#glad I persevered tho

[gothic-goon]

[aestherin]

Awww nooo heizou still lost 😔😔😔 but I really enjoyed typing my last ask. Still sad he lost tho

And ehem so what do you think abt kazuha smau in kmh please please please

Let me ramble abt my day HAHHAHAHAHA, this day was like a rollercoaster ride. I went to my shs school to grab some requirements for college. Tatlong tao sumingit sa pila para sa good moral??? I was too shy to tell them na may pila, but it was so obv pls there were like 3 of us sa pila tapos didiretso sila sa harap???

Pag uwi sinita ako ng guard, cause on going classes and akala yata ni kuyang guard cutting ako 😔😔😔. Then around mid afternoon, I got notified that I passed my interview for my selected course yay.

Also hooray because you updated before I end my day. Your smaus brightens my mood especially when tambak ako school works.

I hope you know that somewhere in the Philippines, you're one of the reasons why this girly persevered in shs. And I made it, graduated with high honors yay

- 🙂‍↕️

i love kazuha but maybe in the far future 😩

congratulations for passing the interviewww!! ❤️ and thank you for the sweet compliments huhu i love you 😔🫶 i'm glad i helped u somehow in your shs journey AAAA BEST OF LUCK WITH COLLEGE!! 💓

[aroaceconfessions]

Hello! I've been following this blog for a couple of days and I really like how it feels to relate to so many of what people say. Ya know, finally feeling like you get it, that so many people out there is saying that what you are as an aro ace is valid and you can also see different perspectives on being aroace. I wish I could've found this sooner.

So imma leave a long ask to share my experience.

I had a friend who told me that they had a crush on me. It was 3 or 4 years ago. And I didn't come out as aro ace at the time. I didn't even know what it was. I just read it in passing when a character from a game I played said they were aroace. Anyway, what I did to my friend who confessed made me, still to this day, guilty after he confessed. I became more snarky and kept telling him off. Just act normal or something because we were constantly being shipped in the classroom and it felt so uncomfortable and I hated it. Tho I didn't say anything to my friends becuase they thought it was routine for me to get made while they ship us. Part of the joke kinda thing. So I just persevered and tried to ignore it but I shouldn't have because the way I treated my friend was... Not horrible per se but it was definitely not friendly. I even tried putting distance between us. Tho I was glad that I just came out to them last year. I told them firmly and confessed about what I felt for so many years about the way they're shipping me. And I also told my friend. Because I belatedly realised or maybe even choose to then realise what I've been doing and I don't wanna lose a friend. I'm just glad that our friendship is still salvageable. No longer close gamer friends but I'll take what I can get. I just wish I could've said something sooner.

[crescenthoax]

We’re gonna square up by how dirty you keep doing Floris fr 😩 Main universe? Murdered and had her body desecrated. Christmas au? Cheated on and then the person who cheated on her is like Lol Yolo Ion even want you like that fr like she can’t catch a break 😭

Joking aside, I love seeing her relationship with Annika (and in the Christmas story, she has Helaena too) i’m just like she’s the sweetest girl in the world and deserves better fr. I just don’t know what that looks like, IDK if this was your intention but I truly don’t even know if she ever ended up with someone and was happy if that person could even be Aemond bc while I love your version of Aemond seeing him lowkey screw her over twice kind of worries me 😭 but at the same time, it makes everything juicier.

Annika and Aegon’s toxic but persevering relationship in this au is really fascinating to read about especially with the details of the history you gave them with Freya and the ball, so you’re really good at creating like such compelling dramatic narratives bc ugh I was just so hooked. I love how Not Simple it all is.

Okay I KNOW. I KNOW I tend to do Floris dirty but if you really think about it🤓 it’s all for the plot! Like I promise you in the main universe she’s really happy in heaven or whatever and she’s sipping tea with Helaena. I promise someday I’ll give her a break and she’ll have the happy ending she deserves... I don’t think she belongs with Aemond tho, he’s such a fail and does not deserve our girlie (he’s aware of that so as long as he’s suffering and punishing himself for it everything is perfectly balanced).

On the other hand, I’m really glad you liked the story and the entire Aegon and Freya drama and believe me we’re not done with Aegon’s past cause that boy has some serious issues and so much guilt I can’t even begin to tell you. Fun fact: I wanted to write something simple and now that I’m finishing it I cannot stop thinking about all the Aegon/Freya/Annika lore. I hate myself.

[planetpiastri]

pairing: lando norris x fem!fewtrell!reader [no faceclaim, reader is faceless] summary: you've had a crush on your brother's best friend for years now, but haven't had the guts to tell him. but christmas is about telling people how you feel, and this ski trip might be the perfect chance. notes: tumblr tried to kill me dead and stop this smau from getting released but i persevered bc delivering wholesome christmas content is a full-time job. also as a disclaimer... i have never been skiing. so hopefully this doesn't suck. anyways merry christmas thanks for all the love over the last few months!

ynfewtrell

liked by team_quadrant, landonorris, and 84,038others

ynfewtrell ski trip part one: the fewtrell siblings venture into the wilderness

view all 1,897 comments

username1 OMG YN AND QUADRANT CONTENT COMING SOON

maxfewtrell Doing me dirty

ynfewtrell it's a full-time job

alex_albon whose dog did you kidnap?

ynfewtrell don't worry about it

landonorris posting as if i was not on aux for the three hour drive we took together :(

ynfewtrell your aux skills are exactly why you didn't get posted

ynfewtrell

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, and others

ynfewtrell ski trip part two: this shit EZ

view all 1,504 comments

maxfewtrell I have footage of you falling over several times

ynfewtrell no you don't because that didn't happen

username2 that shit is breathtaking dawg

landonorris built different 💪

username3 ok yn in her photographer era

landonorris i took two of these ynfewtrell no free promo if i post it before your jpg account it's mine

landonorris

liked by ynfewtrell, team_quadrant, and 811,034 others

landonorris the most wonderful time of the year with the most wonderful kind of people

view all 12,765 comments

username4 aw lando and his emotional support fewtrell siblings

team_quadrant Are we just chopped liver?? landonorris yea

username5 yn is actually SO pretty omg

maxfewtrell I can't believe you've done this

landonorris 😁

username6 bring back your jpg account

ynfewtrell post the video of you falling and sliding into that big snow bank

landonorris only if i can slide into you ynfewtrell what landonorris what three comments were deleted by landonorris

liked by logansargeant, landonorris, and others

ynfewtrell ski trip part three: being both holly AND jolly this season

view all 2,180 comments

username7 yn is such a g for giving us lando content

oscarpiastri I would not trust him with an animal

username8 BAHAHA OSCAR COMING OUT OF HIATUS TO ROAST LANDO

maxfewtrell Glad my tree decorating services aren't going unnoticed

username9 ok but you're slaying the all-white look

landonorris she holly on my jolly till i

ynfewtrell no no finish the sentence

landonorris

liked by mclaren, ynfewtrell, and 843,876 others

landonorris totally normal christmas where nothing exciting happened. definitely didn't fall in love with my best friend's sister and kiss her under the mistletoe.

view all 15,327 comments

username10 I KNEW I WASN'T CRAZY I SAW THOSE DELETED COMMENTS

ynfewtrell that'd be crazy if it happened. good thing it didn't.

landonorris exactly what i'm saying

username11 the unicorn helmet LMAO

username12 girl u are focusing on the WRONG PART OF THIS POST

mclaren Take him to the moon for me 🥹🧡💫

username13 BYE team_quadrant Back off, they're ours

maxfewtrell Ugh you guys are both so annoying. Happy for you tho

ynfewtrell ? landonorris wym? nothing happened maxfewtrell Nvm die miserable

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, and others

ynfewtrell ski trip part four: christmas magic ❤️💚🎄🌟 (+ proof that we did, in fact, fall over skiing)

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maxfewtrell Finally

ynfewtrell 14 year old me is giggling squealing kicking her feet rn landonorris ew do u have a crush on me or something ynfewtrell NO SHUT UP

username14 pelting ur new bf with a snowball is such a funny hard launch

team_quadrant Cute

ynfewtrell thanks for the invite pls keep giving me free merch

oscarpiastri I just know that the snowball was deserved

ynfewtrell yea that was his punishment for not making a move sooner landonorris i'm a little slow okay

username15 wahh i'm gonna miss yn's posts now that the ski trip is over 💔

landonorris i love you btw ❤️

ynfewtrell 🤭💐❤️

[kikker-oma]

Aw I'm sorry you've been down🥺 I'm proud of you for persevering through it tho! You can do it❤️ what Zelda game is it?? Sounds super cool that it has its own display case🤗

Oooohhh we LOVE a good Sky angst fic😈😈😈😈 I'm gonna have to revisit your lovely fic list and read what you've got! I'm glad it's cathartic and hopefully getting you out of your writing rut!

I've been in a drawing rut, so I feel for you🥴 I'm trying to get out of mine by doing some quick anatomy studies. Smart to go back to a topic youre comfortable with so you can get yourself realigned!

I will gladly inhale that cookie🥰 thank you lovely hehe

I'm doing good tho! I traveled twice last month. I got to see one out of state sister get engaged and last week I traveled to see a different out of state sister, her kids, AND a friend! It was a busy month for sure but fulfilling haha.

HI MAJOR, LOVELY FRIEND❤️❤️❤️

How are you doing? Is all well in your world?

What story are you working on rn?

Oh hello, Kikker! Good to hear from you! :)

I'm okay, been a little down for the last few days due to some stuff happening but it's nothing I can't handle. Picked up the Zelda Game & watch tho which makes it better. (It's very cool, has its own little display box if I remember I'll get a picture later)

Story? I'm working on something I've called Who Watches the Watcher, it's a Sky-centric angst fic because I just needed something self-indulgent to sink my teeth into for a bit. Been in a real spot of writer's block for the last few weeks and I figured why not go back to what I'm good at to see if it helps.

Thanks for checking in, I appreciate you. I've got some cookies around here if you'd like one. :)

How are you? What's going on in your life? All is well I hope?

[leviadraws]

I very nearly didn't post this because colouring it took so long it's now a whole month and a bit of a belated birthday, whoops. Sorry Vettel, maybe I'll be on time next year.

[tinnchan]

@thiansong

EP 1 THOUGHTS!!!!!!! had to go to sleep yesterday but here i am now

first of all i really enjoyed it. but also it made me cry already and i wasn't mentally prepared for that. they said let's see how much trauma we can inflict on this little gay boy in the span of one episode. i'm adopting thian and taking him away from that house. we're going to chinese opera together and i'm buying him all the prettiest hairpins. no but how can you treat a child like that???? he literally was just playing wtf leave him alone!!!!! i want to jump into the screen and protect him with my life

the way the wives are looking at each other with fierce eyes is really funny ngl. and the fake ass cgi snake 💀 when that aunty brewed the potion and healed thian i was about to stan but then she turned out homophobic :/

also the brotherly bond 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 you both mentioned it and i can see it already. when yang asked thian to perform for him??? and said that he'll take him to see the opera even though he clearly wasn't into it himself 🥺 best ally since kindergarten. they mean so much to me already

it is not fair that the ep ended with grown up thian and i won't be able to watch the next ep until monday 😭 btw how old is he supposed to be?

about the tender gay romance it all went by very quickly but i remember a scene where thian is sleeping on a table and the other guy is treating a tiny wound on his finger? at least that's how i saw it. now do i generally like the wound tending trope? not really. but this? this made me go 😳🥺 and also that moment when thian was looking up at the guy with sooo much love in his eyes

- @ahxu-laowen

adding to my first ep thoughts (idk if you got that ask tho my internet kept lagging 😭) i might be crazy but i got some ~vibes~ from the man who told them about the cut sleeves idk what was that about they kept focusing on him 👀 is he secretly gay and in love with tian's dad or what. but imagine being tian and the first time you hear the word homosexual is in those circumstances. and then you hear your mom say that you are acting like that man who got kicked out by your dad and then killed himself and she cries and tells you that you can never ever be like that or you'll lose everything and punishes you. and then you grow up and realise that you are like that man. what kind of future can he see for himself with all this trauma. god this is so fucked up i want to throw hands also idk about bua (?? the mistress really not sure if that's her name or something i cane up with) like she's too good. i don't trust that. she will either do something bad or something bad will happen to her. but for now i like her 🥺 she found out what homosexual meant and immediately bacame an ally sorry for being incoherent akhshks i'm rotating the first ep in my head like it's a microwave. why did i start watching this when i knew i won't be able to continue until three days later 😭😭😭😭 - @ahxu-laowen

First of all, I am so sorry I took this long to reply and deprived Quan of your episode 1 thoughts. This was utterly responsible as co-holder of the cojoint to sir with love, ask box. I shall endeavour to respond much more promptly from now on.

I am so so so glad you enjoyed it! And oof, YES. The first episode was INTENSE. I feel so so bad for Zhang and his lover and young Tian who had to witness this tragedy and it being used against him as a source of shame. Oof. Forever slightly confused that Madam Li saw his very young son dress up as a Chinese opera heroine once and and immediately concluded that yes, this is a raging homosexual in the making. Which, sure, kinda but I hate that she is right in this instance. I want nothing more than to tag along with you as you kidnap young Tian and shower him with the love and affirmation he deserves and a 1000 hairpins. T H E C G I S N A K E S. I nearly dropped the show cause I was laughing too hard but im glad i persevered. THE BROTHERLY LOVE. Let me just say that we must also kidnap Yang because there's no Tian without Yang. They love each other so fiercely it is absolutely the core of the show and my favourite part about it and I cannot wait for you to witness it. They are absolutely everything. When you said tender gay yearning I went "pff...you mean all of their scenes together" but it totally makes sense that it's THAT scene. I am glad that you like Bua but I shall not expand more in case I accidentally spoil you on whether or not she stays wholesome and pure and an #ally. Same thing for the guy who is suspiciously knowledgeable about the legend of the cut sleeve. Mayhaps he is just Mr exposition guy..mayhaps he is more. We shall see. Also...Omg?! I don't know how you are managing because I remember that episode finishing on these shots of a grown up Tian smiling to his notebook and my heart nearly exploded inside my chest I immediately had to click onto the next episode.

[mysteryman-17]

* These overgrown, abandoned buildings really creep me out. * ...And yet, I need to keep going all the same.

Time’s End is an AHIT/Undertale crossover AU of sorts, taking place in the aftermath of a timeline where you lose the final boss fight against Mustache Girl. You can find the write-up here! In addition, you can find the write-ups for the Neutral Endings and TimeWarp Route Requirements on Google Drive! The image in the thumbnail was taken from Overgrown Metro, a level mod on the AHIT Steam Workshop. Be sure to check it out!

The Empress takes on Undyne's role. Mustache Girl's extreme crackdown on crime at the beginning of her reign killed the Nyakuza dead in its tracks, forcing them to go deep into hiding under the grounds of their former Metro. Now their one and only goal is just surviving to live another day. The Empress is ruthless in guarding her home, and will stop at nothing to ensure an intruder’s swift demise. Nyakuza Hideout has more than earned its reputation as an off limits zone as a result. Doesn't exactly help that, for a... rather weird reason, she and her Nyakuza really dislike Bow. (Going into specifics would make this character blurb way longer than it already is.)

Here's a track I somewhat worried would never be finished; the Waterfall replacement for Time's End. Not only was there initially a lot of trouble conceptualizing the idea for this one, but to add on that, the transcription for what I finally settled on was a real pain in the ass! (And sidenote, it's low-key a little sad that this is the first time EVER that anything fan-based has been done using Rumbi Factory, to my knowledge. It's a rly underappreciated track on AHIT's OST.) Really glad I persevered and kept pushing through with this tho, am incredibly happy with how it turned out. Big thanks goes to my friend @divine-knight for her feedback as the mixing was being finalized, really helped bring certain things together! And on that note, I hope you guys enjoy! :)

You can also listen to this track in high quality on my SoundCloud here!

[honey-milk-depresso]

Meanie (Azul Ashengrotto x Reader) 7

Part 1,

part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8 (END)

1 month before Y/n pass away.

“So you accept the offer?”

You nodded, slightly jerking a bit.

“Okay, I’ll take your book. I’ll do it for you. Thank you for considering, y/n.”

You nodded slightly, before turning back to the window.

You heard Trey’s footsteps slowly fading until all you heard was nothing.

The eerie silence of you being alone reminded you,

death is approaching near.

=============================================================

“Y/n?”

You turned to see Azul standing by the door frame. You smiled weakly as you gestured him to come over. You had become weaker and weaker as days passed by.

“I brought you some snacks. And plum wine. Just, drink a bit only..” Azul said, putting down a plastic bag filled with goods onto your night stand as he took a seat.

“Thanks..”

“Your welcome.”

Azul hated seeing you like this. His usually energetic and cheerful friend slowly succumbing to the hands of death.

The Huntington’s disease has made you more and more depressed, more and more tired and harder and harder for you to speak.

You persevered through this harsh battle of keeping yourself together, but you slowly felt little by little of you crumbling away.

Yet, you smiled. Because you didn’t want to worry Azul.

Azul wanted to spend the most amount of time with you. He wants you to be happy before you leave this world. He’ll make sure of it.

“So.. I’ve been thinking..” you started, Azul listening attentively.

“Should I eat the seaweed chips or the sour cream chips?”

Azul snorted. You are just so funny.

“Both.”

He opened the two bags for you and laid them on your lap, carefully trying to not spill the crumbs on your sheets.

“Ehhh, plum wine..?”

“Got it.”

He took out the plum wine and opened the small glass bottle, gently giving it to you.

“Here .”

“Thanks!”

You sipped it. It’s nice knowing you get quiet moments like this with Azul. The type of silence was comforting to you, that assured you that he’s always there for you.

“Ahhh~ Nice~!”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Of course I do!”

Another moment of the comfortable silence.

“Hey.. Azul? Can I ask you something..?”

“Of course.”

It’s been stuck with you. Your own romantic feelings towards Azul. You have to tell him before you die. Even if he rejects you... you were gonna die regardless.. and remain as friends...right?

“Remember we went to.. Rose Kingdom..?”

“Yes.”

You took the plushie beside your pillow, clutching it close to your chest.

“Thanks..”

“You don’t have to thank me for something I wanted to do.”

He smiled.

Meanie, you’re making me falling harder for you and more difficult to confess.

“Having you as my best friend... has been really fun... and I-” you paused.

“I..” Crud, you didn’t know the right words.

“It’s okay, take your time. I’m right here,” Azul placed a hand gently on your shoulder, now rubbing gentle circles on your back.

“I love you,” you confessed abruptly, closing your eyes shut.

“...What?”

“I love you.”

You felt the pricks of tears from yours eyes, threatening to fall.

You wanted to tell Azul a million things, but you just couldn’t find the right words. It was absolute torture. Every thing you wanted to say to him from day one all lost.

You cried, tears flowing down freely as you sobbed.

Finally, you choked out, “I- I want to l- live... a- and tell you m-more-”

Azul took your one hand that was clutching onto the octopus plushie and placed it on his chest, where his heart was. He moved his face closer to yours.

“Look at me.”

It took a couple of seconds to realized, but you slowly turned your face to his, puffy red eyes and sniffing.

He leaned in towards your lips, and pressed his own on yours.

Your mind was hazy. What is going on? Is he.. really kissing you?

He parted before you could even connect the dots, and he looked firmly and directly into your eye.

“You don’t have to say anything. I can already see all those million words in your eyes.”

He smiled at you.

“And no one else is going to kiss you when your lips reek plum wine,” he gently cupped your left cheek,

“because I’m the one doing it.”

Azul loves you. He really does. 

You burst into more tears.

=============================================================

5 more days before Y/n pass away

“Azul?”

Trey was accompanied by Jade to Azul’s office. Azul was finished with his paperwork and was preparing himself to meet you once more.

“Trey-senpai?”

“Here. I got something for you.”

Trey passed Azul a notebook labelled ‘for Azul Ashengrotto’.

“Y/n wanted me to give this to you. They wish for you to read it after they died.”

“Oh..”

Azul took the notebook in hand. He stared at the book. This wasn’t their handwriting at all. Did Trey helped them write it? He decided to shrug it off, trusting his senior.

“Thank you very much, Trey-senpai.”

He put the notebook on your his table.

=============================================================

Technically since you already confessed to each other, you two were dating.

Every date happened in the infirmary, which was pretty depressing, but you and him were already happy with the fact you two loved each other, and got to spend time with each other before you die.

“Y/n?”

He peeked his head. There he saw you snoring, clutching onto the octopus plushie. 

He smiled, approaching you quietly as he took seat beside you like always. He watched you sleep, as you your chest heave up and down.

“Y/n?”

You jerked up, head twitching a lot in response.

“AH!”

“WOAH, Y/N?? I’M SO SORRY!”

“HUH WHO-?”

You turned to face Azul.

“Oh.. it’s just you.”

“Y- yeah..”

An awkward silence.

Then you realized. He saw you sleeping.... hugging the octopus plushie like a toy.

“YOU SAW ME HUGGING MY PLUSHIE?!”

“Well.. um.. I didn’t mean to?!”

“MEANIE I-”

You buried your face in your hands, burning in embarrassment.

“Sorry.. I-” you opened a gap between your fingers to show one eye looking at him, “I’m just ashamed of looking childish...”

“No, no. You aren’t. If it helps you sleep, it’s fine. You’re not childish for hugging toys, y/n.”

You sighed. “Yeah..”

He cupped your cheeks as he gently brought your lips with his. He rested his forehead on yours.

“You are perfect just the way you are.”

=============================================================

You better reblog-

Nahhh just kidding-

but if you want I don’t mind, not forcing you tho-

I just wanna say thanks for sticking with me with this long ass story-

thank you! Have a good day!!!!

[yikestripes]

Under the Mistletoe

request: Hey, I've got a Spence request! It's Christmas at the FBI, and the team has done Secret Santa, and you got Spencer, your best friend who you have fancied since you started at the FBI 5 years ago. You all go to Rossi's to spend the evening and morning, so you can all drink & not drive home. After presents and a few drinks, you and Spence end up under the mistletoe where he declares his feelings in front of the whole team, who encouraged him to tell you how he feels, before you arrived to the party

a/n: i didn’t expect to write this much, it was 7 pages on google docs. i am pretty proud of this tho.

warnings: FLUFF

word count: 3.6k

You looked around at the lights and garland that had adorned the bullpen as you entered the BAU for the first time after arriving home from the case. You grinned from ear to ear like a child as you took in the sight. Spencer was right behind you, pausing to take in the sight beside you. He looked down at you, still in awe, and smiled. You looked so beautiful to him under all those shining lights, and you just looked happier than you had in recent weeks. Christmas was usually tough for you anyway, and this year was no exception. Nonetheless, you persevered. Rossi had been planning a BAU Christmas party for a little bit over a month, with the help of you and Garcia, to make it the most magical Christmas any of you had had in a pretty long time. Needless to say, getting home from the case was more exciting than it usually was.

You tugged your go bag back to your desk and plopped down in your chair, rubbing your eyes. It was around 7pm and you all were going to Rossi’s right from the office to start the festivities. Knowing you wouldn’t be driving home, you had a second go bag packed and ready in your car, along with Spencer’s since you guys had carpooled. When you started at the BAU around 5 years ago, you and Spencer instantly became best friends. Granted, it took him a long time to really break out of his shell of awkwardness, but even then he was very comfortable around you. It was something about you that really made him feel, for lack of a better word, special. Not in the way that he was typically treated for being a genius, but just for being Spencer. That’s what Spencer loved most about you- the way you admired him for just being him. Not because he was a child prodigy and not because he was a genius. He was just Spencer.

Not to mention you always let him ramble and spill facts without ever telling him to shut up, or even interrupting him. Nevertheless, you quickly became very close, especially when you learned your apartment was right down the street from his. That’s when you two started carpooling to the office together. You always stopped at the local coffee shop or Starbucks to feed your coffee addictions, and went home around the same time every night. Spencer always made sure you made it inside safe, and vice versa. The funny thing was, for as incredible as you both were at your jobs as profilers for the BAU, neither of you had the faintest idea that you were in love with each other. Everyone in the entire building knew except for you two. Even Hotch was rooting for you two to get together.

“Ready to go, Spence?” You asked, shooting him a huge grin. He grins back and nods, throwing his bag over his head like he always did. You followed him out the door and to your car and drove yourselves to Rossi’s mansion. The ride was relatively quiet, Spencer had whipped out the book he started on the plane because he absolutely had to know how it ended, and of course he could finish it before you made it to Rossi’s.

“Did you do the secret santa?” You asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah. Did you?”

“Yep.” You smiled to yourself. You actually got Spencer, and you couldn’t have been more excited. Regardless of whether you had gotten him for secret santa, you were planning to get him a little something anyway. Actually, a few things. You wracked your brain for a few days, wondering what Dr. Spencer Reid would like that he didn’t already have. Of course, you started with a giftcard to his favorite bookstore, along with the newest edition of his favorite collection of Edgar Allen Poe stories. You also got him a giftcard to Starbucks, to make up for all the times he’d paid for your coffee, despite your protests. You made him your famous chocolate chip cookies and your favorite thing? The Halloween Christmas sweater you’d found and KNEW you had to get it for him. He never understood the point of an ugly Christmas sweater, so you figured you would get one that celebrates his favorite holiday with the edition of it celebrating Christmas. You could already see the look on his face when he opened his gifts later that night.

“Hey Spence, can you help me?” Spencer only brought a gift bag with the edition of his overnight bag, meanwhile you had a couple bags, along with two bottles of wine for Rossi and your own overnight bag. He grabbed your overnight bag and a bottle of wine and headed up to the door with you following behind, praying you didn’t slip on any ice.

You made it to the door unscathed, being greeted by Prentiss who was already a glass of wine deep.

“It’s party time!” She said upon opening the door. You and Spencer grinned and followed her inside, kicking the door shut behind you. Everyone was already there, starting on the spiked eggnog drinks without you guys.

“Hey, I told you guys to wait for us!” You whined as you set your presents underneath Rossi’s massive Christmas tree. The others looked away and took sips of their drinks, earning a small glare from you. You opted to start with a glass of white wine and escalate from there later. You took a long sip as you sat along the counter beside JJ. She held up her hands in mock defense.

“I told them they should wait but no one ever listens to me!” You giggled a little and patted JJ’s shoulder sympathetically.

“I hear you. They never listen to me either,” You said, shooting a look in Spencer’s direction in particular. As if he felt your eyes on his back, he turned around and looked at you. When he saw you were already looking at him, he raised his eyebrows in question. You shook your head and he shrugged, returning to his conversation with Morgan and Rossi. Penelope was doing peppermint vodka shots with Prentiss while Hotch watched, somewhat amused as Emily started choking on hers. You smiled as you watched your friends ease into the party so quickly after such a long case. It warmed your heart to see them relaxed.

“I don’t know, Rossi. What if it ruins our friendship?” Reid asked, his voice small. He only softened his voice like that when he was unsure of himself.

“Look, kid. I may be old, but I do have eyes. She loves you, Reid.” Rossi said.

“Trust me, Pretty Boy. Everyone here sees the way you look at each other.” Derek agreed, taking a sip of his beer.

Spencer chewed on his lip thoughtfully when he felt eyes on his back. He turned back to see you staring at him, where you began giggling with JJ. Spencer raised his eyebrows as if to ask, “Did you need me?” and you shook your head. He shrugged and turned back to Rossi, who was smirking. He shared a look with Derek and walked over to Hotch, who was now forcing Emily to drink more water.

“Like I said, trust me.” Derek said quietly as he left Spencer in the center of the kitchen to his thoughts. They were quickly interrupted as Rossi announced it was time for presents. Spencer grinned, this was what he was the most excited for. He had you for secret santa and he knew he really nailed his gift to you this year. He knew you better than anyone, and thanks to his eidetic memory, he knew everything that you had mentioned in passing were small things that you wanted. Including the necklace that you’d pointed out in the jewelry shop down the street from your apartments 8 months and 29 days ago, on your way to Starbucks. You gazed at it longingly every single time you passed by, but never could justify purchasing it for yourself.

“Alright kiddos, gather round.” Rossi said. Everyone made their way to the couches and sat as you helped to hand out presents.

“Morgan, these are yours. No one open anything until everyone has a gift!” You stared at Emily in particular, who grinned sheepishly. Hotch placed a hand on her leg and smiled at her, knowingly.

“JJ, this bag is yours. Hmm, Garcia this one is yours, Emily, Hotch,” You handed them out one by one. “Ah, here’s yours Spence.” You hauled a couple bags over, and his eyes widened at the sheer amount of stuff adorning both bags.

“Here’s yours, Rossi, and I just found mine!” You sat on the floor and crossed your legs out in front of you.

“Alright, how are we doing this?” Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do we all just open at the same time orrr…”

“No, someone can go first and each person who has the person opening goes next, makes sense?” Everyone nodded. “Rossi, you can go first since you oh so graciously hosted. And are letting us stay the night.” You added. Everyone laughed as David shook his head, quickly tearing into the bright wrapping paper. His jaw dropped slightly as he pulled out a box of cigars.

“I told you before, my dad was a cigar aficionado. I know what you like, Rossi.” Derek winked. Rossi rose and said a few words of excitement in Italian before kissing Derek on both cheeks and pulling him into a hug. He laughed and clapped Rossi on the back before returning to his seat, and digging into the gift bag in front of him.

“Alright, I see you secret santa!” Derek pulled out a Chicago Cubs baseball jersey, along with a few other baseball related things.

“I had to delve a bit more into the sports world than I’m used to, but i’m really glad you like it.” Emily smiled. He pulled her into a tight hug.

“Okay Em, you can go.” You wiggled your eyebrows as she fake glared, ripping her wrapping paper to shreds.

“Oh my God! I love it!” Prentiss held up a couple different books by her favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut. JJ grinned.

“Look deeper.” Prentiss dug deeper into the bag and pulled out a beautiful set of hand painted wine glasses.

“JJ, these are beautiful!” Prentiss gave her a hug and started taking them out of the box and passing them around to those that were drinking wine, or planned on it later. She disappeared into the kitchen to clean the glasses and fetch the wine.

“Alright JJ, it’s your turn!” You were especially eager for this one, knowing that Spencer would be coming up soon and you could finally see the look on his face. You’d had the gifts in your possession for 2 weeks and his turn could not come fast enough.

Finally, it was Spencer’s turn. You watched as he tore into the neatly wrapped gift box first. You knew he’d open that one first because it was the biggest box. He pulled the sweater out, seemingly confused at first, before it dawned on him.

“Oh my God, it’s a Halloween Christmas sweater! I love it!” He grinned and took off his blazer, revealing the tshirt beneath. He threw the sweater overtop and pulled the sleeves to his elbows, grinning with the joy of a little kid. He was so excited that he almost forgot about the other presents on the floor beside him. He finally made eye contact with you and you indicated he had other things to open. He sat back down, a slight blush crossing his cheeks as he opened the book and gift cards.

“I love everything, thank you so so much, (Y/N).” He said, the look on his face screaming genuine happiness and excitement.

“Actually, there’s one more thing.” He furrowed his eyebrows as you snuck around behind the tray, retrieving the tin of cookies you’d hidden back there, fully knowing the vulchers you called friends would find them if you put them anywhere else. Spencer’s jaw dropped.

“Are those your famous chocolate chip cookies?!” He asked, incredulous. He knew they were incredibly special to you, which is why it was so rare for you to make them. You grinned and nodded. He jumped up, threw the tin on the sofa, and pulled you into a hug. He picked you up a little, causing you to giggle uncontrollably.

“Thank you endlessly, (Y/N).” He said quietly, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek. A deep blush rose to your cheeks. As you both pulled away, you noticed Spencer was blushing like crazy too.

“I guess that leaves me!” You said, noticing everyone else had opened their presents. You grinned as you dug into yours, pulling out a Starbucks gift card, a new Starbucks tumbler to replace the one you broke a few weeks back, the anniversary copy of your favorite book, (Y/F/B), and finally, a small, blue velvet box was crammed at the very bottom of the back. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and opened it with a gasp. You snapped your head up to meet Spencer, who was grinning at you sheepishly, his cheeks tinted bright pink.

“I-I knew you’ve been l-looking at that necklace for months, so….” He trailed off, breaking eye contact to stare at the floor. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “If you don’t like it I can take it back,” You stared at him in awe as tears threatened.

“Spence,” You said breathlessly, touching the necklace with a careful finger. “I love it, thank you so much.” Everyone in the room shared a look, fully knowing what was coming. You and Spencer were so busy with each other, that you didn’t notice when Rossi silently ushered the others out of the room and into the hallway to watch.

“Would you mind putting it on for me?” You asked quietly, handing Spencer the small box with a shaky hand.

“S-sure.” Spencer silently cursed his shaking hands as he fiddled with the clasp for a minute, before it clicked into place.

“Thanks.” You glanced up at the tall, lanky Doctor, when something a few feet above his head caught your eye. You gestured up at it, catching his attention.

“Mistletoe.” You said quietly. You got up on your tiptoes and placed a warm, soft kiss on his cheek, earning a blush from Spencer. A weird look came across his face when he suddenly grabbed your face, and crashed his lips into yours. You immediately melted into both Spencer and the kiss, forgetting where you were for just a moment as it was just you and him, alone together.

You pulled apart for air breathlessly, as you looked into the face of what used to be your best friend. That barrier had absolutely been shattered, but when Spencer broke out into a small, shy smile, you knew that it was meant to be that way.

“I…. I’ve been in love with you for the last 4 and a half years. It didn’t take me long at all to realize that you were the most beautiful girl in the world, but when I realized how smart, funny, and caring you were? I knew it was over for me. I didn’t say anything for the last few years because I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” You whispered, placing a hand on his cheek. He leaned into your touch, and smiled a little more.

“Losing you.”

“You’ll never lose me. Not ever.” You shook your head defiantly, and placed another kiss on his lips. This one was much quicker, but filled with all the love and words that hadn’t been spoken until just now, and any words you could ever hope to say. Your friends cheered from beside you as you buried your head in Spencer’s chest, embarrassed. There were rounds and rounds of congratulations, told you so’s, and even a few bets had apparently been placed. You glared as they exchanged money and sheepish grins. You shook your head as you followed your friends into Rossi’s kitchen to continue getting your drink on.

**

It had been a few hours since Spencer’s confession, and to celebrate, you had accidentally had a few drinks too many. You started playing a drinking game with Derek and Prentiss that you had ceremoniously named “Beerio Cart”, and played several rounds since you were the champion. You grinned proudly, Spencer placing a plastic crown you all had found the last time you were at Rossi’s on top of your head, much to Derek’s ego’s chagrin. Following that, you had a few shots with Hotch and Garcia, followed up by the peppermint schnapps Penelope had prepared. Needless to say, the entire team was pretty hammered. IN the last few hours of the evening, Spencer had opted to drink more water and sober himself up slightly in order to save himself the pain the following day.

Rossi was on the same page as Spencer, not to mention the older Italian man’s tolerance was that of a bull. He could probably drink an entire bottle of wine and still be under the legal limit. He had retired to bed around 12:30am, fully aware that he was going to have to cook breakfast for his hungover “children” the following morning. You, Spencer, Prentiss, and Derek were the last ones awake, and now Derek had decided to retire to bed.

“Goodnight, and Merry Christmas.” Derek slurred, tripping up the stairs a little bit. It was the last round of Beerio Cart with Prentiss and Hotch that had done Derek in. Hotch had gone to bed shortly after that, Emily promising him that she would be up shortly after. That was 2 hours ago, and Emily was still downstairs with you and Spencer. She looked around, seeing that everyone except you two had gone to bed, and you were quickly crashing. She shrugged and stumbled up the stairs, managing to make it to her room with Hotch relatively easily. At least it was the first one at the top of the stairs.

Spencer turned his attention to you, and smiled warmly. You were starting to fall asleep standing up. He’d seen you do this a few times before, and usually was able to coax you into either laying your head on his lap if you were on the jet or on his shoulder if you were going to be in the SUVs.

“(Y/N), are you ready to go to bed?” You opened your eyes slowly and blinked, processing his question slowly. You nodded and rubbed your eyes, smearing your makeup all over the place. Spencer smiled a little and guided you to your room, sitting you on the bed.

“Close your eyes, love.” You complied quietly as Spencer gently wiped your makeup off. He tucked you into your bed and placed a kiss on your forehead, turning to leave. He felt you grab his wrist and turned around, caught totally off guard. You were sitting up, wearing your best puppy dog eyes face.

“Stay with me?” You said in such a soft voice, that made Spencer’s heart melt. He glanced at the door, then back at you, where you were still pleading with your eyes. He gave in, took off his shoes, and climbed in beside you. He wrapped an arm around you and you laid on his chest, quickly falling asleep to the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat.

***

You began stirring when the smell of pancakes wafted up the stairs and into your room. You scrunched your face at the harshness of the light peaking through the windows, and felt the onset headache.

“Fuck.” You whispered, rubbing your temples.

“Good morning.” Spencer said quietly beside you, sitting up to lean on his elbow. He donned his glasses and his scruff was already growing slightly.

“Good morning, Spence.” You said, your voice still raspy. You looked at the bedside table in search of your phone and saw two ibuprofen tablets and some water. You gulped them down gratefully and immediately felt relief.

You and Spencer made your way downstairs, greeting by the sight of your hungover friends, and Rossi, who was flipping pancakes and bacon at the stove.

“Oh look who decided to join us! The reigning Beerio Cart champion.” He smirked. You saw the crown sitting on the kitchen table and you grabbed it, placing it on top of your head.

“I stand by that wholeheartedly.” You said, folding your arms over your chest. Rossi shrugged.

“If you say so, kid.” You took a seat beside Hotch, who was rubbing circles into Emily’s back on the other side of him. She looked about as bad as you felt, and you instantly hoped you didn’t look like that, especially not in front of Spencer. As if he could hear your thoughts, he smiled at you, and you smiled back. You glanced down at his lips and flicked your eyes back up to meet his, when he closed the gap and pecked you on the lips. You grinned and a blush rose to your cheeks, as you munched on the pancakes Rossi set before you.

“Please tell me you two aren’t always going to be that sickeningly adorable.” Garcia said, wearing her sunglasses inside. You laughed a little, feeling a pain shoot through your brain. You groaned slightly, busying yourself with your pancakes. Spencer made you a bloody mary, spouted out facts about the origin of the drink, the useful properties of it, and anything else he’d known about it. You listened as you sipped, starting to feel just a little bit better. Whether that was with the help of the bloody mary or Spencer, you already knew the answer.

It was Spencer.

[leggomylino]

Welcome, Welcome, 2021

Big sigh.

The goal was originally for me to make a new year’s post on Jan. 3rd, the date of my official return, however...after being tagged in so many kind and awe-inspiring posts, I just had to do one before midnight.

2020 was a crazy year. We all know. Personally, there were so many ups and downs-- either my highest highs or my lowest of lows-- that looking back, I get nothing but headaches. 😂 Still, it was, ahem,

a year,

and I think (I hope) we all got some kind of fulfillment from it and learned a lot. But I think it’s safe to say, on behalf of everyone, that we’re ready to send 2020 on her merry way and tell her kindly, “don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.” <3

Alright then! The following is a list of people I wish to personally thank-- if I forget anyone, I am sorry, please know I love and am thankful to all of my followers, mutuals, and friends, and I am...well, spaghetti-brained to a fault sometimes. If flighty was a person, she’d be me.

~~~

In an attempt at organizing this in alphabetical order...

@calicoyang​ - EMMM~ We def need to talk more, but sis, I so appreciate you supporting my MBTI chats and just chatting with me in general. You’re a lovely gal, and I’m looking forward to getting to speak to you more this next year. I’m truly wishing you the best! 🌟 

@changbinniee​ - Sweet Noe 🥺💖 One of the very best, like no one ever was. Thank you for being you, for being a sunlight that brightens the days of others, and for being another squadmate in Celi’s Never-ending Stories of MBTI. 😂✨ You’re a true one sis, and I love your enthusiasm and support for helping others: it’s truly admirable. I hope that you have a blessed and safe 2021; let’s you, I, and everyone get this bread!!! 🍞✨❤    

@cotccotc​ - Veve 🥺❤ You were someone that I knew, instantly, I wanted to be friends with. Your warm and bubbly energy is contagious, and you’re so, SO blessed with talent and a wonderful hard-working ethic, I really think you’re gonna go far one day. I wish all the best for you. Thanks for reaching back out to me and being my friend, ily <3 

@crscendoforsung​ - Young Soro ✨ I think you have a beautiful mind, just as many INTJs do. But you know what? This is more personal because, it’s you! I know we don’t know each other personally, but I always have this strong sense that deep down, you’re a brave person. You go through a lot. But keep fighting that good fight! Never lose hope, and know that if you ever need it, even from miles away, you can come to me for help, prayers, and petition. I will always be rooting for you, your growth, your happiness, your health, and your family. <3 I hope 2021 treats you well!!!

@dulc3-p3riculum - This girl...sis you know I love you I’m not gonna go off or else we’d be here all day LOL; a true friend who I’ve known for a long time. She is my rock on this earth.

@freckledberries​ - Her name was grace, but in this case, it’s Jules! <3 Still, grace is such a fitting word for how I often see you. Despite struggles, you keep on persevering, you’ve got a wicked sense of sarcasm that makes me laugh, and I’m so so excited for the many new adventures and learning experiences that await you in 2021. Thank you for being my friend, and one of the people to indulge in my long never-ending Ted Talks of MBTI 😂💕 Much love and peace to you, sis @hanniiesuckle17 - H u n t e r 💫 You’ve always been very supportive of me, and from the beginning when I needed someone to help develop and examine my ideas, I knew I could count on you. It’s crazy to think how our friendship kinda just popped off and went on a spiral of twists and turns 😂 I’m very thankful to have met you <3

@iiasha​ - Even if we go a while without speaking, I’m always supporting and cheering for you, I fangirl when I see your amazing art, and I know you do the same for me 😂💖 Thank you for always picking back up with me and helping me out when I need it, I love hearing from you, watching you grow from afar, and I wish you a happy and safe 2021, Zero 🥑💞

@peachyhan​ - It’s been a while, Nalida 🥺💞 You’re still on my mind, tho! Your perseverance and pursuit of writing has and always will be one of the many things driving me forward. You’re in my thoughts and prayers-- and I wish you the best this coming 2021. <3

@pixielix​ - You, my dear, are an angel 😭💞 We don’t converse too often, but you’ve always been so sweet, open, and kind to me. To Miss Angie, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. May 2021 be as kind to you as you have to me, and by that I mean, THE VERY BEST <3 <3 <3 Also, let’s talk more! :D

@skzctnightnight​ - OOF Miss Bel!!! You’re like, a wise and down-to-earth mother-ing figure I really appreciate being around. You’re so bubbly and kind, and yet, you have an aura that keeps everyone grounded and on task. I love your honesty, your forthright, and I madly respect the fact that you’re always there to fairly sort out the good and the bad and everything in between of any given situation. You’ve helped me grow and given me an ear when I really just needed someone to hear me out, and show me a glimmer of hope...for that, I’ll never forget your kindness and since I’m getting choked up right now, I’m gonna cut this right here before I can no longer see my screen and wish you a happiest new year!!! (Please tell the Mister I said Happy New Year too!)

@stayndays - Miss Nana. When is it you’ll stop teasing me about being a Ch*n stan?! 😫 Survey says likely never, but, I think I’d be okay with that if it means I can keep being your friend. You have the wildest air of maturity and selfawareness about you, sometimes it’s almost 😳😳 ...offputting? I think awe-inspiring is a better word. You inspire me to do well and keep writing, keep thriving, and to always consider those endless possibilities. To you, I wish a blessed, safe, and happiest 2021 💕

@yangomangos - You’ve been a sweetheart ever since we met, and I remember being so nervous to talk to you for the longest time 😂😅 I’m so glad we finally started talking, tho; you’ve been true, and for that, I thank you. Happy 2021, dear! <3

To all my writing networks: @skzwriternet , @inkidz , @districtninewriters , @stayracha-net , thank you for accepting me into your guilds and supporting/sharing my work. I would also like to thank you all for providing me with environments where I can meet fellow writers/kpop stans, make friends, and grow; in addition, thank you for all your hard work (as running a whole network is no easy feat), and I hope you’ll continue to support and take care of us writers and content creators this next coming year. <3

Finally-- in case I forgot anyone, or if you are a follower, supporter, mutual, reader-- thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You are equally just as important to me and this blog as the people above; whether you got a message or not, please know that you mean something to me, and I sincerely thank you. And, of course, Happy New Year!!! 🎉✨ God bless. 🕊❤ 

[agentmika]

for the end of year ask meme: 1, 19, 42, 43!

hiiiii Charlotte :) ty for sending these in! 1. First things first, did you have a good year?

First things first, yes,  I think I did. I think this was something I started saying in 2020, but it’s a personal saying that has persevered throughout this year and that is “Ups and Downs, but on average: Positive.” I think that’s how this year has been.

19. What was one nice thing you did for yourself?

I really like the Scottish comedian Daniel Sloss (highly recommend all of his specials, Jigsaw especially) and I found out in August that he was doing a US tour. Not only that, but his tour had a stop in a local theater on my campus (15 minute walk from where I live rn!!!). I have some friends who also like his specials so I immediately reached out to them and we coordinated and got 4 tickets together. That show was Nov. 4th and while the tickets were a little pricey, I’m really glad that I splurged a little because it was a good show and I got to connect like, two circles of my friends? People I’d met in the last year during college and some friends I’ve maintained from high school or earlier :)

42. What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I don’t think I can name just one thing to be honest, so I’ll name two areas of pride from different parts of my life. As a student and lifelong huge nerd, I was nominated by my university for both the Rhodes and Marshall Scholarships (2 years fully funded graduate study in the UK) and I was a finalist (sadly, didn’t get it) for Marshall. As a writer and person who’s been in fandom forever, I’m really proud of some of the fics I’ve written this year, in particular “Special Episode: Performance of a Lifetime” (w359 Kepler fic), and “every drop of rain singing,” (kanej fic). 

43. What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

This is...a very hard one to consider. I think every year is a balance in learning, changing, and re-learning, and so perhaps the things I say now will be different in the future. A few things come to mind though and I’ll list them briefly and without too much elaborate. 1) I...might want kids one day? Climate anxiety weighs heavily, the recognition of what responsibility that entails. And yet as I’ve considered my own relationship with my mother and my role as an aunt to 4 nieces and nephews. Maybe. And before I thought it was a definite ‘no.’ 2) I’m not as bad as cooking as I thought! I only just moved out on my own this year and I didn’t cook a lot before living on my own and it’s been nice to gain that sense of self-efficacy (still learning tho and open to recipe recs lol). And 3) that I can be a good roommate! I’ve shared a room with my sister before when I was younger and lived with family of course, but this year has been my first time living with non-family members and I live with 4 other people, so it’s been nice to find comfort with that. 

~send me end of year asks!~

[foxofninetales]

First, I'm amazed how my dumb question inspired such amazing people! Loved your "acepollen" fic! And, I think you'll like Ultimate Note, some people got bored the first 10 episodes or so (i like them tho), but don't give up, it gets better and better! Plus, Best Xiaoge, for me!

We are basically goldfish and only require a scattering of fish food to get very excited.  ;)  Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it!  And yes, I am definitely persevering with Ultimate Note; if there is one thing I have learned from watching DMBJ adaptations it’s that you must have the intestinal fortitude to power through a few (...a dozen...half a season...) boring episodes to get to the good stuff.  But it’s worth it!

[deadontheinsidebut]

ohgosh i'm in love with the piano hcs they're so cute!!?!?!?!! thank u sm once again 😭😭❤️❤️ and i'd just like to say that if you're forced into doing something that you don't like or have any interest in then it's totally fine to drop it, don't feel guilty bc it isn't your fault at all 🥺

oml... anon bb you have my heart fr!!! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!! I enjoyed writing it even tho it took forever 😅💗✨

And also, yes that’s completely true!! But doing piano for 6 years I was bound to like it even a little bit :) I just lacked the motivation to continue and dropped it instead of persevering which I wholeheartedly regret.

I’m guessing since you requested piano hcs, you play? If so, I admire that a lot!! And keep it up😌✨

Piano hcs✨

[anne-lister-adventures]

Friday, 14 March 1840

7 1/2

12 55/’’

 Fine morning Reaumur 11 1/4º at my bedhead at 8 a.m. breakfast at 9 20/’’ to 10 10/’’ out at 10 1/2 to the Indian Pagoda with George and the son of our host – In vain – Nothing to be seen – Returned afraid of being too late for the Brügens at 11 – Had Mr. Stewart (60 poods = 1 Ton English) and then the Swede, music master, Hoeffner received en société here, till the carriage came at 11 1/2 and in it Madame Brügens’ sister and the General Attaman – 

Off to the Metched (Mosque) – Too soon – Service begins at one – Went in – vestibule, nave, and square church – Good pulpit (a sort of little staircase, as usual, up to little platform to stand or squat upon) and little Apse – Low gallery 1/2 way over nave – Largeish, handsomish building – Far handsomer and larger and better than the little Metched we saw at Moscow, or the larger we saw at Kazan – All mosques? quite plain within – 

The Persian Mosque in Astrakhan. (Image Source)

Then to the library – The few (a thousand or more?) books given by a merchant – Still ∴[therefore] librarian tho’ knowing nothing about it – Would sell books par l’anne – 

A few birds almost all natives of the Government of Astracan – 2 (jagais I think) steppe-sheep and a few models of vessels used on the Caspian nothing particular – And nets and models of wind-mills used for pumping water from the river for watering the gardens and of the manner of fishing in the Volga (interesting) – And a few specimens nothing particular of salt from lakes in this Government – Some time turning over the plates of an old work on Russia in several 8vo.[octavo] volumes by Gmelin? – 

Then to the Cossak Institution (school) 26 boys – Learn Geography Arithmetic Mathematics – French and German and the Eastern languages at the Gymnase – Mademoiselle Attaman the sister examined one or 2 of the boys in Geography who answered readily and well – The 26 boys are fed and clothed, and the fund (furnished by the Cossacks – Nothing of it paid by the Emperor) is 10,000/- per annum – 

Then to the Puits Artésien – 60 sagènes deep – Water but not good rises to within 2 sagènes of the top – On the approach of a lighted candle the gas inflames and burns with a blueish light and rather sulphurous smell – Don’t mention it to Temirazoff – Sought water found fire – Disappointed – 

Home at 1 55/’’ the carriage to return for us at 3 to dinner – had the soldier with his drawings – For an exterior and an interior of the Pagan Temple at Tumen and the back and front of a priest, 3 drawings = 75/- - this so far passed my ideas, said I would inquire tonight what they ought to be, and would let the man know if I wanted them – 

Put on clean frilled handkerchief, and the same dress again (silk morning gown with velvet pelerine and flannel and black silk handkerchief round my throat) and silk stockings and black silk shoes – The carriage at 3 1/4 and off immediately to dinner chez lez Brügens, he General Attaman des Cossaks = en tout 10,000/- per annum the General Governor = 14000/- per annum but house and servants (soldiers) and wood found and the Emperor has twice given him 30,000/- - the Attaman finds his own house but he has 1500/- a year allowed for it and house costs about 900/- to 1000/- including his Chancellerie and 400/- = wood that there is a little to spare out of the fifteen hundred – And he too has soldiers for servants – They have one woman to wash – The family being small – Madame de Rebender has 2 women to wash – All the washing done at home – 

Erast Dmitrievich von der Bruggen, Ataman des Cossacks when Anne and Ann were at Astrakhan. (Image Source)

Very nice dinner soup, and a roti (en morceaux as usual) of beef, and fish (Sterlet) and game, and some little gateaux the Ataman said the beef was hard – Grand Carême – Only 10 or 12 families – Or so few wanted meat, impossible to get it good now – As for me, my cold is so bad, I can neither taste nor smell – Coffee – The Ataman very civil and attentive – Put on his full dress Cossack uniform = 800/- did he say and common dress about 300/- - very becoming – 

Home at 6 1/2 having staid (apparently?) an unusually long while after dinner – The carriage come again for us at 8 – On our return found Mr. and Mrs. and Miss Stewart – He has the rank of Captain – Was head clerk in the bank here – But the bank for some malpractices of some of the gents[gentlemen] (some cheating of Government) has been ‘put under law’ – The business has been 8 years already cleared, and those who have will be punished – But in the mean time all is stopped – Rank is stately and he is on 1/2 pay ∴[therefore] he has taken a situation in a Merchant’s House as clerk – 

He dined with Lord Pollington when here, and went with him to an assembly – Lord P-[Pollington] and his brother were at the English House here (at the Missionaries) now broken up and got money of them by giving them a bill – The Missionaries having lost their rights here, went away – Dr. Ross is settled near London Mr. McPherson returned to Scotland, and Mr. Gleig is at Sabriz – Lord P-[Pollington] took Mr. Gleig’s son with him as interpreter or what not – But the young man thought they treated him too much like a servant – They quarrelled and parted before Tiflis – Perhaps all were in fault for all young together Lord P-[Pollington] 20 his brother 16 or 17 and young Gleig about 20 – It seemed as if Lord P-[Pollington] had made difficulty about passing G-‘s[Gleig’s] expense back – And Mr. S-[Stewart] seemed to think he (Lord P-[Pollington]) did not pay them – 

Kazembeck [Kasembeck] was converted here by the 3 Missionaries above named – His father a Persian nobleman in command at Derbend under the Russians rebelled against them – His sons were sent to Persia and well educated by their friends there – K-[Kazembeck] was a handsome clever young man – Came here to see his father (was the father imprisoned here?) was employed by the missionaries to write Persian for them (translation of the scriptures) and ∴[therefore] converted – His father was reconciled to him before his death and on hearing him said that if he was not an old man, grey headed, he would be a Xtian[Christian] too – 

Mrs. Stewart born in London – A poor sort of thin, pinchy-looking little woman but speaking better English than her husband – He evidently of Scotch origin and mixing foreign idioms with his own – The daughter Æt [aetatis] 16 hardly spoke – Poor people they staid as if for ever – 

Madame Rebender called and sat perhaps 10 minutes or 1/4 hour – They staid all the while, tho’ my conversation was all addressed to Madame R-[Rebender] and she good natured as she is never uttered to them – To dine with Madame R-[Rebender] tomorrow – The S-s[Stewarts] staid some time standing after Madame R-[Rebender] went away but at last got off – 

No sooner gone than another English came Mr. Strelnecky or some such unEnglish like name – He said it was he who was Directeur des Postes en Siberie when Captain Cochrane was there and who had travelled with him (but never on foot) so much – Certainly la tête montée at times – It used to come over him now and then – His marriage very queer – At a dinner party at Irkutsk he as usual calling his wife by an abbreviation of her name which in Russian meant ox – This being explained to her, she jumped pulled his hair off his head, and asked him how he dared call her so – On his return to England he put her to school and left her there when he went away to the Brazils and died and she never saw him more – He boasted of his Siberian tour costing him so little – His wife cost him 10,000/- - 

How I did not quite make out for Mr. Phackler, the Vice Governor came (pronounced Pheller) and my conversation was all addressed to him about the Courier, the story of Gross and the pistol – Frightened jumptschik &c. &c. yet in spite of all this the persevering English staid till the end till 8 3/4 when the Brügens carriage having waited 3/4 hour was obliged to congéndier poliement both my two visitors – The Vice Governor thinks the Courier does not wish to go forwards with me – Mentioned leaving his wife so long – Not being prepared for so long a journey – Perhaps he wanted tempting by some greater gain – For he had not mentioned Gross – Advised my speaking to him in the morning and getting at the real reason for there would be no difficulties if he himself wished to go with me – I mentioned the 2/- per day that I had promised him and that he knew all about the length of journey and was satisfied enough before leaving Moscow – I thought it must be the Gross-affair that was at the bottom – The Vice Governor said it would be for me to consider whether I chose to give him any more gages or not – 

Mr. P-[Phackler] was attaché to the Russian legation at Copenhagen some years ago – Would be glad to in the world again – Here all Calmucks and Kerguis except the Employés – But he himself grateful to the Emperor who has just given him tho’ he has only been 2? years here thro’ the interest of Temirazoff 1500 arpens de terre – Not get fixed where – But in some of the Governments where the Emperor has land to give unstocked with peasants – 

Off at 8 3/4 to the Brügens nobody but ourselves at dinner – Baron and Baroness Taube in the evening – Agreeable evening – Excellent kind-hearted good people and très aimable – It seems the 15,000 Arpens are worth from 10/- to 15/- per arpent – Mr. P-[Phackler] will of course sell what he gets – He himself could do nothing with it – But someone who has peasants near will buy the land and people it – This is the way - ∴[therefore] the land is a perquisite worth at any rate 1,500 x 10 = 15,000/- - 

Home at 11 1/4 – A-[Ann] would make tea for me – Had 3 cups – Very fine day – Mr. Stewart offered to do anything for us – A new Tarendass = 250/- -

 [symbols in the margin of the page:]         ✓c       +          ✓       ✓c       ✓c       ✓c            ✓c       ✓

[in the side of the page:]      Metched

[in the side of the page:]      Library

[in the side of the page:]      Cossack Institution

[in the side of the page:]      Artesian well

[in the side of the page:]      Missionaries Lord P-[Pollington]

[in the side of the page:]      Kasembek

Page References: SH:7/ML/E/24/0045 and SH:7/ML/E/24/0046