#give it up for the most awkward vibes i've ever designed

[mythvoiced]

@velvetineblue | continued~

It's easy to let things fall into the background when someone so much smaller than her somehow survived the same thing she did. Some sort of specialist would have something to say on the matter, how it's easy for a group of people like them to for once not look at their mangled selves solely because someone so much smaller than them (in every sense of the word) needs care and warmth, needs some sort of shield between her and the world none of them can save her from anymore.

María isn't that specialist.

María doesn't even spend time thinking about these things.

There's no analyzing the softening of her being in the face of Elise's games.

There is, though, albeit relatively subconscious, the analyzing of her peers.

Taiyang exists somewhere outside her peripheral, has so far at least. It'd been easy to gravitate towards Patrick and Deva, something about their connection to one another had slotted them into the empty spaces in María's perspective onto the world that she'd needed someone like them to slip into.

Assertive and trustworthy, reliable and soothing, shield and sword and pen and tongue, poet, soldier, and king/queen, two figures with hell to carry on their back - much like all of them - whom María looks to with the same grimaces and desperate attempts to make herself understood she might have reserved for...

Tai, on the other hand, he... He's not unreliable. He's not agitating in any way. María doesn't plop down next to him, body turning almost instantly with her legs spread away from her and her arms crossed protectively over her chest (habit, habit) with the idea she doesn't want to.

She hadn't been designated as a momentary keeper to Elise along with Taiyang and felt herself reluctant, walking into the other room begrudgingly.

But he doesn't occupy the same pedestal Deva and Patrick do - dangerous in their own way, a few steps too close to idolizing, a path she's only kept from because of her stubbornness to disagree with them.

If anything, he feels more like an older brother.

It's why she asks.

Because there's nothing wrong with him - besides what is wrong with all of them - there's nothing all too foreign about him either, same thousand yard stare she'd never admit to recognize in her own reflection when she startles him out of it, same background to have them both here in this room at this time, same desire to make a difference, but at the same time...

Not?

Because María is a selection of exposed wires Patrick might have found some way to defuse with his skills, popping and crackling and just waiting for the opportunity to set an entire house on fire with one well-placed, where Taiyang is so closed-off he might very well appear as the most 'well-adjusted' out of the bunch simply, perhaps, because he's better at keeping the haunted look off his face.

Or maybe she isn't looking hard enough.

That's why she asks. That's why she nudges his shoulder with her foot and tries to soften her frown to the point it only seems to amplify it, now with the added frustration of not appearing frustrated.

"No, we all share one goal," she's learning, picking it up from Patrick, most likely, the importance of speech, choosing the right words, calm over impulsive spitting, even if she's about as poor a learner in this context as they come.

"We don't all have the same deal," or she'd be much better at this, without the odd pause and the stern look, or the frustrated growl at the back of her throat when she folds herself to lean over, get enough into his space she might figure out how to actually read anything he portrays within it.

"And that's just a fact," she brushes a strand of hair out of her face, one gliding along her forehead she seems to harbour particular antipathy towards. Her hair is so... silky, has been, lately. So healthy. So preened. It's sickening to have as a reminder. She wonders how it'd felt like for him to grow into his persona and decides to ask... later.

"We'd all be a mess without each other, we need you as much as we need anyone here. But that's not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about your deal, your... uh... your thing," not the member of this family designed to hold 'the eloquent one' as title, that's for certain.

"Not your thing... that's- I'm not asking you to talk about anything... nothing that hurts, you know, obviously not, I-" her half-gesticulating hand falls onto the space separating them, narrowly avoiding slamming full-force into his thigh. "How... how can we help you? Or I, specifically, I bet Patrick and Deva already- they're already helpful to you."

[thegutterbunny]

Leftism Tires Me.

I'm just gonna put this here because nobody's gonna see it anyways. I'm just trying to organize my messy ass thoughts. Lately, I've been feeling really disillusioned with leftism, but I don't have the proper words for why. Every time I try to google "leftists are annoying" or something all I get is right wing shit. A lot of this is based on experiences I've both IRL and Online. A lot of this is me struggling to put feelings to words. I feel like my personality just doesn't JIVE right with leftists. I'm pretty materialistic, I love stuff. Mostly books, games, kink gear, and clothes. I drool at other people's wardrobes and goth decorated bedrooms. I don't really care which online stores are the "bad ones". I DO want them demonias. They look cool. I like fan servicey/sexy character designs. They're hot. I want more hot characters that aesthetically appeal to me that I can gawk at. I hate when twitter users and talking heads pretend like they are above such "base tastes". I think people are too uptight about having a squeaky clean record of consuming media. Steering away from problematic artists and art into an ever-shrinking circle of "safe" art and artists. It should depend on what you're personally comfortable with, I think. I've dropped artists that I think are reprehensible. Not ever out of some sense of morality and duty, but because they gross me out and I can't look at them the same. Other artists do or have done terrible things, but that adds to the flavor somehow. Makes them more interesting and worth diving into. Sometimes it even humanizes them. Sometimes the art is SO GOOD I just don't give a shit. The constant emphasis on the collective over the individual is off putting to me. I think rules based on morality always end up having to be made arbitrarily because when building a moral system you ALWAYS run into contradictions and inconsistencies. This is because morality is this thing we made up. We don't find morals in nature. They weren't "discovered". Morality isn't divine. Morality is a TOOL. Which is why this idea that being a small part of something "larger than myself" freaks me the fuck out. Sacrificing pieces of myself... Be it my time, my identity, my aspirations, and my body to a machine called "revolution" is off-putting in an existential way. "Your feelings matter until they don't" is that unspoken leftist creed. Philosophers and philosophy enthusiasts are the most annoying irritating motherfuckers to be around. OH HOW I HATE THEM. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER VENT OR SPILL YOUR GUTS TO A PHILOSOPHY NERD. NEVER MAKING THAT MISTAKE AGAIN.

Sometimes I feel like leftists are more concerned with defending leftism itself than actual people and their feelings. They sanctify the lens they view the world through other then the people they view through that lens. They can be just as biased, stubborn, and incurious as everyone else. Look, not everyone has the time or energy to look through constant studies or be scholars, I get it, but summa y'all just unthinkingly latch onto narratives and refuse to unclutch only because everyone else around you has latched onto the narrative too. The amount of times I've seen someone latch onto a narrative without even thinking about it... Just based on vibes... FUCK. This last one... Speaking as an autistic person... Is rough. Leftist spaces are SUPER cliquey and ran by the same Social Capital rules as anywhere else. There are the same invisible lines to tread here as anywhere else that torture me as someone who's blind to where they lay. Break and self censure yourself to fit in. Nobody's in disagreement. It's just you, and if you disagree we'll all quietly and silently move away from you without a word like everyone else. It depends on the exact space you're in. Whatever friend group or discord server, the feel can "change". People with the most charisma are rewarded with attention, admiration, and a feeling of belonging. Being awkward, shy, quiet, or having the neurodivergent "stench" makes to ostracized. Just. Like. Everywhere. Else. FUCK. YOU.

OK that's enough schizo posting. There's even more I could touch on, but I'm tired and I wanna play Silent Hill 2. If anyone who's read this has the time, what's the diagnosis? What should I do with myself? Am I beyond saving or whatever? I don't even want to "leave leftism" or whatever the fuck, but there's so much... Pressure... here. So much judgement. I want something better for myself but I look everywhere and I can't find it.

[tepkunset]

Rating all* the Hellfire Gala 2023 Outfits in my Correct Opinion

*At least, all that I can find, because Marvel decided fuck making that easy in a little book or a single post like last year.

(Long post alert!)

Iceman, I love most of this look. The accented orange is perfect for the mostly blue look, and I love that he has a matching earring for his cuff-links. Such a nice touch! But those rubber boots, man... those rubber boots ruin it for me. 8/10

Fisk is giving off some Doctor Doom vibes with this outfit. I love the regalness of it, especially the golden leaves behind the ear. 9/10

??? I'm not sure who this is, but their outfit looks like they're going to a Halloween party rather than a gala. 3/10

Emma, oh my god, YES. Almost always delivering, and this is definitely one of those cases! 10/10

Xavier... I hate to say it, but I genuinely love this look. He's bringing major space man vibes, and it's super elegant at the same time. 9/10

Bishop doesn't even get points for effort. He got a red suit then slapped some belts on it. Boring as fuck. 1/10

I was about to write another "???" because I had no idea who this was, until it occurred to me that I think this is supposed to be Scarlet Witch? Except she is super duper whitewashed, so I did not even recognize her. Auto-failure regardless of the look. 0/10

Proteus looks moderately snazzy, but out of the Five is the least interesting in my opinion. 3/10

Egg has a cool coat, but those balls around his neck are way too big and awkward. 4/10

Hope looks a little like a fairy princess here, and I like that! 7/10

Tempus looks like she's going to a prom more than a gala, and I don't know what's going on with that giant shoulder piece. Did Cable lend it to her or something? 4/10

Elixir, my golden boy, is embracing the shiny and I love it! 9/10

Exodus seems to be trying out a new costume rather than a gala look, but in terms of style, it's fine. 5/10

Vision's outfit is as boring as he is. 1/10

Miles, holy shit. Miles should be giving lessons to everyone else on how to actually make a suit look unique! Bishop, take notes. 9/10

Old Laura looks like she's dressed for a gothic funeral more than a gala, but at least that's to her style rather than some crazy OOC look. So, points for that. 5/10

T'Challa... I. Am. Swooning. I know he's not a king right now but damn does he ever look like it in this outfit. The beautiful patterns and complimentary colours, holy shit. 10/10

Synch has certainly done way better in the past. It's just a plain black suit without a shirt, for fuck sake. 2/10

Captain Marvel looks like she's a marching bad, lol. The stars in the hair are a nice touch, though. 3/10

Jean's look is, I know, divisive. I've seen some people say they adore this design, and some people say they hate it. I'm personally on the fence. I think it would be better without the stupid helmet, that's for sure. And I think it looks a little too much like an Emma Frost design, if you were to just colour it white. 5/10

Fantomex? Where the fuck have you been? Anyway, he literally just looks like he always looks but with some sunglasses lmfao. 0/10

Dylan looks like a moody teen as ever, lol. I do like the black and white though. 6/10

Black Cat... Like I said, I like black and white together, but this is giving me too much Cruella de Vil vibes. 4/10

Mary Jane just picked up an evening gown off the rack I guess. 2/10

Firestar, I think? Not actually positive if it's her. Anyway, the sleeves are a bit too much for me, but I love the fiery frills on the cape. 5/10

Thor looks so ugly here lmfao I'm sorry but I hate this look. It's way too clunky. 0/10

At first I thought this was Kwannon, but then I remembered seeing panels and I believe it's Kitty/Kate. Anyway, I like the lace-up boots and I like the frills. 7/10

Hellcat looks like she's took some inspiration from a wrestler's pre-fight look, and I like that. It's simplistic but just enough stylish to pass. 6/10

Nova, going with a tits out look as well I see. I like the feathered shoulder pads, and I like the skirt. 6/10

Moon Knight, oh my god, I have a strong feeling it was Steven who pulled the strings to get a gala look, because there's no fucking way Marc or Jake would be caught dead there. Anyway, this is exactly the type of vibe I would expect from MK, maybe even a bit more playful than that with the mesh part of the top. And I really like it up until the strange boots. He and Iceman must've compared notes or something. Still, 8/10

Psylocke - now THIS is Kwannon for sure! I like the classical ninja meets evening gown look, and I like that she's sexy but not to the point of being objectified, which is a refreshing change for how artists often treat her. 8/10

Destiny and Mystique I will rate together because the score is the same: A what the fuck level of 0/10.

Forge looks fucking awesome, especially compared to last year. I love the fringe and the scarf and the jewellery and the cane... it's a complete look that gives me great vibes. 8/10

Cyclops, come on, man. You can do better than this, can't you? He looks like Mister Sinister dressed him or something. 1/10

Cuckoos look like they stepped off the set of Tron: Legacy. Or a Daft Punk concert. Not complaining to be clear, this look fucks. 10/10

[vintagepanicatd]

How was it like meeting pre split panic, what did you chat about, who did you like the most?

i have no idea when this ask was sent!! i'm sorry for it being probably years late!!

honestly it was a mix of emotions! i had only met one band prior, coba starship, and their m&g was not super organized. it was supposed to happen before the show and for some reason was postponed until after, and then they sat at small bar high top tables where you were free to approach each member at random to chat/ask for a photo/get a picture etc.

panic!'s was much more organized. i met them in 2008 at the rock band live tour. i won m&g with the pre-sale purchase of my ticket. my friend and i arrived to the venue early to wait in line, then zack iirc called all the m&g people over to form a new line and give us wristbands. he went over some ground rules and made a few jokes. i was intimidated by him because i heard hears he could be mean but he was fine to me each time i met them (i don't say that to discredit people who had bad experiences just that mine was not). we then were brought into the venue and stood in a line around the room. the band entered and people waved/said hi. you could feel an energy shift of nerves/excitement.

each person first approached the table they had set up and had a quick moment to talk to the band and get an item of your choice signed. the band would only use black sharpies that they had, i remember a mom being upset they couldn't use her silver sharpie to sign a black t-shirt but zack said there had been instances of sharpees being tampered with in the past so they only used their designated sharpees and he would not budge.

as i waited in line i took a few pictures of the band while they were at the table and zack flashed his flashlight at me as a way to tell me to knock it off and i was shaking lmao

when it was my turn to approach the table i first met spencer who was very friendly, asked what the pin i was wearing said, and joked about signing the item i brought. at which point i have to mention it was a steak dog toy. idk. then i met brendon who at the time was wearing sunglasses someone had given him. he joked "is that a t-bone?". i think he and ryan both said hi too but honestly i was blue screening and shaking so my memory is bad. ryan said "i don't think i've ever signed a steak before!" my memory of jon is that there wasn't really much interaction beyond him signing the item.

after getting your item signed you then got back in line and after everyone was done the table was moved and then each person/group got to have a photo taken with the band taken on the device you brought yourself. most people at my m&g smiled for their photos so as i handed my camera to zack and approached the band i asked if we could make faces and the band obliged. after that i grabbed my camera from zack. i can't remember if we were able to leave right after or if we waited for everyone to be done because my body was in fight or flight mode lol but i remember texting members of my friend group to find out where they were so i could meet up with them again.

overall it was cool and i'm glad i have a memory/photo with pre-split panic but it also was kind of jarring to meet people i idolized. if you had said to me before that, "you know those are just some guys in a band, right?" i would have been like, "obviously i'm not an idiot." but it truly made me realize they were just guys lol also i feel like the dream~* is to meet your faves but m&g's have a mildly awkward vibe to them. like they are transactional interactions (you paid for tickets/photos vs a normal human interaction). idk it wasn't a negative experience but it definitely made me less of a delusional fan if that makes sense. i also was newly 18 so i think i matured a bit. idk i hope this makes sense.

and then like 8 months later the band broke up. :-)

oh! i almost forgot!! who did i like the most? spencer! i went on to meet the band 3 more times, so i met spencer 3 times total and he was always the warmest, it felt like he really tried to connect with each person.

[willowthewiisp]

Some initial thoughts on the remake

I love the dreaminess of the original, but it does come across as awkward first playthrough because you don't KNOW that's the point of it, but playing through you appreciate it more. The remake deviates from this dreamlike state but what they replace it with actually makes it rather terrifying in comparison in a sense of helplessness. It genuinely feels like you're STUCK here, like you've done this before, like you're struggling over and over just to suffer all the same but. But this is you're first time doing this right? Sure buddy :) I wasn't sure about it but I actually love this. As "happy" as the leave ending is I never thought that was the appropriate ending. In water was always my favorite because it made the most sense. How could James go on living with himself knowing he took her life, how could Laura leave with James knowing he killed her mother figure? James ending his own life makes the most tragic sense, and that's why I like this feeling of "you can't escape this" feeling they've given the remake, from the flashes of memories of locations you've seen in the original to little comments and callbacks. Everything feels like youve been here in this situation much longer than you need to be because you just haven't learned. And oh you're gonna learn. That's why PH acts the way he does, as opposed to the original game. He feels FED UP. He feels much more aggressive and frustrated, even his design makes me think of frustration and struggle more and I can't explain why. I wasn't too sure about it, but I love it. I do miss the dreaminess of the original, like you're not sure if you're real, but I don't hate this new feeling either. It makes it terrifying. And again, I've only gotten to the hospital after like, 6 hours or so. I'm taking my time.

I gotta say the OG apartments in sh2 didn't necessarily scare me, more like kept me on edge and kept me confused but the remake apartments have managed to fill me with so much anxiety and dread that I couldn't help but smile so wide at times. It's sooooo different yet still feels appropriate. I love the rust from water instead of the blood and rust aesthetic, it reminded me of the Titanic wreckage and how spooky it is if you've ever seen pieces of the wreckage in person. It feels like the first plunge into the subconscious and granted I've only gotten to the hospital, I really like the vibes they put out with the apartments. The PH fight was so much fun I like how frustrated the vibe of the fight is, like ph is annoyed with you.

Also I was really really worried when I saw the initial screenshots of the hospital but man. Man man man the choice to give the first area of the hospital that type of lighting gives me so much anxiety and dread and I can't explain why. It feels wrong it feels like you're not supposed to be there right now it feels like the hospital wants to eat you alive if you go any further, and I can't wait to see more...

[auralina33]

moondrop moony the moon guy and ukmmmmmmm fucking nightmarionne

MOONDROP

First impression: Would you believe me if I told you I originally really didn't care about this guy at all. I thought the design was sort of neat but for some reason my brain was just like "This guy's only barely gonna be a character. Common random enemy." or something like that.

Impression now: Then the game came out and the demons consumed me. This guy climbed into my hyperfixation list and comfort character list. Moondrop is an important character in FNAF SB to Me... they give me fucked up and different vibes compared to the others, like whatever's wrong with them is slightly to the left from whatever's wrong with everyone else.

Favorite moment: As much as I complain about it, Moondrop's bit of the entire Parts and Service sequence activates the hyperfixation so hard for me. WHEN have you ever seen a FNAF character just attack and kidnap someone? On-screen? In the main game? In a cutscene? And the fact that NO other character ever attacks Glamrock Freddy? (There's Vanny ig but she only ever does so indirectly). DUDE. That scene's such a goldmine and I'm so mad Moon's involvement on it was just forgotten about by the end.

Idea for a story: So fucking many of them. I kind of want to write something about Luna in the Nowhere to Run (Ruin DLC) AU because that's getting me insane lately. But I also have been considering... I've wanted to write a symbolic conversation with Luna himself in Hacked!Luna times since forever. I also want to write Luna and Melody talking about being aroace and generally having a sibling bonding moment. And that's just the ideas specific to my solo Memento Mori based AUs. On a NOT Luna-specific note, I have ideas for Moondrops from different AUs too.

Unpopular opinion: I'm Moondrop's biggest apologist and their biggest defender. They're NOT fucked up and murderous by nature they don't WANT to be doing this!! CANON LAY YOUR HANDS OFF THE HARMFUL "EVIL SPLIT PERSONALITY" STEREOTYPES OR DIE BY MY BLADE.

Favorite relationship: Sunnydrop and Moondrop as a positive, caring dynamic is my absolute favorite thing, at this point it's my headcanon they're specifically made to support each other. Also there's so much untapped potential on Moon with Vanny and I want people to explore that so badly.

Favorite headcanon: Aroace Moondrop for the win. Asides from that, okay, let me think of something that's an important headcanon to me without being 100% Luna specific- When people make Moon kind of awkward and/or lonely without painting them badly for it an angel gains its wings. Also I'm a huge fan of Moondrops who were more on the softer side personality-wise before they were hacked.

NIGHTMARIONNE

First impression: So, you need to know two things... 1. I had a Nightmarionne lover arc too 2. I was a FNAF4 girlie for a while and LOVED the Nightmares, but was also a Toy enjoyer and therefore was massively miffed there were no Nightmare Toys. I tried to make them up myself. I'm telling you all this because the day we got the first teaser hinting at a Nightmare version of the Puppet I was so fucking excited I looked at that image so many times.

Impression now: NIGHTMARIONNE MY POOR UNDERRATED FAVE. I'm not as insane about him as I used to be anymore but I still LOVE Nightmarionne and yes I understand he doesn't get much in terms of lore but I want people to utilize him in AUs more. The day Scott Cawthon confirmed Nightmarionne isn't canon was a tragedy to me.

Favorite moment: Honestly, just the entire experience of watching FNAF4 Halloween Edition for the first time and seeing this guy in the flesh. IT WAS SO COOL. The incredibly dark renders that most of his body blended into, the constant staring at the camera with glowing white eyes, the footsteps being replaced by the My Grandfather's Clock music box, which in the old games meant you were safe from the Puppet but here means it's getting closer... GOD. I don't like his post FNAF4 appearances nearly as much, even if I don't think they're bad.

Idea for a story: I've never considered writing fanfic of this dude... Mainly because my fanfic arc started when the FNAF4 hyperfixation left. It's a good idea though I do need to write him someday.

Unpopular opinion: Nightmarionne getting to be a proper antagonist instead of just a symbolic thing or a mindless monster makes me so happy but that goes for the Nightmares in general to be honest. Ok, here's a Nightmarionne-specific one, the tentacles and noodley limbs are super meh to me, I wanted to like them, but I'd honestly much rather would have had him moving around like a creepy gigantic rickety wind-up toy. His voice is also meh to me, I don't like it being so deep and monstrous, I would have loved it if it'd been a soft, calm, almost soothing sort of creepy.

Favorite relationship: Nightmarionne and Nightmare have a lot of potential to me, Nightmare Fredbear is a good addition too. Also in any AU where the Nightmares are physical animatronics I REQUIRE Nightmarionne's dynamic with William to be explored. Nightmarionne and the Puppet can be a hit... sometimes... I do love me some wicked mirrors.

Favorite headcanon: Nightmarionne just has daddy issues to me at this point because of my old AU but that makes me sound insane. Ok, here's a fun one, Nightmarionne's sense of balance is ASS with how thin and tall he is. A sufficiently angry 12 year old kicking the back of his leg could knock him straight to the ground.

[penisbutterjellytime]

TY 4 tagging me @markodragic !

Last Song: First Date by James Shayfer. I have a playlist dedicated to my Durge and this song actually inspired me making him. A lot of James Shayfer pops up on there lol. I plan to make a piece with him based off the song … eventually

Favorite Color: All colors are specials in their own way but that being said, dark or dull greens and purples go hard.

Currently Watching: Not currently watching anything but last watched the new Fionna and Cake stuff. Mostly watched it cause I had time to kill and I loved Fionna and Cake when she was first introduced when I was little lol

Last Movie: I think the last movie I watched was Across the Spiderverse when it was out in theaters with one of my dorm mates! (she's an animation major so she's legally required to watch it lol)

Currently Reading: Not reading anything atm. Last book I tried to read was a couple months ago was Gideon the Ninth. Only got to the first few chapters. I love fantasy but I've learned I hate reading it lol. I can imagine my own fantastical stuff but my brain sucks at imagining other peoples worlds lol. Been really wanting for months to try and read Stone Butch Blues though. I'll read that whenever school gives us a break maybe lol.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Sweet and savory are very closely tied but I'd say savory. Give me a jar of pickles I'll scarf that shit down like a horse eating carrots or whatever.

Relationship Status: Single. to my knowledge no one's ever tried to shoot their shot. Either that or I'm too stupid to realize. They hate me for my boring, reserved energy yet awkward and peculiar mannerisms …

Current Obsession: Baulder's Gate 3 I'm so sorry to ppl sick of it on their dash lol. Also my own world building but I'm … not going to post that … unless people start asking me about it ... then maybe.

Last Thing I Googled: "cow face" and "cow skull". had time to kill in class so I tried to draw cows cause whenever I've tried to draw them from memory they end up looking more dog like than I care to like.

Currently Working On: Besides school work I'm trying to solidify all the gods and Pantheons of a world I've been working on since late high school. It's weird and confusing, I'm making little mood/image boards of sorts so I can narrow down their designs, aesthetics, vibes, etc. Most I'll explain is that the ones I'm working on all the Gods are based off different artistic mediums (god of clay and pottery, god of glassblowing/stained glass /blacksmithing, god of the 2D and cave art, god of destruction/experimental/multi media , gods of leather/weaving/fashion, gods of music and sound, etc etc ) (two of my projs (one i just finished and one currently) for school are environments based off my world building lol)

[kaylamae2023]

I Find Comfort In Change (Final Exam)

Art has always been a part of my life; ever since I was 3 or so. As soon as I could pick up a marker, was when I started. I drew on everything; furniture, walls, my cat. When I started school is when I had my first art class. It was easily the highlight of my day. Since then, every Christmas or Birthday I've been gifted art supplies, such as canvases and paint, colored pencils, charcoal, even an iPad and Apple pencil specifically so I could do digital art. I'm fortunate enough to have a family that is so supportive, including my extended family. My aunt Ksenia went to a school called the Minneapolis College of Art and Design. It's a school dedicated to all forms of art, and last summer I was given the opportunity to do a stay on campus solely so I could immerse myself in photography, which she paid for. I'm so lucky my family could afford to give me all of these opportunities, because I was able to flourish and I know most can't relate. I'm incredibly grateful for my family and their encouragement.

My art process is a little chaotic. Normally when I make art I either have a reference, a prompt, or a picture in my mind I want to create into the physical world. When I'm not drawing from a reference, a lot of it is trial and error; I think part of me suffers from perfectionism, which is why I tend to prefer drawing from a reference. When I draw from a prompt or an idea in my mind, it's harder for me to detect what exactly it is if something looks off. That's why drawing from an idea was more of a challenge for me.

I didn't want to draw from a prompt that was too cliché. It seems like almost everyone suffers from some sort of issue, whether it's anxiety, depression, ADHD, anger issues, addiction problems, etc. and naturally, a lot of people create art around it. When I try to make art that surrounds an internal issue, I just feel awkward. Most of my life I've felt like whatever mental issues I went through were not significant enough to complain about. Instead, I decided to center my prompt around me changing my appearance. Within the past year or so, I cut bangs, then my bangs grew out and I got highlights done, then I dyed my whole head blonde, and about a week ago I dyed it back to my natural color. I also gave myself a few ear piercings, and my clothing style changed and still changes a lot. I like to change my appearance a lot, it makes me happy. I think life is too short to be afraid of change, because it helps people grow and builds character. I've gone through a lot of change in my life, and even though some of it is hard, some of it benefited me.

This sketch is a memory from when I was 13 and it was the very first time I started experimenting with my style. I dyed my hair blue with some box dye I bought at Walgreens. I didn't really follow the directions I just went nuts.

The media I decided to use is colored pencils, mostly because it's the most accessible but also because I'm most familiar with it.

This is the general idea, I had a lot of refining to do, as well as add more intricate details. I tried to replicate my old drawing style, which was very cartoony. Like I mentioned earlier, my style now is more of a realism approach. But I like that my style had a very bubbly, happy vibe.

The original sketch is finally done, I decided to add a Smashing Pumpkins shirt my dad gave me :).

Finally, the sketch is colored in. I wanted to approach it with a very "doodley" feel. I tried to draw my actual bathroom at my old house before I moved, which is where it all took place.

Overall, taking Art Appreciation has definitely shaped my perspective about art a lot more. I am a big fan of the renaissance era, which I'm happy this class focused in on a lot. However, I also now have a new appreciation for modern art and sculptures, as well as performance art. I even discovered interactive art which I didn't even know was a thing. I think this class has also shaped how I'll do art in the future, especially with my creative process itself.

[oddsacky]

A - I love a lot of them. Favs rn tho are The Gauntlet, I Will Give You My All 2017, and Sorm Fuel Overload

B - Idk. Was never that invested in the story. I guess I wish there was more backstory for the heisters and contractors

C - It's between Vlad and Bain. Bain is awesome because he really cares about the heisters, he's always by their sides. He's just super loyal which is really cool. Vlad, however, is ridiculous. Funny man.

D - Is Crimewave considered DLC?

E - I hate stealth I enjoy Jewelry Store stealth because it's the only stealth heist I can do.

F - I do not like Hoxton Breakout. Day one isn't too bad. I do like the plot and this part's default theme is The Gauntlet so that makes it so much better. My only complaint would be the lack of cover. Day two, however, is fucking stupid. It's literally just sitting and waiting in a mostly enclosed space which is fucking boring. Then you get tasks where you've gotta move to a new location. Getting there means walking through the crowd of cops that have built up cuz you had to stay in that other spot for ages. Once you arrive at your new location, guess what you gotta do? More sitting and waiting! Then the process repeats until Hoxton finishes which takes forever depending on how long it took you to do the tasks and God forbid you let the cops touch the power outlets cuz that adds even more to the sitting and waiting timer just wow this heist sucks.

Aftershock also sucks cuz the place is way too open. I hate having to wander around the place for 10 minutes cuz I can't find the last truck. Then I have to haul these heavy ass vaults and around which is a huge problem if the truck they were in spawned on top of the bridge. Then I have to try to not get lost and drive the vaults away. It's just not fun.

Finally, Goat Simulator is also not that great of a heist because again, big open area that's easy to get lost in (not a problem in day 2). Also no cover most of the time. Especially during the bridge part of day 2. Just why?

G - All of Wolf's pager lines. Also Jacket referencing the HLM creators is cool.

H - Idk I really like Beneath the Mountain. I like the vibes. The turret part isn't fun but other than that, it's a solid heist.

I - I don't use favors and preplanning in general. I think it takes too much time and that I don't need them unless I'm absolutely sure it's going to help me win.

J - Giant spoon.

K - Brothers Grimms with the fire ammo. It's not efficient but it sure is fun. It's satisfying and I love setting the cops on fire.

L - Wolf howling. Wolfie 🥺

M - I absolutely adore Graug. I just love the fire and charcoal design and the monster is so cool

I also love the Awkward Seal mask because I love seals.

N - Hoxton Breakout is overrated.

O - Firing into a large group of cops with the Brothers Grimms with fire. Lighting like 20 cops on fire was so satisfying.

P - Cutscenes. It would be so cool if there were actual cutscenes in Payday 3. I also want a cutscene of Wolf and Hoxton kissing but I think that's too much to ask for.

Q - I don't think I've ever rage quit. If I did, I can't remember what happened.

R - I'm not interested in stuff that would make sense for a good crossover if you know what I mean (like I don't think it would make any sense for Payday and Terraria to have a crossover). It would be awesome to have another Hardcore Henry crossover. I remember reading a comment somewhere saying Henry could be the next mute character in the gang which would be really cool.

S - Stoic. Gotta love the alcohol.

T - I think the thing that most surprised me was the fact the tarantula in Lab Rats could kill you if you got to close. I'm not sure what past me was expecting.

U - Vlad making goat noises is hilarious.

V - None. Both villains are bad. I hate them. Dentist. Hector. I hate you.

W - Probably Overkill cuz I did a lot of crime spree (never got very far lol). It's enough of a difficulty where it's challenging and not overwhelming most of the time (except the one heist where you steal a vault. The sniper elimination part is so difficult).

X - Yeah. Yeah I would. Bain didn't deserve this. It makes me sad.

Y - No because Crimewave hasn't been updated in like 7 years.

Z - Let's ignore the fact that I haven't played in ages uh I think it's a unique game. The concept is something I've never seen in any other games before and it's really fun to play. Also I love the characters

Wow that's a lot of questions answered. That took about 2 days lol

The ABCs of Payday - Q&A edition

You can either answer all of these yourself & tag people to also complete it, or you can RB and your followers can pick a letter and you answer. Or you can just do nothing that's cool too ig.

A is for ALESSO: favourite track?

B is for BALDWIN'S LAMENT: any regrets or things you wish were different about the game/story?

C is for CONTRACTORS: favourite contractor and why?

D is for DLC: favourite DLC you own?

E is for ECMS: favourite stealth/stealth-only heist?

F is for FUUUUUUU: most-hated heist?

G is for GENSEC: favourite pager line?

H is for HEIST: all-time favourite heist?

I is for ILIJA: are you a favours lover or do you prefer the challenge of going in without favours?

J is for JOKERS: dumbest thing/moment about the series?

K is for KILLKILLKILL: favourite/best way to kill cops?

L is for LIVE-ACTION: favourite live-action/web series moment?

M is for MASKS: favourite mask/s?

N is for NO MERCY: hot take/unpopular opinion about the games?

O is for OVERKILL: best/coolest thing you've ever done in-game?

P is for PAYDAY 3: hopes for Payday 3?

Q is for QUIT: what makes you rage/quit?

R is for RESERVOIR DOGS: cross-overs you'd like to see in Payday 3?

S is for STOIC: favourite/most-used perk deck?

T is for TASER: most surprising moment/thing that happened in-game?

U is for UKRAINIAN: favourite Vlad moment?

V is for VILLAIN: favourite baddie and why?

W is for WE CALL THIS A DIFFICULTY TWEAK: preferred/most-played difficulty?

X is for XENODIAGNOSIS: would you want Bain's disease to be curable and why/not?

Y is for YULE: do you typically play seasonal updates and why/why not?

Z is for ZEAL: what makes you excited about Payday and keeps you coming back to play again and again?

[pseudomonacarriea]

All of the munday prompts

Oh, wow. It's Munday already. Put some of these in my askbox and I'll respond OOC. -- Accepting -- Anon

I hate you for this wjaklgewa aI'GHT HERE WE GO

ᄏ: Play any instruments?

Not currently. I used to play flute, clarinet, and oboe though! God I miss the oboe.

ω: Have you ever dyed your hair? If so, what color(s)?

I have! I've done blue, green (by accident), red, red and orange, dark pink, annnnnd that's it right now. I'm thinking of dying it again, but I'm not quite sure what yet.

△: Have you ever painted the walls of your room?

I have! With and without permission? Can't say.

【・ヘ・?】: Ever tripped in front a bunch of people?

Yes otl.

＊: When was the last time you tied your hair up? (if your hair is long enough)

Just an hour ago. I have to wear it up for work.

旦: Last time you drove your car (if you can drive/have one)?

Today! I'm slowly learning how to drive since I still have my permit otl.

愛: Are you currently dating?

No.

太: When it’s New Year’s, do you make New Year Resolutions and actually commit to them?

Yes on making them; No on committing, because I usually give up or forget.

＠: Ever felt attracted to the opposite sex before?

Yes.

空: Did you ever throw up after one roller coaster ride or a few?

No, but got close.

☆: Have you ever played games such as ‘Spin the Bottle’?

Yes.

⊙: Are you happy with where you are in life right now?

No.

ピ: Did you like Pokemon as a child?

YES!

♪: Do you find yourself singing or humming to yourself sometimes?

Yes!

☁: Ever wanted to learn a foreign language?

Aboslutely! I'd love to learn Korean, Irish, Japanese, and maybe Mandarin. ;; Oh, and Flemish.

ス: Have you ever swallowed gum?

Yes sobs.

⅚: Post the link if your current favorite song.

Villain Vibes

ღ: Post a gif of what you’re currently feeling right now.

≘: Have you ever watched the sun rise?

Yes!

☄: Would you defend a friend if they were in danger?

Yes!

➍: Ever been to a concert? Was it fun?

I've been to a few! If they're at cons count. They were good; I saw ASCA and Eye-Q and they're so gOOD!

♛: Do you like group projects?

Only if I know the other people will do their parts, and I trust them. Other than that? No.

高: How often do you use headphones/earbuds?

Everyday.

ಲ: Headphones or earbuds?

Headphones man.

♞: Showers or baths?

Yes! No wait I have to pick? ... Showers.

✗: Walks on the beach or in a forest?

YES AND THAT'S FINAL

⊙﹏⊙: Which horror movie scared you the most? If any?

aLL OF THEM. "The Quiet Place" was CREEPY AF but also really good sound design.

^∇^: Has your best friend ever made you angry?

Yes, but we've worked through it since then ;;/

（．＿．）: Do you think you are an awkward person?

Y...yeah. I think I'm too much for people sometimes.

メ: Cupcakes or muffins?

Cupcakes!

♯: Would you like to be able to fly?

Y e s. Rn I'd love to go to Belgium.

ℝ: What color shirt are you currently wearing?

Brown, bc I'm in my pjs

Æ: What color underwear did you wear yesterday?

(≖_≖ ) Sus.

☪: Have you ever flipped off someone?

Yes

♬: Cats or dogs?

oH THIS IS HARD. ... Dogs.

礼: Would you swim in the lake or ocean?

bOTH? Uh, ocean. YEAH THERE'S MORE THINGS TO KILL ME OUT THERE BUT IT'S! PRETTY!!

の: Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

◐: Have you ever seen a meteor shower?

Yes QQ

ᄇ: Have you ever broken a bone?

Nope! Surprisingly.

ℨ: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Anywhere but here bc Ma.ine has nOTHING.

♔: Know the Duck Song? The Llama Song? Banana Phone?

I... God I know those and I hate it.

۞: What shows did you watch when you were a child?

Whatever was on Wea.ther Cha.nnel, Histor.y, Too.nami, and news. OH! And M*A*S*H. I've seen every episode of that show.

▼: Could you live without the internet?

Yes.

Д: Strangest food you’ve eaten?

uhhhh..... Chicken heart.

까: Cookies or brownies?

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME PICK MONSTER!

[watching-pictures-move]

Put On Your Raincoats #20 | Squalid Motels and Desperate Gals, courtesy of Kim Christy

This review contains mild spoilers.

When I first heard of Kim Christy, I knew I had to delve into her work. Here is someone who was involved in the drag scene in the '60s and went on to direct and produce pornography from the '80s onward. She's also a trans woman director (and occasional actress), which is not just unusual in golden age pornography but even mainstream cinema today. Unfortunately, figuring out where to start was a challenge. There's a very good interview with her on the Advocate but which doesn't really delve into her directing work. So I did the highly risky and ill-advised move of scanning through the titles in her filmography and trying to pick out ones with interesting sounding premises. Even this was a challenge, as a lot of her movies sounded like they didn't have a terrible amount of story. (A good many of them also had certain slurs in the title, which are unfortunately common in trans pornography.) So out of the crapshoot of movies I picked, I can't say I really got to the bottom of what makes her work interesting or even gelled to most of them, but hopefully I can convey what makes the ones I did take to interesting.

To start with the most slight, the two Divine Atrocities movies are basically a collection of sex scenes. There's a theme of dominant women running through them, but otherwise there isn't much tying together in terms of staging, aesthetics and the like. The segments have titles like "The Leather Lass Tamer", "Rubber Rampage" and "Ms. Degradation", but truth be told, nothing here is terribly shocking. So there isn't a lot to either of these movies, but if you're watching it for those reasons, they're enjoyable enough. A few of the segments feature trans performers, and I did find that Sulka had a nicely imposing screen presence in her scene, and while Sugar Nicole briefly threatens her partner with her "big black cock", I did like that for the most part the movies don't discern between these scenes and the ones with cisgender performers. In the eyes of Kim Christy, there's room for everyone in this great sexual melange. Also notable is the threesome scene with Janey Robbins, who (after likely reading Dan Savage's column) tells one of her partners, "If you don't find a different way to fuck me, you can forget it, I'll have to find somebody else", and in the first time in the history of civilization, gets mad at her male partner for not climaxing quickly enough. "You always say it'll only take a few minutes. Time is the only thing I can't replace, and it always takes too long."

A bit more substantive narratively but less interesting is Momma's Boy, with a premise that you can guess based on the title. Tantala Ray presides over a brothel set during an indeterminate period, where she presides over her girls and also her son, who mysteriously became a deaf-mute at a certain point of time. Why did her son become a deaf-mute? Will we ever find out? Spoiler: it's incest. Tantala Ray does have a weird enough screen presence to make her parts watchable, but this has none of the charge that, say, Taboo brings to the same material. (It's worth noting that Ray in this movie, looking like a debauched queen of Mardi Gras in one scene, is a camp villain while Kay Parker plays her role straight in the other movie.) As it's shot on video, the movie is not very nice to look at, and the dirt cheap production values make it unclear whether this is supposed to be a period piece. Some of the dialogue is amusing ("Oxford?" "Guess again." "Princeton?" "Try Biloxi Tech, my sweetie."), and there is some old timey music and one of the clients wears an ascot at one point, so it's not a totally squalid affair. (It's classy, see? He's wearing an ascot.) As the son, Jerry Butler does a cringe-inducing lisp, but I did chuckle at his last line.

A bit easier to recommend is True Crimes of Passion, where Janey Robbins plays a private detective (cheekily named B.J. Fondel) who invariably bungles her investigations and winds up in sex scenes with the people she's supposed to be investigating. "Out of the fog and into the smog" begins the overwrought voiceover, which truth be told doesn't compare to the likes of Chandler but I guess the effort is nice. The first case involves her investigating the wife of a minister whom her client suspects of infidelity. Surprise, surprise, it turns out the wife has a girlfriend with whom she has dominant sex. Thanks to Robbins' investigative prowess, she gets found out and forced to join the proceedings and ends up getting her client, a Dan Quayle looking motherfucker in a cowboy hat, captured as well, which leads to an incredible burn.

"The lord will punish you for this."

"The lord already has, he gave me you for a husband."

Also, when Robbins is forced into cunnilingus, she says over narration, "Oh Christ, I'm not even sure I've seen one of these things up close", and yeah, okay, Janey.

The second scene is probably the most notable as it features Christy as a performer. Robbins visits her friend to investigate a death threat against her friend's brother (also Robbins' ex), and the twist can be deduced when you start wondering why a seemingly minor character gets an unusually large amount of screentime. The scene features a trope that likely isn't terribly sensitive by modern standards, but I get the sense from that Advocate interview that Christy isn't too hung up about such things and one must concede that the film is a product of its time and genre (and within that context, there's a lot worse out there). The last scene has Robbins spying on her neighbour in hotel to get some industry secrets, which leads to some really awkward dialogue about champagne and then a threesome involving her client and mark. Like the work of Yasojiru Ozu, this scene breaks the 180-rule, but I guess if this is your thing, you might enjoy it. At the very end, the mark just gives up his secrets to the client. The secrets of male bonding sometimes elude me.

Easily the most accomplished and enjoyable film from Christy that I watched was Squalor Motel. It combines the sexual variety of the other films with a sense of camp and grounds it in a distinct, memorable location. There isn't much more "plot" than the other movies, as it's basically about a motel concierge doing her job over the course of a day, but as it follows her bumping into a variety of (usually horny) guests and finding herself in amusing (and unfailingly sexual) situations, there's enough of a narrative through line that it feels like a "real" movie where the other movies strained for similar effect, and the movie uses a soundtrack of icy synths and jazz that sounds like imitation Angelo Badalamenti to give it all an alluring vibe. I'm gonna make a wager that David Lynch would have liked this movie. Look, I have no idea what his viewing habits are or what sends his motor running, and the thought of him jacking it furiously to this or any movie is not something that brings me pleasure. But this shares some of the campy tone and surface qualities of his works, and I also wanted to leave you all with that image.

Why does the motel have its own house band (to whom people try to listen to while they engage in all kinds of sexual congress)? Why is Jamie Gillis made up like a vampire and trying to sell marital aids? Why does the one guest's blow-up doll turn into a real person (and prove, uh, extremely vocal during their scene)? Why is the owner wearing a pig mask and a tutu while he spies on his guests? Why is everyone laughing at the newlywed? Why is the one scientist with a Hitler mustache and his shrill-voiced assistant conducting experiments (read: having a threesome) with Tantala Ray? And how are most of these things taking place in the mysterious Reptile Room in the middle of the motel? With an extremely winning Colleen Brennan in the lead role (sporting a pair of thick glasses, a Lucille Ball updo, and a big, toothy smile), we'll have a pretty good time finding out. Like a lot of hardcore movies, this is pretty episodic in structure, but its distinct atmosphere gives it a nice sense of momentum as it drifts from scene to scene.

With its nice production design (and the fact that it seems to have actual sets, rather than being shot in what I assume are people's homes like in the other movies), Squalor Motel feels a bit more upscale and lavish than the average porno. While I don't have any budgetary information handy, I do know that the production had an assistant director, Ned Morehead. To what extent he contributed to the movie's DNA I can't say for certain, but the directorial effort of his I watched, also produced by Christy, had many of the same qualities. Desperate Women starts off feeling pretty stylish with its spraypaint style opening credits (although it loses a bit of style when it misspells star Taija Rae's name as "Taja Rea"). Taija Rae plays a reporter who ends up wrongfully convicted for a murder and thrown in brutal women's prison presided over by the sadistic Tantala Ray, who seems to get her jollies from spying on her prisoners as they get it on or abusing them with the help of her dimwitted guard. During such incidents, the guard frequently ends up ejaculating on her uniform as a source of comic relief. (One such scene ends with a shot of a photo of Ronald Reagan.) I must however disclose, without revealing too much about the shameful inner workings of my hopelessly degenerate mind, that the denouement of scene involving Ray, her guard and Sharon Mitchell did not leave me unmoved. Mitchell plays a prisoner who befriends Taija Rae, and it's worth noting that despite being one of the best actresses in classic porn, she's saddled here with an atrocious Hispanic accent and at one point sings a bit of "America" from West Side Story.

By porn standards, this is actually quite well produced and has a relatively sturdy narrative. (I must however note that one scene has a blatant ejaculation-related continuity error.) Women in prison movies tend to be pretty squalid affairs in general, at least in terms of production values, so this doesn't feel too far off from the real thing and offers more explicit versions of the same pleasures, while its sense of humour gives it a nice campy quality. Tantala Ray especially delivers in a pleasingly over the top performance as the teeth-gnashing villain (the camera often frames her severe face in wide angle close ups), and say what you will about Sharon Mitchell's accent, I did like seeing her pop up in here. With all the flamboyance and excitement around her, Taija Rae almost becomes a supporting character in her own movie, although I must confess that I found her character's hopeless naivety pretty cute. ("I didn't wear rubbers, it's sunny out".) With a fun cast, a firm handle on the genre's pleasures and a groovy soundtrack, this is a pretty good time.

[minyoonkeeks]

Late Night Maintenance // JJK

Pairing : JJK X Reader (F)

Genre: Smut/Fluff

Warnings : good old vanilla sex in all aspects, there's some oral and pretty much it. Nothing triggering (:

A/N: I know I said I was starting my new series, but my good friend who I originally wrote this fic for, finally read it. It's my first smut fic ever, and generally the second one I've even written. I've reread it and there are things I wish I could word better, but it's a growth process so I'm happy with it right now. Please let me know if you liked it (:

_________

"Yeah sure I can work with that schedule. Thank you so much for working with us, we will get the prompts out to you by the end of the week"

You quickly hung up the phone and organized your desk. It was you vacation getaway with your best friends from your hometown. All of you grew up together but when college started, you chose to stay and help out in the family travel business to get your photography started. It wasn't as big of a deal to you than to the other girls who wanted you to go with them, but it made your getaway trips legendary.

Hence why you were on your way, bolting to the airport to get on the first flight to Hong Kong. It was insane how quickly everything came together. Your best friend Lia's boyfriend Yoongi was on a special trip out during the time of your trip and was able to secure 3 more tickets for you, your other friend Becca and her boyfriend Hoseok. You only had 2 weeks to get everything ready and packed as much as you could for your week out in another country. To be honest, being at home started to feel stifling and you really wanted to see if your photography would get you anywhere else. It wasn't that you didn't love home, but it was obvious that nothing would happen if you stayed in your bubble.

So off you were, 1 week in Hong Kong with your best friends and all on their boyfriend's dime. It was odd, while Lia had Yoongi, Becca had Hoseok, and you weren't feeling any vibes from anyone. It didn't upset you, but you knew if you stayed any longer you'd end up marrying that creep from down the street who would stare at you whenever you made any trips out of your house. This was the perfect opportunity. You would see if your photography fared with any other artists, and just maybe you'd be able to get rid of some of those bad love juju vibes everyone said you had. 

"C'mon don't be like that!" Becca yelled while she finished getting ready in the bathroom. "Yeah we can't have our annual dinner without you!" Lia whined as she hugged your leg, causing it to fall asleep from how hard she was grabbing at it. "I just feel a little off. I love the guys, I do, but I don't wanna be third wheeling. I promise, we'll go out together another time. Just take today and go be in love you babies." You sighed as you changed the channel on the TV. Quickly a hotel promotion popped up for a night in at Disney Hong Kong, courtesy of the swanky hotel concierge team since you were in a hotel suite. "Look I can go to Disney at night! You know I've always wanted to go see the castle, and it's special hours for us. See I have something to do, so get ready so I can be on my way!" You feigned enthusiasm so they could get the hint and leave you alone. You really didn't want to sit through 2 hours of making out on one end and cutesy talk on the other. It was bad enough on the plane ride having to sit through it while everyone gave you pity looks and to deal with it tonight would be a no thanks since tomorrow the boys were off to do their business venture and you'd be with just the girls. "Fine, but if we come back and you are still here watching netflix in your pajamas you are dead meat." Lia stared at you, you knew she meant business, especially when she wasn't getting what she wanted. There wasn't any getting out of it either. You weren't planning on going, but 10 minutes into your Strong Girl Bong Soon rerun you thought, why the hell not? There wasn't anything stopping you, and it was free. You changed into a long sleeve with your favorite overalls decided to grab your camera and go down to see what Disney was about.

The ride to the park was quiet. You really didn't think you'd be one of 3 people in the van going to late night Disney. It was Disney, you know? Happiest place on earth? But you guessed it was because it was almost midnight that you'd have most of the park to yourself. There was an older man driving who you counted as one because otherwise you'd have to acknowledge that you were sitting next to an incredibly good looking man. He wore black tshirt over some jeans and you could tell he wasn't really looking at anything, kind of like he was lost in his own mind. As you sat down, he jolted up and looked right at you, big brown doe eyes full of innocence. You face flushed, how couldn't it, when smiled at you and very cooley said, "Hi, don't mind me, please sit." You had just about choked on air from how beautiful he smiled after talking. And so you sat in silence, trying not to fidget too much, so he wouldn't notice your awkwardness. When you finally arrived, you realized just how alone you'd be. The massive entryway only had 1 lane open and there were no cars passing by to drop off or pick up non existent passengers.

"Don't worry, it's open." The ridiculously cute boy said as he looked at you, smiling a huge bunny smile. You couldn't help but notice him now. Tall, really tall, and although he was wearing a large shirt, you could clearly see defined muscles making your eyebrows lift up from the surprise, and hoping he didn't notice. But clearly he did as he smirked giving you your once over. 

"Oh, and you know this how?" You asked, trying not to sound too out of control from how your brain wanted grab his arms as a reflex to see if he was really built because you hadn't had any decent sex in so long. He stared at you for a second, trying to gage whether you were teasing him, or you genuinely wanted to know. "Oh, I work here. I'm helping renovate the castle with my uncle since I had some time off this summer and he needed the extra help. Most of the guests don't come out at this time since I guess they like to sleep." He chuckled to himself and you made a face worthy of laughter. Was he messing with you? "Honestly, I only came to get the churros and head out, thanks" you scoffed. You chuckled under your breath as you saw his reaction, clearly not expecting you to bite back at his teasing, or lame attempt at it anyway. You walked past him and into the park ignoring his eyes as he looked right at you, smug smile from being defeated at his own game.

The park was beautiful. Lights and rides lit up, although none of them were running at this hour for safety reasons. It was ok since you came to take photos anyway. You took your camera out of its case and began taking photos. It was so relaxing, for the first time feeling like your photos were yours and not solely for the purpose of putting them on a travel ad. You loved your job, I mean it was your parents blood, sweat, and tears that went into it, but it wasn't yours. It was their dream. And being here now, taking photos and being carefree for a second made you realize what you were missing out on.

"Beautiful, right?" You heard his voice behind you. Almost as if he was so close you could feel his breath on you, and for a second you had to get a hold of yourself. "Yeah, it's definitely out of this world" you mentioned, trying to keep the ache in your pants from making you choke on your words. He ends up right next to you staring curiously as you gaze out at the landscape and it's enough to make you lose your breath.

"C'mon, I'm not on a time crunch, I can show you around if you'd like. My name's Jungkook by the way." He smiles at you and extends a hand. You take notice at how he squeezes a little too hard and it makes you think of how it'd be like for him to squeeze your thighs to let him in and you have to snap out of it. "I'm ______, sure I could go for some company." 

As he's explaining the buildings while you're taking photos, you can't help but feel him looking at you from time to time and it makes your knees weak. If it was day time, it probably wouldn't have the same effect, but something about the lights and the fact that he kept getting closer to you made you think about how his arms would feel around your waist, or how his torso would feel around your legs. 

"And here's my stop." You quickly broke out of your thoughts to look up at the dark castle. He notices how you startle to his voice and laughs a little. "Oh, I didn't realize it was so soon. Thanks Jungkook, this was fun" you mumble back, cheeks red from where your thoughts were leading you. He looks flushed and for a second he's biting on his lip, making yours do the same. "You want to come look inside? There's a few rooms that don't have access for regular customers, but I can show you if you promise not to tell anyone." He nudges you, and you feel his muscles through his shirt, yeah definitely ripped, you thought. "Sure, as long as you'll let me take a few photos, I mean not like you own the place" you laugh awkwardly and slap his shoulder. He winks at you as you both start walking towards the gate.

As you walk in you have a great sense of… nothing. Its blank, gray walls coating the inside of something so beautiful on the outside. You see the lights through stained glass illuminating your pathway and you wonder for a second where all the illusion went. Jungkook is walking slowly behind you and you fail to notice when he puts his hand on your waist as he guides you in the dark. As you reach his work destination you see it's quiet and completely alone, but you aren't nervous. "It's kind of weird huh? We're supposed to be adding a terrace and it's already there but we're waiting on the designers to finish their sketching to continue. We're supposed to meet them tomorrow. Here, let me show you." He takes you hand and laces his fingers between yours as he guides you up to the terrace.

You get there and he holds you by the waist to pick you up. As you look out and see the view you can't help but feel how rough his hands are on your waist. You turn and stare at him gauging if it's your imagination, or if he wants the same thing you do. You shake the thoughts out of your head walking towards the edge to take a closer look around the park. You take a few photos, noticing how Jungkook stands behind you, leaning against a post. It kind of makes you take a second to breath, feeling like he's staring at you and not at the scenery around him. "Come sit with me" he calls out to you, and as you turned you saw him laying a blanket down. " Since I work night shifts, I usually spend my time listening to music and sitting here. It's pretty calm, and I like hearing the way the wind carries over." He sounds happy and you smile as you walk over to him sitting next to him. He grabs your hand and holds it, and at first it startles you, but seeing his smile as he lays back a little you can't help but wonder if he would be like this all the time. If this was how he treated his special someone. You talked for what felt like hours  about your home, your job, and you ambitions. He would smile occasionally and tell you about his life. He wasn't actually from Hong Kong, but just working while he figured out where he wanted to go or do. You admired him for that, being free enough to go anywhere and do what he wanted without falling into pressure. "Why don't you come with me next time? I'll probably go back home to Korea for a few months and then set out somewhere, anywhere. We'd have a lot of fun." He remarked and looked at you, big brown eyes full of interest. It was different, feeling like you were meant to meet him tonight, and although you'd never make a rash decision, you couldn't help but love the idea of hanging out with him, taking photos, and having fun. It seemed too good to be true but you didn't let that get in the way. 

You stand up and pull on his arm to help him up, Jungkook towering over you. "Sure, maybe one day, you never know." You smile at him. He's warm and sweet and yet you can't quite place what he's thinking as he squeezes your fingers between his as he jumps off the terrace.

He pulls you down slightly and places his hand behind your neck bringing you down to his eye level. You could smell his musky scent and moaned a little too loudly into him and his soft eyes quickly turned into lust. He took your face into his and kissed you, at first with so much yearning, that you couldn't help but open your mouth to let him in. " I've been waiting all night to do that." He smiled as he let go for a quick second before attaching himself to you again. He brought you down and sat you on the edge to kiss you harder and longer. You opened your legs to let him slide his body in between yours and you gasped when you felt his hardness brush against you. "Mmm Kook, me too" you whispered. He took that as an opportunity to let his tongue slip inside you again and you only moaned louder into him, making him smirk. As he pulled away he watched you, with dark lust filled eyes, as he spoke roughly. "You really couldn't wear something a little more convenient huh?" He said as he watched you catch your breath and slowly unbuckle your overalls. "I didn't really think I'd be fucking a hot ass guy at a palace, did I?" You chuckled as he went to suck on your collarbone. He went slowly up your neck sucking and leaving love marks, as you moaned in anticipation for what was next. "I knew I was going to fuck you from the moment I saw you get on the van" he growled into your ear and nibbled, "Well then, fuck me please" was all you could say before he crashed his lips back onto yours.

His hands quickly trailed down your sides, along your breasts, making you hitch your breath. He squeezed at your nipples between the fabric of your bra causing you to moan out his name in pure ecstasy. He tugged on the ends of your shirt and you lifted up your hands to let him take it off. As he stood back for a second, you started feeling anxious, but the look on his face gave away any inhibitions about what you wanted to do to him. You unclipped your bra staring right at him as you slowly took it off, watching as he devoured your body with his eyes. "This really is the most magical place on earth. You're gorgeous, come here" he said walking back towards you.

He started kissing your lips slowly, leaving love bites down your neck and into your chest. Once he reached your breast, he kissed around reaching your nipple and sucking on it making you gush between your thighs. He looked up to lock eyes with you and trailed the other hand between your legs to feel your heat. "I think it's time we take these off don't you think?" Jungkook said as he moved to take off the rest of your clothes.

As they hit the floor, Jungkook's lips were back nibbling on your nipple as his hand made his way back to your mound. There was no denying how aroused you were when he felt your slickness soaking through your panties. "Mmm, feels like I could fit right in already huh?" He said as he moved your panties to the side and slid his fingers through your slit, making you moan in response. "I want to see you too" you said as you tugged off his shirt. You ran your fingers over his defined muscles and kissed along his shoulder blade, smooth skin hot and cold at the same time.

"Lay down for me" he whispered as he tugged your panties off. He lowered himself to your thighs, kissing along and leaving a trail of bite marks, claiming every bit of your body that he could. Once he reached your core he trailed his tongue up your slit, bringing more moans out of you. "You like that baby?" He whispered as he licked once more, this time circling your clit with his tongue. You grabbed the back of his head as a reflex, and it only made him hungrier for your juices. He groaned into your pussy lips to suck on your clit. "Mmm, you taste so good baby, I could do this all night." His voice sounding an octave lower and full of sex. All you could do was moan, hearing him call you baby made a fresh wave of arousal hit you. 'More, I need more" was all you could say as Jungkook slipped a finger into your aching cunt. Your walls clenched his fingers, happy for the intrusion as your juices coated his finger when he started fucking you with it. Your moans getting louder, and his assault on your clit, making you grind into his face. You could feel him moving his stance and looked over for a second to see him palming his erection, waiting to be released. It made you so much wetter knowing that he was enjoying this just as much as you. He noticed you looking and slid a second finger provoking another loud moan from you. "You're so tight baby, I need to make sure you're ready for me" he said as he scissored his fingers into you. "I want to see you" you said between moans, earning another groan from him as he fucked you with both fingers. He curled them inside of you, hitting your sweet spot and making you gasp loudly only making him harder. "Cum in my mouth baby and I'll give you whatever you want" he whispered into you and began fucking you harder. Hearing those words were enough and soon you were toppling over the edge, seeing white and groaning out his name "Fuck , Kook!" Was the only coherent thing coming out of your mouth as you came. He kissed your cunt, stood up, juices covering his mouth and chin, as he smiled seductively, leaving your aching pussy wanting more. "That was so hot," He took your hands and pulled you up so you were meeting his chest. "Show me how much you want me"

You lowered yourself off the terrace, knees wobbly from how you body reacted to Jungkook, and held onto his jeans. Slowly kissing down his toned torso you skimmed the lining of his jeans to reach the buttons. Undoing the clasp, you looked kissed him roughly as he moaned into you. You pulled his jeans down  slowly along with his boxers releasing him from the constraints of the fabric. As you got on your knees you let out a huge sigh. He was big, bigger and thicker than you have ever had. "You like what you see baby?" He whispered bringing it down and stroking it in front of you, making your pussy ache from the sight. He has a slight curve and he was red with how hard he was, precum droplets coming out of the slit. It looked delicious and all you could think about was how he would feel fucking your mouth. You looked up at him, and he was holding his breath to see what you would do. You smirked and licked from his balls up to the tip of his cock, feeling him tremble under your touch. You licked the precum off, slowly engulfing him in your mouth. He groaned and gripped onto the edge of the terrace as you started to bob your head, licking around the tip to give.him a little more. "Fuck ____ you look gorgeous, so beautiful baby. Take my cock in all the way." He hissed as you licked around his cockhead once more. There was no way he would fit completely inside your mouth, but as you pumped your mouth on him he grabbed your head and began fucking you mercilessly. "Fuck _____ it feels so fucking good. Your mouth feels like it was made for me to fuck it" his thrusting getting more intense only made your arousal come back faster and soon you were rubbing your clit with the same speed as his mouth fucking. You pulled away fast, sucking and popping him out of your mouth when he started getting sloppy, knowing that he was going to cum.

"Baby, I need you in me." Was all you could say as he picks you up and throws you back on the terrace, placing his body right between you on the edge. You could feel his rock solid erection throbbing close to your core. "I Don't have protection, didn't really think I needed it tonight  you know?" He says, hunger in his eyes. "It's fine, I have a thing, keeps the babies away, just fuck me already" you moaned back waiting to see what he'd do. He brought his face close up to yours and kissed you hard, hard enough for you not to notice him rubbing his dick against your slit. "Good, it'll just make the sex even better" he whispered and slammed his dick into you, giving you no time to prepare. "Fucking hell, oh shit" was all you could say as he cradled you in his arms fucking you as if he'd prepared al alongl. It stung, more than you thought it would, but hearing his grunts and moans only made you want him to fuck you harder, and soon all you could feel was the intense pleasure from his dick slapping against your cunt. He nibbled on your ear as you repeatedly told him to fuck you faster and harder, wrapping your legs around him and holding on. "You're so fucking tight baby, just like I imagined. Even better. I can't wait to --ugh-- fucking spill everything in you, on you, everywhere." He cursed as he railed into you. He placed his hand between you and started rubbing circles around your clit bringing screaming moans out of you. "Kook, fuck me harder, I need more." Was all you could say. He trusted into you one last time before holding himself as deep as he could, trying to catch his breath, and trying even harder not to cum inside you yet. He pulled out, leaving you empty for a second and climbed on the terrace, pulling you down on top of him. 

"Ride me, I want to see you ride me" he said panting. You aligned yourself on his cock, your lips slowly taking the head of his cock in as he looked with full lust in his eyes. "This is fucking amazing, you're so fucking beautiful" he gulped as you took him in inch by inch, moaning into him and dropping down giving him a kiss. It wasn't rough, just sexual and intimate, and you moaned out his name slowly grinding against him. He grabbed your thighs, the rough sweaty texture of him making you clench around him even more as you slowly roll your hips against his. "You're gorgeous Kook, let me look at you" you softly tell him as you move his sweaty hair from his face making him blush. He makes his way to your breasts and squeezes them gently making soft whimpers from where he wants to fuck into you. You lower your body and he takes a nipple into his mouth slowly circling and biting the perky nub, "yeah, just like that" you whisper as your fucking goes from intense and rough to sensual and intimate as you get closer to your release. He brings your hips lower into him, feeling his cock reach areas you hadn't ever felt someone reach and making you wimper and fuck back into him harder. "Yeah just like that baby, make yourself feel good for me. -mmmm- I want to feel you cum on my cock" he groans in small broken sentences, getting sloppier by the second. It only turns you on even more to hear him talk like that so you're grinding onto him harder. You grab the nape of his neck and pull him up with you as you move your legs around his waist. It gives him access to start fucking harder into you, holding your hips down as you ride him, unable to control your moans. He kisses you, hungrily, as if he's asking for something, and soon you grab onto him, seeing white, and feeling the pressure snap and release into pure bliss. "Fuck ____ you look so beautiful cumming for me, don't stop." You hear him through your orgasm as you go in for a kiss. He takes it and moans as he releases into you, spilling his seed inside and coating your walls. He rides out his orgasm, leaving you sensitive and holding tightly to his back to steady yourself. "Wait, too much." You say, panting into his neck.

As you slowly stop he turns and looks at you, his face happy and smiling, unable to contain himself as he kisses you again. "That was way better than working tonight, " he jokes and soon you're both laughing into each other. You nudge him playfully and rest your head on his shoulder,leaning back to lay down over the terrace. He takes his shirt and drapes it over you, and you can't tell when, but you fall asleep.

When you wake up in the morning, groggy from your late night escapade you see Jungkook shuffling away and cleaning the area. "Here, we're late. My uncle and our associates are coming to look at our progress. I'm gonna need you to go out the back," he says as he hands you your clothes, pulling you up to get ready. You quickly put on everything and follow him out the back way. He looks at you, kind of like he wants to say something, but instead kisses your forehead. "What was that?" You chuckle, cheeks reddening from the sudden intimacy. "For making my job ten times better last night." He says laughing and pulling you into a quick hug. "Oh that? No problem, anytime" you say and you eyes widen at the comment clearly stupid enough to come out of your mouth. "Yeah, I'd like that. Here, take my number call me when you get a chance to go out. And I don't mean just to do last night, although, I'd like that too" he laughs as he's trying not to blush. "Thanks, I'll see you around." You tell him as you walk out and towards the gate of the park.

By the time you get back to the hotel, all you want to do is sleep on your warm bed and bask in the way it felt to be touched by Jungkook. You let out a huge sigh and plop down only to feel someone tugging at your legs. "_____ !! What are you doing?? Where have you been? Wake up, we have somewhere to go. I promise you'll like it. " Lia says as she's tugging at you. "I told you I was going out. Where are we going? You didn't mention anything before" you groaned as you kicked her legs away wanting to engulf yourself in the pillows. "Come on, it'll be fun I promise." Becca said as she turned the shower on and Lia dragged you into it. "Wear something cute we're going out to celebrate Yoongi and Hobi making cash! They got the contract and are taking us out!" "Ugh fine, only if you'll let me come back early. I'm tired." You sighed making your way to the restroom and getting ready against your better judgement.

Once you got out of the taxi you walked into the diner looking through your purse and bumping into something hard. "Sorry, I didn't mean to," you reply as Lia's pulling you back . "It's ok " you hear a voice say and suddenly your eyes open wide and you look up. "____ this is Jungkook, sorry about that bro, sometimes she gets lost her headspace" Yoongi mentioned as you looked bewildered at the scene before your eyes. "It's fine, hey ____ nice to meet you, I'm Jungkook" he smiles wide as you take his hand and blush unintentionally at the contact. Lia and Becca share glances and giggle telling the boys to go sit down so you could have a moment. 

"What's going on" you say as you feel him tangle his fingers through yours. He gets close enough to not cause any suspicion but enough to put his hand around your waist and caress your side. " I didn't think it'd be appropriate to tell them I knew you as the girl who fucked me last night. Let's keep that between us, but…" he paused and got closer to your ear whispering, "this definitely makes things easier don't you think?"