#gifted child syndrome + youngest privileges + big ass family issues

[hel-phoenyx]

20) A heated argument

Kaizarz belongs to @corneille-but-not-the-author, Meili to @azeler and Domhildr to @soupedepates

Childhood trauma incoming

They're fighting again.

My parents love each other. I think. They're always hugging and kissing and sometimes they take some time away from the capital, away from us, only the two of them. That's probably what love is. Wanting to be all alone with the other.

Is that what love is ?

But today they're fighting. And I know the reason why. It's me. It's always me. yesterday it was because of my sword. Today it's because I'm the only one integrated to the court. Because Kriss doesn't even go to the castle and I spend half my time in there.

Mom thinks that's unfair both of their children won't get the same chances.

Dad think it's stupid to display all my ascendance.

I don't know what I should believe. Who I should side for.

Kriss ran away a long time ago. She doesn't like them fighting, either. I think she's gonna see Gustav. She told me explicitely to not follow her.

But I don't know where else to go.

i'm not expected at the castle. But the graveyard is empty. I don't know where the others are. Probably working. I'm lucky I don't have to. I should be happy I don't have to.

But today I'm all alone.

I can still hear the voices.

"This is preposterous, Harald ! They're both my children, even if Tyrfing has the powers of your side of the family ! They all should be treated with the same reverence !"

"Karan, I told you a million times, this is not the point ! You'll only need one word too much for Matilda to kill you, and this time mom is not here to stop her ! You can't just go there and flaunt that both Tyrfing and Kriss are descendants of royal lineage !"

"I don't care about that ! I just want them to have the same chances !"

"Ironic from the woman that is trying to build a weapon ! Don't you dare think I don't know what you had in mind when you gave him Dainsleif ! He is not Hrogni, neither is he Odin !"

I don't understand anything. What do they want me to do ? i don't know. Was I born only for their sake ? Is this what love means ?

I don't wanna feel this kind of love.

I have to go. I have to be needed somewhere. Anywhere else. I wanna be needed for who I am, not who I could be, or who were my parents. But they're not here. I'm alone.

I'm not expected at the castle. Yet, when I appear, Kaizarz's face lit up. He's with Meili and Domi today, the whole gang's here. They don't have to work. Meili may be a Karibarn-in-training, he still has some time for us. They're all young, except him. It feels so different.

I can't show them I'm shaking. I need to be needed.

"Hey..."

"Hey, Tyr ! Didn't think I'd see you today," chirps Domi with a smile on her tiny face.

I give her back the smile.

Can't show them I'm on the verge of tears.

"Yeah, things got a bit heated at home..."

"Are you okay ?"

Kaizarz looks so worried. But I can't. I can't show them how cold I feel.

"Yeah, it's fine... Can we like, not talk about it ?"

I see on Kaizarz's and Domi's face they look unconvinced, still worried. But Meili nods sagely, and extends his hand.

"Sure. We were about to play a game of jacks, you're in ? We needed a fourth."

I smile a little more.

I am needed.

I am surrounded.

They put their hands on my shoulders and bring me to the playground and I think, for myself

I hope this is what love feels like.