#give us a good season steve blackman please!!!

[bbittenapples]

Predictions/Things I’d like to happen in S4 of TUA

• In every season, there’s a main villain, such as the apocalypse in S1, the Commission in S2, and the Sparrows in S3. It’s kinda obvious that Reggie is the villain in this upcoming season, but I’m curious if Abigail(Reginald’s wife) will be a big deal. Like, will she be as bad as Reggie or a sweeter version?

• Like I said above, there are different villains, but there are also different locations. The Academy in S1, Elliott’s house in S2, and Hotel Obsidian in S3. My guess is that the main location will be an apartment. Like, I know that sounds basic and obvious, but in every season, the main location is always a homelike place. (Mansion, House, Hotel, Apartment?) It doesn’t seem super far off, and it could maybe be one of the Brellies apartment.

• Their powers!!!!! I’m so curious about their powers and stuff. So, at the end of S4, we see that the universe is reset(I think???) and so are their bodies. They have no tattoos, powers, and Luther’s body isn’t that of an ape anymore. I think that they’ll maybe find their powers somehow. Maybe there will be a fight, or Reginald has their powers with him? Idrk.

• Ever since I first watched the show, I’ve been super curious about the 43 children with powers. Like, we’ve seen 14 of them (The Umbrellas and Sparrows) but that still leaves 29 of them. It’d be so cool if they involved them. Like, maybe they get important in the timeline bc the Hargreeves seek them out for help? We don’t know if other super powered people are there, but it’d be really interesting if there was.

• I’ve seen a fee people on here say that there is a 6 year time jump in S4, and if it is true, how will they explain what happened to everyone? Will Luther be looking for Sloane all the time? How has he adapted to have a regular body? Diego and Lila’s kid will be born and 6 years old and they’ll be together(I hope, I love them so much). Allison has Ray and Claire, but how will she react to this? We know that she was an actor/celebrity, so maybe she’ll be in the spotlight. I have ZERO clue what Klaus will be doing. He’s so unpredictable, he started a CULT in S2, for gods sake. I’m genuine curious what Five will be doing bc he’s an actual genius. I feel like he’ll have gone to some bigwig college and will be actually successful in life. I’ve seen some sources say that the Ben we saw at the end of S3 was Sparrow Ben, and I love that idea. Sparrow Ben is such an asshole, but he’s so hilarious I can’t be mad at him. I feel like he’ll try and live a normal life, but it’d be hard since well…he’s Ben. I NEED Viktor to lead a nice life, poor boy. I think everyone collectively agrees that we need Viktor to play violin this season without blowing the moon up.

• That paragraph was… a lot, but here’s the final one. It is official that S4 will have only 6 episodes, which is so sad, but that just means that things will happen quicker. I really hope that we’ll have longer episodes. Regularly, the TUA episodes are 40-45 minutes long, but I’d love if we could get episodes that are an hour or more long.

[confusedspaceotter]

TUA seaon 4 recap because fuck Netflix

Hi if you are reading this welcome to I hate Steve Blackman/Netflix but I still wanna know what happened in The Umbrella Academy season 4 club, couple things I should probably warn you before we begin

spoilers ahead(just in case you didn’t read the title this IS the pissing on the poor website

I will be very angry and biased because Netflix took the wife and kids i will hate this guy forever I’m really good at remembering a grudge(no hate to the cast tho they did their very best and defo deserve more

In this recap I will go over the main plots of season 4 with a brief mention of the side plots, do beware some of the plot/shit characters did makes absolutely no sense but hey I'm just the messenger please be mad at Netflop for that

Season 4 Episode 1, The Unbearable Tragedy of Getting What You Want(aka us getting season 4 but only 6 episodes)

After loosing their powers when they came back to the main timeline last season, the brellies have lived the past 6 years somewhat peacefully, Luther is a stripper now, Diego and Lila is married with 3 kids, Allison is now a B list celebrity living with Claire, Klaus is sober and a germaphobe, Five is working for the CIA(bro is too busy working to cut his hair i hate it), Ben is a crypto scammer who just got out of prison, Viktor owns a bar and keeps getting dumped by girls(sure whatever)

The new big bad this season is a pair of wacky scientists named Gene and Jean, they are the leader of this cult called The Keepers who are trying to make “The Cleanse” happen, which is just a fancy name for the apocalypse.

Okay so basically this episode Vikor got kidnapped by random guy(I’m not even gonna mention his name he’s just here for plot so I don’t care about him) on his way to Diego and Lila’s kids birthday party, the siblings go and rescue him, random guy said hey actually i'm a big fan of yall if you can rescue my daughter Jennifer from a remote location I will be forever grateful, the group was like nah we are actually powerless now but Five was like wait we are doing this your welcome because he found a bottle of marigold(the thing that gives them their powers) in the belongs of the missing daughter, after this they went to dinner and Ben drugged everyone (except Klaus coz he didn't drink it) with the Marigold so now they are gonna get their powers back.

there's also this side plot where Lila and Five went undercover to investigate The keepers, Lila didn't tell Diego so he thought Lila was cheating on him with some guy whos actually just Five(buddy you are not gonna believe this in like 4 episodes this came true I hate it here)

Season 4 Episode 2, Jean and Gene(they were a cute couple but they will NEVER be Hazel and Cha Cha)

After they got their powers back they went to find random guy but he's missing, leaving a hint about New Grumpson, Maine so the siblings went there roadtrip style(their car also blasting baby shark non stop its not relevant to the plot i just think is funny), the siblings arrived to this small town, Ben was like you know what I’m done with yall bye, when he tries to leave he met Jennier in disguise, they have a chat, fall in love immediately(talk about speed dating am i right), the towns people learned that the siblings are here for Jennier so they pull the guns out and starts shooting,turns out they are all working for deadbeat dad of the century Reginbald Flopgreeves, so the siblings fight with their new and slightly improved superpowers(that apparently drained the vfx budget because the final big bad is ugly asf??? the same show that gives us Pogo?? whatever man)

Meanwhile Klaus was chilling in the car, a fake Jennifer who's pretending to be the real Jennifer asks Klaus for help, then shoots him before the siblings can stop her, Klaus told the siblings he doesn't want to get his powers back and dies, but Allison don’t take no for an answer and water board klaus with the marigold, Klaus came back from the dead, and then Jean and Gene crash into the siblings, kidnapping Jennier.

Back to the Lila Diego Five cheating side plot (ugh), during the roadtrip, Diego tells Five he thinks Lila is cheating on him, Five is like don't worry about it buddy it won’t happen for another 3 episodes (okay the last part was me but Five did tell Diego it’s probably nothing) and Lila overheads their conversation and thank Five for not exposing her GIRL JUST TELL YOUR HUSBAND STOP BEING SHADY *sigh*

Oh and Five keeps teleporting to this subway station that have trains going to different timelines but we never found out who the fuck build this so dont ask me idk either

Season 4 Episode 3, The Squid and the Girl (The plot and the holes because nothing makes any sense anymore)

We start with a flashback to young Jennifer being rescued from giant squid but WE NEVER GOT THE EXPLINATION GIRL WHY ARE YOU INSIDE THAT FUCKING SQUID so we are just gonna move on focus people we are half way though the season shit is about to go down(unfortunately)

After Jean and Gene kidnapped Jennifer, the siblings starting doing what they do best, arguing with each other, this is when Klaus give us the greatest summary of the show,

Klaus then leaves the group, Ben also was like nah fam im out for real and then leaves. The remaining siblings decided to split into two groups, Five Diego Lila went to The Keepers HQ to investigate, Viktor Luthor Allison went to find dear old dad Reggaeton Hargriefs. So Diego finds out that The Keepers have a document about Brellie!Ben’s death aka The Jennifer Incident.

Ben who’s getting tf out, discovers he got hand mouth foot disease with rgb red lights on his hand(see kids this is why you don't touch hands with girls before you get married) random guy pops out and was like bro did you find my daughter, Ben was like yeah I did and I also fall in love with her, random guy was like good good now use your squidar to find her so Ben did just that and rescue Jennifer from Jean and Gene.

For Viktor Luther Allison, they went to a giant mansion that their father owns, expecting to have to fight their way in, but the guards there are like, ah yes master Vikor please welcome in we have been waiting for you, turns out in this timeline Abigail, Rickroll Harkonnen’s wife was still alive and is the one who runs the house + her husband, so the kids were like ma’am your husband is a dick to us in another timeline can you tell him to shut up and help us, she agreed and he obeyed.Now the kids(Luther Allison Diego and Viktor) are putting on their thinking caps to restore their memory of The Jennifer Incident(because dead old dad erased their memory of it talk about childhood erasure)

*sigh* so the Five Diego Lila subplot, when Diego was investigating in the Keepers HQ, Five and Lila blink to the subway station, they got on a train and went to the original apocalypse but five was just like meh guess this wasn’t THAT traumatic pffff I only got stuck here for 40 years no biggie anyway time to get on the train and go home I guess, this shouldn’t affect me in any shape of form given that you know I’m so calm and collected when I first got here :))))))))) yes i'm being sarcastic NO ONE should be this calm and collected here okay.

Diego and Lila also talk things out, Lila apologizes and then says she wants to take a break from their marriage(sure lady whatever

no im NOT even gonna mention what Klaus has been up to, for me he went home to Claire bear and talk shit out with her end of story.

Season 4 Episode 4, The Cleanse (maybe why the Keepers what to make the cleanse happen so badly is because they saw ep 5 and be like nope go to hell yall)

We got a flashback to what happened with brellie!Ben, turns out he was murder by Regglodocus Hippocampus, our beloathed deadbeat dad of the century on a mission where the umbrella academy is securing a package(Jennifer in a box) but they touch hands so bro just straight up kills them both in front of the siblings(bro can we delete you from existence I hate this man with a passion)

The siblings are obviously pissed, AbiFail then explained that it's not her asshole husbands fault, years ago she created the marigold and unknowingly also created Durango, when these two particles touch hands, its gonna end the world for the billionth time(aka the cleanse), this also what happened to their homeworld, and it's gonna end earth if they don't separate Ben and Jennifer(because she got a shitton of durango in her).

Ridiculous Hepatitis then said we must go to kill one of them to stop the world from dying and Viktor is like NOT ON MY WATCH I WILL SAVE BEN and they have a little showdown, Vikor wins(duh) and they are like let's just check this crime scene Ben created last episode when he came to save Jennier okayyy.

The siblings got there + flop dad, Lila told Five hey what if we go back in time with the trains and stop the Jennifer incident from happening in the first place and five is like alright bet, but we cant tell Diego for plot reasons so Imma tell my CIA boss to take Luther and Diego to CIA HQ and babysit them( sis just tell him Diego might be a dumbass but he’s a dumbass that listens smh)

Anyway the siblings split into teams again, Viktor and Renaissance Harrypotter went to track Ben and Jennifer, Five and Lila got on the time train, Luther and Diego were at the CIA, Allison went to save Klaus from the TUA writers.

oh and Ben and Jennier fucks and it kills everyone within the radius lmao

Season 4 Episode 5, Six years, Five months, and two days ( just end my suffering rn)

We start with a montage of Five and Lila being stuck in train hell, unable to find the right train home so they are kinda just traveling from timelines to timelines, they decide to stop and stay in one of them with a strawberry farm(ew), and the most terrible thing ever fucking happend, apprently in these six years they caught feelings and they kissed fucking hell son of the bitch steve blakman I am in your fucking walls I fucking hate it here why can’t good thing last fuck off five would NEVER do this to his siblings this motherfucker spend 40 years and the entirety of season two trying to save his siblings why the fuck would he kiss his sister in law I hate it here

also #justicefordolores

BUT this isnt it

One day he went out for scraps and he found his old note book with the instructions on how to get home, he stashes it and only tell Lila about it 5 fucking months later

5 FUCKING MONTHS

I don't even know what to say let's just get over it okay

so yeah after this they call things off and just went home

Back to Vikor, he calls Ben with the help of dad and tells him hey buddy you have to stop the world and stop your feelings for Jennifer because you are gonna end the world if you stay with her, Ben refuses saying that he’s never been better(sure buddy) Ben and Jennifer plans to run away but Jennifer felt sick so they stop and went to a random mall to hide/ask for help.

Luther and Diego did absolutely nothing in CIA HQ and they realized they were being babysat so they dipped, oh and they also fought a bunch of people in the process which is cool I guess.

Season 4 Episode 6, End of the Beginning(thank fuck is over I’m freeee)

The Keepers are guarding the mall that Ben and Jennifer are in because they are stupid. Viktor and dad arrived at the scene, Viktor convinced dad to let him extract the durango out of Ben so he doesn’t have to kill him, dad said yeah sure whatever man, so Viktor sneaks in the building.

Meanwhile the rest of the siblings gathered at Lila and Diego’s house, Diego clock those cheating bitches immediately and Diego confronts Lila and she finally confesses but before he could beat the shit out of Five, they saw what's going on with Ben on the news and went to the mall.

Vikor got into the building, Ben is now a glowing clay human hybrid(ewwwww

Vikor tries to extract the durango out of Ben but he ran out of time, Dad’s sniper shoots Ben but before it hits, Jennifer and Ben touch hands for one last time and they transforms into ugly cgi clay monster big bad of the season(like wtf is this

the sibling starts fighting the Bennifer monster, Diego and Five didn’t get the memo so they fought each other instead.

So yeah we are fucked, AbiFail told Ratsass Hankercheif shes the one behind the keepers and she’s trying to right her wrongs by ending the world this way(selfish prick) and Reggie said alight that defo excuses every shitty thing you do man I got a really good wife and they both got sucked into the Bennifer monster(your redemption arc flopped btw I still hate you)

The siblings went back to the academy, thinking about what they can do to stop the Bennifer monster, Five went to the train station again, and discovers a deli run by other Fives, and one of the five told him babes, we are NEVER gonna succeed in stopping the apocalypse because the timeline is broken(it's only supposed to be one) and the existence of marigold is what shattered the timeline so we gotta gotta get sucked into the Bennifer monster and volia marigold + durango = kaboom(they will cancel each other out) BUT the siblings will cease to exist(coz their mum got exposed to marigold and birthed them so no marigold no siblings)

Lila and Allison decided to ship their children and family to the train station and send them on one of the trains to create a paradox I mean to protect them and the siblings got absorbed by the Bennifer monster, the timeline was fixed, none of us are happy, we ended up worse than we started.

The END.

hope yall are okay after reading this, no hate towards the cast whatsoever I 100% blame the writer and Netflix for this , fuck them and uh here’s a virtual hug to yall, peace out.

[wontshutup]

Clossest thing to Family: March 27, 2019 (Intro)

This is an idea that was written first for shifting purposes and suddenly turned into a narrative so, it might be a little of a personal self-insert, however, I decided to give it a try as a Y/N fic and well, I hope you like it.

It takes place during the first season of the Umbrella academy, this one however is more like and introductory chapter. 

It will contain spoiler as it tries to follow the show’s timeline, for obvious reasons some things will be changed to be able to introduce reader into it. I take no credit for the whole thing whatsoever, that one goes to Steve Blackman, Gerard Way and every brilliant mind included in the thought process to bring this amazing series to life.

Warnings: mild swearing, appart from that, I believe none.

English is not my first language, neither do I live in the USA, just in case there are a few things that might just feel a little out of the actual social context in the narrative. Also, the italics are meant to be thoughts, however it all is narrated in first person (your POV) so idk if that makes sense rn.

I had just made it up the stairs from the subway station, only to be met by the rather unwelcoming cold of the raindrops, the rain was quick to go from a light shower to a heavy pour. I pulled my scarf a little higher, trying to cover myself, and clutched my backpack as I ran to the nearest place I could shield myself from the rain. I rushed under a small tented window  shop and dived my hand into my bag, rummaging my way inside it in search for my umbrella as fast as I could, I had to be fast, the weather kept on dropping and my immune system couldn’t afford a cold right now. Unfortunately, life had different plans from me today

 "You've gotta be kidding me" I sighed out, scolding myself today of ALL days, really!?! With no other choice but to navigate my way as best I could to avoid getting wet, I made my way to where I was meant to go, my every muscle begging for a warm bath, but no time, the place was most likely closing any second now.

As I rushed to the small lab I felt the vapors that my body had generated by the long hours of training and the crowded subway starting to seep through my jacket at a worrying pace, threatening to leave me defenseless from the dropping temperature and raising the chances of catching a cold.

Reaching my destination, I pushed the door in a rush to get inside, the warmth from the heater spread through my cheeks giving a slight welcoming feeling for which I was very thankful.

"How can I help you?" asked the lady at the desk without even looking at me causing me to regret this stop already. I was taken off of what could've been a perfectly warm subway ride and a brief rush to catch the bus home, but nope, that was not it now.

"I came to pick up some sample results" still no attention from her, I let out a loud, dramatic sigh, now earning an annoyed look from her Geez and took out a receipt I had in my pocket "Here" I slapped it in her desk, maybe a tad bit harder than I had intended to. "Please?," I said giving her a forced smile to which she scoffed. 

"Wait over there".

Oh, Diego, you owe me on this one...I really did not have time for this, I was already getting pretty late and the rain was not ceasing any second now. Then again, if we were counting on debts, this was nothing compared to the one I had with Diego. Besides it was only picking up a couple of blood test results or "pieces of evidence" as he likes to call them, no big deal, so I took a seat and embraced myself to warm up better.

I allowed myself to feel a little bit more relaxed inside the place, enjoying the sensation while it lasted before having to, once again, rush against the weather to get home.

There was almost no one in the waiting room, of course, it was too late now, the few faces there seemed equally as tired as I felt, and I got it, however, being here must be really important to be waiting almost at midnight,  again, I got that too.

I grabbed a 2017 National Geographic that was laying on the center table and started reading, getting lost in the beautiful landscapes shown on each page, an announcement on the place's tv filled my ears, catching my attention.

"Breaking news, the world's most eccentric billionaire, traveler Sir. Reginald Hargreeves, better known as the founder of The Umbrella Academy has officially passed away today, stay with us for further detail." Diego. 

Putting down the magazine I quickly grabbed my phone and dialed his number, no beep, immediate voicemail. "Shit" I whispered. I tried again but nothing, again, voicemail. My hands started to become a little shaky but thankfully I was brought out of my trance.

"Diego Hargreeves?" called out the lady from the desk, I had to pick up the results, bringing the attention of the few strangers there upon me. It is not me guys, of course, please look away. I noticed the secretary's face was softer now, not soft thought,  pity was more like it. I hate pity. 

"I'm sorry about your grandfather" Oh so that's why. 

"He's not my-she raised her eyebrows expectantly.-ah, nevermind" and with that I grabbed the results and left as fast as I could, shoving the papers in my bag I started dialing again.

Does he know already? Voicemail. How will he take it? Machine. Is he even safe now? "This is Diego, you know what to do"

 "Fuck!" I was done with this, every night the exact same thing.

I keep trying to reach him, deliver the announcement in a more personal way than the news on TV could, not only because I care about him, but because as volatile as he is, the man has no actual impulse control and clearly no regard for his safety, otherwise, he wouldn't go out every night to "be the hero", well, how about picking up for once Mr. Hargreeves?!

Diego had told me little bits about his life every once in a while, how he lived and trained as part of the Umbrella Academy, but always seemed to hold back, keeping things to himself, and even if he had clearly expressed at some point that his father "is (or at least was) a monster" he seemed to care deeply about his opinion (more than he would let be known), and honestly, I had no idea of how was he going to react to such news, and at this point, I decided not to care.

As I paced angrily towards....I didn't know where I was heading, I was so lost in my worries for the man that I hadn't noticed I made it way farther from the station. 

“ACHOO” Oh no, that wasn't good. The one thing I was trying to avoid was catching up to me, I had to think fast...

Well, I was too tired now to go all the way back to the station, sit through another subway ride and wait for a bus that would take me home this time and under this weather, even if the rain had dialed down a little, the wind had become sharper, besides, the streets were getting darker and unsafer by the second, thus going back definitely wasn't the friendliest option. On another hand, I could stop a cab right now, and no, I am not crazy nor rich enough to pay for a ride all the way home, but I could take the money I have and in a matter of seconds be at the Hargreeves Manor just before I can actually catch a cold and hopefully get some rest? Besides, I had to meet them at some point, express my condolences to my mentor's family? Plus, knowing Diego, he is probably going to skip going back home and head there directly. 

“ACHOO”,that sneeze shook my body to one conclussion. It is settled, this I will regret later.

I ran to the side of the street, cold hitting my face, but just in time a cab came by "Hey, taxi!".

"Where to?" Heart pounding in my chest I gave the driver the simple name.

"Hargreeves Manor" he looked at me stranged from the rearview mirror, almost as if he knew this was a bad idea, honestly I share the thought. He took a couple of seconds as if allowing me to reconsider, and so I did...

“ACHOO....Agh-Please go" and so he started the car.

Well, guess there is no turning back then, it is time to meet the Hargreeves....

[hellstenglow]

Fiveya Meta: they need to talk

Endure me, I am on a fiveya-train and my thoughts don’t shut up.

After watching the most recent behind the scene videos of TUA season 2 we can conclude that they did make senseless choices in the plot because in some cases they had to. For example in the case of the snow storm created by Harlan in the final episode, that was added to the script because suddenly there have been a snow storm on the outside set the days before the scheduled filming and they couldn’t clean the place enough, in time for the recording. The snow was added.

I also think they could have written some of the characters better and given them real development (*cough* Luther, Ben *cough*). I wasn’t even a fan of the whole “Vanya lost her memory” thing, but I’ve read that Steve Blackman (the showrunner) doesn’t want to diverge from the original content too much (which is a bit silly to say since they did make major changes since season 1, but okay). I guess that’s why Vanya’s amnesia was still there, although they treated it differently. In the comics it was Mom-Grace who helped Vanya to find herself again and her own value, in the show it was Sissy who did it. I thought it was kind of a hint to the comics the fact Sissy resembled Show-Grace a bit (blond, kind and a mom). Did I think it was unnecessary to have a love interest for Vanya right after season 1? I did, but I justified the choice by thinking that the show wanted to give Vanya a taste of what real love (not like Leonard’s manipulative and abusive love) is supposed to be. I also thought it was a way to show how Vanya needs to stop clinging to the first person who gives her affection, attention and treats her with kindness. I hope she’d realize that and work on herself and family in season 3, first and foremost.

Even with the evident flaws I enjoyed season 2, especially because I decided to treat it as a passing by (detour/digression) chapter in a longer story. All Hargreeves siblings in the ‘60s tried hard to make a new life and ignored their actual life (Allison, Luther, Klaus) or had a convenient amnesia (Vanya) or focused on something too much to lose track of what matters (Diego). Everyone except Ben (who was not treated once again as a full character despite the apparent level up the PR promoted) and Five (who once again was running around in panic mode to stop an apocalypse). Remember Vanya saying, “New timeline, new me.” And Five replying “That’s NOT how it works.”? I may give the writers more credits than it is due, but I hope those two lines were some kind of meta messages for the more attentive viewers. Those two lines can explain perfectly season 2 to be honest.

Nobody can know how long a tv show would run, a fact that expose us to uncertainty. It’s always a gamble trusting writers and showrunners to deliver a good story, but all it’s fair game and one has only to accept it. I do not trust any of them, but I cannot help myself and still hope that they will not ruin everything. With all this said, let’s talk about something I think the show has to tackle in next seasons: Five and Vanya are two points of a theme that needs to be addressed and solved. They need to interact, talk and close their open theme together.

This is not a cohesive meta and I probably will lose myself in too many details, but I hope the message I am trying to convey will arrive. This is only my reading of the show and theories, so you can disagree. I just hope you’d find something interesting and maybe help someone to have a different perspective on what’s going on and where (I pray) the show will go. Here the points I will talk about, if you are in for a very verbose essay, please click on the “keep reading” button. Meanwhile I’ll wear my tinfoil crown and sip some margarita.

Five and Vanya are a theme

It was mean to be Ben

Why the Fiveya’s tension in S2 EP 7’s iconic scene is a symptom of something

I dare to hope in fiveya (at least until proven wrong)  

1. We have a theme: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the apocalypse

It’s a twisted joke of the universe that the very thing Five is obsessed about in season 1 (the apocalypse) was caused by the person he trusted the most (“I’ve decided you’re the only one I can trust” - Five in S1EP1). The red thread that linked Five and Vanya can’t be more evident, that’s one of the reasons why I started shipping them. The family’s dynamic, the siblings’ relationships and bonds are equally important, they add layers and motivations to the story, but if we strip everything else and look at the core, we all know Five and Vanya are at the centre of it.

It’s not a simple coincidence that Five said “I’m the four horsemen”. At first, it’s just a funny line, because Five is drunk and he described himself as those fearsome figures (because he is the best assassin of the whole world and time. Death incarnated in his humble opinion). You don’t take him seriously when he said that line, you don’t pay attention to it.  

However, later it gains a certain degree of truth. Subtly the show tells you that indeed Five is linked deeply to the “apocalypse” (Vanya), as much as the four horsemen (they are the prelude and the bringers of the end) are linked to the apocalypse (in the biblical sense). He lived it. He was trapped there for 45 years. He is obsessed with it. The Apocalypse is his business.

Timid little Vanya is the first person he looked for in the middle of the doomsday’s ruins and arguably his closest friend. On the first day of his return Five only have meaningful talks with Vanya. Five sought her to confide the horror of his memories and share the burden of the truth. He trusted her above everyone else. Then the universe made a laughingstock of him when it was revealed that Vanya caused the Apocalypse. Five didn’t know he was running towards her, despite wanting to go back to his family (her) all his life. 

In the first two episodes of season 1 they made clear that Vanya and Five had an intimate bond in their childhood and still cared for each other after so many years, then the show proceeded to separate them until the finale. They tried so hard to keep them far away from each other during season 1 and we all know everything would have been different if they had time to properly talk, process their situation and find a solution together. Of course, the show didn’t give them that chance, otherwise the show would have ended in episode 3 and goodbye drama!

They did not confront each other in the end of season 1, they let Allison take that role because the show built up their connection as sisters and I didn’t dislike the choice. Did it work thematically? No, Allison has no connection with the apocalypse. That’s Five’s business. He didn’t confront Vanya, he let others take the lead in the most crucial moment and with no surprise the apocalypse still happened.

The other apocalypse in season 2 was still connected to Vanya and again Five ignored the cosmic signals and focused on dead ends. Despite knowing perfectly that the butterfly effect can come from any source, he didn’t even think about Vanya’s being the cause of the apocalypse again. Five should have listened Klaus when he suggested that Vanya might have been the cause. Funny how Klaus told him in S1 that he has an addiction and Five aggressively denied it. Funny how saving his family and stopping the apocalypse are always his top priorities, but Five still deny himself (for a reason or another) the time to confront Vanya (the apocalypse).

We have a theme waiting to be resolved: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the cause of the apocalypse. If Five does not confront Vanya the theme will never have a closure. It’s still open right now. It is still there, waiting to be picked up again. There is no resolution.

2. Vanya and Ben’s goodbye

The scene between Vanya and Ben was one of my favourites from season 2 and after pondering for a while I concluded that it couldn’t have been anyone else but Ben the one who helped Vanya in that moment. My theory is that the show will walk backwards the breaking points of Vanya’s life: Ben’s death, Five’s leaving and Reginald’s abuse.

Vanya is not fixed. How could she when she was barely Vanya in this season? “New timeline, new me” she said, but that was just a convenient escapism mechanism. Years and years of mentally and emotionally abuse don’t disappear in one week. The Hargreeves have still a lot to process and resolve, individually and as family. That’s why I hope the show will progress the story in the right direction and actually work on them in season 3. Especially Vanya, who needs to confront her trauma. That’s why the scene with Ben in episode 9 was necessary.

From Vanya’s book:

[…] Our everyday existence was full of evidence that Dad had [...]-pped into treating us like experiments. Not as children, but like animals. And what happened to Ben was the last straw that finally shattered the illusion for the others …

Ben died long time ago and his death was the last straw that shattered the illusion (for the others) that their father cared about them (even in his own messed up way). Everything changed from that moment and each sibling drifted away from one another after that. Ben’s death was the moment Vanya and the rest of her siblings stopped being a family. The definitive step of Vanya’s alienation from her siblings.

There was no place in the group for her. With Five’s absence and Ben gone (he is a caring brother, with Klaus is like that and I can imagine him being kind to Vanya in their childhood too. Although, Ben is not Five and we have seen him being harsh to her in the flashbacks in S1EP10), Vanya was truly lost.

The tearful and important moment between Ben and Vanya was a reverse moment in my opinion. Vanya needed that from Ben, his death heavily influenced the course of her life (everyone’s life) and it was only fitting that Ben should have been the one helping her to start again. It’s symbolic in a sense, but also very factual.

“Sorry that I left without saying goodbye” – Five, S1 EP2

“At least this time I can say goodbye.” – Ben, S2 EP9

I’m using my fiveya-goggles, but we all thought that what Five said in S1EP2 (when Vanya tried to find him at Hargreeves’ mansion) wasn’t just about him leaving her apartment. It’s a very specific line that works on double levels: text and subtext. The subtext of course refers to the day he run out the house and time jumped. I highlighted these two lines from Five and Ben because I think they share the same theme: leaving her without saying goodbye.

Vanya wasn’t on mission with the team when Ben died, and I doubt she even saw his body (or whatever remains were left) when the Umbrella Academy returned. She didn’t even see his manifestation during the Icarus’ fight, too focused in her own power. The scene between them in Vanya’s mind gave both the opportunity to make amend of untold words and missed moments.

Ben is dead, he is the one he cannot return. His departure is permanent, there is nothing they can do about that. However, they can have a closure. Ben needed to be the one first patching to mend Vanya’s relationship with her family, to remind her that she does belong. This sort of second death (finally move on into the Light) has more meaning than the first one, this time Ben completed the mission. He saved someone he loved (he couldn’t stop Klaus from destroying his life with drugs and alcohol) and could trust his siblings to take care of the rest.

I still think Ben didn’t need to die-die, but in a sense it was time for him to move on into the light. He was afraid to go on, but if he could move on so his siblings. It is time for Vanya to move on her own trauma.

(Yeah, I know. I still have problem with the scene because they erased canon in a way and Ben could do a lot more as character. They erased the fact drugs stop their powers like in Klaus’ addiction and Vanya’s pills, so how Vanya was able to use them under LSD? I tried to explain that to myself by the fact “they needed to bs that canon fact in season 1 and ignored it”.

We can also argue that Ben could have prevented the apocalypse in 2019 by doing the same thing, but in their defence S1-Ben didn’t know he could possess a body. Yeah, how did he do that without Klaus’ power help? No idea, that doesn’t make sense to me either. Ahah. I just swam with the flow at that point and accepted it as it is. Call it the power of superpowered siblings’ love. I’ve seen worse plot holes in my life. I can live with this).

3. Pass me the knife, there is some tension here!

From Vanya’s book:

Though prone to arrogance and outbursts, even more than the average preteen, Five was my sole confidante in the years before he disappeared. It almost seemed fitting […] the siblings to leave us, it would be him who [I fully?] […] who fully trusted me.

I said that Vanya’s walking backwards her life’s breaking points. So, after Ben’s death, she needs to address Five’s leaving. Five was her only confidante in the years before he disappeared, as she wrote in her book. Five was very important to young Vanya (and old Vanya needs to remember that) and I bet when he left, that was a scar never healed.

Vanya missed him and hoped for his return, for a while she kept the lights on in the house every night and prepared for him his favourite sandwich. When Five did come back Vanya couldn’t process that fact properly in season 1, all she could think of was that she didn’t want to lose him again. Five on the other hand decided that he would save everyone on his own and for that choice he made a bunch of tragic rookie mistakes.

Miscommunication is their kryptonite and right now Vanya and Five aren’t able to fully communicate at the same level. Reggie did such a good work at parenting that they’re so unfit to deal with their emotions and relationships, that will always be the root of their mistakes.

Same story in season 2, meanwhile Vanya is on the verge to provoke another apocalypse (although indirectly), as usual Five was too obsessed with his own plans and was not even aware of the situation. He knows nobody is insignificant when it’s about altering the timeline, but he always ends to focus on the wrong lead. The show again did incredible summersaults to avoid the two to interact properly and when they interacted things still didn’t work for a reason or another. She didn’t remember her past, he was not entirely sincere with her. She wanted to start anew (having a family with Sissy, easy-peasy), he is trapped again in a run against time to save his family. They are still not at the same page and for the show that is convenient. They still can play with their open theme (my point number 1 in this meta).

I don’t blame Five in S1 for thinking that if the worse happens, they would need to kill her. I think he was in a very delicate state of mind in that moment, he didn’t have time to process the fact Vanya (his favourite sibling and we all know she is his favourite) caused the end of the world. It was disappointing and cynical, but time was ticking fast, and he had been in his “maniacal-panic” mode for almost eight days. I also think he wouldn’t really kill her; he was the one who convinced the others that they needed to take her with them in the time jump. They need to “fix her” (aka help her to never feel alone in the universe and prove her we do love her) or they’re going to make the same mistakes again and again.

Just to be clear I think if Five wasn’t one day from the end of the world and in a rush to stop Vanya, he would had had the same reaction as Old Man Five in S2. His 14-days younger version take it very well “Fair enough” he said and then proceeded to tell Luther how to save Vanya, no mention about killing her whatsoever. Old Man Five had time (10 days more than our current Five) and a direct clue on how to stop the apocalypse (thanks Luther). Nobody was going to kill Vanya.

“Vanya will always be the cause of the apocalypse, unless we fix her.” - Five S1EP10 

“Vanya is the bomb. She will always be the bomb.” - Diego S2EP8

Vanya is the bomb and she will always be the bomb unless she heals. A fact that can be added to my number 1 point in this meta, there is an open theme and they need to tackle it. Five and Vanya need to confront each other and resolve it.

This takes me to S2 EP7: the iconic stare-power stand between Five and Vanya. THE TENSION was real, and you could cut it with a butter knife. The first time I screamed at my screen, I felt like Gordon Ramsay in one of those episodes of “Kitchen Nightmare US” when someone finally serves him good food.

Of course, the immediate reading of the scene is that Five needed Vanya to come along and Vanya didn’t want to go because at that point these Hargreeves are still strangers to her (amnesia is so convenient), Sissy and Harlan are the ones she knows and loves in that right moment.

They were still able to cut each other with sharp words and hostile glares though. Five let her have what she wanted, not because he feared her, but because as usual he cares more about her feelings than what he would ever admit. It’s the second time in S2 he let her go, his soft spot and favouritism for Vanya was showing once again! *fakes surprise*

I think the tension shown in this scene is a symptom that Vanya and Five are on the verge of something they will (they have to) confront soon or later. This is the subtext reading I came out with.

Even if you don’t look at it with shipper goggle, you feel there is something going on. They let the viewers feel there is a sensitive something whenever these two have an alone scene together. All their alone scenes have a specific grade of intimacy, they made it clear since the scene in front of Five’s portrait. They care for each other, they love each other (sibling love, platonic love, we-could-have-been-something love etc…) and it’s there. However, Five left and Vanya never truly recovered from that. They didn’t process that fact and I truly believe they can’t move on until they heal that scar.

Basically, S2 EP7 Fiveya’s scene = We have to talk, but this is not the moment because the show is only on its second season! THIS TENSION IS HERE FOR A REASON.

4. Hope is the last thing to die

I shouldn’t trust a show, I’ve been disappointed so many times in the past years and showrunners of popular shows tend to be unoriginal and cowards. However, I am an optimist at heart and until season 3 I dare to hope anyway. If proven wrong, there are always fanfictions who can do better job than canon.

If all was lost they could have eliminated Alluther too from the universe because of certain fans screaming “harcest is incest you weirdos”, but Allison and Luther’s situation still exist and still work on the parameter “will they or not”? I imagine for their shippers it was annoying to have such a regression in season 2, but they didn’t destroy it and they still gave them scenes.

Fiveya had even a more subtle situation than Alluther but they’ve been granted the same level of intimate interaction whenever they have an alone scene together. Until Five (the character) will gain an older body (which he can) the whole thing is suspended. However, I think they wouldn’t have been open about the possibility of Five changing back to an older body and spoke about in season 1 if they didn’t have an idea for that.

I brushed off the line Five said to Old Man Five about being forever trapped in his 13-years-old body. It’s canon that there is a way to gain an adult body for Five, the Commission has the technology and even if it’s not the Commission they can mambo-jambo the thing in a way or another. That would never work. The actor is a growing up teenager and from season 1 to season 2 he has already changed. I imagined he will change even more before season 3 will ever start recording (maybe very late due the COVID-19 situation).

Aidan is a fan favourite and I am one of those who can’t see anyone else playing Five, with this said there are still ways for the show to give us fiveya. Young fiveya flashbacks will be always an option to explore the idea of “they had a crush on each other when they were young” and make other viewers understand that it wasn’t all “sibling” love between them. Endgame in a distant season can always have an epilogue with an adult Five (another actor I mean) having a very non-platonic (let adult Fivey kiss please) moment with Vanya, meanwhile building up the longest slow-burn (kinda, deep down I believe those feelings for each other are there) of the century.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe my tinfoil crow is too tight, and my brain doesn’t breathe. Maybe the show will succumb to easy paths and angry bullies. I don’t know, but until proven wrong I dare to hope.

PS: This is a monster of a meta and it probably doesn’t make sense? I hope someone will get what I’ve tried to say. I hope you survive, brave readers. Here a glass of margarita for you. I’d love to hear what you think