#girl group sccenario

[kpop-zone]

Lose You To Love Me | Yeji

Genre: angst (although I think it kind of has a happy ending?)

Wordcount: 2,905

Request: I’d like to request for itzy yeji scenario where you have known that she’s been cheating on you all these time but you never confront her. Until one day you just exploded and said that you wished you never met her.

A/N: Kinda feel like this one is rushed and the ending is weak, but I hope, you can still enjoy it :D Happy angsty Valentine’s day!

Yeji had been next to you since you could think.

She had lived in a house just two blocks from yours and you had met each other in your first year of kindergarten. Although the other children had constantly changed their playing buddies, not the two of you. You were like peanut butter and jelly, inseparable. Growing up together, you saw the other change, but your friendship was the steady constant in both of your lives. No matter what hurdle came in your way, you took it together. Your first F in elementary school, the mean kids in middle school or your first heartbreak in high school. There was nothing that could shake you, because Yeji was by your side.

In the last year of high school, Yeji had confessed her feelings to you. You were taken aback because you had never thought that a girl like Yeji could fall for you. But you were also happy. What could be better than to share every aspect of your life with your best friend? So you opened yourself up to her and in no time, you felt the same. And for the first time, you experienced what complete, utter happiness felt like. Yeji fulfilled your every wish and it seemed like everything in your life was as it was supposed to be.

Therefore, you didn’t worry when you graduated. Your relationship had been through various hardships, going to college was just another new beginning that you would tackle together. You applied for the same college and you actually got in together. You felt ecstatic, blind to see that Yeji didn’t seem to be as happy as you about your luck. While you had already started to figure out a plan to take advantage of your new earned freedom, Yeji silently tagged along.

But as soon as you entered college, it was like Yeji was revitalized. She downright flourished and you were so happy to see her thriving that you didn’t even realize that you slowly drifted apart.

It was a gradual process.

First, Yeji found new friends, never introducing you to them, however, with the reasoning that you wouldn’t like them. You accepted her decision, thinking that a little separation couldn’t harm the two of you. But slowly the physical separation turned into an emotional as well. The two of you didn’t talk like you used to. You learned about important occurrences in Yeji’s life through other people and she never turned to you when she had to make a hard decision.

Having her around you, made shivers run down your spine, because the comfort that she once gave turned into a cold touch.

But you didn’t think much about it in the beginning. Every relationship had its dips, you thought. Yeji was solely figuring out who she was. There was no need to worry. As long as it just stayed with the excessive use of alcohol, blurry nights and the complete neglection of your relationship, you could still work things out.

After a while, however, you couldn’t turn a blind eye to all the other little things that accumulated over time. The smudged lipstick. The unfamiliar clothes laying in her room. The faint scent of perfume on her skin that wasn’t hers.

You weren’t dumb, but for the sake of your relationship you pretended to be. You gave Yeji the space that she needed and tried to convince yourself that she would come to her senses after a while, realizing what she would throw away if she kept going. Selflessly, you let her crawl back into your bed late at night although you knew that she had been laying in the arms of another before. You tried to give her what she needed, in order to make her stay. Hoping that she would stop betraying you eventually.

But she didn’t.

You were already half asleep when the door to your dorm opened loudly and your drunken girlfriend stumbled into the room. You didn’t bother to sit up, pretending that you didn’t hear her entrance. But your girlfriend didn’t care about that. Lazily she leaned over you, starting to kiss your neck.

“Are you awake?”

She slurred into your ear and you huffed annoyed, trying to push her off.

But Yeji only giggled, continuing to leave openmouthed kisses all over you.

You were about to give in to her when the scent of an unfamiliar perfume suddenly reached your nose and you knew that she had done it again. Tears immediately stung to your eyes and your heart broke under the weight that had just become a little too heavy to endure. With a frustrated scream, you pushed Yeji off you, making her fall to the ground with a loud bang. She looked at you with wide eyes, now seeming a lot more sober than before. When she saw the tears streaming down your face, her expression changed from shock to concern though.

“What’s wrong baby? Did I hurt you?”

She asked, leaping to her feet to console you. But you flinched back like she was a stranger.

“You of all people have to ask this question.”

You spat out while a bitter laugh escaped your lips.

Yeji looked at you in confusion and the anger inside of you almost boiled over. How could she stand so innocently in front of you although she had been the one stabbing your back over and over again?

“What do you mean?”

She asked, trying to reach out for you another time, but you swatted away her hand immediately.

“Was it so bad to be my girlfriend?”

You responded instead of a real answer, all the built-up hurt lacing your voice. You didn’t want her to know how broken you were, angrily wiping away your own tears, but they kept streaming down your cheeks without cease.

“No, I love you. You know that, jagi.”

Yeji answered with a soft voice, triggering the time bomb that had been slumbering inside of you.

“Shut up!”

You yelled at her in desperation and Yeji winced at your outburst.

“How can you love me while sleeping with other people?”

Your voice cracked because you couldn’t hold back the sobs anymore and Yeji’s façade finally cracked. She avoided your gaze, guiltily looking on the floor.

“Since when do you know?”

She asked silently and you shook your head.

“You cheat on me and that’s what you have to say?”

Every word of Yeji managed to rip your chest open even further and you wished that you could just turn back time. Go back to the point where everything began to get out of control and start over.

“I’m sorry...”

Yeji mumbled hardly audible and you huffed.

“Are you? So are you going to tell me that it was just an accident now?”

You chimed in provocatively while crossing your arms defensively.

Yeji helplessly searched for your eyes, opening and closing her mouth at a loss for words.

“I..I...”

She stammered, unable to form any coherent sentences.

“You used to be a better liar.”

You rolled your eyes impatiently, being completely possessed by your anger and pain now.

“I don’t want to hurt you...”

Yeji breathed while tears started to well up in her eyes.

“It’s a little late for that now, isn’t it?”

You chuckled bitterly, knowing that your chest had already been ripped wide-open.

“I didn’t mean to though... We’ve just been together for so long. I felt like, I couldn’t breathe...”

Yeji tried to explain and although you thought that your heart had already been broken into a million pieces, you could feel it being shattered again.

“So it’s my fault then?”

You asked in disbelief and Yeji shook her head.

“No that’s not what I meant. I...”

She clearly couldn’t find the right words, but you didn’t have time for her excuses.

“You’re pathetic Yeji. I can’t believe, I fought for you despite everything you have done.”

You gritted though your teeth, making Yeji bury her face into her hands.

“I know. But please don’t give up on me Y/N.”

She sobbed, and you felt like walking up to her and shaking her shoulders.

Give up on her? She had been the one giving up on you. How dare her, putting the end of this relationship on you? Expecting you to fight again while she had never put any effort into it?

Disappointed you shook your head.

“I wish, I had never met you.”

Your voice was calm and cold like ice. You had wished to turn back time to the point where everything went wrong. But now you could suddenly see things clearly. Yeji was a monster, sucking all happiness and energy out of her victims. You would have been better off living without her.

“Don’t say that...”

Yeji whispered between sobs, but your tears had died down by now.

“Don’t you remember how we played as kids? All the good times we had throughout our time together?”

Her voice was pleading, but you had built walls around you to stop yourself from bleeding out.

“I do, Yeji. But I wish I didn’t. Because it makes it all the more painful that you just threw everything away so recklessly.”

Your heart hurt. For the first time in your life, you were all alone. You had just lost the constant that had always been by your side. You felt vulnerable and alone. But there was no turning back.

Slowly you dragged your feet to the door, hearing Yeji’s sobs echoing in the room behind you. But you kept going. When you left the room, you felt like on tracks while the world was flying past you. Nothing seemed to be real. You didn’t know where you should go. The person that had usually waited for you with open arms was no longer in your life.

Therefore, you wandered around campus aimlessly until you sat down at the foot of a tree, hugging your legs tightly in hope for comfort. But you knew that nothing could fill the hole that had just been ripped into your heart. In the next weeks, you would be like an animal bred in captivation, being released into the wild for the first time. How were you supposed to get around? It had always been Yeji and you against the world.

But how could you fight if a part of you was missing?

You were proven to be right. Anxiety was your constant companion the next weeks. Although Yeji had neglected your relationship the past months, you had always had the knowledge in the back of your mind that she would be there to catch you. But now you felt like freeclimbing the Mount Everest. And on top of it all, you had to spend most of your day running away from Yeji. She tried to catch you after your classes or in front of your dorm, causing you to sleep at a friend’s place most of the time. You couldn’t face her right now.

The only consolidation you could find during this time was the knowledge that Yeji didn’t seem to be doing any better. Dark rings underlined her eyes and she constantly seemed to just have stopped crying. Every time you saw her from afar, your heart pulled you towards her, but you couldn’t slack off. You weren’t allowed to let her in again. Healing was a lengthy process and you couldn’t risk a relapse, only for trying to save her again.

So you fought through the process. Your nights were filled with tears and sobs that rippled through your body so violently that you were sore the next morning. The days were all the same after a while. Dull and long. But you didn’t give up. A broken heart had to mend like a broken bone, you told yourself. The process was painful and consisted of several steps. At first, you had to let it heal off before starting to slowly get it back to its old shape.

Therefore, you started to focus on the things that you had once enjoyed in life. Gradually increasing your dose until you managed to spend complete days without thinking about Yeji once. And at the end of the term, you actually felt like an almost complete human again. Maybe it was true what people said. What didn’t kill you, actually made you stronger.

At first you truly felt like dying, but then you realized that, although it had felt like it, the world didn’t revolve around Yeji. It kept spinning, even after she was out of the picture. And you learnt even more. You learnt that you were strong enough to conquer it on your own. You didn’t need Yeji by your side.

All this time you had spent loving Yeji that you had forgotten to love yourself. But you deserved the same love that you had given her. Now that you didn’t have to spend all your time on mending the relationship with Yeji, you could actually spend the time on mending the relationship with yourself. Eventually making you strong enough to reflect the past.

You realized that this whole catastrophe wasn’t only to blame on Yeji. You had made mistakes, too, that manifested themselves in Yeji’s actions. It wasn’t an excuse, but it helped you to accept that your realtionship had been sailing into the wrong direction for a long time now.

Which didn’t mean, however, that you didn’t still love Yeji. Because you did. The heart might get shredded into a million pieces, but it will also put itself together again and the feelings it had held will not just vanish into thin air. But it was ok that you still loved her. You had walked a long road with each other. You had laughed, cried and made memories with each other. Just because the ending of a movie was sad, didn’t mean that the movie wasn’t worth watching.

And that realization helped you to forgive Yeji.

Therefore, you decided that you had to help her fix her heart as well. You were maybe not able to meet her eye to eye yet, but you needed to relief her, in order for you to be able to move on. Therefore, you wrote her a letter, capturing your feelings in every word and cleansing your body of all the things that were still tormenting it.

With the letter in your hand and the smell of a fresh start in the air, you made your way to Yeji’s dorm. You clenched the letter tightly in your hands, knowing that this was the ending of an era. Checking your letter one last time, you let your eyes wander across the paper.

Dear Yeji,

I want to start by saying that I’m sorry that I’m not saying all of this in person, but I’m still healing some wounds that need some treatment before I can say that I’m completely fine. But I don’t want you to worry. I’m getting there.

I know that your bad conscious is probably suffocating you right now, but I want to relieve you from it. I don’t blame you for the breakup. We both did our fair number of mistakes and no matter whether you had cheated on me or not, we probably wouldn’t have worked in the end. We have lied to ourselves for a long time now.

You were all that I knew.

So I held on to you, because letting go of you felt like letting go a part of myself. For the longest time, I was afraid of this step, but now I’ve realized that we have to cut things off sometimes to give new and better things the chance to grow in our life. We have to accept that it's a privilege but not a necessity that two people walk the same path their whole lives. All partings of ways are sad, but I gladly look back on the time that the universe has granted us together. You have helped to shape me into the person that I am today. Now, however, it’s time that we let each other go and allow the other to go new ways that we can’t go together.

After all, I needed to lose you to love me. I could never be the one that you needed. I was either too much or not enough, but never just right. I despised myself, thinking that something was wrong with me, but there wasn’t. We were simply two puzzle pieces that didn’t fit together, making us try to change ourselves and slowly suffocating each other. But if we let each other go now, we can find the place where we truly belong and I can try to learn myself like I loved you.

I hope that you can forgive yourself like I have forgiven you. Every ending is a new beginning and I know that there is a world full of adventures waiting for each of us.

Life has its own ways of going. And I’m sure that our paths will cross again, maybe in this life or the next.

I love you, Yeji. Now and forever.

Y/N

You smiled to yourself, before sliding the letter underneath Yeji’s door and sighting in relief. A huge weight was lifted off you and you felt like truly starting over now.

There was a world waiting for you out there and you were ready to claim it.