#ghost is an arrogant prick we been knew but we also know its deserved

[s0fter-sin]

"advise you move interior if you're not already... it's good cover"

that last bit has always felt like such an afterthought; it comes just a beat too late like ghost hadn't intended to elaborate on his order

did he add it to head off soap's inevitable questions; pushing back against his orders just like in al mazrah? never bc of insubordination but just bc of an intrinsic need to know the thought process behind an order before he can follow it

has he ever had to explain his thinking before; too used to being followed without question, his word always the authority in both rank and experience? just to meet soap who pushes back, not in doubt, but from the sheer desire to know

has it already become instinct to explain?

was it to start teaching him to think even deeper about his own survival? to look at his surroundings and see everything as an opportunity and tool at his disposal? already feeling the urge to implant these lessons so, should the time come, soap can implement them himself

he knows he won't always be there; whether it's as simple as distance, comms going down or his inevitable death, at some point soap won't have anyone at his back

better to teach the root of survival so he won't need protecting

even the phrasing, "if you're not already", he's not babying soap, not undermining his skills; he assumes soap knows to get inside bc he knows he’s a good soldier. but just in case he doesn’t, in case he’s frazzled and not thinking, he offers it as a reminder

[mythologyfolklore]

Your cowardice made us the monsters we are

(A/N: A little drabble from the POV of Loki and his children from their banishment/imprisonment until Ragnarök.)

Loki: My blood brother, do you remember? When in ancient times you and me mixed our blood and swore sacred oaths? You had just been betrayed, a lonely leader of a family which had banished you. And I was on the run from an abusive kin. We met after you gained the runes and gave your eye to drink from the well, but before you knew the prophecy. You knew not as much as you do now. Do you remember? You were wandering through the worlds and had nowhere to go. You were alone. Just like me. Do you remember? I saved your life. You had just sacrificed your eye and hung yourself from Yggdrasil. You, the first of the Aesir, looked at me, a fire giant too small-framed for his kind, and you smiled. I offered you to become your brother. I told you that I wouldn't abandon you. We mixed our blood and became siblings, not by blood but by oath. Do you remember? We made so many promises to each other. We promised to be brothers, to be a family. To share meal and drink. To support each other in battle. To share our knowledge with the other. To share each other's joys and woes. And so many other things, that are meaningless now. But there was one promise more. Do you remember? I do. You promised that my children would be yours as well. I promised the same. I remember. But you have forgotten, haven't you? I remember what happened then. You went to Helheim, to seek the advice of a long dead Völva. I waited for you at the gates of the land of the dead. You came back, paler than a ghost. The prophecy of the Völva shook you to the core, didn't it? You got all the knowledge that you have now. But was it really worth it? I didn't know what you had seen or heard, but I saw how shaken you were. So I comforted you and told you stories to cheer you up. I have always been good at that. You were so grateful. But now you're not grateful anymore, are you? You don't even remember what gratitude is. You have forgotten that, just like your promise that you would accept my children. You didn't accept them at all. Especially not my children by my beloved Angrboda. So what if they don't look like you Aesir? They're beautiful nonetheless. My oldest son, Fenrir. He is the wolf of wolves. He has my eyes and voice, my wit, magic and temper. When he takes his human form, you can see that he also has my freckles and ears. His blond hair and his strength are his mother's. But as a wolf, he has fluffy black and red fur. His teeth are almost as big as me. Fenrir is half as tall as the mountains of Utgard by now. But he will always be my little puppy. My second son, Jörmungandr, only ten seconds younger than Fenrir. He is the biggest snake the world has ever seen. He is so big that he encircles Midgard, so everyone calls him the Midgard Serpent. He has my eyes and hair and my intelligence, everything else he got from his mother. In his human form he's tall and lean like his mother. Fitting, in his animal form he's a very long snake after all. In his snake form his eyes are red, like my hair, and his scales are green, like my eyes. When the sun shines upon them, they shine so beautifully. When we were torn apart, his head was as high as my legs. Now, according to Thor, his pupils are bigger than an oak. But he is still my little Jörmi. My only daughter, Hel. Hers is the underworld, she is its queen. Inside her dwells the ancient, unhallowed and boundless power of the netherworld. She is neither dead nor alive. She is just Hel. She has hair of two colours. On her right side, it's silver blonde, like her mother's. On her left side, it's black. The right side of her face is rosy, fair enough to rival Freyja's. The left side of her face is dark from decay. Normally, that is. If she's angry, it turns skeletal, if she's happy, the left half of her face is as fair as the right half. She has my intellect, cunning and humour, but other than that, she is every bit her mother. But none of this matters to me. She is my beautiful little girl, my sunshine, and she always will be. And then there is Sleipnir, my middle child. Sadly, I'm not his father, but his mother. I gave him to you, because I hoped that it would save him from suffering the fate his older siblings had. Well, at least that worked out. Using my son as your steed, because he's an eight-legged, talking horse is just fine with you, huh? But you didn't treat my children with your daughter Sigyn any better, oh no. Even though they were Aesir, like you! My youngest twin sons, Nari and Narfi. They are-no, were their mother's spitting image. Black, starry curls, a small but strong frame. Safe for the green eyes that were mine. And they had my magic. I … I didn't even get to see what they would have been like, had they lived into adulthood. And look what you did their mothers! Angrboda, the Lady of Járnvidr, the greatest of witches. At least she didn't have to see what became of our children. She probably got the most merciful ending in our family. You hated her, because she refused to share her wisdom and her dark magic with you. But to me, she was the first woman I ever truly loved. The second one is Sigyn, the wonderful, boundlessly loyal, hot-headed tomboy at my side. I can't even remember how many tantrums she has thrown because of me. But no matter how angry she was at me, she was always there, standing up for me, even when everyone turned against me. Even now, after everything I have done, she's still here. This petite goddess is stronger than all of you. Angrboda is dead, you killed her. Fenrir is bound, chained through magic and your perjury. The magical chains cut into his flesh and you stuffed a fucking sword into his mouth so he can't bite you. You banished Jörmungandr into the ocean that encircles Midgard, threw him into it like a broken doll. It's cold in there, too. Not fit for a snake, no matter how big my son is. Hel is all alone in the underworld. Well, she is not alone. She has her subjects and her servants. But she can never see her family and we can't see her. Sleipnir is the only one you treat well, because he's useful to you. You turned Nari into a wolf and made him tear apart his own brother. Then you killed him. And Narfi didn't even get a proper burial. No. His guts are what my chains are made of. I've been chained to these fucking rocks with the entrails of my own son, for … how long? I don't even remember. Hard to tell, it's always dark in this cave. A few metres above my head, a snake is bound and her acidic venom drops onto my face, no thanks to Skadi. Fucking whore. It hurts like a bitch, when the venom hits my face, it burns my skin. But Sigyn is here, holding a bowl over my head, keeping the poison from dropping onto my face. She suffers so much, deserving none of it. My poor, dear Sigyn. You made her watch, as her sons were killed and I was bound with the guts of one of them. You told her that everything happening was my fault. I admit, part of this is true. But let me tell you this, I'm not sorry for killing your precious Baldr. Or for framing his twin, which lead to him getting killed as well. I was envious of them, both of them, I'm not ashamed of admitting it. I hated Baldr because you loved him for being sweet, innocent and beautiful, while you scorned my dear children for not being like that. Everyone praised him, looked up to him, when he hardly did anything to deserve that! It was me who did all the work for you! Not him! Me! And he got all the love and attention! And do you know what I hated most about your third youngest son? That he didn't become a conceited and arrogant prick over it. On the contrary, he hated it! I saw it in his eyes. And you didn't even know, being the superficial bastard you are. You just saw the pretty boy. Only his blind twin and I saw the miserable wretch he truly was. I hated Hödr, because you loved him for being so content with living in Baldr's shadow (literally, because he was the god of darkness and winter). He was the only person your beloved Baldr truly cared about, aside from his own child, of course. But most of all I hated him for being so much like you. He was much kinder and more sensible, but he was your spitting image. Even his gloomy, calm and aloof demeanor was just like yours. Just looking at him reminded me of you. I hated it. To cut it short, I hated them, because they were your children and because you loved them. Before I murdered Baldr, he and I had a little talk. You don't know, but he knew that I would be his murderer. You'd be surprised at how casual he was about it, after making such a fuss about his nightmares. He wasn't even resentful towards me. He smiled and still called me 'Uncle'. It was unbearable. And I realised something that terrified me: As much as I envied him and his brother, I loved them as well. I realised that I was becoming something like a surrogate father to them. I couldn't allow that to happen. I should hate them for being your sons. They didn't deserve to die, but I had to cause their deaths. I had to get them killed, before they could become like you. Baldr and Hödr were too good for you anyway. And my daughter Hel will take good care to keep them that way. There is no doubt, she is better for them than you are, much better. You don't deserve them. You took away from me what I held dearest. So I did the same to you. When you bound me, you asked me if we were even. I laughed at you. I told you that to get even, I would have had to kill Thor, Vidarr and Hermódr as well. You told me that I never would have accomplished that. I laughed again. Told you not to underestimate me. But the truth is - I could never bring myself to kill Thor. I've grown too attached to him. That's why my son Jörmungandr will do it. He has open business with him anyway. Both of them will die. Will I cry for Thor as well as for Jörmi? I don't know. I would love to kill you myself, my dear blood brother, but my son Fenrir has already called dibs. He will kill Tyr and you. I will laugh, as he devours you. I will weep as Vidarr avenges you and kills my eldest child. Will Sleipnir survive? I hope so. He doesn't deserve to die. But then again, when have the Norns ever cared about that. And then I will turn to the person who has always despised me, my dear nemesis. The relationship between me and Heimdallr is so complicated, you would never understand it. There is a strange freedom in trusting the enemy. We will kill each other. And we will meet again, in Helheim, where my daughter waits for her brothers and me. I remember the jokes and games we used to make about it. Kind of like you and me when we were young. When we became blood brothers, you had that mischievous glint in your eye, much like myself. There was a warmth and integrity in your smile that made me believe everything you said, even when I knew that you were lying. Now all of this is gone. You hate me. But that's alright, because I hate you too. You call us monsters, my children and me. That's true. But it was your cowardice that made us the monsters we are now. See you at Ragnarök. See you in Hel. I will never forgive you, Odin. Never. Fenrir: I trusted you. I was apprehensive after you had taken me away from my mother, but I trusted you. When we were brought to Asgard, you were the one who took care of me, when dad couldn't do it. I respected you. You were the only one brave enough. Brave enough to spend time with me. Brave enough to come near me. Brave enough to be fond of me. Do you remember, how you used to play with me? How you used to pet me and stroke my fur? How you and your wife spent entire days trying to clean it? I remember the smiles on your face, the laughter in your eyes. I remember how you were only one of three gods in Asgard who were allowed to call me "puppy" (the other two being dad and Sigyn). You used to play fetch with me, not with small sticks, that'd be ridiculous, you tore small trees out and used them as sticks. Hey, I'm a huge wolf, gimme a break! I looked up to you, like one would look up to a surrogate father. In a way you were mine, because dad was often busy. One day I turned into a human, just for you and dad. It was your birthday. I turned human, because making a gift is hard when you're a giant wolf. You were happy and you ruffled my blond head, while dad fawned over how cute I was. Kinda odd that I'm a blond, considering that my fur is black. Even my siblings liked you. You didn't mind when Jörmi snaked around your legs and you could look at Hel without cringing at the left side of her face, which is something only me, Jörmi, dad and Sigyn could do. Those were happy times. For a while I forgot that you and the other Aesir had taken us away from our mother. But then came that one time dad went on a particularly long journey for old man Odin. One day, I noticed that my little brother Jörmungandr and my little sister Hel had gone missing. I asked you about it. You said that you didn't know where they were. I noticed that glint of sadness and guilt in your eyes, but I was still a naive child and I trusted you. A few days later, you finally told me that Odin had sent Jörmungandr to the sea around Midgard, because he was growing to big for Asgard. As for my sister Hel, she was going to rule a world of her own. You didn't say that it was Niflheim and I, in my childish naiveté, thought of her being a princess with pretty clothes and lots of servants who would read every wish from her lips and one day I would be her bodyguard and protect her, because I'm her strong, big brother. You said sure, everyone who'd want to harm Hel would be scared away by my size and strength and I would be her hero. It makes my heart bleed to remember that. Looking back, I know why you lied. I was still a child, still a puppy. I wasn't ready to face the cruelty of the world. But a few weeks later, Odin accompanied you. I winced at the cold gaze in his grey eye. He said that I was growing too big for Asgard and that I would be moved to an island that was far away. I didn't understand most of it, but I did realise that it meant that I would have to move away from you and that I wouldn't be able to visit you, dad, Sigyn and my new baby brothers. I begged him to let me stay, I would be a good boy and do all kinds of things for the gods, just like my dad. He said no. At least I got to say goodbye to Sigyn and the kids, before I was moved to an island that was more than big enough to hold me and give me all the room I wanted. Said island was called Yngvi and was located in the middle of a lake named Amsvartnir, which itself happened to be in Niflheim. Yeah. I was alone there for weeks, until you and the other gods came back. You brought chains. Big, heavy chains. Odin told me that this was a game and that I would be famed for my strength, if I could break them. I was young. Still naiv, only a teen at this point. And man, did I ever want to prove myself? You bet! By this time I was already twice as big as Thor and probably twice as strong as well. I shattered the chains with ease and rejoiced. A few weeks you gods came back with even bigger, heavier chains. Odin suggested playing the game again. I looked at the heavy iron chains and thought for a moment. They were stronger than the last ones, but then again, I had experienced another growth spurt during the past weeks, and I had confidence in my strength. So I allowed them to bind me again. Breaking these was a little harder, but still easy. I quickly shook them off. But I noticed something strange. None of the gods seemed to be happy for me, not even you. That got me thinking. Next time you came back, years had passed and I was growing HUGE!!! What you showed me this time made me blink. A thin, hardly visible golden band that looked like it was made of silk. A silken band after two heavy chains? Now that was fishy. But they taunted me, questioned my courage and I didn't want to lose my pride and reputation. So I agreed to let them bind me, but only under one condition: one of them would have to place his right hand in my mouth, if they tricked me, I'd bite it off. They hesitated. Now it was my turn to taunt them. After all, if they were playing fair, they didn't have to fear for their hand, right? Right. In the end, you stepped forward. Again, you were the only one brave enough. But you had tears in your eyes. They were full of sorrow. It terrified me. They bound me and, just as expected, I couldn't break them. The gods didn't free me. They laughed. Except for you. Partly because you were feeling guilty for betraying me (yes, I could tell from the look on your face), but mainly because I bit your hand off. You didn't scream. You didn't shed a tear. You didn't even flinch. You just looked at me unhappily. And I hated you in that moment. Hated you, because despite loving me, you still managed to betray me, to put these false gods over everything else. I thought that it was your fault that I was bound, a prisoner. Now I know that it wasn't your fault. It was all Odin's fault, for being such a fucking coward. But I'm still angry at you. I was an innocent child, until you made me a monster. I will kill you, Tyr. And when I have done that, I will kill Odin, that one-eyed piece of shit. Jörmungandr: These Aesir are all pieces of crap. I mean, what did my siblings and I do to deserve this? First Odin throws me into the sea, like I'm some broken doll that a girl throws away. Then he sends my sister to the netherworld, literally. And as if that wasn't bad enough, they fool my brother Fen into thinking that they like him, only to betray him and bind him like he's a madman in need of confinement. Oh, and according to Fenrir, they have also bound our father and are torturing him for killing Baldr. And to add insult to injury, they killed our little brothers and bound dad with the entrails of one of them. Those disgusting trash bags. Why did they - no, why did Odin do all this? Why does he do this to us? We were just children, not normal, but still children. And if he had bothered to actually get to know us, he would have realised that Fenrir and I can be human too (and devilishly handsome ones too, if I may say so). Hel can look like the other girls too, if she tries hard enough. Heck, she could surpass that wench Freyja in beauty any day! But nooo, he was so appalled by what we really look like, that we were promptly banished. He fucking threw me into an ocean, I still can't believe it, after so many thousand years! I hate this place. It's cold and dark and with me being a snake, that doesn't go well together. I turn into a human very often, just to get into the warm sun and enjoy a little bit of freedom. Otherwise I'd always be stiff and have cramps. And don't even get me started on how there's not enough food for a snake of my size in this dirty puddle. Gha. It's also very lonely here. I'm the only one of my kind and since my family can't visit me, I have no one to talk to. Before dad was bound, he and Sigyn used to sneak away to visit sometimes. I remember that one time, after we were imprisoned, when she visited me in my exile and asked me for a token to give to my father as a means of comfort. Of course it was the middle of the night and yes, she totally had "borrowed" Sleipnir from Odin. I told her to pick one of my smallest scales. I heard from Hel that the Asýnja came to her and Fen as well, with the same request. The next time my father managed to sneak away (I wonder why Heimdallr tolerated this), I noticed that he was wearing a necklace with the scale Sigyn had taken from me, a tooth from Fenrir and a yellow and black curl from Hel's hair. I love my step-mother. If anyone is worthy of following in my mother's footsteps, it's her. She is the only decent person in Asgard, if you ask me. Well, at least the only decent one I know. She didn't care that we were two huge animals and a half-dead girl. She spoiled us anyway. Like we were her own kids. And I don't even know how old she is or when her birthday is. That's kind of sad. I never got around to ask her, no thanks to Odin. I can't believe that she's actually his daughter. I mean, she looks nothing like him! Sure, she's black-haired, but she's tiny, her eyes are dark blue and she has stars in her hair! How amazing is that! We always called her Sigyn of the starry hair. I swear, she must be a daughter of Nótt or something like that! She gets angry and yells a lot (mostly at dad and the other Aesir), but she has a good heart. Sadly, she's the only one I know up there of whom that can be said. I mean, isn't that what the Midgardians about Thor as well? Hah! How am I supposed to see the good in someone who took me and my siblings away from our home and mother? And speaking of him - I still have that scar on my head, where that bastard bashed my skull in. Seriously, what did I ever do to him?! I mean, get this! I'm swimming around, minding my own business, when suddenly something gets caught in my mouth, that tastes like beef. And when I come to the surface to see where it came from, something comes flying at me and then I feel this infernal pain on my head! I feel dizzy for a moment, before my sight clears and I recognise Thor in a little boat, about to swing his hammer again. There is a jötunn next to him, pale as a corpse. Come on, I don't look that frightening! Just because I'm a giant snake! But back to Thor, that bastard. That Asa actually bashed my head with this hammer! If I wasn't so huge, that blow would have killed me! Needless to say, I immediately dived under and refused to come back up. Good riddance, jackass! By the Norns, I hope that dad gave him a good ol' lecture, when he came home! Hmph. Trying to kill me for no reason, really. Just wait until Ragnarök, Thor. Then I will kill you! And I will do it for a reason. Yes, I will kill him and as many Aesir as I can, if it's the last thing I do. I know, it will be. But I still want my revenge before I die. Hel: Cheer up, you said. You're going to be a queen, you said. With a fancy golden crown on your head and pretty dresses, you said. You're going to have a kingdom, a castle, servants, subjects and riches beyond imagination, just for yourself, you said. Your family will come to visit you a lot, you said. You're going to like it there, you said. It'll be fun and pretty, you said. Lo! Here I am, in this cold, cold world full of dead people. The sun never shines here. When I leave my castle, it's hard to see my own hand in front of my eyes, that's how thick the fog is. And of course, my only conversation partners are the souls of the dead and my two old hand servants, Ganglot and Ganglati. "Fun and pretty", huh? You Aesir say a lot, when the days are long, don't you? And you know what the funniest thing is? I actually do like it here. Hah! Take that, morons! The dead have so many stories to tell and reading their souls, when they come in front of my throne, is way more entertaining than any book could ever be. They're not repulsed by my half-dead, half-alive visage. No, they worship me, they adore me! Ganglot and Ganglati are old and slow in their work, but they are special, very special indeed. Sure, the sun never shines here, but my world has a sun of its own - the underworld sun is like a huge black light. Pretty cool, huh? And inside, the souls of the stillborn provide a brighter light than that precious upperworld sun ever could. Bright to me, that is. But they wouldn't understand that. It's quiet here, not like noisy Asgard, but it's a nice kind of quiet. Little does Odin know that I'm wiser than him. I possess the knowledge of all who lived. Odin gathers many warriors in his hall but manier come to mine. But that doesn't make me any less upset. I can't believe that you lied to me. I can't believe that you took my family away, which was the most important thing in the world for me. Don't you Aesir know that family is the greatest, most powerful treasure a child can have? That nothing is stronger than familiar bonds? Aren't you such a tight-knit group? You despise us and our father. We're not like you, you say. As if you're ones to talk! How many other races is the community of the Aesir composed of! Jötnar, Vanir, Álfar, Midgardian… But you hate us because we're not as pretty as you. Do you even know how subjective beauty is? No, you're too superficial for that. My brother Fenrir is a giant wolf. No one looks more majestic than he does in his wolf form. Jörmungandr, my giant snake brother, is mightier and more imposing than any dragon could ever be. But they're not monsters! They're my beloved brothers! And it's not like they can't be human too! And I'm not a monster either! I'm not dead or alive! I'm Hel! Look at me from the right or make me particularly happy and you'll find that I can be fairer than Freyja! And as if that wasn't enough I had to welcome my half-brothers Nari and Narfi, who told me that you killed them and bound father with their entrails! They were innocent children! They were Aesir, two of you! Does your depravity know no bounds? And had my father not reason to kill Odin's beloved son? Was it not his right, after Odin tore us out of our parents' arms? And is Baldr not better off being with me than with you? He wasn't happy with you. You didn't give him what he needed. You didn't understand him like I do. He was your most precious light, now he is mine. He didn't want to go back and I didn't want him to go either. So I gave you an impossible task. But my father spoiled your meal again, didn't he? Hehe … you get it? He spoiled your meal and I eat from a table called hunger with a knife named famine? Hehe … meal jokes. They never get old. Anyway, since one creature refused to cry for Baldr, he stays here. And he will stay here until Ragnarök has passed. Then he will leave me again, as much as it hurts to think about it. But until then … I will enjoy his presence. Until then, he will be mine. He belongs to me. I love him. Surprised? Didn't you tell me that EVERYONE loves Baldr? Well, I'm no exception! And do you know what's the frosting on the cake? He loves me too! Now that's knocking you off the horses, huh? No offense, Sleipnir, hehe. But seriously. Even if you had succeeded, he would refuse to come back with you. He wouldn't go without his twin Hödr. By the way, Baldr angry at you guys for killing him. Hödr was one of you too, you know. But you don't care, do you? No, you only tried to ransom out Baldr, but not him. Seriously, dick move. (Baldr thinks so too) And then there is Nanna. She's pissed at you too, also for killing Hödr. At first we hated each other, but now we're gal pals. Hödr himself? Oh, I assure you, he's fine. he doesn't mind my relationship with his brother, in fact he supports it (you know, because he is awesome). See? They're much happier with me than with you! Hah! What does that tell you? If I was the monster you take me for, would they happier with me than with you? No! It's you who are the monsters! You mistreated my family, bound my older brothers, killed my younger ones, killed my mother and torture my father. You think I'm a monster, because you're a bunch of cowards. You were afraid of my power, weren't you? Were my father and my stepmother Sigyn the only ones who weren't? Ah, Sigyn. Yelled a lot and liked to punch dad, but she thought that WE were cute. She was one of a kind and a wonderful stepmother. I remember that one time she managed to come down to the underworld, only to ask me for a curl of my hair, just to cheer dad up. That was so sweet of her. I miss her, just like I miss the rest of my family. But at least I have my little brothers with me. But after Ragnarök, I will have them again. When they're all dead, I will give them a home. And we will be happy and together forever. Except that Baldr and Hödr will be gone. It hurts to think about it. But perhaps they will come to visit little ol' me. But it's long until then. And when the end of the age comes, I will lend my troops to father. I won't be there myself, I'll be too busy ruling Hel and Niflheim. Besides, I have to receive you all when you die. See you then, you worthless, hypocritical bastards. Nari and Narfi: We just don't know what went wrong. Our family was so happy. Mum was always there and loved us. Dad wasn't, but when he was, he spoiled us and told us cool stories. When we were really small, our big half-siblings came to live with us for a while. Mum spoiled them. They were weird, but it was fun to play with them, especially Fenrir. His fur was fluffy and he always let us ride on his back. And suddenly they were gone and no one told us where to. But dad was so sad afterwards. He cried almost every night. Then mum gave him a present and he got a bit better. The other Aesir seemed to like us. Our uncles Baldr and Hödr always taught us cool stuff, just like dad always did. And uncle Thor played with us and gave us piggy-bag rides. And suddenly uncle Baldr and auntie Nanna were dead. Then, a year later, uncle Hödr was dead too. They said that it was him who killed uncle Baldr. But that's impossible! He loved him so much! A few decades after that, they arrested dad. Then they dragged us out of mum's arms and took us to a far away place. It was only then that we learned that it had actually been dad who had killed Baldr. And then Odin said 'An eye for an eye' and turned Nari into a wolf. It hurt, being transformed into a wolf. Suddenly I saw Narfi and forgot that he was my brother. A few minutes later, I stood over his intestines and dad was screaming and I suddenly realised what had happened. But before I could grief, Odin pierced me with his spear. The last thing I saw was how they bound dad with Narfi's guts, then I died. We found ourselves in Helheim and in front of Hel's throne. We had never really seen our older sister, even in Asgard, because she had always hidden away. Now that we saw her, first she was a bit scary with her half-dead face. But she is so nice to us. Actually, she's the best big sis ever. She is so badass and lets us live in her palace, we can do whatever we want and she plays with us, when she has the time. Uncle Baldr and uncle Hödr are there too. They always have time for us and keep teaching us awesome stuff. Hel does so too, but she is very busy ruling the underworld. They all know a lot and Hel knows so cool magic, just like dad. And then there is our … uh, other mother? Angrboda. She is the mum of our older siblings minus Sleipnir, a powerful Jötunn witch and very nice, but also very scary. She's even smarter than Odin, at least we think so. She knows everything. Hel too. Maybe she got that from her. But we miss mum and dad so much. But that's okay, because Hel says that we will have them back eventually and Hel never lies. Sleipnir: Sometimes I wish I had never been born. Sometimes I curse the family I've been born into. Sometimes I regret that I can't just be a normal stallion. Hehe, nope. I'm a magical, talking horse with eight legs. Also, my mother is a shapeshifting trickster whose blood-brother is my master. Oh, and I have three monster siblings and two younger human siblings. Don't worry, I can turn into a human too. Woohoo. Joy, joy. I only met my siblings when they were taken from Jötunheim and stayed in Asgard for a while. It was actually them who taught me to transform into a human shape. I'm a grey horse with a dark grey mane and my mother's green eyes. When I turn human, my skin is pale, my hair is still dark grey and my eyes still green, but for some reason I have … freckles? Must have gotten that from mother too. Oh, and my mother is actually a guy. At least everyone thinks so. I'm not so certain, I mean he's a fire Jötunn and a shapeshifter, perhaps he's gender non-binary. Anyway, my older half-siblings soon were taken away and suffered fates they didn't deserve, just because the Aesir didn't like the way they looked. Dick move. Mother was so distressed. No. Distressed isn't the right word, more like mad with grief. He was in a dazed state for months. It was so scary and I was only a foal back then. Mother recovered afterwards, but I could practically smell the hatred boil inside him, the evil schemes he was plotting. He was never one to think logically. Oh mother, my dear poor mother, you're such a fool. You wanted to avenge Angrboda's children and murdered Baldr, the most beloved of the Aesir. Then you sabotaged his return. And then you rubbed it into their faces. And now you're chained to not only one but THREE rocks with the guts of Narfi, my little half-brother. Everyone in my family is gone and I alone am still here, serving Odin. I miss you so, my dear mother. And I miss you too, my siblings, even these of you whom I hardly knew. I will see you at Ragnarök, my dear family. And we will be together in Helheim. At least I hope so. I don't know, if I'll die at Ragnarök, but I hope that I will. I just want to be with you again. I miss you.

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 47 - 48

My therapy bills have been steadily rising ever since I took on the challenge of reading this book.

If you recall correctly, last time we left off where some Ilkens attacked their ship and revealed the big baddie Erawan knows of her Wyrdkey. Chapter 47 picks up immediately after that reveal.

What, were you expecting an angry rant from me? Sadly, this book has crushed my very soul, and the quicker I stop criticizing SJM’s glaring flaws, the quicker I am freed from this demon.

Rowan hauled ass back to their ship, his magic near-flinging him through the air.

Man, I see why everyone says SJM’s writing is amazing. Love it when epic fantasy medieval Fae characters describe themselves as hauling their asses around, and getting all pissy at one another. Love it!

But Aelin wasn’t moving. Gavriel and Aedion, bloodied and limping, were barely moving. Fenrys, his chest a bloody mess with greenish slime —poison …

I’m sure these very painful injuries will never be brought up after this chapter. Rowboat decides to be the hero of the day and picks up a bow to shoot down the Ilken.

“A gold coin says he misses,” Fenrys rasped. “Save your breath for healing,” Aelin snapped. “Make it two,” Aedion said behind him. “I say he hits.” “You can all go to hell,” Aelin snarled. But then added, “Make it five. Ten says he downs it with the first shot.”

If these characters weren’t assholes, maybe I’d enjoy this banter. Also Fenrys, your chest is ripped open and soaked with poison, you should be knocking on death’s door by now, not making witty remarks.

Rowboat gets a clean headshot because of course he does, then tells Assdion and Fenrys to pay up, pricks. His words, not mine. The scene ends. Oh, I can totally see why a cliffhanger was necessary, so much happened after the last chapter ended.

Assdion is thinking about the battle and how he and his father fought side by side. Oh, fuck you SJM, give me that father son content!!!! I want Gav being a good dad damnit show me, don’t tell me!

[Aelin] still knelt over Fenrys, offering Rowan nothing more than a pat on his thigh as he stormed past to help with the other wounded. A pat on the thigh— for making a shot that Aedion was fairly certain most of his Bane would have judged to be impossible.

Another reason I hate Assdion’s POVs: they’re 95% him splooging over Rowboat and Alien. Like ungh we get it, Rowboat is the best warrior ever you don’t need to beat us over the head with it.

Aedion set down the pail of water [Aelin]’d asked him to get for Fenrys, trying not to wince as she wiped away the green poison that oozed out. A few feet away, his father was tending to a blubbering pirate—who had barely more than a tear to the thigh.

Hey man, not everyone can deal with pain the same way, especially not someone’s who mortal. Have you ever considered the pirate might be horrified and shaken up after witnessing his friends being eaten alive, that he might be in shock right now? Also, Gav is such a sweetheart for helping to comfort him. Lowkey shipping nameless pirate and Gav right now.

Fenrys tries to get Alien to tend to the others, which admittedly is rather noble and selfless of him, but dude, you got poison leaking out of your chest. Alien asks Fenrys how his magic works under the excuse of keeping him awake, but it’s actually so SJM can info dump at us.

“No one knows where it comes from—what it is,” Fenrys said between shallow breaths, fingers curling and uncurling at his sides. “But it lets me slip between folds in the world. Only short distances, and only a few times before I’m drained, but … it’s useful on a killing field.”

Oh, of fucking course nobody knows where it comes from. This is SJM on her knees begging you and I not to think about how her world works or why her magic is so inconsistent. She just slaps abilities onto her ocs and gives no thought as to how it all works in the big picture.

“What’s your shield made of, then?” Fenrys tried and failed to shrug. But Gavriel muttered from where he worked on the still-whimpering pirate, “Arrogance.” Aelin snorted, but didn’t dare take her eyes off Fenrys’s injury as she said, “So you do have a sense of humor, Gavriel.” The Lion of Doranelle gave a wary smile over his shoulder.

I love Gavriel..... I’m stanning him..... Wait every time I want to stan someone in this novel, SJM ruins them. Shit. Never mind.

“Lorcan was a bastard in Maeve’s palace, don’t worry,” Fenrys smirked, his bronze face wan.

Unghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh bronze

“Your parents?” Aedion pressed when Aelin herself seemed to be straining for words. He’d seen her heal little cuts, and slowly repair Manon’s wound over days, but …

Fenrys is almost dying because of the massive wound on his chest but we really out here focusing on Alien getting exhausted, huh.... that’s the level you’ve stooped to, SJM............

Rasping, laboring breaths from both of [Fenrys and Aelin]. Aedion shifted so that Aelin could lean wholly against him, biting down on the weight it put on his already-swollen knee.

OH MY GOD WE REALLY ARE. I don’t give a fuck if Alien is a “”little tired :((”” from using her magic, FENRYS IS GODDAMN DYING. SJM STOP METAPHORICALLY SUCKING ALIEN’S DICK FOR ONE GODDAMN SECOND PLEASE.

Fenrys says that serving Maeve fufills the male Fae need to serve and blehhh its gross. But I don’t care, Gav decides to finally spill the beans on his backstory and HOLY SHIT I AM READY. GIVE ME THE CONTEXT.

Gav was a soldier who came from a noble family. Being the youngest of three brothers, he wouldn’t inherit or rule ever, so he became a soldier. That’s why Maeve took interest in him, and why he joined her.

[Gavriel] rolled his shoulders. Fidgeting. “I only hated [serving Maeve] once. Only wanted to leave once.” He didn’t continue. And Aedion knew what the unspoken words were. Aelin brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “You loved [Aedion’s mom] that much?”

I-I CAN’T BELIEVE... IN A SJM NOVEL... I’M FEELING EMPATHY AND SORROW FOR A MAIN CHARACTER....

So Gav fell in love with Assdion’s mom and was willing to attempt to break the oath to Maeve to run off with her. That’s just... so sad but so good for his character hhhhh Gav deserves the world........

Honor is my code,” Gavriel said. “But if Maeve had tried to harm either you or her, Aedion, I would have done everything in my power to get you out.

Shit, I’m such a sucker for this kind of parent/child relationship. Assdion also feels bad for being a dick to his father, so that felt amazing to read. Overall, this was a good scene. A lot is left unsaid and not jammed down our throats, but it clearly shows Gav was a selfless and as good a father as he could’ve been. Did someone break into the editing room just to patch up the scenes with Gav? Nameless editor, you are my hero.

Aelin pushed off Aedion at last, trying and failing to get to her feet. Aedion reached for her as the focus went out of her now-dull eyes, but Rowan was already there, smoothly sweeping her up before she kissed the planks. Too fast—she must have drained her reserves too fast, and without any food in her system.

Normally I’d bitch about poor wittle Alien’s feefees getting all the attention while there are men dying on the ship but whatever, that last scene put me in a good mood so we’re not complaining today, folks.

The chapter ends with Assdion keeping watch during the night with Lysandra. I can’t believe that chapter was actually decent and made me choked up... how will SJM ruin it? Let’s find out in chapter 48.

A low, rumbling growl sounded, and Dorian looked across the deck, to the prow. The witch was still there. Still tending to Abraxos’s wounds, as she had been all night.

P-PURE....WHOLESOME......Manon and Abraxos are truly a treasure in this dumpster fire of a novel....

Manon had not let anyone near him. Aelin had tried once, and when Manon snarled at her, Aelin had cursed enough to make everyone else halt, saying she’d rutting deserve it if the beast died. Manon had threatened to rip out her spine, Aelin had given her a vulgar gesture, and Lysandra had been forced to monitor the space between them for an hour, perched in the rigging of the mainmast in ghost leopard form, tail swaying in the breeze.

Manon: Hey so I have no reason to really trust any of you and you’ve made threats to me before, so don’t get near my only friend on this ship.

Alien: what a slutty bitch!! you deserve to have your only friend die!!! fuck you you bitch!!!!

Words cannot describe how much I hate Alien is there a scene where someone finally kicks her ass? Please I need it.

Dorito and Manon ““banter”“ for a while and I’m already falling asleep zzzz

[Manon] met [Dorian’s] gaze, as if willing him to see a century of all that she’d done. “I am not mortal. I do not play by your rules. I have killed and hunted men for sport. Do not mistake me for a human woman, princeling.” “I have no interest in human women,” he purred. “Too breakable.”

W.....what.....

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK AM I READING

Is this a reference to Sorscha???? The healer who died rebelling against the evil king??

YOU CONSIDER THAT BREAKABLE. YOU CONSIDER HUMAN WOMEN WEAK AND BENEATH YOUR FEET NOW. SJM. YOU FUCKING, TYOU DHAHKFGDJFGS DHFAGJFD HDSFGJD

I AM SO FUCKING FURIOUS LIKE HOW, HOW IS THIS IN A YA SERIES. THIS IS GOING TO TELL YOUNG GIRLS THEY’RE WEAK FOR FALLING IN LOVE AND NOT HAVING SPECIAL POWERS LIKE MANON. WHAT THE EVER LIVING HOLY FUCK SHIT IS THIS.

FUCK YOU, SJM. FUCK. YOU.

“So you miscalculated,” Manon said. “So [the ilken] tracked you. Don’t get distracted with the minor defeats. This is war. Cities will be lost, people slaughtered. And if I were you, I would be more concerned about why they sent so few of the ilken.”

Manon is absolutely right, of course, but Alien shuts her down and everyone pats her on the ass for it. God I am fucking sick of the narrative bending over backwards to praise Alien for breathing.

Manon said a bit numbly, as if it was the first time she’d even spoken it to herself, “I am the last Crochan Queen—the last direct descendant of Rhiannon Crochan herself.”

Because literally nobody can not be royalty in this series. Average people from normal backgrounds rising up to do extraordinary deeds? Pfffft, nobody will read or like that. I am going to proceed to cling to my copies of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and cry now.

Two queens—there were two queens among them, Dorian realized.

And two princes - Rowboat and Assdion were described as princes for whatever the fuck reason - and a king, which is Dorito’s crusty ass. No wonder my favorite character, Gav, isn’t royalty, everyone who is is an asshole.

“Maybe [Maeve] told Erawan [that Aelin is alive],” Aedion said. Fenrys whipped his head to the general. “She’s never had any contact with Erawan, or Adarlan.” “As far as you know,” Aedion mused. “Unless she’s a talker in the bedroom.”

Great, so now we can add Assdion slut shaming Fenrys to the list of his sins. Oh, but since Fenrys is a guy, it’s played off as a joke because of course men can’t be slut shamed, tee hee! I fucking hate you, SJM.

Fenrys says something that makes Alien think of Baba Yellowlegs, a character in the carnival in Cr0wn of Midnight. Turns out she was a fortune teller who is now connected to this plot because SJM totally didn’t pull the Fae shit out her ass for H0F, nope!

Rowan knocked on the door of their private bathing room. [Aelin]’d locked it. Walked into their room, then into the bathing room, and locked him out. And now she was puking her guts up.

Indoor plumbing.....private bathrooms...... on a medieval ship..... they have functioning toilets......in the medieval century......

THIS GODDAMN WORLDBUILDING. So what goddamn time period is this in? Clearly its like medieval Britain, they have monarchies and castles, and use swords/arrows but then they have shit like toilets?? You have to pick a time period and stick to it, gdi, you can’t pick and choose!

Rowboat flips because she locked him out. Maybe she’s sick and wants to be left alone, fuck face??? Seriously he’s being so possessive and controlling this is not healthy!!!

Ten seconds. Ten more seconds seemed like a fair enough amount of time before [Rowan] crunched down on the handle and splintered the lock.

Holy fucking possessiveness. Batman! I fucking hate this asshole.

Rowan looked at the bucket [Aelin]’d half filled, then at her bloodless lips. At the sweat beaded on her brow.

Oh, so this means no toilets? Well, I suppose I’ll have to apologize a bit for my rant, but having private bathrooms is still dumb. later Rowboat sees that everyone has gone to shit on the nearby islands.

Eyllwe. Eyllwe was burning.

Greaaaaaaaat can’t wait to see how these people’s suffering is reduced to nothing but angst for Alien’s feefees......

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 28 - 29

I honestly don’t know how it can get worse from here.

So they start the real official meeting that Rowan called in Rolfe’s office, and Aelin wastes no time making me want to rip my eyes out.

[Rowan’s] face—oh, gods, [Aelin]’d missed that harsh, unyielding face

Back to Ratlin (that’s what I’m calling it from now on) splooging I see. Great. Can’t wait for multiple paragraphs of Aelin busting a nut at the thought of Rowan’s peen while SJM insists these books have a plot.

Aelin decided she didn’t particularly give a shit who was watching and rose up on her toes to brush her mouth against [Rowan’s].

UHHH WHAT THE FUCK AELIN. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MEETINGS THAT’LL DETERMINE IF ROLFE JOINS YOUR WAR EFFORT OR NOT YOU CAN’T JUST - oh forget it, I’ll just sound like a broken record.

[Aelin] just prayed she’d be able to warn Aedion before he ran into his father - who was now sitting two seats down from her, gawking at her as if she had ten heads. Gods, even the expression was like Aedion’s. How hadn’t she noticed that this spring in Wendlyn?

My monkey brain is having feels because I’m sucker for the “child is spitting image of their parent” trope..... bad monkey brain.

“And who would verify the word of a nineteen-year-old princess?” [Aelin] jerked her chin at the wax-sealed tube. “Murtaugh Allsbrook would. He wrote you a nice, long letter about it.” Rolfe picked up the tube, studied it, and chucked it in a neat arc—right into his rubbish bin. The thud echoed through the office.

LMAOOOOOO YOU GO ROLFE!!! SLAY THAT BITCH!!!! I mean considering all the shit Aelin put him through I don’t blame him not wanting to align with her.

Rolfe let out a low laugh. “The talk of young idealists and dreamers.” “The world,” Aelin said, “will be saved and remade by the dreamers, Rolfe.”

See, this is the kind of shit I would be getting excited about if this was a good series. Sounds like something straight of Les Mis. SJM can come up with some good quotes, but if I don’t care about the horrible characters and there’s no plot, why should I give a shit?

Aelin purred, “Do you want gold, Rolfe? Do you want a title? Do you want glory or women or land? Or is it just the bloodlust that drives you?”

Oh my god, SJM is a furry!

Looks like you bid on the wrong horse [Rowan],” Rolfe crooned. He flicked his eyes to Dorian. “What news did you receive?” But that wrong horse [Rowan] cut in smoothly, “There was none. But you’ll be glad to know your spies at the Ocean Rose are certainly doing their job. And that His Majesty is quite an accomplished actor.”

Jesus Christ this writing

Dorian said coldly, “For a petty grudge, you’d refuse to consider allying with us?” Aelin snorted. “I’d hardly call wrecking his shit-poor city and ships a ‘petty grudge.’”

T-this... this can’t be. I am reading Empire of Storms by SJM, right? Aelin? Having self awareness? In my SJM book? Well, it’s more likely... to never appear again.

Rolfe tells Aelin to go fuck herself and that scene ends, permanently establishing Rolfe as one of the few Well Written Characters. I want him, Darrow, Manon, and Gav to leave this shitty series and go forth to a better one.

Aelin hit the narrow hallway, a wall of muscle at her back and by her side, and faced another dilemma: Aedion.

I smell Aedion daddy issues angst over the horizon. Also, are the ‘walls of muscle’ supposed to be Rowan and... the other Fae??? God SJM stop jerking off to your own characters for 5 minutes please.

Aelin made it all of three steps down the hall when Gavriel said behind her, “Where is he?” Slowly, she looked back. The warrior’s tan face was tight, his eyes full of sorrow and steel.

Damn, I just feel really bad for Gav. Keep in mind I don’t remember why he left Aedion (if it was revealed previously) but I’m hoping SJM actually uses him and makes him a good father, this series is severely lacking in good parental figures.

But Aelin sucked on a tooth

“You don’t get to decide when and where and how you meet him,” Aelin said. “He’s my gods-damned son. I think I do.”

Nooo SJM I’m begging you I like Gav please don’t make him a toxic fuckboi pleeeeeease

Aelin just tells Gav not to order her around and that scene ends...? Okay. I hope SJM is implying Gav calmed down and respected his son’s boundaries. I just want one character to stay good and pure and to be a good father is that too much to ask.

Later Aelin goes to have a chat with Dorian.

“It seems you and I are currently without crowns, thanks to a few bullshit pieces of paper.” Dorian didn’t return her smile. The stairs groaned beneath them as they headed for the second floor. They were almost to the room Dorian had indicated when he said, “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

I mean, Dorian, you seem like a good king who would fight to defend his people. You deserve to be king. But Aelin? Yeah if she was queen her kingdom would be already burnt to the ground, so you’re half right.

They have another meeting where Rowan/Dorian share more information about the witches.

“Manon Blackbeak,” Aedion mused, “would be a valuable ally, if we can get her to turn.”

NO NONO NO NO KEEP MANON’S BEAUTIFUL SELF AWAY FROM AELIN’S CRUSTY ASS I’M BEGGING

It was never-ending, [Aelin] supposed while they dined that night on peppered crab and spiced rice.

Reading this as a Cape Bretoner was a mistake. Now I’m hungry for some good seafood..... mmmm, battered fish and chips.....

And [Aelin] was to be given nothing more than obscure commands by long-dead royals to find a way to stop it, nothing more than gods-damned months to rally a force against him.

Gods-damned is a stupid word and SJM should feel bad for abusing it. Aelin decides to make sure Rolfe’s hand maps work and the chapter ends. Next!

Too many animals loitering about the streets at this hour would attract the wrong sort of attention. But Aedion still wished that the shifter was wearing fur or feathers compared to … this.

Greaaat are we gonna get Aedion slut shaming Lysandra? Just what I wanted....

He glanced at the delicate gold chain dangling around Lysandra’s pale throat, tracing its length down the front of her bodice, to where the Amulet of Orynth was now hidden beneath. “Admiring the view?” Aedion snapped his eyes up from the generous swells of her breasts. “Sorry.”

The only reason Lysandra is wearing the Amulet is so Aedion can drool over her boobies. I’m right and you all know it.

“Rowan claimed Rolfe would find the amulet interesting enough to go after it.” “Rowan and Aelin have a tendency to say one thing and mean something else entirely.” Aedion heaved a breath through his nose.

Aedion actually criticizing Aelin?? What the fuck is going on??

Lysandra gets pissy when Aedion points out she’s tired. Not even to condescend towards her, he’s actually concerned, so calm down, Lysandra. We get an ““““explanation”“““ for Lysandra’s shifting powers.

Each shift took something out of Lysandra. The bigger the change, the bigger the animal, the steeper the cost. Aedion had witnessed her morph from butterfly to bumblebee to hummingbird to bat within the span of a few minutes. But going from human to ghost leopard to bear or elk or horse, she’d once demonstrated, took longer between shifts, the magic having to draw up the strength to become that size, to fill the body with all its inherent power.

Better than nothing, but... how does shifting into bigger animals exhaust her but shifting into smaller animals doesn't? Each time the mass of her body is changing, so shouldn’t shifting in general exhaust her? Btw, read Animorphs, it’s a great gritty series that deals with shifting powers way better.

Aedion, however, stiffened slightly as those steps grew closer, and he found himself staring at the son of his great enemy. King, now.

This is confusing as fuck. Stop referring to Dorian as king and use his name so we can understand who Aedion is staring at, thank you.

[Aedion] reined in his scowl as he said to the king, “So, you and Whitethorn didn’t kill each other.” Dorian’s brows scrunched. “He saved my life, nearly got himself burned out to do it. Why should I be anything but grateful?”

Great, now we have to add Rowan splooging that isn’t from Aelin to the list.

He did not resent what she had been, what she portrayed now, only the monsters who had seen the beauty the child would grow into and taken her into that brothel. Aelin had told him what Arobynn had done to the man she’d loved. It was a miracle the shifter could smile at all.

What the fuuuuck why is Aedion portrayed as ~noble and amazing~ for not judging Lysandra based on her past? It’s common human decency to not judge people for things out of their control!! Does SJM not understand how humans operate?

Aedion tells Dorian to fuck off and he leaves, and Lysandra gets understandably irritated by Aedion being a dick.

“He stabbed Aelin. If you knew him as I have, you wouldn’t be so willing to fawn over—”

1. Dorian was, to my memory, being controlled by a demon thing when he stabbed Aelin. He was not in his right mind, and did not have control over himself. Stop holding that over his head, you prick.

2. Aedion you were an asshole too! You tripped Dorian and sent him falling into a thorn bush when you two were walking in HOF. You fucking judgemental asshole, I cannot believe I ever liked you.

Aedion’s like “b-but he was an arrogant kid” and Lysandra, being voice of reason, is like “Um, we all were as kids Aedion, including Aelin” and we litERALLY GET THIS

“I don’t care if he was as arrogant and vain as Aelin, I don’t care if he was enslaved to a demon that took his mind. I look at him and see my family butchered, see those tracks to the river, and hear Quinn tell me that Aelin was drowned and dead.” His breathing was uneven, and his throat burned, but he ignored it.

JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST. Okay, I’m not saying Aedion isn’t wrong to be weary of Dorian after what happened to his family at the hands of Dorian’s father but this is literally Aedion going “It’s only okay to be a dick if it’s Aelin! Everyone else is a bad ruler and should bow down to her uwu”

FUCKING HELL. I’m willing to bet if it had been Aelin mind controlled, Aedion would be jumping through hoops to justify her actions and convince everyone she couldn’t help herself. Assdion has no character outside of being a dick and kissing up Aelin’s ass. I fucking hat this character almost as much as I hate Aelin.

Aedion braced his palm against the wall again and leaned in to glower in [Lysandra’s] face. She did not yield an inch. “There is an order and rank in our court, lady, and last I checked, you were not number three. You don’t give me commands.”

(...) And the last I checked…” She poked his chest, right between his pectorals, and he could have sworn the tip of a claw pierced the skin beneath his clothes. “You weren’t pathetic enough to enforce rank to hide from being in the wrong.“

*Mortal Kombat voice* FINISH HIM

His blood sparked and thrummed. Aedion found himself taking in the sensuous curves of her mouth, now pressed thin with anger.

W.....

YOU TWO ARE ARGUING AND ASSDION SUDDENLY HAS A BONER OVER HER MOUTH. HOW THE FUCK IS THIS HEALTHY IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM. This is nearly as bad as the “kissing a spouse during an argument instead of solving the problem” trope.

By the way, Aedion is demoted to Assdion. Aelin to Alien, and Rowan to Rowboat. I hate these characters so much.

Lysandra backed away a step, too casual to be anything but a calculated move. But Aedion tried—for her sake, he tried to stop thinking about her mouth—

WHAT THE FUCK DOES SJM THINK ALL MEN ARE HORNDOGS WHO WANNA FUCK 24/7?? This is an incredibly upsetting and inaccurate stereotype! It’s not goddamn hard to not think with your dick for five seconds jfc

Too soon—she wouldn’t want a man’s touch for a long time. Maybe forever. And he’d be damned if he pushed her into it before she wanted to.

Are you sure about that? Because a minute ago you were nearly cumming at the thought of her mouth.

Subject changes and Assdion asks if his father wanted to see him.

“[Gav] nearly bit Aelin’s head off when she refused to tell him where and who you are.” Ice filled [Aedion’s] veins. If his father had been rude to her—“But I got the sense,” Lysandra quickly clarified as he tensed, “that he is the sort of male who would respect your wishes if you chose not to see him.

*sniffles* Gav deserves to be a good father.

“What would you do?” “I can’t answer that question. My own father…” She shook her head. He knew about that—the shifter-father who had either abandoned her mother or not even known she was pregnant. And then the mother who had thrown Lysandra into the street when she discovered her heritage. “Aedion, what do you want to do? Not for us, not for Terrasen, but for you.”

I would be having feels and starting to ship them had we not had a whole scene dedicated to Assdion being a dick and nearly kissing Lysandra without her consent sooooo

[Aedion] bowed his head a bit, glancing sidelong at the quiet street again. “My whole life has been … not about what I want. I don’t know how to choose those things.”

A little late there to make me feel sympathetic towards Assdion, SJM. You CANNOT have Assdion act as an Aelin worshiping prick and then turn around and expect me to feel bad for him.

Assdion asks Lysandra to come with him to meet his father the next day and then splooges about how much he apparently cares about Lysandra.  I don’t care.

From the shadows of his hood, he monitored the alley ahead, the shadows and shafts of moonlight, bracing himself. They’d picked the dead-end alley for a reason. The girl realized her mistake a step too late. “Oh.”

The girl is Rolfe’s barmaid. She immediately leaves and they suspect she’s Rolfe’s spy. Finally, I am free from this god awful chapter.