#gfuijdskgf

[minimoll7]

Thank you for taking the time out once more to answer my questions! I really do appreciate it!

You're absolutely right that I should love my dad. In all honesty, it is very complicated for me, and difficult. I crave a good relationship with my dad and I've tried many times in the past, but with how insensitive he can be towards me, my interests and my problems (along with how he constantly blames my mom for every issue I have), I've gotten so tired of it that I stopped trying

To get real here for a moment, he has COPD, which has been caused by his smoking addiction. He was diagnosed with this in 2019 I believe, and was said to have 5 years left to live. Now, I really don't think his time is that short. Despite his smoking addiction, he's physically healthy as he does a lot of physical work, I have a feeling he's going to last longer. I mean yeah actually, this would be the 5th final year and he's still way to healthy to be on his deathbed! But the reason why I bring this up is because the whole thing feels so complicated for me. It makes me angry. I'm angry about it because the idea of him dying doesn't make me sad. I *want* to be sad when his time comes, I want to actually mourn him. Whenever that day comes, I want to be able to look at him and tell him that I'm going to miss him. I mean, I've never experienced a death of a family member before (well, I have but they weren't people I was close with in the slightest or knew that well), so I could still end up genuinely mourning him for all I know. But still..

You're right to give my dad the benefit of the doubt btw. I can never tell if I'm overselling (or underselling) how bad he is, but there is good in him. I do see it from time to time. He has so much knowledge about the Bible, he genuinely understands what the Word teaches. He may sound dead in it, but it's clear he knows what he's talking about. He very much struggles with pride, one of the few things he doesn't really admit to, and my guess is that his pride is his biggest roadblock. Outside of praying, I really don't know what to do to help him and I fear the day will come where he passes away and I still don't feel love towards him. I don't like him nor love him but I can get along with him well, I can have a good day with him. And that really messes me up. What's worse is that there's a part of me that doesn't want to try. The idea of honoring him when he's spent so much time hurting me with his anger (not physically, just through words), lying to me, stealing stuff from me and so on, it disgusts me

And yet I still trust him more than most people, I still crave a bond with him. Is this God trying to tell me that I should try? I wonder about this a lot. I went to church for the first time in years this week and my dad said he was excited about it, he was looking forward to it. We went to the store afterwards and had a good time. It was *nice* and that's.. Its almost weird to me. I guess really what I'm saying is that it is very complicated and strange for me to experience. I do not hate him, I have my moments of hating him when I'm feeling a lot of anger, but overall? I do not hate him and I do want him to get better, I want him to heal. I guess, again, aside from prayer, I do not know how to go about this. I think, tho, knowing what honoring my parents means now, it'll help out a lot

I thank you for your prayers! Prayer is definitely what me and my dad needs that's for sure. May God bless you and your soul

Hello!! It's me again!! I have another question!! I saw a post the other day, I think I saw it on twitter, but it brought up a Bible verse that I've always been confused on. The one that talks about honoring your parents. What exactly does it mean to honor your parents? Like what does one do to honor their parents?

I ask this because my relationship with my dad is not good. I don't want to get into to much detail here (as tempting as it is lol) so the most I'll say is that he isn't a great dad. He has a lot of anger issues, he's insensitive and at times judgmental. He knows the Bible like the back of his hand but he feels very dead in it. He hides behind it a lot instead of actually tackling his issues in any shape or form. Always says that God is working on him but nothing ever changes, he's still the same miserable man he's always been

Because of all of this, I do not love him. I try to, but I just can't. I don't want him around me, I try to avoid him as much as I can, his presence alone can greatly sour my mood. And yet, God talks about honoring one's parents. There's clearly importance to that, I just don't fully get it. I don't understand what it truly means to honor my parents. As much as my dad needs to change, does this include change in me as well? In how I view and interact with him? I hope this isn't to much of an ask from me (and I hope I didn't overstep any boundaries with everything I've said here lol)

Oh, beloved, how I related to your predicament...

Well, for starters, a good and basic way to honor your parents is through obedience to them. Under their roof as a child to being an adult and visiting them, doing as you are asked or told by your parents is honoring them. There is also how you speak of them to others and truly in your heart; are they respected? Do you obey your mother at home but when you're with friends is she spoken of bitterly? I feel like I could go on, but overall the principle of honoring your parents has its roots in the supreme commandment of honoring God - for what are earthly parents if not a picture of God's character?

But as is often the case, parents are not perfect, and some of us are born to difficult fathers. I want to say right off the bat that despite of how sour, even miserable our relationship with our fathers may be, we are still called to honor them as well (though not above the authority and commandments of God, and not to where we don't reach out for help when we can as his sins are not justified by any obedience towards him).

Myself and all of my siblings can attest to the less than stellar relationships we had with our father; he too had anger issues - he'd walk into the room and everything would go silent, every now and then he'd explode about something or make a mountain out of an anthill - and right to the T with your father is how I'd continue to describe mine.

With this, we can look at your lack of love for him. The beautiful thing about love is that it's not a feeling, but it's actions. Love is deciding to repay anger with gentleness, bitterness with kindness, a rude comment with an "I love you", and praying for him - the more often, the better - for God commands us to love even our enemies and to pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44), and unfortunately sometimes our fathers are our enemies.

My father was also a man who was very close with bible verses, and I personally look back upon his life and see an honest effort from a man with more pain than I think I ever got to know. My pop felt like a better father when he tried being my friend, if I'm being honest, but I know he cared in his own way (he made sure everyone was at church if you were under his roof, and I'm glad he did) and I'd very much like to give your father the benefit of the doubt; many of us don't like who or where we are, even as Christians, so it could be that is something he's dealing with, or he very well could be dealing with the sin of pride. Regardless, and in fact because of how unlovable he is to you, he needs you all the more, and that right there is one great way to honor you father: love him even when he is unlovable.

And, to be blunt, I would get to loving him ASAP, because tomorrow is not guaranteed.

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I am once again blessed that you would consider me for advice, and I thank you for I am coming from some personal evaluation of whether or not there are any works within or from me to justify my faith. By the good grace of God, here you are to demand my reliance upon Him with what couldn't have been a more tailor-suited question.

I'll be praying for you both, I sincerely hope you two will be reunited and get to reconcile and grow.