he’s just taken a fatal blow. “When did you turn so cynical? I’ve been back for three days and I’m starting to believe you’re a different person now.” 

Yeah...he’s definitely getting ready to ask for something that’s more trouble than it’s worth. Then again, everything with him seems to be worth it in some capacity. Even if it’s just that one smile he gets when he’s truly content and doesn’t think anyone’s looking. 

“Mhm,” I mumble, still fighting a grin, “so you’re not going to ask me anything?” 

His lips part slightly as he exhales. I watch the way his eyes narrow at my victorious expression. “I don’t have anything to ask of you, but I do have a small request. A request so small you won’t have to do anything but say yes.”

Suspicious. Too easy. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“You just said I was your favorite person. Remember that.” 

I’m too tired for his coyness. I’d rather him make his ridiculous request now so that I can be in bed within the hour. Though I can’t pretend I don’t normally feel better after letting him drag me along on whatever ‘adventure’ he just needed to complete while also not letting me out of his sight. I used to tell him that I wouldn’t tell anyone if I wasn’t under supervision for an hour or two a day, but he dismissed the idea immediately. That’s been the cornerstone of everything. 

“What is it?” 

He sighs once, tilting his head slightly. The way his eyes soften tells me he’s already won at least half the battle. “They still haven’t caught the attempted--” Anakin pauses, something behind his eyes darkening. I know what he’s remembering. Last night, an assassin had gotten closer than they ever had. I had almost been shot in the garden, Anakin had barely pushed me to the ground in time. A fact he’s been beating himself up for since, especially considering that no one has been able to find my attempted killer yet. “They were so close to you. They were within palace limits and they disappeared like they never existed. Who’s to say they don’t work here and are waiting for the next moment you’re exposed? Who’s to say they aren’t here tonight, waiting for me to retire for the night?” 

I didn’t realize how my near death experience had been so personal to him. He, like everyone else, was beyond frantic after it happened. But my father put an end to verbal worry before it could truly begin. He said the best thing we could do was act like everything was fine as the assailant was searched for. Anakin hadn’t been particularly cheery after my father instructed the guards to focus their search on known enemies instead of prioritizing venting the staff closest to me. I comforted him as best as I could, but he didn’t feel like speaking about it and I had to worry about the suitor meeting my father wouldn’t let me cancel. 

“Anakin, you’re right next door to me.” I have to fight the urge to reach for him. “I was fine because of you, and I will be fine because of you.” 

He sighs once, his expression not easing. “And if the person is silent? The attacker could easily work in the palace, but no one wanted to direct the search inwards.” His words are more strained than I’ve ever heard them be. “I think it’d be smart for me to stay in here. I know you’ve refused having a guard stay in your room or outside your door, but...” Anakin sighs. “Your safety would be more assured.” 

Him staying in my room? The only line I’ve ever been allowed to draw, and I’m actually considering letting that go. If he seemed even slightly less sad, I wouldn’t even consider it. It’s not a good idea. I’m already too attached to him. “Anakin--” 

“I’d feel more assured.” 

Damn him. Stupid, extremely sweet Anakin who makes saying no to him impossible. I stretch my arm forward, letting my hand squeezes his forearm gently. “There’s no reason to not feel assured.” He doesn’t ease, the cloudiness behind his eyes remains stubborn. “You’re still worried.” No reaction, the haze that’s taken him isn’t letting go. “Fine--but tell no one or my father is going to take to posting guards at my door every night.” 

...I guess there are worse ways to spend a night. Which is kind of a problem since I’m trying to...enjoy Anakin less. Ugh, I even sound dumb in my head. “I promise, princess.” 

Ugh, he’s adorable. “You’re intolerable.” I stand from he foot of my bed and pull back the covers on my bed. He doesn’t reply, something dark still playing for him. I watch him move to face the door. Wait--is he doing what I think he’s doing? “No, you’re not going to stand there all night. You need sleep.” He has the audacity to give me an annoyed look. “I already didn’t want to do this so now you have to listen to my conditions.” 

He raises an eyebrow, his lips pressing together oddly. He’s trying to gauge something from my expression, perhaps he’s looking for buttons to press to get his way. I guess I look as stubborn as I feel because instead of arguing he just sits on the floor. What? I watch him cautiously, trying to figure out if this is some weird argument trick. 

“What are you doing?” 

“What you asked.”

And just like that I’ve put myself in a position that I will no doubt regret terribly the second common sense returns to me. There’s no way to deny that Anakin and I are closer than we probably should be. We’ve felt like friends first since the day we first met. I can’t think of any reason to not offer to let him sleep in my bed except those stupid budding feelings I refuse to label. 

It’s not like I actually like him. I can’t--I’m going to be married to some nobleman and he’s prohibited from ever forming attachments. I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to be friends. Having actual feelings for him would be so, so pointless. It would just lead to heartache and the ruining of the one genuine relationship I have. I’m just a tiny bit confused right now because he’s objectively really attractive and he’s always there for me. Always there to make a joke after a particularly rough meeting. Always there to offer me a supportive smile. Always there to humble me when I teeter on acting like my father. 

Anyone’s heart would flutter at that, so it doesn’t mean anything. And if it does, I need to squash any budding feelings now before I mess things up. Which is why I should keep him at arm’s length until I get it together. But is that fair to him? And what if doing that is making things worse? What if it’s just reinforcing the idea of having feelings? 

This is ridiculous. I’m going to get over this if it kills me. It’s just a bed and it’s only sleeping. I’m meant to be able to lead an entire union and I can’t sleep next to someone and act normal?” “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” 

The second the words leave my mouth I regret it all. What’s wrong with me? Did I seriously think I’d be okay?

I hear his soft exhale, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in worse places than on your marble floor.” 

His voice sounds so weighted I can’t help but feel bad for not noticing that he’s still bothered. Whether he’s upset about his near miss or the fact that my father didn’t take his advice, I don’t know. But something’s wrong. The easy thing to do would be to just let him sleep it off. The smart thing to do would be to leave him alone until tomorrow. 

I think of all the times that I’ve been upset and Anakin had refused to let me go to sleep angry or sad or overwhelmed. “I know, but it’s really not a big deal. It’s not like we don’t know each other. I mean, last Coronation Season you buttoned me into more gowns than my handmaid. And I owe you for saving me from one of the worst suitors I’ve ever had.” 

“I’m starting to think we need to develop some kind of signal.” 

The tiny bit of lightness that’s returned to his voice makes all of my internal struggle feel worth it. “You always seem to know.” 

“That’s because when you’re reaching your limit, that one line appears between your eyebrows.”

I didn’t realize I had such a tell. I try to remember the way that the suitor drawled on and on about how amazing he was and how he couldn’t wait for the day he had a bride to bear his children and plan (tedious) social events. My hand moves to my forehead, trying to feel the crease Anakin mentioned. Can everyone tell when I’m growing tired? Am I that transparent? 

Anakin’s slight laugh steals my attention. He’s facing me again, his elbow holding his head up on the foot of my bed. “What are you doing?” 

“I don’t--I don’t think i get a crease between my eyebrows when I’m irritated.” 

I hear him stand. I don’t realize he’s approaching me until he’s so close I could touch him without even needing. to stretch. “No, when you’re irritated you raise your eyebrows slightly, because that’s when you’re at your most sarcastic.” 

“Really?” 

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards. “Just like that.” I force myself to keep my expression blank. “When you’re reaching your limit, your eyebrows crease here.” His finger taps the space between my brows so gently I almost don’t realize what he’s doing. “And when you’re trying not to laugh--which is often, because you refuse to admit that I’m funny--you press your lips together in a way that forms a dimple here.” The knuckle of his pointer finger brushes against the bottom of my cheek. 

I bite my tongue to fight the warmth spreading across my face. “I didn’t realize i was so transparent.”

“I can’t always tell what you’re thinking.” 

“I’ll take it.” Maybe if I was less tired, I’d argue a little more. “You know you’re not that difficult to read either.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, I can tell when you’re just being stubborn for the sake of it. I can see it in your eyes and you’re doing it right now.” 

His expression harshens slightly before softening. “Y/n--” 

“I’m not wrong.” 

He sighs once, stepping back. I watch him pace around my bed before taking a seat on the edge of my other side of the bed. “Are you happy now?” 

“Happy that I won? Absolutely.” 

Anakin halfheartedly glares at me. “Careful, add a crown and a robe that trails down a throne and I’d feel like I was speaking to your father.” 

“Careful, another side comment like that and I’ll ‘accidentally’ kick you off the bed in the middle of the night.” 

“Not if I kick you off the bed first.” 

I trace a thoughtless pattern on the fabric of my bedsheets. “What are you? Twelve?” 

“I’m older than you.” 

“Barely.” I continue the thoughtless pattern tracing as I fight the sleep from my eyes. “Your comebacks are usually more creative than that.” 

He exhales, relaxing slightly as he rests his back against a pillow. “I’m tired, like you claimed to be.” His eyes flutter slightly, a bit of his exhaustion showing. “Go to sleep.” 

I should. I’m too old to think I can put off a tomorrow I don’t want by just staying up. This is stupid. I’m too old to think I can put off the anniversary of my mother’s death by going to bed. She had been taken from us on castle grounds, killed by a revolutionist who viewed my mother as a class traitor. I still remember the way she slumped to the ground, her blood staining the snow beneath her. I remember the way the guards were so busy chasing her killer no one thought to keep me away from the body. 

“Y/n?” 

I scratch the back of my arm in hopes of banishing my thoughts. “Yes?” 

“You’re being quiet.” 

“You said to go to sleep, that tends to be a quiet thing.” 

I can feel his eyes on me. “Since when do you listen to me?” Not trusting myself to actually reply, I only offer him a hum of acknowledgement. “I know you’re not half asleep.” 

Folding my hands on my lap, I avoid his gaze. “It’s tomorrow.” 

I don’t know why I trust him to understand my vague response, but I do. His silence stretches over us like a thin blanket on a cold night. Maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m implying. I can always correct him tomorrow, when my eyelids are no longer as heavy as my heart. The more seconds that pass in total silence, the more I think that maybe he’s fallen asleep. 

I wouldn’t be surprised, Anakin has seemed tired recently, like some additional weight he won’t share with anyone has been thrust onto his shoulders. A small part of me rolls in guilt. I need to be a better friend, just because I’m suddenly a little too aware of him doesn’t mean I can shrug him off and ignore him. 

My hand almost flinches away from the feeling of something surprisingly warm touching my pinky. When I realize that it’s just Anakin and that the contact was probably accidental, I force myself to ease. It’s not like we’ve never touched before, I don’t understand why I’m making it weird. Sitting in my bed in the dark doesn’t change anything. His hand turns slightly, pressing into mine a little more assuredly. Biting my tongue, I turn my hand slightly, exposing my palm. And just like that, our fingers intertwine. 

“She would have been proud of you.” His voice comes out so low I barely register the words. 

The words shouldn’t mean much to me--he never knew my mother and has no way to know what she wanted me to be.--and yet I find comfort in them. I smile, turning my head towards him. “You didn’t even know her.” 

He rolls his eyes slightly, relaxing further before squeezing my hand once. “Who wouldn’t be proud of you? You’re kind and smart and decent to be around when you’re not telling me what to do.” 

My heart swells in my chest so much I’m surprised it doesn’t burst. Could he be cuter? “Yeah...now I’m sure you’re my favorite person.” 

“Now you’re sure?” 

The smugness in his voice has me rolling my eyes. “Don’t make me regret saying that.” 

“Maybe in the morning,” he says easily, “now go to sleep. There’s nothing worse than escorting you from meeting to meeting while you’re tired.” 

“I’m not that bad.” Even in this darkness, I can make out the way he raises an eyebrow. “Shut up--I’m going to sleep, but not because of you.” 

He lets out a slight huff. “You’re impossible.” 

The desire to respond to his comment is not enough for me to win the fight against the weight of my eyelids. The moment my eyes shut, I feel powerless to anything that isn’t sleep. I let myself fall into a weightless sleep, my only tether being the Anakin’s fingers around mine. 

--

A distant noise yanks me from my sleep. I’m too drowsy to do anything but register the sound. I hear another similar...whine? cry? I can’t tell and I’m too asleep to figure it out. I almost fall asleep again, but a third distressed sound keeps me from it. I wipe my eyes lazily with the back of my hand as I try to sit up. 

Squinting, I make out a figure on my bed. It takes me a moment to remember Anakin and how I fell asleep. Our hands are still together and no light is peering through my window so it can’t be that long since I fell asleep. Another disgruntled sound carries itself throughout the room. I shift slightly, leaning over Anakin cautiously. 

Golden brown curls are beginning to stick to his forehead and his eyebrows are drawn together sharply. He’s having a nightmare.  I shift even further forward before cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder before squeezing him gently. 

“Anakin,” I whisper, “it’s not--it’s not real.” His eyebrows draw together even more harshly. I shake him a little more stubbornly. “Anakin, wake up--you’re having a ni--”

 My forearm is grabbed so suddenly I barely register it before I feel my back shoved into my mattress. I blink twice. His dark eyes are frantic and the look on his face is far from the gentle, easygoing expression I’m used to. He’s breathing deeply, his chest rising and falling from above me. I swallow a slight panic and something I don’t understand as I try to keep my eyes on his face and my thoughts away from how close he is. Anakin pries his fingers from my forearm one by one until only his palm is touching me. 

“Y/n, I--” 

“It’s okay.” Honestly, I’m more worried about his uneven breathing than the way he grabbed me. I can’t imagine everything he’s been through or how justified his nightmares are. Anakin moves his hand away from me. I don’t sit up until he’s off of me and sitting with his back against my headboard. “It’s okay--I just--you were having a nightmare and I thought I should wake you.” He doesn’t react. I turn my body further, keeping my back straight. Anakin doesn’t move, and the longer he stays still, the more I feel like I should say something else. “Do you want talk about it? Or do--do you want to talk about something else? Or go to sleep? Or get some water? Or--” The far off look behind his eyes silences me. I scoot forward slightly. “You’re okay, Anakin, I promise.” 

His head turns at that, his eyes searching mine for something I don’t understand. “I thought...” He cuts himself off by swallowing once. 

I shift a little more, trying to find anything normal in his expression. “Thought what?” 

Anakin’s hand is on my arm so quickly I don’t even register his movement. I let his fingers press into my skin. He’s holding onto me like I’m a figment of a dream and he’s beginning to wake up. “I thought I’d failed.” He exhales, the sound heavy. “Failed you and that you’d--I  thought I had lost you.” 

A lump rises in my throat, thick and unmoving. Cautiously, I place my hand over the one still gripping my shoulder like a lifeline. “You didn’t. Nothing happened, it was just a dream.” 

His gaze falls to the ground before he repeats the last of my words. “Just a dream.” There’s a hollowness to his voice I don’t understand. 

I exhale, carefully running my thumb over his knuckles. “Yes.” He doesn’t say anything but his expression hardens again. I let us sit there like that for a long minute. “I promise.” 

“You can’t promise things like that.”

I sigh, unsure of where to go from here. “Bad dreams are only bad dreams.” He doesn’t reply. “I think you should try to get some more sleep.” 

Anakin is unresponsive. I shift back, but before I can transition from almost being on top of him to just sitting next to him, he pulls on my arm to keep in place. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” 

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.” 

“You almost died today, y/n. I was right there and if I had been a second later--” 

“But you weren’t.” He doesn’t ease. “You were there and I was fine. Don’t torment yourself over what could have been. You’ll drive yourself crazy.” 

“If anything ever happened to y--” 

“It’s not going to,” I whisper, ignoring the way his hold on my arm tightens even further, “Especially this time a year when I have a pretty good gau--” 

He tilts his head slightly, eyebrows drawing together and a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Pretty good? Really?” 

“Someone needs to watch your ego, chosen one.” This time when he tries for a smile, the look has some strength behind it. Relief pools in my stomach. “Now get some sleep, tomorrow’s a busy day and when you’re sleepy you’re beyond irritable.”  

Anakin lets me pull away enough to lay down, but he doesn’t follow. Not for a long second. When he does, his movements are impossibly rigid. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as carefully as I can manage. 

“Y/n?” 

I regret turning my head immediately. I didn’t realize how close he was. It would take no effort from me to make our lips meet. Wait--why am I thinking of that? I���m not allowed to think of stuff like that...especially not about him. 

“Yes?”

He lets out a breath before moving his hand. I don’t understand his hesitation until I feel his hand cupping my cheek gently. “What if next time I’m not enough? What if next time I lose you because I’m not strong enough?” 

I never thought my death would be such a personal thing to him. Sure, I knew that we had some kind of bond, some kind of friendship, and that my death would bring sadness. But I never imagined I’d matter enough to him that thoughts of my death would be frightening enough to slip into his subconscious and become a thing of nightmares. 

“You are enough. Nothing is going to happen to me and if it does it’s not going to be because of you.” Anakin’s lips press together in a way that implies serious uncertainty. His thumb brushes across my cheek so unexpectedly I almost ask him what he’s doing. The intensity behind his eyes is enough to burn me. “Was your dream really that bad?” 

He lets out an uncertain breath as his eyebrows draw together. I don’t miss the way his jaw clenches. “It’s more than the dream. I...y/n, princess,” he tacts on, a hint of humor returning to him, “you’re more than a mission to me.” 

The admission is so soft I can’t help but smile. “I know, Anakin, we’re--” 

“You’re more than a friend to me.” I don’t know if my blood freezes in my veins or if my lungs don’t contract when they should or if my heart literally skips a beat, but I know something in me completely stops at his words. “I--” 

“Don’t say it.” I don’t know how I managed to cut him off so sharply and I’m a little disappointed when I do, but it’s the right thing to do. Thought of the code that’s so important to him have clouded half the immense shock and joy swelling in my chest. “What you’re trying to say...I um, I want to say the same.” I try to drop my gaze but he tilts my head up slightly with his hand. “But we shouldn’t, you know that.” 

"You want to us to pretend that nothing’s different? You want me to escort you from meetings with one suitor to the next every Coronation Season until you’re married off?” 

“No, I’m not saying that. The point is that I’m not saying anything.” His eyebrows draw together in uncertainty. “Isn’t it enough for now, for both of us to just know? If we say it...that could mean bad things for you. And I don’t want to be a bad thing for you.” 

“You could never be.”

It’d be so easy to believe him. To believe him and to let him say what I never imagined I’d be able to hear and damn the consequences of tomorrow. “Can we just refrain from verbally saying anything until you’re sure?” 

“I’m sure right now. I’ve been sure since the first time we ever walked in the garden together. The night after the first Coronation Ball I escorted you to.” 

I remember that night well. The way he hadn’t scolded me for needing air or taking off my uncomfortably high heels to walk in the grass. “If you mean it, you won’t say it yet. I refuse to get in the way of what you’re meant for.”

His thumb runs my cheek entirely, stopping at the corner of my mouth. “Are you capable of not disagreeing with me?” 

Rolling my eyes slightly, I place my hand over his. “Probably not.” 

Anakin exhales, his playful irritation clear in the sound. “You’re impossible when you’re tired.” 

“I am not tired.” 

“I can see the sleep in your eyes.” 

“I can see it in yours too.” 

He pauses, eyebrows drawn together cautiously. “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

He must be more tired than I thought if he’s compromising with me so quickly. “Deal.” 

Neither of us close our eyes for a long second, we just watch each other with wide eyes. It still doesn’t feel like he’s eased, but he’s come back to me so much more than he was earlier. I’ll make sure to check how he’s feeling in the morning. The first morning after we’ve...I don’t know. 

I’m trying really hard not to get excited because anything that’s been not said could be taken back so easily. That’s the point--but it’s hard not to let my heart get ahead of my rationality. I’ll just take the good for what it is for now and tomorrow we can figure out the rest. Even though he’s not allowed to form attachments and my father really wants to marry me off to foreign royalty.

Tomorrow. This can begin to be solved tomorrow. My eyes shut and I let myself roll fully onto my back. The second I’m comfortably settled, I feel Anakin shift against the bed. I’m too tired to open my eyes until I feel a weight placed against my chest. 

I open my eyes on instinct, less surprised than I should be when I see Anakin’s head resting against my chest. Before I can speak, I feel his arm rest against my side. “Anakin,” I breathe, my hand moving to smooth his hair out of his face the way I’ve wanted to for so long. “What did we just talk about?” 

“You said not to say anything,” he mumbles comfortably, “I’m not saying anything.” ...It is kind of the ideal compromise. Especially since I’m too tired to find reason and he feels so warm. “I can feel you overthinking. Go back to smoothing my hair before I have to rise and stand at your door so that your handmaid comes to wake you. Something tells me she’d be glad for the excuse to get rid of me.” 

That might be the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard him say. Selma is the most patient woman in the palace. “Selma would never report anything involving me, I can’t believe you don’t like her. She’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”  

“She’s the one that doesn’t like me,” he says, “she always watches me like she’s trying to figure out if I’m planning on stealing you away.” 

Too tired to fight my smile, I go back to smoothing his hair out with my fingers. After a moment, he lets out an exhale that relaxes his entire body. “Goodnight, princess.” 

“Goodnight.” The word is barely a mumble as I feel sleep tug against me for the second time tonight. 

It’s strange, but my excitement doesn’t diminish my tiredness, it just makes the prospect of rest feel so much fuller. Safer. Because there’s so much to sort out and grieve but it’s okay, because we have the time and everything feels okay because Anakin is here, right beneath my fingertips. 

[luminecho]

Hello Echo, question. Do you still have Four brainrot? Follow up question. Do you have any songs that you associate with Four? Thanks bestie <3

Answer 1: Steel, I ALWAYS have Four brainrot <3

Answer 2: I am literally SO FUCKING GLAD you asked, you have no idea how excited I got seeing this holy shit. HELL YEAH I do!! Take a few songs from my playlist

If I include more than 3 Sleeping At Last, Of Monsters And Men, or The Oh Hellos songs on any given playlist or list of songs you may be entitled to financial compensatio-- *looks at this list* oh whoops

1) Crystals - Of Monsters And Men - this might as well be Four’s theme song for all I associate it with him. It’s so good. So so so good.

2) Call Them Brothers - Regina Spektor - Obligatory Call Them Brothers mention. This is not original at all I've seen so many other people talk about this song with Four and-- yeah they're right this song is about Four JKHEHBFDEKF.

3) Bad Blood - Sleeping At Last - I'm biased. If you know me then expect way too many SAL songs from me in any list of songs ever because I will never shut up about SAL and they have a lot of songs I like. So there's 4 SAL songs on this list, deal with it jhkwewjkwjkfh. Anyway Bad Blood gives me so many Four feels. 11/10

3) Soap - The Oh Hellos - THIS SONNGG. Ouugghh. I could probably dissect this song if I wanted to go over every little thing in it that makes me think of Four & why but I already exhausted my song infodumping capacity on the last song on this list so perhaps some other time HDEGJDDEKF. Just. The vibes AND the lyrics. Mannn

4) Forgive Me Friend - Smith & Thell - I have both the original and the acoustic version saved to my Four playlist because I really like both versions hwdfjefke but. There's so many ways this song could be interpreted w/ Four and tbh I'm just gonna leave it up to everyone else because every time I listen to it I think of something else lol.

5) Meteor Shower - Cavetown - I don't have much to say about this one other than thinking about this song gives me a LOT of emotions jhqkdhwbefjk. Just,,, it has a lot of self-acceptance vibes to me when I listen to it in this context and I think I'm drawing those comfort vibes from the melody? Idk but they're there for me lol

6) Glitter & Gold - Barns Courtney - Someone did a mini AMV to this song w/ Four a while back for the LU zine and I've associated the song with him ever since hwdkjgefhkfev. I like the vibes. Reminds me of the forge.

7) Lakehouse - Of Monsters And Men - Idk what it is about this song. It has a mix of homesickness feels and storytelling feels and something about that makes me think of Four. Also there's a line about breaking trust in here somewhere heehee hoohoo Vio go brr.

8) I Dare You - Bea Miller - my brain can't decide if I actually like this song or not for some reason buuuut it has big Four vibes regardless lmao. Mostly in the lyrics. Definitely in the lyrics

9) No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine - based more off the vibes of the song than the lyrics. i don't really have an explanation for this one, it's just always given me Four vibes for no reason hdwkjfgeh. Shadow too. I have it one both playlists

10) I Have Made Mistakes - The Oh Hellos - probably self-indulgent but this one has the self-acceptance and self-forgiveness vibes than go hand and hand with Four as a character so <3

11) From The Ground Up - Sleeping At Last - something about the line "in an effort to remember what being mended feels like" shakes me to my core. Am I allowed to slap the "self-acceptance" label on this song and call it a day? Cause,,, yeah the self love in this song. Ough. Also the themes of growth and being somewhere that's truly home.

12) Overture III / Awake - Sleeping At Last - Bestie this one's so self-indulgent. This song is pretty new and when I tell you that I latched onto it the DAY I first heard it FTHDGHWJKEFG. I connect so deeply with this song and I can and will project every emotion I experience ever onto Four which means he gets this song too. <3 Also it once again has themes of self-acceptance

13) September 15, 2017: Cassini - The Grand Finale - Sleeping At Last - OH MY GOD *VIBRATES INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSION*

Alright alright alright. Listen. This song is entirely instrumental. So why do I associate it with Four, you may ask?

WELLLLLLLL.

First of all, happy anniversary to the event this song was written about! Or-- well, it was the anniversary when this ask was sent djwhfkhjdewjhke. I took a while to answer it. BUT still. Happy anniversary!

Second of all, strap in cause I’m about to infodump the hell out of this song on my way to explaining my reasoning behind why I associate it with Four. It might seem irrelevant at first but trust me, I’ll get there.

(All the stuff I mention here is all explained in a much better fashion by the artist behind Sleeping At Last on his podcast episode about the song here. I'd absolutely recommend giving it a listen if you're interested!)

Cassini was written about a satellite with the same name that was built with the intention of exploring Saturn. On September 15, 2017, its journey was complete and its course was set to crash into Saturn in a brilliant grand finale. Hence the name of the song.

This song is a medley of four of Sleeping At Last’s songs, written as a mirror of the exact flight path of the Cassini satellite. (SAL has songs about each of the 9 planets + our moon.)

The song starts and ends with Saturn. The beginning is a chorus singing the tune of SAL's "Saturn" and the ending is that the song on the "Astronomy, Vol. 1" album leads straight into SAL’s "Saturn" to symbolize Cassini crashing into the planet. Cool, right?

After the opening the song crescendos with SAL’s "Earth" to represent Cassini’s launch. Cassini passed by Venus twice in its flight, so the part of the song immediately after that is from SAL's "Venus". The next part of the song (and ofc the next part of Cassini’s flight) is Jupiter! It’s very faint and distant since Cassini only passed by the planet. Aaand then finally it reaches Saturn.

Now what does any of this have to do with Four?

Welllllll, it's all a bit of a stretch but LET ME HAVE THIS hdgjhkjdwef.

I mentioned that Cassini is a medley of 4 different SAL songs.

Venus could easily be associated with Red! It’s a love song and love of course comes from the heart and all that. But it’s also a song that reflects wonder and awe and I feel like that’s a very Red feeling.

Jupiter is a song I associate a lot with Green, not only because of the song itself but also because of the planet and Green’s wind element. Jupiter is well-known for its storms! So it seems fitting for Green. Jupiter is one of the songs I have on my separate playlist for Green too. It has vibes of instinct and wanting to make things count and make a difference which I feel like fits him.

I feel like Saturn and Earth are interchangeable with Blue and Vio. I’d probably tentatively assign Blue to Earth and Vio to Saturn for now despite Earth being Vio’s element and me generally associating that song with him a lot more than Blue anyway. Saturn is a song about loss and trying to move on and I think Vio encompasses that feeling and experience. It’s very melancholy and slower-paced too, which fits Vio more. Whereas Earth is a very powerful, somewhat explosive song (which fits Blue’s vibe) about ignorance and possibly arrogance. ALSO if you go with Blue as Earth then it works even nicer because Earth and Venus are woven together very closely in Cassini. Which could represent how Blue & Red are both the "heart" of Four compared to Vio's mind and Green's instinct.

And ALL of these songs are packed into Cassini into a convenient little medley. Four songs blending seamlessly into one another creating a whole song that makes me want to throw my hands in the air and weep.

And how perfect that the day Steel sent this ask is coincidentally the anniversary of the day the song is about. jhkqdwfgehf. It was meant to be :>

[bondsmagii]

2, 8, 26, 37, 38, 57, 72, 91, 94, 100

> questions to ask at 4:02am meme 🌕🌃

thank you! 

2: Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known?

yes 😩 I can’t even adequately describe what’s going on here, but there’s a lot of people and a lot of places that feel familiar even if I don’t know them, if that makes sense? and there’s also a lot of people I could have become, and a lot of places I could have been, and I do have moments where I kind of mourn them even though I have no proof that they would have even existed in that specific way. I do think this is normal to an extent, but also I do this a lot, lol.

on a slightly less philosophical level, I of course mourn my older brother, who’s quite literally a person I never got the chance to know.

8: Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation?

oh man definitely. the love you feel for your friends isn’t the same love you feel for your spouse or your parents, and so on and so forth. there’s lots of different kinds of love, and lots of different levels within those types, and you’re also more than capable of feeling several different types and levels towards the same person, in my opinion. I don’t know if I would try and categorise everything, because something like love doesn’t really suit being shoved into boxes, but there are different types of love and I find it’s constantly shifting and changing along with you and the object of your love, which is cool.

I should add that I don’t find any one type of love more or less important than the others. seriously, destroy the idea that romantic love is the One True Love, and all other forms are somehow lesser. that’s just garbage.

26: What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far?

this is kind of embarrassing but the truth often is: almost eight years ago I decided to make a sideblog on here that has... something to do with writing, let’s say, and something to do with... a certain character... and anyway that decision led to me meeting a certain person and going from awkward messages on Tumblr to awkward messages on Skype, to eighteen hour conversations and constant texting, to living in a car together for three months on a roadtrip and then living in a car together for many more months while homeless (and a million other places in between), to moving in together and then holy shit we got married.

so I guess that one impulsive decision to make a shitpost sideblog at stupid o’clock in the morning when I was bored one summer has been the single most life-changing choice I’ve ever made.

37: Do opposites attract?

eh. I mean, yeah, sometimes? but similarities attract, too. I think for any kind of relationship to be successful you’ve kind of got to have an element of both, and I think that “opposites” usually refers to something very specific. for example, I don’t mind cleaning the bathroom and you hate it. that’s a useful kind of opposite, because it means a compromise neither of us feel cheated by. you’re unshakable when it comes to slogging through bureaucratic minutiae, and I’m a beast in high-stress quick-thinking scenarios. together we make a pretty unstoppable team, for being opposites in that regard. I think that’s kind of what’s meant by this saying, but unfortunately it seems to have been appropriated to mean “yes honey, I know you work 10 hour shifts and come home to find your partner hasn’t cleaned the house or done anything to help, but opposites attract!” or “my partner supports Trump and genuinely believes that vaccines and masks are a government conspiracy to control us all, and I am a normal human being, but opposites attract so I guess I’ll have to put up with it”. like no, kings and queens. that isn’t what it means. dump them.

38: Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago?

lmao no. not in the slightest. five years ago it would have been... just into 2016, and yeah, no. there is not a single thing about me right now that I would have predicted, aside from the general stuff that’s never changed about me. I had different ideas about what I would be doing for work, about what I’d be working towards; I had completely different levels of commitment and discipline to various tasks, and I certainly wasn’t planning an international move. I can at least say that I’m happier with my current plan than the one I used to have (it wasn’t a bad plan, it just no longer suits me) but there’s no way I would have expected this.

and of course, there’s the whole issue with the pandemic. five years ago I had no idea I would be living through a global natural disaster, and if you’d told me, I would have thought it would be something like a supervolcano eruption or a nuclear winter. like, I’m glad it’s not, but also “you have to stay in your house for over a year” still kind of sucks.

57: Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I think we are sometimes, when things are tough and there’s a need to wish to escape (see how many books I read over quarantine in March, for example). most of the time, however, I think humans just like stories. I don’t think it’s any deeper than the fact that humans love stories, we’ve always loved stories, we’ve always loved telling and hearing stories, before we had books and archives we passed our stories down orally and we drew them on cave walls with our own fingers, and this love for the story has never changed or altered in the hundreds of thousands of years since. I think that’s the major driving force here.

right now I’m looking for an escape 24/7, because I’m sick to death of the real world. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. without books, without the fictional things I love, without reading and writing and music, I would have gone absolutely bonkers in 2020. being able to fall into a book or play around in the worlds I’ve created, both my own and things I’ve co-written with you, has literally saved my ass over the past eight months. escapism is never a bad thing. like anything, it only becomes troubling when it starts creating problems. but I do not think there’s any shame in occasionally saying “fuck it” and going to worry about someone else’s fictional problems for a while. 

72: Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time?

this is a tough one. on the one hand I want to say no, because it could easily be abused. some asshole could get into power and make something illegal, and then round up all the people who have committed that now-crime and lock them up, and oh, would you look at that! all the people who have committed the now-crime just so happen to be the dictator’s biggest critics and threats, how convenient. 

at the same time, dictators are going to wipe out their enemies no matter how legal it is, and I also have to consider the fact that before WWII, for example, words like “genocide” and “crimes against humanity” didn’t exist. how could we decide that these things are crimes, but then not try those who literally gave cause for the crime to be acknowledged? we can hardly say “alright, genocide is now a crime against humanity, but because these guys did it before this was law they can’t be tried”. that’s just... not really a great precedent to set, you know?

so I suppose a tentative yes? I think it would probably depend entirely on the severity of the crime. for example, if they found out that... I don’t know, some normal everyday substance was something that people could suddenly get high off, and they declared it a drug, I don’t think everyone who’s ever sold it or used it should be rounded up and jailed. but like, if the act of cannibalism itself became a crime (and not just murder or desecration of a corpse, which is what “cannibalism” usually falls under in terms of legality) we should probably go round up all the people who are stealing human legs to eat, yanno?

91: Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate?

sick totheark reference bro. anyway yeah, hate is as strong as love, though it appears and reacts in different ways. hate and love are two sides of the same coin, if you ask me. the deeper you love somebody, the harder you hate them if things go wrong. hate is betrayed love. something something, a tree’s branches cannot reach to heaven unless its roots reach to hell, and all that. something so powerful is going to leave a lot of damage if it goes wrong.

I hate a few people. I don’t want to go into detail as to their specific identities, because I’m sure that if you know me well, you’ll know who they are. both of them were people whom I loved very deeply, and who betrayed that love in ferociously cruel ways. both people taught me very difficult lessons about the nature of love, and how sometimes it really cannot conquer everything, but while this would be a nasty lesson to learn it’s compounded by the fact that I learned this not out of any kind of extraneous circumstance, but rather through their cruelty and their refusal to work with me, listen to me, or love me in the way I deserved to be loved. my hatred for these people will never go away, even though it certainly doesn’t dominate my life. it is there, though, and I can easily draw on it whenever I need it. should I get the opportunity, I have no doubt in my mind that I have the capacity to be very cruel to these people in my own right, and I won’t feel bad about it.

94: How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately?

oh damn. forcefully, conditionally, stubbornly, and probably slightly possessively.

I don’t show love in conventional means. I’m one of those stereotypes, I guess. I don’t like declarations of love, I don’t really go in for physical affection, and I’m not sappy at all. my love language is more subtle, but it’s there. I like to do things for people, I like to create things for/with people, I like to have adventures with people. that’s how I love, and I can be pretty forceful about it. I also want people to improve themselves as much as possible -- I think the greatest thing I can witness someone I love doing is becoming the best version of themselves, and I will support them 100% in this effort -- also very forcefully. I don’t think there are many people who could put up with that level of intensity for so long, if I’m honest. I demand a lot of the ones I love, but I also like to think I give a lot, too.

my love is never unconditional. while I believe unconditional love exists, I have never seen it. my love always comes with conditions -- conditions about how I expect to be treated, about ideology, about worldview. these are all huge deal breakers, of course -- my conditions aren’t vague, or petty, or small in any way. but there is nobody on earth, nor will there ever be, who I will not walk away from if I feel the relationship is harmful in any way. I might not stop loving them, but I sure as hell will not assume that my love for them will protect me from them.

at the same time I’m a very stubborn person when it comes to love. people will do things they think must break one of my conditions, but I’ll see something else in it and I’ll stick around even if we both think it’s useless. I’m never wrong, so I suppose I have that going for me. but I am very, very stubborn when it comes to love. I have a high level of endurance and I know how to nurture love; how to stop pessimism from setting in. I’m also slightly possessive, so I don’t let go of anything easily -- and this includes the people I love. I’ll never stifle a person, but I’ll definitely fight for them, and something something everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.

100: What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

I suppose something like this could never be logically grounded because there’s no logical proof at all, and “I Just Know” is apparently not a scientific argument (it should be), but I know I’ve had past lives. I just do. I have no solid proof for this, only gut feelings and Just Knowing and weird memories and some crazy shit that I can’t explain -- like being able to find my way around a strange city because I remembered it from a past life, for example -- but I just know I’ve had many different lives before and I will have many more to come. this is just an unshakable belief and it always has been.

[comicteaparty]

November 13th-November 19th, 2019 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from November 13th, 2019 to November 19th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question: 

When reading a new webcomic for the first time, what qualities are more likely to turn you into a long-term fan?

carcarchu

Definitely creativeness and how unique the overall concept is. If i think i can pretty much guess how the story is going to play out I'm less inclined to stick around and tune in every week (though i might queue up a bunch of chapters and binge it if i still like it enough). If a story keeps me on my toes and there's cliffhangers every chapter it makes me want to come back every week to find out what's going to happen next and that consistency makes me want to stay until the very end. Also i tend to read mostly romances so if i really like the ship that the comic is pushing i'm much more likely to keep reading it

Cronaj

For me, it's character development. While the art style or plot concept might draw me to read a comic initially, it is the characters that make me stay. If I feel like the characters have realistic enough motives or emotional journeys, I start to see them as real people. I cry with them, laugh with them, and mourn with them.

Batichi

I need to get a good idea of the 'hook' in the first 20 or so pages. I really need to know if the comic itself knows what it wants to do before it's really started. It can be through set up or character intros or world building like Chirault http://chirault.sevensmith.net/, or even a good random encounter like in Ghost Junk http://ghostjunksickness.com/ to get me into the action really fast, or starting In Media Res like O Sarilho http://sarilho.net/en/ . I need to know the creator knows where the story is going in some capacity or I'm worried the comic will quickly stagger into a hiatus. Technical parts can still be a bit wonky as I know from experience most creators need some practice, but I still need an idea they're getting to (without having to read the about page)

Most comics I've read that kept me going always seem to have really well thought out starting points that continue all the way till the end.

keii4ii

I look at how the narrative treats lawful characters. I usually have a hard time relating to chaotics, regardless of how well they're written (I may come to care about a chaotic character, but I'm gonna need something else to keep me reading until that happens). If the narrative portrays lawfuls as interesting and worthy of attention, and gives them compelling arcs that let them shine, yeah, that's probably my jam! Related to above though not the same: I love it when slow, quiet moments are given importance and handled well. (Related since quiet and lawful overlap?) Not just downtime so people can catch their emotional breath before the next set of busy scenes... but important enough to be seen as the focus of their own, if not of the story! This should show quite clearly in my own comic if I'm doing my job right...

keii4ii

Sombulus (http://sombulus.com/) by @Delphina is a notable example of treating lawful characters with respect, even though the comic as a whole has this wacky chaotic fun vibe. When I was first making my way through the archive, I greatly enjoyed the first adventure with townspeople turning into literal walking fruits, bread, etc. But then the trio went to talk to Tenge, and I was relieved that the narrative didn't "side with" the chaotic, irresponsible (though still 100% lovable -- I love you too, Astyr!!) main character. The comic managed to portray Tenge as being uptight without feeling unfair to me, a lawful. That is SO rare to see! (Sombulus as a whole does a great job at treating characters from the entire lawful-chaotic spectrum with both fairness and fondness. It is one of my favorite things about the comic. )

Delphina

(I saw I got pinged so I scrolled up to see what the question was, but I went too far and I thought you were saying Tenge was your favorite magical boy and I was dyiinnnggg @keii4ii )

keii4ii

(Tenge is totally my favorite magical boy too, now that you put it that way )

Delphina

Thank you! And thanks for the compliment on the lawful/chaotic dichotomy. Balancing how those kinds of personalities work together and how they're both strong in their own ways is really fun for me, and I'm glad it's showing in Sombulus!

DanitheCarutor

What can keep me reading depends on the comic. The hook can either be character interaction, the character's themselves, the setting, or the plot. With characters, how the they handle themselves and one another, how they think, how they talk, how they walk, how they DaNCe, how TheY LOVE! Lmao! But nah, I'm really big into character details, which individualizing characters to the extent that I like is rare in comics so I settle for standard stuff. As long as I can distinguish them, and they're interesting, I'm chill. Setting? A super fun thing for me, I love it when creators go batshit with their setting lore and world building. Of course even when the setting just pure aesthetic, when it comes to it being the hook for me as long as it's weird and crazy, something a little fantastical or cosmic I'm digging it! Plot. This is the one I least care about... as weird as that sounds. The story can be an insane mess as long as it's a fun and enjoyable mess, but when story does hook me it is usually an interesting, super intriguing take on a preused concept either with the use of visuals or writing. (Which every concept has been used, originality is technically dead) Some examples are: The Prometheite https://tapas.io/series/Prometheite - A sad Frankenstein story about a woman losing her partner to a fatal illness. Hookteeth https://tapas.io/series/Hookteeth - A lovecraftian/cosmic horror romance with merfolk. (Not much to say about this one, Lovecraftian stories in themselves are weird and awesome imo.) SUPERPOSE https://tapas.io/series/SUPERPOSE - A sci-fi comic heavy on character interaction, and looks to be something other than the usual in space, on a different planet, or a story where the sci-fi is just a setting. (To be honestly, I'm mostly into how the story is presented visually. It feels very theatrical.)

Sometimes I stick with a comic purely for the aesthetics, I'm a sucker for eye candy. LIke Seluda https://tapas.io/series/seluda - A normal-ass high school story, but the visual presentation is SOmething else! Very 60's-70's drug trip, the style of speech used by the MC is very surreal, if not a little long winded at times. I would chalk my interest in this comic up to characters and art, but mostly art.

keii4ii

Related: Astyr supplying the non-sequitur lines to keep that one machine going was also a favorite moment of mine. This is probably just me but I found it genuinely heartwarming to see him able to contribute simply by being his chaotic self, even without his magic. @Delphina

FeatherNotes

Honestly character design and a memorable interaction are easy hooks for me. I do like a good investment in world building however, it really helps for easy immersion and definitely makes it more enjoyable to read! The moment I see a creator indulge in some good backgrounds and lore, I'm pretty much sold! Phantomarine and o sarilho are really good examples of all those things http://www.phantomarine.com/ https://sarilho.net/en/

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I read a really wide variety of comics. I’m not sure I can pinpoint exactly what trait it is that hooks me, besides just ‘good writing’. I like comics that have believable, relatable characters, well thought-out plots, and good character development. I’m immediately turned away by heavy reliance on tropes, stale, cookie-cutter characters, or achingly slow progression. If it’s well written and well-paced, there’s a good chance I’ll stick around and keep reading. Also, a bit opposite of what Keiii was saying above- I love a good rogue. The better the chaotic character, the more likely I am to be drawn in. I love stories that explore the moral grey area, that have villains with good redemption arcs, and have heroes that are deeply flawed but grow and learn. If the hero is always 100% on the good side and the villain is always 100% on the bad side, I’m more likely to lose interest.(edited)

FeatherNotes

Ohh yes agreed on that

keii4ii

@Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios) I believe we may be looking at two sides of the same coin! I wouldn't be interested in reading about the Honorable and Immaculate Lawful Heroes Against The Forever Evil Baddies, either. Greyness -- or to describe it differently, "stories not picking a side" -- is something I like seeing as well, just through a more lawful lens. Back to the Sombulus example, it's one thing to portray a noble lawful hero. But Tenge was portrayed as being uptight, without making it feel like a jab at lawful readers. He has room for growth, but so does everyone else in the story. Reading Sombulus I feel like he can learn to become a happier person without becoming someone else. Lawful doesn't mean perfect nor boring, and that's something I really appreciate seeing.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

That’s very true! I like when lawful characters aren’t perfect, though I gravitate more towards chaos, lol.

keii4ii

(Tienar may not be my tippy top favorite Ashes character (not yet sure who my fave is!) but I am definitely partial to him and his lawfulness. )

Pakky

i love chaotic lawful characters. one of my favorite characters was from a long dead webcomic called destress where the main character was lawful but also psycho. it was pretty fun to watch

sssfrs

I dont read a lot of comics but I love loveable rogue characters

FeatherNotes

Love me those chaotic stupid types too My comic's main char is one of them and it definitely makes for interesting interactions!

sssfrs

I like the dynamic my characters have. The leader of the group is smart and responsible, the second in command is smart and kind of lazy, and everyone else is completely chaotic, evil, or stupid

So the leader is herding cats

Glowbat (Aloe)

I think what really grabs my attention and chains it to the radiator usually is when there's a noticeable overarching thesis or themes to the comic that the creator is mulling over via the story. Usually as a result it really tightens up the whole story and seeing characters of all kinds representing different stances on the thesis and acting in ways directly reflecting that is neat.

keii4ii

^ Cohesiveness!!!!

Glowbat (Aloe)

Yeah!

Cronaj

I think it's interesting how most of us are drawn in with character development, even if the specific types of characters we enjoy are different.

keii4ii

^ Yeah, I fully admit that just because a character is well written/believable, doesn't guarantee I'll be invested in that character. I definitely have my types, as well as a horribly narrow and specific taste range

Glowbat (Aloe)

also the other thing that really draws me in is if you put a hot character with pointy shark teeth in I will read the entire comic always

Cronaj

I think my taste range is pretty broad with the characters I like, narrow af in regards to art styles

It's a horrible affliction really

@Glowbat (Aloe) lol, do you read Castle Swimmer?

Glowbat (Aloe)

...maybe

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I think what hooks me, when I start reading new webcomics, is how diverse and interesting the cast is and I think I'm more likely to stay on a superficial level if not everyone is conventionally attrative. Other than that, strong character writing and strong motivations for the characters that are already there in the beginning.

Cronaj

Character development!

Deo101

Things that keep me around are like... If I can read it, honestly. Like if i can follow whats happening consistently then i can get into it. Also! Depending on how it treats women, lgbt people and disabled people really makes or breaks my overall enjoyment. I like character driven stories most but I can enjoy other things and get into them, its nit very consistent for me

All about clarity and respect

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Oh, yeah, the author respecting their characters and / or groups of people is a big must for me.

So I agree with Deo 100% on that

Deo101

Oh, and also how much they respect their readers and trust that i can follow things without holding my hand through it!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

^^^that too! I am not a fan of over-explaining(edited)

Cronaj

I will say, the way female characters are portrayed does affect my overall enjoyment as well. For example, if a woman is so boring and placeholder (i.e. just there to help a man or be a romantic interest), as I like to call, suffering from "girl" syndrome, I really hate it. This is why I can't watch a lot of anime, because often the female characters don't matter.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Also, @keii4ii I think you may be the first person ever to say you like Tienar!

keii4ii

omg noooo Tienar I WILL ROOT FOR YOU, MY EAGLE

It's not that I agree with him a lot. I just really appreciate that he's there

Cronaj

But yeah, if a comic can't pass the simple Bechdel Test....

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Hahaha, well, he’s definitely There

keii4ii

Re: the balance of clarity vs not over-explaining, that can be tricky!!

I too don't like over-explaining, but what I find to be just clear enough may be unclear to some, or too confusing,

Deo101

Yep :// so that one is really not on the author so much as just "if I dont know what's up or if I feel its dragging on i wont like it"

Jts not the kind of thing that you can do right for everyone

keii4ii

Agreed

Deo101

What my indicators for "is this respectful?" "Is this clear?" Etc are gonna be wayyyy different from other people's so its hard to say exactly what keep me reading

keii4ii

This is actually something I've been thinking about a lot. For Korean webcomics, the comment section generates a lot of engagement, and one result is that reading comprehension becomes a group activity. Particularly observant comments become highest voted, so even less observant readers can follow along by reading the comic and the highest voted comments. I feel that makes some stories more accessible than they would've been without that comment section culture.

Deo101

I wish that were commonplace lol

keii4ii

ME TOO

Their comment section is active enough that one time, a reader asked for toilet paper (they were stuck in a public restroom stall at Incheon airport, and only had like 20 minutes before their flight) and they actually got TP in time

But yeah, it's not just the activity level that I'm envious of. It's the group effort reading comprehension

I value it as a reader (I am not the most observant), and want it as a creator

Deo101

Yeah wow that sounds awesome and would also help me SO MUCH because I struggle a lot with following things...

keii4ii

OMFG

Before reading the sentence to the end

Deo101

Remembering, knowing what's going on or who is talking, picking up on subtle hints... Can't do that lol

keii4ii

I thought you were going to say "because I struggle a lot with public restrooms with no TP" sorrryyyyy

Cronaj

Hahahaha

Same

Deo101

Hahahahhaha

I usually just ask whoever is next to me if that happens

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I wish western audiences were that engaged. Usually the top voted comments I see are either puns (fair, because puns are awesome) or thirsty (less nice, but if it’s a thirsty pun I admit to laughing out loud sometimes)(edited)

Deo101

Yeah same lee :/

I've been getting like .1% of my readers commenting and ive been like. Is my writing just not conducive to an interactive environment? This convo should probably move out of reader favorites. Creator babble it is! Lemme go over there w it

keii4ii

There was this thriller webcomic in which the MC was trying to assassinate 4 corrupt politicians for personal grudges. He already got three of them. The last one receives a large, round-shaped flower pot as a gift from his supporters. 3-4 weeks later (IRL I mean), it is revealed that the third target/victim was cut up into pieces, but they couldn't find his head. One reader pointed out "THE FLOWER POT!!!!!!" and I would not have been able to make that connection without that comment. I mean the flower pot thing was revealed the next update anyway, but it was nice to have that comment, and another highest voted comment even specificed "go to [this specific update] for the scene in which he receives the pot"

(The head was in the pot)

Deo101

Thats so fun

Cronaj

Oh my God... It's brilliant

DanitheCarutor

@Pakky221 Distress by Blankd, right? I loved reading that comic back in the day! It's sad that the comic got discontinued, but I have to say I'm enjoying the WIP work for the stuff the creator is working on now. Regarding the conversation about characters, I think I'm the niche person in the crowd. Unless the character themselves or the situation they're in is an obvious mouthpiece thing for someone venting their racism, sexism, homophobia, whatever political views, etc. I don't reeeeally care how characters are treated or used? I've always seen them as tools, even in childhood I was disillusioned about seeing them as real people, so it's hard for me to get emotionally invested in how the author treats them. I don't even care about my own characters outside of portraying their problems, personalities, and situations decently. Probably not a good mindset to have, and it'll probably dox me some points on the "good creator" scale, but it's just my thing I guess. Lol

Bland characters are a pain, though! If you can legit replace your character with a rock, and it would have the same impact or be a livelier option, then... that's kinda sad. (Unless your character has some kind of legit issues relating to appearing bland, or they're sort of the butt of a joke.)

Pakky

@DanitheCarutor o: i don't have any way to follow the creator. the blankd tumblr has been inactive for so long but i agree. Bland characters are my least favorite. There's a lot of comics out there that have some pretty plain main characters that are realllllly hard to relate to.

DanitheCarutor

Aah! Blankd's Twitter is still active, they're working on a game right now, and they've done a few -ahem- adult comics since stopping Distress. https://twitter.com/blankd_ec

Yeah, with bland characters I'd like to think the author is trying to make that type of Sue that anyone can put themselves in? But it ends up turning into the opposite because they're so dead on arrival that no one can relate.(edited)

snuffysam

kind of related to the idea of "i should have an idea of where the story is going at the start", but one other thing that keeps me reading is "the story gets there". like if the comic opens with an old man telling a young knight that she has to travel across the land and slay a dragon, cool! if i continue reading the comic for six months and they're still in the same conversation, i'm probably dropping it! like i get that comics update at different rates, but if you have like one page every two weeks you should probably make sure something interesting happens in the first 20 pages. and the sorts of comics i absolutely love are when, like, the stories actually move forward. like, if i can re-read a comic and feel nostalgia for the earlier scenes, that's how i really turn into a superfan.

Capitania do Azar

The group effort in this chat already pointed some very important points: that not all characters are conventionally attractive (tho I like that, it's not something that would make me stop reading if it were absent), well developed women and LGBT+ characters, and characters with strong motivations that are apparent, make sense in the context of the story and are known to us from the begining. That said, if the comic consistently treats me, as a reader, as if I were not very smart (by constantly overexplaining things, pointing again and again at the obvious, making me go through walls of text because world is more important than character and you need to read a bible to get through chapter 1), I'll probably not engage for too long. I gotta say that the visual style is also a very important factor. I am willing to look through what I consider to be minor issues (like small inconsistencies in drawing/scenario or characters being offmodel) for as long as it doesn't interfere with my immersion in the story. However, some visual styles are a big no-no for me, and I discover that I can't look past those and enjoy a story

Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS

This chat is very good - also for a first-time webcomic creator. As a reader, I'm almost a little ashamed to say that I'm very picky. Not because I don't like comics, because I LOVE COMICS, but becase I'm so goddamn busy all the time. Everything is constantly competing for attention, and for a comic to be able to hold that attention, it needs to be something extra special. For me, that's an engaging and developed visual style, a plot that gets going quickly, and a sense that the story has been planned. I love that so many different comics exist, I just can't read all of them and also be a creator.

RebelVampire

As a reader, I'm almost a little ashamed to say that I'm very picky. Not because I don't like comics, because I LOVE COMICS, but because I'm so goddamn busy all the time.

I think that's an important sentiment all creators should remember. People are busy. And like, not even just comic creators. I'm talking about basically everyone. Which means good and bad things. Bad thing is that it makes creating a highly competitive market because people are going to be super picky just for lack of time to be un-picky. But the good thing is it means the people who do choose to read your comic are picking it out of all the other comics that they could read with their limited time. And that right there is pretty special.

Cronaj

@RebelVampire That really is a beautiful sentiment.

@Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS I am also very picky about comics, which is part of the reason I'm so picky about my own work. This is why if an artist doesn't seem professional enough for me, I don't want to waste my time reading the comic, because maybe the writing is unprofessional too. I know I'm missing out on a lot of good content, but as you said, I don't have the time to read a comic and be disappointed when I'm further into it.

keii4ii

I too am picky about stuff, and it's not even because of quality. My tastes are a far bigger factor. Just because I don't read something doesn't mean I think it's bad!!

Cronaj

That is also true

Tastes also play a huge role into why I read or don't read something, not just the "quality" of the art

kayotics

I don’t think I’ve answered the question yet but I’ve been lurking. The first thing to grab me that might turn me into a long term fan is the art style. I don’t think the art is the most important factor but I need to be able to follow along, and if it’s not a style I’m interested in I probably won’t start it. The second thing is the writing in general. I like characters the most, more than world building. So interesting interactions are where I get the most enjoyment. The story could go almost anywhere but if I don’t like the main character I really won’t like the story. So the thing that will keep me going the most is a likeable main cast. And I don’t mean flawless, because that gets boring, but characters that I enjoy seeing fail, and then pick themselves back up again.

DanitheCarutor

So I slept in it and realized when I was talking about plot for my answer, it was actually themes... because I didn't talk about anything relating to plot. Lol shows how professional I am. With pickiness, is it weird that I'm more picky now that I'm jobless than when I was working fulltime? When I was pulling 10-11 hour work days I was literally a drifter, so they never had anything for me to do. I would find anything I could get my hands on to make the time go by faster, so I read as many webcomics as I could. Now I have all day to catch up drawing pages, trying to find a new job, helping my mom with chores, and doing obligatory family bs. I also want to try making some kind of revenue off my drawings/comic, so I've been trying to get in the groove of doing more things. (Which is difficult because pages take almost all my drawing time.) It's hard to find the time to sit down and read a comic now since staying productive is mandatory. Uuuh Tl;dr: I can empathize with being picky due to lack of time.

Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS

THat's the creator struggle, right? In creating, so much time is spent creating, that it can be hard to find time to consume

Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS

Ooh, yay!

Deo101

I think also as creators, we tend to have a hard time -if not an impossible one- seperating our work from what we read. I Know I tend to look at other things as a learning experience in some way, either thinking "how would i do this different?" Or "what about this can i apply to my work?" Which makes reading a different, more tiring experience

We may tend to* this might just be me i will admit

DanitheCarutor

@Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS It is! Sometimes I get so focused on the creating aspect that I forget to do all the other important things like advertising, socializing, promoting other people. Like playing video games, reading comics is an absolute luxury time waster so I don't do it as often as I could anymore.

Aw man! I do that too, Deo! Although it's something I actually enjoy? Something about analyzing a piece of media, and applying what you would do with it is fun.

Deo101

Oh I absolutely do enjoy it! But it takes more time and is draining for me

Cronaj

Definitely makes it harder to enjoy what we're reading

DanitheCarutor

Aauh yeah, that's true. Analyzing does take a lot of brain power and energy.

Deo101

Yeah :/ so to find a story i can really get immersed in is incredibly rare now...

Cronaj

I do this with books I read too(edited)

It's an awful habit

DanitheCarutor

Over analyzing everything is something I've been doing literally since childhood, so I'm used to it. My brain never shuts off unless I'm drawing.

Cronaj

I find myself wanting to rewrite other people's stories

Don't be like me

Deo101

I do it too and i think its just kind of how you think about things when you're a writer

DanitheCarutor

Pff oh no, I've done that too. Not so much now, but in elementary school whenever I watched a show or movie I hated, I would rewrite it.

Deo101

When you pick apart what you dont like or analyze what you do iy lets you apply those things to yiur own work. Its a valuable skill to have and i think its kind of automatic

Cronaj

Even my favorite authors of all time... I end up going back on a reread and wanting to change things that didn't work out so well

DanitheCarutor

It's a really good skill that not enough people have... at least my coworkers are pretty lacking in the critical thinking department. They say it's healthy to question, analyze, and long to improve.

Deo101

Some people are, and that's okay! Those are the people I hope are reading millennium ;)

Jk lol

DanitheCarutor

Lmao! Yeah, it's okay to be a person of simplicity, as long as they don't tell me the hyper-realistic Lion King remake is better than the original.

Deo101

Ahhahahahaha

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I analyse every format of story I consume automatically . Comics, books, movies, etc. I find that it doesn’t take me away from immersion, but it DOES take away my emotional investment. I’m enjoying the story plenty, but I’m less likely to feel attached to a character or be sad when they die. It’s a very rare story these days that will actually give me feelings over the fate of the characters.

FeatherNotes

I can totally see that too though, esp with the crazy amount of works being produced, you def have to do some curating in a sense to see where you will make that emotional investment too

DanitheCarutor

Aaah I get that with horror movies! Lol But in seriousness, I'm the same way for the most part. My immersion is perfectly intact (unless something stupid happens), but my care investment in characters does waver. Usually it's easier when the characters are really weird, and catch my eye, like the corpse man in Swiss Army Man. I got super invested for some reason when he learned how to walk, then when he died again because his friend wouldn't fart in front of him. But normally, nah I don't feel much, especially for death but my views on that are kinda skewed to begin with.(edited)

So I realize I'm really into surreal comedy, if a character can actually make me laugh I'm more invested in their wellbeing.

keii4ii

Analytical reading is great. Though I rarely find myself wanting to fix other people's stories. I have creative tunnel vision and genuinely have no desire to work on anything other than the OTP (One True Project)

Same goes to my own ideas really? I get ideas but auto-filter them out, as I have 0 desire to work on them.

Cronaj

You are blessed lol

Every five minutes, I'm sitting there trying to convince myself to work on ONLY ONE PROJECT AT A TIME.

"Oooh! That's a cool idea! I should E x P l O r E that!

kayotics

I try to not analyze shows or comics unless I REALLY love them or I find them boring and want to be interested in them. For example: I’ll analyze the hell out of Full Metal Alchemist because I ADORE it, but the analysis stage came much later after finishing the comic. If I’m not engaged with a series then I’ll analyze what would make me more interested. I hardly ever try to rewrite other people’s stories

Deo101

Yeah i dony try to rewrite its more of a "what about this didn't i like and how can i avoid doing that in my own work?"

FeatherNotes

ohhh yes agreed Deo

kayotics

Oh yeah definitely. I will sometimes think about that, but usually it’s if something is really bugging me

Deo101

Yeah I partly do it because people sometimes just don't take "idk i didnt really like it" for an answer and I gotta explain. Also its kinda like a puzzle and I like puzzles

kayotics

Oh, on the topic of the question: one other thing that will hook me is whether or not the writing is exciting. For example, I mentioned being bored by some comics, but that doesn’t mean I’m looking for action all the time. What I’m looking for is for there to be something to latch on to. The most mundane story about laundry could be interesting to me if it’s written in a way that engages me.

A really good example of engaging writing in a mundane story is probably Sakana? https://www.sakana-comic.com/ The characters just. Work in a fish stall. But the story holds my interest even in the quiet moments because it’s crafted in a way that keeps developing the characters.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I can’t turn off my analysis mode. It just happens as I’m watching / reading in the background of my brain and there’s no control switch. Sometimes I wish there was so I don’t correctly predict the ending 1/4 of the way through and spoil it for myself. (I’m no longer allowed to make predictions along with my friends when we watch movies together).

Deo101

^^^^ SAME. BIG SAME.

My mom and sister are like that too so we all guess the ending and my dad gets lile >:( I Kno youre right and it's ruined now >:((

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

But agreeing with the above, I don’t want to fix another person’s story. I’m just always asking ‘What made this scene so effective?’ and ‘what made this part not so effective?’. I also map writing patterns, formulas, and file away ‘tells’ in my head as I go.

Me and my friends all like to talk during movies: making snarky comments or predictions. I’m just no longer allowed to do the latter because I will ruin the ending. XD

Deo101

Ahahahahahaha

Yeah I can't go to theaters I've been shushed so much. But its so hard not to talk for me

FeatherNotes

that's a very important skill to have with analysing things to the point of deconstructing them in your own work and making more effective narratives too! it's good to be aware of the content that you consume and really understand what made the work speak/effect you the way it did. Honestly these conversations are much more enjoyable to have than just 'my fave character is that bc they are funny' and it ends there (no shade on simply enjoying things here tho! I def do the same) but yea! being aware to that degree is a good skill for writing

sssfrs

@Glowbat (Aloe) You should read my comc

I’m sorry I’m like this I’m just so focused on what I’m working on its the only thing in my whole brain right now.

You said you like stories with themes and my mind was like themes? my story has themes

keii4ii

Calm down man! XD Though I can relate to brain being 100% focused on your OTP (One True Project)

sssfrs

I love analyzing media. I get bored of reading or watching things really quickly if I feel like I’m starting to understand the central message. Or maybe bored isnt the right word- more like satiated? If the work is really cohesive and Ive gotten the overall message I feel like ive fully enjoyed the media and had a good time

Like analyzing it is enough and then reading is just bomus

bonus

I’m so sorry

FeatherNotes

it's okay to be really into your own work haha! love that passion to keep you going--!

also the OTP acronym is rly cute omg

sssfrs

One True Project I just realized you saidb that that is really cute

Like I said I stop reading if I feel like I have the gist of something(edited)

I think its cool that a lot of us are saying we analyze things all the way and were also making our own stuff like does working on making your own thing cause you to view the details of the construction of the story in a different way?

DanitheCarutor

Like, does being analytical make us construct our stories differently than others? If so I wouldn't say it does for myself, but my visuals tend to get way overly detailed. To the point where important stuff tends to get drowned out, which is something I've been trying to work on. <_<'

keii4ii

It would definitely help with self-editing/ revisions, for one thing.

I don't think you need to be analytical every time you consume a story, but it helps to be able to turn analytical mode on?

Deo101

yeah for me its kind of always on unfortunately. if not when im watching then definitely after having finished

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, turning it off is near impossible. Ah thinking about it, I guess being overly-analytical kiiinda affects my story? (If that's what sssfrs meant) I remember some readers who've said they go back and forth to connect plot details, and the guy who does Webcomic Relief did a super small review where he went nuts analyzing everything. Even down to the reason behind my use of medium. Since I like analyzing I guess I subconsciously made a comic that can be analyzed, or something. Or maybe it's not actually that deep.

keii4ii

That makes sense, though. That we make comics that can be enjoyed the way we enjoy other stories.

I'm not much of a theorizer, so my comic isn't really optimized for theorizing. Though some people have still managed to come up with really cool theories!

DanitheCarutor

Pff I think every piece of media has those theorizers, it's just fun to do for some no matter if they're analyzing some deep piece or Blues Clues. I imagine those types of fans are fun to watch as a creator whether your work is geared for analysis or not.

Oh uh, I forgot to mention. Let me know if I'm getting a little out there, or getting off topic too much. Socializing properly is still something I'm trying to work on, along with the etiquette.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, I can’t turn off analysis mode either. It’s always running in the background.

sssfrs

I was saying more the other way around, like having experienced the process of creating a story, you think more about the work that goes into it and how the various pieces all come together in a different way than someone who's only ever consumed media linearly would be used to seeing it.

It could go the other way around too though that's interesting, then it's like "what drives people to make stories"?

RebelVampire

For me, there are three qualities that usually hook me in with a new comic. 1) An interesting premise. Not to say I think premises need to be unique, but it's more of a question is do I think it'll explore the premise in an interesting way. For an example, Maiden of the Machine https://maidenmachine.com/ It's not like steampunk is new or anything, but I really wound up liking the premise of it both being a romance and about high society politics with the steampunk setting. So, that drew me in a lot to keep reading. 2) A good balance of themes and story. I'm not a huge fan of comics that are more interested in exploring their themes over their story. I prefer stories where the narrative is the focus, and the theme feels like a natural consequence of the narrative. My example for this is actually the recent Week Long Bookclub comic Missing Pieces https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/missing-pieces/list?title_no=192867 I actually wasn't sure I was going to like it first, but I was super hooked once I started. There were lots of interesting themes to explore around death and revenge, but at the end, the story let me decide how to feel and focused on the narrative. 3) Theory-fodder stories. If there is lots of stuff to theorize about and that is easy to overanalyze based on the most miniscule of evidence, I'm pretty sold. This is the fact that really got me with Galebound http://www.galebound.com/ There were so many small hints and tidbits, both in the story and supplemental material, that I overread and overthought the heck out of this comic. I do wanna note, the things I look for and what hook me are arbitrary and based only on my personal preferences. There are a crap ton of objectively great webcomics out there that I have no interest in reading as a long term fan. Not cause they're bad, they just don't have things I'd personally enjoy reading in terms of being part of the comic's fandom.

[itsyueko]

.0736.

i so i’m practicing military time now. and i feel like since i talk about my feelings so much on here, that i can spill them out here as much as i feel. i’m just craving for that interaction without intentionally realizing itts. so i replied back to two messages friday evening (to guys). and realized i want to talk to more girlfriends tooos but fortunately my friend Hannah works with me night shifts except she’s part time because of school. And I’ve been adding and have been added as friends by my colleagues at work. One of them who very oddly resembles my ex ex before bc tall and lanky and very sarcastic and very filipino and cosplays with his wife and friends 😅 and when we’re at work hes supposed to be  the bedside shift report getting out of the day shift and i’d be the person he would report to bc nights.

And I guess because I’ve been updating my manager on things and letting her know my concerns and showing her consistency at work so far since my orientation training, I’ve also been updating my colleagues too but some of them (really only one or two of them 😒) enjoy gossiping about the other coworkers, mainly about my friend Hannah. It’s like you really have nothing better to do .-. Honestly if that patients were fine with her last night and only had one or two concerns that don’t involve YOU, and were just by their opinion or by pain even though your tech the previous night did everything they could and consistently ask for pain meds (even if theyre on scheduled ones AND not to mention even though I was on the brink of falling asleep the whole shift with only two hour sleeeps, I still saw and heard Hannah going in and out of the patients rooms during hourly rounding). On a serious note, this lady, Sylvia .-. she’s this thick african american accent who is also pretty new at work for about a month now from what my manager told me. She’s beautiful she’s this old lady with dark skin and hair braided and tucked half up/down. BUT, her manners during bedside shift report were not. 

My point is, I can talk with these guys. We can be catty and shit talk about each other, as long as we’re still giving that care to the patient. I realized I’m still irritable if only having 2-4 hours of sleep a day, so I’ll try to take Tim’s advice (former uic classmate/ former one week or month crush/current friend ish who’s friends with Katherine 😅 bc out of the blue he messaged me a few days ago and we were talking about nursing and his passion for sticking needles into patients and drawing their blood lmao) and try to sleep RIGHT AFTER getting home from work and getting settled obviously. idk, I just naturally wake up at 11 or noon from those naps and end up going to sleep at 6. So i guess that would be 5 hours of sleep sometimes but broken up in between throughout the day. I would have to have my alarm set for 8;45. LATELY, I’ve been wanting to go to work at 9:30 and be there at that time and then clock in at 9:53, because of looking over the kardexes and seeing if theyre updated or not. Obviously my plains just end up with me coming in 3 minutes before 10 anyway :/ and just scribbling away patient info on my nursing sheets. And then try to jump immediately into bedside report. I think I’ll be more considerate and aware because I know the PT(patient) will want to sleep right after getting their VS and having used the bathroom, being repositioned, and feeling more comfortable in bed. Fortunately, most of the 13-bed patient rooms in ortho on my unit, are alert and oriented. Theres been times where we will get a few extra people who are diagnosed for GI bleed, Hx pneumonia or other iso precautions BUT along with an ortho surgical thing, or nausea, etc. Most of the time these extra patients can walk, and at night time just assist standby as needed and check on them hourly rounds and doing garbage and linens in between. 

During the morning shift, our manager will be doing rounds on the patients and techs as well just like I’ve seen during my orientation training for mornings. She gave me a tip after orientation to make sure the room looks neat and tidy, even if they wanted to keep their linens in their room, make sure it all looks presentable, common sense etc. And then she’d go and ask how their night went, and depending if we’ve given them that care or not, then the most they’d complain about is just pain even if they’ve taken all their meds. And a tip she gave me for adjusting that pain, is maybe have a pillow underneath their surgical elbow to elevate it, or have a towel rolled up and put underneath the ankle/heel to relieve pressure. Offer to make sure their SCD’s are on and offer to reposition them. And the ones who are back surgicals (laminectomies) we’d have to make sure they get into bed safely and log roll them into position. So they’d have to trust their arms, elbows, and side of their bodies to maneuver themselves into bed, while we offer to support their legs or any part of their body to help them into bed. One of them the other day before my shift ended adn after bedside report, asked me if I would be working that evening again, and I told her sadly that i was off the weekend and she complimented me for my bedside care and was proud of herself that she was able to get back into bed and said her thanks for having given her a new gown to dress into because she was mostly sweating and getting cold/warm throughout the night. I had offered to change her linens at 3 in the morning because of a stain from her lower back dressing and made sure she knew that the nurse was informed also. And because she had her daughter come by yesterday there were a few chairs that kinda crowded the room so I made the space looked neater since she used a commode at the bedside. 

I think I’m getting used to it it’s been a first week for me on the floor without a preceptor. Technically that was supposed to be my second week by myself, BUT I asked my manager if I could have another week to practice and be on the floor to get used to the routine and just have someone there to assist whenever I needed it. She commended me for being honest and reassured that it would be an excellent idea considering she wants me to feel comfortable and confident on the floor. And at least during nights we don’t have to remove foleys (if their foleys were removed during the day, we would just make sure if they havent been urinating after 6-8 hours consistently that we would have a hat in there and possibly day shift before their shift ends would do a bladder scan). And at least at night we wouldn’t have to do iv removals, UNLESS, the patient asks for it on the very morning like 3-4 a.m if they were concerned about it and just wanted it removed on the day theyre getting discharged. Like the other day I had to remove one because a patient of mine was getting discharged to go to westmoreland/ECF (similar to nursing home/rehab care until they can go home) and was hoping she’d get the best care there like she had with me and a few other techs. This was the same patient who also appreciated me sharing with her my stories about writing and reading for fun or for just student train in tutoring a few semesters ago. So far, after being asked how nights went by several people, I’ve kept some key information in mind like if they wanted to walk around in the middle of the night then let the nurse know and also let them walk if they need to. Obviously not on the day fresh out of surgery, but when PT/OT says it’s okay and walk with them too. And be sure to be considerate of trash and their posessions like making sure their overbed table wasn’t cluttered with old tissues or that theyre phone or their spirometer (instrument patients use to measure air capacity bc we’d also need their saturation to be at 92/93+) was in reach if they needed or out of reach. 

So that was the gist of the first week, and then suddenly getting that message out of the blue by him. And it feels like earlier and yesterday I had all these thoughts running in my head about it or what-ifs like if I had been at uic longer and chosen to stay. Or etc. what-if in the future. I just wanted to write it down because it means something to me and having people from the past come back to you in a way where that interaction isn’t lost forever. I think what I learned from a couple of online classes and reading from lectures is at this certain age and before your 40′s, people tend to feel a lost of intimacy and identity still searching but that they try to fill in their time and everything. And I’m thankful at least he liked that I talked alot, as if I hadn’t talked about it in forever with someone and felt like I was just keeping it to myself and needed to spill what I felt. And he was glad he had someone to hear his thoughts and passions for perfusion and I think I just wanted insight on school and I think his parents are tryng to make him go back and do nursing. SOO if that’s the case, even though I told him to fight for what he wants to do, we might end up being in the same batch for nursing if I go to uic haha. Since i have the same plans to take anatomy at my school rn and a few other courses but for chamberlain or uic. It’s iffy right now and maybe there’s a chance as long as I have other schools backed up. I just like how after watching so many nursing and med student videos online, that it’s not too late to achieve your dreams, it’s not too late to start over 🌸☀️